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1
00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:02,436
Come to Papa.
(PANTS)
2
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,777
Where are you?
Where are you?
3
00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:15,983
150 bucks well spent!
4
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,918
(GASPS)
5
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:19,220
Cash, there's nothing
in there.
6
00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:22,223
Nothing in here?
This is Sue Storm. Hello!
7
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:24,458
Fantastic Four?
The Invisible Woman?
8
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:27,295
You paid $150
for a box of air?
9
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,230
I know, right?
Half price.
10
00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:31,399
What do you even do
with it?
11
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,134
That.
12
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:34,502
Dude, where does it end?
13
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:37,271
There's always gonna be
something bigger,
better, geekier.
14
00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:39,473
(BEEPING)
You're buying something else
right now, aren't you?
15
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,509
Uh, not buying.
Bidding.
16
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:45,379
Behold. The limited edition
Marty Mcfly self-lacing
sneakers
17
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,148
from
Back to the Future II.
18
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:48,682
Aside from
owning a DeLorean
19
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:51,419
or kidnapping Michael J. Fox,
there's no bigger collectible
20
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:53,287
for the B to the F
enthusiast.
21
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,856
You're bidding
on $300 sneakers?
22
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:58,692
(SCOFFS)
I wish. $3,000.
23
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,060
What?
(BEEPS)
24
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:03,764
Damn! Biff1985
just raised it $500.
25
00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:04,865
Okay, it's go time.
26
00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:06,767
No, no. It's stop time.
Stop. Stop.
27
00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:08,236
You live
with your mom, okay?
28
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,371
You can't even afford
to supersize at lunch.
29
00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:13,341
This is not...
I... I can't watch this.
30
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,143
Don't listen to him,
Red Hulk.
31
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:17,245
(WHISPERS)
He doesn't understand us.
32
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,880
(NORMAL VOICE)
What? $4,000?
33
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:21,682
No, I really shouldn't.
I just...
34
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,651
(BEEPS)
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Oops.
35
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,223
Armor Safe Transpo.
36
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:30,824
They own half
the armored trucks
in California.
37
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,293
They want to upgrade
their fleet.
38
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,527
We're gonna go in
fast and furious,
39
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:34,762
and we are gonna
win this job.
40
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,464
"No" is not an option.
41
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:37,865
All right.
Just so you know,
42
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,867
I'm going commando down here,
so if you need me to pull
43
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,170
a Sharon Stone,
just give me the nod.
44
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,837
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
45
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:46,340
Um, uh, should
we establish a bit of,
uh, a game plan
46
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,409
for the presentation?
Who speaks first?
47
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,678
I know a bit of, uh,
an icebreaking joke.
48
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:51,745
(CHUCKLES)
Do you?
49
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,514
Oh, God, no.
No jokes are necessary.
50
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:55,783
I've already laid
the groundwork
with Alonso.
51
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:57,351
All we're here to do is
sign the papers
52
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:58,986
and collect a large check.
Got it?
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
53
00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:02,456
Oh, you cocky bastard.
Let's close this!
54
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:05,593
Great idea. Let's keep
everything closed.
55
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:06,760
Shaw.
56
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:09,297
(CHUCKLES)
Oz. My brotha.
57
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:12,433
Looking good
for your age.
58
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:15,303
'Sup, ladies? Henry Shaw.
Double Dragon Security.
59
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,371
(CHUCKLES)
HENRY: Looks like we're going
for the same client, huh?
60
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:20,474
Sucks for you,
'cause this young stud
just took your job.
61
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:22,009
If I were you,
I'd buy a new
trapper keeper,
62
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,844
slip your compass
and protractor inside,
63
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:24,945
and don't be late
for the bus,
64
00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:26,614
'cause you just
got schooled.
(CHUCKLES)
65
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,915
Am I a pimp or what?
66
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,783
Fly's open, baby.
67
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,220
Must be real dark times
for you, huh, Ferris?
68
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:33,354
OZ: Mmm.
