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1
00:00:05,933 --> 00:00:08,600
What's up, my muggle?
Hey, I got something for you.
2
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,833
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! What are you doin'?
3
00:00:10,833 --> 00:00:13,433
Oh, me and my boy--we're
Gonna get together this weekend
4
00:00:13,433 --> 00:00:15,433
And have
A "Harry potter"-thon.
5
00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:17,433
We're gonna kick back,
Pound down some butterbeers,
6
00:00:17,433 --> 00:00:19,433
Watch hermione blossom
Into wizardhood,
7
00:00:19,433 --> 00:00:22,200
But not in a creepy way.
I have no idea
What you just said,
8
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:24,333
But how about we grab
Some real beers
9
00:00:24,333 --> 00:00:27,433
And watch the laker game?
No, well, that's cool, man.
I don't have a dad.
10
00:00:27,433 --> 00:00:30,267
Maybe some other time.
(dutch) lose yourself, baby.
11
00:00:30,267 --> 00:00:32,400
Lose yourself.
Just you and me.
(moans)
12
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,600
And me. Here's the specs
You wanted, mel.
(folder thuds)
13
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,600
Oh, jeez. Sorry.
I gotta get back to work.
14
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,767
Baby, that was crazy good,
Though.
Yeah?
15
00:00:39,767 --> 00:00:42,933
Yeah.
You know what's crazy gooder?
This sweet j-o-b.
16
00:00:42,933 --> 00:00:44,733
I mean, now that we
Work together,
17
00:00:44,733 --> 00:00:47,800
It's like we're being paid
To hang out 24/siete.
18
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:51,000
If you need me,
I'll be right in here.
19
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,733
(kisses)
20
00:00:52,733 --> 00:00:54,200
Mmm.
21
00:00:55,633 --> 00:00:57,800
Sweet, thoughtful bastard.
22
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,333
And it sucks for you, 'cause
He's the best boyfriend ever.
23
00:01:00,333 --> 00:01:03,133
Yet there he is,
Tongue-holing a doughnut.
24
00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:06,500
Oh, god.
25
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:07,900
(slurps)
26
00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:10,067
(michael wandmacher's
"We got your back" playing)
27
00:01:10,067 --> 00:01:13,067
* we got your back
28
00:01:13,067 --> 00:01:14,667
(beeps)
29
00:01:14,667 --> 00:01:16,100
Okay, down to business.
30
00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:18,267
This weekend is comic-con,
31
00:01:18,267 --> 00:01:21,100
And we've been hired
By a hollywood movie studio
32
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:24,733
To protect a film they're going
To screen for 100 lucky virgins.
33
00:01:24,733 --> 00:01:27,333
It's the sequel to some
'80s movie called "The goobers"
34
00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:28,967
Or something.
"The goonies"?
35
00:01:28,967 --> 00:01:32,733
You have "Goonies 2: the legend
Of sloth" here in our office?
36
00:01:32,733 --> 00:01:34,967
Mm. (weakly) nerdgasm.
37
00:01:34,967 --> 00:01:36,600
All right, listen up.
38
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,300
This exclusive screening has
Created quite the backlash,
39
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:42,300
And the studio's been receiving
A lot of angry threats
40
00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:45,667
From fanboys vowing to steal it
Because they feel excluded.
41
00:01:45,667 --> 00:01:48,433
Isn't it just a kids' movie?
Kids' movie?
42
00:01:48,433 --> 00:01:50,433
It's the geek holy grail.
43
00:01:50,433 --> 00:01:52,533
(high-pitched voice)
Truffle shuffle, baby.
44
00:01:52,533 --> 00:01:55,400
What are you doing?
Why are you l--
45
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,133
(grunts) ah!
46
00:01:58,133 --> 00:02:01,300
I have no idea what that means,
But I know your jobs are
47
00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:03,767
To ensure safe delivery
Of this film.
48
00:02:03,767 --> 00:02:06,600
My job is to tan your hides
If you fail.
(beeps)
49
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,600
Now the fans are rabid
And mobilized.
50
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:11,200
They have vowed to steal
The movie, so you've gotta
51
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,967
Protect it at all costs.
We have to be discreet.
52
00:02:14,967 --> 00:02:16,867
Now this dvd
Is heavily encrypted.
53
00:02:16,867 --> 00:02:19,433
It can't be copied,
But we can't be too safe.
54
00:02:19,433 --> 00:02:21,967
Melanie, I need you to design
55
00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:24,467
A secure transpo case
For this dvd.
