Original subtitles

(whistling sprightly tune)

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also sfam‘ng Don Knotrs.

I'll be with you in a minute, Miss.

Uh, that'll be 25.

(cash regis1er rings)

Now, can I help you, Miss?

Oh, um, Iwas just lookin’.

Oh, sure.

I was lookin' at that nail polish.

Oh, this Frosted Cherry-Berry Bon—Bon?

That's-that’s a pretty color,

Try some.

Oh, no, |-| don't...

Oh, just... here, just try a sample on a finger

and see how you like it.

Oh, that's pretty,

Here's something I bet you'd like,

It‘s called Midnight Madness.

Here, try some.

You like it?

Oh, that's pretty,

Mornin', Ellie!

on, hi, Andy.

Well, Frankie Flint!

I ain't seened you around town in a long time.

How‘s your paw?

Fine.

Good.

Ellie, you better check your gas jets in the back.

I believe you got a leak.

Andy, it isn‘t gas, it's perlume.

Oh, perfume.

It's called Midnight Madness— here, try some,

What'd you do that for?

Now, that stuff slicks to ye.

Just like a man.

Doesn’t appreciate the finer things.

Well, lappreciate, but I'm a sheriff,

and a sheriffs supposed to smell like a sheriff,

not a gardenia blossom.

You goin‘ to buy some of this stuff

are you, Frankie?

Hmm? Oh, no, l... H was just lookin’.

I don‘t think Pam/d want me to have it.

Well, I... H better be goin’,

Paw is goin' to be waitin'.

Oh, I-I nearly forgot what I come in for.

Paw wanted me to get him some chewin' tobacco.

Oh, sure.

I wished you hadn’l‘a done that, Ellie.

I'm goin’ to have to stand downwind of everybody.

Here you are, Miss.

20 cents, uh»huh.

(cash register rings)

ELLlE: Is there anything else you‘d like?

Oh, no thanks, I... I better be goin‘.

Bye.

Bye, Sheriff,

ANDY: See you, Frankie,

You gonna wait on me?

I just might be a customer. you know.

Andy?

Huh?

That girl“ . | feel so sorry for her,

Frankie?

You know what I'd like to do?

What?

I'd like to get together a few of those things

and just give them to her to have.

It's obvious she can't afford them,

and it'd make her so happy.

Whoa, now, just ease back on them horses, there.

Well, what's the matter?

Well, Ijust don‘t think I'd do that it I was you,

Why not?

Well, you heard her say

her paw don‘t want her to have them things.

Well, why not?

Idon't know. He just don‘t want her to have 'em.

He don‘t have to tell us why.

-But. ,. -Well, now, Ellie,

you ain‘t been livin’ here very long.

And we just don‘t go a—messin' around in other folks's stew

unless we‘re asked.

But you saw how she looked— like a child in a toy shop,

All I want to do is give her a little present,

Now, Ellie, Flint is set in his ways,

and he don‘t want her to have ‘em.

But...

(door opens)

Hi, Paw. Hi, Miss Ellie.

Hi, honey.

-Pa\rf? —Mm-hmm,

Can I have a nickel for a candy bar?

Mm, I reckon so.

(sniffing)

What's the matter?

Is that you, Paw?

Yeah... it's me.

You sure do smell pretty.

Thanks.

-Nice and sweet. -I know.

Like a gardenia blossom.

Opie!

That‘s how Aunt Bee smells

when she comes back from the beauty panor,

You been to the beauty parlor, Paw?

No, I‘ve not been the beauty parlor,

Miss Ellie was showin' me some perfume

and accidentally spilled some on me.

Now does that clear things up for you?

Yeah, Paw.

Good.

You sure do smell pretty. though,

Opie, there‘s your nickel.

Now, go get that candy bar,

Okay, Paw,

-Go on! -Bye.

-Bye-bye. -Bye.

(sniffing)

Opie‘s right~ you do smell kind of pretty.

That tickles you, don't it? Just tickles you.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself,

squirtin‘ that stuff on me.

I‘m sorry. Now, Frankie would appreciate it a lot more,

which gets me back to what I was talking about,

Now. what‘s wrong with giving her

just some perfume and nail polish and lipstick?

I’m trying to tell you— it's messin‘ in,

Oh, now, you're a mean thing,

I'm not mean. I just happen to know the people around here

a little better'n you do,

and I'm tellin’ you not to do it,

Oh, poof.

Ellie, out! No, no, come on.

Don‘t squirt that stuff on me.

Howdy, Barney. How is everything?

on, hi, Andy,

Well, a new batch of wanteds just come in,

Otherwise, it's been quiet all morning.

I haven‘t made a single...

