Original subtitles

(whistling sprightly tune)

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also sfam‘ng Don Knotrs.

(guitar playing)

Why‘s everybody looking at me?

Well‘ we got to.

We go! to see that to believe it.

How many you reckons gone down into

that bottomless pit so tar’?

I stopped counting at four.

What you doing?

Just checking to see if theyre

coming out of your head,

Spot anything?

Not yet.

Good, then I got room for marshmallows.

Oh... no.

You eat anymore, you'll swell up so tight

your freckles will fall off.

(laughing)

Say, uh, hoWs about you and me

taking a little walk

down by the lake. Hilda May?

Oh, I really should help clean up here.

Oh, no, you two go ahead.

I can do it.

Well, it you're sure you don't mind.

(Barney grunting)

(chuckling)

All right.

I hope there aren’t any wild animals,

If I were you, lwouldn‘t worry too much about

the wild animals.

Aunt Bee, can you and me

take a walk through the woods

and look for gophers?

Oh, now, I should stay and help Ellie.

No, you go ahead, Aunt Bee.

Really/.7 -I can clean up.

All right, Come on, Opie.

0h.

Okay, then after we get back

can I eat some more hot dogs?

Walkin‘ makes me hungry.

Oh, now, Opie, you've had enough.

You know, it's a good thing

that boy ain’t a beaver.

There wouldn't be a tree tan in these woods.

You know you sure do add to a picnic.

You really do.

| used to think all you needed

was weenies and lemonade and potato salad

but you round it off real nice.

Well, thank you kindly, Sheriff.

When you rate me right up there

with potato salad, I know you care.

(sighing)

(moaning)

Andy, what's that?

What's what?

That article about candidates for the city council?

Oh, ldon't know.

I imagine it's a article

about the candidates for the city council.

But, Andy, look who they are.

Well, what‘s so special about it?

Just the same fellas that always run.

Every one of those candidates for city council is a man.

Well, that’s why they call 'em council men.

It does seem to fit.

|-| think that's awtul.

Why don’t they have women running for council?

You say something about women runnin' for council?

Well, why not?

Because one of 'em might win.

And why not?

They do everywhere else.

Apparently you don't think much of women.

Oh, well, now, you're taking it personal.

Darn right I am.

Oh, well, now that's a silly attitude.

Silly?!

Oh, oh, I didn't mean to say that.

No, I didn't mean to say that a bit,

It just slipped right out of my mouth.

Here, give it, give it right back to me.

(sucking)

Well, there, it‘s back.

(groaning)

And it had a bad taste.

That‘s the way a pretty young girl

ought to look at a picnic.

Not scrunched up over a whole mess of politics.

You're right.

Well, actually, I wasn't discussing politics.

I guess I was just trying to defend my sex.

And with perfect right.

Shows you got a lot of pride and dignity.

Thank you.

And no need to thank me either.

I was just statin' a fact,

Whole lot of times we do things and say things

even though we know deep down they‘re just plain silly.

Oh, did that bad-tastin‘ word slip out again?

Ellie...

I didn‘t mean to say it.

Don't go.

Uh, Ellie—

it's just one of them greasy words that slips out

without you a-knowin‘ it.

If that ain't the silliest...

0h. .

Uh...

holds this, uh, sound to you, Otis?

Uh, it starts off, it says, uh, ltsays

"Dear Ellie

"I am sorry about yesterday.

"I would not intentionally insult you or any other woman,

Please torgive me."

Signed "Yourfriend

and admirer of women everywhere, Andy. "

No. No, no.

No, Andy.

Don't never apologize to a woman.

I say, if you got a argument with a woman

stand up and fight it out.

Well, fightin' it cuts

what put you behind them bars, Otis.

But she threw a dish at me.

You swung a leg of lamb at her.

»But I missed her. —Yeah, but you hit her mother.

Yeah.

Right in the mouth.

(laughing)

Otis, you can't do that,

When dealin‘ with women

you got to be calm and oool and gentle.

You can't go around hiltin' them in the mouth.

What's the matter with you?

Sheriff.

Sheriff, guess what.

What?

