All language subtitles for Still Game - 03x01 - Hoaliday.Unspecified.English.orig.Addic7ed.com

Aye, Toronto. Aye, Toronto.

Jeez-o.

Oh, my God. What is it, honey?

It's my dad.

Oh, my God, look at him.
He's got so old.

Ah-ha-ha! Ha-ha!

Dad! How are you?

Oh, you old bugger, you had me going.

Look at youse two. Tony boy.

Well, listen. I hope you don't mind,
I've brought Victor with me.

Oh, Dad! That's a bit much.

I wish you'd mentioned to me.

Oh...Jesus!

Just kiddin'.

Aye, I just about shat myself there.

This is the bollocks, in't it? Aye.

It's like Hollywood.

I'm no going hame.

Size of that bloody telly...
Oh, there's the boys.

There you go, Grandad. Thank you, Jack.
Here you go, Mr McDade. Call me Victor.

Tennents! Nice touch.
Where did your father get these?

There's a great shop in the mall.
Wanted to make you feel at home.

That's smashing, Tony. Your health.

Yous are big lads now,
right enough, eh? Size of them.

Do youse drink beer, do you? No. No.

Want to try some? Take a wee sip.

Fiona!
There's the boys drinking beer!

Right, youse two. Wire in.
You'll be starvin'.

It's pastrami sandwiches there,
coleslaw, dills and chips.

Very American.
I've always wanted to say,

"Give me a pastrami on rye...
and hold the, um..."

"hold the..." That stuff that looks
like salad cream. Mayo. "...mayo."

Lovely. Cannae believe you're here,
Dad. It's so good to see you.

Good to see you too, darlin'.

First things first, you'll be wanting
a wee sleep. Oh, no, no, no, no.

I'm high on adrenaline. I'm that happy
to be here. Victor? Och, I'll no sleep.

Well, it's up to you. I've made a
list of things you might want to see.

Oh, aye.

There you go. You know, the CN Tower,
Niagara Falls, the touristy stuff an' that.

Aye, that sounds smashing.
Eh, Victor?

LOUD SNORING

I'll go and get his bed ready.

Darlin', would it be all
right if I used your phone?

It's just I promised
them we'd phone. Who?

The Clansman. A pub?! You're phoning a pub
to let them know you've arrived safely!

Aye, is that daft, is it?
No if you don't think it is.

Dial 00 44 141, then the number.

Och, I'll do it.

What's the number?

496 0009. ...There you are.

Right, ta. Oh, that's it ringing.

PHONE RINGS

Clansman. Hello, Bobby.
It's Jack here.

Jack? Just calling to say we've
arrived safe. That's us landed safe.

Oh, hallelujah, you're safe(!)
I mean, when was it you left, yesterday?

You've landed noo and you're safe(!)

Oh, well, thank God,
we were worried sick(!)

Everyone, it's Jack and
Victor, they're safe!

You bastard, put Winston on.
Winston!

It's Jack. They're safe(!)

Gie me that phone, ya dick. Give
Victor a big kiss for me, Jack.

God speed, Jack. God speed.

Jack. Jack, you're safe!

Don't you bloody start. I'm not.
How's your family?

They're fine and dandy. ...Winston.

What time is it there?
I dunno. Back o' ten.

At night? Aye.

It's only the back of five here.
Is it? Aye.

That means when you go to bed
I'll still have the whole night.

Aye. See first thing in the
morning, I'll be getting up...

Aye, aye, Jack, the world's round.
What is it?

Have you a pen there? Aye. Isa!

Have you got a pen? 'Right, OK.'

This is where we're gonna be,
so write this doon in case.

In case of what? In
case your granda dies?

No, I dunno. In case the house
burns down or whatever. Aye, OK.

Right, go.

It'll be 001, right?
And then it's...555

572 7224.

Did you hear that? Aye.
Right, OK, the address -

1009,

1009, uh-huh.

1009, Jack.

SNORING
Jack?

INDIAN MUSIC

Have a good swatch. You're just
gutted cos I've got all the moves.

Aye, just cos you cannae dance,
you fat cow.

Morning, Isa.
Morning, Navid.

Oh, look at your
hair, all fancy.

