Original subtitles

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD...

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

OPIE!

WHO DID THAT TO YOU? WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED?

MATT MERLISS, HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.

I HATE TO THINK WHAT HE'D DO IF HE WAS YOUR ENEMY.

YOU'RE A SIGHT.

YOU BETTER GET HOME, LET AUNT BEE CLEAN YOU UP

AND FIX YOUR BRITCHES.

SHE AIN'T HOME.

MISS CLARA'S SICK AND SHE WENT OVER TO HELP OUT.

OH, PHEW!

I BETTER DO SOMETHING.

MM-MMM, COME ON.

NOW, SUPPOSE YOU TELL ME

HOW YOU GOT YOURSELF ALL MESSED UP LIKE THAT.

LOOKIT THERE.

YOU GONNA PUT THAT STUFF ON THAT STINGS?

MMM, JUST ANTISEPTIC'S ALL.

THERE WE ARE.

NOW... NOW, THERE WE ARE.

HOLD IT!

I AIN'T TOUCHED YOU YET.

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DON'T PUT IT ON?

WILL I DIE?

NO, BUT YOUR KNEE MIGHT GET INFECTED

AND THEN YOU'D HAVE TO GO OVER TO DOC HARVEY'S

AND GET A SHOT.

I'LL TAKE THE ANTISEPTIC.

ANDY?

Andy: BACK HERE, BARN.

NOW, SUPPOSE YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.

SOME OF US GOT INTO A ROUGHHOUSE ON THE PLAYGROUND.

A FIGHT?

NO, WE WAS JUST WRESTLIN', HAVIN' FUN.

YOU YOUNG'UNS SURE HAVE FUN THE HARD WAY, DON'T YOU?

THERE YOU ARE.

THANKS, PA.

NO, WAIT A MINUTE.

BLOW.

[ BLOWS ]

ONE MORE TIME.

[ BLOWS ]

ALL RIGHT, NOW SUPPOSE YOU GO ON HOME

AND GET THAT WASH RAG YOU HATE SO MUCH AND GET CLEANED UP.

OKAY, PA. OKAY, GO ON.

PA? WHAT?

YOU GOT TO COME TO SCHOOL

AND SEE MY TEACHER.

HOW'S THAT?

MISS CRUMP SAW US SCRAMBLIN' AROUND

ON THE PLAYGROUND

AND SAID SHE WANTED TO SEE

THE MOTHERS OF ALL THE BOYS

THAT WAS FIGHTIN'.

SO, PA, I GUESS YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO FOR ME.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY TO GET OVER THERE SOMETIME TOMORROW.

[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

YOUNG'UNS, YOUNG'UNS, YOUNG'UNS, YOUNG'UNS, YOUNG'UNS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SOMETHIN' YOU WANNA TALK TO ME ABOUT?

TROUBLE BETWEEN YOU

AND THELMA LOU?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT

TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?

YOU.

ME?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT

TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?

HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO IT?

DO WHAT?

HOW LONG DO YOU THINK

YOU CAN BE FATHER AND MOTHER TO THAT BOY?

NOW, ANDY, YOU OWE IT TO OPIE--

AND JUST AS IMPORTANT IF NOT MORE SO--

YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF.

YOU AIN'T GONNA START THAT AGAIN, ARE YA?

START UP ON WHAT AGAIN?

ABOUT WHY DON'T I GET MARRIED

'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT.

OKAY... YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?

WE WON'T TALK ABOUT IT.

I'D APPRECIATE IT.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY

ABOUT A MAN THAT KEEPS PUTTIN' OFF GETTIN' MARRIED.

THEY SAY HE STARTS GETTIN' IRRITABLE.

AYUH, THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY.

'SPECIALLY A MAN THAT'S BEEN MARRIED ONCE BEFORE.

HE KNOWS HE'S GONNA HAVE TO TAKE THE PLUNGE AGAIN SOME DAY,

BUT HE KEEPS PUTTIN' IT OFF...