56
00:02:24,467 --> 00:02:27,733
Maybe secure it with a bra clasp
So the nerds can't get into it.
57
00:02:27,733 --> 00:02:30,900
Dutch-down!
Josh, we're gonna need you
In one of your disguises
58
00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:34,400
So you can be our eyes and ears
On the comic-con floor.
59
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,267
And no, I will not pay
For a batmobile.
60
00:02:36,267 --> 00:02:40,433
Ooh! Okay, now me.
Now me. What's my job?
Your job is gonna be
61
00:02:40,433 --> 00:02:42,767
In the van with me,
Monitoring security feed.
62
00:02:42,767 --> 00:02:46,167
Cameron, your job is gonna be
To hand-deliver the film,
63
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,400
Stay there until they finish
The screening,
64
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,600
Then return it here
To contra safely.
What?! Why does cam get
The best job ever?
65
00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,600
I mean, the con is my world!
I'm an expert at this.
66
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,100
I even self-published
My own superhero comic.
67
00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:59,500
Yes, we all know
About black zeus--
68
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:02,567
Rapper by day,
Secret agent by night.
69
00:03:02,567 --> 00:03:05,900
(heroic music plays,
Loud cracking)
70
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,733
Who raps during the day?
71
00:03:07,733 --> 00:03:10,733
You are too close to this.
It's like my daddy always said--
72
00:03:10,733 --> 00:03:13,733
Don't give the pill popper
Keys to the pharmacy.
73
00:03:13,733 --> 00:03:16,133
He was a pill popper...
And a pharmacist.
74
00:03:16,133 --> 00:03:18,100
Do we, uh, at least
Get to watch it?
75
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:19,567
Yes, in the theaters,
With everyone else.
76
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,567
Now hand over the dvd
You just swiped.
77
00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,600
(whoosh)
78
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,033
Three years of magic camp
For nothin'!
79
00:03:26,033 --> 00:03:29,733
Well, not really for nothin'. I
Made a lot of lifelong friends.
80
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:33,100
Hey, what the hell was that?
81
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:35,767
What?
You didn't have my back
In there with oz.
82
00:03:35,767 --> 00:03:38,233
I mean, we're boys.
We share jobs, kidneys,
83
00:03:38,233 --> 00:03:41,400
Superlong noodles,
"Lady and the tramp" style.
I think you're very confused
Right now.
84
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:43,633
I am, 'cause our boss is
85
00:03:43,633 --> 00:03:47,733
The most unfair man
On the planet.
I hate to say it,
But I kind of agree with him.
86
00:03:47,733 --> 00:03:50,800
What? You know
This is important to me.
87
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,400
"Goonies" is my thing.
88
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:56,600
I mean, you haven't even
Seen the movie. Name one goonie.
89
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,433
Gary goonie.
90
00:03:58,433 --> 00:04:00,933
Gary goonie? Gary goonie?!
Are you serious?!
91
00:04:00,933 --> 00:04:03,900
That right there is probably why
I'm the best man for the job.
92
00:04:03,900 --> 00:04:07,067
It's just a movie.
I'm telling you, as a friend,
93
00:04:07,067 --> 00:04:10,167
You gotta get a grip.
You get a grip!
Okay, you're not my friend.
94
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:11,600
You're my worst enemy, man.
95
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,800
I'm outta here!
I can't believe this!
96
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:15,500
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No! I can't believe it.
Gary goonie.
97
00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:17,600
I can't believe he said--
Really?!
98
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,467
Here's your gary goonie.
Here it is! Gary goonie!
Cash. Ca--
99
00:04:20,467 --> 00:04:24,300
Gary goonie?! (groans)
You're dead to me!
100
00:04:32,133 --> 00:04:33,800
Hey. You're here early.
101
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,833
Hey. Just trying to squeeze in
A little me time before--
102
00:04:36,833 --> 00:04:39,533
There she is! Why didn't
You wake me up, boo?
103
00:04:39,533 --> 00:04:41,533
I was gonna make us
Some brekkie.
104
00:04:41,533 --> 00:04:43,567
It's egg white wednesday.
Come on.
105
00:04:43,567 --> 00:04:46,167
We'll read each other
Some comics.
Yay.
106
00:04:46,167 --> 00:04:48,967
(dutch) come on. Whoo-hoo!
A cup of joe, toots?
107
00:04:48,967 --> 00:04:50,800
Oh. Thanks.
