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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:52,635 ♪ I've been searching for a long time ♪ 2 00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:57,557 ♪ To find someone to be mine ♪ 3 00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:02,895 ♪ I never thought you'd come along ♪ 4 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:06,566 ♪ Now that you're here, all my worries are gone ♪ 5 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,568 ♪ Oh ♪ 6 00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:13,364 ♪ Sweet you ♪ 7 00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:17,744 ♪ All of my dreams have all come true ♪ 8 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:25,911 ♪ You're just the one I've been looking for ♪ 9 00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:32,091 ♪ I didn't know how long it would take ♪ 10 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:36,721 ♪ But good things come to those who wait ♪ 11 00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:41,601 ♪ Now I can't ask for anything more ♪ 12 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:46,939 ♪ You're everything I've been looking for ♪ 13 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:51,611 ♪ Sweet you ♪ 14 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:56,324 ♪ Nobody, nobody, nobody will ever do ♪ 15 00:01:56,492 --> 00:02:04,492 ♪ You're just the one I've been looking for ♪ 16 00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:08,294 ♪ Nights were dark ♪ 17 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,797 ♪ Days got longer ♪ 18 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:14,926 ♪ My mind was weak, but my heart stayed strong ♪ 19 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:19,430 ♪ Then you came along and rescued me ♪ 20 00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:24,185 ♪ Please, don't ever set me free ♪ 21 00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:27,271 ♪ Oh, no ♪ 22 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,654 ♪ Oh ♪ 23 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:39,408 ♪ Sweet you ♪ 24 00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:44,163 ♪ Nobody, nobody, nobody will ever do ♪ 25 00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:52,331 ♪ You're just the one I've been looking for ♪ 26 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,259 ♪ Nights were dark ♪ 27 00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:58,761 ♪ Days got longer ♪ 28 00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:03,266 ♪ My mind was weak, but my heart stayed strong ♪ 29 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:07,520 ♪ Then you came along and rescued me ♪ 30 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:12,233 ♪ Please, don't ever set me free ♪ 31 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:15,444 ♪ Oh, no ♪ 32 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:22,743 ♪ Oh ♪ 33 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:23,953 ♪ Sweet you... ♪ 34 00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:26,599 Synedyne Technical Support. This is Suzanne. How can I help you? 35 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,584 Synedyne Technical Support. This is Rachel. How can I help you? 36 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:32,795 This is Elliot. How can I help you? 37 00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:35,548 Oh, wow. 38 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,509 Yeah, okay. Give me a second to find you here. 39 00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,803 My computer's running a little slow today. 40 00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:43,264 Wake up, fella. There you are. 41 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:45,641 Hey, you got yourself a model 5732. 42 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:48,227 128 megs of RAM, 27 gig hard drive. 43 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:51,814 Good. Good. And you say that it hangs every time you print? 44 00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:54,358 Wow! All right, no problem. 45 00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,069 Can you hold for two seconds? 46 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,946 Carol! Carol. 47 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,468 I don't know what you've been told, little lady, 48 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,744 but the rest of us start at nine. 49 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,831 Kidding, I'm just kidding. Good morning. 50 00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:11,626 Hey, Dan, my man! What's up, my bro? 51 00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:14,879 Yeah, put it there! All right. Yeah. 52 00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:18,132 So hoops today? You and the guys up for some hoopage after work? 53 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,718 Uh, you know, we don't know yet, Elliot. 54 00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:23,429 - I'm not sure yet, okay? - That's cool. Just let me know. 55 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,075 'Cause I'm there, bud. That's right, 'cause I love the round ball. 56 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,726 That's why they call me "Air Elliot." 57 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,438 - Yeah! - Okay. 58 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,899 Make sure that you let me know the right time 59 00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,442 because last week you said 6:30 60 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,421 and when I got there, you guys were just leaving. 61 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,738 I mean, how stupid did you feel? 62 00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:42,949 Pretty stupid, Elliot. 63 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,284 Not a problem, Danny. Give it up. 64 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,620 - Hey, Daniel. - Hey, man, how you doing? 65 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,372 Good, good. How you doing, man? 66 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,460 Hey, Bob! 67 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,629 - What's up? - Hey, Elliot. 68 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,674 You and your posse gonna hit the brewery tonight? 69 00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:01,926 My "posse"? No. 70 00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:05,346 Uh, they're all busy with the big... 71 00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,473 - What's with your neck? - Oh, nothing. 72 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:11,310 It's a repetitive stress disorder. It's a headset injury. 73 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,729 So what do you say you and me go and knock back some suds 74 00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:15,147 and check out the babes? 75 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,733 Elliot, I'm married, remember? 76 00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:20,319 I'm gonna go home, spend some time with my wife. 77 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:21,654 Oh. 78 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:25,074 Taking a trip to Whipville. 79 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,371 It just gets funnier every time you do that. 80 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,208 Don't, don't, don't... 81 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:35,668 Hey, Jerry! 82 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:38,921 Jerry, Jerry, Bo-berry, fee-fi-fo-ferry, Jerry! 83 00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,506 Hey, what's happening, brother? 84 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,508 - Running to an important meeting. - Oh, yeah. 85 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,676 - Yeah. - Hey, wait. 86 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,444 No, I think you're gonna appreciate this, 87 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,490 because we're both a couple of stereo component nuts. 88 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:49,534 Check these out, Holmes. These are the new Ingebritzens. 89 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:50,766 - Right. - XVC speakers. 90 00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,935 Here, look it. That's the back of the left speaker 91 00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,812 and the front of the right speaker. 92 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,313 Sweet, sweet, sweet. 93 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,641 That's the front of the left... no, that's the right... 94 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,533 I think... oh, man! 95 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,535 - What? - It's Elliot. 96 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,953 Who told him we were here? 97 00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:13,664 - Oh, shit. - Did you tell him we were here? 98 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,212 Hi! 99 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,841 You guys! 100 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,551 I told you not to... 101 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,929 Well, well, well, isn't this a big surprise? 102 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,723 I thought everybody was busy. 103 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,600 A slight change of plans, Elliot. 104 00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:34,852 Oh, is that right? 105 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,937 Well, I'm a little bit peeved at you guys. 106 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:40,357 I'm thinking you tried to ditch me. I might not even sit down with you. 107 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,885 We can certainly understand that, so we'll see you tomorrow. 108 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:45,696 - Later, Elliot. - I'm kidding! 109 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,490 - Switch places with me. - No, I'm fine. 110 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,210 - What? - Oh, my goodness gracious. 111 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:00,711 You've gotta be kidding! 112 00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,588 Please, please, don't tell me 113 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,356 that you have a thing for Alison Gardner. 114 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,549 - Oh, man! - Please. 115 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,760 She's way out of your league. 116 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,554 Isn't she dating that guy in research? 117 00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:11,972 Brian, with the teeth. 118 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,933 Brian? The guy with the teeth. 119 00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,435 No, that's been over for three months now. 120 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:20,981 - Oh, yeah? How do you know that? - I know a lot of things about her. 121 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,692 I know that she likes her bagels buttered, but not toasted. 122 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,653 - Wow. - How specific. 123 00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:28,405 I know that she looks beautiful in any color, 124 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,450 but when she wears blue... 125 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:35,121 Sounds like you guys are old friends? 126 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,648 Well, we have been working together 127 00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,958 at the same company for four years. 128 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,293 You spend time together, people get to know each other. 129 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,295 It's true, so it should be no problem 130 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,623 for you to just get up, walk over there, and say hello. 131 00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,925 She's with somebody. I'll catch up with her tomorrow. 132 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,219 - Come on! - Hold on, Elliot. 133 00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:51,595 Come clean here. 134 00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:54,849 You have never spoken to Alison Gardner, right? 135 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,142 Of course I have. 136 00:07:56,309 --> 00:08:00,938 - Did I say "queer" earlier? - You are pathetic, Elliot! Really. 137 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,858 Okay, I guess you guys are just not gonna let me relax tonight 138 00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,461 until I go over there and say hello. 