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1
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,762
I'M TELLING YOU,
2
00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:31,799
I CAN'T REMEMBER WHEN
I EVER HAD SO MUCH FUN
3
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:33,301
AT A LODGE MEETING.
4
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:35,636
A LOT OF LAUGHS,
A LOT OF LAUGHS.
5
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:36,737
I NEVER KNEW
6
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:39,340
HOWARD SPRAGUE
COULD BE SO COMICAL.
7
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,575
YEAH. COMICAL,
COMICAL, COMICAL.
8
00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:45,479
AND I WAS WORRIED
ABOUT HIM BEING THE
MASTER OF CEREMONIES.
9
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:48,749
I DIDN'T THINK
HE WAS GONNA BE
NOTHING AT ALL.
10
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:50,384
I GUESS IT WAS THE WAY
11
00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:52,286
THAT HE TOLD THOSE JOKES
WITH THAT STRAIGHT FACE.
12
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,321
REAL SERIOUS.
13
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,323
HE NEVER CRACKED
A SMILE.
14
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:58,226
OH, AND WHEN HE
TOLD THAT ONE ABOUT...
15
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:00,728
YEAH!
WHICH ONE WAS THAT, FLOYD?
16
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:03,264
IT WAS THE ONE ABOUT
THE FARMER AND THE COW.
17
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,798
OH, YEAH, YEAH!
18
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:07,301
OH, I-I-I WAS LOCKING UP
THE RECEIPTS WHEN HE TOLD THAT.
19
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:09,170
I MUST HAVE MISSED THAT.
HOW'D THAT GO?
20
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,739
WELL, SEEMS THAT
THIS FARMER GOT UP
21
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:15,476
EARLIER THAN USUAL
ONE MORNING TO MILK HIS COW.
22
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:16,544
NAMED BESS.
23
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:19,513
UH...I'M TELLING
THIS STORY.
24
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:21,315
WELL, TELL IT THE WAY
HOWARD TOLD IT.
25
00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:23,617
ANYWAY, WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES IT MAKE
26
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,719
WHAT THE COW'S NAME WAS?
27
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,788
BUT ANYWAY, IT WAS STILL DARK,
28
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:30,691
AND THE FARMER STARTED
TO MILK THE COW,
29
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:34,295
SEE, WHILE THE COW
WAS STILL ASLEEP.
30
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:35,629
AND THE COW --
NAMED BESS --
31
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:39,833
NAMED BESS! --
SHE WOKE UP WITH A START.
32
00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:41,502
SHE TURNED AROUND,
SHE SAW THE FARMER,
33
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:44,738
AND SHE SAID,
"THANK HEAVENS IT'S YOU!
34
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:47,275
I THOUGHT I WAS
BEING ROBBED!"
35
00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:51,479
HEY!
36
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,216
GO ON IN, GO ON IN.
37
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:56,784
HEY, LOOK WHO'S
HERE, HUH?
38
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,786
MAYBERRY'S NUMBER
ONE COMEDIAN.
39
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,221
OH, COME ON, GOOBER.
40
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:02,323
NO, YOU WERE REAL
FUNNY, HOWARD.
41
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:04,525
WELL, I SURE WAS
NERVOUS UP THERE.
42
00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:06,727
MAYBE THAT'S WHAT
MADE IT SO FUNNY.
43
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,697
HOWARD, EVER BEEN ANY COMEDIANS
IN YOUR FAMILY?
44
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:12,200
NO. NO, NOT REALLY,
ALTHOUGH MY UNCLE CARL
45
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:14,302
USED TO COME OUT
WITH SOME GOOD QUIPS
46
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:15,369
FROM TIME TO TIME.
47
00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:17,538
QUIPS, QUIPS.
48
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,907
I'LL TELL YOU
ONE THING--
49
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,575
YOU GONNA BE
IN BIG DEMAND
50
00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:23,377
AS A TOASTMASTER
FROM NOW ON.
51
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,446
OH, WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
52
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:26,814
OH, NO?
53
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:29,350
WELL, THERE'S TALK
ALREADY.
54
00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:33,321
IT SO HAPPENS HARRY BLAKE
IS GONNA TRY TO GET YOU
55
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:36,757
FOR THE ANNUAL HIGH JINKS
OVER AT THE ELKS.
56
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,760
GEE, THAT'D BE SHOOTING
PRETTY HIGH, FLOYD.
57
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:42,530
THERE'S NO LIMIT TO HOW FAR
A GOOD COMEDIAN CAN GO.
58
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:45,599
OOH, AND THE MONEY
YOU CAN MAKE.
59
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:48,869
WELL, GEE, FELLAS, I STILL HAVE
MY JOB TO DO AS COUNTY CLERK.
60
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:52,306
YOU MEAN, THIS IS
THE BEGINNING AND
THE END OF IT ALL?
61
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,942
WELL... I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
62
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:58,846
IF SOMETHING INTERESTING
CAME ALONG...
63
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,281
WHO KNOWS?
64
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,385
"WHO KNOWS?"
65
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:07,455
[ DISCORDANT MUSIC PLAYING
ON TV ]
66
00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:08,722
YEAH. BETTER.
67
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,626
Opie:
WHAT'S HE PLAYING, PAW?
