All language subtitles for Breaking.In.S02E03.The.Blind.Sided.1080p.WEB-DL.DD+.5.1.x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

YEAH, I HAVE A STAMP
FROM, LIKE, EVERY STATE--

ALABAMA, ALASKA, ARIZONA,
ARKANSAS, CALIFORNIA,

COLORADO, CONNECTICUT--
RICKY, CAN YOU
MAIL THIS OR NOT?

DELAWARE, FLORIDA,
GEORGIA--

SORRY, BORTEN.
WE'VE GOT A SERIOUS SITUATION.

OH. INDIANA...

AND NOW YOU'RE OUT OF IT.

CAMERON WITH THE RESCUE.
SAVED ME FROM THE BORTEX.

OH, THE BUMPING OF FISTS--

UNIVERSAL SIGN
OF NOT GETTING ANY.

HOW'D SHE FEEL?
WAS SHE GENTLE?

SHUT UP. I HAVE--

NO CLUE WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

OH, THIS FROM THE GUY--

WHO THINKS YOU HAVE NO GAME.

YES, I--
SUCK.

LOOK, I'VE TOLD YOU BEFORE--
MELANIE'S AN ICE ROAD TRUCKER

TRAPPED INSIDE THE BODY
OF A TELEMUNDO WEATHER GIRL.

WITH A WOMAN LIKE THAT,
YOU GOTTA GO BIG--

EPIC GESTURE BIG.

AND I'VE TOLD YOU BEFORE--

I'M NOT PROJECTING HER FACE
ON THE MOON LIKE THE BAT SIGNAL.

(click)

(clatter)
(scoffs)

TERRIBLE IDEA. THE CRATERS
MADE HER FACE LOOK LIKE MACHETE.

JUST STAY OUT OF IT.

(Veronica, singsongy) HOLA.
HIDE THE BONG. MOTHER'S HOME.

VERONICA. HOW ARE YOU?

OOH. HOW WAS BOSTON?

OOH. HOW--HOW'S, UH,
HOW'S YOUR DAUGHTER?

MY KID? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

FANTASTIC.
CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK.

I, ON THE OTHER HAND,
WON'T BE PICKING MY OWN LOBSTER

OUT OF THE TANK AGAIN
ANYTIME SOON. OW. (chuckles)

BUT I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT
MY OFFICE FAM. NO, I DID NOT.

HEY, WHO'S IN THE MOOD

FOR A LITTLE AUTHENTIC
NEW ENGLAND CLAM CHO--

(sniffs) OKAY,
THAT DID NOT TRAVEL WELL.

DIBS.

(sniffs)

(sighs,
whispers indistinctly)

ALL RIGHT, KIDDIES.
LACE UP YOUR GLOVES.

IT IS CLOBBERIN' TIME.

YEAH! CLOBBERIN' TIME! WHOO!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

MOVING RIGHT ALONG,

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE
WITH BILLY LUMBERG FROM INITECH.

THEY'RE TAKING SOME HEAT
IN THE FORM OF A HACK ATTACK.

THE HACKER REMBRANDT
TURNED THEIR OFFICE LIGHTS

INTO A VIDEO GAME.

OH, MY EYES JUST HAD SEX.

WAIT, HIS CALL SIGN
IS "REMBRANDT"?

I THINK I'VE HEARD
OF THIS GUY.

WHO ARE THESE "HACKERS," ANYWAY?

SAD, LONELY, PATHETIC VIRGINS

WHO DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER
TO DO WITH THEIR TIME? (laughs)

WHAT? NO. THAT'S JUST
A CRUEL STEREOTYPE.

THERE'S NO EVIDENCE
THAT SUPPORTS THAT.

I MEAN, SURE,
ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE, BUT...

UH-OH. MY CRUSH-O-METER
HAS BEEN ACTIVATED.

(imitates rhythmic beeping)

WHAT?

BOOP, BOOP! (laughs)

IT'S SUCH A TREAT
TO HAVE YOU BACK.
THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, SO LET'S GO CATCH
A HACKER. WHAT DO YOU SAY? HUH?

