All language subtitles for Gossip.Girl.S06E09.WEBRip.x264-ION10

GOSSIP GIRL HERE--
YOUR ONE AND ONLY SOURCE

INTO THE SCANDALOUS LIVES
OF MANHATTAN'S ELITE.

DANIEL HUMPHREY
HAS JUST RELEASED

THE LATEST INSTALLMENT
OF HIS SERIAL--

A CHAPTER
ON OUR VERY OWN SERENA.

WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THIS NOW?

YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO BE DIFFERENT.

WHAT I WANT ISN'T IN BROOKLYN,
DAD. I HAVE A PLAN.

I HAVE THIS WHOLE TIME.

YOU ARE INDEBTED TO ME.

YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME
DEFEAT CHUCK.

Meet me at my office
first thing tomorrow.

Unless, of course,

YOU'D RATHER A WAKE-UP CALL
FROM THE FEDS.

HE IS A RUTHLESS CRIMINAL.

THERE IS NOTHING TO STOP HIM
FROM HURTING ANYONE,

INCLUDING YOU.

I TOLD YOU,
NO ONE GOT HURT.

YOU'RE HURTING ME RIGHT NOW.

LILY HAS FINALLY
SEEN THE LIGHT.

SHE'S GOING TO HELP ME
TAKE DOWN BART.

WILL YOU GO TO WAR WITH ME?

I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK.

AND WHO AM I?

THAT'S A SECRET
I'LL NEVER TELL.

YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.

X.O.X.O., GOSSIP GIRL.

-- Captions by VITA --

(drumroll)

(crashes cymbal)

(French accent) STEP RIGHT UP,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

(speaking French)

ALORS, YOU PLACE THE ORANGE
UNDER YOUR NECK,

AND YOU PASS IT TO THE PLAYER
RIGHT NEXT TO YOU...

BUT WITHOUT USING YOUR HANDS.

ALORS UN, DEUX, ET TROIS.

(blows whistle)

***

MRS. BASS?

(gasps) WHO ARE YOU?

DIDN'T CHARLES TELL YOU,
MRS. BASS?

TELL ME WHAT?

ANY MORNING NOW,

HE COULD WAKE UP DEAD.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

DEAD, MRS. BASS,

LIKE LAST WEEK'S NEWS.

DOROTA, IT'S TIME!

WAKEY, WAKEY!

LET'S HOPE IN THIS NIGHTMARE,

FATHER DOESN'T KNOW BEST.

***

THIS IS THE ONE.

THIS HOVEL? YOU'RE FLUSH
WITH CASH FROM YOUR MOVIE DEAL.

LOOK. NIKKI FINKE PUT YOUR
PICTURE UP NEXT TO HARVEY'S.

YOU SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR
A SOUNDPROOF ROOM

AND A BIDET AND A GUEST BATH.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I DON'T--I DON'T NEED A BIDET.

IT'S FOR ME.

OH. WELL, NOW I'LL NEVER BE ABLE
TO SET FOOT IN THE GUEST BATH

WITHOUT FIRST THINKING
OF YOUR GEOR-GINA.

BUT YOU'RE NOT MOVING IN HERE,

SO YOU CAN CHECK YOUR FANTASIES
AT THE DOOR.

WHAT HAPPENED TO PHILIP?

SOMETHING HAPPENED TO PHILIP?

WELL...

WHAT? I AM A HIGHLY SOUGHT AFTER
TALENT MANAGER NOW.

I CANNOT BE EXPECTED
TO LIVE IN A LESSER BOROUGH.

(mouths word)

AND PHILIP LOVES BROOKLYN
AND HE HAS

HIS LITTLE DADDY AND ME CLASSES
EVERY TUESDAY IN FORT GREEN.

YOU'RE DELUSIONAL.

THIS IS GREAT.
I'LL TAKE IT--SOLO.

GREAT. GREAT.

THE ONLY THING IS THAT
THE CO-OP BOARD OF THIS BUILDING

IS PARTICULARLY STRINGENT,

SO IF YOU WANT IN, YOU'LL HAVE
TO GET A GOOD REFERENCE.

RIGHT. (sighs)

LILY, I HAVE RESEARCHED

ALL THE NAMES AND NUMBERS
YOU GAVE ME

FROM BART'S OFFSHORE ACCOUNTS.

I CAN'T PULL UP THE RECORDS
WITHOUT THE PASS CODES.

DO YOU RECALL ANY OF THOSE?

I'm sorry, Charles.

I gave you
all the information I have.

OKAY. WELL, THANK YOU.

I APPRECIATE YOUR HELP.

UNFORTUNATELY,
I NEED SOMETHING MORE.

I better go. I'm late for
my bamboo oat body smoother.

Good luck, darling.

(beep)

LILY'S INFORMATION IS USELESS

WITHOUT THE P.I.N. NUMBERS.

WE HAVE NO HARD EVIDENCE
BART ILLEGALLY TRADED OIL.

WELL, IT'S TOO BAD.

TONIGHT'S GALA WOULD'VE BEEN
THE PERFECT TIME TO STRIKE,

WITH THE CITY'S
MOST PROMINENT EYES UPON HIM.

MAN OF THE YEAR.
WHAT A CHARADE.

THAT'S IT.

WHAT'S IT?

A CHARADE.

LILY'S INFORMATION MAY NOT
BE ENOUGH TO CONVICT BART,

BUT IT MAY BE ENOUGH TO BLUFF
A CONFESSION OUT OF HIM.

I CAN'T PUT LILY IN DANGER.,

HE CANNOT KNOW SHE WAS THE ONE
WHO TOLD ME ABOUT THE ACCOUNTS.

BUT WHAT IF LILY DIDN'T DO IT?

ARE YOU ON SOME DIET
I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?

HUH?

YOU LITERALLY
JUST TOSSED A COOKIE.

I GO TO CONSTANCE.

I KNOW AN EATING DISORDER
WHEN I SEE ONE.

NO, IT'S MORE LIKE NERVES.

I HAVE MY DAILY MEETING
WITH BART BASS.

WELL, IF THE STRESS IS
DRIVING YOU TO MANOREXIA,

MAYBE YOU SHOULD SKIP IT.

YEAH, RIGHT.

ONLY REASON BART'S NOT
SENDING ME TO JAIL

IS BECAUSE I'M BEING HIS MOLE
WITH CHUCK.

I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
HOW CLAIRE DANES DOES IT.

SPYING HURTS ME HEAD, OKAY?

