Original subtitles

[Woman] Composer? [Man] I am not, uh, Irving Berlin

More classical than that No I am not Berlioz

[Woman] Another one I am not Brahms

Are you a famous New York conductor? No I am not Leonard Bernstein

- Are you a famous murderer? - Good try I am not Lizzie Borden

I hope you stump him, darling, because I am running out of B's

All right Are you a well-known, 18th-century English jurist?

A typical lawyer's question, Burt No I am not Sir William Blackstone Cynthia?

I pass You know, every time we play Botticelli with you, I feel like a dropout

Do I see the flutter of white flags?

- Go ahead Tell us who it is - No, no, no Please Let's keep guessing

[Burt] We'll be here all night Come on, Ray

It's very simple... josef Breuer Who?

Breuer He and Freud coauthored Studies on Hysteria

That's unfair, Dr Flemming You're a psychiatrist You should have picked someone everyone knew

Well, like who, honey? Last time we played the game you were stumped by 'Alexander Graham Bell "

Has my husband flnished dazzling you with his intelligence?

Because I have a little surprise for everyone

Everyone ready?

[Mouths Word]

[Guests Gasp] Henri at the Denise found out about our anniversary He insisted

I insist we get at this while it's cold Oh, how marvelous

I think a toast is in order...

to our host and hostess on the 1 Oth anniversary of their horrible mistake

Oh! You'd better rephrase that, counselor

Pleasure, Your Honor... to the two flnest people I ever knew

Here's to 1 O more years of happiness [Guests Afflrming, Applauding]

[Telephone Rings] Excuse me

Bubbly, anybody? [Ringing Continues]

Hello

Now?

Can't it wait?

We're having a party here

All right I'll be there as soon as I can

Believe me Anything Henri chooses is superb He's got the best wine cellar in town

Excuse me Excuse me, dear Surely

What is it, darling? It's a patient I'm afraid I have to leave

This is our anniversary But it's an emergency He's having an anxiety attack

You're not a family doctor You don't have to go chasing off every time somebody runs out of tranquilizers

Darling, we've been through this before I won't allow you to leave We have guests

And they shouldn't see us arguing, should they?

Now, make my excuses I'll try to get back before they leave

[Door Opens, Closes]

[Gasping, Laughing]

Do you love me?

[Sighs] How much? This much

Well, actually, I should be strangling you Why?

You know I was giving a party I had to see you

When I'm alone... I don't know, l... I get confused

Second thoughts? A few

[Sighs] It's a natural reaction under the circumstances

I keep wishin' there was some other way

There isn't But if you talked to her... if I talked to her...

joan, don't be naive We have one alternative We decided that a long time ago

It's funny I can't even picture what she looks like Are we really so different?

- Completely - All right I'm younger than she is I'm prettier

But, uh, she's probably more intelligent than I am

Mm-hmm

lt... It's a kind of destructive intelligence

Why me? What have I got to offer?

A typical actress... too many bit parts and too much ambition

I like ambition

For all the good it's done me It brought you to me, didn't it?

[Chuckling] With my nails gnawed off and every neurosis in the book

I was in great shape, wasn't I? It's not a bad shape at all

Ray Yeah

Ray, you do love me, don't you? Very much

I won't disappoint you tomorrow I never thought you would

[Sighs]

[Door Closes]

I didn't think you'd be up

Don't bother to undress You're sleeping in the guest room I've turned down the bed

- Carol... - I think you should know I'm calling my lawyers in the morning

It's been a long day Do we have to start on that again?

You'll have to indulge me just this one last time, deary

It's lucky for you I'm too well bred to throw a tantrum

All right Fire away

Six months ago I gave you a choice between me and your...

[Groans] how shall I put it...

extracurricular activity

- I made that choice - I wanted a husband in fact,

not just in appearance

If you refused, I'd divorce you There was a catch to that, as I recall

Well, naturally, you don't think I'm going to make it easy for you?

I'd create as much scandal as I possibly could and ruin your practice entirely

Aside from taking every penny that I've got

Those were my terms

You accepted them until tonight

Carol, none of this is necessary I told you, I was with a patient

Till 1:OO in the morning? What are you doing, giving discount rates?

On my way home I dropped by to see Dr Cobb He was the referral psychoanalyst, and we discussed the case

Do you really expect me to believe that? Well, call him

What's that going to prove? He's a friend of yours Well, his wife is a friend of yours Talk to her

[Sighs]

[Footsteps Departing]

[Removes Handset, Dialing]

Hang up Hang up

I haven't seen Cobb for two weeks [Slams Handset]

Then you've been lying to me

Oh, but not the way you think

[Sighs]

Well, I guess the game's up

I stopped by the hospital to see Dr Rosales

We talked about the trip you and I were going to take to Acapulco

- Acapulco? - Yeah We leave tomorrow night

Well, I thought we could use a couple of days in the sun, just you and me

Happy anniversary, darling

Oh, Ray, darling [Sniffles] Hmm

That's why I stopped in to see Rosales He's from Mexico, and I thought maybe

he could flll me in on what to do when we got there

Why didn't you tell me? Well, I was saving it for breakfast I wanted it to be a surprise

[Laughing] And I almost ruined it [Kisses]

Oh, darling Say, you're going to have a big day tomorrow

Why don't you get some sleep?

I think I'll read for a while

Ray?

You can go in now, Miss Hudson Thank you

Oh, darling, you're tense A little

Did you get any sleep last night? No Well, maybe an hour or two

Take one of these when you get home What are they?

Sleeping pills I want you to get some rest this afternoon Can't I'm working

This is an odd time to be pursuing your career, isn't it? How many chances do I get?

It's a good part Let's concentrate on the part you're playing tonight

You think it'll flt? Might be a little big

Noticeably? No I don't think so

Shall I take it home with me? No I don't want you wearing it until it's necessary

Now, this photograph is the best one I have of her

In the others, she's standing off in the distance or wearing sunglasses

Notice the makeup She uses a heavy eyebrow pencil

What about the wig?

I'll get it from the studio makeup department today They'll never know it's missing

Good You take that along with you as reference, but be sure you bring it back tonight

Now, what about the timing?

I'll be at your apartment at 9:OO But no sooner

And how do you get there? Car?

