Original subtitles

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD.

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

HI.

HI.

GUESS YOU'RE WONDERIN' WHAT I'M DOING.

UH, YEAH, I WONDER WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

KARATE.

KARATE?

KARATE.

WHAT'S KARATE?

ANCIENT FORM OF SELF-DEFENSE--

PRIMITIVE, VICIOUS.

YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF WEAPONS WE USE?

NO.

NONE. JUST THESE.

JUST THE HANDS?

THIS IS THE MOST DEADLY FORM OF ATTACK

KNOWN TO MAN.

MAKES JUDO LOOK LIKE CHILD'S PLAY.

AS FOR BOXING

I'D HATE TO SEE WHAT'D HAPPEN

TO JOE LOUIS OR ROCKY MARCIANO

IF THEY EVER TRIED TO TANGLE

WITH ONE OF US KARATE MEN.

THEN YOU'RE A EXPERT.

UH, WELL, NO.

I MEAN, I JUST GOT THE BOOK THIS MORNING.

BUT I WILL BE AN EXPERT BEFORE LONG.

ANDY, THIS IS JUST FASCINATING.

YOU KNOW WHERE MOST OF THE KARATE MOVES COME FROM? NO.

FROM ANIMALS. FROM ANIMALS?

KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

THAT'S A HAWK,

CLAWING WITH ITS DEADLY TALON.

OH, DEADLY TALONS, OH.

YEAH. NOW WATCH THIS.

YOU BETTER MOVE OUT, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY.

MOVE? OH.

I GOT YOU.

KNOW WHAT ANIMAL THAT IS?

I AIN'T GOT THE FIRST NOTION.

THAT'S THE BULL ELK.

SEE, HE'S STRIKING WITH HIS MIGHTY CLOVEN HOOVES.

OH, I SEE, OH.

GUESS WHAT ANIMAL THIS IS.

READY?

WHAT IS IT?

I DON'T KNOW.

GUESS.

A WORM?

ANDY!

WELL, IT WAS WIGGLING.

HEY, THIS IS A DEADLY ANIMAL, VICIOUS, A KILLER!

A MAD WORM?

IT'S A RATTLESNAKE!

SSS! SSS! SEE?

OH, YEAH, IT'S AS PLAIN AS CAN BE,

ONCE YOU PUT THE HISS IN, SCARY, TOO.

YOU BET IT IS!

ANDY, THESE MOVES ARE JUST DEVASTATING!

AND YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE IN KARATE

WE REALLY BUILD THESE HANDS UP

TILL THE EDGES ARE JUST LIKE STEEL.

LIKE STEEL.

WITH ONE BLOW, ANDY, WE CAN SPLIT A PLANK.

NO, YOU CAN'T.

NO!

HURT YOUR HAND, BARN?

MM-MMM.

HI, FELLAS.

WELL, HOWDY, MARY.

HOW'S EVERY LITTLE THING IN THE COUNTY NURSIN' GAME?

NOT BAD.

HOW'S IT WITH THE LAW AND ORDER BOYS?

OH, BARNEY'S AN EXPERT ON KARATE

AND HE WAS JUST SHOWING ME

HOW HE CAN SPLIT A PLANK WITH ONE BLOW.

OH, HI, MARY.

HOW'S EVERY LITTLE THING

IN THE COUNTY NURSIN' GAME?

NOT BAD.

HOW'S IT WITH THE LAW AND ORDER BO...?

I'VE GOT THE FEELING

THAT WE'VE ALL BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE.

HOW'S THAT HAND OF YOURS COMING ALONG?

OH, IT'S FINE. FINE.

WHAT BRINGS YOU AROUND THESE PARTS?

WELL, I'M ON MY WAY UP TO RAFE HOLLISTER'S PLACE.

YOU GOT DEALINGS WITH RAFE?

YOU KNOW THAT DRIVE THAT'S ON

TO GET EVERYBODY INOCULATED AGAINST TETANUS?

YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA MAKE RAFE HOLLISTER TAKE A SHOT?

