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This programme
contains strong language
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DEEP BREATHING
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Rachel?
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00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,760
Rachel? Wake up!
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What? What? What is it? School?
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There is no school.
That and everything else has gone.
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00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:20,320
The Lord has begun his Great War
of Armageddon.
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00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:24,320
The old system is done.
We have to get to the woods NOW.
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00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:26,560
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh!
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00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:29,360
It's OK. It's OK, Rachel. Calm down.
11
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,000
Pack your bags
and get down the stairs
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00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:32,360
before your soul turns to ash.
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GO!
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HE RINGS BELLS
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Pack your things, Aaron,
the end time is here.
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Finally.
17
00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:53,200
Which wedding photo, Fiona?
Portrait or kiss?
18
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,120
The kiss is more lively and vital.
But...
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00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,400
CAT MEOWS
Can you help me save Gideon, David?
20
00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,000
We should prioritise living things.
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Loud and clear. Kiss it is.
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Come on, Rachel. Your neighbours are
being swallowed into the pit.
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Go. Quick, quick. Thank you.
24
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,920
Please, God, deliver us from evil...
25
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:12,440
Rachel, God's not going to answer
your prayers right now.
He's busy lighting up heathens.
26
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,200
I'm asking him for salvation!
27
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:18,080
I pray that Rachel gets all her
just deserts in the afterlife.
28
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,440
Aaron, I don't need your pity to get
into paradise.
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I didn't ask for you to get
into paradise.
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00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,040
I asked for your just deserts.
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00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,440
We're going to meet the congregation
at the top of Blakely Pike.
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00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:28,040
There we'll pray, shelter,
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00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,960
and eventually bury the corpses
of the sinful dead.
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00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,120
It's going to be very special.
RACHEL WHIMPERS
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00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:36,680
Make haste. The stars are literally
falling from the sky.
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00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,080
Is God going to let me survive?
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I couldn't say. Who can fathom
the mysteries of the creator?
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00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:47,760
I'll give you about 50-50.
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00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,080
No! Please! Please!
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00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,040
Probably a sinner fleeing
the hellfire.
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00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,920
They'll be struck down before
he reaches Stockport.
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00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,360
God help us all.
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00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,960
THUNDERCLAPS
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00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:06,880
Can I have some food?
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00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:10,680
No. You get biscuits
after the moon's turned to blood.
46
00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,320
No-one's here.
47
00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,920
Did we make it? DID WE MAKE IT?
48
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Two hours 19.
49
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,120
Not bad for a practice run.
50
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:34,480
What?!
51
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,920
The planet is safe for now.
52
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,360
Let all that worry pour out of you.
53
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:43,040
See, Rachel, those biscuits
would have been a waste.
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00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:46,280
I'm sure he's just relieved.
55
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LET IT EEEEEEND!
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00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:16,360
# Some folks say the Bible is not
true... #
57
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,920
Unbelievable.
We were three shipments behind.
58
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,960
You've saved us in one morning.
59
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,760
How are you so fast?
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00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:25,880
Not fast. You're slow.
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00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:27,360
Unbearably slow.
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00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:31,840
David, for most of us, being a
Go Parcel sorting agent is a job.
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00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,920
For you, it feels like more of
a calling.
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00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:38,040
How's about going full time?
You've changed our lives.
We just think you're...
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00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,360
OK, I'm going to stop you there,
Sid. I'm here to pay the bills
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00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:41,880
so my family can serve God.
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00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,760
That's it. In fact, you should
prep for my departure
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00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,520
because on Sunday, the order
is promoting me to elder.
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00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:48,840
I don't know what that means.
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00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,040
Well, it means I'll be a full-time
spiritual shepherd,
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00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:52,920
and my stipend could be,
no exaggeration,
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00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,840
up to 75% of what you pay me now.
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00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,440
So, I can't convince you to stay?
You sure?
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00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,760
Sure as I am this package will make
it to Macclesfield.
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# ..Oh, yes, yes, yes, I believe. #
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BELL RINGS
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Sorry.
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00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:13,080
Dad got me up at 4am
to do apocalypse practice.
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00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,880
Mm. I'm not going to ask
what that is.
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00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:18,640
B minus. Would have been higher,
but I reserve As for students
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00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:20,160
who remain conscious.
82
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,680
You do want to get into uni, right?
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00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:25,520
Got a lot of goodwill riding on it
and some real money.
84
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,520
I can squeeze in 30 minutes
of revision
85
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,280
between preaching and bedtime.
