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1
00:00:01,467 --> 00:00:06,233
(asher roth) * I'm nice, right?
I-I feel good *
2
00:00:06,233 --> 00:00:09,067
* that party last night was
Awfully crazy *
3
00:00:09,067 --> 00:00:12,000
* I wish we taped it *
4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:16,233
* I danced my face off and had
This one girl completely naked *
5
00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:18,600
* drink my drink
And smoke my... *
6
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,500
* but my good friends is
All I need *
7
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:24,333
* pass out at 3:00,
Wake up at 10:00 *
8
00:00:24,333 --> 00:00:26,433
* go out to eat,
Then do it again *
9
00:00:26,433 --> 00:00:29,900
Hey. I'm here.
I have the money.
Shh. Act cool, all right?
10
00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:32,067
***
11
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,567
Professor dugan's password
Is "Password"?
12
00:00:37,567 --> 00:00:40,567
Yeah, for a creative writing
Teacher, he's not very creative.
13
00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:44,900
Just log in and change
Your grade to an "A."
You're the man, cameron.
14
00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:47,400
So I've been told.
15
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,500
* gotta head back to class
For a little bit *
16
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,500
* that party last night was
Awfully crazy *
17
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:54,267
* I wish we taped it *
18
00:00:54,267 --> 00:00:56,700
Eagle one returning to the nest.
19
00:00:56,700 --> 00:01:02,533
* I danced my face off and had
This one girl completely naked *
20
00:01:02,533 --> 00:01:04,833
(keys jangle)
Have a seat there, champ.
21
00:01:04,833 --> 00:01:07,733
Gah! Who the hell are you?
22
00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:11,800
I'm the guy telling you to sit
Your ass down. That's who I am.
Uh, you know, if you're looking
23
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,433
To score some weed, rasta ron
Just lives down the hall.
24
00:01:14,433 --> 00:01:17,400
Name's oz. I own a company
Called contra security.
25
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:19,967
This is melanie,
Our team's lovely lock-picker.
26
00:01:19,967 --> 00:01:22,100
You should upgrade
To a dead bolt.
27
00:01:22,100 --> 00:01:25,100
And lock your porno drawer.
28
00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:29,433
(door opens and closes)
We test security systems--
Homes, business. We do it all.
29
00:01:29,433 --> 00:01:31,900
People hire us
To break into their companies
30
00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:33,300
Before the criminals do.
31
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:35,300
Your museum definitely needs
Better security.
32
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:37,300
But I get why
She's a masterpiece.
33
00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:39,033
The woman's got four boobs
And no mouth.
34
00:01:39,033 --> 00:01:42,700
Good news, senator. I managed
To secure your e-mail.
(clink)
35
00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:45,700
Bad news--your wife
Knows you're into dudes.
36
00:01:45,700 --> 00:01:48,367
Well, what does that
Have to do with me?
37
00:01:48,367 --> 00:01:51,367
Well, the university hired us to
See if we could find any holes
38
00:01:51,367 --> 00:01:52,833
In their computer network.
39
00:01:52,833 --> 00:01:56,600
Guess what we found hiding
In one of those holes--you.
40
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,667
Oh, god.
It's quite genius, actually.
41
00:01:58,667 --> 00:02:00,767
You hacked your way
Into admissions,
42
00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:02,900
Got yourself a full scholarship,
Faculty parking,
43
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:06,067
And somehow managed to get
Two rooms all to yourself.
Yeah, I registered as twins.
44
00:02:06,067 --> 00:02:07,500
Equally impressive--
45
00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:10,400
You selling midterms
To earn beer money.
46
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:12,567
Thank you, but...
You've got no proof.
47
00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:15,533
(toilet flushes)
Well, you're out
Of toilet paper
48
00:02:15,533 --> 00:02:17,733
And now the last four pages
Of "Chamber of secrets."
49
00:02:17,733 --> 00:02:20,333
(book thuds)
Believe you two have met.
50
00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:22,867
This is josh armstrong,
My intel man.
51
00:02:22,867 --> 00:02:25,933
Intel? No, that's duncan.
He's in my french class.
52
00:02:25,933 --> 00:02:28,200
Bonjour.
53
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,667
I'm a transfer student.
54
00:02:29,667 --> 00:02:33,967
Name's
Duncan. Duncan manutts.
55
00:02:33,967 --> 00:02:36,300
Manutts. Damn it!