68
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:15,329
HE SAID IT WAS
"THE BLUE DANUBE WALTZ,"
69
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:17,398
SO I GUESS
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
70
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,549
Man:
Thank you, thank you,
Evan Thorpe.
71
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:36,550
Gee, that was good.
72
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:37,885
Well, friends, this winds up
73
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,920
Colonel Tim's Talent Time
for this week
74
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,922
and we certainly hope
you've enjoyed it
75
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:44,825
and that you'll be with us
next week at this same time.
76
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,327
ANY OF YOU FOLKS OUT THERE
77
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,496
THAT WOULD LIKE TO APPEAR
ON OUR PROGRAM,
78
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:49,830
ALL YOU DO IS WRITE TO ME,
79
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,865
COLONEL TIM,
STATION WASG IN RALEIGH,
80
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,967
AND WE'LL SEE
THAT YOU GET AN AUDITION.
81
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:56,837
You know, this could be
your stairway to stardom.
82
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,038
WHY, THIS IS THE PROGRAM
83
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,007
THAT LAUNCHED
SUCH TELEVISION CAREERS
84
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,042
AND SHOW BUSINESS GREATS
AS OZZIE SNAKE,
85
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,444
Rosa May Johnson,
86
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,679
and Jughead Peters
and his Aristocrats.
87
00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:08,849
Well, it's bye for now
and bless you all.
88
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:12,520
[ MUSIC PLAYING,
AUDIENCE APPLAUDING ]
89
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:17,491
WELL, IT WASN'T MUCH
OF A SHOW, WAS IT, PAW?
90
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,393
I DON'T THINK
ED SULLIVAN'S
91
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:21,395
GOT ANYTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.
92
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,397
OH, YOU'RE
JUST TOO CRITICAL.
93
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:25,666
AFTER ALL,
IT'S AN AMATEUR PROGRAM.
94
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:29,337
I THINK THAT BOY SOPRANO
SANG "TREES" BEAUTIFULLY.
95
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:30,771
WELL...
96
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:32,973
WHAT ABOUT THE GENTLEMAN
FROM FAYETTEVILLE
97
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:35,309
WITH ALL
THOSE FUNNY JOKES?
98
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:36,877
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU.
99
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:39,813
I'LL TAKE HOWARD
SPRAGUE ANY TIME.
100
00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:41,582
OUR HOWARD SPRAGUE?
101
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:42,683
YEAH.
102
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,485
I NEVER HEARD
MR. SPRAGUE
103
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:45,686
SAY ANYTHING FUNNY.
104
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,921
YOU WOULD'VE IF
YOU'D HAVE BEEN
105
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,490
AT THE LODGE BANQUET.
106
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,058
OUR HOWARD SPRAGUE?
107
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,326
YEAH.
108
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:53,894
HE TOLD ONE ABOUT THIS FARMER...
109
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:55,696
ANDY?
110
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:56,964
...AND HIS COW.
111
00:04:58,432 --> 00:04:59,967
TELL IT, PAW.
112
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:04,104
I CAN'T TELL IT
AS FUNNY AS HE DID.
113
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,806
WELL, IF HE'S
THAT GOOD,
114
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,576
WHY DOESN'T HE
GO ON COLONEL
TIM'S PROGRAM?
115
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:09,677
HOWARD?
116
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,612
YEAH. YOU SAID
HE WAS REAL GREAT.
117
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,349
I MIGHT MENTION THAT TO HIM.
118
00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:18,786
BOY, JUST THINK-- SOMEBODY
FROM MAYBERRY ON THE TV.
119
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,021
YEAH. MIGHT PUT US
ON THE MAP, HUH?
120
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:22,656
YEAH.
121
00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:36,537
OH.
122
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:37,571
HI, OPE.
123
00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:38,739
MORNING, MR. SPRAGUE.
124
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:39,940
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
125
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:42,376
OH, I GOT TO GET
MY BIKE LICENSE RENEWED.
126
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:43,944
OH, WE CAN TAKE
CARE OF THAT
127
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:45,145
IN PRETTY SHORT ORDER.
128
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,815
MY PAW TALKED
TO YOU ABOUT GOING
129
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,717
ON COLONEL TIM'S PROGRAM?
130
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:52,786
YES. YES, HE DID, OPE,
BUT I DON'T KNOW.
131
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:55,556
WELL, HE SAID YOU
WERE REAL FUNNY
DOWN AT THE LODGE.
132
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:56,990
WELL, IT'S A
LITTLE DIFFERENT
133
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:59,393
WHEN YOU GO ON TV WITH
A STATEWIDE AUDIENCE.
134
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:00,428
THAT'S 50 CENTS, OPE.
135
00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:01,529
RIGHT.
136
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,831
I, UH, I HAVE
BEEN GOING
137
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,567
OVER SOME JOKES
HERE, THOUGH.
138
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,537
COME HERE
AND LISTEN TO THIS ONE.
139
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:15,809
"A MAN DROVE INTO A GARAGE
AND CALLED TO THE MECHANIC,
140
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:19,647
'I'VE GOT A HOLE
IN MY RADIATOR
AND IT'S LEAKING.'"
141
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,716
"'WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?'"
SAID THE MECHANIC.
142
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:25,118
"'IF I A HAD HOLE
IN MY RADIATOR,
143
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:26,587
IT'D LEAK, TOO.'"
