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1
00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:05,571
I'm gonna get out
of your way now.
2
00:00:05,572 --> 00:00:08,074
I'm gonna have to come back
and spray for roaches.
3
00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:10,576
Is that necessary?
I don't think we have roaches.
4
00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:11,578
Maybe not yet.
5
00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:14,581
But I just finished spraying
upstairs on 15 and 16.
6
00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:18,084
They'll be on their way
pretty soon.
7
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:22,088
Should we be wearing any sort
of protective headgear?
8
00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:23,089
Very funny.
9
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:27,093
Oh, I also had to reset
all your rat traps.
10
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:28,594
Somebody around here
has been tripping them off.
11
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:30,597
Who would want
to do a thing like that?
12
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:33,099
Rat lovers.
Come again?
13
00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:34,100
Rat lovers.
14
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,601
They look
like you and me,
15
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:37,604
they could be your
next-door neighbor,
16
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,105
but inside there's
something weird.
17
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:41,608
Tell me, these, uh...
18
00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:44,110
these rat lovers
of which you speak,
19
00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:46,612
do they walk
amongst us daily?
20
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:49,616
Just because I work
with my hands
21
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:51,618
doesn't mean I don't
understand sarcasm.
22
00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:54,120
I'm sorry.
I was just joking.
23
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,622
That's okay.
I'm cool with you.
24
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,124
And I with you.
25
00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:00,126
[SNAP]
26
00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:04,130
[SNAP]
27
00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:08,134
[SNAP]
28
00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:09,635
Ow.
29
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:16,142
Something wrong,
Matthew?
30
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:17,143
Oh.
31
00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:20,146
No. Everything's
hunky-dory.
32
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:22,648
I thought I heard
you say, "Ow."
33
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,651
Ow?
Ow.
34
00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:29,155
Oh. Yeah, I was just practicing
my cockney accent.
35
00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:31,657
You know,
"'Ow you doin', guv?"
36
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:34,160
Doing fine.
Thanks for asking.
37
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,161
All right.
38
00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:38,164
[SNAP]
39
00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:43,669
'Ow ya doin',
guvnor...
40
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:45,672
[♪]
41
00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:19,205
Could I have everyone's
attention, please?
42
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:20,706
I have to make
an announcement.
43
00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:23,710
It has come to my attention
that some of you
44
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:26,713
may have been deliberately
setting off the rat traps.
45
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:29,716
Now, I don't know,
nor do I care to know
46
00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:32,218
why you'd do such a thing,
but please cut it out.
47
00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:33,719
Uh, yeah, Dave.
48
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,723
We actually had a staff
meeting about this,
49
00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:40,727
and we don't want
rat traps in the office.
50
00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:43,229
You'd rather
catch them by hand?
51
00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:46,732
Well, that's
just silly.
52
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:50,236
Um, excuse me,
could I just interject here?
53
00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:51,737
Please do.
54
00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,239
Dave, there's
only one rat.
55
00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:55,741
Yeah. And he's
really, really nice.
56
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:58,244
What are you
talking about?
57
00:02:58,244 --> 00:02:59,745
His name is Mike.
58
00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:03,249
He's all white except one,
like, black racing stripe
59
00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:04,750
down the side
of his body.
60
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:06,753
And he's missing
most of his tail.
61
00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,254
He's really cute.
62
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:09,755
But he is a rat, right?
63
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:11,257
Doesn't anyone
find that disgusting?
64
00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:12,758
Oh, he's cute, Dave.
65
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:15,762
Just pokes his little head out
when it's quiet.
66
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:18,264
Sometimes we feed him
potato chips.
67
00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:19,265
Yeah.
68
00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:21,267
BOTH:
And Fig Newtons.
69
00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:23,769
And little beans,
dried beans.
70
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,271
Uh-huh. Yeah.
He loves those things.
71
00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:26,772
Oh, gosh.
Does anybody here remember
72
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,775
a little thing
called the Black Plague?