69
00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:36,624
Yeah.
Oz's first name is Ferris.
70
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,326
Kinda kills the illusion,
doesn't it?
71
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,895
Son of a fricken-fracken...
72
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,664
Son of your frism!
73
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:47,067
Uh-oh.
Oz is fricken-fracken.
What is going on?
74
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:49,537
Well, we lost the job.
75
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:53,474
Yeah, we got snaked
by some power tool
named Shaw.
76
00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:56,777
(GASPS)
He who must not
be named!
77
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,846
You saw
he who must not be named?
78
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,013
Who the hell is Shaw?
79
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,783
(GASPS)
He who must not be named?
80
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:05,419
Oh, man. This is heavy.
What did Oz do to him?
81
00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:07,321
He... He didn't do anything.
82
00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:09,657
(SNAPPING)
Little bastard.
(CLATTERING)
83
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,024
What... What's happening?
84
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:13,694
I'll tell you
what's happening.
(CHUCKLES)
85
00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:16,697
I am getting ready
to rock your world.
86
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,535
Okay, listen,
we're not supposed
to talk about him,
87
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:24,272
but Shaw used to be
our star hacker.
88
00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:26,206
He and Oz were very close.
89
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,943
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
90
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,849
Whoa. Looks like you guys
were pretty close, too.
91
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,618
They used to
give each other
back rubs in public.
92
00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:39,253
It was
a little extremely gay.
93
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,954
Man, it was
over the shirt.
94
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,423
(CAMERON AND VERONICA LAUGH)
95
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:44,525
Anyways, then came
the great betrayal...
96
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,594
Shaw secretly opened
his own company,
97
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,862
and he stole
all of Contra's files.
98
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:51,699
Friendship, betrayal,
sabotage...
99
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,602
I know just
what this man needs.
100
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:58,839
Come on. Take the hug.
Now talk to me.
101
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,408
Fine! You want me to talk?
102
00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:03,043
(CHUCKLES) I hate
that little pimple.
103
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:05,779
You see
that sword up there?
104
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,014
VERONICA: Uh-uh.
Exactly.
105
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,282
The sword
that should be there
106
00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:10,651
belonged to my father
and his father before him,
107
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:13,687
who stole it off a wall
of a sushi restaurant
in Oakland.
108
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,623
It meant the world to me,
which is why I gave it
109
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,991
to my friend and protege
Henry Shaw...
110
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:19,159
(BLADE WHOOSHES)
Oh!
111
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:20,594
(SWORD CLATTERS)
Man, that is so sharp!
112
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:21,762
Let me see.
How could you
not warn me?
113
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:24,798
Then he used it
to stab me in the back,
114
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:27,735
right about where
your bony chin
is sticking in.
115
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,903
Oh. I'm sorry.
116
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:33,006
I didn't know that, Oswald.
Well, from here on out,
117
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,576
we avoid
that little dickweed
at all costs.
118
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,612
No. No, that's not how
I do things, V.
119
00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:40,548
I admit,
Shaw did take me
off my game,
120
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,983
but the Oz-Man is back
in charge.
121
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,518
Next time,
I'll be ready for him.
122
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,186
Attaboy, Ferris.
123
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:50,491
Thrilled to see you
glommed on to that one, V.
124
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,595
Okay. It's you
and me, Biff.
(BEEPS)
125
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:55,896
One more minute to go,
126
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,298
and those kicks
of the future are mine.
127
00:04:58,366 --> 00:04:59,400
(MEOWING)
128
00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:03,136
What? Cats?
Oh, man. Aw.
129
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:04,338
Sorry, pal.
Couldn't let you do it,
130
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:05,673
so I hijacked
your browser.
131
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,007
Dude, I know you're
my best friend,
132
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:08,442
but I will
physically fight you.
133
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:09,743
I think I'll be fine.
134
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,178
(SIGHS) You're right.
135
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:13,514
I don't even know
what I was thinking.
136
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:15,683
Thanks for the lookout.