108
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:55,000
Coffee is for winners.
And guess whose cover got blown.
109
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,000
(thud, screen beeps)
Ours. The fanboys have
All been tipped off,
110
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,000
And they'll be gunning for us.
Our faces are everywhere.
111
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,700
Well, your faces.
112
00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:05,667
It's virtually impossible to
Capture my likeness on camera--
113
00:05:05,667 --> 00:05:08,067
An old trick I learned
From a zulu shaman named...
114
00:05:08,067 --> 00:05:09,567
(imitates
African dialect clicks)
115
00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:11,700
That explains the pictures
From the company picnic.
116
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:15,133
(camera whirring,
Shutter clicking)
117
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:19,867
Tell me--how are things
Going with cash?
118
00:05:19,867 --> 00:05:21,867
I know he wasn't too happy
With either of us.
119
00:05:21,867 --> 00:05:24,867
Well, apparently my best friend
Took the train to crazy town
120
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:28,067
And is now my sworn enemy.
Well, this job is
Very, very important,
121
00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:29,867
So you two lovebirds
Better work it out,
122
00:05:29,867 --> 00:05:32,733
Or I'm gonna be forced
To work it out for you,
123
00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:35,133
And my version involves
A car battery
124
00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:37,867
Clamped to a certain body part.
I'll give you a hint.
125
00:05:37,867 --> 00:05:40,767
It rhymes with "Mesticles."
(telephone rings)
126
00:05:40,767 --> 00:05:42,733
Hello? Hello?
127
00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:44,900
What the...
128
00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:46,600
(squish)
129
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,333
What?
130
00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:51,733
It's got my ass!
It's got my ass! What?
131
00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:55,467
(grunts)
132
00:05:55,467 --> 00:05:56,933
(sighs)
133
00:05:56,933 --> 00:05:58,500
You done?
134
00:05:58,500 --> 00:05:59,733
(thud)
135
00:05:59,733 --> 00:06:02,000
Yes, I'm done.
136
00:06:04,333 --> 00:06:05,367
You.
137
00:06:05,367 --> 00:06:06,967
(humming and whirring)
138
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:10,533
It's only just begun.
139
00:06:10,533 --> 00:06:14,567
Unless you tell oz
To give me your job.
140
00:06:14,567 --> 00:06:17,700
Hell, no. You want a prank war?
You got one.
141
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:21,133
I'm gonna own you.
Pranking is my thing, bitch.
142
00:06:21,133 --> 00:06:25,267
Well, you're about to get beat
At your own thing, bitch.
Saying "Bitch" is my thing,
Bitch.
143
00:06:25,267 --> 00:06:27,267
You can't have two things,
Bitch.
144
00:06:27,267 --> 00:06:31,367
Well, I do.
Game, set, cash.
145
00:06:31,367 --> 00:06:35,933
(high-pitched voice)
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.
146
00:06:35,933 --> 00:06:37,633
(mouths word)
147
00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:43,467
(beeps)
148
00:06:43,467 --> 00:06:44,267
(gunfire)
149
00:06:44,267 --> 00:06:46,233
(buttons clicking)
150
00:06:46,233 --> 00:06:49,267
(knock on door)
151
00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:51,133
(gunfire stops)
152
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:57,833
Can I help you?
(man) we saw your post
All over hedo.Com.
153
00:06:57,833 --> 00:07:00,233
We're here
For the all night bang-athon.
154
00:07:00,233 --> 00:07:05,100
And the rippin' and the tearin'.
The rippin' and the tearin'.
155
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:07,333
I'm tearin' off my clothes!
156
00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:08,733
(clank)
157
00:07:08,733 --> 00:07:10,533
Owned.
158
00:07:10,533 --> 00:07:13,067
Dude, I live with my mom,
Man.
159
00:07:13,067 --> 00:07:15,000
I mean, she had
Her church group over.
160
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,800
I had to join
The prayer circle.
161
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:20,467
Stuff went down.
It was, like, this whole thing.
So we even?
162
00:07:20,467 --> 00:07:22,433
We will be...
Once those boner pills
163
00:07:22,433 --> 00:07:25,967
I put in your coffee kick in.
No. I think I would've
Seen you do that.
164
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:28,167
Sleight of hand.
165
00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:29,600
Magic camp.
166
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,733
(high-pitched voice) sucka!
(coffee swishes)
167
00:07:40,933 --> 00:07:42,167
Move!
