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1
00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:04,570
Morning, boss man.
2
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,072
Hey. Morning, Joe.
3
00:00:06,072 --> 00:00:08,074
Big day tomorrow, huh?
You stoked?
4
00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:09,575
What?
5
00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:12,078
You stoked. It's a slang
expression. It means excited.
6
00:00:12,078 --> 00:00:14,080
Yeah, thanks, Joe,
but stoked about what?
7
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,581
Tomorrow.
It's a big day.
8
00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:16,583
Yeah, but--
9
00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:18,084
Big day tomorrow, huh?
10
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:19,585
Yeah, so I hear.
11
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:20,587
You nervous?
12
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:21,588
Well, actually,
13
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:23,089
I'm not sure what's so big
about the--
14
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:24,590
I get so nervous
before the big day.
15
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:25,592
Oh, really?
Oh yeah.
16
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,093
Well, what's so big
about the--
17
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:28,594
No, I don't even want
to talk about it.
18
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:29,596
Makes me
too nervous.
19
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,598
Here's your phone
sheet, boss.
20
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:32,599
Oh, thank you, Beth.
21
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:34,100
Beth, what day
is tomorrow?
22
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,101
April 19th.
23
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:36,602
And what's so special
about that?
24
00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:37,604
That's the big day, Dave.
25
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:41,107
Yeah, but what
is, uh...
26
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:42,108
Morning, chief.
27
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:43,109
Morning, Bill.
28
00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:44,610
Uh...
29
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:45,612
Big day tomorrow, huh?
30
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:48,615
What's so big about it?
31
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,617
You know, it's-- Tomorrow.
You know, it's the big day.
32
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:53,119
Tomorrow? The, uh, you know,
the big day.
33
00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:55,121
You know, April 19th.
Big...
34
00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:58,624
You're going to have to give me
a little more to go on here.
35
00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,126
Well, actually, Bill,
I have no idea.
36
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:02,128
I was hoping you might be able
to help me...
37
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:04,130
Hey, you're right.
Tomorrow is the big day.
38
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:05,631
Thanks for reminding me!
39
00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:13,139
Give up?
Yep.
40
00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:15,141
Tomorrow, April 19th, is the day
41
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:17,643
Jimmy gives us all
our annual bonuses.
42
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:20,146
Oh, yeah. That is a big day.
Yes, it is.
43
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,147
That's the kind of thing
44
00:01:21,147 --> 00:01:23,149
the news director
ought to know about, Dave.
45
00:01:23,149 --> 00:01:25,151
Yeah, well, I'm learning
these things as I go along.
46
00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:26,652
You've already been here
for two months.
47
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,154
Thank you
for your patience. Any time.
48
00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:30,656
Big day tomorrow, huh?
49
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,659
Oh, what's so big
about it?
50
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:33,660
You know, April 19th,
51
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,662
the day Mr. James gives out
the bonuses.
52
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:39,165
Oh, you don't say?
Who's Mr. James?
53
00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,167
You don't work here,
do you?
54
00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:43,669
Only when the copy machine
breaks down.
55
00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:49,675
You enjoyed that,
didn't you? I certainly did.
56
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,177
[♪]
57
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:25,712
See, and then you just
click on "open file"...
58
00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,714
Select a name...
59
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:28,715
Mm-hmm...
60
00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:31,217
And voilà.
61
00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:33,219
Well, that really
is something.
62
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:35,721
Yeah, and if you
get a fax modem,
63
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:38,224
you could download these
into your own own computer.
64
00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:39,725
Yeah, well,
you know, thanks, Joe,
65
00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:42,729
but I've never really been
much of an aficionado
66
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:46,733
on computer pornography.
67
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:47,734
Me neither, man.
68
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:51,237
It's the technology
that fascinates me.
69
00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:52,738
Joe, if I click
on this button,
70
00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:54,240
can I erase
this file?
71
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,241
No, no.
