Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

Come on!

Here we go. This way.

[band playing]

- Hayley, come on! - Oi!

Come on!

Thank you.

- Hi. - Hello.

Passports please.

[check in assistant] Thank you. [James gasps]

No...

Mm... [chuckles]

That’s not funny.

It’s not.

- Enjoy your flight. - Thank you.

Come on.

Oh, wait! Wait, wait, wait!

What are you doing? Come on.

- Coming through! - [laughter]

- Okay. No, it’s just here. - Wait...

Seventeen, eighteen... nineteen! Nineteen!

Oh. Yes! Yes!

Oh, we made it!

- Yay! - Where’s everyone else?

Oh, bloomin' heck.

We can’t be the first ones here.

Don’t worry, chill out.

I told you we had heaps of time.

Sorry, I know. I’m just...

I'm just a bit nervous about, you know...

Mm, yeah.

Yeah, it’s okay. I understand.

But it will be fine. Okay?

I’m sure she’s really nice.

Yeah.

Anyways, first things first.

Let’s just make sure that we get on the same flight.

- [James laughs] - Okay?

I am not letting you out of my sight.

Don’t you worry.

- Thank you. - [passenger] Yes! Yes!

A thousand times, yes!

- [crowd applauds] - [Hayley] Aww...

You think you’d wait until you at least got there.

Innit?

Anyway, I feel like proposing at Christmas

is sort of just saying, like, “I didn’t know what to get ya."

Well, it’s a good thing I knew

just what to get you then, isn’t it?

Exactly.

- A Fitbit. - A Fitbit.

Mhm. I’m gonna use it to track how many steps it is

from my flat to yours.

It is the world’s least romantic present.

Well, I’ve only got you a card.

Okay, it’s the world’s second least romantic present.

I guess that depends what is written in the card.

- Doesn’t it? - Oh, really?

Yeah.

[Jack] We’ll have none of that, you two!

Grandpa!

Been bad enough with this pair.

Like a couple of randy wood pigeons.

Hubert!

- Hi Dad. - Mm.

- Hayley. - Your Lordship.

You’re looking good!

[laughs] Well, must be all that Californian sunshine.

How was the trip?

Well, longer than expected, but with good reason.

I picked up a little something on my travels.

Charming.

He makes me sound like something he got in duty-free.

- [Humphrey laughs] - Diane.

- James. - Hubert.

James. And this is Hayley.

Just Hayley. Hiya.

Nice to meet a fellow gold-digger.

- I’m joking, of course. - Oh.

It’s him who’s after my money.

It’s absolutely true. I am a ruthless opportunist.

- And so sexy... - Oh. [laughs]

- [Hayley] Right. - [James] Well.

Er, well anyway, er,

I guess we’re just now waiting for, for my lot.

- Bonjourno, senoritas! - [cheering]

Ah.

Ah. Aah!

- Hey! - I am so sorry we are late.

- Hello. - [kissing]

Blame your Dad’s directions!

Hey, I missed out the roadworks on the M42.

[Kath] No, you missed out the entire M42.

We spent an hour behind a road gritter in Redditch.

And I thought it was the Austrians

I was gonna have trouble understanding.

Diane, meet the Taylors.

You’ve done well there, old man. I thought she was your carer!

Yeah, it’s nice to see you too, Geoff.

- Yes. - I love your outfit!

Thank you. My stylist will be thrilled.

[sighs] Oh man. Mum would've loved all this.

No, Geoff, she wouldn’t.

She would've absolutely hated it.

I do miss her, you know, Kath.

She’s at your sister’s.

We’ll be back with her on New Year’s Eve.

Yeah.

[announcer] Final call for Flight 324 to Innsbruck.

Right then, troops.

As Santa said to Rudolph, let’s fly!

Ya-hey! Come on!

[Ant] What are we waiting for? Let’s go!

[Humphrey] It’ll be fine. Absolutely fine.

See? I told you, it’ll be fine.

Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah!

[Hayley giggles]

Come on! Come on!

[jaunty festive music]

[airplane engine roars]

Ah... you cannot leave an airport without a Toblerone.

Ooh. Are you opening that now?

No, course not, Geoff.

Listen, Gilet,

I hope your Dad’s alright about the whole booking thing.

It was good of him offering to take care of it all,

but we, well...

Kath, felt more comfortable if we looked after ourselves.

Honestly Geoff, it’s fine.

In the end we got a bit of a bargain.

Yeah, me mate’s got a few connections and sorted us out,

so... happy days! [laughs]

Wait, Gilet, where’s all the snow?

Woah!

Wait, Dad, is that our bus?

- [Ant] Are you serious? - [Dec] Let’s go!

[Geoff] No, no, wait! Wait, boys, wait!

[Ant] It’s got leather seats!

[Dec] And a telly!

- [Geoff] Look at that, eh? Woo! - [Ant & Dec laugh]

[Geoff] Hehe! Don't break anything.

- I reckon these seats go back... [Ant] Oh my god...

Oh, Geoff!

This is very well organised!

I’m not just a pretty face.

- Hey, Gilet. - [Kath] Look at this!

Er...

I think this one’s your lot's.

Well, we’re all going to the same place.

You guys get in this, we can take your luggage.

- We’ll see you up there. - [Geoff] Ah, cheers pal.

Er, see you at Hotel Bergschaf.

Schafberg.

Schaf-berg.

Are you gonna come with us?

No, I’m gonna wait for his Lordship.

Okay. See you later.

[Ant & Dec] Ooh-la-laa! A little love fest!

Sorry that took so long.

Came out of me like a racehorse.

Thank you, Jack, for that indelible image.

What’s happening here?

Er, I told them to take the first one.

We can just follow in the one booked by...

Geoff.

[light-hearted music]

You’re joking, right?

[upbeat music]

[window squeaks]

- [tyres screeching] - [Diane] Aah!

♪ A beautiful sight ♪

♪ We're happy tonight ♪

♪ Walkin' in a winter wonderland ♪

♪ Gone away is the bluebird ♪

♪ Here to stay is a new bird ♪

♪ He's singin' a song ♪

♪ As we go along ♪

♪ Walkin' in a winter wonderland ♪

♪ In the meadow we can build a snowman ♪

♪ And pretend that he's a Santa Claus ♪

♪ We'll have lots of fun with Mr Snowman ♪

♪ Till the other kiddies knock him down ♪

♪ When it snows, ain't it thrillin' ♪

♪ Though your nose gets a chillin' ♪

♪ We'll frolic and play ♪

♪ The eskimo way ♪

♪ Walkin' in a winter wonderland ♪

Bloody hell!

It’s not often I say this Geoff,

but you have absolutely pulled this out of the bag.

[Geoff] Er, heads up...

Good afternoon, Sir!

Hello.

I’m just checking this is definitely Hotel, erm...

Schafberg.

Sheep Mountain.

Wow.

Right, okay, haha!

Well, er, we’re er...

I will stop you there, Sir,

and tell you exactly who you are.

Eh?

You are...

our guests!

[Gerhard] It’s a title we consider

more important than friend,

more sacred than family and more intimate than lover.

Ooh!

[Gerhard] It's an honour

to welcome you to Hotel Schafberg.

Come, come, come, come!

The time of your life awaits!

- [Ant & Dec laugh] - He’s friendly.

[Ant] This is massive!

[Dec] This is sick! That’s what it is.

[triumphant music]

Here we have the restaurant.

[Kath] Bloody hell!

The pool...

[Ant & Dec] Bloody hell!

Sky bar...

[Kaye] Bloody hell!

And the apartment suite.

Your home away from home.

Bloody hell!

Look at the Christmas tree!

Look at them baubles.

I’m more of a Travelodge man myself.

[Kaye] Danke Shun, Gerhard!

[speaking German]

I didn’t know you spoke German, Aunty Kaye.

I’ve become a master on Duolingo.

Ooh.

[speaking German]

[sighs]

[giggling]

Everything is included.

And for anything else...

just ask for Gerhard.

Danke schön, Gerhard!

It’s my deepest pleasure.

It's not every day that we get to accommodate

British aristocracy.

[suspenseful music]

You know, I did not understand one word that man said.

Not one word.

[sighs]

- Geoff. - Nice bed.

How much did you say you paid for this place?

Fifteen hundred euros all in.

