Original subtitles

Oh...

you're too much.

I can't help it. You drive me crazy.

You taste incredible.

I vant to devour you.

Now it's like everything fits.

Mm-hmm.

Oh. Oh.

I think the couch is getting a bit restrictive.

Yeah. Yeah.

What are you suggesting?

So, am I invited to spend the night?

I thought you'd never ask.

Mmm.

Maybe if we're very quiet,

they'll just go away.

Shh.

Jane, I know you're home.

Jane, please.

Sydney, now's a bad time.

Let's talk in the morning.

But I've got great news.

Sydney, in the morning.

Mmm...

Michael...

Mmm...

Mmm, Michael...

Don't answer it.

I'm on call.

Damn it, Kimberly.

Hello?

Hello. Is Michael there?

It's for you.

Hello?

Michael, you won't believe it.

I just got a job.

Oh, Sydney, that's great.

It's the place down the block from the building... Shooters.

Yeah, I know it well.

I'm starting on the lunch shift.

You got to drop in and see me.

Tomorrow.

Uh, yeah. Uh, well, congratulations.

Maybe afterwards,

we can come back to my place.

You can't believe how much I miss your body, Michael.

Uh, same to you.

And, uh, have a nice first day at work.

Sydney got herself a job at Shooters,

of all places.

Oh, by the way, she says hello.

Michael, I don't care how lonely she is.

This is weird.

So what do you want me to do?

End this little friendship... now.

Hey... come... where you going?

Hey, whatever you say.

See, now you have a really great eye.

This is a Vladimir Nabinksy.

He practically founded the New Russian Art Movement.

No kidding?

You've no idea the strings I had to pull

to get the government to let me show this.

Is this your gallery?

Yeah. I'm Joel Walker.

Matt Fielding.

You look really familiar.

You work out at the gym on Wilshire, don't you?

Yes, I do.

Yeah, do you?

Yeah. I've seen you there.

I mean, I've noticed you.

I've wanted to say hi. I guess I was too shy.

Matt, isn't this fabulous?

You'd never see anything like this,

even 10 years ago.

It's so hopeful.

Yeah, Katya, this is Joel.

He owns the gallery.

Joel, this Katya, a friend.

And wife.

Oh...

how embarrassing.

No, it's okay. Really, it's okay.

What?

Uh, very nice to meet both of you.

I don't understand.

Was it something I said?

Precisely.

I'm sorry, Matt.

I mean, how was I supposed to know

that the guy was trying to pick you up?

You weren't.

The point is you don't have to go around

introducing yourself as my wife

when there are no I.N.S. Agents around, okay?

Katya, this isn't Russia.

The walls don't have ears.

There are no KGB agents lurking in the shadows.

Okay I get the point.

And for your information,

there no longer exists a KGB in Russia.

It only lives in stupid American films.

Okay, fine, Katya. Whatever you say.

Frankly, I don't care.

Why are you so upset?

Because I liked that guy.

Now he thinks I am married.

So go back there tomorrow

and tell him that your wife is...

very understanding.

So lunch with Steve yesterday was wonderful.

Great.

We went to this place, this dive by the beach.

We talked for four hours.

Four hours?

Yep.

We were ready for dinner by the time we were finished,

but he had to get back to his ranch.

This guy's pretty perfect.

Are you talking about me again?

Good morning, Billy.

Didn't take you long to get back into the swing of things.

Hey, this is confidential.

I don't want Jake to find out about this.

I can keep a secret.

Who's the lucky guy?

Steve...

Alison's client.

All right. The rich guy.

Or the computer nerd,

as Alison once described him.

Billy...

Trust me.

A nerd he is not.

I know he's not. I've seen him.

So, has he called?

As a matter of fact, he has.

We're going out tomorrow night.

He told me to choose someplace casual.

Oh, this is really turning into something.

I don't know. We'll see.

To tomorrow night.

Tomorrow night.

Who is it?

It's me.

May I take your order?

What are you doing?

It's what I tried to tell you last night.

I got a job, Jane, at Shooters.

Oh, Well, congratulations.

