Original subtitles

Dave, we need to discuss the promos.

Oh, the promos. Oh, right.

You know, we actually really do need to discuss the promos.

Oh. Oh, okay.

You know, we really need to come up with

a less confusing code word.

Yes.

I hate to interrupt

your little mid-morning make-out session, but--

We weren't making out, Beth.

What were you guys doing, discussing the promos?

Yes, as a matter of fact, we were.

Well, okay, next time you guys decide to discuss the promos,

why don't you decide to shut the blinds

so you don't get busted?

Uh, did anybody see?

Only me,

and I didn't really see.

I was only guessing.

Anyway, Stewart on line five.

I'll take it at my desk.

Oh, okay. Say hi to Stewart for me.

Dave, are you threatened

by how often she talks to her ex-boyfriend?

No, no, no of course not.

I mean, after all, they were together for four years.

Five.

Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right.

It's five and a half, actually.

Yeah, five and a half.

It's actually only five, boss, but nice bluff.

Dave. Hmm?

Dave. Come on.

Oh. Who is it?

It's Lisa and Stewart.

I thought you might want to listen in.

Hang that up.

Look, Lisa told me all about Stewart.

Look, they're just trying to resolve something

to do with the security deposit

on the apartment they used to share--

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Ha, ha, ha!

Whoa, that would drive me crazy.

You want me to listen in, give you a full report?

No, of course not. No.

LISA: Ha, ha, ha!

Oh, you know,

I really do need to discuss this with Lisa, though.

Of course you do. Go on, now. Good luck.

Ten-four.

Hey.

Hold on. Yeah?

I just wanted to discuss something with you.

Okay, in a second.

Oh, okay.

Um... Here. I'll just...

Dave, I'm on the phone.

No. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll, uh...

Morning, chief.

Morning, Bill.

What's troubling you?

Nothing's troubling me. I just, you know...

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Is that Stewart? Yes.

Let me say hi to him.

Stew, Bill! How the hell are you?

Long time no see.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

You should come and see your lady more often.

Bill.

You don't want her to get restless.

Bill, we're not seeing each other anymore.

You did? I'm sorry to hear that.

I was sure you two were going to tie the knot.

Bill...

Okay, here she is.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

You got that right, Stewey.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

How's the coffee this morning, Bill?

They'll get back together.

I don't know.

I mean, they've been split up for over a year now, you know.

Just a bump in the road. They were made for each other.

Morning, Dave. Hey, Bill.

Morning, Mr. James.

Lisa, I want to ask you something.

Okay, I've got to go.

Can I get you a cup of coffee, sir?

No. Lisa, come on.

Let's get a move on, huh? Sorry, I really have to go.

Lisa, I own the telephone.

Hang it up. Let's go. Sorry.

Lisa, for God's sake, would you get off the phone?

Wait a minute, wait. Is that Stewey?

Stewart!

Yeah, it's Jimmy.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

[♪]

Hey, Beth. Morning, Dave, Lisa.

Morning, Mr. James.

What did you kids do this weekend?

Oh, well-- Well--

Me, I went to a business symposium

called "the future is now."

Cost me five bills. Guess what I learned.

That the future really is now?

You got it.

The whole day would have been a total waste

except for this fellow sitting next to me,

an absolute-- I kid you not-- total visionary

in the field of business and technology.

Brilliant, brilliant guy by the name of...Tom.

You met a visionary named Tom?

Yeah, Tom P. Baxter. Here's what I want to do.

I want to do an on-air interview with him.

Here's his number.

You ever had your mind blown, Dave?

No.

Well, get ready. Here comes Tom.

Hey, Bill, you're going to be doing

a live interview tomorrow.

With whom?

A business visionary.

And what's his vision?

Uh, not sure.

What's his name?

Tom.

Tom the Visionary, huh?

A friend of Jimmy's?

Uh, yes.

I thought so.

Why don't you have Catherine handle this one?

Well, because I've asked you to do it, Bill.

Stewart on line two.

Take a message, please.

Tell him I'll call him back.

Lisa, you must miss him terribly.

Well, no, actually...

BETH: Ha, ha, ha!

Oh, Stewart.

How about you, Dave?

Do you have a special lady in your life?

No, no.

