Original subtitles

RALEIGH POLICE.

NO, CAPTAIN DEWHURST WON'T BE IN UNTIL 11:00.

ALL RIGHT. GOODBYE.

OH, HI, MISS CLARK.

OH, HI, SHERIFF. HE'S OVER THERE.

OH, EXCUSE ME.

ANGE! I THOUGHT YOU'D BE HEADING FOR THE BUS BY NOW.

WELL, I WAS ALMOST ON IT

AND I HAD A THOUGHT.

YOU GOT TWO WEEKS COMING OFF, RIGHT?

YEAH, YEAH, A BONUS FROM THE CHIEF,

FOR NABBING THAT SUPERMARKET GANG LAST WEEK.

EVERY TIME I PICK UP A NEWSPAPER,

BARNEY FIFE.

WELL, I TAKE IT IN STRIDE, YOU KNOW.

WHEN YOU'RE A BIG-CITY COP,

YOU JUST LOOK AT THINGS FROM DAY TO DAY.

EAT, DRINK, AND BE MERRY,

BECAUSE, TOMORROW, IT'S FOR WHO THE BELL TOLLS.

THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CAME BACK FOR.

DURING YOUR TWO WEEKS OFF,

WHY DON'T YOU COME DOWN TO MAYBERRY?

HEY, YOU KNOW, THAT'S A THOUGHT.

YEAH, INSTEAD OF RUNNING ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT, ON ONE CONDITION.

YOU'VE GOT IT.

ALL RIGHT, I DON'T WANT ANY FUSS MADE OVER ME.

I JUST WANT TO SLIP INTO TOWN,

HAVE A FEW LAUGHS, SLIP OUT AGAIN,

NO PUBLICITY -- OKAY.

DEAL?

DEAL.

THAT'LL BE GREAT -- MAYBE I CAN BE

JUST PLAIN BARNEY FIFE FOR A FEW DAYS.

WELL, I'D BETTER GO AND CATCH THAT BUS.

NOW, LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU'RE COMING.

ALL RIGHT, I WILL. BYE.

GOODBYE.

EITHER OF YOU GIRLS LIKE A BITE OF LUNCH?

NO, THANK YOU. NO, THANK YOU.

WELL.

ANDY! WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG?

YOU'LL BE LATE.

THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME.

BARNEY'S TRAIN ISN'T DUE IN FOR ANOTHER 20 MINUTES.

THERE HASN'T BEEN THIS MUCH EXCITEMENT

IN MAYBERRY SINCE I CAN REMEMBER.

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

THE WORLD PREMIERE OF A MOTION PICTURE

RIGHT HERE IN MAYBERRY.

YEAH, IT'S A GREAT TIME FOR BARNEY TO COME.

EXCITEMENT AND EVERYTHING.

TEENA ANDREWS'S COMING.

WHOEVER WOULD HAVE BELIEVED

THAT THAT LITTLE IRENE PHLOGG

WOULD GROW UP TO BE TEENA ANDREWS

THE MOTION PICTURE STAR?

YEAH, WELL, THAT HAPPENS, I GUESS.

YOU KNOW, BARNEY'S ON THE SAME TRAIN WITH HER.

ISN'T THAT A COINCIDENCE?

WELL, THERE'S JUST THE ONE TRAIN A DAY.

PAW, YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THE CROWD DOWN AT THE STATION.

I'D BETTER GET DOWN THERE, THEN.

YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THE LOOK ON THE KIDS' FACES

WHEN I TOLD THEM YOU WENT TO SCHOOL WITH TEENA ANDREWS.

YOU CAN TELL THEM I NOT ONLY WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HER,

BUT I USED TO HELP HER WITH HER HOMEWORK.

WOW!

ANDY, YOU DIDN'T!

I DID.

YOU DID?

YEAH!

Goober: FIX YOUR HAIR OVER THERE.

WE DON'T WANT HER TO THINK WE'RE COUNTRY.

HI, GOOB!

HEY, ANDY. THIS IS THE BIGGEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

WHOEVER THOUGHT I'D LIVE TO SEE TEENA ANDREWS IN PERSON.

IT'S A WONDERFUL AGE WE LIVE IN, GOOB.

HEY, SHE'S COMING!

ANDY, SHE'S COMING!

ANDY, I FEEL WEAK.

JUST TAKE IT EASY, GOOB.