You won't have to worry

about me asking you for money.

Hi, Robert.

Sydney got a job at Shooters.

That's great.

Are you off on Sunday night?

Yeah, I think so.

My parents will be in town.

Jane's going to cook dinner.

Why not join us...

if it's okay with Jane.

Well, yeah. Of course.

I can't.

I'll be working.

It feels so great to finally have a job.

Drop in anytime.

Drinks are on me.

Bye. Bye.

You are just determined...

to see us get along,

aren't you?

I spend 12 hours a day

helping people get divorced.

Reconciliations are a hobby.

Come on. She's not that bad.

Michael couldn't stand her.

Well, I'm not Michael.

Although I am wearing his tie.

Found it in the closet.

I hope you don't mind.

No, I don't. Not at all.

Hi, Joel.

Hey, a true art lover.

Came back so you could actually see the artwork.

Actually, I came to see you.

You did?

Yeah, last night, you had absolutely no reason

to be embarrassed.

Thanks.

I think I'm over it.

You see, my wife, she's really not my wife.

Oh, no.

Legally, yes,

but she's really just a friend.

I married her so that she could stay in the country.

I see.

So, I really wasn't that far off the mark last night.

No.

Not at all.

So...

how do you feel about having dinner...

with a married man?

I generally make it a rule not to,

but given the circumstances...

Great.

I'm glad we could clear up

this little misunderstanding.

Um...

I have theater tickets Saturday night.

You interested?

I'd love to.

Katya...

Matt, I've been looking for you.

You'll be happy to know

that I went down to the gallery

and straightened everything out with Joel.

We're going out Saturday night.

Great.

You see? I told you.

Now I got news for you that isn't so wonderful.

What?

An agent from the I.N.S. called me here

at the hospital.

They want to conduct a home visit...

this Sunday.

That quickly.

What are we going to do?

It means Nikki and I are going to move in,

at least temporarily.

And you and I, my darling,

are going to convince this man

that we're very much in love.

Hello, Michael. Sydney...

What are you doing here?

Just came to say hello.

Yeah, well, you're just going to have to say goodbye.

I told you before it's over, Sydney.

Don't worry. I checked Kimberly's schedule.

She's working all night.

Something's telling me

you're not getting the message here.

Now, get up and skedaddle.

Michael...

are you in love with Kimberly?

I...

I'm... I'm...

we're together.

We're together. So?

I will do anything you want.

Anything.

Michael... I love you.

God, I love you.

Do you love me?

Oh...

Do you love me?

Yes.

Oh, Michael.

Yes.

Michael...

Oh, my God.

Kimberly... Kimberly, wait.

You bastard.

God.

Kimberly!

Kimberly, wait.

Warm goat cheese salad. Oh, oh, oh, and then,

I found this great recipe

for baked sea bass with fennel.

Robert, they're your parents.

I want to impress them.

That's my door. You want to hold on or...

Okay well, have a great day,

and don't let them wear you out.

Okay I'll talk to you tonight.

I miss you.

Bye.

Coming.

What can I do for you, Kimberly?

I just wanted you to be the first to know

that's it's over between me and Michael.

Well, congratulations.

And what makes you think I give a damn?

I think that we have something to talk about.

May I please come in, Jane?

No, I'd rather you didn't.

Why don't you say what you're going to say

and make it quick?

Fine.

I found Michael in bed with your sister.

What?

What are you talking about?

You didn't know?

She's been coming around for weeks now,

baking him lasagna, doing his wash.

I mean, God knows how long this has been going on.

Probably way before me.

Get out. Don't touch me.

You're a liar, Michael dumped you,

and now you're trying to taking it out on me.

I'm not, Jane.

At first I thought it was you,

until Sydney turned around and gave me this little smile

like she wanted it to happen.

I don't think you heard me.

I said get out.

Fine.

I'm leaving, but trust me, Jane,

I did you a favor

splitting up your marriage

because that man is sick.

Syd, Syd...

table five's yelling for you.

I already brought their drinks

and hung their appetizer order.

Oh...

Thanks, Ellen.

