Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD...

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

WELL, HERE HE GOES AGAIN.

EVERY MONTH, PULL UP STAKES LIKE AN ARAB AND OFF YOU GO.

BARNEY, THAT WAS THREE MONTHS AGO.

I WAS THINKING ABOUT MOVING TO RALEIGH.

OH! THAT LONG.

THREE MONTHS.

WELL, YOU'RE PRACTICALLY PUTTING DOWN ROOTS HERE.

AND I DIDN'T TAKE THE JOB.

AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO THIS TIME.

YOU CAN'T.

SO WHY GET ME ALL EXCITED?

IT'S BAD FOR MY DIGESTION BEFORE LUNCH.

I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU

BECAUSE THERE'S A VERY GOOD CHANCE

I MIGHT JUST TAKE THIS JOB.

I TOLD ED CRUMBPACKER I WOULD.

ED CRUMBPACKER. ED CRUMBPACKER.

SOME GUY YOU GO HUNTING WITH TWICE A YEAR.

WE KNOW ONE ANOTHER VERY WELL.

AND I SUPPOSE THAT'S MORE IMPORTANT

THAN A LIFETIME OF FRIENDSHIP AND TEAMWORK

FIGHTING SHOULDER-TO-SHOULDER AGAINST ORGANIZED CRIME!

YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN.

NOW, BARNEY, ED CRUMBPACKER IS WITH A VERY BIG COMPANY.

I KNOW. I KNOW.

IT'S ONE OF THEM BIG INDUSTRIAL GIANTS.

DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA GET SWALLOWED UP, ANDY?

NO, I WON'T.

NOW, THEY GOT A BIG EXECUTIVE TRAINING PROGRAM

AND THEY-THEY WANT TO PUT ME IN THAT.

IT'LL MEAN A LOT MORE MONEY TO ME.

AND THEY GOT OFFICES ALL OVER THE WORLD.

ED TOLD ME THEY MIGHT EVEN TRANSFER ME OUT OF THE COUNTRY.

MAYBE EUROPE, MAYBE EVEN SOUTH AMERICA.

WHAT ABOUT AUNT BEE AND OPIE?

I'D TAKE THEM WITH ME.

YOU KNOW THEY DON'T SPEAK A WORD OF SOUTH AMERICAN.

I SWEAR, ANDY.

SOME GUY CALLS YOU FROM ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA

AND YOU FALL RIGHT OUT OF YOUR TREE.

AND WHAT ABOUT HER?

WHO'S "HER"?

YOU KNOW WHO'S HER.

JUST SIT DOWN.

NOW, BARNEY, YOU KNOW HOW THINGS STAND

BETWEEN HELEN AND ME

AND IF THEY KEEP GOING THE WAY THEY HAVE BEEN

I EXPECT I'D SEND FOR HER.

OH, YOU'RE GONNA SEND FOR HER?

YEAH, I'M GONNA SEND FOR HER.

YOU GONNA SEND FOR ME, TOO?

OR AM I GONNA STAY HERE AND BE SHERIFF?

WELL, YOU OUGHT TO AT LEAST RUN.

WELL, I CAN'T THINK OF ANYBODY WHO'S MORE QUALIFIED THAN YOU

AND I DON'T KNOW OF ANYBODY ELSE THAT'S GONNA FILE.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO FILE FOR RE-ELECTION

SOMETIME IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS

AND I'M NOT GONNA FILE.

OH... I DON'T KNOW, ANDY.

WELL, IF YOU DON'T RUN, AND NOBODY ELSE FILES

WHO'S GONNA BE THE LAW?

TOWN WOULD BE WIDE OPEN, WOULDN'T IT?

SURE IT WOULD.

AND EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU AND LIKES YOU AND EVERYTHING

AND YOU'VE LEARNED A LOT IN THE LAST SEVERAL YEARS.

IT'D MEAN A LOT MORE MONEY TO YOU.

YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO MOVE OUT OF THAT ROOM

AND INTO A REGULAR HOUSE OR SOMETHING.

'COURSE, YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT TO.

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S IN THE RING.

OH, MY.

THAT'S ANOTHER THING I'M WORRIED ABOUT

IF WE SHOULD END UP IN SOUTH AMERICA.

THE FOOD...

THEY EAT VERY STRANGE THINGS DOWN THERE.

WHAT DO THEY EAT, PAW?

SAME THINGS AS WE DO.

BEANS, MEAT, TOMATOES...

AND THEY HAVE SPECIAL DISHES.

