All language subtitles for Breaking.In.S02E10.Heathers.1080p.WEB-DL.DD+.5.1.x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

You suck.
No, you suck.

No, you suck.
No, you do.

Uh, no, you do.
I don't.

Yes, you do.
No, I don't.

Yes, you do.
No, I don't.

(DEEP VOICE)
Yes, you do.
No, I don't.

Trouble with
the fake wifey?

Oh. Of all the women
who needed a Green Card,

I end up with a stuffy,
anal-retentive Brit...

(RAISED VOICE)
Who freaks out
every time

I leave
the toilet seat up!

I don't care
that it's up!

Just try to hit the bowl,
you Neanderthal!

See what
I'm dealing with?

The only thing
keeping me sane
is Molly Kong.

What's Molly Kong?
A little game
I invented.

Every time Molly flips out
over something stupid,
I score points.

(SUPER MARIO BROS. THEME
PLAYING)

Could you please
close the cabinets?

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING
AND DINGING)
It's like I... I can track

your progress
around the kitchen.

Oh, look. You got
a little bowl from here...

(DING)
And then you got
your cereal,

which is probably
now stale.

Then you went
to the drawer

and got yourself
a little spoon,
didn't you?

And then you went
in the fridge

to get some milk
and... Oh, my God!

Will you stop putting back
the empty containers?

(CLATTERS)

Pick that up!
(DINGING)

50 points.

You live like a pig, dude.

I'm siding with Molly
on this one.

Oh, come on,
you're just saying that

'cause you have
a crazy crush on her.

Yeah, that might be a factor
in my decision, yes.

Dude, what are you wearing?
It's 80 degrees outside.

Oz is about to close
a huge deal with a client.

He told me to dress
to impress.

I'm sure this is my bad.

I probably could've been
more specific.

Hey, what's
more impressive

than a domesticated Tauntaun
from the ice planet Hoth?

I don't know.
A suit and tie?

Here comes the limo.
Just let me do the talking.

There he is.

Tony Hawk, the Bird Man,
welcome to Contra.

How was the ride over?

Bumpy.
That's a sweet Tauntaun.

(SINGSONG VOICE)
Told ya.

(NORMAL VOICE)
Come on, Tony.
Let's kick it.

Okay, Tony,
we are gonna
hook you up

with top-notch security
for your whole operation.

We're talking retail,
video games, skate parks,

your entire
billion-dollar empire.

Now where
should we start?
In my house.

It's been
a nightmare ever since
I drained the pool.

Stop skating in my pool,
you punks!
(SKATEBOARD WHEELS ROLLING)

Up yours, old man!

Well, you're in
great hands.

I'll make sure
we cross every "t"
and gleam every cube.

(CHUCKLES)
Okay, you know
"gleaming the cube"

doesn't mean anything,
right?

Well, neither does
half the crap I say.

(PANTING)
Oz! Oz! we've got
an emergency.

I just got a call
from Corporate!

Heather O'Brien is gonna
be here any minute.

She's the senior V.P.
of multi-platform
digital media.

What does that
even mean?
I don't know,

but I do know that
if this place doesn't look
like a million bucks,

she is gonna have my head
on a platter.

We need pops of color,
brighter lights,
more attractive people!

What?
Uh...

(SINGSONGY)
Oh, mail cart guy?
Oh, I.T. persons?

(NORMAL VOICE)
Guess what? Good news...

You get the rest
of the week off,
you handsome devils!

Get out.
Whoa! Leggo my uggos.

Everybody get back
to work.

(LOWERED VOICE)
We're not getting rid
of anybody.

Oswald, Heather O'Brien
is the most black-hearted,
soul-sucking,

vicious,
life-ruining succubus

who ever dragged
her talons

across this beautiful,
big, green marble.

Hi. I'm looking for Oz.

You and three
deposed dictators.

(LAUGHS)
I am he.
Welcome to Master Control.

You must be Heather.
Wow.

