Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD...

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

MAILMAN.

OH, YEAH, I'LL GET IT.

I'LL TAKE IT, BILLY RAY.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T. THE MAIL MUST GO THROUGH.

BUT I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE. HAND IT TO ME, BILLY RAY.

YOU'RE NOT AN AUTHORIZED RECEPTACLE.

WELL, HE'S AN OFFICIAL OF THIS COUNTY.

MEANS NOTHING TO ME. I'M A FED.

WAIT TILL YOU PARK THAT MAIL TRUCK OF YOURS

IN AN ILLEGAL SPOT SOMETIME.

AS LONG AS I'M CARRYING REGISTERED MAIL,

I GOT THE RIGHT OF WAY OVER AMBULANCES,

POLICES CARS, FIRE ENGINES, AND HEAVIER THAN AIRCRAFT.

PUT A MAIL SACK ON SOME PEOPLE,

GOES RIGHT TO THEIR HEADS!

"OCCUPANT... OCCUPANT...

OCCUPANT..."

ANYTHING FOR ME?

THIS IS NOT YOUR MAILING ADDRESS, OTIS.

"OCCUPANT... OCCUPANT..."

MM. "ANDY TAYLOR."

"BARNEY FIFE."

"BARNEY FIFE."

HEY, GET THIS, ANDY-- "AMALGAMATED OXIDATION

"AND ALUMINUM CORPORATION OF AMERICA.

"DEAR SIR, WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE

"THAT AS A RESULT OF A BANNER YEAR

"IN BOTH PRODUCTION AND SALES

"YOUR COMPANY HAS DECLARED A DIVIDEND

FOR ALL SHAREHOLDERS."

I'LL BE DOGGED.

IS THERE A CHECK IN THERE?

YEAH-- "ENCLOSED, FIND CHECK FOR 27 CENTS."

HOW ABOUT THAT?

YEAH. YEAH.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WAS IN THE STOCK MARKET.

YEAH, WELL, I GOT AN EIGHTH OF A SHARE

WITH FLOYD AND WALLY AND SOME OF THE BOYS.

GOOD IDEA.

WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU GOT TO PLAN FOR THE FUTURE.

YEAH.

HUH?

SOMETHING THE MATTER?

I DON'T KNOW.

LOOK HERE.

LUKE COMSTOCK.

LUKE COMSTOCK...

I KNOW THAT NAME.

WAIT A MINUTE.

AIN'T HE THE FELLA YOU WOUNDED

IN THAT GAS STATION HOLDUP?

YEAH, YEAH.

SHOT HIM IN THE LEG.

NEVER DID DO TOO GOOD.

LAST I HEARD, HIS LEG WENT KIND OF GAME.

OH, THAT'S A SHAME.

YEAH.

1952-- THAT'S A LONG TIME AGO.

"BEEN WANTING TO SEE YOU FOR A LONG TIME

TO SET THINGS STRAIGHT BETWEEN US."

WELL, LOOK, HE SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER

THAN TO HOLD UP THAT SERVICE STATION IN THE FIRST PLACE.

AND HE SHOT AT YOU FIRST, REMEMBER?

AND YOU COULD'VE KILLED HIM, BUT YOU DIDN'T.

WHAT A NERVE.

NOW HE'S COMING HERE TO GUN YOU DOWN FOR REVENGE.

GUN ME DOWN?

WELL, IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE, ANDY,

BETWEEN THE LINES

ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS LOOK FOR IT.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT, BARN.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'S COMING HERE FOR?

TO GIVE YOU A MEDAL

FOR SAVING THE GAS STATION?

WELL, I DON'T RIGHTLY KNOW WHY HE'S COMING HERE.

I RECKON I'LL

JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHY HE'S COMING HERE?

WELL, MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THIS I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE HE'S A LONG LOST RELATIVE OR A LODGE BROTHER.

OR MAYBE HE JUST MISSES THE FUN YOU USED TO HAVE

SHOOTING HIM IN THE LEG.

COME ON, BARN. NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME

AND YOU LISTEN GOOD.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT LETTER--

THE WAY IT'S WRITTEN, THE WAY IT'S FOLDED

THE WAY THE ENVELOPE IS SEALED--

EVERYTHING ABOUT IT SAYS JUST ONE THING:

R-E-V-E-N-G.

