Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD.

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

LET ME HELP YOU, PAW.

I DON'T THINK YOU CAN LIFT IT, OP.

I THINK I CAN LIFT IT.

I'M PRETTY STRONG.

MAYBE IN ABOUT 20 YEARS.

I APPRECIATE YOU PACKIN' FOR ME, AUNT BEE

BUT IT'S JUST A BUSINESS TRIP FOR TWO DAYS.

I HOPE I DIDN'T FORGET ANYTHING.

FROM THE FEEL OF IT

YOU DIDN'T FORGET NARY A THING.

PACKED ALL MY CLOTHES AND THE CHEST OF DRAWERS.

CAREFUL! I PUT A JAR

OF PICCALILLI RELISH IN THERE.

PICCALILLI RELISH?

WELL, YOU'LL BE GLAD TO HAVE IT

WITH THAT HOTEL FOOD.

UH, LET BARNEY IN, WILL YOU, OP?

OKAY.

HI, BARNEY.

HI, OP.

OH, HOWDY, BARN.

HEY, DID YOU LOSE A TOOTH?

YEAH. PAW HOOKED HER UP TO THE DOORKNOB

AND OUT SHE WENT.

SHE SURE DID.

HEY, LISTEN, LET ME HEAR YOU SAY

"SIMPLE SIMON SELLS SEASHELLS BY THE SEASHORE."

OKAY.

SIMPLE SIMON SELLS SHE-SEASHELLS BY THE SEASHORE.

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

IF YOU THINK THAT'S SOMETHING, YOU OUGHT TO HEAR ME

SING A SONG.

DON'T YOU LOOK NICE?

DON'T HE LOOK NICE, THOUGH?

I DON'T LOOK TOO IVY LEAGUE, DO I?

OH, NO.

YOU'RE IN A LEAGUE ALL BY YOURSELF.

FEELS KINDA STRANGE, YOU KNOW

BEIN' USED TO WEARIN' MY UNIFORM.

COMIN' OVER HERE WITHOUT MY GUN AND BELT

I FELT ABSOLUTELY NAKED.

OH. I-I DIDN'T MEAN TO, UH, I MEAN...

LET ME HELP YOU.

CAREFUL, THERE'S A BOTTLE IN THERE.

YOU THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING, DIDN'T YOU?

IT'S JUST A BOTTLE OF PICCALILLI RELISH.

'BYE, AUNT BEE.

OH, NO, WAIT A MOMENT!

I ALMOST FORGOT.

WHAT'D SHE FORGET?

I'LL BET YOU A QUARTER

SHE FORGOT A BROWN PAPER SACK FULL OF SANDWICHES.

I NEVER BEEN ON A TRIP IN MY LIFE

THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO CARRY A BROWN PAPER SACK

FULL OF SANDWICHES.

WELL, WHAT'D YOU FORGET, AUNT BEE?

JUST A SACK OF SANDWICHES

TO EAT ON THE BUS.

AW, A SACK OF SANDWICHES TO EAT ON THE BUS.

BLESS HER HEART.

BYE.

BYE, OP.

BE GOOD, NOW.

TAKE CARE OF AUNT BEE.

HERE WE GO.

Aunt Bee: TAKE CARE.

BYE.

NOW, STEP OUT WITH YOUR RIGHT FOOT,

SO ALL WILL GO WELL.

READY?

WHOA!

HOWDY.

WE'D LIKE A ROOM WITH TWIN BEDS.

YES, SIR.

SIGN THAT?

MM-HMM.

EXCUSE ME A MINUTE.

BOY, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO LOOK FAR AROUND HERE

TO FIND SOME FELONIES.

ROBBERY I NOTICE SO FAR

IS WHAT THEIR ASKIN' FOR ROOMS -- SEVEN DOLLARS.

THIS IS WHERE THE ACTION IS --

CAPITAL CITY.

WELL, IT'S DIFFERENT FROM MAYBERRY,

NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT.

DIFFERENT? I'LL SAY IT'S DIFFERENT.

ANDY, THIS IS A CITY.

YEP.

YOU KNOW, ANDY, THIS IS WHERE I REALLY BELONG.

BARNEY FIFE... IN THE ASPHALT JUNGLE.

NOW, BARN, OUTSIDE OF THAT MEETIN'

WE'VE GOT WITH THE COMMISSIONER

WE-WE'RE REALLY OFF DUTY, YOU KNOW.

OFF DUTY?

WHEN IS A LAWMAN REALLY OFF DUTY?

WOULD YOU MAKE CERTAIN

EVERYTHING'S THERE?