144
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:29,122
SEE WHAT I MEAN?
145
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:30,858
YEAH.
146
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,494
SEEMS TO ME LIKE
I OUGHT TO HAVE
147
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:34,995
SOME KIND OF AN ANGLE
148
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:38,131
ON THE WAY TO TELL
THE JOKES OR SOMETHING.
149
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:41,101
YEAH.
150
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,972
YEAH.
151
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,576
YOU KNOW, MR. SPRAGUE,
152
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,578
I WATCH A LOT OF
TELEVISION SHOWS
153
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,745
WITH COMEDIANS ON IT,
154
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,614
AND IT SEEMS LIKE
MOST OF 'EM
155
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,016
TELL JOKES
ABOUT THEIR WIVES AND THEIR KIDS
156
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:58,919
AND THE TOWN THEY LIVE IN
AND THE PEOPLE IN THE TOWN,
157
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,153
STUFF LIKE THAT.
158
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:03,824
OH, YOU MEAN
THEY SORT OF PERSONALIZE IT?
159
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,158
YEAH. I GUESS SO.
160
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,227
LIKE IF I WAS TO TELL
THIS MECHANIC JOKE
161
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,562
AND PUT IT ONTO GOOBER.
162
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,963
YEAH. THAT'S IT.
163
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:12,032
IT WOULD SOUND
LIKE IT REALLY HAPPENED.
164
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,100
YEAH.
165
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,468
MAYBE THAT'S THE ANGLE
166
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:15,769
I OUGHT TO USE;
167
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,905
TALK ABOUT
THE PEOPLE IN MAYBERRY, HUH?
168
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,072
YEAH.
169
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,173
HEY!
170
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,812
[ "WHEN THE SAINTS GO
MARCHING IN" PLAYING ]
171
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:27,648
THAT'S BETTER, OPE.
SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
172
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:32,786
All:
SHH.
173
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:35,022
MR. SPRAGUE
ISN'T ON YET.
174
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,657
YES, OPIE,
BUT I KNOW YOU
175
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,025
AND POTATO CHIPS.
176
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,127
WE'LL SAVE THAT CRUNCHING
TILL AFTER THE SHOW.
177
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,029
NO, THANK YOU.
I'M TOO NERVOUS.
178
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,597
WHAT ARE YOU
NERVOUS ABOUT?
179
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:45,065
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
BE UP THERE.
180
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:48,569
GOOBER, WE'RE ALL GONNA
BE UP THERE.
181
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:51,905
TONIGHT, HOWARD SPRAGUE
IS MAYBERRY.
182
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,010
ANDY, ANDY,
IS MY TIE ALL RIGHT?
183
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,712
OH, YOUR TIE'S FINE.
184
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,781
YOU'RE GONNA WEAR
OUT THE DESIGN,
185
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,249
TYING IT AND UNTYING IT.
186
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:04,652
I SURE APPRECIATE
YOU COMING DOWN HERE WITH ME.
187
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,720
YOU CAN THANK ME WITH
AN AUTOGRAPHED PICTURE
188
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:07,921
WHEN YOU'RE
A BIG HIT.
189
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:10,858
YOU'RE ON NEXT.
BLESS YOU.
190
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,861
ANDY, WHAT'S MY FIRST LINE?
191
00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:15,563
"THANK YOU."
192
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,065
THANK YOU, COLONEL TIM.
193
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,734
THANK YOU, COLONEL TIM.
194
00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:24,204
Thank you, Agnes Jean Babcock.
195
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,706
ISN'T SHE A DOLL?
196
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,275
AND NOW, FRIENDS,
OUR NEXT DISCOVERY:
197
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:31,879
HERE'S A MAN WHO HOLDS
THE POSITION OF COUNTY CLERK
198
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:34,915
AND THIS, TONIGHT,
IS HIS TELEVISION DEBUT.
199
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:38,719
I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA ENJOY
THE MERRY MADCAP OF MAYBERRY,
200
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:39,853
HOWARD SPRAGUE!
201
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:42,890
HEY, HOWARD!
202
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:43,957
THERE HE IS!
203
00:08:43,991 --> 00:08:45,092
THERE'S OUR HOWARD.
204
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,260
HE LOOKS JUST LIKE
HE DOES IN PERSON.
205
00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:49,563
NOTICE HOW HIS HAIR
IS SHOWING UP.
206
00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:51,965
I GAVE HIM THAT TRIM
JUST BEFORE HE LEFT.
207
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:54,301
I WAXED HIS CAR.
208
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,003
THANK YOU, CAPTAIN TOM...
209
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,037
COLONEL TOM...
210
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:58,672
TIM... SIR.
211
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,609
WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
212
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:04,277
HE'S GOT THEM
IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND.
213
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,981
WELL, UH, AS YOU ALL HEARD,
214
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:11,284
I COME FROM A SMALL TOWN
CALLED MAYBERRY.
215
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:13,754
And when I say small,
it's so small,
216
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,322
they had to widen Main Street
217
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,725
to put a white line
down the middle.
218
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:21,895
I CONSIDER THAT
A VERY DISPARAGING REMARK.
219
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,130
OH, CLARA.
220
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:26,834
WHERE'S YOUR SENSE
OF HUMOR, CLARA?
