All language subtitles for Gossip.Girl.S06E05.WEBRip.x264-ION10

GOSSIP GIRL HERE--
YOUR ONE AND ONLY SOURCE

INTO THE SCANDALOUS LIVES
OF MANHATTAN'S ELITE.

(girl) "GOSSIP GIRL"
SAYS YOUR DAD IS DATING

SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN.
IS IT TRUE?

NOT FOR LONG.

(camera shutters clicking,
audience gasps)

THIS ISN'T FASHION-FORWARD
OR PROVOCATIVE.

IT'S EXPLOITATION,
AND IT'S EMBARRASSING.

(Blair) NELLY YUKI TRASHED ME
IN "WOMEN'S WEAR DAILY."

"CAN BLAIR WALDORF STEP
INTO HER MOTHER'S SHOES,

OR IS HER ACHILLES' HEEL
OF THE STRIPPER VARIETY?"

It's Jean Pierre.
Your mother knows

you don't have orders
from any buyers.

DID THIS REALLY HAPPEN--
YOU AND SERENA?

EVERY DIRTY DETAIL.

DID YOU WRITE ABOUT THAT NIGHT
THAT WE WERE TOGETHER

AT THE CAMPBELL APARTMENT?

RELAX. I DIDN'T PUBLISH
ANY OF THAT.

LAST YEAR, WHEN YOU HAD NO ONE,
I WAS THERE FOR YOU.

I KINDA NEED YOU TO DO
THE SAME FOR ME RIGHT NOW.

MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

(Rufus) WHEN IT COMES TO IVY,
YOU'RE WAY OUT OF LINE.

SHE'S A KNOWN CON ARTIST.

SHE SWINDLED LILY
AND HER ENTIRE FAMILY.

YOU NEED TO STOP STICKING
YOUR NOSE IN

WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG.

HE DIDN'T FAKE HIS DEATH
FOR LILY OR ME.

HE DID IT SO HE COULD AVOID
FEDERAL PRISON.

AND WHO AM I?

THAT'S A SECRET
I'LL NEVER TELL.

YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.

X.O.X.O., GOSSIP GIRL.

-- Captions by VITA --

(Gossip Girl)
NEW DAY, NEW DEBS...

(Frank Ocean) * TOO MANY
JOYRIDES IN DADDY'S JAGUAR *

ALL DRESSED UP
TO ENTER HIGH SOCIETY.

* SUPER RICH KIDS

BUT ONE FASHION FAUX PAS,

AND THE DRESSING DOWN
WILL LAST A LIFETIME.

WHY ARE YOU STILL CHEWING?
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.

I THINK, UM,
IT'S OLD SCHOOL,

NOT IN THE GOOD WAY.
IN THE--IN THE LITERAL WAY,

LIKE WHAT OLD LADIES
USED TO WEAR TO SCHOOL.

(scoffs) WELL, IT'S TRADITIONAL,
AS AM I.

I NEED TO REMIND THE WORLD
THAT I AM NOT

THE HYPERSEXUAL HEATHEN
NELLY YUKI LABELED ME.

THERE'S TRADITIONAL,
AND THERE'S MISSIONARY,

WHICH DOES NOT WORK
FOR THE DRESS...

OR YOU, AS I RECALL.

* AROUND TOO MUCH

BEING POLITE DOES NOT
MAKE ME A PRUDE.

SO WHY FIGHT
YOUR RAUNCHY REPUTATION?

SHOCK VALUE IS WHAT GOT MY
"INSIDE OUT" SERIAL ATTENTION.

WELL, MY AUDIENCE
WAS TITILLATED

WHEN SAGE STRIPPED DOWN
TO HER SKIVVIES.

* WHITE LINES

* SUPER RICH KIDS

GO. GET OUT OF HERE
WITH YOUR HIGH NECKLINE

AND LOW HEMLINE. GO!

I HAVE A NEW VISION,
AND I NEED A NEW MUSE.

(elevator bell dings,
doors open)

AND I SUGGEST YOU REPLACE
YOUR MUSE.

DON'T LET HER TOUCH ANYTHING.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY HOURS
I'VE SPENT SEARCHING FOR YOU?

I HATE IT WHEN YOU PLAY
HARD-TO-GET.

* OH, OH, OOH

(typing)

ARE THE PANCAKES OKAY?
YOU CAN TELL ME

IF YOU DON'T LIKE
MY COOKING.

NO, YOUR--
YOUR COOKING'S GREAT.

I JUST FORGOT
THEY WERE THERE.

UH, LIKE ME? YOU'VE BARELY
SAID A WORD TO ME ALL WEEK.

SORRY.

(clears throat)

(door closes in distance)

MMM!

I LOVE THEM--
YOU AND THE PANCAKES.

MMM.

I'M GETTING MY COTILLION DRESS
REFITTED.

I LOST WEIGHT
WITHOUT EVEN TRYING.

OH, YOU'RE--
YOU'RE COMING OUT TONIGHT?

(chuckles) NO ONE
CALLS IT THAT ANYMORE.

WELL, IT'S STILL EXCITING.

LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED HELP
WITH YOUR PRESENTATION SPEECH

OR--OR ANY
OF THE DANCE STEPS.

MY COTILLION ENDED UP BEING ONE
OF THE BEST NIGHTS OF MY LIFE,

AND I'M SURE
YOURS WILL BE, TOO.

ALL THIS GUSHING--

IT SEEMS LIKE SOMEONE'S
ANGLING FOR AN INVITATION.

NO, I DON'T EXPECT
TO BE INVITED.

COTILLION IS FOR A GIRL
AND HER FAMILY.

IT IS.

UH, BUT NO.

NOT JUST FAMILY. I MEAN...

NOT FAMILY
IN THE STRICTEST LEGAL SENSE.

I-I MEANT TO INVITE YOU.

IT MUST HAVE JUST SLIPPED
MY MIND.

SO MUCH FOR BEING
THE ONLY TEENAGER

ON MY FATHER'S ARM TONIGHT.

I'M SORRY. I'D LOVE FOR YOU
TO BE THERE TONIGHT

IF IT'S NOT TOO LATE.

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
FOR COTILLION.

GOOD,
THEN I'LL SEE YOU THERE.

OKAY.

STAYING IN THIS ROOM

IS TRANSFORMING YOU INTO
ITS PREVIOUS OCCUPANT--

A DIVA WHO IGNORES MY CALLS
AND HAS NO WORK ETHIC.

COME ON. YOU KNOW THAT
SECOND PART IS NOT TRUE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I'VE COME TO WRESTLE
THE BLAIR CHAPTER

FROM YOUR HOT LITTLE HANDS.

I HAVEN'T FINISHED IT YET.

YOU'RE LYING.

YOU'RE HERE IN SOME DESPERATE
ATTEMPT TO REGAIN BLAIR'S LOVE,

BUT YOU KNOW WHEN SHE READS
WHAT YOU WROTE ABOUT HER,

SHE'S GONNA HATE YOU FOREVER.

LISTEN, I CAN'T HOLD
THE MAGAZINE OFF ANY LONGER.

HAND IT OVER.

WHAT LANGUAGE DO I NEED TO SAY
IT IN FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND?

IT'S NOT DONE.

I SPEAK FIVE,

AND IN EVERY ONE, THAT SENTENCE
TRANSLATES TO "BULLCRAP."

(sighs)

YOU HAVE UNTIL NOON
TO TURN IT IN.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE
MISS BLAIR WENT?

UH, SHE FORGOT TO PUT ON
LUCKY CHARM THIS MORNING

WHEN SHE GET OUT OF SHOWER.

SHE THINK CONDITIONER
DULLS DIAMOND.

THAT LUCKY CHARM LOOKS
A LOT LIKE AN ENGAGEMENT RING.

NO, UH...

IS ENGAGEMENT RING ON NECKLACE.