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00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,000
If I skip dinner.
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00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:34,360
OK, you can nap here over lunch,
but FYI, I've just had a bad
88
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:38,280
break-up, so I will be doing
some aggressive marking.
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00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,320
What's aggressive marking?
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00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:43,160
HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS
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00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,600
Mm.
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00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,920
Hug the rim, Rachel.
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00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,080
My locks need their edges
to be straight.
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00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,880
Can you not just go to
a hairdresser?
95
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,800
And miss the consistency of the bowl?
96
00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:55,720
No. This is your duty.
97
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,360
Fiona did my scissor work for years
before you came of age.
98
00:04:58,400 --> 00:04:59,920
I won't go back, Rachel.
99
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,640
TV: God doesn't judge you...
100
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,880
I should be in paradise right now.
101
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,920
This suburb should be a crater.
102
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,240
The real apocalypse
will come soon enough, Aaron.
103
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:09,680
It better.
104
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,560
David, when are we replacing the TV?
105
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,040
It's nice to have background noise
106
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,880
that isn't Aaron's pencils
or you chewing.
107
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:17,680
I don't know if we should replace
it. It broke in an act of God.
108
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,120
You poured a jug of water on it.
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00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,480
There were people kissing
on there with tongues.
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00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:23,120
The Lord guided my hand.
111
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:24,920
Hmm. I really want the TV back.
112
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,400
It's decided. To hang in its place,
113
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:29,280
Aaron's sketching a drawing of
us all in paradise. Right, Aaron?
114
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:32,400
After this morning,
there may be some creative changes.
115
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,240
Rachel, what are your eyes
like when you're scared?
116
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What?
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00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,840
That's it. That's the look.
118
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:42,040
Right, now that I look the part,
it's church time.
119
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,480
Last meeting before
they promote me to elder.
120
00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:46,960
Are you sure they're promoting you?
121
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I've staked my happiness
on it, Fiona.
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00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,520
So, yes.
123
00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:54,480
Oh, greetings. Good morning.
124
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,880
Oh, Andrew's on greeting duty.
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00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:00,480
Godsh, he's very blessed in
his suit choices, isn't he?
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00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,160
To pull off such
a light pastel blue.
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Oh, the Lewises! Greetings!
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Hello, little man.
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00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,560
I'm sure I looked just as good
when I was his age.
130
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,960
He's two years older than you,
sweetie.
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00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,840
Rachel, go reserve us our own row.
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Can't have Andrew sat next to me
when I'm absorbing God's word.
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Look at him with Aaron.
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00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,640
Man has no ability with kids.
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THEY LAUGH
Yeah!Yeah!
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Be respectful, David.
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He's still recovering
from his wife's death.
138
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,040
I know, Fiona.
He won't let us forget it.
139
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,880
Ah! Our secret handshake
has grown to 17 steps now.
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00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,280
High five, Aaron?
141
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:37,720
No, thanks, Dad.
142
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:39,160
Shall we head in together?
143
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,280
How about you head in
and we'll follow after a long gap?
144
00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:43,920
Oh, David, you crack me up!
145
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,040
Andrew's so great.
146
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,400
Shut up, Aaron.
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00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,640
QUIET CHATTER
#S
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00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:08,000
And that little boy, he said to me,
he turned and he asked,
149
00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:10,000
"What's that sound?"
150
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:12,240
And I looked at him and I said...
151
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,920
.."That's the sound
of Satan's hooves,
152
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:20,280
"clip-clopping on your driveway."
153
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,720
CROWD MURMURS
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Amen.
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Great storyteller!
156
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,680
ANDREW LAUGHS
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00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,240
One job, Rachel.
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00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,920
I gave you one job.
159
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,480
Now, I have some rather
grave news to conclude with.
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00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:36,680
The Jay family are no longer
ordinands of God.
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They've been excluded.
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00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:39,880
I can't go into what they did,
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00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:44,600
but a reminder that drug dealing
is a mortal sin.
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00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:45,840
CROWD GASPS
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00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:48,360
And we do consider coffee a drug.
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00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,800
There is only one way now for us
to extend our love to them,
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00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,160
and that is to shun them completely.
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CROWD MURMURS AGREEMENT
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Thank you.
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00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:58,280
First excluded in five years.
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00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:01,600
There were warning signs.
Their daughter has dyed pink hair.
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00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,280
SHE WHISPERS:
That's the Cooks, David.
