All language subtitles for Why Him [2016] -Self Sync to Fit

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:05:30,412 --> 00:05:32,312 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 2 00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:39,503 Hey, babe. So happy to see you! 3 00:05:39,571 --> 00:05:42,622 Hi! I got your flowers. That was so sweet of you. 4 00:05:42,691 --> 00:05:44,273 Of course. Well, I know you're finishing 5 00:05:44,342 --> 00:05:45,876 your Global Health paper today 6 00:05:45,944 --> 00:05:47,527 and you've been working really hard on it. 7 00:05:47,596 --> 00:05:51,664 Well, I'm almost done, so, maybe 8 00:05:51,733 --> 00:05:56,136 you want to come over and Netflix and chill and... 9 00:05:56,604 --> 00:05:57,770 What? 10 00:05:57,856 --> 00:06:00,673 You mean you want to fuck? 11 00:06:00,742 --> 00:06:02,708 I did not say that! (LAUGHS) 12 00:06:02,778 --> 00:06:04,060 Oh, my God! I know. 13 00:06:04,129 --> 00:06:05,495 No! I was being more subtle than that! 14 00:06:05,564 --> 00:06:06,679 I know. I'm sorry. 15 00:06:06,748 --> 00:06:08,949 Yes, I am so down for that. 16 00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:10,817 It's been like three fucking days. 17 00:06:10,886 --> 00:06:13,587 My balls are so blue right now, 18 00:06:13,655 --> 00:06:15,171 like dark blue, Uh-oh. 19 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:16,356 like almost black. 20 00:06:16,424 --> 00:06:18,492 No, I'm fucking serious. Here, check it out. 21 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:21,044 I believe you. (LAUGHING) I believe you. 22 00:06:21,112 --> 00:06:22,345 Okay. 23 00:06:22,364 --> 00:06:24,214 I'll see your almost-black balls later. 24 00:06:24,282 --> 00:06:25,348 Cool, Steph. 25 00:06:25,417 --> 00:06:27,584 Come over any time after 6:00. Okay, hun? 26 00:06:27,669 --> 00:06:29,452 Okay. Dude, we are going to Netflix 27 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:32,321 and chill this shit so hard. 28 00:06:32,390 --> 00:06:35,524 Peaky Blinders. Kimmy Schmidt! 29 00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:37,243 Movember's over. 30 00:06:37,312 --> 00:06:40,380 Time to shave the pornstache. 31 00:06:40,449 --> 00:06:43,016 Sorry. Making a Murderer! 32 00:06:43,085 --> 00:06:44,584 Narcos! (LAUGHING) 33 00:06:44,652 --> 00:06:47,404 Stranger Things! 34 00:06:47,472 --> 00:06:49,956 Black balls! 35 00:07:05,874 --> 00:07:08,041 SCOTTY: Anyways, Ned followed his dreams 36 00:07:08,109 --> 00:07:09,909 and turned a run-down old printing press 37 00:07:09,978 --> 00:07:11,328 into the industry powerhouse 38 00:07:11,396 --> 00:07:13,813 known today as the Fleming Company. 39 00:07:13,882 --> 00:07:15,348 (ALL CHEERING) Best boss in the world! 40 00:07:15,467 --> 00:07:17,650 The Fleming Company! 41 00:07:17,686 --> 00:07:18,919 SCOTTY: We're talking 42 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,037 brochures for Steelcase furniture, 43 00:07:21,105 --> 00:07:23,239 half the specialty jobs in Grand Rapids 44 00:07:23,308 --> 00:07:26,876 and who could forget the Domino's Pizza circular? 45 00:07:28,313 --> 00:07:29,278 (WHOOPING) 46 00:07:29,347 --> 00:07:31,414 But before all that... 47 00:07:31,483 --> 00:07:34,700 Ned met a young Michigan Wolverine, Barbara Welsh. 48 00:07:34,736 --> 00:07:36,452 How did this older guy get me? 49 00:07:36,521 --> 00:07:40,372 Ned took her on their first date to see his favorite band... 50 00:07:40,492 --> 00:07:43,709 Kiss! Kiss! 51 00:07:43,829 --> 00:07:45,027 My favorite band, too! 52 00:07:45,096 --> 00:07:46,495 Rock and roll! 53 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:47,813 A few years later, 54 00:07:47,883 --> 00:07:50,250 the stork brought my sister, Stephanie. 55 00:07:50,285 --> 00:07:51,567 ALL: Aw! 56 00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:54,220 WOMAN: She's so cute. 57 00:07:54,289 --> 00:07:56,539 SCOTTY: They weren't close at all. 58 00:07:56,608 --> 00:07:58,991 Oh, dropping her off at school. Yeah. 59 00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:01,711 Then came me, Scotty F. 60 00:08:01,730 --> 00:08:03,013 Did we have another child? 61 00:08:03,081 --> 00:08:04,997 I forgot about that second baby. Oh, we had another child. 62 00:08:05,066 --> 00:08:05,998 Anyways, Big Cheese. 63 00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:09,185 I'm sorry, guys. 64 00:08:09,253 --> 00:08:11,453 I promised myself I wasn't gonna do this. 65 00:08:11,556 --> 00:08:12,755 ALL: Aw... 66 00:08:12,824 --> 00:08:14,557 But I love you, Dad. Happy Birthday. 67 00:08:14,626 --> 00:08:15,609 Way to go, Scotty! 68 00:08:15,677 --> 00:08:17,276 I love you, too, buddy. 69 00:08:17,345 --> 00:08:19,029 Thank you. Wow! (ALL APPLAUDING) 70 00:08:19,097 --> 00:08:21,464 That was fantastic. 71 00:08:21,466 --> 00:08:23,032 We've got one last surprise for you. 72 00:08:23,168 --> 00:08:24,317 That's right. Ladies and gentlemen, 73 00:08:24,386 --> 00:08:26,252 live from her dorm room at Stanford... 74 00:08:26,371 --> 00:08:28,220 it's my sister, Stephanie! 75 00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:30,557 (ALL CHEERING) 76 00:08:30,625 --> 00:08:32,258 Hi, everyone! Hey, honey! 77 00:08:33,378 --> 00:08:35,044 Hey, Steph! Hey, it's Kevin! 78 00:08:35,113 --> 00:08:36,729 STEPHANIE: Hi, Kevin! Kevin. 79 00:08:36,798 --> 00:08:38,882 Can we see? Sorry. 80 00:08:38,934 --> 00:08:40,650 Hi, Momma. Hi! 81 00:08:40,719 --> 00:08:41,851 Hi, Dad. 82 00:08:41,919 --> 00:08:43,252 The birthday boy. 83 00:08:43,305 --> 00:08:44,336 Hey, honey. 84 00:08:44,405 --> 00:08:46,322 You guys look like you're having so much fun. 85 00:08:46,391 --> 00:08:48,157 And I wish I could be there with you. 86 00:08:48,226 --> 00:08:49,692 She's so sweet. 87 00:08:49,761 --> 00:08:51,327 Yeah. Get out. 88 00:08:51,446 --> 00:08:53,579 Yeah, I just wanted to say, Dad, that I love you. 89 00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:54,964 I love you, too, honey. 90 00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:56,432 I love you more. No, you don't. 91 00:08:56,485 --> 00:08:57,850 Love you to the moon and back. 92 00:08:57,919 --> 00:08:59,569 I'll let you win this round. Okay, Pops? 93 00:08:59,637 --> 00:09:00,854 (LAUGHS) 94 00:09:00,922 --> 00:09:02,638 Even though you're now like... 95 00:09:03,975 --> 00:09:05,241 ...ancient. 96 00:09:05,293 --> 00:09:06,759 You are still... 97 00:09:06,828 --> 00:09:07,977 What are you doing here? 98 00:09:08,046 --> 00:09:09,495 LAIRD: You asked me to come over. 99 00:09:09,563 --> 00:09:10,930 STEPHANIE: You're early. I said after 6:00. 100 00:09:10,999 --> 00:09:12,281 LAIRD: All right. Give me a sec, 101 00:09:12,350 --> 00:09:13,499 I'm on the phone. LAIRD: Got it. 102 00:09:13,568 --> 00:09:14,600 STEPHANIE: Sorry. It's just my friend. Anyway. 103 00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:18,171 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 104 00:09:18,239 --> 00:09:20,339 (ALL EXCLAIMING) Oh, my goodness. 105 00:09:20,408 --> 00:09:21,624 Oh, Laird, what are you... 106 00:09:21,693 --> 00:09:22,908 LAIRD: Go finish your call. 107 00:09:22,977 --> 00:09:24,728 I'm just getting ready to Netflix and chill, baby. 108 00:09:24,796 --> 00:09:26,429 No, not now, Laird. Oh, my goodness. 109 00:09:26,497 --> 00:09:27,413 LAIRD: Kimmy Schmidt! 110 00:09:27,481 --> 00:09:28,664 STEPHANIE: Pull up your pants. Marco Polo. 111 00:09:28,733 --> 00:09:30,199 Oh, my God! (ALL GROANING) 112 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:32,952 How do you make it stop? (CAMERA CLICKS) 113 00:09:33,021 --> 00:09:34,637 Whoa, whoa, Mom, you just took a screenshot. 114 00:09:34,706 --> 00:09:37,089 ♪ Happy, happy birthday Happy, happy birthday 115 00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:38,007 Kevin, help her out. Kevin. 116 00:09:38,076 --> 00:09:40,276 ♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday ♪ 117 00:09:40,344 --> 00:09:41,895 (ALL EXCLAIMING) (BARB SCREAMING) 118 00:09:47,702 --> 00:09:49,119 (CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING) 119 00:09:51,272 --> 00:09:55,041 ♪ Mi oh my, it's a wonderful life 120 00:09:55,110 --> 00:10:00,029 ♪ It's a wonderful life with you by my side 121 00:10:00,098 --> 00:10:03,683 ♪ Mi oh my, it's a wonderful life 122 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:08,505 ♪ It's a wonderful life with you by my side ♪ 123 00:10:08,557 --> 00:10:10,106 Hey, there he is. Happy birthday, Big Cheese. 124 00:10:10,175 --> 00:10:11,174 Thanks, Jim. 125 00:10:12,693 --> 00:10:14,094 Jerry. Hey, Ned. 126 00:10:14,162 --> 00:10:15,261 Fun dinner last night. Hey, Jerry. 127 00:10:15,330 --> 00:10:16,395 Thanks. Lou. 128 00:10:16,464 --> 00:10:17,730 Hey, Cheese, can I have a minute? 129 00:10:17,798 --> 00:10:19,716 Sure. Good morning, Joyce. 130 00:10:19,784 --> 00:10:21,283 Great party. 131 00:10:21,352 --> 00:10:22,986 Hold all his calls. 132 00:10:25,423 --> 00:10:26,973 NED: You gotta be kidding me. 133 00:10:27,041 --> 00:10:29,108 Big Lots is bailing out on us? 134 00:10:29,161 --> 00:10:30,860 We've had that account since '06. 135 00:10:30,879 --> 00:10:32,728 They're moving all their print work to China. 136 00:10:32,831 --> 00:10:34,197 Oh, God. 137 00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:36,833 Cheese, we're already getting pummeled by Evite, Stamp-Free 138 00:10:36,902 --> 00:10:38,567 and the rest of those dot-coms. 139 00:10:38,637 --> 00:10:41,270 And at this rate, we'll be Chapter 11 by March. 140 00:10:41,306 --> 00:10:42,505 What about Dick's Sporting Goods? 141 00:10:42,574 --> 00:10:45,575 Well, I mean, I'm still trading calls with my guy. 142 00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:47,877 But, Ned, can I be honest with you? 143 00:10:47,979 --> 00:10:49,962 I can't keep this from Patty much longer. 144 00:10:50,031 --> 00:10:52,748 Lou, haven't I kept us going? 145 00:10:52,817 --> 00:10:55,468 Yeah. I mean, it's what you do. 146 00:10:55,570 --> 00:10:57,987 I just need a little more time. That's all. 147 00:10:58,056 --> 00:11:00,156 You are the maestro. 148 00:11:00,225 --> 00:11:02,525 Maybe you'll pull off a Christmas miracle. 149 00:11:02,593 --> 00:11:05,128 Yeah. Yeah. 150 00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:07,380 By the way, good job keeping that game face last night. 151 00:11:07,449 --> 00:11:08,297 Oh. Thanks. 152 00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:09,782 That was some shindig, man. 153 00:11:09,851 --> 00:11:10,850 Yeah, it was fun. 154 00:11:10,919 --> 00:11:12,518 Well, till the kid had his farter 155 00:11:12,587 --> 00:11:14,153 all over the screen in 3-D. 156 00:11:14,221 --> 00:11:15,822 I was like, "Whoa! 157 00:11:15,890 --> 00:11:16,956 "That's a lot, man." 158 00:11:17,025 --> 00:11:18,274 NED: And get this... 159 00:11:18,343 --> 00:11:19,808 Stephanie now wants us to fly out... 160 00:11:19,877 --> 00:11:22,778 to meet the man behind the crack over the holidays. 161 00:11:22,881 --> 00:11:24,147 With everything that's going on here, 162 00:11:24,215 --> 00:11:25,381 that's the last thing I want to do. 163 00:11:25,449 --> 00:11:26,816 Well, hold on now. 164 00:11:26,885 --> 00:11:29,001 This is the first serious boyfriend? 165 00:11:29,070 --> 00:11:31,287 Yeah. Apparently. 166 00:11:31,356 --> 00:11:34,056 I mean, it's so strange. 167 00:11:34,125 --> 00:11:37,543 I mean, Stephanie and I have always been so close. 168 00:11:37,612 --> 00:11:40,363 And yet she has never even mentioned this guy. 169 00:11:40,432 --> 00:11:41,931 That's the way it goes, Cheese. 170 00:11:41,983 --> 00:11:44,367 I thought I knew everything about Lou Junior, 171 00:11:44,435 --> 00:11:46,051 when he was down at Ohio State. 172 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,186 Out of nowhere, 173 00:11:47,255 --> 00:11:49,421 he comes dragging home this Buckeye 174 00:11:49,457 --> 00:11:52,308 that he's been dating for over a year. 175 00:11:52,377 --> 00:11:53,926 No. Yeah. 176 00:11:53,995 --> 00:11:56,963 Nice girl, but still. She's so controlling. 177 00:11:57,031 --> 00:11:58,831 I'm sorry. I don't mean it like that 178 00:11:58,917 --> 00:12:00,266 because I don't know her that well. 179 00:12:00,335 --> 00:12:01,734 But I don't like her. 180 00:12:01,837 --> 00:12:03,169 I don't. Lou. 181 00:12:03,237 --> 00:12:04,837 It's just what happens, you know? 182 00:12:04,906 --> 00:12:07,356 Lou, what is the point of all this? 183 00:12:07,425 --> 00:12:08,758 Go out there and meet him. 184 00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:10,960 I know we going through a lot right now 185 00:12:10,979 --> 00:12:14,414 but hell, Lou Junior is talking about getting married in May. 186 00:12:14,482 --> 00:12:15,181 Married. 187 00:12:15,249 --> 00:12:17,500 Once they're not under your roof, 188 00:12:17,568 --> 00:12:19,769 there's no telling what they're into. 189 00:12:19,821 --> 00:12:21,170 Oh, uh, that reminds me. 190 00:12:21,239 --> 00:12:22,671 He does want you to speak at the wedding 191 00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:25,108 and say some kind words. Oh. 192 00:12:25,176 --> 00:12:27,676 I told him that I would talk to you about it. 193 00:12:27,696 --> 00:12:30,596 And they'd like to get married at your house in the backyard. 194 00:12:30,665 --> 00:12:32,631 Well... But anyway... 195 00:12:32,751 --> 00:12:36,886 I'm just saying you might want to get out there and meet this kid. 196 00:12:36,955 --> 00:12:38,237 Because, I mean, you saw it. 197 00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:40,623 You saw it, he's a free spirit. 198 00:12:41,192 --> 00:12:42,374 You mean... 199 00:12:42,443 --> 00:12:44,276 You heard him come into the room. 200 00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:45,995 He came in there guns blazing. 201 00:12:46,097 --> 00:12:49,332 He had that revved up energy where he was like... 202 00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:50,533 bow-bow-bow-bow. 203 00:12:50,602 --> 00:12:52,868 He just wants to go and go and go... 204 00:12:52,937 --> 00:12:55,070 and just morning, noon and night, 205 00:12:55,139 --> 00:12:56,639 and "Stephanie, here I am. 206 00:12:56,708 --> 00:12:59,542 "Stephanie, here I come. I'm coming again." 207 00:12:59,644 --> 00:13:01,110 I remember being that age, don't you? 208 00:13:01,179 --> 00:13:02,545 Just always ready. 209 00:13:02,613 --> 00:13:05,497 (EXCLAIMING) 210 00:13:05,566 --> 00:13:06,615 (TIRES SCREECH) 211 00:13:10,955 --> 00:13:12,321 (WOMAN SINGING) ♪ Come on, it's lovely weather 212 00:13:12,389 --> 00:13:14,824 ♪ For a sleigh ride together with you ♪ 213 00:13:15,409 --> 00:13:16,659 Thanks for coming. 214 00:13:18,596 --> 00:13:22,397 Oh, gosh, it is so gorgeous here. 215 00:13:22,417 --> 00:13:24,550 I'm very excited that you guys are all out here. 216 00:13:24,669 --> 00:13:25,851 BARB: We're very excited. 217 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:27,603 There's a few things that I wanna tell you about Laird 218 00:13:27,672 --> 00:13:30,406 that I didn't feel like getting into over the phone because... 219 00:13:30,475 --> 00:13:32,141 Watch, honey... 220 00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:33,643 You missed our exit. 221 00:13:33,678 --> 00:13:34,893 STEPHANIE: Actually, I missed it on purpose. 222 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,929 Laird and I thought, 223 00:13:36,998 --> 00:13:39,031 it'd be better if we all stayed at his house. 224 00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:40,332 NED: His house? 225 00:13:40,401 --> 00:13:42,167 When did this come up? Did you know about this? 226 00:13:42,236 --> 00:13:45,538 Are you sure his parents have enough room? 227 00:13:45,606 --> 00:13:47,039 I mean, he doesn't live with his parents. 228 00:13:47,108 --> 00:13:49,475 Honey, we're not gonna be comfortable at some crash pad. 229 00:13:49,544 --> 00:13:52,045 He lives by himself. It's not a crash pad, 230 00:13:52,113 --> 00:13:53,779 but it's much nicer than the Sheraton. 231 00:13:53,848 --> 00:13:55,381 NED: Nicer than the club floor? 232 00:13:55,450 --> 00:13:56,749 I smooth-talked the manager. 233 00:13:56,818 --> 00:13:58,985 We got a suite at the regular rate. 234 00:13:59,054 --> 00:14:01,287 What? That's what I'm talking about, Big Cheese. 235 00:14:01,289 --> 00:14:02,905 That is impressive. We have to turn back. 236 00:14:02,974 --> 00:14:04,640 Free continental breakfast. Yes. 237 00:14:04,709 --> 00:14:05,975 Mint on the pillow, turndown service, 238 00:14:06,043 --> 00:14:07,360 all things available at the Sheraton. 239 00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:08,944 I mean, is your lover going to have that? 240 00:14:09,013 --> 00:14:11,414 Your lover? Your lover? 241 00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,549 We already all know that you've seen his penis. 242 00:14:13,617 --> 00:14:14,533 STEPHANIE: What? Scott! 243 00:14:14,602 --> 00:14:15,785 SCOTTY: What? 244 00:14:17,621 --> 00:14:19,321 (R&B MUSIC PLAYING) 245 00:14:19,391 --> 00:14:23,008 ♪ Sleigh bells ring Are you listening 246 00:14:23,077 --> 00:14:24,410 BARB: Well, this is cute. 247 00:14:24,479 --> 00:14:26,245 STEPHANIE: Actually, this is the gatehouse. 248 00:14:26,815 --> 00:14:28,297 NED: Gatehouse? 249 00:14:28,365 --> 00:14:31,300 ♪ A beautiful sight We're happy tonight 250 00:14:31,369 --> 00:14:32,634 SCOTTY: What the heck? 251 00:14:32,703 --> 00:14:34,771 Is that a facial recognition scanner? 252 00:14:35,873 --> 00:14:37,039 Mmm-hmm. 253 00:14:37,075 --> 00:14:38,540 That's so cool. 254 00:14:38,609 --> 00:14:43,863 ♪ Gone away is the bluebird Here to stay is the new bird 255 00:14:43,915 --> 00:14:45,815 The hedge is moving. 256 00:14:45,883 --> 00:14:49,484 ♪ He sings a love song As we go along 257 00:14:49,553 --> 00:14:52,104 ♪ Walking in a winter wonderland ♪ 258 00:14:52,173 --> 00:14:55,474 Honey, who exactly are you dating? 259 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,293 Laird started this company called Guerrilla Gang. 260 00:14:57,395 --> 00:14:58,794 You play Ape Assassins, right? 261 00:14:58,863 --> 00:15:00,078 Are you kidding me? 262 00:15:00,147 --> 00:15:01,580 Yeah, that was my jam in the eighth grade. 263 00:15:01,649 --> 00:15:02,715 Great, that's him. 264 00:15:02,851 --> 00:15:05,117 So, he makes video games? 265 00:15:05,153 --> 00:15:06,685 SCOTTY: Apps, Dad. STEPHANIE: This is it! 266 00:15:06,754 --> 00:15:08,687 BARB: This is his house? Mmm-hmm. 267 00:15:08,756 --> 00:15:10,973 Are you sure this isn't an Apple Store or something? 268 00:15:11,042 --> 00:15:12,108 (IN A GERMAN ACCENT) Oh, my God. 269 00:15:12,176 --> 00:15:13,643 What is up, you gang? 270 00:15:13,711 --> 00:15:15,261 STEPHANIE: I know! 271 00:15:15,363 --> 00:15:17,129 The Flemings are here. You have arrived! 272 00:15:17,282 --> 00:15:19,582 Hi, buddy. Hi. 273 00:15:19,667 --> 00:15:21,450 Hello, sweetheart. 274 00:15:21,518 --> 00:15:24,069 Don't touch anything. How was traffic? 275 00:15:24,138 --> 00:15:24,937 It was okay. Hi, they're here! 276 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,322 NED: Hello. 277 00:15:26,374 --> 00:15:27,540 Hello to you, Ned Fleming. 278 00:15:29,060 --> 00:15:30,409 Barbara. Yes. 279 00:15:30,478 --> 00:15:32,611 You are perfect. 280 00:15:32,630 --> 00:15:34,714 Well, thank you. Oh, my God. 281 00:15:34,883 --> 00:15:36,398 And this must be the main man. Scotty, huh? 282 00:15:36,467 --> 00:15:38,801 Yup. All right. Hey. (LAUGHS) 283 00:15:38,870 --> 00:15:40,569 Who are you? STEPHANIE: Gustav. 284 00:15:40,688 --> 00:15:42,821 I am Gustav. Yes. 285 00:15:42,890 --> 00:15:44,557 I never know how to describe you. 286 00:15:44,625 --> 00:15:47,793 Um, well, estate manager is cool, Stephy, yes. 287 00:15:47,862 --> 00:15:49,078 That works. 288 00:15:49,146 --> 00:15:51,330 I used to run the Four Seasons group in Asia 289 00:15:51,399 --> 00:15:52,932 but after some point, you know, 290 00:15:53,001 --> 00:15:54,800 the corporate life becomes a bit of a snooze-fest. 291 00:15:54,869 --> 00:15:56,802 You know, "Tiffany's this, Cartier that." 292 00:15:56,905 --> 00:15:59,405 But, you know. Just dot, dot, dot. Enough already. 293 00:15:59,457 --> 00:16:00,940 You know what I'm talking about, Ned. 294 00:16:01,008 --> 00:16:02,274 Oh, yeah. Sure. (GUSTAV LAUGHS) 295 00:16:02,343 --> 00:16:03,609 Boring. 296 00:16:03,678 --> 00:16:05,310 Where's Laird? Laird is upstairs. 297 00:16:05,379 --> 00:16:07,246 He is just finishing a teleconference. 298 00:16:07,315 --> 00:16:08,014 He'll be right out. 299 00:16:08,166 --> 00:16:09,882 Oh, okay. Why don't we go up then? 300 00:16:09,884 --> 00:16:10,666 Laird, I'm Ned. 301 00:16:10,735 --> 00:16:11,950 No, no, no. 302 00:16:12,019 --> 00:16:12,818 No, this is Randy. That's not Laird. 303 00:16:12,887 --> 00:16:14,053 He's our intern. 304 00:16:14,122 --> 00:16:17,706 Just graduated summa cum laude at MIT. 305 00:16:17,775 --> 00:16:19,491 So Randy, shake a leg. Get their luggages. 306 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:20,826 Yes, sir. 307 00:16:20,845 --> 00:16:24,447 The motherfucking Flemings are in the house! 308 00:16:24,515 --> 00:16:25,781 Yes! 309 00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:28,684 This is fucking awesome! 310 00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:30,987 Get up here. I'm so psyched to meet you. 311 00:16:30,989 --> 00:16:33,689 Family, baby. Fuck yeah! 312 00:16:34,859 --> 00:16:36,725 Oh, my God. 313 00:16:36,794 --> 00:16:38,176 Scotty. 314 00:16:38,196 --> 00:16:41,196 Yes, my brotha! Welcome. 315 00:16:41,265 --> 00:16:42,532 Hey, Barb. Hi. 316 00:16:44,001 --> 00:16:45,251 Oh. 317 00:16:46,354 --> 00:16:47,453 Welcome. 318 00:16:47,521 --> 00:16:49,455 Hey, Ned. All right. 319 00:16:49,523 --> 00:16:51,089 Oh, yes. 320 00:16:51,926 --> 00:16:53,475 Yes. Yes. 321 00:16:53,544 --> 00:16:54,944 Yes. So glad you're here. 322 00:16:55,012 --> 00:16:56,312 Yes. Hey. Hi. 323 00:16:56,380 --> 00:16:57,412 Hey, baby. Hi. 324 00:16:59,183 --> 00:17:00,349 I fucking missed you. 325 00:17:00,417 --> 00:17:02,551 Why aren't you wearing a shirt on your body? 326 00:17:02,619 --> 00:17:03,886 Oh. 327 00:17:03,955 --> 00:17:05,888 Don't worry about that. I have a little surprise. 328 00:17:05,957 --> 00:17:08,724 Let's stay half an hour and then we go back to the hotel. 329 00:17:08,792 --> 00:17:10,392 That's a good plan. Thank you. 330 00:17:10,461 --> 00:17:11,994 Dad, come on. This place is so sick. 331 00:17:12,063 --> 00:17:13,829 Yeah, it's sick. 25 minutes. 332 00:17:13,898 --> 00:17:15,030 That's it. 333 00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:21,837 Hey! Just leave her alone. 