BOY, THAT'LL BE THE DAY.

RAFE DON'T HOLD MUCH WITH DOCTORIN'.

THAT'S WHAT I'VE HEARD

BUT IF I DON'T GET RAFE HOLLISTER

I WON'T GET ANY OF THE FARMERS UP THAT WAY.

HE'S A LEADER OF THAT GROUP UP THERE.

Barney: YOU MIGHT AS WELL FORGET IT...

WAIT. RAFE HOLLISTER HASN'T HAD HIS SHOT?

NO.

OH, WELL, RAFE WILL HAVE TO TAKE HIS SHOT.

OH, YES, RAFE HOLLISTER

WILL TAKE A SHOT

AND WE'LL GET THAT WHOLE CROWD UP THERE TO TAKE A SHOT.

I'LL HELP YOU.

IT'S IMPORTANT THAT EVERYBODY GET THEIR TETANUS SHOT.

RIGHT, BARN?

OH, YES, IT'S REAL IMPORTANT.

YEAH, BOY.

WELL, THANK YOU.

THAT'S REAL SWEET OF YOU TO HELP ME OUT.

WELL, ANDY'S REAL SWEET THAT WAY.

OH, LISTEN, ANYTHING WE CAN DO.

GOT TO GET FOLKS TO TAKE THEIR SHOTS.

JUST ANYTHING AT ALL.

I'LL DRIVE YOU UP THERE.

WONDERFUL.

I'VE GOT SOME THINGS TO PICK UP AT THE DRUGSTORE

SO I'LL BE BACK HERE IN TEN MINUTES.

FINE.

YOU'RE A DEAR.

THAT THERE IS A FINE GIRL.

YES, SIR.

THAT'S A FINE GIRL.

UH-HUH.

* FOR IT WAS MARY

* MARY...

YES, SIR. A FINE GIRL.

DOING A FINE JOB, WORKS HARD ALL THE TIME

TRYIN' TO HELP FOLKS STAY HEALTHY.

I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING--

WE'RE LUCKY TO HAVE HER, I'LL TELL YOU THAT.

* ...THEY SAY MARIE

* BUT IT WAS MARY...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HUH? OH, NOTHING.

I WAS JUST LISTENING TO YOU GO ON AND ON

ABOUT THAT FINE GIRL.

AIN'T IT JUST FINE

THAT SHE'S GOT SUCH A FINE SHERIFF

TO HELP HER OUT WITH HER FINE WORK?

A LITTLE SUGAR--

THAT DIDN'T HURT NONE, DID IT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THAT LITTLE KISSY ON THE JAW--

THAT FELT KINDA GOOD, DIDN'T IT?

IT FELT BETTER THAN A MULE'S NOSE.

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, ISN'T IT?

YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S GOT ANYTHING TO DO WITH...?

OH, NO. I JUST THINK YOU WANNA HELP HER OUT

BECAUSE YOU WANT

TO SEE EVERYBODY STAY NICE AND HEALTHY.

IT'S GOOD TO BE HEALTHY.

IT'S VERY GOOD TO BE HEALTHY.

AND IT'S IMPORTANT

THAT RAFE GET ALL THEM SHOTS

AND YOU OUGHTA HELP.

THE WHOLE DEPARTMENT OUGHTA GET IN AND HELP.

IT'S A GOOD THING SHE AIN'T CAMPAIGNIN'

FOR FOLKS TO GET THEIR EYES EXAMINED.

HOW'S THAT?

ONE KISS ON YOUR JAW

AND WE'D ALL BE WEARIN' GLASSES.

OH, COME ON, BARNEY.

IF SHE EVER KISSED YOU ON THE MOUTH

WE'D ALL HAVE TO HAVE OUR APPENDIX TAKEN OUT.

YOU'RE A NUT.

WELL, THERE IT IS.

UH...MARY, MAYBE I'D BETTER KIND OF CARRY THE BALL.