72
00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:56,742
If you click
on that one,
73
00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:58,745
that makes
the legs move.
74
00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:01,247
Oh, you know,
uh, I'll just, uh...
75
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:02,748
Run a systems diagnostics
on that later.
76
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:04,250
Yeah, yeah.
77
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:05,251
If you know what I mean.
78
00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:06,752
Well, of course
I don't, but thanks.
79
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:09,255
Hi.
80
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:10,756
Oh, hi.
81
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:13,259
Mm. Oh, could I ask you
a favor?
82
00:03:13,259 --> 00:03:14,760
Yes. Personal or professional?
83
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:15,762
Well, both.
Okay.
84
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,263
Would you mind
not wearing my jacket
85
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,265
when you go to get the paper
in the morning?
86
00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:20,266
How is that professional, Dave?
87
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:21,267
Well, it's just that, you know,
88
00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:22,768
your perfume sort of gets
into the fabric,
89
00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:25,772
and then, you know,
I walk around smelling like you
90
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:27,774
and, you know, I think it might
make people suspicious.
91
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:30,276
Now, wait,
let me see.
92
00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:32,278
Can you smell it?
93
00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:38,284
Beth, do you
ever knock?
94
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:40,286
Nope, and neither
does Mr. James,
95
00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:41,787
who happens to be
right behind me.
96
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,289
Oh. How are we?
97
00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:45,791
Um, you got a little
lipstick right there. Mm-hmm?
98
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:47,293
Great.
Bra strap's showing.
99
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:49,295
Just kidding.
100
00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:50,796
Good morning, Mr. James.
101
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,298
Good morning,
Beth.
102
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:53,299
Morning, Jimmy.
103
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:54,300
Mm, nice perfume.
104
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:55,301
Thank you.
Thank you.
105
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:58,304
Sweet girl, isn't she?
106
00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,806
Yes, she certainly is.
107
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,809
Uh-huh. Got a thing for her?
108
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,310
No, of course not.
109
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,312
Good. Don't dip your pen
in company ink.
110
00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:07,813
That's what I always say.
111
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:08,815
I hear you, sir.
112
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:11,818
Don't punch the clock with
the timecard in your pants.
113
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,319
You know
what I'm saying?
114
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:15,821
I said I heard you, sir.
115
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:19,826
You know you can get these
in color now, Dave.
116
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:21,828
Uh, so, big day, huh?
117
00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:23,830
Exactly. Big day.
Are you stoked?
118
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:26,833
Uh, yeah, yeah,
I suppose so, sir. And you?
119
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,835
Me? I'm miserable, Dave.
120
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:32,839
Yeah, figuring out
the annual bonuses is pure hell.
121
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,340
Oh? Why?
122
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,342
Well, you got to take
a living, breathing human being
123
00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:38,844
and put a dollar value
on his head.
124
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,847
It's the devil's work, Dave.
125
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,849
It's bad hoodoo.
126
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:44,851
Yeah, it sounds
like it.
127
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:48,354
Yeah. It used to be
the hardest part of my job.
128
00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:49,855
Oh, what changed it?
129
00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:51,357
I made it
the hardest part
130
00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:53,859
of your job.
131
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:55,361
When did that happen?
132
00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:56,362
Just now.
133
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,863
Ah, well,
thank you, sir. Yep.
134
00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:58,865
Hello, Jimmy.
135
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:00,366
Oh, hello, Bill.
136
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:01,867
You know, Dave, uh...
137
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:02,869
[SNIFFS]
138
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,872
Lisa's perfume really lingers,
doesn't it?
139
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:08,374
Is that what
that smell is?
140
00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:10,876
You know what I actually think
that is?
141
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,378
I think
that's the stuff they use
142
00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:13,379
to clean the carpet in here.
143
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:17,383
Yeah...
Jimmy, can I borrow Dave for a second?
144
00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:19,885
Oh, sure. If you don't need me
in the next 45 seconds,
145
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:20,887
you know where I'll be.