56
00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:38,967
I got a proposition for ya.
57
00:02:38,967 --> 00:02:42,700
It seems that I am, uh, suddenly
In need of a new intern.
58
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:45,333
You mean, like,
Filing and xeroxing?
And hacking into
59
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,600
The world's most impenetrable
Security systems.
60
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:52,067
All right, well, lots to
Chew on, but I have to say no.
61
00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:54,933
Do I look like
Your prom date?
62
00:02:54,933 --> 00:02:56,867
"No" is not an option.
63
00:02:56,867 --> 00:02:58,800
Here's how it's gonna go--
64
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,767
You're either
Gonna come work for me,
65
00:03:00,767 --> 00:03:03,233
Or I'm gonna turn you over
To the college,
66
00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:05,367
And you're gonna go to jail.
67
00:03:05,367 --> 00:03:10,167
You a cuddler, cam?
You look cuddly.
68
00:03:10,167 --> 00:03:13,900
I mean,
Not in jail-y kinda way.
69
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:15,433
***
70
00:03:15,433 --> 00:03:18,567
(man) * we got your back *
71
00:03:18,567 --> 00:03:22,467
* 9 to 5's never been
This vicious *
* under attack *
72
00:03:22,467 --> 00:03:26,700
* and we're
All up in your business *
73
00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:30,067
* whoa, whoa, whoa *
74
00:03:30,067 --> 00:03:32,333
* we got your back *
75
00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:40,833
Cookie puss.
76
00:03:40,833 --> 00:03:43,533
Cookie--
Puss. Ice cream cake.
77
00:03:43,533 --> 00:03:46,300
Intern's always in charge
Of the office birthday,
78
00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:48,667
And there's one on friday.
Yeah, I know.
79
00:03:48,667 --> 00:03:51,600
You've been telling me
For the last two weeks, carol.
Mm.
80
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:55,000
I'll get to it.
Look, I'm gonna, you know...
Okay.
81
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,100
Yo, new. Bam!
82
00:03:57,100 --> 00:04:01,533
Han solo costume for dragon con.
I know you're a fan of the wars.
83
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:04,700
You got any interest in being my
Chewbacca? (imitates chewbacca)
84
00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:06,433
I don't--I don't think so.
85
00:04:06,433 --> 00:04:09,433
What, newbie? A black man
Can only play lando calrissian?
86
00:04:09,433 --> 00:04:11,600
Is that it? Obama!
No, it's just--
87
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,867
You're setting me up for another
One of your office pranks.
88
00:04:14,867 --> 00:04:17,867
My desk?
89
00:04:17,867 --> 00:04:19,533
Who the hell...
90
00:04:19,533 --> 00:04:23,367
Boom goes the dynamite!
(hums dance music)
91
00:04:23,367 --> 00:04:25,067
I'm serious, my wookiee.
92
00:04:25,067 --> 00:04:28,400
Think about it
While I get my shunky on.
(coins clink, beeping)
93
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,567
We have a team meeting.
We don't have time for candy.
You're gonna have to wait.
94
00:04:31,567 --> 00:04:34,567
My mouth is about to have sex
With this candy bar.
(wrapper crinkles)
95
00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:38,867
Ooh, girl! Ooh, what? Give me
Some of that fine sugar. Mmm!
96
00:04:38,867 --> 00:04:42,200
Mmm! Ooh, yeah.
That really doesn't look
Consensual.
97
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:45,167
She's over 18,
So, you know... Hmm?
98
00:04:45,167 --> 00:04:46,467
Mayfair motors--
99
00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:49,467
They specialize
In ferraris, lamborghinis,
100
00:04:49,467 --> 00:04:51,700
Your basic 4-wheel,
Italian panty-droppers.
101
00:04:51,700 --> 00:04:53,700
The dealership wants
To make sure that
102
00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:55,367
Their security's impenetrable,
So they've hired us to see
103
00:04:55,367 --> 00:04:57,233
If we can get in there,
Steal one of their cars
104
00:04:57,233 --> 00:04:59,633
Off the showroom floor.
It's go time, people.
105
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:04,167
Team leader needs
To bring the heat!
Good, because I am flaming.
106
00:05:04,167 --> 00:05:08,667
(cameron chuckles)
As much as I appreciate
The, uh, razzmatazz,
107
00:05:08,667 --> 00:05:12,533
I'm going
With eeny, meeny, miny, you.