139 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,605 - I guess not. - Yeah. 140 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:10,156 Well, if that'll make you happy. You think I'm pathetic. 141 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,618 - Don't touch me. - Go for it, tiger. 142 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:15,828 Good luck. 143 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:27,214 - Hi. - Hi. 144 00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:28,465 Do I know you? 145 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,885 Oh, I should hope so. 146 00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:34,346 We've only been working together at Synedyne for the last four years. 147 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,349 I'm Elliot Richards. 148 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,684 We've spoken. 149 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,312 I'm sorry, I don't... 150 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:44,356 It was the first week of June, three years ago. 151 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,942 I said it was wet out. 152 00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:50,362 We were standing in the lobby, and I said it was really wet out. 153 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,698 It was raining at the time. 154 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,366 I assume that. 155 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:56,911 Yeah. 156 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,876 So here we are, talking again. 157 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,294 Yeah. 158 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,423 Well, take it easy. 159 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,849 I'm here with friends and I was wondering if you wanted... 160 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:37,868 Dear God, I would give anything to have that girl in my life. 161 00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:23,372 - Hi. - Hello. 162 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:24,957 I was wondering... 163 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,834 if this is... 164 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,630 I was standing over there and... 165 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:35,884 You're very glib. I bet you're a whiz with the ladies. 166 00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:38,137 - Well... - You here alone? 167 00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,680 No! 168 00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:42,016 I'm here with some buddies from work. 169 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:45,227 I saw you talking to a woman. 170 00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:48,480 Yeah, but I'm not with her. 171 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,150 But you'd like to be, huh? 172 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,068 What makes you say that? 173 00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:54,486 I don't know. 174 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,322 When a man says he'd give anything 175 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,990 to have a certain woman in his life, 176 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,950 I just assume she means something to him. 177 00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,785 How did you hear me say that? 178 00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,663 - I was standing way over... - I have fantastic hearing. 179 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:07,916 And a number of other equally impressive talents. 180 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,175 Ho-doggie! 181 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:20,721 Let's go someplace quiet so we can talk. 182 00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:26,810 Okay... what? You want to talk to me? 183 00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,604 Is there a problem? 184 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:31,023 Are you not attracted to me? 185 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,358 No. 186 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,028 I think you're hot. 187 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,739 Baby, you have no idea. 188 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:48,165 - Kiss me. - What? Here? 189 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:52,044 Don't be afraid to explore new horizons. 190 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,212 Oh. 191 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,138 Can you give us two seconds, girls? 192 00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:05,808 Yeah, can you give us two seconds? 193 00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,226 Sure. 194 00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:08,560 Whatever. 195 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,065 Listen... 196 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,069 you seem really nice, 197 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,279 in a strong, 198 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,198 scary kind of a way, 199 00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:23,575 but my friends are probably waiting for me, 200 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,578 so I'm gonna just get going. 201 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,123 You're so nervous, Elliot. 202 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:30,916 How do you know my name? 203 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,626 I'm psychic. 204 00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:34,294 Plus, it's on your name tag. 205 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,381 Duh. 206 00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:40,717 Now then, I just want to talk business for a second. 207 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:44,930 Oh, I'm not into that. 208 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,766 I mean, I've never paid for sex before. 209 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,519 Except this one time... there was an Internet thing. 210 00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:53,527 I mean, you can't help it. Every time you sign on, it's "sex, sex, sex." 211 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,246 I'm not a hooker, you silly boy. I just want to ask you a question. 212 00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:59,653 How would you like to make one simple decision 213 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:02,197 that'll change your life forever? 214 00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:06,410 Okay, I'm glad Scientology works for you, but... 215 00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,287 Just listen. 216 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:11,457 What if I told you that I have the cataclysmic power 217 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:15,377 to give you anything and everything you've always dreamed of? 218 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,130 Who are you? 219 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,966 Promise not to tell anyone? 220 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,176 Okay. 221 00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:25,179 Cross your heart and hope to die? 222 00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:27,639 Yeah. 223 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,227 I'm the devil. 224 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,816 Okay. 225 00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:41,236 I think somebody's had "tee many martoonis"! 226 00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:44,406 I am the devil. Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub. 227 00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:45,616 The Prince of Darkness. 228 00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:48,994 Well, the Princess of Darkness, anyway. 229 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,329 Here's my card. 230 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,747 Oh. 231 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:54,833 "The devil." Yep. 232 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,294 That explains it. 233 00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:58,837 Now I believe you. 234 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:01,673 Night-night. 235 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,846 You're a very skeptical person, you know that? 236 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,181 How did... 237 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,433 How did you just... and you... 238 00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:16,188 Look. If you could just buy into this "I'm the devil" thing, 239 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,482 it'll save us both a lot of these questions. 240 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,859 Maybe I should call you a cab. 241 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:24,363 Although it's gonna be hard to find one that'll go to hell this time of night. 242 00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:27,157 Oh! What a delightfully piquant wit. 243 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:30,285 I can see we're gonna get along famously. 244 00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,287 Cheers, darling. 245 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,709 Are you... you can't... look at... jeez! 246 00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:42,673 You can't do that. That's very dangerous! 247 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,551 Why is this so hard for you to believe? 248 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,887 Do you think your mommy and daddy just made me up so you'd be good? 249 00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:52,391 Okay, okay. You're the devil. What do you want with me? 250 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,811 I want you to be happy, Elliot. You have such potential. 251 00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:58,355 All you need is a little push in the right direction. 252 00:14:58,523 --> 00:14:59,856 I am happy! 253 00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:02,901 Oh, please! You don't have to lie to me. 254 00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:06,238 I know every dark thought in your tiny little mind. 255 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:09,616 I know that every night you go home to your horrible little apartment 256 00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:13,078 and you eat your little frozen dinner, and you make your little bowl of popcorn 257 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:17,082 and watch TV until you can't keep your eyes open anymore. 258 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,459 And then you crawl off to bed 259 00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:23,255 and wonder why you're alone and nobody likes you. 260 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,300 Not every night. 261 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,260 And you cry. 262 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,599 Yeah, sure. 263 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,436 I know what's in your heart, Elliot. 264 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,479 You could cry right now. 265 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:48,447 I'm talking about reinvention, taking control of your destiny. 266 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,532 You want to be liked? 267 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,284 You want to be loved? 268 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,369 How about respected? 269 00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,913 How about feared? 270 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,419 What exactly are we talking about? 271 00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:04,880 You want to see how it works, baby? 272 00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,381 Wish for something. 273 00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:08,967 - Like what? - Whatever you want, it's yours. 274 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,969 Just say the word. 275 00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,472 Okay, 276 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:17,267 I wish I had a Big Mac and a large Coke. 277 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:19,394 It is done. 278 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,985 Hi, how you doing? What can I get you? 279 00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,987 A Big Mac and a large Coke. 280 00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,280 Fries? 281 00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:32,407 No. 282 00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,368 Comes to $3.47. 283 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,330 Do you have $3.47? 