I'd heard you were
a man of mystery,

but, uh,
they didn't tell me
how handsome you were.

(WHISPERING)
Careful, Oz.

Remember what Vee said.
(WHISPERS) Yeah.

Dinobots. Cool.

A lot of people think
that's where Transformers

jumped the shark,
but I disagree.

It was totally Unicron.

Totally.

(WHISPERS) Wow.
(LOWERED VOICE)
She is awesome.

Oh, there's my assistant.

She's gonna be
passing out a gift

as a token of my appreciation
for you putting up with us.

How nice.

(CHUCKLES)

A 2009 Donn Shaw?

That's my favorite
Riesling.

(WHISPERS) Oh.

MAN: Check it out.
(MOUTHS WORD)

Psst!

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Cawk-Oz! Cawk-Oz! Cawk-Oz!

(NORMAL VOICE)
Oh. Was I right or what?

I mean,
is she heinous?

Oh, yeah, she's, uh...

She's a real monster.

Okay.

(WHISPERS)
Wish me luck.
I'm going in.

(NORMAL VOICE)
Hey, girl. What up?

(CHUCKLES) Wow.
Did you lose weight?

'Cause you look
phenoma-balls.

Veronica.
(CHUCKLES)

I thought I smelled
cheap weed and desperation.

(LAUGHING)
I'm kidding!
(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHS) Oh.

This is
my assistant Heather.

What? Same name?

Well, birds of
a Heather, I guess.

Oh, why did I say that?

(CHUCKLES)
Because you are the worst.

Yeah.

(LAUGHING)
I'm kidding.
(LAUGHING)

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

(PANTING)

(WHISPERING)
I'm gonna pass out.

(CONTINUES PANTING)
I can't breathe.

Okay. Extreme Makeover:
Contra Edition.

Yeah! (CHUCKLES)
I am here

to rebrand your company
and make it a household name.

Well, here's
the skinny, Heather...

A good security company likes
to keep an air of mystery.

Ah, and I respect
that point, Oz,

but judging by your web page,
a little too mysterious.

(BEEPS)

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

Yeah, I Googled "Contra,"
and all that comes up

is some Nintendo game
that's, like, older than me.

With all due respect,
Oswald,

I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to go with
the Heathers on this one.

Yeah. Tap into the future.
Get on that Internet.

Yes, where everybody
blogs about food

and all relationships
are ruined by pornography.

Listen, I'm just here
to shoot some video
around the office

and make
an online company brochure.

One teeny snag.
(CHUCKLES)

Oswald here really,
really doesn't like to
be on camera. (CHUCKLES)

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

Well... (SIGHS)
If we can't use
a pretty face

to represent the company,
then I guess I could pick,

as an absolute,
gun-to-my-head
last resort...

Veronica.

Oh, wait. (LAUGHS)
She's kidding.

Ka-blam! With the zingers
all day long, this one.
(LAUGHS) Right?

No. I'm picking you.

Yeah. At least I get
to be on camera.
(CHUCKLES)

(LOWERED VOICE)
Whoa.

That Heather girl's
bananas hot, right?

(NASAL VOICE)
I know.

(LOWERED VOICE)
Look, coming from a guy

that's pursuing a lady
parsecs out of his league,

I can safely say,
"Keep dreamin'."

Please.
Cameron slays ass, right?

Tell him how you slay
all kinds of ass.

Well, I wouldn't put it
like that,

but this is how
a hacker gets it done.

You slay dude's asses.

CAROL:
That's right. Do it.
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

(WHISPERS) All right.
Okay. I'm bored.

Boom.

(BEEPS)

"Ambition." all right.

Watch and learn.

So... "Ambition," huh?

Excuse me?
Your tat.

It's the Chinese symbol
for ambition, right?

Oh. You speak Chinese?

Uh... No, I don't.
(CHUCKLES)

So you saw my tattoo,
you looked it up,

then came over to slip it
into casual conversation,

as if that's not
the most creepy thing
in the world?

(CHUCKLES)
Did it work?