What?
168
00:07:42,167 --> 00:07:44,267
I need to get
Under your desk.
169
00:07:44,267 --> 00:07:47,933
No! No, no, no, no.
Any time but now.
Yo, melon balls!
Where are you, girl?
170
00:07:47,933 --> 00:07:49,600
Cam, what's up?
171
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,867
Hey, I just saw
A midget driving a car.
172
00:07:52,867 --> 00:07:55,433
Genius!
(singsongy) offensive.
173
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:56,633
She gets it.
174
00:07:56,633 --> 00:07:59,500
Say, you seen my old lady?
No. No, no, no.
175
00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:02,500
Well, if you do, you tell her
I'm in the garage,
176
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:05,500
Working on the van.
I put some shag down in the back
177
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:08,200
So me and mel can put some shag
Down in the back. Bump!
178
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,433
Rebump. Bump-fecta.
179
00:08:10,433 --> 00:08:12,700
Please go.
(whispers) you betcha.
180
00:08:14,533 --> 00:08:15,533
(wheels roll)
181
00:08:15,533 --> 00:08:16,667
(sighs)
182
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:20,133
(sighs)
183
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:23,100
This isn't from you.
It's from cash.
184
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:26,167
(whispers) okay. Sweetie.
185
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,900
Ownage.
186
00:08:32,900 --> 00:08:34,700
Oh, baby's gonna tell on me.
187
00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:37,833
(baby voice) baby's gonna
Tell on me, is he?
188
00:08:37,833 --> 00:08:40,767
(normal voice)
Please don't tell on me.
Oz, I've had enough.
189
00:08:40,767 --> 00:08:43,767
Ever since we got this case,
Cash has been acting insane.
190
00:08:43,767 --> 00:08:46,433
Watch.
Gary goonie. Gary goonie.
I'll kill you.
191
00:08:46,433 --> 00:08:50,667
See,
I can't work with this guy.
Well, if that's how you feel,
Cash, you are off the case.
192
00:08:50,667 --> 00:08:54,800
What? Wait. I can't even sit in
The van when we're at comic-con?
We don't need two people
In there.
193
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,033
Stay here. Man the office.
194
00:08:58,333 --> 00:09:00,333
Looks like you won, man.
195
00:09:00,333 --> 00:09:03,733
Congrats.
Hope it feels good.
196
00:09:03,733 --> 00:09:04,900
(sighs)
197
00:09:04,900 --> 00:09:07,467
You are sporting a wicked--
198
00:09:07,467 --> 00:09:10,233
Yes.
Save that excitement
For comic-con.
199
00:09:10,233 --> 00:09:12,800
Let's go.
200
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,800
**
201
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,400
(growls)
202
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:17,867
Aah!
203
00:09:17,867 --> 00:09:21,000
**
204
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,200
(beeps)
All right, ladies, look alive.
205
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,867
Cambo, the dvd is stashed
In your cart.
206
00:09:30,867 --> 00:09:33,033
Roger that. I'm heading in.
207
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,767
Josh, you're my eyes and ears
Out there.
208
00:09:37,767 --> 00:09:39,167
You see anything weird?
209
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:41,133
Um, you mean besides everything?
210
00:09:41,133 --> 00:09:44,600
Yeah, I'm talking about
The movie. Any chatter?
(crowd chanting) goonies!
211
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,600
Well, hall "A"
Is completely surrounded
212
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,000
With angry goonheads trying
To get into that screening.
213
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,800
We're gonna have to watch
Our step in here.
Give us "Goonies,"
Or give us death!
214
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,567
(men) yeah!
215
00:09:54,567 --> 00:09:56,533
10-4.
Cameron, I'll reroute you.
216
00:09:56,533 --> 00:09:59,067
Melanie, where you at
With the security feed?
217
00:09:59,067 --> 00:10:01,033
Patching in now.
218
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,767
(clank)
219
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:07,533
(click)
220
00:10:07,533 --> 00:10:09,400
(door squeaks)
221
00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:13,733
'sup, gorgeous?
Check out what I got.
222
00:10:13,733 --> 00:10:15,967
(high-pitched singsong voice)
Boom!
(whispering)
What are you doing here?
223
00:10:15,967 --> 00:10:19,600
You're supposed to be
In the van.
Yeah, oz has got it
Under control.
224
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,533
I thought
I'd keep you company.
Still not patched in, mel.
Shake a leg.
