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1
00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:06,474
CASH:
Sweet, sweet Molly,
you will be mine.
2
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,209
D-d-d-d-doo-doo, doo-doo.
3
00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:11,612
CAROL: Peekaboo.
(GASPS)
4
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,514
Carol.
5
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,049
Which one of these dudes
would you want to
ask you out?
6
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,684
Okay.
Chris Rock?
7
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:19,253
(IMITATES CHRIS ROCK)
Let a black man
take you out on a date!
8
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,622
Tired, tired,
tired, tired, tired!
9
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,691
(IMITATES WILLIAM SHATNER)
Captain's log, star date...
10
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:26,227
This evening.
I want to...
11
00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:28,462
take you where
no woman has gone before.
12
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:31,065
(IMITATES MORGAN FREEMAN)
Good evening.
I'm Morgan Freeman.
13
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,667
(AS DARTH VADER)
I can be your father,
14
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,569
your daddy,
whatever you need me to be.
15
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,871
(IMITATES KERMIT THE FROG)
Um, you could be
my Miss Piggy
16
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,340
if you want to.
17
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:41,142
Just be yourself.
18
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:43,411
(WHISPERS)
That's how I land
all my bone buddies.
19
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:46,046
(NORMAL VOICE)
Gross to know.
Thanks for the advice.
20
00:00:46,114 --> 00:00:48,282
I guess I'll be myself...
21
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:51,018
Or Denzel Washington.
22
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:52,220
(IMITATES DENZEL WASHINGTON)
Hey.
23
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:56,557
(LAUGHS)
Okay, Molly, okay.
24
00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:58,025
Oh.
(NORMAL VOICE)
You know what? Uh...
25
00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:00,494
Um, sorry.
26
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:03,131
Cash, did you, uh,
did you need something?
27
00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:04,298
Uh...
28
00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:07,635
Are you into tagging?
29
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:08,902
Excuse me?
30
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:11,605
I was thinking maybe
we can go sometime.
31
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,174
Game on, girl.
32
00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:14,275
(CLICKING)
33
00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:15,709
(WHIRRING)
34
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:18,479
Oh, laser tag.
The game where children
35
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,814
run around after each other
with flashlights.
36
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:24,518
It's not
quite my cup of tea,
but thank you, anyway.
37
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:28,589
Okay. All right. Heh.
38
00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:31,259
Seems someone's
got a hankering for
an English muffin, huh?
39
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:34,528
Yeah, I mean, every time
I ask her out, it's just...
40
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:35,729
(IMITATES GUNSHOTS)
41
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:37,598
(GRUNTS)
42
00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:40,734
Well, maybe if you found
a common interest with her...
43
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,536
But that's why I asked her
to go laser tagging.
44
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,105
It's historically the world's
greatest crossover activity.
45
00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:46,540
Let me stop you
right there.
46
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,209
Laser tag is the world's
greatest nothing.
47
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,244
(POP)
Oh!
48
00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:52,012
(WHISPERS) Gotcha.
49
00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:53,181
(BLOWS AIR)
50
00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:56,016
What? Really?
A T-shirt launcher?
51
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,518
Come on.
Those things are
for stadiums.
52
00:01:57,585 --> 00:02:00,721
That's to get you fired up,
'cause I've got news!
53
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:04,392
You, sir, have been
hand-selected... What?
54
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:08,496
To join me at the O.C.P.
Leadership Conference
55
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:11,031
in San Diego
this weekend.
56
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,334
Am I being punished
or something?
57
00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:16,103
No, no, I see big things
in your future,
58
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:20,308
like some sweet
O.C.P. swag.
59
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:22,510
You're taking Cameron
60
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,978
to the O.C.P. Leadership
Conference? Really?
61
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:26,214
Him? No offense.
62
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,716
Uh, much taken.
You know what, Veronica?
63
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,519
I'd be honored
to go with you
to the O.C.P. Conference
64
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:34,855
and to wear
my new O.C.P. T-shirt...
65
00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,757
Or nightgown.
66
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,293
Man gown.
67
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,262
Look at where we're staying
for the O.C.P. Conference.
68
00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:43,030
I mean, they've got
air conditioning,
69
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,333
an ice machine,
free mini shampoos...
70
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:48,168
Oh, wow.
So it's like a hotel.