Oh, hi, Otis.

Say, | just seen your mother-in-Iaw

comin' out of the dentist.

Andy, guess what.

What?

-Go ahead and guess. -Guess what?

That's right. Go ahead and guess. Try and guess.

I can‘t.

-Oh, guess! -Well, let's see...

Ellie Walkerjust signed up to mn for council.

-No! -See, I told you you wouldn't guess.

Well, it's true. She's got a bunch of women goin' around

right now with a petition to get on the ballot.

Hilda May‘s one of them.

A woman running for council?

That's awful. We can't have that.

That's what I tried to tell Hilda May.

lwas so upset, I come darn near not signin’ 't.

Do you mean to stand there

on them two skinny feet of yours

and tell me you actually signed that petition?

Well... well, darn it, Andy

she-she-she's got ways.

Got ways?

Aw, what kind of ways?

Well, she-she sweet-talked me.

Sweet-talked you?

What'd she say to you?

Well, come on, what, what?

What'd she say?

She said, uh, she said B—B-Barney...

Yeah.

Honey“ .

Yeah. Yeah.

Sugar“,

Yeah, yeah.

Cream puff...

Cream puff?

That's right— cream puff!

Didn‘t you ever hear of a cream puff before?!

What's the difference? No woman's gonna win.

That ain't the point.

It‘s just bad havin' a woman runnin', cream puft.

Well, yeah, boy,

it ain‘t never happened in Mayberry before.

Could stir up a right good-sized hornet's nest.

Maybe I better try to unstir it.

You going to have a talk with Ellie?

Yeah, I reckon I better, cream puff.

You can talk all you want, but if you want results

hit her in the mouth with a leg of lamb.

(bell rings)

Yes, what can I do for you?

Oh... it's you.

Uh, I don't, uh

I don't blame you for being mad at me

and I‘m... I'm sorry about yesterday.

Well, as a matter of fact, so am |.

l was nide to walk out on you, Andy,

I'm sorry.

Do you accept my apology?

Well, I reckon I do.

Oh, good.

Let's have a peace offering.

Fine.

I'll buy you a soda.

Oh, Oh, that's right

that's not much of a treat for you, is it?

It's kind of like offering a shoemaker

an extra mouthful of tacks.

(both laugh)

Well, let me fix you one anyway.

All right.

Oh, it's good for you to laugh,

especially after you've been mad.

(chuckling)

Oh, and speakin' of laughin'

a fellow told me the funniest thing.

| near 'bout died.

Have you heard the wild rumor goin' around

town about you?

You don't mean about me running for council?

You've heard it.

Ain't that the most ridiculous thing

you ever heard of?

@é

No.

It happens to be true.

Oh, Ellie,

you don't want to concern yourself

with government business.

You want to let the men worry about that.

All you want to worry your pretty little head about

is woman's stuff~ you know, goin‘ shoppin'

and lookin' in windows and twin on hats

and eatin' them little bitty sandwiches

that you have at the parties, and gossiping.

Y—you see what I mean?

Oh, lsee.

Good.

A woman should keep her place,

stay where she belongs.

A woman shouldn't try to think

along the same level as a man.

Why? Because we're simple—minded little fools.

Now, Eleanor, you‘re puttin' words in my mouth. ..

Well let me put in a few more.

I am not withdrawing.

l have every intention of running for council.

What‘s more, I intend to encourage

other women to do the same.

Who knows? The day may come

when the city council of Mayberry

is comprised entirely of women,

Put that in your soda and sip it.

Otis was right.

All they understand‘s a leg of lamb.

Here, here's one.

Put that one up right there.

Never smile on these wanted pictures, do they?

Not so‘s you can tell it.

Reckon they ain't got nothing to smile about,

Dinner, everybody!

-Here you are, -Oh, look out.

Oh, boy, I could eat a horse,

Ain't got a horse

but it looks like some mighty good fried chicken.

BARNEY: Mmm, look at that.

(all clamoring over food)

Honey, chicken...

look at them turnip greens.

Have to save that gizzard for Barney,

Have you heard the news?

Have you heard the news?!

What news?