225
00:10:22,533 --> 00:10:26,967
Yeah, I'm handling it.
Whoa. What's with the peanuts?
You know I'm crazy allergic.
226
00:10:26,967 --> 00:10:30,600
(lowered voice) I know.
You're not supposed to be here.
Today, peaches!
227
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,367
I'm handling it.
228
00:10:32,367 --> 00:10:34,933
Look, this is my cover,
And you're blowing it.
229
00:10:34,933 --> 00:10:38,533
Will you just--just give me
Some space for once, please?
230
00:10:38,533 --> 00:10:41,667
What--what are
You trying to say?
She's saying back off, bro.
231
00:10:41,667 --> 00:10:43,967
Trust me. I know women.
Hey, I'm jared.
232
00:10:43,967 --> 00:10:47,233
You know what, mel?
Gobble all the peanuts you want.
233
00:10:47,233 --> 00:10:49,667
Jam your mouth full
Of peanuts.
234
00:10:49,667 --> 00:10:53,633
Rub peanuts all over yourself
For all I care. Later, thor.
235
00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:55,733
Dutch!
236
00:10:55,733 --> 00:10:57,800
Thank you.
237
00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,300
(keys click, beeps)
About time. All right, cammy,
238
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:03,567
Screening room is 80 yards
To your northeast.
239
00:11:03,567 --> 00:11:06,567
Look alive, people. There's been
An adam west sighting.
240
00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:09,733
A bunch of caped nerds
Are headed your way.
(shouting indistinctly)
241
00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:12,133
Okay, calm down!
242
00:11:12,133 --> 00:11:14,133
Jeez, guys,
It's just adam west.
243
00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:17,233
Calm down!
244
00:11:17,233 --> 00:11:21,867
Okay, I'm at the door
Of the screening room now.
Looks like you're all clear.
245
00:11:21,867 --> 00:11:24,567
Bring it on home.
246
00:11:24,567 --> 00:11:26,900
(crowd chanting)
Goonies! Goonies!
247
00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:28,433
Oh, no.
248
00:11:28,433 --> 00:11:30,300
Cameron, where's that dvd?
249
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:33,267
Oh, no.
Warming up the car battery.
250
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:36,833
(beeps)
251
00:11:36,833 --> 00:11:39,767
I've got a $100 million movie
Lost, the studio freaking out,
252
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:42,833
And this company's reputation--
My reputation--on the line.
253
00:11:42,833 --> 00:11:45,567
I know. Whoever stole the dvd
Is on that security footage.
254
00:11:45,567 --> 00:11:49,167
I'm gonna look over
Every inch of it.
You better or you're gonna
Start looking for another job.
255
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:51,800
Make like a pair of ta-tas
And bounce.
256
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,067
Okay.
257
00:11:53,067 --> 00:11:56,200
(pounding on door)
258
00:11:59,933 --> 00:12:02,867
(lowered voice) dude, what the--
Do you know what time it is?
259
00:12:02,867 --> 00:12:06,067
My mom has to be
At the courthouse at 6:00.
Oh. Why does
She have to go to court?
260
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:10,300
'cause she's the judge,
Racist.
Look, I spent
The last five hours
261
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:11,700
Going through security footage,
262
00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:15,600
And you won't believe
What I found--you.
263
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,700
I don't recall oz
Asking you to be there.
264
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:20,467
Well, I was,
As a registered guest,
265
00:12:20,467 --> 00:12:24,767
'cause my ex-best friend
Got me kicked off the job.
So this was your plan
To get back at me?
266
00:12:24,767 --> 00:12:26,900
'cause from where I'm standing,
It sure looks like
267
00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:29,667
Another one of your pranks.
Are you implying
That I stole the movie?
268
00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:33,833
I'm without a doubt
Saying you stole the movie.
What makes you think I would do
Something like that?
269
00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:36,867
Now hand over the dvd
You just swiped.
270
00:12:36,867 --> 00:12:39,433
Gary goonie. Gary goonie.
(deep voice) I'll kill you.
271
00:12:39,433 --> 00:12:41,933
(chuckles) but you know
What'd be awesome?
272
00:12:41,933 --> 00:12:43,900
Stealing that movie.
273
00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:45,733
Listen, I may be mad at you,
274
00:12:45,733 --> 00:12:47,933
But I'm not gonna sabotage
My own team.
275
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,867
Look me in the eyes.
276
00:12:49,867 --> 00:12:54,333
Tell me you believe
I did not steal that movie.