221
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,836
GO GET 'EM, HOWARD.
222
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:30,070
I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU
223
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:32,372
ABOUT SOME OF MY FRIENDS
IN MY HOMETOWN.
224
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,675
FIRST OF ALL,
THERE'S ANDY TAYLOR.
225
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,309
HE'S THE SHERIFF,
AND HE'S ONE
226
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,211
OF THE MOST
RELAXED MEN I KNOW.
227
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:40,881
Really likes
to take things easy.
228
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,249
As a matter of fact,
229
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:45,018
he has the only sheriff's office
in the whole state
230
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,154
with an unlisted
telephone number.
231
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,889
THAT WAS FUNNY.
232
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,091
NOT TO ME, IT WASN'T.
233
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:54,762
IT MADE YOUR FATHER
LOOK FOOLISH.
234
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,864
BEFORE I DROVE DOWN HERE,
235
00:09:56,897 --> 00:10:00,200
I HAD MY CAR SERVICED
BY MY FRIEND, GOOBER, WHO RUNS
236
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:01,401
the gas station.
237
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,937
THAT'S ME!
HE'S TALKING ABOUT ME!
238
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:06,239
Now, with Goober being
a mechanic and all,
239
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,375
you'd assume
he'd be a careful driver,
240
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,778
but people say
when he takes a girl out
241
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,045
he drives with one hand.
242
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:14,347
I happen to know
that's not true--
243
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:15,783
he uses both hands
244
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,785
and drives with his feet.
245
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,889
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I'M A CAREFUL DRIVER.
246
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,290
IT'S JUST A JOKE, GOOB.
247
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:24,692
Then there's
248
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,760
MY GOOD FRIEND
FLOYD THE BARBER.
249
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:30,397
OH, I KNEW
HE WOULDN'T FORGET OLD FLOYD.
250
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:34,234
In Mayberry, there are three
main forms of communication:
251
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,904
Telephone, telegraph
and tell Floyd.
252
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:41,308
IS HE CALLING ME A BIGMOUTH?
253
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,677
A customer came into the shop
one day.
254
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:46,413
He said, "Floyd, you ought
to take up violin lessons."
255
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,081
Floyd asked him, "Why?"
256
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:50,383
He said, "Well, it would give
your chin a rest."
257
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:53,687
HE I CALLING ME A BIGMOUTH.
258
00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:58,125
WHY, WHERE'S YOUR SENSE
OF HUMOR, FLOYD?
259
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,861
Every town
has its social leaders,
260
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,062
and in Mayberry
261
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,396
they're Aunt Bee Taylor
262
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:04,865
and Miss Clara Edwards.
263
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,199
THAT WAS NICE OF HIM.
264
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,736
Aunt Bee's family came over
on the Mayflower.
265
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,003
Of course, in those days,
266
00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:12,105
the immigration laws
weren't so strict.
267
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:16,009
WELL, I NEVER.
268
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,748
Miss Edwards' family
goes way back, too.
269
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,349
Her father fought with Pershing.
270
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,852
Her grandfather fought
with Teddy Roosevelt
271
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:27,487
and her great-grandfather fought
with General Lee.
272
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,990
Her folks couldn't get along
with anybody.
273
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,260
I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HUMILIATED
IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
274
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,829
WHAT ARE YOU
COMPLAINING ABOUT?
275
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:38,098
HE DIDN'T CALL YOU
A BIGMOUTH.
276
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,933
I THOUGHT
HE WAS FUNNY.
277
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,234
WELL, THANK HEAVENS
278
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,871
THERE ARE STILL LAWS
IN THIS COUNTRY
279
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:46,974
TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT
FROM LIBEL AND SLANDER.
280
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,443
I THOUGHT HE WAS FUNNY.
281
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:55,883
CONGRATULATIONS, HOWARD.
282
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:56,984
WAS I ALL RIGHT, ANDY?
283
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,385
ALL RIGHT?
YOU WERE A RIOT.
284
00:11:58,418 --> 00:11:59,787
WHEN YOU GET TO MAYBERRY,
285
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,089
YOU'RE GONNA BE THE TOAST
OF THE TOWN.
286
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,945
WELL, READY TO GREET
SOME OF YOUR FANS?
287
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,914
COME ON.
288
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,985
WELL, MORNING,
FLOYD, GOOB.
289
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,220
HERE HE IS.
290
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,855
MORNING, ANDY.
291
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,356
HEY, ANDY.
292
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:38,258
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU GUYS?
293
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,393
YOU WATCHED HIM LAST
NIGHT, DIDN'T YOU?
294
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,862
OH, YES, I WATCHED HIM.
295
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:44,131
YOU WATCHED HIM, TOO,
DIDN'T YOU, GOOB?
296
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:45,332
YEAH. I WATCHED HIM.
297
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:46,566
EVERYBODY WATCHED HIM.
298
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,801
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
299
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,402
WHAT KIND OF
RECEPTION IS THIS?
300
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,871
HE WAS A BIG HIT.
301
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,906
COLONEL TIM WANTS HIM
ON THE SHOW NEXT WEEK.
302
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:55,342
OH, MAYBE YOU'LL NEED
SOME NEW JOKES
303
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,177
ABOUT THE VILLAGE BIGMOUTH.
