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1
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:13,281
STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...
2
00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:15,516
WITH RONNY HOWARD...
3
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:18,452
ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.
4
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:25,426
BARN.
5
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:26,794
ANDY.
6
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:31,232
BOY, OH, BOY,
OH, BOY.
7
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:33,367
WHEN WILL PEOPLE
EVER LEARN?
8
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:35,369
WHEN WILL THEY
EVER LEARN?
9
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:36,770
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
10
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:39,707
THEY'RE HAVING THEMSELVES
A REGULAR CRIME WAVE
11
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,709
OVER THERE
IN MARSHALL COUNTY.
12
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,311
IT'S NO WONDER.
13
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:44,445
HUH?
14
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:45,713
LISTEN TO THIS--
15
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,715
"A RECENT RASH
OF BURGLARIES
16
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,317
"IN THIS COMMUNITY
17
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:52,853
"HAS THE LOCAL SHERIFF'S OFFICE
GREATLY CONCERNED.
18
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:56,457
"THE SHERIFF ATTRIBUTES
MOST OF THE ROBBERIES
19
00:00:56,490 --> 00:01:00,528
"TO THE LACK OF SECURITY
ON THE PART OF TOWN MERCHANTS.
20
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:03,831
"SAID SHERIFF WILSON, 'WE WOULD
HAVE FEWER ROBBERIES
21
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:06,167
IF FOLKS SHOWED
LESS A-PATHY.'"
22
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,301
APATHY.
23
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:08,436
RIGHT.
24
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:09,770
WELL, MY FRIEND...
25
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:13,141
TODAY IT'S HAPPENING
OVER IN MARSHALL COUNTY
26
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,608
AND TOMORROW IT'S US.
27
00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,310
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
28
00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:19,713
WELL, I'M SURPRISED
WE'VE BEEN SPARED
THIS LONG, ANDY.
29
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,849
ANDY, THIS TOWN
IS A PIECE OF CAKE.
30
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,318
A CROOK COULD COME IN HERE
AND WALK OFF WITH THE PLACE.
31
00:01:24,352 --> 00:01:25,586
AND WHY?
32
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,721
BECAUSE
THERE'S NO SECURITY.
33
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:29,723
AND WHY IS THERE
NO SECURITY?
34
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:30,791
A-PATHY.
35
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,226
APATHY.
36
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,162
WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO GIVE YOU PARTICULARS?
37
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:35,429
IF YOU WANT...
38
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:36,697
A: EARL JOHNSON
39
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,332
LEFT HIS KEY IN
THE CAR ALL NIGHT.
40
00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:39,633
WELL, DON'T YOU
REMEMBER, BARN?
41
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,135
THAT KEY BROKE OF IN THERE
LAST SPRING.
42
00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:42,203
HE CAN'T GET IT OUT.
43
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:44,305
ALL RIGHT. B:
NO NIGHT-LIGHT ON
44
00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:46,574
IN THE OFFICE
OF THE MAYBERRY ICEHOUSE.
45
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:47,608
I KNOW IT.
46
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:49,377
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOU KNOW IT?
47
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:51,212
THE LIGHT KEEPS
THE WATCHMAN AWAKE.
48
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:52,480
THAT'S "C."
49
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:55,283
OH, ANDY, EVERYWHERE
YOU LOOK IN THIS TOWN
50
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:58,319
IT'S JUST CARELESSNESS
AND INDIFFERENCE.
51
00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:00,388
YOU SURE ARE AWFUL POLICE
THIS MORNING.
52
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,556
WHAT DID YOU AND THELMA LOU
DO LAST NIGHT?
53
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:05,326
WHAT'S THAT GOT
TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
54
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,695
WE GOTTA SHAPE UP HERE, CHIEF.
55
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:08,929
"CHIEF"?
56
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:12,366
YOU NEVER CALL ME CHIEF
UNLESS, UH...
57
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,869
YOU WENT TO THE MOVIES,
DIDN'T YOU?
58
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,605
I THINK SO.
59
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:18,872
WHAT WAS PLAYING?
60
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:21,309
I DON'T REMEMBER.
61
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:25,279
ALL I KNOW IS THE SITUATION
AROUND HERE IS DESPERATE.
62
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:26,714
UH...LET'S SEE...