137
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,451
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
138
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:18,652
(SINGSONGY) Won it!
139
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:20,688
You spent $6,000?
140
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,055
Dude, you made me panic,
141
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,323
so I hit
the "buy it now" button.
142
00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:25,626
What?
Oh, so this is my fault?
143
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,060
Ow!
Are you out
of your mind?
144
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,596
You don't have six grand!
145
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:31,098
Dude, you hit me
in my allergy shot,
146
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,501
and I may not have six grand,
but you know what I do have?
147
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:36,704
I have 169 IQ
I'm Mensa, bitch!
148
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:40,207
I got revenue streams
coming in that you can't
even comprehend!
149
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:41,842
Okay.
150
00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,411
Let's do this.
151
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:45,713
The cinnamon challenge.
152
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:49,016
I saw a guy do this online,
and he went into shock.
153
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,585
Here we go.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
154
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:52,753
(CHUCKLES) Whoa.
155
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:54,354
Mmm.
156
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:56,590
(COUGHING)
157
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:57,858
(RICKY AND BUDDY LAUGHING)
158
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,560
Sorry.
No swallow, no money.
159
00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:00,828
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Yeah!
160
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,195
(COUGHS) I'm so boned.
161
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:04,231
(LAUGHS)
162
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:06,434
(WE GOT YOUR BACK PLAYING)
163
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:19,980
* Oh
164
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,649
* We got your back
165
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,456
(BEEPING)
166
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,993
Erasing all my stuff?
That's not even a thing.
167
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,028
Shaw-zam!
168
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,697
You'd better soak
some soft gauze
169
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,632
in aloe vera
and have a nurse apply it
170
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:41,435
in a layered fashion,
'cause you just
got burned!
171
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:42,636
Fly's open, dude.
172
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:44,705
(SCOFFS) Whatever.
173
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:47,240
Cage may be open,
but the beast
is still asleep.
174
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:49,677
Ah, lovely.
It seems I have a visitor.
175
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,612
Carol, handcuffs!
176
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,046
(HANDCUFFS CLICK)
177
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,348
Don't want to go to jail
for nerdicide.
178
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,685
(CHUCKLES)
I didn't come here
to fight you, Ferry.
179
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,487
I actually came here
to reconnect.
180
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:01,689
An old friend of yours
wants to say hello.
181
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,424
It's your sword.
(GRUNTS)
182
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,193
We're very close.
183
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,261
Here's me and swordy
in Maui
184
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:11,164
and me and swordy getting
a lap dance. (CHUCKLES)
185
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,266
Oh, me and swordy making
a chopped salad.
186
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:14,968
Well, don't worry.
I didn't dull him
or anything,
187
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:18,138
'cause actually
I also still use him to
do a little manscaping.
188
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:19,807
MEN: Oh!
WOMAN: Oh, my God.
189
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:20,874
(HANDCUFFS CLICK)
190
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,643
Damn my escape training!
Aah!
191
00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:24,044
Wait, wait!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
192
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:26,213
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
(GRUNTING) Aah!
193
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,781
Let's reboot this.
194
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:31,351
Listen,
when I totally skunked you
on that armored car job,
195
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:32,886
I realized...
(GRUNTS)
196
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,955
I want all your jobs,
197
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:37,591
so what do you say
you and I make
a little wager...
198
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,259
My client list
for yours?
199
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:41,328
(PANTING)
You know I won't do that.
200
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:45,332
Come on. It's just
one teensy-weensy
little bet.
201
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,600
It'll be just like
the old days.
202
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:49,336
You can pick the game.
Poker, high card.
203
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,171
Hell, I'll even arm wrestle
you for it.
204
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,439
It's not gonna
happen, Shaw.
205
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:54,407
What? Why?
Just rip his arm off.
206
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,976
Look at them.
They're like straws.
207
00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:57,444
(EMPLOYEES SHOUT INDISTINCTLY)
208
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,582
Hey! Hey!
209
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,784
(SIGHS)
No can do-ey.
