Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD...

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST MIGHT DO TONIGHT?

WHAT?

GO HOME...

CHANGE...

DROP BY THELMA LOU'S...

[ TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING IN DISTANCE ]

...WATCH THAT GEORGE RAFT MOVIE ON THE TV.

GOOD.

MM, YES, SIR, THAT'S JUST WHAT I MIGHT DO.

GO HOME...CHANGE...

DROP BY THELMA LOU'S...

WATCH THE GEORGE RAFT MOVIE ON THE TV.

I MIGHT DROP OVER THE CHOIR MEETING.

THEY'RE VOTING ON THE NEW ROBES FOR NEXT YEAR.

THEY GONNA CHANGE THEM, ARE THEY?

YEAH.

SISSY NOONAN WANTS ALL WHITE WITH BLACK COLLARS.

FRED HENRY -- HE WANTS BLACK WITH WHITE COLLARS.

I RECKON THEY'LL BE FIGHTING ABOUT IT ALL NIGHT.

THAT WHERE YOU'RE GONNA GO, THEN, CHOIR MEETING?

I MIGHT.

NOT ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?

GO HOME...CHANGE...

GO OVER TO THELMA LOU'S,

AND WATCH THAT GEORGE RAFT MOVIE ON TV?

YEAH.

HMM.

TELEPHONE. AH.

I'LL GET IT.

SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

I SEE.

OH.

ALL RIGHT, I GUESS WE CAN TAKE CARE OF IT.

RIGHT. OKAY.

STATE POLICE.

THEY WANT TO PARK A PRISONER HERE OVER NIGHT.

WHY DON'T THEY USE THEIR OWN PLACE?

SAID SOMETHING ABOUT WANTING TO GET BACK ON A STAKEOUT.

WELL, I GUESS THIS MEANS ONE OF US IS GONNA HAVE TO STAY.

UH, YEAH, WELL, I EXPECT YOU'RE THE ONE THEY'LL WANT HERE

TO SIGN IN AND EVERYTHING.

I MEAN, YOU BEING THE HIGH SHERIFF, IT'S ONLY PROPER.

WELL, I'LL BE ON MY WAY.

THEN AGAIN, IT'S AN EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY

FOR A DEPUTY TO LEARN SOMETHING,

AND YOU'RE ALWAYS SO ANXIOUS TO LEARN.

Y IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

NO, NO.

YOU GO AHEAD.

BESIDES, I WOULDN'T FEEL RIGHT HAVING THELMA LOU

SPEND A WHOLE EVENING ALONE IN A DARK ROOM WITH GEORGE RAFT.

WELL, SHE IS PROBABLY EXPECTING ME, YOU KNOW.

I MEAN, SHE'S MORE THAN LIKELY

MADE UP A WHOLE PAN OF CASHEW FUDGE.

OF COURSE, IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO STAY,

NOW, WELL, HECK, I -- OH, NO, NO.

NO, I MEAN IT. BUSINESS BEFORE PLEASURE.

YOU KNOW THAT.

OH, WELL, SINCE YOU PUT IT THAT WAY...

OF COURSE, SHEEXPECTING ME.

OKAY.

JUST STAY LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO RUN OVER TO THE DRUGSTORE

AND GET A MAGAZINE, OKAY?

OKAY. DON'T BE LONG. ALL RIGHT.

OH, HERE COMES SOMEBODY NOW. BE RIGHT BACK.

OKAY.

GOOD EVENING, DEPUTY. HOW ARE YOU?

APPRECIATE YOUR HELPING US OUT.

WELL, CELL'S ALL READY FOR YOU.

I'LL NEED YOUR JOHN HANCOCK ON THE CUSTODY RECEIPT.

IT'LL JUST BE FOR TONIGHT.

SUSPECTED OF GRAND LARCENY -- JEWEL THIEF.

AND IF OUR STAKEOUT WORKS, BY MORNING,

WE'LL HAVE HER PARTNER, TOO.

AND MAYBE I'LL BE ABLE TO GET SOME SLEEP.

THERE YOU ARE. RIGHT HERE.

SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.

HELLO.

HI.

UH...

ARE YOU THE PRISONER?

WELL, SOMEONE HAS TO BE, AND IT'S NOT YOU, IS IT?

NO, IT'S NOT ME.

WELL, THEN IT MUST BE ME.

SINCE THERE ARE ONLY THE TWO OF US HERE.

I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THESE THINGS.

WHAT SHOULD I CALL YOU -- SERGEANT OR LIEUTENANT?

