Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD...

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

SHERIFF TAYLOR?

OH, MORNING, MISS BIGGS.

I WON'T WASTE WORDS, SHERIFF, BUT I JUST HAD

THE MOST FRIGHTENING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE.

WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED?

I WAS DRIVING ALONG HIGHWAY 6

WITHIN THE SPEED LIMIT OF 35

WHEN A CAR DOING AT LEAST 45, 50, PASSED ME

AND ALMOST RAN ME OFF THE ROAD.

ALMOST RAN ME OFF THE ROAD, SHERIFF.

IT WAS GOING SO FAST.

TAKE IT EASY, MISS BIGGS. LET'S GET ALL THE FACTS NOW.

DID YOU GET HIS LICENSE NUMBER?

WELL, IT WAS A WOMAN. THAT'S WHAT IT WAS.

IT WAS A WOMAN DRIVING THAT CAR.

GOOD. GOOD. GOOD.

NOW, WHAT ABOUT THE LICENSE NUMBER?

SHE WAS WEARING A GREEN HAT TRIMMED WITH PINK BABY ROSES

AND A BEIGE CLOTH COAT WITH BUTTONS WITH FUR.

LIKE MY SISTER TILLY HAS ON HER JACKET.

-NO, MA'AM.

THE TALL WOMAN WITH THE LONG TEETH.

YOU KNOW, THAT ALL STARTED WITH A GUM CONDITION.

YOU KNOW HOW SHE GOT THAT GUM CONDITION?

WELL, DADDY TOOK DOWN TO THIS DENTIST IN NASHVILLE,

AND HE WASN'T ANY GOOD.

HE WASN'T ANY GOOD AT ALL.

HE HAD AN OFFICE IN THE BACK OF A STORE.

NOW, WOULD YOU TRUST A DENTIST

THAT HAS AN OFFICE IN THE BACK OF A STORE?

NO, MA'AM. NOW --

AND POOR TILLY, SHE'S BEEN SUFFERING ALL THESE YEARS

WITH THESE LONG TEETH.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY USED TO CALL HER IN SCHOOL?

NO, MA'AM.

-THE BEAVER. -OH, I'M SORRY.

NOW, WHAT ABOUT THIS WOMAN'S SPEED?

OH, THE WAY THAT WOMAN DROVE.

WHY, THERE OUGHT TO BE A LAW AGAINST THAT.

THERE IS, MISS BIGGS. THERE IS. AND WE'LL --

IMAGINE WEARING A GREEN HAT AND A BEIGE COAT.

SHE'S GOT TO BE INSANE.

PEOPLE CAN'T DRIVE THESE DAYS.

OH, BARNEY, I JUST HAD THE MOST FRIGHTENING EXPERIENCE

OF MY LIFE.

I'LL TELL HIM ABOUT IT, MISS BIGGS.

IT WAS A WOMAN SPEEDER.

SHE WAS WEARING A COAT LIKE MY SISTER TILLY,

YOU KNOW, TILLY THE BEAVER.

YES, MA'AM. THANK YOU FOR COMING.

BYE.

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

A SPEEDER UP ON HIGHWAY 6.

OH, YEAH?

WANT ME TO TAKE THE SQUAD CAR AND GET OUT ON THE STRETCH

AND JUST TAKE A LOOK

NO. I NEED THE CAR.

I GOT TO GO UP TO THE MILLSTONE FARM.

YOU KNOW, THAT AIN'T THE FIRST COMPLAINT WE'VE HAD

ABOUT THAT STRETCH ON HIGHWAY 6.

WE OUGHT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

WHAT CAN WE DO?

WE OUGHT TO HAVE A CONSTANT HIGHWAY PATROL,

SOMEBODY TO REGULARLY CRUISE THE AREA.

WELL, WE ONLY GOT THE ONE CAR.

I'D BE GLAD TO DO IT.

SET UP A CHECKPOINT, NIP THIS SPEEDING RIGHT IN THE BUD.

YEAH, BUT WE JUST GOT THE ONE CAR.

JUST A FEW MILES OUT, SET UP A CHECKPOINT CHICKIE,

AND JUST NAIL THEM.

