All language subtitles for K_C_ Undercover_S03E17_Take Me Out.en.cc

Previously...

I'm still kinda freaked out
about my mission last night.

I actually thought that
I was gonna die,

and it made me realize,
the one thing

- that I'm missing
in my life is Darien.
- A manicure.

- Wait, what? Darien?
- I still have
feelings for him.

Then why are you
telling me this?
You should be telling him.

Wow, you really don't
want anything to do
with me, do you?

I can't help it,
but I do.

I'm also scared.

Maybe we can
take it slow.

I'm cool with that.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Okay, Darien, are you meant
to be my boyfriend or not?

Give me a signal.
Any signal.

I am ready to respond.

- What?
- Nothing.

You were staring at me.

I was not staring at you.

I was staring at nothing.

No, I'm not saying
you're nothing.

I mean, you're
definitely something.

I'm just saying that
I wasn't staring at you.

I was staring past you,

at the pinball machine.

There's so many...
beautiful... colors.

Can I ask you
a question?

Yeah. Oh, sure.
Absolutely.

Whatever you ask me,
I will probably say yes.

I once fell asleep in class,

and woke up in the middle
of a chess club meeting.

Does that count as
an extracurricular activity?

No, that counts
as narcolepsy.

You might wanna
see a doctor about that.

Why are you asking?

Trying to beef up
my application to
Morehouse College.

He doesn't have
the grades for that,

and that's probably why
this isn't gonna work out.

Wait, but if
you think about it,

Morehouse, that's right next
to where I wanna go to school.

Wait a minute,
that's a signal.

Okay, Darien, look,

I get it.

You like me.

- Excuse me?
- You're applying to go
to Morehouse,

which is right next
to the school I wanna
go to, Spelman,

and you want us to be
girlfriend and boyfriend,

and you're clearly afraid
of long-distance relationships.

I mean, I'm not stupid.

Actually, I wanna go
to Morehouse

because my father went there,
and my grandfather,

and three of my uncles.

Okay, maybe I'm
a little stupid.

What's going on
with you, KC?

Sorry.
I'm a little embarrassed.

I just thought that you
were giving off signals

that you wanted to be
a couple or something.

I'm really bad at this.

Maybe not as bad
as you think.

Maybe we should give
the dating thing
another try.

I'm sorry,
just to be clear,

when you say that you
wanna give the dating
thing another try,

you mean that we--

We should give the dating
thing another try.

- Cool.
- Cool.

I knew he wanted
to be my boyfriend all along.

I don't know
what I was worried about.

Who could say no
to all of this?

♪ Oh, when danger
comes for you ♪

♪ You know
I'll stand beside you ♪

♪ 'Cause ain't nobody
keep their head so cool ♪

♪ I'll always find a way,
a way out of the fire ♪

♪ Don't tell nobody,
tell nobody ♪

♪ I'm not perfect ♪

♪ So many things
I wanna tell you ♪

♪ But I, I, I,
I keep it undercover ♪

♪ Livin' my life,
on red alert ♪

♪ Doin' my thing,
gonna make it work ♪

♪ Know I'm the realest,
baby, I'm fearless ♪

♪ But I always
got your back ♪

♪ Nobody can do it
like I can ♪

♪ I gotta find out
who I am ♪

♪ Ain't got to worry
about me ♪

♪ It's all
part of the plan ♪

I keep it undercover.

I keep it
undercover.

That idiotic, pea brain,
good-for-nothing nincompoop.

Now what?

Mr. Vita failed me.

I got an F in
creative writing.

Like his writing
is any better.

It's so bad that it...

isn't good.

Wow, hard to believe
you got an F.

Let me see your paper.

"There once was
a man who died

because he was
carbon based."

"The end."

There is nothing
wrong with that.

It's 100% factual.

Yeah, but
it's not fun,
or creative.

Who needs to be
creative?

Humans need to be
creative to generate
new ideas.

If someone hadn't said,

"What if I build
a walking insult machine?"

you wouldn't
even be here.