334 00:17:21,873 --> 00:17:23,439 Hey, oh, Ned. Ned. 335 00:17:23,458 --> 00:17:25,941 Ned, would you look at that. 336 00:17:26,044 --> 00:17:27,559 That's your face, Sis. Oh. 337 00:17:27,579 --> 00:17:28,577 Very good likeness. 338 00:17:28,645 --> 00:17:30,246 Oh, thanks. Yeah. 339 00:17:30,314 --> 00:17:32,731 The Stephy tattoo. I got it, like, a week after we met, right? 340 00:17:32,750 --> 00:17:34,517 One week. You know, right on my heart. 341 00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:36,969 Great. Okay, do you guys want to go see the house? 342 00:17:37,037 --> 00:17:37,937 Uh... We probably should... 343 00:17:38,089 --> 00:17:40,156 We came to stop and say hey. Yeah. We should go. 344 00:17:40,224 --> 00:17:41,456 Actually, no. 345 00:17:41,525 --> 00:17:44,059 No. Before we go, um... 346 00:17:44,128 --> 00:17:46,128 I have a little surprise for everybody. 347 00:17:46,197 --> 00:17:48,080 (EXHALES) Shit. I'm fucking nervous. 348 00:17:48,148 --> 00:17:49,398 Do you want to consult me about it? 349 00:17:49,467 --> 00:17:50,699 You want to talk to me before you... 350 00:17:50,768 --> 00:17:52,734 You know what? No, I'm just jumpin' in. All right? 351 00:17:52,803 --> 00:17:53,835 I'm just going to do this. 352 00:17:53,904 --> 00:17:55,904 Laird, it's going to be fucking great. 353 00:17:55,940 --> 00:17:57,656 Ta-da! 354 00:17:58,042 --> 00:17:59,925 Oh, my God. 355 00:17:59,944 --> 00:18:01,677 I just got it done this morning 356 00:18:01,746 --> 00:18:03,612 SCOTTY: Yeah. I bet it's red, huh? 357 00:18:03,748 --> 00:18:04,830 I need a little feedback. 358 00:18:04,866 --> 00:18:07,015 Is that our Christmas card? Yes. 359 00:18:07,118 --> 00:18:09,819 Yeah! That's exactly what I used. How'd you know? 360 00:18:09,871 --> 00:18:11,052 Look, he even got Noodle in there. 361 00:18:11,172 --> 00:18:12,337 Hurt like balls. 362 00:18:12,423 --> 00:18:16,074 Gosh, it says "Happy Holidays" and everything. 363 00:18:16,127 --> 00:18:17,176 What? 364 00:18:17,295 --> 00:18:19,145 Get the fuck out of here. Okay. 365 00:18:19,213 --> 00:18:20,612 It says "Happy Holidays?" 366 00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:21,947 Barb, fuck you. 367 00:18:22,016 --> 00:18:23,115 God damn. 368 00:18:23,184 --> 00:18:24,917 I gave the guy the Christmas card. 369 00:18:24,986 --> 00:18:26,451 I didn't know he put "Happy Holidays" on there. 370 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:27,987 Wow. Fuck. 371 00:18:28,056 --> 00:18:29,955 Guess it's stuck on there, huh? (LAUGHS) 372 00:18:30,024 --> 00:18:31,390 Oops. Fuck. 373 00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:33,458 Well, you know, you guys were coming over... 374 00:18:33,527 --> 00:18:36,528 I was so excited, I just had to do something, you know? 375 00:18:36,564 --> 00:18:39,248 Well, that is something, all right. 376 00:18:39,317 --> 00:18:41,967 You know what? Sometimes, you just got to say, "Fuck it." 377 00:18:42,036 --> 00:18:43,069 Fuck it! 378 00:18:43,137 --> 00:18:44,469 You should... Laird, 379 00:18:44,539 --> 00:18:46,405 this is a 15-year-old child. 380 00:18:46,474 --> 00:18:48,139 So, we don't really... 381 00:18:48,209 --> 00:18:49,675 Oh, shit. 382 00:18:49,744 --> 00:18:52,277 You don't say fuck? SCOTTY: No, Mom, I... 383 00:18:52,330 --> 00:18:53,229 Heck yeah, I cuss. 384 00:18:53,297 --> 00:18:54,530 No, you don't. 385 00:18:54,549 --> 00:18:55,498 You do? Yeah. 386 00:18:55,566 --> 00:18:57,032 Oh, he cusses. No, you don't. 387 00:18:57,101 --> 00:18:58,417 Yeah, bro, what's your favorite cuss word? 388 00:18:58,485 --> 00:18:59,484 Oh, boy. 389 00:18:59,554 --> 00:19:00,653 Don't egg him on like that. 390 00:19:00,721 --> 00:19:01,887 What's your favorite? 391 00:19:02,423 --> 00:19:04,407 Uh... NED: Hmm. 392 00:19:05,643 --> 00:19:07,042 Titties. 393 00:19:07,095 --> 00:19:08,210 Titties? Titties. 394 00:19:08,279 --> 00:19:09,595 Stop it. Stop that. (BARB SIGHS) 395 00:19:09,664 --> 00:19:11,079 Titties? Classic. 396 00:19:11,232 --> 00:19:13,498 Okay. We should be going. 397 00:19:13,568 --> 00:19:15,083 Nice one. What else you got? Asshole. 398 00:19:15,236 --> 00:19:16,735 LAIRD: Asshole. All right. That's enough. 399 00:19:16,854 --> 00:19:17,886 Okay. Another good body part. 400 00:19:17,955 --> 00:19:19,421 What else? Dicking. Double dicking. 401 00:19:19,524 --> 00:19:21,089 Double dicking. Okay. 402 00:19:21,091 --> 00:19:22,358 Wait. Hold on. Double dicking? 403 00:19:22,443 --> 00:19:23,959 Are you happy? That's a new one on me, bro. 404 00:19:24,027 --> 00:19:25,394 What the fuck is that? 405 00:19:25,462 --> 00:19:27,696 What the hell is that? Is that like dick to dick? 406 00:19:27,832 --> 00:19:30,983 Okay! Good night! We're going to the hotel. 407 00:19:31,035 --> 00:19:34,203 This kid is nasty and I fucking like it. 408 00:19:34,271 --> 00:19:35,721 Yeah. Yes! 409 00:19:35,873 --> 00:19:37,522 All right, let's do the tour. 410 00:19:37,542 --> 00:19:38,740 I'll show you around! All right? 411 00:19:38,809 --> 00:19:39,959 Just throw your shit anywhere. 412 00:19:40,027 --> 00:19:41,259 You little double-dicker, come on. 413 00:19:41,328 --> 00:19:42,394 Throw your stuff anywhere. 414 00:19:42,463 --> 00:19:43,695 By the way, I'm a huge fan. 415 00:19:43,764 --> 00:19:45,130 I'm part of the online Ape Army. 416 00:19:45,199 --> 00:19:46,798 Awesome. 417 00:19:46,867 --> 00:19:48,867 You know, this is what I was trying to tell you guys in the car. 418 00:19:48,936 --> 00:19:51,003 This is okay here? 419 00:19:51,072 --> 00:19:52,838 Do you want to take your coat off? 420 00:19:52,906 --> 00:19:54,573 Uh, no. Nope. I'm fine. 421 00:19:54,641 --> 00:19:56,792 (BARB SIGHS) Come on, guys. 422 00:19:56,944 --> 00:19:58,026 All right, so this here's the kitch. 423 00:19:58,095 --> 00:19:59,728 This is where we keep the food. 424 00:19:59,797 --> 00:20:00,962 The dining room. 425 00:20:01,031 --> 00:20:04,066 That's a sculpture of a couple people fucking. 426 00:20:04,134 --> 00:20:06,084 (STEPHANIE SQUIRMS) Painting of a fat squirrel. 427 00:20:06,153 --> 00:20:07,986 And this one's called "Triple Team," 428 00:20:08,055 --> 00:20:09,388 self-explanatory. 429 00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:11,874 All right. This is the den. 430 00:20:11,943 --> 00:20:15,677 These dudes are just testing out video games. 431 00:20:15,747 --> 00:20:18,748 Ned, Stephy says that you're pretty serious about your bowling, 432 00:20:19,784 --> 00:20:21,717 so I had a couple lanes installed. 433 00:20:22,586 --> 00:20:23,485 STEPHANIE: Oh, my God. 434 00:20:23,638 --> 00:20:24,703 BARB: None of this was here? 435 00:20:24,772 --> 00:20:26,005 No. 436 00:20:26,073 --> 00:20:29,157 You said you were fixing a crack in the foundation. 437 00:20:29,260 --> 00:20:31,159 Is that us? 438 00:20:31,228 --> 00:20:33,345 Yeah, I got the images off your league's Facebook page. 439 00:20:33,414 --> 00:20:34,780 SCOTTY: That's so insane. 440 00:20:34,849 --> 00:20:37,165 Dad, look, he even got in your signature "crotch chop." 441 00:20:37,935 --> 00:20:39,334 Oh, yeah. 442 00:20:39,403 --> 00:20:40,986 STEPHANIE: Wow. 443 00:20:40,988 --> 00:20:42,671 LAIRD: All right, this here is where we develop a few apps 444 00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:44,807 for the Apple and Android platforms. 445 00:20:44,859 --> 00:20:46,609 Hey, gang, say hi to the Flemings. 446 00:20:46,744 --> 00:20:48,110 Hey, guys. Hey, what's up? 447 00:20:48,179 --> 00:20:50,846 Wait, I don't understand. Do your employees live here? 448 00:20:50,915 --> 00:20:54,750 Uh, maybe some of them do. I don't really know. 449 00:20:54,786 --> 00:20:57,036 Gustav is actually an amazing architect. 450 00:20:57,104 --> 00:20:58,904 We designed this place together. 451 00:20:59,006 --> 00:21:01,023 BARB: When did you go to Machu Picchu? 452 00:21:01,125 --> 00:21:03,158 Hun, when did you put these up? 453 00:21:03,211 --> 00:21:04,877 What the heck is that moose? 454 00:21:04,929 --> 00:21:06,144 That's a Phillip Manfredi. 455 00:21:06,213 --> 00:21:08,013 LAIRD: Great pick-up, Barb. 456 00:21:08,082 --> 00:21:10,732 Stephy told me that you're this amazing art and photography professor. 457 00:21:10,801 --> 00:21:12,468 That's awesome. STEPHIE: Mmm-hmm. 458 00:21:12,603 --> 00:21:15,954 I teach a couple of classes at a local community college. 459 00:21:16,023 --> 00:21:17,439 Don't be so modest, Mom. 460 00:21:17,508 --> 00:21:19,741 You're an amazing photographer. 461 00:21:19,811 --> 00:21:22,411 Oh, that looks like a real dead moose. 462 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,263 Well, that's exactly what it is, Ned. 463 00:21:25,332 --> 00:21:28,133 A dead moose suspended in its own urine. 464 00:21:28,202 --> 00:21:29,835 It's meant to symbolize the way 465 00:21:29,904 --> 00:21:32,204 that our culture has imprisoned our minds. 466 00:21:33,641 --> 00:21:34,957 Oh. 467 00:21:35,026 --> 00:21:35,891 I got to tell you, Ned, 468 00:21:36,043 --> 00:21:38,476 great art really gets me aroused. 469 00:21:38,478 --> 00:21:41,229 It's actually a very strong aphrodisiac. 470 00:21:41,298 --> 00:21:42,747 Laird. 471 00:21:42,816 --> 00:21:44,967 Not that you need any help getting turned on by that gorgeous woman. 472 00:21:45,052 --> 00:21:46,118 Honey. 473 00:21:46,186 --> 00:21:47,853 What? Your mom is beautiful. 474 00:21:47,922 --> 00:21:49,955 She is. She deserves some props for that. 475 00:21:50,024 --> 00:21:53,125 Well, I'll take a compliment wherever I can get one. 476 00:21:53,194 --> 00:21:55,360 Well, here's another one. You got a bangin' bod, too. 477 00:21:55,429 --> 00:21:56,578 BARB: All right. 478 00:21:56,647 --> 00:21:57,946 Hey, what's going on, everyone? 479 00:21:58,099 --> 00:21:59,898 LAIRD: Richard Blais, everybody. 480 00:21:59,984 --> 00:22:03,885 This is the maestro of molecular gastronomy. 481 00:22:03,954 --> 00:22:05,037 Oh, my God. 482 00:22:05,106 --> 00:22:07,639 That's that cute one from Top Chef. 483 00:22:07,742 --> 00:22:09,391 Oh, he's the one who goes, "Bam!" 484 00:22:09,410 --> 00:22:12,695 No, that's Emeril. He's a fucking dick, that guy. 485 00:22:12,763 --> 00:22:14,480 Dickie Blais what's up? 486 00:22:14,549 --> 00:22:17,883 Yeah, so Laird thought it would be a fun idea to do a pop-up restaurant 487 00:22:17,952 --> 00:22:19,184 just in your honor tonight. 488 00:22:19,253 --> 00:22:20,902 Did he? Yeah. 489 00:22:20,971 --> 00:22:22,638 And I have here a little amuse-bouche. 490 00:22:22,707 --> 00:22:24,606 So if anyone's looking for a little pre-dinner snack, 491 00:22:24,675 --> 00:22:25,907 you can head on up here. 492 00:22:25,976 --> 00:22:27,626 Count me in, 'cause I'm famished. 493 00:22:27,695 --> 00:22:28,811 All right. 494 00:22:28,879 --> 00:22:29,861 There are so many surprises. 495 00:22:29,930 --> 00:22:30,996 (CHUCKLES) 496 00:22:31,065 --> 00:22:32,247 I know. 497 00:22:32,316 --> 00:22:33,332 You're hungry, you've come to the right place. 498 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,000 I've got surf and turf for you. 499 00:22:35,069 --> 00:22:36,234 Steak and lobster. 500 00:22:36,471 --> 00:22:38,286 Yum, yum. 501 00:22:38,355 --> 00:22:42,691 My version of surf and turf, edible soil and plankton foam. 502 00:22:42,777 --> 00:22:44,376 Dig in. Oh. 503 00:22:44,445 --> 00:22:46,711 Wow, can't wait for dinner. 504 00:22:46,780 --> 00:22:48,547 No. 505 00:22:48,615 --> 00:22:51,149 Hey, so I think it's going great, right? 506 00:22:51,218 --> 00:22:53,185 I think they've already accepted me. 507 00:22:53,253 --> 00:22:55,754 I'm getting a little bit of a different vibe. 508 00:22:55,823 --> 00:22:57,556 Oh, really? Like what? 509 00:22:57,658 --> 00:22:58,857 Don't try so hard. 510 00:22:58,926 --> 00:23:00,326 I'm not, what do you mean? 511 00:23:00,394 --> 00:23:02,394 You put in a bowling alley for my dad 512 00:23:02,463 --> 00:23:05,313 and you got a tattoo of my entire family on your back. 513 00:23:05,716 --> 00:23:06,815 Oh. 514 00:23:06,884 --> 00:23:07,916 Was the tattoo too much? 515 00:23:08,052 --> 00:23:09,268 Yes. Fuck. 516 00:23:09,854 --> 00:23:11,903 Shit, I knew it. 517 00:23:11,972 --> 00:23:13,571 Yeah, Gustav said the same thing. 518 00:23:13,591 --> 00:23:14,923 Okay, don't worry... 519 00:23:14,992 --> 00:23:17,859 I won't get any more tattoos of them while they're here. 520 00:23:17,928 --> 00:23:19,294 Thank you. Okay. 521 00:23:19,397 --> 00:23:20,445 I love you. 522 00:23:20,814 --> 00:23:22,664 I love you, too. 523 00:23:25,753 --> 00:23:27,770 Okay. 524 00:23:27,838 --> 00:23:29,738 Oh, one more thing, stop calling them motherfuckers 525 00:23:29,807 --> 00:23:31,707 and talking about how hot my mom is. 526 00:23:31,776 --> 00:23:34,526 Well, she's sneaky sexy, took me by surprise. 527 00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:38,564 Dude, she is a MILF, like a genuine MILF. 528 00:23:38,633 --> 00:23:41,867 And if it wasn't your MILF, she'd be a MIWF... 529 00:23:41,936 --> 00:23:43,569 a mother I would fuck. 530 00:23:43,638 --> 00:23:44,769 Mmm-mmm. 531 00:23:44,872 --> 00:23:46,371 But I won't. Okay. 532 00:23:47,374 --> 00:23:49,474 Of course. Thank you. 533 00:23:49,543 --> 00:23:50,692 (BOTH LAUGH) 534 00:23:52,079 --> 00:23:53,361 (NED SIGHS) 535 00:23:54,432 --> 00:23:56,231 All right, it's pretty. Yeah. 536 00:23:56,300 --> 00:23:57,182 You know... 537 00:24:00,020 --> 00:24:01,202 It's a lot. (STAMMERS) 538 00:24:01,271 --> 00:24:03,956 Yes! I mean, the moose... Yes. 539 00:24:04,025 --> 00:24:05,891 And the language. Come on! 540 00:24:05,959 --> 00:24:07,526 Mmm-hmm. A real moose! 541 00:24:07,595 --> 00:24:09,612 And he's coming onto your mother. That's not okay. 542 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:11,430 And the tattoo? 543 00:24:11,499 --> 00:24:13,632 The tattoo! And how... 544 00:24:13,701 --> 00:24:15,217 32 Oh, my. And you're... 545 00:24:15,286 --> 00:24:16,618 22. Yes! 546 00:24:16,737 --> 00:24:18,654 You didn't like the mural of you and Scotty 547 00:24:18,723 --> 00:24:19,922 down in the new bowling alley? 548 00:24:19,991 --> 00:24:22,090 The bowling alley with the mural is... 549 00:24:22,243 --> 00:24:23,908 And the bowling alley is regulation. 550 00:24:23,977 --> 00:24:25,694 That's quite nice 551 00:24:25,763 --> 00:24:28,797 and that's very rare to have something that nice. 552 00:24:28,833 --> 00:24:30,015 And the polish that he used was quite... 553 00:24:30,084 --> 00:24:31,382 It was good. But... 554 00:24:31,502 --> 00:24:32,517 I'm sorry. 555 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:36,905 I should have told you. 556 00:24:38,558 --> 00:24:40,825 About everything, of course. (SCOFFS) 557 00:24:40,895 --> 00:24:44,146 Honestly, I didn't know how to explain him over the phone. 558 00:24:44,231 --> 00:24:45,931 I just kept imagining... 559 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:47,633 Mom Googling Laird Mayhew 560 00:24:47,702 --> 00:24:50,002 and you guys jumping to conclusions 561 00:24:50,071 --> 00:24:53,055 before you even got a chance to know him. 562 00:24:53,123 --> 00:24:55,173 Well, now we know him. (SIGHS) 563 00:24:55,675 --> 00:24:57,092 No, you don't. 564 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,861 You've been here for 15 minutes. 565 00:24:59,896 --> 00:25:00,895 Yeah. 566 00:25:01,365 --> 00:25:03,064 Thank you. 567 00:25:04,752 --> 00:25:06,217 I wouldn't have asked you to come out here 568 00:25:06,286 --> 00:25:07,553 and miss Christmas in Michigan 569 00:25:07,621 --> 00:25:11,022 for the first time ever, if he wasn't... 570 00:25:11,091 --> 00:25:12,424 ...really important to me. 571 00:25:18,966 --> 00:25:20,065 Hmm. 572 00:25:21,701 --> 00:25:22,767 Okay. 573 00:25:24,421 --> 00:25:26,621 (MUTTERS) You'll give him a chance? 574 00:25:26,691 --> 00:25:29,391 Okay. Okay, thank you. Thank you. 575 00:25:29,459 --> 00:25:31,326 Come here. (CHUCKLES) 576 00:25:35,715 --> 00:25:36,899 I love you. 577 00:25:37,034 --> 00:25:38,416 I love you, too. 578 00:25:41,956 --> 00:25:44,756 So if I did Google him, what would I find? 579 00:25:44,825 --> 00:25:45,974 Don't do it. 580 00:25:46,043 --> 00:25:46,958 Oh. 581 00:25:47,027 --> 00:25:48,309 Just don't Google him. 582 00:25:48,378 --> 00:25:49,261 Oh. 583 00:25:50,814 --> 00:25:53,465 Well, I still don't see it. 584 00:25:53,534 --> 00:25:56,802 Darling, this is the male, and he's thrusting. 585 00:25:56,871 --> 00:25:58,169 Oh, God. 586 00:25:58,238 --> 00:26:00,889 All right, everybody, dinner is served! 587 00:26:00,958 --> 00:26:02,924 Scotty! Come on, grab a stump. 588 00:26:02,993 --> 00:26:05,310 Dad, you wanna go there? Mom. 589 00:26:05,379 --> 00:26:06,945 You sure you don't want to take off your coat? 590 00:26:07,013 --> 00:26:08,146 No. I'm good. 591 00:26:08,215 --> 00:26:10,449 We do it family style here, so everyone just dig in. 592 00:26:10,517 --> 00:26:12,050 It's super cas. 593 00:26:12,118 --> 00:26:14,303 Okay, so we have three dishes for this evening. 594 00:26:14,371 --> 00:26:16,454 We have sous-vide geoduck. 595 00:26:16,523 --> 00:26:18,356 We have Mission-style sea urchin burritos... 596 00:26:18,425 --> 00:26:19,557 STEPHANIE: Yum. 597 00:26:19,626 --> 00:26:21,276 ...with edible paper. 598 00:26:21,344 --> 00:26:22,844 LAIRD: Because you're a printer. 599 00:26:22,913 --> 00:26:24,646 And last but not least... Sweet. 600 00:26:24,782 --> 00:26:27,298 ...we have smoked California bear. 601 00:26:27,367 --> 00:26:28,333 Enjoy. 602 00:26:28,402 --> 00:26:29,835 Oh, shit! 603 00:26:29,904 --> 00:26:31,336 Thanks, Blais. 604 00:26:31,371 --> 00:26:32,838 Bear? LAIRD: Mmm. 605 00:26:32,907 --> 00:26:34,122 Yo, Scotty, you see The Revenant? 606 00:26:34,208 --> 00:26:35,373 No, I wanted to, 607 00:26:35,442 --> 00:26:37,675 but my parents don't really let me watch R-rated movies. 608 00:26:37,744 --> 00:26:39,344 You're darn right we don't. He's only 15. 609 00:26:39,413 --> 00:26:41,696 You want some paper? Yes, certainly. Thank you. 610 00:26:41,765 --> 00:26:43,565 I don't know what section that is. 611 00:26:43,634 --> 00:26:45,533 Because that bear fucked that dude up! 612 00:26:45,602 --> 00:26:47,069 Now we're gonna fuck this bear up. 613 00:26:47,137 --> 00:26:48,703 Hey, what about that language? 614 00:26:48,772 --> 00:26:50,221 Oh, shit. Sorry. 615 00:26:50,290 --> 00:26:52,591 BARB: Ah, I think I've got the arts section here. 616 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:55,760 You better slow down, Barb. 617 00:26:55,829 --> 00:26:57,779 You're gonna be full before you get to the funnies. 618 00:26:57,848 --> 00:26:59,014 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 619 00:26:59,766 --> 00:27:00,832 Ned. 620 00:27:04,338 --> 00:27:05,937 (CLEARS THROAT) 621 00:27:06,006 --> 00:27:09,724 So, um, how did you two meet? 622 00:27:09,793 --> 00:27:12,160 Uh, you want me to go? Yeah. 623 00:27:12,229 --> 00:27:13,228 Okay. 624 00:27:13,296 --> 00:27:15,530 Laird sponsored a talk on campus 625 00:27:15,599 --> 00:27:17,265 with Doctor Joanne Liu, 626 00:27:17,334 --> 00:27:18,550 the head of Doctors Without Borders. 627 00:27:18,619 --> 00:27:19,818 Oh! 628 00:27:19,886 --> 00:27:21,703 Melinda Gates got me totally pumped 629 00:27:21,772 --> 00:27:23,205 about issues in the developing world. 630 00:27:23,274 --> 00:27:24,806 Now I'm obsessed. 631 00:27:24,875 --> 00:27:26,458 Wow. 632 00:27:26,526 --> 00:27:28,293 That's Bill Gates' wife. LAIRD: Yeah. 633 00:27:28,362 --> 00:27:29,761 She's great. NED: Yeah. 634 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,263 That's terrific. 635 00:27:31,331 --> 00:27:33,865 That's Steph's field of interest, too, so that's great. 636 00:27:34,017 --> 00:27:35,116 Yeah, I know. 637 00:27:35,185 --> 00:27:36,785 Ned, you should've seen her at the talk. 638 00:27:36,854 --> 00:27:40,088 She asked the most intelligent question. I was blown away. 639 00:27:40,991 --> 00:27:42,424 Really? What did I say? 640 00:27:42,492 --> 00:27:43,692 You were like... 641 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:44,927 "Hey, what's the connection between 642 00:27:44,995 --> 00:27:47,529 "women's health and population density 643 00:27:47,597 --> 00:27:49,047 "in indigenous communities?" 644 00:27:49,116 --> 00:27:51,683 I was like, "Bam! Who's that?" 645 00:27:51,751 --> 00:27:53,368 That's so sweet of you to remember that. 646 00:27:53,436 --> 00:27:55,253 Of course I remember. Mmm... 647 00:27:55,322 --> 00:27:57,255 The first time I saw you. BARB: That's our girl. 648 00:27:57,324 --> 00:27:59,074 She's always been the smartest person in the room. 649 00:27:59,142 --> 00:28:00,208 So true. Yeah. 650 00:28:00,277 --> 00:28:02,610 And the sexiest. My God. Well. 651 00:28:02,713 --> 00:28:04,646 I couldn't keep my eyes off her. 652 00:28:04,715 --> 00:28:06,047 Her hair, and her eyes. 653 00:28:06,116 --> 00:28:07,132 Very pretty eyes. 654 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:08,883 The way her spine gently arches 655 00:28:08,952 --> 00:28:10,819 to meet the top of her tailbone. 656 00:28:10,887 --> 00:28:13,105 I just wanna pitch a tent and live in there. You know what I mean? 657 00:28:13,174 --> 00:28:14,173 No. You're taking it too far. 658 00:28:14,791 --> 00:28:16,574 Quite the outdoorsman. 659 00:28:16,643 --> 00:28:18,310 I just mean she's got a great body. 660 00:28:18,479 --> 00:28:19,995 Oh, well, yes. Mmm-hmm. Yeah. 661 00:28:20,063 --> 00:28:21,462 She's a darling girl. 662 00:28:21,531 --> 00:28:22,597 Like you, Barb. STEPHANIE: Great genes. 663 00:28:22,665 --> 00:28:23,765 Okay. 664 00:28:23,818 --> 00:28:24,999 Two fit women. 665 00:28:25,068 --> 00:28:26,768 I'll have to agree with you there. 666 00:28:26,837 --> 00:28:28,670 Ol' Slamming Bod Barb. 667 00:28:28,739 --> 00:28:29,971 (LAUGHING) 668 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:32,640 Two fit women and two lucky dudes... 669 00:28:32,709 --> 00:28:34,042 And one double-dicker. 670 00:28:34,110 --> 00:28:35,527 (LAUGHS) 671 00:28:36,396 --> 00:28:38,263 Okay, well. 672 00:28:39,683 --> 00:28:42,818 Laird, when did you graduate from Stanford? 673 00:28:42,886 --> 00:28:44,603 Oh, I didn't go to Stanford, bro. 674 00:28:44,671 --> 00:28:46,137 I hardly even graduated from high school. 675 00:28:46,907 --> 00:28:48,222 He's being modest. 676 00:28:48,291 --> 00:28:49,474 He actually started writing code 677 00:28:49,543 --> 00:28:52,043 for Sun Microsystems when he was 13. 678 00:28:52,112 --> 00:28:53,945 That's true. Wow, that's just like me. 679 00:28:53,964 --> 00:28:55,480 I've been interning at the Fleming Company 680 00:28:55,549 --> 00:28:57,081 since, what, the seventh grade? 681 00:28:57,150 --> 00:28:58,316 Mm-hmm. Yup. 682 00:28:58,385 --> 00:29:01,036 Future CEO, but you are going to college. 683 00:29:01,038 --> 00:29:02,954 I know, Dad. I know. I know. Just like your sister. 