Right. And how likely is it,

on a scale of ‘eins’ to ‘not very bloody likely’,

that this is the hotel that you booked for us?

[exhales] I dunno.

'Drei’?

Fifteen hundred euros?

A ‘drei’?

That bathroom is bigger than the Tesco Express!

Okay, look...

I think I might know what’s happened here.

Hotel Bergschaf?

Berg-Schaf, Schaf-Berg.

It’s almost right.

Almost right?

This is what happens when you book a holiday

through Darren down the Tuns

instead of going to a proper travel agent

like I told you to!

Darren was a proper travel agent back in the day.

Yeah, before he went to prison!

Well, he sorted us a bargain!

No, no. He has sorted us the wrong hotel.

Hotel Bergschaf is not Hotel Schafberg, is it?

I don’t know! I’m not Austrian, am I!?

You know what? You had one job!

Yeah, and that job was to book a holiday for the entire family

with a bunch of millionaires

in the middle of the bloody Alps!

I’m an ice cream van man, Kath!

A good one. Some say the best.

But I’m not Richard frickin’ Branson, am I?

If we’d have just taken Humph up on his offer, then...

Oh, no, no, no, no. Do not start with that.

We are not a charity, Geoff.

It's... erm...

They’re still not here.

Do you think something’s happened?

Well, are you gonna tell her or shall I?

What?

[James] Hotel Bergschaf.

[driver] Home of the Mountain Sheep.

- Unbelievable! - This is not what I booked.

Humphrey, it would be literally insane if that wasn’t the case.

[chickens clucking]

[Diane] Sir...

I’m sorry. This isn’t our luggage.

This isn’t our hotel.

This isn’t a hotel.

Not your luggage?

Not your hotel?

Not my problem.

[ram bleating]

Excuse me. Won’t you kindly point me

in the direction of the manager’s office?

[Diane] Thank you.

I’ll handle this, boys.

[jaunty music]

[bleating]

[knocking]

Hello?

[door creaks]

[bell rings]

Hi. Can I help?

Oh god.

I’m the manager.

You have problems with your driver?

Yes, yes. Very good. Very droll.

- Also the chef, the gardener - any problems, you come to me.

This is the Hotel Bergschaf and we need the Hotel Schafberg!

- Dad... - Humphrey, stop shouting.

There’s a blizzard on its way. You stay here tonight.

Humphrey, call the hotel.

Tell them who you are.

They’ll send us a snow truck.

There’s no signal.

Oh, I must say, I like the sound of a snow truck.

Do you have the internet?

- [James] Christ, Dad! - Darling, you’re shouting again.

No internet. No signal. No travelling tonight!

Guys, we will be fine staying here for one night, I am sure.

Uh...

I for one would like to go on record

as saying I'm far from sure about that.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

You don’t stay here, mein Fräulein.

This is my house. Follow me.

[light-hearted music]

- [ram bleating] - Toilets.

Oh wow!

[bleating]

Jesus! The horns on him!

[owner] Klaus.

Sorry?

His name is Klaus.

This gate remains closed at all times. Understood?

Well, shouldn’t Klaus just be tied up?

He was here first.

Maybe it’s you who should be tied up.

I hope you’re not expecting us to stay in there?

No, of course not.

This is for my snow plough.

You stay here.

Like it?

I’ve got to learn how to swear in German.

[bag drops to floor]

Bloody hell.

Oh good. We’re staying in the Dark Ages.

What’s for dinner? The bubonic plague?

I’ve slept in worse.

You have?

Only during the war in Dhofar, mind you.

[James] Well, you have to admit, it is rather festive.

Mm...

What, no room at the inn, so we’re staying in a stable?

Exactly.

If only I could locate three wise men.

I’m sorry, but who on earth

would book to stay in a place like this?

Now that is flipping gorgeous.

Hey sexy.

Just checking you’ve got to

wherever the hell it is Dad booked into.

I’m so sorry this has happened.

We’re not saying that it has actually happened,

but let’s just say, hypothetically,

there had been a little bit of a mix-up

and we needed to be somewhere else tonight,

is there any way that your transport could sort that?

It pains me to use this word, gnädige Frau,

but er, the answer is no.

Big snow’s on its way, so the roads will be closed.

You have a problem?

In that case, no, no. Not at all.

We just had a little bit of a mix-up

with the bags at the airport.

And I know that it’s only been a few hours,

but hey - I miss ya.

Oh and just give us a call when you get this. Okay?

[giggles] Love you.

Wow.

Beautiful, isn’t it?

Yeah, I’ve never seen anything like it.

I feel like, erm, like I’m in a Bond film.

You literally are.

They filmed Spectre just over there.

Wow!

But if you ask me,

it just wasn’t a patch on The Spy Who Loved Me.

- I’ve lost you haven’t I? - Mm, yeah.

Yeah, sorry.

I’ve actually never watched

a Bond film all the way through.

Have I seen you before?

Your face looks very familiar.

Oh, were you at Henley this year for the Regatta?

Oh, nah.

I’m actually allergic to horses.

[laughs]

Gosh, you’re so funny.

And it’s definitely your first time here?

Mhm.

It’s me first time up a mountain.

- What about you? - God, no.

No, my family have holidayed here since time immemorial.

But it’s nice to be reminded not to take it for granted.

Bea...

Taylor... Hayley Taylor.

[laughs] Okay, I see what you did there.

Well, maybe I’ll see you around for a drink, Hayley Taylor.

Vodka martini. Shaken, not stirred.

[speaking German]

And as for your clothes, do not say another word.

I will have outfits sent to your room.

I'm an excellent judge of size.

Oh... Danke schön, Gerhard.

Right, nobody is going anywhere tonight.

Yes!

Uh, uh, uh, uh...

So we just need to stay put

and keep our heads down. Capiche?

Yeah. Capiche.

[jaunty music]

Cannonball!

- Cannonball! - Cannonball!

Is that...?

- You are kidding me. - [Kaye laughs]

- Woo! - [Kath] Low profile!

I think that ship’s sailed, love.

- [Kaye laughs] - [kids shouting]

[heartwarming music]

[door slams shut]

He wasn’t wrong about that blizzard.

Right then, if we’re going to stay warm,

we’re going to have to dip into the Taylor’s suitcases.

Oh, well they’re a laid-back bunch.

I don’t think they’ll mind.

I might.

- What is she - a magician’s assistant?

I’ve seen more tasteful outfits at Cirque Du Soleil.

My darling, trust me,

you would look magic in anything.

[Diane] Oh, you and that British charm...

Come on... Something...

Yes! Yes!

[elegant music]

Oh...

Ooh.

[gasps]

[phone ringing]

- James! - [James] Hayley!

Oh my god.

It’s happened again, hasn’t it?

[James] Put it this way. I have got...

an incredible sense of déjà vu.

Or whatever that is in German.

[Hayley laughs]

Is it... is it alright where you are?

Erm... I mean... yeah.

If your definition of alright

includes sleeping in a mouldy barn

and using toilets that would

make the bogs at Glastonbury blush.

Are you serious?

Oh my god! I am gonna... I’m gonna kill my dad!

No, erm, it’s fine. I’m joking. It’s lovely.

It’s really... it’s really...

charming.

[Humphrey] A brussel sprout.

[James] Erm, but look, don’t worry.

You guys stay there and...

and we’ll be over in the morning.

[James] And we’ll sort it all out.

Okay.

Oh, and we’ve got your suitcases.

Er, yeah, we realised.

But don’t worry.

- We have a Plan B. - [Hayley] I forgot how you lot

had all your matching luggage.

- [Hayley] You bloody poshoes. - Yeah.

Hey...

Hubert James Hughes.

Can I sleep in one of your tops?

[James] Of course.

And can I borrow your toothbrush?

No, I think the hotel can provide you with one of those.

Well, you can sleep in my PJs if you like?

I think my dad would have a heart attack

if he saw me in your “I heart cuddles” top.

[dramatic music]

[Hayley gasps]

Hayley?

Are you there?

Er, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I’m here.

- Er... How is the... - James, erm...

I, I’ve gotta go.

We’ve got a dinner... engagement.

Okay.

Well, enjoy.

Erm...

- Thanks. - Love you.

- I love you too. Bye. - Bye.

[tense music]

Bloody hell.

