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1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:03,404
ALL RIGHT, CASH.
SECURITY CAM'S UP.
2
00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:04,605
TARGET'S ON THE MOVE.
(whispers) IT'S NOW OR NEVER.
3
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:05,606
(lowered voice)
I'M NOT FEELIN' IT.
4
00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:06,607
SCRUB THE MISSION!
5
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:07,608
(lowered voice)
DAMN IT.
6
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,009
YOU CAN DO THIS.
7
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,278
NO, I'M NOT READY!
8
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:11,479
YES, YOU ARE READY!
9
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:13,547
Go, go, go!
10
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:16,484
(action movie theme music
playing)
11
00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:23,624
YOU'VE LIKED THIS GIRL
FOR TWO MONTHS. JUST DO IT.
12
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:25,193
She's just a sandwich girl.
13
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:28,529
YES. YES!
(nasal voice) COME ON!
14
00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:32,366
(music warps and stops)
(lowered voice)
NO. FAIL, FAIL, FAIL.
15
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,602
DAMN IT. I'VE GOT NO GAME.
(bang)
16
00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:35,603
OHH.
17
00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:36,604
OHH.
18
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,472
(sighs)
19
00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:40,341
(Michael Wandmacher's
"We Got Your Back" playing)
20
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:43,277
***
21
00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:58,226
Captioned by
Closed Captioning Services, Inc.
22
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:03,564
(indistinct conversations)
23
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,133
I'M NOT MUCH FOR SUSHI,
24
00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:06,534
BUT I'M REALLY LOVING
THIS JAPANESE GUAC.
25
00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:08,136
OH! THAT'S NOT GUAC.
OH.
26
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:10,638
THAT'S WASABI.
ISN'T YOUR MOUTH ON FIRE?
27
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:13,807
NO. NO, I LOST ALL
MY TASTE BUDS AT VASSAR.
28
00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,409
(singsongy) HEY, HEY, HEY.
29
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,411
(normal voice)
WHAT'S HAPPENIN', ROG?
30
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,480
(conversations stop)
31
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:20,714
WHAT'S GOING ON?
32
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:22,350
WHAT HAPPENED
TO ALL THE--THE REVELRY
33
00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:23,651
AND THE MIRTH
AND THE MERRIMENT?
34
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,119
(chuckles)
WHAT ARE WE CELEBRATING?
35
00:01:25,119 --> 00:01:26,420
WHAT'S THE BIG OCCASH?
36
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,156
JONES GOT US SUSHI.
37
00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:29,523
JONES IS THE BEST!
38
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,825
WHOO! THE BEST, BAR NONE.
39
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,594
THE A-BEST--
40
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,129
JONES.
41
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:39,300
WHICH ONE OF YOU IS
JONES AGAIN? I'M JUST...
42
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,169
OH, SWEET, SWEET V.
43
00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:42,570
OH. (chuckles)
(laughs)
44
00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:44,572
OH. (mouths words)
JONES IS IN TOKYO.
45
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:47,241
HE'S
OUR INTERNATIONAL SALES REP.
46
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:48,676
OH.
HE'S A LEGEND
IN THE SECURITY BUSINESS.
47
00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:50,144
YEAH. REMEMBER
THAT CHRISTMAS PARTY HE THREW?
48
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,212
(Cash) OHH.
I GOT SO DRUNK,
49
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,314
I PASSED OUT
AT, LIKE, 6:00.
50
00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:55,283
MM. I KNOW YOU DID.
51
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:56,450
JONES IS THE MAN.
52
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:57,785
HE HOOKED ME UP
WITH V.I.P. SEATS
53
00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:00,588
AT MEDIEVAL TIMES--
FREE MEAD, FREE MUTTON.
54
00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:02,890
THE BEST PART--
MERLIN'S SUBARU BROKE DOWN,
55
00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,558
AND I GAVE HIM A JUMP.
56
00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:06,627
THIS JONES SEEMS LIKE QUITE
THE GENEROUS FELLOW.
57
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:07,861
WELL, WOULDN'T YOU BE
IF YOU PULLED IN
58
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:10,164
THE BIGGEST PAYCHECK
IN THE OFFICE?
59
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:12,433
HOW DO YOU KNOW
HOW MUCH MONEY HE MAKES?
60
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:15,169
NOT FROM OPENING HIS MAIL.
61
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,438
AND--AND WHY WOULD
HIS CHECKS COME HERE
62
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:19,207
IF HE LIVES IN JAPAN?
63
00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:21,375
WELL, I JUST GIVE 'EM TO OZ.
HE TAKES CARE OF IT.
64
00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:23,444
I-I DON'T ASK A LOT
OF QUESTIONS.
65
00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,613
JONES PAYS FOR MY THERAPY.
I HAD A LOT OF ISSUES
66
00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:27,448
AFTER MY MOM FORGOT ME
AT KARATE CAMP.
67
00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:28,649
(sighs and crunches)
68
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,584
TO JONES,
WHOSE SENSE OF FUN...
69
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:33,321
TO JONES!
MAKES US ALL WANT
TO COME TO WORK, HUH?
70
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:34,888
YAY, JONES! WAIT.
HOLD ON JUST A TICK.
71
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:39,360
UM, SO YOU GUYS WANT FUN?
I CAN KEEP UP WITH THE JONESES.