WELL, MAYBE HE'LL GET SICK
OF THESE MEETINGS SOON ENOUGH.

THAT'S DOUBTFUL,

AND THE ONLY THING HE HATES
MORE THAN CHUCK IS TARDINESS,

SO I'M GONNA GO.

HEY, MARSHALL, IT'S SERENA.

UH, LET ME KNOW IF YOU HEAR
OF ANY SUBLETS

OR PRODUCTIONS THAT NEED
AN EXTRA HAND.

I'LL BE IN L.A. TOMORROW.
BYE.

(Blair) SERENA!

(beep)

OH. IT IS A MESS IN HERE.

OH. YEAH, I'M JUST PURGING
MY CLOSET.

AH. A POST-DAN CLEANSE.

IT'S JUST WHAT
THE DOCTOR ORDERED,

AND A LITTLE DISTRACTION.

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT WE HAVE
FOR YOU.

IS THIS ABOUT BART? YEAH, MY MOM
CALLED AND TOLD ME EVERYTHING.

IT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S GOTTEN
PRETTY SCARY.

WHICH IS WHY
WE NEED TO STOP HIM.

BUT IN ORDER TO DO THAT,
WE HAVE TO ELICIT A CONFESSION.

AND MAKE HIM BELIEVE
WE HAVE PROOF FOR HIS CRIMES.

OKAY, BUT HOW CAN I HELP?

WELL, THE LAST PERSON TO BE SEEN
WITH THAT MICROFILM

IN HER GRIMY LITTLE PAW
WAS IVY DICKENS.

BUT HER CELL'S
BEEN DISCONNECTED

AND SHE HASN'T BEEN SPOTTED
ON "GOSSIP GIRL" FOR WEEKS.

SHE'S PROBABLY
AT CeCe's HAMPTONS HOUSE.

THAT'S THE PLACE SHE WENT
THE LAST TIME SHE DISAPPEARED.

WHY DON'T WE, UH,
GET HER BACK HERE?

(clicks)

(phone rings)

(Ivy) Hello?

HEY, IVY. IT'S SERENA.

YEAH, I KNOW.
I CAN AFFORD CALLER I.D.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN DOING
SOME THINKING,

AND--AND I REALIZED THAT
MY FAMILY TREATED YOU HORRIBLY.

TRUE. BUT WHY APOLOGIZE NOW?

I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS SINCE DAN HUMILIATED ME,

I HAVE A NEW APPRECIATION
FOR FRIENDSHIP.

SO WHY DON'T WE MET
AT THE OAK ROOM AROUND NOON?

AND, UH, WE CAN CHAT
OVER LUNCH.

(sighs) FINE.

AND THERE ARE SOME THINGS I
WANNA TALK TO YOU ABOUT AS WELL.

GREAT. BYE.

(beep)

SHE'S IN.

(beep)

HEY, WILLIAM, I MIGHT NOT
BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK.

BUT YOU'LL BE EXCITED
TO KNOW THAT

YOUR DAUGHTER AND I ARE WORKING
ON SMOOTHING THINGS OVER.

(beep)

(chuckles)

PER YOUR INSTRUCTIONS,
I SWIPED CHUCK'S PHONE.

WELL DONE, GRASSHOPPER.

HE HAD BREAKFAST WITH BLAIR
AT ROSEMARY THIS MORNING

AND HAS A HOTEL MANAGEMENT
MEETING LATER THIS AFTERNOON.

ISN'T THIS GETTING
A LITTLE BIT DULL FOR YOU?

MY ENNUI IS OF NO CONCERN
TO YOU.

I WILL NOT BE CAUGHT OFF GUARD
BY CHUCK'S ANTICS

WHILE I'M BEING FETED
AT TONIGHT'S EVENT.

YEAH, FINE.

WELL, THE ONLY OTHER THING
I NOTICED

WAS THAT HE CALLED IVY DICKENS
A FEW TIMES.

(Minnaars) * YOU ARE NOT
MY LOVER *

***

* SHE SETS ME ON FIRE

* SHE SETS ME ON FIRE

DON'T TRY TO TELL ME
YOU A WANNA BE FRIENDS.

WE DON'T.

I CALLED YOU HERE
UNDER FALSE PRETENSES.

WE NEED YOUR HELP WITH A MISSION
WE HAVE AGAINST BART BASS.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I WAS LOCKED IN A ROOM
WITH BART BASS. HE'S DANGEROUS.

YES, HE IS,
AND YOU AGGRAVATED HIM

WITH YOUR TOPLESS ANTICS
AND MISSING MICROFILM.

SO IF YOU EVER WANNA SAFELY
RETURN TO NEW YORK,

HE NEEDS TO BE TAKEN CARE OF.

WELL, IF I KNEW HOW,
I WOULD'VE DONE IT.

WE NEED YOU TO BE THE GOAT.

DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE NEVER
STUDIED MEDIEVAL WARFARE.

WHEN THE BYZANTINES WANTED
TO LURE A DRAGON FROM ITS CAVE,

THEY TIED A GOAT TO A STICK.

(scoffs) YOU WANNA TIE ME UP
AND LEAVE ME SOMEWHERE?

IT'S A METAPHOR.

WE'RE GOING TO USE YOU

AND THE COPIES YOU MADE
OF THE MICROFILM AS BAIT.

(door opens)

BUT I DIDN'T MAKE ANY COPIES.

(door closes)

AS FAR AS BART'S CONCERNED,
YOU DID.

IT ALL WENT ACCORDING TO PLAN.

(cell phone ringing)

THAT'S PROBABLY BART
CALLING YOU NOW.

START TALKING.

(beep)

I heard you're back in town.
Where are you?

UM... (sighs) THE OAK ROOM.

AH. COINCIDENTALLY,
I'M AROUND THE CORNER,

AND I HAVE TIME FOR A CHAT.

(beep)

(beep)

HE'S ON HIS WAY.

THE MICROFILM HAD THE RECORDS

OF BART'S ILLEGAL OIL TRADE.

(Blair) AS LONG
AS YOU GET HIM TALKING,

HE'S BOUND TO SAY SOMETHING
THAT LINKS HIM TO HIS CRIMES.

AND MAKE SURE TO RECORD
EVERYTHING HE SAYS

ON YOUR PHONE.

* FIRE

NATHANIEL ARCHIBALD,
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR FRAUD.

(Nate) WAIT. WHAT?

(man) COME WITH ME, SIR.

(camera shutters clicking)

POOR NATE.