146
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:22,388
In the, uh...
147
00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:25,891
Yeah, in the can,
Dave. Yeah.
148
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,894
All right.
149
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:31,397
I just have a few questions
for you, chief.
150
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:32,398
Okay.
151
00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:33,899
Whose desk is this?
152
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:35,401
Uh, yours, Bill.
153
00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:37,903
Right, and whose
stapler is this?
154
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:40,406
Look, Bill.
155
00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:41,907
Humor me.
Whose stapler is this?
156
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,409
Yours?
157
00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:44,910
And this tape roll?
158
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:46,412
Yours, Bill. Why?
159
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:49,415
Uh-uh-uh, Dave. Now, whose
cup of coffee is this?
160
00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:50,916
Yours?
161
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:53,419
That's where you're wrong.
162
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:55,421
That is not my cup of coffee,
163
00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:59,425
nor is this
my whatever-the-hell this is.
164
00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:02,428
Well, look, Bill,
I didn't put them there.
165
00:06:02,428 --> 00:06:04,430
I'm not accusing you,
166
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:06,432
but recently,
my desk has become
167
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:09,435
a public dumping ground
for half-eaten food.
168
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:11,437
Well, look, Bill,
you're hardly ever at your desk.
169
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:12,938
It's in a high-traffic area.
170
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:14,941
Now, I would assume
this was a mistake.
171
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:16,442
So why don't you just
throw it out
172
00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:17,443
and forget about it?
173
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,445
What am I supposed to do
the next time I find
174
00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:20,946
a cup of that
and one of those
175
00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:21,948
on my desk?
176
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,449
Throw them out
and forget about it.
177
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:24,950
And the next time?
178
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:26,452
Throw them out
and forget about it.
179
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:27,953
I think I've made
my point.
180
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:30,456
You know, Bill,
you're being paranoid.
181
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:32,958
And annoying.
182
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:35,461
Am I, Dave?
183
00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:37,963
Am I?
184
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:40,967
It's like some
cruel magic trick!
185
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:41,968
Dave!
186
00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:44,971
Your office, please?
187
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,472
There's a few guidelines
188
00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:49,475
I'd like you to follow
for these bonuses.
189
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:50,976
Oh, sure, sir.
190
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,979
Here you are.
Here you go.
191
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,981
Oh, thanks.
192
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,482
"Tessio Brothers, Incorporated"?
193
00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:57,983
Yeah, it's just
a little company
194
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,485
I do business with.
195
00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:00,986
Oh. What do they do?
196
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:02,488
They make pens.
197
00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:04,490
Anyway, Dave...
198
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:08,494
I like to give everyone a bonus
of $400.
199
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:10,496
$400. Okay. That
shouldn't be too hard.
200
00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:11,997
Except for one person,
201
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:14,500
who gets a bonus
of $3000.
202
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,001
3000?
203
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:19,005
Yeah. Three fat louies,
or as I call it,
204
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,506
the big bonus.
205
00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,508
It's a great
motivator, Dave.
206
00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:24,510
Yeah. You're very
generous, sir. Yeah. Thanks.
207
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:29,014
I'd also like to give one person
a bonus of zero dollars.
208
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,016
Zero?
209
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:31,517
Yeah, zero dollars,
210
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:34,520
or as I call it, the shaft.
211
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:38,023
That's an even better
motivator, Dave.
212
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:42,028
Oh, uh, well, you know, sir,
the standard bonus of $400?
213
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,529
I think that's great.
214
00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:45,030
I think that's terrific.
215
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:50,036
But the big bonus
and, uh, the, uh, the shaft...
216
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:53,039
now, I think that's
just going to generate
217
00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:56,042
an atmosphere of paranoia
and fear in the office.
218
00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:02,047
I see.
219
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:04,050
So, you figure out
who gets what,
220
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,551
I'll deliver the news.
221
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:07,052
I'll tell you what.
