Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD...

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

BARN!

HEY, BARN!

UH, COMING, ANDY.

STRAIGHTENING UP BACK THERE.

YEAH, IT GETS MESSY BACK THERE.

YEAH.

WHAT? DID YOU GET A HAIRCUT?

NO.

VERY FUNNY, ANDY.

VERY FUNNY.

YOU MUST HAVE BEEN OUT LATE LAST NIGHT, HUH?

YEAH.

YEAH, I WAS, ACTUALLY.

MM.

YOU GO OVER TO HELEN'S?

YEAH, I WENT OVER THERE,

BUT SHE FELT LIKE SHE WAS COMING DOWN WITH A COLD OR SOMETHING,

SO I WENT ON HOME ABOUT 8:00, 8:30, I GUESS.

OH, YEAH?

BOY, I BET MY HEAD DIDN'T HIT THAT PILLOW

BEFORE A QUARTER OF 11:00.

QUARTER TO 11:00.

BOY, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU STAND IT,

BURNING THE CANDLE AT BOTH ENDS THAT WAY.

WELL, THESE ARE MY SALAD DAYS.

WHAT'S IN THE MAIL?

"POLICE OFFICERS' QUALIFYING THIS FRIDAY.

MT. PILOT PISTOL RANGE."

SEEMS LIKE I JUST QUALIFIED.

YOU KNOW THAT WAS A WHOLE YEAR AGO?

HUH. WELL, NO PROBLEM THERE.

I JUST KNOCK THE SPOTS RIGHT OUT OF THEM.

YEAH.

NO MAIL FOR ME, I SUPPOSE. THERE NEVER IS.

YOU'D THINK JUST BY THE LAW OF AVERAGES...

YOU'RE SITTING ON A LETTER. HUH?

YOU'RE SITTING ON A LETTER.

WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?

I DID.

OH.

ANYTHING INTERESTING?

CHAIN LETTER.

OH.

"DEAR FRIEND..." OH, YEAH.

"...THIS IS A CHAIN LETTER, AND FOR YOUR OWN SAKE

"THE CHAIN MUST NOT BE BROKEN.

"MAKE TWO COPIES OF THIS LETTER AND SEND THEM ON TO FRIENDS

"WHOM YOU CHERISH.

THUS YOU WILL BE BLESSED WITH GOOD FORTUNE..."

OTHERWISE, IF YOU BREAK THE CHAIN,

SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS GONNA HAPPEN.

YEAH. YEAH.

I WISH PEOPLE WOULD STOP SENDING ME THESE THINGS.

YEAH, IT'S CHILDISH.

IT'S JUST CHILDISH.

JUST CLUTTERS UP THE MAIL.

YEAH.

YOU GOT ANY PAPER?

YOU GOING TO ANSWER THE LETTER?

YEAH.

BOY, YOU SURE ARE SUPERSTITIOUS,

BELIEVING IN CHAIN LETTERS.

I AM NOT SUPERSTITIOUS.

AND WHO SAYS I BELIEVE IN CHAIN LETTERS?

I JUST DON'T MESS AROUND WITH THEM, THAT'S ALL.

THAT'S SUPERSTITION.

NOW, HERE'S WHERE WE COME TO A MATTER OF TERMS.

YOU CALL IT SUPERSTITION. I CALL IT CAUTION.

HEY, BARN.

DOES THE NUMBER 13 BOTHER YOU?

I'M NOT CRAZY ABOUT IT, BUT IT DON'T BOTHER ME.

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

SUPPOSE YOU WAS GOING TO TAKE A TRIP ON AN AIRPLANE

AND THEY GAVE YOU SEAT NUMBER 13.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

IF THAT WAS THE ONLY SEAT, I'D FLY THE NEXT DAY.

NOW, THERE. YOU SEE?

A FEW WEEKS AGO

YOU GOT AHOLD OF THESE GYPSY FORTUNE-TELLING CARDS

AND LAMPS AND YOU HAD OPIE MAKING WISHES.

THEY CAME TRUE, DIDN'T THEY?

THE CARDS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

THAT WAS JUST A BUNCH OF COINCIDENCES.