Aye, a wee shampoo and set oot
o' Claire's this morning.

Classy. I wonder who
this new look could be for, huh?

It is surely not for me,
because sadly I am taken already

with Naomi Campbell over there.

Winston? No. Oh, gie us all peace,
Isa.

You've been wittering on aboot him
all week making that moon face.

Oh, Winston. I've not, have I?
Aye, you have.

So are you two an item now? No.
...Och, I don't know.

We have a right laugh together.
And he loves his grub.

He's coming round to my place
for his dinner the night.

No. Me and Winston? Naw!

Ah, but maybe. Well... Oh, jeez,
here he's coming in the shop.

Don't say a word about...
Of course not.

Hello, Navid. So I hear you and Isa
are pumpin', eh?

What? Aw, you mad shagger,
Isa told me. Indeed I did not.

I never said that, Vincent. Does
that make you feel proud, Navid?

Using that sort of language
in front of an employee, hmm?

Naw, sorry. Prick.

Aye, he's a prick. Gie's my paper.

I was thinking seven
for dinner the night.

Oh, no, not the night. I'm playing
dominoes with Eric and Tam.

Oh, and I've got a lovely big steak
pie, you know? Oot o' Finlay's.

Finlay's? With the sausages
through it?

And the well-fired crust?
Oh, you should see it.

Aye, I will see it. I'm
blowing Eric and Tam oot.

Oh, and you'd dae that for me?

I'm no daein' it for you,
I'm daein' it for the pie. He-he-he!

He's daein' it for the pie.
He-he! The pie!

Dad? Oh, I'm sorry, Fiona,
have I woke you up?

No. Can you no sleep?

No, I got up
about ten minutes ago...

bright as a button.
Where do you keep your bloody tea?

I'll get it. I'll get it, here.
Away you back to your bed.

Oh, no.

We'll have a wee gab. Catch up.

It's good you've brung Victor
with you. Aye, aye.

He's a good pal to me.

Is anything the matter?
No, no. I was just thinking...

I cannae believe the boys.
The bloody size of them.

I know. Steven starts
high school next year.

Aye, you done the right
thing, moving out here.

It's a rare place to bring weans up.
It's home noo.

♪ It's Canada day, up Canada way! ♪
Morning! Where's the cornflakes?

Away back to your bed, you half-wit!
It's three o'clock in the morning.

Come on. Come on.

ALL CHEER

Oh.

What do we owe you for the
tickets, boy? Nothing.

I get them through the company.
For nothing? Aye.

Good, in't it? Smashing atmosphere.

Lovely and safe. Good family outing.

Have you got ice hockey in Scotland,
grandad? Eh? Oh, aye, we have, Jack,

but, aye, naebody
bothers with it.

It's football over where we
come fae, isn't that right?

We used to go to the fitba'.

We used to take a big carry-out -
12 bottles of beer.

A wee quarter-bottle each.

Course they didnae have seats
then - you had to stand.

Now and again there'd
be a dodgy decision,

and then a sea of beer bottles would
come over your head like that.

You could hear them
whistling by your ears

and you'd be praying somebody
wasnae pissing up the back.

Mind this one time
after a match.

Oh, there was a running battle
with folk all stabbing each other.

And we cut up this wee backstreet together,
and just as we turned this corner,

this big fat bastard policeman
hits me with his baton.

Pow! You want to have seen the
blood. Oh, what a laugh it was.

Ya beauty!
Ya bastardin' dumplin'!

Jack, Victor, please. Sorry, lads.
It's OK, Grandad.

It's all right. We should
have had a wee punt on this game.

Aye. Tony, we should have had
a bet on the game there.

You can't bet on the games.
Cannae put a line on? No.

That's a bit poor, is it no? Aye,
it's all very tame, in't it? Aye.

It's all about big
business, you know?

It's aimed at the families. All
the excitement's took oot it.

I mean, that boy's all padded.

So, you and Isa going oot? Eh?

Naw. Well, you're seein'
a hell of a lot of her.

Aye, well, so would you.
Oh, just sex, then. No.

Grub. Grub! Ooh, aye.

Best o' gear too, every time.
The other night we had steak pie.