304
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,546
MAYBE YOU'D LIKE
FOR ME TO GIVE YOU
305
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:02,449
SOME DRIVING LESSONS
SINCE I'M SO CAREFUL.
306
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:05,118
YOU GUYS HAVE GOT
TO BE KIDDING.
307
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,187
GOOBER, FLOYD,
IT WAS ALL
308
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,122
IN THE SPIRIT
OF FUN.
309
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:12,259
I DIDN'T
MEAN ANYTHING
PERSONAL BY IT.
310
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:15,295
I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU'RE SO CHUMMY WITH HIM.
311
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:18,932
"THE ONLY SHERIFF'S OFFICE
WITH AN UNLISTED NUMBER."
312
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,267
OH, BOY.
313
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,569
THAT CERTAINLY MADE
OUR SHERIFF LOOK SMART.
314
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,104
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
315
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,873
I JUST DON'T BELIEVE IT.
316
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:28,308
LOOK, FELLAS, IF I HURT
YOUR FEELINGS, I'M SORRY.
317
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,410
IT WAS THE FARTHEST THING
FROM MY MIND.
318
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:33,313
THE ONLY REASON I PERSONALIZED
THOSE JOKES WAS BECAUSE...
319
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,048
LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY.
320
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:38,551
NEXT TIME YOU NEED A HAIRCUT,
YOU CAN SEND YOUR HAIR
321
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:41,288
TO THAT POODLE TRIMMER
IN MT. PILOT.
322
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,156
COME ON, FLOYD.
323
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,557
FELLAS, PLEASE.
324
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:47,494
GOOD DAY, MR. SPRAGUE.
325
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:50,630
COME ON, HOWARD.
326
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:51,999
COME ON.
327
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:58,071
DON'T LET THOSE GUYS
GET YOU DOWN.
328
00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,173
LET'S DRIVE
OVER TO THE HOUSE
329
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,875
FOR A CUP OF COFFEE, HUH?
330
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:05,946
IT'S SIMPLY INEXCUSABLE
TO TRY TO BE FUNNY
331
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,480
AT YOUR FRIENDS' EXPENSE.
332
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,117
I DIDN'T MIND
HIS SARCASTIC REFERENCES
333
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:12,953
TO MY SOCIAL LEADERSHIP,
BUT WHEN HE SAID
334
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:15,522
THAT MY FAMILY,
WHOM HE'S NEVER EVEN MET,
335
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,624
COULDN'T GET
ALONG WITH ANYONE
336
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,526
IT WAS JUST
PLAIN VICIOUS.
337
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:29,502
NOW, HOWARD, WILL YOU
STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT?
338
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:33,006
YEAH, BUT THEY'RE TWO
OF MY BEST FRIENDS, ANDY.
339
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,641
OH, THEY'LL GET OVER IT.
340
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,276
COME ON.
341
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:40,380
OH, HI, OPE.
342
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:41,414
HI, PAW.
343
00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:42,950
HI, MR. SPRAGUE.
344
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,385
EVERYTHING OKAY
HERE AT HOME?
345
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:46,954
FINE, PAW.
346
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:49,289
GEE, MR. SPRAGUE,
YOU WERE WONDERFUL ON THE SHOW.
347
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:50,423
OH, THANKS, OPE.
348
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:52,125
YOU REALLY LIKED IT, HUH?
349
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,660
WELL, I LAUGHED.
350
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,595
HEY, HEAR THAT, ANDY?
OPIE LAUGHED.
351
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,364
YEAH.
YOU REALLY LAUGHED, HUH?
352
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,565
OUT LOUD.
353
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,033
HOW 'BOUT YOUR AUNT BEE?
354
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,302
SHE'S FINE, THANK YOU.
355
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,104
I BELIEVE HOWARD MEANS
356
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:07,140
HOW DID AUNT BEE
LIKE HIM ON THE SHOW?
357
00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:08,942
UH... WELL...
358
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:12,412
AUNT BEE AND MISS EDWARDS
ARE JUST NOW TALKING ABOUT HIM.
359
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:15,582
OOH, THEN I MADE AN IMPRESSION
ON MISS EDWARDS, TOO?
360
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,985
OH, YEAH.
361
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:19,252
WE'D BETTER
GET IN THERE.
362
00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:20,320
MR. SPRAGUE?
363
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:21,588
YEAH, OPE?
364
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:24,724
I THOUGHT YOU WERE REAL GOOD.
365
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,961
WELL, LET'S...
366
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,435
WELL...
367
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:38,571
HERE'S THE STAR.
368
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,408
HELLO, ANDY.
HELLO, ANDY.
369
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:45,212
HOWARD SPRAGUE, YOU SHOULD BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.
370
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,647
AUNT BEE, WHERE'S
YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR?
371
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,350
OH, I LOST IT ON THE MAYFLOWER.
372
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,419
AUNT BEE...
373
00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:57,490
MISS EDWARDS,
I DIDN'T REALIZE.
374
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:59,026
I WAS JUST TRYIN' TO...
375
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,697
ANDY, YOU EXPLAIN IT
TO THEM.
376
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:05,999
DO THAT, ANDY.
377
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,367
EXPLAIN HOW ANYBODY
378
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,703
DARES RIDICULE ONE
OF MAYBERRY'S FIRST FAMILIES.