AT LEAST UNTIL MR. CHUCK
DEFEATS BAD DAD.

MISS BLAIR NEVER
LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT.

I NEED TO PREPARE
FOR MAD MOOD.

(beeps)

HI. UH, THIS IS DAN HUMPHREY.

YEAH.
YEAH, YOU CAN SEND A MESSENGER

TO PICK UP MY NEXT CHAPTER.

NO, IT'S NOT ABOUT
BLAIR WALDORF.

THE ONE I'M SENDING
IS ABOUT CHUCK BASS.

WELL, NATE WON'T PUBLISH
ANY MORE STORIES ABOUT LILY

IN "THE SPECTATOR."

WELL, I'D GIVE THEM
TO GOSSIP GIRL IF I HAD THEM,

BUT RUFUS BURNED
MY STASH OF SECRETS.

BUT DON'T WORRY.
I'LL FIND SOMETHING.

WE'LL LEAVE HER WITH NO ONE.

SO WHY DO WE EVEN PAY
THE INSTRUCTORS?

I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

(sighs)

WHAT'S WRONG?

I NEED TO MEET THE CONTRACTOR
AT THE GALLERY.

HE CALLED AND SAID A PIPE BURST
AND NOW THE FLOORS ARE RUINED.

WELL, HOPEFULLY
HE'S EXAGGERATING.

CONTRACTORS ARE ALWAYS LOOKING
FOR WAYS TO MAKE MORE MONEY.

WELL, I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE.
IT'S ALL IN THE GALLERY.

AND I CAN'T OPEN
WITHOUT FLOORS.

YOU WANNA COME?

WELL, I WOULD, BUT I HAVE
AN APPOINTMENT UPTOWN.

OKAY.

(typing)

HEY, SHOULDN'T YOU BE
WITH THE FBI,

HAVING BART ARRESTED
FOR ILLEGAL OIL TRADING?

THEY NEED EVIDENCE FIRST.

THE SHEIKH WAS THE ONLY GUY
WHO HAD ANY,

AND HE'S LOYAL TO HIS DAD.

BART'S BEEN TOO CAREFUL

TO LEAVE ANY TRACE OF
THE TRANSACTIONS ON THE BOOKS.

WELL, I MEAN, IT'S PRETTY EASY
TO FAKE NUMBERS.

YOU SPEAKING
FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE?

I'M REFERRING TO
YOUR FATHER.

OH. (chuckles)

RIGHT. WELL, I MEAN,
HE GOT CAUGHT,

BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE DO
A LITTLE CREATIVE ACCOUNTING

TO GET PAST A ROUGH PATCH
AND NEVER DO.

I'M SURE EVERY
HEDGE FUND MANAGER BEHIND BARS

IS TELLING HIMSELF
THE SAME THING.

ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT

BART HAD TO KEEP TRACK
OF HIS FINANCES SOMEWHERE.

IF IT WASN'T
IN HIS BUSINESS ACCOUNTS,

IT WAS IN HIS PERSONAL ONES.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

AND HOPEFULLY, WITH LILY'S HELP,
WE'LL BE ABLE TO GET THEM.

DID YOU INSTIGATE A FORMAL
DRESS CODE AT "THE SPECTATOR"?

I GOTTA DROP IT OFF
AT THE CLEANERS

BEFORE I TAKE SAGE
TO COTILLION TONIGHT.

RIGHT. WELL, I HOPE
YOUR THIRD TIME COMING OUT

IS FINALLY A CHARM.

(scoffs)

SERENA.

HEY, CHUCK.

BYE, CHUCK. MMM.

OH, NO, JUST GO AHEAD
AND HELP YOURSELF.

DON'T EVEN MENTION WHAT YOU'RE
DOING HERE OR, YOU KNOW...

I NEED A MALE'S PERSPECTIVE
ON STEVEN.

HE'S BARELY SPOKEN TO ME
ALL WEEK,

AND THEN I DON'T EVEN THINK

HE WAS GONNA TELL ME
ABOUT COTILLION

UNTIL SAGE
ACCIDENTALLY MENTIONED IT.

I... (sighs) OH.

HAS SHE SAID ANYTHING?

WELL, HER DAD DOESN'T
NORMALLY COME UP

IN MOST OF OUR CONVERSATIONS.

COULD THE WEIRDNESS BE THAT

STEVEN HOOKED UP
WITH YOUR MOM IN A DUNGEON

WHEN YOU WERE
IN GRADE SCHOOL?

NO. ONCE HE ACTUALLY REMEMBERED
THAT THAT HAPPENED,

IT WASN'T WEIRD AT ALL.

HE GOT OVER IT REALLY QUICKLY.
THE AWKWARDNESS STARTED AFTER.

AND I DON'T--I DON'T KNOW HOW
I'M SUPPOSED TO FIX THE PROBLEM

IF I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.

SEE, THIS IS WHERE MY
FEMALE ADVICE SKILLS FALL SHORT.

MOST OF MY EXES WOULD JUST
STEAL MY PHONE

OR GO THROUGH ALL MY E-MAILS.

THAT WAS A JOKE.

I KNOW.

LILY. THERE YOU ARE.

CHARLES,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

BART LEFT SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS
WITH VANYA

NOT TO LET ME
INTO THE APARTMENT,

BUT HE DID LET SLIP THAT
YOU WERE SHOPPING ON MADISON.

WELL, I SHOULD GET HOME.

LILY, PLEASE,
I NEED YOUR HELP.

LAST TIME I TRIED
TO HELP YOU,

YOU MANIPULATED ME
AGAINST YOUR FATHER.

BART ASKED ME
NOT TO SPEAK WITH YOU

UNTIL YOU STOP ATTACKING
OUR RELATIONSHIP.

YOU COULD GET ME
THE PROOF.

DON'T YOU WANNA KNOW THE REAL
REASON HE FAKED HIS DEATH?

LOOK, I'M SORRY, CHARLES.

I HOPE YOU MAKE PEACE
WITH YOUR FATHER SOON

SO WE CAN BE
A FAMILY AGAIN.

MAYBE I CAN HELP INSTEAD.

(beeps)

OH!

DID SOMEONE ORDER
A WEDDING CAKE?

IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
MY DRESS,

TOM USED VINTAGE LACE
FROM PARIS.

OH, VINTAGE
AS IN "OLD" AND "USED."

WELL, LUCKY FOR YOU,
I HAVE THE HOTTEST NEW LINE

TO SAVE YOUR SARTORIAL DEBUT.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT ME
ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR CLOTHES

AFTER I LEFT THEM ON THE RUNWAY
AT YOUR FASHION SHOW?

WELL, LIKE IT OR NOT, YOUR STUNT
BRANDED ME A PROVOCATEUR,

SO I'M EMBRACING IT.

THE WORDS I READ

WERE "DISTASTEFUL"
AND "MAJORLY SLUTTISH."

SEMANTICS.

NOW I KNOW YOU LOVE
TO MAKE A STATEMENT,

SO DROP THE PROM POOF
AND LET'S GO.

(scoffs) NO, THANKS.

I MAKE A STATEMENT
IN WHATEVER I WEAR,

AND TONIGHT,
IT WON'T BE WALDORF.

(gasps)

(squeals and laughs)

(gasps)

(squeals)

SERENA?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

UM, I JUST NEEDED
TO WRITE SOME E-MAILS,

SO I WAS GONNA BORROW
YOUR DAD'S COMPUTER,

BUT THEN I DECIDED THAT
I SHOULD USE MINE FROM HOME.

MUST BE SOME PRETTY THRILLING
CORRESPONDENCE.

NO. NO, I AM JUST SO EXCITED FOR
YOU AND YOUR COTILLION TONIGHT.

(chuckles)
I'LL SEE YOU THERE.

(door opens)

(door closes)

THEY SAY A DIAMOND IS FOREVER,

OR MAYBE NEVER.

