Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD.

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

WHAT'S THAT NOW, SEVEN BLANKETS?

YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING SICK OF?

WHAT? I'M GETTING SICK OF MENDING OTIS' CHEWED-UP BLANKETS.

WELL... IT'S GOING TO LOOK REAL GOOD

ON OUR INVENTORY, CHEWED-UP BLANKETS,

EVERY CORNER CHEWED INTO.

THINK HE WAS A COCKER SPANIEL OR SOMETHING.

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW OTIS IS AFTER A NIGHT OF HARD DRINKING.

HE HAS THESE BAD DREAMS AND HE HAS TO CHEW ON SOMETHING.

BLANKET'S KIND OF LIKE A PACIFIER.

WE OUGHTA GO DOWN TO THE PET STORE, THEN,

AND GET HIM A RUBBER BONE OR SOMETHING.

YOU SAY YOU MEND THOSE BLANKETS?

YEAH.

IT'S HARD TO KEEP UP WITH HIM, BUT I STITCH 'EM UP.

NIGHTS WHEN TIME HANGS HEAVY,

I JUST TAKE A NEEDLE AND THREAD, SEW 'EM UP.

WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

YOU CAN SEW?

YEAH.

WHEN'D YOU LEARN TO SEW?

WATCHING MY MOTHER.

WATCHING YOUR MOTHER?

YEAH.

TELL YOU ANOTHER LITTLE SECRET

IF YOU DON'T GO SPREADING IT AROUND.

I CAN CROCHET, TOO.

YOU CAN'T.

WATCHING YOUR MOTHER?

YEAH.

IT'S VERY "THERAPETIC."

IT IS, HUH?

YOU KNOW THAT KNITTERS AND CROCHETERS

SELDOM HAVE STOMACH DISORDERS?

NO, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

YEAH -- I AIN'T DONE IT IN A LONG TIME,

BUT I WAS GOING TO TAKE IT UP AGAIN,

SURPRISE YOU THIS CHRISTMAS.

WHAT?

I WAS GOING TO KNIT YOU AN AFGHAN.

YOU WEREN'T. YEAH.

YOU KNOW, WITH THE STATE COLORS,

AND RIGHT ACROSS THE MIDDLE, "BLESS THIS HOUSE."

YOU CAN DO THAT? SURE.

WELL, I'LL BE DOGGED.

WILL YOU?

SURE.

I'LL HAVE TO ASK AUNT BEE TO BUY ME THE YARN.

I DON'T LIKE TO GO INTO THEM MITTEN STORES

AND BUY YARN, THEY LOOK AT ME SO FUNNY.

SURE, SURE.

I'LL TELL YOU, THE COUNTY SURE OWES YOU A LOT,

SAVING THEM MONEY SEWING THINGS UP LIKE THAT.

WELL... LET'S SEE,

DESK LAMPS, TWO.

NO, THREE.

NO, THAT ONE'S GONE.

NECK'S BUSTED, REMEMBER?

NO, I FIXED IT.

ALL IT NEEDED WAS A NUT AND SOME WASHERS.

WELL, YOU ARE A MR. FIXIT, AREN'T YOU?

MENDIN', REPAIRIN'...

EXCUSE ME.

HOW MUCH MORE WE GOT TO DO?

A COUPLE OF HOURS, ANYWAY.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FINISH TONIGHT

IF WE WANT TO TAKE THE GIRLS OUT TOMORROW NIGHT.

YOU KNOW, WE AIN'T HAD SUPPER YET, AND.

IT'S ALMOST 7:00.

YOU KNOW ME AND MY LOW-SUGAR BLOOD CONTENT.

I'LL BE GETTIN' A HEADACHE IN A MINUTE

AND I WON'T BE ANY GOOD TO ANYBODY.

HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.

TAKE TOO LONG TO GO OUT.

WHY DON'T YOU RUN OVER TO THE DINER

AND BRING BACK A COUPLE SANDWICHES?

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA GET?

TWO CHILI-SIZE BURGERS WITH CHOPPED ONIONS,

KETCHUP, PICCALILLI, AND MUSTARD,

SIDE OF FRENCH FRIES, SLAB OF RHUBARB PIE,

AND A CHOCOLATE MALT.

HOW'S THAT HIT YOU?

THAT'LL LAY ON YOUR CHEST.

YOU WORK IT OFF, MAN, YOU WORK IT OFF.