TAKE IT EASY? THIS IS TEENA ANDREWS.

WHAT WILL I DO IF SHE SAYS HELLO OR WAVES TO ME?

TRY WAVING BACK.

ANDY, YOU GOT NERVES OF STEEL.

I TOLD HIM NOT TO DO IT.

SOMETHING WRONG?

OH, THOSE CRAZY KIDS.

IS ALL THAT FOR YOU?

MM-HMM.

YEAH, AND IN MY LINE OF WORK

YOU JUST DON'T EXPECT GRATITUDE, YOU KNOW.

WHAT DO YOU DO, MR., UH...

FIFE.

DETECTIVE FIFE.

YOU PROBABLY READ ABOUT ME IN THE NEWSPAPER.

FIFE?

FIFE?

NO. AFRAID NOT.

OH, WELL, ACCORDING TO THE REPORTERS

I PRACTICALLY STOPPED A CRIME WAVE SINGLE-HANDED.

THE PAPERS ARE FULL OF IT.

WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE ANXIOUS

TO MEET THE RECEPTION COMMITTEE.

AH, WELL, NO, NO.

YOU GO AHEAD BECAUSE I'D BETTER BE THE LAST ONE OFF.

THEY'LL PROBABLY WANT ME TO SAY A FEW WORDS.

OKAY, TEENA, HARRIET, LOOKS LIKE EVERYBODY'S OFF.

OKAY, HAROLD.

OOH, LET'S GO MEET EVERYBODY.

OH. AFTER YOU.

NO. YOU GO AHEAD.

IT'S BETTER YOU GO FIRST.

THERE ARE PEOPLE WAITING FOR US.

NO, I'D BETTER GET OFF LAST. YOU'LL SEE WHY IN A MINUTE.

ALL RIGHT.

HI, BARN.

RIGHT THIS WAY.

WELL, AS LONG AS IT'S DONE

I MIGHT AS WELL GO AND SEE EVERYONE.

HEY, LISTEN, BARN...

IT'S OKAY. I GUESS THEY WANT ME OVER THERE.

FOLKS! FOLKS!

BARNEY!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH THIS RECEPTION MEANS TO ME.

HEY, BARNEY.

HI, GOOBER.

AND I HOPE THAT I'M WORTHY

OF THIS OUTPOURING OF AFFECTION.

IT'S TIMES LIKE THIS THAT A MAN REALIZES

HOW MUCH HE MEANS TO HIS FRIENDS.

BARNEY!

BARNEY!

AND I'M VERY PROUD THAT YOU CAME DOWN HERE...

BARNEY, BARNEY...

THE CROWD'S GETTING JUMPY.

BARNEY, I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

LISTEN, THAT CROWD CAME DOWN TO SEE TEENA ANDREWS.

THEY'RE HAVING THE WORLD PREMIERE

OF HER NEW MOTION PICTURE HERE IN MAYBERRY.

OH.

BOY, WHAT A RELIEF.

THERE FOR A MINUTE WHEN I SEEN THAT CROWD, I...

I REALLY STARTED TO GET SORE AT YOU.

COULD YOU TELL?

YEAH. YEAH, I COULD TELL.

I REALLY COULD.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW I HATE TO HAVE ANYBODY

MAKING A FUSS OVER ME.

YEAH, BUT AUNT BEE AND OPIE WANT TO SEE YOU.

YEAH, WELL, I WANT TO SEE THEM, TOO.

I REALLY DID START TO GET SORE AT YOU.

YEAH, YOU WERE ALMOST MAD THERE.

YEAH.

YEAH, I LIKE TO JUST SNEAK INTO TOWN.

WELL...

WELL...

COME ON.

HERE YOU ARE, BARNEY.

NOW, YOU JUST HELP YOURSELF.

EAT ALL OF THAT.

I CAN'T RIGHT NOW.

BARNEY, IT'S SO NICE TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

I WISH YOU COULD VISIT MORE OFTEN.

WELL, SO DO I.

HE'S PRETTY BUSY UP THERE.

YEAH.

WASN'T THAT A CROWD DOWN AT THE STA...?

YEAH.

WELL, EVERYBODY WAS PRETTY EXCITED

TO SEE TEENA ANDREWS.

IN FACT, YOU OUGHT TO BE PRETTY EXCITED YOUR OWN SELF.

YOU USED TO DATE HER.

IRENE PHLOGG.