222
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:08,054
Don't mention
who's making the decision.
223
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:10,056
I don't want anyone
to get ticked off at you.
224
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:11,557
Oh, well, thank you, sir.
225
00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:14,059
So if no one's going to miss me
for the next two minutes,
226
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:15,561
I'll be, uh...
In the can.
227
00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:17,062
What?
In the can?
228
00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:19,065
No, I got to make a phone call.
229
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:21,067
I'm sorry, sir. I'll
leave you to that, then.
230
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,568
You do that.
231
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:28,074
Did Mr. James
drop any hints
232
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:29,575
about who's getting
the shaft this year?
233
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:31,076
No, Matthew,
234
00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:33,079
I don't think that's been
figured out yet.
235
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:36,582
Okay, well, it better not
be me. I'll tell you that.
236
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,584
I take it
you've gotten the shaft before?
237
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,085
Three times, David.
238
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:43,589
I've been working here
for three years, and...
239
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:47,092
I have been thrice shafted.
240
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:49,595
It does not feel good,
my friend. Well, I can imagine.
241
00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:50,596
[DOOR OPENS]
242
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:52,097
Hang on.
243
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:53,599
Yeah. No. Hang on.
244
00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:56,602
No, no. I think the reception's
much better out here.
245
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,103
Yeah. No. There you go.
246
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,606
Okay, now, say something.
Uh-huh.
247
00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:02,107
That's better.
That's better.
248
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:03,109
That's better.
249
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,111
Yeah, it's almost--
250
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:08,614
That is... That is...
Perfectly clear. Yeah.
251
00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:10,616
That's great. I got to go.
252
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:14,620
David, can I clear
my live spots with you?
253
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:15,621
I've got so many of them
today.
254
00:09:15,621 --> 00:09:17,623
Hi, Mr. James.
255
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:19,124
Matthew,
we cleared those yesterday.
256
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,127
I'm going to be
at the Pataki press conference,
257
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,628
then vroom, right over to that
public schools chancellor
258
00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:24,129
for a 30-second interview.
259
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,631
Yeah, Matthew, I know that--
260
00:09:25,631 --> 00:09:27,633
And then after work,
which is nothing new to me,
261
00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:29,635
I'm going to be working
on that taxi commission piece.
262
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:31,136
Dave, I've got to go.
I'll see you.
263
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,638
Okay. See you,
Mr. James.
264
00:09:32,638 --> 00:09:34,139
Busy, busy, busy.
Matthew the workaholic.
265
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,641
That's what they're starting
to call me.
266
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:37,142
I'd better slow down
or my heart might burst.
267
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:41,647
Matthew, what
are you doing?
268
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:44,650
I'm just trying to look busy
in front of Mr. James.
269
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:46,652
I'm worried that he notices
270
00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:51,657
that I come in late
and I'm always leaving early.
271
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,158
You do?
272
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,661
Yeah, but don't tell Mr. James,
please.
273
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,663
I got to avoid that shaft.
274
00:09:57,663 --> 00:10:00,165
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
275
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:01,667
Matthew's desk.
276
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:02,668
David.
277
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:04,670
Hmm? Oh.
278
00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:05,671
Hello.
279
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:08,173
Hi, Bill. What--
280
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:11,677
All right, Bill.
I'll take care of it.
281
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:13,679
Bill, I'll take care of it!
282
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:22,688
Would you mind
not eating that there?
283
00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:29,194
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
284
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:30,696
Matthew's desk.
285
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:32,698
Tell him I'm not here,
Matthew.
286
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:36,702
Um, he stepped out
for a minute.
287
00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:39,705
Can I take...
some kind of message or...
288
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,206
[NO AUDIO]
289
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:51,217
Say, Joe, who's the black
private dick
290
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:54,220
that's a sex machine
for all the chicks?
291
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:57,723
Bill, I think that would be
Shaft.
292
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:03,228
And who's the cat
that won't cop out
293
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:04,730
when there's danger
all about?