OH, YES.

WOULDN'T THEY BE BETTER IN THE SAFE?

THERE'S NO POINT IN HAVING JEWELS

IF ONE DOESN'T WEAR THEM.

WOULD YOU SIGN THE RECEIPT?

ANDY?

HMM?

: SEE THAT ICE?

HMM?

MM-MMM.

SHE'S BOUND TO GET SOME ATTENTION

WITH THEM SPARKLERS, AIN'T SHE?

SHE'S ALREADY GETTIN' SOME ATTENTION.

HOW'S THAT?

BACK THERE.

BACK WHERE?

BACK THERE.

WHERE?

BACK THERE.

A NECKLACE LIKE THAT

ANYBODY'D GIVE IT A SECOND LOOK.

LOOK.

HMM?

HE'S STALKIN' HIS PREY.

SORRY, GENTLEMEN.

HAVE YOU BOTH REGISTERED?

NO. YOU WANT TO SIGN IN?

THERE YOU ARE, SIR.

BARNEY, YOU GOT TO STOP

SEEIN' CRIMINALS EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK.

ANDY, YOU...

NOW, BARNEY.

ALL RIGHT.

WE'LL GET CHECKED IN

AND WE'LL GO HAVE OUR MEETIN' WITH THE COMMISSIONER.

HERE YOU ARE, MR. TAYLOR.

AND MR. FIFE.

EXCUSE ME. DR. FIFE.

DR. FIFE?

BERNARD FIFE, M.D.

M.D.?

THAT'S THE WAY I ALWAYS SIGN.

BERNARD FIFE, M.D.

"MAYBERRY DEPUTY."

FRONT?

MM-HMM.

WELL, I'LL SUBMIT THESE RECORDS

TO THE BUDGET DEPARTMENT

BUT I THINK ANY CHANCES

OF YOUR GETTING NEW EQUIPMENT ARE PRETTY SLIM.

NOT MUCH HAPPENS UP YOUR WAY.

NOT VERY MANY ARRESTS.

UH, WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN' IS

THE ONLY WAY WE CAN GET THE EQUIPMENT WE NEED

IS TO SLOW DOWN OUR WORK A LITTLE

AND LET THE CRIME RATE CATCH UP TO US.

IS THAT IT?

WELL, I-I...

NO, BUT IT WOULD HELP IF I HAD SOMETHING TO SHOW.

IT'S TOO BAD YOU BOYS DIDN'T MAKE MORE ARRESTS

THE KIND THAT HIT THE FRONT PAGES.

PEOPLE LIKE THAT KIND OF FLASH, YOU KNOW?

EXCUSE ME, SIR.

THE COMMITTEE IS WAITING FOR YOU.

THANK YOU.

GENTLEMAN, YOU MUST EXCUSE ME.

I HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE MEETING.

WE'D APPRECIATE ANYTHING YOU CAN DO.

I'LL DO EVERYTHING I CAN

I PROMISE YOU.

GOOD-BYE.

WELL, HE SAID HE'D DO WHAT HE COULD.

I'LL TELL YA WHAT'D TURN THE TRICK--

JUST ONE GOOD FELONY.

OUR NAME IN THE PAPER JUST ONCE.

WE'D HAVE EVERYTHING WE WANTED JUST LIKE THAT.

I SUPPOSE YOU MEAN THAT FELLA AT THE HOTEL?

WHY NOT?

LOOK, PEOPLE COME HERE TO THE CITY

TO SHOP FOR THINGS THEY CAN'T GET BACK HOME.

ALL RIGHT -- WE DO THE SAME THING.

NO FELONIES IN MAYBERRY?

WE PICK ONE UP HERE.

WELL, LET'S GO BACK TO THE HOTEL

AND EAT SUPPER AND FORGET ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS.

WE BETTER GET US A WAITER OR SOMEBODY

TO TELL US WHAT THESE FRENCH WORDS MEAN.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS POINT OUT SOMETHIN'.

THAT WAY YOU DON'T LET OUT THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

OH, NO. THAT'S TOO CHANCY.

WELL, ANDY, ANYTHING YOU POINT OUT'S BOUND TO BE GOOD.

BESIDES, YOU CAN LEARN A FEW NEW WORDS.

NO. I DON'T LIKE TO GAMBLE LIKE THAT, BARN.

BESIDES, A LITTLE PLAIN TALK NEVER HURT ANYBODY.

UH...

DON'T DO THAT, ANDY.

YOU'LL EMBARRASS ME.

HE'LL THINK YOU'RE JUST A PLAIN HICK.