IT JUST DEPENDS
ON WHO FINDS IT FIRST.

WHY WOULD I WANT THE HELP
OF A CON ARTIST

AND A PROBABLE SOCIOPATH?

I'M NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS,

AND EVEN IF I WERE, WE HAVE
A MUTUAL INTEREST IN THIS CASE.

WHAT ARE YOUR INTERESTS
SPECIFICALLY?

TO GET LILY
TO LEAVE ME ALONE.

MAY I SUGGEST YOU STOP
FOLLOWING HER AROUND IN CABS?

I WAS TRYING TO FIND DIRT.

I FIGURED, YOU KNOW, IF I CAUSED
TROUBLE IN HER RELATIONSHIP,

SHE'D STAY OUT OF MINE.

WELL, WHILE I CAN'T DENY
MY DESIRE FOR MARITAL DISCORD,

I WON'T HURT LILY.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET
YOUR DADDY'S PANTIES IN A BUNCH

IS TALK TO HER.

AND AS YOU JUST WITNESSED,
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO ME.

WELL,
BART DOESN'T KNOW THAT.

SO WHAT, MAKE IT SEEM LIKE
WE'VE BEEN COMMUNICATING?

PLANT SOME EVIDENCE
AT THE APARTMENT?

IT MIGHT WORK, EXCEPT BART HAS
BANNED ME FROM THE BUILDING.

I WASN'T BANNED.

AND I...

SAVED A KEY CARD.

PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS

AN INAPPROPRIATE GIFT
FOR MY DEBUT

AND NOT AN ENGAGEMENT RING
FOR SERENA.

A GIFT? NO, IT IS NOT.

DAD, STOP TALKING LIKE YODA.

IT'S AN ENGAGEMENT RING.

GOD, IT'S A RELIEF
TO TALK ABOUT IT.

I'VE BEEN SO NERVOUS, I FORGOT
TO INVITE SERENA TO COTILLION.

YEAH, WELL,
MAYBE YOU WERE NERVOUS

BECAUSE SHE'S WAY TOO YOUNG,
AND IT'S WAY TOO SOON.

I GET IT FEELS FAST,

BUT WE SPENT ALL SUMMER
TOGETHER,

AND I HAVEN'T LOVED ANYONE
THIS MUCH SINCE YOUR MOTHER.

MM. WE ALL KNOW
HOW WELL THAT TURNED OUT.

I'M SCARED, TOO,

BUT I WANT SERENA TO KNOW THAT
I'M IN THIS FOR THE LONG HAUL

AND I'M NOT COOL WITH HER
MOVING IN HERE WITH YOU

UNTIL WE ARE ENGAGED.

AND NOW THAT YOU KNOW, I'M JUST
GONNA GET LILY'S PERMISSION

AND PROPOSE
TO SERENA TONIGHT.

(scoffs) SCREW LILY.
I'M NOT GIVING MY PERMISSION.

I'M NOT ASKING.

(door opens)

OW!

HUSH, JESSICA. SOCIAL ASCENSION
IS A PAINFUL PROCESS.

WELL I MEAN,
I KNOW I LOOK YOUNG,

BUT DO YOU REALLY THINK
I PASS FOR 16?

NO. I'LL HAVE DOROTA
FIND A DERMATOLOGIST

WITH SOME JUVÉDERM, STAT.

HEY, I WAS
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT, UH,
ENJOY SOME COFFEE.

MAYBE I'D BE MORE BELIEVABLE
IF DAN WAS MY DATE.

(chuckles)

NO REAL DEB WOULD EVER
BE CAUGHT DEAD

WITH AN ESCORT
FROM AN OUTER BOROUGH.

DOMINICK DUNNE
WAS FROM HARTFORD,

AND HE WAS CONSIDERED
HIGH SOCIETY.

YOUR CHUCK CHAPTER
IS MY FAVORITE.

THANK YOU.

WHAT, YOU PUT OUT
A CHUCK CHAPTER?

AFTER I GAVE YOU
YOUR FIRST DECENT PLACE TO LIVE?

GO. PACK YOUR THINGS.

DON'T YOU WANT TO READ IT
BEFORE YOU KICK ME OUT?

I READ NATE'S CHAPTER, AND YOU
WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HIS FRIEND.

YOU HATE CHUCK AND EVERYTHING TO
DO WITH ME IN RELATION TO CHUCK.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

YEAH, DON'T WORRY, BLAIR.
YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN IT.

WHAT? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

THERE IS NO CHUCK BASS CHAPTER
WITHOUT BLAIR WALDORF.

THERE IS, WHILE HE FOCUSES
ON HIS BATTLE WITH HIS FATHER,

WHICH IS WHAT
THE CHAPTER'S ABOUT.

DAN MADE HIM SEEM
LIKE A SUPERHERO

SINGLE-MINDEDLY FIGHTING EVIL.

ASK CHUCK
IF HE'S UPSET ABOUT IT

WHEN HE PICKS YOU UP
FOR COTILLION.

CHUCK'S NOT GOING
TO COTILLION.

OH. OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S RIGHT. I'M SORRY.

I FORGOT YOU TWO CAN'T
BE TOGETHER

UNTIL HE ACHIEVES HIS GOAL.

AND I ACHIEVE MINE, WHICH YOU
ARE DISTRACTING ME FROM.

BYE, JESSICA.

OKAY, BYE. (chuckles)

HEY! PSST!

THANKS FOR COMING OVER,
DARLING.

I THOUGHT YOU STILL MIGHT
BE UPSET

ABOUT MY BRIEF DALLIANCE
WITH STEVEN.

OH, WELL, I DEFINITELY WISH
IT NEVER HAPPENED,

BUT I THINK IF HE CAN
FORGET ABOUT IT,

THEN WE SHOULD ALL TRY, TOO.

ESPECIALLY SINCE, UM,

I THINK HE MIGHT
PROPOSE TO ME SOON.

OH, I HAD A FEELING.
YOU KNOW, HE CALLED ME EARLIER

AND SAID HE WANTED
TO MEET BEFORE COTILLION.

HE SAID HE HAD SOMETHING
IMPORTANT TO ASK ME.

OH! (laughs)

OH, MY GOSH!
HE REALLY IS DOING IT.

ARE--ARE YOU SURE
THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT?

I MEAN, I NEVER REALLY
THOUGHT ABOUT IT,

BUT ONCE I SAW THAT RING,
I-I LITERALLY GOT BUTTERFLIES.

WELL, DIAMONDS SEEM TO HAVE
THAT EFFECT, BUT...

(laughs)

YOU'RE JUST--
YOU'RE STILL SO YOUNG AND...

I KNOW, BUT STEVEN'S NOT.

HE--HE'S AN ADULT,
AND HE TREATS ME LIKE ONE.

AND, YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE FIRST
HONEST, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

I'VE EVER HAD.

IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM
THAT LONG AGO

THAT YOU WERE IN LOVE
WITH DAN.

AND NOW THAT RUFUS AND I
AREN'T TOGETHER, WELL,

I THOUGHT YOU TWO
MIGHT BE.

YEAH, WELL, I-I THOUGHT THAT
FOR A LITTLE WHILE, TOO.

BUT, YOU KNOW, THEN DAN AND I
HAD THAT HUGE FALLING OUT,

AND I MET STEVEN...

MOM, YOU'RE GONNA
SAY "YES," RIGHT?

OH, LORD KNOWS IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHAT I SAY.

YOU'RE GONNA DO
EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANNA DO.

(both laugh)

OH, THANK YOU.

I SHOULD PROBABLY
GO GET A MANICURE

SO THAT MY HANDS
LOOK PERFECT.

ABSOLUTELY. (laughs)

(laughs) I'LL SEE YOU
AT COTILLION.

(kisses) OH.

PULL IT TIGHTER.

WE NEED THE ILLUSION
OF A YOUTHFUL JAWLINE.