379
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:13,273
HOWARD DIDN'T MEAN
ANYTHING BY IT.
380
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,708
HE GOT HIS JOKES
OUT OF A JOKE BOOK.
381
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:18,511
NOBODY TAKES ANY OF
THAT FOR THE TRUTH.
382
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,013
IS THAT SO?
383
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:22,149
WELL, MY FATHER
DID HAPPEN TO HAVE
384
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:24,751
A LITTLE RUN-IN
WITH GENERAL PERSHING.
385
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:28,188
AND, HOWARD, YOUR MOTHER KNEW
THE ENTIRE STORY.
386
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,157
THAT WAS JUST
A COINCIDENCE.
387
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,324
I GOT THOSE JOKES
388
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:33,593
OUT OF A BOOK
UNDER "FAMILY HUMOR."
389
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,295
CLARA, ANOTHER COOKIE?
390
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,596
NO, THANK YOU, BEE.
391
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,066
I'VE SUDDENLY LOST
MY APPETITE.
392
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,471
YOU CAN TALK
ALL YOU WANT TO, ANDY,
393
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,373
BUT I'M NOT MAKIN' UP
WITH HIM.
394
00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:49,042
AFTER ALL, A MAN'S GOT
HIS PRIDE.
395
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,044
WELL, WOULD YOU THINK
ABOUT HOW HOWARD FEELS?
396
00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:52,779
I DON'T CARE
HOW HOWARD FEELS.
397
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,447
THINK ABOUT
HOW I FEEL.
398
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,583
I GOT FEELINGS, TOO,
YOU KNOW.
399
00:16:56,616 --> 00:17:00,620
GOOBER, ALL HOWARD WAS TRYING
TO DO WAS TELL A FEW JOKES --
400
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:03,590
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'VE GOT TO GO TO WORK.
401
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:06,559
OH-HO, EXCUSE ME.
402
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:07,694
AH, YOU MUST BE...
403
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:09,629
YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHERIFF TAYLOR.
404
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:10,630
HUH?
405
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:12,165
THAT'S RIGHT.
406
00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:13,700
WELL, I WAS
JUST PASSING
THROUGH TOWN.
407
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,436
I THOUGHT I'D DROP
IN AND ASK YOU
408
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,705
YOUR UNLISTED
PHONE NUMBER.
409
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:22,475
YOU MUST'VE SEEN
COLONEL TIM'S PROGRAM
410
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:23,843
WITH HOWARD SPRAGUE.
411
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,212
OH, IT WAS GREAT!
412
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:27,480
AND YOU GOT
TO BE GOOBER, RIGHT?
413
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:28,548
GOOBER
414
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:30,350
YEAH.
415
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,618
WELL, I WAS GOING
TO DROP OVER
416
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:32,752
AND GET SOME GAS FROM YOU,
417
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:35,088
AND I WANTED
TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.
418
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:38,491
YOU SEE, I GOT THIS GIRLFRIEND
THAT I TAKE OUT.
419
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:42,262
YOU THINK YOU COULD TEACH ME
TO DRIVE WITH MY FEET?
420
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,464
YOU MAKIN' FUN OF ME?
421
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:45,665
MAKIN' FUN OF...?
422
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:46,766
OH, NO, NO, NO.
423
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,335
I EXPECT YOU'RE ABOUT
424
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:50,803
THE BEST-KNOWN MECHANIC
IN THE STATE.
425
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:55,142
WELL, YEAH. I COULD BE, AT THAT,
COULDN'T I?
426
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,610
OH, YOU'RE A REAL FAMOUS FELLA.
427
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:03,650
BEE! BEE!
428
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,685
THE PHONE
HAS BEEN GOING ALL DAY.
429
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,687
YOU HAVE NO IDEA
HOW MANY PEOPLE
430
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,622
HEARD MY NAME
MENTIONED ON TV.
431
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,592
PEOPLE I HAVEN'T HEARD OF
FOR AGES-- MABEL POLLOCK,
432
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,694
BILLY SINSABAUGH,
CHARLES HUMBOLD.
433
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:15,728
NO!
434
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,297
YES.
435
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:18,898
AND THE SAME THING'S
BEEN HAPPENING TO ME.
436
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,534
AND LOOK AT THAT--
A TELEGRAM INVITING
ME TO ADDRESS
437
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:23,636
THE LADIES' HISTORICAL
SOCIETY OF SUMMITVILLE.
438
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:24,637
NO?
439
00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:26,139
I GUESS THEY HEARD
440
00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:28,441
MR. SPRAGUE TALKING
ABOUT YOU ON TV, HUH?
441
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,310
WE APPARENTLY
HAVE ACHIEVED
442
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:31,444
A MEASURE OF FAME.
443
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:34,247
WELL, NOT THAT THAT'S IMPORTANT.
444
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:38,151
NO. NO, OF COURSE NOT.
445
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,789
I, UH, HEARD YOUR NAME
MENTIONED ON TELEVISION.
446
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,757
SAY --
447
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,626
LET ME TELL YOU
ABOUT THAT.
448
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:48,395
THAT HOWARD SPRAGUE IS
NOTHING BUT --
449
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:49,596
THAT'S HIS NAME.