AND THE MORE HE KEEPS PUTTIN' IT OFF

THE MORE DESPERATE HE GETS

AND THE MORE DESPERATE HE GETS

THE MORE IRRITABLE HE GETS AND THE...

WILL YOU SHUT UP!?

THERE, YOU SEE HOW IRRITABLE YOU ARE?

PROVES MY POINT.

IT PROVES YOU'RE WORRYIN' ME TO DEATH

WHEN I'M TRYIN' TO WORK.

THAT'S WHAT IT PROVES.

YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU? I'LL TELL YOU.

I AIN'T FOUND THE WOMAN I WANT TO MARRY YET.

I AIN'T PUTTIN' IT OFF.

I MISS BEIN' MARRIED.

SOMETIMES I GET TO FEELIN' DOWNRIGHT LONESOME.

I MISS GOIN' HOME TO A WIFE.

BUT THEN, YOU SEE, GETTIN' MARRIED MEANS

YOU'VE FOUND THE WOMAN YOU WANT TO SETTLE DOWN WITH

AND I AIN'T FOUND HER YET.

BUT WHEN I DO, YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW, OKAY?

DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME

THAT IN ALL OF MAYBERRY, THERE AIN'T ONE WOMAN FOR YOU?

I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

I DIDN'T SAY THAT AT ALL.

SHE MIGHT VERY WELL BE HERE.

I JUST AIN'T FOUND HER YET.

BUT TILL I DO, THE SUBJECT IS CLOSED, RIGHT?

OH, CLOSED TIGHT, BUDDY.

GOOD.

AS LONG AS I MADE MY POINT WITH YOU,

THE SUBJECT IS CLOSED AND PUT AWAY.

THAT'S FINE.

YOU KNOW WHAT MY POINT WAS--

THAT YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF...

BARNEY!

CLOSED!

LET'S SEE.

WELL, I'M GOING NOW. I WON'T BE LONG.

I'M JUST BRINGING CLARA SOMETHING OVER FOR SUPPER.

YOU KNOW THAT POOR DEAR CAN HARDLY GET AROUND.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HER, ANYWAY?

SHE SPILLED SOME BACON GREASE BEHIND THE STOVE

AND SHE WAS AFRAID IT WOULD ATTRACT ANTS.

SO SHE TRIED TO LIFT THE STOVE TO CLEAN IT UP

AND NOW SHE'S WALKING CROOKED.

AW... WELL, YOU GIVE HER MY BEST.

I WILL.

OPIE, ONE STORY AND UP TO BED.

OKAY... AUNT BEE?

HMM?

MISS CLARE GETS ANTS

TELL HER NOT TO KILL 'EM.

I'LL BRING 'EM HOME AND MAKE AN ANT FARM.

OH, NO, YOU WON'T!

GOOD NIGHT.

ALL RIGHT NOW, OPE, WHAT STORY'LL IT BE?

"THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN." THAT'S MY FAVORITE.

MM-HMM, "LEGEND OF SLEEPY HOLLOW."

ALL RIGHT, THERE WE ARE.

YOU OUGHT TO KNOW THIS ONE BY HEART BY NOW.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

"IT WAS THE VERY WITCHIN' TIME OF NIGHT THAT ICHABOD,

"HEAVY-HEARTED AND CRESTFALLEN, PURSUED HIS TRAVEL HOMEWARDS

"ALONG THE SIDES OF THE LOFTY HILLS WHICH RISE ABOVE TARRYTOWN

AND WHICH HE HAD TRAVERSED SO CHEERILY IN THE AFTERNOON."

[ DOORBELL BUZZES ]

WONDER WHO THAT IS.

DON'T LOSE THE PLACE.

HELLO, ANDY.

WELL, HI, AMANDA, HOW ARE YOU?

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A LONG TIME.

IT HAS BEEN SOME TIME.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHAT BRINGS YOU OUT THIS WAY?

OH... WHY, I GOT A MESSAGE

SAYIN' I WAS TO MEET THELMA LOU HERE.

ISN'T SHE HERE?

NO, SHE'S NOT.

BUT IF SHE SAID FOR YOU TO MEET HER OUT HERE,

I EXPECT SHE'LL BE ALONG.