I MEAN, WITH A FELLOW LIKE RAFE,

YOU DON'T JUST WALK RIGHT UP

AND SAY, "LET ME GIVE YOU A TETANUS SHOT."

YOU HAVE TO MAKE HIM TRUST YOU FIRST.

GAIN HIS CONFIDENCE.

WELL, YOU SNEAK UP ON HIM, IS WHAT YOU DO.

OKAY.

UH, YOU KNOW, I-I DON'T KNOW

A WHOLE LOT ABOUT TETANUS.

IF I'M GONNA HELP HIM, MAYBE I'D BETTER

KNOW A LITTLE BIT MORE ABOUT IT.

YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?

WELL, I'D BETTER, SO AS I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT.

WELL...

THE FIRST SYMPTOM IS USUALLY STIFFNESS

IN THE BACK OF THE NECK.

YOU SEE, THE MUSCLES ARE

IN A CONTINUOUS STATE OF CONTRACTION, AND --

YOU SAY THERE'S STIFFNESS IN THE BACK OF THE NECK?

YES, NOW, THIS MUSCULAR CONTRACTION IS --

WHEREABOUTS IS THAT?

IN THE BACK OF THE NECK.

UH, YOU WANT TO SHOW ME, SO THAT I CAN SHOW RAFE?

IT'S RIGHT HERE.

RIGHT BACK THERE, HUH?

THAT'S INTERESTING.

OH, IS THAT RAFE HOLLISTER?

UH, YEAH, THAT'S RAFE.

WELL, YOU THINK WE'D BETTER GO TALK TO HIM?

UM, YEAH.

WE'D BETTER GO TALK TO HIM.

SHOO! SHOO!

HOWDY, RAFE.

ANDY.

RAFE, MEET MISS MARY SIMPSON,

OUR COUNTY NURSE.

MISS SIMPSON, THIS HERE IS RAFE HOLLISTER.

HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?

NURSE, HUH?

WE DON'T NEED ANY NURSE.

NOBODY GETS SICK UP HERE.

THERE'S ALWAYS THAT LITTLE BITTY CHANCE THAT THEY MIGHT.

IF THEY WAS TO,

IT'D BE MIGHTY FINE TO HAVE MISS SIMPSON AROUND.

DON'T MEAN NOTHING TO ME.

I AIN'T NEVER BEEN TO THE DOCTOR IN MY LIFE.

Mary: NOT EVER?

WHEN I WAS BORN, I HAD MY MAMA

AND WHEN I DIE, I'LL HAVE THE UNDERTAKER.

I DON'T SEE NO SENSE IN CLUTTERIN' THINGS UP IN BETWEEN.

RAFE, THERE AIN'T NO SENSE IN CHEATIN' YOURSELF

OUT OF SOMETHIN' YOU MIGHT NEED.

CHEAT MYSELF?

YES, SIR. GOING OVER MY RECORDS...

MARY, MAYBE WE MIGHT JUST HOLD THAT FOR JUST A MINUTE

AND SHOW RAFE SOME OF THE FINE THINGS

THE WORLD OF MEDICINE'S COME UP WITH

HE MIGHT NOT HAVE HEARD ABOUT.

LOOK HERE, RAFE.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

THAT'S THERE'S A THERMOMETER.

I GOT ONE OF THEM ON MY HENHOUSE, ONLY BIGGER.

THIS HERE'S A THERMOMETER FOR PEOPLE--

LETS 'EM KNOW WHEN THEY GOT A FEVER.

I KNOW WHEN I GOT A FEVER.

I'M HOT.

THIS LETS YOU KNOW HOW HOT.

I KNOW HOW HOT I AM WHEN I'M HOT--

DANG HOT.

YOU SAID YOU ALL WERE NEVER SICK UP HERE.

BALLS O' FIRE.

BEING HOT AIN'T SICK.

SOONER OR LATER, YOU'RE BOUND TO GET COLD AGAIN.

OF COURSE, IF YOU GET TOO COLD, YOU'RE DEAD,

BUT YOU DON'T NEED NO THERMOMETER TO TELL YOU THAT.