CAMMY, THIS JOB HAS YOUR NAME
WRITTEN IN ITS UNDIES.

DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.

IF I MAY INTERJECT,

DO CATCH THE HACKER,
BUT NOT DO "WHATEVER IT TAKES."

AND THE BAD NEWS
IN THREE, TWO...

O.C.P. HAS MANDATED THAT EACH
NEW JOB WILL NOW BE MONITORED

BY A PROTOCOL OFFICER.

"A PROTOCOL OFFICER"?
THAT'S BULL.

I DON'T NEED A BABYSITTER.
I'M A GROWN-ASS MAN.

(makes beeping noise)
(whirring)

(sighs)

(whirring stops)

WHO--WHO'S THE OFFICER?

(Cameron) OH, WHAT?

(cackles)
OH, COME ON.

WHY?

THIS... IS A COMPLETE LIST

OF ALL THE LAWSUITS
BROUGHT AGAINST CONTRA

IN THE PAST YEAR.
IT'S QUITE A HEFTY FILE.

YEAH. I LET HER
CARRY IT AROUND.

OTHERWISE, I MIGHT GET THOSE
GREAT, BIG, CRAZY MADONNA ARMS.
(Oz) HEY, HEY, HEY.

HALF OF THESE LAWSUITS
ARE COMPLETELY FRIVOLOUS.

YES. AND THE OTHER HALF?
I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS.

WE HAVE
"DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY,"

"INVASION OF PRIVACY"--
OH, AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE,

"TRADING WITH THE ENEMY."
MM.

HEY. FIDEL.
COMO ESTAS, YOU WILD MAN?

REALLY APPRECIATE
THE FINE CUBANS YOU SENT,

BUT I WAS SORT OF TALKING
ABOUT CIGARS. (chuckles)

IN SUMMARY, LET'S GO GET
THAT HOOLIGAN REMBRANDT

WHILST STAYING WITHIN THE LAW.

I'LL ALLOW IT.

***

Captioned by
Closed Captioning Services, Inc.

(Cameron) "HE'LL ALLOW IT"?
(whirs)

HE'S NOT THE ONE
DRIVING AROUND BLIND ALL NIGHT,

LOOKING FOR A WIRELESS SIGNAL.

BLIND? SON, THIS IS
THE CASH I-G-88 ANTENNA.

THIS BAD BOY'LL
PICK UP REMBRANDT'S SIGNAL

FROM ANYWHERE IN THE CITY
AND STEER YOU RIGHT TO HIM.

ALL RIGHT,
I GUESS I OWE YOU ONE.

NOW ACTUALLY, YOU OWE ME TWO.
SO FOLLOW ME,

(monotone voice)
'CAUSE THE SECOND ONE IS MUCH
MORE EPIC THAN THE...

(high-pitched singsong voice)
FIRST ONE.

(monotone voice) WHEN YOU SING
LIKE THAT, IT MAKES ME VERY...

(high-pitched singsong voice)
NERVOUS.

BEHOLD...

YOUR NEW EPIC GESTURE
FOR MELANIE.

CASH! I SAID NO!
HOW DID YOU EVEN DO THIS?

AND WHY IS SHE GIVING
THE THUMBS UP?

HEY, MEL. STILL UP FOR
TEACHING ME HOW TO DRIVE STICK?

ANYTIME.
(computer keys click, beeping)

(Cash)
COMMENCE BODY SCAN NOW.

(whispers) YES.

THAT'S VERY THOROUGH.

IT'S QUITE SIMPLY...
MY ASS-TERPIECE.

(Melanie) 'SUP, GUYS?

WHAT THE HELL? IS THAT...
IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE ME?

MELANIE, MEET METALNIE.

CAMERON'S BEEN
WORKING ON IT FOR WEEKS.

"METALNIE"?
YOU MADE A METAL ME?

NO, CASH MADE IT FOR ME.

