Original subtitles

United King & Metro United King Communications present.

A film by Dror Shaul.

Nothing is left other than the longing

time passes, slowly slowly hour, week

already almost a year and the world goes on as before

and only my voice calls out now tell me why.

I was in heaven

and now my heart is wounded

and it is such an old and common story.

And you called me your flower and eyes

I remember i was your soulmate

only with you i floated above in the skies

suddenly i fell alone to the ground.

Life flowed all was routine

how we sang then, two voices together without turmoil

and there were nights of laughter and fun

but now my voice has a torn cord

I'm back here with you, on a Friday afternoon.

Anyone who feels lonely is invited to call in,

maybe find someone nice, someone close,

and maybe even someone to love.

I called and called... it's always busy.

And you called me your flower and eyes.

I remember i was your soulmate.

Well? What do you think?

Asher would have liked it.

Asher...

Original Music Ofir Leibovitz.

Director of Photography Amnon Zlaiet.

Hello Mrs. Julia, can you give me a shave?

Come back in an hour. - Thank you Mrs. Julia.

Editor Ron Omer.

Producers Duddy Zilber, Miki Rabinowitz,

Moshe Edri, Leon Edri.

Sima, it's been more than a year.

Why don't you go with Batat?

See how well he's preserved.

I'm off to the market.

What'll we do with her?

Scriptwriter & Director Dror Shaul.

Sima Vaknin, Witch.

The food is wonderful.

Enjoy.

What's new? - As usual.

Nothing new. - We have a new family name.

What?

I feel nauseous.

Why a new name? What was wrong with Vanunu.

They're ashamed of their origins. - No one's ashamed!

We just wanted to diversify. The name lost its appeal

when they discovered the spy Vanunu.

From that day my luck turned bad and I've had a streak of failures.

That's superstition. - Shut up!

On top of it all, I owe the bank 60,000

because there's no work in renovation, all because of what?

The casino. - Right.

Bibi! If mom hears you, you can forget about the walkman.

So you've changed your name from Vanunu? -Yes.

And from yesterday... we're the Anan (cloud) family.

What's the matter sweetie? You haven't touched your food.

I'm a bit nauseous. - Maybe you're sick.

She's fine. - It's nothing. -She's pregnant.

Etty?

Yes, mom.

We have to throw a huge party!

And we have to find an apartment.

Apartment?

A whole year you've been living here! What's the matter now?

Now it'll be crowded.

Three, four, five... - And a half. -My strides.

By one, two, three, four... times 2.60

here I'll build you a panoramic window, real stylish.

How much will it cost?

About... 60,000 in all.

60,000?

All my savings under the mattress, refrigerator and tiles

hardly total 1 0,000.

1 0,000 won't even cover the floor.

I'll take out a loan.

Sima, are you sure you need this renovation?

I've already spent money on the design,

but I can still cancel it.

I'm sure. Let's go inside and I'll give you an advance.

But in any case, this tree has to go. - So take it down.

Hey, don't you dare touch my tree!

What are you doing?

Here I'm building an addition from the living room,

and I'll construct... - You won't construct a thing.

Why not? -Because this belongs to the entire building.

And she has to get approval from the tenant's committee.

Bro, forget committees, let's be practical, we'll find a solution...

We won't cause you're not allowed to build here, that's final!

Vasserman, please, all the other tenants have signed.

Can't you be more considerate? - I'm not considerate, Sima?

The stairs smell from your cooking, we need a mask to walk through,

at night you make so much noise that we need ear plugs to sleep,

and you haven't paid your building fees for a year.

And now you want to take down my tree just to build another room?

When will you finally understand it's not a jungle here!

Calm down, Tarzan. - Forget the renovation.

You'll be in trouble if even one leaf falls off this tree,

I count each one of them.

Disgusting!

1 00, 200, 300, 400...

Mom, what are you doing? - Renovating.

Renovating? - So it won't be crowded here.

Crowded? We're moving to Tel Aviv.

How are you, honey? - I'm bored.

Bring your dad a coke. - I don't want to.

Mom, you're making a mistake. - Want to play ball?

Don't waste your money. - Don't want to play ball.

So let's make a box made of paper. - Mom!

You take a piece of paper, even a newspaper,

fold it exactly in the middle... - We're moving to Tel Aviv!

And where's the money for rent? - We have savings

that will be enough for 6 months. - You used to have savings.

You see. - What? -He made a deal.

A deal? - And now... you have nothing left.

You fold two triangles... - A deal with who?

The casino. - What?

You'll regret this renovation!

You just lost all your presents, including Bar Mitzvah presents.

Good evening. Welcome to a new season of the Shpitz (sting/prick).

City fagot!

Where's my cola? - In the fridge.

Bring me an ashtray.

You make sure it's straight. - Today we have lots of surprises.

You open it up... And what do we have?

It's real easy, right?

Where's the ashtray? - Forget it.

And now...

Good night.

Come to me. - I have a headache.