73
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:33,279
That wasn't really
as big a deal
74
00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:35,781
as people have
made it out to be.
75
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:37,283
No?
76
00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:40,786
I'm sorry, but you're gonna have
to let the traps do their job.
77
00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:42,789
Dave,
you can't do that.
78
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:43,790
Say, Dave,
79
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:45,291
maybe after work
80
00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:48,794
you'd like to go by the zoo
and shoot goats.
81
00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:57,303
You wanted to see me?
82
00:03:57,303 --> 00:03:58,804
Uh, yes, Bill.
83
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:00,306
Look...
84
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:02,808
is there something
I'm missing
85
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,310
about this whole
rat thing?
86
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:05,811
You have to understand.
87
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:08,815
You've got a group of people
here who work 16 hours a day.
88
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:09,816
They're far
from their families.
89
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,818
The women are childless,
90
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:15,321
and the men are,
to put it delicately, lonely.
91
00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:18,824
I understand that
everyone works very hard--
92
00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:20,326
It's not just that.
93
00:04:20,326 --> 00:04:23,329
Every day we deal
with crime and murder.
94
00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:25,331
You're not
in Wisconsin, Dave.
95
00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:26,832
The big story
isn't about a cow
96
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,835
wandering into
the town square.
97
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:31,838
Bill, you know,
I worked in Milwaukee.
98
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:34,340
It's a city with a population
of a million people.
99
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:35,841
So there must have been
quite a hubbub
100
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:37,343
when that cow got loose, huh?
101
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:41,347
Bill, can we forget
about the cow for a second?
102
00:04:41,347 --> 00:04:43,349
Mike is many things
to many people.
103
00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:45,351
To you, he's just a rat,
104
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:46,852
but to the good people
of this office,
105
00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:48,855
he's a member
of the family.
106
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,357
I'm sorry,
but not my family.
107
00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:52,358
Exactly.
108
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:53,359
Maybe you're not ready
109
00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:55,361
to be a member
of our family.
110
00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:57,363
I can't imagine that
being a high priority
111
00:04:57,363 --> 00:04:58,864
to a man
without a heart.
112
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:02,368
I've got plenty
of heart.
113
00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:05,871
Said the Tin Man
to the Wizard.
114
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:07,874
But you probably hated
that movie, didn't you?
115
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:10,376
No, actually, I quite
enjoyed that movie.
116
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:13,379
By the way, I checked the box
on my driver's license.
117
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:15,381
If anything should
ever happen to me,
118
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:16,382
it's all yours.
119
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:29,895
Great.
Everyone's here.
120
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:33,900
I've, uh... I've given it
a lot of consideration,
121
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:37,403
and I've taken into account
your feelings for the rat.
122
00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:41,407
And I've decided
to take up the rat traps.
123
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:44,410
Yay!
Yay!
124
00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:46,412
Now, I've already talked
to the super,
125
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:47,913
so he should be here
after lunch--
126
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:48,915
[SNAP]
127
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:02,428
Well, I wish I could say
it's the thought that counts.
128
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:06,432
Lisa, would you mind
helping me--?
129
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:09,935
Are you sure
it's Mike?
130
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:12,438
JOE:
That's Mike, all right.
131
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:13,939
Missing most
of his tail,
132
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,441
white with
a racing stripe.
133
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:17,943
Now he's got
this really weird,
134
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:19,445
surprised look
on his face.
135
00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:24,951
Thanks for
waiting for me.
136
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:27,954
I'm glad I didn't miss
your big announcement.
137
00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:38,964
I guess it's back to business
as usual for you.
138
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,967
Look, Bill, I feel bad,
all right? I feel terrible.
139
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:42,468
Oh, come now.
140
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:43,969
You feel nothing.
141
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:47,473
For you, this was like
stepping on a bug,
142
00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:50,976
only this bug had a name
and a personality
143
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:54,480
and was a rat
rather than a bug.
144
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:55,981
What do you expect
me to do?
145
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:57,483
I mean,
what can I do?