284 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,625 I left my purse in the underworld. 285 00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:46,171 Oh, yes! This truly is the work of the devil! 286 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:49,341 And to think that I doubted you! I'm gonna go now. 287 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,343 What's the problem? 288 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,845 This doesn't prove anything! 289 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:57,015 I could have done this myself. I even had to pay for it. 290 00:16:57,183 --> 00:17:00,769 No such thing as a free lunch. Didn't anyone ever tell you that? 291 00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:02,396 I didn't even get any fries. 292 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,272 Oh, I don't believe this. 293 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,358 I'm offering you the opportunity of a lifetime 294 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,277 and all you can do is moan about French fries? 295 00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:11,488 - Good night. - Oh, fine! Okay. 296 00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:15,033 I'm obviously not getting through to you, so let's just forget it. 297 00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,953 Come on, I'll give you a lift back to your car. 298 00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:21,957 That's your car? 299 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,667 - It's him! - It's Elliot! 300 00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:13,258 Elliot, right here. 301 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,218 I love you, Elliot! 302 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,346 Where are we? 303 00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:21,141 Just a little after-hours club I own. 304 00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:24,436 We'd better get in there. Everyone's waiting for you. 305 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,771 Everyone who? 306 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,397 All your friends. 307 00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:30,275 How you doing, Mr. Richards? 308 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,402 Elliot, one picture! 309 00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,218 - Hey! Hey, Elliot! - No way! This is your club? 310 00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:57,385 It sure is. 311 00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:02,724 Wow. 312 00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:05,268 Yeah, baby! 313 00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:08,313 - Hello, Elliot. - Hello. 314 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,732 - Elliot, dance with me. - No, dance with me. 315 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,901 No, he's gonna dance with me first. 316 00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:15,821 Okay, girls, that's enough. Break it up. He belongs to me. 317 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,824 How the hell are you? Somebody take a picture of us. 318 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,409 - Hold it! - Excellent. 319 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:23,495 Hi, Elliot. 320 00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:29,626 I think she likes you, too. 321 00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:32,212 - Are you hungry? - Uh-huh. Sort of. 322 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,672 - Look. - Wow! 323 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,216 These look just like the cookies my grandma used to make. 324 00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:37,968 - Try one. - Okay. 325 00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:41,470 These are the cookies that my grandma used to make! 326 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,974 I aim to please, handsome. Come on. 327 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:45,475 How did you... 328 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,355 - You liked that, didn't you? - What, the cookie? 329 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,192 Having all those people excited to see you. 330 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,361 It's nice to feel accepted, isn't it? 331 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,488 I can give you that. 332 00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,408 I can make the whole world love you. 333 00:20:01,576 --> 00:20:04,369 - Come on! - You still don't believe me, do you? 334 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,329 Of course not! 335 00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:10,041 First of all, you look nothing like the devil. 336 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:13,378 Oh, really? I suppose I could have gone this way. 337 00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:19,009 But it's so trick-or-treat. 338 00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:20,886 It's true! 339 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,804 You really are the devil! 340 00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:24,890 Oh, come on, baby. 341 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,474 Come and sit down. 342 00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:29,853 I know this has all been horribly overwhelming for you. 343 00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:32,606 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure, you can. 344 00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:34,399 You can ask me anything you'd like. 345 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,086 As long as you don't ask me if there's a God. 346 00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:39,821 I get that one all the time. It drives me absolutely bonkers. 347 00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:43,283 Yes, there's a God. 348 00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:46,036 Really? Well, what's He like? 349 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:49,456 You'd think meeting the devil would be interesting enough, 350 00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:52,083 but all they want to know about is Him! 351 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,085 Like He's so bloody fascinating. 352 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,879 - So He's a man? - Yeah. 353 00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:59,257 Most men think they're God. This one just happens to be right. 354 00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:03,178 Now listen, darling. I don't want to pressure you, 355 00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:06,222 but why don't we take a teensy little look at the contract? 356 00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:13,939 What the... it's pretty... 357 00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:21,279 "I, Elliot Richards, hereafter known as 'the Damned'... 358 00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:24,449 - "the Damned"? - How about "the Darned"? Better? 359 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:27,035 Don't get hung up on the language, darling. 360 00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:31,081 There's nothing sinister here. It's all standard boilerplate. 361 00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:34,125 Paragraph one states that "I, the devil", 362 00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:38,004 a nonprofit corporation with offices in purgatory, hell, and L.A., 363 00:21:38,172 --> 00:21:41,007 "will give you seven wishes to use as you see fit." 364 00:21:41,175 --> 00:21:44,427 Seven? Why not eight? 365 00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:48,139 Why not six? I don't know. Seven just sounds right. 366 00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:52,477 Paragraph two outlines the manner in which you'll pay for the wishes. 367 00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,938 What? Are you kidding?! I have to give you my soul? 368 00:21:55,106 --> 00:21:56,815 After you've had your wishes, of course. 369 00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:59,484 But it's my soul! 370 00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:01,569 I can't give you my soul! 371 00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:03,321 What are you? James Brown? 372 00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:05,824 What's the big deal? Have you ever seen your soul? 373 00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:09,661 - Do you even know what it is? - Of course, it's the thing that... 374 00:22:11,539 --> 00:22:13,331 No, that's... it floats around... 375 00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:15,792 Can I tell you something? 376 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,754 Souls are overrated. They don't really do anything. 377 00:22:19,922 --> 00:22:22,048 Has yours done anything for you so far? 378 00:22:22,216 --> 00:22:24,718 No, it's like your appendix. 379 00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:26,177 You'll never even miss it. 380 00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:29,639 Well, if it's so useless, then why do you want it so much? 381 00:22:29,807 --> 00:22:32,017 Ooh, aren't you the clever one? 382 00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:35,937 Look, who's really making out in this deal here? 383 00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:39,065 Seven utterly fabulous wishes 384 00:22:39,233 --> 00:22:40,817 for one piddling little soul? 385 00:22:40,985 --> 00:22:42,777 Well, I don't know. 386 00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:45,321 What have we here? 387 00:22:49,535 --> 00:22:51,703 Wait. Who is... 388 00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:53,246 Alison? 389 00:22:54,665 --> 00:22:56,082 How did you... 390 00:22:57,501 --> 00:22:59,919 She is so beautiful. 391 00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:03,381 - I've waited for you for so long. - Who's that? 392 00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:05,569 - I've waited for you for so long. - Who's she with? 393 00:23:05,593 --> 00:23:09,012 - I want you now, my love. - Why are you showing me this? 394 00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:13,391 Oh, I love your hair like that. 395 00:23:13,559 --> 00:23:16,269 You must go through conditioner like crazy. 396 00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:19,230 Is this real? 397 00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:23,026 It could be. All you have to do is sign. 398 00:23:23,194 --> 00:23:25,028 And you promise I'll get her? 399 00:23:25,196 --> 00:23:27,396 That's really up to you. You're the one with the wishes. 400 00:23:27,448 --> 00:23:31,910 But I promise I'll do everything in my power. 401 00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:33,620 Sign it, Elliot. 402 00:23:43,089 --> 00:23:46,841 Please, Elliot. I'm waiting, Elliot. 403 00:24:12,701 --> 00:24:13,785 Great! 404 00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:17,163 Now before you start wishing, you'll be needing this. 405 00:24:17,331 --> 00:24:20,125 If for any reason your wish isn't going the way you hoped, 406 00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:23,294 just take out the pager, hit 666, 407 00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:25,922 and it'll bring you right back to me. 408 00:24:26,090 --> 00:24:29,384 Why wouldn't it go the way that I'd hoped? 409 00:24:29,552 --> 00:24:32,095 I was just throwing that out as a for instance. 410 00:24:32,263 --> 00:24:35,723 Every wish is gonna be 100 percent fabulous. 411 00:24:35,891 --> 00:24:39,519 But you'll find that out as soon as you make one. 412 00:24:39,687 --> 00:24:43,356 - So I should make one now? - Well, if you don't mind. 413 00:24:43,524 --> 00:24:45,150 I've got places to go, 414 00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:48,987 people to condemn to an eternity of fiery torment. 415 00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:51,614 Okay, let me think. 416 00:24:51,782 --> 00:24:56,286 - I... I want to be married to Alison. - You got it. 417 00:24:56,453 --> 00:24:58,163 That's not all. I want to be rich. 418 00:24:58,330 --> 00:24:59,914 Always a popular choice. 419 00:25:00,082 --> 00:25:01,291 That's not all. 420 00:25:01,458 --> 00:25:05,253 I want to be very rich and very powerful. 421 00:25:05,421 --> 00:25:09,132 Ooh, even better. Remember, you have to say, "I wish." 422 00:25:09,300 --> 00:25:11,009 Right. 423 00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:14,345 I wish that I were married to Alison 424 00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:17,056 and that I were very, very rich and very powerful. 425 00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:19,684 - How's that sound? - Sounds good to me. 426 00:25:19,852 --> 00:25:21,644 Enjoy. 427 00:28:33,545 --> 00:28:35,004 Roberto. 428 00:30:03,469 --> 00:30:07,263 "I am is to visiting in the Los Angeles 429 00:30:07,431 --> 00:30:10,558 for the time of vacations." 