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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:09,140 We now return to Sunday Golf on CBS. 2 00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:12,944 And Mickelson here, trying to save par, and there's Mickelson's wife. 3 00:00:13,014 --> 00:00:15,158 - God, is she hot. - Look at that rack. 4 00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:17,127 There's a downhill lie for you. 5 00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:20,285 They're just out there begging to be touched. Pleading. 6 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,366 How many golf balls do you think she can fit in her mouth? 7 00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:24,734 I'd hit that one in the rough, if you know what I'm saying. 8 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,336 Who are you kidding, Greg? 9 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,804 You'd pork her for a week and then get tired of her. 10 00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:29,106 Yeah, you're right. 11 00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:30,707 That's what I do. That's my thing. 12 00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:32,075 But a hell of a week, though. 13 00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:33,376 Hell of a week. 14 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,468 Oh, my God, the power's out. 15 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,115 What are we gonna do now? 16 00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:40,538 Well, we could light some candles and read. 17 00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:44,988 Yeah, right. Yeah, that'd be great. 18 00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:46,912 Yeah, read the inside of my butt. 19 00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:48,513 We could tell stories. 20 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:50,660 Hey, Dad, why don't you tell the story about when I was born? 21 00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:52,395 Yeah, we got halfway home with the afterbirth, 22 00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:53,763 before we had to go back to the hospital 23 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,553 and swap it out for Meg. The end. 24 00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:56,855 Now, I got a better one. 25 00:00:56,924 --> 00:01:00,559 This is a story of love and loss, fathers and sons, 26 00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:04,196 and the foresight to retain international merchandising rights. 27 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:07,499 This is the story of Star Wars. 28 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:09,368 Let's begin with Part 4. 29 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,974 You hear that? Sounds like we're being boarded from the rear, 30 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,887 and not the, "Hey, take a deep breath, let's experiment," 31 00:03:31,911 --> 00:03:33,111 kind of boarded from the rear. 32 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,734 Could you hold on to this bag? 33 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,201 What if they come in a different door? 34 00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:58,848 Well, I guess we'd all just get up and go to that door then. 35 00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:00,716 Is it going to be like this all day, Jeff? 36 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,207 Hey, I'm just trying to contribute. 37 00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:05,910 Yeah, well contribute to pointing your gun at that door. 38 00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,745 Mark, why are you always way nicer to me 39 00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:09,614 when the other rebels aren't around? 40 00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:25,563 Damn! I was two days from retirement. 41 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,134 R2? 42 00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,538 Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. 43 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,073 You're my only hope. 44 00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:36,286 All right, now what do I click? 45 00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:38,143 Click "preferences." 46 00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:40,178 Okay, I clicked "preferences." 47 00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:42,207 Now go to "default media browser." 48 00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:44,715 Okay, there's a little hourglass 49 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,617 and it's not letting me do anything. 50 00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:48,186 It says "buffering." What is that? 51 00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:49,466 Just give it a minute. 52 00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:51,289 All I'm trying to do is make an MPEG. 53 00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:53,603 All I'm trying to do is tell you to wait a minute. 54 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,793 Okay, relax. 55 00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,973 Now click "import video file." 56 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,329 All right. 57 00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:00,765 It's telling me I have to download RealPlayer 7. 58 00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:03,746 You know what? I'll just bring it to him myself. 59 00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:04,850 There she is. 60 00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:13,456 You still got that bag I gave you? 61 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,000 It's gonna be a long ride. 62 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:23,254 Hold your fire. There's no life forms aboard. 63 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,969 Hold your fire? What, are we paying by the laser now? 64 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,926 You don't do the budget, Terry. I do. 65 00:05:30,064 --> 00:05:31,507 Hey, I'm gonna do some crosswords, 66 00:05:31,531 --> 00:05:33,276 but that doesn't mean I don't want to talk. 67 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,832 Oh, yeah, yeah. 68 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,849 My God, look at this mess. 69 00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:52,461 "Hey, Darth Vader's gonna be here, 70 00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:53,696 "shall we maybe clean the place up? 71 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,087 "No, it's okay, he won't mind." 72 00:05:56,155 --> 00:05:59,757 Well, well, Princess Leia. Are you prepared to tell me 73 00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:02,060 what you've done with the stolen Death Star plans? 74 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,129 All right, Lord Vader, you win. 75 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:07,532 I've hidden the plans in one of these 26 briefcases. 76 00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:10,202 Ooh! Ooh! 77 00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:13,371 Okay, okay, I'm feeling number 14, let's go with number 14. 78 00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:16,541 Ohh! 79 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,576 It's okay, I'm just happy to be on TV. 80 00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:20,578 All right, take her away. 81 00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:25,762 Okay, here's another one. 82 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,418 Who would you rather do? 83 00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:30,166 Jabba the Hutt right after a shower or a service droid? 