Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD...

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

THAT'S RIGHT, HERB, IT IS AN ATTRACTIVE OFFER.

YEAH, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT, I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

NO, NO, I WOULDN'T MIND A BIT LIVING UP IN RALEIGH.

THAT'S RIGHT.

YEAH!

NO, NO, THE MONEY'S FINE.

THE MONEY'S JUST FINE.

YEAH. I AGREE!

IT'S JUST A FINE OPPORTUNITY.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH.

NO, NO, I WASN'T WORRIED ABOUT THAT, HERB. NO.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT. IT'S WORTH A MEETIN' WITH THE BOYS.

I'LL BE UP THERE TOMORROW AROUND, UH...NOON.

OKAY? ALL RIGHT.

THANKS, HERB. BYE.

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

HERB MASON'S A FRIEND OF MINE UP IN RALEIGH.

HE'S WITH HOGART DETECTIVES.

HOGART MEN.

WANTED SOME HELP ON A CASE, I SUPPOSE.

NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE OFFERED ME A JOB.

BOY, I'VE NEVER SEEN IT TO FAIL.

THOSE BIG-CITY GUYS ARE ALWAYS CALLIN' ON US!

THEY JUST DON'T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO DEVELOP THEIR OWN MANPOWER.

BARN, YOU MIGHT AS WELL KNOW...

THERE'S A STRONG POSSIBILITY I MIGHT JUST TAKE THAT JOB.

WHAT'D YOU SAY?

THE JOB -- I MIGHT TAKE IT.

YOU'RE KIDDIN'!

NO, I'M NOT. I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT QUITE A GOOD BIT.

YOU MEAN LEAVE MAYBERRY?

WELL, IF I TAKE THE JOB.

LEAVE MAYBERRY?! PARTNERS ALL THESE YEARS

AND THEN, JUST LIKE THAT, PFFT!

NOW, BARN, THIS IS NOT AN OVERNIGHT DECISION.

I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT A LOT, AND WE'VE TALKED ABOUT IT, TOO.

I TOLD YOU THERE MIGHT COME A TIME

WHEN I'D BE...MOVIN' ON!

YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T THINK YOU MEANT ANYTHING LIKE QUITTIN'!

I THOUGHT YOU JUST MEANT DYIN'!

I JUST DON'T BELIEVE THIS!

ALL THE TIMES WE'VE SPENT TOGETHER --

GOING FISHING AND DOUBLE-DATING AND KIDDING AROUND!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN

TO LAW AND ORDER AROUND HERE.

[ SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT ]

BARN, I WANT YOU

TO TRY AND UNDERSTAND MY REASONS.

NOW, NOW, COME ON, TRY AND UNDERSTAND.

NOW, I'VE BEEN SHERIFF FOR 12 YEARS...12 YEARS!

NOW, THAT'S A LONG TIME.

I DON'T MEAN I'M TIRED OF BEING SHERIFF --

I LIKE BEING SHERIFF AND I LIKE MAYBERRY AND EVERYTHING --

BUT I THINK IT'S TIME FOR ME TO MAKE A CHANGE.

WELL, IF YOU'VE MADE UP YOUR MIND.

NO, I HAVEN'T MADE UP MY MIND.

I JUST SAY THERE'S A STRONG POSSIBILITY.

EVERYBODY NEEDS A CHANGE.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,

YOU MIGHT BE IN FOR A CHANGE YOURSELF.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL...YOU'RE THE DEPUTY.

WHO ELSE IS THE COUNCIL

GOING TO WANT TO FILL IN AS SHERIFF WHEN I GO?

ME?

WELL, NOW, IT'S UP TO YOU -- IT'S UP TO YOU.

I MEAN, I'M GETTING A NEW JOB.

THERE'S NO REASON WHY YOU SHOULDN'T

MOVE ON UP THE LADDER.

WELL...

IT'S NOT THAT I COULDN'T HANDLE IT.

IF YOU CAN'T,

I DON'T KNOW WHO CAN.

A MAN WITH -- WITH YOUR EXPERIENCE?

WELL...

I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH, IF IT WAS UP TO ME,

I'D PICK YOU FOR SHERIFF WITHOUT THINKING TWICE.

YOU WOULD?

YOU BETTER KNOW I WOULD.

WELL, WHEN YOU STOP TO THINK ABOUT IT,

THE WHOLE THING DOES MAKE SENSE.