GOOD LUCK WITH THE OLD CHICK.

IN SOME COUNTRIES, OLD PEOPLE
ARE CONSIDERED BEAUTIFUL.

MM, NOT THIS ONE.

SHOULDN'T YOU BE
AT THE WALDORF ASTORIA,

DONNING THAT DOILY DRESS?

I JUST FOUND OUT MY FATHER'S
PROPOSING TO SERENA TONIGHT.

THAT IS SO EXCITING!

WE'LL ALL GET TO BE THERE
TO WITNESS IT.

YES, AND BE UPSTAGED.

I THOUGHT YOU'D WANT
TO STOP THAT FROM HAPPENING,

IN EXCHANGE FOR ME WEARING
YOUR DRESS, OF COURSE.

WELL, YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF
A MASTER MANIPULATOR.

WHY NOT SQUASH THE PROPOSAL
YOURSELF?

COME ON, BLAIR.
WE ALL KNOW FROM "GOSSIP GIRL"

THERE'S NO ONE BETTER
AT TAKING DOWN SERENA THAN YOU.

THAT IS TRUE, BUT I WOULD NEED
A 2-TIERED PLAN,

SOME KIND OF PROTECTION.

YOUR GENERATION CAN'T BE TRUSTED
WITH SCHEMING ON GOOD FAITH.

I PROMISE I'LL BEHAVE.

JUST PLEASE STOP HER
FROM MARRYING MY DAD.

OKAY. FINE.

I WILL DELAY THE PROPOSAL
FOR TONIGHT,

AND IF YOU KEEP YOUR PROMISE
AND I GET MY BUYERS,

THEN WE CAN DISCUSS ENDING
THEIR ENGAGEMENT PLANS FOR GOOD.

OH, DO WE GET
TO CLIMB FIRE ESCAPES

AND WEAR STOCKINGS ON OUR HEADS
FOR THAT PART?

YES, JESSICA.

GO GET OUTFITTED
AND--AND WAIT FOR MY SIGNAL.

OKAY, GREAT. OKAY.
(whispers indistinctly)

SHE'S NOT ACTUALLY
GONNA BE WEARING....

NO. NO.
SHE WAS JUST ANNOYING ME.

HEY! BRING IN THE DRESS!

IT NEEDS TO BE REFITTED.

I SPRAYED YOUR COLOGNE,

AND I PUT A COPY OF BART'S WILL
YOU GAVE ME

on Lily's desk.

HE'LL BE FURIOUS WITH HER
IF HE THINKS

WE'RE CONSPIRING
TO RECLAIM HIS EMPIRE.

NOW FILL A GLASS WITH SCOTCH.

NOW DRINK IT.

I wouldn't leave a drop.

(elevator bell dings)

HELLO?

(beep)

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

(cell phone rings)

BLAIR, WHAT A NICE SURPRISE.

Hello, Lily.

I WISH I COULD SAY THE SAME

ABOUT SERENA'S
IMPENDING PROPOSAL.

Has she discussed it with you?

OH, SHE HAS. SHE SEEMS THRILLED.

NEED I SAY MORE?

SERENA'S ENTHUSIASM IS LIKE
THE BAT SIGNAL FOR BAD IDEAS.

It's sudden, I know,

BUT SHE DOES SEEM HAPPY.

But doesn't she always

WHEN SHE'S WITH A NEW GUY?

DAN, NATE,

Colin, Ben.

OH, SHE IS A ROMANTIC,
BLESS HER TENDER HEART.

BUT, LILY, YOU AND I
ARE REALISTS.

WE NEED TO LOOK AFTER HER

BECAUSE SHE ISN'T CAPABLE
OF LOOKING AFTER HERSELF.

(Frank Ocean's "Lost" playing)

THANK YOU, BLAIR.

I APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT.

BYE.

* INDIA, LOST ON A TRAIN

* LOST

LILY.
THANKS FOR COMING TO MEET ME.

I KNOW IT'S OLD-FASHIONED,
BUT WITH OUR... HISTORY

AND SERENA'S FATHER
NOT BEING A CONSTANT--

YOU WANT MY PERMISSION
TO MARRY MY DAUGHTER.

* LOS ANGELES, INDIA,
LOST ON A TRAIN *

* LOST

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

HOW DO YOU KNOW
YOU CONVINCED HER?

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS SUBTLY
SUGGEST SERENA NEEDS SAVING,

AND LILY JUMPS INTO
PROTECTIVE MOTHER MODE,

READY TO DO ANYTHING
TO SHIELD HER PRECIOUS DAUGHTER

FROM ANOTHER
RELATIONSHIP GONE WRONG.

SHE EVEN HAD ONE GUY
SENT TO PRISON.

WELL, MY DAD BETTER NOT
END UP IN LOCK UP,

BUT I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT
ABOUT THE REST.

I AM, AND JUST IN CASE,

WE HAVE YOUR PART OF THE PLAN
AS BACKUP.

EVERYTHING'S IN MOTION.

* LOST

YOU CAN EITHER TELL ME WHO YOU
ARE OR YOU CAN TELL THE POLICE.

NO, PLEASE, NO POLICE.

MY MOTHER LARISSA JUST
SENT ME OVER TO CLEAN SOMETHING

FOR MRS. LILY.

SHE'S SICK,

BUT MRS. LILY CALLED AND SAID
IT WAS AN EMERGENCY.

(beeps)

AND, UH, THAT'S WHAT NEEDED
CLEANING?

MRS. LILY SAID NO ONE ELSE
WAS SUPPOSED TO SEE.

"MRS. LILY" DOESN'T PAY
YOUR MOTHER'S SALARY.

I DO.

(sighs)

(sniffs)

CHUCK.

THAT'LL BE ALL.

WOW. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

YOU'RE QUITE THE DAPPER DAN
YOURSELF.

UNFORTUNATELY,
JESSICA'S OFF SOMEWHERE

WITH PANTYHOSE ON HER HEAD,

SO SHE NO LONGER REQUIRES
AN ESCORT.

I'M--I'M NOT GONNA ASK,
BUT I'M NOT DRESSED FOR JESSICA.

I KNOW CHUCK'S BUSY, AND NO ONE
SHOULD GO TO COTILLION ALONE.

WELL, I SUPPOSE I COULD
OVERLOOK YOUR UPBRINGING

NOW THAT YOU'RE A REGULAR
FEATURE IN "VANITY FAIR."

(cell phone alert chimes)

(cell phone alert chimes)

SPOTTED--ONE MAN LEAVING
HARRY WINSTON EMPTY-HANDED.

STEVEN SPENCE
WALKED IN WITH A RING

AND LEFT WITHOUT ONE.

I WONDER WHAT--OR WHO--
HE'S RETURNING.

(Frank Ocean)
* SWEET LIFE

* SWEET LIFE, SWEET LIFE

* SWEET LIFE, SWEET LIFE

* THE SWEET, SWEET, SWEET,
SWEET LIFE *

WHERE'S THE BLAIR CHAPTER?

WHY DO YOU CARE?

CHUCK JUST POSTED, AND THE NEXT
CHAPTER'S NOT DUE FOR A WEEK.

MAYBE TO "VANITY FAIR,"
BUT I WANT IT NOW.

I KNOW YOU, HUMPHREY.

I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU TURN
OUR SCATHING EXPOSÉ

INTO A SENTIMENTAL SONNET

BECAUSE OF YOUR DELUSIONAL
FEELINGS FOR BLAIR.

WHY ARE YOU SO SURE THAT I'M
DELUSIONAL AND NOT DETERMINED?

SHE DID DATE ME.

BRIEFLY, AFTER SHE LOST
HER PRINCE AND HER MIND.

AND NOW SHE WEARS THAT ADORABLE
ENGAGEMENT RING FROM CHUCK

AROUND HER NECK.

NOT ON HER FINGER.

