Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD...

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

GEE, THIS CARNIVAL'S BIGGER THAN LAST YEAR'S.

IT SURE IS. THEY GOT MORE RIDES, TOO.

YOU KNOW, I'D FORGOTTEN WHAT A CARNIVAL WAS LIKE.

OH, I WANT SOME COTTON CANDY, TOO.

YOU'RE KIDDIN'? NO.

MAYBE IF YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL, I'LL GET YOU A BALLOON.

HEY, OPE, YOU WANT TO GO ON THE FERRIS WHEEL?

I DON'T KNOW. CAN'T SPEND ALL MY MONEY.

GOTTA BUY PAW A BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

WELL, YOU CAN SPEND SOME, CAN'T YOU?

JUST BUY HIM A CHEAPER PRESENT.

WELL, I GUESS SO, BUT I WANT TO GET HIM SOMETHING GOOD.

WHY DON'T WE GO WATCH THE BUMPER CARS?

YEAH!

PAW, WE'RE GOING ON UP AHEAD.

OKAY.

BE CAREFUL AND BE HOME FOR SUPPER!

SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS A KID AGAIN.

YEAH. I HAD A GOOD TIME WHEN I WAS A YOUNG' UN.

Barker: A GENUINE SWISS WATCH...

WIN YOURSELF A GENUINE BONE-HANDLE CARVING SET

FROM THE ORIENT.

PRIZES, PRIZES.

FIVE, COUNT 'EM, FIVE-- FIVE SHOTS FOR A QUARTER.

WIN YOURSELF A GENUINE SWISS WATCH.

WIN YOURSELF A GENUINE BONE-HANDLE CARVING SET

FROM THE ORIENT.

PRIZES, PRIZES.

AREN'T YOU GONNA TRY AGAIN, MISTER?

WELL, TRY 'EM, TRY 'EM. PRIZES GALORE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY THERE, TARZAN?

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SQUEEZE THE TRIGGER

AND WIN YOURSELF A PRIZE.

I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE LET THAT RUBE WIN.

WE'VE HAD NOTHIN' BUT LOSERS ALL DAY.

AH, HE'S HAD A CHANCE.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

THE WAY YOU GOT THAT SIGHT BENT,

HE MIGHT AS WELL BE SHOOTIN' THAT GUN UPSIDE DOWN.

NOW, LISTEN, IF WE'RE GONNA GET A CROWD,

WE GOTTA HAVE A WINNER.

GET THE GOOD GUN.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

WHAT DO YA SAY THERE, MAN? WHAT DO YA SAY?

WHY DON'T YOU WIN THE BEAUTIFUL GIRL A NICE HAIR DRYER?

THERE. YOU GOT A WINNER.

WHO'S GONNA BE THE NEXT SHILL?

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE THOSE KIDS OVER THERE.

YEAH.

A KID GETS 'EM ALL THE TIME.

Barker: STEP RIGHT UP HERE, SONNY,

AND WIN YOURSELF A PRIZE-- A FISHING POLE OR A JACKKNIFE--

TAKE YOUR PICK.

ARE YOU OLD ENOUGH TO SHOOT, SONNY?

I GUESS SO. THOSE .22s YOU GOT?

YES, SIR. GREATEST GUN YOU EVER HELD.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A CHANCE?

YEAH, OPE, WHY DON'T YA?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW. I CAN'T SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY.

TELL YOU WHAT WE'LL DO, SON.

TRY A FREE SHOT ON US.

CAN I?

YES, SIR, YOU COME OVER HERE

AND LET ME SEE YOU KNOCK DOWN THAT LITTLE BIRD.

UH-OH, WE GOT TROUBLE.

WE GOT A REAL WINNER HERE, FOLKS.

LET'S SEE WHAT THE LITTLE BOY CAN DO.

STEP RIGHT UP! GO ON, KID.

TAKE ANOTHER SHOT.

THAT'S GREAT, OPE.

HEY, CAN I TAKE ANOTHER SHOT?

TAKE FIVE MORE, SON. THAT'LL BE 25 CENTS.

WE GOT A REAL WINNER HERE, FOLKS.

BOY'S GONNA SHOOT US OUT OF BUSINESS.

YES, SIR, A BOY DOING A MAN'S WORK.

YOU GOTTA SEE IT TO BELIEVE IT.

JUST A MINUTE, MISTER. WHY DON'T YOU STAND OVER HERE?