63
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:29,217
THURSDAY, FRIDAY
AND SATURDAY
64
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,252
GLENN FORD IN "G-MEN."
65
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:32,486
THAT'S WHAT
YOU SAW, HUH?
66
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,587
I DON'T REMEMBER.
67
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:34,855
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAW.
68
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:36,457
GLENN FORD IN "G-MEN."
69
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,327
NOW YOU'RE GONNA GLENN FORD IT
ALL OVER TOWN.
70
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,595
TRY TO CONTROL IT,
WILL YOU, BARN?
71
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:42,930
I GOT TO GO OUT
72
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:44,565
AND DO
A LITTLE BUSINESS.
73
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,334
I'LL BE BACK
AFTER A WHILE.
74
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:47,868
WELL, WHERE ARE
YOU GOING TO BE?
75
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:49,870
COME ON, LET'S HAVE
SOME ORGANIZATION.
76
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,305
FILL ME IN.
77
00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:52,673
ALL RIGHT.
78
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:55,643
ONE: TAKE SQUAD CAR
TO FILLING STATION
79
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:56,910
AND HAVE LUBE.
80
00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:59,880
TWO: WALK BLOCK AND A HALF
TO DRUGSTORE.
81
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:02,450
THREE: EAT LUNCH,
CONSISTING OF
82
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:03,984
A: EGG SALAD SANDWICH;
83
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,953
B: HOLD LETTUCE
AND TOMATO;
84
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,555
C: COFFEE, BLACK.
85
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:11,725
OH, AND, D: HAVE ONE OF THEM
LITTLE YELLOW COOKIES.
86
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,561
YOU GOT THE RUNDOWN,
GLENN?
87
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:29,870
STICK 'EM UP.
88
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,305
OH, HIYA, BARNEY.
89
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:33,607
ALL RIGHT, ASA,
ON YOUR FEET.
90
00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,743
THIS IS A SECURITY CHECK.
91
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:36,810
WHAT?
92
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:38,479
ON YOUR FEET.
93
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,748
WELL, GIVE ME A HAND,
WILL YOU, BARNEY?
94
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,483
I GOT THE MISERY
IN MY BACK.
95
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,525
NOW WHAT'S THIS
I CAN DO FOR YOU?
96
00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:53,694
I SAID THIS IS
A SECURITY CHECK.
97
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:54,962
SECURITY CHECK!
98
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,564
OH, WINDOW NUMBER TWO.
99
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,399
MISS HARRIET
WILL CASH IT.
100
00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:00,534
NO, ASA, I DON'T WANT
TO CASH A CHECK.
101
00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:02,603
I'M CHECKING
THE SECURITY
OF THIS BANK.
102
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:03,971
THIS PLACE
IS A PUSHOVER.
103
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:06,340
FOR A ROBBERY, YOU MEAN?
HAVE YOU HEARD SOMETHING?
104
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:07,741
IS THERE GOING
TO BE A ROBBERY?
105
00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:08,742
NO, NO, NO.
106
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:09,843
BUT THERE COULD BE.
107
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,645
THIS PLACE
IS JUST BEGGING FOR IT.
108
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,647
WHAT ARE YOUR OFFICIAL
COUNTERMEASURES
109
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,383
IN THE EVENT OF A 10
110
00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:19,620
SEEMS TO ME I HEARD
SOMEONE ELSE SAY THAT
111
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,355
IN THE LAST FEW DAYS.
112
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:22,690
NOW WHO WAS THAT?
113
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:23,924
WELL, COME ON, WHO WAS IT?
114
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:25,559
MAYBE THE BANK'S BEING CASED.
115
00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:27,094
WELL, LET'S SEE...
116
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,896
COME ON, THINK, ASA, THINK.
117
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:33,601
NICE-LOOKING FELLA ABOUT 35,
DARK HAIR...
118
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:34,635
A STRANGER?
119
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,637
NO. I'VE SEEN HIM BEFORE.
120
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,038
NOW WAIT A MINUTE...
121
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,039
WELL?
122
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,141
GLENN FORD-- THAT'S WHO IT WAS.
123
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,543
DID YOU SEE
THAT PICTURE?
124
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:43,611
WASN'T HE WONDERFUL?
125
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,012
I AIN'T INTERESTED
IN MOVIES.
