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1
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Vote Samson. Vote for Andrew.
So, I'm supporting my brother,
2
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,680
while you're supporting the man
who ruined both our lives.
3
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:10,680
What am I supposed to do?
Show some backbone.
4
00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:14,760
Pick a side. Ah! Man.
Picking sides is hard.
5
00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:18,120
I pick...one of each.
6
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:21,400
I mean, when did neutrality
become such a dirty word?
7
00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,760
I love Swiss cuisine.
I mean, look at the Toblerone.
8
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,520
You're telling me a warring country
would put nougat in there?
9
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,800
When you're digging trenches,
you don't think about nougat.
10
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,080
You don't have the time!
ABIJAH LAUGHS
11
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,240
Evil triumphs when good men
do nothing.
12
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:34,800
Yes, but I'm not doing nothing,
Rachel.
13
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:36,880
I am worrying constantly.
14
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:38,640
I don't want Samson's rage.
15
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:41,160
I don't want your brother
to put me back in his garage gulag.
16
00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:43,360
Garage gulag?
17
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,200
Look into his eyes, Andrew.
18
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,120
See the eyes of your enemy.
19
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:49,200
Andrew's on his rower again.
20
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,600
He says training will focus his mind
for the vote.
21
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,440
That's fun.
22
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,280
For you. What do you mean?
23
00:00:58,480 --> 00:00:59,480
You're looking at his body
24
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:02,320
like a hyena that's hungry
for man meat.
25
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,680
My sole desire is to help my son.
26
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:08,040
And if Andrew wants to exercise
in that gear,
27
00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:11,120
that tight, tight gear...
28
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,160
ANDREW GROANS
29
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:14,920
Is there an end to that sentence?
30
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,000
Hm.
31
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:33,560
Is David helping with the big vote?
32
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,920
No. It's imperative
that doesn't happen.
33
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,320
We've sent him to his favourite
charity electronics store.
34
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,600
Guys, I've got a great deal
on a random grab bag of wires.
35
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:42,680
Look.
36
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,080
There's a Scart at one end,
and at the other...
37
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:47,320
..we'll soon find out.
38
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,480
Jeb, did you get my voice note
about CPR?
39
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:57,880
Yes. That sounds so important
to you and to your future.
40
00:01:57,920 --> 00:01:58,920
I can't do it.
41
00:01:58,960 --> 00:01:59,960
What?
42
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,400
It's the youth, Rachel, of Bolton.
43
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,320
They've asked me to do a talk.
44
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,160
They've seen my Insta.
They've seen my TikToks.
45
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,280
They've fallen in love
with the word of God.
46
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,720
And with Jeb, the brand.
47
00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,440
But I told you about this weeks ago.
48
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,760
Yeah, but this thing
has just come up, so...
49
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,880
You realise that makes it
less valid, right?
50
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:21,080
No, no, no, no, Rachel,
I just feel like
51
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,640
God is guiding me towards this
52
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:25,240
and away from your thing.
53
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,440
I gotta run.
54
00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:33,240
Mwah.
55
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:34,280
Wow.
56
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:38,280
OK, so I have an exam
and no way to practise for it.
57
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:40,280
What if I helped you?
58
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,560
You're flyering for Samson.
Yeah, well...
59
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,240
..what if I wasn't?
60
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,920
Sometimes I wish I could
put myself in the bin.
61
00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:54,800
Sorry. Did you hear that?
62
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,560
BREATHLESSLY: Samson.
63
00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:59,480
I thought this would stop me
worrying about my speech,
64
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:03,720
but now I'm worried about my speech
and my 200 metre split time.
65
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,520
If my speech fails, I'll have
let down an entire generation.
66
00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,080
Andrew, it's not healthy
to think like that.
67
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:10,120
Even though it's true.
68
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:11,720
Are you struggling with your speech?
69
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,680
Mary used to help me
find the words, but now...
70
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,960
Well, I could be Mary.
I mean, your wife.
71
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,200
I mean, I could replace your wife.
I mean, I could help with the words.
72
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:23,960
You and I alone?
Would that be appropriate?
73
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,840
Aaron, what do you think?
I think it's fine.
74
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,320
He thinks it's fine. OK.
75
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:32,080
Well, I guess I'll...
see you later, then.
76
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:33,200
Mm.
77
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,240
ANDREW SIGHS
78
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:46,000
FYI, Mum, you and Andrew alone
is obviously inappropriate,
79
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:48,760
but we really need this speech,
so crack on.