YEAH.

UH, LOOK HERE, RAFE.

HERE'S SOME OTHER STUFF.

OH, HERE'S SOMETHIN'.

KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

NO.

THAT'S A STETHOSCOPE.

YOU KNOW WHAT IT DOES?

NO.

LETS YOU HEAR YOUR HEART BEAT.

WANNA HEAR YOUR HEART BEAT?

I KNOW MY HEART'S BEATIN'.

WELL, YEAH...

I'M ALIVE, AIN'T I?

WELL, YEAH.

WELL, THEN MY HEART'S BEATIN'.

WELL, LISTEN TO IT BEAT, RAFE.

PUT THESE TWO ENDS IN YOUR EAR THERE.

STICK 'EM RIGHT IN THERE.

THEY WON'T HURT YOU.

NOW, LISTEN, LISTEN.

HUH

LISTEN TO MINE.

HUH?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT, RAFE?

ALL RIGHT, NOW WE KNOW WE'RE BOTH ALIVE.

YEAH.

UH, RAFE,

MISS SIMPSON'S GOT ONE OTHER THING TO SHOW YOU HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

LOOKS LIKE SOMETHIN' FOR SIPHONIN' CIDER.

YES. NOW, THIS WON'T HURT A BIT

AND IT'LL BE REAL GOOD FOR YOU.

JUST ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVE.

YOU AIN'T GONNA STICK THAT IN ME.

YOU'VE NEVER HAD A TETANUS SHOT.

YOUNG LADY, YOU CAN PUT THAT THING AWAY RIGHT NOW.

I AIN'T NEVER BEEN JABBED

AND I AIN'T FIXIN' TO BE.

GOODBYE.

AND TAKE THESE.

I'VE HEARD ALL I WANNA HEAR.

EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT THAT STUBBORN

MOUNTAIN ATTITUDE TOWARD MEDICINE

I COULD JUST KICK SOMETHING.

NOW, MARY, IF YOU FROWN LIKE THAT

YOUR FACE IS LIABLE TO GROW THAT WAY.

OH, IT WOULDN'T BE SO BAD

IF I HADN'T GONE OUT ON A LIMB THE WAY I DID.

BUT I PROMISED MY SUPERVISOR

THAT I'D GET A HUNDRED PERCENT COOPERATION ON THOSE SHOTS.

I SURE AM GONNA LOOK LIKE A FOOL.

WELL, WE AIN'T GONNA GIVE UP YET.

JUST BE PATIENT.

I PROMISE...

EXCUSE ME.

SHERIFF TAYLOR SPEAKING.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

I HAVE TO GO UP TO THE MAYOR'S OFFICE.

IF YOU'LL WAIT, I'LL COME RIGHT BACK.

OKAY.

WHAT HAPPENED?

RAFE HOLLISTER TURN YOU DOWN, DID HE?

WANT ME TO TAKE YOU BACK UP THERE?

WHAT?

UP TO RAFE HOLLISTER'S TO GIVE HIM HIS SHOT?

OH, BARNEY, IF ANDY COULDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH HIM...

AND YOU KNOW WHY ANDY COULDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH HIM?

BECAUSE ANDY'S TOO SOFT.

NOW, RAFE HOLLISTER'S LIKE A CHILD

AND HE'S GOT TO BE TREATED LIKE ONE.

YOU DON'T BEG A CHILD TO DO SOMETHING, YOU TELL HIM.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

BARNEY, YOU REALLY THINK...?

COME ON!

ARE YOU SURE?

SURE, I'M SURE.

I'LL MAKE HIM TAKE HIS SHOT.

JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING TO GET RAFE HOLLISTER ANGRY.

DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT IT.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

NOW, YOU JUST LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME, MARY.

I'LL HANDLE THIS BABY.

RAFE?

RAFE HOLLISTER.

DEPUTY FIFE HERE.

COME ON OUT.

WHAT YOU WANT, BARNEY?

AND WHAT'S THAT NURSE DOIN' BACK HERE?