THAT SHOULDER, ARM,
AND TORSO SPACE

IS MY WINDOW
TO WIN HER BACK.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.

NOT SO FAST.

EITHER LOSE
THE ROMANCE NOTIONS,

OR I'LL LOSE THEM FOR YOU.

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

HMM. SERENA'S PHONE.

LOOKS LIKE YOU TWO SHARE
A NOSTALGIA FOR LONG-LOST LOVES.

EXCUSE ME. SORRY.

I BET SHE STILL USES IT
TO GET OFF.

I KNOW I DO.

YOU CAN'T SHOW THAT
TO BLAIR.

UNLESS YOU WANT BLAIR
TO HATE YOU FOREVER

FOR SCREWING HER BEST FRIEND

WHILE YOU TWO WERE
STILL TOGETHER,

YOU'LL GET ME THOSE PAGES.

I'M DOING THIS
FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

THERE'S NO VIAGRA TO SAVE
A CAREER THAT'S GONE SOFT.

OKAY, JUST GIVE ME
UNTIL MIDNIGHT.

ONLY BECAUSE I LOVE
"CINDERFELLA." (sighs)

OH!

OH! I'M SO SORRY!
(whispers) SORRY.

(beep)

(laughs)

* MANGO, PEACHES, AND LIME,
A SWEET LIFE *

* SWEET LIFE

* SWEET LIFE

* YEAH

(scoffs) WHY DID I ASK
A PEASANT'S ADVICE

ON HOW TO DRESS ROYALTY?

YOUR SHOCK AND AMAZE PLAN
HAD BETTER WORK.

I'M COUNTING ON IT.

* SWEET LIFE

(gasps)

YOU CAME.

BLAIR, YOU LOOK DEVASTATING,
AS ALWAYS.

AND, HUMPHREY,

I SEE YOU IMMORTALIZED ME
ONCE AGAIN IN PRINT.

SHOULD I BE CONCERNED ABOUT
YOUR LEVEL OF OBSESSION?

NOT AT ALL. I FIND YOUR BATTLE
WITH YOUR FATHER INSPIRING.

IT'S THE STUFF MYTHS ARE
MADE OF, LIKE ZEUS AND CRONUS.

IT NEVER ENDS.

UNTIL ZEUS WINS
AND COMES TO BE WITH HERA.

ACTUALLY, ZEUS TRICKED HERA
INTO BEING WITH HIM...

AFTER HE RAPED HER.

(inhales deeply)
ENOUGH ABOUT THE GODS.

LET'S DRINK.

I'M SORRY, BLAIR. I CAN'T.
I'M HERE TO SPEAK WITH LILY.

I'M BETTING BART WILL COME, TOO,
TO CONFRONT HER.

I'M HOPING AFTER THAT SHE'LL
JOIN MY BATTLE AGAINST HIM.

HAVE YOU SEEN HER?

NO, BUT GO FIND HER
AND IMPRISON CRONUS.

THE SOONER THE BETTER.

**

(sighs)

GO FIND US
A PRIME VIEWING SPOT.

I NEED TO SPEAK WITH SAGE.

* ...HOUSEKEEPER
SINCE YOU WERE BORN *

THANK YOU.

SERENA!

YOU LOOK LOVELY.

DID YOU DENY STEVEN PERMISSION
TO PROPOSE TO ME?

WELL, I WOULDN'T EXACTLY
PHRASE IT THAT WAY.

I DID EXPRESS CONCERN THAT YOU
MIGHT NOT BE READY FOR MARRIAGE.

OH, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? WERE YOU
READY ALL SIX TIMES YOU DID IT?

LOOK, I'M SORRY THAT
YOU'RE UPSET, SERENA,

BUT I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE
THAT HAD MISGIVINGS.

I MEAN, BLAIR CALLED
AND SHARED HERS AS WELL.

BLAIR HAS NO RIGHT
TO SHARE ANYTHING.

WE'RE NOT EVEN FRIENDS ANYMORE.
YOU KNEW HOW MUCH I WANTED THIS.

I KNEW YOU WANTED SOMEONE,

BUT LET'S FACE IT, SERENA.

YOU DON'T HAVE BOYFRIENDS.
YOU HAVE LIFE RAFTS.

THAT YOU KEEP TAKING FROM ME
AND--AND LEAVING ME TO DROWN.

FIRST YOU GOT TOGETHER
WITH RUFUS

SO THAT I COULD NEVER
BE WITH DAN,

AND NOW YOU'RE JEALOUS
THAT SOME MAN

THAT DOESN'T REMEMBER SLEEPING
WITH YOU IS IN LOVE WITH ME.

I'M NOT GONNA
LET YOU RUIN THIS.

GIRLS, I NEED
YOUR PERSONAL STATEMENTS.

BUNNY RABURN, I HOPE
YOU INCLUDED YOUR BALLET PHOTOS.

ASK MY MOM. SHE MADE IT.

OH.

THANK YOU, SAGE.

CONGRATULATIONS
ON YOUR ACADEMIC ACCOLADES.

(chuckles)

WHICH CLEARLY HAVE NOTHING
TO DO WITH INTELLIGENCE.

(sighs)

WHY IS SERENA HERE?
I TOLD YOU TO KEEP HER AWAY.

I DID WHAT YOU SAID. I USED
MY DAD'S PHONE TO UNINVITE HER,

AND I HAD HIM TAKE THE RING
MY MOM SENT ME TO GET RESIZED,

AND I HAD MY MINIONS SEND
A PICTURE TO "GOSSIP GIRL."

YOUR PLAN JUST SUCKED.

MY PLAN DOES NOT SUCK.

WE'LL JUST HAVE TO COME UP
WITH A NEW ONE.

(scoffs) I ALREADY HAVE.

DON'T WORRY.
I'LL BE SHOCKING IN YOUR DRESS,

AND SERENA WILL NEVER BE
MY EVIL STEPMOM.

NOW I HAVE TO FIND MY DATE.

**

BART.

WHAT A NICE SURPRISE.
I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU.

JUST LIKE YOU WEREN'T
EXPECTING ME TO FIND OUT

ABOUT YOUR SECRET MEETING
WITH CHUCK?

AH. I KNEW YOU'D BE UPSET.

YOU KNOW, HE TRACKED ME DOWN
WHILE I WAS SHOPPING.

SO YOU INVITED HIM BACK TO OUR
APARTMENT TO GO THROUGH MY WILL?

I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT YOU'RE REFERRING TO.

CHARLES WAS NOT
IN OUR APARTMENT.

I TOLD HIM I WASN'T COMFORTABLE
SPEAKING WITH HIM

UNTIL HE MADE THINGS RIGHT.

STOP LYING TO ME, LILY.

I CAUGHT LARISSA'S DAUGHTER
CLEANING UP AFTER YOU.

BART, LARISSA'S DAUGHTER
IS 4.

THEN WHO WAS
THE 20-SOMETHING BLONDE I CAUGHT

WITH CHUCK'S SCOTCH GLASS?

AH. LET ME GUESS.

5'4", SLIM, COULD PASS
AS SERENA'S COUSIN?

IVY. SHE'S THE SAME ONE

THAT LEAKED THOSE NASTY RUMORS
ABOUT ME LAST WEEK.

CHARLES, HOW COULD YOU,

AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE
TO TRY TO MAKE PEACE?

I DON'T WANT PEACE.

I WANT YOU TO HELP ME MAKE HIM
PAY FOR WHAT HE DID.

PUT A SILVER SPOON
IN YOUR MOUTH?

OR RAISE YOU AS A SINGLE PARENT?

WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT
TO PUNISH ME FOR FIRST, SON?

LILY, YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME.

YOU ARE AIDING AND ABETTING
A CRIMINAL.

CHARLES, THAT'S ENOUGH.

DO YOU WANT TO END UP
LIKE RUTH MADOFF,

LOSING YOUR SON
TO DEFEND YOUR HUSBAND?