Saturday lunches are killers.

You'll get the hang of it.

Thanks. Mm-hmm.

Okay, that's two bacon cheeseburgers,

medium rare...

Thank you.

Chinese chicken salad, and a garden vegetable,

ranch on the side.

Is there anything else I can get for you?

Yes.

I specifically requested no scallions.

May we have a word?

Excuse me.

I'll be right back with this.

Can't you see I'm working?

Excuse me, waitress?

I'll be right there. This is gonna have to wait.

Sydney...

Kimberly came by the apartment this morning

and said something

that I really couldn't believe.

She said that she found you in bed with Michael.

Please tell me that she was lying.

Oh, my God, Sydney.

It's like I told you before, Jane.

He wouldn't leave me alone,

he kept calling, asking to see me.

And I told you not to.

I know.

But when I got this job, there nobody to be excited for me.

I knew Michael would be.

So I went over to see him,

to tell him the news.

He practically raped me.

Miss...

I'd really like that chicken salad.

In a minute.

Sydney, are you saying that Michael raped you?

Is that what you're saying?

I don't know.

It's just that nobody has been paying attention to me

since I've been out here.

I was just looking for a little understanding.

I didn't know what it would lead to.

You little bitch.

You wanted to sleep with him, didn't you?

I don't know.

Maybe I just wanted to be wanted.

Has it ever happened before?

Never.

I swear to God, Jane, never.

Just that one time.

Please forgive me.

Please.

Come on, Jane.

You have to.

You're my sister.

I don't have a sister anymore.

I just brought enough to give the place,

you know, a woman's touch.

Along with family photos

and Nikki's toys.

That kind of thing.

Mommy, I don't feel well.

What is it, honey?

My head hurts.

Why don't you go inside, and I'll get the rest of this stuff.

Are you sure?

Yeah, absolutely, here.

Come on, honey.

Matt...

Oh, hi, Amanda. Uh...

What's going on?

I don't know if this place can't sleep three.

Don't worry, they're not moving in,

but I want to talk to you.

Shoot.

An I.N.S. Agent

is coming to the apartment tomorrow

to conduct a home visit,

basically, to verify that Katya and I live together

as man and wife.

I see.

Listen, I hate to drag you into this,

but I would really appreciate it if you'd vouch for us...

if questioned.

So you're asking me to lie, right?

Just to bend the truth,

you know, just... just a bit.

Um, look, Matt,

I like you, but personally,

I do question the ethics and legality

of this whole situation.

I mean, this country's having a tough enough time

taking care of its own.

You know what I mean?

And what will the ramifications be

on my end if I supply

a government agency with false information?

Okay, do me a favor.

Don't talk to him.

Okay?

Right, that's probably the best course.

Just leave me out of it.

Sure.

Good luck.

Nikki has a slight fever.

I put her to bed in your room.

Is that okay?

Yes, of course.

Who's this?

Oh, my parents...

Masha and Nikolai.

My father died about 10 years ago.

That's who Nikki's named after.

Your mother is beautiful.

Ohh.

She looks like you. Thanks.

Well, now you have to show me

a picture of your parents

and tell me everything about them.

I want to know everything about you.

We'd be here all night.

Well, if necessary.

Katya,

I have a date.

Right.

Well, let's concentrate on what's important...

Our courtship.

Our courtship.

Of course.

They will want to know all about this.

When was the first moment...

you fell in love with me?

The moment I laid eyes on you.

No, that's not believable.

The first moment you fell in love with me

was in the cafeteria line at the hospital.

And you were short $1.50,

and I helped pay for your lunch

even though I did not know you.

I did that because...

you were cute.

And you made me laugh...

more than any other woman

or any other person that I'd ever known,

and when you laughed,

I realized how beautiful you were.

And I realized...

that in my entire life...

I never enjoyed so much

making a man laugh.

This, uh...

this'll work.

Yeah.

I think so.

Kimberly...

Kimberly...

Hey, Kimberly!

Don't touch me.

You just got to talk to me, let me explain.

There's nothing to talk about.

It's over, okay?

We're through.