SHE CAME OUT HERE TO GIVE YOU YOUR SHOT.

STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD

AND COME OUT HERE AND GET IT.

WHAT?! YOU HEARD ME.

HERE! RIGHT NOW!

ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU

EXACTLY THREE TO GET OUT HERE.

ONE...

TWO...

THREE.

AND I'LL GIVE YOU EXACTLY THREE

TO GET OFF OF MY PROPERTY.

NOW SEE HERE, RAFE...

ONE...

TWO...

DURN FOOL, HE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COUNT TO THREE.

BARNEY, HE SHOT AT YOU.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I JUST WANTED TO GET YOU TO SAFETY.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE BACK, RAFE!

YOU'RE IN TROUBLE, FELLA--

BIG TROUBLE!

OKAY, BUDDY, YOU JUST THREW AWAY

ANY CHANCE YOU HAD FOR LENIENCY.

YOU'RE IN TROUBLE IS WHAT YOU ARE!

BIG TROUBLE!

I'M SO SORRY, ANDY, IT WAS ALL MY FAULT.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE AGREED TO GO BACK UP THERE.

AND I COULDN'T TAKE A CHANCE ON RAFE GETTIN' HURT.

I MEAN, I FIGURED IT WAS BETTER

IF ME AND YOU WENT UP LATER AND TOOK HIM IN ONE PIECE.

AND WE'RE GOIN' TO HAVE TO TAKE HIM...

ME AND YOU.

WE CAN'T HAVE RAFE SHOOTIN' AT PEOPLE.

LET'S GO GET HIM.

I BETTER GET MY BULLET AND LOAD UP.

THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY.

BUT, ANDY, HE'S A MAD DOG, A KILLER!

WELL, NOW, DON'T MAKE RAFE

OUT TO BE A MONSTER.

I'M SURE WE'LL BRING HIM IN WITHOUT ANY TROUBLE.

I'LL GO GET THE CAR READY.

WE BETTER GET RIGHT UP THERE.

OKAY.

AREN'T YOU EVEN GOING TO TAKE A GUN?

WELL, NO, I DON'T FIGURE ON DOIN' ANY SHOOTIN'.

DON'T YOU GET HURT UP THERE.

I WON'T.

BE BACK AFTER AWHILE.

BE CAREFUL, ANDY.

YOU'RE A SITTING...

SEE?! HE'S A MAD DOG!

STAY BACK, ANDY.

DON'T USE THAT TONE OF VOICE

TO ME, RAFE HOLLISTER,

AND PUT THAT GUN DOWN!A

DON'T COME NO CLOSER, ANDY.

I'LL SHOOT!

I MEAN IT!

NOW, ANDY...

AREN'T YOU ASHAMED OF YOURSELF?

WELL, DOG-GONE IT, ANDY, WHAT'D YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?

JUST LET YOU COME AND TAKE ME?

I TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT OF HERE.

RAFE, I'M GONNA HAVE TO ARREST YOU.

YOU BEEN SHOOTIN' AT PEOPLE.

YOU KNOW THAT'S AGAINST THE LAW.

GIVE HIMSELF UP, DID HE?

I FIGURED HE WOULD ONCE HE SEEN HE WAS OVERPOWERED.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE PLAYIN' WITH

COME ON, MOVE. MOVE!

ANDY, YOU KEEP HER AWAY FROM ME.

EASY, NOW, RAFE.

AIN'T NOBODY GOIN' TO MAKE YOU TAKE A SHOT

AGAINST YOUR WILL.

OF COURSE NOT, BUT...

IF I COULD JUST MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND

HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS.

NOT TO ME, BUT TO YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY

AND TO YOUR FRIENDS.

WHY, THIS COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE ONE DAY,

OR ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN.

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT YOURSELF,

YOU THINK ABOUT THEM.

I DONE ALL RIGHT AFORE YOU COME AROUND

AND I'M DOIN' ALL RIGHT NOW.

I'M TELLIN' YOU FOR THE LAST TIME

I AIN'T TAKIN' NO SHOTS!