WELL, BARNEY, THERE'S WORSE THINGS THAN BEIN' A PLAIN HICK.

LIKE BEIN' A HUNGRY ONE.

MONSIEUR.

HOWDY.

UH, HAVE YOU GOT

A NICE STEAK ON HERE SOMEWHERES?

A STEAK-- CERTAINLY, MONSIEUR.

GOOD. LET ME HAVE A STEAK

AND, UH, UH, A BAKED POTATO AND GREEN BEANS.

THANK YOU.

I'LL HAVE THAT.

ESCARGOT.

AND THAT.

CERVELLES AU BEURRE NOIR.

VERY GOOD, MONSIEUR.

THANK YOU.

STEAK, BAKED POTATO, GREEN BEANS.

SNAILS AND BRAINS.

UH, WELL, BARN

YOU LEARNED TWO NEW WORDS ANYWAY.

: ANDY, LOOK.

DID YA SEE THAT?

THE EMERALD LADY AND THE CROOK?

DID YA NOTICE HOW HE LEFT RIGHT AFTER HER?

THAT DON'T HAVE TO MEAN HE'S FOLLOWIN' HER.

ANDY, I TELL YA, HE'S CLOSIN' IN.

YEAH. SHE'S GOT THE NECKLACE, ALL RIGHT.

I GOT A GOOD LOOK AT IT.

IT'S GENUINE, WORTH A BUNDLE.

I TELL YA, THAT GUY IS NO GOOD.

I'D STAKE MY REPUTATION ON IT.

I'M STICKIN' ON HIS TAIL TILL I SEE HIM BEHIND BARS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S NIGHTS LIKE THIS

I WISH I WAS BACK ON THE FORCE AGAIN

INSTEAD OF JUST BEING A HOTEL DETECTIVE.

WANT TO BUY A HOT NECKLACE?

HUH? COME ON, ANDY.

I'M GOING DOWN TO POLICE HEADQUARTERS

AND BROWSE AROUND.

YOU WANT TO GO?

NO. YOU GO AHEAD.

MY PLACE IS HERE ON THE CRIME FRONT.

WHERE'S YOUR MAN?

RIGHT OVER THERE... EATIN' MINTS.

HE'S HAD EIGHT SO FAR.

OH.

DON'T LOSE COUNT.

I'LL SEE YOU AT 12:00.

OOH! OH, EXCUSE ME.

MY FAULT.

I BEG YOUR PARDON.

EXCUSE ME.

I HEARD YOU WERE IN TOWN, C.J.

WHY NOT?

IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.

LOOK, C.J., I DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE.

YOU SEEM TO FORGET

THAT I WAS ACQUITTED OF THAT LAST CHARGE.

LACK OF EVIDENCE, I BELIEVE.

COMPLETELY CLEAN RECORD.

WELL, MAKE IT STAY THAT WAY.

KEEP YOUR HANDS IN YOUR OWN POCKETS.

OH, RELAX, BARDOLI.

I'M AS WORRIED ABOUT THE CRIME RATE AS YOU ARE.

IT'S SHOCKING.

THE PAPERS ARE FULL OF IT.

DISGRACEFUL LACK OF POLICE PROTECTION NOWADAYS.

YOU A NEW ARRIVAL

HERE AT THE HOTEL, ARE YOU?

YES. YES, THAT'S RIGHT.

I'D LIKE TO PASS ALONG A LITTLE FRIENDLY ADVICE.

OH?

I'D BE CAREFUL ABOUT TALKING

TO STRANGERS AROUND HERE

IF I WERE YOU.

UH... I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WELL, THIS MAY BE A BIT OF A SHOCK TO YOU

BUT THERE'S A JEWEL THIEF HANGING AROUND.

A JEWEL THIEF?

DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT HE'S RIGHT OVER THERE.

WHERE?

RIGHT BEHIND US.

HIM?

A JEWEL THIEF?

I WOULDN'T EXPECT YOU TO KNOW.

TAKES A PRO TO SPOT 'EM.

MM-HMM.

AND YOU'RE A PRO?

"DEPUTY SHERIFF-- MAYBERRY."

MAYBERRY?

OH. OH, YOU'RE FROM OUT OF TOWN.

AND, AND... YOU THINK THAT...

AND YOU SPOT...

OH, THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

BUT, UM...

WHAT WOULD A JEWEL THIEF HOPE TO FIND AROUND HERE?

COULD BE A LOT OF THINGS.

LIKE, SAY...UH...

EMERALDS.

EMERALDS, EH?

THERE'S A WOMAN ON THE FOURTH FLOOR

HAS A NECKLACE WITH EMERALDS AS BIG AS JAWBREAKERS.