IF A BOY CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT.

STEP RIGHT UP. HOW 'BOUT YOU?

FIVE FOR A QUARTER.

THERE YOU ARE.

FIVE SHOTS FOR A QUARTER.

Opie: AUNT BEE! AUNT BEE!

AUNT BEE! AUNT BEE!

LOOK WHAT I WON -- A GENUINE CERAMIC PELICAN.

WELL, WHERE DID YOU WIN THAT?

SHOOTIN' GALLERY OVER AT THE CARNIVAL.

IT'S PRETTY, ISN'T IT?

WELL, YES.

YES, THAT'S VERY PRETTY.

MM-HMM.

I COULD HAVE TAKEN A NAPKIN HOLDER

WITH A PICTURE OF A LOG CABIN ON IT, BUT THIS WAS NICER.

WELL, I THINK YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE.

IT OUGHT TO GO REAL NICE ON THE MANTELPIECE

RIGHT NEXT TO THE CLOCK.

WELL, THAT IS AN IDEA, OPIE,

BUT THE LIVING ROOM'S AWFULLY CROWDED.

I WAS THINKING, WOULDN'T THAT LOOK NICE

IN YOUR OWN ROOM ON YOUR DRESSER?

WELL...

HEY, I GOT AN IDEA --

I COULD GIVE IT TO PAW FOR HIS BIRTHDAY

AND HE COULD KEEP IT DOWN AT THE OFFICE.

WELL, I SUPPOSE HE COULD...

BUT, OPIE, I DON'T THINK

THAT'S QUITE THE RIGHT PRESENT FOR A GROWN-UP MAN.

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING HIM, AUNT BEE?

I GOT HIM A SHIRT.

I WONDER WHAT ELSE HE NEEDS.

I DON'T KNOW.

HE'S A HARD MAN TO BUY GIFTS FOR.

MAYBE IF YOU KEPT YOUR EYES AND EARS OPEN, HE'D SAY SOMETHING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, HE MIGHT DROP A FEW HINTS...

LIKE YOU DID LAST CHRISTMAS ABOUT THE TOOL CHEST.

DID YOU REALLY KNOW I WAS HINTING?

WELL, WE KIND OF GOT THE IDEA

WHEN YOU LEFT YOUR ENGLISH COMPOSITION

ON THE DINING ROOM TABLE.

THAT'S A HINT?

WHEN THE TITLE READS,

"WHAT I WOULD DO IF I HAD A TOOL CHEST,"

YES, I'D SAY THAT WAS HINTING.

HMM...

IT'S QUIET.

MM-HMM.

YOU KNOW, IT USUALLY IS AT THIS TIME.

I GUESS PEOPLE HAVE DINNER AND THEY SETTLE BACK.

IT'S SO NICE AND PEACEFUL.

YEAH.

HOW'D YOU LIKE ME TO LIVEN THINGS UP A LITTLE?

WHAT?

WATCH THIS.

ANDY!

STOP IT. WHAT'S GOT INTO YOU?

WHAT'S GOING ON, PAW?

OH, NOTHIN'. JUST FOOLIN' AROUND.

HEY, PAW, FINISHED MY HOMEWORK. CAN I COME OUT FOR AWHILE?

SURE. COME ON OUT.

ANDY, I FORGOT-- OPIE'S GONNA TRY TO FIND OUT

WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY.

PLAY ALONG.

OKAY.

HOW YOU DOIN', SPORT?

OH, GREAT.

I WISH YOU COULDA BEEN THERE THIS AFTERNOON.

HIT FIVE BULLS IN A ROW.

MAN SAID IT WAS THE BEST SHOT HE EVER SAW.

NO KIDDIN'. YEAH.

JOHNNY PAUL WON A BASEBALL BAT AT THE RING TOSS.

WELL, BOY. SOUND LIKE YOU-ALL HAD A BIG AFTERNOON.

YEAH.

BET THEY HAVE LOTS OF NICE GIFTS AND PRIZES AT THE CARNIVAL.

YEAH.

THEY HAVE SUCH A LARGE SELECTION-- LOVELY THINGS.

YEAH. WE SAW A LOT OF NICE THINGS.

WELL, WHAT KIND OF THINGS DID YOU SEE, OPE?

WELL, TOASTERS AND JACKKNIFES.

MM

THEY HAD AN ASHTRAY AND A HUNTING KNIFE.