71
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:50,003
You have to know
Vee only picked you
72
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:52,573
because she wants
to play grab-ass
with your man muffins.
73
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,842
Maybe she invited me
to a leadership conference
74
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,143
because she thinks
I'm a leader.
75
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:59,213
Nah. She picked Cammy
for his sweet hammy.
76
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:02,683
He's right. You know
Vee's got a long history
of sexual harassment.
77
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,687
Hey there.
78
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:09,290
Have you heard
that new song
by The Police,
79
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:11,759
Please Stand Really,
Really Close To Me?
80
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,794
I don't think
that's how it goes.
81
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:16,264
Shut up and take off
those Z. Cavariccis.
(UNZIPS PANTS)
82
00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:18,766
This is big for me.
I mean, isn't it possible
83
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:20,768
that she sees something in me
just like you did?
84
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,403
Nope. She wants
to bang you.
85
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,472
Come on. That's...
(BANG)
86
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:25,739
(SINGSONGY)
Bang, bang!
87
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,075
(WHISPERS) Oh, yeah.
88
00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:30,411
(WE GOT YOUR BACK PLAYING)
89
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,427
* We got your back
90
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,734
Boom. Took your advice.
91
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:55,369
Since Molly
doesn't like laser tag,
92
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:59,840
I'm asking her
to the planetarium
laser light show.
93
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:03,010
I got a question for you,
and I really want you
to think about this.
94
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:06,013
Why is it
that all your dates
involve lasers?
95
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,782
(SINGSONGY)
Bye, kids. Don't do
anything I wouldn't do.
96
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:11,452
So long, Camsy!
Don't do anyone
I wouldn't do!
97
00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:12,986
I'm a leader!
98
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:14,822
Don't worry, Vee!
99
00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,824
With Molly in charge,
this weekend,
100
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,359
the office is
in good hands.
101
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:20,127
Oh. Thank you, Oz.
102
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:22,129
Well, we look forward
to respecting
your authority, Molly.
103
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,365
Good.
104
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:27,568
You, me...
105
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:28,736
Secret mission.
106
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,771
I thought
you'd never ask.
107
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:33,841
That is Sean Hurley.
You may remember
his late father Hugo.
108
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:36,076
He was our night janitor
for 15 years.
109
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:39,847
Oh. The old racist guy?
I loved him.
Mmm.
110
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,382
It was not mutual.
111
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:44,117
He was
an eccentric old bastard,
but that's why I'm here.
112
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,019
I found this
in his safety deposit box.
113
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:48,956
"Hurley's Gold"?
That's a map of our office.
114
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,223
Sean feels
that his father
115
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,892
may have hid his fortune
somewhere here in Contra
116
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,362
so his four ex-wives
couldn't get a hold of it.
117
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:55,929
Buried treasure?
Mmm.
118
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:57,431
Buried treasure?
119
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,600
OZ: We'll dig this weekend,
while the office is empty.
120
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:03,303
(IMITATES PIRATE)
Aye. We'll find your
dead father's gold. Argh.
121
00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:04,505
Cash.
122
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,741
(NORMAL VOICE)
Really sorry for your loss.
123
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,077
OZ:
Hey. Cameron Crowe.
What's the good word?
124
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,012
Just calling to gloat.
125
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:15,015
I'm at the hotel,
in my own room,
enjoying $12 peanuts.
126
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:18,352
What's on tap next?
Perhaps erotic cinema
on demand?
127
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:21,121
Looks like the only one
manhandling me is me.
128
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:23,524
I don't think that's
the win you think it is.
129
00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:26,794
Howdy, neighbor!
What you got
under that robe?
130
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,562
Wow. You're here
in my room.
131
00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:31,231
Look at this.
It's the intimacy pack.
132
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:33,200
It's like office supplies
for hookers.
133
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,369
So we've got
a couple hours to kill.
What do you want to do?
134
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,204
(BED SQUEAKING)
135
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,606
I'm never wrong.
136
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:39,907
(WEAKLY) Yeah.
137
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:47,080
(LOUD DRILLING)
OZ: Get in there!
138
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,249
Find that treasure!
(LAUGHS)
139
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:50,751
Cash!
Uh-oh.
140
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:51,819
Cash!
141
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:52,886
(DRILLING STOPS)
142
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:54,722
Hey. 'Sup, Molly?