UH, THEY GOT A THING CALLED A TORTILLA.

YOU MEAN THEY EAT THOSE GREAT BIG SPIDERS?

NO. THAT'S A TARANTULA.

TORTILLA. OH.

WELL, I'M TAKING ALONG SOME CANNED GOODS

JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE.

I COULD ALWAYS MAKE SOME HEAVY SOUP.

WE'RE NOT GOING TO THE JUNGLE.

I KNOW. I KNOW, ANDY.

I THINK IT'LL WORK OUT REAL GOOD FOR US.

MM. WELL...

DON'T TOUCH THAT.

HELLO.

ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA?

YEAH.

HELLO, ED. WE WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU.

UH-HUH.

WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE, ED.

AUNT BEE, DO YOU THINK...?

JUST A MINUTE.

JOB WENT TO SOMEBODY'S COUSIN, HUH?

WELL... MAYBE IT'LL ALL BE FOR THE BEST.

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER I'D LIKE IT TOO MUCH OUT OF MAYBERRY.

SMALL TOWN, YOU KNOW?

RIGHT.

GOOD-BYE.

ED CRUMBPACKER.

I KNOW. I HEARD.

WELL...

I GUESS THAT'S THAT.

WHAT, PAW?

OH, NOTHING. WE'RE GONNA STAY.

BUT THEY CAN'T DO THAT! THEY JUST DID.

WELL, THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING TO DO TO A MAN.

THAT'S LIKE PULLING THE RUG RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER YOU.

AND HERE YOU DIDN'T FILE FOR RE-ELECTION.

WELL, THAT WAS MY OWN IDEA.

ED CRUMBPACKER -- HE SAID DON'T SAY ANYTHING

TILL THE JOB'S OFFICIAL.

WELL, NO HARM DONE. I'LL JUST WITHDRAW IN YOUR FAVOR, OF COURSE.

OH, YOU CAN'T. STATE LAW.

WELL, NOW, WHAT KIND OF A LAW IS THAT?

IT'S ON THE BOOKS. THE BALLOT'S BEEN PRINTED,

AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE RUNNING FOR SHERIFF.

OH, THIS IS JUST NONSENSE --

ME RUNNING FOR SHERIFF WITH YOU STILL AROUND.

WELL...

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE THINGS.

ANDY, THIS -- THIS LEAVES YOU OUT OF EVERYTHING.

I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT A JOB?

I DON'T KNOW.

SOMETHING WILL COME UP.

WELL, JUST DON'T YOU DO ANYTHING TILL YOU HEAR FROM ME.

I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING BY THE TIME WE CAUCUS.

ALL RIGHT, QUIET, PLEASE.

QUIET, PLEASE!

LET ME HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE!

NOW, AS YOU ALL KNOW,

ANDY'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE

SO LET'S GET ONE THING STRAIGHT --

I'M THE SPOKESMAN FOR THE DELEGATION.

I DO THE TALKING.

WELL, WHEN HE COMES IN,

IS IT ALL RIGHT IF I SAY, "HELLO, ANDY"?

NO. THAT JUST GETS YOU STARTED, FLOYD.

I DON'T THINK YOU CAN BE THAT DICTATORIAL, BARNEY.

NOW, DID WE OR DID WE NOT AGREE THAT I...?

WHAT IF HE SAYS, "HEY, GOOBER"?

CAN'T I SAY, "HEY, SHERIFF"?

'CAUSE HE MIGHT THINK I'M MAD AT HIM.

CAN'T WE HAVE A LITTLE COMPROMISE?

I THINK IF ANYBODY HAS ANY SUGGESTIONS

THEY OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO MAKE THEM.

ALL RIGHT. HOLD EVERYTHING!

NOW, IF ANYBODY HERE...

NO, THANKS, AUNT BEE.

WELL...

NOW, IF ANYBODY HERE

QUESTIONS MY ABILITY AS A SPOKESMAN

THEN JUST LET HIM OR HER STEP UP HERE

AND TAKE OVER AS THE CASE MAY BE.

OKAY, I'M THE SPOKESMAN.

SPOKESMAN ABOUT WHAT?

OH... HI, ANDY.

WHAT'S, UH... WHAT'S HAPPENING?

WELL, ANDY, THIS, UH...

THIS HERE'S WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL A CIVIC DELEGATION.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, THAT'S JUST WHAT IT IS--

A CIVIC DELEGATION.

AND I'M THE SPOKESMAN.

HELLO, ANDY. OH, HI, FLOYD.

HEY, SHERIFF. GOOBER.