BARNEY, ARE YOU LISTENING? WE'VE ONLY GOT ONE CAR.

BOY, IT'S THE SAME THE WORLD OVER.

POLICE DEPARTMENTS ARE THE LOWEST-BUDGETED

UNDERDOG PUBLIC SERVANTS OF THEM ALL.

BUT IT'S THANK YOU, JOHNNY SHAFTO,

WHEN THE GUNS BEGIN TO SHOOT.

WELL, WE DO THE BEST WE CAN. I'LL SEE YA.

HI, OPE.

HI, PA.

WHERE IS BARNEY?

I DON'T KNOW, PA.

HE AIN'T BEEN HERE SINCE I COME IN.

IS THAT THE WOOD-BURNING SET YOU GOT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?

UH-HUH.

-IN A MINUTE, PA.

I'M JUST NOW COMING AROUND THE TOP OF MY "E."

YOU'RE FILLING THE OFFICE WITH SMOKE.

I'LL BE FINISHED IN JUST A MINUTE, PA.

LOOK.

I'M GONNA PUT MY NAME AND THE DATE ON HERE.

AND YEARS FROM NOW WHEN WE'RE ALL DEAD AND GONE

AND MAYBERRY IS A BIG CITY,

PEOPLE WILL KNOW THAT I BURNED MY NAME

INTO A PIECE OF WOOD ON THIS HERE DAY.

HMM.

WILL IT SAY YOU MADE YOUR PA'S EYES ALL RED AND IRRITATED?

GEE, PA, I'M SORRY.

YOU BETTER TAKE YOUR WOOD-BURNING WORK ON HOME, OPE.

I GOT A LOT TO DO TODAY.

-OKAY, PA. -THERE YOU ARE.

-DON'T BURN YOURSELF. -I WON'T.

OKAY.

-HI, BARNEY. -HI, OPE.

HI, BARNEY.

I JUST GOT RID OF OPIE AND HIS TOYS.

NOW HERE YOU COME WITH YOURS.

WHAT IS ALL THAT JUNK?

I WENT TO THE WAR SURPLUS AUCTION IN MT. PILOT.

THIS IS ONLY PART OF IT.

JUST WAIT TILL YOU SEE. WAIT TILL YOU SEE.

BARNEY, I'M UP TO MY EARS IN WORK.

COME ON. COME ON OUTSIDE. I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

COME ON. COME ON. COME ON.

WHAT DO YOU GOT OUT THERE? MORE JUNK?

WILL YOU RESERVE JUDGMENT JUST THIS ONE TIME?

WILL YOU RESERVE JUDGMENT?

ALL RIGHT, MEN! MOVE IT AWAY FROM THERE!

COME ON! LET'S GO! BREAK IT UP!

COME ON!

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT?

IS THIS THE ANSWER TO OUR PROBLEMS OR ISN'T IT?

HUH?

THIS MECHANICALLY PERFECT RJ 300 MOTORCYCLE --

THAT'S OFFICIAL ARMY NOMENCLATURE --

IS, AS OF NOW, AN OFFICIAL PART

OF THE MAYBERRY SHERIFF DEPARTMENT'S ROLLING STOCK.

NOW I CAN COVER HIGHWAY 6.

YOU KNOW, NAIL THEM SPEEDERS, CHECKPOINT CHICKIE.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU SAID YOURSELF WE DON'T PATROL ENOUGH

BECAUSE WE ONLY HAVE THE ONE SQUAD CAR.

I KNOW.

WITH YOU BUSY WITH THE SQUAD CAR ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN,

-I CAN COVER HIGHWAY 6. -BARNEY.

TO SAY NOTHING OF THE OTHER ODD JOBS

THAT CAN BE TAKEN CARE OF AROUND TOWN.

WHAT'S THE SIDECAR FOR?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

THAT'S TO CARRY FIRE-FIGHTING EQUIPMENT,

GUNS AND AMMUNITION.

ROOM FOR ANOTHER DEPUTY IN CASE OF A RAID.