126
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,648
I'M INTERESTED IN
YOUR OFFICIAL COUNTERMEASURES.
127
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,082
WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IN THE EVENT
128
00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:50,551
OF A HOLDUP?
129
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:51,719
WELL, UH...
130
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:53,921
FIRST THING, I, UH...
131
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,789
I-I'D PULL MY GUN.
132
00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,491
ALL RIGHT, DRAW.
133
00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:09,970
UH, I SHOULD HAVE
WARNED YOU, BARNEY.
134
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:13,040
YOU SEE, THE FLAP HOLDS
THE HANDLE ON THE GUN.
135
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,743
I LOST THE SCREWS
ABOUT FOUR YEARS AGO.
136
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:18,011
I'LL GET OVER
TO THE HARDWARE STORE
137
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,748
ON OF THESE DAYS
AND GET SOME NEW ONES.
138
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:24,051
THE HARDWARE STORE
IS RIGHT DOWN THE STREET.
139
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:30,991
WHAT ARE THEM GREEN THINGS
IN YOUR CARTRIDGE BELT?
140
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,994
BULLETS.
141
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,830
THEY'RE MOLDY.
142
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:41,502
ASA, LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT
A BULLET OUGHT TO LOOK LIKE.
143
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:44,472
NOW THERE'S
BULLET MAINTENANCE.
144
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,607
OH, BARNEY, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
145
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,510
I'VE HEARD ABOUT
YOUR BULLET, BARNEY.
146
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,711
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
147
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,714
I LIKE FOR THINGS
TO BE NICE AND SHINY.
148
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,848
ONE OF THESE DAYS
149
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,717
I'LL BRING OVER
MY BALL OF TINFOIL.
150
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,659
HEY, BARN?
151
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:09,162
I FINISHED EATING LUNCH.
YOU WANT TO EAT?
152
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:11,965
I'M SO DISGUSTED,
I DON'T FEEL LIKE EATING.
153
00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:13,767
COME HERE.
154
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,871
ANDY, THESE PEOPLE
ARE MAKING A FOOL
155
00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:19,707
OUT OF THE WORD
"SECURITY".
156
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,475
THE BANK GUARD
IS A JOKE.
157
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,076
LOOK AT HIM.
158
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,914
CASH DRAWERS
ARE LEFT OPEN.
159
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,248
THE VAULT IS OPEN.
160
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,918
BARNEY, YOU'RE GETTIN'
ALL STEAMED UP OVER THIS.
161
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,921
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
TAKE THE REST
OF THE DAY OFF?
162
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,789
GO ON OVER
TO THE DRUGSTORE
163
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,224
AND HAVE
A NICE LUNCH.
164
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:40,193
THE BUSINESSMAN'S SPECIAL
IS A HOLLOWED-OUT TOMATO
165
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,229
STUFFED WITH AVOCADO
AND RAISINS.
166
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:43,664
IT'S GOOD, TOO.
167
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:45,866
AND TOP THINGS OFF
WITH A LEMON PHOSPHATE
168
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,635
AND YOU'RE
RIGHT IN BUSINESS.
169
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,236
TAKE A WALK
OVER TO THE GRAND--
170
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:51,138
WATCH THEM
CHANGE THE MARQUEE.
171
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,707
WELL, YOU ALWAYS
ENJOY THAT.
172
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:56,810
YOU MUST TAKE ME
FOR THE BIGGEST IDIOT
173
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,679
ON THE AMERICAN SCENE.
174
00:07:58,712 --> 00:07:59,880
NOW, BARN...
175
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:03,050
WHY DON'T YOU COME
RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT--
176
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,084
I'M A JERK.
177
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:06,687
WELL, COME ON,
COME ON, SAY IT.
178
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:07,721
J-E-R-K.
179
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:08,722
JERK.
180
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,558
SLAPPING ME
IN THE FACE
181
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:13,527
WITH THIS
BUSINESSMAN'S SPECIAL
182
00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:15,529
AND A LEMON PHOSPHATE
183
00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:17,531
AND TAKING
A DAY OFF.
184
00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:18,799
ANDY, BARNEY.
185
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,535
SOMETHING
I CAN DO FOR YOU?
186
00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:24,805
YEAH. I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU
STRAIGHT FROM THE BUTTONHOLE
187
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,774
SHERIFF TAYLOR
NOT WITHSTANDING.