Ellie turned in her petition.

She got enough names to run for council.

You don't mean it.

She needed a hundred names.

And that's exactly what she got.

An even hundred.

Well, isn't it exciting?

The first time in Mayberry

a woman ever ran for office?

We're growing up like the big cities.

Oh, Otis, I hope you're out of jail

in time to vote.

I ain‘t hungry.

(sighs): I wouldn't have believed it.

A hundred names.

I never thought she'd get enough.

Yeah, how about that?

Yeah, how about that?

If she'd just got 99, she wouldn't have made it

but she got a hundred!

Amazing what that hundredth name

can do on a petition, ain't it?

Andy, my name wasn't the hundredth one.

It was the very first.

Andy...

have you heard the news?

My wife's all for this

and she ain't the only one,

No telling where it's liable to end.

It‘s liable to snowball clear out of control.

This is the worst thing

that ever happened to this town.

It‘s Mayberry‘s darkest hour.

0h, now, fellas, it can't be that bad.

There he is.

There‘s the weak-kneed, chicken-livered

yellow-streak tumcoat.

Now, look, Sam, you got something to say, say R.

Now, now, boys, itain't no use to let your tempers flare.

If Barney hadn't signed that petition

why, they would have gotten their hundredth name

someplace else.

There ain't no use

to come in here and chew him out.

Thanks, Andy.

It‘s okay, tumcoat.

All right, forgetting Barney

and getting back to the problem.

We‘re laying this right at your door.

We ain‘t never had a woman

run for office in Mayberry before.

Now what you going to do about it?

Yeah, you‘re friendly with her.

Now, now, just wait a minute.

Now, Ellie's just running for council,

Now, running is a long ways from winning.

Don‘t be too sure, Andy.

There are a lot of women voters in this town.

Just as many as there are men.

Not to mention a few men

that might go over to their side.

What man would vote for a woman?

The same weak-kneed, chicken-livered

yellow-streak turncoat that would sign a petition!

I'm just waiting for you to go too far.

I said, nrnning is a long ways from winning, and it is.

Now, if you don't want something to happen

you don‘t stand around and whine about t.

You do something.

What?

Look.

Now, we control the purse strings

ain't that right?

Now, suppose we showed our womenfolk

where they're going to have to do without certain things

if they get too cute about this election business.

Suppose, like, for instance

charge accounts just stopped charging,

Yeah. That might work, huh?

Hey, that‘s a good idea, Andy.

Maybe then they'll think twice

before running a woman for office.

By golly, I’m going down to Davis' store

and cut that charge account off right now,

Otis!

Huh?

You‘re still a prisoner, you know

Can I use the phone?

Help yourself.

I want to call the store.

Yeah.

Sara, get me Davis' store, will ya?

This will hurt her more than a leg of lamb

across the mouth.

J'J‘

(clamoring)

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute now.

The men started this.

We have some pretty potent weapons

to fight them back with.

We have?

Why, sure, we have.

There you are, Opie, good old scrambled eggs.

Is that what they are?

Of course that’s what they are.

What'd you think they are?

It's kind of hard to tell

under all the black part.

It's not black.

It's well-done.

Oh, you mean like the well-done, black rioe

we had for lunch yesterday.

Opie, I'm having

some delicious, homemade stew.

Wouldn‘t you like to join me?

No, ma‘am.

I’m sticking with the men.

That's a time.

No matter how much t hurts my stomach.

Now, lookie here, boy.

I don't claim

to be the best cook in the world, you know?

Well, you sure ain't.

All right. Eat your eggs.

Now. now, boys, what's the trouble?

Are you having difficulty getting along

w'thout us second-rate women?

(knocking)

Come in the house!

Oh, Ellie.

Well, what are you doing in the enemy camp?

| just came by to say "you win."

Huh?

I‘m withdrawing my name as candidate.

How's that?

Oh, Ellie, why?

It just isn‘t worth it, Aunt Bee.

You know the rally down at the hotel

where the loyal opposition gathered to jeer and poke fun?

Well, it's just not worth it.

And, and you're going to quit?

That's right.

When I decided to run

I had no intention of starting a civil war in Mayberry.