Right. Oot o' Finlay's.

With the sausages through it?
Aye, the very same.

I gonnae have to knock it on the head.
How do you mean?

Well, all this grub
comes at a price, Eric.

I'm no with you. Well,
it's Isa, in't it?

You have to put up with
her chat all the time.

Yak, yak, yak, yak, yak.

Oh, aye, and...yak, yak, yak, yak.

What's that other thing she does?

That's it, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak.

You see my dilemma, Eric.
I'm a big fat greedy bastard.

What if you had an emergency?
Keep talking.

Whenever you finish your grub,
I phone you.

That would mean I'd have to have her
up to mine, but that's no problem.

And I say, "I'm locked oot...
and it's an emergency."

Eric, that's perfect. Right, 9.30.
Call me at 9.30 - no later.

I'll meet you in the Clansman for a
pint. On you? On me? That's a given.

Right you, Wendy's Wonder,
three quid on the nose.

What's that?

What's what? This.

Sucking in through the teeth.

Fell at her last outing - no really
living up to her early promise.

Right, I'm away, OK? 9.30.
On the button, mind. Aye.

On the button. Aye, OK.
What happens at 9.30?

Winston has asked me to phone
him at 9.30 because... Eric!

Why are you telling Stevie anything?

Stevie does not need to know
a thing. Stevie is a bookie...

and that is all he is.

He does not need to know what
happens tonight. Now you, 9.30.

You, Wendy's Wonder. Run along,
Stevie boy. Trot on.

Wendy's Wonder. Third.

Second.

Pulled up. ...Fell.

Who are you, Stevie?
John McCririck, eh?

Wendy's Wonder. Next race.
Three quid.

On the nose. Ya tit.

I thought I'd catch you in here.

You wee monkey, gambling, eh?
Isa, you gave me a fright.

What about mince and tatties
th' night? Smashing. Listen.

Here, I was going to say, why don't
you come up to my house tonight?

See, I'm always o'er at yours watching
your telly. A wee change of venue, eh?

Oh, aye, that's smashing.
It's a date. Right.

Oh, Victor, are you still
dealing with the jetlag?

Aye. Oh, it's a bugger.

Did you enjoy the hockey match?
Oh, aye, it was smashing, aye.

Your da enjoyed himself an' all.

What's Craiglang like noo?

Pardon my French, darlin', but...
it's a shitehole. Oh, is it?

Aye. It's no the place you remember.

Do you mind your maw used
to take you to Mrs McCann's shop?

Aye. I'd sit on the counter
and she'd give me a toffee apple.

Aye. That's all shutters noo.

Oh.

Is that wee lane still there - gets
you to the park? Roseford Lane? Aye.

Aye, that's a shooting-up
gallery for the junkies now.

You need a gun to
go up that lane.

What do you think my would say if we
asked him to come and live with us?

Eh, I don't know.

You gonnae ask him?

We're thinking aboot it.
Do you think you could sound him out?

I don't think that's ma place,
darlin'.

But you're his best friend.
Aye, and you're his daughter.

You're talking about a family thing.

CHUCKLING

Are you up an' all? Hello, Dad.
Hi, doll.

Right, I'm off to my bed
to stare at the ceiling.

Good night!

Or morning or middle or whatever.

Oh, he's left tea there.
Me and Tony want you to stay, Dad.

Oh.

The summers are long, you could
see the kids all the time,

there's a lovely wee
pub you'd love.

Tony thinks the world of you.

I knew that was coming.

Aye, you're right.
It would be fantastic but...

It's no for me. Why?

Well...right...

See, years ago,
before you were born...

me and your mother were going
to emigrate to Canada.

We'd signed all the
papers - we were going.

So what happened? We couldnae dae it.

Our bottles crashed. Bottom line
was we werenae the type.

Thousands went. Pals o' mine.

Family an' that.

But we didnae.

And then you were born.

And you grew up and you came.

Noo look at you.

I'm that bloody chuffed for you,
so I am.

Ach, there's a time o' your life when you
make those kind of decisions, you know?

My time for that's past.

Come oot here...I couldnae come
oot here without your mother.

To start again? I'm no at the start.

