Original subtitles

###

INSPECTOR CHAN

MAN SCREAMING

GLASS SHATTERING

MAN GRUNTING

SUPER CRIME FIGHTERS

Anyone else?

Such a beautiful woman,

and you arrest her just for spitting?

Is there no justice?

Is there no law?

Commissioner is only your boss

because he paid his dues to the Crocodile Gang.

And you don't fucking know me?

Sorry, I didn't know she was your wife.

Ugly coward!

SCREAMING

What are you looking at? Never seen such a handsome gang boss?

Who'd be in the film business?

It's Sunday, and the theatre's deserted.

WOMAN: Where's the car?

RUMBLING IN DISTANCE

###

Let's go back inside!

Call for help!

No need for that, Northerner.

While you were messing with the cop, your men signed up with us.

I'll kill all you Axe Gangsters!

GUNSHOTS

GRUNTING

SCREAMING

###

Stop! You forget the time I treated you to dinner.

Brother Sum.

Please...

Please spare me.

Don't worry.

I don't kill women. You can go!

Thank you, Big Brother.

GUNSHOT

###

Cops! Come clean up the mess!

THE AXE GANG

In a time of social unrest and disorder...

In a time of social unrest and disorder...

...the gangs have moved in to consolidate their power.

The most feared of them all is the Axe Gang.

Only in the poorest districts, which hold no interest for the gangs...

...can people live in peace.

PIG STY ALLEY

###

CHATTERING

MAN: One, two, three!

That okay, Coolie? No problem!

TAILOR

NOODLES AND CONGEE

BURPS

My check, please, Donut.

How much? It's on the house!

Donut.

It's nothing. I like you.

I'll ask the wife about lowering your rent.

Morning, Landlord!

Landlord!

Jill! How you've grown!

Come let me examine you!

CHILDREN LAUGHING

Good to see you, Landlord!

What's so good about it?

Don't!

BOTH LAUGHING

Can you make the skirt slit higher?

Sure!

Look, a comet!

Jane! You naughty girl!

Landlord! You're such a scoundrel!

Don't go, Jane! Stay and chat!

I'm only kidding. Jane!

Landlady!

Landlady!

What happened to the water?

FOOTSTEPS

Water ain't free!

You talk a lot for someone who won't pay his rent.

But I'm in the middle of a shampoo.

You think that's a problem?

From now on, no water on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Water ration Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.

I just love hearing you fools complain. Assholes!

Good morning, Landlady!

Just pay your rent, or I'll burn your shop down.

MAN LAUGHING

What's so funny? Rent's no laughing matter, fairy!

Serves you right, you're a coolie!

Months overdue and not even a "good morning."

You'll be a coolie for life.

There you go, handsome!

What took you so long with the congee?

I stopped to help an old lady cross the street.

What are you doing here? Checking for Peeping Toms.

Was someone just spying on you, Auntie Six?

Don't shoot your mouth off without proof.

She's crazy.

CHICKEN CLUCKING

THUMPING

LANDLORD GRUNTING

CHATTERING

Go away!

###

CHILDREN CHATTERING

CHILD: Please can you teach us, sir?

No more soccer!

CRYING

Who wants the cut? My boss.

Take a seat.

SCISSORS SNIPPING

Done! Fifty cents, please.

Isn't it great?

It's too good!

Why'd you make him look so good?

Why?

Don't get mad, boss. He's my old buddy. I'll handle this.

He's boss of the Axe Gang. Don't you see the two axes? We're bad guys.

Making him look good is really bad. Understand?

I didn't know. You're a numskull!

But I like you, so just pay me, and I'll take care of it.

No way!

Steady with the axe, boss. Let me talk to him.

I really care for you. You saw it for yourself. Seriously.

Why don't you pay up. Not much. Enough for a drink.

Oh, so it's blackmail!

Boss!

Boss!

SNORING

Now you're dead!

Looks like he's waking up!

I'm not afraid.

You can kill me.

But there'll be thousands more of me!

You want to play tough? The Axe Gang boss is napping in there.

Whoever wants to die, step forward.

So you want to fight?

Great! We'll go one-on-one.

Don't even think about cheating.

That old woman with the onion!

You look real tough. Want to try me? I'll let you hit me first.

What do you do?

I'm a farmer.

Farmers don't fight. Piss off!

He's crazy!

Calling me names?

You're lucky you're a woman.