I MEAN, IT WOULDN'T BE FAIR

TO PUT THIS BURDEN ON SOME GREENHORN.

HE'D PROBABLY CRUMBLE UNDER THE STRAIN.

THAT'S RIGHT.

IT MAKES SENSE --

I MEAN, IF YOU GOTTA LEAVE, YOU GOTTA LEAVE.

NATURALLY, YOU WANT TO LEAVE A MAN IN CHARGE

THAT KNOWS THE SCORE.

WELL, I KNOW YOU'RE UNDECIDED,

BUT, UH, YOU THINK ABOUT IT

AND LET ME KNOW, OKAY?

I'M GOING OUT TO THE LUCAS PLACE.

BEN'S GUN PERMIT CAME IN.

I'LL SEE YA.

WHAT YOU SAY, ANGE? I'LL SEE YA.

RIGHT, ANGE.

PAW? MM

WHEN DO YOU THINK WE'LL BE MOVING UP THERE?

I GOT TO TAKE THE JOB FIRST.

IF YOU TAKE IT, DO YOU THINK WE'LL BE MOVING SOON?

WELL, I GOT SOME STUFF TO CLEAR UP DOWN AT THE COURTHOUSE,

AND YOU GOT SCHOOL.

GOT TO WAIT TILL THE END OF THE SEMESTER.

DO WE HAVE TO?

COULDN'T WE GO BEFORE MY SPELLING TEST?

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.

THEY GIVE SPELLING TESTS IN RALEIGH, TOO.

YOU BETTER GET UPSTAIRS AND GET WITH IT.

DON'T BRING HOME ANY MORE C's.

WELL, OKAY.

BUT COULDN'T I GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY FOR A LITTLE WHILE FIRST?

WELL, I'LL GIVE YOU A HALF-HOUR.

GEE, THANKS, PAW!

HEY, I CAN PLAY FOR A HALF-HOUR!

HE SURE DOES HATE SPELLING.

WELL, YOU WEREN'T VERY GOOD AT IT YOURSELF.

ANDY, I DO HOPE YOU'RE MAKING THE RIGHT MOVE.

IT'S A MIGHTY FINE OFFER.

I KNOW, BUT WE'VE BEEN HERE SUCH A LONG TIME.

MAYBE THAT'S ONE OF THE REASONS

WHY WE OUGHT TO BE MAKING THE CHANGE.

WELL...

RALEIGH'S A NICE TOWN.

YES, BUT MAYBERRY'S A NICE TOWN, TOO,

AND WE'RE SO USED TO EVERYBODY AND EVERYTHING.

AND, YOU KNOW, ANDY, YOU RUN THIS TOWN SINGLE-HANDED.

OH, NOT REALLY.

THE TOWN MORE RUNS ITSELF.

WELL, WITH BARNEY TAKING OVER,

THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE IT'LL RUN ITSELF --

RIGHT INTO THE GROUND.

NOW, COME ON, AUNT BEE.

BARNEY'S NEVER REALLY BEEN SHERIFF.

HE'S ALWAYS KNOWN I WAS COMING.

THIS WAY, HE'D BE ON HIS OWN.

FUNNY THING HOW A MAN WILL MEASURE UP TO A JOB.

NOW, ALL YOU MEN ARE GONNA ACT AS MY DEPUTIES

WHILE SHERIFF TAYLOR IS UP IN RALEIGH ON TUESDAY.

NOW, BASED ON WHAT YOU DO OR WHAT YOU DON'T DO,

I'M GONNA PICK ONE OF YOU TO BE MY PERMANENT DEPUTY

WHEN I TAKE OVER.

YOU'LL BE NOTIFIED BY MAIL.

ANY QUESTIONS? DO WE GET GUNS?

NO, JUDD, YOU DON'T GET GUNS.

NOW, IT'S IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW

WHY I PICKED YOU MEN IN PARTICULAR.

'CAUSE NOBODY ELSE'D COME.

THAT'S NOT IT, OTIS!

IT'S BECAUSE ALL THREE OF YOU HAVE THE MAKINGS

OF LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS.

BUT THAT DON'T MEAN YOU HAVEN'T GOT A LOT TO LEARN.

AND I'M GONNA BE WATCHING YOU ALL THE TIME.

I'M NOT GONNA BE EASY WITH YOU.

IT'S GONNA GET TOUGH...