72
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,662
(laughs)
73
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:45,666
OKAY, YOU SEE THIS BOWL?
THIS IS THE FUN BOWL.
74
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,535
I WANT YOU TO PUT
YOUR NAMES IN THAT BOWL.
(clatters)
75
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,203
I WILL PICK ONE,
76
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:52,206
THE WINNER GETS A FREE LUNCH
ANYWHERE IN THIS CITY...
77
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:54,642
(cheering)
78
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:56,210
I TOLD YOU SHE'S OKAY.
YEAH!
79
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:58,512
RIGHT? WITH ME!
80
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,314
(employees murmuring)
81
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,783
TAKE THAT, JONES!
82
00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,686
I HAVE
SOME RATHER TROUBLING NEWS
83
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,588
THAT COULD ROCK THIS OFFICE
TO ITS VERY CORE.
84
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:08,589
HMM.
85
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,958
THERE IS NO JONES.
86
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:14,895
OZ IS POCKETING HIS PAYCHECKS.
I'M CERTAIN OF IT.
87
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:18,566
I... CANNOT... BELIEVE THIS.
88
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:21,869
NO ONE HAS PUT THEIR NAME
IN MY BOWL.
89
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,504
(indistinct conversations)
90
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:25,573
THAT CHUNKY RECEPTIONIST
JUST WALKED RIGHT PAST,
91
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:27,675
DIDN'T PUT HER NAME IN.
WHERE DOES SHE GET OFF?
92
00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:29,543
FIRSTLY, BECKY'S PREGNANT.
93
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,645
SECONDLY, OZ IS USING
JONES' SALARY
94
00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,381
AS A PERSONAL SLUSH FUND.
95
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:34,548
OKAY, THAT SOUNDS SERIOUS.
96
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:35,749
WHY DON'T YOU GET
ON TOP OF THAT?
97
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,285
I'M GONNA GET TO THE BOTTOM
OF THIS.
98
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:38,419
OFF WITH YA.
99
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:40,954
HELLO, PEOPLE OF THE OFFICE.
100
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,990
I JUST WANTED TO BE SURE
THAT WE WERE ALL CLEAR
101
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:45,559
ON THE FREE LUNCH OFFER.
102
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:49,697
PLEASE PUT YOUR NAME
IN THE BOWL.
103
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,699
(telephone ringing in distance)
104
00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:54,635
NOT ONE PERSON. OKAY.
105
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,870
WELL, IF YOU NEED ME,
106
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:59,273
I WILL BE FILLING THE BOWL
WITH AN ALARMING AMOUNT
107
00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:01,509
OF CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DOUGH
ICE CREAM.
108
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:03,577
(grunts and sighs)
109
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,678
(clatters)
110
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:07,281
I FOUND THIS
ON THE FLOOR.
111
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:08,382
HOPEFULLY IT'S NOT TOO LATE
FOR THE DRAWING.
112
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:09,317
(whispering) WHAT?
(spoon clatters)
113
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:13,854
CAMERON! OH, MY GOSH.
114
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,456
(normal voice) SOMEBODY GET
THIS MAN A TOWEL,
115
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:18,592
BECAUSE THE FUN IS
GONNA EXPLODE
116
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:21,495
ALL OVER HIS FACE!
(laughs)
117
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:22,796
THERE SHE IS,
118
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:25,466
MY SWEET 'N' SAVORY
SANDWICH GIRL.
119
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:27,468
IF ONLY I KNEW WHAT TO SAY.
120
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,869
WHAT ABOUT "HI"?
121
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,939
COME ON. I'VE SEEN YOU
TALK TO GIRLS BEFORE.
122
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:34,875
COMIC-CON GIRLS WITH
UNREASONABLY LOW STANDARDS.
123
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:37,878
PHOEBE'S DIFFERENT.
SHE'S A CIVILIAN.
124
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:41,449
SORRY TO INTERRUPT. UM, I NEED
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT JONES.
125
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:43,351
(chuckles)
JONES. WHAT A GUY.
126
00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:44,685
I KNOW HE'S NOT REAL.
127
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:45,919
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
128
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:47,488
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
HE'S NOT REAL?
129
00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:49,323
I'VE DONE MY HOMEWORK,
GENTLEMEN,
130
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:50,924
AND NOT ONE PERSON
IN THIS OFFICE CAN TELL ME
131
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:53,394
WHAT JONES ACTUALLY
LOOKS LIKE.
132
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:54,728
YEAH, HE'S GOT
THE WHOLE THING, YOU KNOW,
133
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,698
WITH THE EYES AND THE NOSE
AND THE MOUTH.
134
00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:58,699
NO, HE WASN'T THERE.
135
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,534
I PICKED UP THE TICKETS.
136
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,970
HE'S TALL AND HANDSOME...
137
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,572
(lowered voice)
AND HAS THE REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS
138
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,440
OF BOTH GENDERS.
139
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,642
AND IF JONES IS NOT REAL,
THEN WHOSE DOG AM I WATCHING?
140
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,478
(growls)
NO, NOT THE FRAGGLES!
141
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:11,879
THOSE ARE PRICELESS!
142
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:13,313
(growls and pants)
OHH.
143
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,517
HOW CAN I STAY MAD AT YOU?
144
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:18,085
WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS
HIGHLY ILLEGAL.