188
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:29,009
THIS BANK IS A CRACKER BOX
AND A PUSHOVER.
189
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,243
I HAVE GIVEN IT
190
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,112
A COMPLETE
AND THOROUGH EXAMINATION,
191
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,715
AND I CANNOT SEE ONE--
NOT ONE, MIND YOU--
192
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:38,018
ACCEPTABLE COUNTERMEASURE
IN THE EVENT OF A 10-12.
193
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:40,754
BARNEY, I THINK
YOU GOT HOLD OF SOMETHING THERE.
194
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:42,022
COME HERE.
195
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:46,894
HARRIET, CAN YOU
COME HERE A MINUTE?
196
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:48,896
I WANT YOU
TO HEAR SOMETHING.
197
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,030
GO AHEAD, BARNEY.
198
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,999
TELL HER
WHAT YOU TOLD ME.
199
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,935
WELL, I SIMPLY SAID THAT
AFTER A THOROUGH EXAMINATION
200
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:57,671
I FIND THIS BANK LACKING
ANY COUNTERMEASURES WHATSOEVER
201
00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:59,607
IN THE EVENT OF A 10-12.
202
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,810
WELL?
203
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,779
GLENN FORD.
204
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,281
OF COURSE.
205
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,951
Man:
THAT WAS GREAT, BARNEY.
206
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:19,259
NOW SIMMER DOWN,
BARN.
207
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,629
FOUR YEARS ASA'S
BEEN WALKIN' AROUND
208
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:23,230
WITHOUT ANY SCREWS
IN HIS GUN.
209
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:24,765
WHERE'S THE
HARDWARE STORE?
210
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,033
RIGHT DOWN THE STREET
211
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,668
A WHIFF AND
A WHISKER AWAY.
212
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:28,669
BOY, OH, BOY.
213
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,170
ALL RIGHT.
214
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,672
I'LL GO GET SCREWS
215
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,608
AND PUT 'EM
IN ASA'S GUN.
216
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,044
WHAT KIND OF
GUN'S ASA GOT?
217
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:40,247
OH, ONE OF THEM
OLD TEDDY ROOSEVELT
HORSE PISTOLS.
218
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,381
I REMEMBER IT.
219
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,216
MY DADDY GOT ASA
TO SHOW IT TO ME
220
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,685
WHEN I WAS A BOY.
221
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,019
HE LET ME PUT IT IN MY BELT.
222
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,354
BOY, IT WAS HEAVY.
223
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:48,956
I REMEMBER
IT SLIPPED THROUGH
224
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:51,591
AND TORE THE BUCKLE
OFF MY KNICKERS AND EVERYTHING.
225
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,874
WHAT'S THE ACTION HERE?
226
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,976
WHY ARE WE STOPPIN'
AT MRS. KELSEY'S?
227
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,978
MRS. KELSEY HAD
TO GO TO MT. PILOT.
228
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,180
OH, WE'RE GOING
TO CHECK THE LOCKS, HUH?
229
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,916
UH, NO, WE'RE GOING
TO TAKE IN HER LAUNDRY.
230
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,017
WHAT?!
231
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:18,686
SHE ASKED
IN VERY NICE WAY
232
00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:19,853
AND I SAID WE WOULD.
233
00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:20,954
NOW COME ON, BARN.
234
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,756
THE BACK
SCREEN DOOR'S OPEN.
235
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,892
JUST LEAVE IT
ON THE SERVICE PORCH.
236
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,660
ANDY, I'M A DEPUTY SHERIFF.
237
00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:28,829
YOU'RE ALSO A SERVANT
OF THE PEOPLE.
238
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,363
NOW COME ON, BARN.
239
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:33,400
FINE WORK FOR A HIGHLY TRAINED,
SKILLED OFFICER OF THE LAW.
240
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,669
HEY, BARN,
DON'T GET HURT.
241
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:36,904
WHAT?
242
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,339
THEM CLOTHESPINS
GOT AWFUL STRONG SPRINGS.
243
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,821
WELL, HELLO, LEON.
244
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,322
MRS. KELSEY'S AWAY.
245
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:58,325
I'M JUST TAKING DOWN
HER CLOTHES.
246
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:01,729
DON'T NEVER BE
A POLICE OFFICER, LEON.