84 00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:32,757 My father was a service droid. 85 00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:34,036 Hey, where are you going? 86 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,627 You can kiss the lower part of 87 00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:38,429 the back of the canister that is my body. 88 00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:53,278 Oh, man, this looks like the wrong neighborhood. 89 00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:58,483 Oh, boy, it's okay, R2, calm down, be cool. 90 00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:01,786 I ain't done nothing to antagonize nobody. 91 00:07:01,854 --> 00:07:04,822 What, a droid can't walk down the desert no more? 92 00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:06,736 I got rights, too. Who's there? 93 00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,909 Any attack made by the rebels against 94 00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:48,967 this station would be a useless gesture, 95 00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:51,347 no matter what technical data they've obtained. 96 00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:54,331 This station is now the ultimate power in the universe. 97 00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,708 That is fantastic, terrific work. 98 00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:58,209 So no weaknesses at all? 99 00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:00,111 No... No. 100 00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,925 You, uh... You hesitated there. 101 00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,392 Is there something I should know? 102 00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:06,718 No, it's virtually indestructible, like 99.99%. 103 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:09,320 Uh, okay, wouldn't be doing my job 104 00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,568 if I didn't ask, what's the 0.01? 105 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,992 Well, I mean, there's this little hole. 106 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,794 It was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect. 107 00:08:16,863 --> 00:08:21,900 And if you shoot a laser into this hole, the station blows up. 108 00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:23,379 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 109 00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,381 That sounds like a pretty big design flaw, then. 110 00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:27,638 No, no, the hole's only 2 meters across. 111 00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,752 Well, that's no bigger than a womp rat. 112 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:30,909 Exactly. 113 00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,510 And even to get within range of it, 114 00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,523 you have to skim along this whole trench. It's not a big deal. 115 00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:36,558 Can't we board it up or, you know, 116 00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,294 put some plywood over it or something? 117 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:39,528 Well, that would look terrible. 118 00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:41,030 I mean, we gotta think about resale. 119 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,364 Resale? What are you talking about? 120 00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:44,033 This property is right above Sunset. 121 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,501 The value is only gonna go up. 122 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,425 Lord Vader, your inside references 123 00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,361 to the Los Angeles real estate market 124 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:51,073 haven't given you the clairvoyance to turn 125 00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,565 a profit on that condo in Glendale. Nor has it... 126 00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:56,446 I find your lack of faith disturbing. 127 00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:58,614 That property is in a prime location. 128 00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:01,050 20 minutes to the beach, 20 minutes to downtown. 129 00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,541 There's nothing to do downtown. 130 00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:06,110 Enough of this. Vader, release him. 131 00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:07,245 As you wish. 132 00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:11,226 All right, so we're gonna plug up that hole? 133 00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:14,052 Yeah, we can get it done tomorrow, if price is no object. 134 00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:15,753 Uh... 135 00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:17,155 We'll get estimates. 136 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,584 Get estimates, yeah, yeah. 137 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,462 Someone was in the pod. 138 00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:26,108 The tracks go off in this direction. 139 00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:27,432 Look, sir, droids. 140 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,767 Look, a penny. 141 00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:34,205 Hey, thanks for the sex, early '90s printer. 142 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,647 All right, bring him on out. 143 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:46,650 Oh, God, it's 100 degrees out here. 144 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:50,254 If I pass out, please note that I'm wearing a LifeCall bracelet, 145 00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:53,091 with all my insurance information. 146 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,894 Luke? Luke! 147 00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:58,229 Luke! What? 148 00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,409 Tell Uncle Owen not to tell you 149 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,478 that your father is Darth Vader. 150 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:04,636 Aunt Beru, when are you guys going to let 151 00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:06,804 me join the Rebellion, like all my friends? 152 00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:10,542 Oh, stop whining, Luke, and come have some blue milk. 153 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,910 One of these days, I'm just gonna take off 154 00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:15,913 and join the Rebellion, whether you like it or not. 155 00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:18,349 Over my burnt carcass. 156 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,062 Hey, shut up-a with the noise-a. 157 00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:21,764 Hey, shut up-a with the shut up-a. 158 00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,399 You shut up-a with the shut up-a. 159 00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:24,822 Shut up-a your face. 160 00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:26,869 Now-a my dog-a won't shut up-a. Why you no shut up-a? 161 00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:27,970 I'll make-a you shut up-a. 162 00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:29,038 You, too, shut up-a. 163 00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,261 Hey, I poke out-a my head. 164 00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:45,877 Some day, I'll get off this rock and fight the Empire. 