Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD...

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

WHEN DO WE REST, HUH?

CAN'T WE JUST STOP FOR A MINUTE?

NO. LET'S KEEP GOING.

MAYBE WE'LL FIND A LEAN-TO OR AN ABANDONED SHACK

WE CAN USE FOR A HIDEOUT.

YOU LISTEN TO BIG MAUDE.

COME ON.

Man: THESE WOMEN ARE NOT ARMED, BUT CAN BE DANGEROUS.

THE LEADER IS BIG MAUDE TYLER--

5'6" TALL, DARK HAIR, WEIGHT-- 175 POUNDS.

KNOWN AS "BIG MAUDE TYLER", "CLARICE TYLER",

"MAUDE CLARICE TYLER", "ANNABELLE TYLER",

AND "RALPH HENDERSON."

WITH HER IS NAOMI CONNORS, 5'4", 115 POUNDS, SLENDER...

BARNEY WOULD BE OFF FISHING TODAY...

...KNOWN AS "NAOMI CONNORS" OR "JAYLENE NAOMI CONNORS"...

FLOYD, WHY DIDN'T YOU PUT GAS IN THIS CAR?

IF YOU'RE GONNA DRIVE THROUGH THE COUNTRY,

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE SURE THE TANK IS FILLED.

TAKING THE SHORTCUT WAS YO IDEA, BARNEY.

TAKING THE SHORTCUT IS HOW

WE GOT LOST AND USED ALL THE GAS AND EVERYTHING.

I DIDN'T WANT TO TAKE THE SHORTCUT.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN THE SHORTCUT.

ALL RIGHT... ALL RIGHT...

I WOULDN'T HAVE LISTENED TO MYSELF.

"A SHORTCUT WOULD ONLY LEAD US TO TROUBLE,"

I SAID TO MYSELF.

NO, I WOULDN'T HAVE LISTENED TO MYSELF, NO...

FLOYD?

UH

SHUT UP.

NOW, JUST A MIN...! SHUT UP!

HUH.

WELL, THAT INSULTING ATTITUDE OF YOURS

ISN'T GETTING US ANYWHERE.

LET'S GET SOME GAS!

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

MAYBE WE'LL FIND A FARMHOUSE

AND WE CAN BORROW SOME GAS.

HOW COME YOU'RE PUTTING ON YOUR UNIFORM?

IN CASE WE DECIDE TO HITCHHIKE.

OH.

IN CIVVIES, I'M A LITTLE HARD-LOOKING.

HEY! THIS IS THE O'MALLEY PLACE.

I THOUGHT HE WAS IN DETROIT.

MMM...

MAYBE HE RENTED THE PLACE TO SOMEBODY.

O'MALLEY

HE DON'T NEED THE MONEY.

HE'S A WEALTHY MAN, YOU KNOW.

O'MALLEY HAS MONEY? OH, YEAH.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

OH, YEAH. HIS WIFE'S FATHER WAS JENSEN.

"JENSEN ORTHOPEDIC LOAFERS."

YOU DON'T SAY. GEE, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

FUNNY THE THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW, HUH?

EH, HE CLEANED UP.

YEAH. A LOT OF BAD FEET IN THIS COUNTRY.

THE OLD MAN KNEW WHERE THE MONEY WAS.

FEET.

DADDY, YOU ARE SO RIGHT.

HEY, MAUDE, WE GOT COMPANY.

ONE OF THEM'S A COP.

Barney: O'MALLEY?

CHARLIE!

YOU SHOULDN'T CALL A RICH MAN

BY HIS FIRST NAME.

THE BIGGER THEY ARE, THE NICER THEY ARE.

HEY, CHUCK!

IT'S ME, BARNEY FIFE!

THEY'RE NOT LOOKING FOR US.

WHAT'LL WE DO?

I'LL HANDLE IT.

GET OVER THERE AGAINST THE WALL OUT OF SIGHT.

I HOPE SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING.

DON'T WORRY.

MAUDE'S A VERY CLEVER WOMAN.

SHE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING BRILLIANT.

JUST WATCH.

THERE'S NOBODY HERE!

THAT WASN'T MR. O'MALLEY.

WELL, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

MA'AM, I'M DEPUTY SHERIFF BARNEY FIFE OF MAYBERRY.

WE'D JUST LIKE TO BORROW

SOME OF MR. O'MALLEY'S GAS FOR OUR CAR.

NOW WHAT?

RELAX. I'LL DO THE TALKING.

COME ON IN, FELLAS.

OH, THANK YOU!

WE DIDN'T KNOW ANYBODY WAS HOME!