[sighs]

[Humphrey] Right, I’m going to freshen up before dinner.

Oh, my washbag’s in my suitcase.

You haven’t got yours, have you Hubert?

Yes, it’s in my hand luggage. One sec.

You don’t think there’s any chance

this could be one of those random,

off the beaten track places you hear about

that turns out to have three Michelin stars?

[Jack] Not a bad fit actually.

Mm.

♪ Snow is snowin' ♪

♪ The wind is blowin' ♪

♪ But I can weather... ♪

Ooh.

♪ the storm ♪

♪ What do I care how much it may storm ♪

♪ I've got my love to keep me warm ♪

Ah.

♪ I can't remember... ♪

Not a bad fit at all.

It just don’t feel right.

Us here like this while they’re in some dump somewhere.

It’s just... No, no.

I know what you mean. Fill it up, cheers.

Relax, sis.

There’s nowt we can do about it tonight.

We may as well sit back and enjoy.

Anyway, James said the place they’re in

is actually really nice.

Well, there you go, love!

I’m sure they’re living it up over there

just as much as we are here!

I’m more of a ‘one fork’ man myself.

Ladies and gentlemen, dinner is served.

[clang]

- Guten Appetit. - Fantastic.

There goes the Michelin star.

Well, on the bright side, it’s not the bubonic plague.

In the morning I shall take you to Hotel Schafberg.

No, I’m sure the hotel will send us a snow truck.

Klaus and I must travel regardless.

In the evening we parade for the children

in Christmas costumes.

Are you Santa Claus and his reindeer?

Krampus.

Krampus?

[sinister music]

Krampus.

Oh my god.

When Saint Nicholas comes with gifts

for those who have been good,

Krampus walks behind and punishes those who have not.

Punishes?

Every year, children lie awake in fear.

They can feel his presence in the shadows.

- They can hear... - [sinister footsteps]

- his footsteps... - [sinister footsteps]

on the ground.

And they can sense...

the switching of his whip.

Tomorrow, I become Krampus.

Why...

Why do you do that?

Because...

mein Freund,

it’s Christmas.

Argh!

[wind howls]

[door creaks & slams]

We can lock that door from the inside, right?

[lounge music]

- Hey. - Hey.

Check out them loos.

They’ve got proper little towels to dry your hands on.

Oooh! Fancy!

You’re in a good mood.

I thought you’d be as annoyed at me as your mum is.

[sighs] Well, let’s just say

I have found something

very interesting in James’s washbag.

Okay. And it's, erm...

you know, something you can tell your old man about

or is it a bit, erm...?

It’s a ring.

I don’t wanna know.

No, Dad, ew! No, an engagement ring.

Oh!

Oh, bloody hell!

Does he not know what to get you for Christmas or something?

I know, right? I literally told him to get me a Fitbit.

Well, he hasn’t asked me permission yet,

but if he does,

I’ll tell him the same thing as the last fella.

Dowry is 900 quid and a bag of chips.

- Oh, shut up. - And...

that they’re asking the wrong bloke.

because I don’t think there's a man out there

who truly deserves to marry my daughter.

Hm.

Well, James does come pretty close, mind.

Yeah. He’s pretty special.

I just, I can’t explain it.

It feels like we’re on the same wavelength.

Well, there you go!

When you know, you know. I’ve always said it.

First time I asked your mum,

it just felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Wait - the first time?

Oh yeah, no, she turned me down the first time.

[chuckles]

We had only been going out ten days, mind you.

But what can I say, you know,

- when you know, you know. - When you know, you know.

Exactly. [laughs]

Hey, keep this under your hat, okay?

Hey, my lips...

are sealed.

Hey...

I love you.

[kissing]

I love you too.

[squeals]

♪ You make me happy ♪

♪ I dance with glee ♪

And from the moment we met,

well, I knew I wanted your father

on an intellectual, spiritual, primal physical level.

Gosh, that’s a bit...

That’s a lot.

And I am very good at getting what the ‘F’ I want.

She literally wrote the book on it.

My book! It’s called ‘How To Get What The ‘F’ You Want’.

Have I said?

- No, you did. Yeah. - [Diane laughs]

Well, enough about me

and my boring old ‘New York Times Bestseller’.

So tell me more about you and Hayley?

Do we hear wedding bells?

[laughs] Er, no.

Not yet, anyway.

She was very clear about that.

And career-wise, the wannabe actor

is making a leap to budding filmmaker.

Is that still the plan?

Er, well, you know, I’m heading in that direction.

We watched your short film. It was...

very good.

[Diane] Can I be brutally honest?

Can I say no?

I didn’t get it.

But then again, I’ve never been one for ‘fiction’.

Anyway, on that subject,

Diane and I would like to discuss

an early Christmas present with you.

[Diane giggles]

I’m assuming you’ve heard of The American College of Film.

The best film school in the world.

Of course. Yeah.

Well, Diane has a friend.

He’s on the board of trustees.

We showed him your little film. He liked it.

Long story short,

how would you like a place

on their 12 month directing course

- once you graduate in March? - [Diane laughs]

Really?

Really.

But The American College of Film, that’s in L.A.

Last time I checked.

I shall be spending more time out there too next year,

for obvious reasons.

- Ooh... - [Humphrey chuckles] Mm...

We could get a “pad” together. That’d be fun.

Guys, this is amazing. Wow.

Thank you.

What about Hayley?

Well, I don’t know what she’s got planned.

Might she want to come too?

Mm, yeah.

I mean, it is a really amazing opportunity.

I just need to speak with Hayley about it first.

[wind howling]

[lounge music]

[Ant & Dec humming the wedding march tune]

[Geoff] What did I just say?

- [Kath] That’s it. - [Geoff] Where are you going?

- [Kate singing jubilantly] - Oh!

Oh my god, Dad!

Don’t worry love. It won't go further than the family.

I hear congratulations are in order.

Oh, thanks.

- Hey, listen up everybody! - Kaye!

- My niece is getting engaged! - Stop it.

[cheering & applause]

Bloody hell!

[cheering & applause]

So proud of you!

- [cork pops] - [cheering]

[laughter]

[wind howling]

- [tense music] - [gate creaks and clanks]

[door slams & creaks]

[James sighs]

Right-o.

[light-hearted music]

[romantic music]

James... Oh, what you doing?

Will you, Hayley Taylor,

marry me, James Hughes?

[squeals] Yeah!

[giggles, gasps]

Oh, this is...

Oh, this is such a surprise! Oh!

Oh my gosh, I mean...

Yes... I mean, of course I will!

What? No...

[gasps]

Oh my god!

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

[dramatic music]

A seminar with James Cameron...

[door creaks]

[dramatic music]

Hello?

Bloody Krampus.

- [door slams] - [bleating]

- Ah! - [thud]

[gasps]

Shit! [gasps]

Shit!

Okay, it’ll be here somewhere.

Okay...

Oh my god, oh my god!

[speaking German]

Erm... a ring?

- Ring? - [Hayley] Eine, eine ring?

I’ve lost eine ring.

Oh, you lost a ring?

Yes! Si, si, oui... yes, yes.

Erm, like, from, like there... to here.

Oh, I’ll help you.

Danke schön, very much.

Yes, so...

[groaning]

[gasps] Unbelievable.

[wind howling]

[suspenseful music]

Klaus?

Klaus?

Klaus!

Klaus...

- [bleating] - Jesus!

Hey, boy.

- Hey Klaus... - [bleating]

Okay.

Okay, Klaus.

- [bleating] - Hey.

[James] Friendly.

Will you please go into your home?

- [bleating] - Klaus, er...

Speaken zie English?

Please, goat.

Please, he'll kill us.

- [grunting] - Come on!

- Bloody hell! - [grunting]

Bloody hell, you’re strong!

[bleating]

Right.

There has to be something.

[gasps] Ooh...

What?

Oh...

Ha.

[bleating]

[sighs]

Oh...

Ooh.

- Fräulein! - Mm?

Is this what you want?

Yes...

- Yes! - [man] Yes?

- [Hayley] Yes, yes, yes! - [man] Ooh...

[woman speaking Italian]

[upbeat music]

[Hayley and the man laughing]

[family speaking Italian]

Ooh, mwah, mwah!

Oh, you with this ring! Brilliant!

[woman] Congratulations! So romantic.

We took a photo of you.