You don't get it. She came on to me.

So what!

I was out of control.

Look, you don't know how disgusting I feel.

I'm sure that goes with the territory, Michael,

because you're a pig.

All right. Good.

Let me have it. Come on.

You just make sure you're out of my place

by the time I get home.

She's burning up.

I'm going to take her home.

We'll be back tomorrow.

Look, Katya, why don't you guys sleep here in my bedroom.

I'm gonna sleep on the floor.

I don't want Nikki hopping from apartment

to apartment, she's sick.

Matt...

Katya, I insist.

Hi, Joel. Come on in.

Um... You remember Katya.

Hi, Joel.

And her daughter Nikki.

Hi, Joel.

I, uh...

I didn't realize you actually lived together.

We don't.

They're just, um... spending the night.

What?

Katya, um, maybe I should stay.

I know where everything is.

Just go out and have fun.

She's going to do fine.

Um, nice seeing you, Joel.

Uh, nice seeing you, Mrs. Fielding.

Come on. Let's go.

I thought you were gonna make dinner.

Oh, please, why cook when you can order in

from the best restaurants in L.A.?

What do you think you're doing?

Appetizer.

You have me confused with dessert.

That, too.

Ah. Excuse me.

Jane.

Is everything all right?

Uh, no, not really.

Uh, look, Amanda.

I came up here to ask you if you could somehow

ask Sydney to move out.

How can I do that? She has a lease.

Yes, I know that.

But she did something awful to me.

And Amanda, I love this place,

but I don't know I can continue living here if she is.

What did she do?

She s...

Never mind what she did.

The point is it was thoughtless of you

not to have checked with me first

before you rented her an apartment.

Look, Jane, I don't want you to move,

but Sydney's already signed the lease.

She'll never pay on time.

Well, that's why I insisted on a cosigner.

Michael. Of course.

Listen, Jane, I'm sorry.

If there's anything else I can do...

No, thanks, Amanda. You've done enough.

Why is it when you try

and help out one person,

you end up getting stepped on by another?

You know what your problem is you're misunderstood.

Darn right.

Ahh. So, what do you think?

You look marvelous, darling, simply marvelous.

You guys are gonna have a blast.

Oh, I hope so.

You sure you're not wearing too much perfume?

Billy.

Who asked you?

Hey.

Steve.

Steve.

How did you know I was here?

I heard your voices. Am I early?

No, you're right on time.

You look beautiful.

Thanks.

Hey, Allison.

So, this is where you live?

This is where I live.

Billy, you remember Steve McMillan?

Of course. How you doing?

Couldn't be better. You ready to head out?

Let's go.

Have a wonderful time.

We will. Thanks.

Well, it's date night at Melrose Place.

Does it make you feel old and married?

No. It makes me feel great.

Okay, no. Clean towels are above the sink in the bathroom.

Yeah. The sheets and the blankets are in the hall closet.

Right. Right.

Listen. No, Katya, don't worry.

Don't worry.

Okay, the play's over in about an hour.

I'll be right home.

Yes.

Okay, all right. I'll see you soon.

All right. Bye.

Matt, it's obvious you don't want to be here.

Maybe it's better if I just take you home.

No. No, come on, let's see the rest of the play.

Look, Mat, I can't sit there for another act

watching you squirm and look at your watch.

We'll go out again when it's better for you.

You promise?

I promise.

Oh, hi, babe.

Maybe I didn't make myself clear this afternoon.

I said I wanted you out

by the time I got home.

You know, Kimberly, you're blowing this thing

way out of proportion.

Now, come here.

I'm not.

Who do you think you are?

Hey!

I said I wanted you out,

so pack your things and leave... now.

The fact of the matter is,

I'm tired of getting kicked out of my own home.

Now, I have no problem with being here,

so if anybody's going to leave in this situation,

it's going to be you.

Fine, if that's what it takes,

then I'm out of here.

Come on, Kimberly. You can't.

Come on, I'm begging you, sweetheart.

I've given up everything for you...

My wife, m-my life, everything.

I'll a friend come by and pick up my things,

and don't speak to me at the hospital

unless it's absolutely necessary.