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00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,680
They're sat right behind us.
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00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,120
Good morning.
175
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,880
Do you feel bad for the Jays?
176
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,720
They knew what they were doing
when they opened that cafe, Rachel.
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00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,640
Can I have everyone's attention,
please?
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00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:21,040
We have a new resident who's moved
to the area and has requested a
visit.
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00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,520
Which ordinand lives near
Blakely Road?
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00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,640
BOTH: I do!
181
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,760
Elder, I think Andrew is just
confused or stupid or something.
182
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,400
I live closer to Blakely Road.
183
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:31,800
David and I are neighbours.
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00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,640
He lives on the far side
of the cul-de-sac.
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00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,280
He might as well be in Gaza.
186
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:37,680
Well, if it is contentious,
I could pray for guidance.
187
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,720
When? I don't want God getting a
bias for you before I pray to him.
188
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,920
God sees all of time, David. Hmm.
189
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,640
Don't do it before 8pm.
190
00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:47,320
The Elders will resolve this.
191
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,800
Well, I'll be happy either way.
I'll be happy one way.
192
00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:51,040
I'm the most deserving.
193
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,840
My family does more preaching
than the entire congregation.
194
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:55,440
That's not true, is it, David?
195
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,400
Well, the week's not over yet.
196
00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:59,200
In fact, Rachel,
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00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,280
didn't you say you wanted to do
some preaching today?
198
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,360
I really need to study, Dad.
199
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:07,000
Two hours studying, or
saving a soul for all eternity?
200
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,360
Go!
201
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,240
MUSIC: Peace on Earth
by Coleman Family
202
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,400
# I've been reading Revelations
About things to be
203
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,160
# Where John was writing down
the things he'd seen
204
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,800
# He wrote of a place
that you put down sin
205
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:21,120
# With thanks to God
when you live again
206
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,000
# Cos it's going to be peace... #
207
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,280
INTERCOM RINGS
208
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,720
ON INTERCOM: Hello? Hi.
Would you like to hear about God?
209
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,080
No.
210
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,320
INTERCOM RINGS
211
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:31,800
Would you like to talk about God?
212
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:32,920
Get lost!
213
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,120
INTERCOM RINGS
214
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,480
Hello?
DOG BARKS
215
00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,800
Hello. I was wondering if you'd
like to talk about God.
216
00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:39,080
Oh, fuck off, nun.
217
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,280
INTERCOM RINGS
218
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,000
Hi, would you like to talk to me
about God?
219
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,480
God. God.
God. God. God.
220
00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:44,520
Sure. Come on up.
221
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,880
Wait. Really?
222
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,160
Eighth floor.
223
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,360
INTERCOM BUZZES
224
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,840
# God is now setting up his church
225
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,000
# Teaching his saints
what they should know
226
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:57,320
# For the mission is the kingdom
where they shall go
227
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,040
# Cos it's gonna be peace
228
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:00,680
# Peace right here on Earth
229
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,080
# For God is now setting up
his church. #
230
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,280
You want to talk about God?
231
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:07,520
Mm-hm.
232
00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:09,320
Uh, are your parents home?
233
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,080
It's just me.
234
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:15,000
OK, well, you're a man
of marriageable age,
235
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,760
so we'll at least need my mum
on speakerphone.
236
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,400
Her number is 0161...
237
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,000
I'm Joshua.
238
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:24,400
Like Moses's friend in the Bible,
if that reassures you.
239
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,600
You're being sarcastic,
but, yes, it does.
240
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:31,840
So the narrow path
leads to salvation,
241
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,880
which is the righteous path
to heaven.
242
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:36,680
But the wider path...
243
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,960
Do you guys ever just have fun?
244
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,880
No music, no films.
245
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,480
It's like you live in North Korea,
246
00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,520
but at least they get to
watch parades.
247
00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:48,400
I have tonnes of fun.
248
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,040
OK, what's your favourite song?
249
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,760
You're trying not to think of
a hymn, aren't you?
250
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,240
Do you want a nibble?
No. No, thank you.
251
00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:00,360
I'll...I'll have fun
when I'm ready for it.
252
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,480
I'm applying to uni.
253
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,720
Uni? Pretty liberal.
254
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:10,000
Your parents aren't worried
you'll OD on ketamine
255
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,680
and realise you're bi?
256
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,240
I don't know what those things are.
257
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,920
INDISTINCT CHATTER
258
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,200
I've got something for you.
259
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:40,160
Unsolicited Order magazines.