WON'T YOU COME ON IN?

I HOPE I'M NOT INTERRUPTING ANYTHING.

UM, NO, I WAS JUST READIN' OPIE A STORY.

OH, PLEASE, DON'T LET ME STOP YOU.

I'LL JUST SIT RIGHT OVER HERE.

YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD.

ALL RIGHT, YOU JUST EXCUSE US.

ALL RIGHT.

"IT WAS THE VERY WITCHIN' TIME OF NIGHT THAT ICHABOD,

HEAVY-HEARTED AND CRESTFALLEN..."

YEAH, "PURSUED HIS...

"ALONG THE SIDES OF THE LOFTY HILLS WHICH RISE ABOVE TARRYTOWN

AND WHICH HE HAD TRAVERSED SO CHEERILY IN THE AFTERNOON."

[ DOORBELL BUZZES ]

HMM, MAYBE THAT'S

THELMA LOU NOW.

HI, ANDY!

WELL, HI, LAVINIA.

THIS IS A SURPRISE.

HOW'VE YOU BEEN?

FINE. I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET THELMA LOU HERE.

OH? WELL, AMANDA'S HERE WAITIN' FOR HER, TOO.

WON'T YOU COME IN?

SHE IS?

WELL, HI, AMANDA!

HI, LAVINIA!

OOH, COME SIT DOWN.

NOW, ANDY, YOU JUST READ YOUR STORY

AND WE'LL TALK VERY QUIETLY AND TRY NOT TO DISTURB YOU.

EXCUSE US.

"IT WAS THE VERY WITCHIN' TIME OF NIGHT THAT ICHABOD,

HEAVY-HEARTED AND CRESTFALLEN"...

"CRESTFALLEN, PURSUED HIS TRAVELS HOMEWARDS

"ALONG THE SIDES OF THE LOFTY HILLS WHICH RISE ABOVE TARRYTOWN

AND WHICH HE HAD TRAVERSED SO CHEERILY IN THE AFTERNOON."

[ DOORBELL BUZZES ]

[ Muttering ] I HOPE THAT'S THELMA LOU, HERE.

[ WOMEN CHATTING ]

HI, ROSEMARY, BLANCHE.

HELLO, WE'RE HERE...

YOU'RE HERE TO MEET THELMA LOU.

WON'T YOU COME ON IN?

THERE'S SOME OTHERS WAITIN' FOR HER.

WELL, HI, LAVINIA!

Lavinia: BLANCHE!

OH, IT'S ROSEMARY! GORGEOUS!

HOW ARE YOU?

LADIES, IF YOU ALL WILL... WILL EXCUSE US,

I WAS JUST READIN' MY BOY A STORY.

YOU JUST MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

PA?

HMM?

HOW COME THELMA LOU ASKED

ALL THEM GIRLS TO MEET HER HERE?

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE THEY'RE PAINTIN' OVER AT HER HOUSE

AND THAT MAKES A MESS,

AND SO SHE JUST INVITED 'EM OVER HERE.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

"IT WAS THE VERY WITCHIN' TIME OF NIGHT THAT ICHABOD..."

[ DOORBELL BUZZES ]

MAYBE WE BETTER READ THIS STORY ANOTHER TIME.

THEY'RE STARTIN' TO PILE UP NOW.

YOU GO ON UP TO BED AND I'LL BE UP AFTER A WHILE.

OKAY, PA, NIGHT.

NIGHT.

[ WOMEN CHATTING ]

EVENING, LADIES.

IF YOU'RE HERE TO MEET THELMA LOU,

COME RIGHT ON IN.

[ CHATTING CONTINUES ]

[ DOORBELL BUZZES ]

[ DOORBELL BUZZES ]

UH...

GIRLS, UH.

LADIES, UH, LADIES,

I DON'T...

UH, LADIES, LADIES,

UH, LADIES, I DON'T KNOW

WHY THELMA LOU'S NOT HERE YET.

I'LL GET ON THE PHONE AND CALL HER.

