Original subtitles

The figures look good, Mr. Riley.

I'll get back to you tomorrow.

Right. Good-bye.

Why don't you leave as rudely as you entered?

Don't bother saying good-bye.

Amanda, we need to finish your work-ups,

find out if this stage is lymphoma.

Look, I feel fine, okay?

Oh, yeah, I'm sure you feel wonderful.

Maybe a little fatigue, some night sweats.

Sure, you're getting through the day,

taking care of business,

but you are not taking care of yourself.

One little swollen lymph node, Michael, does not equal cancer.

Oh, no, the biopsy made it quite clear there was more...

Well, maybe your lab screwed up.

It didn't.

Look, you don't believe me?

Get a second opinion.

I'll send all your blood tests.

Here, just tell me where.

I'll think about it.

This is no joke, lady.

This is dead serious.

You trying to scare me?

No, I thought the biopsy would have.

You know, why don't you take that bitchy

attitude of yours and use it to fight

the cancer instead of me.

Matt, welcome back.

You know, you really shouldn't exert yourself too much.

Those ribs are going to take a while to heal.

You were awful busy while I was laid up in the hospital.

So that's why you had those guys beat me up,

so you could tamper with the results

of your psychological evaluation.

Do you lie awake at night dreaming up these accusations?

No.

"Intelligent, impetuous, caring."

Princess Di maybe, you, never.

It's right there in black and white.

Forgery.

The testing service doesn't keep copies.

But you knew that, didn't you?

I would imagine changing those results

would be as easy as, say,

changing the blood-alcohol level in a car accident report.

I did that to save your precious little Michael.

You know, if it wasn't for me, he'd be up in Lompoc,

and you'd be baking hacksaws into Devil's food cake.

Wow, it must be nice to have a job that leaves you so much free time.

I have rounds.

Someday, somehow I will get you out of this hospital

and you will never practice medicine again anywhere.

Matt, you're pathetic.

And your...

wig is crooked.

They were supposed to pick us up over an hour ago.

Sydney, if you knew that you were going

on the most incredible journey, surrounded by people that love you,

and that during this journey you'd attain spiritual enlightenment,

wouldn't you be happy to wait forever?

Can I have a sandwich while I wait?

Sydney.

Save your breath, Jane.

You won't have to accuse me of cutting up your underwear

or chasing after you with a butcher knife

for a few days at least.

Your little sister's going away.

Where? Vacation.

I sure could use one.

You're not going anywhere, Sydney, you're out of work,

and you have to meet with your probation officer.

You find this funny?

Yes.

That you try to control her life when yours is such a mess.

Sydney, you're in big trouble for trashing.

Shooters and Mancini Designs.

When Jake and I were sent evaluations,

I can't lie for you.

Who's asking you to?

Come on, Sydney.

Sydney, for the first time, face up to this.

You have no friends left.

Your probation officer is the only person who can help you.

Drop the weight, Jane.

Worry about your own responsibilities.

That's what I'm learning to do.

You didn't forget the suntan lotion, did you?

Just because you know the person that attacked you

doesn't mean you shouldn't press charges.

Look, there's a doctor at the hospital

who hired these guys to beat me up

because she's worried that her psychological test scores will prevent

her from a promotion to chief resident.

Well, maybe there's a record on this doctor.

Who is it?

Kimberly Shaw.

I'm sure she's squeaky clean.

All right, we can still go after her.

We find the guys that attacked you,

we get them to implicate her.

Thanks anyway.

Oh, wait a minute.

At least finish your lunch.

I know you just want to help me with this,

but I need to handle this myself.

Hey, okay.

You know, I feel bad about what happened to you,

but you've got to look at the bright side.

Which is?

I met you.

So, Mat Fielding, what do you do for fun?

What section of the Sunday paper do you read first?

I don't want to give you the wrong idea.

I just ended a relationship,

and I'm not prepared to jump back into another one.

Well, you know, I'm known for my bad timing.