684 00:29:03,023 --> 00:29:05,223 So, Steph, weren't your surprised 685 00:29:05,291 --> 00:29:08,009 that this big tech mogul wanted to date you? 686 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,614 He said he was some low-level programmer at Uber. 687 00:29:12,683 --> 00:29:15,116 I had no idea that he sponsored the entire event. 688 00:29:15,185 --> 00:29:16,351 So he lied to you. 689 00:29:16,420 --> 00:29:17,952 Oh, Ned, I had to. 690 00:29:18,021 --> 00:29:20,355 I mean there are so many gold diggers in Silicon Valley. 691 00:29:20,424 --> 00:29:22,857 They just wanna fuck you for your tech money. 692 00:29:22,926 --> 00:29:24,659 Language, baby. You gotta be careful. 693 00:29:24,727 --> 00:29:26,861 I didn't spill the beans till April. 694 00:29:26,930 --> 00:29:30,065 April? That's eight months ago. What? 695 00:29:30,134 --> 00:29:31,399 Steph, over the phone, you said 696 00:29:31,468 --> 00:29:33,401 you've only known each other for a couple of months. 697 00:29:33,420 --> 00:29:35,420 It was super casual at first. No. 698 00:29:35,489 --> 00:29:36,721 No, it was not. 699 00:29:36,789 --> 00:29:38,840 We exchanged I love you's on the third date. 700 00:29:38,909 --> 00:29:40,308 Remember? Right after we... The third date? 701 00:29:40,377 --> 00:29:41,509 made love in the hot tub at Esalen in Big Sur? 702 00:29:41,812 --> 00:29:42,510 No, no, no. 703 00:29:42,579 --> 00:29:44,929 Where, what? Esalen in Big Sur. 704 00:29:44,998 --> 00:29:45,747 Really? 705 00:29:45,900 --> 00:29:48,033 Ned. Don't get the wrong idea. 706 00:29:48,102 --> 00:29:51,136 It was not sexual at all. It was so much more than that. 707 00:29:51,205 --> 00:29:52,470 Okay, I'm sorry. I'm confused. 708 00:29:52,539 --> 00:29:53,838 Did you have intercourse or not? 709 00:29:53,907 --> 00:29:55,340 Scotty, shut it. 710 00:29:55,409 --> 00:29:56,758 Dad, I'm just trying to connect the dots here. 711 00:29:56,827 --> 00:29:58,427 Look. Yeah, we did. 712 00:29:58,495 --> 00:30:01,997 But what I'm saying is I was transformed. 713 00:30:02,066 --> 00:30:05,200 Stephy opened up like a flower. 714 00:30:05,269 --> 00:30:06,768 You should have seen it. 715 00:30:06,837 --> 00:30:10,105 I shouldn't have seen it, but now I feel like I have. 716 00:30:10,174 --> 00:30:11,456 I just want your parents to know 717 00:30:11,525 --> 00:30:12,690 that you're living with someone 718 00:30:12,759 --> 00:30:15,293 who's completely devoted to you. 719 00:30:15,361 --> 00:30:17,195 Wait a minute. What-ing with someone? 720 00:30:17,263 --> 00:30:19,181 You say you're living together? Yeah. 721 00:30:19,249 --> 00:30:21,917 No. We do not. 722 00:30:21,985 --> 00:30:23,985 Okay, five nights out of seven. 723 00:30:25,189 --> 00:30:26,954 Your stuff is here. 724 00:30:27,023 --> 00:30:28,422 You don't really stay at the dorm. 725 00:30:28,491 --> 00:30:29,741 (EXCLAIMING) 726 00:30:29,810 --> 00:30:31,025 Do you have a toothbrush here? 727 00:30:31,094 --> 00:30:32,227 Yeah. That's cohabitating. 728 00:30:32,362 --> 00:30:34,446 Scotty, stop talking and eat your paper. 729 00:30:34,564 --> 00:30:36,347 STEPHANIE: Dad, we do not live together. 730 00:30:36,416 --> 00:30:37,632 Yeah, we're cohabitating. 731 00:30:43,056 --> 00:30:45,023 "Opened up like a flower." 732 00:30:45,091 --> 00:30:48,109 Honey, I'm looking at the Esalen website right now 733 00:30:48,178 --> 00:30:49,744 and there's nothing dirty about it. 734 00:30:49,812 --> 00:30:52,580 You go up there for yoga classes and things like that. 735 00:30:52,649 --> 00:30:55,417 They've been practically living together for a year. 736 00:30:55,485 --> 00:30:57,552 Why didn't she just tell us that? 737 00:30:57,620 --> 00:30:59,570 Where the heck are the towels? 738 00:31:00,323 --> 00:31:02,240 He's even affected Scotty. 739 00:31:04,310 --> 00:31:07,578 What is a double dicking, for crying out loud? 740 00:31:07,597 --> 00:31:08,763 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 741 00:31:08,832 --> 00:31:09,865 Oh. Uh... 742 00:31:10,017 --> 00:31:11,283 There she is. 743 00:31:11,351 --> 00:31:12,751 Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. She's gonna... 744 00:31:12,819 --> 00:31:14,752 She better explain what the heck is going on here. 745 00:31:14,821 --> 00:31:16,471 All right, so be nice. 746 00:31:16,540 --> 00:31:18,290 Be like, "Oh, my God. I love your boyfriend. He's so normal." 747 00:31:18,359 --> 00:31:19,558 I'm good. 748 00:31:20,561 --> 00:31:21,726 Hi. 749 00:31:22,612 --> 00:31:23,928 Hi, uh... 750 00:31:26,149 --> 00:31:27,765 I thought you'd be Stephanie. 751 00:31:27,835 --> 00:31:29,400 Steph's super pooped. 752 00:31:29,469 --> 00:31:32,120 We had a big fight because of the way I behaved at dinner. 753 00:31:32,189 --> 00:31:34,939 Don't worry, we took a shower together and worked it out. 754 00:31:35,008 --> 00:31:37,391 But I snuck out to have a little check in. 755 00:31:37,460 --> 00:31:38,576 Okay. Well... 756 00:31:47,003 --> 00:31:49,388 Ned, would you come join us? 757 00:31:50,140 --> 00:31:51,890 (STAMMERS) I'm good here. 758 00:31:51,942 --> 00:31:54,342 Oh, please. This is an Alaskan king. 759 00:31:54,411 --> 00:31:56,027 There's so much room. 760 00:31:57,448 --> 00:31:59,514 So much room. 761 00:31:59,583 --> 00:32:01,783 It'd really mean a lot to me. Please? 762 00:32:03,269 --> 00:32:04,468 Okay. 763 00:32:05,055 --> 00:32:06,138 Hey. 764 00:32:07,441 --> 00:32:08,573 (BARB CLEARS THROAT) 765 00:32:13,047 --> 00:32:15,780 I owe you two an apology. 766 00:32:15,799 --> 00:32:16,698 When I get nervous 767 00:32:16,766 --> 00:32:19,468 all kinds of crap comes flying out of my mouth 768 00:32:19,536 --> 00:32:21,403 and I know that's not how you guys roll. 769 00:32:21,472 --> 00:32:22,654 No. 770 00:32:22,722 --> 00:32:24,523 I was just trying to make a good impression. 771 00:32:24,591 --> 00:32:26,391 Yeah. Well, you did. It was... 772 00:32:26,459 --> 00:32:28,593 I mean you didn't, but it's okay. 773 00:32:28,662 --> 00:32:31,830 It was an awkward dinner. 774 00:32:31,899 --> 00:32:33,765 It was a unique situation for... 775 00:32:33,834 --> 00:32:35,667 Yeah, but let's all just move on. 776 00:32:36,252 --> 00:32:37,919 Okay. Great. 777 00:32:37,988 --> 00:32:39,471 Truth be told, 778 00:32:39,539 --> 00:32:42,590 I haven't spent a lot of time with parental figures. 779 00:32:42,609 --> 00:32:46,278 I don't know if you know this, but I never knew my father. 780 00:32:46,346 --> 00:32:48,996 Yeah, he picked up my mom in this bar in Oakland. 781 00:32:49,065 --> 00:32:52,233 They had some sloppy car sex, and then never spoke again. 782 00:32:52,302 --> 00:32:53,585 Yeah. 783 00:32:53,653 --> 00:32:56,421 I'm not really close with my mom, either. 784 00:32:56,490 --> 00:33:00,124 To be frank, she's kind of a motherfucking bitch. 785 00:33:00,193 --> 00:33:01,709 (BARB EXCLAIMS) 786 00:33:01,778 --> 00:33:03,994 If I had a nickel for every time I... 787 00:33:04,897 --> 00:33:06,080 Yeah. 788 00:33:06,133 --> 00:33:08,199 We're sorry to hear that. 789 00:33:08,268 --> 00:33:10,067 That's some tough stuff, pal. 790 00:33:10,136 --> 00:33:11,436 Yup. That's... 791 00:33:12,005 --> 00:33:13,104 That's... 792 00:33:13,172 --> 00:33:15,540 All right. Well, it's getting late, so... 793 00:33:15,609 --> 00:33:16,407 BARB: Yeah. 794 00:33:16,476 --> 00:33:18,393 I'm in love with your daughter, dudes. 795 00:33:18,462 --> 00:33:19,761 And I'm just so fucking psyched 796 00:33:19,829 --> 00:33:21,896 to get to know the people that raised her. 797 00:33:21,965 --> 00:33:24,082 Mmm-hmm. 798 00:33:24,151 --> 00:33:26,902 And we're gonna do Christmas just like you do at home. 799 00:33:26,954 --> 00:33:28,069 Tomorrow night, 800 00:33:28,137 --> 00:33:31,005 I'm gonna throw a party in your honor. 801 00:33:31,074 --> 00:33:32,324 Oh, you don't have to go to the trouble. 802 00:33:32,392 --> 00:33:33,691 You don't... It's not. 803 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,678 We're gonna do all the holiday shit. 804 00:33:36,746 --> 00:33:39,096 Okay. Hmm. All the shit. 805 00:33:39,165 --> 00:33:41,416 Ned, I'd love some guy time with you. 806 00:33:41,484 --> 00:33:43,651 So maybe we could take a walk tomorrow morning? 807 00:33:44,688 --> 00:33:46,487 Okay. Okay, cool. 808 00:33:46,556 --> 00:33:48,490 Justine, will you set Ned an alarm for 6:30 a.m.? 809 00:33:48,558 --> 00:33:50,107 JUSTINE: You got it, Laird. 810 00:33:50,176 --> 00:33:53,678 Ned, an alarm's been set for you for 6:30 en la manana. 811 00:33:53,747 --> 00:33:55,747 What? Who is that? 812 00:33:55,815 --> 00:33:56,714 (CHUCKLES) 813 00:33:56,817 --> 00:33:58,499 That's Justine. 814 00:33:58,568 --> 00:34:01,669 Yeah, she's like Siri, but awesome. 815 00:34:01,738 --> 00:34:03,604 I got that chick from The Big Bang Theory, 816 00:34:03,673 --> 00:34:05,240 Kaley Cuoco, to do the voice. 817 00:34:05,292 --> 00:34:06,657 J, say hi. 818 00:34:06,726 --> 00:34:08,559 JUSTINE: Hey, Ned. Hey, Barb. How are you guys? 819 00:34:10,430 --> 00:34:11,529 Hi. BARB: Oh, my God. 820 00:34:11,598 --> 00:34:13,197 Stephanie's told me so much about you. 821 00:34:13,266 --> 00:34:14,799 Anything you need, I'm here. 822 00:34:14,868 --> 00:34:16,334 BARB: Okay. NED: Thank you. 823 00:34:16,453 --> 00:34:19,271 She can't... Can she see us? 824 00:34:19,339 --> 00:34:22,757 She says that she can't, but I think that she can. 825 00:34:22,826 --> 00:34:24,625 JUSTINE: What the fuck are you talking about? 826 00:34:24,694 --> 00:34:25,893 You know I can't see them. 827 00:34:27,381 --> 00:34:28,546 (WHISPERS) She's a perv. 828 00:34:28,615 --> 00:34:29,714 Laird. 829 00:34:29,783 --> 00:34:32,851 Anyway, I hope you two have a nice night's rest. 830 00:34:32,919 --> 00:34:34,518 Yeah, have a good night. Great night. 831 00:34:34,587 --> 00:34:35,653 Have a great night. Yeah. 832 00:34:37,707 --> 00:34:39,840 My instinct is to hug you right now. 833 00:34:39,909 --> 00:34:41,909 Oh. No. BARB: I don't think you... 834 00:34:41,978 --> 00:34:43,077 That's okay. Oh. 835 00:34:43,146 --> 00:34:45,279 Oh, my God. Barb. 836 00:34:45,365 --> 00:34:46,414 Good night. 837 00:34:51,354 --> 00:34:52,386 Peace. 838 00:35:01,765 --> 00:35:02,981 (ROOSTER CROWING) 839 00:35:04,584 --> 00:35:06,584 (MAN SINGING) ♪ Baby, I want to trim your... 840 00:35:07,653 --> 00:35:10,472 ♪ Baby, I want to trim your... 841 00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:12,941 ♪ Baby, I want to trim your... 842 00:35:13,776 --> 00:35:16,511 ♪ Beautiful Christmas tree 843 00:35:16,579 --> 00:35:19,897 ♪ I'm gonna bring along my hatchet 844 00:35:19,966 --> 00:35:22,767 ♪ My beautiful Christmas balls 845 00:35:22,836 --> 00:35:25,886 ♪ I'll sprinkle my snow upon your tree 846 00:35:25,955 --> 00:35:29,724 ♪ And hang a mistletoe on your walls 847 00:35:29,793 --> 00:35:32,110 ♪ Baby, I want to trim your... 848 00:35:32,179 --> 00:35:36,381 ♪ Oh, beautiful Christmas tree ♪ 849 00:35:44,524 --> 00:35:45,273 (CLEARS THROAT) 850 00:35:50,847 --> 00:35:52,964 Barb? There's no toilet paper. 851 00:35:53,033 --> 00:35:54,132 Uh-oh. 852 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:55,866 Would you get a roll for me, please? 853 00:35:55,902 --> 00:35:57,318 Papa make a poopie? 854 00:35:57,470 --> 00:35:59,337 Yes. I made a poopie. 855 00:35:59,406 --> 00:36:00,855 Did Daddy do a doo-doo? 856 00:36:00,924 --> 00:36:03,090 Barb, just get the toilet paper, please? 857 00:36:03,159 --> 00:36:04,759 All right. Well, you sit tight. 858 00:36:04,828 --> 00:36:06,293 I'm gonna go find you some TP. 859 00:36:06,362 --> 00:36:07,361 Thank you. 860 00:36:09,733 --> 00:36:10,464 Of course. 861 00:36:11,518 --> 00:36:13,201 Mr. Playboy. 862 00:36:13,269 --> 00:36:14,986 Unbelievable. 863 00:36:15,622 --> 00:36:16,854 Who is that? 864 00:36:17,758 --> 00:36:20,074 She's a bit of a Plain Jane. 865 00:36:20,142 --> 00:36:21,325 BARB: Darling? Yeah. Yup. 866 00:36:21,394 --> 00:36:24,395 Just, um, crack the door and toss the roll, please. 867 00:36:24,464 --> 00:36:27,465 It's gonna be a little more complicated than that. 868 00:36:27,533 --> 00:36:29,684 Good morning, Ned. 869 00:36:29,686 --> 00:36:30,901 (GROANS) It's Gustav. 870 00:36:30,970 --> 00:36:32,303 Great. 871 00:36:32,372 --> 00:36:35,423 As I've already told Barb, we are a paperless household. 872 00:36:36,108 --> 00:36:38,476 Paperless? What? 873 00:36:38,545 --> 00:36:40,678 BARB: It's a paperless house, darling. 874 00:36:40,747 --> 00:36:41,979 NED: I got that. 875 00:36:42,048 --> 00:36:46,284 But how am I supposed to complete my business? 876 00:36:46,353 --> 00:36:47,969 Well, all Japanese toilets 877 00:36:48,037 --> 00:36:50,638 have a very effective and pleasant cleaning spray. 878 00:36:50,707 --> 00:36:51,906 And I will be very happy 879 00:36:51,975 --> 00:36:54,242 to walk you through the entire process. Oh, God. 880 00:36:54,310 --> 00:36:57,378 Ned, please locate the control panel to your left. 881 00:36:58,165 --> 00:36:59,914 Okay, I see it. 882 00:36:59,983 --> 00:37:01,583 Now on that control panel is a button 883 00:37:01,651 --> 00:37:04,435 that shows an image of water spraying up. 884 00:37:04,504 --> 00:37:06,271 Okay. And I just push it? 885 00:37:06,339 --> 00:37:07,571 Just press it, yes. 886 00:37:09,825 --> 00:37:10,908 (COUGHS) 887 00:37:12,095 --> 00:37:13,661 Was that cologne? 888 00:37:13,764 --> 00:37:14,945 Oh! Cologne? Oh, yes! 889 00:37:15,065 --> 00:37:18,132 That is a designer-scented talcum powder. 890 00:37:18,201 --> 00:37:20,652 But that button should not have activated that. 891 00:37:20,720 --> 00:37:23,854 Ned, that is what is called Big Pony for Men by the Ralph Lauren. 892 00:37:23,923 --> 00:37:25,356 I'm excited to try. 893 00:37:25,424 --> 00:37:28,543 Can we please just continue? All right. 894 00:37:28,611 --> 00:37:29,827 Ned? Yes. 895 00:37:29,896 --> 00:37:31,996 I would like to apologize sincerely again. 896 00:37:32,031 --> 00:37:35,833 This is the 2018 model that you are on right now, 897 00:37:35,869 --> 00:37:36,868 so they have not yet made 898 00:37:36,936 --> 00:37:38,903 an instruction manual in English yet. 899 00:37:38,972 --> 00:37:42,523 So I'm going to take care of this on my end, all right? 900 00:37:42,592 --> 00:37:45,310 So Ned, you focus on your end in there 901 00:37:45,312 --> 00:37:48,496 and I will focus on your end out here. 902 00:37:48,565 --> 00:37:50,264 BARB: That's too good. This is it. 903 00:37:50,333 --> 00:37:52,016 This should do it, Ned. (PHONE BEEPING) 904 00:37:52,085 --> 00:37:53,385 (WHIRRING) Okay. Something's whirring. 905 00:37:53,453 --> 00:37:55,387 Something's spinning around in there. 906 00:37:56,423 --> 00:37:58,556 No! Turn it off! 907 00:37:58,625 --> 00:38:00,658 Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off! 908 00:38:00,727 --> 00:38:01,759 God! 909 00:38:01,827 --> 00:38:03,294 GUSTAV: Oh, scheisse! 910 00:38:03,363 --> 00:38:05,697 We are having some technical difficulties. 911 00:38:05,732 --> 00:38:07,298 That was the vaginal cleanse. 912 00:38:07,367 --> 00:38:08,266 The what cleanse? 913 00:38:08,485 --> 00:38:10,201 I just want a square of toilet paper. 914 00:38:10,270 --> 00:38:11,569 The vaginal cleanse. 915 00:38:11,637 --> 00:38:12,904 Which I hear is refreshing 916 00:38:12,973 --> 00:38:15,073 and apparently also very stimulating. 917 00:38:15,725 --> 00:38:17,091 Just saying. 918 00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:18,325 (GRUNTING) 919 00:38:23,249 --> 00:38:24,398 Ned? 920 00:38:25,318 --> 00:38:26,951 Really? 921 00:38:27,019 --> 00:38:28,452 I'm so sorry, Ned... 922 00:38:28,521 --> 00:38:31,188 but I'm going to have to manually reboot the system from the inside. 923 00:38:32,742 --> 00:38:33,708 In here? 924 00:38:33,777 --> 00:38:35,176 I am so sorry. 925 00:38:35,244 --> 00:38:36,310 Fine. 926 00:38:39,098 --> 00:38:40,280 NED: Why not? 927 00:38:41,784 --> 00:38:44,352 Barb, would you close the door? Sorry. 928 00:38:44,420 --> 00:38:45,686 It's gonna be great. 929 00:38:46,957 --> 00:38:48,473 (DOOR SHUTS) 930 00:38:48,541 --> 00:38:50,674 Ned, I am blinders. 931 00:38:50,743 --> 00:38:53,678 I see nothing. I smell nothing. 932 00:38:53,747 --> 00:38:56,096 The print is very small. Mm-hmm. 933 00:38:56,165 --> 00:38:57,881 Okay, forgive me. 934 00:38:57,950 --> 00:38:59,950 I can't see the instructions. 935 00:39:03,456 --> 00:39:06,624 All right. What do we have here? 936 00:39:06,693 --> 00:39:07,642 Hmm... 937 00:39:09,445 --> 00:39:10,394 (SIGHS) 938 00:39:16,636 --> 00:39:17,735 (FARTS GENTLY) 939 00:39:31,317 --> 00:39:32,650 (STOMACH GROWLING) 940 00:39:36,189 --> 00:39:41,109 I had some stomach problems last night. 941 00:39:41,177 --> 00:39:42,509 I think it was the bear. 942 00:39:42,579 --> 00:39:44,812 I can guarantee you, it was the bear. 943 00:39:46,015 --> 00:39:47,281 (JUSTINE CLEARS THROAT) 944 00:39:48,368 --> 00:39:50,234 Turning on the fan. (SWITCH CLICKS) 945 00:39:50,970 --> 00:39:53,087 Great. Wunderbar. 946 00:39:57,560 --> 00:39:59,360 How'd it go? 947 00:39:59,428 --> 00:40:02,029 I am so sorry that it took so long. 948 00:40:02,098 --> 00:40:04,565 Ned, I'm going to need you to be completely still 949 00:40:04,634 --> 00:40:07,034 while we try to lock in your location. 950 00:40:07,103 --> 00:40:09,320 I'm sitting on a toilet, that's pretty still. 951 00:40:09,389 --> 00:40:11,806 GUSTAV: Searching, searching, und searching. 952 00:40:11,874 --> 00:40:14,342 And we have target achieved! 953 00:40:14,444 --> 00:40:16,110 And sploosh! 954 00:40:16,178 --> 00:40:17,094 (BIDET HISSING) Oh! 955 00:40:26,706 --> 00:40:27,738 (CHICKENS CLUCKING) 956 00:40:28,941 --> 00:40:31,009 There you go, girls. 957 00:40:31,077 --> 00:40:32,543 You raise chickens? 958 00:40:32,612 --> 00:40:34,379 All free-range. 959 00:40:34,447 --> 00:40:35,746 Cows, too. 960 00:40:35,815 --> 00:40:38,249 Pigs, artisanal llamas. 961 00:40:38,318 --> 00:40:39,683 Everything you eat here 962 00:40:39,752 --> 00:40:42,053 comes from within a 500-yard radius. 963 00:40:42,122 --> 00:40:44,588 I call it "lawn to table eating." 964 00:40:44,657 --> 00:40:46,123 There she is. 965 00:40:46,192 --> 00:40:47,308 Hey, Daisy. (GRUNTS) 966 00:40:48,745 --> 00:40:50,728 Oh. Hi. 967 00:40:50,796 --> 00:40:52,530 (GRUNTS) Go on, get. 968 00:40:54,050 --> 00:40:55,883 So glad we're doing this, Ned. 969 00:40:55,952 --> 00:40:58,402 I feel like I know you after everything that Steph's told me about you, 970 00:40:58,471 --> 00:41:00,071 but still not the same... 971 00:41:00,139 --> 00:41:01,439 (BOTH GRUNTING) 972 00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:05,009 Do you submit? Fuck you! 973 00:41:06,346 --> 00:41:07,678 Gustav! Ned, stay away! 974 00:41:08,781 --> 00:41:09,914 You wanna fight? 975 00:41:14,087 --> 00:41:15,370 Tap out! (GROANING) No! 976 00:41:15,438 --> 00:41:16,403 You want to tap out. 977 00:41:18,608 --> 00:41:20,374 Okay, okay! Fine! 978 00:41:20,393 --> 00:41:22,109 GUSTAV: Nice work! 979 00:41:22,178 --> 00:41:23,611 And your reactions are getting quicker. 980 00:41:23,679 --> 00:41:24,712 Really? Absolutely. 981 00:41:24,781 --> 00:41:25,913 Thanks. 982 00:41:25,982 --> 00:41:28,148 I am so sorry, Ned. I just didn't want you to get hurt. 983 00:41:28,217 --> 00:41:32,636 Wait, so you just do this Pink Panther thing? 984 00:41:32,705 --> 00:41:33,972 Pink Panther? Pink Panther? 985 00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:36,524 The Pink Panther from the Pink Panther movies. 986 00:41:36,576 --> 00:41:39,927 When Cato attacks Inspector Clouseau to keep him sharp. 987 00:41:39,996 --> 00:41:41,445 Are those really old? I never heard of it. 988 00:41:41,514 --> 00:41:42,579 I'm not familiar, either, 989 00:41:42,648 --> 00:41:44,215 but it sounds absolutely charming. 990 00:41:45,902 --> 00:41:47,452 Pink Panther. 991 00:41:47,570 --> 00:41:49,554 The movies? Mm-hmm. 992 00:41:49,622 --> 00:41:53,274 Cato is his assistant, his houseboy. 993 00:41:53,343 --> 00:41:54,642 Houseboy? Well, it's... 994 00:41:54,711 --> 00:41:57,344 That sounds racist. 995 00:41:57,413 --> 00:42:00,130 He did call him "my little yellow friend." But... 996 00:42:00,199 --> 00:42:01,399 I'm sorry, you have to understand, Ned. 997 00:42:01,467 --> 00:42:04,201 Laird is the CEO of a massive tech company. 998 00:42:04,270 --> 00:42:06,053 LAIRD: I don't like bodyguards around 999 00:42:06,139 --> 00:42:08,923 so I have Goose train me in case I get kidnapped or whatever. 1000 00:42:08,992 --> 00:42:11,792 By the way, your Chun Kuk Do moves were very solid. 1001 00:42:11,861 --> 00:42:13,627 But what happened to the evasive parkour? 1002 00:42:13,696 --> 00:42:14,962 Ah, evasive parkour. Yeah. 1003 00:42:15,031 --> 00:42:16,430 I totally fucking spaced! 1004 00:42:16,499 --> 00:42:18,315 GUSTAV: There's always room to improve. 1005 00:42:18,384 --> 00:42:19,517 All right. Thanks, man. 1006 00:42:19,586 --> 00:42:20,985 You got it, brother. 1007 00:42:21,053 --> 00:42:22,820 All right, ciao for now, you friends. 1008 00:42:22,889 --> 00:42:26,357 And you guys have a lovely chat. 1009 00:42:26,425 --> 00:42:28,092 Ned, come on. I wanna show you my office. 1010 00:42:29,879 --> 00:42:32,846 You know, that's like classic Pink Panther. 1011 00:42:34,217 --> 00:42:36,850 This is where you work, huh? LAIRD: Yeah. 1012 00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:40,154 I have a den in the house where I do the financial stuff 1013 00:42:40,223 --> 00:42:42,356 but this is where all the big ideas happen. 1014 00:42:42,425 --> 00:42:44,425 Don't you need a computer and... 1015 00:42:44,493 --> 00:42:46,877 Nah. My girl Justine records everything. 1016 00:42:46,930 --> 00:42:48,062 Right, J? 1017 00:42:48,131 --> 00:42:50,448 JUSTINE: Yep, I'm here. Hey, Ned. 1018 00:42:50,516 --> 00:42:53,200 Hey, why don't you play back a blip from yesterday's session? 1019 00:42:53,269 --> 00:42:55,836 All right, hold on. Fuck. There's so much shit up here in your Cloud. 1020 00:42:55,939 --> 00:42:57,038 Okay, okay got it. 1021 00:42:57,107 --> 00:42:59,890 LAIRD: Come on, idiot, think. Names for games. Um... 1022 00:42:59,959 --> 00:43:02,793 Ape Assassins Six: Capuchin Chaos. 1023 00:43:02,862 --> 00:43:05,345 Uh, Silverback Salsa. 1024 00:43:05,414 --> 00:43:07,732 Baboon Bukkake. 1025 00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:09,033 Fuck! Wow, that's awful! 1026 00:43:09,101 --> 00:43:10,167 (CHUCKLES) Bad idea. 1027 00:43:10,236 --> 00:43:11,302 Why? Why's that? 1028 00:43:11,370 --> 00:43:12,569 Uh... 1029 00:43:12,638 --> 00:43:13,971 What does that mean? 1030 00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:15,223 Bukkake? 1031 00:43:15,291 --> 00:43:16,523 Oh, um... 1032 00:43:16,593 --> 00:43:18,325 Just means a lot of things are happening 1033 00:43:18,394 --> 00:43:19,560 and you're feeling overwhelmed. 1034 00:43:19,629 --> 00:43:20,928 Mm-hmm. Yeah. 1035 00:43:20,997 --> 00:43:23,047 Yeah. I've felt bukkake before. 