Don't you remember that I'm ovulating today.

I'm dead tired.

Excuse me. I'm saying that I'm ovulating and you're tired?

Mazal, I just can't, please, not tonight.

Dov, if you don't wake up and fuck me right now,

I'll tell on you to Dr. Maor.

For two years... I've been trying to get impregnated,

and you don't care, you're always tired.

Why don't you give it a chance like Dr. Maor said?

Stop it, Mazal, enough.

I want to get impregnated so much!

I also want to get impregnated.

OK... OK, don't cry.

So you agree? - Yes.

Start alone, I must take a shit. I'll be right back.

Now! Saw! Quickly!

What's that noise? Are you crazy?

Just one minute, I'll take down the tree and I'll shut if off.

What!!

What are you doing? -You have no idea of the trouble you're in!

Trouble? Trouble with who? - I'll hit you with a lawsuit

that you'll never ever forget.

Now listen up, you paparazzi.

This is my living and I owe the bank 60,000.

Hope you have a warrantee...

Start the saw before I kick your ass!

Lito, more fast! More fast!

Put! Out! It's no heavy, take it out.

No problem! Why problem! Why you problem make!

Excuse me, do you by any chance have some tape?

How much to do you need? - Just enough to cover that part.

What's it for?

My palms... are very sweaty...

And then it slippery... - It slips. Now it won't slip.

Thank you, bro.

Does it slip now? - No, it's not slippery any more.

Thank you. - You're welcome.

What's it for? - Guess.

What happened to dad? - He fell.

Where from? The Eiffel Tower?

Mrs. Vaknin? - Oh... you finally came.

Sorry, traffic jams. Are you Sima Vaknin?

Yes, Mr. Policeman. See what they did to him?

Real animals... What do we do now? - Sign here.

OK, sweetie, sure. - And down here it says

that if you don't pay the fine, you may be sued.

Sued? -Sued for what? - Sued for-6A destroying a tree,

and 9C, building without a permit!

I recommend that you pay the fine, cause you'll be trampled in court.

Court? -All the policemen in Israel are garbage. Your turn.

I don't have any. - It's all because of the new police commander,

I wouldn't even let him deal with Arabs.

Why? Arabs only understand force. Your turn.

I don't have any. - Take from the bank.

Arabs from the territories, yes...

After all they did to us during the Intifada,

they deserve whatever they get.

Last card. -But to do that to a Jew? What has become of us?

Last card. Sima?

I have such horrible luck. - Take from the bank.

I'm all alone, without a husband, no renovation,

and half my family in the hospital.

I say that you have to take revenge against the neighbor.

I hope that horrible things happen to the neighbor.

That his father has a heart attack, his sister breaks a leg,

his wife won't have a baby, he gets fired from work,

his house burns down, he gets run over by a car,

he gets sick and he'll regret being born!

Amen!

Sorry... I don't know what came over me.

Whose turn is it?

Happy birthday...

To Gaddy, a toast to his new job at the Ministry of Defense,

Don't let it slip from your fingers!

To Mazal, who is finally pregnant...

Mazal Tov.

For myself, I wish only health and love, because...

since your mother's death, my heart aches...

It's difficult being at home, difficult at the Council...

And now, again, with the election coming up...

So my wish today is...

for my heart to stop aching,

to have a nice feeling in my heart...

because the heart is the most important organ in the body.

The heart is... - Dad, it's dripping on the cake.

So we should always listen to our hearts.

Lehaim!

Happy birthday!

Dad!!

Heart attack! - What?

He never had heart problems. - There's always a first time.

What's the matter with daddy?

Michali!

What we have here is a fractured apple. - Fractured what?

See this joint? It's called an apple.

If you look closely, you'll notice that it's fractured.

4 nails and one year in bed.

Mazal!

What's the matter?

Quiet, you Moroccan!

Sima Vaknin is a witch.

What?

Sima Vaknin's a witch and she's put a curse on us.

What has she done?

She's cursed us.

You still believe in that nonsense.

Your father had a heart attack, your sister broke her apple,

and I had a miscarriage!

What else has to happen for you to believe it?

Answer the phone. It's the hospital.

Maybe it's Dr. Maor.

Hello... yes...

It's from your office. - This late?

Hello? Has something happened?

No, no, it's alright.

What do you mean?

Why? It's final?

What happened?

I just got fired. - What?

This wonderful song was written on the beach,

the lovers' beach at Palma de Majorca.

Let me remind you that anyone looking for love

should call me and meet someone nice.

Our telephone number is 979-97-97.

Go away! - Just a minute! Wait!

Get away from me! - I came to apologize!

Murderer! - You have a building permit!

What did you say? -Mrs. Vaknin, I got you a building permit.

Look... here. All the neighbors signed it,

and also the head of the Council.

What? Now they're suddenly giving me a permit?

Wait! What are you up to, you snake?

Mrs. Vaknin... everyone is fine with you're renovation.

I also went to the police and cancelled all the complaints.

You can start the renovation today.