I happen to like it here too much.

Does that mean we beat 'em, Paw?

Yeah, I reckon it does.

We won, we beat them females.

We kept them in their place.

Wait just a minute.

Us menfolks don't want women

mnning our town, do we, Paw?

Now, there‘s

a fine example of raising a little boy.

Uh...

Well, Andy?

Uh, uh, Ellie!

(clamoring)

WOMAN: I say that we've been living

in the dark ages long enough.

(women cheering)

Women are just as capable

of running Mayberry as the men.

More so.

(cheering)

WOMAN: We want Ellie!

We want Ellie!

We want...

There‘s Ellie now!

(cheering)

(band playing)

We want Ellie! We want Ellie!

Hold it! Hold it!

All right! All right!

But first, now, I want to say something.

Give 'em what for, Andy.

Whoa, now!

Whoal Hold back there a little bit.

Hurray! Attaboy, Andy!

That's Andy up there.

He's my boy. Yay!

Whoo!

ANDY: Now, first off

I reckon you women know that it's against the law

to hold a big meeting like this

in a public place without a permit.

(mumruring)

But, now, now, I reckon

we can overlook that little detail this time.

(mumruring)

The fact is

we got more important things to consider here.

Now, now, we men are against a woman mnning for council.

Yeah! Yeah, Andy!

(clamoring)

ANDY: All right! All right!

The woman in this case being Ellie Walker.

Now, we're against her because she's a woman.

But now, when you try to think of any other reason

you kind of draw a blank,

Now, I heard my little boy, Opie, just a little while ago

say something against women.

And I want to tell you the truth.

l was ashamed.

I really was.

lwas ashamed because he was just parroting

what he had heard me say.

See, I've made him, I've made him anti-woman.

And by—and-by some of these times

when he grows up and wants to get married

why, ifyou ruled out women

why, that cuts down the field a good bit.

And, well, I don't know, what I'm getting at

is, is I hate to admit it

but it Ellie wants to run for council

well, I reckon she's got a right to.

WOMEN: Hurrah!

(band playing)

Hurrah!

Oh, Andy.

Well...

there's one for the books, ain't it?

A sheriff being kissed by a councilman.

And speaking for sheriffs everywhere

I'm for that.

J' It's time for Opie to go to bed I

J‘ Time for Opie to go to bed I

One more, Paw.

No, now, another one more.

Time for you to go to bed.

Now get right on up there.

Give me a little smug right there.

Good night, Paw.

Good night, Miss Ellie,

Good night, honey,

'Night, Opie. Get on up,

I declare, that boy/ll l'one more song" me to midnight

if I let him stay up,

Oh, howdy, Barney. Come on up on the porch.

Andy.

Hi.

Ellie.

Where's, uh, where's Hilda May?

Walked her home.

Oh, you did, did you?

What's, uh, the matter with your jaw there?

Where?

On your cheek, right there,

That little red smudge.

Is that some of Hilda May's lipstick.

I guess so.

I don't use the stuff, for heaven sakes.

Oh, Hilda May give him a little kissy, didn't she?

She call you "cream puff'?

J' Barney's a cream puff, so they so say J‘

J' Barney's a cream puff, so they say I

J' Barney's a cream puff, so they say I

J' He's called that by Hilda May I

Oh, now, Andy.

Stop teasing Barney.

Oh, let him go, Ellie,

He thinks he's so funny,

It‘s breaking me up.

Hardy-har, hardy-har.

Maybe I do pick at him too much.

Seem like I can't help it, though.

I reckon I'll quit.

I reckon I‘ll just quit pickin' at everybody.

Yeah.

J' Eleanor Walker, councilman J'

J‘ Won the election and away she ran J'

J' Everybody knows she’s just a phillie J'

J' Running for council's just plain silly I

lwon't. lwon't, I won't no more.

lwon’t pick at you near another time.

(chuckling)

J‘ Time for me to shut my mouth I

J' Time for me to shut my mouth I

J‘ Time for me to shut my mouth I

J' ’Fore I give up and leave the South. J‘

(whistling sprightly tune)