I MEAN, HE MADE IT
FOR ME TO GIVE TO--

NO, THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT.
OKAY, HE MADE IT--

WHY DID ANYONE MAKE IT?
CAM, WHAT DID YOU THINK,

YOU'D SAVE ME FROM THE BORTEX
OR DETAIL MY BIKE

OR--OR--OR--OR THIS,

AND THEN SUDDENLY WE HAVE BABIES
AND A CHOCOLATE LAB? I MEAN--

NO, I ALWAYS PICTURED
A LABRADOODLE.

COME ON.
IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

(Oz) LISTEN UP, PEOPLE.

GOODY McTwoShoes HAS SPRUNG
SOME NEW PROTOCOLS ON US.

YES, FROM NOW ON, THERE'LL BE
NO MORE SOLO OPS AT NIGHT.

2-PERSON DEPLOYMENT
AT MINIMUM.

SAFETY AND LIABILITY REASONS.

AND SINCE CAM IS GONNA HAVE
HIS FACE PLANTED IN A LAPTOP

ALL WEEKEND,
HE'S GONNA NEED A WINGMAN.

THAT'S GONNA BE EENIE, MEENIE,
MINEY... MELANIE! YOU ARE IT!

(whispers) OH, GOD.
(scoffs)

IS THAT A PROBLEM?

NO, NO. IT'S GREAT.
NO, WE'RE GOOD.

GOOD! WELL, THEN GO OUT THERE
AND CATCH ME A HACKER.

HOLY MOLY! I SHOULD GET ONE
MADE OF ME FOR MY DECK! HEH.

YOU KNOW, ARIEL WAS 11 POUNDS
WHEN SHE WAS BORN.

WOW.

YEAH, MY VAGINA
JUST SNAPPED RIGHT BACK.

GOOD FOR YOU.

UH-OH. HERE SHE IS,
IN THE GOTH PHASE.

OOH.
LOOK AT THAT.
SHE'S 12 YEARS OLD.

DON'T YOU JUST WANT TO KISS

THAT DEATHLY PALE,
LITTLE, PIERCED FACE?

OOH.
YEAH. YOU WANT TO SEE
THE LOVE OF MY LIFE?

YES, I DO.

MY DOG SAMMY.
PEOPLE EVEN SAY WE LOOK ALIKE.

OH, MY GOD.
YEAH. HE'S A STRAY.

I FOUND HIM IN THE WOODS
ONE NIGHT, DRINKING. (laps)

SO ADORABLE. LOOK AT THAT.
MM-HMM.

YOU KNOW YOUR DOG
IS A POSSUM, RIGHT? YEAH.

I CAN TELL BECAUSE
THIS IS A POSSUM.

LADIES.

AS MUCH AS I LOVE HEARING
ABOUT HER FREAKY PET RODENT,

I'VE GOT OPERATIVES
IN THE FIELD.

(Cameron)
HERE WE GO. THIS IS IT.
(beep)

Dude, Cash's antenna
actually worked.

We just pulled up
in front of Rembrandt's house.

CUT MY LEGS OFF
AND CALL ME "SHORTY."

Now stake out the house
until we get on to the hacker.

Then I want you
to come back here,

I'm gonna put my head
under the tire of the car,

and I want you
to back it up. Okay?

OKAY, WE'RE--
WE'RE GONNA GO NOW.

(click)

(sighs)

SO... JUST YOU AND ME...

BUT NOT IN THAT WAY.

DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.

("Belleza De Bano" playing)

OH, MY GOD. WOW, WOW.

HOW DO YOU--WHERE IS--
WHERE'S THE BUTTON?

WHERE'S THE BUTTON?
HOW DO YOU CHANGE THAT?

YOU DON'T.
THE KNOB'S MISSING, AND...

(click, music stops playing)
I CAN'T FIND A NEW ONE.

FOR THE LAST YEAR,
IT'S BEEN STUCK ON...

(imitates announcer)
"LA MOVIDITA 101.3!"

(chuckles)

HERE.

OH, NO. SEE?
RIGHT THERE. THIS.

IT'S LIKE YOU'RE LIVING
IN A KATHERINE HEIGL MOVIE,

AND SHE SUCKS.