We thought you’d really like to...

[laughter]

Hey! Don’t judge me!

- He’s very sexy! [laughter]

[laughter]

Danke schön, very much.

Ah! [sighs]

Come on...

Oh, how does that smell?

It’s good.

Come on...

Just a little bit further.

[bleating]

[bleating]

[Diane] All I’m saying is if we’d asked the hotel,

they probably would have sent a snow truck by now.

Actually, I’m rather taken with the idea of a snow truck.

- Mm. - [horn beeps]

[light-hearted music]

Where are we gonna sit?

[bleating]

No. No way. Uh-uh.

Not gonna happen.

[light-hearted music]

[Klaus breaks wind]

Oh god!

Oh, that’s been happening all morning.

Must be something he ate.

[Jack laughs]

I might throw up. Oh, that’s terrible.

- Ooh. - Oh, help me.

Not long now, eh?

Okay. Oh, hooo...

- I'm just gonna... - Oh.

Morning.

Everything okay?

- Gerard! - Gerhard.

That was the best breakfast I have ever had.

Oh, it’s still in the morning but my day is already a success.

[Geoff laughs]

I just hope you all have left enough room

for tonight’s Christmas dinner.

Bit early, aren’t you? It’s still only Christmas Eve.

It’s not early for us.

Here in Tyrol we enjoy Christmas dinner

late on the evening of the 24th.

Oh.

There will be fireworks and then a feast.

We can’t have Christmas dinner

the night before Christmas, Geoff!

I can.

- [Gerhard sighs] - [Geoff] You heard the boss.

We’ll have to give it a miss, G man.

You can’t mess with tradition.

It’s a pity.

It’s also custom to serve and eat

13 different types of dessert.

Although I’ve always said you should be open

to other people’s traditions.

When in Rome, eh, Grandad?

Book us in Gerry, my boy!

Rome isn’t in Austria, you know, Geoff.

Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve? It’s just not right.

Hey, you’ll not end up on Santa’s naughty list, Kath.

Definitely Italy.

[Grandad] It was on The Chase the other night.

- Oh! They’re here! - [Geoff] Hey, oh...

Hiya!

Ey up, Humph!

Dad, he can’t hear ya.

Oh.

[distant grumbling]

They don’t look very happy.

[heartwarming music]

[James] This place is amazing, Dad!

Oh, it feels so nice to finally be here.

Well, we can only apologise for the mix-up caused by my

quite frankly bellend of a husband.

- Bit harsh. - [Diane] I'm sorry,

I’m still struggling with the accent.

What is a bellend?

- Oh! It's the... - Don’t worry about the mix-up.

These things happen.

Right, well we can, er, just get our coats

and get out of your hair then.

Oh, thank you.

Oh nonsense. You can’t leave yet.

No, we can at least get out on the slopes together first.

That is why we’re here after all.

Well, er, if we’re doing that,

then we have a little something for everyone to wear après-ski!

[laughter, cross-talk]

Now, Diane...

I had to go to print before information of your name

had filtered through to me,

so, er...

I had to improvise.

Well, no... I did tell him your name.

Well, thank you.

What woman doesn’t dream of being defined solely

by their relationship with a man?

You’re welcome.

Right, give us a hand, boys.

- Er, sorry Gilet, er... - [Ant] Here you go, Hayley.

I’m afraid there’s no sweatshirt for you.

Oh, really?

There’s this instead! Ha ha!

- Hey hey! - [cheering]

Aww. That really is a gilet.

Why do they call him Gilet?

Oh, it’s a long story.

When we first met him, he were wearing a gilet.

So, not that long then.

Right! Er, well, those slaloms won’t slalom themselves!

Hey hey! Come on then...

Come on, let’s go!

[upbeat music]

I think you’ve got the passes.

[gasps]

Earth to James. The pass... have you got the passes?

Oh, sorry. Sorry. Here you go.

- Are you alright? - Yeah, I’m just...

[Hayley] Oh... are you worried you won’t cut it

as my ski instructor?

[James] [laughs] No, I just...

I need to ask you something and... when we’re alone.

Hey, well I wouldn’t worry.

I think you’ll get the answer you’re looking for.

- [Geoff] Right, in we go. - [Diane] Need help there?

Er, I think we’re gonna take the next one.

You know, see the views. Just us two.

Ooh...

Very romantic.

Shut up.

Hey, Gilet!

- [James] Oh! - [Hayley] No!

Boys! Come on.

- Get in! - Give us a chance.

You need to get on. You need to get on, now!

Do you wanna be a shish kebab? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

[James] Boys, it’s about to close.

[Geoff] Get in here now!

[crosstalk, bickering]

Mum, tell ‘em!

- Mum, it’s closing! - Ant...

I guess we’re just gonna have to go with you.

Oh my god!

[giggling]

[Ant] Hey, Gilet!

Has your face got bigger? 'Cause, like...

It’s even easier to hit than last year.

I don’t have a big face!

Wait a minute, did you hear that?

The side of the mountain just spoke.

- [laughter] - Come on...

Should have seen the look on his face!

- Get in. - [Dec] So easy to wind up.

I think you boys ought to start being a little nicer to me.

Why would we want to do that?

Yeah. Where’s the fun in that?

Well, I’m going to tell you a little story.

Boring!

About a Christmas creature called Krampus.

[sinister music]

[Diane] And that, Geoff, is how you’ll get

what the ‘F’ you want from your own business.

- Blimey! - Mhm.

I don’t think anyone’s floated an ice cream van

on the stock market before.

It’s an ice cream float, Geoff.

- Hey, hey! - It’s like I told Elon.

If you ain’t first, you might as well be dead.

Who?

Elon. Elon Musk.

[speaking German]

Sorry, darling. I don’t speak a word of German.

[playful music]

After you, James.

Yeah, after you.

That’s very nice of you, boys.

[Hayley giggles]

[Hayley laughs]

Oh...

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- On the side... - On the side.

And dig in, lean in to the mountain.

- [Hayley] Lean in... - [James] Like a crab.

- The mountain is my friend. - [Humphrey] Ah, here you are!

Wow.

Well, it has been lovely seeing the views,

but I imagine this is where we part ways.

The poshoes can go and do your black runs

and the northerners can go down to the nursery slopes

for some quality falling over.

Okay, speak for yourself, sis.

Ah, I’m sorry, but what’s happened here?

Stockport Snow Dome every Saturday and Sunday

for the past six weeks is what’s happened here.

Do you remember when Kaye used to go out with ‘Dry Slope Stu’?

Nothing dry about my slopes, I can tell you that.

[Geoff sighs]

He gave us a discount.

Yeah. We’re not here to piste about!

Oh my god, am I the only one here that can’t ski?

Oh, love, sorry.

Do you know what, you’ll get the hang of it in no time.

Yeah. Stu says, “It’s just falling, but with style."

- Hey, don’t worry. - Oh.

You lot crack on.

We’re just gonna stay up here and enjoy the view.

- [Hayley] Are you sure? - [James] Yeah.

Why do they keep looking at me like that?

Erm, alright! Off you go! Off you go!

Go and do Stockport Ski Dome proud.

We will. Right...

Come on, posh knobs!

We’ll race you to the bottom!

Last one down gets the cocoa.

I’ve had the same ski instructor as Michelle and Barack.

Well, I had Dry Slope Stu.

Literally.

[playful music]

[cheering & laughter]

[Geoff] Here we go!

Go on, Mum!

[Kath] Thanks! See you at the bottom!

Have fun!

Come on. Let’s go find somewhere perfect.

Okay.

Come on, yeah...

- [cheering] - [playful, festive music]

♪ Happy holiday ♪

♪ Happy holiday ♪

♪ While the merry bells keep ringing ♪

♪ May your every wish come true ♪

♪ Happy holiday ♪

♪ Happy holiday ♪

♪ May the calendar keep bringing ♪

♪ Happy Holidays to you ♪

Mm.

So...

Go on.

What is it that you, er, you wanted to ask me?

Well...

it's...

about our future, I guess.

- Mm. - About...

what we’re doing after graduation.

Yeah?

I am just having the most amazing time with you, Hayley.

- And I always imagined... - One minute.

One minute.

- What are you doing? - One minute.

- You alright? - Mhm.

Mhm. Alright.

Okay, okay.