143
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,223
Veronica puts me
in charge,
144
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:59,693
and that's when you decide
to destroy the entire office?
145
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,094
Don't be mad.
146
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:04,297
I... I have a perfectly
reasonable explanation
for all this.
147
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,833
Searching for
buried treasure.
148
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,301
Hey! Look!
X marks the spot!
149
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,170
(SIGHS)
150
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,541
(LAUGHS)
151
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:16,977
Well, guess we should,
uh, ask your permission
152
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,413
before we open
the treasure.
Eh, boss lady?
153
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,114
Well, I suppose
the damage is already done.
154
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:23,684
May as well
take a peek, eh?
155
00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:26,487
OZ: Okay.
Candy bar wrapper?
156
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:30,591
Oh, man.
That's the worst ending
with a rapper since Tupac.
157
00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:32,526
Oh, wait. There's writing
on the other side.
158
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,261
I think it's a clue.
159
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:36,464
Actually,
I'm not quite sure
about all this.
160
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:39,800
Come on!
You're a perfect addition to
our treasure-hunting team.
161
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,936
I mean, the way you handle
those crosswords and Suduki...
162
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,605
You noticed?
Yeah.
163
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:47,908
Oh. Well, I suppose
I could help out
a little bit.
164
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:50,210
Yes! Just like
National Treasure.
165
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,546
The hot blonde,
the badass treasure hunter,
166
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:55,182
and the not-so-comic
sidekick.
167
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,918
(SNAP)
168
00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,219
Yeah, point taken.
169
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:02,389
"Nails in my belly,
trees in my spine,
170
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:05,793
"if I swallow water,
I shall not be fine."
Hang on.
171
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:09,463
"Nails in my belly,
trees in my spine..."
172
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:12,299
It's a boat! Look.
173
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,703
(GASPS)
The ship...
174
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,905
(WHISPERS)
It's called Destino.
175
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,940
(NORMAL VOICE)
That means "fate"
in Spanish.
176
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:22,009
Cash! Good work.
177
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:23,644
Gracias.
178
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:24,778
So "fate." What next?
179
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:27,114
Well, why don't we take
a little snacky break
180
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:30,718
and eat some
Cheez Doodles? "G-7."
181
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:32,653
(WHISPERS) Wait!
182
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,255
(NORMAL VOICE)
"Fate." "F-8."
183
00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:37,958
(BEEPS)
184
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:39,059
(BEEPING)
185
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,595
Look. It's our next clue.
186
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,396
That's my girl.
(WHISPERS) Wow.
187
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,465
Not like
you're my girl.
188
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:48,435
I'm just...
That'd be crazy,
right? I mean...
189
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,407
Hi. Hi there. Hi.
Oh, hi.
190
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,110
Um, I was wondering
if you could maybe
move me.
191
00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:59,647
I have a really
annoying neighbor
in the adjoining room.
192
00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,715
I'm pretty sure
she's smoking the drugs.
193
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:02,983
Oh, I'm sorry,
194
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,685
but we're completely booked
for the convention.
195
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:06,620
(NORMAL VOICE)
Right, right.
The O.C.P. Convention.
196
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,288
"O.C.P."? No.
197
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,591
Oh, you must mean
the Shoe Retailer's
Association.
198
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,092
What?
199
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,827
Shoozapalooza.
200
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,800
CAMERON: "Shoozapalooza"?
201
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:22,970
It's my favorite
"palooza." (GIGGLES)
202
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,672
There's no O.C.P. Convention.
You were right.
203
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:26,239
She totally wants
my man muffins.
What do I do?
204
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:27,575
Hang in there?
205
00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:30,010
What? That's it?
That's all you have for me?
206
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:32,445
Well, I guess it's better
than "I told you so, slut."
207
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,581
(DOOR BANGS OPEN)
(YELLS)
208
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,182
(SINGSONGY)
Hi, leader.
209
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,650
Please knock
if you're gonna do that.
210
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,852
It's just common
neighbor courtesy.
211
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:41,789
I can't have
the future of O.C.P.
looking like a kid.
212
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,457
Wha...
So I went out and
got you this old thing.
213
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,694
I'm worried
about this inseam.
Wait a second.
214
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,295
No.
If I give it
a little tug...
215
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,263
You don't need to tug.
Yeah, no big D.
216
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,065
She wants the big D,
all right.