210
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:05,185
(CHUCKLES)
I knew it.
211
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:06,887
Looks like you're gonna
have to head down
212
00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:09,222
to your local
one-hour photo shop
and ask 'em to leave
213
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:10,858
the negatives
of your vacation pics
214
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,960
in the developing fluid
a little longer,
215
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:15,195
'cause you've
been exposed!
216
00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,329
Unh!
217
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:20,534
Leave the...
The... The exp...
218
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,202
Leave the photos?
Photo...
Yeah, 'cause you...
219
00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:24,271
You leave it on too long,
and you expose it.
220
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,306
Oh.
That's what... Yeah.
221
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:28,008
Oh. Oh.
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
222
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,010
(GASPS)
223
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:32,846
Thank you, Lord,
for bestowing this gift
upon myself.
224
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:34,381
(GASPING AND PANTING)
225
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,650
ANGELIC CHOIR:
* Ah
226
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,919
* Ah
227
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,989
* Ah
228
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:45,659
That crazy bastard did it.
229
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:48,061
He spent six grand
on freaking sneakers.
230
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:51,732
What? Veronica just
lent him $6,000.
231
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:52,833
Wait. What?
232
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,102
(SIGHS)
That fraudster gave us
233
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:59,139
a heartbreaking sob story
about his 500-pound mother
234
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:02,142
and how she's trapped
on the first floor
of their house.
235
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,578
(VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING)
(VOICE BREAKING)
That's why I need the money,
236
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,346
to get one of those
electric cable cars...
(SIGHS)
237
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:09,617
That bring her
up and down the stairs.
238
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,551
I am writing you a check
right now,
239
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:14,588
and I want you to buy
your poor, sweet mother...
240
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,389
(RIPS)
The strongest,
241
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:19,660
most load-bearing
fatty stair gondola...
on the market today.
242
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:21,595
Come here.
243
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,032
Will this check
clear today?
244
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:26,834
Oh, man.
245
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,135
I really need to
help this guy.
246
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:32,840
(GRUNTS)
247
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,142
Now what are you doing?
248
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,745
Dude, I had to put 'em on.
I just had to,
249
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,747
but once you get
a scuff mark
or human oils on 'em,
250
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,414
they just
become sneakers.
251
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:43,450
So listen, Veronica wants us
all in the conference room.
252
00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:45,786
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
No sweat. Ah.
253
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,120
(POPPING)
254
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:50,624
You'll get used to it.
255
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,427
'Sup? 'Sup?
'Suppers?
256
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,964
(GRUNTS)
Ah. Let's do this.
257
00:09:57,030 --> 00:10:00,067
Actually, this meeting is
kind of about you.
258
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:03,203
We're here to talk
about your problem.
259
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,872
(CHUCKLES)
What problem?
260
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,340
You buy useless crap
you can't afford.
261
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:09,777
(WHISPERS) Oh.
262
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,344
You bought
a life-sized Tauntaun?
263
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,713
Is that necessary?
264
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,014
Yes.
265
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:16,483
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Oh, my God.
266
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:17,885
We're having
a nerdervention.
267
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,119
Nerdervention?
268
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:20,754
ALL: Mm-hmm. Yes.
269
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,155
This is bull.
270
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,724
Look,
you're in safe hands.
271
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:26,093
Veronica here has been
intervened against
a number of times.
272
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,996
It's true,
for men and the wacky weed.
273
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,597
CASH:
Look, I don't care.
274
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:33,266
This is racist.
I don't know how yet,
but it is.
275
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,836
Man, it's not racist.
You're a straight-up nerd,
276
00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:37,504
and I don't like
the way you make me feel.
277
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,673
I read Faulkner,
James Joyce,
278
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,809
yet you mock me
for not knowing
what a muggle is?
279
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:44,311
Please. Everyone knows
what a muggle is.
280
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:45,578
The very fact
that you don't
281
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,782
only proves
that you're a muggle...
A giant muggle.