Anyway, I've got to go hame.

I've still got eight pound left
on my power card.

Noo, Sandy O'Brien's wife. I...

Now...Sandy O'Brien's wife.
What of her?

PHONE RINGS

Who could that be? At this time!
I wanted to hear that too.

I wanted a right good gab. Tch!

Hello! Who is this? ...Eric.

...At THIS time?

An emergency, you say?

Locked out.

How can I help? Yes, that's true,
I did train as a locksmith but...

I never followed it through and
ended up taking another career path.

I'll be right over.

Is that Eric? Is he all right?

No, he's locked oot.
He needs my help. Let yourself oot.

You don't want me to wait here?

No, no.
Locks take an awful long time.

You better go to him. See you after.

Yes.

Here, see when the
waitress comes back...

I'm going to slap her arse
like they do in the movies.

Aye, that's what to do...

and me, my daughter,
and my grandweans

can watch her rip your arm
off and batter your melt in.

Aye, right enough. She looks handy.

What are you getting, boys?
A Gutbuster. Each.

To share.

That looks big enough, aye.
What's that you're having, darlin'?

A Danish and a coffee.

Aye, you see, just like your mother,
darlin', appetite of a sparrow.

What are you on?

Eight rashers of Canadian bacon,
six sausages, eggs, hash browns,

round of toast, and a side of pancakes.
THIS is the Lumberjack's Snack.

Eight rashers of bacon!
That's a full packet.

All you'll be fit for after
that's your bed, eh?

Nonsense. This'll set me up
for the day. What you getting? Eggs.

Can you get just eggs? Aye, you can.
I didnae want anything else.

That'll be your eggs, then.

There's a chicken firing eggs
out its arse like a Tommy gun. Dad!

I'll never eat all that.

LOUD BURP

Sorry. You wouldnae think
you could eat nine eggs, would you?

And half my bloody bacon.
Aye, sorry about that.

Look at this queue. What is it
we're going up here for again?

LIFT PINGS
Good point, Jack(!)

I've no idea why we're going up the
world's tallest freestanding building(!)

Tallest freestanding building...

I don't think I need to bother,
I've done all the big heights.

When have you done the heights?

Eh...

Well... Come on. The Rid Road flats.

Are you afraid to go up, Grandad?

Me? To go up there?! Oh, no, no, no.
I'm quite happy to go up.

LIFT PINGS

Jack.

Hello and welcome to the CN Tower.

The world's tallest building and a
wonder of the modern world.

We're riding in one of our
six high-speed elevators

which will be going up
at 15mph or 22kmph.

Do you hear that, Jack?
22kmph we're travelling at.

That's faster than the lift
at Osprey Heights, eh? Aye.

Are you all right, Dad?

LIFT PINGS

Dad, what you doing? Come and look!
I can see all right fae here, aye.

Jack, they've got a glass floor.
You can see all the way doon.

Come on, Grandad. Come on!
Come on, Grandad! I'm fine here.

I can see fine. Just
leave me, I'm fine.

Grandad's scared. Grandad's scared.
That's just silliness now.

Jack, watch this!

Scaredy cat! Scaredy cat!

RETCHING

Calm, doon, it'll wash off. It's
only a bit of sick, for God's sake.

Shite. Bobby!

What? Have you got another phone
back there I can use? Oh, aye.

I've got these wee Samsung P500.
Oh...!

I nearly forgot. That's ma phone.

You use the punter phone.

Come on, Bobby, it's urgent.
Who are phoning? Winston.

Nah.

I've got to phone him!
What's so urgent?

Isa's cooking him his
dinner all the time noo.

Once he's eaten, he doesnae want
to sit and listen to her shite,

so I phone at 9.30 and say there's
an emergency. What's the number?

And she says to me, "I've been
using caramel shortcake for years

"for socks and shawls and the like.

"And that there in your haund is
a ball of caramel shortcake."

Well, I turned it round.

There it was. Bold as you
like - caramel shortcake.

I don't mind telling
you, I was mortified.

And then SHE sa...
PHONE RINGS

Hello, Eric... Huh-hmm.
...Hello.

Hello, Winston. Enjoy your dinner?