I'm returning them,
260
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,600
including the one you rammed
underneath my wiper blade
261
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,760
whilst graphically describing
what it would feel like to melt.
262
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,280
I wanted to make clear it
wouldn't be a quick death.
263
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:49,800
Melissa, you have to understand,
264
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:53,200
we believe millions will perish
unless we personally save them.
265
00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,040
But you're so needy about it.
266
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:58,080
If you keep giving me these,
I'm welding shut my letterbox
267
00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:59,720
or buying a violent dog.
268
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,520
Right. The new TV calls.
You should try it, Fiona.
269
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:03,960
It's good for relaxing,
270
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,080
or distracting yourself from
an overbearing life partner.
271
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,800
Well, Fiona wouldn't know about that
272
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:11,520
because I destroyed our TV
and refused to replace it.
273
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:12,920
Ha!
274
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,400
So you have five dog leads
and no dog?
275
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,480
Yeah, I abduct dogs
and keep their leashes as trophies.
276
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,360
That was a bad joke.
277
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,080
I work as a dog walker.
278
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,200
One of them's a show dog.
279
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,160
Right. He has more money than me.
280
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:40,960
So could I put you down
for a repeat visit?
281
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,400
Sure.
282
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:45,880
Maybe then you'll have some
better jokes.
283
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:49,360
And any questions or clarifications
from your visit today?
284
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:50,640
Yeah.
285
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,560
What do you think about
excluded members?
286
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,400
Oh, I don't think about them.
287
00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:01,280
But do you think it's right
to shun them or, like...
288
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:02,680
..cut them out forever?
289
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,560
Well, I'm sure anyone cruel enough
to commit a mortal sin
290
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,680
wouldn't be very nice company.
291
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,960
Do you think I'm bad company?
292
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:12,960
What?
293
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,800
I used to be in the Order,
in the Prestwich chapter.
294
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,800
No, no, no, no.
295
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,320
Wait! Wait a sec.
296
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,160
Why did you even invite me inside?!
297
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,400
I could be exiled
for even speaking to you.
298
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,120
How many friends
do you think I've got?
299
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:30,440
The closest thing I get is my mum
occasionally crying on the intercom.
300
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:33,040
You don't even know what I've done!
And I don't want to.
301
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,400
DOOR SLAMS
302
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:44,720
KNOCKING ON DOOR
303
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,960
Mrs Lewis, I'm Rachel's teacher.
304
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,640
I was just in town and the uni
flyered me for their open day.
305
00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:55,120
I thought Rachel might want to know.
306
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,280
So you came to our house
on your weekend?
307
00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,760
Well, I've just had a break-up,
so lots of free time.
308
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,880
Plus, my betting shop banned me
online and in person.
309
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,680
Anyway, I don't want to overshare.
310
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:09,800
I think you already have.
311
00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:11,560
I guess we've got different
boundaries.
312
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,920
What makes you think Rachel
wants to go to university?
313
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,320
Well, her face lights up
when we talk about it.
314
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:19,880
So you have no proof?
315
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,720
Will you pass this on to her?
316
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,720
Sure.
317
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:26,920
Let's swap.
318
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,560
Great. I'll call Rachel now.
Bye now.
319
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,800
David!
320
00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:43,280
Our daughter's on the brink
of moral hazards.
321
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:44,960
Let's talk to her tomorrow
after church.
322
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,440
Once I'm elder, the David
fear factor will increase tenfold.
323
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:48,680
DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS
324
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:49,960
Sure.
325
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,760
Rachel.
326
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,240
Good ministry? Nothing happened.
327
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,240
Where's your preaching bag?
328
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,600
I must have left it at church.
329
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,000
I'm sorry, Mum.
330
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,920
I'm so, so sorry.
331
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,200
University.
332
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,280
The guilt's already weighing
on her soul.
333
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:07,640
Mm.
334
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,320
Got it. Thanks, David.
335
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:21,680
Normally I'd say you can't
dress like that, David,
336
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,800
but we need you more than
you need us.
337
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,240
It's promotion day, Sid.
338
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:28,080
When Andrew sees these lapels,
he'll know who the alpha is.
339
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,720
David, I wanted to say, I know
you're a hero in your community.
340
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:33,640
You speak the truth.
341
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,240
But this is our promotion offer.
342
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,280
Senior title, better wages.
343
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:40,520
I always wondered if you'd be
my Lucifer, Sid.
344
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:43,080
It's a no.