And you wouldn't be here
if Agent Kira had just said,

"I scored with KC.
Why don't I quit
while I'm ahead?"

( knocking on door )

Oh, hello, Darnell.

It's Darien, Mr. Cooper.

Hey, same thing.
Come on in.

Far enough.

I'm here to pick up
KC for our date.

And you show up here
in jeans and a T-shirt?

Haven't you ever heard of
the expression "dress to
impress"?

We're going to
the baseball game.

Huh. In that case,
cool duds.

Now look here.

I like you, son.
I always have.

But if you break
my daughter's heart
one more time,

I will break you.

Mr. Cooper, actually,
she was the one
who broke my heart.

And you came back
for more?

What's wrong
with you, boy?

Get some self-respect
and move on.

Okay, what Mr. Cooper's
trying to say

is have a nice time.

But if KC's not home
by 11:00, you'll be
in jail by 12:00.

- You ever been in jail, boy?
- I don't think he has.

Hey, Mom, Dad.

Hey, hey.

I do not need you to
embarrass me in front
of my date.

I can do that
all on my own.

Yeah, let's go.

BOTH: So cute!

- Remember our first date?
- Of course I do.

We took the train downtown,
and I forgot my jacket.

I was a perfect gentleman
and lent you mine.

We went to the arcade,
and we played air hockey.

That's right.

And I whupped
your butt.

That's wrong.

As I recall,
I beat you.

Well, then, you're not
recalling very well,

because the score
was eight to three.

It was, only I had
eight, and you had three.

Okay, this is silly,

because the point is,
we had a great date.

It was.
It was very great.

Especially because
you were such a good
sport when I beat you!

Ha! Now I know
you're lying,

'cause I've never been
a good sport in my life.

- These seats are
pretty good, huh?
- Yeah.

Want some popcorn?

Oh, I'm good.
Nachos.

You know,
this is nice.

Just the two of us,
chillin'...

Hey, hey, I saw that, blue.

Listen, I've seen potatoes
with better eyes.

The strike zone
is chest to knees.

That's right,
chest to knees.

Sorry. I get
carried away.

Doesn't bother me.

CROWD: Kiss, kiss, kiss,
kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss...

Sorry about that.

I just ruined
our first kiss,
didn't I?

Actually, you ruined
our first kiss last year.

You just ruined
our second first kiss.

BOTH: This date is not going
as well as I thought it would.

Ugh! This creative writing
assignment is impossible.

Okay, I'm gonna help you
get in touch with
your creative side

- by doing some
improvisation.
- What's that?

It's when you make up
characters and scenes

right on the spot.
Let's give it a shot.

You pretend
you're a teacher,

and I'll pretend
I'm a new student.

Hello. Are you my teacher?

No.

Judy, you have to say yes.

The number one rule
in improv

is always to say "yes and..."

Now, let's try again.

Hello. Are you my teacher?

Yes and.

You can't just say
"yes and."

You have to add
words to it.

Hello. Are you my teacher?

Yes, and...
are we done?

I can see we have
more work to do.

Yes, and...
I hate this.

Hey, Marisa, are you free
to talk for a second?

I'm on a little break
from my date.

Let me guess.

You just went to the ladies
room to de-cheesify your face?

How do you know that?

They're playing your epic
kissing fail on TV.

Now it's on the big screen.

( laughing )
It's in slow motion.

Are you serious?

Sorry, KC,
I can barely hear you here

over all the laughter.

I'll have to call you
later. Bye.

That's fine. I'm actually
really busy right now.

I'm just dying
from embarrassment.

You're not goin'
anywhere.

Regina Honey, what
are you doing here?

I was here watching the game,
and I saw your cheesy mug

up on the big screen,
and thought to myself,

this was the perfect
time for revenge.

- My date--
- Is over.

Technically, it was over

with that sad, pathetic
attempt at kissing.

You're already abducting me
at laser point.

Do you really have
to be so mean about it?

Go!

Okay, so what's
your plan here?

All I know is,
you ruined my life,

and now, I'm gonna
ruin yours.

How did I do that?