282
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:51,551
Cash, this is
classic addict behavior.
283
00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:52,953
Lashing out, lying.
284
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,287
You're utterly consumed
with this stuff.
285
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,323
(CHUCKLES)
"Utterly consumed"?
286
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,958
Really? How?
287
00:10:58,025 --> 00:11:00,293
(DEEP VOICE) The force
is strong with me.
288
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,594
(ZAPS)
289
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:03,997
(DEEP VOICE)
Release the Kraken!
290
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:07,968
(DEEP VOICE)
Kiss my converse!
291
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:10,270
When I say,
"Who's the master?"
292
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:13,941
You say, "Sho'nuff."
293
00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:17,310
This is bull.
I do not need help.
294
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:20,247
You sold your own platelets
to buy action figures.
295
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,514
They replenish.
296
00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:25,118
I do not have
a problem.
297
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,787
I can quit anytime
I want to.
298
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:28,288
As a matter of fact,
that's a good idea.
299
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,923
How about I quit
right now...
300
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:31,591
This job?
(BUBBLE WRAP POPS)
301
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:34,828
Sit down and listen up.
302
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,464
You want to know why
I'm not going after Shaw?
303
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:40,333
I'll tell you why.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
304
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,302
(SIGHS) He's got
something on me...
305
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,504
Something I'm not
particularly proud of.
306
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:46,406
You're an arms dealer.
You're a government spook.
307
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:48,008
You killed a hooker
in Vegas.
308
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:49,877
Get ahold
of yourselves, people.
I've got a gambling problem.
309
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:52,045
(EMPLOYEES MURMURING)
310
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,247
Oh, knock it off.
Stop your murmuring.
311
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,483
I'm human.
Well, mostly.
312
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,319
So that's why
you were unwilling to
engage in Shaw's wager?
313
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,221
OZ: It gets worse.
314
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:03,523
You all know I gave Shaw
my father's sword.
315
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:04,758
After he betrayed me,
316
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:07,094
I couldn't bear the thought
of him having it,
317
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,197
but he knew my weakness,
and he would only bet me
for it,
318
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:12,132
so I went crazy,
319
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:15,635
totally obsessed and broke
trying to win it back.
320
00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:17,871
(SIGHS) That's why
I had to sell Contra.
321
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,774
You lost Contra
over a sword?
322
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:23,243
Really? Weak sauce.
323
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:26,814
Yes, it is, Mcfly.
Perhaps you can relate.
324
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:30,450
CASH: I need help.
325
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:39,292
Okay. This is
where the recovery begins.
326
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:40,828
I'll be down the hall
with the gamblers.
327
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,729
Don't leave
before the miracle.
328
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:45,498
(SIGHS) All right.
Well, guess I'll see you
in an hour.
329
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:48,268
Actually, I thought
maybe I'd stay,
show you some support.
330
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,203
Really?
Yeah. Why not?
331
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,671
Nice. (CHUCKLES)
332
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:56,709
Hi. I'm Hollywood Director
James Gunn.
333
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,512
ALL:
Hi, Hollywood Director
James Gunn.
334
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,314
I know what
you guys are thinking.
335
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:03,150
This guy is crushing it.
336
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,685
He wrote Dawn of the Dead
and Tromeo and Juliet.
337
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:07,387
He's a genius.
338
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,822
(CHUCKLES)
And that's...
that's very true.
339
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,258
I am, but inside myself,
there's a hole
340
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:16,063
that I try to fill
with zombies and superheroes
and P.G. porn stars.
341
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,933
Dabbling in the dork arts
has led me to a new low.
342
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,701
I can't make love
to a woman
343
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:23,336
unless I close my eyes
and imagine
344
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,538
Elita One,
the female Transformer.
345
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,207
(WHISPERS)
Elita One's hot.
346
00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:29,509
Okay.
I'll see you in an hour.
347
00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:36,349
Oh. Where in
the hell's bells
have you been?
348
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:37,550
We're at Code Red!