You're testing me

Do you mind? No I suppose we both have to be sure about things

I won't drive I'll come by bus I'll get off a few blocks away and walk

Right Use the back entrance to the garage, then take the service elevator

- Apartment number? - You're in the penthouse I ring the bell twice

Anything else? joan?

The sunglasses Good girl And a large purse for the dress

Are you sure of everything? Shall I do it over again? No I don't want to talk about it anymore

Ah, but it'll be flne I promise you

just pretend you're working on a role, right down to the props

[Quietly] I'll see you tonight

10.00 Thank you very much

The plane's leaving on schedule Then you'd better hurry

Oh, darling, let's not rush Here, let me help you with that

You're a brilliant man, but you're not very mechanical That's what wives are for

That and other things

Burt Gordon called today Anything important?

NoJust to wish us a pleasant trip

He could use a vacation himself You know he's prosecuting two new cases next month?

Well, that's what he gets for having political ambitions [Chuckles]

Do you remember him when he was in law school? Vaguely

I never saw anybody work so hard, including you

But I didn't have to My wife had a rich father

And you married me for my money Not yours, darling Your father's

I like to think you loved me a little Didn't you?

Of course I did Yes

Is the maid coming tomorrow? Well, as far as I know

Well, why don't you give her a call and check? Sometimes she forgets

[Chuckles] All right

Oh, say, did you see my blue dress? My blue wool? What?

My blue wool dress... I was gonna take it on the trip, but I can't flnd it anywhere

Maybe you sent it to the cleaners Oh, no It should be in the closet Where's that address book? Ah!

[Scatting]

[Humming]

[Humming Continues] [Dialing Phone]

Charlotte? This is Mrs Flemming I just wanted to be sure you'd be in tomorrow

Good Oh, and don't forget to water the plants, huh?

You've got your key, huh? Good

[Chuckling] Oh, yes We will Thank you very much Bye

[Humming]

She's coming in at 1 O: OO!

Good!

[Glass Rattling] [Liquid Pouring]

- Drink, darling? - No Set it down, would you?

Such a beautiful night, isn't it? I hadn't noticed

Perfect weather for flying You can see for miles

Do you know what I was thinking?

What? When we get back, we must redecorate

The place looks cold It should have warmer colors

[Chuckling] Maybe we should buy some paintings of soup cans

If you think so You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Oh, we're gonna have such a wonderful time the next few days

Does your secretary know where you're going? Only that we're in Mexico

No speciflcs Good Complete privacy

We're going to have a nice, quiet weekend

You'd better close the doors, then change Oh?

Our second honeymoon may be better than our flrst

[Phone Rings]

[Ringing Continues]

[Discord] [Body Hitting Floor]

[Rings]

Hello

Oh, hello, Burt How are you?

Oh, yeah Carol told me you called

Oh, flne, flne We're just leaving

Oh, no She's, uh... She's dressing

Yes I'll tell her

I'd better be going now, Burt Give our love to Cynthia, will you?

Right

[Doorbell Chimes]

[Chimes]

joan? Did anyone see you come up?

There's a drink on the bar Take it No I'd...

Take it And I want you to wear these gloves

Don't Please l... I don't need a drink I'll be all right

Be careful not to touch anything

Did you bring the photograph?

The wig? And some shoes to go with the dress

Very good

Put this on Come on Get ready

It looks flne Hm It won't fool anybody

- Oh, don't be negative - Suppose we meet someone who knows your wife?

- I don't even look like her - People see what they expect to see It's the principle of association

You're dressed like Carol You're traveling with me That means you are my wife

- Are we ready? - Not yet Make your call to the cleaners

What are you waiting for? Well, won't they be closed this time of night?

They're open till midnight

[Removes Handset, Dialing]

Rodeo Cleaners? This is...

This is Mrs Flemming, Cumberland Apartments on Wilshire

I have a bundle of laundry and some things to clean

[Quietly] lt'll be outside the door I'm leaving it outside the door

Will you have someone pick it up flrst thing in the morning?

Thank you

Fine The sunglasses

Where are they? I know I had them

[Sighs] Good Now, put these on

Why? She always wore them with that dress

When you get back from the airport, add the dress and the gloves to that bundle

- What about the wig? - I'll return it Monday No one will know I have it

Fine Are you ready?

[Shuddering Breath] I think so

Let's get started

Light

Dr and Mrs Ray Flemming, ticketed on 12A

Thank you Afraid you're 13 pounds overweight, Doctor [Airplane Passing, Distant]

Put it on my credit card, would you? [Phone Rings, Distant]

[Stamps lmprinter] Mrs Flemming?

Carol Mrs Flemming?

Yes Will you be carrying any hand luggage aboard?

No Will you sign here, please, Doctor?

Thank you very much

That'll be at Gate 35, boarding in about three minutes

Have a pleasant trip, sir Thank you

[Woman On PA] Flight number 12A for Acapulco

is in the flnal boarding process at Gate number 35

Passengers having reservations for this flight should be on board

May I have your names, please? Dr and Mrs Flemming

All right Um, Aisle 3, Seats A and B Thank you

Remember Don't call or try to get in touch with me I'll reach you

When will I see you? Oh, not for a while At least a week

Ray, I'm worried Well, don't be just try to get some rest

And don't read the papers They'll upset you

- Shall we get started? - What should I say?

You're an actress, darling lmprovise

- [Loudly] If you feel that way, why'd you agree to come along? - That's a good question I really don't know

You never wanted to take this trip in the flrst place

Can you blame me? What am I supposed to do... sit in our room while you go flshing?

Maybe you'd rather not go at all Maybe I wouldn't

Well, flne Spend the weekend with your friends and run up a nice bar bill

Leave my friends out of this Will you lower your voice? People are listening

I don't care who's listening I wasn't the one that started this

- You're making a scene - [Scoffs] This is impossible

What do you think you're doing? Isn't it obvious? I'm leaving

Carol, don't be a fool Have they shut the door yet?

No, ma'am, but we're just about to Enjoy yourself

I'm sure you'll have a better time without me Carol!

Is there anything I can do, sir? No Let her go

[Jet Engine Powering Up]

[Engine Continues Louder]

[Engine Recedes]

[Chopping]

Miguel, why don't you flx us some lunch? I'm starving

[Splashes]

[Splashes]

Dr Flemming?