GOING BACK AND FORTH TO THE STORE.

UH-HUH.

BESIDES, THAT'S THE WAY IT CAME.

WELL, BARNEY, I DON'T THINK --

LOOK, I PROMISE I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE A BIG THING OUT OF THIS.

IT'S JUST AN EXTRA VEHICLE TO GET ME AROUND

WHEN YOU'RE BUSY WITH THE SQUAD CAR.

NO FUSS. NO BIG DEAL.

YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW I'M IN TOWN.

I'LL KNOW ALL RIGHT.

GET A HORSE, BARNEY.

OH, WHY DON'T YOU...

MOUNTED PATROL CHECKING IN.

WELL, HOW YOU DOING, BARON VON RICHTHOFEN?

COME ON, ANGE.

I CAN EXPECT THAT FROM THEM IGNORANT LAYPERSONS OUTSIDE

BUT NOT FROM YOU.

WELL, YOU GOT TO ADMIT THAT THAT OUTFIT

AIN'T EXACTLY WHAT YOU CALL INCONSPICUOUS.

DO YOU HAVE TO WEAR ALL THAT?

ANDY, EVERY PIECE OF EQUIPMENT AND WARDROBE

HAS A SPECIFIC FUNCTION.

HELMET -- ANTI-CRASH.

GOGGLES -- ANTI-FOREIGN OBJECTS IN EYES.

THAT IS, GRAVEL AND/OR BUGS.

I SEE.

WHAT'S THEM LEATHER GAUNTLETS FOR?

TO PROTECT YOU FROM DOGS THAT THINK YOU LOOK FUNNY?

I'M SORRY, BARNEY. I'M SORRY.

I GUESS ALL THAT STUFF IS NECESSARY

ON A HIGH-SPEED MOTORCYCLE LIKE THAT.

GOOD-LOOKING HELMET.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

DON'T WEAR MY HAT, ANGE.

WHAT?

DON'T WEAR MY HAT.

WELL, I WAS JUST TRYING IT ON.

I CAN'T STAND TO WEAR A HAT

AFTER IT'S BEEN ON SOMEBODY ELSE'S HEAD.

OH. I'M SORRY.

MY MOTHER WAS THE SAME WAY.

SHE JUST COULDN'T STAND TO WEAR A HAT

AFTER IT'S BEEN ON SOMEBODY ELSE'S HEAD.

I REMEMBER THAT ABOUT YOUR MOTHER.

I JUST WANTED A FEW DAYS TO PROVE TO YOU

HOW VALUABLE THIS MOTORCYCLE CAN BE TO US.

YEAH, WELL, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

TO SHOW YOU THERE'S NO HARD FEELINGS,

I'LL TELL WHAT YOU I'LL DO, I'LL TAKE YOU TO LUNCH.

-TELL WHAT YOU I'LL DO -- -NO, NO, NO, NO.

-I'LL GET THE TIP, TOO. -THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

-I'M GOING TO DRIVE US THERE. -NO, YOU'RE NOT.

BIG FELLOW, YOU'RE GOING SIDECAR EXPRESS TO THE DINER.

WELL --

OH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I DON'T KNOW. I JUST --

I DON'T HAVE A JACKET OR A HELMET OR GOGGLES OR ANYTHING.

YOU'LL BE IN THE SIDECAR. WHO'S GONNA KNOW?

-HOWDY, BOYS. -HI, SHERIFF.

HEY. THAT'S NICE SIGN WORK.

CHARLIE PHELPS COPIED IT OFF THE SQUAD CAR.

THAT'S GOOD.

SAY, SHERIFF, IF YOU FILL IT UP WITH WATER,

YOU CAN TAKE A BATH ALONG THE WAY.

I GUESS SO.

YOU READY?!

LET HER RIP!

ALL RIGHT! BEAT IT! BEAT IT!

I'M WITHIN MY RIGHTS TO GIVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU

A TICKET FOR LOITERING, ILLEGAL ASSEMBLY,

AND TAMPERING WITH OFFICIAL EQUIPMENT.

NOW BREAK IT UP AND BEAT IT! GO ON!