PLAYING THE DOUBLE AGENT GOT
HIM INTO DOUBLE THE TROUBLE.

AND NOW THAT BART'S WISE
TO THIS GUY,

THE QUESTION IS,

WHO WILL HE OUTSMART NEXT?

THANK YOU.

MY LAWYERS ARE DOING EVERYTHING
IN THEIR POWER

TO HAVE HIM RELEASED
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

WELL, OBVIOUSLY BART FIGURED OUT
THAT NATE WAS PLAYING HIM.

AND THEN HE STARTED USING NATE
AS HIS GOAT.

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDN'T
STUDY BYZANTINE WARFARE?

HE THINKS HAVING NATE ARRESTED

WILL FORCE ME TO GO TO HIM
TO MAKE A DEAL.

WELL, IF THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS,
DON'T GIVE IN.

I'M NOT ABOUT
TO LET NATE ROT IN JAIL.

I HAVE TO GO TO THE APARTMENT
AND SEE WHAT HE PROPOSES.

WILL YOU GO WITH HIM?

BART'S LESS LIKELY
TO PULL ANYTHING

IF SOMEONE ELSE IS
ON THE PREMISES.

OF COURSE. CHUCK?

AFTER YOU.

WELL, THAT'S MY CUE
TO LEAVE, TOO.

NOT SO FAST.

YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
WE MIGHT NEED YOU AS LEVERAGE.

YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.

SO... WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU,
DANIEL?

WELL, UM...

I HAVE--I'VE FOUND AN APARTMENT
THAT I'M INTERESTED IN BUYING.

RECENTLY, I'VE HAD SOME...
(sighs) TROUBLE

LENDING MONEY
TO MY SON'S FRIENDS.

NO. (chuckles)
NO, I'M NOT HERE FOR A LOAN.

FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER,
IN FACT, I HAVE PLENTY OF MONEY.

BUT I NEED A SPONSOR TO VOUCH
FOR ME FOR THE CO-OP BOARD,

AND I KNOW YOUR NAME CARRIES
A LOT OF WEIGHT

IN NEW YORK REAL ESTATE.

WELL, UNLIKE MY SON,
IT'S NICE TO SEE

SOMEONE RECOGNIZES MY STATURE
IN THIS TOWN.

YOU COULDN'T FIND
A BETTER SPONSOR

THAN NEW YORK REAL ESTATE'S
MAN OF THE YEAR.

THAT'S RIGHT. I HEAR
CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN ASSIGNED
A REPORTER TO DO A PROFILE ON ME

IN CONJUNCTION
WITH THE EVENT.

MAYBE YOU WOULD LIKE
THE OPPORTUNITY INSTEAD?

PROFILES ARE MY SPECIALTY.

GOOD. THEN IT'S SETTLED.

YOU WRITE NICE THINGS
ABOUT ME,

I'LL WRITE YOU
A GREAT RECOMMENDATION.

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I HAVE SOME... FAMILY BUSINESS
TO ATTEND TO.

BUT I LOOK FORWARD
TO WORKING WITH YOU.

I'M--I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU.

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU
SINCE THANKSGIVING.

OH, YEAH, AND I'VE BEEN
IGNORING YOUR CALLS,

YOUR E-MAILS, AND YOUR TEXTS.

SERENA, PLEASE.
JUST LET ME EXPLAIN.

EXPLAIN WHAT? THAT YOU'RE
BEST FRIENDS WITH BART BASS?

CONGRATULATIONS. YOU'VE
OFFICIALLY JOINED THE DARK SIDE.

OKAY, I'M HERE. I KNOW THAT'S
WHY YOU HAD NATE ARRESTED.

SO TELL ME, WHAT'S IT GONNA TAKE
TO GET YOU TO DROP THE CHARGES?

IT'S QUITE SIMPLE, ACTUALLY.

STOP YOUR WITCH HUNT

AND LEAVE NEW YORK
FOR MOSCOW TONIGHT... ALONE.

MOSCOW? AS IN RUSSIA?

IT'S A LOVELY PLACE.

REAL ESTATE MARKET
IS BOOMING.

LOTS OF OPPORTUNITIES

FOR A YOUNG ENTREPRENEUR
LIKE YOURSELF.

AND HOW LONG DO YOU EXPECT ME
TO LIVE IN EXILE?

FOREVER.

YOU CAN NEVER COME BACK
TO NEW YORK.

THAT'S NOT A DEAL.

THAT'S A DIFFERENT KIND
OF PRISON SENTENCE.

I WILL FIND ANOTHER WAY
TO GET NATE OUT OF JAIL.

THERE IS NO OTHER WAY.

DON'T YOU GET IT?

I'M VERY CLOSE FRIENDS
WITH THE POLICE COMMISSIONER.

THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN
GET NATE OUT OF JAIL

IS ME.

WE'LL SEE
HOW POWERFUL YOU ARE

WHEN YOU ARE LOCKED INSIDE
WITH HIM.

IF YOU WANT
TO GO TO CHUCK, GO.

YOU CAN TRUST ME.

YOU WERE RIGHT. I NEED TO
HELP YOU GET RID OF BART

IF I WANNA COME BACK
TO NEW YORK

TO BE WITH
THE MAN THAT I LOVE.

WE HAVE A PACT,
JUST LIKE YOU AND CHUCK.

RUFUS?

WHAT KIND OF COCKAMAMIE LOVE
PACT DID YOU MAKE WITH RUFUS?

IT'S NOT RUFUS,

ALTHOUGH I'M NOT AT LIBERTY
TO NAME NAMES AT THIS TIME.

(deadpan) REALLY?

(cell phone alert chimes)

'CAUSE I'M JUST DYING
TO KNOW.

(beep)

(gasps) OH, NO.

THE SAMPLES JUST CAME IN
AND THEY ARE A DISASTER.

I HAVE TO GO BACK
TO THE ATELIER.

DON'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE
UNLESS IT'S ME,

AND DO NOT MOVE OFF
THAT COUCH.

DOROTA WILL BE ABLE TO TELL

IF THERE ARE FRESH FOOTPRINTS
ON THE AUBUSSON.

I SAW YOUR PICTURE
ALL OVER THE NEWS.

WHAT HAPPENED?

BART FIGURED OUT
I WAS PLAYING BOTH SIDES,

AND THIS IS HIS WAY
OF RETALIATING.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

WELL... BETTER
NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE.

TMZ LEAKED YOUR MUG SHOT,

AND YOU ACTUALLY LOOK
PRETTY CUTE.