NO. NO, NOTHING LIKE THAT.

NO, Y-YOU CAN JUST, UH...

...CALL ME...BY MY NAME.

HOW NICE.

AND WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

IT'S, UH...

I-IT'S -- IT'S FIFE.

BERNARD P. FIFE. WELL, BERNARD FIFE.

D-DEPUTY FIFE. B-BARNEY FIFE.

T-THAT'S IT. BARNEY FIFE IS MY NAME.

BARNEY.

HAS A NICE SOUND TO IT.

YOU R

AND YOU'RE A DEPUTY.

I SHOULD HAVE GUESSED FROM YOUR STAR.

STAR?

YOUR BADGE.

BADGE?

OH, UH, BADGE.

YEAH, WELL, WHAT YOU SAY, IT IS SHAPED LIKE A STAR.

IT'S JUST EXACTLY LIKE A -- A STAR.

AND YOU WEAR IT RIGHT OVER YOUR HEART, DON'T YOU?

MM-HMM.

HAVE YOU GOT A MATCH?

HMM?

MATCH?

DO YOU WANT A LIGHT? MM-HMM.

I'LL GET YOU AN ASHTRAY.

ANDY, GUESS WHAT.

I REALLY DON'T MIND STAYING HERE, AFTER ALL.

OH, NOW, DON'T START THAT AGAIN.

NO, I REALLY MEAN IT. I DON'T MIND.

NO, NOW, YOU GO ON AND HAVE A GOOD TIME

AND KEEP THINGS HERE AT THE JAIL

THE FURTHEST THING FROM YOUR MIND.

YEAH, WELL, UH, UH, WELL...

CHARACTER.

OH, BOY.

EVENING.

EVENING.

ARE YOU THE PRISONER?

THAT'S WHAT THEY TELL ME.

AM I BEING A PROBLEM?

OH, NO, NO. YOU'RE NOT BEING A PROBLEM.

IT'S JUST THAT, UH, WELL, WE EXPECTED A MAN.

I'M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU.

OH, NO, NO. I-I'M NOT DISAPPOINTED.

IT'S JUST THAT, UH, SERGEANT JACOBS

NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT YOU BEING A -- A FEMALE.

MAYBE HE DIDN'T NOTICE.

I EXPECT HE NOTICED.

I MEAN, YOU DON'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE A BOY.

WELL, UH, IF, UH -- IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,

I'LL, UH -- I'LL BE RIGHT HERE.

AND I'LL BE RIGHT HERE.

YEAH.

WELL...

HEY, ANDY, I CHECKED IN THE PAPER ON THAT MOVIE.

AND GUESS WHAT. IT'S ONE I'VE ALREADY SEEN.

OH, WELL... SO I MIGHT AS WELL TAKE THE DUTY.

THERE'S NO SENSE IN SEEING IT TWICE.

OH, WELL, I APPRECIATE THAT, BARN.

BUT, AFTER ALL, I DID PROMISE, AND A DEAL'S A DEAL.

WELL, IT WASN'T A REAL DEAL.

I MEAN, WE DIDN'T SHAKE ON IT OR NOTHING.

AND BESIDES, THIS IS NOTHING BUT A DEPUTY'S JOB.

IT WOULDN'T BE RIGHT TO TROUBLE THE HIGH SHERIFF WITH IT.

YEAH, BUT A SHERIFF SHOULD NOT ASK A DEPUTY TO TAKE ON A JOB

HE WOULDN'T HANDLE HIMSELF,

SO YOU JUST RUN ON AND -- AND SEE THELMA LOU.

N-NOW, WAIT A MINUTE!

NOW, THAT WOULDN'T BE FAIR!

I'VE BEEN PUSHING JOBS OFF ON YOU!

NO, YOU HAVEN'T. EXCUSE ME.

IT'S NOT WHAT WE AGREED ON. WHAT IS IT?

I HATE TO BE A BOTHER.

NO BOTHER AT ALL. NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST.

I'LL HANDLE THING, ANGE.

WELL, WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE?

OH, THIS IS MY DEPUTY.

OH, I KNOW. HI, BARNEY.

OH?

YOU KNOW ONE ANOTHER.

OH, WELL, NO.

I-I JUST WAS HERE WHEN SHE WAS SIGNED IN AND EVERYTHING.

I DON'T REALLY KNOW HER.

I MEAN, I COULDN'T TELL HER FROM ADAM.

REALLY, BARNEY? YOU COULDN'T TELL ME FROM ADAM?