HE'S BEEN TRYING TO CLOSE IN ALL DAY.

I'M ALL SET TO NAB HIM THE MINUTE HE MAKES HIS MOVE.

LOOK, UH... I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU.

UH, I'M... I'M C.J. HOFFMAN.

I, UH...UH...

I OWN THIS NEWSPAPER.

SOUNDS LIKE IT WOULD BE A GREAT STORY

BUT I HAVE TO KNOW MORE.

OUR NAME IN THE PAPER-- THAT'S WHAT WE NEED.

C.J., YOU STICK WITH ME.

KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN IF LEAD STARTS TO FLY.

YOU'LL GET YOUR SCOOP.

IT'S A DEAL.

FROM NOW ON, IT'S CAT AND MOUSE --

A WAITING GAME -- TILL HE MAKES HIS MOVE.

THERE HE IS! THE ELEVATOR!

OH, HE'S GOING UP FOR THE HEIST.

I TURN MY BACK ONE MINUTE...

THE STAIRS.

GOOD.

OKAY, C.J., GET SET FOR THE BIG STORY.

THEN ALL THIS REPRESENTS THE CRIME LAB, DOES IT?

THAT'S RIGHT, SHERIFF.

IT'S INTERESTING.

SURE IS.

HI.

HOWDY.

ANDY, THIS IS OFFICER FRIENDLY.

DEAN, THIS IS SHERIFF TAYLOR OF MAYBERRY.

HOW YOU DOIN'?

HANDY LITTLE GADGET THERE.

WE TRY TO KEEP UP.

ANDY, I'D LIKE YOU

TO TAKE A LOOK AT OUR FILE ROOM.

IT'S RIGHT OUT THIS WAY.

THAT'S HER DOOR.

HE'S AFTER THE ICE, ALL RIGHT.

THESE BOOKS ARE PRETTY COMPLETE, SHERIFF --

RACKETEERS, BURGLARS, JEWEL THIEVES...

YOU NAME 'EM, WE GOT 'EM.

SOMEONE YOU KNOW?

I'VE SEEN HIM SOMEWHERE.

HE'S LEAVING.

HE MUST HAVE BEEN SCARED OFF.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

MAYBE HE ALREADY TOOK THE NECKLACE.

THEY WORK FAST.

WE BETTER TAKE A LOOK.

IT'S LOCKED.

WELL, I'VE HEARD

THAT A NAIL FILE CAN OPEN A LOCK.

YOU KNOW HOW THAT WORKS?

WELL...YOU JUST... SLIDE IT IN THERE

AND SNAP IT, I GUESS.

YOU'RE RIGHT!

YOU SURE KNOW ALL THEIR GIMMICKS.

WELL, HALF THE TRICK OF WINNING

IS UNDERSTANDING THE ENEMY.

I'LL LOOK IN THE BEDROOM.

YOU CHECK AROUND IN HERE.

WHERE DO YOU THINK I OUGHT TO START?

SOMETIMES THEY HIDE A WALL SAFE

BEHIND A PICTURE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

YEAH. YEAH.

YOU COME ON UP TO MAYBERRY

AND WE'LL SHOOT SOME QUAIL.

IT SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

LET ME HAVE THE KEY TO 920, PLEASE.

SHERIFF, I'D LIKE TO CALL THE MISSUS

AND TELL HER I'LL BE A LITTLE LATE.

YEAH, GO AHEAD.

HEY, SERGEANT.

WHO IS THAT FELLA RIGHT OVER THERE

JUST GETTING ON THE ELEVATOR?

OH, HIM?

OH, THAT'S THE HOUSE DETECTIVE.

THAT'S THE WHAT?

HOUSE DETECTIVE.

HE'S BEEN HERE FOR YEARS.

I'LL BE JUST A MINUTE.

WELL, NOTHING'S MISSING -- IT WAS A FALSE ALARM.

WE'D BETTER GET OUT.

WAIT. WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT'S WHAT?

THAT BOX ON THE DRESSER.

IT'S JUST A BOX.

LOOKS LIKE A JEWEL BOX.

THAT'S THE TROUBLE WITH YOU AMATEURS.

YOU WOULDN'T SEE THAT.

TAKES A PRO TO SPOT IT.

IT'S EMPTY! THEY'RE GONE!

THE NECKLACE IS STOLEN!

COME ON! LET'S GET HIM!

: LOOK.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

IT'S HIM!

HE'S RETURNED TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME.

GREAT WORK.