- Who are you? - Lieutenant Columbo, Police

I don't understand

What's happened here? Where's my wife?

Maybe you better sit down I've got some bad news for you

- Has something happened to Carol? - You sure you don't wanna sit down?

Has she been in an accident? Not exactly

Well, what is it? Tell me Well, um,

somebody broke in here and tried to kill her

- "Tried" to kill her? - That's right, Doctor She's lucky she's still alive

She's still alive? Where is she now?

She's at the hospital

You're sure you don't want a drink... water, brandy or something? Oh, no, no

I want to know how she is Is she conscious?

Has she been able to... to say anything?

Well, I'm afraid not She's been in a coma What's her condition right now?

Oh, come on I must know the truth

It's not very good, Doctor We only hope that she comes to long enough to be able to talk to us

Well, I've got to see her Doctor, uh, don't you think you oughta rest awhile?

After all, it's been quite a shock

Well, you can understand My wife's in the hospital She may be dying

I want to see her All right Uh, I've got a car downstairs

[Phone Rings]

No I don't want to talk to anyone now

Might be the hospital, Doc They know I'm here [Ringing Continues]

Hello This is Dr Flemming

Darling, I just had to talk to you The newspapers...

No I-I can't keep any appointments today Why don't you come in Friday at 2:OO?

- My secretary will verify it - Ray, is there someone with you?

They expect me to be on call at all hours

Same with me, Doc

Nurse, I'm Dr Flemming My wife is a patient here I'd like to see her

I'm afraid she's on the critical list She's not permitted to have any visitors

But, miss, I am a doctor I'm sorry, but my orders are...

Is Dr Lansberry still chief of staff here? Yes

Will you tell him that Dr Ray Flemming is here and would like to see him

He may be in surgery, Doctor But you wouldn't know that unless you checked Would you mind?

Dr Lansberry, please Reception

There's a Dr Flemming here He insists on seeing his wife Yes Thank you

He's being paged, Doctor Thank you

Hospital red tape Yeah I know what you mean, Doctor

Well, let's get on with it [Woman On PA] Dr Lansberry...

Get on with what? Your red tape

This, um... This thief, did he leave any traces?

Oh, no No, not a thing But of course, uh, we might be able to run him down when he tries to sell the stuff he stole

We can't be sure, but, uh, we think maybe he stole some of your wife's jewelry and some other things

Listen, Doc, when you get a chance, would you make out a list of what was stolen? Of course

Yeah And then we can, uh... We check with the fences and the pawnshops And who knows?

Something might turn up

Oh A few questions for my report, Doc Now, uh...

[Woman On PA] Dr Miller... you were in Mexico when this thing took place, and, uh,

the dates there were, um...

Gee, you don't have a pencil, do you?

[Chuckles] Thanks

You know, my wife, she gives me one every morning, and I just can't seem to hold on to it

Uh... Oh, yes Now, we know that you were in Mexico, but, uh,

the local police down there, they couldn't seem to locate you

Oh, yes I-I was in a little village about 2O miles from Acapulco

It was very quiet and relaxing and hardly any telephones Uh-huh Yeah

[Woman On PA] Dr Lansberry, call reception desk, please Yeah

I, um... I suppose you... you know about what happened on the plane

Yeah Yeah

We talked with the... with the airline people And they told us that you and your wife checked in

Well, boy, that really threw us But then, of course, we contacted the stewardess and she explained what happened

Yes It was my fault

We had an argument on the plane It was something ridiculous

I-I never thought that she'd actually leave

Yeah She probably went home and went right to bed I guess the attack was close to midnight

I mean, we know that she was at the airport at 1 O: OO [Woman On PA] Dr Woods,

call your offlce Lieutenant, if there's any further way that I can be of assistance to you...

Oh, no No No You just make out that list That would be flne, Doc

Thank you Oh, oh, one more thing, before I forget

I had to borrow a photograph the other day I hope you don't mind A photograph?

A picture of you and your wife We had to have something to show the stewardess

For identiflcation I see

She was still out of town, but we contacted her by phone, and, uh, we sent the picture down by wirephoto

And?

She identifled your wife

The picture wasn't too clear, but she recognized her [Burt] Ray

I was hoping to flnd you here Are you all right? I'm holding up, I suppose

I just don't know what to say It's terrible Why, we just saw her at your party I know

Now, what happened on Friday? When I called, the two of you were getting ready to leave

We had an argument on the plane Suddenly, Carol decided she wasn't going, and she walked off

I shouldn't have let her Well, you can't blame yourself How could you possibly have known?

[Quietly] Thanks

Have you heard anything yet? [Nurse] Not yet, Doctor

Lt Columbo

My name's Gordon I'm with the district attorney's offlce Yes, sir I know

I appreciate it... anything you can do for Dr Flemming He's a good friend of mine

I'll try

Ray, we're going to flnd the man that is responsible for this

as soon as Carol gets better and can give us a full description Oh, and by the way, [Phone Rings]

Cynthia wants you to spend the next few days with us

Let me think about it, will you? I understand

[Nurse] Dr Flemming? Dr Lansberry on the phone

Hello, Doctor There's something I want you to do for me

Uh, [Clears Throat] any, uh... any progress so far?

[Woman On PA] Dr Miller, call the switchboard, please Well, it's, uh, still a little early,

but, uh, you know, sooner or later something usually breaks

Mm-hmm Well, let's make that "sooner," right, Lieutenant?

Try my best Yeah I'm sure you will

I don't think I have to remind you that this could be quite the little feather in your cap

Wrap it up, and everybody's happy

Lieutenant?

Um, yeah, I'm sorry I was, uh... I was just thinking about something What was that?

No It's nothing important It's, uh...

Dr Flemming, he didn't call to his wife when he came back to his apartment

I don't follow you Oh Well, I was in the bedroom I was checking some things,

and I heard him open the front door, and he didn't say anything

Gee, it's funny how people are different, isn't it?

Now, you take myself When I come home from a trip, uh,

the flrst thing I do is I say, "Honey, you here? "

Exactly what is your point, Lieutenant?