OH, HI. HI, EVERYBODY.

WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN RIGHT THERE, ANDY?

THAT'S NOT HIS FAVORITE CHAIR.

WHY DON'T YOU SIT HERE NEXT TO HELEN?

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

HE HATES THAT CHAIR.

ALL RIGHT...

NOW, THE THING IS, ANDY

THAT WE, AS A GROUP OF CONCERNED CITIZENS

HAVE A PROPOSAL ABOUT THE OFFICE OF SHERIFF.

WHAT WE WANT TO DO...

WHAT WE WANT TO DO

IS TO START A WRITE-IN CAMPAIGN

THAT WILL RE-ELECT ANDY TAYLOR TO OFFICE.

WELL... THAT'S -- THAT'S AWFULLY NICE

BUT BARNEY HERE IS THE ONLY OFFICIAL CANDIDATE.

OH, WELL, THIS WAS BARNEY'S IDEA, ANDY.

WE ALL FEEL...

WE ALL FEEL... THAT A WRITE-IN CAMPAIGN

IS THE TOUGHEST KIND OF A CAMPAIGN TO WIN.

IT'LL BE A HARD, UPHILL FIGHT ALL THE WAY.

YOU'LL WIN EASY, SHERIFF.

OH, EASY. EASY.

WHY, YOU'LL CARRY THIS TOWN...

WITH ME THROWING ALL MY SUPPORT IN YOUR DIRECTION

I THINK WE CAN MAKE IT.

ALL WE NEED IS FOR YOU TO TURN TO US

AND SAY, "MEN, WOMEN..."

WHATEVER THE CASE MAY BE

"...FULL STEAM AHEAD."

WELL, BARNEY, THAT'S A PRETTY BIG SACRIFICE

YOU'RE MAKING THERE.

THAT'S HOW BARNEY WANTS IT, ANDY.

YOU'D DO THE SAME FOR ME ANY OLD TIME.

I'LL EVEN BE YOUR CAMPAIGN MANAGER.

I, UH...

I APPRECIATE YOUR -- YOUR COMING OVER HERE LIKE THIS

AND -- AND IF YOU WANT ME TO RUN AS A WRITE-IN

I'LL -- I'LL BE HAPPY TO DO IT.

OH, WONDERFUL.

ALL RIGHT, ANDY.

WE HAVE A MILLION THINGS TO DO, ANDY.

EVERYBODY JUST BE QUIET.

ANDY, WILL YOU PLEASE...?

ANDY, WHY DON'T YOU...?!

WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN?!

I TOLD YOU HE HATES THAT CHAIR.

OH, HELLO, BOYS.

HELLO, FLOYD.

WANT A SUCKER?

NO, THANKS, FLOYD. I DON'T WANT A SUCKER.

NOW, FLOYD, I'M HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE ELECTION.

NOW, AS ANDY'S CAMPAIGN MANAGER

I HEREBY APPOINT YOU PRECINCT HEAD

OF THIS ENTIRE BLOCK

FROM MAIN TO MAPLE, MAPLE TO ELM

ELM TO THE FIRE HYDRANT.

WELL, PRECINCT HEAD.

WELL, THANKS A LOT, BARN.

YEAH, OKAY.

NOW, THE KEYNOTE OF THE WHOLE CAMPAIGN

IS GONNA BE -- NOW GET THIS --

WIN WITH TAYLOR.

WIN WITH TAYLOR. OH, THAT'S GOOD, ISN'T IT?

YEAH. OH, THAT'S VERY CATCHY.

IT'S GOT A NICE RING TO IT.

FLOYD, WHAT BARNEY WANTS YOU TO DO

IS JUST MAKE SURE THAT EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT THE WRITE-IN.

OH, ANDY, DON'T YOU WORRY.

I'M SURE MOST FOLKS KNOW ABOUT IT.

NO, FLOYD. IN ANY WRITE-IN CAMPAIGN

YOU GOT TO HAVE A VOTER EDUCATION PROGRAM.

WE GOT TO GO ON THE RADIO, TEACH FOLKS HOW TO SPELL TAYLOR...

UH, T-A-Y-L-O-R.

SAY, THERE ARE NOT MANY WAYS TO SPELL TAYLOR, YOU KNOW.

BUT FIFE, NOW...

NOW, FIFE... OH, THERE'S A LOT OF WAYS TO SPELL FIFE.

THERE'S P-H...

AND THERE'S F-F...

WIN WITH TAYLOR.