430 00:30:53,852 --> 00:30:55,770 "Idioto"! 431 00:35:03,268 --> 00:35:07,438 Alejandro? 432 00:35:07,606 --> 00:35:09,273 Roberto? Esteban? 433 00:36:01,409 --> 00:36:02,701 Mama! 434 00:36:33,024 --> 00:36:35,025 Seis, seis, seis! 435 00:36:43,034 --> 00:36:45,035 Back so soon? 436 00:36:50,333 --> 00:36:52,960 You turned me into a drug dealer! 437 00:36:53,128 --> 00:36:54,545 They almost killed me! 438 00:36:54,713 --> 00:36:56,422 You asked for rich and powerful. 439 00:36:56,590 --> 00:36:59,133 - Not like that. - Goes with the territory, babe. 440 00:36:59,301 --> 00:37:02,052 "Root of all evil." Ring any bells? 441 00:37:02,220 --> 00:37:04,847 But what about Alison? What got into her? 442 00:37:05,015 --> 00:37:06,891 I think it was Raoul. 443 00:37:07,058 --> 00:37:09,059 Yeah! That's not what I wished for. 444 00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:11,353 Well, hold on now, mister. 445 00:37:11,521 --> 00:37:13,564 You wished that the two of you were married. 446 00:37:13,732 --> 00:37:15,900 You didn't say anything about her loving you. 447 00:37:16,067 --> 00:37:18,903 You know, when two people get married, I assume that... 448 00:37:19,070 --> 00:37:20,905 There's your mistake. 449 00:37:21,072 --> 00:37:23,908 - May I suggest something? - What? 450 00:37:24,075 --> 00:37:26,275 The rich and powerful thing wasn't really the way to go. 451 00:37:26,411 --> 00:37:29,496 Everyone wishes for that first thing out of the gate and it never pans out. 452 00:37:29,664 --> 00:37:31,790 - Really? - The fact of the matter is 453 00:37:31,958 --> 00:37:35,127 women aren't really attracted to wealth and power. 454 00:37:35,295 --> 00:37:37,838 - They're not? - No, of course not. 455 00:37:38,006 --> 00:37:40,633 They couldn't give a fig for all that rubbish. 456 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:43,761 What you need to figure out is what she does want in a man. 457 00:37:43,929 --> 00:37:45,763 How do I find that out? 458 00:37:45,931 --> 00:37:47,348 Easy. 459 00:37:56,483 --> 00:37:58,567 I'm not with her! 460 00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:03,280 Where are we? 461 00:38:03,448 --> 00:38:05,688 A place you never would have seen without my help. 462 00:38:05,825 --> 00:38:07,660 Welcome... Alison's bedroom. 463 00:38:08,954 --> 00:38:11,455 We can't be in here. This is breaking and entering. 464 00:38:11,623 --> 00:38:13,457 I know. It's fun, isn't it? 465 00:38:13,625 --> 00:38:16,752 I'm sure we're gonna find the answer somewhere around here. 466 00:38:18,171 --> 00:38:19,672 What if Alison catches us? 467 00:38:19,839 --> 00:38:22,132 Don't worry. She won't be able to see you. 468 00:38:22,300 --> 00:38:23,550 Besides, 469 00:38:23,718 --> 00:38:25,636 she's in the shower. 470 00:38:25,804 --> 00:38:26,804 Naked. 471 00:38:26,972 --> 00:38:27,972 Right behind that door. 472 00:38:28,139 --> 00:38:30,599 Go on, go ahead. Take a peep. 473 00:38:30,767 --> 00:38:31,850 No! 474 00:38:32,018 --> 00:38:34,144 Oh, come on. We both know you want to. 475 00:38:34,312 --> 00:38:36,730 You must think that I'm really perverted, don't you? 476 00:38:36,898 --> 00:38:37,898 That's what you think. 477 00:38:38,066 --> 00:38:40,386 You think I'm some sad, desperate, twisted, pathetic loser. 478 00:38:40,527 --> 00:38:41,527 Yes. 479 00:38:41,695 --> 00:38:43,904 Well, in that case, maybe I'll just take a quick look. 480 00:38:44,072 --> 00:38:45,322 Focus, Elliot. 481 00:38:45,490 --> 00:38:48,659 Remember, we're here to find out what kind of man she wants. 482 00:38:48,827 --> 00:38:49,952 How are we gonna do that? 483 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:52,705 Well, she keeps a journal. 484 00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:55,374 And here it is! 485 00:38:55,542 --> 00:38:58,669 Right, I should be able to find some information in here that's useful. 486 00:38:58,837 --> 00:39:00,462 Hey, that's private stuff. 487 00:39:00,630 --> 00:39:02,339 Is it ever! Listen to this. 488 00:39:02,507 --> 00:39:05,676 "Last night was the most incredible night of my life." 489 00:39:05,844 --> 00:39:09,680 I never did find out any of the guys' names, but I brought them here 490 00:39:09,848 --> 00:39:12,725 "and all five banged me like a Salvation Army drum." 491 00:39:12,892 --> 00:39:13,892 What? 492 00:39:14,060 --> 00:39:15,519 - Give me that! - Just kidding. 493 00:39:15,687 --> 00:39:16,895 I could have been a writer. 494 00:39:22,652 --> 00:39:25,487 Hey, it's okay. She could bump into you and she wouldn't feel it. 495 00:39:26,990 --> 00:39:28,782 Now this is good. 496 00:39:30,035 --> 00:39:33,120 "I meet many attractive men who are interested in me" 497 00:39:33,288 --> 00:39:35,205 and, while many of them are handsome 498 00:39:35,373 --> 00:39:37,207 or clever or very successful, 499 00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:40,169 I find myself turning away from them 500 00:39:40,336 --> 00:39:44,465 and searching the horizon for someone else. 501 00:39:44,632 --> 00:39:47,092 I don't know who he is or where I'll find him. 502 00:39:47,260 --> 00:39:51,472 I only know that he is a sensitive man. 503 00:39:51,639 --> 00:39:54,725 He's a man who's in touch with his emotions. 504 00:39:54,893 --> 00:39:58,187 He's a man who's not afraid to share his fears, 505 00:39:58,354 --> 00:40:00,898 his disappointments, and his tears. 506 00:40:01,066 --> 00:40:03,442 'Where are you, my sensitive man?"' 507 00:40:14,287 --> 00:40:16,121 Did you see that? 508 00:40:16,289 --> 00:40:18,082 She passed right through me. 509 00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:20,375 We were one person for a split second. 510 00:40:20,543 --> 00:40:22,252 Just like in "Ghost"! 511 00:40:22,420 --> 00:40:24,588 Darling, I've got an earthquake in eight minutes. 512 00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:26,381 Any chance of making a wish here? 513 00:40:26,549 --> 00:40:28,133 Yes. 514 00:40:28,301 --> 00:40:32,304 I wish I were the most sensitive man in the world. 515 00:40:32,472 --> 00:40:34,389 Right. Okay. 516 00:40:34,557 --> 00:40:35,557 Wait! 517 00:40:35,725 --> 00:40:39,561 I wish I were the most emotionally sensitive man in the world. 518 00:40:39,729 --> 00:40:41,772 Damn, I was hoping you wouldn't catch that. 519 00:40:41,940 --> 00:40:43,941 I could have had a lot of fun. 520 00:40:44,109 --> 00:40:45,651 And I want her to love me. 521 00:40:45,819 --> 00:40:47,569 Oh... you know what? 522 00:40:47,737 --> 00:40:49,947 I have a great feeling about this. 523 00:40:50,115 --> 00:40:52,116 - You do? - Yeah, but... 524 00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:53,450 what do I know? 525 00:41:05,130 --> 00:41:07,548 - Hey. - I'm back, my love. 526 00:41:07,715 --> 00:41:08,924 Where did you run off to? 527 00:41:09,092 --> 00:41:10,801 I went to make a garland of beach plums 528 00:41:10,969 --> 00:41:14,263 to place atop your glorious head like a crown. 529 00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,350 But then I caught sight of that sunset and... 530 00:41:18,518 --> 00:41:20,018 I don't know. 531 00:41:20,186 --> 00:41:23,313 Something stirred inside me and I had to stop 532 00:41:23,481 --> 00:41:25,107 and weep. 533 00:41:26,818 --> 00:41:28,318 It's beautiful. 534 00:41:28,486 --> 00:41:29,945 Yeah, it is. 535 00:41:33,158 --> 00:41:34,199 There I go again. 536 00:41:34,367 --> 00:41:36,618 - Tissue? - No. 537 00:41:36,786 --> 00:41:39,997 I never wipe my tears away. I'm not ashamed of them. 538 00:41:40,165 --> 00:41:41,832 I wear them proudly. 539 00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:45,544 Like small, wet, salty badges of emotional truth. 540 00:41:45,712 --> 00:41:49,756 Elliot, there's something that I think we should talk about. 541 00:41:51,217 --> 00:41:54,845 We've been together for, what, about three weeks now? 542 00:41:55,013 --> 00:41:56,054 Three magical weeks. 543 00:41:56,222 --> 00:41:58,557 Three magical weeks. 544 00:41:58,725 --> 00:42:01,101 I don't think that I've ever met 545 00:42:01,269 --> 00:42:02,686 a man who's been more in touch 546 00:42:02,854 --> 00:42:04,730 - with his feelings. - I love you. 547 00:42:04,898 --> 00:42:06,690 So very much. 548 00:42:06,858 --> 00:42:09,026 I love you, too. 549 00:42:13,406 --> 00:42:15,699 Dudley! Peter! 550 00:42:17,202 --> 00:42:18,744 I'm sorry, they're such little devils. 551 00:42:18,912 --> 00:42:21,079 Come on, you naughty boys. See you. 552 00:42:23,708 --> 00:42:26,793 I'm sorry. Are you okay? 553 00:42:26,961 --> 00:42:29,671 Do you need comforting on any level? 554 00:42:29,839 --> 00:42:31,215 No, no, I'm fine. 555 00:42:31,382 --> 00:42:33,217 Have I done or said anything 556 00:42:33,384 --> 00:42:35,886 to make you feel less good about you? 557 00:42:36,054 --> 00:42:37,554 No, no, I'm fine. 558 00:42:37,722 --> 00:42:39,223 Would you like something to eat? 559 00:42:39,390 --> 00:42:41,225 I made a Salade Nicoise 560 00:42:41,392 --> 00:42:43,727 with dolphin-safe tuna. 561 00:42:43,895 --> 00:42:46,063 Oh, wow. 562 00:42:51,903 --> 00:42:54,029 What is it? 563 00:42:54,197 --> 00:42:55,614 It's that sunset again. 564 00:42:55,782 --> 00:42:58,367 And I worry about the dolphins. 565 00:42:58,534 --> 00:43:00,744 I wrote a song about them. Would you like to hear it? 566 00:43:00,912 --> 00:43:02,746 Now? I... 567 00:43:12,465 --> 00:43:14,800 ♪ Swimming by the sandy shore ♪ 568 00:43:14,968 --> 00:43:18,053 ♪ Dancing up among the waves ♪ 569 00:43:18,221 --> 00:43:20,514 ♪ Dolphin, dolphin, I adore ♪ 570 00:43:20,682 --> 00:43:23,183 ♪ Everything you are ♪ 571 00:43:23,351 --> 00:43:26,103 ♪ You're so much more than a fish to me ♪ 572 00:43:26,271 --> 00:43:29,147 ♪ My playful friend beneath the sea. ♪ 573 00:43:32,527 --> 00:43:35,487 - I have to stop. - Good. I mean, oh, why? 574 00:43:35,655 --> 00:43:37,197 Because I'm looking at you 575 00:43:37,365 --> 00:43:39,491 and I'm seeing all the beauty of the world 576 00:43:39,659 --> 00:43:41,451 shining at me through your eyes. 577 00:43:41,619 --> 00:43:43,120 Would you mind if I sketched you? 578 00:43:43,288 --> 00:43:45,414 I didn't know you could draw. 579 00:43:45,581 --> 00:43:47,624 I'm not an artist per Se. 580 00:43:47,792 --> 00:43:50,794 Okay, Elliot, there's something that I think I really have to say. 581 00:43:53,256 --> 00:43:55,799 Elliot, that's amazing! 582 00:43:57,302 --> 00:43:59,136 Compared to you, it's nothing. 583 00:43:59,304 --> 00:44:01,638 Compared to your smile 584 00:44:01,806 --> 00:44:03,140 and the blush of your cheek 585 00:44:03,308 --> 00:44:06,435 and the sound of your voice as it floats on the evening breeze. 586 00:44:06,602 --> 00:44:09,730 Compared to you, that sunset's just... 587 00:44:13,609 --> 00:44:15,485 when is that darn thing gonna set? 588 00:44:15,653 --> 00:44:17,487 - Maybe we should go. - No, wait! 589 00:44:17,655 --> 00:44:19,948 There's so much that I want to say to you, 590 00:44:20,116 --> 00:44:22,159 but I just can't find the words. 591 00:44:22,327 --> 00:44:24,202 I have an idea. 592 00:44:24,370 --> 00:44:28,123 I would like to improvise a sonnet about your hair. 593 00:44:29,834 --> 00:44:33,170 How wonderful my fair one's face... 594 00:44:38,176 --> 00:44:39,259 Excuse me, fellas. 595 00:44:39,427 --> 00:44:41,845 Might I ask you to take the horseplay 596 00:44:42,013 --> 00:44:43,680 down to another part of the beach? 597 00:44:43,848 --> 00:44:45,599 Eh... no. 598 00:44:51,981 --> 00:44:55,025 You know, rather than get confrontational, 599 00:44:55,193 --> 00:44:57,361 why don't we all just sit down together, 600 00:44:57,528 --> 00:44:59,404 have some salad with dolphin-safe tuna 601 00:44:59,572 --> 00:45:02,115 and see if we can't start a dialogue. 602 00:45:03,993 --> 00:45:05,994 You know, I had a feeling that you were gonna... 603 00:45:07,413 --> 00:45:08,622 Okay, guys. 604 00:45:08,790 --> 00:45:11,041 I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you 605 00:45:11,209 --> 00:45:13,710 to respect the moment that my woman friend 606 00:45:13,878 --> 00:45:16,713 and I are sharing, because it's a special celebration 607 00:45:16,881 --> 00:45:18,715 of love and caring 608 00:45:18,883 --> 00:45:22,386 and a unique spiritual and emotional understanding. 609 00:45:24,305 --> 00:45:25,597 Do you want to get a beer? 610 00:45:25,765 --> 00:45:27,307 Sure. 611 00:45:27,475 --> 00:45:30,560 Alison, excuse me, but I thought that this was our time together. 612 00:45:30,728 --> 00:45:32,528 It's just a beer. I'll be back in two seconds. 613 00:45:32,605 --> 00:45:34,731 Actually, my place is, like, 40 minutes from here. 614 00:45:34,899 --> 00:45:36,274 That's fine. Which way's your car? 615 00:45:36,442 --> 00:45:38,735 - It's a van. - Great. 616 00:45:38,903 --> 00:45:42,280 Alison! I respect your uniqueness and your individuality 617 00:45:42,448 --> 00:45:44,116 and you're your own person. 618 00:45:44,283 --> 00:45:46,284 If you want to go with our new friends here 619 00:45:46,452 --> 00:45:48,412 to get a drink, I won't stand in your way. 620 00:45:48,579 --> 00:45:50,747 Thanks, Elliot. I knew you'd understand. 621 00:45:50,915 --> 00:45:52,416 No, wait! Don't go! Don't go! 622 00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:55,335 I can't handle this kind of rejection. Why don't you want to stay? 623 00:45:55,503 --> 00:45:57,129 You want to know why, Elliot? 624 00:45:57,296 --> 00:45:59,548 Because you're just too sensitive! 625 00:45:59,715 --> 00:46:01,049 I'm about to go out of my mind! 626 00:46:01,217 --> 00:46:04,261 It's been wonderful, and God knows I love you, 627 00:46:04,429 --> 00:46:06,388 but enough is enough! 