Point? Oh, I wasn't making a point

It sounded to me as if you were

You heard the man admit that he had an argument with his wife

He probably still had a chip on his shoulder this morning

I was only tryin' to... Lieutenant,

I've... have already told you that Dr Flemming is a close, personal friend of mine

Now, I hope he's not going to be annoyed by a lot of tactless remarks... especially at a time like this

Well, I'm sorry, Mr Gordon I guess I shouldn't have mentioned it

[Woman On PA] Dr Ferrell, Surgery Four, please Yes Thank you, Dr Lansberry

They're letting me go up to see her Good Do you need company?

No I'd rather be with her alone

I'll have to go with you, Doc

Why? Well, we got a man on the door

[Elevator Door Slides Open]

[Columbo] Uh, it's, uh... it's all right, Offlcer This is her husband

I'm sorry, Lieutenant Nobody's allowed in right now Well, why not?

She's conscious The doctor's with her

Well, maybe we got lucky

Oh, Doctor, I'm the patient's husband Is she... Is she all right?

I'm sorry

She passed away

Did she... Did she say anything?

If it's any consolation, the one thing she said was your name

Getting some fresh air?

I was on my way back from lunch

Well, as a matter of fact, I was headed toward your offlce myself Do you mind if I walk along?

Not at all

Any news? No Nothing much, Doctor

We're just sort of waiting around until our friend tries to get rid of the jewelry

I'd imagine he'd hold on to it for a while

Yeah, probably

Have I had any calls, Miss Petrie? Five or six I left a list on your desk

First day back, and everyone wants me to hold their hands

You know, I've never been in a psychiatrist's offlce before First time

I keep looking for the couch So do my patients I keep telling them it's bad for their posture

"Bad for their posture" That's very good

I'll tell you, you put me in a horizontal position, and I fall asleep

Nice offlce, though It seems restful [Strikes Match]

I guess it, uh, puts people in the mood to talk, huh?

You know, my sister, she has a living room It's very, very modern

Well, the minute you sit down there, you can't open your mouth

You know, she's got this big, kidney-shaped coffee table It upsets me just to look at it

Her husband, he doesn't say anything, and I flgure, the coffee table got to him years ago

- Is there something I can do for you? - Oh, no Not really, Doctor No I just...

I just came up to bring back your pen I forgot to give it to you at the inquest

Well, thanks I missed it You know, that's my trouble I got a bad memory

My wife tells me I oughta have strings on all 1 O flngers

Was there anything else you wanted? Oh, no It's nothing important There is one detail that bothers me

And what is that? It's, um... It's about your luggage

My luggage? [Flicking Lighter]

I think you need fluid here, huh?

Oh, no Maybe...

Oh, there Boy, that's quite a flame, huh?

You were talking about my luggage

Yeah Uh... Now, you took two suitcases with you, didn't you?

Well, actually, we packed more than we needed

Well, I went out to the airport the other day... you know, just a routine check...

and it seems as though you were 13 pounds overweight

You know, they keep those records Yes I know I charged it on my credit card

Well, when you came back... Now, I know it's a stupid point, Doc, and it doesn't mean anything,

but you were only, uh, four pounds overweight,

and I was wondering what happened to the other nine pounds

- I don't see what that has to do with my wife's death - Oh, it's all part of the job...

you know, just tryin' to tie the loose ends together

You went to a lot of trouble, didn't you, going all the way out to the airport? Forty-flve minutes

Boy, that's quite a place, that airport You know, I get lost just walkin' around

Lieutenant, about those nine pounds I took along a stack of trade journals and medical magazines

It seems I never get a chance to go through them at the offlce Oh Catchin' up on your readin', then, huh?

You might say that Mm-hmm

And you didn't bring 'em back, then? There'd be no reason to It was mostly advertising stuff

Mm-hmm And, uh, you flgured they weighed as much as nine pounds?

Well, they'd have to Why else the weight discrepancy?

Yeah Mm Well, I guess that clears that up, then

Okay, Doc Thank you very much And I'm sorry I bothered you No bother at all

Oh, listen There's one more thing Um, you don't remember what your wife was wearing that night, do you?

Well, Carol had so many dresses Is it important?

Well, yes In a way, it is

Well, let's see now

Oh, yes She was wearing a blue wool dress with brass buttons, if I'm not mistaken

Uh-huh Uh-huh Yeah That... That's what the stewardess said

She's back in town, by the way And I spoke to her, and, uh,

she told me your wife was wearing a blue wool dress with blue kid gloves

Well, then that's probably it No...

That's funny, though lf...

If she came home from the airport, what did she do with the dress and gloves?

When we went over your apartment last week, we couldn't flnd 'em

Well, they may have been stolen

Yeah Maybe, maybe

Did you put those on the list of stolen items?

Really, Lieutenant, how could you expect me to notice they were missing?

[Sucks Teeth] Still, it's puzzling when you think about it I m...

I mean, why would a guy steal a dress and a pair of gloves? What are they worth?

People don't always do the rational thing

Oh, they sure don't You learn a lot about that in my line

Well, I guess you do in yours too

Mm [Intercom Buzzes]

Oh, excuse me Yeah?

- Miss Hudson is here, Doctor - I'll be through in a moment

I have a patient coming in now, Lieutenant Oh Yeah

Hey, 2:OO Oh! Oh, that was the one that called you at your apartment

Oh, and you say you have a bad memory Well, listen It comes and it goes, you know?

I'm sorry I couldn't have been any help to you with the dress and the gloves, but, uh...

Well, maybe you just missed them in your search Yeah Yeah, you're probably right, Doc

Uh, listen, um, would you mind if I came over this afternoon and took another look?

What time do you think you're gonna be home? Not before 5:OO

Well, suppose I meet you there at 5:3O

If you think it's necessary

- Well, it's just another loose end You understand - Mm

You can go in now, Miss Hudson Thank you

Oh, miss

Excuse me, uh, what was your name again? joan Hudson Why?

Oh Sorry to trouble you, ma'am

[Door Opens]

Who was that man out there? Lieutenant Columbo He's a police offlcer Why?

He wanted to know my name Did you tell him?

What else could I do?

Ray, is something wrong? Well, he was with me when you called

I told you not to try to get in touch with me

I had to When I read that Carol was still alive, I wanted to warn you

Well, don't worry about it As far as he knows, you're just another patient on my list

Now...