AND THEN IT'S GONNA GET TOUGHER.

THERE'LL BE TIMES WHEN YOU'LL THINK

YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE IT ANYMORE.

SO IF ANYBODY WANTS TO LEAVE...

THERE'LL BE NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

YOU CAN JUST WALK RIGHT OUT THAT DOOR

AND THERE'LL BE NO HARD FEELINGS.

HOLD IT!

GET BACK HERE.

YOU MEN DON'T SEEM TO REALIZE

WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY THIS IS.

ALL RIGHT...

LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.

JUST TESTING THE OLD REFLEXES, GOOBER.

YOU DID THAT GOOD. I DID?

YEAH. ON THIS JOB, IT'S IMPORTANT TO BE FAST!

THERE'S ONLY TWO KINDS OF COPS --

THE QUICK AND THE DEAD!

ALL RIGHT!

NUMBER ONE, STEP OUT!

OTIS, YOU KNOW I'M NUMBER ONE!

I'M NUMBER ONE.

GET BACK IN THE LINE. COUNT OFF!

ONE! TWO! THREE.

REMEMBER YOUR NUMBERS!

OKAY, THREE, STEP OUT!

I SAID THREE, OUT!

I'M THREE.

OH, YEAH. WELL...

ALL RIGHT, THREE, JUST RELAX.

I'M GONNA ASK YOU A FEW SIMPLE QUESTIONS.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

OH, BARNEY, YOU KNOW MY...

COME ON, OTIS, ANSWER THE QUESTION.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!

OH, OTIS CAMPBELL.

OKAY, OTIS CAMPBELL...

LET'S JUST SEE HOW MUCH LAWMAN YOU GOT IN YOU.

OKAY, THREE... FIRST QUESTION.

YOU'RE WALKING DOWN THE STREET, AND...

WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR, BARN?

DIDN'T DO AS GOOD AS ME, DID HE, BARN?

WELL, YOU -- YOU SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT IT.

YOU JUST SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT THAT!

ALL RIGHT, GET BACK IN LINE.

GO ON!

DID YOU SEE HIM THROW THAT TOMATO AT ME?

I WISH HE'D THROW SOMETHING AT ME.

I HAVEN'T HAD MY LUNCH YET.

ALL RIGHT, AT EASE!

WHY'D YOU THROW THAT TOMATO AT ME, BARN?

HOLD IT!

OKAY, NUMBER ONE, STEP OUT!

ALL RIGHT, NUMBER ONE, AND THIS IS STRAIGHT FROM THE MANUAL.

I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME YOUR OBSERVATIONS AND YOUR REACTIONS

TO THE FOLLOWING SITUATIONS.

FIRST SITUATION -- YOU'RE DIRECTING TRAFFIC

AN AMBULANCE, A MAIL TRUCK, AND A FIRE TRUCK

ALL COME TOGETHER AT THE SAME INTERSECTION AT THE SAME TIME.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

SURE GONNA BE A HECK OF A WRECK, AIN'T IT, BARN?

I SAW SOMETHING HAPPEN LIKE THAT.

A BIG GARBAGE TRUCK AND A HOOK AND LADDER.

DOWN AT 4th AND MAIN -- WAS YOU DOWN THERE?

ON THE CORNER. BIGGEST WRECK I EVER SEEN...

HOLD IT! EVERYBODY BACK IN LINE!

DID YOU SEE HOW HE HIT ME WITH THAT TOMATO?

PIPE DOWN, THREE!

I THINK I'VE HEARD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH ABOUT THAT TOMATO!

ALL RIGHT, ONE, YOU HEARD THE QUESTION!

TEN-HUT!

WHAT'S ALL THIS, BARN?

THE CANDIDATES, ANGE.

CANDIDATES FOR WHAT?

THE DEPUTY -- I GOT TO HAVE A DEPUTY.

SEE WHAT HE DID, ANDY? HE HIT ME WITH A TOMATO.

JUST PLOP.

HE THREW A TOMATO AT ME.

ASK HIM WHY HE THREW A TOMATO AT ME.

YOU'RE AT ATTENTION, THREE.

WHAT'D YOU THROW A TOMATO AT HIM FOR, BARN?

NOTHING, ANDY. I'LL CLEAN HIM UP LATER.

EXCUSE US, BOYS.