HE SURE IS HARDHEADED.

NOW-NOW, YOU REMEMBER WHAT I SAID.

I-IF YOU FROWN LIKE THAT

YOUR FACE IS LIABLE TO GROW TO IT.

SEE? YEAH, A LITTLE... A LITTLE BIT MORE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S A WHOLE LOT BETTER.

NOW, WE WON'T GIVE UP YET.

NO. WE WON'T GIVE UP A BIT.

I'LL TALK TO YA AFTER AWHILE.

ALL RIGHT.

HEY, HOW 'BOUT THAT COFFEE?

COMIN' RIGHT UP, RAFE.

AIN'T NOTHIN' LIKE A GOOD, HOT CUP OF COFFEE

TO STRAIGHTEN A FELLA OUT, IS THERE?

YEAH, BOY.

HELP YOURSELF.

THANK YOU.

YEAH.

YOU MAKE GOOD COFFEE, ANDY.

MUCH OBLIGED, RAFE.

YOU MAKE GOOD SENSE.

HUH?

NOT LETTIN' THAT NURSE GIVE YOU THAT SHOT.

I CAN SEE NOW WHERE YOU WAS 100% RIGHT.

YOU CAN?

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

I UNDERSTAND NOW WHY YOU'RE DOIN' IT.

YOU DO? YEAH.

IF YOU WAS TO LET HER GIVE YOU THAT SHOT

SEE, YOU'D BE PASSIN' UP YOUR CHANCE FOR IMMORTALITY.

YOU DANG RIGHT, I WOULD.

WHAT'S THAT MEAN?

"IMMORTALITY"?

WELL, THAT MEANS

BEIN' FAMOUS LIKE COLUMBUS OR GEORGE WASHINGTON

OR SOME OF THEM.

HUH?

OH, WELL, SEE, THEY WAS FAMOUS.

THEY WAS FAMOUS FOR, FOR DOIN' GREAT DEEDS

AND THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL BE, TOO. YEAH.

AFTER YOU'RE DEAD.

AFTER I'M DEAD?!

YEAH. HOW IT'LL HAPPEN PROBABLY

ONE DAY YOU'LL-YOU'LL GET, UH, CUT BY A RUSTY SAW

OR A ANIMAL WILL BITE YA, OR SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT

AND NOT HAVIN' THE SHOT, WELL, YOU'LL BE A CINCH TO GO...

JUST LIKE THAT.

I WILL?

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

THAT'S WHERE THE GREAT DEED COMES IN.

SEE, BY DYIN', IT'LL SERVE AS A LESSON TO THE OTHERS

NOT TO NEGLECT THEIR SHOTS.

IT WILL?

OH, YEAH, GOT TO, GOT TO.

I CAN JUST SEE THEM NEIGHBORS

AND KINFOLKS OF YOURS RIGHT NOW.

THEY'LL BE SAYIN'... THEY'LL SAY

"DID YOU HEAR WHAT HAPPENED TO RAFE?

"POOR SOUL, HE CUT HISSELF

"AND WENT JUST LIKE THAT...

...MOANIN' AND GROANIN' AND SUFFERIN'."

THEY'LL SAY, "IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN TO ME.

"I'M GOIN' DOWN THERE AT THAT COUNTY NURSE

AND GET ME THAT GOOD SHOT RIGHT NOW!"

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE...

AND THE FUNERAL YOU'LL HAVE.

FUNERAL?

OH, YEAH.

IT'LL BE THE BIGGEST THING MAYBERRY'S EVER SEEN.

OH, YES, THEY'LL BE TALKS

AND EULOGIES...

AND WHILE THE FOLKS ARE FILIN' BY,

PAYIN' THEIR LAST RESPECTS...

LOOKIN' DOWN AT YA...

...IF I AIN'T TOO BROKE UP,

I MIGHT SING A SONG OVER YA--

A SONG JUST FOR YOU.