450
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,931
HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE FAMOUS?
451
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:55,868
USING MY GOOD NAME LIKE THAT,
SAYING ALL THOSE THINGS AB--
452
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:57,804
FAMOUS?
DID YOU SAY "FAMOUS"?
453
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,907
THE GUY'S A RIOT!
454
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,842
IS HE FUNNY LIKE THAT
ALL THE TIME?
455
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,444
Floyd:
ANDY! ANDY!
456
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,679
THIS GENTLEMAN HEARD
MY NAME MENTIONED ON TELEVISION.
457
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:07,947
IS THAT RIGHT?
458
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,550
YOU KNOW THIS
FELLA SPRAGUE
PRETTY WELL?
459
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,752
KNOW HIM?! WE'RE
TOGETHER ALL THE TIME.
460
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,854
HE'S A FINE BOY, FINE BOY.
461
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:17,224
I'VE CUT HIS
HAIR FOR YEARS.
462
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:18,491
AS A MATTER OF FACT
463
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,793
I'VE GIVEN HIM MOST
OF HIS JOKES, YOU KNOW?
464
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,330
YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND
OF A BARBER'S BUSINESS
465
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:25,665
TO SORT OF CUT UP
AND AMUSE THE CUSTOMERS.
466
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,268
SAY, HAVE YOU HEARD
THE ONE ABOUT THE ZEBRA
467
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,603
THAT FELL IN LOVE
WITH A PAIR OF PAJAMAS?
468
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:43,783
THEY ALL OUT THERE?
469
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,918
ANYTIME YOU WANT
TO COME IN.
470
00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:47,487
I REALLY DREAD THIS,
471
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,290
BUT A FORMAL APOLOGY
IS THE ONLY WAY.
472
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,825
HOWARD, YOU KNOW, THIS
MIGHT NOT BE AS BAD
473
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,727
AS YOU THINK
IT'S GONNA BE?
474
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,743
NO.
475
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,549
FOLKS, UH... I ASKED ANDY
476
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:19,919
TO HAVE YOU ALL DROP OVER HERE
THIS EVENING
477
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:24,391
SO THAT I COULD FORMALLY
APOLOGIZE TO ALL OF YOU AT ONCE.
478
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,659
I'M SORRY
FOR WHAT I SAID ON THE PROGRAM.
479
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,261
AND... WELL, TO MAKE CERTAIN
480
00:20:28,295 --> 00:20:30,497
THAT NONE OF YOU WILL BE
OFFENDED AGAIN,
481
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:33,433
I'M GOING TO CALL COLONEL TIM
AND CANCEL MY APPEARANCE
482
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:35,502
ON HIS PROGRAM
NEXT WEEK.
483
00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:42,342
WELL, I'M SURE YOU KNOW
WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU, HOWARD,
484
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,544
BUT DO YOU THINK
IT WOULD BE ETHICAL
485
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:47,314
FOR YOU TO BREAK
YOUR PROMISE TO COLONEL TIM?
486
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:49,616
YES, AFTER YOU'VE
GIVEN HIM YOUR WORD?
487
00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:52,952
NO. NO, I JUST COULDN'T GO BACK
ON THAT PROGRAM.
488
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:56,623
MY SKIN JUST ISN'T THICK ENOUGH
FOR SHOW BUSINESS.
489
00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:58,691
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
490
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:02,462
YOUR SKIN'S AS THICK
AS ANYBODY'S IN THIS ROOM.
491
00:21:02,495 --> 00:21:03,696
THICKER.
492
00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:05,832
BUT I THOUGHT
I MADE YOU ALL MAD.
493
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:09,969
OH, WELL, I'M NOT THE TYPE
OF PERSON TO HOLD A GRUDGE.
494
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:10,970
ME, NEITHER.
495
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:12,505
WELL, SINCE YOU'RE ALL
496
00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:15,375
SO READY TO FORGIVE, I
THINK THE WHOLE MATTER
497
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:18,311
CAN BE QUICKLY FORGOTTEN
BY HOWARD'S SUGGESTION
498
00:21:18,345 --> 00:21:20,613
THAT HE NOT GO ON
THE PROGRAM AGAIN.
499
00:21:20,647 --> 00:21:23,450
WHY DON'T YOU STAY OUT OF THIS?
500
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:26,719
I'D NEVER FORGIVE
MYSELF IF I FELT
I WAS RESPONSIBLE
501
00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:29,856
FOR MAKING HOWARD
BREAK HIS WORD
TO COLONEL TIM.
502
00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:31,824
WELL, HOW ABOUT
THIS, THEN?
503
00:21:31,858 --> 00:21:33,626
HOW ABOUT
HOWARD AGREES
504
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:36,396
TO GO ON THE PROGRAM
AGAIN, BUT PROMISES
505
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:38,631
NOT TO MENTION
ANY OF YOUR NAMES?
506
00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:40,500
FLOYD TOLD YOU
TO STAY OUT OF IT.
507
00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:42,535
NOT TO MENTION
ANY OF OUR NAMES?
508
00:21:42,569 --> 00:21:45,572
OH, I THINK YOU SHOULD
RECONSIDER THAT POINT, HOWARD.