WE THOUGHT O'MALLEY WAS IN DETROIT.

HE, UH, LOANED THE CABIN TO US.

OH, THAT'S NICE.

WHAT UNIFORM IS THAT YOU'RE WEARING?

WE'RE, UH, GIRL CAMPERS OF AMERICA.

YEAH... TROOP LEADERS ON AN OUTIN'.

OH, HOW NICE FOR YOU.

THEY'RE CONS!

GET GOING! GET HELP!

GET HELP! GO!

A COP WITH AN EMPTY GUN.

HE'S ONLY ALLOWED ONE BULLET,

AND ONLY ALLOWED PUT THAT BULLET IN THE GUN IN AN EMERGENCY.

FLOYD, SO HELP ME...

ALL RIGHT, SLIM, WHERE'S THE BULLET?

IN HIS LEFT SHIRT POCKET.

FLOYD!

WELL, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!

YOU DUMBBELL.

OVER ON THE SOFA.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH THEM, MAUDE?

I DON'T KNOW YET.

THE COP IS KIND OF CUTE.

CUT THAT OUT!

HE'S-HE'S SPOKEN FOR.

HE REMINDS ME OF AL

AT THE OLD CASCADE CLUB IN TOLEDO--

THAT SAME DUMB FACE...

THE WEAK CHIN...

AND ROUND SHOULDERS.

OH, HOW I LOVED THAT MAN.

I THOUGHT AL SQUEALED ON YOU AND SENT YOU UP.

RAT!

I'M NOT AL!

GOING SOMEPLACE, FOUR

OH, NO, I WAS JUST CHECKING MY TIME HERE.

IF THE DEPUTY DOESN'T GET BACK TO COURTHOUSE BY 4:30,

THEY'RE GONNA START LOOKING FOR HIM.

WELL...

WE CAN TAKE CARE OF THAT RIGHT NOW.

AL -- HE'LL MAKE A PHONE CALL AND STRAIGHTEN THINGS OUT.

RIGHT, AL?

I'M NOT AL. MY NAME IS BARNEY.

MAKE THE CALL.

JUST SAY YOU'RE UP HERE WITH O'MALLEY

AND HE'S ASKED YOU TO STAY THE NIGHT.

SUPPOSE I REFUSE?

BETTER PHONE HIM, AL.

HELLO, SARAH?

THIS IS BARNEY FIFE.

I WANTED TO CALL THE COURTHOUSE.

HELLO?

OH, HOWDY, BARN.

WHAT YOU DOING BACK IN TOWN SO SOON?

WHERE ARE YOU, OVER AT FLOYD'S?

UH, NO. ACTUALLY, I'M NOT, ANDY.

I'M OVER AT O'MALLEY'S.

UH, HE ASKED ME TO STAY THE NIGHT.

UH, ME AND FLOYD WERE KIND OF TIRED,

AND, UH, SO, HE ASKED US TO STAY THE NIGHT, UH...

O-O-O'MALLEY DID.

O'MALLEY? I THOUGHT HE WAS IN DETROIT.

LAST TIME I SAW HIM, HE SAID HE WAS GOING UP THERE.

UH... UH...

HOW 'BOUT THAT?

NO. NO, ANDY.

UH, HE'S RIGHT HERE WITH ME AND FLOYD!

HE ASKED US TO... TO STAY THE NIGHT, O'MALLEY DID.

WELL, THERE'S NO NEED TO HURRY BACK.

I'LL CHECK THE DOORKNOBS FOR YOU ON THE STORES.

OH-OH, BARN... ONE THING --

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP OUR EYES OPEN

FOR THREE ESCAPED CONVICTS FROM THE STATE PRISON--

THREE WOMEN.

BUT AIN'T NO USE TO HURRY.

HAVE A GOOD TIME, AND I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

ANDY!

ONVICTS-CAY ARE--

TRYING TO PULL SOMETHING ON BIG MAUDE, EH?

WELL, LUCKY FOR YOU

THE SHERIFF HAD ALREADY HUNG UP.

BY RIGHTS, I OUGHT TO LET NAOMI CURL YOUR HAIR WITH THIS HEATER.

CAN I, MAUDE

I HATE MEN.

SHE'S A CONVICTED HUSBAND-BEATER.

BETTER WATCH IT, AL.

WILL YOU STOP CALLING ME AL?

YOU WANT TO FIGHT?

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

LET'S FIGHT.

COME ON, BARE KNUCKS.

COME ON, WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH?

COME ON, ON YOUR FEET.

COME ON!

UP, UP, UP.

WAIT... WAIT... MY GLAS...!

MY GLASSES.

AH... TSST.