108
00:05:12,533 --> 00:05:17,400
Me? Uh, I don't know the first
Thing about stealing a car.
You spend all day
109
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,467
Playing "Grand theft auto."
You should be fine.
110
00:05:19,467 --> 00:05:21,733
(cell phone ringing)
It's a video game.
111
00:05:21,733 --> 00:05:24,533
It doesn't mean
I know how to kill prostitutes.
I gotta take this. I'm closing
112
00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:26,633
That security contract for
The airport in vizplazikstan.
113
00:05:26,633 --> 00:05:29,067
Is that a country?
Not yet, but if all goes
According to plan,
114
00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:32,567
It will be in ten months.
Hey! Bahut bahut shukriya.
115
00:05:32,567 --> 00:05:35,900
Phir milaiyin ge.
Was he speaking "Avatar"?
116
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:38,633
I know it's not klingon,
'cause I speak that fluently.
117
00:05:38,633 --> 00:05:41,967
Hey, found your scissors,
College boy.
118
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:44,267
You know, so you can
Stab 'em in my back.
119
00:05:44,267 --> 00:05:48,067
(scissors thud)
Yeah, I'll aim for
Your girlie butterfly tattoo.
120
00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:50,700
It's a dragonfly,
And the chicks dig it.
121
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:55,133
Oh, my god. We have
The same butterfly tattoo.
122
00:05:57,333 --> 00:05:59,667
I am top dog in this office.
123
00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:02,333
The mayfield motors job
Was mine.
124
00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:05,100
Great. And you can have it.
I have to study for midterms.
125
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:09,800
I was gonna go tell oz
To put you in charge.
That's how you're gonna play it?
126
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:13,467
No, you're clearly the best,
And I'm in no way debating that.
You know what this is?
127
00:06:13,467 --> 00:06:17,500
(grunts) it's a gun rack.
(imitates gun cocking)
128
00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,067
Watch yourself.
129
00:06:20,533 --> 00:06:22,667
(knock on door)
130
00:06:22,667 --> 00:06:24,733
Hey, cam the man,
Come on in.
Hey, listen, uh...
131
00:06:24,733 --> 00:06:26,167
Got some fantastic news.
132
00:06:26,167 --> 00:06:29,233
My personalized b.B.Q.
Branding iron just arrived.
133
00:06:29,233 --> 00:06:32,000
Lord, I love skymall.
134
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,267
It's like a mall,
But in the sky.
135
00:06:34,267 --> 00:06:36,200
Got a bunch of stuff
136
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:39,700
On the plane ride to dubai
Last night.
Weren't you here last night?
137
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,967
I was, until I went to dubai.
138
00:06:41,967 --> 00:06:43,133
Goober?
139
00:06:43,133 --> 00:06:45,900
Uh, yeah. Thanks.
140
00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:48,633
Whoa! Looks just like kirk's
Chair from "Star trek"!
141
00:06:48,633 --> 00:06:51,633
It is. Shatner gave it to us
When we helped secure his home
142
00:06:51,633 --> 00:06:54,600
From a fanboy stalker.
That's how we met cash.
143
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,400
("Star trek" theme playing)
Captain kirk, it's me again.
144
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,633
Did you get my friend request?
145
00:06:59,633 --> 00:07:01,000
You gon' beam me up?
146
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,267
Beam me up.
Not today, ensign psycho.
147
00:07:03,267 --> 00:07:05,367
Beam a brother up!
148
00:07:05,367 --> 00:07:07,000
Get up!
149
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,533
Only team leader
Gets to sit in the chair,
150
00:07:09,533 --> 00:07:11,833
And you're here to bail
On the carjacking.
It's only because I--
151
00:07:11,833 --> 00:07:14,767
You'd rather stay in college
Where you're king pimp?
Kinda. And I just--
152
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,867
Afraid that working for me
Means popping
153
00:07:16,867 --> 00:07:20,833
Your safe little college bubble
And entering the real world?
How are you--
154
00:07:20,833 --> 00:07:23,133
Doing that?
I'm in your head.
155
00:07:23,133 --> 00:07:26,733
Look, stealing a car was
Never part of the deal.
The deal's what I say it is.
156
00:07:26,733 --> 00:07:30,667
Unless you'd like to pay back
Your college tuition right now.
No. I--
157
00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:33,233
(beep)
Yikes! Seven years.