277
00:12:54,333 --> 00:12:56,433
Sorry, cash.
Not buying it.
278
00:12:56,433 --> 00:12:58,933
Dude, you're a crappy friend,
Man.
279
00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:01,433
And to think, I invited you
To watch "Harry potter"
280
00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:03,233
'cause I thought you were
My ron weasley.
281
00:13:03,233 --> 00:13:06,700
But it turns out you're nothing
More than a professor snape!
282
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:10,133
No idea
What any of that means.
That means get out of my house.
283
00:13:10,133 --> 00:13:13,667
Garage.
It has a mini fridge and a front
Door. Makes it a house.
284
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,333
Oh, yeah. No, totally.
285
00:13:15,333 --> 00:13:17,200
Ooh!
(garage door whirring)
286
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,667
Really?
(front door closes)
287
00:13:19,667 --> 00:13:22,333
(garage door creaks)
288
00:13:22,333 --> 00:13:25,767
Garage.
(dog barking in distance)
289
00:13:25,767 --> 00:13:28,567
Good morning.
290
00:13:28,567 --> 00:13:30,967
Dude, why are
You still wearing that?
291
00:13:30,967 --> 00:13:33,133
Actually,
Never took it off.
292
00:13:33,133 --> 00:13:34,933
Met a smurf at comic-con,
293
00:13:34,933 --> 00:13:38,367
And I smurfed the smurf
Out of her, all smurf long.
294
00:13:38,367 --> 00:13:41,800
(clicks tongue) well, I'm
So happy you had a great night.
295
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,867
Me? Not so much.
296
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:48,833
Hey, babe. I'm sorry about that.
I was just grabbing a quick...
(keys jangle)
297
00:13:48,833 --> 00:13:51,067
What are you doing?
298
00:13:51,067 --> 00:13:52,967
Where have you been?
299
00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:55,967
I hand-rolled
The sushi myself!
300
00:13:55,967 --> 00:13:57,967
It was supposed to be
A peace offering
301
00:13:57,967 --> 00:13:59,967
Served on my rock-hard abs.
302
00:13:59,967 --> 00:14:02,633
All this unagi ruined!
303
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:05,567
He makes you breakfast
And dinner?
304
00:14:05,567 --> 00:14:08,733
Wow. He really is
A good boyfriend.
305
00:14:08,733 --> 00:14:10,133
(lid snaps)
306
00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:12,800
(sighs) smurf off.
307
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:14,400
(electricity crackles)
308
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,233
Hey, cam. I was just
Thinking about you.
309
00:14:17,233 --> 00:14:20,067
Okay, before you give me a jump,
You should know I think
310
00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:23,400
I found out who stole the dvd.
Cash. Yes, I spoke to him
This morning.
311
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,400
Now while I appreciate
The enthusiasm,
312
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,833
Accusing your friend
Of grand larceny is sort of
313
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:31,167
A dick move, if you ask me.
All right, but you--you saw
That cash was at comic-con.
314
00:14:31,167 --> 00:14:34,367
You saw the footage, right?
Yes, the only difference is
I watched all of it.
315
00:14:34,367 --> 00:14:36,767
You were so excited
That cash was at the con,
316
00:14:36,767 --> 00:14:39,667
You got conned yourself.
(crowd shouting indistinctly)
317
00:14:39,667 --> 00:14:41,933
There. Right there in the nerd
Stampede for adam west,
318
00:14:41,933 --> 00:14:44,567
That's where
The mutant turtle struck.
(beep)
319
00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:47,567
You know where cash was
During all this?
320
00:14:47,567 --> 00:14:49,567
(beep)
(crowd shouting indistinctly)
321
00:14:49,567 --> 00:14:52,433
(beeps)
Sharing a funnel cake
With what appears to be
322
00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:54,433
A norse god
Who's eating his feelings.
323
00:14:54,433 --> 00:14:57,067
Oh, my god. Cash was right.
That's the good news.
324
00:14:57,067 --> 00:15:00,233
The bad news is our thief
Made a web site that went live
325
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,033
This morning.
In eight hours, he promises
326
00:15:02,033 --> 00:15:04,700
To upload the stolen movie
For the world to see.
(beeping)
327
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:07,100
Now if we don't track
This guy,
328
00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:08,900
The studio's holding us
Responsible.
329
00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:12,167
So how are
We going to fix this?
(electricity crackles)
330
00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:14,167
We can't, but I know who can.