1036 00:43:23,116 --> 00:43:24,315 Hmm... 1037 00:43:27,053 --> 00:43:30,121 Grab a seat. Make yourself comf. Let's break it down. 1038 00:43:30,189 --> 00:43:33,741 Just pop down right here on the floor. 1039 00:43:36,062 --> 00:43:38,345 There you go. 1040 00:43:38,414 --> 00:43:42,700 Ned, I think you and I have so much in common. 1041 00:43:42,769 --> 00:43:46,203 We see something we want and we just dive in 1042 00:43:46,272 --> 00:43:46,971 and we take it. 1043 00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:48,289 Know what I mean? 1044 00:43:49,292 --> 00:43:50,524 Yeah. 1045 00:43:52,912 --> 00:43:54,311 Which is why... 1046 00:43:55,081 --> 00:43:57,130 ...on Christmas Day... 1047 00:43:57,199 --> 00:43:59,250 I'm going to ask Stephy to marry me. 1048 00:44:08,962 --> 00:44:11,478 And I know how tight you two are. 1049 00:44:11,547 --> 00:44:12,346 Mm-hmm. 1050 00:44:12,415 --> 00:44:15,199 So I'd really, really 1051 00:44:15,268 --> 00:44:16,433 like your blessing. 1052 00:44:17,036 --> 00:44:18,452 (MUTTERS INAUDIBLY) 1053 00:44:19,922 --> 00:44:22,523 Uh, Laird. 1054 00:44:22,591 --> 00:44:23,908 Really appreciate you coming to me. 1055 00:44:23,976 --> 00:44:25,209 'Course. 1056 00:44:25,278 --> 00:44:27,378 But, uh, the answer's no. 1057 00:44:31,667 --> 00:44:33,700 Dude, I'm so confused. 1058 00:44:33,769 --> 00:44:35,953 What the fuck? What the hell? 1059 00:44:36,021 --> 00:44:37,204 This went so much differently 1060 00:44:37,272 --> 00:44:38,873 when I rehearsed it with Gustav. 1061 00:44:38,958 --> 00:44:41,041 Yeah. I asked you and you were like, 1062 00:44:41,110 --> 00:44:42,576 "Yeah, dude. My son." 1063 00:44:42,644 --> 00:44:45,195 Laird. Listen to me, okay. 1064 00:44:45,197 --> 00:44:48,933 Beside the fact that I don't know you from a hole in the wall... 1065 00:44:49,002 --> 00:44:52,970 Stephanie is just not ready for this step in her life. 1066 00:44:53,039 --> 00:44:56,073 Oh, I'm totally getting the signals that she is. 1067 00:44:56,142 --> 00:44:58,943 I'm her father, I know her pretty well. 1068 00:44:59,012 --> 00:45:00,894 Okay, all right. All right, Ned... 1069 00:45:00,963 --> 00:45:02,729 Dude, I know I sprung this on you. 1070 00:45:02,798 --> 00:45:05,465 My bad. Okay? Let's just back it up. 1071 00:45:05,534 --> 00:45:06,734 All right? All right. 1072 00:45:06,803 --> 00:45:10,153 Why don't you give me a few days to win you over, okay? 1073 00:45:10,222 --> 00:45:11,455 And by Christmas morning... 1074 00:45:11,541 --> 00:45:14,141 I promise, you're going to be calling me "son." 1075 00:45:14,244 --> 00:45:15,910 I'm gonna be calling you "Dad". 1076 00:45:15,978 --> 00:45:17,310 Don't think that's going to happen. 1077 00:45:17,380 --> 00:45:19,346 I think it's gonna, Dad. 1078 00:45:21,234 --> 00:45:22,466 Don't. 1079 00:45:22,902 --> 00:45:24,485 (CHUCKLES) Dad, come on. 1080 00:45:24,553 --> 00:45:25,852 Don't call me "Dad." Don't call you "Dad"? 1081 00:45:25,922 --> 00:45:27,187 I'm not your dad. 1082 00:45:27,257 --> 00:45:29,256 I mean, you're gonna be my dad. 1083 00:45:29,324 --> 00:45:30,224 No. No. 1084 00:45:30,293 --> 00:45:32,025 What, Dad? (SIGHS) 1085 00:45:34,547 --> 00:45:36,080 Okay, now you're playing with me. 1086 00:45:36,149 --> 00:45:37,764 All right. Dad. 1087 00:45:39,568 --> 00:45:41,101 Look, Laird. 1088 00:45:42,405 --> 00:45:45,105 Why do you even care about what I think? 1089 00:45:45,174 --> 00:45:47,725 You're Stephanie's father. 1090 00:45:47,793 --> 00:45:50,544 I'm not gonna ask Stephanie to marry me unless I have your blessing. 1091 00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:52,696 Okay. 1092 00:45:52,765 --> 00:45:54,298 Justine, did you get that? 1093 00:45:54,367 --> 00:45:55,966 JUSTINE: Totes. Yeah, recorded every word. 1094 00:45:57,252 --> 00:45:59,319 Totes. And totes is what? 1095 00:45:59,388 --> 00:46:02,173 It means totally. But totally's kind of long, so "totes" is just easier. 1096 00:46:04,059 --> 00:46:05,225 Okay. Good. 1097 00:46:05,244 --> 00:46:06,210 Okay. Okay. 1098 00:46:06,279 --> 00:46:07,545 All right, cool. Yeah. 1099 00:46:07,613 --> 00:46:10,047 But you gotta promise me 1100 00:46:10,115 --> 00:46:13,884 that you won't tell Steph anything about this. 1101 00:46:13,952 --> 00:46:15,118 About any of this. 1102 00:46:15,187 --> 00:46:18,055 Trust me, that is the last thing in the world I will do. 1103 00:46:18,123 --> 00:46:20,791 For reals, dude. I want it to be a surprise. 1104 00:46:20,860 --> 00:46:22,243 No word. I won't say a word. 1105 00:46:22,311 --> 00:46:24,444 Barb and Scotty, too. No clowning. 1106 00:46:24,981 --> 00:46:26,080 No clowning. 1107 00:46:28,151 --> 00:46:29,500 What? 1108 00:46:29,569 --> 00:46:31,569 I'd just feel a lot better about this if we pinky swore. 1109 00:46:31,637 --> 00:46:33,254 (LAUGHS) 1110 00:46:35,124 --> 00:46:36,323 Oh. 1111 00:46:40,979 --> 00:46:43,347 I see what you mean. Cool. 1112 00:46:43,416 --> 00:46:44,981 Go get breakfast. Okay. 1113 00:46:46,568 --> 00:46:47,902 Fuck! 1114 00:46:48,570 --> 00:46:49,920 Sup, guys? 1115 00:46:49,989 --> 00:46:52,222 DEVELOPER 1: Hey, boss. DEVELOPER 2: Mayhew! 1116 00:46:52,291 --> 00:46:53,957 (MAN RAPPING OVER RADIO) ♪ ...took a little longer 1117 00:46:54,026 --> 00:46:57,461 ♪ Go into the school gonna run another banger ♪ 1118 00:46:57,530 --> 00:46:59,313 The fuck? Come with me immediately. 1119 00:47:00,199 --> 00:47:01,982 The hell is this room? 1120 00:47:02,051 --> 00:47:03,117 Randy, get the fuck out. 1121 00:47:03,185 --> 00:47:04,284 Yes, sir, Gustav. Mm-hmm. 1122 00:47:07,423 --> 00:47:09,623 I am on the needles und pins. 1123 00:47:09,692 --> 00:47:11,425 I need you to tell me how it went right now 1124 00:47:11,493 --> 00:47:12,543 or I'm going to burst. 1125 00:47:12,612 --> 00:47:14,545 He said no! What? Okay, okay. 1126 00:47:14,697 --> 00:47:17,798 But how did you respond? 1127 00:47:17,867 --> 00:47:20,417 I was blindsided, man. I didn't know what to do. 1128 00:47:20,486 --> 00:47:21,585 I challenged him. 1129 00:47:21,654 --> 00:47:23,587 Okay. I started calling him Dad. 1130 00:47:24,790 --> 00:47:26,924 Oy vey. The fuck, man! 1131 00:47:26,993 --> 00:47:31,946 Why would you call him Dad? You're putting him at unease! 1132 00:47:32,014 --> 00:47:33,297 You have to find a way in. 1133 00:47:33,366 --> 00:47:35,799 You have to do something for him that's truly special 1134 00:47:35,868 --> 00:47:38,302 so that he knows that your intentions are pure. 1135 00:47:38,371 --> 00:47:40,270 Dude, Goose, I don't know how to talk to the guy. 1136 00:47:40,339 --> 00:47:42,740 It's like we speak two different languages or something. 1137 00:47:42,842 --> 00:47:43,774 You do. Yeah. 1138 00:47:43,843 --> 00:47:45,175 He speaks English. 1139 00:47:45,244 --> 00:47:49,013 And you speak English with resounding amounts of "fuck." 1140 00:47:49,065 --> 00:47:50,347 All right, Stephanie's been on my case, too. 1141 00:47:50,416 --> 00:47:51,649 Yes. I got it. 1142 00:47:51,717 --> 00:47:52,699 All right? Okay. 1143 00:47:52,768 --> 00:47:53,534 Right. All right, man. 1144 00:47:53,686 --> 00:47:54,685 Great. Great. 1145 00:47:54,754 --> 00:47:56,253 You just fucking really hit me really hard. 1146 00:47:56,321 --> 00:47:57,754 I know. I am sorry. 1147 00:47:57,907 --> 00:48:01,108 It's just, Laird... 1148 00:48:01,176 --> 00:48:03,527 ...your relationship with Miss Stephanie 1149 00:48:03,629 --> 00:48:06,213 is very special. It's the real deal. 1150 00:48:06,282 --> 00:48:07,164 Hey. Yes. 1151 00:48:07,232 --> 00:48:10,284 Goose, I know I pay you a shit-ton of money, 1152 00:48:10,353 --> 00:48:11,785 but you're my best friend. 1153 00:48:11,854 --> 00:48:14,088 Our friendship is priceless. 1154 00:48:14,157 --> 00:48:16,307 Hey. Thanks, brother. 1155 00:48:18,361 --> 00:48:19,777 (BOTH SIGHING) 1156 00:48:21,163 --> 00:48:23,213 (GROANING) 1157 00:48:27,786 --> 00:48:28,935 Okay. 1158 00:48:29,004 --> 00:48:30,403 (GROANING) 1159 00:48:30,472 --> 00:48:32,456 Okay. Ow! Mercy. Mercy. 1160 00:48:34,060 --> 00:48:34,758 Fuck. 1161 00:48:36,879 --> 00:48:38,045 Bro, you're incredible. 1162 00:48:38,113 --> 00:48:39,313 That was very imaginative 1163 00:48:39,381 --> 00:48:40,815 how you took that tender moment 1164 00:48:40,883 --> 00:48:42,349 and used it as your pivot to attack. 1165 00:48:42,418 --> 00:48:43,784 Yeah. Very good. 1166 00:48:43,853 --> 00:48:45,402 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 1167 00:48:47,406 --> 00:48:48,405 What's up, Cheese? 1168 00:48:48,474 --> 00:48:50,574 I'm about to go to the football game. 1169 00:48:50,643 --> 00:48:51,908 Lions, baby! 1170 00:48:51,977 --> 00:48:53,410 NED: Great. How's business? 1171 00:48:53,479 --> 00:48:54,712 Tell me something good. 1172 00:48:54,780 --> 00:48:56,313 Oh, uh... 1173 00:48:56,382 --> 00:48:58,582 I talked to my guy over at Dick's Sporting Goods. 1174 00:48:58,651 --> 00:49:00,150 Don't tell me they're going with China, too. 1175 00:49:00,219 --> 00:49:01,418 Worse. 1176 00:49:01,470 --> 00:49:03,420 Freaking online banner ads. 1177 00:49:03,489 --> 00:49:05,856 No. Damn it. All right, listen. 1178 00:49:05,858 --> 00:49:09,760 I'm gonna call Don Millis at Subaru of Southern Michigan. 1179 00:49:09,828 --> 00:49:13,063 I heard a little rumor that they might be looking for a new dance partner. 1180 00:49:13,132 --> 00:49:14,698 Yeah, Don, the big guy, right? 1181 00:49:14,767 --> 00:49:16,483 You guys go back to your car selling days. 1182 00:49:16,551 --> 00:49:18,485 Yeah. It's worth a shot. Listen... 1183 00:49:18,553 --> 00:49:20,020 I need you to go in and pull his card 1184 00:49:20,089 --> 00:49:21,555 from my rolodex while I look for a pen. 1185 00:49:21,624 --> 00:49:23,591 You got it, Cheese. No, you got it. 1186 00:49:24,993 --> 00:49:27,611 So how goes it in Cali? 1187 00:49:27,679 --> 00:49:30,013 It feels like we've landed in The Twilight Zone. 1188 00:49:30,133 --> 00:49:30,965 Did you find the card? 1189 00:49:32,718 --> 00:49:33,918 Yeah. I got it right here. 1190 00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:35,202 Just hang on. 1191 00:49:35,270 --> 00:49:36,837 I have nothing to write with here. 1192 00:49:36,905 --> 00:49:38,372 This whole house is paperless. 1193 00:49:38,441 --> 00:49:39,673 Paperless? 1194 00:49:39,758 --> 00:49:41,024 Well, how do you wipe your ass? 1195 00:49:41,094 --> 00:49:42,159 You don't. 1196 00:49:42,227 --> 00:49:45,212 They have these Japanese toilets that... (HISSES) 1197 00:49:45,281 --> 00:49:47,280 It's one of those little squat jobs, little squatter. 1198 00:49:47,350 --> 00:49:50,084 No. Just... never mind. Just give me the number. 1199 00:49:50,152 --> 00:49:51,685 JUSTINE: Hey, Ned, I'm here. 1200 00:49:51,753 --> 00:49:53,103 I can take it down for you. 1201 00:49:53,189 --> 00:49:55,673 Justine, please just... I'm fine. 1202 00:49:55,741 --> 00:49:56,540 Just go away. 1203 00:49:56,692 --> 00:49:57,891 All right, I'm just trying to help. 1204 00:49:57,960 --> 00:49:59,443 You don't have to be such a dick. 1205 00:49:59,511 --> 00:50:01,895 LOU: Whoa, whoa. Cheese, who is that? 1206 00:50:01,964 --> 00:50:03,013 She's got a foul little mouth. 1207 00:50:03,082 --> 00:50:04,648 Is that the kid's secretary you fighting with? 1208 00:50:04,716 --> 00:50:07,317 No, no, no. That's the woman who lives in the ceiling. 1209 00:50:07,386 --> 00:50:08,202 Cheese, what she look like? 1210 00:50:08,270 --> 00:50:09,303 The woman who lives... 1211 00:50:09,455 --> 00:50:10,487 You say she lives in the ceiling? 1212 00:50:10,556 --> 00:50:13,590 She's a disembodied voice that... 1213 00:50:13,659 --> 00:50:15,142 Never mind. I'll explain later. 1214 00:50:15,210 --> 00:50:16,276 The voice sounds sexy. 1215 00:50:16,345 --> 00:50:17,778 Are they using somebody famous? 1216 00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:19,630 JUSTINE: I wouldn't say too famous. 1217 00:50:19,698 --> 00:50:20,964 You know, million dollars a week, 1218 00:50:21,033 --> 00:50:22,633 biggest show in the world, no big deal. (COUGHS) 1219 00:50:22,701 --> 00:50:24,218 Lou. She can hear me? 1220 00:50:24,286 --> 00:50:25,418 JUSTINE: Of course I can hear you. 1221 00:50:25,487 --> 00:50:26,820 How you doin', baby? 1222 00:50:26,839 --> 00:50:28,906 (LAUGHS) Better now that I'm talking with you. 1223 00:50:28,974 --> 00:50:30,974 NED: Just give me the number. I'm calling him now. 1224 00:50:35,565 --> 00:50:36,730 Let's catch some waves. 1225 00:50:38,267 --> 00:50:40,183 VIDEO GAME GORILLA: Tsunami. SCOTTY: That guy's cool. 1226 00:50:40,252 --> 00:50:41,384 Yeah, Goose is the best. 1227 00:50:41,820 --> 00:50:42,870 Oh... 1228 00:50:47,443 --> 00:50:48,758 Laird, I'm gonna be honest with you, buddy. 1229 00:50:48,828 --> 00:50:49,893 Okay. 1230 00:50:49,962 --> 00:50:51,995 Gorillas in board shorts is a fun touch. 1231 00:50:52,064 --> 00:50:53,230 Yeah. I'll give you that. 1232 00:50:53,299 --> 00:50:54,865 But when the only mission is to get to shore, 1233 00:50:54,934 --> 00:50:56,300 I'm not feeling enough drama there. 1234 00:50:56,368 --> 00:50:57,367 You know? 1235 00:50:58,503 --> 00:51:00,838 You know what? You're so fucking right. 1236 00:51:00,906 --> 00:51:02,173 Fuck! 1237 00:51:02,241 --> 00:51:03,691 We've been developing this limp dick for months. 1238 00:51:03,759 --> 00:51:05,292 You come and you play it for five minutes, 1239 00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:07,294 you know exactly what's wrong with it. 1240 00:51:07,362 --> 00:51:09,496 You're a sharp little fucker. You know that? 1241 00:51:10,049 --> 00:51:11,331 Thank you. 1242 00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:14,268 I mean, for real, man. I appreciate it. 1243 00:51:14,336 --> 00:51:15,869 It's just nice to be listened to. 1244 00:51:16,488 --> 00:51:18,105 What do you mean? 1245 00:51:18,173 --> 00:51:19,656 I'm gonna be running my dad's business one day. 1246 00:51:19,725 --> 00:51:21,258 Uh-huh. 1247 00:51:21,327 --> 00:51:23,827 But he won't even listen to any of my ideas about innovation. 1248 00:51:23,862 --> 00:51:25,562 What? Right? 1249 00:51:25,631 --> 00:51:27,064 You're next gen, dude. 1250 00:51:27,133 --> 00:51:29,366 It's where all the new seeds come from. Everyone knows that. 1251 00:51:29,434 --> 00:51:30,684 And I told him that. I was like... 1252 00:51:30,753 --> 00:51:33,119 "Dad, if you're gonna unleash me to my full potentsh... 1253 00:51:33,188 --> 00:51:34,521 "I need a seat at the table." 1254 00:51:34,589 --> 00:51:35,639 He just won't listen to me. 1255 00:51:35,707 --> 00:51:37,241 Um... Get that seat! 1256 00:51:37,309 --> 00:51:38,259 I will get that seat. 1257 00:51:38,327 --> 00:51:40,060 Gotta get that seat, Scotty. That's my seat. 1258 00:51:40,129 --> 00:51:41,528 Nobody else touch it. No. 1259 00:51:41,596 --> 00:51:44,348 Where is that seat? It's at the fucking table. 1260 00:51:44,416 --> 00:51:46,417 (SCOFFS) And I'm gonna get that seat at that table. 1261 00:51:46,485 --> 00:51:48,218 You deserve a fucking throne, dawg. 1262 00:51:48,287 --> 00:51:49,837 Yeah, the Iron Throne. Iron Throne. 1263 00:51:49,905 --> 00:51:51,255 Iron Throne. Game of Thrones over here! 1264 00:51:51,324 --> 00:51:53,507 I'm breathing fire and grabbing titties left and right. 1265 00:51:53,575 --> 00:51:54,741 Fucking King Joffrey up in this. 1266 00:51:54,810 --> 00:51:56,009 Those are my titties! 1267 00:51:56,077 --> 00:51:58,361 You're the next in line. That's me. 1268 00:51:58,430 --> 00:51:59,329 My man. 1269 00:52:02,935 --> 00:52:04,084 Oh, God. 1270 00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:07,153 They're paying your student loans. 1271 00:52:07,222 --> 00:52:08,956 They're paying your student loans. 1272 00:52:09,525 --> 00:52:10,524 Oh. 1273 00:52:22,171 --> 00:52:23,470 NED: Stamp Free Invites. 1274 00:52:25,508 --> 00:52:26,774 (CHIMES) 1275 00:52:30,579 --> 00:52:32,179 Oh, man. 1276 00:52:35,417 --> 00:52:37,551 Ho, ho, ho! (DOG BARKS) 1277 00:52:38,787 --> 00:52:40,020 (LLAMA GRUNTS) 1278 00:52:40,088 --> 00:52:41,354 BARB: Wow. 1279 00:52:41,423 --> 00:52:42,689 Is that a horse? That is a llama. 1280 00:52:42,758 --> 00:52:43,790 Oh, a llama. Hi. 1281 00:52:43,859 --> 00:52:45,191 Hello. 1282 00:52:45,260 --> 00:52:47,061 BARB: Oh, my goodness. Hey, girl. 1283 00:52:47,129 --> 00:52:48,595 We don't have those in... 1284 00:52:48,664 --> 00:52:50,097 Dad! 1285 00:52:50,166 --> 00:52:52,432 There you are. This is insane! 1286 00:52:52,501 --> 00:52:53,867 Oh, you working on the books? 1287 00:52:53,935 --> 00:52:56,019 Uh, yeah, you know. Just the little stuff. 1288 00:52:57,673 --> 00:52:59,957 I was thinking about Laird's Christmas party. 1289 00:53:00,025 --> 00:53:01,842 Gustav gave me a preview of the guest list. 1290 00:53:01,911 --> 00:53:03,977 And, Dad, it is a veritable "who's who" 1291 00:53:04,046 --> 00:53:05,546 of Silicon Valley power players. 1292 00:53:05,614 --> 00:53:07,430 Tyson Modell is coming! 1293 00:53:07,499 --> 00:53:09,282 Wait, who is he? What? 1294 00:53:09,351 --> 00:53:10,484 He's the kid who founded Ghostchat. 1295 00:53:10,553 --> 00:53:11,885 Oh, right. 1296 00:53:11,954 --> 00:53:13,003 He turned down three billion dollars from Facebook, 1297 00:53:13,105 --> 00:53:14,888 and he's only 24 years old. 1298 00:53:14,957 --> 00:53:17,974 I'm gonna broker a sit-down between you two. 1299 00:53:18,043 --> 00:53:20,160 Dad, thank you for telling me to pack a blazer. 1300 00:53:20,229 --> 00:53:22,396 Now, should I throw on a tie or should I keep it business casual? 1301 00:53:22,464 --> 00:53:24,147 Scotty, just listen to me, all right? 1302 00:53:24,216 --> 00:53:26,299 Most of these Internet companies 1303 00:53:26,368 --> 00:53:28,769 are built on smoke and mirrors. 1304 00:53:28,837 --> 00:53:29,620 What? 1305 00:53:29,688 --> 00:53:30,987 Don't get sucked in. 1306 00:53:31,056 --> 00:53:33,190 That whole industry is based on hooey. 1307 00:53:33,259 --> 00:53:35,425 I'm gonna drop some knowledge on you. 1308 00:53:35,494 --> 00:53:36,993 Times are changing, Pops. 1309 00:53:37,062 --> 00:53:38,879 And not everything you think is hooey is hooey. 1310 00:53:40,065 --> 00:53:42,132 Wow. That's profound. 1311 00:53:42,651 --> 00:53:43,767 Profound. 1312 00:53:44,903 --> 00:53:46,820 And you... 1313 00:53:46,889 --> 00:53:48,488 Hooey-meister himself. 1314 00:53:50,426 --> 00:53:52,259 You're nothing but an octopus. 1315 00:53:52,995 --> 00:53:54,595 An octopus. 1316 00:53:58,150 --> 00:53:59,366 (EDM PLAYING) 1317 00:54:08,778 --> 00:54:10,560 LAIRD: (ON TAPE) Merry fuckin' Christmas 1318 00:54:10,629 --> 00:54:12,362 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 1319 00:54:24,326 --> 00:54:25,909 What are you pouring? 1320 00:54:25,977 --> 00:54:27,911 We are doing a deconstructed eggnog tonight. 1321 00:54:27,980 --> 00:54:29,997 Eggnog. Yes. Thank you. 1322 00:54:30,065 --> 00:54:31,481 Where you from, boss? 1323 00:54:31,550 --> 00:54:32,749 Michigan. 1324 00:54:32,817 --> 00:54:34,167 Oh, Michigan. You in the car business? 1325 00:54:34,236 --> 00:54:36,503 Uh, no. Printing. Ned Fleming. 1326 00:54:36,605 --> 00:54:38,822 Elon Musk. Elon Musk? 1327 00:54:38,824 --> 00:54:40,057 Yeah. Tesla, Elon Musk? 1328 00:54:40,109 --> 00:54:41,358 Yeah. Wow. 1329 00:54:42,577 --> 00:54:43,793 How do you know Laird? 1330 00:54:43,862 --> 00:54:45,095 Uh... 1331 00:54:45,164 --> 00:54:47,064 He's dating my daughter. 1332 00:54:48,149 --> 00:54:49,516 Uh-oh. 1333 00:54:49,585 --> 00:54:50,934 Nice talking to you. Yeah. 1334 00:54:51,003 --> 00:54:51,985 What? 1335 00:54:53,338 --> 00:54:55,689 Oh, hey! Hi, honey! 1336 00:54:55,758 --> 00:54:57,841 Could I get a glass of white wine, please? 1337 00:54:59,478 --> 00:55:01,194 Ooh, hiya, handsome. Hi! 1338 00:55:01,263 --> 00:55:02,963 You look great. Oh, come on. 1339 00:55:03,115 --> 00:55:05,031 No, you do. Thank you. 1340 00:55:05,100 --> 00:55:07,868 I'm just getting in the holiday spirit. 1341 00:55:07,937 --> 00:55:12,456 So what were you talking to Laird about for so long? 1342 00:55:12,524 --> 00:55:14,257 I got the entire Mayhew family saga. 1343 00:55:14,326 --> 00:55:15,709 Oh, God. I'm sorry. 1344 00:55:15,778 --> 00:55:18,929 No, no, turns out it was pretty interesting actually. 1345 00:55:18,997 --> 00:55:22,398 His mother was a secretary at one of these tech companies. 1346 00:55:22,518 --> 00:55:24,968 Can I interest you in a Kobe beef slider? 1347 00:55:25,036 --> 00:55:26,186 Ooh, yum. Real food? 1348 00:55:26,254 --> 00:55:28,305 Yes, I'm starving. 1349 00:55:28,374 --> 00:55:30,273 Wait, what? 1350 00:55:30,341 --> 00:55:31,608 Oh, God. 1351 00:55:31,676 --> 00:55:33,760 Ma'am? Kobe squirt? No, thanks. 1352 00:55:33,779 --> 00:55:34,611 Thank you. 1353 00:55:35,447 --> 00:55:36,880 It's actually pretty tasty. 1354 00:55:36,949 --> 00:55:40,200 Anyway, she saw all these young programmers getting rich. 1355 00:55:40,336 --> 00:55:42,885 So she basically forced Laird 1356 00:55:42,954 --> 00:55:46,773 to spend his entire childhood inside, learning computers. 1357 00:55:47,943 --> 00:55:50,711 I think that's kind of sad, right? 1358 00:56:01,223 --> 00:56:02,655 He ate it. Hmm. 1359 00:56:03,992 --> 00:56:05,725 He's an octopus. 1360 00:56:05,794 --> 00:56:07,577 That kid is wrapping his tentacles 1361 00:56:07,646 --> 00:56:09,445 around every member of this family. 1362 00:56:09,514 --> 00:56:10,981 He's manipulating you. 1363 00:56:11,049 --> 00:56:13,550 Darling, we need to bring this down a notch. 1364 00:56:13,619 --> 00:56:15,852 Okay? You think you're at war with Laird. 1365 00:56:15,921 --> 00:56:18,989 But he's not fighting. It's just you. 1366 00:56:19,057 --> 00:56:20,407 Come on, let's go meet his friends. 1367 00:56:20,475 --> 00:56:21,524 They look darling. 1368 00:56:21,593 --> 00:56:23,293 Oh, God. 1369 00:56:23,362 --> 00:56:26,596 Totally tanked porting the thin-client apps for the JDK build. 1370 00:56:26,665 --> 00:56:27,948 The fuck? So you had to rewrite all the code? 1371 00:56:28,017 --> 00:56:30,099 Mm-hmm. By myself. 1372 00:56:30,168 --> 00:56:32,435 LAIRD: But did you do it? Oh, you know I did! 1373 00:56:32,504 --> 00:56:33,937 Hey, there they are! Hi. 1374 00:56:34,006 --> 00:56:35,288 Looking like a babe. 1375 00:56:35,357 --> 00:56:36,322 Look who's looking sharp. 1376 00:56:36,391 --> 00:56:37,957 Okay! Hello! 1377 00:56:38,026 --> 00:56:40,193 Tyson, these are Stephanie's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Fleming. 1378 00:56:40,195 --> 00:56:42,546 Oh, no. Barb and Ned, please. 1379 00:56:42,615 --> 00:56:44,164 So it was fucked up, man. 1380 00:56:44,233 --> 00:56:46,082 It took me two weeks 1381 00:56:46,151 --> 00:56:47,851 on the J2EE database... (MOUTHING) 1382 00:56:47,919 --> 00:56:49,919 trying to get the interface to react with the server... 1383 00:56:49,988 --> 00:56:52,188 so I can get the containers up and running again. 