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

I'M JUST TRYING TO TELL YOU

YOU'RE A VERY SUPERSTITIOUS PERSON.

I AM NOT A SUPERSTITIOUS PERSON!

I'M A CAUTIOUS PERSON.

MY MOTHER WAS CAUTIOUS.

SUPERSTITIOUS. CAUTIOUS!

SUPERSTITIOUS.

CAUTIOUS, CAUTIOUS, CAUTIOUS, CAUTIOUS!

YOU WANT TO SEE HOW SUPERSTITIOUS I AM?

WANT TO GO UP TO THE DINER FOR LUNCH?

FINE.

WANT ME TO GET THE LETTER?

NO.

HI, FLOYD.

HEY.

SIT DOWN.

ALL RIGHT. I GOT A MINUTE.

YOU PASSED ALONG THAT LETTER, DIDN'T YOU?

YOU DIDN'T BREAK THE CHAIN, DID YOU?

OH, BOY.

I MIGHT HAVE KNOWN IT WAS YOU THAT SENT IT.

ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS.

I AM NOT SUPERSTITIOUS.

SAY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR NECK THERE?

SAY...

NOW, DON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF NOTHING.

I JUST NICKED MYSELF SHAVING THIS MORNING

THAT'S ALL.

STARTING ALREADY.

MY, THESE THINGS WORK FAST.

AND YOUR FOREHEAD, IT'S KIND OF RED.

WHAT'D YOU DO, BUMP IT?

YEAH, I BUMPED IT.

IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR STUPID LETTER.

THAT'S TOO BAD.

YOU BETTER NOT BREAK THE CHAIN, BARNEY.

YEAH, YEAH, SURE.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME SINCE I SENT THAT LETTER ALONG?

NO. AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

THE FIRST THING THIS MORNING

I HAD A TRAVELING MAN FROM RALEIGH.

HE WAS A FERTILIZER SALESMAN, AND HE GAVE ME A DOLLAR TIP.

HE DID?

FIRST THING THIS MORNING.

WELL, NOW THAT PROVES TO THE HARD ANALYTICAL MIND

EXACTLY NOTHING,

AND I'M NOT SENDING THAT LETTER ALONG.

OH, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

SOME TERRIBLE THINGS CAN HAPPEN TO A MAN.

OH, TERRIBLE.

YOUR NECK'S NOT BLEEDING AGAIN, IS IT?

NO, IT'S NOT BLEEDING AGAIN.

OH, I'M GLAD ABOUT THAT.

FLOYD, LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL.

NOW, A PEACE OFFICER HAS GOT AN IMAGE TO PROTECT

IN THIS COMMUNITY, AND THAT MEANS

HE CAN'T BE GIVING IN TO ANY SILLY SUPERSTITION.

YOU GOT THAT?

OH, SURE, BARNEY

BUT WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH THE CHAIN LETTER?

OH, FORGET IT, FLOYD. JUST FORGET IT.

YOU WILL BE CAREFUL, WON'T YOU, BARNEY?

HI, BARNEY.

OH, HI, OPE.

WHERE YOU GOING, BARNEY?

I GOT TO PICK UP THE SQUAD CAR.

IT'S OVER AT THE STATION.

I'LL SEE YOU.

YOU'RE ON MY FOOT! YOU'RE ON MY FOOT!

BACK IT UP! BACK IT UP!

HEY, BARNEY, YOU HURT?

YES!

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, NORBERT?

WHAT KIND OF DRIVING DO YOU CALL THAT, ANYWAY?!

I OUGHT TO WRITE YOU A CITATION FOR SPEEDING, RECKLESS DRIVING,

AND FAILURE TO OBSERVE AN OFFICER!

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?!

YOU...

YOU BETTER GO BACK INSIDE, OPE.

YOU'RE CRAMPING MY LANGUAGE.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, DON'T YOU, NORBERT?

PA? HMM?

IS THERE SOMETHING THE MATTER WITH BARNEY?

WHAT MAKES YOU ASK THAT?

WELL, HE'S SO JUMPY, LIKE.