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

WELL, FLOYD, BARNEY'S NAME'S ALREADY ON THE BALLOT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPELL HIS NAME.

OH. WELL, YOU EXPECTING TO GET ANY VOTES, BARNEY?

WELL, CERTAINLY I'LL GET SOME.

AGAINST ANDY IT MIGHT NOT BE EASY.

OH, BARNEY'S GOING TO GET A LOT OF VOTES, FLOYD.

WELL, IF THERE'S ANY DANGER OF A TREND, YOU LET ME KNOW.

NOW, GOOBER, WE KNOW THERE'S A LOT OF CARS

COME IN AND OUT OF HERE ALL DAY.

AND IF -- AND IF YOU -- AND IF YOU'D JUST MENTION

THE WRITE-IN TO THEM, WE'D APPRECIATE IT.

WELL, I MENTIONED IT TO SOME PEOPLE ALREADY,

BUT MOST OF THEM HAD ALREADY HEARD ABOUT IT.

I DON'T SEE NO PROBLEM.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE ONES WHO WERE GONNA VOTE FOR ME?

I DIDN'T RUN ACROSS NONE.

OH. HERE. THANK YOU, GOOBER.

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE THE CAMPAIGN'S GOING JUST GREAT.

YEAH. WELL, LET'S, UH...

YEAH.

OH, BARNEY! HI! HI, ANDY!

OH, HI, THELMA LOU. OH, HI, THEL.

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON YOUR CAMPAIGN, ANDY.

WHY, THANK YOU. GOOD.

SEEMS TO BE GOING WONDERFULLY.

WELL... WELL, LOOK, THEL,

NATURALLY WE ALL WANT ANDY TO WIN BY A GOOD MARGIN.

OH, DON'T WORRY. HE WILL.

EVEN I'M VOTING FOR HIM.

WHY, THANK YOU, THELMA LOU.

WELL, I'VE GOT TO RUN NOW. GOOD LUCK, SHERIFF.

I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT, BARNEY. YEAH.

HEY, BARN. ANJ.

YOU GO AHEAD. NO. YOU GO AHEAD.

NO. YOU GO AHEAD. NO. GO AHEAD.

WELL, UH, ANJ, MY PRIVATE POLLS INDICATE

A BIG SWING IN YOUR DIRECTION.

OH.

WELL, THAT'S, UH, THAT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DOING ANY CAMPAIGNING FOR YOURSELF.

THAT COULD BE PART OF IT.

OH, THERE'S NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT.

WELL, ANYWAY, I'VE, I'VE BEEN THINKING

THAT, UH... WELL, IN THE INTEREST

OF A DEMOCRATIC FORM OF GOVERNMENT

I GUESS THE PEOPLE REALLY OUGHT TO HAVE A CHOICE

OF MORE THAN ONE CANDIDATE.

OH, YEAH, THEY SHOULD HAVE A CHOICE.

IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF BEING FAIR TO THEM.

OH, YEAH. I AGREE.

ACTUALLY, THE WAY WE'VE BEEN CONDUCTING THIS CAMPAIGN

IS NOT REALLY GOOD FOR THE COMMUNITY.

NO, NO. NO, IT'S NOT.

AND, UH, UH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

WHAT?

I THINK THAT YOU OUGHT TO GO OUT

AND STIR UP SOME VOTES FOR YOURSELF.

NO. I MEAN MAKE A REAL CONTEST OUT OF IT.

NOTHING LIKE THAT

BECAUSE I'M A TAYLOR MAN RIGHT DOWN THE LINE.

I KNOW THAT

BUT LIKE WE WERE JUST SAYING

IT'S NOT GOOD FOR THE COMMUNITY, YOU KNOW?

AND, YOU KNOW, BEING SHERIFF 12 YEARS THE WAY I HAVE

I MUST HAVE RUBBED SOME FUR THE WRONG WAY.

WELL, ANDY, ALL I'M TALKING ABOUT FOR ME

IS JUST A... JUST A... A TOKEN CAMPAIGN.

OH, LISTEN, ANY WAY YOU WANT TO HANDLE IT'S FINE.

WELL, JUST -- JUST A TOKEN.

JUST ANYTHING'S OKAY.

WELL...

WELL, I... BETTER GO.

OKAY.

I'LL SEE YOU.

OKAY, FELLA, YOU'RE HIRED.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN

YOU DON'T THINK YOU CAN PUT UP MY POSTER?

OH, I NEVER PUT UP POSTERS IN MY WINDOW, BARNEY.

IT SPOILS THE DECOR.