345
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:46,120
This world of click and drop
packages, fishing licenses...
346
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,920
We do those? We do.
347
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,040
It's your world, not mine.
348
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,360
So you can keep your envelope
349
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,240
and the assistant manager badge
within. How did you know...?
350
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,720
Now, if you'll excuse me,
351
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:00,880
I'm going to grasp my destiny.
352
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:03,640
Goodbye, Sidders.
353
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,640
So let that be a reminder.
354
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,960
Cover your mouth when you yawn.
355
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,960
Cos that's how the devil gets in.
356
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,320
CROWD MURMURS AGREEMENT
357
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,400
Now, to conclude our service,
358
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:20,080
I have an announcement that I know
some of you have been waiting for
359
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:21,840
for a very long time.
360
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:23,720
Oh, here it comes. Listen to this.
361
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,120
The rear blocked toilet,
362
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,280
which has been out of action
for so long...
363
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:33,360
..is now operational again.
364
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,720
APPLAUSE
365
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,720
Is that what you meant, Dad?
366
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,080
No.
367
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,000
I mean, that is huge, but...
368
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:43,440
Blessings be. Blessings be.
369
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,400
Samson, you didn't announce
the new elder.
370
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,760
Is it delayed, or were you
going to tell me in private?
371
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,360
Oh, no. No announcements today.
372
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,040
Well, when will there be?
373
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,040
Because if, say,
I was already an elder,
374
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,600
but it just hadn't been announced,
375
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,480
I wouldn't want people mistitling
me. That would be rude of them.
376
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,720
I do have some news for you. Yes?
377
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:01,840
I spoke to the other elders... Yes?
378
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,560
And we've decided that you should
have sole ministering rights
379
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:05,960
for Mr Johnson.
380
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,160
The guy Andrew tried to steal?
He's mine?
381
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,280
Well, I wouldn't say he was yours.
382
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,680
You'll be his spiritual shepherd.
383
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,120
All mine. Great.
384
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,520
Where's Andrew? I think he left.
385
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:19,320
Is he aware of the new arrangement?
386
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:20,720
I've got to go.
387
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,040
Andrew!
388
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:25,240
TRIUMPHANT MUSIC ON RADIO
Let the trumpets ring out.
389
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,560
Let everyone know my noise.
390
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,200
David, if you don't stop revving,
you're going to break the clutch.
391
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:31,960
We're sallying forth, Fiona,
on a quest to catch the interloper.
392
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:35,320
If need be, we'll sweep the entire
city until we find that he's there.
393
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:36,960
Oh! There he is.
394
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,240
I don't believe it. That's the guy!
395
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,320
Andrew's already buttering up
my flock.
396
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,320
Well, can you at least
get out to confront him
397
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:47,280
instead of shouting through
the window? Oi, Andrew!
398
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,160
Andrew, what are you doing?
399
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,040
He's betrayed me
in front of the Romans,
400
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:53,560
and I didn't even get a kiss.
401
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,000
Brother Lewis, I was just telling
Mr Johnson here
402
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:57,840
that you'll be looking after him
from now on.
403
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:01,320
Really? I thought it made sense,
given my new responsibilities.
404
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:03,320
Your new...what?
405
00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:05,040
I'm an elder now.
406
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:06,520
DAVID SCOFFS
407
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,200
There is no new elder, Andrew.
They didn't announce anyone.
408
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:12,400
I asked them not to announce me.
I didn't want the extra attention.
409
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,680
And it turns out a lot of
the congregation
410
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,720
already thought I was an elder,
so it won't be too different.
411
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,280
Blessings, Lewises.
412
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:23,880
David, if you're going to scream,
413
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,320
you should do it in a pillow
at home.
414
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,360
It's better for the kids.
415
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,320
David, when do you think
you can come?
416
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:33,080
My girlfriend just broke up with me,
so I need someone to talk to.
417
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:36,160
Soon. Tomorrow, or...? Soon!
418
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:41,960
ENGINE TURNS OVER REPEATEDLY
419
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,520
Please get our broken car
moved, David.
420
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,400
You blocked the church car park.
421
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,720
Elder Shem says if it's not gone
by Monday, he'll run it.
422
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,120
No? I didn't catch that.
423
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,880
I'm still thinking about
Andrew's coup.
424
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,400
Not so fast, Rachel.
425
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,680
There's something
we need to discuss.
426
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,840
Your teacher sent me your report.
427
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,600
Did I not do well?