Are you alright?

Okay, I'm ready.

- Okay, erm... - Carry on.

Um... Okay, er...

- [tender music] - Yeah, I am...

having the best time with you.

London has been amazing, and...

and just whenever I think about the future,

I picture us being together.

Yeah, me too.

Okay, well...

what if I were to ask you...

Huby Hughes?

Huby-Hu? Are you kidding me?

Huby Hughes... is that you?

Ah! No!

- Beattie Edrington! - I do not believe this!

- Oh my god! - [Bea squeals]

- [James] As I live and breathe. - Wait... what’s happening?

- How long has it been? - I don't know...

- seven, eight years? - No.

Oh god, we are so old. How bleak.

Oh... 007.

I was not expecting you.

Oh my god.

Of course! I knew I’d seen you before.

You’re in his profile pic.

This is Hayley. Hang on, do you guys already...

No, we met last night. Very briefly.

No way.

My two favourite people in the world.

What are the chances?

Yeah. What are the chances?

[James] Erm, sorry, er,

Bea lived like ten minutes down the road from us.

Er, well, 20 if you take into account

the length of your drive.

Shut up. We grew up together, you know.

We summered together.

Ah, gosh, I can’t believe you two are together.

There goes our deal.

Yep. So, we had a deal where

if we both ended up single,

- we’d get married. - Ah!

- You’re my, er, Huby-Hubby. - Yes.

- And I was your... - Bride-to-Bea!

- [laughter] - We were so funny.

So funny...

Hey, erm...

I was so sorry to hear about your mum.

Ah, no. I mean...

- Hey. - Oh.

Aww.

[hugging]

- Aww. - Mm.

So... what’s going on?

Are you here with all the fam?

Ah, gosh. Not this time, no.

- I’m on a one-woman retreat. - Ooh.

I’m laying low after a particularly spicy break-up.

- Ah. Sorry to hear that. - Oh.

Yeah, thanks.

It was just one of those things.

There was faults on both sides.

I found out he didn’t like David Bowie,

and he found out that I’d slept with his sister, so...

Ah! Classic Bea.

Classic Bea, right.

[scoffs] Ah, gosh.

Anyway, I should, er, I should leave you guys to it.

I don’t want to intrude on your day out.

Erm, well, I mean, if you’re here by yourself,

then you should just hang with us, right?

I mean, we were just having a chat, so...

I mean, if it was important, I... I can go.

We can just talk about it later. Right, H?

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

- Okay? - Totally.

- Yay! - Okay, great! Aha!

Erm, well I was going to go and ski 'The Gauntlet',

if it interests you.

Oh, it’s a goodie.

Er, well... this one’s actually never been down there...

No, this one would be up for that.

- Really? - Yeah, sure.

Well, Hayley, I just think you should probably start

on a little more...

I think I can handle ‘The Gauntlet’.

Yeah, come on Huby. Let the girl ski.

Yeah, come on, Huby.

I can look after myself, hm?

After all, what’s skiing if not falling with style, right?

[giggles]

[dramatic music]

It’s quite steep.

Nah. It’s a red but it skis like a blue.

Yeah! Yeah, James, it’s a red but it skis like a blue.

You don’t know what any of that means.

I think I know how to get down a ski slope! [laughs]

You just, you know, you point your skis down, and...

you let gravity do the rest!

Well, no, it’s a lot more complicated than that, Hayley.

Here we go...

You really need to lean forwards into your skis...

- [Hayley] Oh my god! - And then...

- Oh my god! - Hayley...

Oh my god, James! James!

She knows how to turn, right?

I don’t think she knows how to turn.

[Hayley screaming]

But she knows how to stop?

[Hayley shrieking]

I don’t think she knows how to stop.

[sighing heavily]

Ugh!

[zipping]

I’m sorry, but a skier of her standard

simply does not belong on a slope like this.

Oh, that was totally my fault. I brought her up here.

Don’t worry. We can just get a cable car down.

No, please. Don’t let me hold you back.

- You two just carry on. - No, no way.

You’ve taken a knock.

No, James, I’m fine.

[sighs] And, erm...

You can get me back to the cable car, right?

Of course.

Hey, I want to go down with you.

No. Please, please... It was just a little tumble.

And I’m embarrassed more than anything, so...

Bea, take him away!

Only if you’re sure.

Yeah.

Yeah, I’ll meet you back at base.

- Go on! Go! - Okay.

No more skiing.

- Promise? - Promise.

[James] See you at the bottom.

[sombre music]

[Bea] See you at the bottom!

[James] You lead, I'll follow.

[Bea] Woo! Let's go!

♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪

♪ Let your heart be light ♪

♪ From now on ♪

♪ our troubles will be out of sight ♪

[Bea] Woo! Haha...

[James] Woohoo!

[Bea] Woo!

[laughter]

[Bea] Falling behind!

- You’ve still got it, Bea. - I know.

Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo!

- Keep up! - Woah!

♪ We all will be together If the fates allow ♪

♪ Hang a shining star upon the highest bough ♪

♪ And have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪

♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪

♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas... ♪

♪ now ♪

Are you alright, love?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, erm...

- I just took a small tumble. - Oh.

So I’m feeling a bit bruised.

I’m not sure skiing is my sort of thing, to be honest.

Yeah.

What about you? Did you have fun?

Yeah. I don’t really get what all the fuss is about

either, you know?

All that palaver to get to the top of an hill

to turn round and come straight back down again?

[laughter]

Give me ten-pin bowling or Laser Quest any day of the week, yeah?

[laughter]

[sighs]

I know it seems mad being somewhere like this, but...

Oh, I would give anything to be in Macclesfield right now.

It just don’t feel like Christmas

when we’re not at home.

That doesn’t sound mad at all.

- [knocking] - Knock knock.

- You okay? - Mhm.

Okay. Yeah...

Mwah. Oh...

I’ll leave you to it, Gilet.

[Hayley clears her throat]

- You made it down alright? - Mhm.

How are you feeling?

Oh, why does everyone keep asking me that?

It was just a tumble.

Okay.

Sorry.

Sorry...

[sighs] I was just, er...

I was just chatting with Mum

and I think that she’s missing her Christmas at home.

And I am too, to be honest.

I think I know something we can do about that.

[tender music]

- Come on. - [Hayley laughs]

[James sighs]

Now it’s finally just the two of us,

- I think... - Mhm.

- you’re overdue a little TLC. - Oh, oui!

[Hayley laughs]

And maybe I can even kiss some of those bruises a bit better.

- Mm. - Mm.

Aah!

- Ow! - Argh!

Gramps! Why?

Terrific water pressure in there.

Don’t mind me, I’m going back in.

- Ah... - [laughter]

Oh well...

I suppose it is a bit like a Christmas back at home.

Wait, that’s it!

What?

Well, if you guys are really missing Christmas at home,

why don’t we bring a bit of Macclesfield Christmas here?

Huh?

Aah.

Oh Diane, did you not fancy the jumper?

If my stylist caught me wearing yellow out of season,

- he’d put a bullet in my head. - [Humphrey chuckles]

And rightly so.

Right, what we doing between now and dinner?

I can’t stop thinking about them 13 desserts!

What do you think those desserts are going to be, Geoff?

I mean, we can get out of your way if you’d prefer?

No, not at all.

You’ve got your Christmas pudding, Christmas cake...

Well, no 13 desserts for us, dear.

We’ve got the same nutritionist as Tom.

She is unrelenting.

Your apple pie, your cherry pie, your blackberry pie...

I thought you lot would be chopping cucumbers by now.

You what?

Well, it’s Christmas Eve.

Just 'cause we’re here doesn’t mean you have to stop

with your Christmas traditions.

- What, you mean...? - Boys to the pub.

Girls have a pamper!

Gilet, you flipping genius!

We do it every year.

Boys go to the pub, girls have a pamper.

So I gathered.

And I don’t care what anyone says,

I’m going to the pub this year.

- Good lad! - Ah, boo!

Ah, Gilet! It'll not be the same without you.

Sticky toffee pudding, lemon meringue...

Can someone try switching him off and on again?

[laughter]

Er, I was thinking, since it is Christmas,

perhaps I might indulge in just the one gin and slim.

Well, just remember what our nutritionist always says...

- What would Tom do? - Tom.

Tom Jones?