165 00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:53,417 John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra, everybody. 166 00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:11,703 Now do the theme to The People's Court. 167 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:30,955 Oh, this oil bath is gonna feel so good. 168 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,836 Hey, you guys think that '90s printer looked clean, right? 169 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,361 Hey, there's something stuck in this R2 unit. 170 00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:38,830 Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. 171 00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:40,498 You're my only hope. 172 00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,166 Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. 173 00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:43,801 You're my only hope. 174 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,604 Whoever she is, she sounds like she's in trouble. 175 00:11:46,672 --> 00:11:48,806 Is there any more to this message? 176 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:51,976 Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids. 177 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:55,246 Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids. 178 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:58,349 Intergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids. 179 00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:01,297 Hi! I'm Darth Harrington of Darth Harrington's Intergalactic Proton 180 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:02,865 Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising 181 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,734 Droids Emporium and Moon Base. 182 00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:07,536 Due to a garbled subspace transmission, I am currently overstocked 183 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,238 on all Intergalactic Proton Powered 184 00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:10,906 Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids 185 00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:13,631 and I am passing the savings on to you! 186 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,301 She said "Obi-One" Kenobi. 187 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:19,170 I wonder if she means old Obi-Wan Kenobi? 188 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,306 Well, I guess I'll go bulls-eye some womp rats in my T-16. 189 00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,942 My God, you shoot small animals for fun? 190 00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:27,556 That's the first indicator of a serial killer, you freak. 191 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,613 There's two suns and no women. 192 00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:32,717 What the hell am I supposed to do? 193 00:12:32,785 --> 00:12:35,453 Master Luke, he's gone, he's gone. What? 194 00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:38,389 R2, he took off in the middle of the night, we gotta find him. 195 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,693 Oh, what the phantom menace is that guy's problem? 196 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,097 Hey, mind if I turn on the radio? 197 00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:49,500 WTAT, Tatooine's all-talk radio. 198 00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:52,136 My good friends, the liberal galactic media 199 00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:54,149 is at it again, they never stop. 200 00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:56,519 Now they're trying to convince us that Hoth is melting. 201 00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:58,354 Well, that's crazy, just trying to scare us. 202 00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,578 And if that weren't enough to get you mad, 203 00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:02,880 we now have news that Lando Calrissian 204 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:04,827 has been made the chief administrator 205 00:13:04,851 --> 00:13:07,218 of the Bespin mining facility. 206 00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,853 Gee, I wonder how he got that job. 207 00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:10,766 Well, let me tell you how he got that job. 208 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,790 Affirmative action strikes again. 209 00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:14,491 The time is 8:50. 210 00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:19,263 R2, what are you doing out here? 211 00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:21,977 He says there are several creatures 212 00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:23,412 approaching from the southeast. 213 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:24,880 That's not what I said. 214 00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:28,504 I said there ain't a pack of menthols on this planet. 215 00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:32,877 Well, I see some bantha tracks, but I don't see any... 216 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,786 Wait a minute, they're Sand People, 217 00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:36,647 all right, I can see one of them now. 218 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,234 Who the hell are you? 219 00:13:57,937 --> 00:14:00,671 One lucky son of a bitch. 220 00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:07,545 So, Luke, what brings your muscly arms out this way? 221 00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:09,314 I'll show you, Mr. Obi-Wan. 222 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,049 R2, play him the message. 223 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:14,518 General Kenobi, many years ago 224 00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:17,121 you served my father in the Clone Wars. 225 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:20,725 We need your help again. And, not to get too personal, 226 00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,460 but you owe us after that mess 227 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,128 you got into back on Alderaan. 228 00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:27,398 And we paid to keep the families 229 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,200 of those children quiet, so... 230 00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:33,404 This is just, like, logistical stuff. I'll check that later. 231 00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,406 Joey Lawrence haircut. 232 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,675 So, I'll assume we can count on your help 233 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:41,079 to get the Death Star plans to my father on Alderaan. 234 00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:44,215 The plans are stored inside this R2 unit. 235 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:47,585 Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope. 236 00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:49,854 All right now, what do I click? 237 00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:52,723 Luke, you must learn the ways of the Force, 238 00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,703 and come with me to Alderaan. 239 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,060 What's the Force? 