That's pretty pricey.
158
00:07:33,233 --> 00:07:35,033
$350,000? That's--I'll just--
159
00:07:35,033 --> 00:07:37,633
I'll disappear.
I'll go off the grid.
(beep)
160
00:07:37,633 --> 00:07:40,700
This grid? That goober you ate
Was a tracking device.
161
00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:43,267
Looks to me like you're
No longer the smartest kid
162
00:07:43,267 --> 00:07:45,533
In class, cam. I'd like
A silver lamborghini, please.
163
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:47,567
Oh, and, uh, get that
Cookie puss and one of those
164
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:50,467
Giant novelty cards. They're
Funny 'cause they're big.
165
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,167
So you just met with oz.
166
00:07:54,167 --> 00:07:55,567
Yes.
And you ate a goober.
167
00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:57,567
Yes.
So you're
Still our team leader.
168
00:07:57,567 --> 00:08:00,067
Yes, and I don't understand
Why he's putting me in charge.
169
00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:02,433
You'll never know.
Oz has a plan.
170
00:08:02,433 --> 00:08:04,800
Well, my plan was
To stay in college
171
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:07,800
Until I die of happiness.
Well, I think you should
Give this place a chance.
172
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:12,100
I think you'll find
We're pretty good people here.
173
00:08:21,533 --> 00:08:24,967
And...
Boom! Goes the dynamite.
174
00:08:24,967 --> 00:08:27,033
Sorry,
But gotta haze the new guy.
175
00:08:27,033 --> 00:08:30,233
That's how every office works.
No. No,
That's how this office works.
176
00:08:30,233 --> 00:08:32,800
In the real world,
It's a felony.
177
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,000
You want a ride home?
Yeah, that'd be great.
Can you do that?
178
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,867
I got you.
179
00:08:37,867 --> 00:08:40,733
You may want to move it, though.
They tow on tuesdays.
180
00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:46,267
You're late, kirk cameron.
181
00:08:46,267 --> 00:08:49,967
Yeah, 'cause cash keeps
Pranking me and ruining my life.
I'll allow it.
182
00:08:49,967 --> 00:08:51,833
Oh, come on,
Newbie, tuesdays?
183
00:08:51,833 --> 00:08:54,833
You can't hate on a guy for
Pulling a little office prank.
184
00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:56,833
A little office prank
Is xeroxing your butt.
185
00:08:56,833 --> 00:08:59,700
You have 161 I.Q.
You don't know how to do little.
186
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:01,733
(gary glitter's "Rock and roll
(part 2)" playing)
187
00:09:01,733 --> 00:09:03,200
* hey! *
188
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,100
* hey! *
189
00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:08,100
* hey! *
190
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:10,500
You my boy, okay,
The chewie to my solo.
191
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:12,833
Let me explain how this works.
Prank a brother back.
192
00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:16,033
Earn my respect,
And the hazing stops.
It's not rush week.
193
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:18,167
I have to break
Into a car dealership
194
00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:20,233
And bust out of this job.
And buy a cake.
195
00:09:20,233 --> 00:09:21,833
And buy a cake.
196
00:09:21,833 --> 00:09:24,300
(beeps)
Come to papa.
197
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,833
(clicks)
No. No, no, no, no.
198
00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:28,700
Team meeting in ten.
199
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:32,100
So you want to dance.
(whispers) let's dance.
200
00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,100
So let me get this straight--
201
00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:35,900
You gathered us all here
In your douche-icle
202
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:39,133
So you could tell us you have no
Idea what the hell you're doing.
203
00:09:39,133 --> 00:09:42,233
Look, I'm team leader,
All right? So listen up.
204
00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:45,033
Cash, uh, can you plot
Our route to the car? Cool?
205
00:09:45,033 --> 00:09:48,400
Yeah, I'll work on it. First,
I gotta get me that shunky.
Bernice in accounting?
206
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,400
Chocolate bar.
But for the record...
207
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,633
(high-pitched voice)
* tempted *
208
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:55,667
Okay. Uh, josh, I'll leave
The intel up to you.
209
00:09:55,667 --> 00:09:58,233
Think you can smooth-talk
The receptionist?
210
00:09:58,233 --> 00:10:00,033
I don't have time
To rob mayfield motors.
211
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:03,267
I've got three dates tonight.
How is that even possible?
212
00:10:03,267 --> 00:10:05,767
Don't call me.