294
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,732
JOE: Again, Bill,
we're talking about Shaft.
295
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:09,234
Damn right.
296
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:11,237
You know, they say
that cat Shaft
297
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:12,238
is one bad mother--
298
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:13,739
Shut up, you guys.
299
00:11:13,739 --> 00:11:15,240
JIMMY: Hey, what's going on?
300
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,243
We're just talking
about Shaft.
301
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,744
I can dig it.
302
00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:22,247
You guys are so mean.
303
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,751
Sir, I really wanted
to talk to you
304
00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:27,753
about these bonuses.
305
00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:29,755
Oh, you want to give
Matthew the shaft?
306
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:31,256
I like
the way you think, Dave.
307
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:34,260
Well, sir, I don't want to give
the shaft to anybody.
308
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:37,263
But you got to.
That's a great motivator.
309
00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:39,265
I mean,
it's all about motivation, Dave.
310
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:40,766
Yeah, well, yeah--
311
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:42,768
Hey, hey, I didn't think
motivation was important either
312
00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:45,270
till I got involved with
some motivational seminars,
313
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:48,774
and it really...
Really changed my life.
314
00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:49,775
Really? That surprises me.
315
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:51,777
I didn't think
you were the sort of person
316
00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:52,778
that would attend
one of those.
317
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:55,280
No, I don't.
I put them together.
318
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:58,284
Pack a few hundred suckers
into a motel ballroom,
319
00:11:58,284 --> 00:12:00,786
hire an out-of-work actor
320
00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:02,287
to paraphrase the opening scene
from Patton,
321
00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:04,290
charge them 500 bucks
a pop, and boom!
322
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:05,791
Bob's your uncle.
323
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:09,795
Okay, well, sir, this is what
I'd really like to do.
324
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:12,798
I'd like to drop the big bonus,
325
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:14,299
forget about the shaft,
326
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,802
and just give everybody
an equal bonus.
327
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:18,804
Well, now, how are you going
to motivate people?
328
00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:19,805
Uh...
329
00:12:19,805 --> 00:12:21,306
Buzz! Time's up.
330
00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:22,308
Come on.
331
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,809
Buzz! Time's up again.
332
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:26,812
Sir, I--
Buzz, buzz, buzz.
333
00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:28,313
That was the final buzzer, Dave.
334
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:29,815
This game is over, son.
335
00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:48,834
...has been rejuvenated
by higher newsstand sales
336
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:50,836
and increases
in ad revenue.
337
00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:53,839
WNYX news time:
11:46.
338
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,841
Dave, I just wanted
to talk to you.
339
00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:57,843
Bill, would you
just relax?
340
00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:03,348
It's that guy
with the beard.
341
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:04,850
He's been circling my desk
all morning,
342
00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:07,352
just waiting for me
to turn my back.
343
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:09,855
Look, there,
he's walked away.
344
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:11,857
He knew I was watching.
345
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:13,859
Is this what you wanted
to talk to me about?
346
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:16,361
No, I just wanted you
to tell Jimmy
347
00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:19,865
that 3000 wasn't going to be
enough for me this year.
348
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:21,366
Pardon me?
349
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:22,868
The big bonus,
350
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:25,370
the one Jimmy gives me
almost every year
351
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:27,373
for my consistent level
of excellence.
352
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:29,875
I mean--
That's right. Go ahead.
353
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:31,376
Set it down.
354
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:35,381
Oh, okay, perhaps another time.
355
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:38,384
You're very sly, but so am I.
356
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,885
Bill, I've got
work to do.
357
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:41,386
D-D-Dave,
358
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:42,888
listen, uh,
just tell Jimmy,
359
00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:44,890
"Bigger big bonus."
360
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:47,392
Uh, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
361
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:55,400
Who did this?
362
00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:57,403
Whose food is this?
363
00:13:57,403 --> 00:14:00,906
This desk is not a steam table.