FLOYD SAYS HE'S GOT A CURSE ON HIM.

LISTEN, I WOULDN'T PAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO FLOYD.

YOU KNOW, HE TENDS TO GO OFF THE DEEP END A LITTLE BIT.

BUT BARNEY SURE ACTS LIKE HE'S GOT A CURSE ON HIM.

WELL, IT'S NOT A CURSE. IT'S NOT A CURSE.

IT'S LIKE, UM...

WELL, YOU KNOW LIKE WHEN YOU'RE PLAYING BASEBALL

AND YOU'RE OUT IN THE FIELD AND YOU MISS A FEW FLY BALLS.

AND THEN YOU TRY HARDER, AND THEN YOU GET ALL TENSED UP,

AND THEN YOU CAN'T CATCH ANYTHING.

YEAH, BOY. HUH.

ALL THE TIME, ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS JUST LOOSEN UP A LITTLE.

IF BARNEY SENT ALONG THAT CHAIN LETTER

AND DIDN'T BREAK THE CHAIN, WOULDN'T THAT LOOSEN HIM UP?

FLOYD HAD TO TELL YOU ABOUT THAT, TOO, DID HE?

NOW, LISTEN.

BARNEY GOT ALONG JUST FINE

BEFORE THERE WAS ANY CHAIN LETTER.

THAT'S JUST SUPERSTITION.

AND HE'S GONNA HAVE TO LEARN

THAT A CHAIN LETTER DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

AND I DON'T WANT YOU PAYING ATTENTION

TO A CHAIN LETTER EITHER, YOU HEAR?

OKAY, PA.

WANT ME TO DRIVE?

NOW I CAN'T EVEN DRIVE A CAR, IS THAT IT?

YOU'RE AFRAID TO RIDE WITH ME, IS THAT IT?

FORGET I MENTIONED IT.

JUST IN CASE YOU'RE WORRIED,

I WON'T MAKE A MOVE WITHOUT YOU.

IS EVERYTHING CLEAR?

LOOKS ALL CLEAR TO ME.

OKAY TO GO?

GIVE HER THE GUN.

FINE.

WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN?

WHO CAN SIT DOWN?

DON'T YOU KNOW THE QUALIFYING'S TOMORROW?

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?

I KNOW THAT. WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN THEN?

EVER TRY TO PISTOL-SHOOT WHEN YOU'RE JINXED?

IT CAN'T BE DONE.

YOU'RE JUST MAKING YOURSELF ACCIDENT-PRONE.

YOU THINK ABOUT THE BAD THINGS THAT CAN HAPPEN

TILL THEY DO.

AND THEY'RE GONNA KEEP RIGHT ON AND I'M NOT GONNA QUALIFY

AND I'M GONNA BE OFF THE FORCE, AND IT'S GONNA BE YOUR FAULT!

MY FAULT?!

YOUR FAULT, YOUR FAULT, YOUR FAULT!

OH, COME ON!

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TONIGHT?

NOTHING. SIT AROUND IN MY ROOM.

NOT MUCH CAN HAPPEN THERE.

NO, EXCEPT YOU'LL WORRY YOURSELF TO DEATH.

WHY DON'T YOU CALL UP THELMA LOU?

OH, WHAT'S THE USE?

SOMETHING TERRIBLE WILL PROBABLY HAPPEN.

OH, NO, IT WON'T.

CALL HER UP.

GO OVER THERE AND SPEND A NICE, RELAXING EVENING.

POP A LITTLE POPCORN.

PLAY A LITTLE CHINESE CHECKERS OR SOMETHING.

JUST HAVE A NICE EVENING.

I DON'T KNOW.

OH, GO ON. CALL HER.

YOU REALLY THINK I SHOULD?

SURE. CALL HER UP, SIT AROUND, YOU KNOW?

OKAY.

THAT'S A TIME.

SARAH, GET ME THELMA LOU, WILL YOU?

MAKE YOU FEEL 100% BETTER.

YEAH, MAYBE. YEAH.

HOW DO I KNOW WHERE SHE IS? YOU'RE THE PHONE OPERATOR.