146
00:06:57,483 --> 00:06:59,485
Also, you didn't
step on it.
147
00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:01,987
It died in a trap.
148
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,489
By the way,
no offense,
149
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:04,990
but your office
smells terrible.
150
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:06,993
I know.
I have a dead rat
151
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,494
rotting in a box
on my desk.
152
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:10,996
Oh. What are you planning
on doing with it?
153
00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:14,500
I guess I'll just throw it
in a dumpster on the way home.
154
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:18,004
You cold bastard.
155
00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:20,006
Oh, come on, Bill.
156
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:23,509
I think I probably feel
worse about this than anyone.
157
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:25,010
I'll take this.
158
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,516
This is
so stupid.
159
00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:32,518
Well, no one's
forcing you to be here, Joe.
160
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:34,520
Maybe can we just
try to speed it up?
161
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,522
I have to finish
that Newt Gingrich piece.
162
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:38,524
Oh, yeah.
How did that go, by the way?
163
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:40,526
People, if we could have
a little respect?
164
00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:43,028
Beth, the box, please?
165
00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:51,037
Hey, what are
you guys doing?
166
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:53,539
Taking 30 seconds
away from work
167
00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:54,540
to do deal
with our grief.
168
00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:57,042
You can dock our pay
if you see fit.
169
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,544
No...
170
00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:01,046
I'd actually
like to join you,
171
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:02,548
if that's all right
with everyone.
172
00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:04,049
Whatever.
173
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:06,552
Does anyone have anything
they would like to say
174
00:08:06,552 --> 00:08:08,554
before we do this?
175
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,055
Dave, nothing?
176
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:11,557
Uh...
177
00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:13,559
I guess we're all here
178
00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:16,061
to say goodbye
to Mike the rat...
179
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:20,066
who, uh, who we'll
all miss, I, I imagine,
180
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:21,567
and, uh...
181
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:24,069
and I didn't have much time
to think of anything.
182
00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:25,071
Come on.
183
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:27,073
Bill, could you
say a few words?
184
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:29,075
You're putting me
on the spot.
185
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:31,577
LISA: Just a few words.
Okay. Mike was a rat.
186
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:34,079
This cannot be denied.
187
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,083
But the flame of life
which burns inside all of us
188
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:39,585
glows no less brightly
when it is the flicker
189
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:41,086
of one tiny candle.
190
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:44,090
None can deny
that his departure
191
00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:46,592
has left this world
just a tiny bit darker.
192
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:47,593
CATHERINE:
Yes!
193
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:52,098
And a tiny bit
colder.
194
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:53,599
That's all I have.
195
00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:55,100
MATTHEW:
Amen.
196
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:56,102
Amen.
Amen.
197
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:58,104
Okay, I guess it's time,
198
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,106
because we do have
to get back to work.
199
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,108
Dave, could you help us
with the incinerator chute?
200
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:03,609
Oh, sure.
Sure.
201
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:06,612
Do you want
to do it, Dave?
202
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:07,613
Oh, uh... sure.
203
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,118
Okay.
204
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:17,623
[THUDDING]
205
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:25,131
[THUDDING]
206
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:32,137
[THUDDING]
207
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:43,148
You okay, Joe?
208
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:45,151
Yeah, yeah. I...
209
00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:47,153
I always wondered
who was on this floor.
210
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:55,661
Dave?
211
00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:58,163
I'm here, Joe.
212
00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:00,666
The last guy that
touched me like that
213
00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:03,168
got thrown through
a plate glass window.
214
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:09,675
All right, thank you.
215
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:11,677
I'll try to contact him
at his office.
216
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:12,678
BETH:
It's Mike!
217
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:14,680
You guys, I saw Mike!
He's alive!
218
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,682
Come on! He's alive!
Oh, my God.
219
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,686
LISA:
Where is he?
220
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:22,187
He came--
He was right--
221
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:23,189
[SNAP]
222
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:24,190
There.
223
00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:29,194
Friendship.
What is it?