By busting me.

I spent the last two years
in prison because of you.

Sorry, but when you threaten
to destroy the entire world,

that's kinda my job
to stop you.

We're like peanut butter
and jelly in that way.

Apart,
two popular condiments.

Together,
the number one sandwich

in school cafeterias
across America.

And lunch every day
in prison.

By the way,

I hate peanut butter
and jelly.

( cell phone rings)

Okay, that's
probably my date.

Can I just pick up
and tell him I'm okay?

Sorry.

When you wanna do something,

kinda my job to stop you.

We're like peanut butter
and jelly that way.

Right, peanut butter?

Okay, listen, if one of us
is gonna be peanut butter,

it's definitely you, 'cause
you're the one that's nuts.

MARISA: You have reached
KC's phone.

This is Marisa's
melodious voice

leaving the outgoing message,
because KC's voice

is bland and monotonous.
Leave a message.

KC: Marisa, what are
you doing with my phone?

( beep )

Hey, it's me again.

Where are you?

I'm starting to get
a little worried.

Call me.

Okay, Judy, you've got
the hang of "yes and."

So let's try to build
a full scene.

It may seem intimidating,
but just remember,

say whatever
pops in your head.

You're a mouth breather.

Okay, not that.

I haven't even given you
a suggestion yet.

Let's try an easy one.

You be a doctor,
and I'll be a patient.

Doc, I think there's
something wrong with me.

Yeah. It's your brain.

I'm diagnosing you with
a severe case of stupidity.

You know, Judy,

name calling is very
unprofessional for a doctor.

New scene. We'll both
be firefighters.

Whoa, this fire's
getting big.

Yeah, you shouldn't
have lit it.

But it's not your fault,

because you were recently
diagnosed with a severe
case of stupidity.

Can we please move
away from that?

This is a different scene.

Now help me
put out this fire.

And be creative.

Was that creative
enough for you?

Okay, come on,
what's your plan?

I don't know.

I mean, it's not like
I thought this thing through.

Really? 'Cause I figured
that two hours ago.

It's not like I have
anywhere to go anyway.

Darien probably hates me,
because he thinks

I walked out on him
and don't like him anymore.

I cannot believe
this is happening again.

What do you mean, again?

Darien and I
used to date.

Everything was great,
like, really, really great,

and then, spying
got in the way,

and I had to
break up with him.

Then I got
a second chance with him,

and I promised myself that
I would not break his heart,

but here I am, doing
the same thing all over again.

( sighs )

I don't know why
I'm telling you.

It's not like you would
understand or even care.

Are you crying?

No.

Maybe a little.

Okay, 'cause I was
thinking about kicking
my way out of this,

but, uh, I can't really
kick you if you're crying.

His name was
Joey Damico.

We started seeing each other
when we were about your age.

He was so sweet and cute,

and he was the first boy
in my grade who had
to shave every day.

And he breathed through
his mouth like a little puppy.

So what happened?

I don't know.

I guess I fell in
with the wrong crowd,

and started committing
petty larcenies,

and light racketeering,

toppling a few
foreign governments.

You know, the uzhe.

Joey didn't want
any part of that.

He moved on.

I let my job
get in the way of love.

Uh... I'm not really
complaining,

but what are you doing?

Go.
Be with Joey.

Uh... Darien.
Whatever his name is.

Okay.

I just hope he's still
there waiting for me.

Um, thank you,
by the way.

Oh, I'm too late.

Although in retrospect,
the empty parking lot

should've been
the first tip-off.

Craig, what's that?

The truth!

We are gonna
settle the score

right here,
right now.

Okay, let me
get this straight.

You're so cheap,
you won't buy
name-brand soda,

but you'll buy
an air hockey table
to settle a dispute?

Because I'm tired
of drinking 6-Up
and Mountain Don't.

It's on.

Oh, baby.

Oh, baby,
that's right.

- Are you ready, Craig?
- Show me what you got.

BOTH: Show me what you got.

Come on, Craig.
What's happening?