628 00:46:06,556 --> 00:46:07,848 I just want to be with a man 629 00:46:08,015 --> 00:46:10,016 who'll ignore me and take me for granted, 630 00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:11,893 who's only pretending to be interested 631 00:46:12,061 --> 00:46:13,728 in who I am and what I think 632 00:46:13,896 --> 00:46:15,439 so he can get into my pants. 633 00:46:15,606 --> 00:46:17,315 That would be me. 634 00:46:17,483 --> 00:46:19,234 Oh, thank you! 635 00:46:19,402 --> 00:46:21,945 Let's get out of here. 636 00:46:22,113 --> 00:46:23,989 Alison? Wait! 637 00:46:24,157 --> 00:46:26,658 Alison! 638 00:46:26,826 --> 00:46:29,327 I'll get into your pants! 639 00:46:46,846 --> 00:46:50,056 Oh, Elliot, get out of there, you silly boy. 640 00:46:50,224 --> 00:46:52,893 Man, you are so bad! 641 00:46:53,060 --> 00:46:54,186 Why, thank you. 642 00:46:54,353 --> 00:46:55,353 Just admit it. 643 00:46:55,521 --> 00:46:58,148 You're not very good at this whole instant-travel thing, are you? 644 00:46:58,316 --> 00:47:01,026 I'm sorry. Now then, what were we talking about? 645 00:47:01,194 --> 00:47:02,777 Oh, your next wish, wasn't it? 646 00:47:02,945 --> 00:47:04,654 Don't think I don't see what you're doing. 647 00:47:04,822 --> 00:47:08,450 I make wishes, and you think up ways to ruin them! 648 00:47:08,618 --> 00:47:10,494 I ruin them? 649 00:47:10,661 --> 00:47:12,829 How can you say that? 650 00:47:12,997 --> 00:47:16,416 I'm not perfect, you know! Do you think I enjoy this? 651 00:47:16,584 --> 00:47:20,170 I'm stuck in this horrible job for eternity, 652 00:47:20,338 --> 00:47:22,297 everybody hates me, I can't sleep, 653 00:47:22,465 --> 00:47:24,065 and when I actually try to help someone, 654 00:47:24,133 --> 00:47:25,653 they turn on me like I'm supposed to be 655 00:47:25,801 --> 00:47:28,053 God or something! 656 00:47:28,221 --> 00:47:31,389 For your information, my life is a living hell! 657 00:47:31,557 --> 00:47:34,893 I work hard! I try to look good for you! 658 00:47:35,061 --> 00:47:38,438 You do look good. You look very good. 659 00:47:38,606 --> 00:47:41,191 I just wanted you to like me! 660 00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:42,984 I do like you. 661 00:47:43,152 --> 00:47:44,992 It's just I'm feeling a little frustrated here. 662 00:47:45,154 --> 00:47:48,406 Don't give up on me, Elliot. I'm not giving up on you. 663 00:47:48,574 --> 00:47:50,450 Nobody gets it totally right right away. 664 00:47:50,618 --> 00:47:52,953 You're doing great. Really. 665 00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:56,248 - I am? - Yeah. You are. 666 00:47:56,415 --> 00:47:58,917 I'm so sorry your wish didn't work out. 667 00:48:00,628 --> 00:48:02,587 Friends? 668 00:48:02,755 --> 00:48:04,506 Sure. 669 00:48:04,674 --> 00:48:08,468 I'm sorry if I said anything to upset you or make you feel bad. 670 00:48:08,636 --> 00:48:11,346 And I'm gonna try to be more sensitive next time. 671 00:48:11,514 --> 00:48:13,265 Oh, I think you're sensitive enough already. 672 00:48:13,432 --> 00:48:15,267 - You think? - Are you kidding? 673 00:48:15,434 --> 00:48:16,726 You even went for me crying. 674 00:48:16,894 --> 00:48:19,271 Hey! Were you faking me out? Because... 675 00:48:19,438 --> 00:48:21,314 I was 100% sincere. 676 00:48:21,482 --> 00:48:24,234 It's not easy being the Barbra Streisand of evil, you know. 677 00:48:26,404 --> 00:48:28,280 What have we learned so far? 678 00:48:28,447 --> 00:48:30,448 Well, let's see. 679 00:48:30,616 --> 00:48:33,016 I'm starting to think women really don't know what they want. 680 00:48:33,119 --> 00:48:34,160 Amen! 681 00:48:34,328 --> 00:48:36,830 They say they want sensitivity, but you saw how fast she went 682 00:48:36,998 --> 00:48:38,915 for those tough dudes on the beach? 683 00:48:39,083 --> 00:48:40,500 Which tells you? 684 00:48:40,668 --> 00:48:42,294 That... 685 00:48:42,461 --> 00:48:44,963 well, it tells me that I want to be really big and strong. 686 00:48:45,131 --> 00:48:47,674 I want to have a great body. Tall and, like, 687 00:48:49,051 --> 00:48:50,302 Good. Go on. 688 00:48:50,469 --> 00:48:51,845 - I want to be athletic. - Check. 689 00:48:52,013 --> 00:48:53,638 And I want to be rich, too. 690 00:48:53,806 --> 00:48:57,475 For something that I like doing and that people really like me for. 691 00:48:57,643 --> 00:48:59,477 Great! This is getting really specific. 692 00:48:59,645 --> 00:49:02,480 Let's see... big, strong, rich, athletic, 693 00:49:02,648 --> 00:49:05,817 something you like, lots of fans... 694 00:49:05,985 --> 00:49:07,569 are you thinking what I'm thinking? 695 00:49:07,737 --> 00:49:09,029 Oh, I hope so. 696 00:49:09,196 --> 00:49:10,405 In the form of a wish? 697 00:49:10,573 --> 00:49:12,407 I wish I could play professional basketball! 698 00:49:12,575 --> 00:49:15,702 Dennis Rodman! 699 00:49:18,122 --> 00:49:20,081 - No! - Just kidding! 700 00:49:20,249 --> 00:49:21,750 Michael Jordan. 701 00:49:23,002 --> 00:49:24,336 Yeah! 702 00:49:25,838 --> 00:49:29,758 Three... two... one... 703 00:49:34,347 --> 00:49:37,724 The fans are going nuts here at the Forum in Los Angeles. 704 00:49:37,892 --> 00:49:40,185 The score, 135 to 85. 705 00:49:40,353 --> 00:49:42,020 Elliot Richards has totally dominated. 706 00:49:42,188 --> 00:49:43,897 If you're just tuning in, it's a shame 707 00:49:44,065 --> 00:49:46,185 because you've missed one of the greatest performances 708 00:49:46,275 --> 00:49:47,525 in the history of sports. 709 00:49:47,693 --> 00:49:49,361 Absolutely, Jerry. Absolutely. 710 00:49:49,528 --> 00:49:51,655 People say basketball caught fire 711 00:49:51,822 --> 00:49:53,740 with the ascendry of Michael Jordan. 712 00:49:53,908 --> 00:49:56,785 But after what we've seen here tonight, 713 00:49:56,952 --> 00:49:59,204 a lot of people are gonna be saying, "Michael who?" 714 00:49:59,372 --> 00:50:00,914 Right from the get-go, 715 00:50:01,082 --> 00:50:03,375 the fans took a look at Elliot Richards 716 00:50:03,542 --> 00:50:04,959 and a few women fainted 717 00:50:05,127 --> 00:50:07,087 and a few fellas, well, I'd rather not say, 718 00:50:07,254 --> 00:50:09,005 but they liked what they saw. 719 00:50:09,173 --> 00:50:11,925 Absolutely. He's a big fella and an imposing fella. 720 00:50:12,093 --> 00:50:15,261 He's enormous. He's listed at 7'6" in the program, 721 00:50:15,429 --> 00:50:17,806 but I say he plays, like you said, 11 feet tall. 722 00:50:17,973 --> 00:50:19,683 No, I don't think he's that big, Jerry. 723 00:50:19,850 --> 00:50:22,686 No, I'm saying the game he plays is 724 00:50:22,853 --> 00:50:25,230 that of some Viking giant 725 00:50:25,398 --> 00:50:28,608 with a basketball in one hand and a club in the other 726 00:50:28,776 --> 00:50:30,777 and standing 10, 11, 12 feet tall! 727 00:50:30,945 --> 00:50:32,946 It's obvious that Elliot Richards 728 00:50:33,114 --> 00:50:35,740 will control this game from the tip-off. 729 00:50:35,908 --> 00:50:37,158 Right from the get-go, 730 00:50:37,326 --> 00:50:39,911 Elliot is a dominating force in tonight's game. 731 00:50:40,079 --> 00:50:43,623 He was "phi-slamma-jamma," rubbing stink all over him 732 00:50:43,791 --> 00:50:46,835 with rib-tickling jumps of double-vanilla funk. 733 00:50:47,002 --> 00:50:50,296 Let's take a look. Here's a pass worthy of John Elway. 734 00:50:50,464 --> 00:50:52,716 For the dunk! Just a beautiful play. 735 00:50:52,883 --> 00:50:57,554 Here he is lining up for the 3, and, Ricola, it's good. 736 00:50:57,722 --> 00:51:00,223 Here comes his patented, over-the-shoulder, 737 00:51:00,391 --> 00:51:01,766 no-look three-pointer. 738 00:51:01,934 --> 00:51:03,560 And nothing but net. 739 00:51:06,313 --> 00:51:08,606 They got the rhythm tonight. 740 00:51:08,774 --> 00:51:11,317 They're in the zone. 741 00:51:11,485 --> 00:51:13,403 Here he is soaring through the air 742 00:51:13,571 --> 00:51:16,114 like a man on a flying trapezius. 743 00:51:16,282 --> 00:51:19,701 Bam! That's what I'm talking about! 744 00:51:19,869 --> 00:51:22,120 Destroying the backboard and the glass! 745 00:51:22,288 --> 00:51:24,706 - This kid's an animal. - Let's take another look. 746 00:51:24,874 --> 00:51:25,874 And boom! 747 00:51:26,041 --> 00:51:28,668 Humpty-hump, dump-dump! 748 00:51:28,836 --> 00:51:32,464 I love this game, folks. I sure enough do! 749 00:51:32,631 --> 00:51:35,425 Elliot Richards spitting glass at your ass! 750 00:51:35,593 --> 00:51:38,595 Bob is courtside with Elliot Richards now. Bob? 751 00:51:38,763 --> 00:51:40,221 Thank you, Jerry and Dan. 752 00:51:40,389 --> 00:51:42,670 Elliot, you must be one very proud young man this evening. 753 00:51:42,725 --> 00:51:45,727 Simply put, that was a staggeringly dramatic display of athletic ability. 754 00:51:45,895 --> 00:51:48,438 Well, you know, you go out there 755 00:51:48,606 --> 00:51:51,065 and you give 110% and you want to play good. 756 00:51:51,233 --> 00:51:54,652 You hope you play good. I think we played pretty good tonight. 757 00:51:54,820 --> 00:51:58,782 In sports terminology... and I don't mean to sound contrary here... 758 00:51:58,949 --> 00:52:02,368 the word "good" falls short of encompassing the sheer virtuosity 759 00:52:02,536 --> 00:52:04,829 of your performance this evening. 760 00:52:04,997 --> 00:52:08,541 Um, well, you know, there's no "I" in the word "team" 761 00:52:08,709 --> 00:52:12,045 and this is a team effort, and I want to say I'm proud 762 00:52:12,213 --> 00:52:15,507 to be associated with these fine individuals 763 00:52:15,674 --> 00:52:17,967 that I have had the pleasure of working with. 764 00:52:18,135 --> 00:52:21,679 I would never want to dis your teammates, but you realize that 765 00:52:21,847 --> 00:52:25,642 you smashed Wilt Chamberlain's record of 100 points in a game 766 00:52:25,810 --> 00:52:28,186 set in Hershey, Pennsylvania, all those years ago? 767 00:52:28,354 --> 00:52:31,981 Oh, man, you just gotta play one game at a time and give 110%. 768 00:52:32,149 --> 00:52:35,652 You gotta show you want it more than they do when the chips fall. 769 00:52:35,820 --> 00:52:38,530 Thank you very much. Back to you, Jerry and Dan. 770 00:52:38,697 --> 00:52:41,449 All right! Diablos! 771 00:52:41,617 --> 00:52:43,743 Number one, yeah! 772 00:52:47,998 --> 00:52:50,333 Elliot. Hi. 773 00:52:50,501 --> 00:52:52,335 Alison Gardner. 774 00:52:52,503 --> 00:52:53,878 "The Sporting News." 775 00:52:55,881 --> 00:52:57,465 It's nice to meet you, ma'am. 776 00:52:57,633 --> 00:53:00,385 God, I can't tell you how thrilled I am to meet you. 777 00:53:00,553 --> 00:53:03,012 I was wondering if there was a possibility 778 00:53:03,180 --> 00:53:05,598 if you might consider doing something exclusive with me 779 00:53:05,766 --> 00:53:07,267 for the magazine. 780 00:53:07,434 --> 00:53:10,228 You know, maybe more intimate, one-on-one. 781 00:53:10,396 --> 00:53:12,146 Just the two of us. 782 00:53:12,314 --> 00:53:16,401 Yeah, right, I'd kill you one-on-one! 783 00:53:16,569 --> 00:53:18,987 Shoot! 784 00:53:19,154 --> 00:53:23,366 God, it's so exciting to be here. I mean... 785 00:53:23,534 --> 00:53:26,119 you must have an enormously huge 786 00:53:26,287 --> 00:53:28,580 talent to do what you do. 787 00:53:28,747 --> 00:53:30,415 Well, you know, 788 00:53:30,583 --> 00:53:32,500 you go out there and you just give 110%. 789 00:53:32,668 --> 00:53:34,502 And... 790 00:53:34,670 --> 00:53:37,297 you hope you play good. And you want to play good. 791 00:53:37,464 --> 00:53:39,549 I think we played pretty good. 792 00:53:39,717 --> 00:53:41,634 God, you were incredible tonight. 793 00:53:41,802 --> 00:53:45,638 Watching you... I just kept thinking how unbelievably big 794 00:53:45,806 --> 00:53:48,933 your ego must be after a game like that. 795 00:53:49,101 --> 00:53:51,227 Well, not that big, really. 796 00:53:51,395 --> 00:53:52,770 I bet it's pretty big. 797 00:53:52,938 --> 00:53:55,023 Well, it gets a little bit bigger. 798 00:53:56,442 --> 00:53:58,985 It depends on how happy I am! 799 00:54:04,950 --> 00:54:08,578 Want to go back to my place? I'll show you my bottle cap collection. 800 00:54:08,746 --> 00:54:12,248 Oh, God, that would... that would be tremendous. 801 00:54:12,416 --> 00:54:13,917 All right! Well... 802 00:54:14,084 --> 00:54:16,794 I should... I should get dressed. 803 00:54:16,962 --> 00:54:18,546 I can't wait. 804 00:54:26,305 --> 00:54:27,972 Oh, my God! 805 00:54:30,142 --> 00:54:33,937 Hey! What the hell? 806 00:54:34,104 --> 00:54:36,648 - God, there's this... - Hey! 807 00:54:36,815 --> 00:54:38,483 Damn! 808 00:54:38,651 --> 00:54:40,109 Oh, heck! 809 00:54:40,277 --> 00:54:43,112 Oh, God, I remembered there's 810 00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:45,198 this teeny, tiny thing to do. 811 00:54:45,366 --> 00:54:47,241 - What's teeny? - No, no. 812 00:54:47,409 --> 00:54:49,661 - Just something I have to write. - About me? 813 00:54:49,828 --> 00:54:52,330 Yeah, just a little, short, itty-bitty blurb 814 00:54:52,498 --> 00:54:54,040 about tonight's game. 815 00:54:54,208 --> 00:54:56,334 Well, can I see you after the road trip? 816 00:54:56,502 --> 00:54:59,170 I would love to, but I'm working on 817 00:54:59,338 --> 00:55:02,340 a really big, huge, enormous story on the NFL, 818 00:55:02,508 --> 00:55:05,343 so I probably won't have time. 819 00:55:05,511 --> 00:55:07,220 Shoot, I understand. 820 00:55:07,388 --> 00:55:10,348 - You gotta give 110%. - Right. 