IRENE PHLOGG?

YOU MEAN THAT SKINNY LITTLE GIRL

WITH THE FRECKLES AND THE BRACES?

THAT'S TEENA ANDREWS?!

THAT'S TEENA ANDREWS, THE MOVIE STAR.

WELL, BOY, THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

THAT'S TEENA ANDREWS?

THAT'S TEENA ANDREWS.

HEY, WHY DON'T WE GO OVER TO THE HOTEL

AND SAY HELLO?

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

OH, COME ON. SHE'D NEVER REMEMBER US.

THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

SHE CAN'T HAVE FORGOTTEN OLD TIGER FIFE.

: WELL...

COME ON. LET'S GIVE IT A TRY.

OH, WELL...

OH, GO ON. GO ON, BARNEY.

COME ON. COME ON.

DON'T TAKE TOO LONG.

I'LL HAVE A NICE ROAST READY.

RIGHT. RIGHT.

YOU GET THAT RELEASE TO ALL THE COLUMNS.

RIGHT.

NOW, TEENA

TRY TO REMEMBER, NO MORE GLAMOUR GIRL.

WHAT THE PUBLIC WANTS NOW

IS THE SMALL-TOWN GIRL-NEXT-DOOR IMAGE

LIKE THE ONE YOU PLAY IN THIS PICTURE.

THAT'S EASY, HAROLD. I AM A SMALL-TOWN GIRL.

RIGHT. RIGHT.

OKAY, NOW...

LET ME... HEY!

I GOT AN IDEA!

WE'LL CONTACT SOME OF YOUR OLD CHILDHOOD BEAUS--

KIDS YOU USED TO DATE IN SCHOOL.

YOU MIGHT HAVE SOME TROUBLE THERE.

I DIDN'T DO MUCH DATING IN SCHOOL.

I WAS THE TOWN UGLY DUCKLING.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS, ANDY.

SHE'S NOT GOING TO REMEMBER US.

SHE'LL BE GLAD TO SEE US. WHAT ARE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT?

NERVOUS? WHAT DO YOU MEAN NERVOUS?

I'M GONNA GO.

TEENA, IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE

YOU COULD HAVE CHANGED AS MUCH AS YOU SAY.

OH, IT'S TRUE ALL RIGHT.

EXCUSE ME, MISS ANDREWS.

THERE'S AN ANDY TAYLOR AND BARNEY FIFE OUTSIDE.

ANDY TAYLOR? BARNEY FIFE?

THEY SAY THEY WENT TO SCHOOL WITH YOU.

MR. FIFE SAYS HE USED TO DATE YOU.

OH, OF COURSE!

WELL, SEND THEM IN, HARRIET.

SAY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID

YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY BOYFRIENDS HERE.

I DIDN'T SAY I NEVER DATED.

RIGHT. RIGHT.

BARNEY!

UH, ACTUALLY...

UH, ACTUALLY, THAT'S BARNEY THERE.

OH.

OH, BARNEY, BABY, I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU.

YOU'VE CHANGED SO.

YEAH.

BARNEY FIFE AND ANDY TAYLOR,

THIS IS MY PUBLICITY MAN, HAROLD CARSON.

HI, FELLAS.

HIYA, HAL.

WE DON'T WANT TO TAKE UP TOO MUCH OF YOUR TIME.

OH, DON'T BE SILLY. YOU'RE OLD FRIENDS.

ANDY, YOU'RE A SHERIFF NOW!

I'M A DETECTIVE.

OH, UH, DETECTIVE FIFE

TEENA TELLS ME YOU AND SHE USED TO GO OUT TOGETHER.

: WELL, IRENE NEVER COULD KEEP A SECRET.

OH, NOBODY'S CALLED ME THAT IN YEARS.

YEAH, IRENE AND ME USED TO RUN TOGETHER.

WE HAD SOME PRETTY GOOD TIMES, DIDN'T WE, IRENE?

OH, UH... YES, I GUESS SO.

WELL, WE JUST WANTED TO SAY: WELCOME HOME, TEENA.

IT'S TIME TO GO, BARN.

WHAT'S THE RUSH?

WE JUST GOT HERE.

TEENA, YOU HAVEN'T ASKED ANYONE

TO TAKE YOU TO THE PREMIERE TONIGHT, HAVE YOU?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I...

OH, THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA.