145
00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:19,620
I KNOW YOU'RE TAKING
HIS CHECKS.
146
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,855
YEAH, TO DEPOSIT FOR HIM
WHILE HE IS ABROAD.
147
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,090
IT'S A SIMPLE COURTESY.
148
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:25,659
I ALSO TAKE IN HIS TRASH CANS.
SUE ME!
149
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,661
LOOK, LOOK. THIS CAN ALL BE
STRAIGHTENED UP
150
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,997
WITH ONE SIMPLE PHONE CALL
TO JONES, ALL RIGHT?
151
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,400
HE SHOULD BE AWAKE
IN ABOUT... AN HOUR.
152
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,102
UM, WELL, THAT--THAT'S, UH,
A PLEASANT SURPRISE.
153
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,336
MM.
154
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,005
I-IN AN HOUR THEN.
155
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,674
PFFT! THAT WOMAN'S CRAZY.
156
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,443
"THERE'S NO JONES."
157
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,545
(sighs) THERE IS NO JONES.
158
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,614
WHAT?
(lowered voice) I MADE HIM UP!
BUT DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
159
00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,048
I'VE GOT IT UNDER CONTROL.
160
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,683
I-I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S REAL ANYMORE.
161
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,052
UH, WH-WHOSE DOG IS THAT?
162
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,887
HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, KID,
BUT YOU ARE THE PROUD OWNER
163
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,556
OF AN ENGLISH BULLDOG.
164
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,127
OKAY, LET'S DO THIS.
165
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,695
(beeps)
JONES, ARE YOU THERE?
166
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,364
(man)
Oh, hey, uh, ohayo gozaimasu
167
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,634
from, uh, you know,
the Land of the Rising Sun.
168
00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:08,802
SAME TO YOU. WHAT, UH,
WHATCHA DOIN' UP THERE, JONESY?
169
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,471
Oh, you know, it's all good.
170
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:11,872
Living it up
here in the Far East...
171
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,874
(modulated voice)
DOING MY THING--KARAOKE,
172
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:17,445
GEISHAS, NINJAS,
SAMURAI... MOTHRA.
173
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:19,780
WE GET IT. YOU'RE IN JAPAN.
UH, I WANTED TO TAKE A MOMENT
174
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:23,383
AND INTRODUCE YOU
TO OUR NEW OFFICE MANAGER MOLLY.
175
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,885
Hello, Molly.
176
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,887
HELLO, MR. JONES.
MM.
177
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,756
UH, I JUST WANTED
TO INTRODUCE MYSELF
178
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:31,659
TO THE MAN TRAVELING
THE WORLD FOR US. (chuckles)
179
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:33,461
Oh, yeah. I go everywhere.
180
00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:34,895
I GET INTO ALL TYPES
OF TROUBLE.
181
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,397
OH, REALLY?
PLEASE ELABORATE.
182
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,500
(laughs) JUST, UH...
183
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:43,070
GOING AROUND SEARCHING
FOR ARTIFACTS,
184
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,905
HANGING
WITH MY BUDDY SHORT ROUND,
185
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,074
running from big-ass boulders.
186
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,676
UH, MOSTLY YOU DEAL
187
00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:51,612
WITH FOREIGN SALES
FOR OUR COMPANY, REMEMBER?
188
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:52,846
UH, T-TOTALLY.
189
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:55,483
ARCHAEOLOGY IS SOMETHING
I DABBLE IN.
190
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,050
NO, NO, NO. NOT REALLY.
191
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,418
You're right. I don't dabble.
192
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,720
I'VE GOT A DOCTORATE,
193
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,755
WHICH HAS LED ME
TO SOME GREAT ADVENTURES.
194
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,757
WELL, THREE WERE GREAT.
195
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,459
THE LAST ONE I DID
FOR THE MONEY.
196
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:06,460
SAYONARA, DR. JONES.
197
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:07,661
(beep)
198
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,630
WELL... (chuckles)
THANK YOU, OZ.
199
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,565
UH, I WAS--I WAS WORRIED
200
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,701
I WAS GONNA HAVE TO CALL
THE FBI ON YOU. (chuckles)
201
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:14,868
OH, THAT WOULDN'T
HAVE MATTERED.
(door closes)
202
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:15,936
THEY THINK I'M DEAD.
(chuckles)
203
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,572
DID I MISS
JONES ALREADY?
204
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:19,740
WELL, YOU KNOW JONES.
IF YOU MISS HIM,
205
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,441
IT'S LIKE
HE WAS NEVER EVEN HERE.
206
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,442
RIGHT.
(sighs)
207
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,545
UH, AFTERNOON, GENTLEMEN.
208
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:25,879
(door closes)
209
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,214
INDIANA JONES.
210
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:29,650
YOU HAD TO MAKE HIM
INDIANA JONES?
211
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:30,651
(lowered voice)
YOU NAMED HIM JONES.
212
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,586
WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?
213
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,087
JAMES EARL JONES!
214
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:36,690
VADER!
(imitates Darth Vader's exhale)
215
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,892
(cell phone rings)
216
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,561
(whispering) OZ! OZ.
(ring)
217
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,596
SHE'S CALLING BACK FOR JONES!
218
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:43,897
(beeps)
219
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:46,667
UH, KONNICHIWA. JONES HERE.