THEY HAD A HUNTING KNIFE. UH-HUH.

ANYTHING ELSE?

THEY HAD SOME NICE BOOKENDS,

AND A PENCIL SHARPENER, TOO.

HMM.

SOUND LIKE THEY GOT A LOT OF NICE PRIZES DOWN THERE.

YEAH.

UH, PAW, SUPPOSIN' YOU HAD ONE OF THOSE WISHIN' LAMPS

WHERE YOU COULD WISH FOR ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

WHAT WOULD YOU WISH FOR, EVEN IF IT WASN'T AT THE CARNIVAL?

ANYTHING?

MM, GEE, LET'S SEE--

WELL, I GUESS I'D WISH FOR A, UH...

FOR A NEW GUITAR.

NEW GUITAR, HUH?

HOW MUCH ARE THEY, PAW?

OH, A GOOD ONE, $150-200.

OH.

SUPPOSE YOU HAD TO MAKE A WISH ON A LITTLE LAMP.

WHAT WOULD YOU WISH FOR THEN?

A LITTLE LAMP? LITTLE LAMP.

LET'S SEE, UH...

I GUESS, UH, ON A LITTLE LAMP, I'D WISH FOR UH, OH...

UM...A COUPLE PAIRS OF SOCKS-- SOLID COLORS...

COUPLE UNDERSHIRTS.

YOU MEAN YOU'D WASTE A WISH ON UNDERSHIRTS?

YOU'RE RIGHT.

SHOULD NOT WASTE A WISH ON UNDERSHIRTS.

SHOULD BE SOMETHING IMPORTANT.

UH, YOU KNOW WHAT I'D WISH FOR?

A BASKETBALL. YEAH.

BE GOOD FOR ME-- EXERCISE.

YOU COULD USE IT, TOO. WE GOT THAT HOOP OUT BACK.

THAT'S WHAT YOU'D WISH FOR, HUH, A BASKETBALL?

YEAH. A BASKETBALL.

WELL, I GUESS I'LL GO IN.

I'LL SEE YOU.

I THINK YOU DID VERY WELL, OPIE.

YOU REALLY THINK SO?

WELL, HE TOLD YOU WHAT HE WANTED.

YEAH, BUT A BASKETBALL.

I DON'T THINK HE REALLY WANTS ONE.

HE JUST SAID THAT 'CAUSE HE THINKS I WANT ONE.

WELL, WHERE'D HE GET THAT IDEA?

FROM ME. I ASKED HIM FOR A BASKETBALL LAST WEEK.

OH.

GEE, I SURE WISH I KNEW WHAT TO GET HIM.

I GAVE MY FATHER A TIE-HOLDER ONCE THAT I MADE IN SCHOOL.

YOU DID? YEAH.

HE LIKED IT SO MUCH THAT HE PUT IT IN THE STOREROOM.

HE SAID HE DIDN'T WANT TO WEAR IT OUT.

I DIDN'T MAKE ANYTHING GOOD THIS YEAR.

HEY, WHY DON'T YOU GET HIM A KEY HOLDER?

YOU KNOW, WITH A LITTLE FLASHLIGHT ON IT?

PAW'S ALREADY GOT ONE OF THOSE.

HE GOT IT AT THE SHERIFF'S CONVENTION WITH HIS NAME ON IT.

GEE, I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT TO GET FOR THREE DOLLARS?

GEE, I SURE WISH I HAD SOME MORE MONEY.

THEN I COULD GET HIM SOMETHING NICE.

HEY, JOHNNY PAUL, I KNOW WHERE I COULD GET HIM SOMETHING GOOD,

AND IT WOULDN'T HARDLY COST ME ANYTHING.

COME ON. I'LL SHOW YA.

THERE HE IS -- THE BIG WINNER, CHARLIE.

HI, THERE. BACK TO CLEAN US OUT, EH?

NOPE, I JUST WANT TO WIN THAT RAZOR.

THERE YOU GO. IT'S A BEAUTY, ISN'T IT?

BOY, PAW'S GONNA LIKE THIS.

SURE IS SMOOTH-LOOKIN'.

IF YOU WANT TO WIN THAT,

YOU GOTTA GET FIVE BULLS IN THE LITTLE TARGET.

MAKE THE BELL RING FIVE TIMES, THE RAZOR'S YOURS.

OKAY.

GOOD LUCK, BOY.

COME ON. TAKE YOUR TIME, OPE.