247
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,897
NOT IN THIS TOWN, ANYWAYS.
248
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:07,868
YOU KNOW WHAT A POLICE OFFICER
IS IN THIS TOWN?
249
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:12,372
A LAUNDRY BOY.
250
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,009
NO, THANKS, LEON.
251
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:18,011
WELL, I HOPE
WHEN YOU GROW UP
252
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:21,114
YOU MOVE TO A TOWN
THAT HAS A BETTER BANK.
253
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,183
THAT BANK IS IN
SUCH A SORRY STATE.
254
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,853
I'D LIKE TO SEE THEM
GET HELD UP JUST ONCE--
255
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,722
JUST ONCE, JUST TO SCARE
THE HECK OUT OF THEM.
256
00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:30,958
THAT'S ALL.
JUST ONCE.
257
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:32,960
I'D LIKE TO FIND
SOME WAY TO SHOW THEM
258
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:35,262
WHAT KIND OF AN EASY MARK
THEY ARE.
259
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,169
YEAH.
260
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,238
YEAH.
261
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:47,941
DON'T YOU SAY NOTHIN'
ABOUT THIS, LEON.
262
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,162
MAY I HELP YOU, MA'AM?
263
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,431
I'M MRS. MAGRUDER'S
COUSIN.
264
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,800
I'M HERE TO CLEAN
FOR HER.
265
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,335
WHERE'S MRS. MAGRUDER?
266
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:49,469
SHE'S SICK.
267
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:51,204
WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?
268
00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:52,205
UH...
269
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:53,974
FUNGUS OF THE KNEE.
270
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:05,185
* YOU'RE AS WELCOME
AS THE FLOWERS IN MAY *
271
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:08,388
* TO DEAR OLD DONEGAL
272
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:10,557
* MM, TO DEAR
OLD DONEGAL *
273
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,383
MR. MELDRIN.
274
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:39,486
WHAT IS IT, HARRIET?
275
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:41,088
COME DOWN HERE
A MINUTE.
276
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:44,992
LOOK AT THAT
OLD WOMAN.
277
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,962
MRS. MAGRUDER?
278
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,263
IT'S NOT
MRS. MAGRUDER.
279
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:53,000
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE
MRS. MAGRUDER'S COUSIN,
280
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,167
BUT IT ISN'T.
281
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,435
TAKE A GOOD LOOK.
282
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,445
BARNEY FIFE?
283
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:06,980
OH, THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
284
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:09,182
I THINK WE OFFENDED
HIM THIS MORNING.
285
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,184
HE'S TRYING TO TEACH
US A LESSON.
286
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:13,186
WATCH THIS.
287
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,022
STOP, THIEF!
288
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,626
OH, MY HEAVENS!
289
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,898
IT'S LOCKED,
AND IT WON'T OPEN AGAIN
290
00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,566
TILL 8:00
TOMORROW MORNING.
291
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,168
HE'LL SMOTHER
IN THERE.
292
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:38,011
THANK GOODNESS
HE DOESN'T SOUND
293
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,679
LIKE HE'S HURT.
294
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,214
ASA! ASA!
295
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:44,151
HMM?
296
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:45,452
TIME TO GO HOME?
297
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,454
NO. DEPUTY FIFE
IS LOCKED IN THE VAULT.
298
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,222
RUN OVER TO THE FILLING STATION
299
00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:51,424
AND TELL THEM WE NEED
AN ACETYLENE TORCH.
300
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,093
HARRIET, GET
SHERIFF TAYLOR.
301
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:54,361
ALL RIGHT.
302
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,030
OH, THAT STUPID DEPUTY.
303
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,375
HEY, BARN!
304
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,643
YOU ALL RIGHT?
305
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:12,645
HURRY UP, GOMER--
HE DON'T ANSWER.
306
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:14,147
THIS STUFF'S THICK.
307
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:16,683
IT AIN'T LIKE CUTTIN'
THROUGH A MASHED FENDER.
308
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:19,352
I SURE HOPE
HE'S ALL RIGHT.
309
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,112
HI, MRS. RODENBACH.
310
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:46,279
HI, BARNEY.
311
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,647
GOT A CASE?
312
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,240
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
313
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:16,109
HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN
A MAN TAKE OFF A DRESS BEFORE?