220
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:47,768
* HAPPY BIRTHDAY *
221
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:48,902
* HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CAMERON *
222
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,470
* HAPPY BIRTHDAY *
223
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,239
* FROM US AT FUNANIGAN'S *
224
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,775
* HOME OF THE FUNANA SPLIT *
225
00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:56,544
(horns toot)
226
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:59,179
WHOO! THANKS, GUYS!
227
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:00,681
(lowered voice)
IT'S NOT EVEN YOUR BIRTHDAY.
228
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,883
I TOLD 'EM IT WAS,
BUT IT'S NOT. (chuckles)
229
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,484
DIG IN!
230
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,886
YEAH. NO. YEAH. I'M--
231
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,755
I'M JUST GONNA GET
INTO THIS SALAD,
232
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:10,090
AND THEN I'LL--I'LL MAKE
MY WAY OVER THERE.
233
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:13,126
(babbles in whiny voice)
234
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,495
(normal voice) I GET IT.
YOU'RE NOT HAVING FUN.
235
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,898
I-I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME.
236
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:21,068
I KNOW THAT NOBODY PUT
THEIR NAME IN THE BOWL.
237
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,537
I GUESS I...
238
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,706
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY.
239
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:28,642
YOU KNOW, UH... (sighs)
YOU CAN'T CONNECT WITH PEOPLE
240
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:31,244
BY JUST BLASTING FUN
IN THEIR FACE.
241
00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:32,913
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO REALLY TRY
242
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:34,915
TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT
AT GETTING TO KNOW US.
243
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:37,551
I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT
EVERYBODY IN THAT OFFICE.
244
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,920
REALLY? WHAT'S MY LAST NAME?
245
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,556
DIAZ.
246
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:45,158
YOU THINK I'M CAMERON DIAZ?
247
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:46,193
MM-HMM.
248
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,695
WHEN I FIRST GOT
TO CONTRA,
249
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:49,529
I MADE A POINT OF GETTING
TO KNOW PEOPLE,
250
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,732
AND SO NOW--
NOW THEY TRUST ME.
251
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,734
OH, MY GOSH. CAMERON, YES.
252
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,869
THANK YOU IN ADVANCE
FOR PROVIDING ME
253
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,739
WITH ALL OF THE JUICY INFO.
254
00:08:58,739 --> 00:08:59,973
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
255
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,876
CHEAT SHEETS!
YOU'RE GONNA DRAW UP
256
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,879
DOSSIERS ON EVERYBODY
AND GIVE 'EM TO ME,
257
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:09,549
MY FINE MR. P--
258
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,652
DON'T TELL ME.
I KNOW IT STARTS WITH A "P."
259
00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:12,820
PAMERON!
260
00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:15,088
YOU THINK
I'M CAMERON PAMERON?
261
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,290
(waitstaff) * GRADUATION,
HAPPY GRADUATION *
262
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,291
* GRADUATION *
263
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:19,292
GO AWAY.
264
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:20,728
* HAPPY GRADUATION *
265
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:24,698
JONES, YOU SWEET BASTARD.
MMM.
266
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,099
MMM. OHH.
IF YOU WERE HERE,
267
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,835
I'D KISS YOU.
MM. I KISSED HIM ONCE.
268
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:28,969
TRUE STORY.
269
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,838
WHOA.
THESE ARE FROM JONES?
270
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:31,905
THEY'RE
FIGGY PUDDING TRUFFLES
271
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,607
FROM ENGLAND. (chuckles)
HUH.
272
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,308
WHEN I TALKED TO HIM LAST NIGHT,
I GOT A BIT EMOTIONAL
273
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,144
AND TOLD HIM I WAS FEELING
A BIT HOMESICK,
274
00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:38,345
SO... (chuckles)
275
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:39,747
YOU TALKED TO JONES
LAST NIGHT?
276
00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:40,914
MM.
OH. (chuckles)
277
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,582
VIA VIDEO CONFERENCE.
278
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,851
WE'VE BECOME
QUITE GOOD FRIENDS,
279
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,686
AND WE'RE REALLY HELPING
EACH OTHER OUT.
280
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:46,954
I TOLD HIM
I WAS MISSING MUMMY,
281
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:49,256
AND, WELL, HE'S HAVING
GIRL TROUBLES
282
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,724
AND SEARCHING
FOR THE STAFF OF RA.
283
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,092
(chuckles)
284
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,694
WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE
HE FINDS IT,
285
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:56,329
'CAUSE I KNOW WHERE
I'M GOING TO PUT IT.
286
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:57,765
(clanks)
287
00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,599
YOU'RE VIDEO CHATTING
WITH HER? HOW?!
288
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,169
CHILL! IT'S JUST A LITTLE
MOTION-CAPTURE TECHNOLOGY
289
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:03,336
THAT I COOKED UP.
290
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:06,373
IT'S LIKE GOLLUM,
BUT BETTER.
291
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:07,941
Women love confidence.
292
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,777
YEAH,
THAT'S KIND OF A PROBLEM.
293
00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:11,011
I'm kinda lacking
in that department.
294
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:13,280
WHO'S THE ONE
THAT DIDN'T GIVE UP
295
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,748
WHEN THAT ROPE BRIDGE
GAVE OUT?
296
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:15,949
ME.