217
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,035
(STATIC)
218
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:56,904
Hey, Tango and Cash,
you figure out
219
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,471
what those numbers
on the vending machine
mean?
220
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,841
Yes. We suspect
they're GPS coordinates.
Ooh.
221
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:03,410
And they're leading me
right towards...
(ELECTRONIC WHIRRING)
222
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,412
(BEEPS)
223
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:08,315
Veronica's desk...
Just like National Treasure.
224
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,550
Okay, we're looking
for a secret panel
225
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:13,253
or some type of knob
or something
to twist or push.
226
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,256
(SIGHS)
227
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,826
You know, if somebody
had told me this morning
228
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,862
I'd be under a desk helping
you and Oz look for gold,
229
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,897
I'd have said
they were bonkers, but...
230
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:26,967
I'm having
a really good time.
231
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:29,803
We make
a pretty good team.
232
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:33,040
We really do.
Can I confide
something in you?
233
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,574
Cash...
Molly...
234
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:37,745
Sorry. You go first.
No. What were
you gonna say?
235
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:40,814
I like Oz.
I like you...
Niversity of Phoenix.
236
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:44,451
I'm, um... Just needed
to get that off my chest.
237
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:47,520
Thanks for listening.
You're a good friend.
238
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,723
I'm sorry. What...
What were you gonna say?
239
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:53,827
Uh, I was just
extolling the virtues
of an online degree.
240
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:55,295
Oh.
241
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:57,731
All right.
Ow. Damn it, desk.
242
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,432
Cash!
243
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:00,801
Another clue!
244
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:06,807
Don't even.
245
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:15,849
My mom was so proud
246
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:17,685
that you asked me
to this O.C.P. Conference...
Oh.
247
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:20,387
And recognized
my leadership potential.
248
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:23,290
(ELEVATOR BUZZES AND STOPS)
Okay.
So you figured it out.
249
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,826
Yes! Yes! I know
there's no conference!
250
00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:27,494
I know you got us
adjoining rooms,
251
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,096
and I know
you dressed me up...
252
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,397
(WHISPERS) Like your
little sex puppet.
253
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,566
Cameron, I am old enough
to be your sister.
254
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,303
Hey. How much longer
is going to take?
255
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,339
This costume
is balls hot,
256
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,041
and I got a convention
to star in.
257
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,309
(ELEVATOR WHIRRING)
Shut up, Shoe.
258
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,211
Stay out of it, Shoe.
(WHIRRING STOPS)
259
00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:45,813
Aah.
260
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,147
Oh.
(BELL DINGS)
261
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:48,982
This is it. Oh, hey.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
262
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,651
Oh.
Aah!
263
00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:54,822
A wedding?
What's happening?
264
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:56,223
I might be
in a giant shoe,
265
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:59,026
but even I can see
you're arm candy, bro.
266
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:05,665
Oh, look.
This is my boyfriend.
Boo bear. Boo-boo bunny.
267
00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:07,701
No, no, don't... I'm...
That's my boyfriend.
He's so capricious.
268
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,302
Don't call me
your boo bear.
Yeah. Uh...
269
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,238
I'm not your boo bear
or your boo bunny
or whatever.
270
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:13,506
I don't know
what's going on,
but just count me out.
271
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:17,610
Oh, for the love of Ray J,
I'm gonna come clean.
Listen.
272
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,147
(SIGHS)
One of my favorite
ex-husbands is gonna be
273
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,917
at this thing tonight
with his hot, young,
new girlfriend...
274
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:26,253
(WHISPERS) and I didn't
want to get stuck
at the singles table.
275
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,221
But... But still, you lied
and you made me think
276
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:31,391
I was the future of...
Oh, my God. Sliders.
277
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:34,127
No. No. Forget sliders.
That's how mad I am.
278
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:37,264
Cameron, I knew that
you never would come to this
if I told you the truth,
279
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:39,900
so please, can't you just
do me this one solid?
280
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,234
I mean, we're friends.
281
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,635
No. No, we're not friends.
282
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,072
You're just my crazy,
manipulative boss.
283
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:46,339
(SIGHS)
284
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,944
Well, hello, Veronica.
285
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:53,781
How's my house
and my dog?
286
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:57,384
Oh, they're great,
and your daughter
is fine, too.
287
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:59,887
Let me introduce you to
my girlfriend. This is...