I DON'T WANT TO LOSE ANYONE,
CHARLES,

BUT YOU'RE LEAVING ME
NO CHOICE.

I'M GOING TO GET MY COAT.

WHAT CAN I SAY?

MARRIAGE HAS ITS PRIVILEGES.
(chuckles)

(Frank Ocean's "Pyramids"
playing)

* WE'LL RUN TO THE FUTURE

* SHINING LIKE DIAMONDS

* IN A ROCKY WORLD

I'D LIKE TO WELCOME YOU ALL

TO THE DISPENSARY COTILLION
AND DEBUTANTE BALL.

(cheers and applause)

(amplified voice)
OUR FIRST DEBUTANTE

IS JILLIAN FREMONT.

JILLIAN IS THE DAUGHTER
OF WINSTON AND...

(Serena) STEVEN.

SORRY.

SERENA! THERE YOU ARE.

(scoffs) WHATEVER IT IS, BLAIR,
I DON'T HAVE TIME.

I HAVE TO TRY TO STOP YOU AND MY
MOM FROM DESTROYING MY PROPOSAL.

NOT DESTROY,

JUST DELAY LONG ENOUGH
FOR SAGE TO WEAR MY DRESS.

SHE REALLY DOESN'T WANT YOU
AS A STEPMOM,

AND I ONLY HAVE A MONTH
TO WIN BACK BUYERS

AFTER YOU WALKED OUT
OF MY FASHION SHOW.

OH, SO YOU GET TO RUIN MY FUTURE
TO SELL DRESSES?

YEAH, THAT'S JUSTIFIED.

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE

IF YOUR ENGAGEMENT COMES
A FEW DAYS LATE,

AFTER I HAVE WALDORF DESIGNS
BACK ON TRACK?

DON'T YOU GET IT?

IT'S NOT COMING. WHATEVER YOU
DID MADE STEVEN RETURN THE RING.

(sighs)

YOU MEAN THAT PICTURE
ON "GOSSIP GIRL."

SAGE'S MOM SENT HER A RING
AS A GIFT.

HE WAS AT HARRY WINSTON
GETTING IT RESIZED.

THIS WAS ALL PART OF
A VERY WELL-THOUGHT OUT PLAN.

IT WAS?

YES.
HE STILL HAS THE RING

BECAUSE HE STILL WANTS
TO MARRY YOU.

DO YOU REALLY THINK SO?

(sighs) OF COURSE.

HAVE YOU EVER MET YOURSELF?

ANY MAN WHO LOVES
SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN

WOULD NEVER LET LILY
OR ANYONE ELSE

TELL HIM NOT TO BE WITH HER.

(chuckles)

YOU KNOW,
WHEN I SAW THAT RING,

YOU WERE THE ONLY PERSON
I WANTED TO TALK TO ABOUT IT.

(scoffs)

WELL, I WOULD NEVER TRY
TO TAKE AWAY YOUR HAPPINESS.

WELL,
AT LEAST NOT PERMANENTLY.

(laughs)

IF YOU LOVE HIM
AND IT'S MEANT TO BE,

THEN I WANT IT, TOO.

UNFORTUNATELY, KIDS TODAY
ARE NOT LIKE WE WERE.

THEY'RE UNPREDICTABLE
AND ALLIANCE-FREE.

THERE IS NO LINE
THEY WON'T CROSS.

YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT SAGE
WAS REALLY STARTING TO LIKE ME.

WELL, YOU WERE WRONG,
AND NOW SHE'S GONE ROGUE.

SHE'S COME UP WITH A PLAN
OF HER OWN THAT I AM SCARED

IS MORE DASTARDLY
THAN EVEN I CAN IMAGINE.

YOU HAVE TO WARN STEVEN.

I WILL,
RIGHT AFTER I TELL HIM

I LOVE HIM AND THAT I WANT
TO MARRY HIM.

(laughs) THANK YOU, B.

NOW GO.
I WANNA BE A BRIDESMAID.

(sighs)

OUR NEXT DEBUTANTE
IS BUNNY RABURN.

(camera shutters clicking)

BUNNY IS THE DAUGHTER
OF JIM AND FRAN RABURN.

(whispers) TICKTOCK.

SHE'S ESCORTED BY TOM GRAND.

(sighs)

BUNNY BEGAN TO DANCE
AS A TODDLER...

HEY. HOW YOU FEELING?

LIKE I'M WAITING
FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP.

SHE FOUNDED A COOKING SCHOOL
FOR DISADVANTAGED YOUTH...

HEY.

OH, THERE YOU ARE.

I'M GLAD YOU MADE IT.

SO I-I TAKE IT YOU DIDN'T
UNINVITE ME EITHER?

OF COURSE NOT.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WELL, I KNOW ABOUT
THE ENGAGEMENT RING,

AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT
MY MOM'S PERMISSION.

NEITHER DO I.

(chuckles)

(both laugh)

OUR NEXT DEBUTANTE
IS SAGE SPENCE.

YOU READY FOR THIS?

I CAN HARDLY WAIT.

(guests gasping and murmuring)

SAGE IS THE DAUGHTER
OF PAULETTE AND STEVEN SPENCE.

SHE'S ESCORTED
BY NATHANIEL ARCHIBALD.

(guests murmuring)

I ALWAYS KNEW
YOU COULD DO DIRTY.

PROVOCATIVE.

WE DO MAKE A GOOD TEAM.

(woman)
HER LOVE OF HORSEBACK RIDING

STARTED ON
THE CENTRAL PARK CAROUSEL...

UH...

UH... (murmurs indistinctly)

(woman) WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
HELP ME!

ED, BLACK IT OUT!

CAN WE PLEASE
TURN OFF THE SCREEN?

NO! NO!

STOP THAT!

(Dan) THAT'S WEIRD.
YOUR CAMERA'S ON.

(Serena)
UH, NO, NO, IT'S NOT.

WHOA, I THINK IT WAS
RECORDING US, ACTUALLY.

OH, GOSH. MAYBE I-I...

BLAIR, I CAN EXPLAIN THIS.

HERE, LET ME ERASE IT.

YOU MANIPULATED ME
INTO THINKING THAT IT WAS OVER

SO I WOULD CHEAT ON HER.

(Gossip Girl) I SAID
I'D NEVER MENTION S. AGAIN,

BUT WHAT'S A MOVIE
WITHOUT CREDITS?

WHY DON'T WE START
THE DANCING EARLY, HUH?

DANCING. DANCING WOULD BE GOOD.

(classical music playing)

SAGE DID THIS.
SHE TOLD BLAIR SHE HAD A PLAN.

WHAT, THE SAME BLAIR WHO PUT HER
IN A FASHION SHOW HALF-NAKED?

NO, SAGE DID THAT, TOO.

YOU CANNOT LET HER SABOTAGE
OUR RELATIONSHIP.

EXCUSE ME IF I DON'T
TAKE PARENTING ADVICE

FROM A WOMAN WHO RECORDED
HERSELF HAVING SEX WITH HER EX

TO GET REVENGE
ON HER BEST FRIEND.

I KNOW THAT THAT WAS WRONG.
I WAS IN A REALLY BAD PLACE,

WHICH IS WHY I LEFT TOWN
IN THE FIRST PLACE--

TO GET A FRESH START,
WHICH I HAD WITH YOU.

THIS DOESN'T CHANGE US.

IT CHANGES EVERYTHING.

SO THE WHOLE TIME YOU REFUSED TO
SPEAK TO ME FOR CHOOSING CHUCK,

YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME
WITH SERENA.

IT WAS ONLY ONCE.

AND YOU--YOU HEARD THE TAPE.
SHE MANIPULATED ME INTO IT.

IN ORDER TO CLAIM DATE RAPE,
YOU HAVE TO SAY "NO."