Whose food is this?
364
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:01,907
"Bill McNeal"?
365
00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:04,910
Oh, right. Uh...
366
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,419
What are you doing, Dave?
367
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:15,421
I'm still trying
368
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:16,922
to figure out
these bonuses.
369
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:17,923
Look, Beth,
370
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:19,925
you haven't told anyone
I'm deciding these, right?
371
00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:21,426
Your secret is safe with me.
372
00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:23,429
Why don't you just give me
the big bonus, Dave?
373
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:24,930
I'll get you a cup of coffee.
374
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:28,433
Okay, you've got a deal.
375
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:30,436
You called my bluff, Dave.
376
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:38,944
Why don't you at least help me
try to narrow this down, okay?
377
00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:40,445
Okay, now, I assume
378
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:41,947
you are giving Lisa
the big bonus, right?
379
00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:43,448
I mean,
380
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,451
in addition
to the one you give her
381
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:46,952
on a semi-nightly basis.
382
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:50,455
No. No, I am not.
Oh.
383
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:51,957
I mean, just because
Lisa and I are dating,
384
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:53,959
that doesn't mean I'm going
to give her the big bonus.
385
00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:54,960
Ooh.
386
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,963
You do know
that Lisa is absolutely certain
387
00:14:57,963 --> 00:14:59,464
she's getting the big bonus,
don't you, Dave?
388
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:02,468
Oh?
Yeah.
389
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:03,469
Oh...
390
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:08,974
Okay, Beth,
would you get Lisa for me?
391
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:10,976
Sure. Lisa,
Dave wants you!
392
00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:13,478
You're not giving her the shaft,
are you, Dave?
393
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:15,481
I mean, in addition
to the one you give her
394
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:18,484
on a semi-nightly
basis?
395
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:20,986
For God's sake, Beth,
were you raised by truckers?
396
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:23,989
Hi.
Hi. Hi.
397
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:29,494
Lisa, you know how we always say
398
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:32,498
that our relationship
should be based
399
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:33,999
on total truth and honesty?
400
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:36,001
Oh, no. You're not cheating
on me already, are you?
401
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:37,502
No, I just--
402
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:39,004
I have something
I have to tell you.
403
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:39,504
Sorry.
404
00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:45,010
Mr. James isn't giving out
the bonuses this year.
405
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:46,011
Huh?
406
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:47,512
I am.
407
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:49,515
Great!
408
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:51,517
Great, because I don't want this
to cause any problems for us,
409
00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:52,518
you know, relationship-wise.
410
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:55,521
No, no, I don't see
why it should.
411
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:58,023
It doesn't matter who gives me
the big bonus, Dave.
412
00:15:58,023 --> 00:16:01,526
As long as I get it.
Uh-huh.
413
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:04,530
I am getting the big bonus,
right, Dave?
414
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:08,533
Lisa, considering the fact
that we are dating,
415
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:12,538
we do have to be aware
of how it would look--
416
00:16:12,538 --> 00:16:14,039
Dave, nobody knows we're dating.
417
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:15,040
Beth knows.
418
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,041
Well, Beth can be dealt with.
419
00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:17,542
Great.
420
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:19,545
So, what, eventually we'll have
to whack the entire staff?
421
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:22,047
Look, Dave,
I deserve the big bonus
422
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:23,048
and you know it.
423
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:24,549
Yes--
You do the math.
424
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,051
Lisa, come on.
Don't do this.
425
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:27,052
Come on,
let's talk about this.
426
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:30,055
Hey, Dave, I was just
out there doing my job,
427
00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:32,557
and I just thought of
something really funny
428
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:34,560
you should pass along
to Mr. James.
429
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,561
Oh yeah?
What's that?
430
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:38,063
Well, somewhere on this floor
is a switch
431
00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:41,066
that controls all
the power to the station.
432
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:43,068
Yeah? What's so funny
about that?
433
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:45,570
I don't know.