Hey, shorty! Yeah, you! If you're short, you don't retort.

What did I say about cheating?

Sit back down!

You! The geezer with the glasses. You look mean.

No, not you. I mean...

You!

Hey, kid, let's rumble!

All right, all right!

So no one-on-ones today.

You're all such wimps!

He blackmailed me.

Fat woman, you're in charge here, right?

Fat woman, my ass!

I'm with the Axe Gang!

Axe Gang, my ass! Boss!

LANDLAD Y: Boss, my ass!

You have to pay our medical bills! Bills, my ass!

We're on the same side! Same side, my ass!

LANDLAD Y GRUNTS

Think you're so tough? I'll call for backup!

You nitwit! Let's see you call backup!

You don't know the backup I have. I'm talking an army here.

EXPLOSION

Don't you go away! Go put a down payment on your coffin!

###

Who threw the firecracker?

I'm one of you, brother.

Mind your own business!

It's raining. Go bring in your laundry!

Fat woman!

You blackmailing me too? I ain't afraid.

Huh?

I...

PUNCHING & GRUNTING

Did anyone see what happened?

Don't! My back's broken!

Call for help!

MUSIC PLAYING ON RECORD PLAYER

POUNDING

MAN SHOUTING

###

Hold on, calm down. You hungry?

MAN: Keep quiet.

GURGLING

WOMAN: No.

CRYING

MUTED SOUND

Who did this?

I'll count to three.

###

One...

two...

I did it!

SCREAMING

GRUNTING & SCREAMING

WHIMPERING

Are the goods okay, Brother Sum?

Sorry!

Look away, kid.

Get rid of him!

We're the bad guys!

We're meant to do the ass-kicking...

not the other way around.

And it's all because these morons posed as Axes.

Don't waste your time, Brother Sum.

We'll handle this.

You! Take care of it.

###

Boy, can this guy pick locks. It's a living. Give me a break.

Pick that one too, if you're so good.

Come.

I'll count to three.

Hurry!

Ready? Three!

BROTHER SUM: That's quick!

Brother Sum, we really want to be Axes.

That's why we did what we did. Give us a chance.

Ever killed anyone?

I've always thought about it.

Then go kill someone.

I will!

Go on!

Thank you, Brother Sum.

We can always find a use for that type.

###

SING: I told you before, you've got to look tough.

Tougher!

SING'S SIDEKICK GROWLS

Tougher!

GROWLING

Act the part.

And try to stay awake.

It's tiring being tough.

Tiring? It's our living!

SING: The streets out there are filled with money and women.

You only need the will and determination

to seize the opportunity to win.

This is our big chance!

We just kill someone, and we're in the gang.

Then it'll be money and women all the way!

Don't be like those beggars

with no ambition.

###

Who are you looking at, four-eyes? I'll smash your glasses!

Get lost!

Come here and say that!

You're really gonna kill someone? That's right!

The four-eyes, the fat woman and all the residents of Pig Sty.

But they're good at kung fu.

I can do kung fu! Oh, yeah?

SNICKERS

Didn't I tell you I know Buddhist Palm kung fu?

MAN: Hey there, handsome boy. Stop.

Amazing!

Do you know you have a special aura?

You're so young, but you have the bone structure

and chi flow of a kung-fu genius.

If your chi flow can be channelled, then you will be invincible!

Like the old saying: You cannot escape your destiny.

The duty of upholding world peace and punishing evil will be yours.

Sure.

This is the scroll of the Buddhist Palm. It's priceless.

But as it's fate, I'll let you have it for $10.

###

BUDDHIST PALM MANU AL

You gave him your life savings? Yes.

I was saving to study to be a doctor or lawyer,

but this was world peace.

CHATTERING

SING: Let go of the girl!

Hey! It's the Buddhist Palm!

"The 20-Cent Kung Fu Manual."

CHILDREN LAUGHING

You must be loaded.

Have you killed anyone lately?

He's a fool, and she's mute. Losers!

I realized then that good guys never win. I want to be bad.

I want to be the killer!

Ice cream! Where?

Make mine a vanilla.

Chocolate for me!

###

What're you looking at? Never seen free ice cream before?

Look at her run!

LAUGHING

You're such kung-fu masters, go take it on the road.

You belong in the circus, not here!

Don't say that, Landlady. There must be a reason they're here.

Everyone has his reasons.

We don't want to make trouble.