WELL, CUTE IS GONNA
HELP ME NOW.

I SPOKE WITH CHUCK'S LAWYERS,

AND THEY HAVEN'T MADE
ANY PROGRESS

IN GETTING ME OUT ON BAIL.

WELL, I KNOW YOU DON'T TRUST
YOUR GRANDFATHER

OR ANYONE FROM THE VAN DER BILT
SIDE OF THE FAMILY,

SO I CALLED SOMEONE

WHO HAS SOME EXPERIENCE
WITH THIS KIND OF SITUATION.

DAD?

WHY ARE YOU STOPPING?

(singsongy) HELLO?!
ARE YOU DEAF?

WILL YOU GIVE ME
A HAND SIGNAL?

I-I SPEAK FLUENT SIGN.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

TAKING YOU FOR A LITTLE RIDE.

(doors lock)

LOOKING FOR ME?

WHERE'S BLAIR?

SHE TEXTED ME
AND SAID SHE'S HERE.

IF YOU'VE DONE SOMETHING...

BLAIR IS FINE, OKAY?

SHE'S UPSTAIRS
IN THE ATELIER, UNHARMED.

SHE'S FINE

BECAUSE I DECIDED
SHE COULD BE FINE.

MAYBE NEXT TIME
I MAKE A DIFFERENT DECISION.

SO PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO...

RECONSIDER MY EARLIER OFFER?

ARE YOU THREATENING BLAIR
WITH PHYSICAL HARM?

ME? NO.

I WOULDN'T HURT A FLY.

BUT I'M NOT GOD.

I CAN'T HELP IT
IF ACCIDENTS HAPPEN.

THIS FIGHT IS BETWEEN
ME AND YOU.

LEAVE EVERYONE ELSE
OUT OF IT.

IF YOU WANT YOUR BEST FRIEND
TO GET OUT OF JAIL,

YOUR STEPMOTHER TO ENJOY
HER HAPPY MARRIAGE,

YOUR GIRLFRIEND
TO CONTINUE MAKING

HER PRETTY LITTLE DRESSES...

THEN A NEW LIFE ON
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD

IS YOUR ONLY OPTION.

THE BASS JET IS WAITING
ON THE TARMAC.

GO TO MOSCOW TONIGHT,

THEN EVERYONE YOU LOVE

WILL BE SAFE.

I SPOKE TO YOUR LAWYERS.

THE JUDGE IS REFUSING
TO SET BAIL.

THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.

YOU'RE CLEARLY
BEING VICTIMIZED

BECAUSE OF THE MISTAKES
I'VE MADE IN THE PAST.

NOW DON'T WORRY.
IT'LL ALL GET SORTED OUT.

NO, IT WON'T, DAD.

I DID IT. I'M GUILTY.

NATE.

YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE
THE RIGHT THING.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

ALTHOUGH, AFTER THE EXAMPLE
I SET FOR YA,

I SUPPOSE I ONLY HAVE
MYSELF TO BLAME.

THIS WAS ALL ME.

I FUDGED THE NUMBERS TO TRY
AND SAVE "THE SPECTATOR."

SO YOU SLIPPED.

YOU'VE ALWAYS STOOD BY ME.
IT'S MY TURN TO STAND BY YOU.

WE'LL GO TO THE LENDER,
EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO THEM,

PAY THEM WHATEVER YOU OWE.

THEY'LL DROP THE CHARGES.

NO.

THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN
DROP THE CHARGES IS BART BASS,

AND HE WON'T BUDGE.

DOROTA, THE SAMPLES
WERE PRISTINE.

IT WAS A FALSE ALARM--

MERELY BART BASS FANNING
THE FLAMES.

SO MAKE SURE THAT IVY'S ASS
STAYS GLUED

TO THAT COUCH CUSHION.

UGH!

YES, THIS IS BLAIR WALDORF.

APPARENTLY, MY TOWN CAR
HAS BEEN ABSCONDED

BY A RUTHLESS BILLIONAIRE.

SO IF YOU'D PLEASE
SEND ANOTHER--

PREFERABLY WITH A DIFFERENT,
LESS DEVIOUS DRIVER...

NO. NO, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I'M NOT STILL IN THE CAR.
I'M RIGHT HERE.

WHY? WHERE'D IT GO?

THANK YOU.

YOU SEEM ENGROSSED.

OH, I AM.

NORMALLY, I DON'T GO FOR...

ROMANCE NOVELS,
BUT, UH...

THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE SERENA...

WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?

A PACKAGE CAME THIS AFTERNOON.

THINKING IT WAS YOUR PROFILE
ON ME, I OPENED IT.

YEAH, WELL, UH,

I WROTE TWO VERSIONS
OF THE SERENA CHAPTER,

AND THAT'S--
THAT'S THE NICE ONE.

I PREFER THE NASTY ONE
YOU PUBLISHED.

I'M NOT SURE THAT WAS
THE BEST DECISION.

WHY NOT?

WHEN I WAS STAYING HERE
WITH SERENA, I...

(chuckles) DO YOU WANNA
HEAR THIS?

MM-HMM.

I WAS TRYING TO MAKE HER
FALL IN LOVE WITH ME

SO I COULD WRITE
THE ULTIMATE EXPOSE

BRINGING DOWN
THE GOLDEN GIRL.

BUT WHILE I WAS BUSY TRYING
TO WIN HER AFFECTIONS,

I REALIZED I WAS
STILL IN LOVE WITH HER.

AND WROTE THIS NONSENSE.

I WOULD'VE PUBLISHED IT, TOO,
BUT, UH,

BUT ON THANKSGIVING, I REALIZED
THAT SERENA WAS...

NEVER GONNA TAKE ME SERIOUSLY

UNLESS I COULD SHOW HER THAT
I WASN'T AFRAID OF HER,

THAT I DIDN'T THINK SHE WAS
BETTER THAN ME.

BRAVO.

YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION.

YEAH, BUT SHE WON'T
SPEAK TO ME NOW.

LET YOUR FATHER

SERVE AS A CAUTIONARY TALE,
DANIEL.

HE'S SITTING OVER THERE
IN BROOKLYN ALONE,

WHILE I'M HERE
MARRIED TO LILY.

SERENA RESPECTS YOU NOW,

EVEN IF SHE DOESN'T KNOW IT.

YOU STAY THE COURSE,
SHE WILL COME AROUND IN TIME.

THAT WAS THE IDEA,
BUT IT'S, UH,

IT'S TAKING A LITTLE LONGER
THAN I EXPECTED.