BARNEY?

NO-GOOD LOAFERS.

BARNEY, IF YOU KEEP THIS CYCLE,

I'M AFRAID YOU'RE IN FOR A LOT MORE OF THAT.

NOW, WHY DON'T YOU MAKE LIFE EASIER FOR YOU AND ME

AND JUST GET RID OF IT?

NO!

EVERY THINKING PIONEER AND INVENTOR

HAS SUFFERED THE SAME KIND OF RIDICULE.

IT'S RIGHT THERE IN YOUR HISTORY BOOKS, ANDY.

TAKE ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL,

PEOPLE LAUGHED AT HIM RIGHT OVER THE TELEPHONE.

WILBUR AND ORVILLE.

PEOPLE PRACTICALLY LAUGHED THEM RIGHT OFF WRIGHT AIR FORCE BASE.

THEY HAVE TO BE SHOWN!

BARNEY?

DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND JUST GET RID OF IT NOW.

ANDY, YOU PROMISED. YOU PROMISED.

ALL RIGHT. I PROMISED.

BUT DON'T SPEND TOO MUCH TIME IN TOWN.

GO WAY OUT ON HIGHWAY 6

AND LOOK FOR A GREEN HAT WITH PINK ROSES ON IT.

MOUNTED PATROL, WILCO AND OUT.

WE'RE NOT TALKING ON THE RADIO.

WELL, WE'RE GOING TO GET ONE ONE OF THESE DAYS.

I'M GOING TO ANOTHER AUCTION NEXT WEEK.

WELL, UNTIL WE DO, HOW ABOUT JUST SAYING, "OKAY, ANDY"?

10-4.

WHAT'S WRONG?

LET ME SEE YOUR OPERATOR'S LICENSE, PLEASE.

WHAT DID I DO?

OPERATOR'S LICENSE.

EDGAR J. MASTERS, HUH?

NOW WILL YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I DID WRONG?

WELL, EDDIE, I WATCHED YOU DOING 40 MILES PER HOUR

IN A 35-MILE ZONE.

NOW, SUBTRACTING THE LATTER FROM THE FORMER,

THAT WOULD LEAVE YOU WITH A VIOLATION

OF ABOUT 5 MILES PER HOUR, RIGHT?

RIGHT. I CAN'T DENY THAT.

BUT WE'VE ALWAYS HAD AN UNDERSTANDING ABOUT IT.

WE NEED THAT EXTRA 5 MILES AN HOUR TO GET OVER TURNER'S GRADE.

-UH-HUH. -WELL, I'LL TELL YOU, EDDIE,

I LET DO YOU 40 TODAY, YOU'LL DO 45 TOMORROW.

I LET DO YOU 45 TOMORROW, YOU DO 50 THE DAY AFTER THAT.

YOU DO 50 THE DAY AFTER THAT,

YOU'LL DO 55 THE DAY AFTER THAT.

THEN IF YOU CAN DO 55 --

ALL RIGHT. I GET THE IDEA.

WELL, THIS IS INTENDED AS A WARNING.

DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN OR YOU MIGHT RISK A CITATION.

THIS IS MERELY TO LET YOU KNOW THAT FROM NOW ON

THIS ROAD IS UNDER CONSTANT SURVEILLANCE.

-YES, SIR. -OKAY, EDDIE, MOVE HER OUT.

WAIT! HOLD IT!

WELCOME TO CHECKPOINT CHECKIE.

HEY, BARN.

ANGE.

MOUNTED PATROL CHECKING IN.

HMM.

YOU KNOW, ANGE, IT'S A GREAT FEELING

WHEN YOU GET OUT ON THAT CYCLE

AND GO RACING DOWN THE HIGHWAY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST ME AND THE WIND AND THE WHEEL.

IT'S REALLY SOMETHING.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING I FOUND OUT?

IF YOU RIDE INTO THE WIND WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN

AND YOU PUT YOUR TONGUE UP ON THE ROOF OF YOUR MOUTH,

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE

TO PRONOUNCE A WORD THAT STARTS WITH THE LETTER "S."