THAT'S RIGHT. RELAX, SON.

COME ON, OPE. YOU ONLY GOT A QUARTER LEFT.

YOU CAN'T QUIT NOW, SON.

I DON'T KNOW. I'VE SPENT ALMOST $3.

WHERE ARE YOU GONNA GET A RAZOR LIKE THAT FOR THREE BUCKS?

THIS IS THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME.

GEE, OPIE, YOU WON'T HAVE ANY MONEY LEFT TO BUY ANYTHING.

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT. I WON THE FIRST TIME.

MAKE UP YOUR MIND, SON.

NEVER MIND. I CAN'T WIN NOW.

NOW, WHERE'D I PUT THAT THING?

OH, HI, BOYS. Opie: HI, PAW.

You better tell him the truth.

I can't.

He's going to know you're fibbing.

Not unless you tell him.

WHAT ARE YOU WHISPERING ABOUT?

OH, NOTHING, PAW.

UH...

BOY, WHEN I LOSE SOMETHING, I REALLY LOSE IT.

WHAT'D YOU LOSE, PAW?

OH, THE ENVELOPE WITH THE INSURANCE PAPERS IN IT.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO MAIL IT YESTERDAY.

GET ME THAT OTHER WASTEBASKET OUT OF THE BACK ROOM.

OKAY.

OPIE, THIS AIN'T A GOOD TIME TO ASK HIM.

I HAVE TO ASK NOW. TOMORROW'S HIS BIRTHDAY.

YOU GONNA BRING ME THE WASTEBASKET OR NOT?

YEAH, PAW.

HERE.

PAW...I WAS WONDERING

IF MAYBE I COULD HAVE AN ADVANCE ON MY ALLOWANCE.

WHAT KIND OF AN ADVANCE?

OH, NOT MUCH. EIGHT WEEKS.

EIGHT WEEKS? SIX WEEKS?

THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY. WHAT DO YOU NEED IT FOR?

OH...

I SAID, WHAT DO YOU NEED IT FOR?

WELL...

THE BRAKE ON MY BIKE WAS SLIPPING.

I WAS GONNA GET IT FIXED.

OH. WELL, TAKE IT OVER TO HENRY'S AND TELL HIM TO FIX IT.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

TAKE THAT BACK.

YOU JUST GOT TO TELL HIM THE TRUTH.

I CAN'T. IT'LL RUIN EVERYTHING.

YOU JUST GOT TO.

UH, PAW?

OH, THERE IT IS!

HOW ABOUT THAT -- UNDER THE BLOTTER.

OH, I'M GONNA HAVE TIME TO MAKE THE MAIL.

PAW.

HEY, GOOBER. HEY, OPE.

YOU BUSY? WAS.

HAD THREE FLATS, TWO LUBES, AND THREE OUT-OF-GASSES.

DOG FIGHT, TOO.

CHOW AND A COLLIE, RIGHT OUT THERE.

GOOBER, I WAS WONDERING

IF THERE WAS ANYTHING I COULD DO HERE TO EARN MONEY--

WASHING WINDOWS OR SOMETHING.

NO, THAT'S MY JOB.

WALLY WOULDN'T PAY NOBODY TO DO IT.

HARDLY PAYS ME TO DO IT.

WHAT YOU NEED MONEY FOR, OPE?

OH, I JUST NEED SOME.

WHY DON'T YOU ASK YOUR PAW?

CAN'T DO THAT-- THE MONEY'S FOR HIS BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR ALLOWANCE?

I LOST MY ALLOWANCE. TWO WHOLE MONTHS' WORTH.

HOW'D YOU DO THAT?

SHOOTING GALLERY OVER AT THE CARNIVAL,

TRYING TO WIN PAW AN ELECTRIC RAZOR.

THAT'S A SHAME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO NOW.

HEY! I BET I COULD WIN THAT RAZOR.

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S PRETTY HARD.

I CAN SHOOT. WON THE TURKEY SHOOT

AT MOUNT PILOT TWO YEARS RUNNING.

YOU DID?

YEAH. IT'S ALL IN THE EYE.

I WAS BORN WITH A GOOD PUPIL. JUST LUCKY.

YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD WIN THAT RAZOR?

OPE, TWO THINGS I KNOW ABOUT IS CARS AND GUNS.

I DON'T KNOW MUCH ELSE, BUT I DO KNOW CARS AND GUNS.