WELL...

HOPEFULLY, YOU HAVE
A FEW MORE DAYS

UNTIL SHE MOVES
TO LOS ANGELES.

LOS ANGELES?

(chuckles)

CHUCK!

STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I COULDN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF
IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO YOU.

BUT I'M FINE.

BECAUSE I'M LEAVING.

IT'S A SMALL PRICE TO PAY
FOR YOUR SAFETY.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE SAFE.

I WANNA BE WITH YOU.

COME ON. LET'S GO TOGETHER.
I'LL HAVE DOROTA SEND MY THINGS.

BLAIR, I CAN'T.

I HAVE TO GO ALONE.

I MADE A DEAL.
THOSE WERE MY FATHER'S TERMS.

JUST HAVE FAITH IN ME,

THIS ONE LAST TIME.

BUT I-I'VE WAITED TOO LONG.
I NEED TO BE WITH YOU NOW.

BLAIR, TRUST ME.

LETTING ME GO IS
THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

NO.

(voice breaks)
DON'T GET ON THE PLANE.

BART HAS ALREADY HURT
SO MANY PEOPLE.

I KNOW WHAT
MY FATHER'S CAPABLE OF,

BUT HE WOULD NEVER TRY TO KILL
HIS OWN SON.

THEN...

DO ONE THING BEFORE YOU GO.

KISS ME, CHUCK BASS.

I HAVE CALLED YOU ALL HERE
BECAUSE YOU ARE

THE MOST CONNIVING GROUP
OF SCAMMERS AND SCHEMERS

THAT I KNOW.

AND, SERENA,
YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND,

THANKS FOR CLARIFYING.

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY GEORGINA'S HERE, THOUGH.

YOU CAN'T HAVE AN EVIL CABAL
WITHOUT THE QUEEN OF CON.

AND FRANKLY, I SHOULD'VE
BEEN GIVEN MORE NOTICE.

YOU LOST YOUR ROYAL STATUS WHEN
I TOOK YOUR PHONE AT COTILLION.

HA. PHONE STEALING?
SERIOUSLY?

THAT'S THE TRAINING BRA
OF TREACHERY.

ENOUGH!

IF I WANTED INFIGHTING,
I WOULD'VE CALLED MY MINIONS.

NOW I NEED HER HERE.
I NEED YOU ALL HERE

TO USE YOUR DASTARDLY SKILLS
TO TAKE DOWN BART BASS.

YEAH, BUT LAST TIME WE DID THAT,
NATE ENDED UP IN JAIL.

DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK
TO BEING THE GOAT

OR LEND YOUR IMPERSONATION
PROWESS TO MY PLAN?

BLAIR, ARE YOU SURE CHUCK WOULD
WANT YOU INVOLVED IN HIS WAR?

IT'S NOT HIS CHOICE.

NOW I WANT YOU ALL TO GET
BART TALKING.

AND RECORD HIM ON YOUR PHONES.

WE'LL MERGE
YOUR MASTER MANIPULATIONS,

YOUR WANTON DISREGARD
FOR AUTHORITY,

AND YOUR BRILLIANCE
AT PLAYING DUMB.

BART BASS MAY BE ABLE
TO FOOL THE FBI,

BUT HE HAS NEVER
HAD TO FACE OFF AGAINST

BLAIR WALDORF AND HER BITCHES.

***

(camera shutter clicks)

(man) * EVERYWHERE I LOOK
I SEE YOU *

* IN THE AIR

* GOT IN YOUR SKIN

* AND CURLS OF YOUR HAIR

BART, HEY.

MY MOM WANTED ME TO TELL YOU
SHE'S SO SORRY SHE CAN'T BE HERE

TO CELEBRATE
YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

WELL, ALL...

ALL THIS DOES SEEM
RATHER IMPRESSIVE, DOESN'T IT?

(chuckles) YEAH.

HEY, MAYBE YOU CAN SHOW HER
THE SLIDE SHOW WHEN SHE RETURNS.

I'M SURE SHE'D LOVE TO SEE
YOUR TRAVELS.

***

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

I DON'T REMEMBER APPROVING
THAT SLIDE.

WELL, OBVIOUSLY SOMEONE
LIKES IT. (chuckles)

OBVIOUSLY, THERE'S A GLITCH
IN THE SYSTEM.

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME...

***

HAVE YOU GOTTEN
THIS EVENING'S PROGRAM?

YOU LOOK EVEN MORE DASHING IN IT
THAN YOU DO IN PERSON.

WELL, AT LEAST THEY FOLLOWED
MY INSTRUCTIONS

REGARDING THIS PART
OF THE PRESENTATION.

TELL ME THE TRUTH,

DO YOU TRADE ON YOUR GOOD LOOKS
TO GET ALL YOUR ADORING DONORS?

HOW DID YOU GET LADY ALEXANDER
TO GIVE SO MUCH,

AND TWICE ON SUNDAYS--

I BET SHE REALLY
PUT YOU THROUGH YOUR PACES.

DID YOU GIVE THIS
TO ANYONE ELSE?

NO.

OH.

UNLESS YOU COUNT
EVERYBODY HERE.

WHATEVER IT IS
YOU'RE TRYING TO PULL,

I'M PUTTING A STOP TO IT.

***

(cell phone rings)

***

(beep)

***

GREAT JOB ON STEALING
THE DEAD GUY'S PHONE.

NOW JUST KEEP CALLING BART
UNTIL HE CRACKS.

I'M GONNA START PHASE TWO.

(beep)

(Serena) YEAH, I KNOW.

SERENA, THERE YOU ARE.

DAN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

OH, WAIT! I FORGOT.

YOU'RE HONORING YOUR NEW MENTOR
BART BASS.

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I NEED
TO BE ANYWHERE BUT HERE.

JUST TELL ME IF YOU ARE
REALLY LEAVING TOWN.

WHAT DO YOU CARE?
YOU CAN JUST AS EASILY

WRITE DESPICABLE THINGS ABOUT ME
FROM AFAR.

I KNOW YOU'RE MAD,

BUT THAT CHAPTER'S NOT THE ONLY
THING I'VE WRITTEN ABOUT YOU.

THE--THE MOST FLATTERING THINGS
I'VE WRITTEN ABOUT ANYONE

HAVE BEEN ABOUT YOU, TOO.

OH, OKAY,
THAT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO.

SINCE THEN, I'VE BEEN

THE EMPTY-HEADED BLONDE
IN "INSIDE,"

AND--AND THE GOLDEN GIRL WITH
DADDY ISSUES IN "INSIDE OUT."