Now I am going to call the cleaners

You did as I told you, didn't you?

You left Carol's dress and gloves with the rest of the laundry?

Gloves? Yes, dress and gloves

Well, you know, Joan I told you

[Dialing Phone]

[Stops Dialing]

What is it?

Well, I changed in the restroom at the airport and put her things in my bag

Then I went back to your apartment

and left the dress with the other laundry

Go on

Well, l... I forgot about the gloves

I didn't even think of them until you mentioned them

But we went over it How many times did I tell you?

I'm sorry l... What difference does it make? Is it that important?

"ls it that important? " Where are the gloves now?

They're in my other bag, at home I haven't used it since that night

Let me think

We're safe as far as the dress is concerned It's at the cleaners

Now, the gloves...

They're small They can be easily overlooked

They can be almost anywhere

Listen Columbo's coming back to my apartment

He wants to make another search

Now, you go back home, get the gloves and come back to my place

I'll see you there in an hour Why can't I just throw them away?

Because I want him to flnd them He'll only be satisfled if all of his loose ends are in place

But, Ray... Now, you just do as I say, darling

Hurry!

[Doorbell Rings]

There you are

Did you bring them?

Good Put 'em on the table I'll hide them in her bureau

Columbo's going to flnd them this time Would you like a drink?

Please

Are you angry with me?

Not at all

I would have to do something foolish

I kept going over everything in my mind

But those stupid gloves...

Don't you worry about it We've protected ourselves

I've missed you I'm lucky I was working

It helped me get through the week

It's behind us now

What about that man... that Columbo?

You'll never see him again

But why does he keep bothering you?

Because Carol's death has been almost too perfect

That's what irritates him It's like a speck in his eye

Why, he'd even look for flaws in the Old Testament

You don't seem to be very upset about it

Why should I be? Whatever he turns up, I've got an answer for

Eventually he'll lose interest and start hounding someone else

I wish I could feel that sure

The past two weeks I've been trying to flnd an excuse for what we've done

I haven't been very successful

joan, there was no other option

Does that justify?

Yes We're in love We want a future together

That's all the justiflcation we need

Look, this isn't something you just forget

Don't let it interfere with what we have

I won't

All we have to do is wait

I promise I'll make it up to you

[Door Lock Rattling]

[Rattling Continues]

What are you doing here?

Doctor, I, uh... I just kinda thought that I'd save you some time

and look for the stuff myself

I just didn't want to inconvenience you more than I have to

Don't you people usually require a search warrant?

I just didn't think it was necessary, Doctor

I mean, you gave me permission, didn't you?

Say, uh, what are you doing here now?

It bothered me too I wanted to save some time for both of us

There are the gloves, Lieutenant I found them in one of Carol's bureau drawers

What do you know about that? We covered every inch of that bureau

Well, we must've missed these

You didn't flnd the dress by any chance, did you?

[Flemming] No I turned the place upside down It's not here

Gee, I wonder what she did with it

I'm afraid I have no idea

Well, why don't we both take another look

[Flemming] Lieutenant?

It's not in the apartment I went through every one of the closets

Well, there's a laundry hamper in the bedroom, isn't there?

- But I just told you... - Well, there's no harm in checking, is there?

[Doorbell Rings]

Lieutenant, would you mind getting that? I don't feel like talking to anyone

[Door Opens] [Boy] Rodeo Cleaners

Uh, Doctor

How much do I owe you? $45O

Keep the change Thank you

Say, isn't that your wife's dress?

Well, of course!

Well, she must've put it outside for the cleaners when she got back from the airport

Yes, that makes sense It certainly matches the description

May I take a look? Take a good look at it, Lieutenant

Well, I've gotta get back to my offlce

I guess we've both wasted a lot of time

Well, listen I'm sorry about all this, Doctor

I seem to be making a pest of myself

[Phone Rings]

Yeah? Oh, Lieutenant!

It's for you

Yeah Thanks Columbo

Yeah Who?

Are you sure?

Well, what do you know about that?

Mm Yeah All right

Yes, I'll be right down Yeah

That does it, Doc Does what?

We just got a confession A fella just admitted killing your wife

Listen I gotta go

If I get any more information, I'll call you

Isn't that funny the way those things happen?

[Door Closes]

[Columbo] How did you break the window, Tommy?

I had this flashlight, and I knocked it through the glass

What happened next?

I told you She came out I didn't think she'd be home

You mean Mrs Flemming?

Yeah She was wearing this... this nightgown

Yeah Go on

Well, the second she saw me, she started to yell her head off

So I ran over to keep her quiet

I put my hand over her mouth,

and then I, uh...

I just strangled her

Mm-hmm And then what happened?

Like I said, I began taking things:

the silverware, a couple of candle holders,

a couple of lighters and the jewelry

Did you take any money, Tommy? Yeah She had about 3O bucks in her purse

What did you do with the stuff that you stole?

I fenced it Where?

Why should I get him in trouble? What did he give you for it?

Look, Lieutenant, how many times do we have to go over this?

I told you I killed her That oughta be enough!

Tommy, why that particular apartment?

I saw them leaving with their luggage

The initials on his bag said "RF"

So I looked at the mailboxes, and I saw "Dr Ray Flemming, penthouse,"

the only name that flt the initials

That was pretty shrewd of you How manyjobs have you had in the past few months?

One or two If I was working steady, would I be breaking into apartments?

No, I guess you wouldn't

All right That's all You can take him out

Well, that was quick

Well, you've been very cooperative, Tommy

What do you think, Doc?

I don't believe a word he says

Really? Why?

He knew exactly what was stolen He knew how the thief got into the apartment

He knew what your wife was wearing And so does everyone who reads the papers

Yes, that's true That's true

The boy's obviously neurotic

Some people have an urge to confess after every murder

I've even treated a few of them

They have a compulsion to purge themselves

Maybe they just want to get their names in the papers

But the boy's story does not hold up

You know, you might be right

You know, come to think of it, didn't he say

that your wife was screaming and he put his hand over her mouth?

And then he said he lowered his hands and he strangled her

I don't know what you're getting at

Well, your wife was strangled from behind

There were thumb indentation marks on the back of her neck, not on the front

Oh, and I checked one more thing, Doc

Tommy was discharged from the army on a Section Eight He's mentally unstable

If you knew that, why did you ask what I thought?