331
00:15:14,167 --> 00:15:16,433
Can I get
Everyone's attention, please?
332
00:15:16,433 --> 00:15:18,833
Last night,
I accused a good friend
333
00:15:18,833 --> 00:15:20,633
Of something he didn't do.
334
00:15:20,633 --> 00:15:23,233
Truth is, I hacked my way
Into college,
335
00:15:23,233 --> 00:15:25,233
Where I hid out
For the last seven years.
336
00:15:25,233 --> 00:15:27,300
I was fine with not having
Any real friends,
337
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:30,300
And being so set in my ways
Has caused me
338
00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:34,433
To hurt someone
I really care about.
339
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:37,767
And for that... I'm sorry.
340
00:15:37,767 --> 00:15:42,133
Look, we have five hours
To get this movie back,
341
00:15:42,133 --> 00:15:45,200
And that may seem impossible,
But not for us.
342
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,433
All right, this is our time!
343
00:15:47,433 --> 00:15:51,233
It's our time in here,
And you know why?
344
00:15:51,233 --> 00:15:54,200
Because goonies never say "Die."
345
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,967
You watched the movie?
346
00:15:56,967 --> 00:15:59,000
Does this answer
Your question?
347
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,933
No. Don't... Don't do that
Unless you mean it.
348
00:16:02,933 --> 00:16:04,567
Truffle shuffle, baby.
349
00:16:04,567 --> 00:16:08,533
(jiggling sound)
350
00:16:08,533 --> 00:16:11,400
**
351
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:21,433
(babbles and grunts)
352
00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:27,267
(sniffles)
That was beautiful.
353
00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:33,700
All right, buddy. There's only
One person who can get inside
354
00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:36,767
The mind of the geek
Who stole this movie.
355
00:16:36,767 --> 00:16:39,667
This seems like a job
For black zeus.
356
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:40,867
(inhales deeply)
357
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:44,367
The zeus is loose.
358
00:16:44,367 --> 00:16:47,233
**
359
00:16:47,233 --> 00:16:49,967
That's his catchphrase.
360
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:52,133
(thud, train horn blows)
361
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:56,067
(beeps)
362
00:16:56,067 --> 00:16:58,533
All right, so I've gamed up
Every possible situation,
363
00:16:58,533 --> 00:17:00,767
And this is
What I've come up with.
364
00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:02,567
Our thief is feeling pretty cool
365
00:17:02,567 --> 00:17:04,933
That he's seen something
That no one else has,
366
00:17:04,933 --> 00:17:06,933
But what would any geek want
367
00:17:06,933 --> 00:17:09,400
To see more than
A "Goonies" sequel?
368
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,133
Only two things--megan fox
369
00:17:12,133 --> 00:17:15,300
And "Xena: warrior princess."
370
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:19,000
So we give 'em both--
Megan fox as xena.
371
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,067
The perfect storm.
372
00:17:21,067 --> 00:17:24,000
What if there was a pirated
Rough cut of a xena movie
373
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,100
That no one knew about,
And we were willing to trade?
374
00:17:27,100 --> 00:17:29,833
No nerd alive would
Ever turn that down.
375
00:17:29,833 --> 00:17:31,633
But where are we gonna find
376
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:34,267
Someone who looks like
Megan fox?
377
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:39,067
Oh. Damn it.
378
00:17:39,067 --> 00:17:40,400
Fine.
379
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,333
Where are you gonna find
A xena costume on such--
380
00:17:43,333 --> 00:17:44,733
Damn it.
381
00:17:44,733 --> 00:17:46,733
And... Action.
382
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,867
(cash) I know you guys
Are fighting.
383
00:17:49,867 --> 00:17:52,800
Mel, you're feeling smothered,
But you guys gotta lock lips.
384
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,833
Come on, guys. We need this.
Grab hercules in your arms...
385
00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:58,567
(whispers) and kiss him
Like your life depended on it.
386
00:17:58,567 --> 00:18:01,133
I mean, you just look
So ridiculous.
387
00:18:01,133 --> 00:18:04,200
Yeah? Yeah, and you look...
Hot.
388
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:10,900
Baby, I'm an idiot.
I know, but I love you anyway.
389
00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:13,533
24/siete, baby.
390
00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:19,100
All right, I think we got it.
I think we got it. Let's cut.
391
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:21,133
No, let the scene play.
392
00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:24,700
Everybody, out! Get out!
Out now! Go!