BARNEY, WOULD YOU...

WOULD YOU BE MY ESCORT FOR TONIGHT, HUH?

PLEASE?

WELL, HECK, I MEAN...

YEAH. MM-HMM.

OH, GOOD! WONDERFUL!

AND, ANDY

COULD YOU COME, TOO?

AND BRING A GIRL?

WELL... YES.

OH, MARVELOUS! GOOD.

WELL, WE... WE'D BETTER GO, BARN.

WE GOT PLENTY OF TIME.

WELL, WE DO HAVE SOME NEWSPAPER PEOPLE COMING UP.

OH, THE PRESS, HUH?

OH, WELL... WELL, THEN, WE-WE'D BETTER GO.

YOU WANT TO STAY OUT OF THIS, ANGE?

YOU CAN PICK UP TEENA AT 7:00, BARNEY.

YEAH. 7:00.

7:00.

THANK YOU.

OKAY. BYE.

BOY, FOR SOMEBODY WHO WAS ANXIOUS TO GET OVER HERE

YOU SURE ARE IN A RUSH TO LEAVE.

WELL, THEY'RE BUSY.

THEY GOT PEOPLE COMING UP--

REPORTERS AND EVERYTHING.

WELL...

BESIDES, YOU'RE GONNA SEE HER AT 7:00.

YEAH.

YOU DIDN'T SPOT IT, DID YOU?

SPOT WHAT?

THE SPARK, THE ELECTRICITY.

ONCE THAT FIRE'S KINDLED,

YOU CAN'T PUT A THING LIKE THAT OUT.

THEM EMBERS ARE STILL GLOWING, ANGE.

BUT AUNT BEE...

OPIE, WOULD YOU, PLEASE?

BUT THE COLLAR'S TOO TIGHT.

PLEASE?

AND DON'T GET MUSSED UP BEFORE WE GO, HMM?

ALL RIGHT.

HELLO, AUNT BEE.

OH, HELLO, HELEN.

OPIE, DON'T YOU LOOK NICE!

ISN'T BARNEY READY YET?

HE'S BEEN IN HIS ROOM FOR THREE HOURS.

HEY, BARNEY!

COMING, ANGE.

A TUXEDO!

DOUBLE-BREASTED AND EVERYTHING.

YEAH, WELL.

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?

THAT CERTAINLY IS.

FOR GOODNESS' SAKES.

WHERE'D YOU RENT IT? KINKLEHEIMER'S?

THAT'S RIGHT, OPE.

THEY GOT A NICE RANGE OF SIZES

AND THE WAY THEY PIN THE PANTS IN THE BACK

IT'S PRACTICALLY CUSTOM.

IT LOOKS JUST FINE.

I GENERALLY LIKE TO WEAR MY OWN CLOTHES

BUT ON A SPECIAL CASE LIKE THIS...

OF COURSE. OPIE, WE'D BETTER START

OR WE WON'T GET A GOOD PLACE.

WE'LL SEE YOU ALL LATER.

Helen: WE'LL SEE YOU OVER THERE.

OKAY.

EXCUSE ME.

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO WEAR A BLACK HAT WITH A TUXEDO?

THAT'S A MATTER OF TASTE, OPE.

WELL...

I THINK MAYBE WE'D BETTER GET STARTED, TOO.

YEAH, DON'T WANT TEENA STRAINING AT THE LEASH.

NO, NO. WELL, LET'S GO.

EVERYBODY BACK.

GET BACK.

LET ME OUT FIRST.

EVERYBODY BACK.

EVERYBODY BACK.

EVERYBODY BACK.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

I'M JUST OPENING THE CAR DOOR FOR MISS ANDREWS.

I'LL HANDLE THAT.

THANKS ANYWAY, YOU NICE MAN.

SHE TOUCHED ME.

TEENA ANDREWS TOUCHED ME.

GEE, GOOB, SHE'S JUST A GIRL.

Man: TEENA, THIS MUST BE AN EXCITING EVENING FOR YOU.

OH, IT CERTAINLY IS.

ONE OF THOSE EVENINGS

THAT'LL LONG GO DOWN IN YOUR MEMORY.

OH, IT CERTAINLY WILL.

YOU MUST BE THRILLED HAVING A PREMIERE

OF ONE OF YOUR OWN PICTURES IN YOUR HOMETOWN.

OH, I CERTAINLY AM.