297
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,217
WHO'S THE ONE
WHO KEPT HIS COOL
298
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:18,618
WHEN HE FELL INTO THAT PIT
OF SNAKES,
299
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,287
EVEN THOUGH HE WAS TERRIFIED
OF THEM?
300
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,689
That was me.
301
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:24,624
HENRY, THIS WOMAN IS
YOUR SNAKE.
302
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:25,625
YOU'RE RIGHT.
303
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,194
This woman is my snake.
304
00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:28,996
Dayum!
305
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:31,965
YOU REALIZE SHE'S GIVING ME
THE BEST DATING ADVICE EVER?
306
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,366
I GOT SOME ADVICE
FOR YOU, TOO.
307
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,402
SHUT IT DOWN,
OR I'M GONNA SHUT YOU DOWN!
308
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:36,704
¿COMPRENDE?
309
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:37,705
YEAH.
(sighs)
310
00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:38,739
FINE.
311
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:39,773
(grunts)
312
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:43,576
(rattles and clanks)
313
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,686
HERE'S YOUR CHEAT SHEET.
314
00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:54,888
THANKS, CAM--
WAIT A MINUTE.
315
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:57,891
NAMES AND HOMETOWNS?
CAMERON, YOU'RE A HACKER.
316
00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,392
I WANT THE GOOD STUFF,
YOU KNOW,
317
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:00,961
EVERYBODY'S DEEPEST,
DARKEST SECRETS,
318
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:02,395
ALL OF THE REALLY...
(inhales deeply)
319
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:04,264
(whispers) BAD THINGS
THEY'VE EVER DONE
320
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,433
IN THEIR WHOLE LIVES.
321
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,836
YOU KNOW, SO I CAN USE IT
TO MAKE 'EM LIKE ME.
322
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,739
BUT I THOUGHT THIS WAS ABOUT
YOU BEING A BETTER BOSS.
323
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:12,906
IS THAT WHAT I TOLD YOU?
YES.
324
00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:14,041
AND YOU LIKED THAT?
YES.
325
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,042
THEN THAT IS WHAT I SAID.
326
00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:16,043
(whispers) NO.
327
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:18,278
WOULD IT HELP
IF I ORDERED YOU?
328
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,913
UH... (sighs)
ALL RIGHT. FINE.
329
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:22,850
I'LL--JUST GIVE ME AN HOUR.
330
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:27,054
OH, I'M GONNA KILL IT
SO HARD AT THIS PARTY!
331
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:28,388
(beeps)
332
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:29,923
WHAT PARTY?
333
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,024
(giggles)
334
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,793
(cell phone alert chimes)
335
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:35,763
"CONTRA SECURITY'S INAUGURAL
KARAOKE-LUAU-FONDUE-
336
00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:38,999
MURDER-MYSTERY-CIRQUE-DU-SO-
GAME-NIGHT-COMEDY-ROAST"?
337
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:40,467
YEAH, IT'S A LITTLE SOMETHIN'
FOR EVERYONE.
338
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:42,435
WE'RE GONNA POUR SOME GOOF JUICE
INTO THESE STIFFS,
339
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,337
AND THEN I'M GONNA USE
ALL THE LITTLE NUGGETS
340
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:47,240
THAT YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME,
AND BY THE END OF THE NIGHT,
341
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,310
I AM GONNA BE COVERED
IN FRIENDS.
342
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,812
(computer beeps)
343
00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:54,314
OH, THAT'S SAD.
CASH CAN'T MAKE IT.
344
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,049
(beep)
BUDDY.
345
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,050
(beep)
RICKY.
346
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,052
(beeps)
347
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:02,055
CAMERON? YOU'RE A MAYBE?
348
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,490
I HAVE A CHARITY EVENT...
349
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:04,892
(sighs)
NOT A FAKE THING.
350
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,293
HEY, FOLKS!
351
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,829
COUPLE THINGS I MIGHT
HAVE LEFT OFF THE INVITE.
352
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:11,832
THERE'S TOTES GONNA BE
A FROZEN MARG AND DAQ MACHINE.
353
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:15,335
THE OTHER THING I THINK I MIGHT
HAVE FORGOTTEN TO MENTION IS
354
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,304
IF YOU DON'T COME TO THE PARTY,
YOU'RE FIRED. (chuckles)
355
00:12:19,006 --> 00:12:21,909
(beeping)
OH, WHAT'S HAPP--
356
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:23,376
OH, MY PHONE IS BLOWING UP.
357
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:26,079
CAMERON... (gasps) YOU AND I
ARE GONNA BE CO-HOSTING
358
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:29,249
THE GREATEST PARTY THAT
THIS OFFICE HAS EVER SEEN.
359
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,383
(gasps)
360
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:35,055
BUT I'M A MAYBE. (sighs)
361
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:38,258
(amplified voices)
* I JUST WANNA USE YOUR LOVE *
362
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,460
* TONIGHT *
363
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,529
(Veronica) YEAH.
364
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:45,498
* I DON'T WANNA LOSE YOUR LOVE *
365
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:48,501
* TONIGHT *
366
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:51,905
NO, I SAID DURING THE BRIDGE!
DAMN IT, CAROL.
367
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,573
UH, "OH, MY GOD."