I'm glad you get it. The mob's mad at us.

We'll never hear the end of it. Why don't you get lost!

Your wife shouldn't be so nasty.

MOANS

You okay?

WOMAN: Masters.

We have nothing precious to give you,

but take this as a token of our appreciation.

Thanks for saving us!

LANDLAD Y: Stop the crying.

This isn't a show!

You're so cold-hearted. Talking back to me, eh?

You may know kung fu, but you're still a fairy.

CRYING

It's no crime to be good at kung fu!

Once a fairy, always a fairy.

Look at you. What's with the red underwear?

Why not a diaper while you're at it.

J ANE: What's wrong with red underwear?

Where were you when there was trouble?

If it weren't for them, we'd be finished. Be reasonable!

I'll reason with you.

You owe me three months' rent. That's $90.

Pay up or pack up!

Don't you worry. I'll pay it.

Think you're a smartass, Rabbit-Tooth Jane?

What's it to you, tub of lard?

Bitch!

Calm down, Landlady.

This is your fault.

PEOPLE SHOUTING

MAN 1: Are you trying to kill us? MAN 2: You're right.

MAN 3: How could you do that?

Shut the hell up!

HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING

GLASS SHATTERS

You think you can out-yell me?

The fat lady can really sing.

Watch this!

###

What happened?

What do you mean, what happened? You try it.

Me? Quick!

Sorry! You okay?

I think you should get closer and take better aim. Okay?

Okay!

Who's throwing the handles? Handle?

Where's the third knife?

God knows where it went.

Could it be the same one? Can't be...

Don't! Sorry.

What are you trying to say?

I just remembered I have something to do. See you!

Uh-oh. They've seen us!

Stay back!

Don't panic! Snakes like music. If I whistle, they won't bite.

Please, no more bright ideas.

HISSING

Oh, what the hell!

WHISTLES

GASPS

Not you again, asshole!

MAN: Get back to your business!

Split up!

Split?

###

WHIRRING

HORN HONKING

THUD

###

TYRES SCREECHING

WOMEN SCREAM

POUNDING

What're you doing here?

Looking for you. Weren't you hurt?

I'm fine!

How come you always recover so fast?

I don't know.

Which hospital did you go to? Don't remember.

Maybe it's better that way.

Memories can be painful. To forget may be a blessing!

I never knew you were so deep.

All the sadness one can bear...

down the river everywhere.

Hey, get out of the way!

SING'S SIDEKICK: Move!

SING: I'll slap you to kingdom come!

Look at those four-eyes carting around a coffin.

What morons!

LANDLAD Y: Don't blame me for making you leave.

We'll let Buddha decide

BELL TOLLING

whether you stay

or go.

HORRIFICALLY BAD FATE

Have some tea.

We're grateful for some professional help.

We understand the problem. Twelve Kicks from the Tam School,

Iron Fist from the Hung School and the Hexagon Staff...

Those guys at Pig Sty are really good.

HARPIST 2: Their warrior days are long over,

but they're still top fighters.

This job is a great challenge for us.

Now, that's professionalism.

Number One Killers. Expensive, yes, but worth every penny!

No! Number one is the Beast, the world's top killer.

HARPIST 2: He was so dedicated to kung fu, he went crazy.

I heard he's now in an asylum.

So you're the top killers now.

Strictly speaking, we're just musicians.

A song that wrenches the heart O where do I find a knowing ear?

Great poem, isn't it?

###

We'll be saying goodbye soon.

Who knows when we'll see each other again.

We're three of a kind. Wish we'd known before.

Let's take this opportunity to spar a little.

No. We still have a lot to pack.

You're right.

###

Twelve Kicks of the Tam School! Superb attack and defence!

Iron Fist: powerful yet delicate. Top-notch!

Hexagon Staff, with its thousand moves. Mystical!

ALL: Till we meet again!

SHOUTS

CLATTERING & CAT SCREECHING

MUSIC PLAYING ON RECORD PLAYER

LANDLAD Y: More lipstick!

INDISTINCT CHATTERING

Stay there, or I'll break you in half.

###

###

JINGLE

###

Sorry, we're closed.

You can make a suit in no time.

We're moving.

This is good material!

You know your stuff.

This has high artistic value.

How high?

At least a few stories...

###

Insulting the Axe Gang! We'll show them.

Let's kill them all and make this place a brothel.

Don't block my view!