80
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:53,960
OK. So, Josh, you're, like,
my examiner.
81
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,800
Abijah, we don't actually need you,
so you could go back to church.
82
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,240
No, Rachel.
The church is Vote Town.
83
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,440
Don't send me back to the horrors
of Vote Town.
84
00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:02,720
I could be the dummy.
85
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,120
I have qualities that dummy
doesn't have, like arms.
86
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,760
The dummy is so we can practise
proper CPR.
87
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,200
If I did that to you,
your ribs would break.
88
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:14,440
We'll make you a neutral bystander.
89
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:18,960
Oh, Rachel! I'll never forget
what you've done for me today.
90
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,520
DREAMY MUSIC PLAYS
91
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,080
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
Fiona?
92
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:24,280
David!
93
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:27,000
Are you...putting on lipstick? No.
94
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,040
Really? Because it looks like...
I said no, David.
95
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,880
OK. Well, I'm having a great time
96
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,360
delving into the history
of AV cables,
97
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,680
but I just wonder
if we should talk about
98
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,080
what happened with Maude.
99
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:40,200
I know it upset you.
100
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,120
No, it didn't upset me.
It didn't upset me at all.
101
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,120
I'm going to Andrew's.
102
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:49,040
Andrew's? For Aaron.
On behalf of Aaron.
103
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:55,040
Oh. Well, I guess if it's for Aaron,
I can't have a problem with it.
104
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:57,360
That's right, sweetie.
105
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,720
Hm.
106
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:02,760
Go.
107
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,200
Mr Smith? Mr Smith? No response.
108
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:06,720
Please save my wife. Your wife?
109
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:07,920
It's a fictional world.
110
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,840
I can have a wife if I want one!
111
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:11,160
OK. I'm checking for a pulse.
112
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,480
No pulse after ten seconds.
113
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,120
Right. We start chest compressions.
114
00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:17,360
It'll be OK, Ellie.
115
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,880
My dream wife's name is Ellie.
116
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,320
Well, her friends call her Eleanor.
117
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:21,560
Actually, it's mainly
her school friends.
118
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:22,680
We need defib pads.
119
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,640
Done. But she's bleeding out.
OK. Ready?
120
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,800
Two bags of O-neg.
We may need to transfuse.
121
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:29,760
Oh, Rachel, look at her necklace.
122
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:30,840
No blood.
123
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:31,880
Did you plant that?
124
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,520
They were her wishes, Josh.
125
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:37,080
No, they weren't. Rachel,
her heart rhythm's gone V-tach.
126
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,720
OK. Then we shock.
Three, two, one, shock.
127
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,080
Ah! Done.
128
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:43,120
Well?
129
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:44,840
You did everything right.
130
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:45,960
You made it, Ellie.
131
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,920
My beautiful one. Oh, don't!
132
00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:53,520
Well, lady of the grapes.
133
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,920
I didn't think I'd find myself
looking at you again.
134
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,120
But I guess I've hit rock bottom.
135
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:00,720
KNOCKING AT DOOR
136
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,040
Oh, sweet Christ.
137
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,280
Hello, David. Maude.
138
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:09,840
You shouldn't be here.
139
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:13,880
I was just in the area,
innocently flyering for Samson.
140
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,000
I support traditional values,
you see.
141
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,200
I find that hard to believe
when you keep feeding me
142
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,960
extramarital pie.
143
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,680
Here, let me pin a badge on you.
144
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,120
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
145
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:25,840
We're an Andrew household.
146
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:29,960
And what job have you been given
in this grand campaign?
147
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,920
Well, I'm disentangling
148
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,920
a twisted bolus of wires
from the '90s. I see.
149
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,520
Very quiet house.
150
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,960
Missing its domestic hum,
151
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,760
the patter of pans,
152
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:45,480
the buzz of a wife doing her duty.
153
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:46,680
Where is Fiona?
154
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:47,920
She's at Andrew's.
155
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:51,320
Hm. But I like
that she's independent.
156
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:55,760
David, there's nothing sadder
than a man who's lying to himself.
157
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,240
Maude, nothing you say
can induce me
158
00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:00,080
to let you cross this threshold.
159
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,720
This is a broken VCR.
160
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:08,480
I need a strong man to help me
fix my spools.
161
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,000
Could you be that prodigy, David?
162
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,400
I am only flesh.
163
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,040
Good boy.
164
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:24,800
Now, Fiona, before we get started,
165
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:28,240
I think we should set
some ground rules.