509
00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:47,640
YES. THE REASON
COLONEL TIM WANTS
510
00:21:47,674 --> 00:21:48,941
YOU BACK ON THE PROGRAM
511
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:51,378
IS BECAUSE YOU TELL
SUCH AMUSING STORIES
512
00:21:51,411 --> 00:21:53,012
ABOUT THE PEOPLE
IN MAYBERRY.
513
00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:55,615
YES. BY THE WAY, A FUNNY THING
514
00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:58,818
HAPPENED TO ME
AT THE SHOP YESTERDAY.
515
00:21:58,851 --> 00:22:01,521
NED GRESHAM SAID TO ME, HE SAID,
516
00:22:01,554 --> 00:22:03,590
"FLOYD, YOU LOOK TIRED."
517
00:22:03,623 --> 00:22:05,758
AND I SAID, "I'M SO TIRED,
518
00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:08,761
I CAN HARDLY KEEP
MY MOUTH OPEN."
519
00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:12,031
FEEL FREE TO USE THAT ONE
IF YOU WANT.
520
00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:14,367
Goober:
IF YOU THINK
THAT'S FUNNY,
521
00:22:14,401 --> 00:22:16,869
A CUSTOMER SAID TO ME,
"GOOBER, FOR A MECHANIC,
522
00:22:16,903 --> 00:22:19,406
YOU GOT THE CLEANEST HANDS
I'VE EVER SEEN."
523
00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:21,708
AND I SAID,
"WELL, THEY OUGHT TO BE CLEAN.
524
00:22:21,741 --> 00:22:22,775
"I JUST WIPED THEM
525
00:22:22,809 --> 00:22:24,577
ON YOUR
SEAT COVERS."
526
00:22:24,611 --> 00:22:27,880
HOWARD, HOWARD,
I HAD A HILARIOUS EXPERIENCE
527
00:22:27,914 --> 00:22:29,916
WITH A JAR OF APPLE BUTTER.
528
00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:33,686
I WAS DOWN IN THE CELLAR
WHEN THE MINISTER CAME...
529
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:37,624
I HAD THIS ECCENTRIC UNCLE
YOU MIGHT TELL ABOUT.
530
00:22:37,657 --> 00:22:41,528
HE WAS A SAILOR,
AND EVERY TIME HE CAME TO PORT,
531
00:22:41,561 --> 00:22:43,396
HE HAD THE HABIT OF...
532
00:22:43,430 --> 00:22:45,998
HE HAD THE HABIT...
533
00:22:55,742 --> 00:22:57,009
PAW?
534
00:22:59,446 --> 00:23:01,180
I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
THE WHOLE THING.
535
00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:03,983
YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND WHAT?
536
00:23:04,016 --> 00:23:07,487
WELL, EVERYBODY GOT MAD
AT MR. SPRAGUE
537
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,855
WHEN HE MADE JOKES
ABOUT THEM.
538
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,022
THAT'S RIGHT.
539
00:23:10,056 --> 00:23:11,658
AND NOW THEY WANT HIM
540
00:23:11,691 --> 00:23:13,560
TO GO BACK ON THE PROGRAM
AND TELL MORE JOKES.
541
00:23:13,593 --> 00:23:16,863
OH, WELL, OPE,
542
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:18,965
THAT HAS TO DO WITH EGO.
543
00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:21,033
WHAT'S THAT, PAW?
544
00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:23,803
OH, YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT EGO IS?
545
00:23:23,836 --> 00:23:25,605
YEAH.
546
00:23:25,638 --> 00:23:28,908
WELL, EGO IS --
IS WHAT PEOPLE HAVE --
547
00:23:28,941 --> 00:23:32,144
MOST PEOPLE HAVE IT,
AND IT MAKES THEM, UH --
548
00:23:32,178 --> 00:23:34,614
YEAH?
549
00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:37,817
WELL, IT MAKES THEM, UM --
550
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:41,754
SEE, PRIDE, PRIDE IS IMPORTANT.
551
00:23:41,788 --> 00:23:43,022
YEAH.
552
00:23:43,055 --> 00:23:45,224
AND, UH, IT COMES FROM,
553
00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:48,828
FROM THE LATIN,
AND IT MEANS, "I."
554
00:23:48,861 --> 00:23:49,996
YEAH?
555
00:23:50,029 --> 00:23:52,565
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT "I" MEANS.
556
00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:53,933
IT'S A PERSONAL PRONOUN.
557
00:23:53,966 --> 00:23:55,134
THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
558
00:23:55,167 --> 00:23:56,202
PERSONAL PRONOUN.
559
00:23:56,235 --> 00:23:58,471
AND IT -- AHEM --
560
00:23:58,505 --> 00:24:01,608
EGO, IT'S, IT MAKES, UM,
561
00:24:01,641 --> 00:24:06,145
UH...DON'T YOU HAVE
SOME HOMEWORK TO DO?
562
00:24:10,717 --> 00:24:12,752
Opie:
GEE, WHIZ.
563
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:14,053
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
564
00:24:14,086 --> 00:24:15,922
WELL, WHENEVER
SOMEBODY IN THIS HOUSE
565
00:24:15,955 --> 00:24:17,189
CAN'T EXPLAIN SOMETHING,
566
00:24:17,223 --> 00:24:18,991
I ALWAYS HAVE TO DO MY HOMEWORK.
39676
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