[gasps] Ooh... What about the boys?

Oh, don’t worry about us.

We can just, you know, stay here and watch a film.

Yeah, maybe order a bit of room service if we get hungry.

There you go!

Cor, it’s feeling more like Christmas now!

- In't it? Eh? - [laughter]

You’re the best. Do you know that?

[Grandad] Have I said Christmas cake?

Come on girls...

Let’s order up some cucumbers and Prosecco!

Kaye, my dear.

We are residing in five-star accommodation

in the middle of the Alps.

I think we can do a little better than that.

Shall we?

Come on, Diane.

- [laughter] - [light-hearted music]

- [Geoff] Drink up, Humph. - Come on girls.

The pub waits for no man.

Oh, this is the place!

Eh... 'Die Hundehütte'.

[pub chatter]

[Geoff] Hohoho.

This’ll do, eh?

Here we go.

- Cheers lads, eh? - Cheers!

To the 'Hundehütte'.

Merry Christmas! Good health and all the above.

[cheering]

[Geoff laughing]

It’s a bit rowdy in here, Humph.

We need another team for the next round.

What about you?

Guys in the yellow, come on, come on.

Have a little drinking competition.

Oh no. We just want one quiet pint. That’s it.

You have an English accent. English, huh?

Come on. Don’t be a coward. [chicken sounds]

We’re not having... No, we can’t do that. It’s...

[James] A bad idea.

[MC] Do it for Churchill!

- Yes? - No.

- Do it for Paddington! - Come on!

[cheering]

Come on!

Can’t go up on his own, can he?

The Rose and Crown all over again.

That’s the spirit, well done!

[jaunty Christmas music]

Drei, zwei, eins...

[cheering]

Danke schön!

[cheering]

[laughter]

Woah! Oh!

Hey! Hey!

[cheering]

[cheering]

Come on!

Yes!

No, no, no, no... No!

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...

Come on! Woo!

Come on, Humph!

[cheering]

[cheering]

It means... it means doghouse?

- Yeah. - [laughter]

I’ve been in that one before. Plenty of times.

I needed that.

Better out than in, eh, lad?

Mm.

Where’s Dad and Gramps gone?

They’ve gone outside for a cigar.

Bloody hell... They must be drunk.

[giggling] It was all worth it though, eh?

Hello, excuse me.

Hi. Could we, er, have five really small coffees, please?

- Funk. - Thank you.

- Danke. - Is it funk or is it...?

Listen...

It’s good to spend some time with you, mate, you know?

- Mm. - Mano a mano. And listen...

Yeah.

I know what it is you’re waiting to ask me.

And I’m gonna save you ever having to do it,

‘cause I know it’s awkward.

What?

H knows you’re going to pop the question for Christmas.

She told me.

She’s well excited, mate.

I’ll be honest, so am I. I mean, we all are.

We’re all just waiting for it to happen now, look,

so there’s no need to stress.

- Um... - Do. Not. Stress.

Hayley’s... Hayley told you that?

So when’s it gonna happen?

No, no, no, don’t tell me. No, no...

Tonight, hey?

At midnight! I mean, it is perfect!

We’re at the fireworks.

No, in fact don’t tell me.

It’ll be more of a surprise.

You can say that again.

[dramatic music]

[sighs]

- Alright? - [James burps]

Stick to the beer.

Now that is what I call a pamper.

Oh, you just can’t beat a Christmas tradition.

- Diane, I’ve got to ask you. - Mm?

How do you manage to retain that lovely figure?

Well, thank you, Kaye.

Three things, all in my book.

Have I told you it's a New York Times...

A New York Times Bestseller? Yeah.

Yeah, Diane, you have. A few times.

Okay, good.

So, three things.

First off: no carbs, no dairy, no alcohol.

No flippin’ chance!

Secondly, I use the same colonic guy as Angelina.

- Really? - And most importantly, no kids.

[Kaye] I knew it!

I honestly know I wouldn’t be who I am today

if I had lost all of that time and energy raising children.

Instead, I chose to raise myself.

[Kaye] Do you know what Diane,

you have just sold yourself another book.

Thank you, Kaye.

And as it’s for you,

- I’ll sign it for free. - Aww.

The thing is, Diane, there’s actually a counter to that,

isn’t there?

Because I wouldn’t be the woman that I am today

if I hadn’t have put all that time and energy

- into H here. - Aww.

And how the woman that she’s become

is the thing that nourishes me now.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

I mean, me boobs haven't been the same since,

- but you know. - Ha!

Right, another bottle of prosecco and an elderflower...

[Diane] Pressé.

Ey up sis, wait for me. I’ll help you.

[giggling]

What’s a colonic?

They go up your bum. Suck it out.

No! No!

Well, that's very sweet of your mom.

But once you’re all grown up, what happens then?

How will she feel, for instance, next year

when you follow James to L.A.?

Sorry, where?

[Diane] To L.A.

When he starts film school there.

He told you this afternoon, right?

Yeah, right. Yeah, that. Erm...

Well, I don’t know really, should prob...

[distant singing]

What is that noise?

♪ ...mental fight ♪

- ♪ Nor shall my sword ♪ - Oh no!

♪ Sleep in my hand ♪

♪ Till we have built ♪

Oh my!

- ♪ Jerusalem ♪ - Okay.

♪ In England's green and pleasant land ♪

Bloody hell! You’re worse than usual.

Well, maybe that’s because this time we’re now officially,

[kiss]

‘Legends of Sheep Mountain’.

[bleating]

[laughter]

[bleating]

What is that smell?

I did only have one gin and slim.

- Mm. - But there may have been

some other types of drink after that.

You can say that again!

Yeah, basically it was the complete opposite

of what Tom would've done.

[laughter]

We did Paddington proud!

Yes, we did!

Dad... Dad! Where's James?

Well, he came back with us to the hotel

but said he needed to get some air.

Something about gathering his thoughts.

[Grandad] He could be throwing up again.

Er, now then Anthony.

Let’s not break the code of honour.

Er, Mum, I’m just gonna go find him.

Yeah. Alright, love.

[Geoff] Oh yeah, yeah. Erm, you know...

Just in time for the fireworks.

Yeah.

Ah... Jam roly-poly!

- [Geoff] Eh? - [Grandad] The 13th dessert.

[Diane] Okay, I have no idea what any of you people

are talking about.

[romantic music]

- L’appel du vide! - Jesus...

- [James laughs] - The call of the void.

An inexplicable urge,

a desire to throw oneself from a great height.

Oh, no, I wasn’t...

- I’m not trying to... - Sometimes for no reason at all.

No, I’m, I know, I’m just... That’s not...

What are you doing up here?

What are any of us doing here?

If not waiting to see the fireworks.

You know they filmed Spectre over there?

I think I’m going to ask Hayley to marry me.

- Oh, I don’t blame you. - Really, yeah?

- Yeah, she’s so hot. - Yeah.

Wait, are you hammered?

Yeah, a little bit.

Quite a bit.

Have you got a ring?

Yes.

Sort of, no. I’ve, erm...

Ta da!

Didn’t you get her one for Christmas?

Erm... no.

I got her a Fitbit.

Oh, yes. Okay, no, I’m getting the vibe.

Mhm. This is a, this is a fun,

spontaneous, ‘laissez-faire’ sort of thing.

- Yeah. - Yeah!

- Yeah? - Yeah...

Oh god...

- [James gasps] - Okay Huby. Don’t start pacing!

Yeah, well, I’ve just, my heart's racing and I’ve...

I’ve had loads of caffeine!

So, erm...

Okay, let’s just... Let’s just take it down a gear.

Come and sit with me.

[lounge music]

Okay.

Do you know what you’re going to say?

Not really.

Do you want to practice?

Practice?

Yeah. Go on.

Like when we were ten and we used to...

Oh, when we practiced kissing? Yes, erm...

Awful.

Hey! I am a great kisser!

- No comment. - [Bea gasps]

Come on.

As if I’m Hayley.

Okay. Yep.

Erm... right.

[gargles & burps] Sorry.

Oof, don’t do that for starters!

- [Bea coughing] - Sorry. Erm...

As if you’re Hayley.

Hayley Taylor.

I didn't think you wanted me to do this

and so I haven’t...

up until right now.

But the truth is I have been wanting to ask you to marry me

since the moment we met.