Oh, well, I, uh... I just wanted to get another professional opinion, Doc

I mean no offense

I don't have to be a psychiatrist to know that the boy's lying

Why not? For one thing, I have no initials on my luggage

Oh, yeah I was gonna check that out if you told me you believed Tommy's story

I thought you might

It also occurred to me that you may have planted this whole Tommy episode

Now, why on earth would I do a thing like that?

Oh, that reminds me Did you do any flshing while you were in Acapulco?

A little Why?

Oh, it's nothing important It's just that, uh, I'm a terriflc bug on flshing

You know, my wife and I, we're looking for a place to take a vacation this summer

You see, the trouble with places around here is that, um,

well, people keep dumping all kinds of things off the boat

You know, bottles, cans Oh, it's a terrible shame Criminal

And, uh, well, I suppose you don't notice that in the ocean, do you?

I mean, it's so big, it would just swallow everything up

Uh, tell me Uh,

those trade journals and those medical books...

did you take them with you when you went flshing?

Lieutenant, for the past week you've been asking me some rather pointless questions,

and I am getting very tired of them

Oh, I'm sorry, Doc

I just thought that, well, a boat's a good place to get some reading done

What do my reading habits have to do with this?

You've been concentrating on everything but the man who broke into my apartment

Or is this some new type of police procedure?

- I'm only, uh... - I want the man who murdered my wife Everything else is irrelevant

Well, I'm only trying to... I know You're only trying to tie up loose ends

Well, if you spent a little less time on loose ends, maybe you'd come up with something important

You know, sometimes I get the impression you think I killed my wife

You? Oh, no, Doc

How could you? You were out of town

I'm glad you remembered that

Unless you think I hired someone to kill her

The boy who confessed? Maybe I paid him to do it

- No, Doc You didn't do that - How do you know?

I already asked him

Are you serious? I am

He's making an absolute pest of himself

Telephone calls, question and answer sessions

He's even bothering me at the offlce It's getting ridiculous

He's probably trying too hard I'll have a word with him Well, a word won't do it

Burt, you won't believe this, but somewhere in the back of his mind he thinks I'm involved with Carol's murder

You? You've gotta be kidding

I'm not, and neither is Columbo

Look, isn't there some way you can get him off my back?

Well, if he's pushing that hard... He is

I guess I can pull a few strings All right Consider it done

Well, that was painless Looks like I owe you a favor

Forget it What are friends for?

Evening, Doctor

I just stopped by with some news I thought you might be interested

I got taken off the case today I'm no longer working on it

Ohh Yeah, and it happened all of a sudden too

I was sitting at my desk, and a call came down from upstairs

and they told me that they wanted me to work on something else

Real strange

And they told me to turn my flles over to Lieutenant Silver,

who's a very nice guy, but he's young and not experienced in this kind of thing

That is funny Here I thought I was doing a good job

How unfortunate for you But I suppose they know what they're doing

Well, you'll have to excuse me I've got a dinner engagement

Where? At the Gordons'?

And why do you say that?

Well, you're a good friend of Mr Gordon, aren't you?

I mean, last week at the hospital he invited you over

You remember that

No, it isn't the Gordons No? A lady friend, maybe?

I don't think it's any of your business

No, I guess not

I was wondering, Doctor...

would you take me on as a patient?

Take you on as a what? No, I mean it Maybe you can help me

I don't know There must be something wrong with me

I seem to bother people I seem to make 'em nervous

and maybe you could tell me why

Are you serious? I'm very, very serious

I've never been more serious in my life

My wife says I oughta have it looked into,

so I told her I know this psychiatrist

And I flgure if I came here like once a week,

maybe we could get it ironed out

You know what I think the problem is?

I think I'm too suspicious

I don't trust people That's my trouble

For instance, when I get taken off a case,

right away I flgure somebody put the pressure on

Right away I ask myself why

What do you think, Doc?

I think you'd better get out of here

Beg your pardon? Columbo, you're a public servant

You say you've been taken off the case Fine

Bother me again, and I shall have to talk to your superiors

You've been talking to a lot of people these days, Doctor

[Chuckles] Columbo, you are magniflcent

You really are Well, what makes you say that, Doc?

You are the most persistent creature I've ever met, but likeable

The astonishing thing is you're likeable

Has anyone ever told you you're droll?

- Who? Me? - Yes, you?

Oh, come on, Doc Come on [Laughing]

Oh, but you are You're a sly little elf,

and you should be sitting under your own private little toadstool

You say you've been thrown off the case,

and yet you have the flagrant audacity to come back here and bother me again

- I respect that It irritates me, but I respect it - [Mouthing Words]

How about a drink?

Well, all right

Hey, now, that's pretty clever [Chuckles]

You can always have a snort between patients, huh?

I haven't given you a Rorschach test yet,

but I've got a hunch you're a bourbon man

Thank you very much, Doctor

What'll we drink to?

Oh, I don't know How about you and me?

Fine

Like to read, huh, Doctor?

Yes, I do

You read murder mysteries? Not very often

Oh, me, I love 'em I flnd 'em nice and relaxing

You know, the only trouble is that they got nothin' to do with real life

I mean, the guy who did it, they catch him every time,

and you and I know that it doesn't always work out that way

You never stop, do you?

What?

The insinuation, the change of pace

You're a bag of tricks, Columbo

Right down to that prop cigar you use Oh, come on, Doc

I'm going to tell you something about yourself

You say you need a psychiatrist? Maybe you do and maybe you don't

But you are the textbook example of compensation Of what, Doc?

Compensation Adaptability

You're an intelligent man, Columbo, but you hide it

You pretend you're something you're not Why?

Because of your appearance

You think you cannot get by on looks or polish,

so you turn a defect into a virtue

You take people by surprise

They underestimate you, and that's where you trip them up

Like coming here tonight

Boy, you've got me pegged pretty good, Doctor

I'm gonna have to watch myself with you

'cause, uh, you flgure out people pretty good

Now you're trying flattery

No, really, I'm serious, Doctor You've got a gift there

Oh, I know it's your job and I know you've studied for years, but still it's...