I WAS--I WAS JUST BEING NICE.

NO, YOU WERE BEING CHIVALROUS,
GOING ALL HEIGL--

JACKETS OVER PUDDLES,
MAKING OUT IN THE RAIN--PUKE.

I WOULD NEVER
PUT A JACKET ON A PUDDLE,

ESPECIALLY IF IT'S SUEDE.

CAM, I'M SORRY.
YOU'RE A GREAT GUY...

BUT YOU NEED
A ROMANTIC COMEDY GIRL,

AND THAT'S JUST NOT ME.
DUDE...

I DON'T EVEN LIKE TO CUDDLE.
HOW MANY CHICKS CAN SAY THAT?

YEAH, I... I GET IT.
WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

(slaps hands)
DAMN RIGHT.
WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

OH. OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHA--

WHAT ARE YOU--OHH, NO, NO.

NOTHING. WHAT?
OHH.

(knock on window)
(stammers) UHH!

HEY. HOW YOU DOING?

Y'ALL STAKING OUT
MY HOUSE, RIGHT?

WHAT? NO, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.

WHAT?
WHAT?

MADE YOU POP-TARTS.

HUH? AND YOU ARE WHO?

YOU SLOW? I'M REMBRANDT, FOOL.
THE HACKER?

Y'ALL BEEN SITTING
OUT HERE ALL NIGHT.

I MEAN, ANY MORE OBVIOUS,

YOU'D BE IN A DAMN VAN
MARKED "SURVEILLANCE."

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

I'M 14, YOUR FINENESS,

IF YOU EVER WANT
TO TRADE UP FROM THAT.

INAPPROPRIATE. THIS IS NOT
A GAME. YOU ARE IN DEEP TROUBLE.

LOOK, MAN, I'M LATE
FOR SKIPPING SCHOOL, BUT, UM,

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN, CHUMPS.
ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT. LOOKING GOOD.

ALL RIGHT.
HERE'S WHAT WE GOT SO FAR.

THIS IS REMBRANDT,
A.K.A. JAMAL JENKINS.

NOT SINCE CAMERON PRICE
HAVE WE SEEN A HACKER

WITH THIS KIND OF SKILL.
THIS KID'S ONLY 14.

14. WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO KIDS JUST BEING KIDS?

PLAYING HIDE-AND-GO-SEEK,

REVERSE COWGIRL,
TRAMP STAMPS--I MEAN,

KIDS DESERVE A CHILDHOOD.
IT'S SAD.

I GUESS THE ONLY THING
WE CAN DO IS CALL THE COPS.

THEY'LL HAVE LIL' BOW WOW
IN JAIL BEFORE STUDY HALL.

OH. I'M GETTING CALL WAITING.
SORRY. IT'S MY CONSCIENCE.

HI, RENEE. YEAH.
OH, SORRY.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? YES.
YES, I WILL. THANK YOU.

RENEE THINKS YOU'RE A DOUCHE.

I'M NOT PAID
TO HAVE A CONSCIENCE.

THAT'S WHY WE GOTTA
SHAWSHANK THIS KID.

WELL, I'M SORRY, OSWALD,
BUT AS A MOTHER,

I SIMPLY CANNOT
ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN.

AS A GUY WHO'S BEEN
IN THE SECURITY BUSINESS

FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS,
I'M TELLING YOU, STAY OUT OF IT.

(giggles)

(woman)
DO NOT LIE TO ME, JAMAL.

NOW IF WHAT SHE'S SAYING
IS TRUE,

YOU WON'T BE
GOING TO M.I.T.

YOU'RE GONNA GO STRAIGHT
TO THE PENITENTIARY,

JUST LIKE
YOUR UNCLE FLOYD.

UNCLE FLOYD WAS MAKING UP-SKIRT
VIDEOS. I DIDN'T DO NOTHIN'.

YOU NEVER "DO NOTHIN',"
DO YOU, JAMAL?

KNOW WHAT? I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

THREE WOMEN GANGING UP ON ME--
I'M NOT WITH THIS.

I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL.
I'M OUTTA HERE.