Don't be stupid, okay?

You know it meant nothing to me.

I suppose that's what you said to Jane about me?

Of course not.

Yeah, right.

Goodbye, Michael.

Who is it?

Prince Charming.

Hi. Hi.

I thought you were sightseeing with your parents all day.

I got a short reprieve.

Jane, is there something wrong?

Something wrong.

Gee, I don't know.

Kimberly broke up with Michael today.

Not that I should care one way or another.

He's not trying to get back together with you is he?

Oh, no, no, nothing like that.

It's just the irony is too thick.

You see, Kimberly caught Michael

with another woman.

That's no big surprise.

Yes, it is.

You see, the other woman...

was my sister.

Oh, my God.

I don't know what to do, Robert.

I mean, Kimberly is one thing,

but Sydney... That's sick.

I don't understand any of this.

I...

I mean, I was a good wife

and a good sister.

Shh.

I mean, what did I do to deserve this?

It's okay.

Look, why don't we just forget about making dinner,

and we'll all go out someplace?

No. No. I want to have them over.

Maybe it will help

take my mind off everything.

Whatever you say, boss.

Ahem. I cleaned out nearly four florists

to find all these flowers.

It's amazing.

You can smell them

all the way down the hallway.

Something stinks in here all right,

but it's not the flowers.

Excuse me.

Looks like quite a celebration.

Hmm. Vodka and dancing.

Just like in Russia.

Let me be frank here, Matt and Katya.

You two seem very happy,

and far be it for me

to judge the quality of your affections.

But the suddenness of your marriage...

So close to the time

that Katya's visa was due to expire...

Certainly set off alarm bells.

Yes, and there's a perfect explanation.

I fell in love.

From the moment I met her in the hospital cafeteria,

I, uh...

I couldn't let her leave. I couldn't take that chance.

I mean, you don't let the woman of your dreams

slip through your fingers.

I was afraid I'd never see her again.

I was ready to return to Russia.

When Matt proposed,

I had to ask myself some questions.

Will he be good to my daughter?

Is he kind,

gentle, warm, caring?

Does he make me laugh?

Ahh.

And I apologize.

No matter how suspicious the circumstances

may appear to the United States government,

you do not turn your back

on that kind of man, Mr. Lacey.

No, I don't suppose you do.

Mommy, I'm hungry.

Um, Nikki, you're awake.

Who's that man?

Mr. Lacey, this is my daughter Nikki.

Well, hello there, Nikki.

Very pleased to meet you.

Nikki's had a bit of a fever lately.

So how do you like living here in California?

I love it.

Do you ever miss Russia?

Sometimes.

I miss my nana.

How do you like living here with Matt?

I like my house better.

Oh, she has her little problems adjusting.

How do you feel about Matt?

I like him a lot.

Is that what mommy told you to say, Nikki?

What?

Well, it was nice seeing you all again.

Feel better, Nikki.

If you have any questions,

just don't hesitate to call.

Oh, I won't. I'll be in touch shortly.

Bye-bye.

Mm-mmm. Mmm.

Jane, this is delicious.

It's just wonderful.

Thank you.

You really shouldn't have gone

to so much trouble.

It was no trouble, really.

I love to cook.

Don't admit that.

Say you hate to cook.

That way no one comes to expect it.

Spoken like a true liar.

Dad.

Well, are you two enjoying your stay?

Oh, yeah. We love California.

In a proper dose.

The air out here does such a number on my allergies.

Expecting someone?

No.

I'll get it.

What do you want?

I want to talk to my ex-wife.

Hey, is that a problem for you?

She doesn't want to talk to you, good night.

Get out of my face.

Excuse my intrusion.

Jane, may I have a word with you, please?

Michael, would you please leave?

Well, look it'll only take a minute, I promise.

She said get the hell out.

Hands off! I'm calling the police.

No, this won't be necessary. That won't be necessary.

I just came to ask you

to please keep your slut sister out of my life.

All right, that's it.

Michael! Michael!

I used to live here, you know.

Oohh!

Oohh!