314
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,117
OH, THAT FOOL,
THAT FOOL.
315
00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:25,385
WHY DID HE DO THIS?
316
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,754
HE THOUGHT HE WAS DOING IT
FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
317
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,222
Barney:
RIGHT.
318
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,393
BARNEY, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
319
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:34,694
I'M FINE.
320
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:37,230
DOGGONE YOU, WE THOUGHT
YOU WAS IN THAT VAULT.
321
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:38,331
I WAS.
322
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:40,233
I CRASHED THROUGH
THE BACK WALL
323
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:41,401
INTO THE BEAUTY SHOP.
324
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,502
IF THAT DON'T PROVE
325
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,271
WHAT A CRACKERBOX BANK YOU GOT,
326
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:45,538
I DON'T KNOW WHAT DOES.
327
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,640
YOU'VE DONE NOTHING
BUT CAUSE TROUBLE.
328
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,142
YOU HAD US ALL
WORRIED SICK.
329
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:50,243
WELL, WORRIED OR NOT,
330
00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:52,179
HAVE I MADE MY POINT
OR HAVEN'T I?
331
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,547
I BET THERE AIN'T A BANK
IN THE WHOLE WORLD
332
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:57,684
THAT HAS LESS SECURITY
THAN THE MAYBERRY SECURITY BANK.
333
00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,219
THE GUARD'S
ALWAYS ASLEEP.
334
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,820
THE CASH DRAWERS
ARE LEFT OPEN.
335
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,189
A FAULTY VAULT.
336
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,290
NO ALARM SYSTEM.
337
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:04,457
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
338
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,726
MAYBE SOMEDAY
YOU PEOPLE'LL LEARN.
339
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,095
HEY, BARN.
340
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,329
BARN, LISTEN.
341
00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:18,205
HEY, BARN, WAIT UP.
342
00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:21,808
ALL RIGHT,
I'LL PAY A HALF
343
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:23,443
BUT I THINK THE SHERIFF'S
DEPARTMENT
344
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,112
OUGHT TO PAY
THE OTHER HALF.
345
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:26,313
OKAY.
346
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,183
OH, I FORGOT
TO TELL YOU--
347
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,185
THAT DOOR'S STILL HOT.
348
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:44,231
DID YOU PASS THE CHECK?
349
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:46,399
DIDN'T EVEN GET
TO THE WINDOW.
350
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,668
I GOT A BETTER IDEA, MORT.
351
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:51,504
YOU BEEN WANTING TO DO
A BANK JOB, HAVEN'T YOU?
352
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:52,605
YEAH.
353
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:53,773
WELL, THIS IS IT.
354
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:55,608
THE SOFTEST TOUCH
I'VE EVER SEEN.
355
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:58,445
GET IN. I'LL LAY
IT OUT FOR YOU.
356
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:10,089
GOOD MORNING.
357
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:13,193
GOOD MORNING, LEON.
358
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:14,861
NO, THANK YOU.
359
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:17,164
I JUST HAD BREAKFAST.
360
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,351
REACH.
361
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:39,619
WHAT ON EARTH...?
362
00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:40,887
BARNEY, BARNEY, BARNEY.
363
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,355
WON'T YOU EVER LEARN?
364
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:43,890
JUST REACH AND SHUT UP.
365
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,658
BARNEY, ENOUGH'S ENOUGH.
366
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:47,627
NOW, I HAVE A BANK TO RUN.
367
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,429
SMART GUY.
368
00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,539
YOU'RE NOT BARNEY.
369
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:00,707
NEVER MIND WHO I AM.
370
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:01,941
NOW, LET'S GET TO IT.
371
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,476
COME ON. COME ON.
372
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,416
GOOD MORNING,
HARRIET.
373
00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,551
DON'T "GOOD MORNING"
ME, SHERIFF.
374
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,686
THAT BARNEY FIFE
IS AT IT AGAIN.
375
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:14,821
WHAT?
376
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,289
ANOTHER FAKE HOLDUP.
377
00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:18,825
I SAW HIM PLAIN AS DAY
THROUGH THE BANK DOOR
378
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,493
WAVING HIS GUN
AND WEARING
379
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,429
A SILLY STOCKING
OVER HIS FACE.
380
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:24,864
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
381
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,973
ALL RIGHT, NOW MOVE.