Hello, Eric. 'It's no Eric.'

'It's Bobby.' Yes, Eric.

Put Isa on. No.

I want to tell her
how you cannae be

daein' sitting aboot listen to all her...
What was it, Eric?

Shite. Who smashed your windae?

I'm aboot to smash your wee windae.
That poor woman cooking your dinner!

I'll be right over. Aye,
to buy me a brandy. Rightie-o, Eric.

Bye-bye!

It's been great, innit? Oh, aye.

I never thought I'd get to this age
and still be seeing new places.

Aye, we're no done yet. We've
still got Niagara Falls to see.

That's what you want to dae?
Go hame?

Aye, she knows that noo.
I've telt her, aye.

I'll no see Canada again.

Well, she can visit you.
Aye, aye, I suppose so.

Hi, guys. Great place, isn't it?
Oh, it's absolutely stunning, aye.

Course we've got the real
thing back home, haven't we?

The real thing? Aye, a big
place called Firhill.

It's about twice the size
of this place. Really, wow. Aye,

jam-packed every week it is.
Smashing. See you now.

Away you go,
you couple of lying old bastards.

I was brought up in Maryhill.

Anyway I'm seeing her at the
bingo on Saturday after, Wins.

We'll soon see if her
nose is outta joint.

Why are you looking at the clock?
I'm no.

No. Do you mind wee Kelly-Ann Reid?

Well, they don't want her
taking up with this boy

and they've told him not tae
phone, but he keeps phoning.

Alison doesn't
want a big rumpus,

so she'd nae option but to
pull the plug oot the phone,

and that way the phone couldnae ring.

And I thought, "That's a smashing
idea." What did you dae that for?

To stop Eric phoning here
with some emergency.

What you on about?
I'm up here every night

cooking your dinner, washing
your plates, gein' you your tea,

and at exactly half-past nine
that phone rings... No, it doesnae.

...and you're out that door,
so you don't have to sit

and listen to ma pish.
No, I werenae.

Right, it's 9.35. What do you think's
gonna happen when I plug that in?

...Nothin'.

PHONE RINGS

Pick it up!

Uh!

Hello. It's me, Eric.

Five bloody times I've tried to phone
you and it just kept ringing oot.

Right. Anyway, blah, blah, blah.
I've been mugged or whatever.

See you in the Clansman
in five minutes.

Oh!

Absolutely staggering.

Aye, this must be my tenth time here.

Never tire of it.

Do you know what wastes
it a wee bit, though?

All they tacky touristy
shops o'er there.

I think it makes it look
a wee bit Blackpooly. Aye.

Look at that numpty o'er there
with the daft hat on.

Fiona! Jack! What do you think?

Nice. Aye, lovely. Suit you.

Oh, didnae think I'd
forget my old pal, did you?

That's smashing. Thanks very much.

Right, who's for
the Maid Of The Mist? Me! Me!

Naw, naw. We'll hang aboot here.
Away you go and enjoy yourselves.

OK. Come on, you two.

Are you sure you don't want to stay,
Dad?

Aye, I'm sure.

I've often wondered
what it would've been like

if me and yer maw had
come oot here to stay.

Oh, that reminds me...

Mum's ring!

No, Dad, you keep it.

No, I brought it oot here
for you to keep.

Oop. That was unfortunate.

Get your money in. Come on, Eric. Tackiest
gift fae Jack and Victor wins the pot.

Right, Eric. What did they get you?
They brought me a thermometer...

with a photo of Niagara Falls
on it. Really shitty.

Nah.

I could top that. The floor's yours.

Rocky Mountain desert wine.

That's no tacky. That's no bad.

Gather round, gents. A shot glass
emblazoned with the legend Canada.

Aye, so what? Canada, big deal.
Ah, don't be so hasty.

Watch what happens when
I place some booze into the glass.

There you go - a naked lady.

That's very good. That's no bad.

Oh, here, a naked woman.
That's got ma temperature soarin'.

I'm roastin', I think
I'll have to take my jacket off.

Niagra Falls!
Come to me with that pot!

Sweet sherry, please, Bobby.

Oh, and boys...

ALL: Oh!

Thanking you.