Well, it's amazing that a person can come in here and sit down,

and in a couple of hours you know all about 'em

Well, not quite Psychiatry isn't a parlor trick

Oh, I didn't mean that No, I was just... I was just wondering that, uh...

Well, no I guess that isn't possible

What isn't?

Well, I know it's easy enough to flgure out about a patient

or a guy like me that's always hanging around all the time, but what about a stranger?

What about a, uh... a fellow that you'd never met before?

Can you tell what makes him tick?

Any particular one in mind?

No, nobody special just... Just a type

Like a murderer, for instance?

Well, yeah Now that you mention it,

I guess we're on the same wavelength

Yes, I guess we are

What about this hypothetical murderer?

Well, I'm not talking about your average hothead...

you know, the guy who pops somebody over the noggin with a bottle

What I mean is, uh, the kind of man

that, uh, flgures everything out in advance,

who takes everything step by step

What do you know about that kind of man, Doctor?

I should charge you for this But since it's on a theoretical basis,

let's just call it a free consultation

[Mutters] All right

We are talking about a man who commits a crime...

not the garden variety of barroom brawl,

but an elaborate intellectual project

What do we know about this man?

Obviously, he's not impulsive

He plans He calculates He minimizes risks

He's oriented by his mind, not by his emotions

And he's probably well educated too

Like maybe a professional man?

Like maybe At any rate, an orderly man

with an eye for detail and courage

Courage? Oh, certainly

To go through a thing like this, whatever it may be,

it takes a strong nervous system

Well, you could be right But one thing bothers me, Doctor

This man that we're talking about has taken a human life

Now, wouldn't you say that he was insane?

Why? Because he committed an immoral act?

Morals are conditioned, Lieutenant

They're relative, like everything else is today

Our murderer may be as sane as you and me

Killing may be repugnant to him,

but if it's his only solution, he uses it

That's pragmatism, my friend, not insanity

Tell me, Doctor: How do you catch a man like that?

- You don't - You're probably right

He sounds just too clever for us

What I mean is, you know, cops, we're not the brightest guys in the world

Of course, we got one thing going for us: We're professionals

I mean, you take our friend here, the murderer

He's very smart, but he's an amateur

I mean, he's got just one time to learnJust one

And with us, well... with us it's a business

You see, we do this a hundred times a year

I'll tell ya, Doc That's a lot of practice

It didn't help you very much, did it?

I mean, with all that experience, you jumped to the wrong conclusion

- What do you mean? - I didn't kill my wife

I never said you did

Oh, that's true lmply "lmply" is more the word

But if I killed my wife... and I did say "if'...

you're never going to be able to prove it

So why don't we just part as friends?

You go on to something new, and I'll forget this whole thing ever happened

As a matter of fact, there's no reason for us to see each other again

Well, I have to be going now

Well, I'll go out with you

No, no You just stay here, relax, search the offlce

Oh

And if you want another drink, help yourself

Good night

Oh, by the way, when you leave, turn out the light

[Door Closes]

Uh, Miss Hudson

Who are you?

Lieutenant Columbo, ma'am Uh, police

Uh, we met the other day Remember?

What's this all about?

Is there someplace where we could go, where we could talk?

Why? Oh, just a few routine questions That's all

Would you like some ice cream? No, thanks Questions about what?

Um, well, could we go in there?

[Mouth Full] This is quite a place

Lieutenant, would you mind telling me why you're here?

Yes, of course I was hoping you might help us with a case that we're working on

What case is that?

Lieutenant?

The, uh, Flemming case

Oh, you mean Dr Flemming, my psychiatrist?

Uh-huh

Is he in some kind of trouble?

What was that?

I said, is he in some kind of trouble?

Well, you might say he is Uh, sit down, Miss Hudson

There's no rule about smoking here, is there? No

Well, then if you don't mind, I'll light up

See, a lot of women, they don't like cigars

Now, my wife, she prefers a pipe I could never get used to those things

There's just too much to carry around with you

Uh, how long have you known Dr Flemming?

You mean, how long has he been treating me?

- Well, that's the same thing, isn't it? - I've been seeing him for about a year

Uh-huh Mm-hmm

That checks out

By the way, when was the last time that you spoke to Dr Flemming?

Last week when I met you

- Oh, that's right Yes - Lieutenant, would you mind explaining...

- Are you working here on a movie now? - That's right

Well, I'm gonna have to see it when it comes out What are you?

Are you playing a Roman girl or a Greek girl?

- Do you do your own makeup? - What has this got to do with Dr Flemming?

- Pardon me? - Lieutenant, you're not being very clear

You came here to ask me about a man I hardly know

You said he was in trouble

Now, before we go on, suppose you tell me what kind of trouble

Well, I know that this is gonna come as a shock to you,

but we think that he killed his wife

You seem stunned

Of course I'm stunned I don't believe it

No?

Hey, I wonder who these belong to

Well, maybe somebody left them by mistake

Miss Hudson, um,

well, you seem nervous

Haven't you seen a pair of sunglasses before?

Would you like to try 'em on?

Why should I? No reason

But there's no reason why you shouldn't, either

Is there?

I think I'd better go Sit down, Miss Hudson

If you insist on questioning me, I'm going to have to call my lawyer

Sit down You can't stop me from calling my lawyer

You have no right to order me around You're not even on this case anymore

Well, now, how did you know that?

Dr Flemming told me

Oh, but you said that you hadn't seen Dr Flemming since last week

He called me

Oh, is the doctor in the habit of doing that?

I'm not going to answer any more of your questions

Uh, just one more point, Miss Hudson, that I'd like to clear up I am on the case

It's true somebody tried to pull a few strings

But my superior, he doesn't like that He gets thinking

So he said to me, he said, "Lieutenant Columbo,

you must be touching a sore spot, so you just keep right on trying"

He's very intelligent, my superior

I want to call my lawyer

I don't understand that

Now, Dr Flemming killed his wife, and you want to call your lawyer

Would you explain that to me, Miss Hudson?