Don't take it personally, okay?

Uh, nah. It's okay.

Ahem. I need to get back to work.

Yeah.

See you around?

Yeah.

Utopia.

Are you kidding?

This doesn't look like a resort.

Retreat, Sydney. It's a retreat.

Let's make our home.

Jonathan, why don't you be in charge of setting things up, won't you?

Donny, why don't you put some breakfast on?

Sydney, would you help her?

Sure.

Ahh.

Smell that clean air.

I can feel my spirit soar.

Welcome, welcome. How are you?

Is there even a bathroom in this place?

There's an outhouse over there.

And, uh... where's the hot tub?

Syd, this is all about getting away

from the trappings of everyday life.

You get rid of material things,

and you learn to really appreciate your life.

I'm beginning to already.

This is much better than the last retreat.

We couldn't even talk to each other.

Martin wanted us to explore new ways to communicate.

I thought I'd be working on my tan.

There's no pool, but it's the desert.

You're going to need that sunscreen.

I think the scrapbook's a nice idea.

I do, too.

If he ever tries to look for me when he's older...

Oh, he will.

He's going to want to know his biological mother.

Mmm, I don't know.

Maybe he'll grow up angry his whole life

that his mother gave him away,

and maybe he'll never want to find me.

Jo, you did the right thing.

You did the bravest thing you could have done.

I hope so.

And Austin knows it, too.

I can't bear the thought of never seeing him again.

Well, if he's half as persistent as his mother is,

one of these days he's going to be knocking on your door.

Thanks.

And I'll have a scrapbook so he'll get to see me

as I am today and all the other people

that Austin should know.

He'd still be with the Carters if it weren't for you.

One more with the wrench.

One more and that's it, all right?

I don't believe this.

I told you 100 times to keep this thing out of here.

Only one time, and I'm just about finished.

Remedial English, Jake.

Never is about as plain as I can get.

Look at this mess.

There's grease and oil all over the place.

Slow down.

If you just have a look, you'll see that...

Don't you think it's time you dropped the mother hen routine

and stayed out of other people's business?

Knock it off, okay? Don't.

I'll get the bike out of here.

What about this mess? Oil doesn't clean up.

I'm just changing the seat, that's it, okay?

I'm not dirtying up your cute little courtyard.

If I see this piece of junk in here again,

I'm going to have it hauled off and sold for scrap.

This is for Amanda Woodward. This is Dr. Sanchez.

Please call me as soon as you get this message.

I'm working late at the hospital.

Dr. Sanchez.

It's Amanda Woodward.

Miss Woodward, I've reviewed your biopsy slides,

and I concur with Dr. Mancini.

I see.

Isn't it possible that this was the only tumor

and that we caught it in time?

Further tests will be necessary to assess that.

Do you have an oncologist?

No, but I'll look into it.

Well, good luck, then.

Thank you.

Thanks a lot.

What more does he want?

Golden Flyer Car Rental and a "search for the gold" Indiana Jones-style ad.

It's exciting.

You didn't take the time to get to know the clients' needs.

I think we represented the product very well.

The product is not the client, Mr. Cooper is.

He doesn't want slick, he wants straightforward.

Miss Woodward?

Yes.

Dr. Mancini is on the line for you.

I thought I was in charge of Mancini Designs.

At the moment, you have more problems than you can handle.

Shut the door on your way out.

Hello?

Hey, Amanda, I just spoke with Dr. Sanchez.

Don't bother me at work.

No one can find out about this.

Yeah, well, listen, there are a few more tests we have to run

to figure out the best treatment protocol.

Now, I've set you up for a round of tests here

at the hospital at 1:00 this afternoon.

There's no way. I've got a client lunch meeting.

Amanda, cancer doesn't stop for lunch.

Now, I'll meet you here.

Fine, 1:00.

I'll be on time, so don't keep me waiting.

And, Michael, I don't like being bulldozed.

Yeah, well, why don't you just pretend I asked you nicely, then?