240 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:59,529 The Force is what gives a Jedi Knight his power. 241 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:02,633 It surrounds us, it penetrates us. 242 00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,969 Mmm... 243 00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,437 Here, check this out. 244 00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:09,306 Wow! This is cool. 245 00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:11,975 Yeah, everyone in the neighborhood has one. 246 00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:18,227 Hey, why would you hang that up? 247 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,084 It looks so tantalizing. 248 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:25,868 You know, the Empire is gonna come looking for these droids. 249 00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:28,159 But if they find out who the Jawa sold them to, 250 00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:29,960 that could lead them back... 251 00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:31,062 Home! 252 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:34,031 Luke, wait, it's too dangerous. 253 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,900 Get your fat space ass back here. 254 00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:49,179 Uncle Owen? 255 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,148 Aunt Beru? 256 00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,051 Oh, my God! 257 00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,889 John Williams! 258 00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:05,062 Great, now we gotta do the rest of this thing with Danny Elfman. 259 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,587 Mos Eisley spaceport. 260 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:33,624 You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. 261 00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:36,226 My sister Regina-D2 lives here. 262 00:16:36,295 --> 00:16:37,295 Is she single? 263 00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:38,496 She's a lez-bot. 264 00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:51,376 How are we gonna get in here? 265 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:52,921 We don't have any chicks with us. 266 00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,912 It's way easier to get into these clubs 267 00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:56,421 if you have chicks in your group. 268 00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:59,584 You ever notice that? No, I never have. 269 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,865 Sorry, sir, private party tonight. 270 00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:05,255 I'm a friend of Dave Navarro's. 271 00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:06,669 You're a friend of Dave Navarro's. 272 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,337 You saw me here last week. 273 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,294 I seem like a cool dude. 274 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,475 I saw you here last week. You seem like a cool dude. 275 00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:13,664 Move along. 276 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,293 Move along, move along. 277 00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:34,017 He doesn't like you. 278 00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:35,419 Sorry. 279 00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:37,554 I don't like you either. 280 00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:39,523 You don't even know me. 281 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,158 You know what? That's fair. 282 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,960 I'm Pig Nose, and this is my brother-in-law, Scott. 283 00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:45,429 He's visiting from Hoth. 284 00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:47,075 I don't know why they call it Hoth. 285 00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:48,644 They should call it Coldth. 286 00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:50,067 Okay, settle down. 287 00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:51,468 I'm up after the band. 288 00:17:51,537 --> 00:17:53,271 Thank you. We're the Cantina Band. 289 00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:55,051 If you have any requests, shout 'em out. 290 00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:56,752 Play that same song. 291 00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,776 All right, same song, here we go. 292 00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:06,617 Oh, no, Stormtroopers. Quick, R2, in here. 293 00:18:10,824 --> 00:18:13,134 This door's locked, move on to the next one. 294 00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:14,838 Well, maybe they're behind this door. 295 00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,527 I just said it's locked. 296 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,929 Well, can't you knock or something? 297 00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,197 Hello? 298 00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,345 Well, I guess whoever's in there 299 00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,013 won't be getting this giant check 300 00:18:25,037 --> 00:18:27,282 from Publishers Clearing House. 301 00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:29,985 Publishers Clearing House! Shut up. 302 00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:32,488 Did you hear something? I heard voices, but they've stopped, 303 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,880 so I'm gonna assume there's no one in there. 304 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,548 Hi, my sexy friend and I are looking for 305 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,650 a ship to take us to Alderaan, 306 00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:43,187 and I'm willing to pay big money. 307 00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:45,100 Well, you've come to the right place. 308 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,703 I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon 309 00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,371 and the only actor whose career 310 00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:50,972 isn't destroyed by this movie. 311 00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:53,130 Is it a fast ship? Are you kidding? 312 00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:56,166 It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. 313 00:18:56,235 --> 00:18:59,804 Um, isn't a parsec a unit of distance, not time? 314 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,685 Chewie, take these guys to the ship and get her ready. 315 00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:08,723 Always gargle before a takeoff. 316 00:19:08,747 --> 00:19:10,387 Wokka, wokka! All right, let's go. 317 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,921 Greedo, as a matter of fact, I was just 318 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,657 going to see Jabba and tell him... 319 00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:46,684 Well, what do you think? 320 00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,486 What a piece of junk! 321 00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:50,899 Thank you, this was my brother's. He died of leukemia. 322 00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,289 How do you feel now? 323 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,436 You got any strawberry milk in there? 324 00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:56,738 No, but she'll make 0.5 past light speed. 