"REVENG?"

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

YOU'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF TOWN FOR A WEEK.

GO UP TO THE MOUNTAINS, FISH A LITTLE BIT.

BARNEY, I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE TOWN.

NOW, LIKE I SAY,

LET'S JUST WAIT AND SEE WHAT LUKE'S COMING HERE FOR.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I'M NOT GOING TO ARGUE WITH YOU.

BUT LET ME DO THIS--

LET ME DEPUTIZE SOME OF THE BOYS

AND GIVE YOU SOME PROTECTION.

NO.

THEN WEAR A GUN.

NO!

HELLO. SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

OH, YES, MRS. PETERSON.

OH.

WELL, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT RIGHT AWAY.

YES, MA'AM. BYE.

MRS. PETERSON'S FLUFFY'S ON THE ROOF AGAIN.

THIS IS A TIME FOR PUSSYCATS?

WITH A KILLER ON THE LOOSE?

WELL, FLUFFY'S GOT KITTENS

AND YOU KNOW HOW YOU FEEL SEEING YOUR MOTHER ON THE ROOF.

ANDY...

TAKE THIS.

PUT IT UNDER YOUR SHIRT.

I WON'T NEED IT, BARN.

FLUFFY AND I HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR YEARS.

OKAY... BUT IF YOU GET ALL SHOT UP

I DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT!

ALL RIGHT, MEN

ANDY MIGHT GET BACK ANY MINUTE

SO LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.

WE'VE GOT TO GIVE HIM 24-HOUR PROTECTION.

RAISE YOUR RIGHT HANDS AND REPEAT AFTER ME.

AS A DEPUTY OF THE COUNTY OF MAYBERRY

I SWEAR TO UPHOLD THE...

OTIS, GET YOUR HAND UP.

MY TIME IS UP, BARNEY.

CAN'T I GO HOME NOW?

YOU LISTEN TO ME-- IF ANYTHING SHOULD HAPPEN TO ANDY

WE MIGHT GET US A NEW SHERIFF.

AND IF WE GET A NEW SHERIFF

HE MIGHT NOT BE SO EASY ON YOU.

YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO WANDER IN AND OUT OF HERE

AT YOUR OWN CONVENIENCE.

NOW, GET YOUR HAND UP!

AS A DEPUTY OF THE COUNTY...

CAN I ASK A QUESTION?

YEAH.

ARE WE GOING TO GET GUNS?

YOU ARE.

DO WE GET TO RIDE IN A PATROL CAR? YOU DO.

YOU'RE A FOOL, OTIS.

THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.

BE QUIET, GOMER. SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY COULD GET HURT.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT?

COULD BE. THAT'S WHAT BOTHERS ME.

I NEVER CARED MUCH ABOUT INJURIES.

THEY'RE VERY PAINFUL.

I DON'T WANT ANY PART OF THIS.

NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME, BOTH OF YOU--

WE'RE HERE TO PROTECT ONE OF THE ALL-TIME GREATS.

AND HOW YOU CAN EVEN THINK--

THINK, MIND YOU-- OF BACKING DOWN

IS BEYOND ME AND MINE.

I REALIZE THAT SOME OF YOU HAVE FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES

AND IF, FOR THAT REASON-- OR ANY OTHER--

YOU FEEL THIS MISSION IS TOO DANGEROUS

AND YOU WANT TO PULL OUT...

ALL RIGHT...

YOU'RE FREE TO WALK RIGHT OUT THAT DOOR.

HOLD IT!

GET BACK HERE.

NOW, YOU GET THEM HANDS UP.

YOU'RE BOTH GOING TO BE DEPUTIES

WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.

NOW, LET'S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP.

AS A DEPUTY OF THE COUNTY OF MAYBERRY

I SWEAR TO UPHOLD THE LAWS AND REGULATIONS

THEREIN SET TO BY STATUTE 4-2-6-C

COUNTY RULES AND REGULATIONS

PUT THERE BY THIS DATE

CITY OF MAYBERRY, COUNTY OF MAYBERRY THEREON.