See you later.

Bye.

Oh, Amanda, Jack Stewart's going to be by at 2:00.

There's nothing on my schedule.

Well, I asked your secretary.

There's no way I'll be back by then.

You had no authority to schedule that meeting.

Well, should I cancel?

What am I going to tell Mr. Stewart?

Tell him you're an idiot.

Yep.

Come on in. I won't bite.

It's freezing in here.

Yeah, well, it's only going to take

about 20 seconds and then you can put your clothes back on.

Now, you need to sign this release form first.

I don't sign anything I haven't read.

Well, I wouldn't want you to.

Please, here. Read it from cover to cover.

It's still freezing.

We'll have the technician get you a couple of blankets.

Come on. Get up on the bed.

This is inhuman.

Amanda, we've been through this.

It's the only way we'll know for sure.

Well, I changed my mind. Get out of my way.

You want to fight, because you're going

to have to knock me down to get out of here.

Don't think I won't. Come on, then.

Unh! Ow!

All right?

Uhh!

Did you learn this technique in medical school or dating?

Amanda, look at me!

You're going to stay down here,

and you're going to get this test done.

Frankly, Doctor, your bedside manner really sucks.

Is it on?

Just lining you up.

There's two ways to do this.

The quickest.

Michael?

When I tell you to, you're going to take a deep breath,

hold it for 20 seconds without moving.

You're going to have to keep your eyes closed.

I was 7 then, Robert was 9.

And this one day we snuck mom's car out of the driveway.

Robert was going to drive first.

Well, he put his foot on the accelerator and floored it,

and in about two seconds, he lost control of the car,

and we careened into a tree.

Robert was fine, but I hit my head on the dashboard,

and I was bleeding all over.

He got really scared because I wasn't moving.

Did you have a near death experience?

No, I guess I was just stunned.

Only Robert thought that I was dead.

So he left me there, and he ran away.

And then I remember these...

two strong arms

lifting me up out of the car.

It was a neighbor of ours,

an older man, never really paid much attention to us kids,

but... he knew who I was, and I knew who he was.

He carried me home.

But by that time, Robert had told my parents

that I had stolen the car.

I was the one driving when we had the accident.

So here I am being held by this man,

feeling so warm and safe,

looking down at Robert so smug

because he knew I was going to get a beating.

Then over at my father,

because he always took my brother's side against me.

In that instant,

I realized I had never felt loved

and protected like this by my family.

At that very moment, I knew I could never trust them

to take care of me.

And when I was old enough, I'd have to leave.

You still see them, don't you?

Never.

I had to let them go.

I had to find the courage.

I have a new home now.

I have a new family.

All of you... my family.

We begin our journey tomorrow by taking the first step

to release the chains of our past.

Rest up.

We have a very exciting day ahead of us.

Sleep well.

Go in love.

It's like he was talking about my life.

We've all had similar experiences, Sydney.

Martin wants you to have tea service.

You'll have to stay awake all night.

I helped with meals and cleaning up all day.

How much more do I have to do?

You're lucky to be here, Sydney.

You didn't have the $300.

Martin's giving you food and shelter.

I don't think it's too much that he's asking

for a little in return, do you?

What is this tea service?

Well, Martin hardly sleeps.

He needs constant care and nourishment.

You'll serve him tea and food throughout the night.

I guess I can do that.

I used to be a waitress, remember?

Are you still talking to me?

Yeah, sure, you're the boss.

I thought we were more than that.

Let me take you out for a late dinner.

Ah, thanks, but I think getting run over

by a Mack truck would be less painful.

What if I promise to be nice?

I could use a friend.

I could use some dinner.

Ah, this place is supposed to be great.

Have you been here before?

No.

The braised sirloin looks great, and then there's salads.

Do you know what you're going to have?

No.

You all right?

Well, you know I haven't been feeling well.

I went to the hospital today, um...

had a cat scan.

What do you mean? What for?

I have... I'm sick.

