Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD...

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

SURE IS BOILING, PA.

THIS MACHINE IS HALF MAD WITH THIRST.

HOW MUCH IT GOING TO TAKE, PA?

SHE'S ALWAYS GOOD FOR 11 HATFULS.

HOWDY.

HOWDY.

HI.

NOW, THAT'S ENOUGH, CHARLENE.

BACK IN THE TRUCK.

OH, PA, CAN'T I EVEN LOOK AT THE PRETTY MAN?

BACK IN THE TRUCK.

SHE'S PROMISED.

PRIVATE FIRST CLASS DUDLEY A. WALSH,

U.S. OF A. ARMY, HONORABLY DISCHARGED.

WELL, THAT'S FINE.

UH, I DON'T WANT TO SOUND --

PRIVATE FIRST CLASS IS COMING IN ON THE MORNING BUS.

OH, I SEE.

AND YOU FOLKS ARE IN TOWN TO MEET HIM, ARE YOU?

NEWS SURE DOES TRAVEL FAST, DON'T IT?

I DIDN'T HEAR IT ANYWHERE. I JUST --

NEVER MIND. IT AIN'T THAT IMPORTANT.

IT IS TO HER.

THE BETROTHAL'S BEEN PLEDGED SINCE THEY WERE 5.

WELL, THAT'S FINE.

SO DON'T GO MAKING ANY FANCIES FOR HER.

WELL, THAT'S THE FURTHEST THING FROM MY MIND.

YOUR WORDS SAY NO, BUT YOUR EYES SAY YES.

WELL, BELIEVE ME, THE THOUGHT NEVER ENTERED MY HEAD.

JUST SEE THAT IT DON'T.

TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, MR. UH...

DARLING.

I BEG PARDON?

BRISCOE DARLING.

OH, OH. ANDY TAYLOR. SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR.

MORE POWER TO YOU.

UH MR. DARLING, AS SHERIFF,

THERE'S SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO SAY TO YOU.

IT'S ABOUT PARKING YOUR TRUCK

HERE IN FRONT OF OUR MEMORIAL TROUGH

AND FILLING YOUR RADIATOR OUT OF IT.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

WELL, THE FACT IS YOU'RE BREAKING TWO CITY ORDINANCES.

IT'S AGAINST THE LAW TO PARK YOUR TRUCK HERE,

AND YOU'RE DIPPING YOUR HAT INTO THE HORSE TROUGH.

CHARLENE?

KEEP THEM EYES TO YOURSELF.

UH, WELL, ANYWAY, MR. DARLING,

IT'S AGAINST THE LAW TO DIP YOUR HAT INTO THE HORSE TROUGH.

THAT'S FOR HORSES ONLY.

THERE AIN'T A HORSE IN SIGHT.

BUT IF ONE COMES ALONG, I'LL GIVE THEM THE RIGHT OF WAY.

OBLIGED TO YOU FOR NOT GIVING ME AN ARREST.

WELL, WE BELIEVE IN WARNING FOLKS FIRST,

ESPECIALLY STRANGERS.

OBLIGED.

OH, UH, SHERIFF?

WE'RE GONNA NEED A NIGHT'S LODGING.

WHERE MIGHT WE BED DOWN?

WELL, MAYBERRY HOTEL.

RIGHT AROUND THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLOCK.

OBLIGED.

SEE YOU BOYS.

IS THIS YOUR PLACE?

NO, I'M JOHN MASTERS, YOUR RESERVATIONS CLERK.

WHO I DO SEE ABOUT GETTING A PLACE TO BED DOWN?

I CAN ARRANGE AN ACCOMMODATION. ARE YOU ALONE?

JUST ME AND MY LUGGAGE.

A SINGLE ROOM WITH A BATH IS $2.50 A NIGHT,

SINGLE ROOM WITHOUT A BATH IS $1.75 A NIGHT.

JUST GIVE ME $1.75 WORTH.

VERY WELL.

SIGN RIGHT ON THIS LINE, PLEASE.

BRISCOE DARLING.

VERY WELL, MR. DARLING.

I HAVE A NICE ROOM FOR YOU RIGHT UP IN FRONT.