(sniffs)

Say, Andy, uh, is that you?

Yeah, it's me.

Well, well, what you got on there?

Or would you rather not talk about it?

0h, I‘ll talk about it.

l was over at the drugstore,

and Ellie squirted perfume on me

and thought it was a big joke,

(laughing): What‘s the stuff called?

What?

The perfume, what‘s the name of it?

Midnight Madness.

Midnight Madness?!

Well, you do smell kind of crazy.

All right, now, Barney.

Well, Midnight Madness, zazoo zaz.

All right, now, Barney,

I told you what happened. and it‘s not funny,

Well, who says it's funny?

I think it’s nice.

You smell good enough to take to a picture show.

Now, Barney, just quit,

What's the matter— can‘t you take a joke?

Well, yeah, I can take a joke,

Yeah, you can kid me,

but you can't take it yourself, can you?

Well, yes, I can.

Shoes on the other foot now, isn't it?

All right, now, Barney, all right,

Midnight Madness, la-de-da.

All right, Barney, all right,

Well, hi, troublemaker.

Andy, promise you won't get angry?

What‘d you do?

Andy, I've gotten together a few things

to take up to Frankie Flint.

Now, Ellie...

Oh, please, Andy. It‘ll make her so happy.

Just some perfume and lipstick and powder.

Now, Ellie, I told you before“,

Please, Andy...

Well...

Thank you, Andy.

Maybe Barney could just stop by and leave it,

If it means that much to you,

It does.

Barney.

-Oh, hi, Ellie. -Hi, Barney,

Barney, I want you to do a little job for me.

Anything for you, gardenia blossom.

Oh, you noticed,

All right, now both of you just quit,

Barney, I want you to take this package

up to the Flint place,

and give it to Frankie Flint,

and tell her it‘s from Ellie at the drugstore.

Yeah. Sure, Sheriff.

You can count on me.

I'll get it through.

Package from the drugstore, huh?

Is it a matter of life or death?

Oh, H's not medicine, Barney, it's just makeup.

You know, some of that female war paint?

Female...?

It's not medicine?

No.

Female war paint?

That's right.

Andy, don't you think it'd be lowering the dignity

of the sheriff's office

to have the deputy deliverin' female doodads

all over the place?

Well, it's just a little package,

Just a little package?

But of what?

What if I had an accident?

What if I was laying out there on the road someplace,

and a state patrolman comes by,

and he finds this little package, and he opens it?

What does he find?

‘Well, now," he says to hisself,

"this here ain‘t no deputy,

it‘s a deputyess."

Oh, Barney, that‘s silly,

Wait, Wait a minute, Andy.

|-| think Barney’s right.

l»l think it really wouldn't look right

for a deputy sheriff to be used as a delivery boy.

Oh, well, it‘s just a..,

He shouldn’t have to do that?

There, you see.

lt-it would be undignified for a.,. a deputy

to be, have to deliver a package to the Flint place,

But it wouldn't be undignified

for the sheriff to drive a citizen up there.

-Now, Ellie.., —Let‘s go do it, please?

Now, Ellie, I told, uh...

Please?

(sighs)

Don'tjust stand there, give me the car keys.

ELLlE: Hello.

FRANKIE: Hello. Howdy, Sheriff,

Howdy, Frankie.

Ellie brought you

some things from the drugstore,

Me? What is it?

Well, Frankie, we were thinking of putting in some new items

in the drugstore, and we wanted to find out

how our women customers feel about them.

For instance, this nail polish and lipstick and hand lotion.

You mean, you want me to have these things?

Yes, and tell us how you like them,

Oh. Oh, I... I'll-I‘ll try not to use too much.

Oh, you don't have to give them back, they're yours.

Yes.

Frankie, how come...?

Thought I didn't hear no sawin’.

How do, ma'am?

ELLlE: Hello.

ANDY: Howdy, Flint,

Somethin‘ I can do for you, Sheriff?

Well, |-| just drove Miss Walker up here.

She brought some things for Frankie from the drugstore.

She did?

ELLI E: Yes. There‘s some hand lotion...

-Some what? -Hand lotion.

ANDY: It makes the hands soft and smooth.

ELLlE: And some nail polish and some perfume.

That perfume is Midnight Madness.

It's good.

l was just telling your daughter that she's welcome

-to have these things because... -Thank you kindly, ma'am,

but Frankie ain't got no use for them things,

Well, why not?

FLINT: She just ain't, is all,

But...

Thank you, ma‘am,

but we got lots of chores that need doin'.

Frankie, you better get to work

on sawin‘ that wood again.

But Paw, they...

You heard me.

Uh, Ellie, we better be gettin’ on back.

Oh, wait, wait.