ALL RIGHT.

NOW, THIS IS GOING TO BE A PLAINCLOTHES OPERATION.

I'VE GOT A BROWN SUIT THAT'S PRETTY PLAIN.

YEAH, THAT WOULD BE GOOD.

WE'VE GOT TO PROTECT HIM WITHOUT HIM KNOWING.

OH, IT'LL NEVER WORK, BARNEY.

IT'LL NEVER WORK.

WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?

WILL YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME?

WILL YOU DO ME THAT FAVOR

AND JUST LISTEN TO ME?

I'VE GOT A DARK GRAY ONE THAT...

HOLD IT! YOU'RE AT ATTENTION.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, WE'VE GOT TO PROTECT ANDY

WITHOUT HIM KNOWING IT.

SO JUST HAPPEN TO BE WHERE HE IS.

AS FAR AS HE'S CONCERNED

EVERYTHING IS PERFECTLY NORMAL.

BUT EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY

ONE OF US WILL BE STANDING BY

TO SPRING TO HIS SIDE.

NOW, ANY QUESTIONS?

YEAH.

SUPPOSE THIS GUY SHOWS UP, PULLS OUT A GUN

BANG-BANG-BANG-- LETS US HAVE IT.

WHAT THEN? NONE OF US IS VERY GOOD AT THIS SORT OF THING

INCLUDING YOU, BARNEY.

YOU DARN FOOL! ANDY WILL BE THERE EVERY MINUTE.

HE'LL LOOK OUT FOR US.

THERE. GOTCHA.

OKAY...

THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME.

I'M BUSHED. I'M GOING TO BED.

OH, UH, ONE MORE GAME, HUH, AND?

WE'VE PLAYED FIVE GAMES.

IT'S NEARLY 11:00.

OH, WELL, COME ON, LET'S JUST PLAY TILL 11:00.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

WHAT WAS THAT?

WHAT WAS WHAT? I DIDN'T HEAR ANY WHISTLE.

WELL, I GOT TO GO, AND.

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO PLAY ANOTHER GAME.

WELL, IT'S GETTING KIND OF LATE.

THAT'S WHAT I SAID A MINUTE AGO.

I GUESS I DIDN'T HEAR YOU. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT. UH, BARN... YEAH?

I SURE AM GLAD

YOU CALMED DOWN ON THAT LUKE COMSTOCK BUSINESS.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN BRING IT UP ONCE THIS EVENING.

OH, WELL... QUé SERá, SERá.

WELL, IF YOU SAY SO.

HEY, BARN...

DARN FOOL! JUMPING OUT AT ME LIKE THAT!

ARE YOU READY TO TAKE OVER?

I THINK SO.

I NOTICED THIS BROWN SUIT'S

GOT A LITTLE BITTY WHITE THREAD RUNNING THROUGH IT.

IT MIGHT NOT BE PLAIN ENOUGH.

COME ON OVER HERE TO THE LIGHT...

THAT SUIT'S FINE!

WHERE'S OTIS?

HE'S AROUND YONDER IN THE BACK.

REMEMBER, IF ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS HAPPENS

YOU CALL ME.

RIGHT.

HEY, BARN?

I AIN'T GOT NO PHONE OUT HERE.

YOU CIVILIANS JUST DON'T KNOW

HOW TO THINK ON YOUR FEET, DO YOU?

WHO'S THERE?

SO HELP ME, ANDY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

NOW, DON'T THINK I DON'T THINK IT'S A SWEET IDEA, BARNEY,

BUT HAVING GOMER AND OTIS OUT THERE ALL NIGHT FREEZING

IS PRETTY RIDICULOUS.

GOMER

OUT WHERE?

YOU KNOW OUT WHERE.

OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE.

MY BODYGUARDS.

I DON'T NEED THEM, BARNEY, OKAY?

I'M GOING TO THE POST OFFICE.

POST OFFICE. RIGHT.

WHO ARE YOU SIGNALING TO?

ALL RIGHT-- YOU WON'T PROTECT YOURSELF

SO W DECIDED TO PROTECT YOU.

WHAT'S SO TERRIBLE ABOUT THAT?