OH, BARN, I DON'T...

WILL YOU LEAVE IT TO MR. FIXIT?

WHERE'S THE CAR, FRONT OR BACK?

BACK. NOW, DON'T DAWDLE.

I DON'T EAT THAT FOOD COLD.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

THE DINER GUARANTEES THEIR FOOD TO STAY HOT...

HOURS AFTER YOU'VE EATEN IT.

HELLO!

ANYBODY HOME?

HEY, WHO'S MINDING THE STORE?

OH, HI, GIRLS.

HI, ANDY.

WHERE'S BARNEY?

HE WENT TO GET SUPPER.

WE'RE HAVIN' TO WORK TONIGHT --

COUNTY INVENTORY.

WELL, DROP IT. WHAT?

WE WANT YOU TO GO TO THE MOVIES WITH US.

OH, WE CAN'T. WE'D BETTER STAY WITH IT.

CAN'T YOU FINISH IT TOMORROW?

NOT IF YOU WANT US TO TAKE YOU TO THE DANCE TOMORROW NIGHT.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE HURRYING TO FINISH TONIGHT.

WHAT A SHAME. IT'S A CARY GRANT MOVIE.

YOU WANT TO GO TO THE DANCE TOMORROW NIGHT?

WE SURE DO. WELL, THEN, WE'D BETTER STAY WITH IT.

YOU RUN ALONG AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.

WE'LL SEE YOU SOME TIME TOMORROW.

ALL RIGHT. WE'LL MISS YOU.

BYE. GOOD NIGHT.

AND DON'T SET WITH ANYBODY!

WELL, NOW, DON'T YOU COUNT ON IT.

ANYBODY HERE?

Gomer: HEY, ANDY!

HEY, GOMER.

SAY HEY TO MY COUSIN GOOBER.

HEY, GOOBER.

HEY, ANDY.

WE WAS GONNA GO TO THE PICTURE SHOW

AND THOUGHT MAYBE YOU MIGHT LIKE TO GO, TOO.

I CAN'T, GOMER, I GOT TO WORK.

IT'S A CARY GRANT MOVIE. I KNOW.

GOOBER NEVER DOES MISS A CARY GRANT MOVIE.

HE STUDIES HIM.

HE WHAT? HE STUDIES HIM,

ON ACCOUNT HE TAKES OFF REAL GOOD ON CARY GRANT.

DID YOU EVER HEAR HIM TAKE OFF ON CARY GRANT?

UH, NO, GOMER. GOOBER, DO CARY GRANT FOR ANDY.

OH... COME ON, HE AIN'T NEVER HEARD YOU.

OH, GOMER...

COME ON, DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT.

LISTEN, GOMER, IF HE DON'T WANT TO...

I'LL DO IT.

ATTABOY. WAIT A MINUTE, ANDY.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

WHAT?

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

LISTEN TO THIS.

HE'S GONNA TAKE OFF ON CARY GRANT.

GO, GOOB.

JUDY, JUDY, JUDY, JUDY, JUDY.

COULDN'T YOU JUST SWEAR

CARY GRANT WAS RIGHT HERE IN THIS ROOM?

Andy: YEAH, THAT WAS GOOD, GOOBER.

IT SURE WAS, GOOB.

YOU GOT TO SHOW ME HOW YOU DO THAT.

JUDY... JUDY...

I CAN'T DO IT.

JUDY, JUDY, JUDY, JUDY, JUDY.

SO GOOD, HOW YOU CAN DO THAT.

YEAH, UH... LISTEN, GOMER --

YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HE CAN DO?

NO. EDWARD G. ROBINSON.

DO EDWARD G. ROBINSON FOR HIM, GOOBER.

LISTEN TO THIS, ANDY.

DO I HAVE TO CLOSE MY EYES?

NO, KEEP THEM OPEN -- GO, GOOB, EDWARD G. ROBINSON.

OKAY, YOU GUYS. COME ON, YOU GUYS.

ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS. BEAT IT, YOU GUYS.

SEE WHY I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO CLOSE YOUR EYES?

HE LOOKS JUST LIKE EDWARD G. ROBINSON.

DON'T HE LOOK JUST LIKE HIM?

Andy: YEAH, HE LOOKS A LOT LIKE EDWARD G. ROBINSON.

LISTEN, GOMER --

HEY, YOU WANT TO SEE SOMETHING ELSE?

WELL... WALK LIKE CHESTER.