325 00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:58,173 If you want, I'll show you around, 326 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,309 since no one's trying to stop the ship or blast us. 327 00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:02,600 Stop that ship, blast them. 328 00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:03,879 Oh, now I can't show you around. 329 00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,202 Quick, get in the ship. 330 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,932 Looks like we got Imperial Cruisers on our tail. 331 00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:25,267 Oh, look at that one on the left. 332 00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:28,291 Get off your cell phone, you are driving. 333 00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:38,302 They're gaining on us. 334 00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:40,716 We'll be safe enough, once we make the jump to hyperspace. 335 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:43,420 Besides, I know a few maneuvers. We'll lose 'em. 336 00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:50,915 That... That was your maneuver? 337 00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:52,917 Moving slightly to the left? 338 00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:55,898 Well, I mean, we're not in the same place we were, huh? 339 00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:56,999 That ought to confuse 'em. 340 00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:59,389 Yeah, but you hardly did anything. 341 00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:02,458 You just started listing lazily to the left. 342 00:21:02,494 --> 00:21:04,072 I'm pretty sure they can keep up. 343 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,574 Where did they go? There they are! 344 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:08,043 They're listing lazily to the left. Go left, left! 345 00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:10,000 Boy, this guy knows some maneuvers. 346 00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:11,213 All right, strap yourselves in, 347 00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:12,748 I'm about to make the jump to light speed. 348 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:15,406 Did he say "strap in" or "strap on"? 349 00:21:22,314 --> 00:21:24,815 Man, hyperspace always looks so freaky. 350 00:21:46,205 --> 00:21:47,771 Governor Tarkin. 351 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,719 I recognized your foul stench as soon as I was brought onboard. 352 00:21:50,743 --> 00:21:54,712 Um, actually, that's me, I made a Darth doody. 353 00:21:54,780 --> 00:21:56,947 I sithed my pants. 354 00:21:57,016 --> 00:21:59,683 My diaper's gone over to the dark side. 355 00:21:59,752 --> 00:22:01,752 I got pages of these, I could go on. 356 00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,687 Princess Leia, we've chosen to test 357 00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:06,490 our Death Star planet blower-upper gun 358 00:22:06,558 --> 00:22:08,792 on your home planet of Alderaan. 359 00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:10,060 No! 360 00:22:10,129 --> 00:22:12,563 She said no. Should we still do it? 361 00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:14,331 Yeah. 362 00:22:29,782 --> 00:22:32,883 So, anyway, I says, "Forget the dental plan, forget sick leave. 363 00:22:32,952 --> 00:22:36,320 "I just want a railing. You know, one railing right here." 364 00:22:36,388 --> 00:22:39,389 Yeah, I know, I've almost fallen over that thing so many times. 365 00:22:39,458 --> 00:22:40,991 So, what did they say? 366 00:22:41,060 --> 00:22:43,594 Get this, they said they're worried we'd be leaning all day. 367 00:22:43,662 --> 00:22:44,795 They said that? 368 00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:46,330 Yeah. 369 00:22:46,398 --> 00:22:48,718 Well, none of this will matter when we're famous singers. 370 00:22:52,270 --> 00:22:53,916 Good evening, Death Star. 371 00:22:53,940 --> 00:22:57,152 Tonight a special report on the controversial attack on Alderaan. 372 00:22:57,176 --> 00:22:59,176 While some view the attack as unwarranted, 373 00:22:59,245 --> 00:23:00,811 the Empire has obtained proof 374 00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:02,291 that Alderaan was in possession 375 00:23:02,315 --> 00:23:04,014 of weapons of mass destruction. 376 00:23:04,083 --> 00:23:05,882 And now, let's go to our five day forecast. 377 00:23:05,952 --> 00:23:07,028 What's the weather like, Ollie? 378 00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:08,430 Space weather. Thanks, Ollie. 379 00:23:08,454 --> 00:23:10,254 Coming up, we'll give you the road closures 380 00:23:10,323 --> 00:23:12,356 for this week's Ewok Pride Parade. 381 00:23:12,425 --> 00:23:13,457 Stay with us. 382 00:23:19,131 --> 00:23:20,164 How am I doing? 383 00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:21,943 Just keep your knees bent. 384 00:23:21,967 --> 00:23:25,769 Imagine you're spreading butter on a big piece of bread. 385 00:23:25,837 --> 00:23:26,881 That's it. 386 00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:29,907 Spread that butter, with the Force. 387 00:23:29,975 --> 00:23:33,611 Ha! You guys seem like crazy morons to me. 388 00:23:33,679 --> 00:23:35,657 You don't believe in the Force, do you? 389 00:23:35,681 --> 00:23:37,259 Oh, you mean that thing you just found out about, 390 00:23:37,283 --> 00:23:38,782 like, three hours ago, and are now 391 00:23:38,851 --> 00:23:40,462 judging me for not believing in it? 392 00:23:40,486 --> 00:23:41,885 Do you believe in anything? 393 00:23:41,954 --> 00:23:44,288 Uh, yeah. Didn't you see my Cabala bracelet? 394 00:23:44,356 --> 00:23:45,389 What's Cabala? 395 00:23:45,458 --> 00:23:47,591 About $1.75. 396 00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:49,093 Honestly, I have no idea. 397 00:23:49,162 --> 00:23:50,461 I'm just a slave to trends. 398 00:23:53,498 --> 00:23:55,065 What the hell? 399 00:23:55,134 --> 00:23:58,169 Oh, my God! We came out of hyperspace into an asteroid field. 400 00:24:03,809 --> 00:24:06,243 Alderaan's been destroyed by the Empire. 401 00:24:06,312 --> 00:24:08,223 Maybe we should head for that small moon, 402 00:24:08,247 --> 00:24:11,647 that's clearly a small moon, and not anything else. 403 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:17,520 That's no moon. It's a space station. 404 00:24:20,559 --> 00:24:22,704 Oh, crap. They've got us in a tractor beam. 405 00:24:22,728 --> 00:24:26,208 Well, they're not going to get me without a fight. 406 00:24:27,266 --> 00:24:30,934 You can't win. But there are alternatives to fighting. 407 00:24:31,003 --> 00:24:32,003 Like what? 408 00:24:32,071 --> 00:24:34,671 Like getting the hell out of here! 409 00:24:36,175 --> 00:24:37,318 No, just kidding. 410 00:24:37,342 --> 00:24:39,582 Can you imagine if I was like that? 411 00:25:19,752 --> 00:25:22,697 All right, just follow my lead and act real cool. 412 00:25:44,843 --> 00:25:47,489 All right, I'm gonna go knock out that tractor beam. 413 00:25:47,513 --> 00:25:49,546 And we'll go rescue the princess. 414 00:25:49,615 --> 00:25:53,350 You know, Luke, this may be the last time we see each other. 