So... - So we're Ok now?

Sure. - Great.

Hi Leon!

How are you? - OK.

Was Dov here? -Yes, asked me to sign some documents.

Do you have cups? - Here you go.

Thanks. Hi, I'm Gaddy.

I'm Etty. - This is Leon.

This is my husband Avi. - Nice to meet you.

What happened to him? - He was attacked.

Really? Did you see who it was? - No.

I'm always willing to come if there's a nose to be broken.

Etty, don't you see he's in pain? Get a nurse in here.

Sweetie, calm down. You'll get a shot and feel better.

Maybe I should tighten this screw. - Are you an expert?

Expert? It's just a screw.

Quiet, Mr. Anan.

This shot is very strong.

When you wake up tomorrow you won't remember your name.

Did you have dinner? - Are you crazy?

This food can kill you. I'm starved.

I'll get you something to eat.

Who's hungry? I brought a ton of food from home.

Pleased to meet you, I'm Leon.

Vaknin, Sima Vaknin.

What do you like? - Everything you have.

I can't believe I went to her and apologized.

Curses and spells? Are you as primitive as they are?

Answer me. - Dov...

What's going on here?

Please don't go in there. - What's going on?

There's a fire on the second floor.

It's my apartment. -It's burned down. There's no reason to rush.

Except for the one apartment, nothing else was burned. Let's go.

What did she do to you? - She cursed me.

Cursed you?

Why did she curse you? Maybe you pulled her hair.

Mr. Policeman, I don't have time to joke around.

Look, Vasserman, if this is a candid camera joke,

then tell your colleague to come out of his hole,

cause my sinuses have been killing me all day.

Listen, Colombo, do you think I'm kidding?

I'm telling you that she cursed all my family.

So curse her back. - How?

You don't know? Tell her: Good morning, Sima,

your mother's cunt is inside the mouth of an albino Arab

with three nipples from Taibe, who fucked your daughter

in an orgy with an Iraqi, a Georgian, a Kurd,

and two foreign workers, one from Thailand

and the other from the Philippines,

whose father is part Christian and part Scientologist,

and his mother is actually his elder sister,

and she has Siamese twins

connected at the asshole that's shaped like a Barbie doll

that's saluting Yossi Sarid!

Hey you, lift that bike!

He's dead.

Yes, I'm driving from now on.

Julia. - What's the matter? -Sima...

What about Sima? - In the newspaper.

Is Sima Vaknin a Witch?

Mazal Vasserman claims that Sima Vaknin

has cursed her husband and caused his disappearance.

Anyone with information, contact the police ASAP!

Come on. Let's go.

This wonderful song was also written on

the beautiful coconut beach at Palma de Majorca.

Dear listeners, please call us

at 979-97-97.

Sima!

There she is! - Sima!

One more round and I'll buy my grandmother a present.

Bibi, your grandmother... does she have someone?

Since grandfather died... she's all alone.

What do you say? - I say forget about her.

She'd never go out with you. - Will you give me her number?

If you bet your walkman.

Done. - Show your cards.

Full house. What's your grandma's number?

Poker! You're screwed.

You may be the head of the Council,

but you're a card sucker. Another round?

Peace be with you. - We're not interested, thank you.

I have books, cassettes... - How much is a cassette?

Free. - Give me one.

On Side A you have Becoming a Believer - Intro. Side B...

is the same. You have to use it three times a day for it to work.

I wish you a full recovery.

Give him pain medication and no food.

What about the dressing? - Don't touch it.

It took me 6 hours to reconstruct his face,

and when I got to the mouth, I had no more skin left.

But finally you found skin for the mouth.

Where did you take it from?

From his rectum. He'll have a moustache just like Arafat.

Does he have any family?

We called his home, but there is no answer.

We must find someone to talk to him

otherwise he'll be depressed and will never recover.

Israelis... always depressed...

Don't worry, bro, someone is watching over you.

How do we know there's an afterlife?

In the Torah it says that man's purpose is to preserve the soul.

Today even secular; atheists people,

say that there is an afterlife.

The Talmud says: The born are to die, and the dead are to live.

You must believe in god!

Leon... Leon...

They're releasing us. I'm going home.

Bibi... you're a charming boy.

So are you, Leon.

Bibi, come on, we're going home.

Check that we haven't left anything behind.

Bibi, help your mother.

Is the pillow ours? - No. -Doesn't matter! Take it!

Come on! - I'm coming!

Sima! Sima!

Is she inside? - It's dark, I can't see anything.

I hit him right in the bulls eye.

Police! Open up!

Hide, it's a trick.

In here.

Sima Vaknin...

Yes. -I'm speaking on behalf of Israeli police.

We require you immediate presence outside.

What have I done?

I didn't say you did anything!!

But for the sake of public order, it's best you go out

and speak to the crowd, otherwise they'll ruin all the pavements.

Sima! Sima!

Sima! Sima!

I'm not going outside. If they want to see me,

Let them come inside.