HOW DID YOU GET TO BE A DEPUTY WITH EYESIGHT LIKE THAT?

YEAH.

WHAT -- WHAT WAS IT YOU WANTED?

WELL, I COULD I POSSIBLY HAVE ANOTHER PILLOW?

PILLOW?! GOT ONE RIGHT IN HERE!

IT'S LOCKED. I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT.

I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT.

I'LL GET IT!

HE'LL GET THE PILLOW.

EXCUSE ME.

THANK YOU.

SHE'S GOT THE PILLOW NOW.

YEAH.

THERE.

THAT OUGHT TO SCREEN YOU OFF PRETTY WELL.

THANK YOU.

NIGHTY-NIGHT.

NIGHT. NIGHT.

WELL, I GUESS SHE'S ALL SETTLED DOWN FOR BEDDY-BYE.

YEAH.

THE LIGHT'S A LITTLE BRIGHT FOR SLEEPING.

YEAH.

HI, EVERYBODY.

THE DOC WAS RIGHT.

HE SAID THAT STUFF WOULD BLIND ME SOONER OR LATER.

Otis, get out of here!

OH, THANK HEAVENS, I CAN SEE ALL FOUR OF YOU NOW.

GOOD NIGHT. OHH.

HEY! HEY, WHAT HAPPENED?!

WHERE IS EVERYTHING?!

THERE'S BEEN A CROOK IN THIS JAIL!

POLICE! POLICE!

OTIS, OTIS, shh, shh, shh.

OTIS, WE CAN'T TAKE YOU TONIGHT.

CAN'T TAKE ME?!

I AM ENTITLED TO BE IN THERE!

Shh! I AM DRUNK AND DISORDERLY.

I AM HERE ON A LEGITIMATE 411.

NOW, GET OUT OF HERE. I'LL CALL MY ATTORNEY.

HE'LL HAVE ME IN THERE JUST LIKE THAT!

OTIS, shh! WE'LL TAKE YOU HOME.

HOME?! TO MY WIFE?!

OH, THAT'S POLICE BRUTALITY!

LET ME GO!

I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS.

NOW, OTIS, COME OUT OF THE CELL.

NO, NO, NO! NO!

NO!!

IF YOU DON'T GO HOME, I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU COME BACK.

MY WIFE WON'T TAKE ME!

GET THE DOOR! GET THE DOOR! GET THE DOOR!

I CAN'T GO HOME! OTIS, GET OUT!

LET ME IN!

HE'S GONNA WAKE UP THE WHOLE TOWN!

WELL, ONE OF US IS GONNA HAVE TO TAKE HIM HOME.

BUT HE LIVES SO FAR! ALL RIGHT, WE'LL FLIP FOR IT.

WELL, I -- CALL IT.

HEADS. NO, TAILS, TAILS!

HEADS. TWO OUT OF THREE.

NO! YOU READY?

GO AHEAD.

WELL...

I GUESS ALL THE EXCITEMENT'S OVER WITH.

MY.

IT'S KIND OF A KOOKY JAIL, BUT IT'S FUN.

I'M ENJOYING IT.

WELL, IF, UH...

IF THERE'S NOT ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT...

BUT THERE IS. I MEAN...

WELL, IF IT, UH, AIN'T AGIN REGULATIONS...

I SUPPOSE IT SOUNDS SILLY,

BUT DO YOU THINK YOU COULD...

WELL, MAYBE, UH,

PULL UP A CHAIR AND, UH, TALK WITH ME A LITTLE?

OH. SURE.

WELL, SURE.

WELL, ANYWAY, HENRY GILLEY

WAS JUST THE SHIEST THING THAT EVER LIVED.

HE JUST COULDN'T SEEM TO GET UP THE NERVE

TO ASK TYLA LEE VERNON TO MARRY HIM,

TILL ONE SATURDAY NIGHT, OUT ON HER FRONT-PORCH SWING,

HE TURNED TO HER, AND HE SAYS, "TYLA LEE,

"16 YEARS I'VE BEEN SITTING OUT HERE WITH YOU

"EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT, WEATHER PERMITTING.

"AND 16 YEARS, I'VE BEEN WALKING YOU HOME FROM PRAYER MEETING.

"AND ALL THAT TIME, I'VE BEEN BRINGING YOU CANDY

"AND FLOWERS AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

"NOW, TYLA LEE, LET ME ASK YOU NOW,

AIN'T YOU BEGINNING TO SMELL A RAT?"

OH. AND THEY DID GET MARRIED?

YEAH.