BARNEY, DO YOU REALLY THINK

YOU'RE GOING TO FIND A DEPUTY IN THAT GROUP --

GOOBER AND JUDD AND OTIS?

NOW, THEY'RE JUST A LITTLE RAW, THAT'S ALL, ANDY.

JUDD MUST BE PAST 80.

ALL HE NEEDS IS A LITTLE TRAINING.

YOU BETTER HURRY.

COULDN'T YOU FIND ANY OTHER CANDIDATES?

I SCREENED A LOT OF THEM THIS MORNING,

AND THESE ARE THE CREAM OF THE CROP.

HMM. NOBODY ELSE'LL COME, HUH?

ANDY, DON'T FORGET -- I WAS GREEN WHEN I STARTED.

WELL...OKAY.

I JUST THOUGHT I'D STOP BY AND CHECK WITH YOU --

SEE IF EVERYTHING WAS ALL RIGHT

BEFORE I GO ON UP TO RALEIGH.

DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT IT.

YOU JUST GO ON UP THERE AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU. ALL RIGHT, 10-4.

SEE YOU, BOYS. SO LONG, ANDY.

ALL RIGHT, TEN-HUT!!

WE'RE AT ATTENTION, BARNEY.

WE'VE BEEN AT ATTENTION ALL THIS TIME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TALKING WHEN YOU'RE AT ATTENTION?

OH. SORRY. AT EASE, MEN.

YOU MEAN WE CAN TALK NOW?

ATTENTION!

BARNEY...

WE WERE PLAYING BALL OVER ON MAPLE STREET

AND THE BALL WENT DOWN THE SEWER DRAIN.

GEORGIE TRIED TO REACH DOWN THERE AND GET IT

AND HE GOT HIS HEAD STUCK.

IS HE ALL RIGHT? YEAH, JUST STUCK.

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL GET HIM RIGHT OUT.

HELLO, SARAH?

GET ME THE DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC WORKS.

WELL, I DON'T CARE. THIS IS POLICE BUSINESS.

YOU CLEAR THE LINE. WE'LL GET HIM OUT.

HELLO. UH, THIS IS ACTING SHERIFF FIFE SPEAKING.

LISTEN, THERE'S A LITTLE BOY

WITH HIS HEAD IN ONE OF YOUR SEWERS.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

ON MAPLE.

WELL, HE'S GOT BLOND HAIR, AND HE'S ABOUT TEN YEARS OLD.

RIGHT. OKAY.

GET HIM RIGHT OUT.

THANKS, BARNEY.

BARN, SOMETHING HAPPENED. HUH?

OH, YOU KNOW DOWN AT THE SCHOOL CROSSING, LITTLE JIMMY JACKSON? YEAH.

WELL, HE WOULDN'T CROSS THE STREET. SO?

WELL, IT WAS MY JOB, SO I CROSSED HIM.

WHAT HAPPENED? I WAS PULLING HIM,

AND HE FELL DOWN AND SKINNED HIS KNEE.

OH, OTIS... YEAH, I KNOW...

I...OH... WHAT'LL I DO?

WELL, GET THIS FIRST AID KIT

AND GO ON OVER THERE.

GET MOVING, GET...

HELLO

WELL, NOW... WELL, SLOW DOWN, HARRY.

TALK SLOWER. I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU.

HE DID? WELL... PUT HIM ON, WILL YOU?

UH, JUDD, LISTEN, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ACTING DEPUTY

DON'T MEAN YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF TO FREE FRUIT.

NOW, PUT THAT BACK.

DON'T GET EXCITED, HARRY.

WE'LL MAKE IT GOOD.

I GOT TO GO.

OH, WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE?

OH, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, MRS. JACKSON?

WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA OF DRAGGING MY LITTLE JIMMY ACROSS THE STREET?

NOW, DON'T GET EXCITED.

OTIS WAS JUST DOING HIS JOB,

YOU KNOW, PROTECTING THE SCHOOL KIDS.

BUT JIMMY DOESN'T HAVE TO CROSS THE STREET.

WE LIVE ON THAT SIDE!

OH, BARNEY...

OH, J-JUST A MINUTE, AUNT BEE.

Mrs. Jackson: I NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING.

HELLO! WELL, HOW MANY SEWERS YOU GOT ON MAPLE?

BARNEY, YOU'D BETTER GET OUTSIDE.

JUST A MINUTE, AUNT BEE.

YEAH, WELL, THAT'S PROBABLY THE ONE.