I'll be multi-assing.
213
00:10:05,767 --> 00:10:10,100
Peace.
This meeting's adjourned,
Right?
214
00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:13,567
Now let's go crack a safe.
215
00:10:13,567 --> 00:10:15,033
(whirs)
216
00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:16,833
You're really good
At this stuff.
217
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:19,267
Well, people always expected me
To do beauty pageants
218
00:10:19,267 --> 00:10:21,267
And bake cookies
And all that crap,
219
00:10:21,267 --> 00:10:23,267
But I kinda went
The other way.
220
00:10:23,267 --> 00:10:26,433
So... Talk to me, goose.
What's your deal, huh?
221
00:10:26,433 --> 00:10:28,867
Gotta be more to you than
Pimp parties and beer bongs.
222
00:10:28,867 --> 00:10:31,467
No, I'm just your average
27-year-old college student
223
00:10:31,467 --> 00:10:33,300
With 12 majors,
Living the dream.
224
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,233
Really? So how long you think
That dream's gonna last?
225
00:10:36,233 --> 00:10:38,200
Probably another ten years,
226
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,833
And then I'll hack my way
Into grad school.
Sounds like a great plan.
227
00:10:40,833 --> 00:10:45,533
Trust me, college is heaven
Compared to how I grew up.
(groans)
228
00:10:45,533 --> 00:10:50,600
Coccyx.
The spelling is c-o-c...
229
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:51,700
(laughter)
230
00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:54,700
(laughs)
231
00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:57,167
(mouth full) no one's
Gonna pants you here.
232
00:10:57,167 --> 00:10:59,367
No, just, uh, cement my desk
To the ceiling.
233
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,633
Let's not forget the crazy man
With the pitching wedge
234
00:11:01,633 --> 00:11:05,833
Blackmailing me
To steal a car.
You realize that's happening
235
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,733
Because we like you, right?
236
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:11,367
Hey, listen,
You want to maybe grab--
(tires screeching)
237
00:11:11,367 --> 00:11:14,567
(dance music playing)
(laughs)
238
00:11:14,567 --> 00:11:15,767
Dutch!
239
00:11:15,767 --> 00:11:18,567
Get over here and give
Papa smurf some sugar.
240
00:11:18,567 --> 00:11:20,300
Oh!
(grunts)
241
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:23,733
Oh! Cam, this is
My boyfriend dutch.
What's up?
242
00:11:23,733 --> 00:11:26,967
Hey, you look smart.
Can I have some urine?
243
00:11:26,967 --> 00:11:28,967
Ex-excuse me?
244
00:11:28,967 --> 00:11:30,767
Yeah, dutch sells clean urine
On ebay
245
00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:33,133
So people can pass
Their drug tests.
246
00:11:33,133 --> 00:11:34,767
Huh?
Sounds... Illegal.
247
00:11:34,767 --> 00:11:36,900
Ah, it's a moral gray area,
248
00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:39,867
But it's totally paid
For gold thunder over there.
Yeah. It's really cool, dude.
249
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:43,433
Come with the racing stripe?
Why don't you ask your
Underpants that question? Face!
250
00:11:43,433 --> 00:11:45,733
(blows raspberry) I'm calling
You about that nerd pee,
251
00:11:45,733 --> 00:11:50,300
All right, my man? Hey. Got you
A little somethin' somethin'.
252
00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:52,800
What is this?
I've taken a matchbook
253
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,900
From every restaurant
We've ever been to.
254
00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:57,133
Look, I know you moved around
A lot as a kid,
255
00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:01,700
So I want you to feel like you
Always have a home, in my arms.
256
00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:03,700
Oh!
257
00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:04,900
It's highly flammable.
258
00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:08,733
I love the crap
Out of this woman! (grunts)
259
00:12:08,733 --> 00:12:12,167
My god. I mean, usually
My boyfriends are such tools,
260
00:12:12,167 --> 00:12:13,633
But dutch...
(engine starts)
261
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,467
He's... Not.
(dance music resumes playing)
262
00:12:15,467 --> 00:12:18,867
I mean, he's really made this
The best birthday ever.
263
00:12:18,867 --> 00:12:20,800
It's--it's your birthday?
Yeah.
264
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,933
I'm on cake duty.
Okay,
Anything but a cookie puss.
265
00:12:23,933 --> 00:12:25,633
I'm lactose-intolerant.