[ BELL RINGS ]

EXCUSE ME, THAT'S THE BACK DOOR.

THEY'RE HERE, HUH?

WELL, WHAT DO YA THINK?

WHAT?

THE GIRLS-- ANY PROSPECTS?

SEE ANYTHING YOU LIKE?

YOU DON'T MEAN TO TELL ME

YOU SENT THEM GIRLS HERE.

THIS WAY YOU SEE 'EM ALL AT ONCE.

YOU CHECK OFF WHAT YOU LIKE

AND IF YOU DON'T SEE ANYTHING YOU LIKE,

WE SEND IN ANOTHER BATCH TOMORROW NIGHT.

LISTEN TO 'EM OUT THERE.

JUST THINK-- ONE OF 'EM MIGHT BE

THE NEXT MRS. ANDY TAYLOR

RIGHT BEHIND THAT DOOR.

DON'T THAT EXCITE YA?

GET THEM GIRLS OUTTA HERE.

WHAT'S WRONG?

GET THEM GIRLS OUTTA HERE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

THEY DON'T KNOW WHY THEY'RE HERE.

YOU JUST LOOK 'EM OVER

AND YOU SAY, "THIS ONE IS OUT

THIS ONE'S A MAYBE, THIS ONE'S GOOD..."

GET THEM GIRLS OUTTA HERE.

OKAY. YOU'RE RIGHT.

YEAH, I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.

YOU SEE TOO MANY AT ONE TIME, YOU GET CONFUSED.

I'LL GET 'EM RIGHT OUT. BARNEY.

WHY ARE YOU DOIN' ALL THIS FOR ME?

WHY?

YOU CRAZY GUY!

EVEN ASKIN' SUCH A THING.

BECAUSE I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND.

I WANNA MAKE YA HAPPY.

CRAZY GUY.

ALL RIGHT, GIRLS.

GIRLS, GIRLS.

[ WHISTLE BLOWING ]

NOW, GIRLS, YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERIN'

WHY YOU WERE ALL ASKED HERE THIS EVENING.

HMM. YES. WE ARE.

WELL, I ASKED YOU HERE ON BEHALF OF THELMA LOU

WHO IS GONNA SPEAK TO YA

ON A SUBJECT OF INTEREST TO YA ALL.

BUT NOW, THELMA LOU CAN'T MAKE IT,

SO THE MEETING HAS BEEN POSTPONED.

I'LL LET YOU KNOW THE TIME AND THE PLACE OF THE NEXT MEETING,

AND IN THE MEANTIME, THANKS A LOT FOR THIS SWELL TURNOUT.

WHAT TURNOUT?

WHAT DID WE TURN OUT FOR?

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ] WE'LL LET YOU KNOW.

I WISH I KNEW WHAT THIS WAS ALL ABOUT.

I DO, TOO.

I DON'T KNOW.

SURE YOU DON'T SEE ONE YOU LIKE?

THEY'RE ALL HAND-PICKED.

BARNEY!

IT'S JUST A BIG MYSTERY, THE WHOLE THING.

WELL, THE SEARCH GOES ON.

HI, THELMA LOU.

HI, LORRAINE.

WHO'S THAT?

LORRAINE BEASLEY.

LORRAINE BEASLEY.

SHE MIGHT BE A LITTLE YOUNG FOR ANDY,

BUT SHE'S A POSSIBLE.

YOU'RE NOT REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS,

ARE YA?

WELL, OF COURSE I AM.

MAKIN' UP A LIST OF GIRLS

THAT MIGHT BE RIGHT FOR ANDY-- IT'S JUST...

IT'S JUST WHAT?

WELL, YOU DON'T FIND A WIFE THAT WAY.

THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE TRYIN'

TO ORGANIZE A GIRLS' SOFTBALL TEAM.

THELMA LOU,

THESE ARE ONLY SUGGESTIONS IS ALL.

WHY NOT LEAVE THAT TO HIM?

BECAUSE HE WOULDN'T DO NOTHIN' ABOUT IT.

THELMA LOU, ANDY'S A LONELY MAN.