No.

No?
No.

Our marriage certificate
came in.

Try not to
treat it like you do
everything else you own.

Uh...
You two are married?

Well, technically, yes,
but we, uh...

Seriously?
That's twice this week

you've stopped me
from closing.
What are you doing?

(GRUNTS) Oh.

Uh...

(WHISPERS)
I told you I had a date!

I didn't think
you were serious.

Hi. I'm Molly.

You're better than this.

(SIGHS)

I did you a huge favor
by getting you
that Green Card.

The least you could do is
not step on my game
when I'm slaying ass.

Oh, is that what
I witnessed?

Because to me,
it just looked like

you were talking out
of your ass.

Oh, ding-ding-ding-ding!

Stop playing Molly Kong.

If I'm so annoying,
perhaps I will
just move out.

Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!

(WE GOT YOUR BACK PLAYING)

* We got your back

(SIGHS)

Oz, we got a big problem.
Oh!

(LOWERED VOICE)
Ever since Heather's
turned on the camera,

Veronica's been
an out-of-control maniac.

(SINGSONGY)
I've got mail!

Hey, hey, hey,
that's federal property!

(EXHALES DEEPLY)
Look, we all love Heather.

Just when it comes
to Veronica,

she seems to go
a little Mean Girls on her.

All we can do is
let them figure it out,
and nobody gets hurt.

Yeah, no, it's too late
for that.

You wanna know what makes
Contra Security

the best
in the business?

Well, it's guys like...

Cash.
Cash...

Cash.
(CHUCKLES)
With their gadgets

and, uh, whatnot.
No.

I told you not to touch
my spy cam.

(WHIRRING)
Oh. Whoo!

No.
Look at me!
I'm flying!

(THUDS)
Oh! (GRUNTS)

But I...

All right, look, I'll talk
to her before she hurts
somebody that matters.

Where'd she go?
Oh, I'm right here,

just doing my thang,
solvin' problems like I do.

(CHUCKLES)
Hey... You.

Cash.
Cash.

Look, I fixed your...

That thing.
(CHUCKLES)

Oh, crap.
Somebody that matters.

(GASPS)
Celebrity cameo.

Oh, my God.
This is so great
for our video.

You guys, come on!
Hey, everybody!

Look!
It is Mr. Shaun White...

She doesn't know
his name...

World-famous rollerblader.

Actually, that's not
quite what I do.

Come on.
Let's get our blades on.
(BEEP)

(WHIRRING)

Do one
of your famous tricks!

Let's do that loop-de-loop
you do so well.

I'm gonna go.

(GRUNTS)
(THUD)

(NASAL VOICE)
Oh, boy.

Hey. We've still got
the job, right, Tony?

Just, uh, give me
a thumbs-up for a yes.

I guess that finger
means a no.

Oh, God!
(SIGHS)

Married, huh?

Uh, yeah.
It's kinda complicated.

It always is.

What the hell was that?

That girl's
a ring wrangler.

Groom grabber. Hubby humper?
She likes her men hitched.

Are you sure?
'Cause that's
kinda crazy.

I know...

(WHISPERS) But it is
the forbidden fruit.

(CRUNCHING)

(SLURPING)

Are you eating a tomato
like an apple?

Uh-huh.
Who... Who does that?

I mean, seriously,
throw some burrata
on that bitch.

(SLURPS)

Hey, Mol.

Look, I feel terrible
about our fight.

Peace offering?
I got you the last cupcake.

What do you say
we give our fake marriage
another shot?

Well, since you went to
all that effort, I suppose.

Okay, good, 'cause I want
to get in with Heather Y.

She digs married dudes...

(WHISPERS)
And I want to see
how this thing plays out.

(THUDS)

You are unbelievable.

What?
Just when I think you're
becoming a gentleman,

you go and say something
absolutely ridiculous
like that!

CAMERON: (LOWERED VOICE)
Ooh, yeah. Yelling.

Now we really sound married.
Okay, good, good. Um...