A MUD SLIDE COULDN'T SPOIL THAT DECOR.

SAY, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU SMELL SOMETHING, THERE, BARNEY.

WAS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED? SMELLING SOMETHING?

I'M NOT SMELLING ANYTHING.

OH, I THOUGHT "BLOODHOUND OF THE LAW..."

"SNIFFING OUT CRIME," YOU KNOW.

NO, NOTHING LIKE THAT.

OH, THAT WOULD'VE BEEN GOOD, THOUGH...

VERY GOOD.

HOW ABOUT A CONTRIBUTION TO MY CAMPAIGN FUND?

OH, NO. I COULDN'T DO THAT, BARN. NO.

WHY NOT? NOT ETHICAL.

I'M VOTING FOR ANDY.

LOOK, FLOYD, YOUR SMART MERCHANT--

A BUSINESSMAN-- NO MATTER WHICH WAY HE VOTES

IS GOING TO MAKE A NOMINAL CONTRIBUTION

TO BOTH SIDES... INSURE HIMSELF.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

OH, WELL...

THEN, I'LL GIVE YOU A NOMINAL CONTRIBUTION.

HOW MUCH CAN I PUT YOU DOWN FOR?

NEXT TIME YOU COME IN

I'LL GIVE YOU A HAIRCUT FOR HALF PRICE.

YOU'RE ALL HEART, FLOYD, YOU KNOW THAT?

YOU'RE ALL HEART.

NOW, FLOYD, IT'S NOT GONNA KILL YOU

TO PUT UP ONE OF BARNEY'S POSTERS, IS IT?

WHAT IF HE GETS ELECTED?

WELL, THAT'S NOT THE POINT, FLOYD.

WELL, THAT'S TRUE. THAT'S TRUE.

WHAT IS THE POINT?

THAT BARNEY, IN SPITE OF LITTLE THINGS

LIKE GETTING CARRIED AWAY WITH HIMSELF

AND GOING OFF THE DEEP END

IS, UNDERNEATH, A VERY PROUD AND SENSITIVE PERSON.

NOW HERE HE COMES.

NOW, DON'T YOU SAY ONE WORD

ABOUT ME ASKING YOU TO PUT UP THAT POSTER.

OH, NOT A WORD. NO, MY LIPS ARE SEALED...SEALED.

NOT A WORD.

Andy: OH, UH, HI, BARN.

ANYTHING GOING ON HERE?

I BREAK UP A LITTLE CONVERSATION?

OH, NO, THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON.

RIGHT, FLOYD? NO, NO.

A LITTLE CAMPAIGN STRATEGY, MAYBE?

LIKE HOW TO SINK BARNEY FIFE?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON?

YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW A CONSPIRACY?

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

THERE HE GOES

OFF THE DEEP END AGAIN, ANDY, JUST LIKE YOU SAID.

WHO SAID

MY LIPS ARE SEALED.

MY GOOD FRIEND AND WORTHY OPPONENT?

BARNEY, ALL I SAID...

A LITTLE WHISPERING CAMPAIGN?

BLACKING ME OUT ON THE POSTERS WASN'T ENOUGH?

I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THOSE POSTERS.

FLOYD, DID ANDY SAY ANYTHING TO YOU

ABOUT PUTTING UP MY POSTERS?

YES. YES, HE DID.

FLOYD!

MY LIPS ARE SEALED.

WELL, THE WHOLE THING'S

COMING PRETTY CLEAR NOW, ISN'T IT?

BARNEY...

OKAY, I'M TAKING THE ONE WAY

TO BREAK THROUGH THE IRON CURTAIN

TO BRING MY CASE TO THE PEOPLE.

I'M CHALLENGING YOU TO A FREE AND PUBLIC DEBATE.

WELL, WHAT'LL WE DEBATE ABOUT?

YOU THINK I'VE BEEN WALKING AROUND HERE

FOR FIVE YEARS WITH MY EYES SHUT?

ANDY, YOU JUST SHOW UP, BECAUSE I'M BLOWING THE LID OFF.

UH, GOOD EVENING.

AS YOU ALL KNOW, WE ARE GATHERED HERE

FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT

IN THE HISTORY OF MAYBERRY POLITICS.

NOW, THE ONLY REASON THIS ISN'T ON TV

IS BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE A TV STATION.

A TV STATION.

WELL, SO MUCH FOR THE LIGHTER SIDE.

NOW, IN THIS DEBATE

BETWEEN SHERIFF TAYLOR AND DEPUTY FIFE

WE MUST REMEMBER TO SHOW NO PARTIALITY.