HI, ANNA-BELLE.

ANNA-BELLE WHO?

SHE'S MARRIED.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WELL, BOYS ARE GOING TO ROUGHHOUSE.

I JUST DON'T WANT THEM TO GET THEMSELVES HURT.

WELL, OPIE WON'T BE GIVIN' YA

ANY MORE TROUBLE FOR A WHILE, ANYWAY.

OF COURSE.

SHE'S THE MOST LOGICAL CANDIDATE OF ALL-- OPIE'S TEACHER.

WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?

MAYBE THE FUTURE MRS. ANDY TAYLOR IS ALL.

AND YOU AND I ARE GONNA HELP IT ALONG, SWEETIE.

THE FIRST THING WE DO IS PLAN A LITTLE DINNER.

WELL, THANK YOU, THELMA LOU.

THAT'S NICE OF YOU.

ABOUT 7:00?

FINE. I'LL BE THERE.

[ CHUCKLES ] MUCH OBLIGED.

THAT'S NICE OF HER.

MM-HMM.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?

HUH?

THELMA LOU INVITIN' ME TO DINNER.

WHAT'S THE OCCASION?

UH...NO OCCASION.

SHE -- SHE WAS JUST SAYIN' THE OTHER DAY

HOW SHE AIN'T HAD YOU TO DINNER IN A LONG TIME.

THELMA LOU AIN'T EVER HAD ME TO DINNER.

WELL, THERE YOU ARE.

IT HA BEEN A LONG TIME.

[ DOORBELL BUZZES ]

Barney: COMING!

AH, COME IN.

THELMA, ANDY LOU'S HERE.

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

GOOD TO SEE YA.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

ME? NOTHIN'. I'M JUST GLAD TO SEE YA.

MUST BE--

YOU'RE STILL SHAKIN' MY HAND.

OH, OH, WELL.

COME ON IN.

I BELIEVE YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER.

GOOD EVENING.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

WELL, THIS IS A SURPRISE.

YEAH, IT IS A SURPRISE, ISN'T IT?

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU'D SAY--

THAT IT WAS A SURPRISE.

HI, ANDY.

OH, HI.

THELMA LOU, KNOW WHAT ANDY SAID

WHEN HE SAW MISS CRUMP SITTIN' THERE?

HE SAID IT WAS A SURPRISE.

OH, REALLY?

HE JUST WALKED IN,

TOOK ONE LOOK...

HOW D'YA SAY THAT, ANDY?

Barney: SAY IT FOR THELMA LOU.

I JUST SAID THAT IT WAS A SURPRISE.

THAT'S JUST THE WAY HE SAID IT.

YOU WERE SURPRISED, WEREN'T YA?

YEAH, BUT I'M NOT ANYMORE.

YOU KNOW, I HARDLY RECOGNIZED YOU WITHOUT YOUR UNIFORM.

HE DOES LOOK DIFFERENT, DON'T HE?

I THINK HE LOOKS TALLER.

THELMA LOU, DON'T YOU THINK

ANDY LOOKS TALLER?

COME ON, BARN.

WELL, YOU DO.

MISS CRUMP, WHY DON'T YOU

STAND UP ALONGSIDE OF ANDY AND SEE.

UH, BARN... GO ON.

GO ON, JUST STAND THERE

ALONGSIDE OF HIM.

THERE, YOU SEE?

I BELIEVE YOU'RE RIGHT.

THEY LOOK GREAT TOGETHER--

JUST GREAT.

I HOPE YOU AREN'T ALL STARVED.

DINNER WON'T BE FOR A WHILE YET.

WELL, WHAT'S THE HURRY?

WE WANT TO TALK A WHILE, ANYWAY,

DON'T WE?

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHY DON'T WE JUST SIT DOWN?

GO ON, JUST HAVE A SEAT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

THERE WE GO.

Miss Crump: DINNER CERTAINLY DOES SMELL WONDERFUL

WHATEVER IT IS.

OH, IT'S JUST LEG OF LAMB.

LEG OF LAMB?

GOOD, GOOD.