NOW, I DON'T MEAN A BIG EVENING. DON'T STAY UP LATE OR ANYTHING.

JUST A NICE, RELAXING EVENING.

I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT. YEAH.

NOTHING LIKE AN ADORING WOMAN TO BUILD A MAN UP.

THELMA LOU CERTAINLY IS THAT.

YEAH.

SHE'S MAD ABOUT ME.

YOU KNOW...

OH, HI, THEL.

BIG BARN. HOW YOU DOING?

LISTEN, THEL, YOU'RE IN FOR QUITE A SURPRISE FOR TONIGHT.

YOU SEE, I...

WELL, I KNOW TONIGHT'S NOT OUR REGULAR DATE NIGHT.

THAT'S WHAT'S A SURPRISE ABOUT IT.

WELL, WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT-- ME

OR GLUING COVERS BACK ON HYMN BOOKS WITH EDGAR COLEMAN?

AND WHAT ABOUT YOU AND EDGAR COLEMAN?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. I KNOW.

YOU'RE JUST GLUING COVERS BACK ON HYMN BOOKS.

EASY, BARN. ANOTHER THING --

JUST TELL ME THIS RIGHT NOW -- YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND

WHETHER IT'S GOING TO BE EDGAR COLEMAN OR BARNEY FIFE,

'CAUSE THAT'S JUST ABOUT THE SITUATION AS SHE EXISTS.

YOU'RE GOING TO BLOW IT.

WHICH IS IT GOING TO BE?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I CAN'T TALK TO YOU THAT WAY?

I JUST DID TALK TO YOU THAT WAY, AND I'LL TELL YOU THIS...

HELLO?

HELLO?

YOU KNOW WHAT SHE JUST DID?

HUNG UP.

WELL, THAT'S THE END OF THAT.

SWEETEST LITTLE GIRL IN THE WORLD.

THERE GOES THE DREAM--

THE IVY-COVERED COTTAGE, THE PATTER OF LITTLE FEET...

PBHT!

WHY DON'T YOU CALL HER BACK?

SARAH, GET ME JUANITA DOWN AT THE DINER.

I DON'T CARE WHETHER YOU THINK

I OUGHT TO CALL JUANITA OR NOT!

JUST GET HER!

LISTENING IN AGAIN.

HI. JUANITA?

OH, HI, FRANK.

UH, SHE'S NOT THERE, HUH?

OH. NO MESSAGE.

YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT'S NOT A CURSE?

WELL, IT SEEMS TO ME

YOU BROUGHT A LITTLE OF THAT ON YOURSELF.

BROUGHT IT ON MYSELF?!

WITH ALL THE EVIDENCE THAT'S PILING UP

BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES?

BOY, YOU SURE ARE GETTING YOURSELF IN A FINE STATE

FOR THE PISTOL QUALIFYING TOMORROW.

TOMORROW?

FOR A MAN IN MY POSITION, THERE IS NO TOMORROW!

WHERE YOU GOING?

SWEPT INTO THE DUSTBIN OF HISTORY.

EXIT BARNEY FIFE.

YOU WORRIED ABOUT BARNEY, PA?

NO, I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT HIM.

HE CAN TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF.

I JUST WONDER WHERE HE IS IS ALL.

HMM.

HE'S NOT AT THE COURTHOUSE, NOT AT THE DINER.

HIS LANDLADY HASN'T SEEN HIM.

FLOYD HASN'T SEEN HIM.

I JUST DON'T KNOW WHERE HE GOT TO.

OUT PRACTICING WITH HIS GUN?

NO. WE'D HAVE HEARD THAT.

HMM.

WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY

IS YOU PUT YOURSELF IN HIS POSITION.

THEN YOU THINK LIKE HE DOES.

TROUBLE IS, I CAN'T THINK LIKE BARNEY DOES.

MM-HMM.

OPE.

YEAH, PA.

SUPPOSE YOU WAS IN BARNEY'S PLACE.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

I THINK I'D GO OUT TO THE DUMP

AND...AND LOOK FOR THAT CHAIN LETTER.

HEY, BARN.