I want to call my lawyer

All right Go ahead

If he wants to know what the charge is,

it's accessory to murder

Now go ahead and make your call, Miss Hudson

When you get done, we'll take a drive

A drive? Yes We're gonna go see the stewardess

I don't have the blue dress, and I don't have the gloves,

and I don't think you're going to try on these sunglasses,

but maybe she'll remember you anyhow, wig or no wig

I don't know what you're talking about

You're trying to confuse me I have nothing to do with this

With what? With this... With the thing that you said about Ray

Ray? Dr Flemming

But you just called him Ray

What difference does that make? I know him He's my doctor

Your lover? My doctor

And you said you never met his wife? No, I never met his wife

Would you like to see some pictures of her? I had them taken at the morgue

No Why should you? After all, you saw the real thing

That must have been quite a shock Why don't you leave me alone? I didn't do anything

No? What about these? What about the sunglasses?

What about the overweight luggage? What about the argument on the plane?

I don't want to listen to any of this Now, you were there when he strangled her, weren't you?

No! Well, does that mean that you came later?

I was never there at all I think you were

I think you probably changed into her dress while she was lying there,

and then you and the doctor went to the airport and had that fake argument on the plane, didn't you?

No! Didn't you?

Didn't you help plan it with him? Didn't you help carry it out with him?

Now, didn't you? Oh, stop it!

Without you, that woman would be alive!

Without you, she wouldn't be lying in a morgue! Stop it! Stop it!

It couldn't have happened without you! Stop it!

Why don't we go downtown and you can make a statement?

No You have no right

I have nothing to do with this Do you understand?

Nothing Nothing at all

If you want to take me to the stewardess, then take me

If you want to arrest me, go ahead

But you can't prove anything

Now, either charge me or let me leave I don't care what you do

You can go

Miss Hudson

I hope you understand that this is only the beginning

In a way, I feel sorry for you

because from now on I'm gonna do everything I can to break you down

Do you understand?

Dr Flemming made one mistake, and you're it

You're the weak link, Miss Hudson

Now, you surprised me today because you were strong

But there's always tomorrow

and the day after that

and the day after that,

and sooner or later you're gonna talk to me

Until you do, you're gonna be questioned,

you're gonna be followed and you're gonna be hounded

And Dr Flemming can't do anything about it

You're on your own, Miss Hudson,

and I'm gonna get to him through you

That's a promise

[Engine Starts]

[Ringing]

[Ringing Continues]

- Hello? - Ray! Oh, thank heavens!

- I've been calling for hours - What's wrong? You sound upset

Columbo came to see me at the studio today

- Columbo? - He tried to break me down

- Did you tell him anything? - No, of course not

But he knows Every detail Even the alibi on the plane

Oh, he's only guessing Guesses are no proof

But why should he be questioning you? He's off the case

No, he's not He's right in the middle of it

Two of his men are parked outside right now

Well, I think we'd better have a talk Come in tomorrow for your appointment

We'll flgure something out But can't you come over here now?

With his men watching your house? joan, use your head

But you're my doctor! There's nothing wrong in visiting a patient!

He obviously expects us to get together tonight

- Let's not be predictable - What are we gonna do?

just ride it out You're his last resort

If you don't panic, we're home free

Ray, I have to see you

You will in the morning

Now, put on some music, have yourself a drink and stop worrying

Ray!

Yes?

All right I'll try

[Line Disconnects]

Miss Petrie Yes, Doctor?

Doesn't Miss Hudson have a 1 O: OO appointment? Yes, she does

It's 1 O:3O Why don't you give her a call?

Uh, hello Is Miss Hudson...

Well, no, l...

This is the receptionist in Dr Flemming's offlce

Well, she had an appointment here this morning

I see

I just called Miss Hudson, and a man answered

He said he was from the coroner's offlce

Try it again Maybe you got the wrong number

This is Dr Flemming's offlce again Is Miss Hudson there?

You don't understand Dr Flemming is her psychiatrist

Well, I'm only trying to get some information

Let me have that Hello This is Dr Flemming Who are you?

Miss Hudson is under my care

I want to know what happened

Look, I am her psychiatrist

What kind of accident?

Well, then who do I call to flnd out?

Look, can't you get it through your head that...

Never mind

Miss Petrie, I'm going out for a while Tell my next patient that I'll be late

Where is she? I said, where is she?

She stuffed herself with barbiturates

I didn't think...

What didn't you think?

You didn't think what?

Well, I questioned her yesterday I guess I pushed her too far

I told her that I was gonna get to you through her

You had to bring her into this, didn't you?

Didn't you know what she'd do? Or didn't you care?

Don't lecture me, Doctor! I'm responsible, and I'm gonna have to live with it

But you're leaving somebody out We both killed that girl... the two of us together

She committed suicide for one reason: to protect you

You see, it was all for you For you, Doc

By the way, congratulations

I mean, you're home free now, aren't you? Boy, it couldn't have worked out better

She was the only one who could've given you away

Can't touch you anymore, Doc Nobody can

You're free and clear You won, Doc

The only trouble is you didn't get what you were goin' after

- What is that supposed to mean? - Why, the girl

You loved her and you wanted her and you were willing to murder for her

And now she's gone, and all that planning, all that sweat,

and you wind up with nothing

What are you trying to tell me?

I'm not trying to tell you anything, Doctor I was just thinking that

you're going to be a terribly lonely man from here on in

and maybe you'd feel better if you got a few things off your chest

Like what? Like the truth

Are you asking me to confess?

Well, is that so strange?

After all, what do you have to look forward to?

Think about that, Doc The girl isn't around anymore

And who knows? Maybe you owe her something

What do you say, Doc?

[Chuckling]

- You're a very funny man - I wasn't trying to be funny

But you are, more than you know

So you want me to purge myself?

My one and only love is dead, and I have nothing more to live for

Is that it? All I'm saying, Doctor, is that if you love that girl...

Love that girl? Look, Columbo, I overestimated you

I thought you understood about human nature

I never loved that girl Come on, Doc

No, really

Remember that hypothetical murderer we were talking about?

He needed an alibi The girl was available

So he used her It was as simple as that

No You killed your wife because you were in love with the girl

Well, if I killed Carol... and there's no proof that I did...

I did it for myself, not for some dime-a-dozen little actress

She helped you with the murder You'd have had to marry her

Not really Something would have been arranged

Like an accident, maybe

[Joan] Always planning ahead, aren't you, Ray?

They said there was something I should hear

Would you like to make a statement now?

Why don't we sit down? We'll be more comfortable