YOU KNOW, CHESTER AND MARSHALL DILLON?

HE CAN WALK JUST LIKE CHESTER.

GO ON, GOOBER, SHOW HIM.

AIN'T HE GOT TALENT?

GOOBER, YOU REALLY GOT TALENT.

YEAH, GOOBER, YOU REALLY GOT TALENT.

LISTEN, GOMER, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I GOT TO GET BACK TO WORK.

I'M SORRY YOU CAN'T GO TO THE PICTURE SHOW WITH US.

WELL... BUT WE'LL SEE YOU.

JUDY, JUDY...

I CAN'T DO IT.

JUDY, JUDY, JUDY, JUDY.

YOU'RE GOOD AT HOW YOU CAN DO THAT.

YOU GOT TO SHOW ME HOW TO DO THAT.

SARAH?

FINE, HOW ARE YOU?

OH. OH, THAT'S A SHAME.

WELL, DRINK A LOT OF HOT JUICES.

UH, GET ME THE DINER, WOULD YOU?

UH, NEVER MIND, SARAH.

WHERE YOU BEEN?

I WAS CALLIN' YOU.

WHERE ARE THE SANDWICHES?

UH...

AND...

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

WELL, WHAT HAPPENED WAS,

I RUN INTO SOME OLD FRIENDS.

YOU MET THEM WITH ME A LONG TIME AGO.

SO? SO, UH, THEY INSISTED ON,

YOU KNOW, PAYING US A VISIT.

YOU SEE, THEY NEVER SAW THE INSIDE OF A JAIL BEFORE --

BARNEY, VISITORS TONIGHT, OF ALL NIGHTS?

HELEN'S BEEN HERE, THELMA LOU'S BEEN HERE,

GOOBER AND GOMER'S BEEN HERE.

NOW YOU COME IN HERE WITH VISITORS.

WE'LL NEVER FINISH.

WELL, I KNOW, BUT, YOU SEE...

SURPRISE!

REMEMBER THE GIRLS, ANDY?

REMEMBER THE NIGHT WE MET THEM IN MT. PILOT?

OF COURSE HE REMEMBERS!

AND THIS IS YOUR BLIND DATE, DAPHNE.

YOU REMEMBER DAPHNE.

HELLO, DOLL.

IT'S THE FUNNIEST THING,

RUNNING INTO BERNIE.

BARNEY.

DAPH AND I WERE JUST SITTING IN THIS BOOTH,

AND I LOOKED UP AND I SAID TO DAPH,

"SAY, DAPH, ISN'T THAT OUR FRIEND BERNIE?"

AND HE TURNED AROUND AND ALL OF A SUDDEN

I COULD SEE, SURE ENOUGH, IT WAS BERNIE!

BARNEY.

DAPH!

WILL YOU JUST LOOK AT HIS HAIR?

WAVY! OH, DOESN'T THAT JUST KILL YA?

OH, WHAT US GIRLS HAVE TO GO THROUGH

TO GET A WAVE IN OUR HAIR, SETTING UNDER

THE DRYER FOR HOURS, AND JUST LOOK AT YOU.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THE SHERIFF DON'T SET UNDER A DRYER?

THE SHERIFF, SETTING UNDER A DRYER!

OH, BERNIE, YOU'RE A SCREAM!

EXCUSE US.

BARNEY, GET THEM GIRLS OUT OF HERE.

AND, I WAS STUCK. WHAT COULD I DO?

GET 'EM OUT OF HERE. IT'LL JUST BE A FEW MINUTES.

I DON'T CARE, GET 'EM OUT OF HERE.

HEY, THAT AIN'T NICE, BOYS, YOU GOT COMPANY.

YEAH, COME ON AND SHOW US AROUND, DOLL.

SO THIS IS WHERE YOU KEEP

ALL THE BAD LITTLE GIRLS, HUH?

UH, YES, MA'AM, UH, WELL --

COME ON, BERNIE, YOU PROMISED TO SHOW US AROUND.

GIRLS, ACTUALLY, THIS --

YOU KNOW, I AIN'T NEVER BEEN IN

A JAIL BEFORE, EXCEPT TO VISIT FRIENDS.

COME ON, BERNIE.

WELL, UH, ACTUALLY, THERE ISN'T TOO MUCH TO SHOW.

THESE ARE OUR MAXIMUM SECURITY CELLS.

HEY, DAPH, LOOK AT ME!