What's going on?

GRUNTING

Good! Good!

Don't block my view!

Damn! I told those nitwits to leave, but they're still here.

Really? Yeah.

What the hell is this fighting? Who'll pay for the damage?

Sorry, sorry. It's nothing!

COUGHS

You know what time it is? I have to sleep.

Hey, fatso, eat shit and die!

Die? In this racket?

Sorry, sorry!

LAUGHS

Get out of my way!

Hang in there, Tailor.

LANDLAD Y: Be quiet!

HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING

LANDLAD Y: Give us a break! Why push us so far?

There's another master?

###

GRUNTING

GROANING

SCREAMING

GRUNTING

It's the Lion's Roar!

I thought that was a myth.

Who knew the Lion's Roar really exists?

That's the last we'll see of them.

It's bad, Brother Sum. Quick, start the car!

Start the car!

Boss!

Keep it down! Have you no manners?

Get lost. People are trying to sleep.

They have to work tomorrow. Get out of here!

Scumbags!

###

WOMEN SOBBING

DONUT: I can't hang on much longer.

But having seen real masters like you...

I can now die in peace.

Don't say that.

We're ordinary folks.

Ordinary's a blessing.

Don't call us masters.

But you're such great fighters!

If only you'd helped earlier, they wouldn't have to die this way.

Like Donut said, everyone has his reasons.

Years ago...

we saw our only son killed in a fight.

Revenge can be devastating.

Do you understand?

Why don't you train us to be top fighters

and we'll avenge them!

Becoming a top fighter takes time.

Unless you're a natural-born kung-fu genius.

And they're one in a million.

GRUNTS

It's obvious I'm the one!

Don't think so.

Everyone! We swore we'd never fight again.

But we broke that promise today.

For your own safety, please all leave!

In great power lies great responsibility.

There's no escaping from it.

Donut, you're hurt bad.

Rest now.

BABBLING

We can't understand what you're saying.

Donut!

###

I know you, four-eyes!

You seem prejudiced against the sight-challenged.

That's right. Especially gold-framed four-eyes.

GRUNTING

HISSING

Gold frames are perfect for clerks.

I think I look good. So why keep picking on me?

Help me!

GROWLING

"Help me! Help me!" Want to play, punks?

The Dragon Style? The Tiger Style?

Come down here, and I'll smash your glasses. Come on!

You know I'd do it, right?

Swear to it!

Swear!

Have you no respect? Where were you when I needed you?

BARKS

You sound like a wimp!

We always get beat! We haven't gotten anywhere.

No killing, no arson, no robberies, no rapes...

all because of you!

You're a numb-nut!

Follow me!

It's a stickup! Where's the money?

Where's the money?

What're you looking at? I'm serious!

I kill people for less! Give me the money.

###

The money's in here.

SING AS A CHILD: Let go of the girl!

He's a fool, and she's mute. Losers!

Go away! You're dragging me down!

Go home and raise pigs.

Go, before I kill you.

BAND PLAYING MUSIC

MAN: You! Whatsyourname!

Take this and get some new clothes. You're now an Axe!

For real? Someone's waiting for you.

Brother Sum!

One look at you, and I knew you'd do anything.

Right!

You just needed your chance.

Damn right!

We have an assignment for you.

Anything, Brother Sum!

###

SING: "Research on abnormal people." What's that?

A mental asylum.

ALARM BUZZING

Soldiers!

Boy Scouts!

SING: Tanks!

ADVISOR: No worries.

When the Boy Scouts change shifts, you have exactly five minutes.

Follow the arrows on the map. Go to the last cell

and get the man inside there out. Here's your tools.

What about you guys?

We're your lookouts.

WIND WHISTLING

THUNDER RUMBLING

Five minutes. Hurry!

###

GASPS

GRUNTS

LOCK CLICKS

###

BROTHER SUM YAWNS

The world's top killer indeed looks the part!

It's only a title.

Cut the bullshit. We want two people killed. Name your price.

Name my what?

I've killed so many trying to find a worthy adversary.

So far, I've never found one.

That's why I stayed inside.

Had I met my match, I'd have been out long ago.

If you find me a worthy opponent...

I'll do it for free. No charge!

LAUGHING

Do you have someone?

Yes. Brilliant fighters who are up to the challenge.

But first, will you show us some moves?

Not that we don't trust you. We want to see you in action.