393
00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:27,133
Sparta!
394
00:18:27,133 --> 00:18:28,833
(telephone ringing)
395
00:18:28,833 --> 00:18:30,700
(cameron) okay, our thief
Really knows what he's doing.
396
00:18:30,700 --> 00:18:32,367
His goonileaks web site
Is untraceable.
397
00:18:32,367 --> 00:18:34,900
But he's been all
Over the message boards,
398
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:38,933
Bragging about his conquest.
That's how we'll trap him.
Did our little fishy
Take the bait?
399
00:18:38,933 --> 00:18:40,933
(beeping)
Oh, yeah.
400
00:18:40,933 --> 00:18:43,767
(lisping) all right.
Van's gassed up. Let's do this.
401
00:18:43,767 --> 00:18:46,767
Dude, what is wrong
With your face?
402
00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:48,533
What's right with yours?
403
00:18:48,533 --> 00:18:51,767
Oh, my god.
404
00:18:51,767 --> 00:18:55,300
Baby, the xena kiss. I forgot
About your peanut allergy.
405
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,733
(gasps) let me see.
Hey.
406
00:18:57,733 --> 00:18:59,500
I regret nothing.
407
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:00,967
Oh.
408
00:19:00,967 --> 00:19:03,433
(indistinct conversations)
409
00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:06,267
(oz) all right, black zeus,
Eyes open. He's out there.
410
00:19:06,267 --> 00:19:09,800
Everyone in position?
Check.
411
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,867
Check.
412
00:19:11,867 --> 00:19:13,733
Check.
413
00:19:13,733 --> 00:19:15,133
Check.
414
00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:17,200
Check.
415
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,200
Target acquired.
You got a tortoise on your tail.
416
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,400
Don't be a hero, cash.
417
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,533
I'm gonna have
Turtle soup tonight.
418
00:19:25,533 --> 00:19:28,667
(whooshing)
419
00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:36,367
Okay.
420
00:19:36,367 --> 00:19:38,367
On three, we trade.
421
00:19:40,633 --> 00:19:42,433
Hey.
422
00:19:42,433 --> 00:19:44,833
Come on.
Hey. Wait your turn.
423
00:19:44,833 --> 00:19:48,667
One, two...
(whooshes)
424
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:53,433
Got a broken arrow.
Go, go, go, go.
425
00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:58,667
Hey, you guys!
426
00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:01,667
That doesn't sound anything
Like sloth. This guy sucks!
427
00:20:04,033 --> 00:20:07,567
(josh) go, go, go, go, go!
Move! Move!
428
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:15,233
Where is he? Where?
429
00:20:15,233 --> 00:20:18,167
Well, he shed his shell.
He could be anyone here,
430
00:20:18,167 --> 00:20:20,167
Damn it.
He got away with both dvds.
431
00:20:20,167 --> 00:20:21,833
Oh, did he?
432
00:20:21,833 --> 00:20:24,233
(whoosh)
Sleight of hand.
433
00:20:25,133 --> 00:20:27,233
Magic camp, suckas.
434
00:20:27,233 --> 00:20:29,533
(oz) three, two, one.
(beep)
435
00:20:29,533 --> 00:20:30,967
Whoo!
(pop)
436
00:20:30,967 --> 00:20:33,033
Yeah!
(oz) and the countdown is over.
437
00:20:33,033 --> 00:20:35,367
We have the movie.
Nice work, people.
438
00:20:35,367 --> 00:20:38,800
And I just got off the horn
With the studio.
439
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,533
Not only did you rescue
Their film from a mutant fanboy,
440
00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:43,800
But you garnered them
A ton of free publicity.
441
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:47,200
If I had a tail,
I'd be wagging it. Cheers!
(all) cheers!
442
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,300
(dutch) all right!
Hey, uh,
443
00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:51,233
You, uh, wanna hang tonight?
444
00:20:51,233 --> 00:20:53,267
Maybe grab a beer,
Watch the laker game?
445
00:20:53,267 --> 00:20:55,533
No, I was thinking
More along the lines
446
00:20:55,533 --> 00:20:58,000
Of "Harry potter"-thon.
You in?
447
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,933
I'm in like slytherin.
(clink)
448
00:21:00,933 --> 00:21:02,833
All right.
Warlocks, abracadabra,
449
00:21:02,833 --> 00:21:05,400
That kid from...
I don't know.
450
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,567
You're trying. That's good.
451
00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:09,267
**
34978
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