WE MUST BE COMPLETELY OPEN-MINDED

IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT ANDY'S THE ONLY MAN FOR THE JOB.

SO, NOW I CALL ON BARNEY FIFE TO TAKE THE SPEAKER'S STAND.

FLOYD.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

I HAVE HERE 76 DOCUMENTED CASES

OF MALFEASANCE IN THE SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

HOWEVER, DUE TO THE PRESSURES OF TIME

I WILL DISCUSS ONLY THREE.

WHAT A DISGRACEFUL TACTIC.

MALFEASANCE NUMBER ONE...

TRAFFIC IN THIS TOWN IS COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL.

JAYWALKING IS RAMPANT.

FIDDLE-FADDLE!

BE QUIET, AUNT BEE.

MALFEASANCE NUMBER TWO...

YOUR SHERIFF HAS KEPT UP... HAS N KEPT UP WITH THE TIMES.

HE HAS NOT PROPERLY EQUIPPED HIS OFFICE

LIKE OTHER LAW-ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES

IN THIS STATE HAVE.

WE HAVE NO TEAR GAS...

WE HAVE NO SUBMACHINE GUNS...

AND AS FOR EMERGENCY EQUIPMENT

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR SHERIFF CARRIES

IN THE TRUNK OF HIS SQUAD CAR?

A SHOVEL AND A RAKE!

AIN'T YOU GOT A JACK?

MALFEASANCE NUMBER THREE...

ARE YOU AWARE THAT YOUR SHERIFF

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR PROTECTING YOUR LIVES

AND YOUR PROPERTY

CARRIES NO GUN--

NO WEAPON OF ANY DESCRIPTION--

TO ENABLE HIM TO DISCHARGE HIS DUTIES PROPERLY?

I ASK YOU TO DWELL ON THESE THINGS FOR A MOMENT.

IS THIS GOOD GOVERNMENT?!

THANK YOU.

ANDY, GO ON.

YOU'VE GOT TO ANSWER HIM.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

CALL HIM A RABBLE-ROUSER!

SO, NOW LET US HEAR FROM SHERIFF TAYLOR.

DID YOU EVER HEAR OF SUCH A...

76 CASES OF MALFEASANCE?

UH...

BARNEY'S, UH, BARNEY'S RIGHT ABOUT THE, UH, TRAFFIC.

PEOPLE DO PARK IN THE WRONG PLACES

AND CROSS THE STREET IN THE WRONG PLACES

BUT IT'S-IT'S SUCH A SMALL TOWN, AND I DON'T... I DON'T BELIEVE

THERE'S BEEN AN ACCIDENT UPTOWN HERE IN THE...

IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS

AND, UH...

IT IS TRUE THAT WE DON'T HAVE

ANY, UH, EMERGENCY EQUIPMENT TO SPEAK OF.

I MEAN, NO TEAR GAS OR MACHINE GUNS

OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

DOESN'T SEEM TO BE A NEED FOR IT.

AND -- AND IT'S TRUE THAT I DON'T WEAR A GUN VERY OFTEN

BUT, UH...

UH, I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WE GOT ALONG WELL ENOUGH

THAT THAT WASN'T NECESSARY.

WELL, I, UH...

I DON'T KNOW.

I'VE BEEN SHERIFF A-A LONG TIME AND...

YOU'RE EITHER SATISFIED WITH ME OR YOU'RE -- YOU'RE NOT

AND, UH, I GUESS WE'LL FIND OUT TOMORROW.

THANK YOU.

WELL, I, UH...

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU FOLKS, BUT, UH...

I WAS SATISFIED WITH MR. TAYLOR'S ANSWERS

AND, UH...

WELL...

I'M VOTING FOR ANDY.

NICE WORK.

THANKS, BARN.

BARNEY...

Man on loudspeaker: Vote the people's choice, Barney Fife for sheriff.

The man for the job.

Win with Fife.

I TOLD THAT GUY JUST UP UNTIL 9:00.

WELL, I GUESS I MIGHT AS WELL TAKE THIS DOWN.

WELL...GOOD PICTURE.

CAN I HAVE THAT?

WELL, SURE.

THANKS.

YOU HAD 100 OF THESE. WHAT'D YOU DO WITH THEM?

WELL...

...THEY COST A LOT OF MONEY, YOU KNOW.

WELL, WHAT'D YOU DO WITH THEM?

WELL, I...

WELL, MY ROOM NEEDED PAPERING, ANYWAY.