288
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:01,822
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Let me guess.
289
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:04,958
It's either a flower,
a spice, or a car.
290
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,293
Jasmine.
291
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,829
Oh! Two out of three.
This is my lucky day.
292
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:10,563
We just celebrated
her birthday
293
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:13,066
by taking the old yacht
down to the Bahamas.
294
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:15,402
It was the big 2-2.
295
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,172
She was born
in the '90s.
296
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:24,177
So where's your plus one?
Or are you plus none?
297
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,646
I'm right here.
How you doing?
298
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:30,050
I'm Cam, her lover.
I also have a boat.
299
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:32,219
And a cool...
300
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:34,754
Other boat.
301
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,523
Two boats.
Deuce.
302
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,757
Should we go
grab a drink...
303
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,259
Oh, yeah.
Honey face?
304
00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:41,328
Yeah.
Honey...
Bunches of oats?
305
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:43,330
That's my nickname.
Smart start.
306
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:46,800
Yeah, we like to have sex
on the breakfast table.
307
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:49,636
Cheerios.
Yeah. Yeah.
308
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:52,272
Hey! There you are, captain.
What gives? Come on.
309
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:54,741
We're so close to finding
the gold. Don't quit now.
310
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,309
Go away, traitor.
311
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,578
Does your current behavior
have something to do
with Molly?
312
00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:01,448
'Cause listen, I would
never go after a girl
that you liked.
313
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,083
You're like
a kid brother to me.
314
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:05,252
A brother has your back.
He's there for you.
315
00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:06,653
Like in National Treasure,
316
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,121
the unfunny guy
from The Hangover
317
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:10,557
helped Nic Cage get the chick
from Inglourious Basterds?
318
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,625
That's a brother.
Right, right, right.
319
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:16,163
Sort of like how
a brother might orchestrate
a phony treasure hunt
320
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:19,532
so said brother
could bond with the girl
that he has a crush on?
321
00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:21,068
Yeah, that would
have been cool.
322
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,836
Instead, I'm stuck
in this extremely
real treasure hunt,
323
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:25,072
looking for a dead janitor's
hidden fortune.
324
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,140
You know, for a smart guy,
you can be a real dumb-ass.
325
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:30,377
Look, there is no gold.
I set the whole thing up.
326
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:31,544
What?
Yeah.
327
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:33,313
No. We had a meeting.
I met Hurley's son.
328
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,315
(WHISPERS) No.
329
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,417
(SUCTION GURGLES)
You got an honest face.
You ever done any acting?
330
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,786
Puzzles seemed to
be the one thing
that you and Molly
331
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:41,588
had in common,
so I ran with it,
332
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,123
and damn it,
it was working, man.
333
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,657
We hugged.
Yeah.
334
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,726
She smelled like
strawberries and sunshine
335
00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:50,830
and superhero figurines
wrapped in their
original packaging.
336
00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:52,565
Point is,
you got to impress her.
337
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,401
Just keep showing her
what you're good at.
338
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:55,903
(WHISPERS) Oh.
339
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,737
(NORMAL VOICE)
Like close-up magic,
340
00:13:57,804 --> 00:13:59,472
the world's greatest
aphrodisiac.
341
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:01,241
Let me stop you again.
342
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:02,842
Close-up magic is
the world's greatest
nothing.
343
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:08,015
How'd Marty score
a 22-year-old?
344
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:11,318
How'd he score you?
345
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:14,054
You're smart, funny,
attractive...
346
00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:17,090
But look at her.
I mean, she's so limber.
347
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:20,193
She's like
a slutty Gumby.
348
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:23,130
You know what?
349
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,965
No one puts Veronica
in a corner.
350
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,069
(WHISPERS) Come on.
351
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:31,138
OZ: So, now that you know
I had your back all along...
352
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,439
CASH: Yeah.
We're good.
353
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:33,907
Oh, Cash,
I'm so glad you're back.
354
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:35,375
The clue from
Veronica's desk
355
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:37,344
leads to
the Spy Hunter machine.
356
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:41,314
How do you know?
"S" plus "pie" plus "hunter"
equals Spy Hunter.
357
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,916
(WHIRRING)
358
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,084
Kind of a weak clue.
359
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:46,086
I think Hurley
ran out of steam.
360
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:47,754
He sure did.