166
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,760
Ground rules?
Why do we need ground rules?
167
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,800
Well, the last time we were alone
together, you profaned my wife.
168
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:38,000
You put on my wife's wedding ring
and you destroyed the tree
169
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,120
that was a symbol of my wife.
170
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,360
Well, Andrew,
obviously it's going to sound bad
171
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:43,800
if you refuse to twist the facts.
172
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,080
I think we should
set some boundaries.
173
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:46,400
No physical contact.
174
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,440
Keep language neutral.
175
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,080
And the third was
going to be no makeup.
176
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,400
But I see you've already
broken that.
177
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,120
But the other two still stand.
Do you agree?
178
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,240
Of course, Andrew.
179
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,240
I promise to respect two
out of three of your boundaries.
180
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:58,920
Fiona! I caught it, I caught it.
181
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,600
FIONA CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY
182
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:06,760
How's Aaron doing?
183
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,040
He went to canvas Elder Raab.
184
00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:10,440
Elder Raab? Oh.
185
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:14,720
Gays are the fifth Horseman
of the Apocalypse.
186
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,120
Whenever two men have sex,
it opens a portal to hell.
187
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,440
It opens a portal to hell?
188
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:20,680
Yep. In London.
189
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,720
Don't worry.
190
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,720
I started letting his tyres down
before he'd even spoke.
191
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,960
Slowly. Hopefully he won't notice
until he's on the M6.
192
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,520
The vote's tomorrow.
Does Andrew even have a chance?
193
00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:37,600
Aaron, I promise
that no matter what,
194
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:41,000
I'm having a great time
vandalising bigots' cars.
195
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:44,280
Your tape path is seriously gummed.
196
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,480
Rubbing alcohol
could clear the clog,
197
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:51,800
but there's so much detritus,
I'd almost suspect foul play.
198
00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:55,600
I'm setting your Ansamac 100
to answerphone only.
199
00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:58,240
I don't want the two of us
being disturbed.
200
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:04,560
You do know that this so-called vote
is just a charade, don't you, David?
201
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:07,320
That whatever you do,
Samson will win.
202
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,440
He has tapes,
203
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:14,280
recordings of every confessional
he's ever taken,
204
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:19,600
of every member of the congregation,
spilling their darkest secrets.
205
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,160
RECORDING OF DAVID: It was
the best meal I've ever had,
206
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,480
and my wife didn't cook it.
207
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,400
This is every man's worst nightmare.
208
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,440
SAMSON: David, why have you
spent 40 minutes
209
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,160
talking to me about pie?
210
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,880
That session went on
for another hour.
211
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:34,040
I know. I have the transcripts.
212
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,840
Why are you telling me this, Maude?
213
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,080
Because I know
where the tapes are, David,
214
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,000
and I can make them go away.
215
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,040
For my special one.
216
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:49,400
In exchange for repairing
this VCR together.
217
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:50,680
Intimately.
218
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,560
Why are you so interested in me?
219
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,480
Isn't it obvious, David?
220
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:58,520
Because you're the most
pathetic man I've ever met.
221
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,640
Don't worry. It's a good thing.
222
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:07,920
You're so incompetent,
so decidedly wretched
223
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,600
that you become something other,
something sublime.
224
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,760
Few men can say they're the best
at anything in this world.
225
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,080
Even if that is being a lap dog.
226
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,200
My lap dog.
227
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,280
DAVID SHUDDERS
228
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,320
And you promise to wipe
Samson's tapes?
229
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,560
Of course.
230
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:39,960
Slowly, David.
These tape heads are very sensitive.
231
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:42,760
God forgive me.
232
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,280
DOOR SLAMS
233
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:47,800
I'm doing this for you, Aaron.
234
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,440
FOOTSTEPS RECEDE
235
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,880
When Samson sees our faith,
he sees control.
236
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,120
What I see? I see love.
237
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:11,080
I love every member of this
congregation passionately.
238
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,640
Passionately.
239
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:14,600
I mean, it's all about love,
isn't it?
240
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,200
Yes, love.
241
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,440
Platonic love.
242
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:18,480
Any kind of love.
243
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,760
Maybe it would be helpful to pick
someone out in the audience,
244
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:22,960
deliver it to them.
245
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,160
But you're the only one here.
246
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,400
Oh, well, you'll have to
pick me, then!
247
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:26,800
SHE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
248
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:30,160
Let's...let's give it a try
with eye contact.
249
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,640
Andrew, I'm just here for my son.