415 00:25:53,418 --> 00:25:55,786 So there's something I want you to know. 416 00:25:55,855 --> 00:26:01,992 ♪ Now I've had the time of my life 417 00:26:02,060 --> 00:26:07,130 ♪ And I owe it all to you 418 00:26:08,934 --> 00:26:11,068 ♪ I've been waiting for so long 419 00:26:11,136 --> 00:26:13,269 ♪ Now I've finally found someone 420 00:26:13,338 --> 00:26:15,272 ♪ To stand by me 421 00:26:17,810 --> 00:26:19,976 ♪ So we take each other's hand 422 00:26:20,045 --> 00:26:25,515 ♪ 'Cause we seem to understand the urgency 423 00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:28,084 ♪ Just remember 424 00:26:28,153 --> 00:26:31,522 ♪ You're the one thing 425 00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:36,459 ♪ I can't get enough of 426 00:26:36,528 --> 00:26:41,564 ♪ So I'll tell you something 427 00:26:41,633 --> 00:26:45,736 ♪ This could be love because 428 00:26:45,805 --> 00:26:50,808 ♪ I've had the time of my life 429 00:26:50,876 --> 00:26:54,978 ♪ No, I never felt this way before 430 00:26:55,047 --> 00:26:59,583 ♪ Yes, I swear it's the truth 431 00:26:59,651 --> 00:27:05,522 ♪ And I owe it all to you ♪ 432 00:27:12,732 --> 00:27:14,364 Holy shit! 433 00:27:18,003 --> 00:27:20,070 You ain't never gonna believe what I just seen. 434 00:27:20,139 --> 00:27:21,371 Tyra Banks? 435 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:22,884 See, now you say something better, 436 00:27:22,908 --> 00:27:24,352 so my thing don't sound cool no more. 437 00:27:24,376 --> 00:27:25,887 Oh! Come on, what did you see? 438 00:27:25,911 --> 00:27:27,211 I don't remember. 439 00:27:27,279 --> 00:27:29,613 I just was thinking about Tyra Banks. 440 00:27:30,783 --> 00:27:31,827 Can you imagine? 441 00:27:31,851 --> 00:27:33,250 Every night! 442 00:27:33,318 --> 00:27:34,551 Don't shake my hand. 443 00:27:34,620 --> 00:27:37,060 You ain't got no hand! You a little truck. 444 00:27:40,125 --> 00:27:41,402 So, what are we on, the first floor? 445 00:27:41,426 --> 00:27:43,371 We are on the second floor. 446 00:27:43,395 --> 00:27:47,030 No, no, no, here's the Banana Republic, and we just passed that. 447 00:27:47,098 --> 00:27:50,333 It's right back there. We parked on the Macy's side, 448 00:27:50,402 --> 00:27:52,869 so now we must be over here by the JCPenney. 449 00:27:52,938 --> 00:27:55,583 It looks like the first floor is mostly men's stuff, 450 00:27:55,607 --> 00:27:57,652 and there's a Lady Foot Locker right over there. 451 00:27:57,676 --> 00:27:59,087 All right, so we're on the third floor. 452 00:27:59,111 --> 00:28:00,751 All right, let's get in the elevator. 453 00:28:00,780 --> 00:28:03,892 And hurry up, 'cause the smell of that Mrs. Fields is killing me. 454 00:28:25,204 --> 00:28:27,215 Wrong floor. Stormtrooper church. 455 00:28:27,239 --> 00:28:29,272 And do you, Allen, take Judith 456 00:28:29,341 --> 00:28:31,118 to be your lawfully wedded wife 457 00:28:31,142 --> 00:28:34,144 till death or a giant explosion do you part? 458 00:28:41,220 --> 00:28:43,487 Where are you taking this thing? 459 00:28:43,556 --> 00:28:46,022 Prisoner transfer from cell block 1138. 460 00:28:46,091 --> 00:28:48,131 You think you could get me a room by the pool? 461 00:28:49,361 --> 00:28:51,961 Is funny, because you are a prisoner 462 00:28:52,030 --> 00:28:54,597 and there is no pool because is Death Star. 463 00:28:57,002 --> 00:28:59,681 We've gotta find out what cell this princess of yours is in. 464 00:28:59,705 --> 00:29:00,904 There it is, 2187. 465 00:29:00,973 --> 00:29:02,139 I'm on it! 466 00:29:02,208 --> 00:29:03,819 Everything's under control here. 467 00:29:03,843 --> 00:29:05,342 Situation normal. 468 00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:06,454 What happened? 469 00:29:06,478 --> 00:29:08,611 We had a slight weapons malfunction, 470 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:10,892 but everything's perfectly all right. We're fine. 471 00:29:10,916 --> 00:29:14,651 We're all fine here now. Thank you. 472 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:15,953 How are you? 473 00:29:16,021 --> 00:29:18,233 I've been better. 474 00:29:18,257 --> 00:29:19,423 Well, tell me what's up. 475 00:29:19,491 --> 00:29:21,269 Well, I'm in this relationship 476 00:29:21,293 --> 00:29:23,338 and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. 477 00:29:23,362 --> 00:29:26,129 I like her, but we're not really connecting. 478 00:29:26,198 --> 00:29:28,076 How long has it been? About 10 months. 479 00:29:28,100 --> 00:29:29,510 And how often do you see each other? 480 00:29:29,534 --> 00:29:30,901 Couple times a week. 481 00:29:30,969 --> 00:29:32,847 Well, why don't you try seeing each other a little more often, 482 00:29:32,871 --> 00:29:34,615 and see if you connect a little more? 483 00:29:34,639 --> 00:29:36,539 And if not, it may be time to move on. 484 00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:38,008 Thanks for calling. 485 00:29:38,076 --> 00:29:39,921 This is Han Solo and I'm gonna be keeping you company 486 00:29:39,945 --> 00:29:42,985 for the next few hours, right here on the midnight shift. 487 00:29:43,048 --> 00:29:48,718 ♪ Something's telling me it might be you 488 00:29:48,787 --> 00:29:52,723 ♪ It's telling me it might be you ♪ 489 00:29:54,826 --> 00:29:57,138 Aren't you a little fat to be a Stormtrooper? 490 00:29:57,162 --> 00:29:59,396 Well, stay here and rot, you stuck-up bitch. 491 00:29:59,464 --> 00:30:00,863 Wait, who are you? 492 00:30:00,932 --> 00:30:02,332 I'm Luke Skywalker. 493 00:30:02,401 --> 00:30:04,867 Me and Han Solo and Obi-Wan are here to rescue you. 494 00:30:04,936 --> 00:30:06,536 Wait, Obi-Wan Kenobi? 495 00:30:06,605 --> 00:30:07,671 Yeah! 496 00:30:07,739 --> 00:30:09,673 Suddenly, I'm not so fat, huh? 497 00:30:19,884 --> 00:30:21,851 Come on, into the garbage chute. 498 00:30:24,490 --> 00:30:26,033 She's right! Come on, Chewbacca. 499 00:30:26,057 --> 00:30:27,201 What, are you kidding? It's probably 500 00:30:27,225 --> 00:30:28,945 full of disease. I'm not jumping in there. 501 00:30:28,994 --> 00:30:31,027 Not even if I throw this pig's ear? 502 00:30:31,096 --> 00:30:32,874 Oh, come on, that's not fair. Go get it! 503 00:30:36,768 --> 00:30:38,413 Oh, boy! Great idea, Princess, 504 00:30:38,437 --> 00:30:40,047 diving into a pile of garbage. 505 00:30:40,071 --> 00:30:41,882 Hey, when we get out of here, maybe you can show me around 506 00:30:41,906 --> 00:30:43,106 your home planet of Alderaan. 507 00:30:43,175 --> 00:30:44,441 Aww... 508 00:30:44,510 --> 00:30:45,575 Too soon? 509 00:30:45,644 --> 00:30:46,943 Hey, it could be worse. 510 00:30:49,014 --> 00:30:50,213 It's worse. 511 00:30:53,451 --> 00:30:55,618 The walls are closing. 512 00:30:58,023 --> 00:30:59,263 Oh, my God! 513 00:30:59,324 --> 00:31:00,635 Listen to them, R2, they're dying! 514 00:31:00,659 --> 00:31:01,758 What do we do? 515 00:31:01,826 --> 00:31:03,826 Only one thing to do, man. 516 00:31:03,895 --> 00:31:05,995 You still got that bag I gave you? 517 00:31:10,469 --> 00:31:12,302 Man, I wish I could listen to some 518 00:31:12,371 --> 00:31:15,172 Tatooine, Wind & Fire right now. 519 00:31:15,241 --> 00:31:16,673 Hmm. 520 00:31:16,742 --> 00:31:19,076 So, you think the Empire's gonna fall, man? 521 00:31:19,144 --> 00:31:21,912 I don't know, man. 522 00:31:21,981 --> 00:31:24,748 How you doing right now? 523 00:31:24,816 --> 00:31:26,416 Good. Why? 524 00:31:26,485 --> 00:31:30,354 I think I may be having sort of a mini freak-out here. 525 00:31:30,422 --> 00:31:31,721 Oh. 526 00:31:31,790 --> 00:31:34,569 Just tell me I don't have to stay in this room. 527 00:31:34,593 --> 00:31:36,304 What? Just tell me, right now, 528 00:31:36,328 --> 00:31:37,906 that I don't have to stay in this room. 529 00:31:37,930 --> 00:31:39,863 You don't have to stay in this room. 530 00:31:39,932 --> 00:31:41,597 Oh, thank Christ! 531 00:31:47,473 --> 00:31:49,973 Thank God! We're saved. 532 00:31:50,042 --> 00:31:53,042 Look at this. Who throws out half a pizza? 533 00:31:53,111 --> 00:31:54,577 And look at this couch. 534 00:31:54,646 --> 00:31:57,658 Somebody threw out a whole couch and it's in great shape. 535 00:31:57,682 --> 00:32:00,161 Yeah, you put a little Febreze on that, scrub it out a little bit, 536 00:32:00,185 --> 00:32:01,729 it would look great in your apartment. 537 00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:04,900 You know what? I know we have a dangerous job to do here, 538 00:32:04,924 --> 00:32:08,625 but I'm taking this. I'm taking this couch. 539 00:32:08,693 --> 00:32:12,161 All right, ready? All right, one, two, three. 