THANK YOU, TEENA.

IT'S CERTAINLY BEEN NICE HAVING YOU WITH US.

I CERTAINLY... THANK YOU.

AND THIS GENTLEMAN OVER HERE...

OH! WE USED TO GO TO HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER.

BARNEY FIFE.

HI.

HI, MR. FIFE.

WOULD YOU TELL OUR VIEWERS AND LISTENERS

HOW IT FEELS TO ATTEND A WORLD PREMIERE

NOT ONLY WITH A FORMER GIRLFRIEND

BUT WITH ONE OF HOLLYWOOD'S MOST GLAMOROUS STARS?

WELL, I'M VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE WITH TEENA.

I UNDERSTAND IT'S AN EXCELLENT PICTURE

AND I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING IT.

DO YOU STILL LIVE HERE IN MAYBERRY, MR. FIFE?

NO, I DON'T. I NOW RESIDE IN RALEIGH.

YOU PROBABLY READ ABOUT ME IN THE NEWSPAPER...

YOU'RE JUST HERE ON A VISIT, THEN.

YES. I'M A DETECTIVE

AND YOU PROBABLY READ ABOUT ME...

HOW LONG DO YOU EXPECT TO STAY HERE IN MAYBERRY?

THREE OR FOUR DAYS.

THE POLICE DEPARTMENT UP THERE IS ENTIRELY...

WE HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR VISIT. THANK YOU.

Reporter: I SEE WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

THIS IS STATION KNC

WHICH HAS BROUGHT YOU THESE INTERVIEWS

WITH THESE FAMOUS PEOPLE HERE TONIGHT

OF COURSE, ATTENDING THE PREMIERE

OF MISS TEENA ANDREWS'S LATEST MOTION PICTURE

DIRECTLY FROM MISS ANDREWS'S HOMETOWN.

I NOW RETURN YOU TO THE STATION.

ANDY?

ANDY, I THINK MAYBE WE OUGHT TO GO.

GOOD-BYE.

GOOD-BYE.

BYE. BYE.

Man: THANKS FOR COMING, HELEN.

BYE-BYE. THANKS FOR COMING.

GOOD NIGHT, BARNEY.

GOOD NIGHT, HELEN.

DON'T WAIT UP FOR ME.

OH. OH, OH.

OH, BARNEY, I'VE HAD SUCH A WONDERFUL TIME.

OOH.

OOH!

OH, SORRY.

WELL, I-I GUESS IT'S ABOUT TIME WE HAD A LITTLE...

LITTLE TALK.

OH, YEAH. THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

WE HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE ALL EVENING.

ISN'T THAT THE TRUTH?

OH!

I KNOW IT'S SILLY, BUT I CAN'T STAND DIRTY ASHTRAYS.

YOU CAN'T FIGHT IT, IRENE.

I KNOW. MOST PEOPLE THINK I'M A NUT.

SORRY TO BREAK IT UP, KIDS.

TEENA...

YOU'VE GOT AN EARLY-MORNING INTERVIEW AT THE RADIO STATION.

GOLLY, I FORGOT.

OH, BARNEY, WOULD YOU FORGIVE ME?

I'VE GOT TO GET MY BEAUTY SLEEP.

OH, WELL, HECK, I MEAN

YOU GOT TO GET YOUR SLEEP.

WH-WHAT ABOUT LUNCH TOMORROW?

OH, YES, WONDERFUL.

SAY ABOUT 1:00

YEAH, THAT'LL BE FINE.

I KNOW THIS GREAT LITTLE SPOT.

YOU'LL JUST LOVE IT.

IT'S COMPLETELY UNSPOILED.

THE TOURISTS HAVEN'T FOUND IT YET.

OH, WONDERFUL.

BARNEY...

I'VE HAD A WONDERFUL EVENING.

MM-HMM.

I'D LIKE TO MAKE A RESERVATION.

TABLE FOR TWO, ABOUT QUARTER PAST 1:00.

YEAH, B. FIFE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

OH, AND LISTEN.

PUT A BOTTLE OF YOUR BEST RED WINE ON ICE FOR ME, WILL YOU?

ROOM TEMPERATURE?

OH, WELL, THAT'S, UH... A MATTER OF TASTE.

MM-HMM. FINE.

OH.

YEAH, SOUNDS LIKE QUITE AN EVENT.