YOUR WRITING CHANGED,
AND SO DID YOU.

THAT'S NO REASON TO LEAVE
YOUR ENTIRE WORLD BEHIND.

MY WORLD TURNED YOU FROM
A PERSON WITH INTEGRITY

INTO A CRUEL SATIRIST.

I MEAN, YOU'RE WORSE
THAN GOSSIP GIRL.

AT LEAST SHE HAS A CONSCIENCE.

NO MATTER WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE,
I'M STILL ON YOUR SIDE, SERENA.

I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.

YEAH, WELL, EXCUSE ME
IF I DON'T WAIT AROUND

TO BE DISAPPOINTED AGAIN.

I'M MOVING TO L.A.

JUST AS SOON AS I'M DONE
HELPING BLAIR WITH BART,

WHICH... YOU SHOULD BE DOING,
TOO, BUT YOU'RE ON HIS SIDE.

HIRE MORE STAFF
IF YOU HAVE TO.

I WILL NOT BE EMBARRASSED
AT MY OWN PARTY.

OKAY.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.
WOULD YOU LIKE A COCKTAIL?

WE HAVE A LOVELY
SUDANESE VODKA.

WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

JUST A WAITRESS TRYING
TO SERVE YOU A DRINK,

WHICH YOU LOOK LIKE
YOU COULD USE.

LILY DESTROYED WHAT WAS INSIDE
OF THIS ALREADY.

HMM. OR DID I MAKE COPIES?

YOU NEVER KNOW
WHICH ONE OF THESE

HAS WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

(I Am in Love's
"Buccaneer Mastery/London II")

(glass clatters)

BART?

THERE YOU ARE.

PERHAPS YOU REMEMBER
MY VERY SPECIAL GUEST

IMAN HASSAN?

YOU DID SOME OIL DEALINGS
WITH HER FATHER.

IT'S LOVELY TO SEE YOU, IMAN.

ALTHOUGH I NEVER DID
ANY BUSINESS WITH YOUR FATHER.

WE WERE SIMPLY GOOD FRIENDS.

WHO SHARED A LOVE OF HORSES.

YES, THAT'S RIGHT.

HOW IS HER DEAR LADY ALEXANDER

LIVING OUT HER DAYS
AT YOUR HORSE FARM?

GRAZING AWAY HAPPILY,
I SHOULD THINK.

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID
TO MY HORSE.

DID YOU MURDER MY FATHER, TOO?

***

I LOVED YOUR FATHER
LIKE A BROTHER.

(cell phone rings)

(ring)

***

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US, IMAN...

(beep)

WE NEED A MOMENT.

OH. TELL SECURITY WHERE I AM.

I WOULDN'T WANT TO GO
MYSTERIOUSLY MISSING.

***

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING
TO DOING

WITH THE ENVELOPES
AND THE PHONY PHONE CALLS.

I'VE SEEN "A CHRISTMAS CAROL."

THE CLASSIC TALE

OF MISDEEDS HAUNTING A MAN
WHO DIDN'T REMEDY THEM.

YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS FELT THAT
SCROOGE WAS UNFAIRLY MALIGNED.

HE SIMPLY EXPECTED PEOPLE
TO ACT LIKE ADULTS.

(woman) AND IN OTHER NEWS...

THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS,
MS. WALDORF.

...OWNED AND OPERATED
BY BASS INDUSTRIES.

THE G2 WAS REPORTED MISSING
OFF THE COAST OF MAINE.

WAIT. TURN THAT UP.

SURE.

THE COAST GUARD
IS INVESTIGATING THE AREA

WHERE THE PLANE
WENT OFF THE RADAR

AFTER SENDING A MAYDAY SIGNAL.

OH, NO.

I HOPE THAT WASN'T THE ONE
CHUCK WAS ON.

AT PRESENT, THERE WAS NO
COMMUNICATION FROM THE PLANE.

A SEARCH AND RESCUE OPERATION
IS CURRENTLY UNDERWAY

TO IDENTIFY VICTIMS.

(amplified voice) GOOD EVENING.
MY NAME IS JASON POMERANC,

AND I'M THE CHAIRMAN AND FOUNDER
OF THOMPSON HOTELS.

I'D LIKE TO TAKE THIS
OPPORTUNITY TO WELCOME YOU ALL

TO NEW YORK REAL ESTATE'S
MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD.

(applause)

THAT'S MY CUE.

THE EXACT NUMBER OF PASSENGERS
ABOARD THE PLANE

IS STILL UNCERTAIN.

WE'LL BRING YOU
MORE INFORMATION

AS IT BECOMES AVAILABLE.

AND IN OTHER NEWS...

(Jason) BART BASS HAS BEEN
A BOON TO MANHATTAN'S SKYLINE.

(camera shutter clicking)

TO TRULY INTRODUCE HIM PROPERLY,

IT'S MY HONOR TO PRESENT

THE NUMBER ONE CHRONICLER
OF MANHATTAN'S ELITE--

MR. DANIEL HUMPHREY.

(applause)

(amplified voice)
I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE

AN ICON OF NEW YORK REAL ESTATE
AND A PILLAR OF OUR COMMUNITY.

HE IS THE CENTER
OF THE BASS FAMILY

AND HE'S A PERSONAL INSPIRATION
TO ME.

PLEASE WELCOME

CHARLES BASS.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

MY FATHER IS BEING HONORED HERE
AS A HUMANITARIAN,

BUT THE LAST TIME I CHECKED,

HUMANITARIANS VALUE
HUMAN LIFE...

AND HE JUST TRIED
TO HAVE HIS OWN SON KILLED.

(guests murmuring)

ISN'T THAT WHY
YOU LOOK SO SURPRISED?

YOU PUT ME ON THAT PLANE TO DIE?

(murmuring continues)

(Gossip Girl) LOOKS LIKE CHUCK
FOUND THE EMERGENCY EXIT

AT 10,000 FEET.

LET'S HOPE HE CAN AVOID GOING
SIX FEET UNDER... AGAIN.

(murmuring)

(amplified voice)
I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE

FOR MY SON'S OUTBURST.

AS MANY OF YOU HERE KNOW,

HE HAS LONG STRUGGLED
WITH SUBSTANCE ABUSE.

I HAVE ALREADY CONTACTED
THE PEDOWITZ INSTITUTE,

AND I CAN ONLY HOPE
THAT HE WILL ACCEPT

THE HELP THAT
HE SO DESPERATELY NEEDS.