Mr, Flint, I think Frankie would like to have these.

But Ellie,

Flint here, he don't want her to have them, so...

Mr, Flint, Mr. Flint...

I said good day to you, ma'am.

-But. ,. —You‘re trespassin‘ on my land,

-This morning... -Sherifl"?

Let's go, Ellie.

Mr. Flint, you‘re not being fair.

That‘s not for you to judge, ma‘am.

Ellie, we'd better get on back.

See you, Flint,

That's not fair, Andy,

-Yes, Ellie. -He's her father.

-|t's wrong. -I know that.

How‘s Frankie ever gonna meet a nice young fellow

-Well, Ellie... and-and get married

-and raise a family? How? -Well, Ellie...

Well, now, Flint is still her daddy,

and she‘s still got to do what he says,

0h, he's just being mean and stubborn.

Now why wouldn‘t he let her have these things?

Oh, Idon't know. Proud, I reckon.

Oh, proud. He saw how anxious she was to have them.

What happened, old man Flint throw you off his land?

Isn‘t that awful, Barney?

He wouldn’t let her have them.

Well, Ellie, you tried.

Now, I don‘t know what else you can do,

0h, Andy, this is the 20th century.

He may be her father, but he's not her master.

Well, that's so, I guess, but...

I know how I'd handle a mean old coot like that.

You do?

Yes, Ido.

Oh, what would you do?

Well, I'd go up to his place,

and I‘d say, "Flint, you got a daughter?

‘Well, maybe this ain't none of my business

l’but I think it‘d be nice if that daughter of yours

had some of them female decorations."

Oh, you would say that?

Yes, lwould.

You say that and Flint‘d probably

knock a knot on your head.

I don‘t think he would.

Well, he just might.

Well, if he did get smart-nosed with me

you know what I‘d do?

What?

I'd say, "Flint, I‘m taking that daughter of yours into town

"so she can get herself prettied up,

"and what are you gonna do about it?

"That girls got rights

"and I’m here to see that them rights is protected.

I'm taking her with me."

Bamey, would you?

Huh?

Go up and get her and bring her back?

It's the only way it'll finally happen,

Oh, please, Barney,

Well, uh...

Well, go ahead, tiger.

Oh, you think I can't?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Just try to control your temper.

Give me them keys,

Oh, thank you, Barney,

I'll be waiting for you at my house, and good luck.

Uh, hey, Barney.

Take it easy, now.

Oh, Flint!

Uh, Mr. Flint.

Uh, uh, Mr. Flint, sir?

Yeah?

Uh, do-do you have a daughter?

Yeah.

Well, uh, now maybe

this ain‘t none of my business,

but, uh, l-l thought it'd be nice

if-if that daughter of yours

had some of them female decorations.

You know, uh, things the girls paint themselves with,

Now, me, I ain't got much use for them myself,

|-| guess neither have you. (chuckles)

But, well, girls like ‘em,

and H thought maybe you wouldn't mind

if she had a few things

to pretty herself up with, the way girls do.

Of course, now, like I said, it ain‘t none of my business.

-That‘s right, itain‘t. -Huh?

It ain't none of your business,

or that dmgstore ladys either.

Now, l’m telling you just like I told her—

my daughter ain‘t got no use for them things.

Now, is that clear?

Oh, yes, sir, that‘s clear all right.

Golly, uh, couldn't get any clearer than that.

I mean, a man would have to be a dumbbell

not to see how clear that was.

All rig ht, then, good day to you,

Well, Mr. Flint, uh, sir...

I got no more to say about it,

Now, get off of my land,

Doggone it, I promised Ellie.

And I will.

(chickens clucking)

(spitting)

(chickens clucking, ducks quacking)

(chickens clucking softly)

(loud clattenng)

FLINT: All right, you... settle down in there.

What‘s all the fuss about in here, anyway?

(sighs)

FLINT: Frankie?

FRAN Kl E: Yes, Paw?

FLINT: Better get on them chores,

(pigs squealing)

(squealing)

Psst, Frankie.

Frankie Flint, I'm taking you into custody,

What?

Come on. I'll explain it to you in the car.

Get out of there. Get.

(squeals)

W-Well, how-how'd you do it though?

Well, what do you mean, how'd I do it?

Just like I said I would.

I walked up to Flint, and I said,

I said, "Flint, have you got a daughter?

"Now maybe this ain't none of my business,

"but then again, maybe it is.

"Now I think that daughter of yours would like to try

"to look a little bit more like a gin,

Now, what‘s itgoing to be?"

And-and that’s all there was to it?

Well, she‘s over at Ellie's, ain't she?

Well, did-did Flint say it was all right

for-for you to bring Frankie into town?

Huh?