HEY, GIRL.
I'D DRINK YOUR BATHWATER.

HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO HIM...
(door opens and closes)

BUT HE USED TO BE
SUCH A GREAT KID.

HE WAS AN HONOR STUDENT,
DID SCHOOL PLAYS, BUT NOW...

(sighs) I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT ELSE TO DO.

J'NEY, MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION,
JUST MOTHER TO MOTHER?

ACTUALLY, IT'S JANET.

OH, "JANET." YES, OF COURSE.

JANET, UH,
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN OBVIOUS,

BUT I FEEL LIKE
I REALLY GET JAMAL...

EXCUSE ME?

UM, I DON'T THINK
WE SHOULD BE HERE.

AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD
LET ME TAKE HIM UNDER MY WING,

JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE,

TO SEE IF I COULD
HELP HIM GET BACK ON TRACK.

(sighs) OKAY. OKAY.

I REALLY APPRECIATE THE INTEREST
THAT YOU'RE TAKING IN JAMAL.

OH, COME ON, GIRLFRIEND.
IT AIN'T NO THANG.

OKAY. NOW YOU HAVE
REACHED YOUR LIMIT.

THANK YOU FOR COMING BY.

WELL, THANK YOU, J'NEY.

IT'S "JANET."

(whispers) SORRY.

(Jamal) YOU WANT TICKETS
TO THE GUN SHOW?

I'M NOT A--
I'M NOT A FAN OF GUNS.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
THESE GUNS, BABY.

VERONICA, ARE YOU CRAZY?

I TELL YOU TO STAY OUT OF IT,
AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO?

I'M SORRY, OSWALD, BUT THAT BOY
OUT THERE IS IN TROUBLE,

AND I'M GOING TO SAVE HIM.
THIS IS MY "THE BLIND SIDE."

OH, DEAR GOD, NO.

OH, YES. OH, THAT'S
A DARLING LITTLE MOVIE.

THE GIRL FROM "SPEED,"

AND SHE TAKES IN
A GENTLE GIANT OF A BOY.
I'VE SEEN IT.

(gasps) YOU CAN BE THE HUSBAND,
AND JAMAL IS OUR BIG MIKE.

LISTEN, OZ, EVERYONE ELSE HAS
GIVEN UP ON THAT KID OUT THERE,

BUT NOT ME, AND THAT IS WHY
I HAVE MADE HIM...

OUR NEW OFFICE INTERN.

NO, NO. VERONICA,
YOU'VE GOT IT BACKWARDS.

THIS IS NOT A BOY
THAT YOU MAKE AN INTERN.

THIS IS A BOY
THAT YOU TURN IN.

MARK MY WORDS--

JAMAL ALPHONSO JENKINS
WILL SURPRISE US ALL.

(sighs) WELL, HE'S CERTAINLY
OFF TO A WONDERFUL START.

GO AHEAD. TOUCH IT.
I-I DON'T THINK I SHOULD--

GO AHEAD. TOUCH IT.
RIGHT NOW. GO AHEAD.

NICE AND HARD, RIGHT?
UH-HUH. THAT'S RIGHT.

I KNEW IT.

FROM FIST BUMP TO CUDDLE,

THAT'S THE POWER
OF THE EPIC GESTURE, BABY.

NEXT STOP...
(singsongy) THE BONE ZONE.

(lowered voice) OKAY, JUST
KEEP IT DOWN. SHE'S RIGHT THERE.

UH, HEY, MEL?
YOU HAVE A QUICK SECOND?

TIME'S UP.

(laughs) YOU'RE LIKE
THE BEEPER KIOSK AT THE MALL--

SHUT DOWN.

OH, DUDE, SHUT UP.
SERIOUSLY?

THAT WAS BOTH A BURN AND A
SOCIAL COMMENTARY. RESPECT.

HEY. WHAT'S THE DEAL
WITH YOU AND MELANIE?

WHY IS SHE GIVING YOU
THE COLD SHOULDER?

(sighs) SOMETHING MIGHT
HAVE HAPPENED LAST NIGHT

AT THE STAKEOUT.