( chattering indistinctly )

Whoo!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.
Come on, Craig,
let's go.

- Ha ha.
- You ready?
- Yeah, I'm ready.

Uh-uh, uh-uh.

Ooh! Ooh!
Watch out.

All right, Craig.
Next goal wins.

- Are ya ready?
- I'm ready.

I don't think you're ready.

I beat ya!

In your face!

I beat you like
I beat you 20 years ago.

Ha ha! Now admit it, Craig.
Say I beat you.

Yeah, you beat me.

( laughing )

Yeah, thank you
very much.

Because I let you win.

- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.
Best two out of three?

Okay, it's on
like Donkey Kong.

And as I recall,
I beat you at that as well.

You never beat me
at no Donkey Kong.

- Come on!
- Let's go.

Marisa, it's over.

Okay? I broke
his heart again,

- and he hates me.
- Ow!

Snap out of it, KC.

I'm not gonna let you
give up this easily.

All you have to do is
come up with a good reason
for why you left.

Marisa, I tried, okay,
and nothing sounds believable.

All good lies
are based in truth,

so let's start with that.
You got up because...

I went to
the ladies room.

And that is where
you say you were.

For six hours?

That is disgusting.

Exactly. Nobody asks
follow-up questions

when the story
is that gross.

Wait, what are you guys
talking about?

We're trying to come up
with a good cover story

for why KC left Darien
on their date.

Okay, Judy, you ready?

I am ready.

Two people
at a ballgame,

and one of them
disappears.
What happened?

You were at
the baseball game,

and you went to
the restroom to
fix your hair.

While inside, there
was an earthquake

that caused a pillar
to fall down,

trapping you
inside the bathroom.

So why didn't Darien
feel this earthquake?

Because it was
a micro quake.

Barely registered
on the Richter scale,

but it was strong enough
to open up a sinkhole

right under
the bathroom sink.

And why wasn't this
on the news?

Because the stadium
made sure of it.

Oswald Moneypenny,
the new owner,

was over-leveraged with
this real estate purchase,

and called the publisher of
the newspaper, his cousin...

Larrabee Moneypenny.

Yes, and Larrabee Moneypenny,
who covered it up,

because his cousin Oswald
had dirt on him

from something that happened
to them when they were teenagers

on a fishing expedition
that I will not go into.

Boom.

Improv.

Well, I guess it's better
than saying I was on
the toilet for six hours.

So that's why you
didn't hear about
the earthquake

on the news,
because

Mr. Moneypenny...
remember him...

he called his cousin,

and I'm not really
at liberty to say

what happened on
that fishing expedition,

but, uh, suffice to say,

three went out,
two came back.

Yeah, how dumb do
you think I am?

Okay, fine.

I was constipated
for six hours,

and I shouldn't have
eaten all that cheese.

KC, stop, all right?

I know exactly where
you disappeared to.

- You do?
- Yeah.

It's 'cause
I tried to kiss you.

What?

I was the one who said
we should go slow,

and I went too fast.

Guess I got caught up by
the whole Kiss Cam thing.

But that's no excuse.
I never should've done that.

'Cause I don't even know
if this is right.

Oh, thank goodness.

Wait, excuse me.

I am so glad
you said that,

because, well,
honestly,

I was feeling
that way, too.

This is not
right, Darien,

and I don't know,
I just didn't say anything,

because last time,
I'm the one who
disappointed you.

Honestly, I just think
we're better off as...

BOTH: Friends.

Yeah.

- We cool?
- Yeah, we're cool.

Uh, maybe we should...

There we go.

You know what? Sometimes,
things don't work out.

But sometimes, they do.

( knocking on door )

Regina.

It's me, Joey Damico.

Joey!

What are you
doing here?

I came over because...

after all these years,
I realized

I still love you.

Really? Wait.

How did you find me?

Some girl contacted me
and gave me your address.

Said something about
peanut butter and jelly.

Anyway, I thought
I'd come over

and ask you if
you, you know,

you wanna grab some coffee
and, uh, talk about things.

I'd love that.

Thanks, peanut butter.