(music stops)
368
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,976
"THERE'S A DEAD BODY
IN THE ALLEY."
(organ playing)
369
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,310
OOH!
"WHO COULD HAVE DONE IT?"
370
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,611
(employees murmuring)
371
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:02,315
"MAYBE IT'S YOU OR..." (sighs)
372
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:03,516
GUYS, CAN WE JUST GO OUT
TO THE ALLEY...
(chuckles)
373
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:04,985
SO I CAN GET OUT
OF THIS BLOOD?
374
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:06,419
(chuckles) YEAH, COME ON.
IT'S SO STICKY.
375
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:08,989
CONGA LINE TO THE ALLEY
TO SEE THE GRISLY MURDER!
376
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,891
* SEE THE GRISLY MURDER *
377
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,392
* SEE THE BLOODY BODY *
378
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,327
(all)
* SEE THE GRISLY MURDER *
379
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:15,628
* SEE THE BLOODY BODY *
OOH.
380
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,931
(singsongy)
SOMEONE'S CHEATING ON ME.
381
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,032
OH, Y--UH...
382
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:20,033
(lowered voice)
OH, NO. THE SANDWICH GIRL.
383
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:21,134
(normal voice) UH...
384
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:24,071
(whispers) SNAKES.
TEMPLE OF DOOM.
385
00:13:24,071 --> 00:13:26,806
I JUST GOT YOUR TEXT, HENRY.
WHAT'S THE EMERGENCY?
386
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,842
I'm at a charity gala,
and she's here.
387
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,410
I could really use
your help.
388
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:34,381
OKAY. WELL, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE,
SO REMEMBER...
389
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,449
Confidence.
Confidence is key.
390
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:37,985
OKAY, UH, Y-YOU KNOW,
I'LL TRY THAT.
391
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,419
OKAY. BYE.
(thuds)
392
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:40,587
(static)
393
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:42,422
JONES HAS JUST BEEN FIRED.
NO! NO.
394
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:43,656
OZ, I NEED HIM.
395
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,158
WHAT CAN I SAY?
396
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,860
HE WAS CAUGHT SELLING SECRETS
TO A RIVAL COMPANY.
397
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:47,861
YEAH,
BUT WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW
398
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:48,929
IS JONES IS A DOUBLE AGENT.
399
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,063
HE WAS WORKING FOR US
THE WHOLE TIME.
400
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:51,264
HE'S A HERO.
HE WAS A HERO.
401
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,333
TWO HOURS AGO, HE GOT HIT
BY A BULLET TRAIN
402
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,534
IN KYOTO.
BUT SURPRISINGLY,
403
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,069
HE ONLY SUSTAINED
MINOR INJURIES.
404
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:57,504
BUT THE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA
HE SUFFERED SENT HIM
405
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,939
INTO CARDIAC ARREST.
406
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,407
HE DIED!
FOR TWO AND A HALF MINUTES,
407
00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:01,909
BEFORE A ROGUE SURGEON
408
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:03,343
PERFORMED AN EMERGENCY
BABOON HEART TRANSPLANT,
409
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,446
GAVE HIM A NEW LEASE ON LIFE
AND MONKEY STRENGTH!
410
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:08,315
YET MOMENTS LATER,
HE TRAGICALLY CHOKED ON A BANANA
411
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,383
AND WAS PRONOUNCED DEAD
BY A TEAM OF RENOWNED DOCTORS.
412
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,551
WELL, TH--
HIS LAST REQUEST
413
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:13,020
WAS THAT
HIS ASHES BE SCATTERED...
414
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:14,087
YEAH, BUT--
IN AN ACTIVE VOLCANO!
415
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,855
OH, I CAN DO THIS ALL NIGHT.
(sighs)
416
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,058
BABOON HEART? RIDICULOUS.
WHAT ARE YOU, A NOVICE?
417
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,526
YOU FRAUD!
418
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,595
YOU AND YOU!
FRAUDULENT FRAUDSTERS!
419
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,497
(sighs) WELL DONE, MOLLY.
420
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,099
HOW DID WE TIP OUR HAND?
421
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,500
BY SHOWING HIS.
422
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,102
OKAY, UH, YEAH.
423
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,904
I'll try. Thanks.
424
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:33,040
Later. Okay.
Uh, uh, later. Bye. Bye.
425
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,107
(bell dings)
426
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:36,910
DAMN. MY GLOVES.
(sighs)
427
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:38,278
DOES THIS MEAN
YOU'RE GONNA TURN US IN?
428
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:39,947
NO. NOT THIS EVENING.
429
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:42,115
I DON'T WANT TO TURN
VERONICA'S KARAOKE-LUAU-FONDUE-
430
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:44,251
MURDER-MYSTERY-CIRQUE-DU-SO-
GAME-NIGHT-COMEDY-ROAST
431
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:46,386
INTO SOME SORT OF... SPECTACLE.
432
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,821
ALL RIGHT!
AND NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT.
433
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:50,057
I HOPE EVERYBODY
IS IN THE MOOD
434
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:52,059
FOR A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED
OFFICE ROAST!
435
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:53,560
WHOO!
436
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,528
I'M NOT REALLY VERY GOOD
AT THIS KIND OF THING,
437
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:58,065
BUT I'M GONNA GIVE IT WHIRL.
ALL RIGHT.