1384 00:56:52,257 --> 00:56:56,643 I'm sorry. Tyson, what's a J2EE? 1385 00:56:56,712 --> 00:56:58,945 Java 2 Platform Enterprise Edition. 1386 00:56:59,013 --> 00:57:00,163 Do you not write code? Sorry. 1387 00:57:00,232 --> 00:57:01,998 This guy's the worst. Yeah. 1388 00:57:02,117 --> 00:57:04,033 I'm actually more of a personal relations kind of guy. 1389 00:57:04,102 --> 00:57:06,770 Like account management, client services. That kind of stuff. 1390 00:57:06,839 --> 00:57:08,705 Dude, this kid is fucking awesome. 1391 00:57:08,774 --> 00:57:12,142 Yes, Ned is grooming Scotty to take over our family business. 1392 00:57:12,211 --> 00:57:13,243 That's right. 1393 00:57:13,312 --> 00:57:15,012 We own a printing business in Michigan. 1394 00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:16,146 Really? I'm sure you're familiar 1395 00:57:16,215 --> 00:57:17,698 with those two siblings over there 1396 00:57:17,766 --> 00:57:19,499 since you're in the printing business. 1397 00:57:19,568 --> 00:57:21,901 Yo, brother-sister act! You gotta meet this guy. 1398 00:57:21,970 --> 00:57:23,003 Hello! 1399 00:57:23,071 --> 00:57:24,972 Hey! Blaine and Missy Pederman. 1400 00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:26,223 Hi, I'm Barb Fleming. 1401 00:57:26,291 --> 00:57:27,790 This is my husband. Ned. 1402 00:57:27,859 --> 00:57:30,526 I'm Scott Fleming. Nice to meet you. 1403 00:57:30,646 --> 00:57:32,095 I'm sorry, we were told we might know you, 1404 00:57:32,163 --> 00:57:33,596 but I'm afraid we don't. 1405 00:57:33,665 --> 00:57:36,083 Blaine and Missy started Stamp Free Invites. 1406 00:57:37,936 --> 00:57:40,070 Oh, okay. 1407 00:57:40,138 --> 00:57:41,188 Right. 1408 00:57:41,256 --> 00:57:42,356 What's up? 1409 00:57:42,424 --> 00:57:43,756 Did the server forget to send a reminder 1410 00:57:43,825 --> 00:57:45,909 for your birthday party or something? 1411 00:57:45,978 --> 00:57:48,811 No, he is actually in the printing business. 1412 00:57:49,648 --> 00:57:51,180 Oh, shit. Whoops. 1413 00:57:51,250 --> 00:57:52,415 No, no. 1414 00:57:52,484 --> 00:57:53,550 We didn't put you out of business or anything? 1415 00:57:53,619 --> 00:57:54,851 No. 1416 00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:57,086 What? Ruin our business? No, no. 1417 00:57:57,155 --> 00:57:59,088 We're doing quite well. Thank you. 1418 00:57:59,157 --> 00:57:59,973 Oh, that's great! 1419 00:58:00,125 --> 00:58:01,425 Good for you! Honestly, good for you. 1420 00:58:01,493 --> 00:58:03,326 We love little mom-and-pop printers. 1421 00:58:03,395 --> 00:58:05,629 So inspirational. So important. Mm-hmm. 1422 00:58:05,697 --> 00:58:07,264 My dad has more of a factory. 1423 00:58:07,332 --> 00:58:08,548 Not to brag, but we're a pretty big shop. 1424 00:58:08,616 --> 00:58:10,267 People need paper. They need something to write on. 1425 00:58:10,335 --> 00:58:11,968 They love the feel of that card stock in their hands. 1426 00:58:12,037 --> 00:58:13,070 Yeah. 1427 00:58:13,138 --> 00:58:15,038 MISSY: I've never heard anyone say that. 1428 00:58:15,107 --> 00:58:17,740 Hmm. We have not found that at all. 1429 00:58:17,809 --> 00:58:19,276 Yeah. Nope. 1430 00:58:19,344 --> 00:58:20,877 I think we come from two different worlds. 1431 00:58:20,946 --> 00:58:22,279 Yes, we do. 1432 00:58:22,347 --> 00:58:25,115 You better start learning code pretty fucking fast, dude. 1433 00:58:25,183 --> 00:58:26,900 Dude, Ned was crushing it 1434 00:58:26,968 --> 00:58:29,669 since before you two were fighting over your mother's titties. 1435 00:58:29,738 --> 00:58:31,204 BLAINE: Our mom didn't breastfeed us. 1436 00:58:31,273 --> 00:58:33,073 Laird, you know we had a wet nurse. 1437 00:58:33,142 --> 00:58:34,825 Oh, I can tell. 1438 00:58:34,893 --> 00:58:36,576 Boy, I'll tell you, I don't know what's going on. 1439 00:58:36,645 --> 00:58:37,494 I'm lost. 1440 00:58:37,563 --> 00:58:39,129 I'm overwhelmed. Yeah! Me, too. 1441 00:58:39,198 --> 00:58:41,014 There's bukkake floating all around me. 1442 00:58:41,083 --> 00:58:42,349 BARB: What? Hm? 1443 00:58:42,418 --> 00:58:43,750 What's bukkake? 1444 00:58:43,819 --> 00:58:44,968 Oh, Laird told me. 1445 00:58:45,037 --> 00:58:46,603 It means when you're overwhelmed 1446 00:58:46,671 --> 00:58:47,837 and you got too much going on. 1447 00:58:47,906 --> 00:58:49,655 BARB: Oh, my gosh. Can't figure things out. 1448 00:58:49,724 --> 00:58:52,292 Then, I'm drowning in bukkake at this point. 1449 00:58:52,361 --> 00:58:53,292 Okay, I'm gonna be real with you guys. 1450 00:58:53,361 --> 00:58:54,494 It means jizz on your face. 1451 00:58:55,847 --> 00:58:56,947 I'm sorry? 1452 00:58:57,015 --> 00:58:58,631 Bukkake means covered in jizz. 1453 00:58:58,700 --> 00:58:59,916 Tons of jizz, ejaculate. 1454 00:58:59,985 --> 00:59:01,418 Usually after a gangbang. 1455 00:59:01,420 --> 00:59:02,852 Not as bad as it sounds. 1456 00:59:02,921 --> 00:59:04,170 TYSON: Yeah, post-gangbang. 1457 00:59:04,239 --> 00:59:07,224 Or during. Depends if someone finishes early. 1458 00:59:07,292 --> 00:59:08,274 NED: What the heck? 1459 00:59:08,343 --> 00:59:09,743 I was trying to protect you, dude. 1460 00:59:09,811 --> 00:59:11,294 Protect me? LAIRD: Fucking Justine. 1461 00:59:11,363 --> 00:59:12,795 You mean embarrass me? 1462 00:59:12,915 --> 00:59:13,964 It was a really sensitive conversation. 1463 00:59:14,033 --> 00:59:15,032 I didn't want to start talking 1464 00:59:15,100 --> 00:59:16,199 about guys jerking off on each other. 1465 00:59:16,268 --> 00:59:17,834 NED: Why'd you tell me it was overwhelming? 1466 00:59:17,902 --> 00:59:19,085 Justine brought it up! 1467 00:59:19,154 --> 00:59:21,754 I hope this is an opportune time to show a video. 1468 00:59:21,823 --> 00:59:22,606 LAIRD: It's not. 1469 00:59:22,758 --> 00:59:24,174 NED: Oh, God! TYSON: Yeah. 1470 00:59:24,243 --> 00:59:25,959 Oh, and this is a teaching moment. 1471 00:59:26,027 --> 00:59:27,360 Here's another. NED: Oh, my God. 1472 00:59:27,429 --> 00:59:28,878 STEPHANIE: No. Scotty. NED: Don't look at that. 1473 00:59:28,947 --> 00:59:30,597 It's all good. You don't have to see this. 1474 00:59:30,665 --> 00:59:32,399 Is that you? 1475 00:59:35,753 --> 00:59:36,886 No. 1476 00:59:36,955 --> 00:59:38,188 LAIRD: Oh, my God. 1477 00:59:41,593 --> 00:59:43,226 (RAGE THE NIGHT AWAY PLAYING) 1478 00:59:45,280 --> 00:59:47,797 (CROWD CHEERING) 1479 00:59:47,866 --> 00:59:49,566 ♪ We alive right now, now 1480 00:59:51,286 --> 00:59:52,953 ♪ Let's get hot right now 1481 00:59:53,021 --> 00:59:54,837 ♪ We don't give a damn about money 1482 00:59:54,906 --> 00:59:56,740 ♪ We alive right now 1483 00:59:56,808 --> 00:59:58,624 ♪ All we do is party, party 1484 00:59:58,693 --> 00:59:59,959 ♪ And get hot right now 1485 01:00:03,014 --> 01:00:06,132 (SCREAMING) 1486 01:00:06,201 --> 01:00:07,667 Are you okay? 1487 01:00:07,952 --> 01:00:10,337 BOTH: Yeah! 1488 01:00:10,405 --> 01:00:12,022 Come on, Daddy. You're okay! 1489 01:00:12,091 --> 01:00:13,857 Okay, I just need to take a breather. One... 1490 01:00:15,761 --> 01:00:17,144 ♪ Do it again... 1491 01:00:17,196 --> 01:00:18,711 ♪ Lost my mind, I'm a lose it again 1492 01:00:18,780 --> 01:00:20,597 I love this kid. 1493 01:00:20,666 --> 01:00:23,049 Oh, my God! 1494 01:00:23,117 --> 01:00:24,350 ♪ Rage, rage the night away 1495 01:00:24,419 --> 01:00:26,269 ♪ Forget about the money I spent today 1496 01:00:26,337 --> 01:00:28,087 ♪ Rage, rage the night away 1497 01:00:28,156 --> 01:00:30,857 DDT your ass. I love you, dawg. 1498 01:00:31,743 --> 01:00:34,094 ♪ Forget about the money I spent today ♪ 1499 01:00:34,246 --> 01:00:35,996 (CHEERING) 1500 01:00:36,064 --> 01:00:38,798 (SHOUTING) 1501 01:00:43,655 --> 01:00:45,188 (SCREAMING) 1502 01:00:51,662 --> 01:00:52,629 Hi, Pops. 1503 01:00:54,365 --> 01:00:55,765 I just need some fresh air. Can I come? 1504 01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:07,377 We've always been straight with each other, haven't we? 1505 01:01:07,412 --> 01:01:08,378 Yeah, of course. 1506 01:01:08,446 --> 01:01:09,545 Okay, I need to ask you a question. 1507 01:01:09,614 --> 01:01:10,930 And I mean this honestly. 1508 01:01:10,999 --> 01:01:12,498 Okay. What? 1509 01:01:12,567 --> 01:01:13,300 You're scaring me. 1510 01:01:13,451 --> 01:01:14,683 No. It's just... 1511 01:01:15,720 --> 01:01:16,636 What? 1512 01:01:17,789 --> 01:01:19,089 Why Laird? 1513 01:01:19,157 --> 01:01:20,790 I mean, come on. Oh, my God. 1514 01:01:20,858 --> 01:01:22,508 Why? (GROANS) Dad. 1515 01:01:22,544 --> 01:01:24,561 You are so smart and you're beautiful. 1516 01:01:24,629 --> 01:01:27,163 You could be dating anyone. Why? 1517 01:01:27,231 --> 01:01:28,415 I don't get it. You want the truth? 1518 01:01:28,517 --> 01:01:30,217 Yes. 1519 01:01:30,285 --> 01:01:32,052 He kind of reminds me of you. 1520 01:01:33,522 --> 01:01:34,720 What? 1521 01:01:35,707 --> 01:01:37,006 Me? Yes. 1522 01:01:37,075 --> 01:01:38,824 Okay, I need you to explain that one. 1523 01:01:38,893 --> 01:01:40,242 How? 1524 01:01:40,311 --> 01:01:42,745 You're both the most honest and authentic men that I know. 1525 01:01:42,814 --> 01:01:44,063 It comes out in totally different ways. 1526 01:01:44,132 --> 01:01:45,432 Oh, well... 1527 01:01:45,500 --> 01:01:46,766 Laird has literally no filter. 1528 01:01:46,835 --> 01:01:49,536 I don't know that to be true. Is that right? 1529 01:01:49,605 --> 01:01:51,354 Okay. Sorry. 1530 01:01:51,423 --> 01:01:53,590 Trying to help you out here. (SIGHS) 1531 01:01:53,625 --> 01:01:56,292 But I swear his heart is always in the right place. 1532 01:01:59,030 --> 01:02:00,730 He's a very good guy. 1533 01:02:01,683 --> 01:02:03,199 And I love him. 1534 01:02:08,240 --> 01:02:09,405 You love him? 1535 01:02:15,063 --> 01:02:16,329 (WHINES) What? 1536 01:02:17,199 --> 01:02:18,882 I'm processing. 1537 01:02:18,950 --> 01:02:20,049 We had the... Very funny, Dad. 1538 01:02:21,702 --> 01:02:23,502 Okay. Okay. 1539 01:02:24,372 --> 01:02:25,988 Just try to be cordial. 1540 01:02:26,057 --> 01:02:27,223 I will. I'll try. 1541 01:02:27,292 --> 01:02:29,058 Okay? I'll try. Try to what? 1542 01:02:29,127 --> 01:02:30,760 I'll try to just... 1543 01:02:32,096 --> 01:02:36,433 ...understand that person better. 1544 01:02:37,736 --> 01:02:39,018 (LAUGHS) 1545 01:02:39,171 --> 01:02:40,336 Come here. 1546 01:02:51,083 --> 01:02:52,148 Hey. 1547 01:02:54,002 --> 01:02:55,151 Hi. 1548 01:02:55,220 --> 01:02:58,054 (SIGHS) Long night. What are you doing? 1549 01:02:59,491 --> 01:03:00,923 Just chilling. 1550 01:03:01,959 --> 01:03:04,143 Barb, is that my shirt? 1551 01:03:04,212 --> 01:03:06,162 I don't know, is it? 1552 01:03:06,230 --> 01:03:07,897 Want me to take it off? 1553 01:03:07,966 --> 01:03:10,600 Would you, please? I only brought two dress shirts. 1554 01:03:10,669 --> 01:03:12,134 I really don't feel like ironing 1555 01:03:12,203 --> 01:03:13,486 while I'm on this trip. 1556 01:03:15,324 --> 01:03:16,907 (GROANS) I'm so exhausted. 1557 01:03:18,911 --> 01:03:20,210 Oh, yeah. 1558 01:03:20,279 --> 01:03:21,578 Take it off, baby. 1559 01:03:21,646 --> 01:03:25,381 Yeah! Take it off. Take off those shoes, girl. 1560 01:03:25,500 --> 01:03:28,618 Let me see those feet. I wanna see those feet! 1561 01:03:28,686 --> 01:03:30,086 Did you hit your head or something? 1562 01:03:30,154 --> 01:03:32,522 Yeah. Let me smell that shoe. 1563 01:03:32,591 --> 01:03:33,590 You don't wanna smell my shoe. 1564 01:03:33,658 --> 01:03:34,691 Yeah, I want feet! 1565 01:03:34,759 --> 01:03:36,892 I want those feet out of those socks. 1566 01:03:36,961 --> 01:03:38,494 Barb, what happened to you? 1567 01:03:38,597 --> 01:03:40,563 I am so stoned right now. 1568 01:03:40,632 --> 01:03:41,514 What? 1569 01:03:41,583 --> 01:03:43,783 Yeah, I am so baked. 1570 01:03:43,852 --> 01:03:45,718 I am like super baked. 1571 01:03:45,787 --> 01:03:48,054 Barb. What? Where did you? (LAUGHS) 1572 01:03:48,123 --> 01:03:50,940 I was very lonely after you guys left. 1573 01:03:51,009 --> 01:03:55,361 And I saw this guy, and he had a cigarette. 1574 01:03:55,430 --> 01:03:57,964 I thought it was one of those electronic cigarettes. 1575 01:03:58,033 --> 01:03:59,348 They're called E-cigs. 1576 01:03:59,417 --> 01:04:00,299 Yeah. 1577 01:04:00,369 --> 01:04:02,268 But turns out... 1578 01:04:02,337 --> 01:04:04,237 I was vaping. 1579 01:04:04,305 --> 01:04:05,472 What? 1580 01:04:05,540 --> 01:04:07,073 I was vaping. 1581 01:04:07,141 --> 01:04:08,274 What is that? 1582 01:04:08,343 --> 01:04:11,227 It's marijuana that comes out of some kind of machine. 1583 01:04:11,430 --> 01:04:13,096 Keep your voice down! Ned, it's legal. 1584 01:04:13,165 --> 01:04:16,132 Oh, this poor boy had it for sleep apnea. 1585 01:04:16,200 --> 01:04:19,085 At his age? So sad. I'm going to bed. That's it. 1586 01:04:19,153 --> 01:04:21,354 No, no, no. Wait! 1587 01:04:21,423 --> 01:04:22,438 Barbara, I'm tired. Wait a minute. (MUTTERS) 1588 01:04:22,507 --> 01:04:23,640 And I've got a headache. 1589 01:04:23,708 --> 01:04:25,758 Let's play a little bit, huh? No, no. 1590 01:04:25,827 --> 01:04:28,260 I'll give you one of my patented massages. 1591 01:04:28,329 --> 01:04:29,495 Barb. Let's take the Little Cheese 1592 01:04:29,564 --> 01:04:30,730 out for a spin. No, no, no. 1593 01:04:30,798 --> 01:04:32,265 Come on, let me just see him. Don't. 1594 01:04:32,334 --> 01:04:34,100 I just want to see him. Don't call him that. 1595 01:04:34,169 --> 01:04:35,168 Please. Come on. 1596 01:04:35,237 --> 01:04:36,402 Oh, my God! 1597 01:04:36,470 --> 01:04:39,021 You used to love getting high and fooling around. 1598 01:04:39,090 --> 01:04:40,590 What? Barb! No, Barb. 1599 01:04:40,659 --> 01:04:42,308 We're on vacation! But someone could walk... 1600 01:04:42,377 --> 01:04:43,993 There's no locks on the door! 1601 01:04:44,061 --> 01:04:45,161 What? 1602 01:04:45,230 --> 01:04:48,081 Justine! Do you have any Kiss? 1603 01:04:48,150 --> 01:04:49,866 JUSTINE: Oh, hell yeah! 1604 01:04:49,934 --> 01:04:51,284 Are you kids gonna do it? Yes. 1605 01:04:51,353 --> 01:04:53,719 NED: No. We're doing it already. 1606 01:04:53,788 --> 01:04:55,154 We're doing it right now. Barb! 1607 01:04:55,173 --> 01:04:56,539 I'm doing it with my feet. One foot. 1608 01:04:56,607 --> 01:04:58,841 That's Kiss! Honey, you love Kiss! 1609 01:04:58,910 --> 01:05:00,543 But not right now. 1610 01:05:00,612 --> 01:05:03,012 (I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN' YOU PLAYING) 1611 01:05:03,081 --> 01:05:06,849 ♪ Ned was made for loving Barb ♪ 1612 01:05:06,918 --> 01:05:08,017 Yell! 1613 01:05:08,085 --> 01:05:11,387 (GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY) 1614 01:05:12,691 --> 01:05:14,357 Yeah. Yeah. 1615 01:05:14,426 --> 01:05:15,458 Look what I learned at the party. 1616 01:05:15,527 --> 01:05:16,892 What? 1617 01:05:16,961 --> 01:05:18,561 There was this real cute girl, and she was going like this. 1618 01:05:18,630 --> 01:05:20,630 (EXCLAIMING) 1619 01:05:20,699 --> 01:05:22,532 She was doing this cute, new dance. 1620 01:05:22,600 --> 01:05:24,367 You're gonna throw your back out. 1621 01:05:24,435 --> 01:05:26,135 I'm not gonna throw my... 1622 01:05:26,204 --> 01:05:27,570 I'll throw you out. 1623 01:05:27,639 --> 01:05:29,138 Let me get on you. Wait, do you smell that? 1624 01:05:29,207 --> 01:05:30,907 I'm putting him in. What is that scent? 1625 01:05:30,976 --> 01:05:32,292 There. Oh, it's in. 1626 01:05:32,360 --> 01:05:34,177 (MOANING) 1627 01:05:34,245 --> 01:05:36,012 What is that? (GASPS) Oh, my God. 1628 01:05:36,081 --> 01:05:37,246 Oh, my God! 1629 01:05:37,315 --> 01:05:40,516 Is that Indian Summer by Priscilla Presley? 1630 01:05:40,585 --> 01:05:42,701 I used to wear that perfume in the 90s. 1631 01:05:42,770 --> 01:05:44,837 JUSTINE: Yup, pumping some in. 1632 01:05:44,906 --> 01:05:47,673 I saw you mentioned it on your college reunion's Facebook page. 1633 01:05:47,742 --> 01:05:49,392 I know what you like, Ned. 1634 01:05:49,461 --> 01:05:51,511 Oh, I know you do, dawg. 1635 01:05:51,580 --> 01:05:53,829 Yeah, get in there. Get it! 1636 01:05:53,899 --> 01:05:55,664 Barb! Get you some! 1637 01:05:55,734 --> 01:05:57,434 Get it! Good. Oh, that's... Okay. 1638 01:05:57,502 --> 01:05:59,269 Yeah. You're almost in there. 1639 01:05:59,337 --> 01:06:01,104 No, you're, like, six inches away from it. 1640 01:06:01,173 --> 01:06:03,706 Get in there. Yeah, that's the spirit. 1641 01:06:03,825 --> 01:06:05,208 Barb. Oh! Yeah! 1642 01:06:05,277 --> 01:06:06,492 Barb! That's good. 1643 01:06:06,561 --> 01:06:08,378 Oh, that's good. You're getting into it now. 1644 01:06:08,446 --> 01:06:09,745 That's it! (SQUEALS) No! 1645 01:06:09,814 --> 01:06:11,948 No, no! Take me! Yes! Take me! 1646 01:06:12,017 --> 01:06:13,249 I'm not... Take me. 1647 01:06:13,317 --> 01:06:15,117 I'm taking you right to bed. That's what I'm doing. 1648 01:06:15,186 --> 01:06:16,452 (SQUEALING) Here you go. Yes. 1649 01:06:16,521 --> 01:06:17,720 No, I wanna do sex. 1650 01:06:17,789 --> 01:06:19,121 We are not gonna do sex. No, honey. 1651 01:06:19,190 --> 01:06:20,389 But I want to. 1652 01:06:20,509 --> 01:06:21,690 Justine, turn all the music off please... 1653 01:06:21,759 --> 01:06:22,959 I wanna do it. 1654 01:06:23,028 --> 01:06:24,460 ...and leave us alone for the rest of the night. 1655 01:06:24,529 --> 01:06:25,861 It's gonna be full penetration! 1656 01:06:25,931 --> 01:06:27,479 NED: Would you stop! 1657 01:06:27,548 --> 01:06:29,549 (SIGHS, SNIFFLES) 1658 01:06:31,219 --> 01:06:33,536 JUSTINE: Psst... Hey, girl. 1659 01:06:33,604 --> 01:06:35,171 Fifth button from the right. 1660 01:06:36,174 --> 01:06:37,674 You'll thank me later. 1661 01:06:45,666 --> 01:06:46,799 (NOZZLE HISSING) 1662 01:06:51,773 --> 01:06:52,938 ♪ Mama, won't you please let me 1663 01:06:53,007 --> 01:06:54,073 Mama, won't you please let me 1664 01:06:54,142 --> 01:06:55,441 Mmm... 1665 01:06:55,510 --> 01:06:56,742 ♪ Mama, won't you please let me 1666 01:07:06,454 --> 01:07:08,754 ♪ Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1667 01:07:08,823 --> 01:07:11,290 ♪ Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump 1668 01:07:11,359 --> 01:07:13,976 ♪ Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1669 01:07:14,045 --> 01:07:16,278 ♪ Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump 1670 01:07:16,347 --> 01:07:18,731 ♪ Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1671 01:07:18,800 --> 01:07:21,133 ♪ Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump 1672 01:07:21,202 --> 01:07:23,569 ♪ Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1673 01:07:23,638 --> 01:07:25,971 ♪ Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump ♪ 1674 01:07:27,875 --> 01:07:30,876 (CALLING) 1675 01:07:34,348 --> 01:07:35,381 There we go, girls. 1676 01:07:45,176 --> 01:07:46,408 (CONTINUES CALLING) 1677 01:07:52,166 --> 01:07:53,633 (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) 1678 01:08:11,803 --> 01:08:12,802 Oh! 1679 01:08:13,938 --> 01:08:15,004 Okay. You all right? 1680 01:08:15,073 --> 01:08:16,672 Yeah. Oh, man. 1681 01:08:16,741 --> 01:08:17,907 That's it. 1682 01:08:17,976 --> 01:08:19,175 Dude, I thought I was gonna make it. 1683 01:08:19,244 --> 01:08:20,776 I know. You almost did, but... 1684 01:08:21,446 --> 01:08:22,995 Very good evasive parkour. 1685 01:08:23,063 --> 01:08:24,997 Yes, but the last move you ate shit. 1686 01:08:25,065 --> 01:08:26,132 I know. (GUSTAV LAUGHS) 1687 01:08:26,200 --> 01:08:27,400 GUSTAV: I'll put you on the table later 1688 01:08:27,468 --> 01:08:28,734 and we'll do a little adjustment. 1689 01:08:41,582 --> 01:08:43,382 Ah! 1690 01:08:43,451 --> 01:08:46,853 Christmas tree shopping with the Big Cheese. 1691 01:08:46,921 --> 01:08:49,188 Ned, you don't know how excited I am about this. 1692 01:08:49,257 --> 01:08:51,323 I don't know if I ever mentioned this, 1693 01:08:51,392 --> 01:08:53,559 but I never had a father to do this kind of stuff with. 1694 01:08:53,628 --> 01:08:56,029 I'm glad we're getting a chance to hang out. 1695 01:08:57,131 --> 01:08:57,930 That's nice. 1696 01:08:59,483 --> 01:09:02,000 Uh, it's not getting me hard. 1697 01:09:02,069 --> 01:09:04,403 You need an erection to buy a Christmas tree? 1698 01:09:05,005 --> 01:09:06,238 Helps. 1699 01:09:06,307 --> 01:09:07,973 (CHUCKLES) 1700 01:09:08,042 --> 01:09:09,392 I wanna get to know you better. 1701 01:09:09,461 --> 01:09:10,926 I mean, you're so perfect. 1702 01:09:10,995 --> 01:09:13,763 Seriously, did you always have your shit together? 1703 01:09:13,831 --> 01:09:14,864 Oh, heck no. 1704 01:09:14,932 --> 01:09:16,699 I got fired selling Datsuns. 1705 01:09:18,770 --> 01:09:21,170 How'd you fuck up selling little dogs? 1706 01:09:22,340 --> 01:09:24,340 No. Datsuns. 1707 01:09:25,076 --> 01:09:26,025 What's that? 1708 01:09:26,093 --> 01:09:27,393 It's a car. Doesn't matter. 1709 01:09:27,495 --> 01:09:28,894 It doesn't exist anymore. 1710 01:09:28,963 --> 01:09:30,879 But you're still here. 1711 01:09:30,948 --> 01:09:31,981 (SCOFFS) 1712 01:09:32,050 --> 01:09:35,534 You ever get nervous about shifting tides? 1713 01:09:35,603 --> 01:09:39,088 Well, you know, every business has its ups and downs. 1714 01:09:39,157 --> 01:09:40,823 Yeah, I know it, bro. 1715 01:09:40,892 --> 01:09:43,559 Guerrilla Gang, it's been struggling a little bit. 1716 01:09:44,078 --> 01:09:45,728 Really? 1717 01:09:45,797 --> 01:09:48,047 Yeah, it's just a fucking tough landscape, dude. 1718 01:09:49,717 --> 01:09:51,950 What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 1719 01:09:53,137 --> 01:09:55,504 Whoa. (EXHALES) 1720 01:09:55,573 --> 01:09:58,207 Chills. Did you come up with that? 1721 01:09:59,193 --> 01:10:00,726 No, Laird. 1722 01:10:02,630 --> 01:10:03,712 Whoa, whoa. 1723 01:10:05,082 --> 01:10:06,933 There she blows, Ned. 1724 01:10:07,001 --> 01:10:08,784 It's our motherfucking tree. 1725 01:10:08,853 --> 01:10:11,120 Why not? It'll look great opposite your moose. 1726 01:10:11,589 --> 01:10:13,872 Ned, Ned. Not that one. 1727 01:10:15,159 --> 01:10:16,359 That one. 1728 01:10:19,581 --> 01:10:21,581 Oh, no. See, Laird... 1729 01:10:21,716 --> 01:10:22,999 that doesn't belong to this lot. 1730 01:10:23,067 --> 01:10:24,367 See, it's owned by... 1731 01:10:24,436 --> 01:10:26,368 Wet games? Wewt Games. 1732 01:10:26,437 --> 01:10:27,453 Like, 'woot-woot'. 1733 01:10:27,521 --> 01:10:29,122 I know those dudes. They're dicks. 1734 01:10:29,224 --> 01:10:31,040 Tried to rip off Ape Assassins. 1735 01:10:31,109 --> 01:10:33,275 Plus, it's the first Christmas with the family, dude. 1736 01:10:33,345 --> 01:10:34,627 Gotta do it right. 1737 01:10:34,696 --> 01:10:35,661 Hey, buddy. 1738 01:10:35,730 --> 01:10:36,595 Yeah. 1739 01:10:36,664 --> 01:10:38,097 Can I borrow that chainsaw? 1740 01:10:38,166 --> 01:10:39,331 Are you serious? 