YOU DIDN'T LET ANYBODY SEE YOU RIDING AROUND ON THAT THING

WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN?

NOBODY SAW ME. YOU THINK I'M CRAZY OR SOMETHING?

WHERE YOU BEEN?

I WAS OUT ON HIGHWAY 6.

GAVE OUT 11 SPEED WARNINGS.

WHO IS DOING ALL THE SPEEDING?

-EL TRUCKOS.

YEAH, EVERY ONE OF THEM WAS EXCEEDING SET SPEED LIMIT

BY FROM 3 TO 5 MILES PER HOUR.

I WARNED THEM.

I WISH YOU HADN'T DONE THAT.

ANDY, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY --

"GIVE THEM THE EXTRA 5. LET THEM GO 40 IN A 35 ZONE."

BUT YOU AND I BOTH KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN.

YOU GIVE THEM 40, THEY'LL GO 45. YOU GIVE THEM 45 --

BARNEY, IT'S JUST THAT TRUCK DRIVERS HAVE A LITTLE TROUBLE

GETTING OVER TURNER'S GRADE

IF THEY DON'T GET A FAIR RUN AT IT.

NOW, WE'VE ALWAYS TAKEN THAT INTO CONSIDERATION.

I WISH YOU HADN'T JUMPED ALL OVER THEM WITH WARNINGS.

ANDY, THAT STRETCH OF HIGHWAY IS POSTED WITH BIG 35s.

NOW, IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO UPHOLD THE LAW, JUST SAY SO.

NO. NO. IT'S JUST THAT I --

WELL, I WISH YOU'D DO THINGS IN MODERATION.

NOW, WE'VE ALWAYS GIVEN THE TRUCK DRIVERS THE EXTRA 5 MILES.

AND I WISH THAT YOU'D JUST GIVE IT TO THEM.

ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

YOU GIVE THEM 40, THEY'LL TAKE 45.

YOU GIVE THEM 45, THEY'LL --

PA?

HUH?

YOU ASLEEP?

NOW AND THEN.

-ME TOO. -ANDY.

THOSE TRUCKS ARE GOING TO KEEP THE WHOLE TOWN AWAKE.

I EXPECT SO, AUNT BEE.

THEY SURE ARE MAKING A TERRIBLE LOT OF NOISE, PA.

HOW COME?

I HAVE A FEELING IT'S THEIR WAY OF SAYING HELLO TO BARNEY

AND HIS NEW MOTORCYCLE.

GOODNESS.

YEP. I EXPECT THINGS ARE GOING TO BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT

FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS.

GOOD NIGHT, ANDY!

YEAH, I EXPECT THINGS ARE GONNA BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT.

GIVE ME THAT STICK! GIVE ME THAT STICK!

DON'T YOU KNOW ENOUGH TO STICK YOUR HAND OUT

WHEN YOU MOVE OUT IN TRAFFIC?

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!

JAYWALKING. YOU WERE JAYWALKING, AUNT BEE.

NOW, I SEEN YOU. NOW WATCH IT.

JAYWALKING?!

HOLD IT! HOLD IT!

NOW WE'RE NOT GOING TO GET ANYWHERE

IF EVERYBODY TALKS AT ONCE.

ANDY, YOU JUST GOT TO DO SOMETHING. YOU GOT TO.

THAT BARNEY IS MAKING OUR LIFE MISERABLE

SINCE HE GOT THAT DARN MOTORCYCLE.

HE'S GONNA KILL SOMEBODY ONE OF THESE DAYS.

HE'S A MENACE, ANDY. A MENACE.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT!

THERE GOES THAT PHANTOM DEPUTY.

WELL, DO SOMETHING.

Y'ALL GO ON HOME.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE MOTORCYCLE.

GO ON. OH, JAY, GO ON HOME.

ANDY, YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT BARNEY.

I KNOW, AUNT BEE.

LET ME HELP YOU HOME WITH YOUR GROCERIES.

ANDY, THIS HAS GONE WAY BEYOND --

WILL YOU STOP TELLING ME TO TAKE IT EASY?

YOU GOT TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM.