428
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,840
Maths,
429
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:17,960
A.
430
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,000
English, A.
431
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,880
Science, A.
432
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,080
They're all A.
433
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,920
Rachel, this is disturbing.
434
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:28,600
It's deeply disturbing.
435
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,920
How much preaching time
did you waste revising?
436
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,360
Most parents would be pleased
437
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,480
that their daughter's
doing so well in school.
438
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,400
Most parents will be dead forever.
439
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:39,560
Straight As, five out of five
for effort.
440
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,200
Where did we go wrong?
441
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,320
And then there's the matter
of your propagandist teacher.
442
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,920
I was a smart girl, Rachel.
443
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,680
I could have gone to uni.
444
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,240
But I chose to raise this family.
445
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:59,040
Imagine what would have happened
if I strayed from the path.
446
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,800
We might never have met.
447
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:03,880
Yes.
448
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,120
Yes, indeed.
449
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,320
It's warning signs like this
that force me to act.
450
00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:09,080
Why do you think I dragged you
up that hill?
451
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:11,000
Cos you want to be elder. No.
452
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,920
I don't...covet promotion!
453
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,440
And to make that very clear,
454
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,560
we're doing another
apocalypse practice tonight.
455
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,200
David, please don't make us stay
awake just so you can save face.
456
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:22,840
I won't do it to save face.
457
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:26,080
I'll do it because
it was always the plan.
458
00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:27,640
This was today!
459
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,280
Why didn't you tell me?
460
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,360
Why didn't the serpent tell Eve
about the apple?
461
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:32,520
Oh, wait, he did,
462
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,440
and now women have to give birth
and serpents have no legs.
463
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,280
DOG BARKS
464
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:57,160
Hey! What are you doing on my road?
465
00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,480
What are you doing on my
preordained dog walking route?
466
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,160
Your bag had your address on it,
so I figured you'd want it back,
467
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,400
so you can destroy any evidence
of us meeting.
468
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:08,960
Oh. It's a good bag.
469
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,560
Mine has dog treats, now.
470
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,800
God's word has given way
to bacon dust.
471
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:18,960
FYI, I walk this route on weeknights
at 7pm.
472
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,280
Just letting you know,
so you can steer clear.
473
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:32,160
Yes, Aaron!
474
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,080
This is why you're getting an
early baptism
475
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:36,120
instead of waiting
like the common chaff.
476
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:39,000
A vision of paradise
from our very own master artist.
477
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,360
The whole family laughing and...
478
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:47,760
Huh.
479
00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:51,600
Am I in some kind of Jacuzzi?
480
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,120
It's boiling tar, Dad.
481
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,920
For your misdeeds.
482
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,960
Is this about apocalypse practice?
483
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:58,880
You raise my hopes
only to dash them,
484
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,720
so you go to the tar pits.
485
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,440
Well, at least Rachel's smiling.
486
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:07,240
Mad, after aeons of agony, Mum.
487
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,560
I'm going to speak to next door.
488
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:18,240
In your vision of hell,
489
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,120
can we atone and ascend to heaven?
490
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:23,960
Hmm.
491
00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:27,960
# Something tells me something's
going to happen tonight... #
492
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,160
DOORBELL RINGS
493
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:37,000
# I read in the papers that Gemini
people will make it tonight. #
494
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,480
Melissa, I wanted to apologise
for inconveniencing you.
495
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,280
I'd love to wipe the slate clean...
496
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,240
What do you want?
497
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,040
Can I come and watch TV?
My family are being unbearable.
498
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,360
Makes sense. Come in.
499
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:52,560
# Everything that we've been
dreaming of
500
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:59,240
# Something tells me
something's gonna happen to you
501
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:03,440
# The smile on my face
is the smile... #
502
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,040
Rouse yourselves!
BELL RINGS
503
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,200
Smoke is rising from the pit!
504
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:10,080
Awaken. No, Dad, please!
505
00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:13,640
Rise up. Rise up.
506
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:15,920
God's holy terror is nigh.
507
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,640
Deceiver! A second deception!
508
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:20,880
Just...pack your bags.
509
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,760
# Oh, I woke up this morning
510
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,960
# With sunshine through my window
511
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,280
# Everything that's happened,
512
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:36,120
# So far has turned out right
513
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:38,520
# And I got every reason
514
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:42,560
# To feel it's getting better
515
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,880
# It's getting better every minute
516
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,880
# Wait until we meet tonight. #
517
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:52,080
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