540 00:32:12,230 --> 00:32:14,764 Okay! Easy, easy, easy... 541 00:32:14,833 --> 00:32:16,110 Easy, easy... Wait! Wait, wait... 542 00:32:16,134 --> 00:32:17,267 Stop! Stop, stop... 543 00:32:17,336 --> 00:32:18,446 What? What, what? 544 00:32:18,470 --> 00:32:20,114 No, no, no. Twist it. I am. 545 00:32:20,138 --> 00:32:22,272 No, no, no. The other way. 546 00:32:22,341 --> 00:32:23,651 Which way? You're twisting the wrong way. 547 00:32:23,675 --> 00:32:24,919 What do you want me to do? 548 00:32:24,943 --> 00:32:27,110 Just look down, look at me, look what I'm doing. 549 00:32:27,179 --> 00:32:28,622 All right, see the way I'm twisting it? Yeah. 550 00:32:28,646 --> 00:32:30,925 Right, turn it that way from your end. Okay. 551 00:32:30,949 --> 00:32:34,651 No, no, no. Just put it down, 552 00:32:34,719 --> 00:32:35,763 just drop it. Yeah, yeah, okay. 553 00:32:35,787 --> 00:32:36,898 All right, all right. 554 00:32:36,922 --> 00:32:38,422 All right, let's... 555 00:32:38,490 --> 00:32:40,001 Just hang on and figure this out. 556 00:32:40,025 --> 00:32:42,359 Han, there are Stormtroopers all over the place. 557 00:32:42,427 --> 00:32:43,907 Shouldn't we be getting out of here? 558 00:32:43,962 --> 00:32:47,397 All right, okay, all right, I got it, I know... 559 00:32:47,466 --> 00:32:48,666 Here's what we're gonna do. 560 00:32:48,700 --> 00:32:50,211 We're going to take the cushions off, 561 00:32:50,235 --> 00:32:52,535 unscrew the legs, take the mattress out, 562 00:32:52,604 --> 00:32:54,648 and this whole thing is going to be a lot simpler. 563 00:32:54,672 --> 00:32:57,072 It's easier than we're making it. 564 00:33:18,029 --> 00:33:19,373 Hey, did you hear something? 565 00:33:19,397 --> 00:33:21,764 Probably just another drill. 566 00:33:21,833 --> 00:33:24,000 You know that last drill we had? 567 00:33:24,068 --> 00:33:27,003 I was about to finally bone my girlfriend, 568 00:33:27,071 --> 00:33:29,572 and then we heard that there was this drill 569 00:33:29,641 --> 00:33:32,376 and she told me there was no way. 570 00:33:38,316 --> 00:33:41,851 So, Obi-Wan, we meet again. 571 00:33:41,919 --> 00:33:43,853 What part of, "Stay 50 yards away 572 00:33:43,922 --> 00:33:45,989 "at all times," don't you understand? 573 00:33:48,326 --> 00:33:49,526 Uh-oh! 574 00:33:49,595 --> 00:33:52,061 Your powers are weak, old man. 575 00:33:55,033 --> 00:33:56,466 Obi-Wan! 576 00:33:58,069 --> 00:34:00,504 Boy, you got here just in time. 577 00:34:01,806 --> 00:34:03,506 No! 578 00:34:12,217 --> 00:34:14,584 Right! Go! Go, go, go. 579 00:34:17,623 --> 00:34:19,066 All right, twist it counter-clockwise. 580 00:34:19,090 --> 00:34:20,801 I am twisting it, you're twisting it the other way. 581 00:34:20,825 --> 00:34:24,194 I mean counter-clockwise from where I'm standing... So then you... 582 00:34:24,263 --> 00:34:26,040 So clockwise. So, yeah! Okay, all right. 583 00:34:26,064 --> 00:34:27,663 Yeah, so you twist it clockwise. 584 00:34:27,732 --> 00:34:30,867 Okay. Go! You know what? Put it down. 585 00:34:30,936 --> 00:34:32,747 Put it down for a sec. My fingers are killing me. 586 00:34:32,771 --> 00:34:34,015 Han, they're shooting at us. 587 00:34:34,039 --> 00:34:35,959 All right, you know what? Lift it up tall-ways. 588 00:34:37,809 --> 00:34:40,076 For Christ's... It's wedged. It's wedged. 589 00:34:40,145 --> 00:34:42,156 All right, okay. You know what? It's not going anywhere. 590 00:34:42,180 --> 00:34:43,758 Let's just take off, we'll deal with it later. 591 00:34:43,782 --> 00:34:45,848 You get in the cockpit, and I'll just... 592 00:34:45,917 --> 00:34:47,517 I'll hang onto this thing as we go. 593 00:34:59,331 --> 00:35:00,463 Easy! 594 00:35:11,509 --> 00:35:13,309 I can't believe he's gone. 595 00:35:13,378 --> 00:35:17,013 I know, Luke, but it's true, he's gone. 596 00:35:17,082 --> 00:35:18,949 I mean, you saw him get beheaded. 597 00:35:19,017 --> 00:35:20,817 Nobody lives through that. 598 00:35:20,886 --> 00:35:22,552 Not for long anyway. 599 00:35:22,621 --> 00:35:24,754 I mean, sometimes the brain is still active 600 00:35:24,823 --> 00:35:27,323 for a few minutes after the beheading, 601 00:35:27,392 --> 00:35:30,426 but to be honest, I can't imagine a worse kind of hell. 602 00:35:30,495 --> 00:35:33,763 And unfortunately, hell is probably where he'll end up, 603 00:35:33,832 --> 00:35:35,331 because the Christians don't look 604 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,867 too kindly on the whole Force thing. 605 00:35:37,936 --> 00:35:41,216 Come on, kid, we're not out of the woods yet. 606 00:35:43,775 --> 00:35:45,207 Here they come. 607 00:36:01,926 --> 00:36:03,204 Hey, Han! What? 608 00:36:03,228 --> 00:36:04,973 Why do they call them TIE fighters? 609 00:36:04,997 --> 00:36:06,062 No idea. 610 00:36:18,610 --> 00:36:20,343 They're coming too fast! 611 00:36:20,412 --> 00:36:22,223 A nickel for every time I've had that problem. 612 00:36:22,247 --> 00:36:23,447 Just keep shooting, Luke. 613 00:36:31,022 --> 00:36:34,491 Yeah! That's how we do it in my neighborhood, bitch! 614 00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:40,663 I got him! I got him! 615 00:36:40,732 --> 00:36:42,565 Right, kid. Don't get penisy. 616 00:36:48,140 --> 00:36:50,084 I just want to tell you both, good luck! 617 00:36:50,108 --> 00:36:51,974 We're all counting on you. 618 00:37:18,102 --> 00:37:20,803 Mom? Yeah, we won. 619 00:37:20,872 --> 00:37:22,938 Yeah, we won the battle. 620 00:37:23,007 --> 00:37:24,974 Yeah, I'm calling, like you asked. 621 00:37:25,042 --> 00:37:26,876 Okay. Okay. 622 00:37:26,944 --> 00:37:28,745 Okay, but I gotta go. 623 00:37:28,813 --> 00:37:30,580 I got other stuff to do. 624 00:37:30,648 --> 00:37:34,717 Okay. Okay, but I gotta go. Okay. 625 00:37:34,786 --> 00:37:37,820 Okay. Yes. Yes. 626 00:37:37,889 --> 00:37:40,322 Yes. Yes, Mom. I love you, too, Mom. 627 00:37:40,392 --> 00:37:42,258 Okay. All right. Goodbye. 628 00:37:47,232 --> 00:37:50,378 The Homing Beacon is safely on board the Millennium Falcon. 629 00:37:50,402 --> 00:37:52,435 I'm taking an awful risk, Vader. 630 00:37:52,504 --> 00:37:54,471 It'd better work. 631 00:37:54,539 --> 00:37:56,217 You know, I think they took your old couch. 632 00:37:56,241 --> 00:37:57,841 What? I threw that away. 633 00:37:57,909 --> 00:38:00,421 Yeah, it was weird. I just killed Obi-Wan, and then I look over 634 00:38:00,445 --> 00:38:03,257 and there are these two dudes scurrying across with a couch. 635 00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:06,060 It had a stain on it, from when we had Hawaiian Punch night. 636 00:38:06,084 --> 00:38:09,018 Yeah, that's my couch. Rebel scum. 637 00:38:32,210 --> 00:38:33,476 Gotcha! 638 00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:39,849 Thanks to the information in this R2 unit provided by Princess Leia, 639 00:38:39,918 --> 00:38:43,319 we should be able to mount a successful offensive on the Death Star. 640 00:38:43,388 --> 00:38:47,490 But first, please take a moment to watch this instructional video. 641 00:38:52,564 --> 00:38:54,264 Nothing but net. 642 00:38:54,332 --> 00:38:59,569 Hi! I'm Magic Johnson with a few tips on blowing up the Death Star. 643 00:38:59,638 --> 00:39:02,805 First off, never forget your objective. 644 00:39:02,874 --> 00:39:04,518 There are gonna be so many folks 645 00:39:04,542 --> 00:39:06,709 coming at you to slow you down, 646 00:39:06,778 --> 00:39:10,647 you might feel like you got a bull's-eye on your head. 647 00:39:10,715 --> 00:39:13,883 No, but they will be trying to kill you. 648 00:39:13,951 --> 00:39:17,953 Also, don't forget you have teammates out there watching your back. 649 00:39:18,022 --> 00:39:19,533 Unless you've been messing around 650 00:39:19,557 --> 00:39:22,158 with their wife or girlfriend. 651 00:39:22,226 --> 00:39:25,227 No, but they will be there to help you. 652 00:39:25,297 --> 00:39:27,930 Lastly, you wanna make sure you step back 653 00:39:27,999 --> 00:39:30,466 and take cover after you sink that bucket. 