Original subtitles

[electronic buzz]

[narrator] Welcome to Multiversity,

America's leading Alternative History Research App.

Multiversity lets you modify any historical fact

and witness virtual simulations of how history would change.

Take, for example, one of our most popular requests:

the death of Adolf Hitler.

Now, let's change the date.

Six alternate time lines

are included on this welcome demo.

We hope you enjoy.

Death scenario number one. [whistling]

Argh! Ugh!

[yells in German]

[screams]

[narrator] Killed during a brawl on the steps of the Academy of Fine Arts.

- Result: World War I proceeds. - [soldiers yell]

The Weimar Republic begins late.

World War II delayed until 1948. - [soldiers yell]

- US drops atomic bomb on Berlin in 1952. - Yee-ha!

Neil Armstrong,

- first man on the moon, 1969. - ["The Star-Spangled Banner" plays ]

Death scenario number two.

[whistles]

[yells in German] [horse neighs]

[whimpers]

[narrator] Killed by run-away horse-drawn wagon filled with bratwurst.

Result: Vienna passes tough horse-drawn vehicle laws,

prompting the quick acceptance of automobiles.

Austria becomes automotive industrial powerhouse.

- World War I proceeds. - [evil laugh]

Germany and allies win thanks to technological advances.

- The '30s worldwide depression averted. - [evil laugh]

Willy Brandt, first man on the moon, 1958.

Death scenario number three.

[whistles]

[yells in German]

[horse neighs]

[yells in German]

[chuckles]

- [laughs] - [bird sings]

[yells in German]

[narrator] Killed by suffocation when encased in a block of gelatin.

Hitler is the random victim of a gelatin-encasing weapon

- developed by the Russian aristocracy. - ["Kalinka" playing]

Result: The gelatin-encasing weapon is subsequently used

to eliminate enemies of Tsar Nicholas II.

World War I begins with the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand.

World War I quickly ends in 1915.

Russia becomes sole superpower.

Vladimir Putin,

- first real man on the moon, 1988. - [sings after final note of "Kalinka"]

Death scenario number four.

[yells in German]

[chuckles]

- [laughs] - [bird sings]

[wolf whistle]

[striptease music plays]

[panting]

["William Tell Overture" plays] [panting heavily]

[narrator] Killed by marathon fornication with four Viennese prostitutes.

Result: The prostitutes are all arrested,

only to be revealed as libidinous travelers

from a very sexy parallel dimension...

who teach the Viennese their multi-dimensional ways of astro-pleasure.

Janine Lindemulder, first woman on the moon, 1996.

Death scenario number five.

[wolf whistle]

- [striptease music playing] - [panting]

[gasps]

Killed by a meteor strike square on the head.

The meteor was a precursor to a massive asteroid cruising towards Earth.

It makes impact a few hours later.

Result: Humanity wiped out, along with 93% of all species.

A society of rats rises, evolves, becomes a perfect democracy...

only to discover nationalism

- and develop weapons of mass destruction, - [yelling]

which work as intended, destroying the world...

again...

allowing the rise of a peaceful squid civilization.

Gluugsnergluug.

First squid on the moon 2,973,412.

Death scenario number six.

[wolf whistle]

[gasps]

[electronic buzz] [all] Hi, Hitler.

- [laughs] - [electronic buzz]

- [shouts] Die! - [guns cocking]

[narrator] Caught in the crossfire

between time-traveling anti-Nazis sent to back to kill him

and time-traveling Nazis sent back to prevent his assassination...

- finally saved by his future self, - [laughs]Hitler forgets the first rule of time travel:

"Never touch your doppelganger."

Killed by space-time paradox.

[narrator's voice distorting] Result: Causality loop annihilates time and space

and destroys all life in the uni...

[clicks]

[narrator] Oops! Sorry about that. Thank you for choosing Multiversity!

Now, it's your time to make history.