266
00:12:25,633 --> 00:12:28,333
Yeah, me, too.
267
00:12:28,333 --> 00:12:29,867
Me, too.
268
00:12:29,867 --> 00:12:32,900
***
269
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:34,800
(mouse clicks)
270
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,900
(click)
271
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:38,200
Hey, buttercup.
272
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,200
Nowhere
On that computer screen
273
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,367
Do I see the words
"Lamb" or "Ghini."
274
00:12:42,367 --> 00:12:45,167
Looks like you're hacking
Mel's life. What gives?
275
00:12:45,167 --> 00:12:48,733
The least I could do is get her
The perfect cake, right?
Take a piece of advice.
276
00:12:48,733 --> 00:12:52,267
Melanie's our safecracker
Because that chick is wild.
277
00:12:52,267 --> 00:12:54,133
How wild we talkin'?
278
00:12:54,133 --> 00:12:56,167
(tires screech)
279
00:12:56,167 --> 00:12:57,867
You bought a bike?
280
00:12:57,867 --> 00:13:00,500
Nope.
Cool.
281
00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:04,733
Trust me. That's one roller
Coaster you do not want to ride.
282
00:13:04,733 --> 00:13:06,400
Now holster your pistol there,
Quick draw.
(slap)
283
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,467
I need you to focus
On what's important.
284
00:13:08,467 --> 00:13:11,767
All right, here's the plan.
285
00:13:11,767 --> 00:13:15,700
I'll walk you through it
In 30 short minutes.
You have 60 seconds. Go.
286
00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:18,367
Uh, oh...
Webster's defines "Security"
287
00:13:18,367 --> 00:13:21,533
As "The quality
Or state of being"--
55 seconds.
288
00:13:21,533 --> 00:13:23,700
Skip the preamble. Right. Okay.
(cards thud)
289
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:26,467
The plan starts
With our intel man josh.
290
00:13:26,467 --> 00:13:28,433
Josh will pose
As a prospective buyer.
291
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,667
(imitates european accent)
I have 20 car,
292
00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:31,600
But this could be good 21st.
293
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,600
Would you be so kind
As to print travel itinerary?
294
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:37,267
I have jet to take to prague.
It's no big deal.
295
00:13:37,267 --> 00:13:39,100
Oh., absolutely, baron.
296
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:41,700
(beeping)
(cameron) the u.S.B.
Will install a back door
297
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:44,700
Onto their network
So I can then shut down
298
00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:46,467
Their exterior alarms.
299
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,200
You got 45 seconds.
Go. Move. Move.
300
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:53,200
Once we're in, we'll have to
Deactivate a series of lasers.
301
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,333
(hissing)
302
00:13:57,667 --> 00:13:59,833
Let's light up the "Falcon."
Go. Go. Go. Move.
303
00:13:59,833 --> 00:14:01,600
(beep)
304
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,767
(whirring)
305
00:14:08,633 --> 00:14:14,067
(cash) cam, watch those lasers.
We hit a beam, and we're done.
306
00:14:14,067 --> 00:14:16,767
Okay, cam, bank left.
307
00:14:21,133 --> 00:14:24,100
Dock the bird, cam.
Steady. Steady.
308
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:30,567
(electricity buzzes)
Yes!
309
00:14:30,567 --> 00:14:33,033
Car keys are kept
In a multi-lock safe.
310
00:14:33,033 --> 00:14:35,267
That's all melanie.
311
00:14:35,267 --> 00:14:37,900
(engine revs)
312
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:41,033
(oz) all right, subside.
What you got for me, huh?
313
00:14:41,033 --> 00:14:42,533
Silver lamborghini,
As requested.
314
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:44,533
In and out
In five minutes flat.
315
00:14:44,533 --> 00:14:47,033
I believe that's our first.
Yeah!
316
00:14:47,033 --> 00:14:48,667
(sighs) yes, it is.
317
00:14:48,667 --> 00:14:51,033
You were supposed to...
318
00:14:51,033 --> 00:14:52,967
Steal a car
From mayfair motors.
319
00:14:52,967 --> 00:14:56,067
This car...
320
00:14:56,067 --> 00:15:00,067
Is from mayfield motors!
(bang)
321
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:03,033
(grunts)
We... Stole the wrong car?
322
00:15:03,033 --> 00:15:06,333
You stole the wrong car,
Sweetheart.