There is never any parking in my street, and my Yemenite neighbor

is a parking supervisor who writes me a ticket every day.

I keep explaining that it's not my fault that there's no parking,

But he doesn't care. Why? Cause he's Yemenite.

What kind of culture have these people brought us?

Only spicy food and folk dancing.

Please, Sima, can you make a garbage truck run him over?

Six girls I've already married off, but the last one, Suzy,

is 40 years old. Not only doesn't she get married,

she's going out with a Druse officer. A year ago

she became addicted to Druse olives, so I gave her an enema,

and she got addicted to enemas,

all because of this Druse officer.

What is a Druse? An Arab disguised as a cowboy.

My problem is composed of two parts.

One, I'd like my wife to die.

And two, this will be harder for you, that her mother also dies.

And if possible, make her die in agony.

What is this?

Sima, I did some calculations. If we take 50 shekel a head,

and we do 20 heads an hour...

You can stop calculating. Three loonies were enough.

Sima, we have a financial problem with the renovation.

The Thai workers only hunt cats,

so I brought Romanians, but they steal the cement.

Then bring Arabs. -Give me more money, I'll bring Arabs.

I don't have money. - That's why I'm calculating.

All you have to do is bless the people.

Bless, curse, whatever they want.

What... am I a witch? - So it seems.

Are you crazy? Julia, say something.

Why are you sitting as silent as a fish?

They're right. - Right? -Have you also gone crazy?

Sima, you need money for the renovation? -Sure.

And what about a man? - What about it?

The entire country is standing in line. - You just have to pick one.

But it's a shame. - Why a sham? You have powers.

No powers, it's all a hoax.

Sima, you are a witch.

Who's a witch?

Here she is. Ask her yourself.

Is it true that you're a witch?

Why did you lie to me? - Grandma, tell him!

Are you a witch or not?

I'm a witch.

Come on, you're the goalie.

Sima Vaknin is a witch! Sima Vaknin is a witch!

Sima Vaknin is a witch!

Sima Vaknin is a witch!

Come back here!

Give me back my bike!

One flat tire and you get 20 years inside!

Don't push! -Hold your money in your right hands.

Ilya, hold it for him! Nikolai, pour it now! Good.

Next! - Avi, there isn't enough cement.

It'll be OK. Next!

What about the baby? - He's less than a year old.

Doesn't matter, pay the full price.

Avi, in Romania me build many houses. This won't hold up.

This isn't Romania, Chauchescu, this is Israel.

Then I go. - Go fuck yourself.

Thank you, Mrs, you'll get a receipt inside.

Hold up the money in the air!

A week after I gave birth, I became depressed. -Why?

Municipal taxes are killing me! - Income tax, aren't they fascists?

Nazis, I'm saying that as a contractor.

An unwed mother pays VAT but not a lesbian.

I want to be a model.

You'll be a model.

For example, if I were the Governor of the Bank...

I like clams, skiing, and helping underprivileged children.

I'd dry up the Dead Sea immediately.

But I don't have a bicycle.

Besides, my father beats me!

Hit him back! - My daughter attacked me!

A person shouldn't hold it all in.

So in the meantime I hit her. - But only on Saturdays.

Small quantities aren't dangerous. - As the Bank Governor...

As a contractor... - As a future model...

I don't take off my panties.

Next!

Most importantly, drink a lot of water, cause it's very hot.

6,000 shekel in one day.

What's the matter with you?

Sima, you're a start up.

A what? - A start up.

If we work 1 0 hours a day...

I won't work more than 6 hours a day. - But 1 0 hours is average.

I'll throw in a lunch break. - You can rest during the break.

Times 6 days a week. -I have to go to the market on Friday.

Everything will be delivered, don't you get it?

Even in Europe they work 5 days. - But we're in Asia, not Europe.

Only in sports we're European, because the Arabs don't play fair.

No work on Friday, and no more than 6 hours a day.

Sima, listen to them. - Mom, within a month

every kid in Israel will know who Sima Vaknin is.

You'll have everything: money, power, honor.

Enough, what have you done to me?

What have you done to me! What have you done to me!

Mother, what's the matter? Mother?

Sima, this is the most beautiful moment of your life.

What kind of life?

For forty years my husband Asher lived here with me,

we had no money...

but I loved him. Now...

there's a hole here, like the hole I have inside my heart...

For forty years I wanted Asher to take me

to Palma de Majorca, to sit on the beach,

to watch the sunset quietly...

but one day... he was gone,

left me all alone here,

and you, what have you made me into, a witch?

Who'll want a witch?

Now for sure I'll be alone forever.

Mom, you'll work a few months,

you'll meet someone nice, we'll have money to renovate...

And then you'll stop.

And everything will return to normal.

Nothing will return to normal.

How much do we need to renovate? 60,000?

I'll work two weeks and that's it.

Just a minute, Sima.

At the beginning we needed 60,000, but then the crowds

smashed the foundations, ruined the surface,

and peed so much that they created an ecological disaster.