382
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,542
KEEP 'EM UP,
KEEP 'EM UP.
383
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:42,249
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S GOOD,
RIGHT HERE.
384
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:44,584
FACE THE WALL
WITH YOUR HANDS UP
385
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:47,787
AND DON'T MOVE
TILL YOU'VE COUNTED A HUNDRED.
386
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:50,990
GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY.
387
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,693
GET OVER AGAINST THE WALL
WITH YOUR FRIEND.
388
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:54,927
THAT YOU IN THERE,
BARN?
389
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:56,296
BETTER COME OVER HERE, ASA.
390
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:57,330
THAT ISN'T BARNEY.
391
00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:58,665
THIS IS A REAL HOLDUP.
392
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,999
ALL RIGHT,
GET OVER THERE.
393
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,234
OH, MERCY. MERCY.
394
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,577
ALL RIGHT, BARNEY,
ENOUGH'S ENOUGH.
395
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,581
QUIT HANDLING
ASA SO ROUGH.
396
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:15,982
HE'S A OLD MAN.
397
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:18,885
AND TAKE THAT SILLY-LOOKING
STOCKING OFF YOUR FACE.
398
00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:25,892
PULL THAT SHADE DOWN
AND TOSS THAT GUN
399
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,294
OVER HERE.
400
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:31,864
I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO TELL YOU, ANDY,
401
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,266
THIS ISN'T BARNEY.
402
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,435
ALL RIGHT,
GET OVER HERE,
BOTH OF YOU.
403
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:36,503
COME ON, MOVE.
404
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:00,827
HE BROKE MY GUN.
405
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:01,994
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, ASA.
406
00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:03,363
GO GET THE OTHER GUN.
407
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:04,597
YES, SIR.
408
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:09,369
I'LL CHECK
THE GETAWAY CAR.
409
00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:11,871
BEAT IT, HOWIE!
410
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:14,006
HOLD IT!
411
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,475
YOU'RE COVERED!
412
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:16,909
ALL RIGHT, COME ON!
413
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,077
BACK HERE.
414
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,579
COME ON, MOVE.
415
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:21,914
COME ON.
416
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:24,384
CONGRATULATIONS,
BARN. YOU GOT HIM.
417
00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:26,486
YEAH, THESE
OUT-OF-TOWN SMART ALECKS.
418
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:28,087
I'M THROWING
THE BOOK AT HIM.
419
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,389
OVERTIME PARKING.
420
00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:30,557
CAUSING A NUISANCE.
421
00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:31,858
NO DRIVER'S LICENSE.
422
00:21:31,891 --> 00:21:32,825
BANK ROBBERY.
423
00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:34,327
BANK ROBBERY...
424
00:21:34,361 --> 00:21:37,063
NO REGISTRATION CERTIFICATE,
RESISTING ARRES...
425
00:21:37,096 --> 00:21:39,699
BANK ROBBERY?
426
00:21:48,941 --> 00:21:51,978
LOOK, MR. BUTLER, YOU'RE
A NEWSPAPER PUBLISHER, RIGHT?
427
00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:55,715
OKAY. YOU'RE
A WELL
428
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:57,049
YOU KNOW A LOT OF FACTS.
429
00:21:57,083 --> 00:21:59,085
YOU GET 'EM ALL STRAIGHT,
RIGHT?
430
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:01,354
OKAY,
NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY.
431
00:22:01,388 --> 00:22:02,822
IT HAPPENS EVERY TIME.
432
00:22:02,855 --> 00:22:05,358
I TELL YOU
EVERY TIME IT HAPPENS,
433
00:22:05,392 --> 00:22:06,859
BUT YOU DON'T REMEMBER.
434
00:22:06,893 --> 00:22:11,030
MY NAME IS FIFE --
F-I-F-E.
435
00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:12,765
FOR THE THIRD TIME NOW,
436
00:22:12,799 --> 00:22:16,703
YOU'VE PRINTED IT FIKE --
F-I-K-E.
437
00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:20,006
OKAY.
APPRECIATE IT.
438
00:22:20,039 --> 00:22:21,774
OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE.
439
00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:23,042
WHAT'D HE SAY?
440
00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:26,012
"I'LL GET IT RIGHT
NEXT TIME, HOWIE."
441
00:22:29,048 --> 00:22:31,050
OH, HIYA, ASA.