BARNEY, WILL YOU GET OUTSIDE?! I AM, I AM.

HEY, BARNEY, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET GEORGE'S HEAD OUT OF THE SEWER?

HE'S HOLDING UP THE GAME.

I DON'T KNOW. I JUST...DON'T KNOW.

OH, BARNEY, MRS. JACKSON

JUST HIT ME ON THE HEAD WITH HER PURSE.

WHAT DO I DO NOW? HIT HER BACK!

Man: HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GET OUT OF HERE?!

GOOBER, WHAT HAPPENED?!

I DON'T KNOW, SHERIFF. I JUST DON'T KNOW.

FIRST, THIS BIG LUMBER TRUCK COME BY

AND THEN THIS MILK TRUCK DRIVER

GOT MAD AT ME FOR LETTING MISS HASKETT THROUGH

AND THEN, SHERIFF...

DON'T CALL ME SHERIFF! I AIN'T THE SHERIFF!

WELL, YOU GONNA BE.

OH, THAT SURE WAS A BIG ONE, BARN.

I HAVEN'T SEEN A TRAFFIC JAM LIKE THAT

SINCE THE '39 WORLD'S FAIR.

OH, IT WAS BIG. BIG.

NOW, THAT WASN'T MY FAULT.

THAT WAS GOOBER.

YOU GIVE A GUY A PAIR OF WHITE GLOVES

HE CAN'T STOP WAVING HIS ARMS.

IT SURE WAS A BEAUT.

OH, BOY, WAIT TILL ANDY HEARS ABOUT THIS.

TOO BAD NO ONE TOOK A PICTURE OF IT.

LISTEN, THESE THINGS HAPPEN, FLOYD.

THERE'S NO NEED TO MENTION THAT TO ANDY.

YEAH, OKAY, OKAY.

WELL, BARN, I GUESS YOU KNOW NOW

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU BECOME SHERIFF.

YOU KNOW, FLOYD...

I DON'T THINK THE JOB'S FOR ME.

I MEAN, I CAN'T STAND BEING COOPED UP

IN AN OFFICE LIKE ANDY CAN.

I MEAN, I'M AN ACTION GUY.

I'VE GOT TO ROAM. I'VE GOT TO KEEP ON THE GO.

YOU SURE WERE ON THE GO TODAY, ALL RIGHT.

'COURSE, NOTHING ELSE WAS.

WELL, I WISH ANDY'D STAY ON.

OH, SAY, SPEAK OF THE DEVIL, LOOK.

NOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THAT TRAFFIC JAM.

IT'S JUST NOT IMPORTANT.

UH, OKAY, OKAY.

BARN, FLOYD.

Barney: ANDY, HOW ARE YOU?

FINE.

YOU MISSED IT, ANDY. FLOYD.

MISSED WHAT? NOTHING.

JUST A LITTLE TRAFFIC JAM.

WAS IT BAD? NOTHING. IT WAS CLEARED RIGHT UP.

HOW WAS YOUR TRIP? FINE. LONG DRIVE.

HOT UP THERE IN RALEIGH.

OH, YEAH, IT'S TERRIBLE UP THERE.

'COURSE, HERE IN MAYBERRY

WE'VE GOT THIS NICE, COOL BREEZE

THAT COMES WHIPPIN' RIGHT DOWN THE STREET HERE.

IT WAS SURE HOT AWHILE BACK THERE

WITH THAT TRAFFIC JAM.

YOU, UH, REALLY DIDN'T LIKE IT UP THERE, HUH?

NO, I LIKED IT FINE. IT'S A NICE TOWN.

OH.

YEAH, NICE TOWN, NICE TOWN.

WANT A HAIRCUT, ANDY?

NO, THANKS, FLOYD.

I EXPECT I BETTER BE GETTING ON HOME.

IT'LL BE SUPPERTIME PRETTY SOON. YEAH.

I'LL SEE YOU, BARN, FLOYD.

BYE, ANDY.

GETTING A LITTLE SHAGGY IN THE BACK THERE, ANDY.

WELL, HE'S LEAVING.

SURE GOING TO MISS CUTTING HIS HAIR.

OH, HE'S GOT NICE HAIR.

IT'S SOFT, BUT IT'S STRONG.

IT'S EASY TO CLIP.

NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT.

WE'VE GOT TO FIND A WAY TO KEEP ANDY HERE.