361
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:51,591
So I suspect
we have to win the game
to get the gold.
362
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:55,262
(SIGHS) The elusive
Spy Hunter kill screen.
363
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:57,697
(ENGINE REVS)
364
00:14:57,764 --> 00:14:58,765
(TIRES SCREECH)
365
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,702
Some say
it's just a legend.
366
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:05,272
If there's any man who can
find it, it's you, Cash.
367
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,541
All right, well...
368
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:10,978
Pull over the weapons van
and slick up the tires.
369
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:13,413
I've got some spies
to hunt.
Mmm.
370
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:15,348
(COIN DROPS)
371
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,184
(PETER GUNN PLAYING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
372
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,219
Oh...
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
373
00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:20,720
(CHEERING)
374
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,401
Dance-off.
It's a dance-off.
375
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,736
(CHEERING)
376
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:44,477
Move over there.
All right.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
377
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:48,181
What? Oh! Oh! Wait!
Let go my arm!
Let go my arm!
378
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:51,351
Oh, no!
(COIN DROPS)
379
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:55,022
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
380
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:04,664
(ENGINE REVVING)
381
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:06,466
(TIRES SCREECHING)
382
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,303
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
383
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:19,279
(CHEERING)
384
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:28,688
Here's to showing Marty
and his prom date
who's in charge.
385
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:30,557
Yeah, suck it, Marty.
(LAUGHS)
386
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,326
Mmm. Ah.
387
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,162
You know what?
388
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:37,497
Thanks for
getting me out there
on the dance floor.
389
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:39,132
You really are
a born leader.
390
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,533
Hey, I'll drink to that.
391
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,701
Okay.
392
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:44,937
Mmm.
To co-workers.
393
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,439
Yeah, to co-workers.
394
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:47,907
(MOUTH FULL)
To best friends forever.
395
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,542
Best friends forever.
396
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,111
Mini bottles of booze.
397
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:52,512
To minibars.
398
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,347
To adult-size portions!
399
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,549
To adult-size portions!
400
00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:58,351
To empty bottles
of booze!
401
00:16:58,418 --> 00:16:59,619
To pretzels!
402
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,154
To hairless men!
403
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,756
To no regrets! Whoo!
404
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,293
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
405
00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:12,065
(MAN ON PHONE
SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
406
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:13,233
Huh?
407
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,501
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
408
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,536
Wake-up call
for Veronica Mann? No.
409
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:17,604
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
410
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,106
No, dude.
She's right next door.
411
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:20,307
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
412
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,041
Yes! I'm positive!
413
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:26,413
Dick.
414
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,515
Oh. Mmm.
415
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:36,256
Why are you in my bed?
Wait, no, no, no.
416
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:38,057
I'm in your bed.
Why am I in your bed?
417
00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:40,327
Oh, my God. Shut it.
418
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,595
It's not unusual
for co-workers
419
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:45,665
to end up in bed together
after a night of drinking.
420
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,134
Yes, it is!
421
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,369
Probably
nothing even happened.
422
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,171
Yes, exactly!
423
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,739
Exactly,
because if something
would have happened,
424
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,342
we would have cracked open
the intimacy pack.
Right.
425
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:58,211
(HORROR MOVIE THEME PLAYS)
Oh, my balls.
426
00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:00,513
This is why rooms
should never adjoin!
427
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:02,582
(TIRES SCREECHING)
428
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,050
Come on.
429
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:06,553
CAROL: (SINGSONGY)
Morning. Morning.
What's going on?
430
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,555
Cash is gonna
beat a video game.
431
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:10,690
I was at Habitat
for Humanity
all weekend.
432
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,058
Nobody's gathered
around me.
433
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:13,226
If anyone's interested,
434
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:15,328
there's a potential
kill screen coming up.
435
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:16,663
Spy Hunter kill screen's
coming up.
436
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,097
This is not April Fool's.
437
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:20,433
A Spy Hunter kill screen
is coming up.
438
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:21,701
Why are you
shaking your head?
439
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,336
(ENGINE REVVING)
440
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,805
(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)
CASH: Kill screen!
Kill screen!
441
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:27,039
Aah!
442
00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:29,209
(SCREAMS)
443
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,310
(LAUGHS)
444
00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:31,478
(SIREN WAILING ON VIDEO GAME)
445
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,648
The treasure!
You did it!