It's called, um, Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Isn't that...

Cancer.

I can't believe it. Did you get a second opinion?

Yeah.

But don't worry about consoling me.

There's nothing to say.

Come on, you can beat this.

It's going to take a lot more than positive thinking.

Well...

if there's anything...

I mean, you don't have to go through this alone.

I'm not so sure.

There is one thing.

Our talk has to be completely confidential.

Absolutely.

I mean, not anyone, not Alison,

no one in the department, and it's

imperative that no one at DD finds out about this.

My life is already on the line.

I can't have my job in jeopardy, too.

You can trust me.

I can always count on you, can't I?

Room service.

Tea?

Tea?

Or tea?

In here.

Ahem. Good evening.

Here's your tea.

I just take sugar in mine.

Ha ha. Are you awake?

Ha ha. Just lemon, please.

Coming right up.

What do you think of my place?

Quite a setup.

I'm bad, I know.

I should have told you Martin's my husband.

But...

You don't live together, you don't wear a wedding ring.

We don't need conventional tokens of marriage.

Those are restrictions from the outside world.

We have our own sign.

Essential, private.

Martin likes it like that.

This is new to you.

But when you rid yourself of the impurities

of the outside world, you'll find yourself

full of love, and love is limitless.

Why do people marry only one spouse?

Who made that rule?

God.

It's in the Ten Commandments.

And should we blindly carry out ancient traditions

that have nothing to do with the real world?

You loved, married Michael, but that didn't prevent you

from having feelings for Jake, did it?

No.

It's all right, Sydney.

Where there's love, there's trust.

And there doesn't have to be any secrets when you love each other.

There's an extra cup, Sydney.

Come on, help yourself.

Only you have to drink it in bed with us.

Tea gives me a headache.

Leave the tray.

I won't need you any more tonight, Sydney.

Sydney...

Go in love.

So you can see there's another tumor in the neck

and here under the sternum.

So it spread?

Stage three lymphoma is highly treatable.

We should begin chemotherapy, though, as soon as possible.

Uh, treatment is one thing.

What about a cure?

Well, there's certainly a good chance for recovery.

What are the statistics?

50%.

Only 50?

Yes.

I'm sorry, Amanda, I have another appointment.

So, if you don't have any more questions...

What about my hair?

I mean, won't the chemotherapy make it fall out?

Well, keeping you alive and well

is much more a priority than worrying about your hair.

I just don't want people to look at me and know that I'm ill.

I'll still be working, remember?

Yeah, well, there are things we can do to prevent it,

but we'll have to talk about that later.

Wait a minute. That's it?

For now, yes. I have patients waiting.

I couldn't care less about your other patients.

This is my consultation time.

And if you have no further questions,

then our consultation is concluded.

I will not be dismissed.

I deserve better than this.

I am not just another patient, Michael, I'm a friend.

And I'm your doctor.

And we can't let our friendship get in the way.

This is about getting you well.

So I'm just another cancer victim to you?

No, you're my patient.

And I'm sure if you were waiting in surgery,

you wouldn't want me ignoring your page.

Now I really have to go.

Step one on the ladder to spiritual enlightenment...

Make peace with the past.

Only then can you journey on.

Write a letter to your parents.

Explain that you want to heal your relationship.

By sending out our positive energy,

we can affect the people around us.

Your parents want to be loving,

they want to be giving, they just don't know how.

We have to help them.

We have to help them give to us

what they can give most easily...

money.

This money is for your spiritual education

which they have failed in their role to instruct you.

Reaching into their savings account becomes

a selfless, loving act...

that shows they care about you.

Begin writing.

Be brief, be direct,

but demand your spiritual right.

Write.

What's wrong?

I need to get back to the city.

I've got that meeting with my probation officer.

You know, carry my own weight and all that.

This is about last night, isn't it?

I didn't think you were such a prude.

Look, you can do whatever you want, it's not for me to judge.

Then what is it?

Martin: You're having trouble. Write...

Write, write.