THIS IS WORSE THAN BEING IN STIR.

WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE?

RELAX.

OH, I'M BORED STIFF.

WELL, WE CAN'T MOVE TILL THE HEAT'S OFF.

PUT ON SOME MUSIC.

OH...

ALL RIGHT.

OH, THAT OLD CASCADE CLUB IN TOLEDO.

COME ON, AL, HONEY, LIKE WE USED TO.

WHAT?

DANCE WITH ME.

I DON'T WANT TO DANCE.

COME ON, AL, HONEY.

JUST ONE LITTLE DANCE FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE.

NO!

IF SALLY WANTS TO DANCE, YOU DANCE.

WELL, LET ME LEAD.

YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO FIGHT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M DOING THE DIP.

IF WE'RE GONNA DANCE, LET'S DO IT RIGHT.

DON'T HOLD ME SO TIGHT.

I WANT TO PLAY SOMETHING DREAMIER.

BARNEY...

YOU'RE A GOOD DANCER.

VERY LIGHT ON YOUR FEET.

YOU RAT! YOU MEN! YOU RAT, YOU!

TURN THAT RACKET OFF.

WHAT'S WRONG?

NAOMI AND HER HUSBAND --

THAT WAS THEIR SONG.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT AGAIN

AND GET IT RIGHT, OR ELSE.

UH, ONE POUND OF SUGAR, TWO POUNDS OF COFFEE,

FOUR DOZEN EGGS, FOUR LOAVES OF BREAD,

AND KETCHUP AND FRUIT

AND FOUR POUNDS OF HAMBURGER.

AND...?

UM...

WELL, UH...

AND... AND... COME ON, FLOYD.

IF I TRY ANY FUNNY BUSINESS,

YOU'LL LET AL HAVE IT.

ALL RIGHT. GET GOING.

SALLY, REMEMBER, THE MINUTE YOU GET TO TOWN,

KEEP YOUR EYE ON HIM EVERY SECOND.

WHY CAN'T NAOMI GO?

I WANT TO STAY HERE AND DANCE WITH AL.

NEVER MIND. GET GOING. ACA-BACA.

OH, GET OUT.

FLOYD!

HEY, FLOYD!

WAIT UP A SECOND.

DON'T FORGET YOUR BUDDY AL.

OH, EVERYTHING'S FINE, ANDY.

YES, WE'RE HAVING A SWELL TIME.

WISH YOU WERE THERE.

AL IS FINE, TOO. I BETTER BE GOING.

WAIT A MINUTE, FLOYD. SEEMED LIKE WE PICKED UP

IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION

WE AIN'T EVEN STARTED YET.

YES, WELL, I BETTER, BETTER BE GETTING BACK.

UH, UH...

OH, YOU DEVILS.

YOU DEVILS.

OH, NO, NO, NOTHING LIKE THAT AT ALL.

YOU SON OF A GUN.

O'MALLEY'S HAVING A LITTLE PARTY UP THERE, HUH?

YOU DEVILS.

JUST A PARTY.

YES. ME, O'MALLEY AND AL.

WHO'S AL?

WELL, AL, HE DANCES WITH SALLY.

OH, I SEE.

SEEM LIKE YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME.

I WISHED I WASN'T ON DUTY.

I'D LIKE TO JOIN YOU.

OH, NO, NOTHING LIKE THAT.

IF YOU DO THAT, IT'S "GOOD-BYE, AL."

OH, I SEE.

EIGHT'S COMPANY AND NINE'S A CROWD, HUH?

THAT'S GOOD, YEAH.

WELL, EVERYTHING'S FINE.

I'M OFF. GOOD-BYE.

Man: HI, ANDY.

OH, HOWDY, MR. O'MALLEY.

MR. O'MALLEY?

YEAH, ONE AND THE SAME.

I THOUGHT YOU WAS OUT AT YOUR CABIN.

IS THE HEAT GETTING YOU, ANDY?

I TOLD YOU TWO WEEKS AGO I WAS GOING TO DETROIT.

WHY

WELL, SOMETHING SURE IS FISHY SOMEWHERE.

OH?

YOU MIND IF I DRIVE YOU OUT TO YOUR PLACE?

WHY, NO, NO.

THAT'S MIGHTY NICE OF YOU.

AW, COME ON, PUT UP YOUR DUKES. COME ON.

NO!

AW, YOU'RE NO FUN.

OH, LEAVE HIM BE, NAOMI.

THE COPPER DOESN'T WANT TO FIGHT.

HERE. HOLD THE HEATER ON HIM.

I FEEL LIKE DANCING.

FOR PETE'S SAKE.