1741 01:10:39,784 --> 01:10:40,867 Yeah. 1742 01:10:41,869 --> 01:10:43,569 (GRUNTING) Fucking... 1743 01:10:44,271 --> 01:10:45,370 Come on. 1744 01:10:47,074 --> 01:10:48,391 Will you hurry up? 1745 01:10:48,460 --> 01:10:50,109 I'm trying. 1746 01:10:50,178 --> 01:10:52,478 Come on, guy. I need my chainsaw back. 1747 01:10:52,547 --> 01:10:53,979 Just give me a second. 1748 01:10:54,048 --> 01:10:55,347 Should we call an ambulance now, 1749 01:10:55,416 --> 01:10:56,882 or wait till he loses a finger? 1750 01:10:58,769 --> 01:10:59,902 Can I borrow those? 1751 01:11:00,872 --> 01:11:02,038 Have at it. 1752 01:11:02,807 --> 01:11:04,323 Okay. Laird just... 1753 01:11:04,392 --> 01:11:05,408 Okay. 1754 01:11:05,476 --> 01:11:06,375 Hand it over? 1755 01:11:06,444 --> 01:11:07,693 You sure, Ned? Yup. 1756 01:11:13,151 --> 01:11:15,301 (MOTOR STARTS) Oh! 1757 01:11:15,369 --> 01:11:17,403 Total fucking Dad move! 1758 01:11:19,373 --> 01:11:21,758 (ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE PLAYING) 1759 01:11:29,433 --> 01:11:33,435 (MOUTHING) Oh, shit! 1760 01:11:33,488 --> 01:11:36,322 ♪ You keep on dancing and the room gets hot 1761 01:11:36,390 --> 01:11:39,709 ♪ You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy 1762 01:11:42,663 --> 01:11:46,716 ♪ I wanna rock and roll all night... 1763 01:11:48,052 --> 01:11:49,585 Love Kiss! 1764 01:11:51,105 --> 01:11:52,721 Kiss, baby! 1765 01:11:52,790 --> 01:11:54,290 These guys are awesome! 1766 01:11:54,359 --> 01:11:57,126 Stephanie and I do karaoke to Kiss all the time. 1767 01:11:57,194 --> 01:11:59,462 Dude, I know, that's why I put it on! 1768 01:11:59,530 --> 01:12:01,213 And we do a pretty good job, too, 1769 01:12:01,282 --> 01:12:03,049 if I might say so. Oh, man. 1770 01:12:03,117 --> 01:12:04,800 That's cute. Yeah. 1771 01:12:05,202 --> 01:12:06,352 (SIGHS) 1772 01:12:06,420 --> 01:12:08,954 Listen, Laird, I've been thinking about 1773 01:12:09,023 --> 01:12:10,756 our teepee talk yesterday. 1774 01:12:10,824 --> 01:12:12,491 Oh, dude, me too. 1775 01:12:12,560 --> 01:12:14,694 I've got so many ideas for the proposal. 1776 01:12:14,762 --> 01:12:16,428 No. No. Ned, hear me out. 1777 01:12:16,497 --> 01:12:18,864 I was thinking about getting the Goodyear blimp, 1778 01:12:18,933 --> 01:12:19,932 releasing a thousand doves. 1779 01:12:20,001 --> 01:12:21,133 No. Wait. 1780 01:12:21,202 --> 01:12:22,535 Laird, just hold on a second, okay? 1781 01:12:22,603 --> 01:12:24,153 Slow down. Okay. 1782 01:12:24,221 --> 01:12:27,623 Look, I get it that Stephanie really likes you. 1783 01:12:27,675 --> 01:12:29,225 But... Uh-huh. 1784 01:12:29,293 --> 01:12:31,327 Look. Man to man. Yeah. 1785 01:12:31,395 --> 01:12:33,945 Now is not the time. 1786 01:12:34,014 --> 01:12:37,233 Dude, Ned, I thought we were getting past all that. 1787 01:12:37,268 --> 01:12:38,834 No, it's not me. 1788 01:12:38,902 --> 01:12:39,901 It's all about Stephanie. 1789 01:12:39,970 --> 01:12:41,036 Stephanie? Yes. 1790 01:12:41,105 --> 01:12:42,572 I don't know, dude. 1791 01:12:42,640 --> 01:12:45,440 These last few semesters are gonna be so intense. 1792 01:12:45,509 --> 01:12:47,009 And then there's graduation, 1793 01:12:47,078 --> 01:12:48,477 and she'll be looking for a job. 1794 01:12:48,545 --> 01:12:50,179 And who knows where that will take her. 1795 01:12:50,248 --> 01:12:51,847 It's just... All right, Ned... 1796 01:12:51,916 --> 01:12:53,148 I wasn't supposed to tell you this, 1797 01:12:53,217 --> 01:12:54,950 but I just wanna put your mind at ease. 1798 01:12:56,821 --> 01:12:59,555 Stephanie is not going back to school next semester. 1799 01:13:01,175 --> 01:13:02,641 What? 1800 01:13:02,710 --> 01:13:06,545 Dude, I know you're probably shocked, but do not worry. 1801 01:13:06,631 --> 01:13:08,230 She's already got this awesome job 1802 01:13:08,299 --> 01:13:09,999 lined up at this non-profit. 1803 01:13:10,067 --> 01:13:11,133 (STAMMERS) 1804 01:13:11,202 --> 01:13:14,537 What organization is that exactly? 1805 01:13:14,606 --> 01:13:18,240 She's going to be president of the Laird Mayhew Foundation. 1806 01:13:23,081 --> 01:13:24,614 That's me. 1807 01:13:26,600 --> 01:13:27,599 Stephanie! 1808 01:13:27,668 --> 01:13:28,884 Barb? 1809 01:13:28,953 --> 01:13:31,570 Everybody upstairs right now, family meeting! 1810 01:13:31,639 --> 01:13:33,289 JUSTINE: Ned, would you like me to schedule a meeting? 1811 01:13:33,357 --> 01:13:34,306 Oh, fuck off! 1812 01:13:34,374 --> 01:13:35,574 Just trying to help. 1813 01:13:35,643 --> 01:13:36,875 You don't always have to be such an asshole. 1814 01:13:36,944 --> 01:13:38,911 Yes, I do! 1815 01:13:38,980 --> 01:13:40,846 Dad. You are so dead. 1816 01:13:40,915 --> 01:13:43,466 Shut up. Of course I was going to tell you. 1817 01:13:43,534 --> 01:13:45,234 I told Mom yesterday at the mall. 1818 01:13:45,303 --> 01:13:47,319 I was just waiting for the right time to bring it up 1819 01:13:47,388 --> 01:13:48,520 and that hasn't happened. Wait a minute. 1820 01:13:48,589 --> 01:13:49,788 You knew? 1821 01:13:49,857 --> 01:13:53,842 Honestly, honey, we thought you might freak out. 1822 01:13:53,911 --> 01:13:56,078 So we decided to wait until 1823 01:13:56,147 --> 01:13:58,313 after Christmas to bring it up. 1824 01:13:58,382 --> 01:14:00,415 But, okay, he told you about the foundation, right? 1825 01:14:00,484 --> 01:14:02,334 Yes. Yes, okay. 1826 01:14:02,403 --> 01:14:03,702 This is a big part of why I wanted you 1827 01:14:03,771 --> 01:14:06,605 to come out here and meet Laird. 1828 01:14:06,674 --> 01:14:10,359 Stephanie, even if he wasn't this abject lunatic, 1829 01:14:10,428 --> 01:14:11,844 which he is, 1830 01:14:11,913 --> 01:14:14,747 I still wouldn't understand why. 1831 01:14:14,815 --> 01:14:16,298 You've only got a few semesters left 1832 01:14:16,367 --> 01:14:17,650 before you graduate. 1833 01:14:17,718 --> 01:14:19,685 Why would you just throw that away? 1834 01:14:19,754 --> 01:14:20,903 I'm not throwing anything away, Dad. 1835 01:14:20,971 --> 01:14:22,071 The year I spent in Central America 1836 01:14:22,140 --> 01:14:24,440 doing this kind of work, 1837 01:14:24,509 --> 01:14:27,876 I know you think that I'm making some rash decision 1838 01:14:27,945 --> 01:14:29,045 and I'm not. 1839 01:14:29,113 --> 01:14:31,780 We've spent months figuring it out. 1840 01:14:31,849 --> 01:14:32,865 All the months 1841 01:14:32,933 --> 01:14:35,167 where you didn't even tell us you had a boyfriend. 1842 01:14:35,235 --> 01:14:36,802 All those months? 1843 01:14:36,871 --> 01:14:38,203 Darling... 1844 01:14:38,272 --> 01:14:39,905 I think you should hear her out 1845 01:14:39,973 --> 01:14:42,474 because it actually sounds very interesting. 1846 01:14:42,543 --> 01:14:43,509 Does it? 1847 01:14:43,577 --> 01:14:45,544 STEPHANIE: Are you willing to listen to me? 1848 01:14:45,613 --> 01:14:47,296 Give it your best shot. 1849 01:14:47,364 --> 01:14:50,516 The plan is to focus on women's health 1850 01:14:50,585 --> 01:14:52,067 as a function of environmental change in the Third World. 1851 01:14:52,136 --> 01:14:53,135 Right. All right. 1852 01:14:53,204 --> 01:14:54,302 And when all that goes belly-up, 1853 01:14:54,371 --> 01:14:55,454 you know what you're left with? 1854 01:14:55,522 --> 01:14:57,856 What? Being a college dropout. 1855 01:14:57,925 --> 01:14:59,424 That's it. You don't get it. 1856 01:14:59,493 --> 01:15:00,609 Oh, I don't get it? 1857 01:15:00,678 --> 01:15:02,594 No, you just, like, don't get it at all. 1858 01:15:02,663 --> 01:15:04,330 Oh. What is that? 1859 01:15:05,717 --> 01:15:06,866 It's a tattoo. 1860 01:15:07,001 --> 01:15:08,417 With his name? You got a tattoo? 1861 01:15:08,486 --> 01:15:10,719 You've marked your body with his name on it. 1862 01:15:10,788 --> 01:15:11,821 Look at that, Barb! 1863 01:15:11,889 --> 01:15:13,422 Oh, no. 1864 01:15:13,491 --> 01:15:15,390 That is so cute. 1865 01:15:15,459 --> 01:15:16,742 SCOTTY: Let me see. I wanna see. 1866 01:15:16,811 --> 01:15:18,777 Laird's been telling me I should get a neck tat. 1867 01:15:18,846 --> 01:15:20,062 I see what Laird is doing here. 1868 01:15:20,131 --> 01:15:22,064 I see what he's doing. (CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY) 1869 01:15:22,133 --> 01:15:25,634 He is trying to put his imprint on this entire family. 1870 01:15:25,702 --> 01:15:28,821 And that is why we've got all these secrets now. 1871 01:15:28,973 --> 01:15:30,672 And it's all because of him! 1872 01:15:30,741 --> 01:15:32,491 Why do you have such a big problem with Laird? 1873 01:15:32,560 --> 01:15:34,492 Great question. You know why? Why? 1874 01:15:34,561 --> 01:15:36,595 Because of his influence, 1875 01:15:36,663 --> 01:15:38,130 you drop out of college. 1876 01:15:38,199 --> 01:15:40,532 Because of his influence, you get a "too." 1877 01:15:40,601 --> 01:15:41,817 Dad, I think you mean "tat." 1878 01:15:41,885 --> 01:15:42,651 You definitely mean "tat." 1879 01:15:42,719 --> 01:15:44,135 I mean "tat?" It's not a "too?" 1880 01:15:44,155 --> 01:15:45,087 "Tat." No, it's not a "too." No. 1881 01:15:45,155 --> 01:15:46,755 No, I saw it on Geraldo. 1882 01:15:46,824 --> 01:15:48,757 They call them "toos," okay? Okay. 1883 01:15:48,826 --> 01:15:51,110 This is what's going to be your downward spiral. 1884 01:15:51,179 --> 01:15:52,678 First you get a tattoo, 1885 01:15:52,747 --> 01:15:54,646 then you start vaporizing. 1886 01:15:54,715 --> 01:15:56,448 What? NED: You're vaporizing. 1887 01:15:56,517 --> 01:15:58,050 STEPHANIE: What are you talking about? 1888 01:15:58,119 --> 01:16:01,086 When you have... It's an e-cigarette. 1889 01:16:01,155 --> 01:16:03,923 But instead of tobacco or a fake tobacco, 1890 01:16:03,991 --> 01:16:05,791 no, you have marijuana in that e-cigarette. 1891 01:16:05,860 --> 01:16:07,359 Dad, I know what it is. Yeah. 1892 01:16:07,361 --> 01:16:08,694 How do you know what it is? 1893 01:16:08,763 --> 01:16:11,947 Because I've been around. Haven't I? 1894 01:16:11,966 --> 01:16:13,448 (STUTTERS) 1895 01:16:13,517 --> 01:16:14,683 Mm-hmm. 1896 01:16:14,751 --> 01:16:16,351 Then you go from there to heroin. 1897 01:16:16,420 --> 01:16:17,552 Mm-hmm, that's right. 1898 01:16:17,621 --> 01:16:19,839 After that, after you get hooked on drugs, 1899 01:16:19,907 --> 01:16:20,973 you know what happens next? 1900 01:16:21,042 --> 01:16:22,108 What? 1901 01:16:22,176 --> 01:16:23,275 You'll become a hooker, a prostitute... 1902 01:16:23,344 --> 01:16:24,476 a pimp's bitch. 1903 01:16:24,545 --> 01:16:26,228 That's what's going to happen to you. 1904 01:16:26,296 --> 01:16:27,662 I see it very clearly. 1905 01:16:27,731 --> 01:16:30,332 Oh, my... How long do I have? 1906 01:16:30,400 --> 01:16:32,317 I'm glad you asked. Not long. 1907 01:16:32,386 --> 01:16:35,654 You keep going down this path, at this rate, not long. 1908 01:16:35,722 --> 01:16:38,574 You're clearly not in a place to listen to me right now. 1909 01:16:38,643 --> 01:16:39,708 So I'm gonna go. 1910 01:16:39,777 --> 01:16:41,210 Thank you, Pops, for the guidance. 1911 01:16:41,278 --> 01:16:42,294 Thank you. You're welcome. 1912 01:17:17,848 --> 01:17:19,848 (BAD MOTHER F*ER PLAYING) 1913 01:17:28,025 --> 01:17:31,360 ♪ When the line froze, what did I see? 1914 01:17:31,428 --> 01:17:33,679 ♪ A bad mother fucker standing next to me 1915 01:17:33,748 --> 01:17:34,947 Boom! 1916 01:17:35,499 --> 01:17:36,948 (EXCLAIMING) 1917 01:17:38,919 --> 01:17:41,403 ♪ Be free like a bird so today I'ma fly 1918 01:17:41,472 --> 01:17:43,939 ♪ Bad, bad motherfucker 'til the day I die ♪ 1919 01:17:45,476 --> 01:17:47,192 Boss, let me get this straight. 1920 01:17:47,328 --> 01:17:48,243 You want me to hack into 1921 01:17:48,312 --> 01:17:50,245 Stephanie's boyfriend's computer 1922 01:17:50,314 --> 01:17:51,947 and find out if there's any record 1923 01:17:52,016 --> 01:17:53,816 of him starting a foundation? 1924 01:17:53,884 --> 01:17:54,733 Yes, I do. 1925 01:17:54,802 --> 01:17:56,769 Listen, Kevin, you are my IT guy. 1926 01:17:56,837 --> 01:17:58,320 I've got nowhere else to turn. 1927 01:17:58,388 --> 01:18:00,623 You know I've always thought so highly of Stephanie. 1928 01:18:00,691 --> 01:18:03,125 Yeah, she thinks a lot about you. 1929 01:18:03,193 --> 01:18:05,160 Really? Oh, yeah. 1930 01:18:05,229 --> 01:18:07,129 That's so crazy. Now, listen. 1931 01:18:07,197 --> 01:18:08,480 I know that this character has money, 1932 01:18:08,549 --> 01:18:10,415 but there's something about this whole foundation 1933 01:18:10,484 --> 01:18:12,017 that sounds like a bunch of hooey. 1934 01:18:12,086 --> 01:18:15,721 If this guy's running hooey, then I'm gonna find out. 1935 01:18:15,789 --> 01:18:16,805 Okay, first thing's first, Ned, 1936 01:18:16,873 --> 01:18:18,507 you have to break into his computer 1937 01:18:18,576 --> 01:18:21,260 and download a program that I'm gonna send you. 1938 01:18:21,328 --> 01:18:22,877 That's hacking? 1939 01:18:25,199 --> 01:18:27,499 I took a shower, washing every body part... 1940 01:18:28,870 --> 01:18:30,585 Yeah, okay. I'm getting online. 1941 01:18:31,288 --> 01:18:32,354 (KEVIN GRUNTS) 1942 01:18:32,423 --> 01:18:34,473 Kevin, what are you doing? Huh, baby? 1943 01:18:34,542 --> 01:18:37,075 Oh, I'm helping Ned with something IT-related. 1944 01:18:37,144 --> 01:18:38,527 Oh, tell Ned I said hi. 1945 01:18:38,595 --> 01:18:39,611 Okay. 1946 01:18:40,264 --> 01:18:41,397 KEVIN: All right, webcam's on. 1947 01:18:42,767 --> 01:18:44,199 (WHISPERS) Okay, I'm in the office. 1948 01:18:44,268 --> 01:18:46,335 All right, now get in front of the computer. 1949 01:18:46,404 --> 01:18:49,471 All right, good. Press the spacebar. 1950 01:18:50,708 --> 01:18:52,758 Oh, darn. It's asking for a password. 1951 01:18:52,826 --> 01:18:54,593 No surprise. 1952 01:18:54,661 --> 01:18:58,179 A lot of guys have passwords related to their girlfriends or their wives. 1953 01:18:58,248 --> 01:19:01,300 Kevin, you're a genius. That's what I have! 1954 01:19:01,368 --> 01:19:05,087 It's "Barbsguy1989." The year we were married. 1955 01:19:05,156 --> 01:19:07,772 The younger generation tends to go a little bit racier. 1956 01:19:07,841 --> 01:19:09,691 I'm gonna get into some sensitive areas here, 1957 01:19:09,760 --> 01:19:11,443 so just bear with me. 1958 01:19:11,512 --> 01:19:14,713 We need to focus on Stephanie's more defining qualities 1959 01:19:14,782 --> 01:19:16,548 that this guy might latch onto. 1960 01:19:16,617 --> 01:19:18,150 Do you understand what I'm saying? 1961 01:19:18,219 --> 01:19:19,818 Would you just get to it? 1962 01:19:19,886 --> 01:19:21,853 For example, like, would you say... 1963 01:19:21,923 --> 01:19:23,855 Stephanie has perky breasts? 1964 01:19:25,559 --> 01:19:26,909 What? Okay. 1965 01:19:26,978 --> 01:19:28,627 I would say yes, because she does. 1966 01:19:28,696 --> 01:19:31,497 Please try "Stephanie's boobs" one word, no caps. 1967 01:19:31,599 --> 01:19:32,514 I'm her dad! 1968 01:19:32,583 --> 01:19:34,383 I understand that you're her dad, 1969 01:19:34,452 --> 01:19:36,218 but you gotta think like him. 1970 01:19:36,287 --> 01:19:37,185 Okay? 1971 01:19:43,210 --> 01:19:44,409 No. 1972 01:19:44,478 --> 01:19:46,011 We're gonna have to kick it up a notch. 1973 01:19:46,080 --> 01:19:48,147 You said that this guy was edgy? 1974 01:19:48,215 --> 01:19:50,732 Please try "Stephanie's tight ass." 1975 01:19:50,801 --> 01:19:51,916 Give that a whirl. 1976 01:19:52,987 --> 01:19:55,253 Are you messing with me, Dingle? 1977 01:19:55,322 --> 01:19:57,172 I wish I was messing with you. 1978 01:19:57,241 --> 01:19:58,607 I'm trying to help you, Ned. 1979 01:19:58,676 --> 01:20:00,925 Make the two "S's" dollar signs in "ass." 1980 01:20:00,994 --> 01:20:02,227 God! 1981 01:20:02,296 --> 01:20:04,863 I am going straight to hell just for typing this. 1982 01:20:04,931 --> 01:20:06,531 Tight ass. 1983 01:20:07,668 --> 01:20:09,517 No. Hey, guys? 1984 01:20:09,587 --> 01:20:11,186 Do you wanna raise the volume on the movie? 1985 01:20:11,255 --> 01:20:12,671 GIRL: Okay. 1986 01:20:12,739 --> 01:20:15,657 Okay. I'm just gonna list some off, you type them in. 1987 01:20:15,726 --> 01:20:17,909 All right, try "Stephanie's sweet slit." 1988 01:20:17,978 --> 01:20:20,078 I am not writing that! 1989 01:20:20,147 --> 01:20:21,947 Okay, "Stephanie's pink canoe." 1990 01:20:22,016 --> 01:20:23,348 No! 1991 01:20:23,416 --> 01:20:24,499 Listen, this isn't fun for me. 1992 01:20:28,672 --> 01:20:30,022 Oh, my God. What is it? 1993 01:20:30,091 --> 01:20:31,756 It's the password! 1994 01:20:31,825 --> 01:20:33,975 The one piece of paper in the entire house. 1995 01:20:34,044 --> 01:20:35,444 What does it say? I'm gonna log it in. 1996 01:20:35,512 --> 01:20:37,512 "Stephanie's dude." 1997 01:20:38,848 --> 01:20:40,632 Aw, that's actually sweet. 1998 01:20:40,701 --> 01:20:42,034 "2016." 1999 01:20:42,102 --> 01:20:43,402 Boom! We're in. 2000 01:20:43,471 --> 01:20:44,319 Oh, gosh! 2001 01:20:44,387 --> 01:20:45,787 What? What is it? 2002 01:20:45,856 --> 01:20:47,706 It's a nude photograph of Stephanie. 2003 01:20:47,775 --> 01:20:49,440 May I see it, please? No. 2004 01:20:49,509 --> 01:20:50,659 May I please see it? 2005 01:20:50,728 --> 01:20:52,394 I said no! Okay. 2006 01:20:52,430 --> 01:20:54,513 Go to your EarthLink account in the web browser. 2007 01:20:54,582 --> 01:20:57,666 EarthLink, EarthLink, okay. Press. 2008 01:20:57,735 --> 01:20:59,034 I give it my password. 2009 01:20:59,103 --> 01:21:00,402 Okay. 2010 01:21:00,470 --> 01:21:02,321 Okay. I just emailed you a file. 2011 01:21:02,389 --> 01:21:04,806 Download that and open it on his desktop. 2012 01:21:04,875 --> 01:21:07,342 Ned, we're gonna fucking nail this guy! We're good! 2013 01:21:07,411 --> 01:21:09,077 We're hacking, baby! 2014 01:21:09,146 --> 01:21:10,396 We're gonna nail him. 2015 01:21:10,464 --> 01:21:12,797 We're gonna nail him the way he's been nailing Stephanie. 2016 01:21:12,866 --> 01:21:13,849 STEPHANIE: Just come with me right now. 2017 01:21:13,918 --> 01:21:15,017 LAIRD: What? 2018 01:21:15,085 --> 01:21:15,934 Why are you taking me to my office? 2019 01:21:16,003 --> 01:21:17,319 Everyone's downstairs. 2020 01:21:17,388 --> 01:21:18,937 Oh, shit! Someone's coming! Okay. Escape! 2021 01:21:19,006 --> 01:21:19,904 Oh, God! 2022 01:21:19,973 --> 01:21:21,256 LAIRD: Baby, what are we doing? 2023 01:21:21,325 --> 01:21:22,757 Christmas Eve is about to start. 2024 01:21:22,826 --> 01:21:24,776 What is the matter with you? What's happening? 2025 01:21:24,845 --> 01:21:26,261 I specifically told you... Don't say anything. 2026 01:21:26,329 --> 01:21:29,664 that I wanted to be the one to tell my dad about Stanford. 2027 01:21:29,733 --> 01:21:31,633 I know. We were just... Then why did you do it? 2028 01:21:31,701 --> 01:21:34,136 We were bonding so hard, it just sort of slipped out. 2029 01:21:34,204 --> 01:21:37,105 STEPHANIE: You clearly have no idea what this means to him. 2030 01:21:37,174 --> 01:21:39,958 He was so proud of me when I got into Stanford. 2031 01:21:40,027 --> 01:21:43,845 He worked so hard to make it happen. 2032 01:21:43,914 --> 01:21:47,382 Me dropping out is like a huge slap in his face. 2033 01:21:48,451 --> 01:21:49,401 Okay. 2034 01:21:49,469 --> 01:21:51,853 I just never had anyone like him in my life before. 2035 01:21:51,922 --> 01:21:53,955 Oh, my God! 2036 01:21:54,024 --> 01:21:55,957 I thought we could just talk it out. 2037 01:21:56,026 --> 01:21:58,927 You could see how that's not your place to do that, right? 2038 01:21:58,996 --> 01:21:59,961 LAIRD: Okay. Maybe not. 2039 01:22:00,030 --> 01:22:01,496 STEPHANIE: Definitely not. 2040 01:22:01,615 --> 01:22:03,765 Okay, you're right. He was super pissed. 2041 01:22:05,786 --> 01:22:07,786 Sometimes I feel like you're not capable 2042 01:22:07,855 --> 01:22:09,738 of being in a relationship. 2043 01:22:09,807 --> 01:22:12,073 It's time that you get a handle 2044 01:22:12,142 --> 01:22:13,975 (MOUTHING INDISTINCTLY) on these father issues. 2045 01:22:14,044 --> 01:22:15,160 LAIRD: Wow. 2046 01:22:15,229 --> 01:22:17,529 That's the truth. 2047 01:22:17,598 --> 01:22:19,898 When you call me on my shit... 2048 01:22:19,967 --> 01:22:23,969 My God! It makes me feel so close to you. 2049 01:22:24,037 --> 01:22:27,155 Your honesty has such an effect on me. 2050 01:22:28,642 --> 01:22:31,126 You're making me so fucking horny right now. 2051 01:22:31,195 --> 01:22:32,327 What? STEPHANIE: Yeah. 2052 01:22:32,396 --> 01:22:34,179 LAIRD: That face is boner-bait. 2053 01:22:34,247 --> 01:22:36,014 STEPHANIE: Can you not see that I'm mad at you? 2054 01:22:36,083 --> 01:22:37,399 LAIRD: Yeah, I see it. That's what's... 2055 01:22:37,467 --> 01:22:39,151 STEPHANIE: Oh, my God. You're driving me crazy! 2056 01:22:39,219 --> 01:22:41,052 You're not listening to me. 2057 01:22:41,989 --> 01:22:43,121 LAIRD: I'm listening. 2058 01:22:43,624 --> 01:22:45,023 I'm sorry. 2059 01:22:45,092 --> 01:22:46,158 Do you... 2060 01:22:47,494 --> 01:22:49,161 You need therapy. (MOANING) 2061 01:22:52,416 --> 01:22:53,782 Not working. No? 2062 01:22:53,850 --> 01:22:55,317 Mm-mm. Not today, buddy. 2063 01:22:55,386 --> 01:22:56,668 Okay. How about this? 2064 01:22:57,271 --> 01:22:58,569 Is this working? 2065 01:23:00,607 --> 01:23:01,906 A little bit. 2066 01:23:02,642 --> 01:23:03,875 Okay, how about this? 2067 01:23:05,262 --> 01:23:06,695 (MOANING) 2068 01:23:06,764 --> 01:23:10,131 Okay. That's working a little bit more. 2069 01:23:10,200 --> 01:23:11,983 STEPHANIE: Laird, I love you. 2070 01:23:12,069 --> 01:23:13,368 But I'm still mad at you. 2071 01:23:13,437 --> 01:23:14,836 I'm sorry. 2072 01:23:18,359 --> 01:23:19,658 (BOTH MOANING) 2073 01:23:24,465 --> 01:23:26,031 I'm so sorry. (MOUTHING) No, no! 2074 01:23:26,566 --> 01:23:27,649 Okay? 2075 01:23:27,718 --> 01:23:28,900 Yes! 2076 01:23:28,968 --> 01:23:30,068 No! 2077 01:23:32,840 --> 01:23:34,706 LAIRD: You... (WHIRRING) 2078 01:23:34,774 --> 01:23:36,541 I'm gonna make it up to you. What is happening? 2079 01:23:36,609 --> 01:23:38,894 You just lie back, and I'll give you an early Christmas present. 2080 01:23:38,962 --> 01:23:41,129 STEPHANIE: You are such a freak. (LAUGHS) 2081 01:23:41,197 --> 01:23:42,214 I know. 2082 01:23:46,103 --> 01:23:47,318 LAIRD: Here comes Santa. 2083 01:23:47,387 --> 01:23:48,420 STEPHANIE: Oh, really? 2084 01:23:48,488 --> 01:23:50,672 Ho, ho, ho. Oh, my God. 2085 01:23:50,741 --> 01:23:52,957 Merry Christmas. 2086 01:23:53,026 --> 01:23:55,660 Somebody's been naughty this year. 2087 01:23:58,082 --> 01:23:59,348 KEVIN: Boss? 2088 01:23:59,416 --> 01:24:01,599 Ned. Are you there? Hello? 2089 01:24:01,668 --> 01:24:02,734 Hello? Oh. 2090 01:24:02,802 --> 01:24:05,403 Yes. Kevin, I'm here. What's happening? 2091 01:24:05,472 --> 01:24:06,738 I'm in. 2092 01:24:06,807 --> 01:24:08,073 Do you have access to the Internet? 