HOW YOU DOING?

OH, HI, ANDY.

I WAS JUST CHECKING THE DUMP.

GOOD.

THEY OUGHT TO START BURNING THIS STUFF PRETTY SOON.

YEAH. WELL, WE'VE HAD SOME COMPLAINTS.

THEY'RE GETTING THE DRIFT OF IT

IN THE NORTHERN PART OF TOWN.

I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED.

SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT MY PISTOL.

KNOCK OFF A FEW RATS.

YEAH.

WELL, UH...

SAY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE ANYWAY?

I CAME TO HELP YOU LOOK FOR THE LETTER.

WELL... THANKS, BUT I'M...

AFRAID IT'S LIKE LOOKING FOR A NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK.

AW, COME ON.

THERE'S A LOT OF STUFF HERE.

LOOK AT THAT.

OLD BUZZY LEONARD'S CAR.

DAVE BURRESS' STUFF.

AH.

HEY. HEY, HERE'S A LETTER.

WHAT

I DIDN'T KNOW HERBERT SWINDELL WAS SUCH A ROMANTIC TYPE.

OH.

MISS HUDGENS' GROCERY LIST.

PIES, CAKES, COOKIES.

SHE ALWAYS CLAIMED HER WEIGHT WAS A GLANDULAR CONDITION.

WELL, SHE'S GOT VERY FAT GLANDS.

YEAH.

THAT'S--WELL...

UH-OH.

WHAT'S THIS?

NOW, WHO WOULD TAKE A MAGAZINE LIKE THIS?

WHY, THAT YOUNG LADY OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF HERSELF.

NOW, WHO TOOK--

BARNEY!

I SUBSCRIBE TO THAT MAGAZINE. YOU SEE

THIS FELLA WAS WORKING HIS WAY THROUGH COLLEGE,

AND I THOUGHT I'D GIVE HIM A BREAK.

HE OUGHT TO BE DOING RIGHT WELL.

THERE'S SOME INTERESTING ARTICLES IN THAT MAGAZINE --

AND BY SOME REAL FAMOUS AUTHORS, TOO.

LIKE WHO?

WELL...UH...

I CAN'T THINK OF ONE OFFHAND, BUT WHAT ISSUE IS THAT?

JANUARY.

QUITE A MONTH, HUH?

THE PHOTOGRAPHY IN THERE IS EXCELLENT.

I MEAN, LOOK AT THE RIBBON ON HER FOOT THERE.

THE DETAIL IS JUST PERFECT.

PROBABLY USED A VERY FAST LENS.

YEAH, YEAH, I'D SAY THAT'S A FAST LENS.

JUST FORGET ABOUT THE MAGAZINE.

I MEAN, MY WHOLE CAREER AS A DEPUTY

IS JUST HANGING BY A THREAD.

PRETTY GOOD, THOUGH, HUH?

YEAH, WELL...

WELL, WANT TO LOOK SOME MORE?

WHAT'S THE USE?

COULDN'T FIND IT IN A MILLION YEARS

AND WHAT DO YOU CARE?

MOST VALUABLE LETTER TO COME INTO A MAN'S LIFE,

AND YOU TELL HIM TO THROW IT AWAY.

WHY DON'T YOU GO TO BED?

YEAH, I THINK I WILL.

A LOT OF GOOD IT'LL DO, BUT I AM.

THERE. LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO.

MORNING, BARN.

MORNING, ANGE.

HEY, BARN.

HI, GOOBER.

GET ANY SLEEP LAST NIGHT?

NOT A WINK. NOT A WINK.

YOU KNOW WHAT THE MATTER WITH YOU IS, BARN?

YOU THINK TOO MUCH.

MAKES A FELLER VERY NERVOUS WHEN HE THINKS TOO MUCH.

THANKS FOR THE TIP, GOOBER.

OH, BARN...

THAT'S NOT ALL GOOBER'S GOT FOR YOU.

RIGHT, GOOBER?

YO.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WELL, I JUST GOT TO THINKING.

SINCE FLOYD SENT YOU A COPY OF THE LETTER,

HE MUST HAVE SENT A COPY TO SOMEBODY ELSE, RIGHT?