* I'M LOCKED UP WITH THE SHERIFF *

* I'M LOCKED UP WITH THE SHERIFF *

HEY, THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN!

YEAH, IT IS.

COME ON, BERNIE. BARNEY, OPEN THE DOOR.

OPEN THE DOOR, BARNEY, OPEN THE DOOR.

OH, SHERIFF, COME ON, LET'S PLAY BIG HOUSE.

GIRLS, LISTEN.

THIS ISN'T THE BEST TIME FOR A VISIT.

NO. WE HAVE ALL THIS WORK TO DO AND EVERYTHING.

YOU COME BACK ANOTHER TIME

AND WE'LL BE GLAD TO SHOW YOU AROUND.

OF COURSE, DOLL.

YOU KNOW WHAT HE IS?

A GENTLEMAN, A REAL GENTLEMAN.

YEAH, NOT LIKE YOUR FRIEND AL, THAT BUM.

THAT'S NOT MY FRIEND, SKIPPY.

AL IS YOUR FRIEND, AND YOU KNOW IT.

WELL, WHO BROUGHT AL AROUND, ANYWAY?

I CERTAINLY DIDN'T BRING HIM AROUND.

IT WAS YOU.

GIRLS, DON'T FIGHT, DON'T FIGHT.

GIRLS, PLEASE DON'T FIGHT.

PLEASE DON'T FIGHT.

UH, BARNEY? WHY --

WHY DON'T YOU DRIVE THE GIRLS

BACK OVER TO THE DINER?

THE DINER? BERNIE, NO, YOU PROMISED THAT YOU

WERE GOING TO DRIVE US ALL THE WAY HOME.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER? YOU PROMISED!

I ACTUALLY DID PROMISE, ANDY.

ALL RIGHT, BERNIE, WHY DON'T YOU DRIVE THE GIRLS HOME?

SAY, YOU MEAN YOU AIN'T COMING ALONG?

WELL, I HAVE -- I HAVE THIS WORK TO DO...

WELL, AND I SUPPOSE I'M SUPPOSED TO SET

IN THE BACK OF THE CAR ALL ALONE

ALL THE WAY TO MT. PILOT.

WELL, THAT'S A HECK OF A NOTE.

THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY.

HE'S BEGINNING TO SOUND MORE LIKE

YOUR FRIEND AL NOW, HUH?

AL IS NOT MY FRIEND, SKIPPY.

WELL, HE AIN'T MINE!

HE IS SO! I TOLD YOU --

GIRLS, PLEASE, PLEASE,

PLEASE, GIRLS, PLEASE DON'T FIGHT.

WE'LL -- WE'LL BOTH DRIVE YOU HOME.

OH.

I'LL JUST GET MY JACKET.

MR. FIXIT?

OH, IT WAS A CUTE MOVIE, WASN'T IT, HELEN?

OH, I ENJOYED IT.

I'M SO SORRY THE BOYS COULDN'T COME.

I KNOW ANDY WOULD HAVE LOVED IT.

YES, POOR THINGS, WORKING AT NIGHT.

I WONDER IF THEY'RE STILL THERE.

PROBABLY. SAY, WHY DON'T WE STOP IN

AND SEE IF THEY'LL BUY US A SODA?

OH, GOOD IDEA!

WELL, LET'S GO.

SHERIFF, I JUST LOVE THAT JACKET.

HEY, DAPH, AIN'T THIS EXCITING?

WE HAVEN'T BEEN OUT WITH COPS BEFORE.

WELL, THAT'S A GOOD WAY TO STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.

"GOOD WAY TO STAY OUT OF TROUBLE."

OH, BERNIE, YOU'RE A SCREAM!

SHERIFF, WHERE WE SETTIN', HUH?

Barney: YOU WANT ME TO DRIVE?

Andy: NO, I'LL DRIVE, I'LL DRIVE.

HOW 'BOUT STOPPIN' AT THE KIT KAT CLUB FOR A BEER?

YEAH! LET'S TEST THE BACK SEAT FIRST.

COME ON!

Daphne: I AIN'T CROWDIN' YOU, AM I, DOLL?

CROWD ME, BERNIE.

I JUST LOVE TO BE CROWDED. OOH.

WELL...

JUST... JUST LET ME CHANGE THE GEARS.

Daphne: BERNIE, YOU KILL ME!