349
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:38,952
No. Someone found
my plutonium?
350
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:41,454
(CLENCHED TEETH)
No! Look!
351
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:44,191
We're at war with Shaw
and Double Dragon!
352
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:46,826
What?
(DEEP VOICE) If any of
those pigs come in here,
353
00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:50,263
I will execute every
mother-humping
last one of them!
354
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,932
Take it down a notch,
honey bunny.
355
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,000
Listen, listen.
What?
356
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,134
Now we're at war
with Double Dragon?
357
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,268
Yeah.
Since when?
358
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,937
Since when? Oh, gosh.
359
00:13:57,004 --> 00:14:00,473
Um, probably
since I went over there
360
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,542
and tried
to reason with Shaw.
Don't get mad.
361
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:04,677
Shh. Let it go.
362
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:05,946
(GRUNTS)
Let it go.
363
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:07,380
No, no. You let me go.
364
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:10,017
Oh, God! Your chin
is like a stiletto!
365
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:12,920
I gave him
the classic back hug
with a full boob press,
366
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:14,454
just the way you like it,
367
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,224
but, you know,
for some reason,
he just was not having me,
368
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:20,727
so I very, very calmly
369
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,862
left the building,
and that's all
that happened.
370
00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:25,498
Double Dragon isn't even
in our league!
371
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,367
Oh, if that's the case,
then maybe you're
man enough
372
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,236
to put your money
where your mouth is.
373
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:32,139
Oh! If you knew what had
been in this mouth,
374
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:35,075
you would not want
to make that bet.
375
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:38,811
What did you do?
376
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:44,051
Oh, um, well, I think
that I may have just
377
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:48,221
risked the entire future
of the company
to defend your honor.
378
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:49,322
Huh.
379
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,757
So we good?
(HUFFS)
380
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,425
Since Veronica cockered
the spaniel,
381
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,494
you've got yourselves
a bit of a situation.
382
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,363
The game is
Capture The Flag.
383
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:57,965
Now the rules
are very simple.
384
00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,033
Whoever breaks into
the other's office first
385
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,069
and steals
their client list
wins it all.
386
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:03,703
Okay. What's the plan,
hack their system?
387
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:04,938
Classic penetration.
388
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,039
Go heavy. Go hard.
389
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,174
Backdoor entry!
390
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,276
(WHISPERS) My God.
I'm really horny.
391
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:12,379
My plan is
to handcuff myself
to this column,
392
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:13,480
because this
is gambling,
393
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:15,182
and I'm not allowed
to participate.
394
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,183
What about
your escape training?
(HANDCUFFS CLICK)
395
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,918
Good point. Carol!
396
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:20,420
(HANDCUFFS CLICK)
397
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,689
(RATTLE)
398
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,391
Two is my limit.
399
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,393
Okay. You're on your own.
400
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:27,627
Cameron!
401
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:29,262
(WHISPERS) Cameron.
Cameron. Cameron. Cameron.
402
00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:31,798
(NORMAL VOICE)
All right, look, Shaw is
a master manipulator
403
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,733
and a genius at exploiting
his enemies' weaknesses.
404
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,136
Copy that.
Make me proud, kid.
405
00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:39,139
Damn! I'm just too good!
It's annoying, really.
406
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:42,675
CAMERON:
Okay. We're striking first.
407
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:44,944
I just saw Shaw
and the double
douches leave.
408
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:47,514
Okay. Okay, I'm in.
I hacked their alarm system,
409
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:49,149
and I looped their
surveil cameras
so I'm a ghost.
410
00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:50,517
Okay, Casper.
411
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:52,819
Just grab the client list
and go to the light.
412
00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:54,421
(LOWERED VOICE)
Wait. There it is.
413
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:56,489
Wait! Wait. Somebody left
their laptop logged in.
414
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:57,991
Oh, I'm gonna
be able to do
415
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,526
a lot more than
get their client list.
416
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:02,062
Laptop? Wait.
That's too easy.