And...

I feel like...

I feel like in this life

we’re all just...

a box of little jigsaw pieces

that have all been spilt out randomly.

And sometimes, against all the odds,

a few lucky people find the piece that fits them.

The piece that when you’re with them,

they help you see

what part you are in the bigger picture.

And that’s you.

You’re my piece that fits.

Oh James.

- I do. - [James laughs]

[kissing]

Thanks.

Hayley...

Hi.

Hayley, wait!

Oh! Hayley!

Hayley!

Hayley...

[intense music]

- Hayley! - No...

- Hayley! - Leave me alone.

Don’t. That is absolutely not what it looked like.

That was exactly what it looked like.

No, she’s like a sister to me.

People don’t do that with their sisters, James!

This is not Game of Thrones!

Do you want to know what it was? It was, er...

It was practice.

It was practice...

for this.

For you.

Marry me.

What is that?

It’s a ring.

It’s all I could find.

But it’s fun.

It’s spontaneous!

[fireworks explode]

Laissez-faire.

But you haven’t got a ring?

Well, it’s not about the ring though.

It’s about you and me.

What about the washbag?

What washbag?

Oh my god.

H.J.H.

They’re your Dad’s initials as well.

- Yeah. - Oh...

It wasn’t yours.

It was never yours.

Oh my god, you were never going to ask me!

I was. I’ve always wanted to ask you, Hayley.

And I am asking you now.

No, not really.

Right now you’re just...

just a drunk man with a souvenir keyring.

No, I’m not drunk.

I’ve had five tiny coffees.

I don’t know what to believe anymore.

And I have got you...

a present.

And I wanted to give it to you at the fireworks.

Are you moving to L.A.?

What?

Are you going to film school in L.A.

and you haven’t told me?

No...

I’ve been really trying to tell you

- and I wanted to talk... - Are you going or not?

No. No, I'm...

Maybe.

I don’t know.

But you could... come with me.

How? I can’t just move to L.A.

Yeah, but you could.

And we’d make it work. And I would sort it.

I don’t want you to sort it.

- I’m not a charity case, James. - I know.

- And I have got plans of my own, - I know.

thank you very much.

In my world,

people don’t get everything handed to them on a plate.

You do.

She does.

So yeah, maybe that is why you two fit together.

Okay, please stop worrying about Bea.

She’s into you if anything.

No, no. This isn’t about Bea.

This is about me and you,

and what happens outside of the bubble

that we’ve created for ourselves.

Because outside of that bubble

are two completely separate worlds.

- I know. - One that you live in,

and one that I do.

Ski slopes and...

and Laser Quest.

And I know, if it isn’t Bea,

it will be someone else down the line.

It will be a Celeste or a Freya or a Veronica...

[James] Hayley, what are you talking about?

Someone from your world who can just go to L.A.

Someone that you can “summer” with.

Someone that can, that can ski the flippin’ Gauntlet!

I am not that person!

And I never wanna be that person!

I’ve never asked you to be that person.

I’ve never asked you to be that person!

- Oh, just don't... - Hayley!

No... Leave me alone!

I just, I don’t wanna see you anymore.

[fireworks exploding]

[crowd cheering]

[upbeat music]

♪ Merry Christmas baby ♪

♪ Shorty, treat me nice ♪

♪ Merry Christmas baby ♪

♪ Shorty, treat me nice ♪

Boys, boys, boys... Don’t go too far, okay?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh...

[fireworks exploding]

Oh, look!

[laughter]

[Ant] Wait, where we going again?

If we get close enough, we might singe our eyebrows.

Wait, actually?

- Yeah! - Ah, sick!

Yaaaargh!

Aaargh! Krampus! Aaargh!

Aaargh! Krampus!

[Dec] Gilet wasn’t lying!

I love Christmas.

Boys... boys, the f...

- Aaargh! Krampus! - Boys!

- [laughter] - [sighs]

[fireworks exploding]

[Geoff] Would you look at that, eh, Humph.

It’s somet else, all this up here.

What did he just say?

Look, I was thinking,

you lot should stay in the apartment tonight.

We can easily double up and make room.

It's no trouble.

- No, no... - That's so kind of you, Humph...

- No... - [Humphrey] No trouble.

That’s alright, isn’t it darling?

Erm, sure!

It’ll be just like being in a dorm back at college,

or that time I joined a cult.

Well, we can go if you prefer?

No. Not at all.

I just think that maybe there’s a lesson to be learnt here.

Oh?

That you should never be too proud

to accept the offer of a gift.

There, I’ve said it!

Do you know what, sometimes Diane,

I don’t think your hot takes

are as refreshing as you think they are.

[scoffs] Not what the New York Times said.

Look, the point Diane is trying to make

is if you’d let me go ahead and sort out the whole booking,

then a lot of this fuss could have been avoided. That’s all.

Mum! Mum!

[Hayley sobbing]

Woah! Woah, woah, what’s up, what’s up?

Me and James...

What? What’s happened?

Please can we just go home?

Please, I just really, really, really want to go home.

Yeah, so do I.

Yeah. Okay. Geoff, go get the bags.

And the boys.

Eh? But it’s...

Geoff. Now!

[Hayley mumbling]

Yeah. Okay.

Thirteen desserts...

If you want my advice...

Do you know what, Diane, no.

No, we don’t.

Actually...

FYI,

if it had been down to me,

we would never have come here in the first place.

- Oh... - No, we wouldn’t.

You should be at home for Christmas,

not somewhere like this with people like you.

Did you understand my accent then?

Perfectly clear.

Good.

Come on...

Sorry.

- [Grandad sighs] - Come on, Dad.

[Kaye] I was enjoying them fireworks, weren’t you, Dad?

What was that all about?

I have no idea.

[melancholic music]

[phone buzzing]

[Hayley, on answerphone] Hiya, this is Hayley.

I can’t take your call right now,

but if you’d like to leave a message,

I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.

- Thank you! [beep]

[dramatic music]

Thanks.

[Humphrey sighs]

Well, it’s times like this I miss your mother the most.

She would have known exactly what to say right now.

I would imagine it would be something practical,

along the lines of...

“Have a hot shower, get yourself to bed.

Nothing ever gets properly fixed on the wrong side of midnight.”

That is exactly the sort of thing she’d have said.

I can’t believe it’s been five years.

Five years ago today.

It's like...

the sun went down

and never came back up.

I know.

Look, I don’t want you to think that I’m

trying to replace her.

Dad, I don’t.

I really don’t.

[tender music]

I think you’ve found exactly the sort of woman you need

to pull you back into life.

And Mum would have wanted that.

And I want that.

Thank you.

Hey, look...

Incredible to think that they’re all suns too.

Just a bit further away.

[sighs] Right...

Have a hot shower,

and get yourself to bed.

Nothing ever gets properly fixed the wrong side of midnight.

Goodnight.

Night, son.

[wind howling]

[Dec] Does this place even have an omelette station?

Those days are over for us, bro.

Those days are over.

Oh... Ugh...

Oh, come on now. Try and get some sleep.

I always knew this day would happen.

I just don’t belong in his world.

And if we had got married,

that is where I would have ended up.

And I just don’t,

I do not wanna spend the rest of my life

being the exception in the room. I don’t.

You don’t have to worry about that now.

And we are going home tomorrow.

Alright?

[kiss] Night night, love.

Night night.

[Hayley sighs]

[Gerhard speaking German]

Good morning. Everything is okay?

Ja, danke.

I am sorry that you do not appear

to be very hungry this morning.

I must admit things are certainly

a little bit quieter around here

without the rest of your party.

I miss the noise.

- [horn honking] - Boys!

- [horn honking] - Boys!

[upbeat music]

I don’t believe it. A snow truck!

Well, you getting in or not?

But where are we going?

We’re going to get you what the ‘F’ you want.

[Diane] Come on! This’ll get us there in no time.

Mind the... That’s it, I’ve got you.

Right, uh...

[engine revs]

[triumphant music]

Hayley!

Hayley?

Hayley!

[bleating]

You are already too late.

[sombre music]

Right, close it like that.

You can open it like that...

- [Geoff sighs] - Isn’t there usually a TV?

Right, we’ll get home,

make a brew, stick on a film.

- The Sound of Music? - Absolutely not.

Muppet’s Christmas Carol.