YOU'RE STILL SORE, AIN'T YA? ABOUT LAST NIGHT?

I AIN'T SORE. YES, YA ARE.

YOUR JAW MUSCLES ARE WORKIN'.

I AIN'T SORE.

THEN HOW COME YOUR JAW MUSCLES ARE WORKIN'?

BARNEY -- LOOK, ANDY, I'M SORRY!

IT WAS JUST ONE OF THEM SITUATIONS

THAT I COULDN'T GET OUT OF!

THOSE GIRLS ABSOLUTELY INSISTED!

NOW, WHAT COULD I DO?

WELL, ALL I KNOW IS THE WORK THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE

DONE LAST NIGHT HAS GOT TO BE FINISHED TODAY,

ALL BECAUSE YOU BROUGHT A COUPLE OF --

OF WILD WOMEN IN THERE FOR A VISIT,

AND IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, YOU ARRANGED FOR US

TO DRIVE 'EM HOME ALL THE WAY TO MT. PILOT,

SO WE GET BACK TOO LATE TO DO ANYTHING BUT GO TO SLEEP.

OH, LOOK, I COULDN'T JUST -- AND WE'RE WASTING TIME

SITTIN' HERE TALKIN' ABOUT IT,

SO LET'S GO IN AND GO TO WORK

AND JUST FORGET ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

JUST FORGET ABOUT IT.

YOU MEAN THAT?

YES.

YOU'RE NOT SORE ANYMORE?

I AIN'T SORE.

THEN HOW COME YOUR JAW MUSCLES ARE WORKIN'?

HEY, AND.

GIRLS ARE IN TOWN KINDA EARLY THIS MORNING.

YEAH. DOING A LITTLE SHOPPING FOR TONIGHT, I GUESS.

HI, GIRLS!

THELMA LOU?

THELMA LOU!

DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME CALL?

WE HEARD YOU.

OH, IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG?

NO. WHAT COULD BE WRONG?

OH, WELL, GOOD.

WHAT TIME DO YOU WANT US TO PICK YA UP TONIGHT?

MIGHT AS WELL ARRANGE THAT NOW.

TONIGHT?

YEAH, THE DANCE! YOU WANNA GO, DON'T YA?

OH, OF COURSE. WELL, WHAT TIME DO YOU WANT US TO--

BUT NOT WITH YOU.

HUH?

WE'RE NOT GOING WITH YOU.

WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT'S GOING ON?

WE GOT A DATE FOR TONIGHT.

WE HA A DATE FOR TONIGHT.

BUT WE DON'T ANYMORE.

WHAT IS THIS, SOME KIND OF A JOKE?

NOW, COME ON, THELMA LOU, QUIT HORSING AROUND!

BARNEY, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT ANY PLAINER.

WE ARE NOT GOING WITH YOU TONIGHT.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US.

Andy: NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, I DON'T KNOW

WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT, BUT WE HAD A DATE FOR TONIGHT.

WE WORKED LAST NIGHT SO WE'D BE FREE.

SHOULDN'T BE HARD FOR YOU TO GET YOURSELVES ANOTHER DATE.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE TWO YOUNG LADIES

WHO WERE WITH YA LAST NIGHT WHEN YOU WERE...WORKING?

THEY LOOKED LIKE FUN GIRLS!

SO THAT'S IT.

HOW DO YOU SUPPOSE THEY KNEW ABOUT THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

THEY PROBABLY SAW US LEAVING

WHEN THEY WAS COMIN' OUT OF THE MOVIES.

BOY... WHAT A CONCLUSION TO JUMP TO --

FUN GIRLS.

WELL, WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

I DON'T KNOW.

'COURSE, WE COULD ALWAYS TAKE THE FUN GIRLS.

YEAH.

THE NERVE OF 'EM!

IMAGINE THE NERVE, THINKIN' WE HAD A DATE WITH THEM GIRLS?

THIS WHOLE THING IS DUE TO YOU, MR. FIXIT.

YOU BEAT EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW THAT, BARNEY?

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE... IF YOU HADN'T BROUGHT THEM SILLY GIRLS IN THERE

IN THE FIRST PLACE, WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS.

AND... YOU STARTED THE WHOLE STUPID THING.

YOUR JAW MUSCLES ARE WORKIN' AGAIN.

WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.

DON'T YOU WANNA EVEN HEAR AN EXPLANATION?

WELL, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAW LAST NIGHT.