I get it.

You're jealous.

That's ridiculous.

Martin's smart, he's great-looking.

Every woman here wants to be with him.

Why don't you just ask?

You're trying to get me to say things that aren't true.

And Martin wants me to write this stupid letter

that I don't feel comfortable writing.

I'm going to go back.

Martin: This is for you.

Amanda?

Where have you been?

What business is that of yours?

The art department's been waiting for an approval.

Keep your nose out of what everyone else is doing

and worry about your own work

because it needs vast improvement.

You're supposed to be working on the media buy for Glorious Gowns.

McGovern hated the last one.

If you can't handle it, just say, "I quit."

Simple as that. Try it.

The media buy for Glorious Gowns has been on your desk since 2:30.

You better have brought the cost per thousand down.

I would quit, but this place would fall apart without me.

Amanda's clients know I'm the one doing all her work.

If I left, they'd all leave with me.

The only reason Glorious Gowns is here is because of me.

Why don't you give her a break, okay?

Maybe you can.

You slept with her, for God's sake.

But I can't put up with her Saddam Hussein style of business management.

At least with Bruce, everything was professional.

You have no idea, okay?

Bruce never had to go through what Amanda had to.

Why are you so upset?

I...

Just show a little compassion, all right?

She's going through a rough time.

Billy, tell me.

She'd kill me. I promised I wouldn't.

I'd like to be understanding and compassionate,

but I have to know what's going on.

Amanda is seriously ill.

What's the matter with her?

Cancer.

What?

Who told you that?

Amanda.

Oh, please.

She'd say anything to get things her way.

You better believe it because it's true, all right?

In between her work appointments,

she's running to the doctor.

Oh, my God.

So we need to pull together here for Amanda's sake.

I should apologize.

No. You can't let her know that I told her.

You can't tell a soul.

She doesn't want anybody to know.

Of course.

Damn it.

Open the door slowly and step out of the car.

Put your hands over your head.

Put your hands up.

What did I do, miss the stop sign?

On the car.

Move to the curb now.

What's going on?

On your knees.

Do you want to see a driver's license or something?

Shut up, face down on the sidewalk.

All right, that's it, folks, that's enough.

Nothing more to see. Move out of here.

Let's go!

You can't do this. This is a mistake.

You must have me confused with someone else.

Do you know who I am? I'm a doctor!

At Wilshire Memorial. I work there.

Uhh.

I know exactly who you are.

You orchestrated that attack against Matt Fielding.

See, I don't tolerate gay bashers.

Now I know where you work, and I know where you live,

so I'm going to be keeping a close eye on you.

So you clean up your act,

or I will make your life miserable.

Now get out of here.

Michael.

Amanda.

I've been at the library.

You have to stop talking in generalities.

Let's get down to specifics.

Sure, sure. Step over here.

What can I help you with?

That chemotherapy you recommended.

Mm-hmm. I don't like it.

I've done a computer search, and my research shows

that they've had great results with this new drug.

You came here to tell me the best protocol you should be on?

Yes. No, wrong.

For the record, this drug is FDA approved

for breast and ovarian cancer

and only on specific markers.

If you want to talk experimental protocols,

I'd be happy to, Doc, okay?

Fine.

I need names and adverse effects.

And if you want to be my doctor,

don't talk to me like I'm an idiot.

And do your homework.

Right, and don't tell me how to do my job.

And don't tell me what kind of patient to be.

Amanda?

Michael?

What's she doing here?

Oh, she's my patient.

What's wrong? Peroxide poisoning?

No, I can't discuss it.

You know, breach of confidentiality.

But, believe me, if she responds to treatment,

I'll make quite a name for myself.

I gave you an order to dump it at 12.

I don't care what the stock is now.

I told you to dump it at 12. I'm not taking a loss.

Either you make good on the order I gave you,

or I expect a call from someone who can.

Well, if they knew anything,

they wouldn't be stockbrokers, would they?

They would be millionaires.