* DIG MY GRAVE

* WITH A SILVER SPADE

* DIG MY GRAVE WIDE AND DEEP

* DIG MY GRAVE WITH A SILVER SPADE *

* BURY ME 'NEATH THE WILLER TREE *

* PLACE MY GRAVE ON A SNOW-WHITE HILL *

* COVER ME OVER WITH SOD

* TELL 'EM I DIED TO SAVE 'EM ALL *

* TELL MY WIFE TO MARRY AGAIN.

DON'T THAT CLUTCH YA?

AND LATER, AFTER THE FUNERAL,

THEY MIGHT EVEN PUT A STATUE UP TO YA

DOWN AT THE TOWN SQUARE--

A FIGURE OF YOU SLUMPING AS YOU BREATHE YOUR LAST.

AT THE UNVEILIN' CEREMONIES

I MIGHT SING THAT SONG TO YA AGAIN.

TOO BAD YOU WON'T BE THERE TO ENJOY IT.

JUST A MINUTE!

JUST A MINUTE!

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT?

ANDY, I DON'T WANT TO DIE.

BUT-BUT YOU'LL BE A DEAD HERO.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A DEAD HERO.

I WANT TO BE A LIVE ME.

WELL, RAFE, MAYBE I HAD YOU FIGURED WRONG WHEN YOU REFUSED

TO TAKE THE SHOT.

WHO WON'T TAKE THE SHOT?

I'LL TAKE THE SHOT.

JUST YOU GO FETCH THAT COUNTY NURSE.

WELL, RAFE, ARE YOU SURE?

SHE'S GONNA JAB YA.

I DON'T CARE.

MY DADDY LIVED TO BE 100

AND I DON'T AIM TO BREAK THE TRADITION.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

TOO BAD, THOUGH...

YOU'D A MADE A FINE STATUE.

THERE WE ARE.

THAT ALL?

THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.

WELL, THAT WASN'T SO BAD.

WELL, OF COURSE NOT.

HERE, I'LL RUB OFF THE ALCOHOL FOR YOU.

NO, NO. LEAVE IT THERE.

I LIKE THE SMELL.

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW DELIGHTED I AM.

I JUST HOPE NOW

I CAN GET ALL THE OTHERS UP IN YOUR DISTRICT.

WELL, LITTLE LADY, YOU JUST COME ON UP.

I'LL HAVE 'EM ALL READY FOR YA.

OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

WELL, I'LL JUST CHECK OFF YOUR NAME NOW.

YOU SPELL IT WITH TWO "L"s, RIGHT?

YOU'VE DONE A FINE THING, RAFE.

YOU OUGHT TO FEEL PROUD.

I DO!

Barney: YOU OUGHT TO FEEL A LITTLE ASHAMED, TOO.

A GROWN-UP MAKIN' SUCH A TO-DO

OVER A LITTLE THING LIKE A SHOT.

SOMETIMES IT'S THE BIG ONES THAT MAKE THE WORST BABIES.

WELL, I'M GLAD I CAUGHT THIS.

CAUGHT WHAT?

WELL, IT'S YOUR NAME, BARNEY.

WHAT ABOUT MY NAME?

WELL, IT ISN'T CHECKED OFF.

YOU HAVEN'T HAD YOUR TETANUS SHOT.

WHAT?

WHY, WE MIGHT AS WELL

GET IT OVER WITH RIGHT NOW.

ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVE.

OH, WELL, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE!

HOW DO YOU KNOW IT HASN'T BEEN CHECKED OFF?

MAYBE THERE'S BEEN SOME MISTAKE.

OH, THERE'S NO MISTAKE.

BUT MAYBE THE INK FADED OR SOMETHING.

THE INK FADED?

WELL, SURE.

WE OUGHT NOT TO RUSH INTO A THING LIKE THIS.

YOU OUGHT TO INVESTIGATE IT AND MAKE SURE.

WE'RE SURE, WE'RE SURE.

COME ON, MARY.

THANK HEAVENS THAT'S OVER.

BARNEY, THAT WAS JUST THE ALCOHOL.

THAT WAS JUST THE WHA...?