So we have to build a new bathroom for them,

so if you work a year it may just be enough.

I'll work two months. - We have a deal.

This is for you. Go to sleep and be here at 6 AM.

Tomorrow we'll bring them in groups.

Now, the championship battle for igniting farts through corduroy.

Shpitz, you were great. - I'm always great.

How were the rating? - I don't know,

but the part with the fat woman. - Shut up a second.

Shpitz, you were great. - I'm always great.

The part with the fat woman. - What's my rating?

1 2.5%.

Shpitz, Alex called me.

He's not signing you on for another season.

He liked the show, but in the rating you are going down.

I'm going down?

Your researchers aren't bringing me items!

What's so difficult about leafing through the newspaper

until you find a Moroccan pensioner

who curses her neighbors. - Calm down, Shpitz.

Here he is.

Oh my God! Mazal!

Leon? - Where's my son?

Here...

In the paper he looks like a handsome guy.

If we came into the world to Live then why do we die,

and if we came to die, why do we live?

Dov... How are you?

Thank God.

Stand in foursomes. - Foursomes you dumbie!

Go on, finish the welding.

Avi, I thing you have to add reinforcement.

Don't think, Sima blessed it so we don't need a thing.

Hey, renovator, is this Sima Vaknin's house?

Firstly, I'm not a renovator but a contractor.

Secondly, stand in line. A group enters every 6 minutes.

Thirdly, with that nose up you won't go in.

Avi, don't do Jewish work, we already know

that you don't know how to build. - Haled. -Mahmud.

Hamid, doesn't matter!

Continue working before you also get kicked back to Romania,

where no one gives a damn about your terror attacks...

Mr. Contractor...

You didn't understand me... - Because you didn't explain.

Please go in.

He just wants to ask a question!

What's your problem!

Light curses - Medium curses. - Horrible curses

30 curses on policemen, soccer referees and bible teachers,

22 requests for Norwegian passports,

2 want to be astronauts, and one woman asked

that Uri Levy grow his moustache back.

I'm going to wash up. You can continue on your own.

Grandma... you washed an hour ago.

Bibi, I just don't have any more strength left in me.

Two more groups and you have a break. -OK.

Make sure you write everything down.

The minute we have enough for the renovation

I'm closing down this circus.

Next group!

Why is he alone? - He paid for 1 0 groups.

Is there anything to eat? - Not now.

What's the problem?

It's personal. - Do you mind leaving?

You make my grandma laugh.

Take off the mask.

Don't be shy, sweetie.

If you don't take off the mask, there are barriers between us.

Whatever blessing I use won't reach its destination.

Shpitz? - It's you.

What else do you need? - Rating.

I don't know what to do. Please, Sima, help me.

I'll give you anything you ask for, anything. Just help me.

Remember, listeners, anyone looking for love Call in right now.

Tell me, you in the media, you're all friends. Right? -Yes.

Can you, just once, get me to talk on the radio?

You want a radio show? - Who?

Give her a show, and make it a daily show.

Hello everyone, this is Sima Vaknin

in a new matchmaking program, call in

and I promise you that the line won't be busy.

So now, lets start with the first caller.

Hello? - Hi Sima, this is Batia from Eilat.

Hi Batia.

I think homosexuals threaten our existence.

Are you looking for a match or do you want to talk politics?

My husband claims that wife swapping

is the secret of a successful marriage.

So if he got me pregnant, I have to have an abortion?

It's wife swapping, he just doesn't understand!

Who got you pregnant? - We don't know.

Why not?

Because there was wife swapping, but there was no penetration,

I mean there was penetration, but not exactly... by a penis.

So what should I do, Sima?

Go to sleep... alone.

Sima, you're the greatest!

Dear Sima... -Money in your right hands, up high, high.

I've been in love with you since Begin was Prime Minister.

I want to get married. - You've come to the right place.

What's the problem? - Economically, it's bad.

Sima, this is my son Eviatar. He's gifted.

What's the problem?

You go out with a girl and find out that she's addicted to Druze olives. - What?

Tell her, sweetie.

It happened when I was a soldier, I took a bus to the north...

So you, as her future husband, have to drive her north...

On the way, a sexy paratrooper sat next to me.

Well...

Don't be shy.

An hour later, she starts crying that she's constipated

because of the Druse olives.

I tightened my legs... - So she needed an enema.

Suddenly the driver pressed the breaks...

Two days later you crash into someone...

Puff, I came.

At your own expense.

You what? - I came, Blessed be God.

Maybe you should come back another time.

No, I'll tell you... Sima. My son has...

the smallest penis in his class. - Want to see?

How can she see it?

Enough, Dad, enough...

Sima Vaknin, Witch.

Sima Vaknin - Witch - Ltd.

What a star! - Well done, Sima!

What a wonderful voice you have!

You were always my best friend.

What are you talking about?

We'll explain.

Hello. -These are Roman and Yehezkel from the Council.