You numskulls aren't worthy!

SNAPS FINGERS

He doesn't look the part.

The slippers are a little crappy. But he'll clean up well.

You sure you got the right guy?

Absolutely. I swear I did exactly what you told me.

Please show us some moves, Mr. Beast. Don't make it hard for me!

You dumb or what?

You know what this is, old man?

Ever seen a fist this big?

Don't force me to fight. I scare myself when I fight!

Really? Try me, then.

Is he okay?

LAUGHING

So you say you can fight?

Harder!

GLASSES SHATTER

Harder!

Harder!

You hit like that and call yourself a gangster?

A foreign gun!

GUNS COCKING

GUNSHOT

###

In the world of kung fu, speed defines the winner.

The Beast is the best of them all.

The Axe Gang extends its respect!

SCREAMING

The real masters, together in one room!

Only the world's top killer

has such an aura.

BEAST: Likewise.

Could you two be the fated lovers...?

Paris...

And Helen of Troy!

A pleasure, indeed.

We're here to deal with the Axe Gang...

and only the Axe Gang.

BROTHER SUM LAUGHING

You should've killed me before.

Now you're committing suicide.

You're living on borrowed time.

You can't escape your fate!

What's this? A funeral bell?

SNICKERS

With the Beast here, let's see whose funeral it is!

LANDLAD Y: So you're on their side?

Don't get me wrong.

I only want to kill you...

or be killed by you.

LAUGHS

What do you think?

The good cannot coexist with the bad. You can't escape your destiny.

So be it. Let's do it.

Okay.

Let's do it!

###

Piece of cake. I can handle this.

BEAST CHUCKLING

Good try, but a little off target.

LAUGHING

###

HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING

The Lion's Roar?

GRUNTING & COUGHING

CHIMING

HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING

GLASS SHATTERING

SCREAMS

BEAST: Wait!

I didn't know the Lion's Roar could be done with a speaker!

What a blow!

GRUNTING

Looks like they're not up to it! Let's get them while they're down.

You do it!

I'm gonna puke! I need to see a doctor!

Go to hell!

You! Come over here.

Hit him! Yes!

The head! Of course!

Hit him on the head! Okay.

Here's your chance. Got it!

Hit him! Hit him!

Hit the shit out of him! Right!

Hit him! Hit him!

Beat the shit out of him!

What're you doing?

You want me to hit him or beat the shit out of him?

You're making me very confused!

SCREAMING

###

Wow, that's a big fist!

Why did you hit me?

Where are they?

How could you let them escape?

GASPING

No one gets away from me!

###

Why did he save us?

Young people make mistakes.

But at least he finally made good.

Look at him! Beaten to a pulp.

Do you have any last requests?

Hey, wait!

Why don't you write in Chinese? I don't understand.

###

There's no one here!

CHINESE MEDICINE

It's a miracle he lasted this long.

The herbs should help him.

Herbal medicine can only partly help. The key is his own body structure.

All his bones and tendons are broken.

It's amazing he's recovering so fast.

It can't be possible...

Unless he's...

###

BANDAGES SNAPPING

What's that smell?

ALL SCREAMING

###

SING: You mustn't smoke while you're hurt.

Let me handle this.

This makes no sense.

Who knew the Beast could clear the chi flow

and thus unleash the boy's true potential?

We should've guessed.

He is the one!

###

Is this for real?

You're still alive, you turncoat?

Kill him, men!

What kind of move is that?

Kids' stuff!

###

If our son were alive, he'd be his age now.

If he studies hard, he could grow up to be a doctor or lawyer.

A stuntman, more likely!

DINGING

THUNDER RUMBLING

Not bad. Let's go.

I can even stop bullets...

CROAKS

GRUNTS

LAUGHING

CROAKING

What? The Toad Style of the Kwan Lun School?

Oh, no!

SCREAMING

BIRD SCREECHES

Remember the Palm move that falls from heaven?

That's the long lost Buddhist Palm.

###

SCREAMS

I surrender!

What kind of move was that?

If you want to learn, I'll teach you.

CRYING

Master!

###

Hey! Tell him not to put snot on the glass.

You two, put your pants on!

No licking if you're not buying!

###

Kid, you have the bone structure of a kung-fu genius.

World peace is in your hands. Here's the scroll of the Buddhist Palm.

Because it's fate, I'll let you have it for $10.

Wait!

You want more...?

###