YEP, HE SITS REAL STILL IN THAT CHAIR, TOO.

HE DOESN'T FIDGET ONE BIT.

FLOYD, I THINK I GOT IT.

I KNOW HOW WE CAN KEEP ANDY HERE. WHAT?

I KNOW HOW WE CAN KEEP HIM FROM GOING TO RALEIGH.

WELL, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DO THAT?

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS MANUFACTURE A LITTLE TROUBLE.

WELL, YOU BEING SHERIFF IS TROUBLE ENOUGH.

THAT SHOULD KEEP HIM HERE.

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT TRAFFIC JAMS.

I MEAN A CRIME WAVE. OH...

OH, BUT THAT TRAFFIC JAM...

OH, THAT WAS A BIG ONE.

WILL YOU FORGET ABOUT THE TRAFFIC JAM?!

HOW MUCH DID HE GET, GOOBER?

UH, NEAR AS I CAN MAKE OUT, ABOUT $40.

$40. DID YOU GET THE LICENSE NUMBER?

NO, COULDN'T MAKE IT OUT,

BUT HE HAD ONE OF THEM LITTLE RED SPORTS CARS

AND A BIG SHOTGUN.

REMEMBER WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE?

HE WAS WEARING A BIG, BLACK MASK...

UH, TWO BEADY EYES.

WELL, HOW TALL WAS HE?

UH, BIG... REAL BIG AND TOUGH.

LET ME SEE IF I CAN GET THIS STRAIGHT.

NOW, HE WAS DRIVING A LITTLE RED SPORTS CAR...

...CARRYING A SHOTGUN...

...AND WEARING A BIG, BLACK MASK.

DIDN'T YOU GET A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS?

HE COULD'VE BEEN HUNTING DUCKS.

WEARING A MASK?

WELL, UH...

THEY ARE OUT OF SEASON.

OH, SHOOT, BARN. YOU PROMISED WE COULD HOLD UP THE BANK.

GOOBER, I WANT YOU TO TAKE THE EAST SIDE.

AND, OTIS, I WANT YOU --

OH, SIR, THIS IS SHERIFF FIFE.

GET ME SHERIFF TAYLOR.

YEAH?

ANGE?

YEAH, BARN?

LISTEN, WE'VE GOT BIG TROUBLE.

THERE'S A BUNCH OF WILD KIDS IN TOWN

JUST WHOOPING AND HOLLERING AND SCREAMING AND CARRYING ON.

IT'S WIDE OPEN, ANGE.

NO TELLING WHERE IT'LL END UP.

I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING.

WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!

WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!

WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!

WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!

WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!

CAN'T YOU MAKE THEM STOP THAT?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY THERE ARE.

I MIGHT NEED REINFORCEMENTS.

OKAY...I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN.

GOOBER, PULL THEM DRAWERS OUT.

THROW THEM ON THE FLOOR.

THOSE TOWELS COST ME 20 CENTS APIECE TO WASH.

WELL, YOU WANT THIS PLACE TO LOOK AUTHENTIC, DON'T YOU?

I MEAN, ANDY'S NO FOOL.

IT'S GOT TO LOOK LIKE IT WAS ROBBED AND LOOTED.

Otis: HE'S COMING, BARN!

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY TAKE YOUR PLACES.

ACT HURT, ACT HURT.

ACT HURT.

HOW ABOUT A HAIRCUT, FLOYD?

OUT, OUT, JUDD, GET OUT.

OUT, OUT, OUT. BUT ALL I WANT'S A HAIRCUT.

WHAT HAPPENED? WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE ASSAULT AND ROBBERY, ANDY.

FLOYD'S BEEN ASSAULTED.

ASSAULTED ME... GREAT BIG FELLA.

IT WAS VICIOUS. OH, IT WAS VICIOUS. ASSAULTED ME.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

WELL, I GUESS. MY SHOULDER HURTS, THOUGH.

HE PUSHED ME, YOU KNOW.

I'VE NEVER BEEN PUSHED THAT HARD...

OH, IT WAS A REAL ASSAULT.

YOU WANT A DOCTOR?

HE DON'T NEED A DOCTOR.

I CHECKED HIM OUT MYSELF.

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE HIM YOUR ACCOUNT, GOOBER?

WELL, THIS BIG FELLER WALKED IN, AND...