Does Flint know

that Frankie's over to Ellie‘s house?

Well, I‘ll tell you how I figure that, Andy—

what he don't know won't hurt him.

Andy/.7 Barney?

Are you ready for the unveiling?

All right, Frankie-- excuse me-- Frances.

ANDY: Mmm-mm, Frankie,

you are some kind of pretty.

I can‘t hardly look at her.

I-l looked at myself in the mirror,

and I just couldn't believe it was me.

If your paw saw you looking that,

he'd want to see you like that all the time.

That‘s a wonderful suggestion, Andy.

That’s just what we’ll do.

-No, Ellie. -Oh, Miss Ellie,

I don‘t think I'd better...

Oh, let‘s show him what he's never seen.

-He‘ll be thrilled. —You don't know my paw. -No..,

Oh, now, you don't want to quit now, Andy.

Come on, ol‘ Barney went and got her,

now you bring her back.

No, Ellie, you-you heard what Flint...

Well, I didn‘t want... well...

(sighs)

Well, don‘tjust stand there,

give me the car keys.

Come on.

Hey, Flint, wait a minute!

Howdy, Flint.

Back again, Sheriff?

I told you and your lady friend here this morning

to kindly stay away.

Now I see you brought somebody else with you,

Well, now, Flint, it ain't just somebody else,

Huh?

It's me, Paw-- Frankie.

What in the...

ANDY: Well, Flint, what do you think

of your daughter now?

Well, |.. I think she‘s right pretty,

I think it's best you get out them things

and get back to work.

But Mr. Flint, she loves these things,

Why can't she have them?

Because she's a farm girl,

and farm girls ain't got time for them things.

Well, now, Flint, I can‘t go along with that,

Other farm girts has got them.

That‘s because other farmers have got sons,

Like Jenkins there.

He’s got natural, built-in farmhands.

This place here is all we've got, Frankie and me,

And all we've got to woikit with is our four hands.

I'd like to say thank you, ma'am, I‘m mighty grateful,

but I can‘t.

So l-l got to say... get out of them things, Frankie.

But Paw...

Mr. Flint...

Uh, hold on a minute, Ellie.

I don‘t think you‘re being fair

to Flint here.

Andy!

Well, I don‘t.

Now-now, Flint, he‘s a farmer--

businessman, in a manner of speaking,

and he's got hisself one asset-- namely Frankie.

Huh?

That's rig ht, but now, Flint,

I ain‘t no efficiency expert,

but Ijust got me a feeling

that you ain‘t using Frankie efficient-like.

-I ain't? -No.

Why not?

Well, now, if we can just try us

a little experiment here,

I-l believe you can see what I mean,

Come on, Frankie.

We'll be back in a minute.

Frankie‘s a pretty good hand to work, is she, Flint?

For a girl, yeah.

For a female, but not as good as male, huh?

Of course not.

So then, on the debit side,

Frankie is just a fair farmhand.

But it appears on the credit side

that Frances is quite a girl,

Now-now, you-you take a fine strong buck

meeting up w'th the "quite a girl,"

why that‘s just a hop, skip and a jump

from a fine, young son-in-law.

Now a fine, young son-in-law,

that’s just another way of saying

a fine, strong farmhand.

Now Flint, as a businessman,

I-I want to ask you,

what do you think is the most efficient way

of using your daughter?

As Frankie, the fair farmhand,

or as Frances, the "quite a girl"?

Well, Ellie, looks like Miss Frances

is going to be a-needing

some more lipstick and rouge and lotion,

and all that good stuff that draws the flies.

Maybe one of these shades would be nice.

-That one? -Mm. I like this one.

-Mm-hmm. —Maybe that one,

-We|l, howdy, girls. —0h, hi, Andy. -Hi, Andy,

Oh, Frankie, | see you really are taking to this new life.

Ooh, making up for lost time.

Andy, which of these do you like for a powder—

Tempting Touch, Shimmering Rose, or Twilight Blush?

Well, I'd say for my complexion, Twilight Blush,

Oh, it's for Frankie.

Oh, well, now.

-Hi, gang. ~0h, hi, Barney,

Oh, now, here is the man

that helped make all this possible.

-Oh, come on. »You did.

You went up there and got Frankie

and started the whole thing.

That's right, Barney.

Oh, well, it's all in a day's work for a lawman.

Well, I think for that action,

that was above and beyond the call of duty,

that Barney ought to be decorated,

Yes, sir, with a squirt of Midnight Madness,

Oh, come on, Andy! Stop t!

Now l have to go home and take a shower.

Always clownin’, kiddin‘ around.

Why don‘t you grow up, for heaven‘s sakes.

(whistling sprightly tune)