REALLY? YOU TWO? CAR BOOTY?

THEY CUDDLED.

CUDDLES?!

BAT CAVE NOW.

(whoosh)

OKAY. NOW WHO CUDDLED WHO?

DID YOU CUDDLE HER,
OR DID SHE CUDDLE YOU?

UH, I THINK SHE CUDDLED ME.

NO!
(whoosh)

YOU CUDDLED HER.
YOU UNDERSTAND?

YOU CUDDLED HER. SAY IT!

I... CUDDLED HER?

(whoosh)
THE THING YOU GOTTA
UNDERSTAND ABOUT MELANIE

IS THAT FEELINGS ARE
LIKE KRYPTONITE TO HER.

THE ONLY WAY SHE CAN HANDLE 'EM
IS TO FLY AWAY FROM 'EM.

UM, MELANIE?
WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE?

CLASS? WE HAVE
A NEW TRANSFER STUDENT TODAY.

SAY "HELLO" TO MELANIE.

SO YOU BETTER UNDO
THAT CUDDLE WITH MELANIE

BEFORE SHE TRANSFERS
TO ANOTHER SCHOOL.

OKAY? BOOP.

SO, JAMAL, AS OUR BELOVED
AND RESPECTED INTERN,

YOUR JOB WILL BE FILING,
FAXING, COLOR-CODING--

ALL THE THINGS THAT
TEENAGE BOYS LOVE THE MOST.

(clears throat)

OH.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, JAMAL,

I WOULD LIKE YOU
TO MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

OH, MISS MANN,

YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH
I APPRECIATE THIS OPPORTUNITY.

OH, COME ON. CALL ME "MOMS."

"MOMS."

OH!

YEAH, I'M-A GET TO KNOW
YOU PEOPLE REAL QUICK.

(beeping)

(engine turns off)

MEL, WAIT. WE NEED TO TALK.

I'VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY.

JUST...

I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS MORNING.
I SHOPLIFTED THE CUDDLE.

IT WAS MY FAULT.
IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

OKAY. ARE YOU DONE NOW?

YOU KNOW WHAT? NO, NO.

LOOK, I DIDN'T SHOPLIFT
THE CUDDLE! ALL RIGHT?

I WOKE UP, AND WE WERE SPOONING.
AND GUESS WHAT?

YOU WERE THE BIG SPOON. YEAH.

A BIG SOUP LADLE, AND I WAS
JUST A LITTLE BABY FOOD SPOON.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

DUDE, YOU CUDDLED ME,

AND I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.
I GET IT.

YOU'RE NOT INTO ME, AND FRANKLY,
SEEING THIS SIDE OF YOU...
I AM.

I'M NOT INTO YOU, EITHER,
SO YOU CAN JUST GO--

***

YOU THINK THAT WEAK EXCUSE
FOR A KISS MAKES UP FOR--

***

(sighs)

I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS FINALLY HAPPENED.

I KNOW. ME, TOO.

BECAUSE RIGHT NOW...

KIND OF
IN THE PERFECT MOMENT.

OH. SO YOU'RE
A HEIGL AFTER ALL.

(sighs)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

RIGHT NOW I AM. (sighs)

(pants) READY FOR ROUND THREE?

ABSOLUTELY.

JUST GIVE ME 20 MINUTES
AND SOME COCONUT WATER,

I'LL BE GOOD TO GO.
OH, GOD. SHUT UP.

(both moaning)

VERONICA. GOT OURSELVES A LITTLE
BIT OF A SITUATION HERE.

OH, YEAH?
WELL, MAKE IT SNAPPY.

I'M TAKING JAMAL OUT
FOR ICE CREAM AND A NEW LAPTOP.

THE SITUATION
IS ABOUT JAMAL.

YEAH, HE'S, LIKE,
YOU KNOW, A DICK.

TOTAL DICK.
YEAH, YOU SHOULD
CHANGE HIS NAME TO "RICHARD."

ALL HE EVER DOES IS COME ON
TO US FOXY BABES IN THE OFFICE.