Cameron, it's a trap!
417
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,696
It's a trap!
(THUDS)
418
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,098
ALL: Oh!
419
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:07,300
Yeah, I pieced
that together.
420
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:12,505
(GROANS)
Okay, hold tight, buddy.
421
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:13,973
I'm on my way.
Nothing's gonna stop me.
(CLATTERS)
422
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:18,478
Sweet silver time machine
of my dreams
423
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:21,214
in its glorious
stainless steel flesh!
424
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:22,482
(PANTS)
425
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,251
Pretty dope, right?
426
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,253
It's kinda like
the car version
of the Holy Grail.
427
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,655
What are you doing
here, Shaw?
Hit the road.
428
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:29,989
Roads? (CHUCKLES)
429
00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:32,259
Where you're going,
you don't need roads.
430
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,628
What are you saying,
this is your car?
431
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,930
Yep. You want it?
432
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,632
Come on.
You know you do.
433
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,000
What's your angle?
434
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,369
Why would you give me
a DeLorean?
435
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,404
(CHUCKLES)
Oh. No givesies.
436
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,639
Tradesies.
One kindness
for another.
437
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,776
Just disable Contra's alarm
by the back door, 8:00 p.m.
438
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,311
He's preying
on your weakness, Cash.
439
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:53,346
It's just a car.
It's just a car.
440
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:54,881
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE,
CLENCHED TEETH)
It's just a car!
441
00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:57,784
Just a car with the complete
flux capacitor package,
442
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,352
and I may have rigged
the tires
443
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:00,887
to leave a streak
of flames.
444
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:02,255
(JANGLES)
445
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:04,924
Give me the damn keys.
446
00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:07,327
(CHUCKLES)
447
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:09,229
(SIGHS)
448
00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:10,363
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Yes.
449
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,368
Gull wings, son.
450
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:17,804
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Part of me feels
so good...
451
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,907
(DEEP VOICE)
But so horrible
for selling out to Shaw!
452
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,475
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
So good!
453
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:23,643
(DEEP VOICE)
Horrible!
454
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:24,811
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Good!
455
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:25,845
(DEEP VOICE)
Horrible!
456
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:27,080
New car?
457
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:28,948
Uh... What?
458
00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:34,454
No, I'm just holding it
for a friend of mine...
M.C. Hammer.
459
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:38,125
Not the rapper.
The other one.
He's an optometrist.
460
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:39,559
You don't wear glasses.
461
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:42,262
Uh, thanks
to Dr. Michael Carl Hammer.
462
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,865
Okay, well,
I'm gonna go to a meeting,
463
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,600
before we both
fall off the wagon.
464
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,436
(CHUCKLES)
465
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:51,771
(DOOR OPENS)
466
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,174
Cash, come quickly.
It's Cameron.
467
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,176
(SIGHS)
468
00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:58,711
(DOOR CLOSES)
469
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:03,516
Hey, guys. It's me.
I've, uh, prepared
a statement.
470
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,018
(SIGHS)
Come on. Really? This is
so stupid, all right?
471
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,354
I'm a grown man.
472
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,721
SHAW:
Say it!
No!
473
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:10,022
(SPLAT)
Aah!
474
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,325
Oh, fine! Fine, fine,
you son of a bitch!
475
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:16,095
I'm not even wearing
goggles, okay? Holy crap!
476
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:17,664
(SPLAT)
Aah!
477
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:19,098
Okay. Okay. All right.
I'll say whatever you want.
478
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,201
Oz is a douche.
Contra sucks.
479
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:22,802
Just please, whatever,
don't shoot me.
480
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,471
Please don't shoot me.
(SPLAT)
481
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:25,705
(GASPS)
(STATIC)
482
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,007
Oh. We can't beat
these people.
483
00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:30,410
We'll never figure out a way
into the Double Dragon
offices.
484
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:36,216
Yes, we will!
I know a way in.
485
00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:37,850
(BEEPS)
486
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,286
Let me lay
a little science on you.