323
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,433
(sighs) missed you
At work today.
324
00:15:15,433 --> 00:15:17,733
I've still got a stolen car
In my garage,
325
00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:20,833
And someone needs to fix that.
Do it yourself.
326
00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:22,333
(controller clicking, beep)
327
00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:24,200
Oopsy daisy. Looks like
Someone broke your toy!
328
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,067
(grunts)
(console shatters)
329
00:15:26,067 --> 00:15:28,133
That was so uncool.
330
00:15:28,133 --> 00:15:29,933
You know what else
Isn't cool?
331
00:15:29,933 --> 00:15:32,333
Sitting in your home,
Where it's all safe and cozy.
332
00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:35,100
Life is about either trying
To dodge a bullet
333
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,600
Or hit a bull's-eye,
And trust me, kid,
334
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:42,333
This job is the bull's-eye.
But why me?
335
00:15:42,333 --> 00:15:44,800
I used to be a thief--
336
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:47,300
Counterfeiting,
Breaking and entering.
337
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:49,367
I spent my 21st birthday
In jail for that one.
338
00:15:49,367 --> 00:15:52,367
That's why they call you "Oz,"
After that prison show
339
00:15:52,367 --> 00:15:54,933
With male frontal nudity
And adult situations?
340
00:15:54,933 --> 00:15:58,433
Or my last name is osbourne.
That also makes sense.
341
00:15:58,433 --> 00:16:01,833
Point is, I can't be caught
Anywhere near a hot car.
342
00:16:01,833 --> 00:16:04,533
I've got an ex-wife and kids
Looking for any excuse
343
00:16:04,533 --> 00:16:07,533
To cut me out of their lives.
I can't help you with that car.
Josh was right.
344
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:11,600
I really suck at this job.
Don't let that man get into your
Head. He can manipulate anyone.
345
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,667
I don't have time
To rob mayfield motors.
346
00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:16,567
The mayfield motors job
Was mine.
347
00:16:16,567 --> 00:16:19,267
Need any help with
The mayfield motors job?
348
00:16:19,267 --> 00:16:22,133
That floppy-haired
Son of a bitch!
349
00:16:22,133 --> 00:16:26,067
(whirring)
Hey, josh, I was
Wondering if maybe, uh...
350
00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:29,500
Oh, dude! That's armani!
I know it was you, josh.
351
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:33,567
You got in my head
And made me steal the wrong car.
In my defense, you fell for it.
352
00:16:33,567 --> 00:16:37,000
Oz, help.
353
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,133
I'll allow it. Boop.
354
00:16:39,133 --> 00:16:41,633
All right, here's the deal.
355
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:44,700
You have to help me
Put back the hot car
356
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,500
And steal the right one.
357
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:49,467
Help you? I despise you.
You know, before you showed up,
358
00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:52,533
I was oz's golden boy.
Listen,
I didn't want any of this.
359
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:56,300
Exactly. You don't even
Want to be here.
360
00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:58,733
Look,
If you help me fix this,
361
00:16:58,733 --> 00:17:01,733
There's a chance oz would
Let me go. Then we both win.
362
00:17:01,733 --> 00:17:04,533
Fix it how? The dealership's
Gonna be crawling with cops.
363
00:17:04,533 --> 00:17:06,967
It's impossible.
It'll be a piece of cake.
364
00:17:06,967 --> 00:17:08,733
Not now, please, god.
365
00:17:08,733 --> 00:17:11,067
(whispers) okay.
366
00:17:11,067 --> 00:17:14,233
(keys click)
This idiot's eddie gold.
His dad owns mayfield motors.
367
00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:16,333
I hacked into
His flickr account,
368
00:17:16,333 --> 00:17:20,433
Found out
He's a frat boy at state.
(doorbell rings)
369
00:17:20,433 --> 00:17:24,067
You're not my weed dealer.
'sup, frat daddy.
Name's weezer.
370
00:17:24,067 --> 00:17:26,467
I'm a beta pi
Over at kansas u.
371
00:17:26,467 --> 00:17:28,933
I was on a little frat-cation
When I had
372
00:17:28,933 --> 00:17:32,200
A total frat-astrophe.
(whispers) stop saying "Frat."
373
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,000
Any-rape, I was wondering
374
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,000
If maybe I could crash here
For the night.
Depends.
375
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:40,400
If you really are a beta,
What's the secret handshake?