224
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:30,696
For our kind,
225
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:32,698
it's camaraderie
and conversation.
226
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:34,700
But for those
poor creatures
227
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:37,202
eking out a hardscrabble
existence every day,
228
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,704
it's something else
entirely.
229
00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,706
A shared piece
of cheese perhaps,
230
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:42,708
or a tasty bean.
231
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,710
So as we bid
farewell to Mike,
232
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:46,211
or Mike's friend,
we'll never know for sure,
233
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,713
we must remember
that we--
234
00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:49,715
Um, someone had
an overnight pickup?
235
00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:51,216
Hey, buddy,
236
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:52,718
we're in the middle
of something, okay?
237
00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:54,720
Yeah, if you could just
give us a moment. Thanks.
238
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,722
All right, I guess...
239
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:02,228
Dave, wait.
240
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:08,233
Bye.
241
00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:09,735
[THUDDING]
242
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:18,244
[THUDDING]
243
00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:23,749
What was that?
244
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:25,751
That was a rat that died.
245
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:27,753
He was, like,
an office mascot.
246
00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:30,255
[LAUGHS]
247
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:32,758
Ahem. Anyway, uh, I need your
account number here and here.
248
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:33,759
Fine.
249
00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:40,265
[MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYS]
250
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:41,767
Sir, I'm sorry.
251
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:43,769
Could you turn it down
a little bit?
252
00:11:43,769 --> 00:11:44,770
Thank you.
253
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:46,271
Drinks are on me
tonight, guys.
254
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:47,273
Thanks.
Thank you, Dave.
255
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:48,774
That's
all right.
256
00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:49,775
Ahem.
257
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:51,777
When was
the last time
258
00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:55,280
we all got together and hung out
like this after work?
259
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:58,284
We do it all the time.
260
00:11:58,284 --> 00:11:59,285
Oh, really?
261
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:01,287
I didn't
know that.
262
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,789
Well, we..
we always invite you.
263
00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:05,791
Oh, yeah.
I guess, uh,
264
00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:07,292
usually after work,
265
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:08,794
I have, uh,
more work.
266
00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:11,296
Why is Mike's death
affecting us so much?
267
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:13,799
I don't know
about you guys,
268
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:16,802
but I keep thinking
about the dog I had
269
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:18,303
when I was little.
270
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:21,307
I know.
Mine was a cat, though.
271
00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:23,309
What was the name
of your dog?
272
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:24,310
Woofy.
273
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,811
Mine was Jack.
274
00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:28,313
Scrappy.
Louie.
275
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,816
Mr. T. J. McWhiskers.
276
00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:32,818
Spot.
277
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:34,319
No-- Sparky.
278
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,322
Spot.
279
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:39,825
So what kind of a dog
was, um, was Woofy?
280
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:40,826
Black Lab.
281
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:42,327
Jack?
Beagle.
282
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,329
German shepherd.
283
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:45,331
Part Doberman,
284
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:46,332
part rottweiler,
285
00:12:46,332 --> 00:12:48,834
part pit bull.
286
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:49,835
Cat...
287
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:51,336
Siamese.
288
00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:54,339
I don't recall.
289
00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:59,845
So, how did, um...
Woofy.
290
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:01,346
Yeah, die?
Hit by a car.
291
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:02,348
Oh...
292
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:04,350
Jack?
Liver cancer.
293
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,852
Hip dysplasia.
294
00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:09,855
Bit a guy.
Got put to sleep.
295
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:12,357
Feline leukemia.
296
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:13,859
Ran away.
297
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:19,365
I had a cat, you know...
298
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:21,367
named-- named Dusty.
299
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,369
He was a wonderful animal.
300
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:25,371
Just an...
an amazing animal.
301
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:28,374
Mm. What was so amazing
about it?
302
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:29,875
Well, he could...
303
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:31,376
just be amazing.
304
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:33,379
Just like that,
he'd be amazing.
305
00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:35,381
Oh, come on, David,
tell us.
306
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:36,882
Open up a little.