I APPRECIATE THAT, BARN, I REALLY DO.

LUKE COMSTOCK MIGHT NOT EVEN SHOW UP.

DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT?

IT'S THE TRUTH, ANDY.

OTIS SEEN HIM JUST AS PLAIN AS DAY.

A NATTY-LOOKING FELLA WITH A LIMP GETTING OFF THE BUS.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANYBODY.

A LOT OF FELLAS LIMP.

YEAH, BUT GET THIS--

HE WAS CARRYING A LEATHER SHOTGUN CASE.

OH, ANDY.

AND GOMER SEEN THE SHOTGUN CASE, TOO

AND ALEC THE BUS DRIVER MENTIONED IT.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO

BUT ME AND MY BOYS ARE GONNA BE ON OUR TOES.

NOW, BARNEY...

I DON'T WANT TO DISCUSS IT ANY FURTHER.

BARNEY, YOU JUST-- TAKE A LOCK.

OH, ANDY, I KNOW BARNEY'S EXCITABLE

AND HE HAS A WILD IMAGINATION

BUT THIS DOES SOUND SERIOUS.

IT CERTAINLY COULDN'T HURT TO TAKE SOME PRECAUTION.

AUNT BEE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT MORE I CAN DO

BESIDES JUST WAITING.

HELLO.

SPEAKING.

UH-HUH.

UH... WELL, YEAH, THAT-THAT WOULD BE FINE.

GOODBYE.

ANYTHING WRONG?

NO, NO.

THAT WAS, UH, LUKE COMSTOCK.

HE'S COMING OVER.

WELL, WHAT DID HE SAY?

NOTHING. JUST SAID HE'S COMING OVER.

UH, OPIE, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE AUNT BEE A HAND

AND GET SOME OF THESE DISHES IN THE KITCHEN.

SURE, PAW.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

WHY DON'T YOU AND OPIE

GO OVER TO CLARA'S FOR A LITTLE BIT?

YOU ARE GOING TO CALL BARNEY, AREN'T YOU?

NO, I'D RATHER NOT.

ANDY, MAYBE WE OUGHT...

PLEASE, AUNT BEE, NOW, I CAN HANDLE THIS.

BETTER TAKE OPIE'S CORDUROY JACKET.

THERE'S A LITTLE NIP OUT.

WELL... I GUESS YOU KNOW BEST.

PAW?

YEAH, SON?

ARE YOU SCARED OF THE TROUBLE THAT'S COMING?

UH, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THERE'S TROUBLE COMING?

YOU'RE SENDING ME AND AUNT BEE OVER TO MISS CLARA'S.

OH, WELL, I'VE JUST GOT SOME BUSINESS TO TALK OVER.

ARE YOU SCARED, PAW?

WELL, I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME?

NO. I'VE BEEN SCARED A WHOLE LOTTA TIMES.

REALLY, PAW?

GOSH, YOU SURE COULDN'T TELL IT.

HERE YOU ARE.

COME ON, OPIE.

UH-HUH.

RIGHT, AUNT BEE.

OKAY, I GOTCHA.

NOW, BARNEY, DON'T DO ANYTHING RASH

BUT PERHAPS YOU COULD KEEP AN EYE ON HIM?

YOU JUST LEAVE IT TO BIG BARN, AUNT BEE.

I'LL HANDLE IT.

YOU JUST STAY CALM.

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE AND DANDY.

COULD GET YOU REAL GOOD, OTIS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

DON'T YOU EVER POINT A GUN AT NOBODY.

LET ME OUT OF THIS.

YOU AND GOMER GO.

NOW, OTIS...

TWO'S COMPANY, THREE'S A CROWD.

IF YOU BACK OUT OF THIS NOW, I'M GOING TO SPREAD IT ALL OVER TOWN

THAT YOU'RE A YELLOW-BELLIED CHICKEN.

DO YOU WANT TO BE KNOWN AS A YELLOW

OH, I DON'T MIND.

YOU SHAPE UP, MISTER.

NOW...

PUT THAT DOWN!

I GOT YOU, BARN.

SETTLE DOWN, GOMER!