I'D RATHER HAVE SOMETHING AS FAR BACK AS I CAN GET.

VERY WELL.

ROOM 27.

THANK YOU.

YOU DOWN HERE ALL THE TIME, ARE YOU?

EXCEPT FOR AROUND 8:00, I STEP OUT FOR A BITE TO EAT.

ANYTHING YOU WANT?

JUST A BED AND A BIBLE.

YOU'LL FIND THEM IN YOUR ROOM.

EASY NOW. HERE SHE COME.

SLACK -- SLACK OFF.

SLACK OFF!

MY HEAD'S GETTING SMASHED.

WELL, HERE WE BE ALL TOGETHER AGAIN.

NOT QUITE, PA.

OETHER IS STILL DOWN THERE.

SO HE BE.

DIDN'T EVEN MISS HIM.

DON'T HAVE MUCH PERSONALITY -- THAT BOY.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT

IF WE'RE GOING TO PLAY FOR CHARLENE'S WEDDING.

OH, PA, I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT DUD LOOKS LIKE.

YOU LOVE HIM WITH YOUR HEART AND SOUL.

THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

NOW LET'S TRY "SLIMY RIVER BOTTOM,"

AND THIS TIME, MAKE IT PURTY.

OH, THAT'N MAKES ME CRY.

HUSH NOW.

WE GOT TO HURRY

BEFORE THAT CLERKIN' FELLER GETS BACK FROM HIS SUPPER.

A ONE AND A TWO. A ONE AND A TWO.

THEY'RE RAISING THE ROOF IN THERE, ANDY,

WITH AT LEAST FIVE INSTRUMENTS.

NOW, THE LAW SAYS ONE OCCUPANT TO A SINGLE ROOM.

I KNOW WHO THEY ARE.

I WARNED THEM EARLIER TODAY ON A 907.

DIPPING A HAT IN THE HORSE TROUGH.

RIGHT.

WELL?

THERE'S A MESS OF THEM IN THERE, ALL RIGHT.

WELL...

I GOT SUSPICIOUS RIGHT OFF

WHEN THAT MR. DARLING ASKED ME WAS I ON DUTY ALL THE TIME?

THAT MUST HAVE BEEN WHEN HE SNEAKED THE OTHERS IN,

WHILE I WAS OUT EATING SUPPER.

GOOD THINKING, JOHN. YEAH.

HOWDY.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE KIDDING WITH THAT JUG PLAYING?

THAT'S MIGHTY FINE JUGGING, MR. DARLING.

THANK YOU.

I CAN GET BANJO SOUNDS, GUITAR SOUNDS,

WHATEVER I WANT OUT OF IT.

WHERE IS THE REST OF THE FAMILY?

I MEAN, YOU'RE A MIGHTY FINE JUG PLAYER,

BUT I DOUBT THERE'S A PAIR OF LIPS AROUND

WITH THAT MUCH VERSATILITY.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE I CAN GET BANJO SOUNDS OUT OF THIS JUG?

NO.

A MAN IS ENTITLED TO HIS OPINION.

COME ON, JOHN. THERE'S NOBODY HERE.

-BUT THEY MUST BE. -COME ON.

GOOD NIGHT, MR. DARLING.

MORE POWER TO YOU.

ANDY, I KNOW THERE'S MORE THAN ONE MAN IN THAT ROOM.

SO DO I. WE'LL CATCH THEM.

OH, THIS IS SO UPSETTING, ANDY.

I'M BREAKING OUT IN HIVES.

OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.

DON'T KNOCK ON THE DOOR FOR A COUPLE MINUTES.

-BUT THEY'RE -- -JUST A COUPLE MINUTES.

I THINK WE OVERLOOKED SOMETHING.

RIGHT.

* NOW, DOOLEY WAS A GOOD OL' MAN *

* HE LIVED BELOW THE MILL

* DOOLEY HAD TWO DAUGHTERS AND A $40 STILL *

* ONE GAL WATCHED THE BOILER

* THE OTHER WATCHED HIS BATH

* AND MAMA CORKED THE BOTTLES

* WHEN OLD DOOLEY FETCHED THEM OUT *

* DOOLEY SETTIN' UP THE HOLLER *

* DOOLEY TRYIN' TO MAKE A DOLLAR *

SHH. SHH.