307
00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:39,384
You don't want
to hear it.
308
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:40,886
Hello in there!
309
00:13:40,886 --> 00:13:42,888
You can come out
of your shell.
310
00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:44,890
You're among friends.
311
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:47,392
Okay, Dusty could catch rats
like nobody's business.
312
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:48,894
ALL:
No!
313
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:50,395
I told you
you didn't want to hear it.
314
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:53,399
Well, he can't
help that, right?
315
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:55,401
Dave,
how did Dusty die?
316
00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:57,903
He didn't. He's still alive,
16 years old,
317
00:13:57,903 --> 00:13:59,404
playful as a kitten.
318
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:01,407
Oh, man!
319
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:04,410
My grandmother died
a few years ago.
320
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:06,912
Does that get me
anything at all?
321
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:08,413
Huh?
322
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,920
You wanted
to see me?
323
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:15,921
Yeah.
Thanks, Bill.
324
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:17,923
Uh...
have a seat.
325
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:20,425
I just wanted to thank you
for your advice.
326
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:22,928
Oh, you took up smoking?
327
00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:25,931
No, I meant about
spending more non-work time
328
00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:27,432
with our family.
329
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:28,934
Did you read that
330
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:31,937
in some kind of "How to
Manipulate Employees" manual?
331
00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:33,438
No, Bill, I didn't.
332
00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:34,940
Look, uh...
333
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:36,942
let me ask you
something.
334
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:38,944
Where did everybody
get the impression
335
00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:40,946
that I'm cold
and unemotional?
336
00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:43,448
Let me ask you this,
Dave...
337
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,951
when was the last time
you cried?
338
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:47,452
Really, really cried?
339
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,955
Uh...
let me think.
340
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:51,456
Um...
341
00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:55,460
Hey, you know, when Cal Ripken
broke the record,
342
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:56,962
I got a lump
in my throat.
343
00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:58,463
You got a lump
in your throat?
344
00:14:58,464 --> 00:14:59,965
I got choked up.
345
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:01,967
I suppose I got a lump
in my throat too,
346
00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:03,468
before I started
crying so hard,
347
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,971
I had to run to that bathroom
and lock myself in a stall.
348
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:07,472
Yeah, okay, Bill.
349
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:08,474
Then when
I got out,
350
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:09,975
the ovation
was still going.
351
00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:10,976
That set me off again.
352
00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:13,478
Go ahead. Laugh.
It's your nature.
353
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:15,481
Are you done, Bill?
354
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:19,485
Why? Do you have to recharge
your robot power pack?
355
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:22,988
Okay, well, thanks
for the advice anyway.
356
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:24,489
Not bad.
357
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:27,493
Your simulation of anger
is fairly convincing.
358
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:31,497
Hey, Bill,
what's the word?
359
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:32,498
Thunderbird, sir.
360
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:33,999
There you go.
361
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,000
Hey, Dave.
362
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,501
Hey, Mr. James.
363
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:38,504
So did you figure out
the rat problem?
364
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,005
Uh, yes, I did, sir.
365
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:41,506
Um...
366
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:44,009
how can I explain
this? Um...
367
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:50,516
Mike was many things
to many people.
368
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:53,018
But to the people
of this office he was...
369
00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:55,020
he was a way of escaping
370
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:57,522
the horrors they report on
every day.
371
00:15:57,523 --> 00:15:58,524
Uh-huh.
372
00:15:58,524 --> 00:15:59,525
Mike,
to these people
373
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:02,027
was a means
of maintaining their...
374
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:03,528
humanity,
375
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:05,531
their emotional dignity.
376
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:08,534
Who's Mike?
377
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,035
The rat.
378
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:11,536
Oh! Right.
379
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:15,040
So, what you're
saying is that...
380
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:18,043
I've got to be more
sensitive to my employees.
381
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:19,044
They are
human beings.
382
00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:20,045
Oh, I see.
383
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:21,546
You're pretending
384
00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:23,048
that you really care
about these people.