I'm sorry. That was presumptuous of me.

Do you have a special person?

Look, Bill, I had a girlfriend in Wisconsin,

but it sort of ended when I moved here.

Okay... All right?

Okay, take it easy. I believe you.

Dave...

What do you mean it "sort of" ended?

Come on. I told you about Nancy.

Well, did you tell me everything,

or did you "sort of" tell me everything?

Well, I mean, what is there to tell?

I mean, we went out for three years,

and then it ended.

Well, it ended? Who ended it?

You ended it, what's-her-name ended it?

Well, let me put it this way.

At least I don't call her every other day on the phone.

Does it bother you that I talk to Stewart?

No, no.

It doesn't bother me.

It's just that I've seen tobacco company lawsuits

settled more quickly

than this interminable security deposit dispute.

You know, Dave,

just because you end a relationship with somebody

doesn't mean you just cut them out of your life.

Oh, really? Isn't that actually the definition

of ending a relationship?

Doesn't bother me when you talk to what's-her-name.

Nancy. Nancy.

And that's because I don't.

I haven't spoken with Nancy since I left Wisconsin.

Well, that's just unhealthy.

You should give her a call sometime.

Oh, should I? Well, maybe I will.

Please do. Well, perhaps I will do that.

Please do. All right.

Whatever.

Stewart on line two. Thank you.

Beth, would you hold all my calls for a while?

I'm going to be on the phone for a little while,

getting healthy.

Beth, I had something that I wanted to ask you

and I can't remember what it was.

What was it, what was it, what was it?

Is it, "Is Dave still on the phone with Nancy?"

No, of course not. But is he?

Oops. Sorry. I picked up the wrong line. Bye.

It sounds like they're wrapping it up.

Thank you.

Now, you don't do that when I'm on the phone, do you?

Oh, no, no.

Hey, Dave.

H-hi.

What's new?

Huh?

I think what Lisa's trying to say is

stop screwing around

and tell her what you and Nancy talked about.

Right, Lisa?

So you were talking to what's-her-name?

Nancy. Yes.

Nancy, yes. That's good.

Oh, good.

How is she?

She's well. She's well.

Um... Apparently, she's coming for a visit.

Oh. That's healthy.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

That's good. Good, good.

When?

Apparently...

tomorrow.

Uh-huh.

Is that still good and healthy?

Uh-huh, yeah.

Yes. Now, you invited her to come?

I don't exactly know how that happened.

I think she invited herself, actually.

And, um...

Where's she going to be staying?

Apparently...

With me.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Is that Stewart?

No, no. I was just eavesdropping.

It's going to be great.

Bill McNeal here.

If you've tuned in

for WNYX's regularly scheduled Wall Street Report,

we have a special treat for you,

because today we have an exclusive interview

with business visionary Tom P. Baxter.

Hello.

So, Tom, what trends do you see

shaping the business world of tomorrow?

Well, Bill.

Let me preface that by saying I've dabbled

in any number of investments myself,

stocks, bonds, what have you,

but I've yet to find the one that's the surefire moneymaker.

In fact, I took quite a bath in silver

a few years ago.

How did that happen?

Well, it would seem to me-- I'll tell you how it happened.

It's the oldest story in the world.

I bought high and sold low. Bad idea, right?

Not really, Bill--

You don't need to rub it in. I learned my lesson.

DAVE: What the hell is he doing?

The only way to stop him when he gets like this

is to put on the emergency broadcast signal.

No. I've used that three times this month.

I'll just have to bring Tom P. Baxter back tomorrow.

David.

Nancy, hi.

I smell a photo opportunity.

Cheese. Cheese.

Lisa, get in there. Oh, no.

I want a picture. Come on.

Hi, I'm Nancy.

Yes, you are.

Cheese. Cheese.

Hi, Dave.

I missed you last night.

Oh yeah? Yeah.

I tried to call you a couple times,

but I got your machine.

Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.

That's, uh... I still haven't told Nancy

about you and I, so I... Uh-huh.

Why not?

Well, it's just she's so sweet,

and this is really going to hurt her.

Why would this hurt her?

Well, um...

Well, because Nancy, apparently...

Doesn't think we split up.

Exactly how did that happen, Dave?