Come here.

Come on.

Ahem. Martin,

I've gained a lot over the last few days,

and one of the things I've learned

is to carry my own weight.

I need to see my probation officer,

take care of my responsibilities.

I want you to stay.

Are you saying I can't leave?

Everyone is free to come and go at the Abbot Way.

There's no restrictions, there's no gate keeping anyone in.

Then I'm going.

We're miles from anywhere,

and the bus won't be headed back

to Los Angeles until next week.

That's okay.

I'm going to walk out to the highway

and hitch a ride.

Go in love, Sydney.

I hope you really mean that.

Thank you. You're a lifesaver.

Martin... Ow!

We were worried about you, Sydney.

I'm fine.

You don't look fine.

We're here to take care of you.

I can take care of myself... Ow!

Hey! What are you doing?

Let go of me!

Martin, come on!

Martin!

Martin, stop! Where are we going?

Hey!

Hey, Staci. Hi. Hi, it's Beth. Yeah.

Large coffee.

Yeah, make it two.

Okay. Hey.

I've got some good news for you.

I took care of your little problem at work.

Kimberly?

Yeah.

She won't be bothering you anymore.

What did you do?

We had a little talk.

Well, mostly I talked.

Hey, it doesn't hurt her to know the police are watching, huh?

She is certifiable, John.

I used to have the psychological test results to prove that, okay?

I just wanted this incident to die down.

She's capable of anything.

I set her straight, all right?

Just let me know if she steps out of line again.

This is police harassment we're talking about.

I prefer to think of it as a perk.

Hey, look, don't look so worried.

I'm not the kind of super macho cop

that goes around beating up on people.

It just concerns me that you did this because of me.

I was trying to help.

I'll back off. You just say the word.

I want you to back off.

Now I have to go back to work. Thanks for the coffee.

Come in.

As your doctor, I suggest you slow down

and give yourself a break.

I should take advice from a doctor carrying a teddy bear?

I'm really very busy, Michael.

Amanda...

this disease, it's, um... it's not a death sentence.

It sure feels like it.

But we're here to make sure

you get through this all right.

You've got to be joking.

This isn't my style.

It's not my style either.

Listen, I think we're alike in a lot of ways...

Strong and self-sufficient.

But, um...

you know, sometimes you have to look to others for comfort.

And that's what he's for.

Well, you're going to need something to hold onto.

Amanda...

I'm... I'm here to help make you well.

I've read over everything you asked me to read,

so I know where your thinking's at,

and I'm working with some of the best in our oncology department.

I have so many questions, Michael.

I need answers.

You've got to trust me, Amanda.

I'm not very good at trusting people.

Well, then... I don't know,

think of this as a learning experience.

We have to bend to my schedule.

I can't afford the luxury of being sick.

My company needs a president who's in control.

Appearances are everything.

Hey, we're in this together.

How about tomorrow, 8:00 a.m.?

Make it 7:00. I have a department heads meeting at 8:30.

Thanks.

Hey.

I need all the help I can get.

I heard you had some trouble with the law.

Your beefcake boyfriend isn't satisfied writing parking tickets.

Kimberly, you should know that I had nothing to do with it.

That's all right, I'll get you for this, Fielding.

You can't afford to get too nasty, Kimmy.

The police are on your tail.

Truce, all right?

I'll think about it.

Hey, listen, the next time you go for a man in uniform,

why don't you pick up a mailman?

Whew.

Sydney: Where are you taking me?

Well, I'm concerned about your welfare, Sydney.

Then you should know, these guys are hurting me.

Ow!

Well, you really shouldn't have stayed

out all night by yourself.

It's freezing out there.

There's lots of dangerous animals.

Sydney, I'm going to protect you.

What is this?

I've got a very special place for you

to meditate and search for inner peace.

Forget it, I'm not going in there!

Stop it!

Hey!

Help!

Help!

No!

Let me out of here!

Please!

Help!

Help!

Somebody please help me!

Help!

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