LIVE IN A LITTLE YELLOW HOUSE TWO UP FROM THE CORNER.

SHERIFF...

HMM?

THANK YOU.

WHAT DID I DO?

WELL, IT'S WHAT YOU DIDN'T DO.

YOU DIDN'T ASK ME WHY AND HOW COME I'M HERE.

YOU'VE GIVEN ME AN EVENING

IN WHICH THE ONLY ONE ASKING QUESTIONS WAS MYSELF,

AND THAT'S VERY NICE.

WELL, I, UH...

GUESS I BETTER DO A LITTLE WORK.

UGH, DARN THIS THING!

WHAT'S THE TROUBLE?

IT GETS STUCK ALL THE TIME.

WELL, HERE. LET ME GIVE YOU A HAND.

IT DOES SEEM TO BE STUCK, DOESN'T IT?

OH, IT'S THIS ONE.

PROBABLY...

PROBABLY BARNEY.

WELL, I'M BACK.

SORRY I TOOK SO LONG. I...

OLD OTIS -- HE GOT AWAY THREE TIMES.

OH.

THAT'S -- THAT'S -- THAT'S OKAY, BARN.

YOU WANT SOME RELIEF NOW?

UM, YEAH.

YEAH, I-I BELIEVE I WILL GO GET SOME -- SOME AIR.

MAYBE I'LL -- MAYBE I'LL GO HOME.

YEAH. YEAH, ALL RIGHT. WHY DON'T YOU DO THAT? YEAH.

IS SHE, UH, GETTING TO YOU?

UM...NO, NO, NO.

IT'S JUST THAT, UM, I'M KIND OF TIRED.

MM-HMM.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU CALL IT A NIGHT,

AND I'LL TAKE OVER?

YEAH, MAYBE I WILL. YEAH.

I'LL PROBABLY READ A LITTLE BIT TURN IN.

YEAH, OKAY.

DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT A THING HERE, NOW.

WHAT IS IT, ANDY?

HMM? NOTHING.

YOU'RE SO RESTLESS TONIGHT. IS ANYTHING THE MATTER?

IS THERE ANY TROUBLE?

NO. WHAT COULD BE THE TROUBLE?

WELL, THEN COME ON OVER AND SIT DOWN, RELAX.

COME ON. READ THE EVENING PAPER.

OH, OKAY.

OOH, WHAT'S THAT?

SMELLS LIKE PERFUME.

OH.

OH, THAT'S, UH, PROBABLY AFTERSHAVE LOTION.

OH, I WISH THEY MADE WOMEN'S PERFUME AS NICE AS THAT.

YEAH.

WELL I THINK I'M OFF TO BED.

GOOD NIGHT, ANDY.

OKAY, GOOD NIGHT.

DON'T YOU WORRY.

LOCKS ARE PRACTICALLY MY MIDDLE NAME.

I CAN OPEN ANY LOCK EVER MADE QUICKER THAN YOU CAN SAY IT.

NEVER SAW ONE YET I COULDN'T.

I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW IT HAPPENED.

UH, WELL, NOW, YOU JUST HOLD TIGHT.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

YOU SHERIFF, ME PRISONER?

I RECKON.

WELL, YOU CAN'T BLAME A GIRL FOR TRYING.

WELL, LET ME MAKE A PHONE CALL,

AND WE'LL TAKE HER OFF YOUR HANDS.

LET ME HAVE STATE POLICE HEADQUARTERS.

I GUESS IT WASN'T VERY NICE OF ME

TO TRY AND RUN AWAY.

I HATE TO THINK HOW WE'D HAVE TO GO ABOUT

EXPLAINING IT TO ANYBODY.

ANYWAY, I HOPE YOU'RE NOT ANGRY WITH ME.

OH, NO. NO, I'M NOT ANGRY.

YOU ANGRY, ANGE?

NO, I'M NOT ANGRY.

OH, I'M GLAD, BECAUSE, WELL,

YOU'RE BOTH SUCH KIND OF ESPECIALLY NICE GUYS.

I REALLY MEAN THAT.

AND IF THINGS WERE DIFFERENT, WELL...

ALL SET?

UH-HUH.

UH, TAKE HER OUT TO THE CAR, WILL YOU, FRED?

OH, I'LL BE WITH YOU, THEN, ALL THE WAY TO THE CAPITAL.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

THAT'S MY CASE.

I'VE BEEN HAVING SUCH TROUBLE WITH THE LOCK ON IT.

DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THOSE THINGS?

WELL...

YOU CAN'T BLAME A GIRL FOR TRYING.

NO.