I'VE DANCED TILL I'M BLUE IN THE FACE.

OH, COME ON.

NO!

WE'RE HOME.

ANY HITCHES?

NOPE. CHARLIE CHASE HERE TALKED TO THE SHERIFF,

BUT HE WAS A GOOD BOY.

GOOD. I'M STARVING. LET'S EAT.

SALLY, GET SOME WATER. NAOMI, YOU COOK.

FOUR-EYES, OVER HERE ON THE SOFA.

YOU MAKING 'EM ALL RARE?

WAIT A MINUTE.

AL, HONEY, NAOMI'S MAKING THEM ALL RARE.

AS I REMEMBER,

YOU USED TO LIKE YOUR BURGERS HARD.

Barney: NO. MEDIUM RARE.

I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER YOU ALWAYS ASKED FOR...

YOU'VE CHANGED.

NAOMI...

MEDIUM RARE.

YOU CERTAINLY HAVE CHANGED.

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE RIGHT,

DO IT YOURSELF.

NAOMI, YOU'RE A STRANGE WOMAN.

OH, FOR THE LOVE OF...

NAOMI!

THE HAMBURGERS ARE BURNING.

SALLY, SEE WHAT'S KEEPING HER.

HURRY IT UP! GET THAT SMOKE OUT OF THERE.

OH, YES.

ANDY, WHAT ARE YOU DO...?

* AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? *

Get the big one to come outside.

* HOW?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?

I'M GETTING THE OLD SMOKE OUT.

YOU GET IN THERE WITH YOUR FRIEND.

UH, SAY, WHY DON'T YOU AND I GO OUT

AND GET SOME WATER?

GOT ENOUGH PEOPLE GETTING WATER ALREADY.

YOU WANT TO GET SOME FRESH AIR?

JUST HAD SOME.

SAY, UH, I HAVE AN IDEA.

LET'S YOU AND ME DANCE.

YOU KIDDING?

NO, I'M NOT.

WHAT MADE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND?

YOU'RE BEGINNING TO GET TO ME.

ALL RIGHT, DOLL.

UH, NOW, NOW, YOU JUST GOT TO RELAX.

JUST, JUST FLOW WITH ME.

LET ME GUIDE YOU

INTO THE LAND OF RHYTHM AND PLEASURE.

CHEEK TO CHEEK NOW.

WHY'D YOU OPEN THE DOOR?

UH, I-I CAN'T STAND CROWDED BALLROOMS.

YOU'RE A TREASURE.

GRAB HER, BARN.

YOU RAT! YOU DIRTY RAT!

HOLD IT. YOU'RE MY PRISONER.

I GOT HER UNDER CONTROL, ANDY.

OKAY.

YOU JUST SETTLE DOWN, SISTER.

BOY, THINGS GOT A LITTLE ROUGH THERE

FOR A MINUTE, HUH, BARN?

WELL, NO.

I WAS JUST BIDING MY TIME, WAITING FOR AN OPENING.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I EVEN BOTHERED TO SHOW UP.

OH, NO, ANDY,

DON'T UNDERESTIMATE YOUR CONTRIBUTION.

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

APPRECIATE THAT.

Floyd: MAUDE, AL,

IF THOSE HAMBURGERS ARE RUINED, I WON'T BE RESPONSIBLE.

YOU KNOW, ANDY?

WHAT?

IT'S JUST AMAZIN' HOW LITTLE CIVILIANS KNOW

ABOUT WHAT TO DO IN A DANGEROUS SITUATION.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

OH, TAKE THAT BUSINESS OUT AT O'MALLEY'S CABIN.

THERE I WAS OPERATIN' JUST AS COOL AND COLLECTED

IN THE FACE OF DANGER-- AND GRAVE DANGER.

OH, YEAH, IT WAS GRAVE, ALL RIGHT.

AND THERE WAS FLOYD JUST COMPLETELY HELPLESS AND USELESS.

YEAH, HE WASN'T MUCH HELP, WAS HE?

NOT A BIT.

OF COURSE, YOU CAN'T BLAME HIM TOO MUCH.

I MEAN, I'M TRAINED FOR THAT KIND OF A DESPERATE SITUATION.

YOU KNOW, YEARS OF TRAINING AND POLICE KNOW-HOW,

APPLIED CRIMINOLOGY,

BUT FLOYD-- ALL HE'S TRAINED FOR IS HOW TO CUT HAIR.

I WONDER IF HE APPRECIATES HOW LUCKY HE WAS

HAVING YOU WITH HIM ALL DURING IT ALL.

IT DON'T REALLY MATTER. I HAD A JOB TO DO-- I DID IT.

FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?