376
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:44,200
Our handshake. My favorite part
About being in a frat.
Uh, wait. Just stall him.
377
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,800
All right, got it.
378
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,667
It's, uh, fist bump, fist bump,
379
00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:51,667
Pinkie lock, patty cake,
380
00:17:51,667 --> 00:17:53,067
Ass smack,
381
00:17:53,067 --> 00:17:56,467
Cabbage patch
To double high-five.
382
00:17:56,467 --> 00:17:58,633
Bro! Ho ho ho ho!
Bro!
383
00:17:58,633 --> 00:18:01,067
Bro!
Get your beta butt in here.
384
00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:04,267
Let's play some beer pong.
Actually, I was thinking
More tequila pong?
385
00:18:04,267 --> 00:18:06,533
Nasty!
(laughs)
386
00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:11,867
(whispers) you know,
I never thought I'd say this,
387
00:18:11,867 --> 00:18:13,667
But we really make
A good team.
388
00:18:13,667 --> 00:18:15,667
(whispers) you know,
That's so funny,
389
00:18:15,667 --> 00:18:19,233
'cause I was about to say,
Suck it. We'll never be a team.
390
00:18:19,233 --> 00:18:23,500
(horn honks)
Hey, you stole this car, man.
391
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:26,733
I stole this car?
You stole this car.
392
00:18:26,733 --> 00:18:30,533
I stole this car!
393
00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:31,800
Edward!
394
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,700
Dad? Hey.
395
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:36,567
You wanna get tacos?
396
00:18:36,567 --> 00:18:40,467
Okay, so we returned
The stolen car. Whoop-dee-do.
397
00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:43,233
You still can't get the car
You were supposed to grab.
398
00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:46,500
Face it, college boy,
You're boned.
399
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,000
You know, they should
Really have a gate here.
400
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,733
(alarm blaring)
Whoa!
401
00:18:59,733 --> 00:19:02,000
Whoa!
402
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,533
Josh, go! Go get the keys!
403
00:19:04,533 --> 00:19:09,267
(cheering)
404
00:19:09,267 --> 00:19:11,367
Oh, wow. Ooh!
405
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:14,500
"It's your birthday...
...Go bananas."
406
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:16,633
(laughs) that's a big card.
407
00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:19,233
You pulled it off.
Never doubted you for a second.
408
00:19:19,233 --> 00:19:21,200
You had a lot riding
On this.
409
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:25,000
The last thing I wanted was
For you to go back to jail.
I never went to jail.
410
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:28,800
You said when you were 21,
You--
When I was 21, I went to yale.
411
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,300
Guess you heard that wrong.
412
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:32,933
(indistinct conversations)
413
00:19:32,933 --> 00:19:35,867
You totally manipulated me.
414
00:19:35,867 --> 00:19:37,800
I'll allow it.
415
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:41,167
(free energy's
"Something in common" playing)
416
00:19:41,167 --> 00:19:44,133
* ah, ah *
417
00:19:44,133 --> 00:19:47,433
***
418
00:19:50,767 --> 00:19:53,433
* baby *
419
00:19:53,433 --> 00:19:57,533
* you're really thinkin'
It's over *
420
00:19:57,533 --> 00:20:02,267
* don't want
To do this together *
421
00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:06,700
* you want to do it alone *
422
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:09,267
* ah, ah, ah *
423
00:20:09,267 --> 00:20:11,733
* so maybe *
424
00:20:11,733 --> 00:20:17,233
(click, beep)
* we got something in common *
425
00:20:17,233 --> 00:20:19,900
* 'cause I'm not waiting
Forever *
426
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:21,200
* ah, ah *
427
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:24,000
* by the telephone *
428
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,000
* ah, ah, ah *
429
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,867
* and now we're on our own *
Hey.
430
00:20:29,867 --> 00:20:31,200
Hey.
431
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,067
Happy birthday.
432
00:20:33,067 --> 00:20:35,200
Oh.
(laughter)
433
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,800
And you got the underpants
On that one.
434
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:40,200
* baby *
435
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,600
* we're losing track of time *
436
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,533
(whirring)
437
00:20:49,967 --> 00:20:52,267
Who the hell
Put a pin up in the--
438
00:20:52,267 --> 00:20:54,600
Boom goes the dynamite.
439
00:20:55,967 --> 00:20:58,300
Newbie.
440
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:01,133
* ah, ah *
34845
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