Hello Sima. I'm Roman from the Council and this is...

Yehezkel, pleased to meet you.

What do you want?

Can we speak in private? - Sure, come into the kitchen.

Please sit down.

Sima...

Bibi, brush your teeth and go to bed.

Why? Come here, sweetie.

Sima, Roman and Yehezkel...

Etty, give us a moment.

She's my mother and I have a right to be here.

Sima, Roman...

This is impossible. - Come on in, sit down.

Sima...

Roman and Yehezkel have orchards...

Vanunu, let me...

In a week, elections will be held for the head of the Council.

You of all people know how important it is...

that the council head take care of all the... -interests...

of everyone in this town.

So what do you want with me?

We want you to tell everyone to vote for us in the elections.

Sima, I'm elected, you become an honored resident.

We'll hold... - A ceremony.

You'll receive the town keys.

We'll develop, we'll grow, we'll have more...

- Issues... -to take care of... - That means more positions,

more offices... -It means that I'm number three in their party.

You? In their party? You're moving to Tel Aviv.

Sima, if I'm elected, we'll stay here forever.

Mother, that's what you've always wanted.

Just bring them the votes.

How?

Sima, you have both charisma and a great radio show.

You have to bring people to talk about problems,

and say on the air that here in... - Givat Moshe.

I, Roman Koganovitch am going to make a change! Bitch!

That is the only way to defeat the current Council head.

Since his wife died, the corrupt Council head has lost his mind.

Even the permit he approved for your renovation...

That doesn't matter...

Sima, what do you say?

I know nothing about politics.

Fucking shit! (in Russian)

Now tell her about the orchard.

Sima... I got a 5 acre orchard.

The minute I'm elected, I get building permits.

I'll build you a house, and fill it with grandchildren.

We'll stay together forever and become an empire.

Alright.

In our Torah we don't believe in curses.

The Book of Exodus explicitly states that a witch shall not live.

So according to the Torah, witches just don't exist, but...

to be on the safe side, this bottle will protect you.

Put it in your pocket, take it with you everywhere,

and God willing, everything will be fine.

Thank you, Rabbi.

No need. It'll be 600 plus VAT.

Thank you, Rabbi.

Good evening, this is Sima Vaknin.

Tonight we won't be matchmaking.

We have an urgent issue.

The elections for the Town Council of Givat Moshe.

People who want to talk about problems they have

are invited to come to the studio.

All their problems will be easily solved by the new Council head...

Roman Koganovitch, who by the way,

is a neighbor of mine, and is a wonderful fellow,

and I warmly recommend him.

Now, hello to... - Dr, Vadim Tarkovsky

and Yulia Moshayov. - Hello Sima. -Hello.

Dr. Vadim, what do you think is the problem?

The problem is that I don't understand the Arab conflict.

Each time elections are held,

people are told that there is a conflict.

And I ask you: What conflict?

We are the chosen people, right?

In 76, we brought a plane load of people from Entebbe

without any casualties, except for one, but for that

his brother, got to be Prime Minister.

So what do the Arabs want from us?

Do you agree with him? - No, absolutely not.

The Thais are much worse. All the problems began

when they were brought here. They are hungry...

Just a moment... - Let me finish!

I work in the hospital, and I saw a man

who was hunted down by Thais.

I think you're exaggerating. - That's because you don't read.

I read on the Internet that in countries that grow coconuts,

every year 200 people are hit and killed by falling coconuts.

And here we don't have that problem at all.

So why say there's a conflict?

We have 5 borders here, right? Right.

The Arabs: wake them up in the morning,

give their wives time to prepare pita bread,

take them on buses across the borders to join their brothers.

Why call it Transfer and drag the entire country

into an electric connotations?

Sergeant Pinto, the commander of the Givat Moshe police.

You probably have a different point of view.

Sure, our problem is women.

Women? What did they do to you?

Let's say there's a rapist...

within one minute women will traumatize the entire country,

and I say it's only a rapist, so what's the trauma?

Let's take Nadia Komanescu for example.

Didn't she fall off the bar in 1 984? She did.

And Golda Meir,

didn't she grow hair on her nose? She did.

And Dana International...

He - didn't fall with the trophy during the Eurovision contest?

He did. So have you ever heard him complain?

No, no...

Our problem is the immigration from Russia. - Russia?

There was no demographic reason to bring them here.

Shpitz... she's eating us alive.

We have to drive her back into her hole. -How?

I have an idea. - What's your idea?

What is your idea?

I'll bring her to your program and you'll Shpitz (stab) her.

Why did they bring the Russians? - Because of Ron Arad.

Ron Arad the POW?

They wanted to exchange the Russians for him.

Why didn't they succeed? - Shimon Peres ruined it.

They didn't call Lebanon back.

Arabs are easily hurt, cause Peres's mother is an Arab.

So we didn't get Ron Arad back and we're stuck with Russians.

But now it will cost us too much to send them back to Russia.

I'll add that not all Russian women are whores!