654 00:39:30,535 --> 00:39:34,570 'Cause that sky gonna light up like the Fourth of July. 655 00:39:34,639 --> 00:39:38,474 No, but there will be a large explosion. 656 00:39:38,543 --> 00:39:39,676 Any questions? 657 00:39:39,745 --> 00:39:40,976 Yeah, I got a question. 658 00:39:41,045 --> 00:39:44,213 Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe? 659 00:39:45,683 --> 00:39:47,964 You'll get the answer to that question next Saturday. 660 00:39:49,587 --> 00:39:52,187 Don't mess with the bull, young man, you'll get the horns. 661 00:40:01,633 --> 00:40:03,166 Biggs? Jesus! 662 00:40:03,234 --> 00:40:04,700 What the hell happened to you? 663 00:40:04,769 --> 00:40:08,209 Oh! Hey, Luke. I was under a Y-wing working on the space engine, 664 00:40:08,273 --> 00:40:10,318 and the whole thing just dropped on me. 665 00:40:10,342 --> 00:40:11,540 Holy crap! 666 00:40:11,609 --> 00:40:13,443 Yeah. Holy crap. 667 00:40:13,511 --> 00:40:16,212 So, you here for the Death Star assault? 668 00:40:16,281 --> 00:40:17,713 Yeah, yeah, I can't wait. 669 00:40:17,782 --> 00:40:18,948 How about you? 670 00:40:19,017 --> 00:40:21,062 Well, no, I can't really... 671 00:40:21,086 --> 00:40:22,618 Oh, yeah, because of that... 672 00:40:22,687 --> 00:40:23,998 The chair. Chair, yeah. 673 00:40:24,022 --> 00:40:25,899 Yeah, so I'll just be here making sandwiches 674 00:40:25,923 --> 00:40:27,401 for when you guys get back. 675 00:40:27,425 --> 00:40:28,757 Oh... 676 00:40:28,826 --> 00:40:29,993 Well, that's cool. 677 00:40:30,061 --> 00:40:31,194 Yeah. 678 00:40:31,262 --> 00:40:32,795 You want anything special? 679 00:40:32,864 --> 00:40:34,597 What? You mean like a sandwich? 680 00:40:34,665 --> 00:40:37,166 Yeah. Oh, no, I mean, I couldn't... 681 00:40:37,235 --> 00:40:40,136 You know, whatever you make will be fine. 682 00:40:40,205 --> 00:40:41,885 Hey, Biggs. Yeah? 683 00:40:41,939 --> 00:40:44,840 You're just as big a part of this as... 684 00:40:44,909 --> 00:40:48,411 I mean, you're doing stuff, and I think that's great! 685 00:40:51,316 --> 00:40:53,382 Well, kid, I guess this is goodbye. 686 00:40:53,451 --> 00:40:56,096 So, you got your reward and you're leaving? Is that it? 687 00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:57,531 When you say it that way, I sound like 688 00:40:57,555 --> 00:40:59,133 a douche, but, yeah, that's what I'm doing. 689 00:40:59,157 --> 00:41:01,202 What did you get for a reward, anyway? 690 00:41:01,226 --> 00:41:05,828 Let's see. I got 10% off a Netflix membership, 691 00:41:05,897 --> 00:41:08,097 some nice Cracker Barrel Cheddar, 692 00:41:08,165 --> 00:41:09,632 assorted lotions, 693 00:41:09,701 --> 00:41:13,469 and a little plastic champagne bottle full of jelly beans, 694 00:41:13,537 --> 00:41:17,306 and a little bear. See? Little bear. 695 00:41:17,374 --> 00:41:20,009 "Hey, Luke, we had fun on the Death Star." 696 00:41:20,078 --> 00:41:21,877 Well, take care of yourself, Han. 697 00:41:21,946 --> 00:41:24,481 I guess that's what you're best at. 698 00:41:24,549 --> 00:41:27,316 Oh, look! A light saber cheese knife! 699 00:41:30,988 --> 00:41:32,020 Yuck! 700 00:41:46,671 --> 00:41:47,791 All wings, check in. 701 00:41:47,839 --> 00:41:48,919 Red Three standing by. 702 00:41:48,973 --> 00:41:50,306 Red Six standing by. 703 00:41:50,375 --> 00:41:51,674 Red Five standing by. 704 00:41:51,742 --> 00:41:53,076 Red Buttons standing by. 705 00:41:53,144 --> 00:41:54,410 Redd Foxx standing by. 706 00:41:54,478 --> 00:41:55,778 Big Red standing by. 707 00:41:55,846 --> 00:41:57,358 Red October standing by. 708 00:41:57,382 --> 00:41:58,847 Helen Reddy standing by. 709 00:41:58,916 --> 00:42:00,416 Simply Red standing by. 710 00:42:30,881 --> 00:42:33,249 I'm going in. Cover me, Porkins. 711 00:42:33,317 --> 00:42:35,651 Having a little trouble here. 712 00:42:47,132 --> 00:42:48,397 Careful, Redd Foxx! 713 00:42:48,466 --> 00:42:50,199 There's one right on your tail. 714 00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:57,640 I'm coming, Elizabeth! 715 00:43:05,650 --> 00:43:07,783 Use the Force, Luke. 716 00:43:07,852 --> 00:43:08,951 Obi-Wan? 717 00:43:09,020 --> 00:43:12,855 Yeah, it's me. Use the Force. 718 00:43:12,923 --> 00:43:16,626 Force that thing in there, just like I showed you with those puppets. 719 00:43:16,694 --> 00:43:19,995 But don't tell nobody 'cause you'll get in trouble. 720 00:43:27,572 --> 00:43:29,972 Clark, I don't like the look of this neighborhood. 721 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:31,752 Come on, Ellen, it's important for the kids 722 00:43:31,776 --> 00:43:33,420 to witness the plight of the Rebellion. 723 00:43:33,444 --> 00:43:35,978 Kids, you noticing all this plight? 724 00:43:36,047 --> 00:43:37,179 Roll 'em up! 725 00:43:43,421 --> 00:43:45,888 The Force is strong with this one. 726 00:43:49,827 --> 00:43:51,539 Fuck you, you son of a bitch! 727 00:43:51,563 --> 00:43:53,295 What am I, R2Pac? 728 00:43:53,364 --> 00:43:55,531 The Death Star is getting closer. 729 00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:58,501 And Leia's getting larger. 730 00:44:10,047 --> 00:44:12,215 I have you now, young Skywalker. 731 00:44:12,283 --> 00:44:15,551 And with today's gas prices, not a minute too soon. 732 00:44:17,789 --> 00:44:18,909 What the deuce? 733 00:44:21,292 --> 00:44:22,703 Look at us. Look at how much more 734 00:44:22,727 --> 00:44:25,087 comfortable we are now shooting stuff. 735 00:44:51,322 --> 00:44:52,822 Whew! 736 00:44:52,890 --> 00:44:56,959 Luke, the Force will be with you always. 737 00:44:57,028 --> 00:45:00,029 And so will I, always. 738 00:45:00,098 --> 00:45:02,076 Of course when you get older and get 739 00:45:02,100 --> 00:45:05,034 some crow's feet, I might lose interest. 740 00:45:15,246 --> 00:45:17,412 You did it! Yay! 741 00:45:17,481 --> 00:45:19,025 Hooray! I have your sandwich. 742 00:45:19,049 --> 00:45:23,051 Yay! My what? Oh! Thank you, Biggs. 743 00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:25,755 Yay! I'm part of things, too. Yay! 744 00:45:29,594 --> 00:45:31,026 The end. 745 00:45:34,098 --> 00:45:36,499 Wow, Dad, thanks for keeping us entertained. 746 00:45:36,567 --> 00:45:38,333 That was a great story. 747 00:45:38,402 --> 00:45:42,771 Yeah, but didn't Robot Chicken already do this three months ago? 748 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:44,451 I wouldn't worry about it, Chris. 749 00:45:44,475 --> 00:45:46,954 I don't think people are even aware of that show's existence. 750 00:45:46,978 --> 00:45:48,210 Well, I don't know, Dad. 751 00:45:48,278 --> 00:45:50,056 I think a decent number of people watch it. 752 00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:51,358 Oh, really? Define "decent." 753 00:45:51,382 --> 00:45:53,961 I think it's the highest rated show on Cartoon Network, 754 00:45:53,985 --> 00:45:56,305 and the Star Wars episode doubled that audience. 755 00:45:56,353 --> 00:45:59,054 Well, yeah, but double 10 people is, like, 20 people, 756 00:45:59,123 --> 00:46:01,535 so what kind of numbers are we talking about here, you know? 757 00:46:01,559 --> 00:46:04,004 Don't be glib about this stuff, Dad. It's a legitimate show, 758 00:46:04,028 --> 00:46:05,839 and they beat you to the punch. 759 00:46:05,863 --> 00:46:07,508 I don't know about that, Chris. 760 00:46:07,532 --> 00:46:11,466 I mean, to me, a legitimate show is on ABC, CBS, NBC, 761 00:46:11,536 --> 00:46:13,636 you know, one of the real networks. 762 00:46:13,704 --> 00:46:15,248 I don't know about that, Dad. 763 00:46:15,272 --> 00:46:16,349 And besides, what's up with that 764 00:46:16,373 --> 00:46:18,373 15 minute runtime? What is that? 765 00:46:18,442 --> 00:46:21,309 That's like 15 minutes of guys playing with Star Wars dolls. 766 00:46:21,378 --> 00:46:24,558 Oh, yay, tune me in to that. Oh, so you do know the show! 767 00:46:24,582 --> 00:46:26,415 I read part of a review online. 768 00:46:26,483 --> 00:46:28,183 I am not a fan. 769 00:46:28,252 --> 00:46:30,653 You know, Dad, you're a real jerk! 60518

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