LOOK, SHE TOLD ME
YOU CHOSE CHUCK,

WHICH TURNS OUT
WASN'T EVEN A LIE.

YOU JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE DECENCY
TO TELL ME YOURSELF.

I INTENDED TO,

BUT I RESPECTED YOU ENOUGH NOT
TO SLEEP WITH HIM UNTIL I DID.

I THOUGHT CHUCK
SLEEPING WITH JENNY

WAS THE MOST DESPICABLE THING
SOMEONE COULD DO TO ME.

BUT THIS IS WORSE,

BECAUSE YOU PRETENDED
TO BE BETTER.

AT LEAST I ENDED UP
WITH THE RIGHT PERSON.

YOU ENDED UP WITH NO ONE.

CHUCK WILL NEVER BE FINISHED
FIGHTING WITH HIS FATHER,

AND THAT RING
AROUND YOUR NECK

IS NEVER GONNA BE
ON YOUR FINGER.

I WOULD RATHER BE WITH NO ONE
THAN WITH YOU.

(sighs)

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED
TO WAITING UNTIL MIDNIGHT?

I WAS GOING TO.

THAT LITTLE BITCH SAGE
STOLE MY PHONE.

W-WHAT DID I--
WHAT DID I EVER DO TO HER?

WELL, FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD OVER
DEBS HURLING IN THE BATHROOM,

SHE WANTED TO STOP HER DADDY
FROM MARRYING SERENA.

THE SURPRISE ENDING
FOR YOUR SERIAL

WAS JUST COLLATERAL DAMAGE.

WELL, YOU STILL GOT
WHAT YOU WANTED.

BLAIR HATES ME FOREVER.

I'M GONNA GO GET
THE NEXT CHAPTER.

BRING IT TO ME HERE.

HMM. I FORGOT HOW MUCH
I LOVE BEING 16.

**

TELL ME THIS ISN'T
YOUR BEST COTILLION EVER.

OH, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

THIS IS WORSE THAN WHEN
I PUNCHED CARTER BAIZEN.

EXCUSE ME, MINI ME.

MY PHONE?

OH. IS THIS YOURS?

HMM. SKIP THE INNOCENT ACT.

I ADMIRE YOUR WAY
WITH AN ANTIC.

IF YOU'RE EVER IN THE NEED
OF EMPLOYMENT, CALL ME.

WAIT.
YOU BROADCAST THE SEX TAPE?

WOULD YOU WANT YOUR FATHER
TO MARRY SERENA?

SHE'S MY FRIEND.
YOU HUMILIATED HER.

I DIDN'T FORCE HER
TO DO IT FOR THE CAMERA.

I SIMPLY REPORTED IT,

LIKE YOU DID WITH MY DAD
AND LILY ON "THE SPECTATOR."

THAT'S A NEWSPAPER,
NOT A SOCIETY GALA.

AND I DIDN'T DO IT
TO HURT THEM.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU MAY BE LEGAL, BUT THIS IS
WAY TOO HIGH SCHOOL FOR ME.

NATE!
NATE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE
OF A DANCE!

AH, THAT'S GREAT. AS LONG
AS THEY'RE DONE FOR THE OPENING.

(door opens and closes)

THANKS.

THAT SOUNDED POSITIVE.
ARE THE FLOORS OKAY?

THEY WERE DESTROYED, BUT BEX
TOLD AN ANONYMOUS COLLECTOR

ABOUT THE COLE JAMES PIECE,

WHICH MEANS NOW WE HAVE
THE MONEY TO REPLACE THEM.

WELL, I KNEW EVERYTHING
WOULD WORK OUT.

I'M GONNA GO CLEAN UP
SO WE CAN CELEBRATE.

AND SAY "THANKS"
TO BEX FOR ME, TOO.

(door opens)

(beep)

(door closes)

HI. BEX, I KNOW YOU'RE
NOT ALLOWED TO TELL ME

WHO BOUGHT THE PIECE,

UH, BUT, UH, I'D LIKE TO
SEND THEM AN INVITATION

AND, UH, A THANK-YOU NOTE.

A P.O. BOX WOULD BE GREAT.

WAIT. ARE YOU S--
ARE YOU SURE IT'S 76648?

YEP, THAT'S ALL I NEEDED.
THANKS.

(beep)

I GUESS WE LEARNED

WHAT APPALLING THING
SAGE HAD PLANNED.

SAGE? (scoffs) YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO'S APPALLING,

AND A LOT OF OTHER WORDS

THAT I SHOULD NOT UTTER
AT A SOCIETY GALA.

BLAIR, I-I KNOW THAT
THAT VIDEO WAS HORRIBLE,

BUT YOU HAD
ALREADY CHOSEN CHUCK.

DID YOU KNOW THAT WHEN YOU TOOK
DAN TO THE CAMPBELL APARTMENT

AND SET UP A CAMERA TO SEDUCE
HIM FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE?

NO, IT WASN'T LIKE THAT.
A WAITRESS HAD SPILLED ON US,

AND--AND--AND SO WE WENT
TO CLEAN UP.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

YOU TOOK NATE'S VIRGINITY
ON THAT BAR, WHEN I LOVED HIM.

YOU JUST NEEDED TO PROVE

THAT YOU COULD STILL TAKE
ANYONE I WANT.

THE ONLY ONE YOU WANT
IS CHUCK.

I AM SO SORRY, BLAIR.

I MADE A MISTAKE,
BUT SO DID YOU

WHEN YOU TEAMED UP WITH SAGE
TO TRY TO RUIN MY PROPOSAL.

NO. I STOPPED WHEN I KNEW
THAT YOU COULD REALLY GET HURT,

BUT YOU DIDN'T.

YOU CROSSED THE LINE
AND KEPT GOING.

ONLY BECAUSE I THOUGHT
I LOVED DAN, AND YOU DIDN'T.

YOU KNOW, SERENA,
I KEPT HOPING

THAT THIS WAS JUST LIKE
ALL OF OUR OTHER FIGHTS,

AND THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH
WE HATED EACH OTHER,

WE WOULD STILL ALWAYS BE
BEST FRIENDS.

BUT YOU WERE RIGHT, WHAT YOU
SAID BEFORE MY FASHION SHOW.

WE HAVEN'T BEEN FRIENDS
FOR A LONG TIME.

I JUST COULDN'T SEE IT.

WE ALL CAME INTO THIS WORLD
NAKED AND ALONE.

LOOKS LIKE S. IS
LEAVING IT THAT WAY, TOO.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU KNOW,
GOING THROUGH SOMEONE'S MAIL

IS A FEDERAL OFFENSE.

AS IS PURCHASING ARTWORK
WITH STOLEN FUNDS.

YOU WANNA EXPLAIN

THE BANK ACCOUNT
WITH ALL THE ZEROES?

(whispers) OKAY.

(normal voice)
I DIDN'T STEAL IT.

LOLA RETURNED IT TO ME.

THAT'S CAROL'S PORTION
OF CeCe's ESTATE.

WOW.

THAT MAKES SENSE.

WHAT DOESN'T IS WHY YOU CAME TO
ME PRETENDING TO HAVE NOTHING,

WHEN YOU COULD BUY
HALF OF MANHATTAN.

THAT MONEY ALIENATED ME
FROM EVERYONE I CARED ABOUT.

BUT I COULDN'T DO NOTHING
WHILE YOU LOST THE GALLERY.

YEAH, BUT YOU STILL
SHOULD'VE TOLD ME.

I'M SORRY,

BUT MY BEING RICH DOESN'T
CHANGE ANYTHING BETWEEN US.

YEAH, I'M NOT SO SURE
ABOUT THAT.

MONEY CAUSED
ALL MY PROBLEMS WITH LILY.

I'D NEVER LORD MY FORTUNE
OVER YOUR HEAD

THE WAY SHE DID.

I MEAN, THIS MONEY JUST...