442
00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:32,819
HELLO, ANDY.
HI, ASA.
443
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:35,922
HEY, BARNEY,
LOOK AT THIS.
444
00:22:35,955 --> 00:22:37,690
SEE THERE?
I GOT IT FIXED.
445
00:22:37,724 --> 00:22:39,526
I WENT
TO THE HARDWARE STORE
446
00:22:39,559 --> 00:22:41,661
AND GOT SOME SCREWS
FOR THE HANDLE.
447
00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:42,929
GOOD. GOOD.
448
00:22:42,962 --> 00:22:44,564
AIN'T THEY GOOD-LOOKIN' SCREWS
IN THERE?
449
00:22:44,597 --> 00:22:45,998
YEAH, THEY LOOK
JUST FINE.
450
00:22:46,032 --> 00:22:47,800
SHOW IT TO ANDY.
451
00:22:47,834 --> 00:22:49,769
SEE MY NEW SCREWS,
ANDY?
452
00:22:49,802 --> 00:22:51,838
NICE-LOOKIN' SCREWS, ASA.
453
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:53,573
YEAH. GENUINE BRASS.
454
00:22:53,606 --> 00:22:56,876
THEY WON'T RUST
IN CASE THE GUN GETS WET.
455
00:22:56,909 --> 00:22:58,144
FOR PETE'S SAKE, ASA,
456
00:22:58,177 --> 00:23:00,079
WHY WOULD YOU EVER
GET YOUR GUN WET?
457
00:23:00,112 --> 00:23:03,015
WELL, SOMETIMES I LEAVE IT
OUT ON THE FRONT PORCH
458
00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:04,517
AND IT GETS RAINED ON.
459
00:23:04,551 --> 00:23:06,719
AND SOMETIMES
WHEN I TAKE A SHOWER,
460
00:23:06,753 --> 00:23:08,120
THE ROOM GETS ALL STEAMY.
461
00:23:08,154 --> 00:23:09,489
THAT COULD MAKE IT RUST.
462
00:23:11,558 --> 00:23:12,792
AND LOOK HERE, BARNEY.
463
00:23:12,825 --> 00:23:14,927
REMEMBER HOW YOU USED TO
HATE MY BULLETS
464
00:23:14,961 --> 00:23:17,930
BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL GREEN
AND MOLDY?
465
00:23:17,964 --> 00:23:19,131
LOOK.
466
00:23:19,165 --> 00:23:21,067
OH, GOOD.
THAT'S GOOD.
467
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:24,671
I POLISHED IT WITH EMERY CLOTH
AND LAUNDRY SOAP.
468
00:23:24,704 --> 00:23:26,072
COMPARE IT WITH YOURS.
469
00:23:31,844 --> 00:23:33,179
SEE, ANDY?
470
00:23:33,212 --> 00:23:35,147
IT'S NICE, ASA.
471
00:23:35,181 --> 00:23:38,585
YOU AND BARNEY GOT THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL BULLETS IN TOWN.
472
00:23:38,618 --> 00:23:40,653
REALLY, ANDY?
SURE.
473
00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:43,189
UH, ASA, LET ME
ASK YOU SOMETHING.
474
00:23:43,222 --> 00:23:44,724
ARE YOU OFF TODAY?
475
00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:45,892
NO.
476
00:23:45,925 --> 00:23:47,026
WELL, IS IT SOME KIND
477
00:23:47,059 --> 00:23:48,495
OF HOLIDAY OR SOMETHING?
478
00:23:48,528 --> 00:23:50,863
NO.
479
00:23:50,897 --> 00:23:52,665
WHY?
WELL, NOTHIN'.
480
00:23:52,699 --> 00:23:55,034
I WAS JUST WONDERING WHO'S
OVER THERE WATCHING THE BANK.
481
00:23:55,067 --> 00:23:56,202
HUH?
482
00:23:56,235 --> 00:23:59,071
OH, THE BANK.
OH, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE.
483
00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:01,641
I'LL SEE YOU, BOYS.
484
00:24:01,674 --> 00:24:04,477
ASA, YOU FORGOT
YOUR GUN.
485
00:24:15,655 --> 00:24:19,091
WELL, SOME DAYS ARE LIKE THAT,
HUH, HOWIE?
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