Oohh!

Not anymore!

Well, I have three Jim Shaws

that are due to arrive on Wednesday.

Well, you should come in in the afternoon

and check them out.

Okay?

Well, let me know.

Okay, I'll talk to you soon.

Okay.

Hey, this is a surprise.

Joel, I'm...

I'm really sorry about the other night.

Don't worry. You had a lot on your mind.

Yes, too much, believe me.

I just... I just don't want you

to think that I'm not interested in you,

because I'd, uh...

I'd really like to see you again.

That's nice.

I just worry that, you know,

your life is a little too complicated for me.

It's tough enough being gay

without having a wife and a kid to worry about.

Come on, Joel, I just married Katya

so she can stay in the country.

You know that. I know.

But they're a part of your life now,

an important part, I can tell.

Yes. Yes, they are.

But that doesn't mean

that there's not room for somebody else.

Let me think about it, and I'll give you a call.

Okay?

Anytime.

I'll see you, Joel.

Soon, I hope.

Bye, Matt.

Bye.

Who is it?

It's Robert.

Hi. Hi.

When I didn't hear from you last night,

I thought that was it.

I was treated to two hours' worth from my father

on why I should not involve myself romantically

with clients.

It got late.

Ahem.

Well, do you think he was right?

To hell with him.

Oh.

I know when I've found someone special.

So I got to punch out

some deranged ex-husband once in a while.

What's the big deal?

I wish Michael would get out of my life.

He will.

As soon as I slap him with a restraining order.

You can do that?

With your help.

I'll have it issued by end of business tomorrow.

God, I'm crazy about you.

Mmm.

Yeah.

Me, too.

Well...

I just heard from the I.N.S.

What did they say?

That we were one of the happiest couples

they ever had the pleasure of interviewing.

Thank you.

I'm happy for you, Katya.

What's wrong?

Joel. I, uh...

I don't think that he wants to see me again.

He thinks that my life is too complicated.

And I see... his point, Katya.

You know, I'm very happy that you and Nikki

are able to stay in this country,

but sometimes I don't know

what the hell I'm doing this for.

I have a life, too, you know?

I know.

I'm sorry.

I made things complicated.

It's only temporary.

Please, understand that...

you've gained two people in your life

that will always love you.

And care for you.

Always.

This is just a preliminary layout

just to give you an idea of where we're headed.

Pay no attention to the fonts.

They're just samples.

I like it.

I'm just still not sure about plastering my face everywhere.

I'd tell you if I thought it was a problem.

Oh, I think the pictures turned out wonderfully.

Jo's a talented lady, isn't she?

Certainly is.

So if you don't mind me asking,

how was your date the other night?

We had a great time.

So you like her. What's not to like?

She's charming, beautiful, intelligent.

Of course, she's no Alison, but what can you do?

Thank you.

Knock, knock.

Come in. We're just finishing up.

You two lovebirds take off.

We can pick this up after lunch.

Hey, who took these shots?

These are gorgeous.

Come on, we have a 1:00 reservation

at the best Italian joint in town.

Back in an hour.

You got it.

If I didn't know better,

I'd say Steve's developed a bit of crush on you,

and you don't seem to mind it.

That's ridiculous.

Is it?

Must be my imagination.

See you after lunch.

I really need something a little stronger.

Dr. Mancini to fourth floor nurses' station.

Oh, uh... will you check that patient

that we were talking about on the fifth floor?

Thanks.

Sydney.

What the hell are you doing here?

Well, I've been calling you at the house,

but you're never there.

Kimberly told Jane everything.

Yeah, I know.

So...

I guess it's over between you guys, huh?

What do you want?

I want to be there for you, Michael.

I want to see you.

In a way, this is a good thing.

Because now we don't have to hide anymore.

Are you crazy?

What do you think you mean to me?

A lot.

I hope.

Oh.

The truth is, Sydney,

that you're nothing but a diversion for me.

Nothing more...

and nothing less.

And now that I've had it,

I wish you'd stay the hell out of my life.

Michael.

I love you.

Well...

that's your problem, isn't it?

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