(sighs) MEANS WE CAN BE US

AND FIX BROKEN FLOORS

AND GO ON GREAT TRIPS

AND CELEBRATE
WITH FABULOUS CHAMPAGNE.

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE
GRATEFUL TO CeCe RHODES.

(both laugh)

HEY, STEVEN, IT'S ME. CAN WE
MEET SOMEWHERE TO TALK, PLEASE?

SERENA, I HAVE NOTHING MORE
TO SAY TO YOU.

SO THAT'S IT?

YOU'RE JUST GONNA BREAK UP WITH
ME OVER SAGE'S MANIPULATION?

SHE WAS RIGHT.

WE MOVED TOO FAST,
AND YOU ARE TOO YOUNG.

No, but that's not
what you said this summer.

YOU SAID THAT WE WERE
PERFECT TOGETHER.

We were,

UNTIL WE GOT BACK
TO YOUR LIFE IN NEW YORK.

BUT I DIDN'T WANT THIS LIFE.
THAT'S WHY I RAN AWAY.

IT'S STILL A PART OF YOU,

AND MY LOVING YOU
ISN'T ENOUGH TO SHUT IT OUT.

And I can't marry someone
who always has another sex tape

OR HIDDEN AGENDA OR SURPRISE
SCHEME UP THEIR SLEEVE.

I'M A FATHER.

I CAN'T JUST THINK
ABOUT MYSELF.

STEVEN...

I'M SORRY, SERENA,

more than you know.

YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

(beep)

ARE YOU OKAY?

NOT REALLY. ARE YOU?

I'M NOT SURE.

YOU, UH, YOU WANNA GRAB
A BURGER?

AND FRIES.

AND A SHAKE.

YEAH. WHY NOT?

OKAY.

BLAIR.

(sighs) THANK YOU FOR
NEVER SLEEPING WITH SERENA.

THE PLEASURE WAS ALL MINE.

HER SICK SHOW WITH DAN
IS ALL OVER "GOSSIP GIRL."

WELL, AT LEAST NOW EVERYONE CAN
SEE THE TRUTH ABOUT THEM.

THEY CAN SEE EVERYTHING
ABOUT THEM.

BUT I HAVE TO SAY, I DIDN'T
EXPECT THIS FROM HUMPHREY.

AND THOUGH I ALWAYS
WANTED YOU TO CHOOSE ME,

I ALWAYS FEARED
HE WAS THE BETTER MAN.

NO ONE'S BETTER FOR ME
THAN YOU.

THEN YOU WON'T MIND
WAITING A LITTLE LONGER

FOR US TO BE TOGETHER?

YOUR PLAN TO HAVE LILY HELP YOU
DIDN'T WORK?

MY FATHER HAS HER WRAPPED
AROUND HIS FINGER.

I HAVE TO FIND A WAY
TO EXPOSE HIM ON MY OWN.

YOU WILL.

AND I WILL WAIT
AS LONG AS IT TAKES.

IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU STILL WANT--

TO WAIT.

(whispers) THEY SAY GOOD THINGS
COME TO THOSE WHO DO.

(cell phone vibrates)

WAS THAT YOU VIBRATING?

I SHOULD GO.

I KNOW IT SEEMS
LIKE FOREVER,

BUT I KNOW WHAT MY FATHER DID,
AND I JUST HAVE TO PROVE IT.

WHEN CHARLES SAID I WAS
AIDING AND ABETTING, BART,

HAVE YOU DONE SOMETHING
THAT WOULD SEND YOU TO PRISON?

I NEVER TOLD YOU...

TO PROTECT YOU FROM EXACTLY
THESE KINDS OF ATTACKS.

(lock clicks)

AFTER THE MORTGAGE MELTDOWN,
BASS INDUSTRIES WAS IN TROUBLE.

I KNEW SOME PEOPLE
WHO KNEW SOME PEOPLE,

AND I MADE A DEAL TO SELL
SOME OIL FROM THE SUDAN.

THERE WAS AN EMBARGO IN PLACE
WHICH MADE IT ILLEGAL,

AND THEN THINGS
GOT COMPLICATED.

WAS ANYONE HURT?

NO.

(Frank Ocean's
"Thinkin' Bout You" playing)

WELL, THAT'S ALL
I NEEDED TO KNOW.

* 'CAUSE I BEEN THINKIN'
'BOUT FOREVER *

THERE'S SOMETHING TO BE SAID
FOR HAVING A PARTNER IN CRIME.

(cell phone rings)

* SO FAR AHEAD?

(beep)

(sighs) DID YOUR DAD
DUMP THE BITCH YET?

NO. BUT I WONDERED IF YOU'D SEEN
BART DO ANYTHING UNUSUAL

IN THE APARTMENT.

MAYBE THE REASON HE'S SO INTENT
ON KEEPING ME OUT

IS BECAUSE
WHAT I NEED'S INSIDE.

MM. WELL, HE DID HOLD ON

to this envelope the whole time,

but I didn't see
who it was from.

SORRY.

NO. YOU'VE BEEN VERY HELPFUL.
THANK YOU.

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE NO CHOICE
BUT TO GO IT ALONE.

YOU KNOW I HATE
CRYPTIC TEXT MESSAGES.

I NEED TO EMOTIONALLY PREPARE
FOR A GIFT OR A LAND MINE.

I HAVE BOTH.

WELL, GIFT FIRST
SO I CAN APPRECIATE IT

BEFORE I'M BLOWN
TO SMITHEREENS.

JEAN PIERRE CALL TO GET PATTERN
FOR SAGE SEX DRESS.

HE SAY HE ALREADY HAS CALLS
FROM BUYERS.

OH!

WELL, THEN THAT MEANS
THAT WALDORF DESIGNS

WILL BE IN STORES
BEFORE MY MOTHER'S DEADLINE.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY
EXPLODE THAT?

MISS ELEANOR CALL, TOO.

SHE SAW PHOTOS OF COTILLION.

SHE SAY SHE COME HOME
TO FIX DECORUM DISASTER.

* 'CAUSE I BEEN THINKIN'
'BOUT FOREVER *

AFTER ALL,

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
WHO CAN ANSWER FOR YOUR SINS.

* YES, OF COURSE

* I REMEMBER,
HOW COULD I FORGET? *

* HOW COULD I FORGET
HOW YOU FEEL? *

WELL, COME ON, DO YOU THINK
THAT MY MOM'S RIGHT,

THAT STEVEN WAS JUST ANOTHER
IN MY LONG LINE OF LIFE RAFTS?

I DON'T KNOW. DO YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE DROWNING WITHOUT HIM?

WE PROBABLY BOTH NEED
TO LEARN HOW TO SWIM.

* IT WON'T EVER GET OLD,
NOT IN MY SOUL *

OH, COME ON. HOW IS THAT FAIR?

I GET DUMPED OVER OUR SEX TAPE,
AND YOU GET GIRLS?

WHAT CAN I SAY?
THEY LIKE WHAT THEY SAW.

WELL, THEY DIDN'T SEE
YOUR PLAID BOXERS, CLEARLY.

HEY, THOSE ARE MY FAVORITES.

I REMEMBER,
FROM FOUR YEARS AGO.

* THINK SO FAR

YOU WANT MORE PIE?

HEY, EXCUSE ME.
SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

UH, COULD WE GET SOME MORE--

WHAT DO YOU WANT,
PECAN OR APPLE CRISP?

BOTH.

AND BANANA CREAM?

THANK YOU.

* 'CAUSE I BEEN THINKIN'
'BOUT FOREVER *

HEY, THANKS FOR
BEING HUMILIATED WITH ME.

ONCE YOU'VE ANSWERED
FOR YOUR SINS,

THERE'S NOTHING IN THE WAY

OF STARTING
A WHOLE NEW PARTNERSHIP.

X.O.X.O., GOSSIP GIRL.