He's right, and I'm saying it as a contractor.

The same thing happened with the Ethiopians.

What happened with them?

Pollard had jaundice, and Shamir wanted an Olympic medal,

so that's why he brought the Ethiopians.

But it's irreversible damage,

cause the blacks have a huge organ,

and it's difficult to circumcise them.

Our problem is that everyone's always in a hurry.

If each person woke up in the morning and said to himself:

Today I'll do everything a little bit slower,

we would understand how much love we have

and our hearts would open.

If I love you,

and you love me,

and he loves us, and we love him,

and everyone loves those who love them, and their friends,

we won't be animals, we'll be human beings,

and we'll have time for lots of things,

even just to go out for a coffee. Want some?

Where?

It's two in the morning, I'm in the center of Damascus,

I don't know a word of Arabic

and these two cops check my driving license!

We're closing.

That's OK.

Thanks, Leon. - Thank you. Sima.

You're a charming person.

Something good has happened to me since I met you.

I've been having a difficult time with the elections.

The opposition party is spreading lies that I'm corrupt.

Sima... can I see you again?

Leon, you're really a good person,

but I'm committed to the other party,

because they contacted me first,

so if you're trying to befriend me because of the elections...

Elections?

You think that's what I want of you?

So what do you want?

Where is grandma? - I don't know.

Liar! -It was late, so I came home by taxi.

Bibi, tell the truth. - You have one last chance!

Where is she?

Hi, sweetie. Why are you awake so early in the morning?

Where were you? - I went for a coffee.

With who? - No one special.

I just sat in the cafe and didn't notice the time.

You, in a cafe? That's new. - What's the matter with you?

All night without calling? - We were worried sick!

Just don't say you were with Leon! - Leon's a great guy!

Shut up and sit down!

Avi, what's the matter with you? It was only coffee!

All night? How much coffee? - You've made a big mistake.

The man from the Council was nice to you and this is how you repay?

Shame on you!

They asked you to neutralize Leon, not help him.

Instead you let him talk on the radio and meet him?

What do you see in that idiot?

Why idiot? You don't even know him.

Enough, Sima! I can't hear this any more!

Go wash up, you have to receive people!

Hey, don't push! This isn't a market! Behave!

Avi, the house will fall apart!

Not now, Kadafi. - Avi, I can't work like this.

If you don't like it, leave! I'll bring Poles!

You bring Poles, bring Poles! You Kurd!

Yes, I'll bring Poles!

They smell horrible and you can't understand a word they say,

but they aren't as thick as Arabs!

Sergeant Pinto, how are you? - I'm fine,

but I have some bad news. - What's the matter?

This is an order to halt construction immediately.

Why halt it? One hour and it's finished.

I just got it from the Council.

You've deviated from the construction percentages.

Do have anything else to tell me?

Actually I do. Give that to me.

Ladies and gentlemen, Sima won't be receiving you today

cause she doesn't have a business permit.

Give me an ID card.

You are requested to leave immediately.

Not in the face!

Are you crazy? We've finished the renovation!

No wonder the police are illiterate! - Shame on you!

Sima, what should I do?

I'm just doing my job. Now chose someone and I'll arrest him.

Great timing. Tell this parasite to leave us alone.

It's not that simple.

Are you responsible for this mess? - Sima...

My dear, we asked you to neutralize Leon,

and instead, what did you do?

You gave him a present and let him talk on the radio

and then you held hands at the cafe!

Why did you do that to me?

I didn't mean to.

I was so close to winning and now you ruin everything!

Someone has to come down to the station with me.

You! -Leave her alone! - Vanunu - you.

Mother... - Who is he?

Are you Sima Vaknin?

What do you want?

I want you to appear live on Shpitz's show.

Forget it!

Come on, Vanunu.

Take a toothbrush and come with me to the station.

Pinto... give us a minute.

You have more luck than brains.

I'm going to forget the construction deviation

and the police complaint will be radioactively cancelled.

You will appear on TV and say on the air that

everyone should vote for me.

You'll say what a good person I am, tell about my music degree,

my contribution to the town, my parents who died in Siberia,

and my injury in the war. - Which war?

It doesn't matter. Say "the war".

Is that clear?

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you, I also love you.

Thank you, thank you.

Enough.

Enough...

Applause.

Now, in her first television appearance, here's Sima Vaknin.

You look wonderful.

Sima! Sima!

Sima, how are you tonight? - God bless, I'm fine.

Elections will soon be held in my town, Givat Moshe,

and I want people to know... - Just a second.

But I must say it. - We'll get to Givat Moshe later,

but first I want you to meet two dear people.

Haim, you wrote us a letter saying you have a problem.

Yes, your researcher called me. - No, no, no.

You sent us a letter, and what did you write?

That my daughter... That my daughter...

That your daughter... is sick.

Give her a hand, she's sick.

Ortal, tell us what's wrong with you.

Cancer. - Cancer, ladies and gentleman!

Just like my sign!