821 00:55:10,516 --> 00:55:12,392 - Stay within yourself. - Hey, go, yeah. 822 00:55:12,559 --> 00:55:16,688 Hey, um... thanks for your time. 823 00:55:16,855 --> 00:55:19,023 So long. 824 00:55:19,191 --> 00:55:21,192 Oh! 825 00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:22,860 What the hell?! 826 00:55:23,028 --> 00:55:24,904 Oh, damn the devil! 827 00:55:25,072 --> 00:55:28,408 Damn the devil to hell! 828 00:55:28,575 --> 00:55:30,201 Shoot! Darn it! 829 00:55:30,369 --> 00:55:32,954 Where the heck did I put that? 830 00:55:39,586 --> 00:55:41,629 5-5-5. 831 00:55:43,632 --> 00:55:45,133 7-7-7. 832 00:55:57,312 --> 00:55:59,022 Now what are you doing? 833 00:55:59,189 --> 00:56:00,732 You seem so upset, Elliot. 834 00:56:00,899 --> 00:56:03,059 Do you want me to give you something to help you relax? 835 00:56:03,110 --> 00:56:04,235 You bet I'm upset. 836 00:56:04,403 --> 00:56:06,738 You gave me this little, teeny-weeny winkie. 837 00:56:06,905 --> 00:56:08,990 Well, that's easily fixed, you know. 838 00:56:09,158 --> 00:56:10,533 Now then, let's see. 839 00:56:10,701 --> 00:56:13,661 There's some M&M's for room 320. 840 00:56:13,829 --> 00:56:15,580 Red Hots for 316. 841 00:56:15,748 --> 00:56:17,498 You're giving them candy? 842 00:56:17,666 --> 00:56:20,209 Placebos. They work as well as the real thing. 843 00:56:20,377 --> 00:56:21,711 It's a scientific fact. 844 00:56:21,879 --> 00:56:24,213 You can't give sick people Tic Tacs. 845 00:56:24,381 --> 00:56:26,174 Sick people have notoriously bad breath. 846 00:56:26,341 --> 00:56:28,801 I'm performing a public service here. 847 00:56:28,969 --> 00:56:30,762 Now then, about your next wish. 848 00:56:32,639 --> 00:56:34,724 All right, okay. 849 00:56:34,892 --> 00:56:36,768 Well... 850 00:56:36,935 --> 00:56:38,603 I want to be smart. 851 00:56:38,771 --> 00:56:40,563 No, I want to be really smart. 852 00:56:40,731 --> 00:56:43,608 I want to be able to talk good. "Well." 853 00:56:43,776 --> 00:56:45,151 What's the word? 854 00:56:45,319 --> 00:56:46,444 Articulate? 855 00:56:46,612 --> 00:56:48,988 Articulate! Yeah, I want to be articulate. 856 00:56:49,156 --> 00:56:52,116 And I want to be witty and sophisticated. 857 00:56:52,284 --> 00:56:55,328 Charming. I want to know everything about everything 858 00:56:55,496 --> 00:56:57,288 and I want to be popular. 859 00:56:57,456 --> 00:56:58,998 I want to be good-looking. 860 00:56:59,166 --> 00:57:00,446 No, no, make that great-looking! 861 00:57:00,542 --> 00:57:04,170 And I want Alison to fall head over heels in love with me. 862 00:57:04,338 --> 00:57:05,588 Anything else? 863 00:57:05,756 --> 00:57:07,548 Like what? 864 00:57:07,716 --> 00:57:09,550 Like winkiewise? 865 00:57:09,718 --> 00:57:12,220 Oh, right. 866 00:57:12,387 --> 00:57:15,681 Yeah, well, 867 00:57:15,849 --> 00:57:18,810 I want to be big. 868 00:57:18,977 --> 00:57:21,020 Not like practical-joke big, 869 00:57:21,188 --> 00:57:23,606 but, you know, sort of... 870 00:57:25,984 --> 00:57:27,652 yeah, like that. Is that clear? 871 00:57:27,820 --> 00:57:30,446 Crystal. You just say "I wish" and I'll fill in the rest. 872 00:57:32,241 --> 00:57:35,243 I wish that I was witty and articulate... 873 00:57:35,410 --> 00:57:36,410 Blah, blah, blah. 874 00:57:36,578 --> 00:57:38,621 You got it, smarty-pants. 875 00:57:38,789 --> 00:57:41,999 Take two of these and call me in the morning. 876 00:57:59,017 --> 00:58:01,269 Oh! Elliot! 877 00:58:01,436 --> 00:58:04,355 Oh, it is so wonderful to see you, darling! 878 00:58:07,526 --> 00:58:10,528 New York has been so deadly dull without you. 879 00:58:10,696 --> 00:58:11,737 Where have you been? 880 00:58:11,905 --> 00:58:14,490 Out in the Hamptons, of course. Up to my ears in my new book. 881 00:58:14,658 --> 00:58:15,950 What, another one? 882 00:58:16,118 --> 00:58:18,703 You've written four books in three years. 883 00:58:18,871 --> 00:58:21,497 - What's this one about? - Oh, same old, same old. 884 00:58:21,665 --> 00:58:24,417 A deconstruction of the neoromantic period in art and literature 885 00:58:24,585 --> 00:58:26,187 from the political and economic perspective 886 00:58:26,211 --> 00:58:28,523 of the Industrial Revolution in France, England, and Germany. 887 00:58:28,547 --> 00:58:30,506 I can't imagine who reads this stuff! 888 00:58:31,967 --> 00:58:34,510 Well, Elliot, the critics, apparently. 889 00:58:34,678 --> 00:58:36,637 It's already won the Pulitzer Prize 890 00:58:36,805 --> 00:58:38,556 and it hasn't even been published yet. 891 00:58:38,724 --> 00:58:41,142 Like they say, Dr. Ngegitigegitibaba, 892 00:58:41,310 --> 00:58:45,146 a Pulitzer Prize and $3.50 will get you a caffe latte. 893 00:58:45,314 --> 00:58:46,898 So modest. 894 00:58:47,065 --> 00:58:48,900 Darling, you really should get around. 895 00:58:49,067 --> 00:58:51,569 Everyone's dying to see you. Mingle. 896 00:58:57,910 --> 00:58:59,952 Darling, you look fabulous. Vassily Mishka? 897 00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:02,747 What a charming man. Who is that? 898 00:59:02,915 --> 00:59:04,081 Oh, that's Elliot Richards. 899 00:59:04,249 --> 00:59:06,417 He's a very successful writer. 900 00:59:06,585 --> 00:59:10,254 He's a very successful everything, as a matter of fact. 901 00:59:10,422 --> 00:59:12,340 That's Elliot Richards? 902 00:59:12,507 --> 00:59:15,134 Oh, I've read all his books. He's brilliant. 903 00:59:15,302 --> 00:59:17,094 I had no idea he was so handsome. 904 00:59:17,262 --> 00:59:19,263 Why don't you go and talk to him? 905 00:59:19,431 --> 00:59:23,142 - I couldn't. What would I say? - Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. 906 00:59:23,310 --> 00:59:26,395 Just let him do all the talking. 907 00:59:26,563 --> 00:59:28,439 It's a common misapprehension 908 00:59:28,607 --> 00:59:30,524 that the word "gin" comes from the city Geneva. 909 00:59:30,692 --> 00:59:34,695 But the word "geneva," small "g," is a corruption of genievre, 910 00:59:34,863 --> 00:59:36,781 which is French for "juniper," 911 00:59:36,949 --> 00:59:40,076 the wonderful berry that flavors this miraculous libation. 912 00:59:42,120 --> 00:59:44,789 Speaking of miraculous. 913 00:59:44,957 --> 00:59:47,208 I'm Elliot Richards. How do you do? 914 00:59:47,376 --> 00:59:48,960 I know who you are. 915 00:59:49,127 --> 00:59:51,545 I'm Alison Gardner. 916 00:59:51,713 --> 00:59:54,674 I just had to tell you how much I loved your novel 917 00:59:54,841 --> 00:59:56,133 "Always Toujours." 918 00:59:56,301 --> 00:59:59,387 Well, I was just trying to make a simple point, really. 919 00:59:59,554 --> 01:00:02,473 Every time I've reread Camus and Sartre, 920 01:00:02,641 --> 01:00:03,891 I kept thinking to myself, 921 01:00:04,059 --> 01:00:06,477 "Why does the existential dilemma 922 01:00:06,645 --> 01:00:09,647 - "have to be so damned bleak?" - Yes. 923 01:00:09,815 --> 01:00:11,691 Yes, we're alone in the universe. 924 01:00:11,858 --> 01:00:14,318 Yes, life is meaningless, death is inevitable. 925 01:00:14,486 --> 01:00:16,487 But is that necessarily so depressing? 926 01:00:16,655 --> 01:00:19,657 I couldn't agree more. 927 01:00:19,825 --> 01:00:22,410 Don't you think secular humanism is yummy? 928 01:00:22,577 --> 01:00:24,161 Oh, delish. 929 01:00:31,795 --> 01:00:34,171 My, my. 930 01:00:34,339 --> 01:00:36,841 They say alcohol is a disinhibitor, 931 01:00:37,009 --> 01:00:38,676 and it's working very well on me. 932 01:00:38,844 --> 01:00:40,386 Me, too. 933 01:00:42,848 --> 01:00:45,391 What an exquisite feeling. 934 01:00:45,559 --> 01:00:47,977 Every cell in my body just... 935 01:00:48,145 --> 01:00:50,646 wants to reach out and touch someone. 936 01:00:50,814 --> 01:00:53,983 Yes, it's incredible, isn't it? 937 01:00:55,527 --> 01:00:59,113 The physiology of touch. 938 01:00:59,281 --> 01:01:01,157 Just below your epidermis, 939 01:01:01,325 --> 01:01:04,910 concentrated in your fingertips, 940 01:01:05,078 --> 01:01:08,205 palms of your hands, 941 01:01:08,373 --> 01:01:11,000 soles of your feet, 942 01:01:11,168 --> 01:01:13,044 clitoris, 943 01:01:13,211 --> 01:01:15,713 nipples, penis, 944 01:01:15,881 --> 01:01:16,922 lips, 945 01:01:17,090 --> 01:01:19,216 tongue. 946 01:01:19,384 --> 01:01:22,595 Thousands of tiny little Meissner's corpuscles 947 01:01:22,763 --> 01:01:26,307 all deliciously sensitive to even the slightest caress, 948 01:01:26,475 --> 01:01:29,602 sending all those tiny little endorphin-producing 949 01:01:29,770 --> 01:01:33,856 pleasure messages to the hypothalamus... 950 01:01:35,275 --> 01:01:36,901 the primitive brain. 951 01:01:37,069 --> 01:01:40,404 I'm tingling all over. 952 01:01:40,572 --> 01:01:43,741 Do you know the largest organ in the human body? 953 01:01:45,577 --> 01:01:49,955 - I can guess. - You'd be wrong. 954 01:01:50,123 --> 01:01:52,833 It's your integumentary system. 955 01:01:53,001 --> 01:01:57,213 Your creamy, 956 01:01:57,381 --> 01:01:59,757 soft, 957 01:01:59,925 --> 01:02:04,387 and completely desirable skin. 958 01:02:04,554 --> 01:02:08,015 - Can we go to your place? - For something more? 959 01:02:13,605 --> 01:02:17,274 Oh, this is so perfect! 960 01:02:17,442 --> 01:02:20,236 Everything here absolutely screams 961 01:02:20,404 --> 01:02:23,114 Elliot Richards. 962 01:02:23,281 --> 01:02:25,908 Actually, most of the screaming 963 01:02:26,076 --> 01:02:28,119 takes place... 964 01:02:30,038 --> 01:02:31,455 in the bedroom. 965 01:02:43,927 --> 01:02:46,929 What the hell is going on, Mary? 966 01:02:47,097 --> 01:02:49,056 - Who are you? - Don't play games with me, 967 01:02:49,224 --> 01:02:50,975 Mr. Richards. I'm in no mood. 968 01:02:51,143 --> 01:02:54,645 I've been out of my mind all night. 969 01:02:54,813 --> 01:02:57,731 - Oh, my God. - Hi. 970 01:02:57,899 --> 01:02:59,650 Who's your little friend? 971 01:02:59,818 --> 01:03:02,069 Maybe I should be running along. 972 01:03:02,237 --> 01:03:04,488 Wait. This is a mistake. I'm not gay. 973 01:03:04,656 --> 01:03:08,451 Oh, really? And I'm Tony Danza. 974 01:03:08,618 --> 01:03:10,244 Honestly, I swear it. I'm not. 975 01:03:10,412 --> 01:03:11,662 Well, then tell me, 976 01:03:11,830 --> 01:03:14,665 who was in the Broadway cast of "The Pajama Game"? 977 01:03:14,833 --> 01:03:17,626 Janis Paige, John Raitt, Eddie Foy, Jr... 978 01:03:17,794 --> 01:03:19,170 I assume you mean the original cast 979 01:03:19,337 --> 01:03:22,089 because there was a revival in 1973 with Hal Linden... 980 01:03:22,257 --> 01:03:24,175 I am gay! 981 01:03:24,342 --> 01:03:25,634 I rest my case. 982 01:03:25,802 --> 01:03:28,471 Wait. I can prove to you that I am not gay. 983 01:03:28,638 --> 01:03:29,638 Kiss me. 984 01:03:29,806 --> 01:03:32,850 Oh! This is just sad. 985 01:03:33,018 --> 01:03:34,852 Will you shut up, bitch? 986 01:03:35,020 --> 01:03:37,688 Please, Alison, let me kiss you. 987 01:03:37,856 --> 01:03:40,691 Remember the champagne, the corpuscles? 988 01:03:40,859 --> 01:03:43,611 All right, Elliot, kiss me. 989 01:03:54,456 --> 01:03:55,706 I'm gay. 990 01:03:55,874 --> 01:03:59,043 - Well, thanks for dropping by. - Good night. 991 01:03:59,211 --> 01:04:00,878 Buh-bye. 992 01:04:02,255 --> 01:04:04,423 You've been drinking again, haven't you? 993 01:04:04,591 --> 01:04:06,217 This is just like the night 994 01:04:06,384 --> 01:04:08,886 you had all those Brandy Alexanders 995 01:04:09,054 --> 01:04:10,721 and ran up and down Fire Island 996 01:04:10,889 --> 01:04:13,849 with your cute little Speedos, singing "Evergreen" at the top... 997 01:04:15,519 --> 01:04:19,021 And so the cow was returned to its rightful owner. 998 01:04:19,189 --> 01:04:20,648 Okay, boys, 999 01:04:20,815 --> 01:04:23,067 tonight's homework. Algebra. 1000 01:04:23,235 --> 01:04:26,028 Xn + Yn = Zn. 1001 01:04:26,196 --> 01:04:29,490 Well, you're never gonna use that, are you? 1002 01:04:30,909 --> 01:04:34,078 Imperialism and the First World War. 1003 01:04:34,246 --> 01:04:38,332 What was done is done. No point thinking about it now. 1004 01:04:38,500 --> 01:04:40,376 German, French, Spanish. 1005 01:04:40,544 --> 01:04:43,963 Ja, ja, oui, oui, sí, sí. It's nonsense. 1006 01:04:44,130 --> 01:04:45,506 Everyone speaks English anyway. 1007 01:04:45,674 --> 01:04:48,300 And if they don't, they ought to. 1008 01:04:48,468 --> 01:04:50,594 So, no homework tonight. 1009 01:04:52,722 --> 01:04:54,598 But I want you to watch a lot of television, 1010 01:04:54,766 --> 01:04:56,517 don't neglect your video games, 1011 01:04:56,685 --> 01:04:57,912 and I'll see you in the morning. 1012 01:04:57,936 --> 01:05:01,397 Shall we say 10:00, 10:30? 1013 01:05:01,565 --> 01:05:03,245 No point in getting up too early, is there? 1014 01:05:10,115 --> 01:05:11,949 Elliot, darling. 1015 01:05:12,117 --> 01:05:15,119 What a lovely surprise! 1016 01:05:15,287 --> 01:05:16,954 I hope you had a pleasant evening. 1017 01:05:17,122 --> 01:05:18,956 As if you didn't know. 1018 01:05:19,124 --> 01:05:20,457 I'm sorry, darling. 1019 01:05:20,625 --> 01:05:22,626 I know it must be really frustrating for you. 1020 01:05:22,794 --> 01:05:24,795 Maybe I can make it up to you somehow. 1021 01:05:24,963 --> 01:05:28,424 Yeah, you've been a really big help so far. 1022 01:05:28,592 --> 01:05:31,635 I know. I've been really naughty, haven't I? 1023 01:05:31,803 --> 01:05:34,305 Maybe a good spanking's in order. 1024 01:05:34,472 --> 01:05:37,474 Is that all you think about? Do you think everything is about sex? 1025 01:05:37,642 --> 01:05:39,393 No, of course not. 1026 01:05:39,561 --> 01:05:43,480 I mean, there's greed, gluttony, sloth, anger, vanity, envy. 1027 01:05:43,648 --> 01:05:46,525 No, there's also honesty and hard work 1028 01:05:46,693 --> 01:05:49,862 and caring about people and doing good for somebody else. 1029 01:05:50,030 --> 01:05:53,490 Oh, you're just a big Boy Scout, aren't you? 1030 01:05:54,826 --> 01:05:56,660 I find that incredibly appealing. 