YOU KNOW THAT HE NEARLY RAN ME OVER WITH THAT SILLY THING?

YOU KNOW, I'M IN MIND TO TAKE THE MOTORCYCLE AWAY FROM HIM

AND LEAVE HIM WITH A SIDECAR

AND FILL IT UP WITH SAND

AND GIVE HIM A BUCKET AND A SHOVEL

AND LET HIM PLAY IN IT ON WEEKENDS.

YOU KNOW, I SAW IN A WAR PICTURE ONCE

THESE NAZIS RIDING AROUND ON THEIR MOTORCYCLES.

AND THESE GUERILLAS STRUNG A WIRE ACROSS THE ROAD SO HIGH

AND WHEN THESE NAZIS CAME ROARING THROUGH

ON THEIR MOTORCYCLES --

AUNT BEE, WE DON'T WANT TO KILL HIM.

LIKE TO CAN HURT HIM A LITTLE, BUT WE DON'T WANT TO KILL HIM.

YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.

I WISH WE HAD A PSYCHIATRIST IN TOWN.

I BET BARNEY WOULD BE A REAL STUDY.

YOU COULD GET HIM OFF THE MOTORCYCLE.

MAYBE WE CAN GET THE DOCTOR TO RIDE ALONG WITH HIM.

KIND OF A RIDE-ALONG PSYCHIATRIST.

THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.

THAT SMELLS FAMILIAR.

OH, THAT'S OPIE. HE'S BURNING US A NEW HOUSE NUMBER.

ON A SEPARATE PIECE OF WOOD, I HOPE.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

HOLD IT. HOLD IT. HOLD IT. HOLD IT.

HI, PA. LOOKS SWELL, DON'T IT?

OH, OPE, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BURNED IT RIGHT INTO THE HOUSE.

YOU SHOULD PUT IT ON A SEPARATE PIECE OF WOOD.

THAT WAY WE CAN NAIL IT UP IN A PROMINENT PLACE.

DON'T YOU SEE, PA? THIS WAY IT'S PERMANENT.

NOBODY CAN COME ALONG AND TAKE OUR NUMBER

AND PUT IT ON ANOTHER HOUSE.

I DON'T RECALL US HAVING A NUMBER THIEF AROUND FOR AGES.

PUT IT ON A SEPARATE PIECE OF WOOD.

I HAVE TO ADMIT, THOUGH, IT LOOKS KIND OF NICE.

RIGHT PROFESSIONAL.

YOU KEEP IT UP, I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED

IF YOU MAKE MONEY AT IT SOMETIME.

-OH, YEAH.

SOMEBODY WANTS HIS NAME DONE OR A "OUT TO LUNCH" SIGN

OR A "DENTIST WILL BE BACK SOON" SIGN.

HOW ABOUT A "LOOK OUT FOR THE DOGS" SIGN?

IF I HAD A MEAN DOG, I'D BUY ONE.

STAY RIGHT WITH IT.

HI, ANDY!

HI, BARNEY!

GOOD MORNING, BARN.

OH, HI, ANGE. WHAT YOU GOT THERE, OILCLOTH?

YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, COVER SOME OF OPIE'S SCHOOLBOOKS?

NO, ACTUALLY, THIS IS FOR YOU.

HUH?

WELL, I GOT TO THINKING, IF THE CYCLE

IS GOING TO BE A PERMANENT PIECE OF OUR ROLLING STOCK,

AND I'M GONNA HAVE TO RIDE IN IT ONCE IN A WHILE,

I THOUGHT WE MIGHT JUST FIX HER UP A LITTLE BIT.

THIS CUSHION'S ALL TORN AND STAINED AND EVERYTHING.

AND, WELL, HERE.

WHY DON'T YOU COVER IT UP AND GIVE ME A CLEAN PLACE TO SIT?

YOU REALLY FOOL A GUY, YOU KNOW THAT?

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THE CYCLE

UNTIL THIS VERY MINUTE.

WELL, MY FACE DON'T LET ON.

NOW COVER IT AROUND THERE GOOD AND SNUG.

ALL RIGHT.