487
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:40,753
This is an infrared scan
488
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:43,323
of Double Dragon's so-called
"impenetrable" offices.
489
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,124
Oh. Nice work.
490
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:46,726
Mmm.
Who's Mr. Blinky?
491
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,529
Mr. Blinky is Cameron.
He's the only one there.
492
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:50,830
And where is
everyone else?
493
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,032
Most likely, headed
over here to break in,
494
00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:54,601
but before they can,
I got a way
495
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,504
to capture the flag
and prove to Shaw
I can't be bought.
496
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:00,907
If my calculations
are correct,
497
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,176
when this baby hits
88 miles per hour,
you're gonna see
498
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,178
some serious
shiitake mushrooms.
(CHUCKLES)
499
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:07,547
Um, I thought
the speed limit was 55.
500
00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:08,748
Oh, gun it!
501
00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:10,483
(CLICKS)
502
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:13,085
(WHIRRING)
503
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,488
(HUMMING BACK TO THE FUTURE
THEME SONG)
504
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,292
(CLICKS)
505
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,660
(TIRES SCREECH)
506
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:22,829
(BACK TO THE FUTURE
THEME SONG PLAYING)
507
00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:36,843
(CLANKS)
508
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:37,910
Whoa.
(GASPS)
509
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,646
Great Scott!
510
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:40,913
(GASPS)
511
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:45,852
What the hell was that?
You dicks almost killed me!
512
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:47,254
We're here
to rescue you.
513
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,188
What, by running me over
with a DeLorean?
514
00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:52,559
Come on, you dumbass
Marty Mcfly-lookin' idiot!
515
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,026
Get me out of here!
516
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:56,128
Oh, my God.
517
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,964
I think I might have
found something.
518
00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:01,734
(LATCH CLICKS)
519
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,504
Thank you, Cash.
520
00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:05,905
(CLOSES DOOR)
(GRUNTS)
521
00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:08,441
Aah! Aah. Aah.
Come on. Ear. Ear!
522
00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:10,042
You'd better run
through the casino
523
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:11,711
straight to the ATM
for more money,
524
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:13,413
even though there's
a $10 processing fee,
525
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,382
'cause you just drew a 22
at the blackjack table,
526
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:17,484
and your ass is busted!
527
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,352
Come on.
Who even talks like that?
528
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:22,322
Ear! Ear! Aah.
529
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:23,923
Well, hello, little boy.
530
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:26,192
Did you come
for our client list?
531
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:27,760
Or did you come
for yours?
532
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:30,363
Well played, Contra.
You got my client list.
533
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:32,131
I don't want
your client list, Shaw.
534
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,367
Never did.
535
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:35,935
Then what do you want?
536
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:44,811
(GONG BONGS)
537
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:46,613
Thank you, Veronica.
538
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,515
You really had my back.
539
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,983
Do itashimashite.
540
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:53,520
That means
"you're welcome"
in Japanese.
541
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,856
Wakatterutte, Onei-chan.
542
00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:59,426
And you.
543
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:00,960
You gave up a DeLorean.
I'm proud of you.
544
00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:02,261
That's a big step.
545
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:06,265
(WHIRS)
546
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:08,234
What's going on?
547
00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:10,437
Oh, I'm just selling
some of my stuff to
pay Veronica back.
548
00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:12,038
Why don't you just sell
those stupid sneakers?
549
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,740
Oh, I did,
550
00:21:13,806 --> 00:21:15,508
but I could only get
$3,500 for 'em
551
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:17,910
'cause my feet
deflowered 'em.
(SCOFFS)
552
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:20,847
But it's kinda cool to let
some of this stuff go.
553
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:22,048
But a Tauntaun?
554
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,916
I mean, even I can admit
that's pretty cool.
555
00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:27,320
Yeah,
but it's a little crazy
owning two of 'em.
556
00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:28,821
Two of 'em?
557
00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:31,591
Oh. Progress,
not perfection, buddy.
40775
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