It just makes me giggle.
434
00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:47,072
You know
what's even funnier?
435
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:48,573
What's that?
436
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:52,077
I'm the only one
who knows where it is.
437
00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:53,578
Hey, Joe,
438
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,080
you know,
I'm new to these parts,
439
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,082
but where I come from,
we call that a threat.
440
00:16:57,082 --> 00:16:59,084
Yeah, that's what we call it
here too, Dave.
441
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:04,589
John Shaft.
442
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:06,592
All right, Matthew,
what message
443
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:09,094
would you like me
to pass along to Mr. James?
444
00:17:09,094 --> 00:17:10,595
Wait, a minute.
Let me guess.
445
00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:13,098
You need an operation
or what?
446
00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:16,601
No, no, no. I don't need you to
tell Mr. James anything for me
447
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,103
because I'm going to do it
myself.
448
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:20,105
Matthew, you really don't want
to do that.
449
00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:23,108
Yeah. I'm going to go down
to his offices downtown.
450
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:25,110
Matthew, you really don't want
to do that.
451
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:27,112
I'm going to march
right up to him
452
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:29,114
and I'm going to tell him
to his face
453
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:31,116
that if he gives me
the shaft one more year,
454
00:17:31,116 --> 00:17:32,617
there is going
to be trouble.
455
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:34,620
Yeah? What kind
of trouble, Matthew?
456
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:39,124
Big trouble.
457
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:40,125
Uh-huh.
458
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,626
Hey, I don't get mad very often,
459
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:44,129
but when I do,
it does mean trouble.
460
00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:46,131
I don't think Mr. James
is the sort of man
461
00:17:46,131 --> 00:17:48,633
that tolerates, you know,
this kind of violent outburst.
462
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:51,636
David, I'm at my breaking point,
okay?
463
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:52,638
Uh-huh.
464
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:57,142
I am now officially
on a rampage.
465
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,146
All right. That's it.
466
00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:02,147
What? No. I'm sorry.
467
00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:03,148
I--
468
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:05,650
Beth? Beth...
469
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,653
Would you please
call the staff
470
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,154
to the conference table
for a meeting?
471
00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:11,156
Staff
to the conference table
472
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:12,657
for a meeting!
473
00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:16,161
Tell them it's about
the bonuses.
474
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:18,163
It's about
the bonuses.
475
00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:21,666
[RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]
476
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:24,670
No, but history has a way
of repeating itself.
477
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:26,171
When is it going
to repeat?
478
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:27,672
Okay, okay.
479
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:29,675
Let's settle down, please.
Settle down, please.
480
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:31,176
Lisa, would you like
to have a seat?
481
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:32,677
No, Dave, I wouldn't.
482
00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:34,680
Okay, look,
I think we need to talk
483
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,683
about this whole
bonus situation, all right?
484
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:39,685
Dave, before you continue,
I just want to say
485
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:42,688
that I'm 100% behind whatever
decisions Mr. James makes
486
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:44,189
regarding the bonuses.
487
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:46,691
Well, calm down, Bill. Mr. James
isn't even in the building.
488
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:47,693
Oh.
489
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:50,696
Then why are we pretending
to have a meeting?
490
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:52,197
Well, because, Bill,
491
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:53,698
Mr. James isn't giving out
the bonuses this year.
492
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,200
I am.
493
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,702
Dave, before you continue,
I just want to say
494
00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:59,204
that I'm 100% behind
495
00:18:59,204 --> 00:19:00,205
whatever decisions
you make.
496
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:01,706
Thank you, Bill. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
497
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:02,708
David,
498
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,710
please don't give me
the shaft.
499
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:06,712
Matthew, I don't want to give
anyone the shaft, all right?
500
00:19:06,712 --> 00:19:08,213
Now, I have a solution.
501
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:11,216
Now, we can't tell Mr. James
about this,
502
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:14,219
but I propose that we just pool
all the bonus money
503
00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:16,721
and divide it equally
amongst us.