Well, uh, apparently, when I left Wisconsin,

I wasn't clear enough with her.

Mm-hmm? Yeah.

And exactly how unclear were you?

Well, apparently--

Dave, you say "apparently" one more time,

I'm going to strangle you.

Well, my exact words to her were,

"We'll see what happens."

Nice job, Dave.

Oh, come on.

Look, you know I'm no good at confrontation.

You know, but-- You know, last night we talked it all out,

and I told her.

You told her that it was over, completely over

and that you were seeing someone new?

Well, not exactly. Apparently--

I'm sorry.

I told her

that we had a lot of things we really needed to talk about.

Hey, you...

Brr.

I hate to interrupt this incredibly heavy vibe,

but the business visionary dude is back.

Bill, where's Mr. Baxter?

Tom P. Baxter, the visionary?

Yes.

He's gone.

Why?

I told him to take a hike.

Again, Bill? Why?

Well, I don't know if you were listening yesterday, Dave,

but that man has absolutely nothing new to say.

Bill, you never gave him a chance to speak.

Dave, I have 22 years of experience

in the art of interviewing.

You never gave him a chance to speak.

The man's a total fraud.

I have a way of sniffing these things out.

David.

Oh, Nancy. Hi.

I'm surprising you.

So you are.

Hey, everybody, look who's back.

Nancy, welcome back.

Oh, good. I don't have a picture of the three of us.

Cheese. Cheese.

Oh, she's a keeper, David.

That means keep her.

Nancy, I've kind of got my hands full right now.

Would you mind waiting in the office?

Sure, but can I give everyone their presents first?

Dave, let her give us our presents first.

Sure, sure.

Well, I know how you news people are always munching,

so I got everybody pastries.

I love pastries.

David... Pastries.

Who's lucky?

Who's jealous?

I tried to get everyone pastries that matched their personality.

I know it sounds silly,

but I thought

it might be kind of fun.

First, for Beth, I got ladyfingers

because she's so petite.

Thank you.

I got Catherine a honey roll

because you're so sweet.

Smart girl, Dave.

And for Joe and Matthew,

I got bear claws because you're so rugged.

Oh, you flatterer.

Grr.

And for Lisa, a plain doughnut.

Nancy...

What do you say, I'm just going to go grab my coat,

and then we'll go for lunch, huh?

Sure. All right.

Thank you for this.

No problem.

You seem like one of the nicer people here.

Oh, no, I'm really not.

Yes, you are.

That's why I wanted to tell you not to even think

about moving in on my boyfriend, or I'll kill you.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

What?

Oh. For a second, I thought you were serious.

I am, completely.

Oh, no. You're joking, right?

Try me.

Hey.

You two getting acquainted?

Uh-huh. We sure are.

Great. So why don't we head out for lunch?

Okay.

Oh, Nancy, I forgot one thing. I'll be right with you, okay?

Okay. All right.

Uh, Lisa? She's leaving tonight. I'll tell her after work.

I promise.

She doesn't know where I live, does she?

What?

Nothing, nothing. Have a nice lunch. I'm sorry.

Okay. Bye.

Bye, Lisa. Bye, Nancy.

Beth, you are not going to believe this.

Nancy just told me that if I put my hands on Dave, she--

I know, I know.

Were you eavesdropping again?

No. She just did the same thing to me.

You didn't eat your pastry yet, did you?

Uh-uh.

How'd it go last night?

Oh, hi.

Yeah. How'd it go last night? Bad scene at the airport?

Uh, no, not really.

No. She's still here, isn't she?

Yes, but she's leaving this afternoon. I swear to God.

Look, last night was really rough.

I mean, we were up till 4:00 in the morning,

you know, just talking this whole thing out.

Mm-hmm. She was upset about us?

No, no. I didn't tell her about us.

Oh, oh, well, no, but you did tell her

that you were seeing someone else

and it was over?

Well, apparently...

That's what I thought.

Did you tell him?

Tell him what?

Did you tell him

that his girlfriend is a borderline psychotic?

Well, actually, I think that they're about to break up.

No. Those two were made for each other.

She's nuts.

Oh, come on, you guys.

She was just joking with you, okay?

Yeah, how could a girl that sweet

be capable of cold-blooded murder?