THAT'S MY FAVORITE DISH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

DID YA HEAR THAT, MISS CRUMP?

THAT'S ANDY'S FAVORITE DISH.

SON OF A GUN, EVER SINCE I CAN REMEMBER

IT'S BEEN HIS FAVORITE DISH.

I BET YOU COOK A MEAN LEG OF LAMB YOURSELF, DON'T YA?

OH, NO, I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO START.

HUH! COME ON.

Miss Crump: NO, REALLY.

YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK LEG OF LAMB--

ANDY'S FAVORITE DISH?

NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I'M A TERRIBLE COOK.

YOU'RE JUST SAYIN' THAT.

YOU'RE BEIN' MODEST.

BARNEY, MISS CRUMP'S SO BUSY TEACHIN' ALL DAY

SHE DON'T HAVE TIME TO FOOL WITH COOKIN'.

I SUPPOSE THAT'S TRUE.

BUT THEN, SOME DAY WHEN YOU SETTLE DOWN,

I MEAN WHEN YOU GET MARRIED OR SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT,

WELL, YOU'LL PROBABLY START TO COOK

AND THEN YOU'LL MAKE A TERRIFIC LEG OF LAMB---

ANDY'S FAVORITE DISH.

I REALLY DOUBT IT.

WELL, HOLY CATS, WHAT'LL YOU FEED YOUR HUSBAND?

IF YOU GET MARRIED OR SOMETHING?

WELL, I SUPPOSE HE'LL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE

FOR FROZEN DINNERS.

YOU'RE KIDDIN'.

WELL, WHAT'S WRONG

WITH FROZEN DINNERS, BARN?

THEY'RE GOOD, I LIKE 'EM.

NO, YOU DON'T.

IF YOU'RE HOME ALL DAY, YOU'LL HAVE LOTS OF TIME.

Miss Crump: BUT I WON'T BE.

I'LL STILL BE TEACHING, I HOPE.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA GIVE UP YOUR JOB WHEN YOU GET MARRIED?

WELL, I'D HOPE NOT.

I ENJOY TEACHING.

WOMEN DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE, BARN.

THIS IS THE 20th CENTURY.

I KNOW WHAT CENTURY IT IS.

THELMA LOU, DON'T YOU THINK

WE'D BETTER START GETTING THAT DINNER ON?

I DON'T THINK IT'S READY YET, BARNEY.

LET'S JUST CHECK ON THAT.

EXCUSE US.

The sooner we get this over with, the better.

Barney, why?

Because I made a mistake.

This dame ain't for Andy.

We cross her off our list.

BUT WHY?

Because she can't cook. She can't do nothin'.

BARNEY!

No, she's O-U-T-- out.

Now, get the dinner.

BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S READY.

Ready or not, let's get it over with

and get on with the next one.

OKAY, FOLKS, DINNER!

ANDY, LISTEN.

I JUST WANT... WAIT A MINUTE.

THANKS, BUDDY.

HUH?

FOR LAST NIGHT.

I REALLY ENJOYED IT.

HELEN'S ONE OF THE NICEST GIRLS

I EVER MET.

HELEN?

MISS CRUMP.

IT'S HELEN?

YEAH, AFTER THELMA LOU'S,

I WALKED HER HOME

AND GOT BETTER ACQUAINTED-- NICE GIRL.

AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU.

HELEN?

YEAH.

SHE'S NOT FOR YOU, ANDY.

WHAT?

SHE'S NOT FOR YOU.

NOW JUST FORGET IT, FORGET LAST NIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

LAST NIGHT WAS THE FIRST OF MANY EXPERIMENTS.

NOW, IT FAILED, SO JUST FORGET IT.

WELL, WHY SHOULD I?

I LIKE HER.

NO, YOU DON'T.

NO, JUST FORGET IT.

BUT I DO.

SHE'S PLEASANT, SHE'S INTERESTIN'

I ENJOY HER COMPANY.

ANDY, I FORBID YOU TO SEE THAT GIRL AGAIN.

ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR MIND?

I GOT A DATE FOR TONIGHT. SHE'S COMIN' TO DINNER.