NOW, IF I CAN

ONLY GET MY PHOTOGRAPHERS HERE --

TAKE YOUR PICTURE MAKING THE ARREST.

OPEN UP!

MY PLACE IS RIGHT UP THE STREET.

IT'LL ONLY TAKE ABOUT 20 MINUTES.

WHY DON'T WE PHONE THEM?

NO, NO. THE HOTEL SWITCHBOARD--

THEY'D TIP OFF THE HOUSE DETECTIVE.

HE'D COME UP AND TAKE ALL THE CREDIT.

GIVE ME ABOUT 20 MINUTES.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHY DON'T I GO WITH YOU?

I COULD USE THE PAY PHONE TO CALL THE POLICE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HEY! LET ME OUT OF HERE!

ANDY, AM I EVER GLAD TO SEE YOU.

DO I HAVE NEWS!

THIS IS C.J. HOFFMAN.

I HAVE TO BE GOING.

THAT FELLA I SPOTTED IS A CROOK.

HE TOOK THE EMERALDS.

C.J. AND I FOUND THEM GONE.

THE FELLA YOU WERE FOLLOWING -- HE TOOK 'EM?

WE LOCKED HIM IN THE CLOSET.

C.J.'S GOT TO GET HIS PHOTOGRAPHERS TO TAKE MY PICTURE.

YES. SO IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME...

AND C.J. HELPED YOU, HUH?

YEAH.

C.J., YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET A PHOTOGRAPHER.

THEY GOT A NICE LIKENESS OF YOU

DOWN AT POLICE HEADQUARTERS.

LOOKIT THERE, SERGEANT.

GREAT WORK, BARNEY. YOU GOT HIM.

OH, SERGEANT NELSON

OF THE CITY POLICE -- MY DEPUTY, BARNEY FIFE.

CONGRATULATIONS, DEPUTY.

OH, UH...UH...UH...

I'LL TAKE HIM OFF YOUR HANDS.

WELL, BARN, YOU GOT YOUR FELONY

AND YOU GOT YOUR ARREST.

YEAH.

YEAH, I WAS JUST...

JUST PLAYING ALONG.

I KNEW ALL THE TIME THAT, UH...

THERE'S NO USE PRETENDING, ANDY.

I HAD IT ALL WRONG.

HEY...WHO...?

WHO WHAT, BARN?

WHO'S THE GUY IN THE CLOSET?

OH. WELL, UH...

THIS WON'T BE EASY, BARNEY

BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER...

OH, YES, THAT'S RIGHT, COMMISSIONER.

YEAH, IT'S QUITE A STORY.

WELL, NOW, I WOULDN'T WANT IT TO INFLUENCE THE BUDGET COMMITTEE,

NOT ONE LITTLE BITTY BIT.

YOU UNDERSTAND.

RIGHT.

RIGHT. 'BYE.

WELL...

THIS AIN'T GONNA HURT US MUCH.

I FIGURED AS MUCH.

MM-HMM, LOOK AT THAT!

BARNEY FIFE, INTREPID, HUH?

FEARLESS.

GOT ME KIND OF GOOD, DIDN'T THEY?

FEARLESS.

OH, GRAB THAT, WILL YOU, ANDY?

IT'S PROBABLY SOME THRILL SEEKERS.

OH, YEAH.

WELL, MR. BARDOLI.

HI, YOUR DEPUTY ANYWHERE AROUND?

YEAH, BARNEY'S HERE.

I'VE BEEN CHASING HIM ALL MORNING.

I WANTED A MINUTE WITH HIM BEFORE HE LEFT TOWN.

WELL, COME ON IN, COME ON IN.

THANKS.

HEY, BARN?

UH, EXCUSE ME JUST A MINUTE.

UH...COULD, UH, COULD I HELP?

WELL, I JUST WANTED TO TELL HIM THERE WERE NO HARD FEELINGS.

GETTING HASLER BEHIND BARS IS ALL THAT MATTERS TO ME,

NO MATTER HOW IT HAPPENS.

OH, WELL, THAT CERTAINLY IS --

THERE'S NOTHIN' IN THERE.

WELL, HELLO THERE, BARDOLI.

BEEN LOOKIN' FOR YOU.

I WAS JUST HOPIN' WE COULD GET TOGETHER

ON ANOTHER CAPER SOMETIME.

MEANTIME, IF YOU'RE EVER UP MY WAY,

BE SURE AND LOOK ME UP.

NAME'S IN THE BOOK.

UNDER "FEARLESS."

WELL, I'LL BE RUNNING ALONG.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, BE SURE

AND DO STOP BY AND SEE US SOMETIME.