OH, B FELLA... OH, HE WAS REAL BIG.

HE SAID, "GIVE ME A HAIRCUT"

AND I SAID, "I'M BUSY," SO HE SAID, "ALL RIGHT,

THEN GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY,"

AND HE PUSHED ME ON THE FLOOR.

AND HE PUSHED ME REAL HARD. HE ASSAULTED ME.

BARN.

BARN...IT DON'T TAKE MUCH OF A DETECTIVE

TO SEE THIS WHOLE THING'S A PUT-UP JOB.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO, BARNEY.

BELIEVE ME, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO

AND DON'T THINK I DON'T APPRECIATE IT,

BUT YOU CAN STOP NOW.

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH, ANDY.

I...I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE THE SHERIFF.

I KNOW YOU DON'T...

AND I DO, SO...

YOU'RE STAYING?

WELL, RALEIGH'S A NICE TOWN,

BUT AUNT BEE LIKES IT HERE

AND OPIE LIKES IT HERE AND...I DO, TOO,

AND I WAS JUST WONDERING WHAT ALL I'D HAVE TO GIVE UP

TO BE A BIG DETECTIVE.

SEEMS LIKE I'D BE GIVING UP AN AWFUL LOT.

I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING ELSE, TOO.

HE HAD A BIG SCAR...

KNOCK IT OFF, GOOBER.

AND WITH SHERIFF TAYLOR BACK IN CHARGE

THERE WON'T BE ANY MORE NEED FOR ANY DEPUTIES.

I WANT TO THANK ALL OF YOU FOR HELPING OUT, THOUGH.

I REALLY APPRECIATED IT.

THERE'LL BE A LITTLE SOMETHING

IN THE MAIL FOR YOU -- A LITTLE $5 CHECK.

I OUGHT TO GET MORE. I HAD TO BUY A NEW SHIRT.

YOU OUGHT TO HAVE CAUGHT THE TOMATO.

AIN'T BUT TWO KINDS OF COPS -- QUICK AND THE DEAD.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS, ALL RIGHT. NOW, THANK YOU VERY MUCH

AND WE'LL SEE YOU SOME OTHER TIME, OKAY?

HEY, WE'LL SEE YOU, ANDY.

BYE. SEE YOU, ANDY.

WILL YOU DROP ME OFF, NUMBER ONE?

COME ON, NUMBER TWO. COME ON, NUMBER THREE.

YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THEM NUMBERS.

WELL, I GUESS THAT ABOUT WRAPS IT UP.

I GUESS.

I HAND THE JOB BACK OVER TO YOU WITH PLEASURE.

WELL, BARN...SEEMS LIKE THE ONLY THING WRONG

YOU JUST GOT A LITTLE TOO EXCITED

WHEN EVERYTHING STARTED TO HAPPEN AT ONCE.

OH, ARE YOU KIDDING, ANDY?

YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN HERE THAT DAY.

IT WAS A CRAZY HOUSE.

WELL, THAT'S JUST WHEN YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE THINGS IN STRIDE.

STRIDE? THEY WERE CRAWLING ALL OVER ME.

WELL, BARN, JUST STAY CALM.

JUST STAY CALM.

YEAH, I SUPPOSE.

DIDN'T YOU SEE MY SIGNAL? WHAT, ARE YOU BLIND?

WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED?

WHY DON'T YOU WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING?

I HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY!

ALL RIGHT, WHAT HAPPENED? ANDY, HE RUN INTO ME.

NOW, HOW COULD I HAVE...?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT...

NOW, JUST HOLD IT, HOLD IT.

I'M SUING GOOBER.

HE GOT MY PANTS RIPPED. LOOK.

JUDD...JUDD, PLEASE.

JUDD...

MORNING, ANDY.

BARN.

WELL, HOW'D THINGS WORK OUT WITH THAT ACCIDENT?

OH, OKAY.

IT'S IN THE HANDS OF THE INSURANCE COMPANY NOW.

YOU GOT PRETTY EXCITED THERE FOR A WHILE, DIDN'T YOU?

WELL, YEAH. WITH EVERYBODY SCREAMING AND YELLING AT ONCE.

NOW YOU KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH.

WELL, EVERYTHING'S BACK TO NORMAL NOW. I GUESS.

I GUESS I'LL GET OUT ON PATROL. OKAY.

I'LL SEE YOU. ALL RIGHT.

SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!