438
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:01,534
WELL, WE'VE CERTAINLY GOT
A LOT OF FOOD HERE TONIGHT.
439
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:04,004
SPEAKING OF FOOD,
440
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,005
RICKY HAS CRABS!
441
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,173
(employees murmuring)
442
00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:09,442
UP NEXT,
OUR ACCOUNTANT BUDDY REVELL,
443
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,544
KING OF THE C.P.A.s...
444
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:14,381
(clenched teeth)
OR SHOULD I SAY, "D.U.I.s"?
445
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:15,382
(normal voice)
HEY, EVERYBODY. LOOK OVER THERE.
446
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:16,950
IT'S OLD PREGGY BECKY.
447
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:20,287
DOES ANYBODY HERE KNOW
WHO THE FATHER IS? NO?
448
00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:22,022
OKAY. SORRY, BECKY. I TRIED.
449
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:24,424
OH, AND THE I.T. GUYS ARE HERE.
THE ONLY HOOKING UP
450
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,593
THEY'RE DOING IS
MY Wi-Fi CONNECTION.
451
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:27,961
OH, EXCEPT FOR AL.
452
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,929
HE'S GOT A SEX DOLL.
THAT COUNTS.
453
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:34,534
"I'M IRENE, AND I'M THE WHORE
OF MY SENIOR CENTER."
454
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:37,470
HE'S GOT AN AWESOME TRAMP STAMP.
YOU WOULD NOT GUESS THAT.
455
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:40,107
THE CARPET DOES NOT MATCH
THE DRAPES.
456
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:42,442
HE HAS A SOCK UNDER HIS BED
NAMED "JENNIFER."
457
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,510
SHE TURNED HIM GAY.
458
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,281
WHY ALL THE SOURPUSSES?
THIS IS A ROAST.
459
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,350
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
I MEAN, I KNOW IT'S ALL TRUE,
460
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:53,420
BECAUSE I GOT ALL
THIS INFORMATION FROM CAMERON.
461
00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:55,555
(employees murmuring)
462
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,024
UH, UH...
463
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,458
EVERYBODY COME QUICK!
464
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:01,228
THERE'S ANOTHER DEAD BODY
IN THE PARKING LOT!
465
00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:03,296
THERE'S ABOUT TO BE
TWO OF THEM.
466
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,168
YO, WHAT'S UP, MAN?
467
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,102
YOU GOT SOMETHING
ON YOUR BACK.
468
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:14,141
"I HEART BALLS."
469
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,009
WELL, THAT'S THE LEAST OFFENSIVE
THING I'VE HEARTED TODAY.
470
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:18,411
I AM THE MOST HATED MAN
IN THIS OFFICE.
471
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:19,612
AT LEAST YOU'RE NOT
AN ACCOMPLICE
472
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:22,082
TO FRAUD, EMBEZZLEMENT,
AND TAX EVASION.
473
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:24,451
OHH. I PREFER YOUR THING.
474
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:28,155
OKAY. COME ON.
REALLY? POINT-BLANK?
475
00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:30,123
HEY, MAN! WHAT DID I DO?
476
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:32,659
HE SUCKS, AND YOU'RE
HIS FRIEND, SO YOU SUCK.
477
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,695
OH! OH! OW!
OW. AAH.
478
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,164
(Molly)
FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS,
479
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:40,567
OZ HAS BEEN USING JONES
AS A SLUSH FUND
480
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:42,702
FOR LAVISH GIFTS
AND OFFICE PARTIES.
481
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:45,038
JUST ONE PROBLEM.
YOU HAVE NO PROOF.
482
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:47,174
I CAUGHT YOU,
AND YOU ADMITTED IT.
483
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:48,741
WELL, IT WAS WORTH A SHOT.
484
00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:51,244
ONCE AGAIN, LET ME SAY
THAT I AM SPEECHLESS.
485
00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:52,545
GOOD.
486
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:56,183
I THROW A LOVELY PARTY
FOR THESE BOOBS,
487
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:57,684
AND THEY STILL DON'T LIKE ME.
488
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,018
I MEAN, THAT IS VERY HURTFUL.
489
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,620
I'M OUT. YOU'RE THE BOSS.
490
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,189
YOU DEAL WITH IT.
491
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,190
(sighs)
492
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,024
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
493
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,025
(sighs)
494
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,994
I AM THE BOSS. (sighs)
495
00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:09,196
LET'S JUST GET THIS
OVER WITH.
496
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:10,630
IT'S GOING TO BE
VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
497
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,199
OKAY. (sighs)
498
00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:15,168
OSWALD, DO YOU LIKE ME?
499
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,137
(chuckles)
RONNIE, I WORK FOR YOU NOW.
500
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:18,205
DOESN'T MATTER
WHAT I THINK.
501
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:19,706
WELL, IT MATTERS TO ME.
502
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,442
(lowered voice)
UH, LOOK, I WILL, UH,
503
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,377
I'LL LET YOU IN
ON A LITTLE SECRET.
504
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,513
I CREATED JONES
FOR A REASON.
505
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:28,047
SEE, I REALIZED
WHEN I STARTED THIS PLACE,
506
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,550
I COULDN'T BE THEIR FRIEND
AND THEIR BOSS,
507
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:34,621
BUT JONES--
NOW HE LETS ME BE BOTH.