MY!

YOU'RE AS STRONG AS A TREE!

YOU'RE DOWN, CHARLENE.

HOW ABOUT IF I SHIMMY UP AND COME BACK DOWN AGAIN?

CHARLENE?

YEAH, PA?

PUT THAT BOY DOWN.

I TOLD YOU SHE WAS PROMISED, SHERIFF.

NOW, LOOK, MR. DARLING --

YOU CAN'T KEEP YOUR HANDS OR YOUR EYES OFF'N HER, CAN YOU?

I'M NOT TOUCHING HER.

WELL, SEE THAT YOU DON'T.

KEEP AN EYE ON HER, BOYS, TILL I GET DOWN THERE.

DID YOU LIKE THE WHITE BEANS YOU HAD FOR SUPPER?

MM-HMM.

WELL, YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

WELL, I ATE FOUR BOWELS.

IF THAT AIN'T A TRIBUTE TO WHITE BEANS,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

WELL...

EATING SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS.

YOU KNOW YOUR EDUCATION WAS WORTH EVERY PENNY OF IT.

ANDY?

HMM?

DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?

IT'S THE DARLINGS.

STARLINGS, AT THIS TIME OF YEAR?

YOU'RE FULL OF BEANS.

NO. IT'S A FAMILY NAMED DARLING.

OH.

I GUESS I BETTER GO SEE WHAT THEY'RE UP TO.

REMEMBER, YOU'VE JUST EATEN.

NOW, DON'T RUN ON A FULL STOMACH.

I WON'T.

WHAT NUMBER DID WE COMMIT NOW?

317.

OCCUPANCY OF PRIVATE PROPERTY WITHOUT PERMISSION OF THE OWNER.

I'M SORRY TO HAVE TO CHASE YOU.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO GET IN TROUBLE WITH THE HEAD MOUNTIE.

CHARLENE, STOP THAT!

YOU'RE THE FUTURE MRS. PRIVATE-FIRST-CLASS-TO-BE.

AND YOU, STOP TANTALIZING!

HEY! WAIT A MINUTE, MR. DARLING.

I JUST GOT AN IDEA

HOW WE CAN PUT YOU UP FOR THE NIGHT.

IT'S ON ME.

IF IT'S CHARITY, WE WANT NO PART OF IT.

BECAUSE WE AIM THE HANG ON TO OUR POSITION IN THE COMMUNITY.

IT AIN'T CHARITY. COME ON.

ARE YOU SURE YOU HAD ENOUGH, HMM?

ABOUT TO POP.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

CHARLENE, LET YOUR OLD PA HAVE THAT HEEL.

THANK YOU, MA'AM.

WELL, YOU'RE A PRETTY YOUNG ONE, AREN'T YOU?

HOW DID YOU LIKE THE WHITE BEANS, MR. BRISCOE?

THEY WAS GOOD.

WELL, YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

HE ATE FOUR BOWELS.

AND EATING SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS.

YOU TOLD HIM TO SAY THAT, DIDN'T YOU?

THAT'S A VERY FAMOUS SAYING.

OH?

I STAY IN THE HOUSE TOO MUCH.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT, ALL. NICE SEEING YOU.

GOOD NIGHT, AUNT BEE.

-THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD. -GOOD NIGHT.

I'LL BE HOME AFTER A WHILE.

NOT MANY SHERIFFS HAS GOT AS NICE AN AUNT AS THAT.

SHE DOES VERY WELL.

JEBBIN, IT'S 10:00 AT NIGHT.

OH, LET HIM PLAY.

TOWN DON'T OFFICIALLY CLOSE DOWN TILL 10:30.

WELL, IN THAT CASE, WE'LL SCRUB ONE OFF FOR YOU.

DO YOU LIKE TEARING UP YOUR OLD CLOTHES FOR RAGS?

OH, YEAH. MIND IF I PLAY ALONG WITH YOU?

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU STRANG.

A LITTLE. WHAT KEY?