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?

GOOBER'S BROUGHT YOU HIS COPY, RIGHT, GOOBER?

HERE YOU ARE, BARN.

I SENT MY TWO COPIES ON.

ONE TO GOMER IN THE MARINES, ONE TO AUNT FLO.

I HAD REAL GOOD LUCK SINCE I SENT ON THEM LETTERS.

THREE FLATS TIRES THIS WEEK.

AIN'T HAD A BIG FLAT-TIRE WEEK LIKE THAT ALL YEAR.

THANKS, GOOBER.

GOOB, IT WAS NICE OF YOU TO BRING THE LETTER OVER HERE.

WE SURE APPRECIATE IT.

AW, I'M ALWAYS READY TO HELP A FELLER OUT IN TROUBLE.

WELL, IT WAS MIGHTY NICE OF YOU, GOOB.

YEAH, IT WAS NICE.

THANKS, GOOBER.

YOU WELCOME.

WELL, WE'LL, UH, WE'LL, WE'LL SEE YOU, GOOB.

OKAY. SEE YA, ANDY.

I THINK IT WAS MIGHTY NICE OF GOOBER

TO COME ALL THE WAY OVER HERE

AND BRING YOU THAT LETTER, DON'T YOU?

WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT?

NOTHING. I JUST THINK IT WAS NICE OF GOOBER

TO COME ALL THE WAY OVER HERE AND BRING YOU THAT LETTER.

YOU COULD HAVE BROUGHT IT OVER HERE YOURSELF, COULDN'T YOU?

GOOBER DIDN'T MIND.

I THINK I KNOW WHY YOU HAD GOOBER BRING IT OVER.

YOU'RE TRYING TO SHOW ME

THAT IT'S ONLY THE NON-INTELLECTUAL TYPES

LIKE GOOBER AND FLOYD THAT GO IN FOR THIS SORT OF THING.

WELL, BARNEY, THAT'S ENTIRELY UP TO YOU.

IT MEANS NOTHING TO YOU

THAT I'M AFRAID TO WALK OUT OF THE HOUSE,

THAT I'VE LOST THELMA LOU,

THAT I'M ABOUT TO LOSE OUT AS A DEPUTY.

THAT MEANS NOTHING?

IT MEANS SOMETHING,

BUT I DON'T THINK A JINX IS BEHIND IT, NO.

AND IF I SEND THESE COPIES ON,

THEN THAT MEANS I'VE GIVEN IN TO SUPERSTITION.

I'M GOING TO HAVE THAT ON MY BACK THE REST OF MY LIFE.

WHY DON'T YOU SAY IT?

YOU JUST SAID IT.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS

TO WORK WITH SOMEBODY THAT THINKS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING?

BARNEY, WHY DON'T YOU DO WHATEVER YOU THINK IS BEST?

NO, NO. IT WAS YOUR IDEA TO THROW THE LETTER AWAY.

IT WAS YOUR IDEA TO BRING GOOBER OVER HERE WITH IT.

SO YOU DECIDE WHETHER TO SEND IT ON OR NOT.

THERE'S THE LETTER! NOW, YOU DECIDE!

WHICHEVER IT IS, DON'T TELL ME!

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!

I'LL WAIT FOR YOU OUT IN THE SQUAD CAR.

YOU WORK WITH A PERSON LONG ENOUGH,

YOU GET AS GOOFY AS HE IS.

SARAH.

FINE. HOW ARE YOU?

WELL...

SOAK IT, SARAH.

SOAK IT A LOT IN WARM SALT WATER.

LISTEN, SARAH, GET ME THELMA LOU, WILL YOU?

I KNOW SHE'S BARNEY'S GIRL.

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO.

I-I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO JUANITA.

NOW, GET ME THELMA LOU.

YOU GOING TO SEND IT? I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

NOW, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT, BARNEY.

NERVOUS? WHO'S NERVOUS?

DID YOU MAIL THEM LETTERS? I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

WHY DON'T YOU PRACTICE A LITTLE WHILE YOU WAIT?