AH, WELL, WE GOT A LOT TO TALK ABOUT.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, CONFLICTING CAREERS AND ALL THAT.

WHAT?

WELL, I GOT A FEELING THIS THING IS MOVING

TO FULL SPEED AHEAD FOR BOTH OF US.

UH... OH?

OH, ANGE, LAST NIGHT, THERE WERE A FEW MAGIC MOMENTS.

OF COURSE YOU'D HAVE TO UNDERSTAND TEENA

THE WAY I DO TO KNOW THAT.

WELL, YEAH, UH...

HELLO? WELL, YEAH.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE'S RIGHT HERE.

IT'S TEENA'S SECRETARY.

SHE CAN'T EVEN WAIT TILL 1:00.

HI, HARRIET.

PUT HER ON.

SHE WHAT?

I'M SORRY MR. FIFE, BUT HER FIANCé CALLED...

HER FIANCé?

WELL...

UH-HUH.

UH-HUH.

WELL, FINE.

TH-THANK YOU.

SHE LEFT FOR CALIFORNIA.

OH.

YOU KNOW... YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

YOU KNOW, THIS IS PROBABLY FOR THE BEST

BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU SAID A WHILE AGO--

CONFLICTING CAREERS.

YEAH, THAT'S, THAT'S PROBABLY TRUE.

I DEFINITELY THINK SO.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, ANGE, I THINK I'LL BE HEADING BACK TO RALEIGH.

OH, BARN, YOU JUST GOT HERE.

I KNOW, BUT IT'S A BIG CITY UP THERE AND THEY'RE BUSY.

THERE'S A LOT OF WORK TO DO. THEY MAY NEED ME.

WELL, YOU COULD CALL THEM.

YEAH, I COULD, BUT I...

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, ANGE.

YOU START DEALING WITH A WOMAN

AND YOU ARE DEALING WITH A TREACHEROUS COMMODITY.

THIS HERE, RIGHT HERE,

THAT'S THE ONLY LOVE A LAWMAN OUGHT TO HAVE.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN DEPEND ON HER.

WELL, I'M-I'M GONNA GO UP AND PACK.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

IT'S HIM ALL RIGHT. THERE'S HIS NAME.

"TEENA ANDREWS AND ESCORT BARNEY FIFE."

LOOK AT THE WAY SHE'S GRABBING HIM.

BOY, AND ALL THIS TIME, I THOUGHT HE WAS NOTHING.

NOTHING.

MORNING, GIRLS.

Both: GOOD MORNING, DETECTIVE FIFE.

UH... GOOD MORNING.

SAY, UH, I-I'M HAVING A FEW CLOSE FRIENDS

OVER SATURDAY NIGHT

AND DO YOU THINK YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO MAKE IT?

UH... WELL...

IF YOU'RE FREE

FOR BRUNCH ON SUNDAY,

I MAKE GREAT SCRAMBLED EGGS.

: WELL, UM... I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK MAYBE I COULD PROBABLY WORK THAT IN.

OF COURSE I WOULDN'T WANT TO PROMISE ANYTHING

UNTIL I LOOK AT MY CALENDAR.

SEE WHAT'S...

YEAH, I THINK I COULD MAKE THAT. MM-HMM.

YEAH.

HE SAYS, "THINGS ARE GOING ALONG SWIMMINGLY

"IN THE DEPARTMENT.

"DO YOU REMEMBER MISS CLARK?

"SHE WAS THAT SHARP LITTLE NUMBER

"THAT SAT AT THE DESK AS YOU ENTERED.

"SHE AND I HAVE BEEN GETTING

"A LITTLE CHUMMY, OF LATE.

"AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M TAKING HER

"TO THE POLICEMAN'S BALL -- IT'S A MASQUERADE.

"I'M GOING AS JACK AND SHE'S GOING AS JILL.

"WE WANTED TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

"WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR NOW.

"GIVE MY LOVE TO OPIE, AUNT BEE, AND HELEN.

YOUR BUDDY, BARNEY."

HE WRITES A NICE LETTER, DOESN'T HE?

YES, HE DOES.

YOU KNOW, I MISS BARNEY.

I DO, TOO.

I GUESS THERE'S JUST THE ONE BARNEY FIFE.

YES.

WELL, I GOT TO GO BACK TO WORK.

I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY HEARING HIS LETTER.

YES, I DID.

YEAH.

WELL. BYE.

BYE.