1031 01:05:56,828 --> 01:05:59,413 No. All I've been doing is thinking about myself. 1032 01:05:59,581 --> 01:06:01,707 I could be doing all these really important things 1033 01:06:01,875 --> 01:06:03,000 to help other people. 1034 01:06:03,168 --> 01:06:04,668 What about Alison? 1035 01:06:04,836 --> 01:06:08,088 Oh, I don't know anymore. You mess it up anyway. 1036 01:06:08,256 --> 01:06:10,633 I know that Alison's not really like that. 1037 01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:13,135 What exactly do you have in mind? 1038 01:06:13,303 --> 01:06:16,722 I want to do something great for mankind. 1039 01:06:16,890 --> 01:06:18,682 I want to create a better world. 1040 01:06:18,850 --> 01:06:22,353 I want to go down in history for doing something really important 1041 01:06:22,520 --> 01:06:24,772 and I want Alison to take me really seriously 1042 01:06:24,939 --> 01:06:26,148 and to treat me with respect. 1043 01:06:26,316 --> 01:06:28,776 I sense a wish coming on. 1044 01:06:31,029 --> 01:06:32,529 Yes! 1045 01:06:34,407 --> 01:06:35,783 I wish 1046 01:06:35,950 --> 01:06:38,702 that I was the President of the United States. 1047 01:06:39,996 --> 01:06:41,664 That is the noblest, 1048 01:06:41,831 --> 01:06:44,249 most unselfish thing I've ever heard. 1049 01:06:44,417 --> 01:06:46,210 And it's a great way to meet girls. 1050 01:06:46,378 --> 01:06:49,004 Bless you, Elliot Richards, 1051 01:06:49,172 --> 01:06:52,132 and Godspeed. 1052 01:06:56,179 --> 01:06:58,347 Mr. President! 1053 01:06:58,515 --> 01:07:00,057 Alison Gardner. 1054 01:07:00,225 --> 01:07:02,726 We're so honored to have you here, sir. 1055 01:07:07,232 --> 01:07:11,402 No, no, no. 1056 01:07:11,569 --> 01:07:15,864 The actors are beside themselves with excitement. 1057 01:07:16,032 --> 01:07:17,408 We're going to a play? 1058 01:07:17,575 --> 01:07:19,159 I think you'll find it quite amusing. 1059 01:07:19,327 --> 01:07:22,037 It's called "Our American Cousin." 1060 01:07:22,205 --> 01:07:24,892 You know, I think I've seen it. As a matter of fact, I'm sure I have. 1061 01:07:24,916 --> 01:07:26,917 I don't think you've seen it, sir. 1062 01:07:27,085 --> 01:07:30,504 - It's an entirely new play. - Really? I think I know how it ends. 1063 01:07:30,672 --> 01:07:33,132 - Say, can we just go to a movie? - A what? 1064 01:07:33,299 --> 01:07:35,092 The president. 1065 01:07:42,892 --> 01:07:46,145 You seem tense tonight, Mr. President. 1066 01:07:46,312 --> 01:07:49,148 Oh, well, you know, I've had a lot on my mind, 1067 01:07:49,315 --> 01:07:53,068 what with preserving the Union and my wife going crazy and all. 1068 01:07:58,241 --> 01:08:00,284 Can I help you find something, Mr. President? 1069 01:08:00,452 --> 01:08:02,828 Yeah, I'm looking for my pager. 1070 01:08:02,996 --> 01:08:05,038 - Your what, sir? - My pager. 1071 01:08:05,206 --> 01:08:08,292 It's this little red plastic thingy. 1072 01:08:08,460 --> 01:08:12,296 It looks kind of like a cell phone, only smaller. 1073 01:08:12,464 --> 01:08:14,006 I'm sorry! Sorry! 1074 01:08:18,928 --> 01:08:20,220 All right, no problem. 1075 01:08:20,388 --> 01:08:23,640 No problem! No problem! No problem. 1076 01:08:25,310 --> 01:08:27,770 - Sic semper tyrannis. - Wait! 1077 01:08:30,315 --> 01:08:31,398 Okay. 1078 01:08:47,832 --> 01:08:49,416 You're late, Richards. 1079 01:08:49,584 --> 01:08:52,503 Yes, sir. I'm very sorry. It won't happen again. 1080 01:08:52,670 --> 01:08:54,379 See that it doesn't. 1081 01:08:54,547 --> 01:08:56,590 I don't think a person with your extremely limited 1082 01:08:56,758 --> 01:08:59,384 personal-professional skills can afford to push the envelope. 1083 01:08:59,552 --> 01:09:01,887 Yes, sir. 1084 01:09:04,516 --> 01:09:06,016 Thank you, sir. 1085 01:09:14,317 --> 01:09:15,609 Creep. 1086 01:09:17,737 --> 01:09:20,322 So tell me, how was it? I'm dying to know. 1087 01:09:20,490 --> 01:09:22,199 What are you doing here? 1088 01:09:22,367 --> 01:09:24,326 Just think of me as a computer virus. 1089 01:09:24,494 --> 01:09:26,870 I think of you as a plague. 1090 01:09:27,038 --> 01:09:30,582 Now will you get off my screen? I have work to do. 1091 01:09:30,750 --> 01:09:34,044 Whoa, what's this whole "get thee behind me" thing? 1092 01:09:34,212 --> 01:09:36,338 We still have business here, Mr. Richards. 1093 01:09:36,506 --> 01:09:39,633 No, not now. I told you, I've got work to do. 1094 01:09:39,801 --> 01:09:41,468 And besides, I've only got two wishes left 1095 01:09:41,636 --> 01:09:43,596 - and I don't want to screw them up. - Correction. 1096 01:09:43,721 --> 01:09:44,930 You have one wish left. 1097 01:09:45,098 --> 01:09:48,267 Nice try. 1098 01:09:48,434 --> 01:09:52,145 - I've got two more coming. - No. Count them, baby. 1099 01:09:52,313 --> 01:09:55,899 - You were President of the US. - Yeah, okay, one. 1100 01:09:56,067 --> 01:09:58,110 You were a charming, handsome, articulate, 1101 01:09:58,278 --> 01:09:59,903 celebrated author and raconteur. 1102 01:10:00,071 --> 01:10:03,073 Yeah, and you turned me into a flaming homosexual. 1103 01:10:03,241 --> 01:10:05,284 - Professional basketball player. - Three. 1104 01:10:05,451 --> 01:10:07,452 The sensitive, caring, artistic guy was four. 1105 01:10:07,620 --> 01:10:09,162 And the Colombian drug lord was five. 1106 01:10:09,330 --> 01:10:12,249 - That means I have two more coming. - You forgot the Big Mac and Coke. 1107 01:10:12,417 --> 01:10:15,752 - What? That wasn't a wish. - What do you call it? 1108 01:10:15,920 --> 01:10:18,964 You said, "I wish," and I got it for you. Sounds like a wish to me. 1109 01:10:19,132 --> 01:10:21,425 No! No, no, no, no. That's not fair. 1110 01:10:21,593 --> 01:10:24,094 Fair? Who do you think you're talking to? 1111 01:10:24,262 --> 01:10:27,264 I don't recall anybody ever accusing me of being fair before. 1112 01:10:27,432 --> 01:10:29,558 - I think I'm insulted. - What? You can't... 1113 01:10:29,726 --> 01:10:31,560 no, this isn't right! You can't do this! 1114 01:10:31,728 --> 01:10:33,562 What are you gonna do? Sue me? 1115 01:10:33,730 --> 01:10:35,230 No! That's it! 1116 01:10:35,398 --> 01:10:37,441 I've had it with you! 1117 01:10:37,609 --> 01:10:38,775 The whole deal is off. 1118 01:10:38,943 --> 01:10:40,611 Off! 1119 01:10:41,946 --> 01:10:43,780 Shut up! 1120 01:10:59,130 --> 01:11:00,297 Are you all right? 1121 01:11:02,634 --> 01:11:03,800 Not really. 1122 01:11:06,721 --> 01:11:08,347 I need to talk to God. 1123 01:11:08,514 --> 01:11:10,390 Well, that's the power of prayer. 1124 01:11:10,558 --> 01:11:12,976 Just say what's in your heart and He hears. 1125 01:11:13,144 --> 01:11:14,478 No, you don't understand. 1126 01:11:14,646 --> 01:11:17,230 I really need to talk to Him. 1127 01:11:17,398 --> 01:11:19,524 Now. It's urgent. 1128 01:11:19,692 --> 01:11:22,235 Is it something you can tell me? 1129 01:11:22,403 --> 01:11:25,822 No, it's personal. 1130 01:11:25,990 --> 01:11:28,700 There's nothing you could say that I wouldn't understand. 1131 01:11:28,868 --> 01:11:30,994 Um... 1132 01:11:31,162 --> 01:11:33,288 Why don't you just try me? 1133 01:11:33,456 --> 01:11:35,165 Okay, a few days ago, 1134 01:11:35,333 --> 01:11:37,334 I sold my soul to the devil for seven wishes. 1135 01:11:37,502 --> 01:11:39,982 I've already had five of them, but the devil says I've had six. 1136 01:11:40,046 --> 01:11:41,846 But I'm not counting the Big Mac and the Coke, 1137 01:11:41,965 --> 01:11:44,758 and she is and I don't think that's fair, do you? 1138 01:11:48,554 --> 01:11:50,180 This is so unnecessary. 1139 01:11:50,348 --> 01:11:53,225 - You're coming downtown. - The devil gypped me for a burger! 1140 01:11:53,393 --> 01:11:55,268 Tell your story to the sergeant. 1141 01:11:55,436 --> 01:11:57,813 So do you have a copy of this contract? 1142 01:11:57,981 --> 01:12:00,315 No, I told you, she keeps it in her office. 1143 01:12:00,483 --> 01:12:03,819 - At this nightclub in Oakland. - Yes, at a nightclub 1144 01:12:03,987 --> 01:12:05,506 and, no, I can't tell you where it is. 1145 01:12:05,530 --> 01:12:07,489 Because you promised the devil you wouldn't? 1146 01:12:07,657 --> 01:12:09,533 No, because she drove. That's why. 1147 01:12:09,701 --> 01:12:12,828 Right. In a Lamborghini Diablo. 1148 01:12:12,996 --> 01:12:15,706 - Look, Officer. - Sergeant. 1149 01:12:15,873 --> 01:12:18,083 Sergeant, I know my rights. 1150 01:12:18,251 --> 01:12:20,043 I don't have to talk to you without a lawyer. 1151 01:12:20,211 --> 01:12:22,129 So you either book me or you let me go. 1152 01:12:22,296 --> 01:12:24,047 Oh, gee, are those my choices? 1153 01:12:24,215 --> 01:12:26,425 Oh, what do I do, what do I do? 1154 01:12:26,592 --> 01:12:29,511 I choose "book you." Throw him in the lockup. 1155 01:12:29,679 --> 01:12:30,759 Arraignment in the morning. 1156 01:12:30,888 --> 01:12:32,764 - Drunk and disorderly. - What?! Hey! 1157 01:12:32,932 --> 01:12:36,059 - Recommending psychiatric evaluation. - It's her! It's her, she's the devil! 1158 01:12:36,227 --> 01:12:39,688 One more word out of you and I'll pop you one, you whacko bastard. 1159 01:12:39,856 --> 01:12:41,732 Now move it. 1160 01:12:48,656 --> 01:12:49,906 Spread them. 1161 01:12:51,451 --> 01:12:53,702 There's no point fighting about this. 1162 01:12:53,870 --> 01:12:57,748 You have to learn to accept the inevitable. 1163 01:12:57,915 --> 01:12:59,750 We're all doomed anyway, 1164 01:12:59,917 --> 01:13:02,377 so you might as well just get with the program, 1165 01:13:02,545 --> 01:13:05,797 wish your way out of here, and move on. 1166 01:13:08,259 --> 01:13:11,219 I wasn't kidding when I said I liked you. 1167 01:13:11,387 --> 01:13:12,763 I do, Elliot. 1168 01:13:12,930 --> 01:13:16,099 I think you have massive potential. 1169 01:13:16,267 --> 01:13:18,769 If you're looking at an eternity in hell, 1170 01:13:18,936 --> 01:13:21,021 let me tell you, 1171 01:13:21,189 --> 01:13:24,483 it wouldn't hurt to have a friend like me. 1172 01:13:31,949 --> 01:13:35,577 So you just think about that. Give me a call when you're ready. 1173 01:13:44,420 --> 01:13:45,921 She's a devil, that one. 1174 01:13:46,089 --> 01:13:47,631 What? 1175 01:13:54,472 --> 01:13:56,473 I said, she's a devil, that lady cop. 1176 01:14:00,228 --> 01:14:02,521 Yeah, I guess. 1177 01:14:02,688 --> 01:14:04,523 What you in for, brother? 1178 01:14:05,775 --> 01:14:06,817 Eternity. 1179 01:14:06,984 --> 01:14:09,528 Oh, that's a long time. 1180 01:14:09,695 --> 01:14:12,864 You must have did some really bad shit. 1181 01:14:13,032 --> 01:14:14,658 Yeah. 1182 01:14:16,536 --> 01:14:18,120 I sold my soul. 1183 01:14:18,287 --> 01:14:20,330 Hope you got something good for it. 1184 01:14:20,498 --> 01:14:22,791 As a matter of fact, I got nothing for it. 1185 01:14:22,959 --> 01:14:25,544 Well, that's a really bad deal, if you ask me. 1186 01:14:25,711 --> 01:14:29,631 Well, I'm not asking you. 1187 01:14:35,012 --> 01:14:37,264 Doesn't really matter, though. 1188 01:14:37,431 --> 01:14:40,392 - You can't sell your soul anyway. - Oh, really? 1189 01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:42,727 Why do you say that? 1190 01:14:42,895 --> 01:14:45,313 It doesn't really belong to you in the first place. 1191 01:14:45,481 --> 01:14:47,190 No way, nohow. 1192 01:14:47,358 --> 01:14:50,819 So who does it belong to? 1193 01:14:54,824 --> 01:14:57,200 It belongs to God. 1194 01:14:57,368 --> 01:14:59,077 That universal spirit that animates 1195 01:14:59,245 --> 01:15:02,122 and binds all things in existence. 1196 01:15:04,208 --> 01:15:07,836 The devil gonna try to confuse you. But that's her gig. 1197 01:15:08,004 --> 01:15:11,214 But in the end, you'll see clear to who and what you are 1198 01:15:11,382 --> 01:15:13,216 and what you're here to do. 1199 01:15:13,384 --> 01:15:15,844 Now, you're gonna make some mistakes along the way, 1200 01:15:16,012 --> 01:15:17,220 everybody does, 1201 01:15:17,388 --> 01:15:20,765 but if you just open up your heart and open up your mind, 1202 01:15:20,933 --> 01:15:23,894 you'll get it. 1203 01:15:26,105 --> 01:15:27,397 Who are you? 1204 01:15:30,276 --> 01:15:32,736 Just a friend, brother. 1205 01:15:32,904 --> 01:15:34,571 Just a really good friend. 1206 01:16:40,721 --> 01:16:42,555 Hey, baby! 1207 01:16:52,483 --> 01:16:53,858 We love you, Elliot! 1208 01:16:54,026 --> 01:16:56,194 Elliot, darling. 1209 01:16:56,362 --> 01:16:58,530 So nice of you to drop by. 1210 01:16:58,698 --> 01:17:01,074 Come into my office. 1211 01:17:01,242 --> 01:17:05,453 Oh, don't worry about them. They're having a fabulous time. 1212 01:17:05,621 --> 01:17:07,289 Pathetic, aren't they? 1213 01:17:07,456 --> 01:17:09,499 Everybody wants to go to the party, 1214 01:17:09,667 --> 01:17:12,919 but nobody wants to pay the piper. 1215 01:17:13,087 --> 01:17:14,879 - Are you...? - Don't get too excited. 1216 01:17:15,047 --> 01:17:17,882 It's just a Halloween costume. 1217 01:17:18,050 --> 01:17:20,885 Anyway, Elliot, my darling, have you thought of your last wish? 1218 01:17:21,053 --> 01:17:22,762 No. 1219 01:17:22,930 --> 01:17:25,492 Well, I hate to put a big rush on this, but there is a time limit. 1220 01:17:25,516 --> 01:17:26,683 Read your contract. 1221 01:17:36,902 --> 01:17:38,570 I really don't want another wish. 1222 01:17:38,738 --> 01:17:40,697 That's funny. 