385
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:24,049
No.
386
00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:25,550
I really do care--
387
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:26,552
No. No.
388
00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:28,053
Don't leave a trail.
389
00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:29,054
I got you.
390
00:16:33,058 --> 00:16:35,060
Hey, Dave, what's this?
391
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:36,061
Oh, I...
392
00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:37,562
Matthew,
that's a glue trap.
393
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:40,566
I put them down in case
there are any more rats.
394
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:42,067
Well,
we're not gonna need these,
395
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:43,568
because Mike
and Mike's friend
396
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:45,070
are no longer with us,
397
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:48,073
and there aren't any rats
in the office.
398
00:16:48,073 --> 00:16:50,075
How can you be
so sure?
399
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:51,576
I just know.
400
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:52,578
Yeah, but... how?
401
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:58,083
Mike would have
introduced me to them.
402
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:06,591
I'm sure he would.
403
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:08,093
Dave,
one more thing.
404
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:09,094
What is it?
405
00:17:09,094 --> 00:17:11,596
How am I gonna
get this thing off?
406
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:14,099
Dave, can you
come here quick?
407
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:15,600
There is a rat
408
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:19,104
stuck on one of those glue trap
thingies in the kitchenette.
409
00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:21,606
I've got an idea. Why doesn't
everyone go back to work
410
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:24,610
and stay away from
the kitchenette for a while?
411
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:26,612
And leave it to die?
That is so cruel.
412
00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:28,614
Somebody has to put it
out of its misery.
413
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:30,616
Dave, you have
a heart of stone.
414
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,618
Why don't you do
the honors.
415
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:34,620
Hey, gang!
What's up?
416
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:37,122
We got a rat stuck
in one of these.
417
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:38,623
Oh, for God's sakes!
418
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:40,125
It's a rodent,
people.
419
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,626
A dirty,
filthy rodent
420
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:43,629
that only lives
to eat your food
421
00:17:43,629 --> 00:17:45,130
and leave turds
422
00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:46,131
in whatever
it doesn't finish.
423
00:17:46,131 --> 00:17:48,133
Now, get out of the way.
424
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:49,634
Do I got to do
everything myself?
425
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:01,647
Poor little guy.
426
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:03,649
He's got, uh...
427
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:05,651
one paw free, you know.
428
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:10,155
He's trying to pull
the other ones out.
429
00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:12,157
It's just horrible.
430
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:23,669
[THUD]
431
00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:29,674
How did you do it?
432
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:31,176
You don't want
to know.
433
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:32,177
I've got to know.
434
00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:34,179
Did it quickly
and humanely.
435
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:35,180
I've got to know.
436
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:37,182
I'm sorry.
I've got to know.
437
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:39,684
I covered him
with a rag...
438
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:42,187
and I crushed his skull
with a dictionary.
439
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:43,188
Dude!
440
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:44,689
Oh, man!
441
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:48,193
I didn't see any of you
running out for chloroform.
442
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:50,195
Man...
443
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:52,197
Once the shock
wears off,
444
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:53,698
they'll be grateful.
445
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:54,700
Every family
needs someone
446
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,702
to do the dirty work.
447
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:58,203
You think so?
Yes.
448
00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:01,206
Think of this
as an initiation of sorts.
449
00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:03,208
But try not
to make a habit
450
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:07,712
of killing small animals
just to impress us.
451
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:09,715
Dave?
What is it, Matthew?
452
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:10,716
Uh, Dave--
What, Matthew?
453
00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:12,217
If you could--
What? What?
454
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:15,220
There's another rat
stuck in one of those traps.
455
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:16,221
[GROANS]
456
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:17,222
Dave...
Uh-huh.
457
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:19,224
When you're finished
over there, if you could--
458
00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:20,725
There's two over here
459
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:22,728
and one over there
by the copier.
460
00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:24,229
DAVE: Uh...
461
00:19:24,229 --> 00:19:25,230
[SPEECH INAUDIBLE]
462
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:29,234
Make that two
by the copier, Dave.