LISTEN, LISTEN, I'LL STOP BY IN A FEW MINUTES AND PICK YOU UP

AND EXPLAIN ON THE WAY TO THE DANCE.

WHAT--

WELL, ALL RIGHT, THEN!

WELL, HERE'S YOUR TIE, ALL NICELY PRESSED.

WELL, THANKS, AUNT BEE, BUT I'M NOT GOIN'.

NOT GOING?

NO.

HELEN AND THELMA LOU GOT OTHER DATES.

SO, LET 'EM. I'LL JUST STAY HERE.

OH, FIDDLE-DEE-STICKS! THEY HAVE NO SUCH THING.

OH, THEY'RE JUST SULKING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD.

YOU AND BARNEY GO TO THE DANCE

AND THEY'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU

AND YOU'LL TALK AND YOU'LL DANCE

AND IT'LL ALL BE SETTLED.

I'M NOT UP TO PLAYIN' GAMES.

I'D JUST AS SOON STAY HERE AND FORGET IT.

NOW THERE'S BARNEY COMING TO PICK YOU UP.

NOW, GO ON. HURRY UP. GO ALONG.

I'VE GOT TO FINISH GIVING OPIE HIS SUPPER.

AIN'T YOU READY? AIN'T YOU COMIN'?

BARNEY, I'M NOT GOING TO A DANCE

AND STAND IN A STAG LINE WITH OLD MAN SCHWUMP.

WE'RE NOT GOING STAG.

WHAT?

SURPRISE!

HI, SHERIFF.

WE'RE GOING DANCING! WE'RE GOING DANCING!

OH, SAY, DAPH, DON'T THEY LOOK CUTE IN THEIR CIVVIES?

HELLO, DOLL.

EXCUSE ME.

BARNEY...

WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WELL, I'LL TELL YA -- YOU KNOW WHAT YOU

SAID THIS MORNING, HOW YOU HAD A GOOD MIND

TO TAKE THESE FUN GIRLS TO THE DANCE?

WELL, THAT'S A DARN GOOD IDEA.

LET'S SHOW THELMA LOU AND HELEN THAT

THERE'S OTHER FISH IN THE OCEAN.

YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? GET THEM GIRLS OUT OF HERE.

WAIT -- NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME!

HEY, BOYS,

HOW 'BOUT A LITTLE WARM

GET THEM GIRLS OUT OF HERE.

UH, UH...

THIS, UH...

UH, THIS IS, UH...

THIS IS MY AUNT BEE.

HI, AUNT BEE!

HELLO, HONEY.

OPIE, FINISH YOUR SUPPER.

THIS IS MY BOY, OPIE.

OH!

OH, HE'S A-DOR-ABLE!

HELLO, SWEETHEART.

YOU GONNA BE A SHERIFF WHEN YOU GROW UP, TOO?

OH, NO, DAPH.

YOU KNOW HOW THAT WORKS.

THE SON OF A COP IS USUALLY A GANGSTER.

OPIE. WILL YOU EXCUSE US, PLEASE?

WELL, UH, WE, UH, WE MIGHT AS WELL, UH, GO.

YEAH, I GUESS IT'S, UH, TWINKLE-TOES TIME.

TWINKLE-TOES TIME!

OH, BERNIE, YOU'RE A SCREAM!

YOU COMIN', AND?

WHEN THIS IS OVER, I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

SURE WAS NICE OF YOU GIRLS TO ASK US

TO COME TONIGHT, WASN'T IT, GOOBER?

YO.

THAT MEANS "YES."

GOOBER ALWAYS SAYS "YO" FOR "YES."

HE PICKED THAT UP WHEN HE WAS IN THE NATIONAL GUARD.

THEY SAY THAT A LOT IN THE NATIONAL GUARD,

DON'T THEY, GOOBER? YO.

SEE? HEY, DO CARY GRANT FOR US.

OH, HE ALREADY DID THAT.

OH, YEAH -- HEY, WELL, DO EDWARD G. ROBINSON FOR US.

OH, HE DID THAT ONE, TOO, REMEMBER?

OUT IN THE PARKING LOT.

OH, YEAH.

HEY, YOU GIRLS WANT ANOTHER BOTTLE OF SODA POP?

OH, NO, THANK YOU. OH, NO, THANK YOU.

HEY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE?

NOT RIGHT NOW, THANKS.

OH, I KNOW SOMETHIN' YOU NEVER HAVE SEEN HIM DO.