OH, THAT WON'T DO NO GOOD.

JUST DRAW AND AIM RIGHT OVER THAT WAY.

DRAW AND AIM. DRAW AND AIM.

ARE YOU HURT?

YOU DIDN'T MAIL THEM, DID YOU?

BARNEY, YOU GOT TO TRY TO CONTROL YOUR NERVES.

YOU STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND, DO YOU?!

IT'S OUT OF MY HANDS.

OH, COME ON.

HEY, LOOK WHO'S COMING.

HI, THELMA LOU.

THELMA LOU?

I JUST CAME OVER TO SEE MY MAN SHOOT.

ISN'T THAT A NICE SURPRISE?

WELL, I...GOT THIS SORT OF HEAD COLD, THELMA LOU.

I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO DO WONDERFULLY, BARNEY.

COURSE HE WILL.

WELL, I...

I DO BETTER AT MOVING TARGETS

YOU KNOW, LIKE FLEEING BANK ROBBERS AND THINGS LIKE THAT.

YOU KNOW, I NEVER HAVE SEEN YOU SHOOT, BARNEY,

AND IT'S SUCH A MASCULINE THING.

WELL, THE MAIN THING ABOUT A GUN

IS YOU NEVER POINT THIS BABY AT ANYTHING

UNLESS YOU AIM TO KILL.

UNLESS YOU'RE SHOOTING AT A TARGET, OF COURSE.

I HIT IT.

GOOD, BARN. GOOD, GOOD.

OH, DO IT AGAIN, BARNEY!

WELL, YOU SURE DID IT, BARN.

YOU SURE DID IT.

OH, THAT WAS MARVELOUS, BARNEY.

OH, WELL...

WELL, ALL IT TAKES

IS A KEEN EYE AND A STEADY HAND.

I GUESS I WAS BORN WITH THEM.

WELL, THE MAIN THING IS

YOU DID IT ALL BY YOURSELF.

WHAT'S THAT?

OH, NOTHING.

JUST A GOOD-LUCK CHARM BARNEY DIDN'T NEED.

I ALWAYS FEEL GOOD

WHEN I CAN STRIKE A BLOW AGAINST SUPERSTITION.

YOU GOT A LITTLE, UH, LIPSTICK...

OH.

YEAH.

I BELIEVE YOU DROPPED YOUR RABBIT'S FOOT.

IT'S A KEY CHAIN.

I JUST FORGOT THE KEYS THAT GO WITH IT.

HERE'S YOUR FOUR-LEAF CLOVER.

FOUR

YEAH, IT'S A FOUR LEAF CLOVER. CAN'T YOU SEE?

AND DON'T START ON THAT SUPERSTITION THING AGAIN.

IT'S CAUTION, JUST CAUTION!

HI, BARN.

FLOYD.

MORNING, ANDY. WONDERFUL MORNING.

YEAH.

WHAT YOU TRYING TO HIDE THERE, BARN?

OH, I WASN'T HIDING ANYTHING. I WAS...

WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW,

I'M GONNA SEND OUT THESE COPIES OF THAT LUCKY LETTER.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

A WISE THING TO DO, ANDY.

CAN'T DO ANY HARM, CAN IT?

THAT'S RIGHT. WHAT HARM CAN IT DO?

BUT YOU ALREADY QUALIFIED,

AND YOU GOT THELMA LOU BACK AND EVERYTHING.

YOU DID IT ON YOUR OWN WITHOUT THOSE.

LOOK, I GOT BY WITHOUT IT, DIDN'T I?

SO NOW I'LL GET BY WITH IT.

YOU BEAT EVERYTHING. YOU BEAT EVERYTHING.

I'M GONNA DROP THESE IN THE BOX.

MM.

HOT STUFF. HOT STUFF.

Barney: YOU'RE ON MY FOOT! YOU'RE ON MY FOOT!

BACK IT UP! BACK IT UP!

WHAT'S HAPPENED, ANDY? WHAT'S HAPPENED?

OH, NOTHING MUCH.

I GUESS BARNEY'S JUST PLAIN UNLUCKY.