And then tomorrow,

we’re doing Christmas Day all over again, properly.

None of that five-star rubbish.

And then we never, ever have to have a Christmas

away from home again. Ever.

- Leave means leave! - No, it’s not about that, boys.

Here, do they think they’re still serving breakfast?

[Kaye] You’ve just eaten.

- [laughter] - Well, I’m hungry.

[announcement in German]

[Grandad] My whole life,

people tried to tell me where I belong.

When we got married,

they’d tell your Grandma and me we didn’t belong together.

And even after many years,

there were still some people in power

trying to tell me if I belong.

One thing I’ve come to know is this:

You are the only person in this life

who gets to decide where you belong.

Now, I’m not gonna be here much longer

and I have made my peace with that,

so when I’m gone,

you remember this for me.

Wherever you get yourself in life,

that’s where you belong.

And if you are the exception in the room, child,

it is because you are exceptional.

Do you understand me?

Grandad, I...

[snoring]

[beep]

[uplifting music]

[flight attendant] On behalf of Captain Miller and the crew,

we would like to wish you a pleasant flight.

[jet engines revving]

[flight attendant speaking in German]

Erm... excuse me?

Excuse me!

I, I need to get off this plane!

- [Geoff] Eh? - Excuse me, Fräulein,

the plane is about to take off. Please take your seat.

No, no, it can’t take off, 'cause I need to get off!

Hayley!

We have taxied and we’re preparing for take-off.

Can we just stop the plane, now?

It’s a hijacking!

This plane will not stop.

[brakes screeching]

[captain] Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay.

On the runway ahead of us there appears to be an...

obstruction.

[triumphant music]

- [bleating] - Here boy!

[gasps] Do you want more?

[bleating]

Stay there, Klausie.

[kissing]

- You flippin’ lunatic! - [James laughs]

What were you doing back there?

Ever since we got here, I have been wanting to kiss you.

And I guess I couldn’t let you go

without giving it another try.

[Hayley laughs]

I know you said we’re from different worlds,

and you’re right.

But the only world I wanna live in

is the one where we get to be together.

And if that means

we have to build our own, then that’s what we’ll do.

We are meant to be, you know that?

[Hayley gasps]

A very wise man once told me,

"when you know, you know."

And I think I’ve known since the first moment that I met ya.

Now...

stop talking and kiss me.

[triumphant music]

- Hey, hey, hey! - [clapping]

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey...

we need to go now.

My brother’s shift is going to end.

Come on...

Come on!

- [Kath] Aww! - [kissing]

[Geoff] Put me daughter down!

Geoff, go get the bags.

What, again?

[Hayley] Santa Paws!

[cheering, laughter]

I’m gonna say it...

that was one too many deserts.

Oh...

Definitely.

[Diane] Look, Kath,

I don’t really do apologies.

Oh, sorry. I thought there was gonna be a ‘but’ after that.

Give me a second, I’m building up to it.

But...

If I overstepped the mark, I really am very sorry.

And I am also sorry 'cause I...

I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.

And if it means anything to you,

if I had what you have,

I would be too proud too.

Thank you, Diane.

It does.

And I got you a present.

- Aah! - [Geoff] Ooh!

It’s your book, isn’t it?

- A New York Times Bestseller. - Yeah.

[laughs] Thank you.

A toast.

To family.

Present and absent.

But always with us.

And... to new friends.

No matter how hard they are to understand.

[laughter]

And... to snow trucks.

[group] To snow trucks!

- Yes... [laughs] - [Geoff] Cheers!

[Kaye] Cheers.

I suppose it's a cheat day for us, isn't it, darling?

Next year, I want us to spend Christmas at home.

[laughs] No problem, Dad.

Macclesfield it is.

No, girl. You misunderstand.

Home, home.

[table chatter]

Son, er,

maybe now is the time to give you

your other Christmas present.

I, I don’t...

It was the ring I gave to your mother

all those years ago.

I thought perhaps that one day...

you might have some use for it.

Thank you.

[Geoff] We can put it in tin foil

- and put it in the hand luggage. - [Kath] We're not putting...

We'll put it in the hand luggage!

- You can't leave that... - Are you joking?

And, er...

whoever it is that you choose...

[laughter]

Your Lordship.

Might I borrow him for a second?

Er, yes, you may.

Come on. Come with me.

[giggles] See? I told you it’d be fine.

Ah...

Do you think we’ll ever have a Christmas

where it’s just the two of us?

Ah, what?

In our flat?

You opened it.

Yeah, of course!

And yeah, I would love to move in with you, James.

But only if you go to film school in L.A.

You have to go. I think it’ll be amazing for ya.

And what about us?

Well, maybe I’ll come with ya,

maybe I won’t.

But I think we can cope with a bit of water

between us for 12 months.

But come with me, yeah?

[Hayley giggles]

Hey, James Hughes,

you haven’t opened my Christmas present yet.

Aah! It really was a card.

- Ooh... - You weren’t joking.

Open it!

[romantic music]

When did you write this?

About six weeks ago.

Do you like it?

Yes, Hayley.

The answer’s yes.

[passionate music]

[laughter]

[family chatter]

[Hayley & James] We're engaged!

- [Kath] What? - [screaming & cheering]

[festive music]

♪ Oh, the weather outside is frightful ♪

♪ So frightful ♪

♪ But the fire is so delightful ♪

♪ So delightful ♪

♪ And since we’ve no place to go ♪

I thought you’d never ask.

Dad!

Get a bit of swing going here.

Come on, Humph!

♪ Man, it doesn’t show signs of stopping ♪

♪ And I’ve brought some corn... ♪

What?

Oh, alright then. Alright.

Go on, Dad.

♪ Let it snow, let it snow ♪

♪ When we finally kiss goodnight ♪

♪ How I hate going out... ♪

What’s going on?

♪ But if you really hold me tight ♪

Don’t lose it.

[laughter]

♪ Oh the fire is slowly dying ♪

[Humphrey growls]

It's too big. [laughs]

♪ But as long as you love me so ♪

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Oh! Hey...

[laughter]

Oh, now you’re gonna get it! Oh!

- Alright Humph. - Here we go, love.

[Geoff] Here we go!

♪ When we finally kiss goodnight ♪

Oh, there’s another one. [laughter]

♪ I hate going out in a storm ♪

♪ But if you really grab me tight ♪

♪ All the way home I’ll be warm ♪

Yeah!

♪ The fire is slowly dying ♪

You’ve got the moves, eh?

♪ But as long as you love me so ♪

- Aaah. - Ooh.

- She’s coming back. - You’d better get us out.

♪ Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow ♪

[laughter]

[cheering]

Woo!

[cheering & applause]

[Geoff] Get a room!

[outro music]

♪ When the snowman brings the snow ♪

♪ Well he just might like to know ♪

♪ He put a great big smile on somebody’s face ♪

Come on, Diane. You’re up!

Come and join us.

- Love it! - Oh, no, no, no. No.

Come on.

- Come on, Humph! - Really?

- Get on your feet. Come on... - I don’t know this.

Hey, everyone knows this!

♪ Well I wish could be Christmas every day ♪

We don’t have this song at home.

♪ When the kids start singing and the band begins to play ♪

Ooh...

♪ Oh, I wish could be Christmas every day ♪

- Come on, Dad! - Up you come!

♪ So let the bells ring out for Christmas ♪

- Oh no, there’s more. - Right, dance break!

I can do a caterpillar.

[squealing & laughter]

- [Kath] Do you like it? - [Diane] Yeah!

It’s the caterpillar!

Conga...

One, two, three... Woo!

Hold on, woo!

♪ Well he just might like to know ♪

♪ He put a great big smile on somebody’s face ♪

♪ So if Santa brings the sleigh ♪

♪ All along the Milky Way ♪

♪ I’ll sign my name on the rooftop in the snow ♪

♪ Then he may decide to stay ♪

♪ Well, I wish could be Christmas every day ♪

♪ When the kids start singing and the band begins to play ♪

♪ Oh I wish could be Christmas every day ♪

♪ So let the bells ring out for Christmas ♪

Grandad, up you come!

♪ Why don't you give your love ♪

♪ For... ♪

♪ For Christmas ♪

Where the F did that come from?

To love, to marriage.

- [cheering] - I’m amazing!

Merry Christmas!