2093 01:24:08,142 --> 01:24:09,858 Yes, I do. Hold on. 2094 01:24:09,927 --> 01:24:11,093 Wait a second. 2095 01:24:11,161 --> 01:24:12,761 Log into your EarthLink account. 2096 01:24:13,831 --> 01:24:15,080 Okay. Got it. 2097 01:24:15,148 --> 01:24:18,233 I'm gonna send these to you right now. (LAUGHS) 2098 01:24:18,302 --> 01:24:20,285 Good. You're done, Mayhew. 2099 01:24:20,354 --> 01:24:21,587 (CAMERA CLICKS) 2100 01:24:21,655 --> 01:24:23,455 What the fuck? 2101 01:24:23,524 --> 01:24:25,507 What happened? Oh, my God. 2102 01:24:25,559 --> 01:24:26,774 Wait, what? What's going on? 2103 01:24:26,844 --> 01:24:29,077 I don't know. He has my face. 2104 01:24:29,146 --> 01:24:30,045 What do you mean he has your face? 2105 01:24:30,114 --> 01:24:31,263 I'm locked out. 2106 01:24:31,332 --> 01:24:32,997 I can't use my computer anymore. 2107 01:24:33,050 --> 01:24:33,881 What? Stop that! 2108 01:24:33,950 --> 01:24:35,433 What's happening? He's onto us, Ned. 2109 01:24:35,502 --> 01:24:36,468 What are you doing? 2110 01:24:36,537 --> 01:24:39,337 We have to abort. Oh, God. Oh, no. 2111 01:24:39,406 --> 01:24:42,724 ♪ Move back, motherfuckers Mayhew's here ♪ 2112 01:24:42,793 --> 01:24:43,642 Oh, fuck! 2113 01:24:43,711 --> 01:24:44,792 He's a mythical creature, Ned. 2114 01:24:44,861 --> 01:24:45,944 He's what? 2115 01:24:46,647 --> 01:24:49,630 What the fuck? Oh, God. 2116 01:24:49,699 --> 01:24:51,499 He's pulling out his penis! 2117 01:24:52,285 --> 01:24:53,935 Oh, my God. 2118 01:24:54,004 --> 01:24:55,904 He's balls deep in my digital butt. 2119 01:24:58,392 --> 01:24:59,741 MARNIE: Are you watching porn? 2120 01:24:59,810 --> 01:25:00,909 Turn that off! 2121 01:25:00,978 --> 01:25:02,560 KEVIN: Ned, he's doing it! 2122 01:25:02,562 --> 01:25:04,179 Marnie, it's not good! 2123 01:25:04,248 --> 01:25:06,081 Stay the fuck out! Turn that off! 2124 01:25:06,150 --> 01:25:07,248 Kevin! 2125 01:25:07,317 --> 01:25:08,383 Kevin! 2126 01:25:09,069 --> 01:25:09,951 (GASPS) 2127 01:25:12,155 --> 01:25:13,922 KEVIN: He has control of the house! 2128 01:25:13,991 --> 01:25:15,157 Come here! 2129 01:25:15,225 --> 01:25:16,674 Kevin, what is happening? We gotta get out of here! 2130 01:25:16,743 --> 01:25:17,892 Go, go, go! 2131 01:25:17,961 --> 01:25:19,010 What? MARNIE: Kevin! 2132 01:25:19,078 --> 01:25:20,412 Kevin! 2133 01:25:31,141 --> 01:25:33,241 Oh, my... 2134 01:25:35,212 --> 01:25:39,097 (CHOIR SINGING) ♪ Silent night 2135 01:25:39,166 --> 01:25:42,867 ♪ Holy night 2136 01:25:43,903 --> 01:25:47,055 ♪ All is calm 2137 01:25:48,341 --> 01:25:51,026 ♪ All is bright ♪ 2138 01:25:53,496 --> 01:25:55,180 Hi. Hey. 2139 01:25:55,248 --> 01:25:56,364 You know what? Let's not fight. 2140 01:25:56,433 --> 01:25:58,165 Okay. 2141 01:25:58,234 --> 01:26:00,285 I'm sorry, truly, that you found out about Stanford that way. 2142 01:26:00,353 --> 01:26:01,302 Thank you. 2143 01:26:01,371 --> 01:26:03,087 It was not okay of Laird, and he knows that now. 2144 01:26:03,156 --> 01:26:04,522 But I'm confident this is a really good idea. 2145 01:26:04,591 --> 01:26:06,240 Honey, before you continue, I need to tell you something. 2146 01:26:06,309 --> 01:26:08,977 Laird has been lying to you. 2147 01:26:09,462 --> 01:26:10,629 I tried. 2148 01:26:10,697 --> 01:26:12,196 No, no, no. Hey! It's unbelievable! 2149 01:26:12,265 --> 01:26:14,299 He is in serious financial trouble. 2150 01:26:14,368 --> 01:26:16,200 In what way? It's Christmas. 2151 01:26:16,269 --> 01:26:17,669 Ned, you're making a mistake. 2152 01:26:17,738 --> 01:26:20,038 He doesn't have enough money to finance his business, 2153 01:26:20,107 --> 01:26:21,322 let alone a foundation. 2154 01:26:21,391 --> 01:26:23,258 STEPHANIE: What exactly makes you think that? 2155 01:26:23,326 --> 01:26:24,643 Wait till you see this. 2156 01:26:24,711 --> 01:26:26,044 What's this? Here. 2157 01:26:26,112 --> 01:26:28,029 Look at this, his own bank records. 2158 01:26:28,097 --> 01:26:29,731 All in red. 2159 01:26:31,618 --> 01:26:33,001 Is this for real? 2160 01:26:33,070 --> 01:26:34,352 Yeah, it's true. 2161 01:26:34,421 --> 01:26:36,971 Guerrilla Gang hasn't crushed one in a couple of years. 2162 01:26:37,040 --> 01:26:38,690 So you lied to me? 2163 01:26:38,758 --> 01:26:39,941 I'm dropping out of school 2164 01:26:40,009 --> 01:26:42,326 to start a foundation that you're supposed to be financing. 2165 01:26:42,396 --> 01:26:43,729 Yeah. Yeah. 2166 01:26:43,797 --> 01:26:45,980 Baby, the foundation is all good. 2167 01:26:46,049 --> 01:26:47,982 What are you talking about? 2168 01:26:48,051 --> 01:26:51,236 Ned, there has been a very big misunderstanding. 2169 01:26:51,304 --> 01:26:54,539 These are only Laird's business holdings. 2170 01:26:54,608 --> 01:26:55,523 On the personal side... 2171 01:26:55,592 --> 01:26:56,691 I have put together a moderate, 2172 01:26:56,759 --> 01:26:58,759 conservative private equity sleeve 2173 01:26:58,828 --> 01:27:00,728 that has been performing delightfully. 2174 01:27:00,798 --> 01:27:02,530 You could say that again. Mm-hmm. 2175 01:27:02,599 --> 01:27:04,049 So you followed the Buffett rule? 2176 01:27:04,117 --> 01:27:05,500 (GUSTAV LAUGHS) Always, dude. 2177 01:27:05,569 --> 01:27:07,135 70/30, stocks to bonds. 2178 01:27:07,204 --> 01:27:08,403 Buffet. 2179 01:27:08,472 --> 01:27:09,421 Nice. 2180 01:27:09,489 --> 01:27:10,488 Your little hacker, Dingle... 2181 01:27:10,557 --> 01:27:11,640 Hacker? 2182 01:27:11,708 --> 01:27:13,424 ...was worming down the wrong hole. 2183 01:27:13,493 --> 01:27:16,044 Does he mean Kevin Dingle? LAIRD: Probably. 2184 01:27:16,113 --> 01:27:17,745 No, must be another Dingle. 2185 01:27:17,814 --> 01:27:20,314 Only dingle I know of is the berries on the butt. 2186 01:27:20,383 --> 01:27:22,033 Look, how much money do you have? 2187 01:27:22,102 --> 01:27:23,101 Babe, you don't have to answer this. 2188 01:27:23,169 --> 01:27:24,219 Yes, he does. 2189 01:27:24,288 --> 01:27:26,238 LAIRD: Fine! Full disclosure. 2190 01:27:26,306 --> 01:27:27,505 It's bad. 2191 01:27:28,475 --> 01:27:31,610 I'm down to my last 97 million. 2192 01:27:31,678 --> 01:27:33,278 GUSTAV: (CLEARS THROAT) Laird. 2193 01:27:34,781 --> 01:27:36,615 197 million. 2194 01:27:38,368 --> 01:27:39,284 Boom. 2195 01:27:39,352 --> 01:27:41,586 He's just barely scraping by. 2196 01:27:41,655 --> 01:27:43,071 All you had to do was ask me. 2197 01:27:43,140 --> 01:27:45,523 Gentlemen, I need Deck the Halls, allegro, now. 2198 01:27:45,592 --> 01:27:48,409 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 2199 01:27:48,478 --> 01:27:50,295 LAIRD: Ned, it's the holidays 2200 01:27:50,363 --> 01:27:51,830 and I think we should start over. 2201 01:27:53,466 --> 01:27:54,532 So this is for you. 2202 01:27:58,822 --> 01:27:59,588 What is it? 2203 01:27:59,656 --> 01:28:00,939 It's a little stocking stuffer. 2204 01:28:01,008 --> 01:28:02,307 I think you'll like it. 2205 01:28:03,861 --> 01:28:05,760 A phone? Press the button. 2206 01:28:07,681 --> 01:28:10,348 This is from my bank in Grand Rapids. 2207 01:28:10,416 --> 01:28:11,783 Merry Christmas. 2208 01:28:11,852 --> 01:28:12,684 STEPHANIE: Someone fill me in here. 2209 01:28:12,753 --> 01:28:13,985 LAIRD: Well, Steph... 2210 01:28:14,053 --> 01:28:16,587 I bought your father's company. 2211 01:28:17,023 --> 01:28:18,490 Sort of. 2212 01:28:18,559 --> 01:28:22,210 Ned, I purchased all your debt as a Christmas present. 2213 01:28:22,279 --> 01:28:24,012 What the fuck? 2214 01:28:24,081 --> 01:28:25,963 You son of a bitch. What? 2215 01:28:26,032 --> 01:28:28,633 Dude, I'm trying to be nice, so you can avoid bankruptcy. 2216 01:28:28,701 --> 01:28:30,151 Are you guys talking Chapter 11? 2217 01:28:30,220 --> 01:28:31,670 I don't even wanna hear that term. 2218 01:28:31,738 --> 01:28:34,472 Okay, gentlemen, I need Jingle Bells, and step on it! 2219 01:28:34,541 --> 01:28:37,809 I can't believe that you didn't tell us about this. 2220 01:28:37,878 --> 01:28:40,028 What? No, it's just... 2221 01:28:40,097 --> 01:28:42,697 The business has been running a little rough lately. 2222 01:28:42,766 --> 01:28:44,316 I'm already working on a new deal right now. 2223 01:28:44,384 --> 01:28:46,501 So you had no idea? No. 2224 01:28:46,569 --> 01:28:48,186 How the hell did you know about this? 2225 01:28:48,255 --> 01:28:50,188 It was Justine. Oh. 2226 01:28:50,257 --> 01:28:52,039 JUSTINE: Yeah, it was me. 2227 01:28:52,041 --> 01:28:54,292 She played me back a little bit of a conversation you had the other day... 2228 01:28:54,361 --> 01:28:56,093 with a guy named Lou. 2229 01:28:56,095 --> 01:28:58,179 Of course, I had to help. 2230 01:28:58,248 --> 01:28:59,931 JUSTINE: Ned, I'm sorry if I overstepped. 2231 01:28:59,950 --> 01:29:00,949 Yep. 2232 01:29:01,017 --> 01:29:02,984 But I was really, really worried about you. 2233 01:29:03,053 --> 01:29:04,919 LAIRD: She was. No clowning. 2234 01:29:04,988 --> 01:29:06,404 And just so you don't stress, 2235 01:29:06,473 --> 01:29:08,856 you're still gonna be the Big Cheese, dude. 2236 01:29:08,925 --> 01:29:11,075 I plan on being a very hands-off owner. 2237 01:29:11,895 --> 01:29:14,546 So what do you say, partner? 2238 01:29:15,432 --> 01:29:16,981 (GROANS) (EXCLAIMING) 2239 01:29:17,050 --> 01:29:18,934 Ned, what are you... LAIRD: What the fuck? 2240 01:29:18,936 --> 01:29:20,852 Why would you do that, Dad? 2241 01:29:20,938 --> 01:29:21,836 Dad! 2242 01:29:21,905 --> 01:29:23,371 Fuck you, paper man! 2243 01:29:23,440 --> 01:29:24,806 (EXCLAIMING) 2244 01:29:24,875 --> 01:29:26,441 Oh, scheisse. 2245 01:29:26,509 --> 01:29:27,692 Ned, I'm sorry, bro. 2246 01:29:27,761 --> 01:29:29,376 Are you okay? Oh, man. (COUGHING) 2247 01:29:29,445 --> 01:29:30,762 My training, it just takes over. 2248 01:29:30,830 --> 01:29:33,097 Everybody is feeling a lot of tension. 2249 01:29:33,166 --> 01:29:35,266 Calm down. Dad! 2250 01:29:35,334 --> 01:29:37,802 Or we can hit people square in the face with an iPad. 2251 01:29:39,790 --> 01:29:41,722 Disengage. Disengage and run! 2252 01:29:41,775 --> 01:29:43,007 (BARB EXCLAIMING) 2253 01:29:45,145 --> 01:29:46,878 Dude, that was kind of cool. You gotta be honest. 2254 01:29:46,946 --> 01:29:48,679 Ned, I love you. I was just trying to help. 2255 01:29:48,832 --> 01:29:50,164 (YELLING) (SCREAMING IN PAIN) 2256 01:29:50,233 --> 01:29:51,366 Ooh! 2257 01:29:53,002 --> 01:29:54,035 Laird, disengage him! 2258 01:29:54,103 --> 01:29:55,469 Ned, let go of his balls! 2259 01:29:58,992 --> 01:30:00,892 Laird! Evasive parkour! 2260 01:30:00,960 --> 01:30:02,260 Laird, get away! 2261 01:30:02,328 --> 01:30:03,995 Evasive parkour! Do the wall pop! 2262 01:30:04,932 --> 01:30:05,864 Wall pop! 2263 01:30:09,519 --> 01:30:11,319 Goose! Did you see that? 2264 01:30:11,388 --> 01:30:14,038 That's right! Because you finally engaged your core! 2265 01:30:14,107 --> 01:30:15,790 Get down here! 2266 01:30:15,859 --> 01:30:18,025 GUSTAV: You see the difference of the feeling? How it feels differently? 2267 01:30:18,094 --> 01:30:19,326 I know! 2268 01:30:20,013 --> 01:30:21,929 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 2269 01:30:21,931 --> 01:30:23,197 Don't breathe in. I'll save you, brother! 2270 01:30:23,266 --> 01:30:24,265 GUSTAV: Scotty, no! Scotty! 2271 01:30:24,334 --> 01:30:25,132 BARB: No, honey! 2272 01:30:26,069 --> 01:30:27,385 I'm here to save you, Laird! 2273 01:30:32,142 --> 01:30:33,124 Scotty, watch out! 2274 01:30:35,862 --> 01:30:37,045 (SCREAMING) 2275 01:30:41,318 --> 01:30:43,217 Laird! You okay? 2276 01:30:44,354 --> 01:30:45,686 Yeah! (LAUGHS) 2277 01:30:45,755 --> 01:30:47,389 Fantastic! You're okay. 2278 01:30:47,457 --> 01:30:49,240 You're okay. Wait. Where's Scotty? 2279 01:30:49,309 --> 01:30:50,875 BARB: Scotty! Oh, my God. 2280 01:30:50,944 --> 01:30:52,977 Scotty! He's under the moose! 2281 01:30:53,046 --> 01:30:54,362 (STEPHANIE AND BARB SCREAM) He's under the moose! 2282 01:30:54,430 --> 01:30:55,730 Scotty! 2283 01:30:55,799 --> 01:30:57,515 (GRUNTING) 2284 01:30:57,584 --> 01:30:58,617 Oh, shit. 2285 01:30:58,685 --> 01:31:01,152 These fucking moose balls are in my mouth. 2286 01:31:01,220 --> 01:31:03,488 Oh, shit, he's teabagging you, bro! 2287 01:31:03,556 --> 01:31:04,689 I got you. 2288 01:31:05,875 --> 01:31:07,408 (YELLING) 2289 01:31:10,446 --> 01:31:12,697 Come here. Come here. 2290 01:31:12,766 --> 01:31:14,549 Oh, my God. It's okay. 2291 01:31:14,618 --> 01:31:15,467 It's okay. 2292 01:31:19,055 --> 01:31:21,455 Honey, I'm so sorry it turned out this way. 2293 01:31:21,524 --> 01:31:23,124 Me, too. 2294 01:31:23,193 --> 01:31:24,391 I'll call you when I get home. 2295 01:31:24,460 --> 01:31:27,161 Okay. Good luck with Scotty. 2296 01:31:27,230 --> 01:31:28,730 Thank you. I'll need it. Yeah. 2297 01:31:30,800 --> 01:31:33,567 Steph, listen. I never... 2298 01:31:33,636 --> 01:31:35,920 I'm done listening. Have a safe flight. 2299 01:31:39,242 --> 01:31:40,975 See you, sis. Bye, Scotty. 2300 01:31:42,913 --> 01:31:45,313 Can't believe I have to go back to toilet paper. 2301 01:31:47,784 --> 01:31:50,118 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 2302 01:31:52,172 --> 01:31:54,806 Hey, Don Millis. Merry Christmas, sir. 2303 01:31:54,875 --> 01:31:56,874 You too, Ned. Look, I hate to call on Christmas. 2304 01:31:56,943 --> 01:31:58,693 Oh, don't worry about that. 2305 01:31:58,762 --> 01:32:00,595 It was great catching up yesterday 2306 01:32:00,664 --> 01:32:02,863 and I wanted to ring you as soon as we made a decision. 2307 01:32:02,932 --> 01:32:04,198 Okay. 2308 01:32:04,267 --> 01:32:05,900 I talked with the group here about your proposal 2309 01:32:05,968 --> 01:32:07,669 and we just can't go for it. 2310 01:32:07,737 --> 01:32:09,370 I'm sorry, pal. 2311 01:32:09,439 --> 01:32:12,006 We really appreciate you offering us such a sweetheart deal. 2312 01:32:12,074 --> 01:32:14,609 But fact is we're just not doing a whole lot of printing these days. 2313 01:32:14,678 --> 01:32:15,943 You know how it is. Yes. 2314 01:32:16,012 --> 01:32:17,077 It's a whole new world, right? 2315 01:32:17,146 --> 01:32:18,145 Yes. 2316 01:32:19,081 --> 01:32:20,315 Sure is. 2317 01:32:20,383 --> 01:32:22,049 I sure wish we could've done business, Cheese. 2318 01:32:22,118 --> 01:32:23,618 All right, listen, um, 2319 01:32:23,687 --> 01:32:26,187 if you're sure I can't change your mind there, Don. 2320 01:32:26,255 --> 01:32:27,588 Yeah, unfortunately not. 2321 01:32:27,657 --> 01:32:30,425 Okay. All right. 2322 01:32:30,493 --> 01:32:32,694 You have a happy holidays. You, too, Ned! 2323 01:32:32,762 --> 01:32:34,161 Best to Barb and the kids. 2324 01:32:37,233 --> 01:32:38,783 JUSTINE: Excuse me, Ned? 2325 01:32:38,852 --> 01:32:41,953 I'm sorry to bother you, but your flight leaves in an hour. 2326 01:32:44,607 --> 01:32:48,109 ♪ Must seem strange to you, my friend 2327 01:32:48,178 --> 01:32:49,610 JUSTINE: I'll miss you. 2328 01:32:49,679 --> 01:32:53,881 ♪ Some things are always heaven sent 2329 01:32:53,950 --> 01:32:57,918 ♪ The more you want, the harder it gets 2330 01:32:57,988 --> 01:33:02,256 ♪ The more you let go, the more you get 2331 01:33:02,325 --> 01:33:03,824 ♪ It's a crazy... 2332 01:33:09,615 --> 01:33:12,083 ♪ ...beautiful life 2333 01:33:12,152 --> 01:33:16,220 ♪ Some things make sense and you don't know what 2334 01:33:16,289 --> 01:33:20,641 ♪ It's a crazy beautiful life ♪ 2335 01:33:22,094 --> 01:33:23,811 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 2336 01:33:27,701 --> 01:33:29,768 Welcome home, Flemings! 2337 01:33:29,836 --> 01:33:30,969 Lou, what... 2338 01:33:31,037 --> 01:33:32,486 You guys must be freezing. 2339 01:33:32,555 --> 01:33:34,522 Come on, get in here. Let me get that. Come on, Cheese. 2340 01:33:34,591 --> 01:33:36,207 Lou, what's going on? Barbara, hey. 2341 01:33:36,275 --> 01:33:37,275 Hi. 2342 01:33:37,344 --> 01:33:38,309 Barb, you look great. JERRY: There they are! 2343 01:33:38,378 --> 01:33:40,845 ALL: Merry Christmas! 2344 01:33:43,016 --> 01:33:44,732 Wow! 2345 01:33:44,800 --> 01:33:48,302 Um, Lou, I texted you that I needed to talk to you. 2346 01:33:48,371 --> 01:33:49,504 I mean, what's... 2347 01:33:49,522 --> 01:33:51,622 Come on, you hear this guy? 2348 01:33:51,691 --> 01:33:53,224 Hank Rouse from First National 2349 01:33:53,293 --> 01:33:55,693 shot me a congratulatory voicemail this morning 2350 01:33:55,761 --> 01:33:57,295 about the Mayhew deal. 2351 01:33:57,364 --> 01:33:58,463 You did it, Big Cheese! 2352 01:33:59,949 --> 01:34:01,448 You pulled off the Christmas miracle. 2353 01:34:01,517 --> 01:34:03,401 (CHEERING) 2354 01:34:03,469 --> 01:34:05,653 Cheese, Cheese, Cheese! Cheese, Cheese, Cheese! 2355 01:34:05,672 --> 01:34:06,721 Barb! 2356 01:34:07,957 --> 01:34:08,923 Scotty. 2357 01:34:08,992 --> 01:34:11,992 Ned, as a little token of our appreciation, 2358 01:34:12,045 --> 01:34:14,412 we all chipped in and bought you something 2359 01:34:14,480 --> 01:34:17,115 that we're pretty sure you don't own. 2360 01:34:17,184 --> 01:34:18,332 (ALL LAUGH) 2361 01:34:19,569 --> 01:34:21,535 You shouldn't have. 2362 01:34:21,604 --> 01:34:22,887 Open it. Yeah. 2363 01:34:23,806 --> 01:34:24,772 Yeah, right there. 2364 01:34:24,841 --> 01:34:26,007 (LOU LAUGHS) 2365 01:34:26,076 --> 01:34:28,142 It's an iPad. (CHEERING) 2366 01:34:29,478 --> 01:34:30,795 Hit the home button right there. 2367 01:34:30,864 --> 01:34:31,996 Yeah. 2368 01:34:33,116 --> 01:34:35,300 JERRY: We had a little fun with that down in Graphics. 2369 01:34:35,368 --> 01:34:37,668 I got the images off Scotty's Facebook page. 2370 01:34:37,737 --> 01:34:39,320 (JERRY LAUGHING) 2371 01:34:39,389 --> 01:34:41,122 He looks like a stand-up guy. 2372 01:34:41,190 --> 01:34:42,924 Like a younger version of you, Ned. 2373 01:34:43,692 --> 01:34:44,758 MAN: Make a speech! 2374 01:34:44,961 --> 01:34:46,244 JERRY: Speech! Oh, yes, speech! 2375 01:34:46,313 --> 01:34:47,712 Speech, speech, speech. 2376 01:34:51,151 --> 01:34:53,334 (CHOPPER APPROACHING) 2377 01:34:53,336 --> 01:34:54,418 The heck is that? 2378 01:34:58,808 --> 01:35:00,991 STEPHANIE: Laird, a jet and a helicopter? Where are we? 2379 01:35:01,061 --> 01:35:02,560 LAIRD: Hang on, babe. Almost there. 2380 01:35:14,241 --> 01:35:15,973 One second. Mayhew! 2381 01:35:16,075 --> 01:35:16,858 Guys, stay here for a minute. 2382 01:35:16,927 --> 01:35:18,126 Honey, go inside and get a jacket. 2383 01:35:18,244 --> 01:35:19,209 That's Mayhew. Is that the guy? 2384 01:35:19,278 --> 01:35:20,227 Laird! 2385 01:35:20,296 --> 01:35:21,679 Where are we? 2386 01:35:21,747 --> 01:35:22,847 That looks weird. 2387 01:35:22,916 --> 01:35:24,549 It's kind of Fifty Shades of Grey -ish. 2388 01:35:24,618 --> 01:35:26,084 Cold? Yeah. 2389 01:35:28,271 --> 01:35:31,089 And here we go. 2390 01:35:32,759 --> 01:35:34,175 Surprise! 2391 01:35:34,861 --> 01:35:36,294 (LAIRD CHUCKLES) Hi, honey. 2392 01:35:37,446 --> 01:35:38,546 Ta-da. 2393 01:35:41,050 --> 01:35:42,850 You brought me home? Yeah. 2394 01:35:42,936 --> 01:35:44,535 Without telling me? 2395 01:35:44,604 --> 01:35:47,972 I realize I violated the sanctity of mystery date 2396 01:35:48,041 --> 01:35:51,058 but I just thought the family should all be together today. 2397 01:35:51,127 --> 01:35:52,910 Okay, that wasn't your place to do that, hon. 2398 01:35:52,979 --> 01:35:54,912 Steph, I know, 2399 01:35:54,981 --> 01:35:56,664 but it is Christmas. 2400 01:35:56,732 --> 01:35:57,732 And we're glad to see you. 2401 01:35:57,800 --> 01:35:58,900 This isn't what she wanted. 2402 01:35:58,968 --> 01:36:00,101 No, it's not. 2403 01:36:00,169 --> 01:36:01,685 What I wanted was for us to spend 2404 01:36:01,754 --> 01:36:03,254 Christmas in California together 2405 01:36:03,323 --> 01:36:05,940 like I planned, before everything went to shit 2406 01:36:06,008 --> 01:36:07,709 because you made it all about yourself. 2407 01:36:08,678 --> 01:36:09,843 Mm-hmm. 2408 01:36:10,513 --> 01:36:12,013 You both did. 2409 01:36:12,081 --> 01:36:13,364 I did? Yes! 2410 01:36:13,432 --> 01:36:16,601 You idiots think you can pass me back and forth 2411 01:36:16,669 --> 01:36:18,286 like I'm your property or something? 2412 01:36:18,355 --> 01:36:19,454 I'm done. 2413 01:36:19,522 --> 01:36:21,188 This is the worst Christmas ever. 2414 01:36:21,257 --> 01:36:22,823 Steph. Steph. Honey. 2415 01:36:27,797 --> 01:36:29,146 I think she's pissed. 2416 01:36:31,868 --> 01:36:33,768 Yeah, she's pissed. 2417 01:36:33,836 --> 01:36:35,185 Shit! 2418 01:36:35,254 --> 01:36:39,190 I just thought that you guys should be together today. 2419 01:36:40,376 --> 01:36:42,911 All right. Well, I'll leave you to it. 2420 01:36:43,562 --> 01:36:45,112 Happy holidays, Ned. 2421 01:36:45,181 --> 01:36:46,480 You too, Laird. 2422 01:36:53,640 --> 01:36:55,205 Uh, Laird. 2423 01:36:55,274 --> 01:36:57,307 You're doing a "I'm gonna walk away slowly 2424 01:36:57,376 --> 01:36:59,010 "'cause I really don't wanna leave" walk. 2425 01:37:01,197 --> 01:37:02,980 Maybe. 2426 01:37:03,049 --> 01:37:04,048 Come here. 2427 01:37:05,168 --> 01:37:06,401 Come here. 2428 01:37:06,469 --> 01:37:08,535 So what happened? You didn't propose? 2429 01:37:08,554 --> 01:37:09,720 How could I? 2430 01:37:09,789 --> 01:37:10,921 I never got your permission 2431 01:37:10,991 --> 01:37:12,890 and we pinky-swore I wouldn't ask without it. 2432 01:37:15,078 --> 01:37:17,795 You are remarkable. 2433 01:37:17,863 --> 01:37:21,249 You don't have a gear to be dishonest, do you? 2434 01:37:21,934 --> 01:37:23,584 Guess not, dude. 2435 01:37:25,154 --> 01:37:26,287 (SIGHS) 2436 01:37:26,355 --> 01:37:28,122 Laird, you never needed my permission 2437 01:37:28,190 --> 01:37:29,707 to ask Stephanie to marry you. 2438 01:37:31,244 --> 01:37:33,461 But if it still means anything to you, 2439 01:37:34,848 --> 01:37:36,180 you have my blessing. 2440 01:37:38,701 --> 01:37:39,801 For reals? 2441 01:37:40,270 --> 01:37:41,519 No clowning. 2442 01:37:42,905 --> 01:37:44,055 Whoa. 2443 01:37:45,658 --> 01:37:48,326 But, Laird, Stephanie's right. 2444 01:37:48,394 --> 01:37:50,528 It's up to her. It's always been up to her. 2445 01:37:50,563 --> 01:37:51,896 Not us. 2446 01:37:53,049 --> 01:37:55,616 It just took me a while to realize that. 2447 01:37:57,020 --> 01:37:58,119 It's so true. 2448 01:37:58,955 --> 01:38:00,671 Dude, we were such jerks. 2449 01:38:00,740 --> 01:38:01,990 Yeah. 2450 01:38:02,058 --> 01:38:03,374 I bit your dick. 2451 01:38:04,377 --> 01:38:05,927 Shaft and balls. Oh. 2452 01:38:07,781 --> 01:38:09,530 I'm sorry. 2453 01:38:09,599 --> 01:38:11,382 I'm sorry, too, dude. 2454 01:38:11,451 --> 01:38:14,635 Look, Laird, if you wanna ask Stephanie to marry you 2455 01:38:14,703 --> 01:38:16,971 when the time is right, just do it. 2456 01:38:18,291 --> 01:38:20,691 Okay. Is it cool if I do it right now? 2457 01:38:20,759 --> 01:38:23,160 Because, uh, just in case it worked out 2458 01:38:23,179 --> 01:38:26,130 I had Goose put a shit ton of doves in the helicopter 2459 01:38:26,198 --> 01:38:27,698 and I have a couple other surprises. 