OOH, HEY, LITTLE MISS MUFFET,
LET ME SLAP THAT TUFFET.

OOH. I'LL GET YOU
DOUBLE PREGNANT. YEAH.

OH, NO.

(clatter)

WHAT'S HAPPENED THERE?

HE'S ALSO STOLEN SOME LAPTOPS,
ALL OF OUR FILES,

EVERYBODY'S
SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER--

THE KID'S A KLEPTO.
HE'S GOTTA GO.

OH, OKAY. THE NAME ON THE CARD
IS "BUDDY R--" I-IS IT "REVELL"?

YEAH, "B-BUDDY REVELL."
UH-HUH. I'LL TAKE 20 OF 'EM.

THAT'S RIGHT.
(crack)

WOULD YOU CALLOUS PEOPLE
BE INTERESTED TO KNOW

WHY JAMAL MIGHT BE
ACTING OUT LIKE THIS?

MNH-MNH.
NEGATIVE.

(sentimental music playing)
JAMAL'S FATHER PUSHED A BROOM

FOR INITECH FOR 30 YEARS,

AND ONE DAY BEFORE HE WAS
SUPPOSED TO RECEIVE HIS PENSION,

THEY FIRED HIM.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT NOW?

I DON'T CARE AT ALL.

VERONICA, JAMAL'S FATHER IS

A VERY SUCCESSFUL CHIROPRACTOR.
(music warps abruptly)

YOU'VE BEEN PLAYED
BY A CHILD, MY DEAR.

VERONICA.
WHAT?

JAMAL HAS JUST HACKED
INTO O.C.P.'s BANK ACCOUNTS.

OH.

AND HE PINCHED MY BOTTOM.

MM.

(Molly) UM, OZ, COULD I
HAVE A MOMENT, PLEASE?

IT'S--IT'S RATHER URGENT.

REALLY NOT IN THE MOOD
TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PROTOCOL.

WELL, ACTUALLY,
I'M ABOUT TO BREAK PROTOCOL

AND SHARE SOME RATHER SENSITIVE
INFORMATION WITH YOU.
MM.

I THINK VERONICA'S
"BLIND SIDE" THING IS

REALLY ABOUT HER RELATIONSHIP
WITH HER DAUGHTER.

YEAH, I'VE SEEN THE PHOTOS--
PICNICS, PUZZLES--

THEY'RE BESTIES.

YES, WHEN SHE WAS 10,
BUT SINCE THEN,

SHE'S BECOME
A BIT OF A... MONSTER.

HUH.
THAT'S WHY
VERONICA WAS IN BOSTON.

SHE WAS TAKING ARIEL
TO A SCHOOL FOR TROUBLED TEENS.

YOU SEE, ARIEL HAD HER...
EVERYTHING PIERCED.

AND SHE STARTED SMOKING
HIP-HOP CIGARETTES.

OHH. NOW YOU GOT ME
FEELING FEELINGS...

FOR HER! OHH.

S-SORRY.

(Oz) SO YOU JUST SKIP SCHOOL
WHEN YOUR PARENTS ARE AT WORK?

I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
HUH? I MEAN... (sighs)

YOU COULD BE THE NEXT
JOBS OR ZUCKERBERG.

YOU'RE THROWING
YOUR LIFE AWAY. WHY?

WHAT? YOU THINK SOCIAL NETWORK
CAN BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER?

(scoffs) WHAT I GOT
IS A REAL PEOPLE-PLEASER--

X-RATED HOLOGRAMS.

OOH.
(whispers) TOP SECRET.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK, LOOK,
YOU'RE STILL--

YOU'RE GONNA RETURN
ALL THE STOLEN MERCHANDISE,

AND YOU ARE GONNA GIVE VERONICA
HER "BLIND SIDE" MOMENT.

"BLIND SIDE"?
HEY! THAT'S RACIST.

YES. YES, IT IS, BUT YOU'RE
GONNA DO IT ANYWAY, OR ELSE.

"OR ELSE" WHAT?
I'M REMBRANDT, FOOL.