(NORMAL VOICE)
Tikka masala sounds great.

See you tonight,
sweetheart.

What?

God! (SIGHS)

Who here
needs a roommate?

Welcome to
the Thunderdome.

Ooh. (CHUCKLES)
It's lovely.

Thank you so much
for letting me stay.

I've had quite enough
of Cameron. (CHUCKLES)

Forget about Cameron.
This is your new home.

Let me give you a tour.

Here are all
of my action figurines,

arranged alphabetically

from Admiral Ackbar
to General Zod.

Very thorough.
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah.

Here is the fridge.
Oh. (CHUCKLES)

Everyone needs a fridge.
Right?

And of course,
the gaming center.

(IMITATES BEEPING)

Lovely.
(CHUCKLES)

And of course, that's
where the magic happens,

and if you're lucky,
I'll show you my wand.

Pardon me?

(WHOOSHES)
* Ta-da

Oh. Thank goodness.

I thought you meant something
completely different.
(CHUCKLES)

(CELL PHONE RINGING
AND BUZZING)

(BEEP)

Hello?
Get your hand
off your wand

and hightail it back
to the office.

My spidey-sense
is tingling.

Copy that, boss.

What is your damage,
Veronica?

Shh.
Ever since Heather
showed up,

you've been acting
more bonkers than usual.

Yeah, well, clearly
Heather doesn't have
a very high opinion of me,

and this video
is a chance for her
to see me at my best.

(WHIRRING)
You... You do realize

that we just loaded
an American icon
into an ambulance?

(WHIRRING STOPS)
Come on.

They're gonna leave it
on the cutting room floor.
It's a saying.

(SCOFFS)
(CLATTERS)

They're here.
(GASPS) What?

HEATHER O.: Okay.

(CLAPS HANDS)
Okay, it's a wrap.

Ronnie,
it turned out great.

(GASPS)

It's gonna be very.

That right?
Well, when do
we see this opus?

When do you see my opus?
Actually...

We're premiering at
the O.C.P. Conference
in a few days.

You two, of course,
are invited to that.

Totes!
I love surprises!
(CHUCKLES)

The only thing I love
more than surprises

is knowing
every possible outcome
before it happens.

Okay, cupcakes,
here's the dealio.

Heather's been lying about
the video for the web site.

How do we know that?
Had an old friend named
Vincent Coccotti...

He was counsel
for Blue Lou Boyle...

Told me that
there are certain things

a person does when they lie
that give 'em away.

A typical man
has 17 pantomimes.
A woman has 22.

OZ:
First telltale sign...

Heather
repeated the question
when I asked.

That right?
When do we see this opus?

When do you get to
see my opus?

She avoided eye contact,

touched her nose
when she spoke,

gave too much detail,

changed her vocal pitch,

took too many pauses,

and of course,
the dead giveaway...

She gave me
the old dice roll

when she thought
my head was turned.

Spy shades.

Sky Mall,
you've done it again.

Now let's find out
what the Heathers
are up to.

(TYPING)
Okay. Hacking into
Heather's e-mail.

Let's see what
she's hiding.

(BEEPS)
OZ: And...

(KEYS CLACKING)

Ah, right there.
Click on that movie...

"Bleep Veronica says."

Okay.
(TAPS KEYS)

And then on Fridays,
I like to turn

this water cooler into
a white wine cooler. Mmm.

(CHUCKLES) How do you think
our receptionist
got pregnant?

I drink most of it.
(PANTING LAUGH)

Has anybody
seen my glasses?

What? No!
These aren't my glasses.

(CHUCKLES)
Oh. Tap-able.

Been there, done that.
Out of the question.

Thought about it.
Working on it.
Wearing her down.

You only live once.
Even that.

(SINGSONGY)
Late again and loving it.

(NORMAL VOICE)
Oh, darn it.
Is it Saturday?

(CHUCKLES)
Pfft. Not again.

This goes on
for another 20 minutes.