JUST JUMP IN WHERE YOU CAN AND HANG ON.

A ONE AND A TWO, A ONE AND A TWO.

WELL, THE BUS SHOULD BE IN IN ABOUT FIVE MINUTES.

YOU EXCITED, CHARLENE?

YOU GONNA --

NOW, WHERE DID THAT GIRL GET TO?

MORE THAN LIKELY SHE'S GOT HER HEAD STUCK

IN SOME FANCY DRY GOODS.

YOU TWO BOYS GO UP THATAWAY.

YOU TWO, CHECK THEM STORES.

NOW, CHARLENE, CUT IT OUT.

COME ON, SHERIFF ANDY. BE STILL.

I JUST WANT TO SNUGGLE UP TO YOU A LITTLE.

CHARLENE, YOU'RE A PROMISED PERSON.

DUD WALSH? I AIN'T EVER PROMISED HIM NOTHING.

IT'S ALL PA'S IDEA.

COME ON.

CHARLENE, I AM OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR FATHER.

YOU'VE SURE BEEN BEAUTIFUL PRESERVED.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS HOLD YOU JUST ONCE TO MY ARMS.

I COULDN'T DO THAT.

I WON'T TELL YOUR AUNT.

CHARLENE, YOU OWE SOMETHING TO THAT BOY

THAT'S BEEN IN THE SERVICE FOR THREE YEARS.

I SENT HIM A FRUITCAKE.

-HUGGY, HUGGY. -NO!

CHARLENE!

OH, PA, I GOT HIM TREED.

THE BUS IS ABOUT READY TO DISMOUNT.

DUD'S HOME.

I DON'T WANT DUD. I WANT HIM.

YOU JUST HAD TO GO AND EGG HER ON, DIDN'T YOU?

TURN ON YOUR FANCY WAYS AND YOUR WINNING SMILE.

I DIDN'T DO NOTHING.

IF ANYTHING, I'VE BEEN RUNNING AWAY FROM HER.

PLAYING HARD TO GET.

OH, THAT GETS WOMEN QUICKER THAN ANYTHING.

FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES, MR. DARLING --

NO MORE TALK.

IF YOU AND CHARLENE WANT EACH OTHER,

WE'LL JUST SETTLE THIS THING BY NATURAL LAW.

YOU AND DUD FIGHT IT OUT.

I'M NOT GOING TO FIGHT DUD.

NATURAL LAW, TOOTH AND CLAW.

I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT DUD.

YOU OWE IT TO THE BOY.

HE'S BEEN SERVICING HIS COUNTRY.

NOW --

NOW, NOW, LOOK, MR. DARLING.

BOYS, I'M NOT THE LEAST BIT INTERESTED IN YOUR SISTER.

CHARLENE, YOU GOT TO EXPLAIN IT TO THEM.

FINE. I'LL EXPLAIN IT TO DUD.

THERE'S DUD.

WELCOME THE BOY HOME.

IT'S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO BEFORE THE FIGHT STARTS.

LOOK, MR. DARLING.

HUSH. LET THEM COMMUNE.

WELCOME HOME, DUD.

HONEY -- DUD, I --

I BROUGHT YOU A PRESENT, CHARLENE.

A TIGER EYE RING, RIGHT OUT OF SPOKANE, WASHINGTON.

WHAT'S THAT?

OH, THAT'S MY MONEY BELT.

THAT'S WHERE I KEEP ALL MY VALUABLES.

WHAT'S THAT?

THE LETTERS YOU WROTE ME.

YOU WEAR YOUR LETTERS AROUND YOUR MIDDLE?

UH-HUH.

AND -- AND YOUR HAIR RIBBON.

OH, MY.

AND THESE.

WHAT'S THEM?

THAT'S THE REMAINDERS OF THAT MOUNTAIN GLADIOLA YOU GAVE ME

THE DAY I DEPARTED TO FULFILL MY COUNTRY'S NEEDS.

OH, DUD!

YOU'RE THE SWEETEST BOY WHATEVER GROWED.

I'M SORRY, SHERIFF.

IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'S GONNA GET TOGETHER.

WELL, SOME'S GOT IT AND SOME AIN'T.