463
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:30,235
Oh, my God!
464
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:31,736
Today we are gathered
465
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,238
not to mourn
but to celebrate.
466
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:36,241
To celebrate that our lives
are more rich with rats
467
00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:38,743
than we even knew.
Blabbity-blah-blah--
468
00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:40,746
Dump them, Dave.
469
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:43,248
Wait. I'd like to say
a few words.
470
00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:45,750
Actually, I'd really like
to get out of here.
471
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:46,752
We all kind of do.
Yeah.
472
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:49,755
I just wanted to say
that although Mike...
473
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,256
turned out
to be several,
474
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:53,258
if not dozens
of rats,
475
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:55,760
we loved him enough
for dozens of rats,
476
00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:57,763
and that's
all that counts.
477
00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:58,764
There.
478
00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:05,270
Okay.
Does anybody else
479
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:06,771
have anything
they want to say?
480
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:08,273
Yeah. Yeah.
481
00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:09,774
I think in July
482
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:12,778
I ate a pizza crust
off the floor.
483
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:14,279
Um,
am I gonna die?
484
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:18,283
I doubt it,
Matthew.
485
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:20,285
Because I think
back in August,
486
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:22,787
I ate a doughnut
that I found
487
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:24,289
under the conference
table.
488
00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,291
Am I gonna die?
489
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:29,294
If you'd like to type up
a list of these incidents,
490
00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:31,796
I'll evaluate them
on a case-by-case basis.
491
00:20:31,797 --> 00:20:34,299
Dave, I'm serious.
Am I gonna die?
492
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:36,301
Yes, I think
you probably will.
493
00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:38,803
But I'm sure that day
is a long way off.
494
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:40,806
And when
you do die,
495
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:43,809
we will all say
nice things about you.
496
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:45,811
Then we'll all
help Dave load you
497
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:46,812
into
the incinerator chute.
498
00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:49,815
Okay. If Pastor Dave's
finished his sermon,
499
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:52,818
I'd like to invite everybody
who can to dinner.
500
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:55,320
That includes appetizers,
the whole schmear.
501
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,321
Come on.
502
00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:58,323
That's
great!
503
00:20:58,323 --> 00:21:00,825
Okay, Dave, you look upset.
We buy it.
504
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:01,827
We totally
believe you.
505
00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:04,329
But could you hurry up,
because I'm hungry.
506
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:06,331
I'll meet you guys
in the lobby.
507
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:08,833
We'll be in that crappy
Mexican restaurant.
508
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:10,335
Don't blow us off,
Dave.
509
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:12,337
I won't. I'm coming.
Just go on.
510
00:21:14,339 --> 00:21:15,840
You okay, chief?
511
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,843
Oh, hey.
Yeah, I'm fine.
512
00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:19,845
I'm just, uh,
just thinking.
513
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:21,346
Thinking about what?
514
00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:22,347
[SIGHS]
515
00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:24,349
Thinking about
my cat Dusty.
516
00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:26,351
Your cat's not dead.
517
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:28,353
I know, I know, but...
518
00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:30,855
You know, someday
he will be, and...
519
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:32,357
Oh, I see.
520
00:21:32,357 --> 00:21:34,359
You know,
the poet John Keats
521
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:36,861
died of tuberculosis
at the age of 29.
522
00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:39,865
Before he died, well aware
his death was nigh,
523
00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:41,867
he penned the line:
524
00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:45,370
"Gather ye rosebuds
while ye may."
525
00:21:45,370 --> 00:21:48,873
[QUIETLY]
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.
526
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:51,876
Plus,
it's just a cat!
527
00:21:51,877 --> 00:21:54,379
Who cares? You can
buy them anywhere!
528
00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:59,384
This is the last time
I'm telling you.
529
00:21:59,384 --> 00:22:01,386
This is the mail drop.
530
00:22:01,386 --> 00:22:05,390
And this is
the incinerator.
531
00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:11,396
[♪]
35699
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