Yeah,
they're gonna eat her alive
at the O.C.P. Conference.

What do we do?

We gotta
kill the Heathers.

Metaphorically.

Maybe.

To be determined.
(SIGHS)

Hey, what do you do here?

(CHUCKLES)
More like, "What do
I do here," right?

Yeah, could you just
click that off?

Now you see what
they've done here?

They've used some
fancy editing techniques

to make me look
like an idiot...

(CHUCKLES) because,
you know, I'm not anything
like that in real life.

Don't know how they pulled
that one off. (CHUCKLES)

Okay, great. Well,
it's my own darn fault.

I probably should've
seen this coming
after everything

that Heather O'Brien and I
have been through.

Wait a minute.
She doesn't just hate you
for the regular reasons?

I slept with her fiance
and her brother,

and, uh,
I made 'em do stuff
with each other.

Oh!

I guess I will simply
be embarrassed

by this video in front
of the entire company,
and that will be that.

Good stuff.
All right. I'm out.

If you need me,
I will be tattooing

the word "idiot"
across my own face.

OZ: Okay, we need
to help Veronica,

so Operation Dumbo Swap is
in full effect.

We're gonna break
into Heather's house,

swap out her video

for one that makes Veronica
look like a star.

Cash, this ring is
a wireless spy cam.

I need you
to follow Veronica
in secret, record her,

edit it together,
and make her look
like a superstar.

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Wonder twin powers,
activate!

Cameron, I need floor plans
of Heather's house pronto.

I'm on it.
I'll also distract the young,
hot Heather by dating her.

How's that gonna help?
Don't question it.

She's coming over tonight
to commit adultery.

I mean, sure,
it's a little weird,

but nobody's getting hurt,
right?

Whoa, Cameron,
your moral quandary,
it's a falsehood.

You're not married.
She's not married.

It's just consensual sex
between two crazy freaks.

Okay. It's settled.
I'll sleep with her.

And... And the Veronica thing.

(TYPES)

(PANTING)
Oh, this is so crazy.

Mmm.
What if your wife
walked in on us?

Oh, man,
that'd be awful,

because I am totally
not single.
Oh. Mmm.

Mmm. Yeah?
Tell me more.

Uh, yeah, I had, uh,
I had a June wedding
in the Hamptons.

Flowers cost me
a fortune.
Oh! You're nasty.

They... Yeah.
Oh. More.

Uh, I couldn't invite
my college buddies,

but she had to have
her second cousin there.

I don't care about
your cousin.
Okay.

Tell me I'm hot.
Oh, you're so hot.

Oh.

Yeah. Tell me
about your wife.
Oh.

Huh? About your wife.
Uh, my wife,
she just tells me

I'm an inconsiderate
roommate...

I mean...
I mean groommate,

because that's what I am.
I'm... I'm a groom.
(CHUCKLES)

Oh.
Yeah. Yeah.

You poor baby.
I know.

Oh, you must be so bored with
your stuffy British wife.

Mmm.
Mmm.

Hey, are we gonna talk
through this whole thing?

Come on. Say it.
Say she's boring
and uptight.

No, I don't...
I'm not gonna say that.

Yeah. Say it.
That's weird.

Huh? Tell me.
Tell me she's an uptight,
boring bitch, huh?

Wait. Whoa!
Relax. That's not cool.

Molly's actually
a really nice person.

What? Wait.
If she's so nice,
what are you doing with me?

I'm beginning to ask myself
the same question.

Ugh.

Are you one of
those nice guys that,
like, loves his wife?

I mean, honestly,
I can tell you,
at the moment, yes,

I like her
more than I like you.

Whatever.
I'm gonna motor.

You're gonna motor?

What the hell does
that mean?

Okay, magic man,
you ready to dazzle me?

Oh, damn right.

I've been following Veronica
around for seven hours,

editing for eight.
Mmm.

Set your phasers
to "stun."

Hello... I'm...

Veronica... And...

I... Like...
Business... And...

Money... And...