508
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:38,525
I GET IT.
509
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:41,027
YOU STILL HAVEN'T ANSWERED
MY QUESTION, THOUGH.
510
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,532
EH.
511
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:47,033
YOU'RE GROWING ON ME.
512
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:52,572
UM, UH, HEY, EVERYONE!
513
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,141
UH, CAN I GET
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE?
514
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:55,842
(indistinct conversations)
515
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:58,178
GUYS? (grunts)
(thuds)
516
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:00,580
REALLY? A STAPLER? COME ON.
517
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,183
LOOK, I-I KNOW
I'M THE ONLY ONE
518
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,551
WHO DIDN'T GET ROASTED
THE OTHER DAY,
519
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:07,787
SO I-I'M GONNA ROAST MYSELF,
OKAY?
520
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,189
SO HERE GOES.
521
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:11,191
WHEN I WAS BORN,
MY DOCTOR TOLD MY MOTHER
522
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:13,193
IT WAS NORMAL FOR ME
TO HAVE THREE--
523
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:16,829
EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE, BUT I HAVE
AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.
524
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:18,531
IT WASN'T CAMERON
WHO SUPPLIED ME
525
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:22,169
WITH
MY HILARIOUS ROAST MATERIAL.
526
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,803
IT WAS JONES.
527
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:26,406
(employees murmuring)
528
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:29,476
IT W--IT WAS. IT WAS JONES.
529
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:30,710
I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING
530
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:33,580
BECAUSE I KNOW HOW MUCH
YOU ALL IDOLIZE HIM.
531
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:34,814
HOW COULD JONES DO THAT?
532
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:37,450
BECAUSE HE'S SELFISH
AND A BAD KISSER.
533
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,451
AH.
534
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,586
(sighs)
535
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,120
SO ARE WE GOOD?
536
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,655
(chuckles) UM, YEAH.
537
00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:44,123
(chuckles)
CAN I TAKE YOU
TO FUNANIGAN'S?
538
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,125
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.
539
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,528
CAMERON, THAT IS SO SWEET
OF YOU.
540
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:49,896
THAT REALLY WARMS
MY HEART...
541
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,364
(chuckles)
BUT NO,
542
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:52,632
BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO KNOW
543
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,567
THAT YOUR BIRTHDAY IS
DECEMBER 1st.
544
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,403
IMPRESSED?
545
00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:57,904
IT'S APRIL 6th.
546
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:01,073
(telephone ringing in distance)
547
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:04,411
(exhales deeply)
548
00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:06,179
(chair wheels rattle)
549
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:07,247
WHAT'S UP?
GO AWAY.
550
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:08,248
BUT I--
I'M NOT INTERESTED.
551
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,483
I'M SORRY.
SORRY?
552
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:13,486
I'VE BEEN BARING MY SOUL
TO A COMPUTER-GENERATED JERK.
553
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,222
"SORRY" IS NOT GONNA CUT IT.
554
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,789
I DIDN'T BECOME JONES
TO MESS WITH YOU.
555
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,858
I FELT LIKE WE WERE HELPING
EACH OTHER.
556
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,227
EXCEPT MY PROBLEMS
WERE REAL,
557
00:19:20,227 --> 00:19:21,728
WHEREAS YOU WERE MAKING UP
STORIES
558
00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:24,231
ABOUT THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE,
"MARION."
559
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,699
(lowered voice)
HER NAME IS PHOEBE.
560
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:30,437
SHE'S THE SANDWICH GIRL.
561
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,674
I HAVE WORK TO DO.
562
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,176
BUT, UH...
563
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,178
(sighs)
564
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:49,456
(speaks inaudibly)
565
00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:52,659
(beeps)
566
00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:59,766
(keys click, beep)
567
00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:03,270
(keys click)
568
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:04,737
(beep)
569
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:16,283
(John Williams' "Raiders March"
playing)
570
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:28,295
***
571
00:20:28,295 --> 00:20:30,297
(clicks)
572
00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:32,965
(whoosh)
573
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:36,569
OOH!
OH! SORRY ABOUT THAT!
574
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:37,970
COMING THROUGH.
575
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:40,006
(speaking indistinctly)
576
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:42,241
(whoosh)
577
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,242
HEY!
578
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:47,447
***
579
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,248
(suction cup pops)
580
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:57,824
***
581
00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:59,592
(music warps to a stop)
582
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:02,862
EPIC FAIL! EPIC FAIL!
FAIL! FAIL!
583
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:05,565
SOMEBODY HELP ME!
I KNOW YOU GUYS CAN HEAR ME!
584
00:21:05,565 --> 00:21:07,967
OH, MY GOD.
I CAN'T EVEN FEEL MY ARM!
585
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,636
I'M LOSING CIRCULATION!
586
00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:12,271
(clicks, rattling)
(high-pitched voice)
OHH! (panting)
587
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:16,909
OH, THANK YOU, LORD. OHH.
OH, THANK YOU. OHH.
588
00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:20,780
(gasping)
589
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,715
YOU'LL GET HER
NEXT TIME, JONES.
590
00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:25,752
OHH. OHH. (sighs)
591
00:21:25,752 --> 00:21:26,853
COME ON.
592
00:21:26,853 --> 00:21:29,522
LET'S GO GET YOU PATCHED UP.
41482
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