250
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:34,960
On behalf of my son.
251
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,920
You need me to look into your eyes
and talk about love for your son?
252
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,440
Yes. It's what he would want.
253
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,360
Well, we can pause the speech.
Yeah. Let's pause.
254
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,440
And talk posture. Posture?
255
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,160
It's a vital element
of speech making.
256
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:49,880
Back straight, shoulders broad.
Let me show you.
257
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,720
ANDREW GRUNTS AND GROANS
258
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,480
Oh, my lats!
259
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:57,480
Oh, they get so tight
after training.
260
00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,160
Oh, gosh. OK, so what can I do?
261
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,000
You can't do anything, Fiona.
262
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,400
HE GROANS
263
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,520
Oh. Mary used to massage them
with Tiger balm,
264
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,240
but that would be inappropriate.
265
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:10,320
Why would it be inappropriate?
If Mary can do it, I can.
266
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:11,960
Because Mary was my wife.
267
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,040
Andrew, this is not about wives
268
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,720
or whose wife is who
or who should be whose wife.
269
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:21,000
This is about your speech
and your back and your lats.
270
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,640
Tight, tight lats.
Now, is that the balm?
271
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:24,960
Oh, you found that quick.
272
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,320
Andrew, I'm going to help you
273
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:33,000
by platonically and disinterestedly
rubbing you right down.
274
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,880
Just the top of the neck. No lower.
275
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,120
How's that?
276
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:40,920
Oh, that's...
that's actually helping.
277
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:43,600
Do you want me to go higher?
278
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:46,640
Lower?
279
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:50,600
BREATHLESSLY: Deeper?
280
00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,840
OK, Fiona. I think it's quite clear
that you have feelings for me.
281
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,120
I've felt that way
ever since you defiled my wife.
282
00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:59,840
My husband ate another woman's pie,
and I will not be made a fool of!
283
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,560
Please leave.
284
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:02,840
Oh!
285
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:10,920
It's a bit slippery.
286
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,280
Thank you, David.
That was wonderful.
287
00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:15,720
David, I'm back from Andrew's.
288
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,360
It's really normal.
289
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:18,400
What the hell?
290
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,480
Relax, Fiona. We've long finished.
291
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:25,960
I was just fixing her VCR.
Mm. And I did. Look.
292
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:31,520
David, if you're watching this,
then our baby is fully operational.
293
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,960
It means that we came together
in union
294
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,560
and repaired
the sheared feeding band.
295
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:40,240
Now we can make videos
of absolutely anything.
296
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:41,600
Wow.
297
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,280
So, while I've been at Andrew's
at the bequest of our son...
298
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,320
Do I smell...Tiger balm?
299
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:47,880
ANSWER MACHINE BEEPS
300
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,760
ANDREW: David, I think
you need to know
301
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,640
your wife just tried to touch me
in inappropriate areas.
302
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:55,360
We're talking neck,
we're talking shoulder.
303
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:59,840
What? Oh, God.
FIONA SPLUTTERS
304
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:05,480
That was actually really fun.
305
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,360
Yeah. It was great to see you
finally in action.
306
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,520
You're gonna ace it.
307
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,640
Yeah. Let me...
308
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:11,920
Let me help you with that.
309
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,440
What's going on?
310
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,440
Does she open the door silently,
too?
311
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:24,000
Uh, I was just helping Rachel
with her paramedic exam when I...
312
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,120
Yeah. Sorry. Hey, Heather.
313
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:27,560
SOFTLY: Back off, bitch!
314
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:30,280
Sorry, what? I said, back off.
315
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,120
OK, I'm...I'm gonna go.
316
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,600
What's been going on?
317
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:42,040
You reek of desire.
318
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:48,800
So, Joseph's dripped out
in this technicolour dreamcoat.
319
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,080
But his bros, they're not too happy.
320
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,720
So they lob him in an actual well.
321
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,720
And his dad had four wives.
322
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,160
Bro is busy.
323
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,240
Before any speeches,
324
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,800
are there any elders out there
who want to share their thoughts?
325
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:13,240
Remember, this is a safe space.
326
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:17,800
Gays are the sons of Sodom.
327
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,960
Thank you, Elder. That's very brave.
328
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:26,960
And now, just as in Luke 22:48,
it's time for Judas to speak.
329
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,920
This is it. The moment of truth.
330
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,600
It all comes down to one man
and his speech.
331
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:36,800
Greetings, everyone.
332
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,320
I would like to start today
by asking a question.