Success... And smiles.

Friendship... Boom!

Shaka-laka-laka!

What the hell is this?

Hey, the woman
can't say three words

without saying
something cuckoo nutballs.

Hey, I did the best
I could.

Maybe Heather's right, Oz.

Veronica is
super incompetent.

She's standing
right behind me,
isn't she?

No. No. she's standing
right next to you.

How do you not see her?

I told you, I have
weak peripheral vision.

Okay, you boys can stop
whatever you're doing.

Heather is right.

I am a lost cause.

Well... (SIGHS)

Oh!

Who...

Man, you weren't lying,
dude.

It's like you got one of
those invisible doggy cones
around your neck.

Oh!

(SIGHS)
Okay. Great.

Here we are.
In and out.

Nobody gets hurt,
except me. Perfect.

Look, you can do this,
okay?

Just stay strong.

Yeah, well, I could
do that or...

Ooh. I could go talk
to Hank Donaldson
in Marketing.

He's my weed guy.

No. No, no, no, no, no.
No illegal substances.

(SIGHS)
You're right.

Hey, ladies,
down in front.

(SIGHS)
Oh, great. Fantastic.

So you guys came by
to see the big bloodbath?

Look, Vee, I know
I give you a hard time,

but I like you too much
to see this happen to you.

(WHISPERS)
Oswald, come on.

Let's just rip
the Band-Aid off, okay?

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Hey, Heather!

Let's roll this pig!

And then on Fridays, I like
to turn this water cooler

into a white wine cooler.

Mmm! How do you think
our receptionist got pregnant?
(LAUGHTER)

I drink most of it.
(PANTING LAUGH)

No.
Whoo! Look at that!

I'm flying!

Oh! (GRUNTS)

(LAUGHTER)
VERONICA: What? No.
These aren't my glasses.

(LOUD LAUGHTER)

(LAUGHS)

(APPLAUSE)

You are too much,
Veronica.

This is the best
conference ever.

Wish we had you at Corporate.
They're a bunch of stiffs.

Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES) Well...

Oh.

(UNDER BREATH)
What the hell
is happening?

(LOWERED VOICE)
I believe you are a hit.
What?

You're so crazy,
they thought you must
be joking.

I did it again,
right, Jimmy! (LAUGHS)

High five up top.

Thank you.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

I think it's very sweet
that you guys tried
to protect Veronica.

Well, that's what we do
in this office.

We protect our own.

Look, I suppose
if you'd like,

we could do some more
marriage bickering

just to salvage
whatever weird thing
you have with Heather.

(SPEAKS INAUDIBLY)

How do you know
it needs salvaging?

Um...

Because I...
Was hiding
behind the couch

like a perv who likes
to spy on her roommate?

I...
Yes.

No, I actually came back
for my retainer and...

You knew I was there
the whole time?

Yeah. Why do you think I was
on the couch all night?

I wanted to see
how long you'd last.

(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)

Listen, you can
move back in
if you want to.

You mean it?

Yeah, I'll even try
to close the cabinets.

No, you won't.
I really won't.

And I will try
and let you close
with the ladies.

(CHUCKLES)

(VIDEO GAME BEEPS)
(DEEP AUTOMATED MALE VOICE)
Game over.

Hey! Look who it is.

Mr. White!

Shaun!

What are you doing here?

I thought I'd drop off
a signed skateboard

and a signed contract.

What changed your mind?

Well, your boss is
very persuasive.

Aah!

Yeah, that's right.
Run away, crybabies!

Come back
when you're ready

for a woman who's
going through the change!

(MUSIC WARPS)

Right here.

Wow. I can't believe
I'm saying this,

but Vee, I am happy
to have you on my side.

Um, Veronica,
Heather's back,
and she's...

Oh, you think that
have beaten me, Veronica?
(GASPS)

I will tell you something,
and that is that
I will not stop

until I... Aah!

Ugh.

I've never seen anyone
do that before!

I have.

(LIGHTER CLICKS)