GEE, GOOB, THAT'D BE GREAT.

NOW, YOU RUN OVER AND GET HARVEY

AND HE CAN SPELL ME HERE FOR HALF AN HOUR.

THIS WON'T TAKE LONG. OKAY, GOOBER. BYE.

THAT RAZOR'S IN THE BAG.

HEY, SPORT.

YOU FELLERS STILL GOT A RAZOR HERE FOR A PRIZE?

YES, SIR. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WIN IT.

WHAT DOES IT TAKE?

FIVE BULLS IN THE SMALL TARGET, COWBOY.

WELL, YOU CAN WRAP UP THAT RAZOR RIGHT NOW.

WATCH THIS.

WELL, LET'S HAVE THAT RAZOR.

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, COWBOY.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN HIT THE TARGET.

I DIDN'T?

I'LL BE DOGGED.

HOW'D I MISS?

IF YOU DIDN'T WET THE SIGHT,

MAYBE YOU'D BE ABLE TO SEE SOMETHING.

WELL, I WAS JUST WARMING UP. I'M A LITTLE RUSTY.

OH, YOU'RE RUSTY. WELL, WHAT ABOUT THIS GUN?

JUST KEEP YOUR FINGER OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, TRY AGAIN.

WELL, COULDN'T TAKE MORE THAN ANOTHER QUARTER.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

GIVE ME ANOTHER DOLLAR'S WORTH.

A CAKE WITH CANDLES?

OH, AUNT BEE'S GOING ALL OUT

FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT.

I WISH SHE WOULDN'T DO THAT.

BIRTHDAY PARTIES ARE FOR WOMEN AND CHILDREN.

OH, NOW, IT'S GONNA BE FUN, ANDY.

I SAW AUNT BEE AT THE MARKET,

AND SHE WAS BUYING PARTY FAVORS AND NAPKINS

AND A COUPLE BOXES OF CANDLES.

A COUPLE OF BOXES? I'M NOT THAT OLD.

THEY WERE ON SALE. OH.

HEY, GOOBER. WHAT YOU GOT THERE?

CELLULOID KEWPIE DOLL.

HEY, HELEN. HELLO, GOOBER.

LOOKS LIKE A NICE ONE.

AIN'T WORTH $4.75.

$4.75? WHERE'D YOU GET IT?

SHOOTING GALLERY OVER AT THE CARNIVAL.

ANDY... I'M A GOOD SHOT, AIN'T I?

I'D SAY SO.

MUST BE MY EYES, THEN.

HELEN, IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH MY EYES? YOU A TEACHER.

THEY LOOK FINE TO ME, GOOBER.

WHY DON'T YOU ASK FLOYD TO LOOK AT 'EM?

HE'S A BARBER.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR EYES, GOOBER.

HOW YOU KNOW? 'CAUSE I'M THE SHERIFF.

OH.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO. I PROMISED OPIE -- OOPS.

WHAT'D YOU PROMISE OPIE? UH, NOTHING.

NOW, WHAT IS IT? I CAN'T TELL YA.

COME ON, YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT OPIE. WHAT IS IT?

SORRY, ANDY. SORRY.

JUST A SECOND.

THERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT TO TELL ME

THAT YOU SHOULD TELL ME, SO TELL ME.

CAN'T. MAYBE HE'S GOT A GOOD REASON.

IT'S SOMETHING PERSONAL AND IMPORTANT,

AND IF YOU KNEW WHAT IT WAS,

YOU'D THANK ME FOR NOT TELLING YOU.

YOU BETTER TELL ME. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO TO ME.

LOCK ME UP-- ANYTHING. I AIN'T TALKING.

GOOBER. I'LL TELL YA.

WELL, THANKS ANYWAY, SHERIFF.

RIGHT.

GOOD-BYE.

WELL, THERE'S NOTHING ON 'EM.

BUT YOU DO THINK THEY'RE CROOKED, DON'T YOU?

WELL, SOMETHING'S FISHY.

I KNOW OPIE CAN SHOOT, AND I BEEN HUNTING WITH YOU, GOOB.

YOU GONNA ARREST 'EM, ANDY?

WELL, I DON'T HAVE ANY EVIDENCE.

OF COURSE, THERE IS ONE THING WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO.

YOU GO GET OPIE AND BRING HIM

BY THE SHOOTING GALLERY IN ABOUT AN HOUR,

AND I'LL SEE IF WE CAN STRAIGHTEN THIS THING OUT.