333
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,600
What was Jesus's
greatest commandment?
334
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,520
I mean, according to Matthew,
there were two.
335
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:49,800
Love thy God,
and love thy neighbour. Love.
336
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,880
Love. Love is the key thing.
337
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,520
OK. All right. Yep, yep, yep, yep.
338
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,160
Thought I could tolerate that,
but I'm just bored.
339
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,800
Samson, I have a right...
Throughout the years,
340
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:04,560
I have performed
over 600 confessions.
341
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:08,640
I've recorded
each and every one of them.
342
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:13,640
So if I am not re-elected,
343
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:16,400
I will release those tapes
to the public...
344
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:23,720
..for your spouses to hear,
for your children to hear.
345
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:30,640
This is but a taste of what I have
in my possession.
346
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,680
MAN: Last week, I got so lonely
I made a friend out of socks.
347
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,520
I didn't realise I'd crossed a line
until I named it Joshua.
348
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,920
Oh! It could have been
anyone's voice.
349
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,320
Maude, tell them.
350
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,240
Tell them you destroyed
all the tapes.
351
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,440
All the tapes? Yes?
352
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,680
I destroyed your tapes, David.
353
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,760
The tapes of my special one. For us.
354
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,880
I thought you were
going to save everyone.
355
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,240
Well, you should have been
more specific
356
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,480
before you put your hands
inside my VCR.
357
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:07,240
You'll find your polling cards
under your seats.
358
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,800
You know what to do.
359
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,400
Don't give in!
360
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,000
Don't vote for a man who would
hold this over your head.
361
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:20,920
Yeah. Amazing stuff, Aaron.
Some of us said things.
362
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,640
Yeah. Said so many things.
363
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,440
Confidence.
ABIJAH CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY
364
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,480
I've never felt less confident
in my life.
365
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,560
Who did you just vote for?
366
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,880
You shouldn't really be
watching me vote, love.
367
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,560
The count is in.
368
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:53,640
For Andrew...
369
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,040
..41 votes.
370
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,640
For Samson...
371
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,560
..41 votes.
372
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,000
Wait. That's impossible.
There's 83 congregants.
373
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:05,840
I think someone's tried to abstain.
374
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:06,960
Both these boxes are checked,
375
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:10,920
and in the margin they've written,
"Sorry." Sad face.
376
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,080
Which way did you vote, Abijah?
377
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:25,680
I... Oh, boy.
HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
378
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,560
Mark my name right now.
379
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,240
Vote for a new future, Abijah.
380
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,240
I will bury you under this church.
381
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:34,600
Oh, come on, Samson!
382
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,160
Don't let the dream die.
383
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,360
I say, is anyone else very cold?
384
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,920
It suddenly feels
very dark and cold. Oh!
385
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,480
CONGREGANTS MURMUR
386
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,280
Has he got a pulse?
387
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,920
He's just fainted.
388
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,080
Shame.
389
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:53,880
I vote for Switzerland.
390
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,240
Always for Switzerland.
391
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:56,480
Don't worry about the vote.
392
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,080
The vote can't hurt you now.
393
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,640
Andrew? Yeah?
394
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:02,920
What does this mean?
395
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,240
It means you lose.
396
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:07,960
No majority, no change.
397
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,320
Nice try, little man.
398
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,640
You know, in ten years,
399
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,360
you're going to be
a worthy adversary.
400
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:19,440
Oh...
401
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:23,120
Oof! Such a shame.
Such a damn shame.
402
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:27,120
There was one vote in it.
403
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,360
Crazy. Crazy how those chips fall.
404
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,720
WA15 3PO.
405
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,120
WA15?
406
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,240
That's weird.
407
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,600
You know that postcode?
408
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,320
I know every postcode, Aaron.
409
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,240
Hey, Aaron. You doing OK?
410
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:56,000
Just gonna brush my teeth,
get in bed
411
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,640
and pray for an Armageddon.
412
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,120
Hm. You've not done that for ages.
413
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,640
Yeah, it's a bad day.
414
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,400
David, I see you've moved your bed
further away.
415
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:11,440
Well, I didn't want to risk
416
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,360
accidentally brushing your hand
in the night.
417
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,120
You've never spoken to me
like this before.
418
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,880
You've never made hand love
to a neighbour's neck before.
419
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,240
OK, then. Here's to never making
physical contact ever again.
420
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,960
Fine by me.
Could you get the light?
421
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,080
Yes.
422
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:29,800
Night-night.
423
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,040
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