PLEASE, LET'S NOT LET HIM RUIN
THIS OTHERWISE FESTIVE EVENING.

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.

***

(applause)

***

I OVERESTIMATED YOU.

YOU'RE JUST LUCKY THAT SECURITY
IS GETTING CHUCK

HOME TO HIS SUITE BEFORE HE CAN
DO ANY MORE DAMAGE.

AT LEAST YOU KNOW
CHUCK'S OKAY.

I STILL DESPISE YOU,

BUT THANK YOU FOR DOING
THE RIGHT THING FOR ONCE.

WAIT A SECOND. WAIT A SECOND.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE SERENA WENT?

WHY WOULD I TELL YOU,
EVEN IF I DID?

SO YOU CAN CON HER
INTO FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU

AND HUMILIATE HER AGAIN?

NO, I WAS HOPING
AFTER MY SPEECH THAT

MAYBE SHE WOULD CHANGE HER MIND
ABOUT ME AND ABOUT LEAVING TOWN.

I REALLY HOPE THAT YOU'RE
REFERRING TO A VACATION SPOT

TOO ELITE
FOR THE LIKES OF YOU.

NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT L.A.,
FOR GOOD.

I RETRACT EVERYTHING CIVIL
I JUST SAID.

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

IF SERENA MOVES AWAY,

I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU,
HUMPHREY.

I THINK IT'S TERRIFIC,
AND I THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

LET ME GUESS.

PRISON OVERCROWDING,

OR DID THEY LET THE BOTH OF YOU
OUT ON GOOD BEHAVIOR?

MY SON NEVER SHOULD'VE BEEN
BEHIND BARS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

BUT LOOK AT HOW THE TWO OF YOU
HAVE BONDED OVER IT,

SO YOU'RE WELCOME.

OKAY, YOU'VE HAD YOUR FUN.

NOW WHAT WILL IT TAKE

FOR YOU TO GET YOUR NAME OFF
MY LOAN DOCUMENT

SO I CAN OWN MY PAPER AGAIN?

SEE, THAT'S THE PROBLEM
WITH THIS GENERATION.

THEY'RE SO ENTITLED.
THEY DON'T EVEN SAY "PLEASE."

NATE WORKED HIS ASS OFF
TO BUILD THAT PAPER.

HE NEVER ASKED YOU TO
COSIGN FOR HIM

AND HE'S NOT ASKING
FOR CHARITY NOW.

WE'LL PAY WHATEVER IT'S WORTH.

A MILLION DOLLARS.

DONE.

I'M KIDDING. IT'S NOT FOR SALE.

THE AMOUNT OF ENJOYMENT I PLAN
ON GETTING WATCHING NATE SQUIRM?

PRICELESS.

COME ON, BART.

DON'T DO THIS TO MY KID.

ENJOY YOURSELVES TONIGHT,
ARCHIBALDS.

DRINKS ARE ON ME.

PLEASE TELL ME THAT
YOU ARE HEADING HOME

TO GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP
AFTER A TRYING DAY

AND NOT PICKING UP YOUR BAGS
AND GOING TO THE AIRPORT.

I'M SORRY, BLAIR. YOU KNOW
I'M TERRIBLE AT GOOD-BYES.

WELL, I WON'T
LET YOU SAY ONE NOW.

I KNOW THAT THINGS ARE BAD,

BUT THEY'RE NEVER AS BAD
AS YOU THINK.

YOU WERE THE ONE
WHO TAUGHT ME THAT.

DO YOU REMEMBER JUNIOR YEAR,

WHEN I WAS STANDING OUT
ON THAT HELIPAD,

READY TO FLEE TO EUROPE

AFTER MY "WHO'S THE DADDY?"
PREGNANCY SCANDAL?

AND YOU WEREN'T EVEN
PREGNANT.

(laughs)

YOU KNOW, WE CAN LAUGH ABOUT IT
NOW BECAUSE...

YOU DIDN'T LET ME GO.

YOU TOLD ME
THAT THE SCANDAL ALWAYS PASSES,

AND SO WILL DAN'S EXPOSE.

NOT AS LONG AS I LIVE HERE.

IN LOS ANGELES, NO ONE CARES
IF I DATE THE WRONG GUY.

I MEAN, THEY DON'T CARE
ABOUT ANYTHING I DO.

I HAVE THE CHANCE
TO REINVENT MYSELF.

REINVENTION IS FOR STARLETS
FROM TRAILER PARKS

WHO WANT TO BE YOU.

SERIOUSLY, DO YOU KNOW

HOW FEW FRIENDSHIPS
MAKE IT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL?

WE FINALLY GOT TO THE GOOD PART.
YOU CAN'T LEAVE NOW.

BUT YOU WERE THE ONE THAT SAID

WE'RE BETTER WHEN WE HAVE
OUR OWN TERRITORIES.

REMEMBER PARIS?
RIGHT BANK, LEFT BANK?

WELL, THEN MOVE TO THE WEST SIDE
AND WE'LL MEET IN CENTRAL PARK!

AND WHEN WE DO,

THERE WILL BE ENOUGH LIGHT
FOR BOTH OF US TO SHINE.

YEAH, BUT I'D STILL BE LIVING
IN MY OWN SHADOW.

I HAVE TO GO.

BUT...

THERE'S NO SARABETH'S
IN L.A.

OR SERENDIPITY.

OR ME.

PLEASE JUST THINK ABOUT IT.

(beep)

(Chuck) Leave a message,
and I'll listen to it.

HEY, IT'S ME. WHY AREN'T YOU
ANSWERING YOUR PHONE?

(beep)

THANK YOU FOR WAITING.

I HAD NO CHOICE.
YOUR GUARDS LOCKED ME OUT.

I WANTED FOR US TO HAVE A CHANCE
TO TALK PRIVATELY.

(beep)

YOU KNOW, I KNEW YOU WERE
COLD AND RUTHLESS,

BUT I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D TRY
TO KILL YOUR OWN SON.

WE HAD A DEAL.

YOUR FRIEND IS OUT OF JAIL.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
ON A PLANE TO RUSSIA.

YOU NEVER INTENDED FOR ME
TO MAKE IT TO MOSCOW.

YOU ARRANGED FOR THE PILOT
TO PARACHUTE TO SAFETY

WHILE I WAS LEFT TO DIE
ON THE PLANE.

YOU HAVE ALWAYS HAD

A WONDERFULLY VIVID
IMAGINATION.