DO IT RIGHT OR DON'T DO IT AT ALL.

RIGHT.

HEY, BARN

DID YOU SEE THIS?

WHAT?

DOWN HERE WHERE THE CUSHION WAS.

KIND OF A PLAQUE OR INSCRIPTION OR SOMETHING.

LOOKEE THERE --

"FIRST MOTORCYCLE TO CROSS THE MARNE RIVER.

BATTLE OF CHATEAU TIERRY, JUNE 12, 1918."

FOR PETE'S SAKE.

"PASSENGER, BLACK JACK PERSHING.

DRIVER, CORPORAL NATE JACKSON, A.E.F."

GENERAL PERSHING? THAT'S REALLY SOMETHING!

THEY PROBABLY DID THIS RIGHT IN COMBAT

AS SOON AS THEY GOT ON THE OTHER SIDE.

MORE THAN LIKELY.

WHAT THEY PROBABLY DID WAS TO HEAT A BAYONET

AND BURN IT IN HERE FOR POSTERITY.

YEAH. YEAH.

I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT THE CYCLE

THE FIRST TIME I THREW A LEG OVER HER SADDLE.

YOU DON'T HAVE AN ORDINARY CYCLE THERE, BARN.

YOU GOT A MONUMENT ON YOUR HANDS.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, IT PROBABLY OUGHT TO BE ON DISPLAY SOMEPLACE

LIKE THERE IN THAT SMITH BROTHERS INSTITUTION

IN WASHINGTON, D.C., RIGHT ALONG WITH LINDY'S SPIRIT OF ST. LOUIS

AND ALL THEM OTHER THINGS.

BARN, IT REALLY SHOULD BE, YOU KNOW THAT?

YOU MEAN YOU THINK I ACTUALLY OUGHT TO GIVE IT TO 'EM?

NOT TO THEM.

YOUR FIRST LOYALTY IS TO YOUR TOWN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WE GOT A LOT OF WORLD WAR I VETERANS RIGHT HERE --

AL, BURT STEVENS, THE MILO BOYS.

ACTUALLY, THIS CYCLE BELONGS

OVER AT THE NATIONAL GUARD ARMORY.

WE GOT THE CANNON FROM THE CIVIL WAR,

THE JEEP FROM WORLD WAR II.

THIS CYCLE BELONGS RIGHT BETWEEN THEM.

KIND OF A SHAME TO RETIRE IT FROM POLICE DUTY.

IT'S ONLY BEEN ON THE JOB A LITTLE OVER A WEEK.

AL, BURT, THE MILO BOYS.

IT'S THEIRS, BARN.

YEAH.

IT BELONGS TO THE WORLD ALL RIGHT.

KIND OF LIKE GIVING UP AN OLD FRIEND.

IT'S FOR THE BEST.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST RUN IT OVER THERE?

NO.

YOU DO IT, WILL YOU, ANGE?

DON'T LOOK BACK.

HI, PA.

DID YOU FIND OUT WHERE BARNEY WENT?

YEAH, HE WENT OVER TO THE ARMY SURPLUS AUCTION

IN MT. PILOT AGAIN.

GEE, I HOPE HE BRINGS BACK SOMETHING INTERESTING.

BITE YOUR TONGUE.

HELLO? SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

WHAT?! YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS!

WHERE'D YOU SAY? HIGHWAY 6?

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

WHAT IT IS, PA?

BARNEY BOUGHT SOMETHING AT THE ARMY SURPLUS AUCTION AGAIN.

I'LL PUT A STOP TO THIS.

DADBURN IT, BARNEY. YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME.

NOW, COME OUT OF THERE!

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, SHERIFF?

I'M MAJOR HOBART, 22nd DIVISION.

WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO A MILITARY DISPLAY, AND WE'RE LATE NOW.

OH, I'M SORRY, MAJOR.

I THOUGHT YOU WAS MY DEPUTY.

HE BOUGHT THIS WORLD WAR I MOTORCYCLE,

AND I THOUGHT HE MIGHT HAVE BOUGHT A TANK.

AND WELL... I'M SORRY!