NOW, LET'S SHAPE UP. LET'S GET WITH THIS. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO

BUT I DON'T WANT TO CARRY A GUN.

LET'S GET MOVING.

LET'S MAKE THIS LOOK LIKE A POSSE.

COME ON. HI-YAH!

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE-- I GOT AN IDEA.

WHAT?

I'LL PICK UP SOME SANDWICHES

AND MEET YOU THERE LATER.

EVENING, SHERIFF.

LUKE.

WON'T YOU COME IN?

MY BUSINESS WON'T TAKE TOO LONG, SHERIFF.

AFTER THAT SHOOTING SCRAPE WE HAD

I LAID ON MY BACK IN THE HOSPITAL

FOR SIX WHOLE MONTHS.

WELL, THAT MUST HAVE BEEN PRETTY ROUGH ON YOU.

I HAD A CHANCE TO REVIEW MY WHOLE LIFE

FROM WHEN I WAS A BOY TO WHERE I WAS--

LYING WITH MY LEG GAME FOR LIFE.

ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS:

WHAT A WASTE.

SO I MADE UP MY MIND THEN AND THERE

I WAS GONNA MAKE SOMETHING OF MYSELF, SHERIFF.

I BEGAN READING AND STUDYING

WHILE I WAS STILL IN THE HOSPITAL.

I DEVELOPED QUITE AN INTEREST IN MATHEMATICS AND ELECTRICITY.

ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER.

TODAY I OWN A CHAIN OF TELEVISION REPAIR STORES

IN CLEVELAND.

I'M LEADING A GOOD LIFE.

WELL, I, UH...

I CERTAINLY AM GLAD TO HEAR THAT, LUKE.

IF YOU HADN'T LAID ME UP, WHO KNOWS WHERE I'D BE TODAY?

YOU COME ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE TO TELL ME THAT?

THAT AND TO BRING YOU A LITTLE GIFT OF APPRECIATION.

I KNOW HOW YOU PEOPLE DOWN HERE LOVE TO HUNT

SO I BROUGHT YOU THIS SHOTGUN.

FOR PETE'S SAKE, ANDY, DON'T JUST STAND THERE-- RUSH HIM!

WELL, THAT'LL BRING DOWN THEM NORTHERN HONKERS.

THEY GOT A WINGSPREAD THAT BIG.

TOO LATE -- HE'S GOT THE DROP ON HIM.

WHAT DO WE DO?

WHAT DO WE DO?

I KNOW-- THE LIGHTS.

COME ON, BACK DOOR.

WELL, MUST BE A FUSE, LUKE.

COME ON OUT HERE.

WHAT IS THIS?

UH, THIS IS OUR MAYBERRY KNOT-TYING CLASS.

IT MEETS HERE EVERY TUESDAY.

THAT'S A NICE ONE YOU GOT THERE, BOYS.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!

HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?

I CAN'T READ SOMEBODY'S MIND, FOR GOSH SAKES!

COMSTOCK'S AN EX-CON. I TOOK IT FROM THERE.

WHY DON'T WE JUST FORGET ABOUT IT?

IT'S FORGOTTEN, BARN.

WE TALKED ABOUT IT ALL LAST NIGHT AND ALL THIS MORNING.

SO FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THE MATTER'S CLOSED.

NO HARM DONE. GOOD, GOOD. LET'S JUST DROP IT.

I'M FOR THAT.

A MAN'S BEEN TRAINED FOR LAW WORK ALL HIS LIFE,

HIS INSTINCTS TAKE OVER.

FORGET IT. IT'S FORGOTTEN.

ANDY. YEAH, OTIS.

LISTEN, I'M SURE SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

I DIDN'T WANT TO BE A DEPUTY ANYWAY.

UH, IT'S OKAY, OTIS.

WELL, IT'S ALL BARNEY'S FAULT.

OH, WILL YOU HOLD IT? THAT SUBJECT'S BEEN CLOSED.

WE AGREED NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

OH, I SEE. TAKE A LOCK?

TAKE A LOCK. TAKE A LOCK.

WELL, IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT.

AW, SHUT UP, OTIS!

WELL, HE-- WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP?!

BARNEY, THE FACT --

TAKE A LOCK, ANDY.