(sighs) I'M GONNA
HARD-KNOCK YOUR LIFE.

GEE WHISKERS
AND LEAPING LIZARDS!

I LOVE YOU, TOO,
DADDY WARBUCKS!

OKAY, LOOK, I WAS 12.
I WAS JUST A LITTLE KID.

THANK YOU...

THAT WAS AN ALL-BOYS SCHOOL.

WHAT KIND OF SICK,
TWISTED DRAMA TEACHER

THINKS "ANNIE" IS A GOOD IDEA
AT AN ALL-BOYS SCHOOL?

I SAID THE SAME THING.

WELL, REGARDLESS, IF THIS WERE
TO LEAK OUT ON THE INTERNET,

IT WOULD PRETTY MUCH DESTROY
YOUR STREET CRED, WOULDN'T IT?

IT WOULD.
ONLY ONE PROBLEM THERE.

NO ONE KNOWS WHAT REMBRANDT
LOOKS LIKE. HA HA!

I'M REMBRANDT, FOOL.

SO--SO YOU SAID, "BLIND SIDE"?
THAT'S--THAT'S--

THAT'S THE ONE WITH
THE CHICK FROM "SPEED," RIGHT?

BINGO.

OKAY. (laughs) ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. NOW I GOT
ONE OTHER KID TO HELP OUT.

WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT?

"LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS" CAME ON.
ANNE HATHAWAY GETS TOPLESS.

I WANTED TO WATCH IT
ON THE PHONE WITH YOU.

OOH, BUMMER TO MISS THAT, BUT I
WAS KIND OF WITH MEL ALL NIGHT.

NO! WE DID IT?

LIKE, WE DID IT?
DID WE LIKE IT? WERE WE GOOD?

DUDE, THERE IS NO "WE."

YES, THERE IS.
I NEED TO FEEL WHAT YOU FELT,

EXPERIENCE
WHAT YOU'VE EXPERIENCED.

WE NEED TO MIND MELD.

ALL RIGHT, CASH? CHILL.
VIRGINITY'S MAKING YOU CRAZY.

FALSEHOOD.
I HAD SEX WITH A LADY TWICE.

COMIC-CON '08 AND '09.
IT WAS SHE-HULK AND LADY YODA.

HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN MEL?

(Cash) AIN'T SEEN HER.

(Oz, echoing voice)
THE THING YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND

ABOUT MELANIE IS THAT FEELINGS
ARE LIKE KRYPTONITE TO HER.

THE ONLY WAY SHE CAN HANDLE 'EM
IS TO FLY AWAY FROM 'EM.

(sighs)

I'M SORRY, KID. SHE'S GONE.

JUST TELL CAMERON I...

(sighs)
JUST EXPLAIN IT TO HIM.

I WILL.

YOU'LL--YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE
A PLACE HERE. NEVER FORGET THAT.

I NEVER WILL.

(sighs) BYE, OZ.

BE SAFE.

(engine starts, revs)

SHE WANTED ME
TO GIVE THIS TO YOU.

(static)

(We Are Serenades'
"Walking Home" playing)

IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER,
SHE DOES LOVE YOU.

JUST HATES LOVE.

LET'S DO THIS.

HASTA LA VISTA, BABY.

* EVEN IF THE FLOWERS ARE GONE *
(clink)

* EVEN WHEN THE SUN IS DOWN
AND THINGS ARE UNDONE *

* EVEN WHEN THE LAKES ARE DRY *

* EVEN WHEN THE LAST LEAVES
ARE FALLING DOWN *

* LOVE WILL BE AROUND *

* LOVE WILL BE AROUND *

* EVEN IF THE FLOWERS ARE GONE *

* EVEN WHEN THE SUN IS DOWN
AND THINGS ARE UNDONE *

* EVEN WHEN THE LAKES ARE DRY *

* EVEN WHEN THE LAST LEAVES
ARE FALLING DOWN *

* LOVE WILL BE AROUND *

* LOVE WILL BE AROUND *

AH... (laughs)

WE FINISHED.

WHOO!