BUT I WARNED YOU EARLIER...

ACCIDENTS CAN HAPPEN.

WE SHOULD WORK TOGETHER
MORE OFTEN.

I'M JUST OVER CODDLING
CREATIVE TYPES.

THERE'S A WHOLE UNTAPPED NICHE
IN SCHEMERS FOR HIRE.

HAVE YOU SEEN CHUCK?

BART SAID THAT SECURITY
TOOK HIM HOME,

BUT I CALLED NATE.

CHUCK'S NOT THERE AND HE'S NOT
ANSWERING HIS PHONE.

WELL, HE'S HERE SOMEWHERE.
HE HASN'T LEFT THE BUILDING.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

THE SECURITY GUARDS AT THE EXITS
ARE UNDER STRICT INSTRUCTIONS

TO INFORM US
OF ALL BASS DEPARTURES.

I HAVE MY WAYS OF INSURING
THEIR LOYALTY.

WHERE'S BART?

LAST TIME I SAW HIM, HE WAS
GETTING ON THE ELEVATOR.

ALL I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO
FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS

IS JUST...

BUILD SOMETHING
THAT I CAN BE PROUD OF.

INSTEAD, I LOST IT,

AND MY REPUTATION AND...

MOST OF MY TRUST FUND.

SORRY I WASN'T THERE FOR YOU
SOONER, SON.

JUST NEVER WANTED YOU TO
END UP LIKE ME.

HEY.

(pats knee)

YOU DIDN'T END UP SO BAD.

WHATEVER YOU DECIDE
TO SET YOUR MIND TO NEXT,

I KNOW YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT.

THANKS, DAD.

(glasses clink)

(sets down glass)

HEY.

HI.

YOUR DAD'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW.

YOU C START OVER.

WHEN I FIRST MET YOU,

YOU HAD THE PERFECT STORY
TO GET NEW YORK'S ATTENTION.

(scoffs) WHAT,
GOSSIP GIRL'S IDENTITY?

I PROMISED HER
I'D STOP LOOKING

AFTER SHE HELPED FIND SERENA.

WHO KNEW SHE WAS
PERFECTLY FINE.

SHE SET YOU UP
TO PROTECT HERSELF.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE

BY GOING THROUGH YOUR RESEARCH
ONE MORE TIME?

(Ellie Goulding's "Hanging On"
playing)

NOTHING ANYMORE.

IN FACT, I, UH...

I BROUGHT IT HOME

SO THAT NO ONE AT
"THE SPECTATOR" WOULD FIND IT.

* OOH, AHH

OH!

GARCON, WHERE ARE THE STAIRS?

THE ELEVATORS ARE TAKING
FOREVER.

* OOH, AHH

***

(scoffs) WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE? AND WITH A SUITCASE?

I GOT AN APARTMENT
IN THE BUILDING.

WHAT?

I FINALLY REALIZED
WHERE I WANNA BE,

AND IT'S HERE,
WHERE YOU ARE.

WHERE I USED TO BE.

I HAVE NO INTEREST IN BEING
ANYWHERE AROUND HERE ANYMORE.

I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.

YOU RUN AWAY TO--TO SPAIN,

UPSTATE, BOARDING SCHOOL,
SANTORINI.

YOU ALWAYS COME BACK.

WELL, THAT WAS THEN.

THAT WAS BEFORE I KNEW

WHAT THIS PLACE COULD DO
TO PEOPLE,

BEFORE I SAW IT
TURN YOU INTO BART BASS.

I'M NOT BART.

BUT WHAT'S WRONG WITH WANTING
POWER? YOU HAVE IT.

MAYBE IF YOU STOPPED HATING IT,
YOU'D STOP HATING YOURSELF.

THEN YOU CAN FINALLY BE HAPPY
WHERE--WHERE YOU BELONG.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I HAVE NO INTEREST
IN BEING PSYCHOANALYZED

BY MY EVIL BIOGRAPHER.

SERENA, I KNOW I'VE HURT YOU,
BUT I STILL LOVE YOU.

I'VE LOST TRACK OF IT
AT TIMES.

I'VE MADE MISTAKES--

I'VE MADE MASSIVE,
HEARTBREAKING MISTAKES--

BUT I'VE NEVER
STOPPED LOVING YOU.

WELL, EXCUSE ME IF I DON'T FALL
FOR THAT, OR YOU, EVER AGAIN.

PLEASE, JUST...

IF YOU COME UPSTAIRS
FOR A SECOND,

I HAVE SOMETHING I CAN SHOW YOU
THAT'LL PROVE IT.

I'VE SEEN ALL I NEED TO SEE.

I HAVE A PLANE WAITING.

* I JUST CAN'T KEEP HANGING ON

* TO YOU AND ME

* YOU AND ME

***

* YOU AND ME

***

TELL ME...

DID YOU TRY
TO HAVE ME KILLED

BECAUSE YOU HATE ME SO MUCH

OR BECAUSE I KNOW TOO MUCH?

YOU KNOW, NO MATTER HOW HARD
I HAVE TRIED

TO TURN YOU INTO A MAN,

IT STILL REMAINS
THE ONE BIG FAILURE OF MY LIFE.

YOU'RE NOT A MAN.

A MAN ACCEPTS RESPONSIBILITY
FOR HIS ACTIONS.

A MAN TAKES CARE
OF HIS FAMILY.

A MAN DOESN'T PAY A MOTHER
TO ABANDON HER CHILD

AND THEN TELL THAT CHILD
HIS MOTHER IS DEAD.

A MAN DOESN'T TRY TO HAVE
HIS OWN SON KILLED!

BUT YOU CAN TELL THE POLICE
WHAT KIND OF A MAN YOU ARE.

YOUR NAIVETE IS ADORABLE.

EVEN IF I DIDN'T HAVE

THE POLICE COMMISSIONER
IN MY POCKET,

WHO DO YOU THINK THEY'RE
GONNA BELIEVE?

HUH?

THE MAN OF THE YEAR

OR SOME SAD,

PATHETIC,

LITTLE BOY?!

UHH!

AAH! (gasps)

AAH! (grunts)

CHUCK...

GIVE ME YOUR HAND!
(panting)

YOU KNOW I'M ALL TALK!
I WOULD NEVER REALLY HURT YOU!

(panting)
EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS A LIE!

CHARLES,

THIS ISN'T WHO YOU ARE.

(grunts) PLEASE, SON!

AAH!

(gasps)

COME ON. WE HAVE TO GET OUT
OF HERE.