POOR OPIE, HE SURE WAS DROOPIN' WHEN I SEEN HIM.

SHOULD I TELL HIM ANYTHING?

NO. DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

I WON'T SAY A WORD. NOTHING WILL MAKE ME TALK.

LOCK ME UP, DO ANYTHING... GET GOING.

EVERYBODY'S A WINNER. EVERYBODY'S A WINNER.

THERE. HE JUST KNOCKED DOWN THE LITTLE BIRDIE.

ONE MORE SHOT, AND HE GETS A PRIZE.

THERE HE IS. HE'S THE WINNER, THE BIG WINNER.

MISTER, YOU HAVE YOUR CHOICE OF A GENUINE THERMOMETER

OR A GENUINE SIAMESE CAT DIRECT FROM THE ORIENT.

WELL, HE WON. YEAH.

DON'T APPEAR TO BE TOO GOOD A SHOT, EITHER, DOES HE?

WHO'S NEXT? WHO'S NEXT?

WHO'S GOING TO BE OUR NEXT WINNER?

SEE HIM PUT THAT GUN UNDER THE COUNTER?

WELL, HE HAS OTHERS.

YEAH, BUT I'LL BET THERE'S ONLY ONE GOOD GUN.

OH.

COME ON.

HOWDY. HOWDY.

GONNA SHOW THE LITTLE LADY WHAT A HOT SHOT YOU ARE?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

UH, .22s, HUH? I SHOOT A LOT OF SHOTGUN.

NOTHING LIKE A .22-- LIGHT, FAST, EASY TO HANDLE.

THAT RIGHT?

THINK I OUGHT TO CHANCE IT?

SURE. TRY.

YOU SAY IT'S, UH... 25 CENTS?

THAT'S RIGHT. EVERYTHING COSTS A LITTLE MORE THESE DAYS.

WELL, THERE. I GUESS.

I BELIEVE I'LL TRY TO SHOOT ONE OF THOSE DUCKS THERE.

I SHOOT DUCKS SOMETIMES.

THEN YOU AIN'T GOT NO PROBLEM.

HUH.

I COULD HAVE SWORN I WAS RIGHT ON THEM DUCKS.

WELL, TRY AGAIN.

IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS GUN?

IT SEEMS TO BE POINTING A LITTLE TOWARDS THE LEFT.

ONLY THING WRONG WITH THAT GUN, LADY, IS HIS AIM.

TOO BAD. TRY ANOTHER QUARTER'S WORTH.

YOU'LL GET THE HANG OF IT, MISTER.

WELL, GEE, I DON'T KNOW.

QUARTER LIKE THAT.

COME ON.

THE SIGHTS ARE BENT.

UH, WE'S, UH...

WE'S TALKING ABOUT IT,

AND, UH, MAYBE I WILL TRY ANOTHER QUARTER'S WORTH.

AIM A LITTLE BIT TO THE RIGHT.

WELL, SUIT YOURSELF.

HERE'S ONE ALL LOADED AND READY TO GO.

I'LL JUST KEEP THIS 'UN, IF IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'M GETTING USED TO IT, YOU KNOW?

WELL, ANYTHING YOU SAY, BUT...

OH, WELL, THIS WON'T TAKE BUT A MINUTE.

HAVE TO BEND THAT SIGHT MORE.

I'D LIKE TO BEND THE BARREL RIGHT OVER HIS HEAD.

I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SWITCH GUNS ON HIM ONCE.

WE GOTTA GET RID OF HIM.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT THIS TIME, HELEN?

I THINK THE PERCOLATOR. OKAY.

YOU WANT TO LOAD 'EM UP AGAIN?

MIGHT AS WELL STAY HERE ALL DAY.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. SHOW'S OVER. SORRY.

COME BACK TOMORROW.

PICK UP YOUR STUFF, PAL. WE'RE CLOSING UP.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

I SAID, "WE'RE CLOSING UP."

I SAID, "NO, YOU'RE NOT."

HEY, WHAT IS THIS? WAIT A MINUTE, SHERIFF.

WE AIN'T DONE NOTHING WRONG.

OH, NO. WAY YOU BENT THOSE SIGHTS,

I'M SURPRISED YOU DIDN'T HAVE PEOPLE SHOOTING ONE ANOTHER.

SHERIFF, WE DIDN'T KNOW THE SIGHTS WERE BENT.