1223 01:17:40,865 --> 01:17:42,240 Do you think this halo's too much? 1224 01:17:42,408 --> 01:17:46,077 No. I really don't want it. 1225 01:17:47,872 --> 01:17:50,582 What do you mean, you don't want it? 1226 01:17:50,750 --> 01:17:52,417 You get seven wishes. 1227 01:17:52,585 --> 01:17:54,627 There's nothing I want. 1228 01:17:55,880 --> 01:17:59,841 Well, there are things that I want, but nothing that you can give me. 1229 01:18:00,009 --> 01:18:03,053 What is that supposed to mean? 1230 01:18:03,220 --> 01:18:05,472 Well... 1231 01:18:05,639 --> 01:18:07,849 last night, when I was lying in jail, 1232 01:18:08,017 --> 01:18:09,059 I was talking to this guy 1233 01:18:09,226 --> 01:18:12,020 and I realized that wishing just doesn't work. 1234 01:18:12,188 --> 01:18:14,230 All my life I wished to be better-looking, 1235 01:18:14,398 --> 01:18:17,275 richer, successful, talented, whatever. 1236 01:18:17,443 --> 01:18:19,629 I always thought it'd be great if someone could just wave 1237 01:18:19,653 --> 01:18:21,738 a magic wand and make that happen. 1238 01:18:21,906 --> 01:18:24,866 Well, I realized that it just doesn't work by magic. 1239 01:18:25,034 --> 01:18:27,702 I think I'm gonna be sick. 1240 01:18:27,870 --> 01:18:31,581 And I've been starting to think that 1241 01:18:31,749 --> 01:18:35,085 it really isn't that important how far we go in life anyway. 1242 01:18:35,252 --> 01:18:37,295 It's how we get there that really matters. 1243 01:18:37,463 --> 01:18:39,005 Oh. 1244 01:18:39,173 --> 01:18:42,759 You know, that is so inspiring. 1245 01:18:44,303 --> 01:18:45,762 So it's okay? 1246 01:18:45,930 --> 01:18:49,099 Well, no, Elliot. I'm afraid it's not okay. 1247 01:18:49,266 --> 01:18:50,517 A deal's a deal. 1248 01:18:50,684 --> 01:18:53,061 You get one more wish, and I get your soul. 1249 01:18:53,229 --> 01:18:55,063 So let's just get on with it, shall we? 1250 01:18:55,231 --> 01:18:58,900 - I'm not gonna do it. - Oh, really? 1251 01:18:59,068 --> 01:19:01,611 Before you get all hinky, I should warn you. 1252 01:19:01,779 --> 01:19:03,947 I'm not all peaches and cream, you know. 1253 01:19:04,115 --> 01:19:07,826 I do have a darker side and, believe me, it's not pretty. 1254 01:19:07,993 --> 01:19:10,745 Now you can go easy, or you can go hard, 1255 01:19:10,913 --> 01:19:13,915 but one way or another, I will get your soul. 1256 01:19:14,083 --> 01:19:15,750 I'm not gonna do it. 1257 01:19:15,918 --> 01:19:19,129 There's nothing that you can say or do that will make me. 1258 01:19:19,296 --> 01:19:21,047 Oh, I think you'll change your mind. 1259 01:19:21,215 --> 01:19:23,716 I'm just gonna slip into something a little more terrifying. 1260 01:19:23,884 --> 01:19:25,135 See you in hell! 1261 01:19:34,311 --> 01:19:36,479 Wait, wait, wait! Just wait a minute! 1262 01:19:38,732 --> 01:19:40,066 Wait! 1263 01:19:41,777 --> 01:19:44,988 Now listen to me, you disgusting little maggot! 1264 01:19:45,156 --> 01:19:46,865 This is your last chance 1265 01:19:47,032 --> 01:19:49,367 before the big weenie roast! 1266 01:19:49,535 --> 01:19:52,662 Make a wish or forever burn in hell! 1267 01:19:52,830 --> 01:19:55,707 Okay! Okay! 1268 01:19:55,875 --> 01:19:57,834 I wish... 1269 01:19:58,002 --> 01:20:00,336 I wish that Alison has a happy life. 1270 01:20:00,504 --> 01:20:02,672 Oh, God. 1271 01:20:28,032 --> 01:20:30,074 Is this heaven? 1272 01:20:30,242 --> 01:20:32,535 Heaven? God, no, it's the courthouse. 1273 01:20:32,703 --> 01:20:34,704 I'm just meeting a couple of lawyers for lunch. 1274 01:20:34,872 --> 01:20:36,748 Clients of mine. Come on. 1275 01:20:38,292 --> 01:20:41,544 Wait, what happened to the whole, 1276 01:20:41,712 --> 01:20:43,796 you know, fire 1277 01:20:43,964 --> 01:20:48,092 - and the big, horny guy with... - Oh, just a few special effects. 1278 01:20:48,260 --> 01:20:50,720 Sort of the Universal Studios tour of evil. 1279 01:20:50,888 --> 01:20:54,599 It normally works pretty well, but evidently you weren't going for it. 1280 01:20:54,767 --> 01:20:56,601 Your last wish was a deal-breaker. 1281 01:20:56,769 --> 01:20:59,771 - What? - Nobody ever reads the contract. 1282 01:20:59,939 --> 01:21:02,899 Article 147, paragraph 9, section 3: 1283 01:21:03,067 --> 01:21:04,692 Selfless acts of redemption. 1284 01:21:04,860 --> 01:21:06,069 Huh? 1285 01:21:06,237 --> 01:21:09,113 Basically, it says, "If you commit one truly benevolent act, 1286 01:21:09,281 --> 01:21:10,573 it voids the contract." 1287 01:21:10,741 --> 01:21:12,534 So I get to keep my soul? 1288 01:21:12,701 --> 01:21:15,161 Yes, you get to keep your soul. 1289 01:21:17,039 --> 01:21:18,331 Yes! 1290 01:21:20,543 --> 01:21:24,295 Yes! I get to keep my soul! 1291 01:21:30,052 --> 01:21:33,221 On November 16th, I'll have been doing this for 6,000 years 1292 01:21:33,389 --> 01:21:36,057 and you're the first person to give away one of their wishes. 1293 01:21:36,225 --> 01:21:37,825 I hope it's not the beginning of a trend. 1294 01:21:37,935 --> 01:21:40,436 - You're not gonna tell anyone, are you? - No, no, I promise. 1295 01:21:40,604 --> 01:21:42,689 Nope. 1296 01:21:42,856 --> 01:21:47,443 I don't get it, though. I mean, why are you being nice? 1297 01:21:47,611 --> 01:21:50,905 Look, Elliot. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. 1298 01:21:51,073 --> 01:21:52,865 The whole "good and evil" thing... 1299 01:21:53,033 --> 01:21:54,909 you know, Him and me. 1300 01:21:55,077 --> 01:21:57,245 It really comes down to you. 1301 01:21:57,413 --> 01:21:59,455 You don't have to look hard for heaven and hell. 1302 01:21:59,623 --> 01:22:02,292 They're right here on Earth. 1303 01:22:02,459 --> 01:22:04,711 You make the choice. 1304 01:22:04,878 --> 01:22:06,421 And I guess you just made yours. 1305 01:22:06,589 --> 01:22:08,464 So I can go now? 1306 01:22:08,632 --> 01:22:10,883 Unless you want another seven wishes. 1307 01:22:12,303 --> 01:22:14,762 - No, thanks. - Didn't think so. 1308 01:22:16,473 --> 01:22:18,182 I really liked you, you know. 1309 01:22:20,144 --> 01:22:23,187 Well, to tell you the truth, 1310 01:22:23,355 --> 01:22:25,189 you've been the best friend I've ever had. 1311 01:22:25,357 --> 01:22:27,650 Oh, dear. Don't go gushy on me now. 1312 01:22:27,818 --> 01:22:29,485 Okay. 1313 01:22:29,653 --> 01:22:33,489 Go on. Go. You'll scare the fish away. 1314 01:22:53,677 --> 01:22:54,802 Alison? 1315 01:22:54,970 --> 01:22:57,347 - Hi. - Hi. 1316 01:22:57,514 --> 01:22:58,556 Oh, uh... 1317 01:22:58,724 --> 01:23:01,184 Elliot Richards. We've met a couple times. 1318 01:23:01,352 --> 01:23:04,729 Yeah, I remember. Hi, how are you? 1319 01:23:04,897 --> 01:23:06,105 I'm great. 1320 01:23:06,273 --> 01:23:08,358 I'm exaggerating. I'm good. 1321 01:23:11,528 --> 01:23:15,198 We've been working together here for the last four years 1322 01:23:15,366 --> 01:23:17,700 and I've always noticed you 1323 01:23:17,868 --> 01:23:21,871 and thought that you looked like a very interesting person. 1324 01:23:22,039 --> 01:23:24,666 I don't know how interesting I am. 1325 01:23:24,833 --> 01:23:28,586 Well, the truth is I don't know you and you don't know me, 1326 01:23:28,754 --> 01:23:31,547 and if we were to get to know each other 1327 01:23:31,715 --> 01:23:33,841 that there's a chance that we just might hit it off. 1328 01:23:34,009 --> 01:23:37,970 So I was wondering if you wanted to go get a cup of coffee or... 1329 01:23:38,138 --> 01:23:41,474 That's really so nice of you. 1330 01:23:41,642 --> 01:23:43,267 I'm seeing someone. 1331 01:23:46,230 --> 01:23:48,564 Well, of course you are. 1332 01:23:48,732 --> 01:23:52,068 He's sure one lucky guy. 1333 01:23:53,570 --> 01:23:56,406 Listen, if it ever doesn't work out with him, then... 1334 01:23:59,243 --> 01:24:00,563 - That's so nice of you. - Really? 1335 01:24:00,661 --> 01:24:02,537 - Yeah. Okay. - Thanks a lot. 1336 01:24:02,705 --> 01:24:05,581 - I'll see you around. - Okay, take care. Bye. 1337 01:24:08,627 --> 01:24:10,920 - Go. It's a joke. - It's only 10 bucks. 1338 01:24:11,088 --> 01:24:14,090 - What's he gonna do? - Right. 1339 01:24:14,258 --> 01:24:16,426 Hey, Elliot, fo-felliot, so-smelliot. 1340 01:24:16,593 --> 01:24:18,761 What's up, dudester? Yeah. 1341 01:24:18,929 --> 01:24:20,729 What do you say we go down to the club tonight 1342 01:24:20,764 --> 01:24:23,808 and pick up some chickette? 1343 01:24:26,562 --> 01:24:27,770 Nice talking to you, Bob. 1344 01:25:02,473 --> 01:25:03,848 - Hey. - New neighbors? 1345 01:25:04,016 --> 01:25:05,308 Guess so. 1346 01:25:08,479 --> 01:25:10,980 Hi. Oh. 1347 01:25:11,148 --> 01:25:13,691 Hi. You must be the boy next door. 1348 01:25:13,859 --> 01:25:15,651 Do you want to give me a hand? 1349 01:25:17,070 --> 01:25:19,822 Habla English? Spracht English? 1350 01:25:19,990 --> 01:25:22,450 Parlez-vous "Americiano"? 1351 01:25:24,995 --> 01:25:28,664 - Hi, I'm Elliot Richards. - Hey. Nicole Delarusso. 1352 01:25:28,832 --> 01:25:31,667 Don't call me Nicky, though. Everyone always calls me Nicky. 1353 01:25:31,835 --> 01:25:34,337 It starts as Nicole, then becomes Nicky, then Nick, 1354 01:25:34,505 --> 01:25:37,507 then Ni, then just "Nn." People just call me "Nn." 1355 01:25:37,674 --> 01:25:39,050 I'm cracking myself up here. 1356 01:25:39,218 --> 01:25:41,344 - You want to give me a hand? - Yes, I do. 1357 01:25:41,512 --> 01:25:43,971 - Okay. - Oh, wow. 1358 01:25:44,139 --> 01:25:45,515 You got the new Ingebritzens! 1359 01:25:45,682 --> 01:25:48,059 - Yeah, they're the best! - They're the best! 1360 01:25:51,647 --> 01:25:53,981 I'd be happy to hook these up for you 1361 01:25:54,149 --> 01:25:57,527 so you could have some music, if you wanted, while you're unpacking. 1362 01:25:57,694 --> 01:26:00,571 I could make us dinner... that way you won't have to cook. 1363 01:26:00,739 --> 01:26:02,657 Yeah, right. Me, cook? 1364 01:26:02,825 --> 01:26:04,200 Thank you. 1365 01:26:04,368 --> 01:26:07,745 Say, Nicole, you wouldn't happen to have a sister, would you? 1366 01:26:07,913 --> 01:26:10,665 No sisters, but I've got a lot of brothers, though. 1367 01:26:10,833 --> 01:26:12,834 ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 1368 01:26:13,001 --> 01:26:16,128 ♪ Did you ever think that there might be another way? ♪ 1369 01:26:16,296 --> 01:26:20,383 ♪ Just feel better, just feel better about today ♪ 1370 01:26:20,551 --> 01:26:23,135 ♪ Oh, no ♪ 1371 01:26:23,303 --> 01:26:26,889 ♪ If you never wanna have to turn and go away ♪ 1372 01:26:27,057 --> 01:26:31,310 ♪ You might feel better, might feel better if you stay ♪ 1373 01:26:33,230 --> 01:26:35,106 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 1374 01:26:35,274 --> 01:26:38,234 ♪ I bet you haven't heard a word I've said ♪ 1375 01:26:38,402 --> 01:26:40,403 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 1376 01:26:40,571 --> 01:26:43,281 ♪ I've had enough of all your trying ♪ 1377 01:26:43,448 --> 01:26:47,243 ♪ Just give up the state of mind you're in ♪ 1378 01:26:47,411 --> 01:26:51,998 ♪ If you wanna be somebody else ♪ 1379 01:26:52,165 --> 01:26:58,296 ♪ If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself ♪ 1380 01:26:58,463 --> 01:27:02,592 ♪ If you wanna be somebody else ♪ 1381 01:27:02,759 --> 01:27:10,759 ♪ Change your life ♪ 1382 01:27:15,355 --> 01:27:17,523 ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 1383 01:27:17,691 --> 01:27:20,818 ♪ Have you ever danced in the rain or thanked the sun ♪ 1384 01:27:20,986 --> 01:27:23,446 ♪ Just for shining, just for shining ♪ 1385 01:27:23,614 --> 01:27:25,281 ♪ Or the sea ♪ 1386 01:27:25,449 --> 01:27:27,909 ♪ Oh, no ♪ 1387 01:27:28,076 --> 01:27:31,203 ♪ Take it all in, the world's a show, and, yeah ♪ 1388 01:27:31,371 --> 01:27:35,499 ♪ You look much better, look much better when you glow ♪ 1389 01:27:37,711 --> 01:27:39,295 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 1390 01:27:39,463 --> 01:27:42,590 ♪ I hope you've heard every word I've said ♪ 1391 01:27:42,758 --> 01:27:44,717 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 1392 01:27:44,885 --> 01:27:47,845 ♪ If you've had enough of all your trying ♪ 1393 01:27:48,013 --> 01:27:52,183 ♪ Just give up the state of mind you're in ♪ 1394 01:27:52,351 --> 01:27:56,646 ♪ If you wanna be somebody else ♪ 1395 01:27:56,813 --> 01:28:02,902 ♪ If you're tired of fighting battles with yourself ♪ 1396 01:28:03,070 --> 01:28:07,114 ♪ If you wanna be somebody else ♪ 1397 01:28:07,282 --> 01:28:15,282 ♪ Change your mind ♪ 1398 01:28:19,169 --> 01:28:27,169 ♪ Ooh, yeah ♪ 1399 01:28:36,103 --> 01:28:37,436 ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 1400 01:28:37,604 --> 01:28:41,023 ♪ What ya say we both go and seize the day ♪ 1401 01:28:41,191 --> 01:28:45,319 ♪ 'Cause what's your hurry, what's your hurry, anyway? ♪ 1402 01:28:47,197 --> 01:28:49,365 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 1403 01:28:49,533 --> 01:28:52,243 ♪ I hope you've heard every word I've said ♪ 1404 01:28:52,411 --> 01:28:54,495 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 1405 01:28:54,663 --> 01:28:57,540 ♪ If you've had enough of all your trying ♪ 1406 01:28:57,708 --> 01:29:01,752 ♪ Just give up the state of mind you're in ♪ 1407 01:29:04,464 --> 01:29:09,051 ♪ If you wanna be somebody else ♪ 1408 01:29:09,219 --> 01:29:15,182 ♪ If you're tired of losing battles with yourself ♪ 1409 01:29:15,350 --> 01:29:19,437 ♪ If you wanna be somebody else ♪ 1410 01:29:19,604 --> 01:29:27,604 ♪ Change your mind ♪ 1411 01:29:42,127 --> 01:29:50,127 ♪ Ooh, yeah ♪ 1412 01:29:56,349 --> 01:30:02,438 ♪ Ooh, yeah. ♪ 104744

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