446
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:38,718
No. We did it.
That was so tight.
447
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,825
Okay, gang, you ready
for your life-changing
moment?
448
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:47,227
Molly, would you care
to have the honors?
449
00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:48,295
(CLATTERING)
Whoa!
450
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:49,396
VERONICA:
Hey, now!
451
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:53,666
Veronica! Cameron!
You're back! Whoo!
452
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,435
How was
the O.C.P. Conference?
453
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:56,536
Mmm.
454
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,505
Uh...
455
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:02,041
You're probably wondering
why there's a cavernous hole
in the floor of the garage.
456
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:04,744
No! Whatevs!
Stuff happens. Okay!
457
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,045
(CLATTERING)
458
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:08,080
Check you later.
I'm a leader!
459
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,383
Okay! Where were we?
460
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,285
Ah, yes. We were about
to open this treasure
461
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:13,853
that's going to
make us rich...
462
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,089
Stupid, filthy,
Steven Seagal rich.
(LAUGHS)
463
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,991
(FANFARE PLAYS)
464
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,693
What?
465
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,395
(FANFARE WARPS AND STOPS)
Huh.
466
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:24,063
Oh. Look at that.
467
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:27,534
Hurley's treasure's
actually a family portrait
drawn by his son.
468
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:29,502
(LOWERED VOICE)
Carol.
469
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:31,204
Would you draw me
a picture of your family?
470
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:34,207
(LOWERED VOICE)
Before or after
the bus accident?
471
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,475
Before.
472
00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:38,645
Yay. Arts and crafts.
473
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:41,848
So beautiful. So innocent.
From the hand of a child.
474
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,316
Worth more than gold.
475
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:45,318
You lost your mind?
I mean, this is
a crap drawing.
476
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:48,154
Look, the sun is blue,
the grass is orange...
477
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:49,422
I wanted money!
478
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:51,491
Come on, Oz.
Molly's right.
479
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:54,894
The real treasure we have
in this world is family.
480
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:58,898
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Keep the family!
I want fortune!
481
00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:00,199
Clean this mess up.
(THUD)
482
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,438
Well...
483
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:08,641
That was quite
an ugly side to Oz.
484
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,378
And to think
I had feelings for him.
485
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:14,647
Yeah. He is the worst.
486
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,616
So... How was the hotel?
487
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:18,285
Uh, you know,
they had an airport shuttle,
488
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,786
free Wi-Fi,
and I slept with Veronica.
489
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:20,853
(CACKLES)
490
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,622
No, it's not funny.
It's true.
491
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:24,357
All right, look, man,
I was gonna toast your nads
492
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:27,394
about this for a little while,
but I'm doing good deeds
today.
493
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,362
You did not have sex
with Veronica.
494
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,364
Oz! You're not picking up.
495
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:32,665
I'm leaving you
a video message
496
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,501
'cause this is
really important!
497
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:39,372
(LAUGHS)
Edward Bottlehands.
Oh, God, I'm so hungry.
498
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:42,241
Wait. Wait!
The intimacy pack!
499
00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:44,744
Yes! There's chocolate
body shots in there.
Perfect!
500
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,315
Oh, God.
501
00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:49,882
(MOUTH FULL)
This is so good.
502
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:51,484
That's why
the intimacy pack
was open!
503
00:20:51,551 --> 00:20:53,520
I had the munchies,
not the sexies.
Oh, my God, Oz!
504
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,522
This is the best news ever.
I'm gonna go tell Veronica.
505
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,824
No, no, no. Come on.
Let's let her sweat
for a little while.
506
00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,025
Come on, man.
507
00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:02,094
(CLATTERING)
508
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:03,463
(GLASS SHATTERS)
509
00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:05,598
It's the little things.
510
00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:07,667
Now that's the Big Dipper.
511
00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:09,936
And that's
the Little Dipper.
512
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:13,440
You know what
would make this better?
513
00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:15,207
What?
514
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,276
Lasers!
(CHUCKLES)
515
00:21:17,344 --> 00:21:18,811
Okay.
(CLICK)
516
00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:21,013
See that one
right there...
517
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:22,949
It's the Gemini Twins.
518
00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:27,053
We'll get there, kid.
519
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:29,956
* To you
520
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:32,224
* Oh, oh, oh
521
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:36,363
* I hope this gets to you
38533
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