SOMEBODY MUST HAVE SNUCK IN AND DONE 'EM. SURE.

THEN SWITCHING GUNS JUST WHEN YOU'RE GETTING

USED TO THE ONE YOU'RE SHOOTING--

YOU COULD KEEP A GUY MISSING ALL DAY, YOU KNOW THAT?

I WAS JUST TRYING TO GIVE YOU A LOADED GUN.

I WASN'T SWITCHING ON YOU.

YEAH, YEAH.

IT'S GUYS LIKE YOU THAT GIVE CARNIVALS A BAD NAME.

NOW, YOU GOT ONE GOOD GUN UNDER HERE,

AND YOUR NEXT CUSTOMER'S GONNA USE IT.

THERE'S A LITTLE BOY COMING BY,

AND HE'S GONNA BE SHOOTING FOR THAT ELECTRIC RAZOR.

HEY, I GET IT. DON'T WORRY, SHERIFF.

HE'S GONNA WIN. YEAH, HE'LL WIN FOR SURE.

NO FIXIN'.

ONE WAY OR THE OTHER, WIN OR LOSE, HE'LL DO IT HIMSELF.

NOW, I WANT YOU TO KNOW

I'M PUTTING YOU ON NOTICE,

AND I'M PUTTING YOUR NAMES ON THE BUNCO LIST

AND SENDING THEM TO EVERY SHERIFF'S OFFICE IN THE STATE,

SO IF I WERE YOU, I'D STRAIGHTEN THOSE SIGHTS.

YEAH.

THANKS. WE'LL BE RIGHT OUTSIDE.

WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE. GLAD TO SEE YA.

GO AHEAD, OPE.

I DON'T KNOW.

GO ON. WE GOT 50 CENTS.

COME TO DO SOME MORE SHOOTING, SON, HUH?

FAIR AND SQUARE.

MAYBE.

NOT THAT ONE, STUPID.

HERE YOU ARE, SON. USE THIS ONE.

GO AHEAD, OPE. FIRE AWAY.

NOW, REMEMBER -- HIT THE LITTLE TARGET.

MAKE THE BELL RING FIVE TIMES.

WELL, HERE GOES.

ALL I NEED'S ONE MORE.

TAKE YOUR TIME.

YEAH. WHATEVER YOU DO, SON, PLEASE -- TAKE YOUR TIME.

OH, COME ON, OPIE.

I WON IT! YOU DID IT, OPE!

YOU'RE A GOOD SHOT, YOU ARE.

BOY, IS PAW GONNA BE SURPRISED WHEN HE SEES THAT.

BOY!

I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. I LOOKED ALL OVER TOWN.

OH, LOOK-A THERE. A SHIRT.

WELL, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

AND IT'S MONOGRAMMED AND EVERYTHING.

WELL, THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

NOW I'LL HAVE TO GET ME A SUIT TO GO WITH THAT.

PRETTY. OPEN MINE, PAW.

TAKE IT EASY. I WILL.

I WONDER WHAT THAT COULD BE.

PRETTY PAPER.

LOOKY THERE.

A RAZOR -- AN ELECTRIC RAZOR.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PAW.

WHY, THANK YOU.

BOY, WHAT A SURPRISE.

WHY DON'T YOU GO UP AND SHAVE WITH IT?

WELL, I JUST SHAVED, BUT IF YOU CAN STAND IT

TILL IN THE MORNING, I'LL SHAVE WITH IT THEN.

YOU REALLY LIKE IT, PAW?

WELL, HOW COULD I NOT LIKE IT?

OPIE, THAT MUST HAVE COST YOU A LOT OF MONEY.

YEAH, HOW'D YOU SAVE UP FOR IT?

WELL, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I DIDN'T.

I WON IT AT THE SHOOTING GALLERY.

YOU WON IT AT A SHOOTING GALLERY?

YEAH, AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

THE FIRST TIME I WENT OVER THERE,

I DID PRETTY GOOD.

BUT THE SECOND TIME I WENT OVER THERE,

I COULDN'T HIT ANYTHING AT ALL.

THEN WHEN I WENT BACK WITH GOOBER,

I DIDN'T HAVE ANY TROUBLE.

BUT I THOUGHT ABOUT IT,

AND I KNOW WHAT MY TROUBLE WAS THE SECOND TIME.

I FIGURED IT OUT.

OH, YOU DID?

YEAH, I WAS NERVOUS.

HERE.