504
00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:18,724
So everyone gets
an equal bonus.
505
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,726
And no one gets the shaft.
506
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:22,227
No one gets the shaft.
507
00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:25,730
Okay, I think
this idea's a winner.
508
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,733
Thank you, Matthew.
509
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,735
This idea
is both fair and democratic.
510
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,737
Yes, it is.
And I want no part of it.
511
00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:36,241
It reeks of Communism.
512
00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:39,744
It penalizes the person
who most deserves the bonus,
513
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:41,747
and speaking as that person,
I cannot support it.
514
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:45,250
Okay, Bill, but what if
you don't get the big bonus?
515
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:46,251
I'll take my chances.
516
00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:47,752
Me too.
Me too.
517
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:49,254
Me too.
518
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:51,256
Well, okay. Thank you all
for your honesty...
519
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:53,258
Not to mention
your sickening greed.
520
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:54,759
Oh, Catherine,
521
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,762
I think you might want
to join us for this.
522
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:57,763
What's going on?
523
00:19:57,763 --> 00:19:59,765
Well, I'm deciding the bonuses.
524
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:01,266
Do you really need me
for this, Dave?
525
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:03,268
Well, Catherine,
526
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:05,270
this is your last chance
to put your two cents in.
527
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:09,274
Well, I guess I don't really
have any opinion on this.
528
00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:11,276
Sorry.
529
00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:13,778
Congratulations, Catherine.
You're getting the big bonus.
530
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:15,280
Oh, come on!
What?
531
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:16,781
I'll settle for--
Too late, Bill.
532
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:19,284
JOE: That's a waste of the big
bonus! She doesn't even care!
533
00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:20,285
Well, that's kind
of the point.
534
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:21,286
The big bonus?
Yeah.
535
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:22,787
Is that good?
536
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:23,789
Yes, it is,
yes, it is.
537
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:25,290
And who gets
the shaft?
538
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:28,293
I'll be taking the shaft just
to make you all feel guilty.
539
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:29,794
God bless you,
David.
540
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:33,298
The rest of you,
the standard $400 bonus.
541
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:35,800
Thank you all
for your cooperation.
542
00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:39,304
So, what's the big bonus,
you guys?
543
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:42,807
You can drop it,
Cathy. He's gone.
544
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:44,309
Sorry, gang.
545
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:47,812
I guess you just got to know
how to play the game, honey.
546
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:52,818
JIMMY: Dave,
547
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,820
I've had a few thoughtsabout the bonuses.
548
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:58,824
I want you to give Joe
an extra 300.
549
00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:00,325
Well, consider it done.
550
00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:02,327
And while you're at it,
551
00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:03,828
I want you to give Lisa
the big bonus.
552
00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:05,330
I've already given it
to Catherine.
553
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:06,831
Well, give another one to Lisa,
554
00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:09,334
and I want you to give Beth
another 150 or so.
555
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:11,336
Sir, are there any
of my bonus decisions
556
00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:12,837
that you do agree with?
557
00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:14,339
What'd you give
yourself again?
558
00:21:14,339 --> 00:21:15,340
The shaft.
559
00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:18,343
Good work. I got to go.
560
00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:24,849
Dave, I think you and I need
to have a serious talk.
561
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:27,853
Bill, this really isn't
a good time. Trust me.
562
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:29,354
I asked you
to do something
563
00:21:29,354 --> 00:21:30,355
about the clutter
on my desk,
564
00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:31,856
and yet you refuse.
565
00:21:45,370 --> 00:21:46,871
Is that better, Bill?
566
00:21:46,872 --> 00:21:48,373
Maybe we should
talk about this
567
00:21:48,373 --> 00:21:49,374
another time.
568
00:21:49,374 --> 00:21:51,376
Yeah, maybe
we should. Yeah.
569
00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:03,388
Wow.
570
00:22:10,896 --> 00:22:13,398
[♪]
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