Haim, what can save your daughter's life?

An operation in France. - An operation.

How much does the operation cost? - 50,000 dollars.

50,000 dollars!

Applause!

Haim and Ortal, tonight I'm giving you...

Wait, what do you think I'm about to give you?

50,000 dollars?

I'm giving you a digital camera, with a zoom and charger,

by Ikagutchi company, but only if you promise me

that you'll film the entire vacation... operation.

Just a minute! There's another present.

Ortal, Paris is the city of love, and in the city of love

you must look your best. Right? - Right.

So the chain of saloons Rosh Pitzuz (Blow Your Head)

is giving you a brand new wig that has never been shampooed!

Now go to Paris, come back quickly,

and we'll see the movie you made for me. -And...

what will happen if... - Lf what, honey?

Lf... I die during the operation?

Ortal, you'll recover fully. That's for sure.

Because now, only on my show, live,

Sima Vaknin will cure your cancer.

Sima... - Sima! Sima!

Sima! Sima!

Tonight we proved that Sima Vaknin is a liar.

She has no powers, and therefore just ran off

and didn't save our charming Ortal,

who just minutes ago fainted in the middle of the show

and was taken to hospital. I want to take this opportunity...

Do you take sugar? - What's the different?

I'll show that devil,

I hope that horrible things happen to him...

Sima, I've been in this business for years.

That's the way it is. Some people thrive on hatred,

but you aren't like that.

You are pure gold.

Look at me, Sima.

I'm here.

Come with me now. I have two tickets.

We'll fly away to some beach, sit on the shore

and watch the sunset, just the two of us.

I've decided not to run for office

because I want you to be with me forever.

Now you must decide.

You again! -What are you doing here?

I just escorted her back from the studio.

So now go. - We want to be left alone. -Sima!

Leave, just go!

Mom, listen to me. We're on your side.

Mark my words, Sima, I'll screw that Pinocchio,

I'll turn him into a Cinderella!

Enough, it's over. It's all over.

Sima, it's just the beginning. We straightened everything out.

It's over. And now I'm going back to my normal life.

Who wants coffee? - Mom, I know what they did to you,

I saw it, but you can't leave it like this, you can't keep quiet.

You have to go out and defend your name.

I'm not going outside. - The people outside love you.

Go to them. Don't be afraid.

Talk to then confidently. You have nothing to lose.

Sima... It's the honor of the entire family.

And what will I say?

Grandma...

I wrote everything down.

Quiet, please.

We want to begin. Mrs. Vaknin will read a statement.

I ask that no one interrupt her.

I'll beat the fucking shit out of him!

Mrs. Vaknin, please.

Good evening, all the people of Israel. I, Sima Vaknin,

the daughter of Machluf and Hadida Swisa,

do hereby de... - Declare. -With a 'C', sweetheart.

I, Sima Vaknin, herby declare that I am running for the...

office of Prime Minister of Israel.

Quiet!

Were are your manners?

Mrs. Vaknin, is this a joke?

Mrs. Vaknin, I'm Avnit Barzel Shakelit of News 3.

Are you founding a party or joining an existing party?

And do you have a platform?

Yes, I have a platform. - She has a platform!

I say that an Arab, any Arab living in our country.

The morning after I'm elected, the Arab will wake up,

take his children and walk out. Air-conditioned buses

will be waiting for him to take him wherever he wants...

Bravo!

That is the only way to end the conflict.

Bravo...

All the foreign workers from Thailand...

All the foreign workers from Thailand...

I can't read it...

To all the foreign workers from Thailand,

I'm announcing that anyone caught hunting in Israel,

we'll arrest them and give them to their friends

to eat them!

As for the Russians, I Bibi Anan do hereby declare

to any Russian who's listening: if you, as a Russian,

are not happy here, the State of Israel will be glad

to see you leave!

A Russian who still wants to stay in Israel,

note that as of the day I'm elected,

speaking Russian will be prohibited. -Oh my God!

Remember me, Sima?

Vasserman, your neighbor.

Vasserman, what happened to you? - Everything.

As for homos and lesbians, we won't abandon you.

After I'm elected, I promise to prepare a program

to cure all of you from this horrible disease.

Cancel the curse, Sima.

What curse are you talking about?

This is your last chance. Either cancel the curse

or you'll join your husband in heaven.

Decide now.

To all the wonderful people watching us now, I, Bibi Anan,

promise to lead Israel to a new future

30 days from the day I'm elected,

you won't recognize this country!

Bibi!

Bibi! Bibi!

Bibi! Bibi!

Vasserman, please, what do you want from me?

Say goodbye.

You have to decide right now, Sima.

I've decided.

What are you looking at?!

Thank you. - Why thank him, I asked for mint.

They probably don't have any mint here.

I hope a coconut falls on his head.

Sima, dear, careful. - Don't worry, sweetie,

it doesn't work when I'm abroad.

Who's turn is it now?

Now it's my turn.

Subtitles: Cinematyp Studios Ltd.