SEW UP YOUR FINGERS, GOOBER.

OH... OH, COME ON, GOOBER, SEW UP YOUR FINGERS!

OH, GOMER... WATCH THIS.

SEW UP YOUR FINGERS, WATCH THIS.

NOW, GOMER, IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO...

I'LL DO IT.

ATTABOY! GO ON.

DON'T THAT KILL YA?

HE'S TOO MUCH.

THEY DANCE KINDA SQUARE HERE, DON'T THEY?

YEAH, LIKE AT ONE OF THEM FRIENDSHIP CLUBS.

COME ON, DOLL, LET'S SHOW 'EM, HUH?

DON'T YOU WANNA SET DOWN FIRST?

SET? THAT'S JUST FOR THE OLD FOLKS. COME ON.

LET'S GO, BERN.

MR. SCHWUMP.

GOOBER, I THINK I WOULD LIKE TO DANCE AFTER ALL.

WOULDN'T YOU, HELEN?

YES, I THINK I WOULD.

GOOD. YO.

HEY, THERE'S ANDY.

HEY, ANDY!

HEY, EARL...

HI, ANDY.

FOLKS, WE'RE GONNA PLAY A LITTLE GAME RIGHT NOW.

EVERY TIME YOU HEAR THE MUSIC STOP,

WE'RE GONNA SWITCH PARTNERS, OKAY?

[ "THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN" PLAYING ]

LISTEN, I GOT SOMETHIN' TO TELL YOU, AND YOU'RE GONNA LISTEN.

NOW, WILL YOU JUST NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS?

WILL YOU NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS?

NOW, DO YOU THINK I WANTED TO COME HERE WITH THEM GIRLS?

IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?

DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.

I TRIED TO TELL YOU ON THE PHONE,

BUT YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN.

OH, I'M SORRY, ANDY, IT WAS STUPID OF ME.

I -- I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

WELL, NEXT TIME...

YOU'RE PRETTY. YOU KNOW THAT?

IT WAS JUST ONE OF THEM NUTTY THINGS, THELMA LOU,

JUST ONE OF THEM NUTTY SITUATIONS THAT

I GET MYSELF INTO AND THEN I CAN'T GET OUT OF,

AND THEN I'M SORRY!

OH, BARNEY, IF YOU'RE REALLY SORRY...

OF COURSE I AM!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE THE ONLY GIRL I CARE ANYTHING ABOUT.

I MEAN, YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I REALLY...

WELL...

LOVE.

WHAT?

I SAID YOU'RE THE ONLY GIRL I LOVE!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

YOU'RE THE ONLY GIRL I LOVE!

WELL, LIKE THEY SAY,

ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL.

YEAH. WELL, LET'S GO HOME.

WELL, WHERE ARE THEM GIRLS?

I DON'T SEE 'EM ANYPLACE.

OH, THERE THEY ARE.

JUDY, JUDY, JUDY, JUDY, JUDY.

YOU WOULDN'T THINK GOMER'S GOT SUCH A TALENTED COUSIN, HUH?

COME ON.

GOOD NIGHT, THELMA LOU.

I'LL CALL YOU IN THE MORNING.

THERE YOU GO.

SEE? EVERYTHING TURNED OUT FOR THE BEST.

IT WAS A LITTLE ADVENTURE, BUT IT TURNED OUT ALL RIGHT.

I COULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT THE ADVENTURE.

I'M TIRED.

HEY, DRIVE BY THE COURT HOUSE, WILL YA?

I WANT TO SEE IF OTIS TURNED HIMSELF IN.

OKAY.

YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE --

DID YOU LEAVE THE LIGHTS ON?

YEAH, IN CASE OTIS CHECKED IN.

Skippy: SURPRISE!

THERE'S MY BERNIE!

HELLO, DOLL.

HEY, ANDY, HEY, BARNEY.

WE BROUGHT YOUR GIRLS BACK FOR YOU.

WHERE'D YOU DISAPPEAR TO?

THE GIRLS SAID YOU WAS GONNA

DRIVE THEM BACK TO MT. PILOT TONIGHT.

COME ON, DOLL.

HEY, CAN ME AND GOOBER COME ALONG FOR THE RIDE?

GOOBER WILL DO IMITATIONS FOR YOU, WON'T YOU, GOOBER?

YO. YOU NEVER HAVE SEEN...