ANDY! FORGET IT!

[ DOORBELL BUZZES ]

COMING.

Amanda: HELLO, ANDY.

OH, HI, AMANDA.

DON'T TELL ME THELMA...

HERE WE GO AGAIN.

I GOT A CALL SAYIN' TO MEET THELMA LOU.

SHE GET HERE YET?

UH, NO.

DON'T LET ME INTERRUPT ANYTHING.

GO AHEAD WITH WHAT YOU WERE DOIN'.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

[ DOORBELL BUZZES ]

HI, ANDY-- THELMA LOU HERE YET?

LAVINIA, I DON'T THINK

THAT THELMA LOU ACTUALLY MEANT...

[ DOORBELL BUZZES ] HELLO.

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

[ BELL RINGS ]

EXCUSE ME.

WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?

I'M SORRY, ANDY, BUT I HAD TO DO IT.

NOW, YOU'LL THANK ME FOR IT SOMEDAY.

I KNOW IT WAS A ROTTEN THING TO DO,

BUT I HAD TO DO IT.

WHAT?

HAS MISS CRUMP BEEN HERE AND TOOK OFF?

NO.

OH, WELL, WHEN SHE DOES GET HERE

AND SEES ALL THEM GIRLS, SHE WILL.

SHE'LL GET THE IDEA YOU GOT A LOT OF GIRLFRIENDS

AND SHE'LL LEAVE.

YOU DO HAVE A DINNER DATE THIS EVENING?

YEAH. I'M GONNA PICK HER UP AT HER HOUSE

AND TAKE HER TO MOUNT PILOT FOR CHINESE.

HUH?

WANNA COME IN HERE?

GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS, YOU WANNA...

QUIET DOWN, GIRLS, GIRLS

GIRLS, YOU WANNA QUIET DOWN?

UH, YOU'RE PROBABLY ALL WONDERIN'

WHY YOU WAS ASKED HERE THIS EVENIN'.

WE SURE ARE.

WELL, UH, I, UH

I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA.

BUT DEPUTY FIFE,

WHO CALLED YOU, MIGHT.

TELL 'EM, BARN.

WHAT IS THIS, BARNEY?

YES, IT'S THE SECOND TIME.

LISTEN, YOU SHOULD TELL US!

WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

ALL RIGHT, QUIET, GIRLS.

GIRLS, JUST A MINUTE, GIRLS.

UH, HAVE YOU GIRLS EVER THOUGHT

OF STARTING A SOFTBALL TEAM?

ANDY...

BARN.

UH, ANDY.

BARNEY.

I GOT SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY, AND I WANT YOU TO HEAR ME OUT.

I'VE BEEN MEDDLING TOO MUCH IN YOUR PERSONAL AFFAIRS.

OH, NOW -- PLEASE.

PLEASE. NOW, I'VE BEEN MEDDLING TOO MUCH

IN YOUR PERSONAL AFFAIRS,

AND THE TIME'S COME FOR ME TO STOP IT.

AFTER ALL, YOU'RE A GROWN MAN

AND YOU CERTAINLY DON'T NEED THE LIKES OF ME

TO ADVISE YOU OR TO GUIDE YOU

OR TELL YOU WHO TO GO WITH OR WHO NOT TO GO WITH.

IT'S YOUR LIFE AND YOURS TO DO WHATEVER YOU PLEASE WITH IT.

WHOEVER YOU WANT TO MARRY, WELL, THAT'S YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

I JUST AIN'T GONNA INTERFERE.

THAT'S WHAT I HAD TO SAY.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

WELL, I APPRECIATE THAT, BARN.

AND I'M GLAD YOU FEEL THAT WAY,

'CAUSE I'VE GOT SOMETHING I WANT TO TELL YOU, TOO.

I'VE DECIDED I'M GONNA COURT MISS CRUMP.

MISS CRUMP?

ARE YOU KIDDIN', ANDY?

WHY, SHE CAN'T EVEN COOK A LEG OF LAMB!

SHE SAID HERSELF SHE'S A TERRIBLE COOK!

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]