Matthew, that is not what we're saying.

We're just saying

that she is not the person Dave thinks she is, that's all.

Mm-hmm. Look, everybody's thinking it.

So I'm going to go ahead and say it.

You two are just jealous.

Hey, I was thinking that.

I'll have you two know

Nancy brought me an exquisite kiwi tart

yesterday.

Oh, neat. What did it say about your personality?

I didn't discuss anything with the pastry, Matthew.

I just ate it!

CATHERINE: Our guest, Tom P. Baxter.

Thank you for joining us, Tom.

It's my pleasure, Catherine.

Now, I realize nobody can actually predict the future,

but I understand you have a unique insight

into where we might be headed

as we approach the turn of the century.

Yeah, I do. As I see it, Catherine,

the future of business--

Well, the future of this country, in fact,

is... Computers.

Computers.

Okay, would you care to elaborate on that?

Oh, you bet. I think computers are great.

You can keep records on them, play games.

They're... Well, they're like magic.

Uh-huh.

Yeah. I mean, I don't have one yet.

But I'm going to get one. You'd better believe that.

What exactly do you do for a living, Tom?

Well, I'm between things right now,

but all that's going to change

just as soon as I get a computer.

Well, now, this guy's a complete fraud.

You think?

Yeah.

You know, I'm surprised Bill didn't sniff this one out.

He usually has great instincts

about who's on the up-and-up.

Uh-huh.

You know, Bill has 22 years of experience

in the art of in interviewing.

He didn't say anything about this?

Nothing that I recall specifically, no.

Well, live and learn and all that good crap, Dave.

Amen to that, sir.

Yeah, and if Tom ever shows up again...

I'll call security.

That's my boy.

Okay, Bill,

you were right.

Shh, Dave, I'm listening.

I want to hear more

about these fascinating com...pooters

of which he speaks.

Hi.

Hi. Nancy.

How are you? Is Dave around?

Uh-huh. He's in his office.

Oh, yeah. She's a real looney.

Look, all I'm saying is

she's not as sweet as she seems.

No, no, no, she isn't.

She's even sweeter.

So double-shame on both of you.

Triple-shame.

[DOOR OPENS]

Nancy, wh--

Okay, I don't know what David said to her,

but I'm going to have to call a quadruple-shame on him.

How'd it go?

It could have gone better.

But you did tell her it was over?

Yes.

Completely over?

Yes.

Not that I don't trust you, Dave,

but would you mind repeating the exact words

that you said to her?

All right, Lisa.

I told her it was over, all right,

and I told her that I had a new girlfriend

who I've been seeing for two months...

And I told her that girlfriend was you.

What did you do that for?

Huh?

Well, what if she tells somebody in the office about us?

Nancy wouldn't do that.

Can you walk me to the elevator, please?

Listen, I'm really very sorry about all of this.

No. I didn't mean to make things harder for you.

If I knew about any of this, I wouldn't have come here.

Yeah, well, that probably

would have made things a lot easier for all of us.

Dave, I hope we can still be friends

at least.

Sure, sure.

Bye, everyone.

Oh, wait a minute. You're leaving already?

I want to get a picture with everybody. Everybody!

Picture.

Lisa, please.

David, smile.

You're with your girl here.

And say cheese.

Cheese.

I just wanted to thank everybody

for being so nice to me.

Well, you're welcome.

I don't know if you know this, but Dave and I broke up.

No!

It's okay. These things happen.

I look forward to being friends with Dave

and... Being friends with his new girlfriend,

Lisa...

Who he's been having a secret affair with

for the last two months.

Mm. Bye.

Well, I don't know exactly what to say--

Lisa?

Beth?

I owe you guys an apology.

That girl is insane. Sorry, David.

Imagine the magnificent Bickersons

having an affair.

[LAUGHTER]

Wow.

Okay, that was a little close.

You know, just keep smiling

in case anyone has any lingering doubts.

Now, Dave, I know

that that probably was a little bit difficult for you,

but don't you feel better

now that you've closed that chapter in your life?

Yes, I do.

It's all about closure, Dave, because--

Lisa, Stewart on line two.

I'll take it at my desk.

[TAPPING]

Tom.

Yes?

Get out.