2460 01:38:27,767 --> 01:38:30,401 Laird, this is totally your call. 2461 01:38:30,469 --> 01:38:32,770 But can I give you some advice? 2462 01:38:32,838 --> 01:38:34,021 Dude, please. 2463 01:38:34,090 --> 01:38:35,089 I'm so fucking nervous right now. 2464 01:38:35,158 --> 01:38:36,540 All right, look... 2465 01:38:36,609 --> 01:38:39,660 Stephanie doesn't care about all the bells and whistles. 2466 01:38:39,729 --> 01:38:41,428 You know her. 2467 01:38:41,498 --> 01:38:42,997 She cares about you. 2468 01:38:43,065 --> 01:38:44,465 She loves you. 2469 01:38:45,818 --> 01:38:48,602 So you get down on one knee 2470 01:38:48,671 --> 01:38:51,105 and you speak to her from your heart. 2471 01:38:51,974 --> 01:38:53,624 That's what you're best at. 2472 01:38:55,678 --> 01:38:58,278 Isn't that right, Justine? (CHUCKLES) 2473 01:38:58,347 --> 01:38:59,780 JUSTINE: Totally agree. 2474 01:39:00,316 --> 01:39:01,749 Holy shit. 2475 01:39:01,818 --> 01:39:04,685 My first time in Michigan. It's cold as balls here. 2476 01:39:05,738 --> 01:39:06,737 Yeah. 2477 01:39:06,806 --> 01:39:09,307 Dude, that's fucking great! 2478 01:39:09,825 --> 01:39:11,442 Do it Ned Fleming style. 2479 01:39:11,510 --> 01:39:12,960 Old school! 2480 01:39:13,029 --> 01:39:14,128 Fuck yes. 2481 01:39:16,465 --> 01:39:18,099 Okay. Well, look... 2482 01:39:18,167 --> 01:39:20,134 I'll go in there and see if I can get her to come out. 2483 01:39:20,203 --> 01:39:21,268 Okay. 2484 01:39:21,337 --> 01:39:23,003 Good luck. Thanks. 2485 01:39:26,509 --> 01:39:28,509 Hey, promise me one thing. 2486 01:39:29,645 --> 01:39:31,496 You will treat her well. 2487 01:39:32,865 --> 01:39:35,833 Dude, I'm gonna treat her like a motherfucking queen. 2488 01:39:37,670 --> 01:39:38,936 I'll take that. 2489 01:39:39,005 --> 01:39:40,088 Okay. 2490 01:39:41,941 --> 01:39:44,392 Gustav, change of plans. 2491 01:39:44,460 --> 01:39:47,027 We're go on the proposal. No go on all that other shit. 2492 01:39:47,096 --> 01:39:48,062 I have only one bar. 2493 01:39:48,130 --> 01:39:49,864 You're saying we are a go, yes? 2494 01:39:49,882 --> 01:39:51,516 No. No go. 2495 01:39:51,584 --> 01:39:53,601 Go on the proposal, no go on the shit. 2496 01:39:53,669 --> 01:39:55,669 Laird, are you saying it's a no go 2497 01:39:55,738 --> 01:39:57,838 or are you saying, "No. Go."? 2498 01:39:57,907 --> 01:39:59,340 God damn it, Goose. 2499 01:39:59,408 --> 01:40:00,975 You're making me fucking nervous. Just shut up. 2500 01:40:01,044 --> 01:40:02,910 Oh, I'm sorry. Good luck. 2501 01:40:02,978 --> 01:40:05,429 Oh, and by the way, please, Laird, breathe. 2502 01:40:05,498 --> 01:40:08,015 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 2503 01:40:08,084 --> 01:40:09,183 Okay. 2504 01:40:09,251 --> 01:40:11,301 And no cursing, okay? 2505 01:40:11,370 --> 01:40:13,170 Fuck, you're right. Good call. 2506 01:40:15,024 --> 01:40:16,123 Hi. 2507 01:40:19,161 --> 01:40:21,028 I'm sorry. 2508 01:40:21,097 --> 01:40:24,898 I know that out in California I disappointed you 2509 01:40:24,967 --> 01:40:26,834 and that kills me. 2510 01:40:26,903 --> 01:40:28,535 And I'm really sorry. 2511 01:40:32,008 --> 01:40:33,107 I'm sorry, too. 2512 01:40:35,277 --> 01:40:36,293 I threw you in the deep end out there. 2513 01:40:36,362 --> 01:40:37,961 I should've never asked you to come. 2514 01:40:38,030 --> 01:40:38,929 Honestly. No. 2515 01:40:38,998 --> 01:40:40,531 No, you didn't do anything wrong. 2516 01:40:40,599 --> 01:40:41,832 What was I thinking? 2517 01:40:41,901 --> 01:40:43,884 It was me. 2518 01:40:43,953 --> 01:40:46,436 It's just that, when we got out to Laird's... 2519 01:40:47,990 --> 01:40:50,758 I just didn't feel like I knew you anymore 2520 01:40:51,694 --> 01:40:53,427 and I got scared. 2521 01:40:55,264 --> 01:40:56,880 I just went crazy. 2522 01:40:59,586 --> 01:41:00,851 This is me. 2523 01:41:03,389 --> 01:41:04,805 I'm doing good. 2524 01:41:06,442 --> 01:41:07,775 Oh, Dad. 2525 01:41:14,117 --> 01:41:15,032 Oh, my God. 2526 01:41:15,100 --> 01:41:16,900 Okay, look. I forgot... 2527 01:41:16,969 --> 01:41:17,751 STEPHANIE: Oh, God. He's still out there. 2528 01:41:17,820 --> 01:41:18,886 NED: I know. 2529 01:41:18,954 --> 01:41:20,187 STEPHANIE: In a tank top and a scarf. 2530 01:41:20,256 --> 01:41:21,422 And he knew we were coming to Michigan. 2531 01:41:21,491 --> 01:41:22,623 NED: Yeah. 2532 01:41:22,691 --> 01:41:23,808 Why doesn't he just come inside? 2533 01:41:23,876 --> 01:41:25,225 He has to talk to you about something... 2534 01:41:25,294 --> 01:41:28,011 He kind of wants to make things right with you. 2535 01:41:28,080 --> 01:41:29,680 Oh, does he? Yeah. 2536 01:41:29,749 --> 01:41:32,617 I think it'd be cool if you gave him a chance. 2537 01:41:34,503 --> 01:41:37,221 You want me to give Laird a chance? 2538 01:41:37,290 --> 01:41:40,941 I thought that if you saw fit to give him a chance... 2539 01:41:41,010 --> 01:41:43,643 I thought that it'd be cool. 2540 01:41:44,881 --> 01:41:45,996 (LAUGHS) 2541 01:41:46,065 --> 01:41:47,231 That's all. Well? 2542 01:41:47,299 --> 01:41:48,916 Hi. Hey. 2543 01:41:48,985 --> 01:41:51,051 What's going on? Oh, my God, it's cold out here. 2544 01:41:51,120 --> 01:41:53,353 I know you're pissed, but just hear me out. 2545 01:41:53,422 --> 01:41:55,055 Can we talk inside? No. 2546 01:41:55,123 --> 01:41:56,056 Oh, my... Look. 2547 01:41:56,125 --> 01:41:58,859 Oh, my God. It's so romantic. 2548 01:41:58,928 --> 01:42:00,261 I told him to keep it simple. 2549 01:42:00,329 --> 01:42:01,828 BARB: Oh, our little girl. 2550 01:42:01,897 --> 01:42:03,914 He's gonna get down to his knee and keep it real simple. 2551 01:42:03,982 --> 01:42:05,249 How do you know all this? 2552 01:42:05,318 --> 01:42:06,667 I gave him a few pointers. 2553 01:42:06,735 --> 01:42:08,919 Oh. 2554 01:42:08,988 --> 01:42:10,871 This has been the happiest year of my life. 2555 01:42:12,859 --> 01:42:15,876 And fly! Go, go, go! Go! 2556 01:42:17,764 --> 01:42:20,014 Oh, no. What? 2557 01:42:20,016 --> 01:42:21,631 (DOVES COOING) 2558 01:42:22,017 --> 01:42:22,933 Ah. 2559 01:42:24,470 --> 01:42:26,403 (GASPS) Oh, my God. 2560 01:42:26,472 --> 01:42:28,656 Goose. God damn it. I said no go! No go! 2561 01:42:28,724 --> 01:42:29,740 NED: Oh, my... 2562 01:42:29,809 --> 01:42:31,024 BARB: Oh, gosh. Wow. 2563 01:42:31,093 --> 01:42:31,992 Why did he do that? Smart boy. 2564 01:42:32,061 --> 01:42:34,061 Absolute fucking shit fest. 2565 01:42:35,264 --> 01:42:36,830 Babe, I'm so sorry. Uh... 2566 01:42:40,018 --> 01:42:41,885 Stephanie Fleming... 2567 01:42:41,954 --> 01:42:43,504 will you... Are you proposing? 2568 01:42:43,572 --> 01:42:45,439 Yeah. 2569 01:42:45,508 --> 01:42:47,241 Mmm-hmm. (CHUCKLES) 2570 01:42:47,309 --> 01:42:49,043 Did my dad know about this? 2571 01:42:49,111 --> 01:42:50,961 Yeah, I asked for his blessing 2572 01:42:51,030 --> 01:42:52,629 that first morning back in Cali. 2573 01:42:52,698 --> 01:42:54,982 Oh, my God. (LAUGHS) 2574 01:42:55,051 --> 01:42:56,250 Oh, my God! 2575 01:42:56,319 --> 01:42:59,002 No wonder he acted so crazy. Honey. 2576 01:42:59,071 --> 01:43:01,021 Yeah, that's why he was a little out of whack. 2577 01:43:01,090 --> 01:43:03,307 Yeah, we could have had a really nice holiday. 2578 01:43:03,376 --> 01:43:06,060 I know. But we're all good now. Okay? 2579 01:43:06,129 --> 01:43:08,395 This is a lot. 2580 01:43:09,648 --> 01:43:11,315 Oh, my God. Stephanie Fleming... 2581 01:43:11,383 --> 01:43:12,717 That's a ring. (MICROPHONE FEEDBACK) 2582 01:43:13,919 --> 01:43:15,986 Goose! No! 2583 01:43:16,055 --> 01:43:17,054 (ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING) 2584 01:43:20,292 --> 01:43:22,526 And, go! Go, guys! Go, go, go! 2585 01:43:23,229 --> 01:43:24,695 Stephanie! 2586 01:43:25,898 --> 01:43:27,047 Oh, my God. 2587 01:43:27,116 --> 01:43:28,615 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 2588 01:43:38,911 --> 01:43:42,213 Laird, what is Kiss doing here? 2589 01:43:43,048 --> 01:43:44,264 Um, well... 2590 01:43:46,469 --> 01:43:47,568 Is that... Whoa! 2591 01:43:47,637 --> 01:43:48,853 He got look-a-likes! 2592 01:43:48,921 --> 01:43:50,888 BARB: Those aren't look-a-likes, Ned. 2593 01:43:50,957 --> 01:43:52,322 That's Gene and Paul. 2594 01:43:52,391 --> 01:43:55,559 It's Gene and Paul! Gene and Paul! 2595 01:43:55,628 --> 01:43:57,745 (SCREAMING) Oh, my God! Oh, God! 2596 01:43:57,813 --> 01:43:59,497 Kiss is in the front yard! 2597 01:43:59,565 --> 01:44:01,915 ♪ Tonight 2598 01:44:01,984 --> 01:44:04,568 ♪ I wanna give it all to you 2599 01:44:06,205 --> 01:44:07,855 ♪ In the darkness 2600 01:44:07,923 --> 01:44:10,207 Originally, I had this more elaborate proposal plan 2601 01:44:10,276 --> 01:44:11,976 but your dad gave me this awesome advice 2602 01:44:12,044 --> 01:44:13,427 and told me not to do it. 2603 01:44:13,496 --> 01:44:14,812 But they're here, 2604 01:44:14,880 --> 01:44:17,147 and I know how much you love their music, so... 2605 01:44:17,216 --> 01:44:18,348 What? Hi. 2606 01:44:18,417 --> 01:44:22,252 ♪ I was made for lovin' you, baby 2607 01:44:22,321 --> 01:44:26,223 ♪ You were made for lovin' me 2608 01:44:26,291 --> 01:44:28,092 ♪ And I can't get... ♪ 2609 01:44:31,597 --> 01:44:33,614 Is he still proposing? What's... 2610 01:44:33,682 --> 01:44:35,198 NED: They've stopped playing now. 2611 01:44:35,267 --> 01:44:37,468 His name's Ned. BARB: Oh, my God, are they... 2612 01:44:37,536 --> 01:44:38,419 What? 2613 01:44:38,504 --> 01:44:39,453 Are they coming in the... Oh, my God. 2614 01:44:39,522 --> 01:44:40,421 They're coming up the sidewalk! 2615 01:44:40,489 --> 01:44:41,672 They're heading in! 2616 01:44:41,740 --> 01:44:43,323 They're coming in our house! Oh, my God! 2617 01:44:43,392 --> 01:44:45,409 Everybody act natural! Act naturally! 2618 01:44:45,477 --> 01:44:46,860 I have to redecorate the house! 2619 01:44:57,956 --> 01:44:59,206 Hey. 2620 01:44:59,275 --> 01:45:00,407 Hi. 2621 01:45:00,476 --> 01:45:01,608 NED: Hi. 2622 01:45:01,677 --> 01:45:03,110 (STAMMERS) 2623 01:45:03,612 --> 01:45:04,778 Uh, hi. 2624 01:45:06,032 --> 01:45:07,647 I'm Ned. PAUL: Hey, Ned. 2625 01:45:07,716 --> 01:45:08,899 Hi! Hi! 2626 01:45:08,968 --> 01:45:10,851 This is my wife, Barb. 2627 01:45:10,919 --> 01:45:12,152 This is our friends, Lou and Patty. 2628 01:45:12,220 --> 01:45:13,453 It's Lou. 2629 01:45:13,522 --> 01:45:15,138 NED: So excited you're here. 2630 01:45:15,207 --> 01:45:18,492 I gotta tell you. Uh, we are huge fans. 2631 01:45:18,561 --> 01:45:22,546 We've been members of the Kiss Army for, like, 30 years now. 2632 01:45:22,615 --> 01:45:25,132 Yeah. Our first date was the Crazy Nights Tour. 2633 01:45:25,201 --> 01:45:27,667 Yeah! And, boy, was that crazy. 2634 01:45:27,736 --> 01:45:28,986 Crazy. (ALL CHUCKLING) 2635 01:45:29,438 --> 01:45:30,654 Did you get laid? 2636 01:45:33,809 --> 01:45:34,808 Um... 2637 01:45:36,012 --> 01:45:37,644 I gave him a handjob. 2638 01:45:38,631 --> 01:45:40,581 (SNICKERS) NED: Scotty. 2639 01:45:40,583 --> 01:45:42,399 I'm having an awesome time, 2640 01:45:42,467 --> 01:45:43,934 but are you having a buffet here? 2641 01:45:44,003 --> 01:45:45,636 Oh, my God. What was I thinking? 2642 01:45:45,704 --> 01:45:47,154 Are you hungry? Starving. 2643 01:45:47,223 --> 01:45:49,239 Oh, God, of course! Where's our manners? 2644 01:45:49,308 --> 01:45:50,273 We're terrible hosts. 2645 01:45:50,342 --> 01:45:51,441 LOU: Let's get those guitars, guys. 2646 01:45:51,511 --> 01:45:52,926 Come on, let me get that axe. 2647 01:45:54,046 --> 01:45:55,078 See my body? 2648 01:45:55,147 --> 01:45:56,063 Wow! Kiss is in our house! 2649 01:45:56,132 --> 01:45:59,867 Yeah. I'm kind of juiced up a little bit. 2650 01:45:59,935 --> 01:46:01,818 Oh! I almost forgot about them. 2651 01:46:01,887 --> 01:46:03,988 Well... The happy couple. 2652 01:46:04,056 --> 01:46:05,322 Congratulations. 2653 01:46:05,891 --> 01:46:07,240 She said no. 2654 01:46:08,060 --> 01:46:09,209 I'm sorry, what? 2655 01:46:09,278 --> 01:46:10,544 She said no. 2656 01:46:12,414 --> 01:46:13,580 Well... 2657 01:46:15,084 --> 01:46:16,283 Honey. 2658 01:46:16,902 --> 01:46:18,719 I'm so flattered 2659 01:46:18,787 --> 01:46:21,021 that you wanna marry me 2660 01:46:21,090 --> 01:46:22,205 but I'm not ready for that. 2661 01:46:25,678 --> 01:46:27,310 And I'm gonna finish school. 2662 01:46:27,379 --> 01:46:28,662 For me. 2663 01:46:28,730 --> 01:46:30,480 Because that's what I wanna do. 2664 01:46:30,549 --> 01:46:32,049 Got it? 2665 01:46:32,118 --> 01:46:33,950 LAIRD: That's really smart. 2666 01:46:34,019 --> 01:46:36,620 It's just, I had this big plan 2667 01:46:37,757 --> 01:46:39,706 and it didn't work out. 2668 01:46:39,775 --> 01:46:41,958 (SIGHS) Yeah. Well, that's life, pal. 2669 01:46:43,929 --> 01:46:46,730 That is so well put, Ned. 2670 01:46:47,299 --> 01:46:49,333 It's really, really smart. 2671 01:46:49,401 --> 01:46:51,001 Dude, did you come up with that? 2672 01:46:51,070 --> 01:46:52,803 The words, "That's life?" 2673 01:46:53,105 --> 01:46:56,323 Ned, you're so full of practical wisdom... 2674 01:46:56,392 --> 01:46:57,524 I was just really looking forward 2675 01:46:57,593 --> 01:46:58,925 to you being my father-in-law. 2676 01:46:58,994 --> 01:46:59,993 Aw. 2677 01:47:01,196 --> 01:47:03,146 I'm not breaking up with you. 2678 01:47:03,215 --> 01:47:04,231 You're not? 2679 01:47:04,299 --> 01:47:05,482 No, honey. 2680 01:47:05,551 --> 01:47:07,184 No, no, no. I'm still your girlfriend. 2681 01:47:07,253 --> 01:47:08,735 We're still together. 2682 01:47:08,804 --> 01:47:10,037 LAIRD: Oh. 2683 01:47:11,156 --> 01:47:12,673 Oh, thank God! 2684 01:47:12,742 --> 01:47:13,640 Come here. 2685 01:47:24,754 --> 01:47:25,886 Merry Christmas. 2686 01:47:25,954 --> 01:47:26,954 Ned. Hey. 2687 01:47:27,022 --> 01:47:28,872 Dude, your employees are so cool. 2688 01:47:28,941 --> 01:47:30,107 Yeah, they are. 2689 01:47:30,176 --> 01:47:32,592 Maybe it was wrong of me to interfere like that, 2690 01:47:32,661 --> 01:47:34,361 but why don't you let me save your company? 2691 01:47:35,698 --> 01:47:37,530 (SIGHS) No, Laird, I can't. 2692 01:47:37,599 --> 01:47:39,800 That old model doesn't work anymore. 2693 01:47:39,869 --> 01:47:41,752 I guess... I don't know. 2694 01:47:41,821 --> 01:47:43,837 I guess I just didn't want to believe it. 2695 01:47:44,490 --> 01:47:46,223 But since you mentioned it... 2696 01:47:46,292 --> 01:47:48,592 I do have a business idea I wanna run by you. 2697 01:47:48,661 --> 01:47:50,443 Dude, elevator pitch me! 2698 01:47:50,512 --> 01:47:51,512 Okay. 2699 01:47:52,881 --> 01:47:54,281 No, hold on. 2700 01:47:54,350 --> 01:47:56,934 This wasn't my idea at all. One second. 2701 01:47:57,002 --> 01:47:58,601 Scotty, come here. SCOTTY: Yo, what's up? 2702 01:47:58,671 --> 01:47:59,920 Come here. Yeah? 2703 01:47:59,989 --> 01:48:01,237 I want you to tell Laird about the business idea 2704 01:48:01,306 --> 01:48:02,806 you mentioned on the plane. 2705 01:48:02,875 --> 01:48:03,907 Go ahead. Wait, really? 2706 01:48:03,976 --> 01:48:05,192 Yeah. 2707 01:48:05,261 --> 01:48:06,843 Told you to get that seat at the table, bro. 2708 01:48:06,912 --> 01:48:08,445 You did. He told me, Dad. He was, like... 2709 01:48:08,514 --> 01:48:09,579 "You're gonna get that seat." 2710 01:48:09,649 --> 01:48:10,981 I can't believe I finally got the seat. 2711 01:48:11,050 --> 01:48:12,616 Dragons and titties, baby. 2712 01:48:12,685 --> 01:48:14,401 Dragons and titties! (ROARS) 2713 01:48:14,470 --> 01:48:16,086 Breathe that fire. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) 2714 01:48:16,154 --> 01:48:17,070 Get up in there. 2715 01:48:18,090 --> 01:48:20,140 Get up in those titties! 2716 01:48:20,209 --> 01:48:21,208 Gonna get those dragons. (HISSING) 2717 01:48:22,144 --> 01:48:23,777 Dad... 2718 01:48:23,846 --> 01:48:25,478 Scotty! (LAUGHS) 2719 01:48:25,547 --> 01:48:27,898 Stop motorboating your dad, and elevator pitch me. 2720 01:48:27,967 --> 01:48:29,783 Sorry. Uh... 2721 01:48:29,852 --> 01:48:32,836 Laird, I can't stop thinking about your toilets, dude. 2722 01:48:32,905 --> 01:48:34,638 My toilets? Yeah. 2723 01:48:34,706 --> 01:48:36,523 The fresh feeling, the scented talc. 2724 01:48:36,591 --> 01:48:38,859 I was thinking if you can get the controls in English 2725 01:48:38,927 --> 01:48:40,610 and maybe lower the price point a little bit, 2726 01:48:40,680 --> 01:48:41,745 we could have a potentially untapped 2727 01:48:41,814 --> 01:48:42,862 market here in America. 2728 01:48:42,931 --> 01:48:44,648 Oh, shit. Right? 2729 01:48:44,716 --> 01:48:46,383 And look, we can contact a Japanese manufacturer 2730 01:48:46,451 --> 01:48:47,934 about pricing... Ooh. 2731 01:48:48,003 --> 01:48:49,920 No, Scotty. Pardon my French, but fuck that noise. 2732 01:48:50,522 --> 01:48:51,788 Whoa. 2733 01:48:51,857 --> 01:48:54,875 Listen. We have a factory right here in Grand Rapids 2734 01:48:54,943 --> 01:48:57,327 with 37 of the best employees you're ever gonna want. 2735 01:48:57,395 --> 01:48:59,095 Let's build our own. 2736 01:49:00,232 --> 01:49:02,132 Hells yes, Grateful Ned! Yeah! 2737 01:49:02,201 --> 01:49:03,783 (MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND) Boom! 2738 01:49:03,852 --> 01:49:05,085 (BLOWING RASPBERRY) 2739 01:49:05,754 --> 01:49:07,003 Okay, sorry. Yeah. 2740 01:49:11,410 --> 01:49:17,347 ALL: (SINGING) ♪ The first noel the angels did say 2741 01:49:17,416 --> 01:49:22,853 ♪ Was to certain poor shepherds In fields as they lay 2742 01:49:22,922 --> 01:49:28,558 ♪ In fields where they lay keeping their sheep 2743 01:49:28,627 --> 01:49:34,231 ♪ On a cold winter's night that was so deep 2744 01:49:34,299 --> 01:49:35,999 ♪ Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel ♪ 2745 01:49:36,068 --> 01:49:38,902 It turned out to be a pretty cool holiday after all, huh? 2746 01:49:39,772 --> 01:49:40,871 It did, son. 2747 01:49:41,857 --> 01:49:42,756 (MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND) 2748 01:49:42,825 --> 01:49:43,824 Dude. 2749 01:49:44,426 --> 01:49:45,759 What? 2750 01:49:45,828 --> 01:49:47,360 Told you you'd be calling me "son" by Christmas. 2751 01:49:47,429 --> 01:49:49,429 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 2752 01:49:49,497 --> 01:49:51,214 That's just a figure of speech. 2753 01:49:51,283 --> 01:49:52,298 Sure, Dad. 2754 01:49:58,840 --> 01:50:01,875 ♪ Merry Christmas, I don't want to fight tonight 2755 01:50:01,943 --> 01:50:05,179 ♪ Merry Christmas, I don't want to fight tonight 2756 01:50:05,247 --> 01:50:07,981 ♪ Merry Christmas, I don't want to fight tonight 2757 01:50:09,318 --> 01:50:10,984 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 2758 01:50:12,821 --> 01:50:15,672 Hello there, you gang! It is I, Gustav. 2759 01:50:15,741 --> 01:50:18,108 It's so great to see you! 2760 01:50:18,177 --> 01:50:20,877 Hey, what do you think of the new facial hair, huh? 2761 01:50:20,946 --> 01:50:22,879 I'm based in Michigan now, so you know... 2762 01:50:22,948 --> 01:50:24,081 I'm trying to do this whole kind of 2763 01:50:24,183 --> 01:50:25,616 Paul Bunyan, Midwestern thing. 2764 01:50:25,684 --> 01:50:27,334 I wanted to fill it all out. 2765 01:50:27,403 --> 01:50:30,504 So Scotty, Laird, and Ned took the printing company... 2766 01:50:30,656 --> 01:50:31,755 turned it into a toilet factory... 2767 01:50:31,824 --> 01:50:33,423 and it's going great! 2768 01:50:33,492 --> 01:50:36,492 The toilet is water efficient und eco-friendly. 2769 01:50:36,561 --> 01:50:38,161 It's state of the art. 2770 01:50:38,229 --> 01:50:41,515 I'm telling you, they have invented the Tesla of toilets! 2771 01:50:41,583 --> 01:50:43,100 It's amazing. 2772 01:50:43,169 --> 01:50:44,851 Barbara has made sure that each toilet 2773 01:50:44,920 --> 01:50:47,053 has a state of the art vaginal cleanse. 2774 01:50:47,122 --> 01:50:51,224 You know exactly what I'm saying. 2775 01:50:51,293 --> 01:50:52,926 Every single model comes with Justine. 2776 01:50:52,994 --> 01:50:54,410 Talk about a smart toilet. 2777 01:50:54,480 --> 01:50:55,428 She knows if you need a little sploosh 2778 01:50:55,497 --> 01:50:56,613 or if you actually need 2779 01:50:56,682 --> 01:50:57,747 the fountains of the Bellagio up there. 2780 01:51:00,052 --> 01:51:02,552 Scotty has finally got his seat at the table. 2781 01:51:03,022 --> 01:51:04,454 It's beautiful. 2782 01:51:04,523 --> 01:51:06,456 He went a little too far with the dragons, 2783 01:51:06,525 --> 01:51:07,524 and the titties, and the motorboating. 2784 01:51:09,144 --> 01:51:10,277 Oy vey. 2785 01:51:10,829 --> 01:51:12,695 Oh, Miss Stephanie. 2786 01:51:12,697 --> 01:51:14,781 She had the idea to link the Fleming-Mayhew company 2787 01:51:14,850 --> 01:51:16,733 with the new foundation. 2788 01:51:16,802 --> 01:51:19,102 So now, they're sponsoring sewage projects 2789 01:51:19,170 --> 01:51:21,321 all over the Third World. I told you. 2790 01:51:21,874 --> 01:51:24,458 Smart, smart, smart girl. 2791 01:51:24,526 --> 01:51:27,561 So, things are working out really well for the gang here. 2792 01:51:27,629 --> 01:51:29,629 The company is a smashing success. 2793 01:51:30,182 --> 01:51:31,548 And my dear Laird 2794 01:51:31,617 --> 01:51:34,183 has finally gotten what he's always wanted. 2795 01:51:34,252 --> 01:51:35,552 To be part of a family. 2796 01:51:39,174 --> 01:51:40,657 All right, ciao for now, you friends. 2797 01:51:40,726 --> 01:51:42,142 Until we meet again. 2798 01:51:42,210 --> 01:51:44,077 Laird, it doesn't count as a sneak attack if I can see... 2799 01:51:44,146 --> 01:51:46,029 Fuck you, Goose! Scheisse! 2800 01:51:46,098 --> 01:51:48,581 (ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE PLAYING) 2801 01:51:48,650 --> 01:51:53,187 ♪ I wanna rock and roll all night 2802 01:51:54,190 --> 01:51:56,556 ♪ And party every day 2803 01:51:56,625 --> 01:51:59,993 ♪ I wanna rock and roll all night 2804 01:52:01,163 --> 01:52:02,963 ♪ And party every day 2805 01:52:06,368 --> 01:52:09,569 ♪ You keep on saying you'll be mine for a while 2806 01:52:09,638 --> 01:52:13,207 ♪ You're looking fancy and I like your style 2807 01:52:13,275 --> 01:52:17,544 ♪ You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy 2808 01:52:20,649 --> 01:52:23,717 ♪ You show us everything you've got 2809 01:52:23,785 --> 01:52:26,987 ♪ Baby, baby, it's quite a lot 2810 01:52:27,056 --> 01:52:31,558 ♪ You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy 2811 01:52:33,863 --> 01:52:36,997 ♪ You keep on shouting, you keep on shouting 2812 01:52:40,135 --> 01:52:44,571 ♪ I wanna rock and roll all night 2813 01:52:45,674 --> 01:52:47,574 ♪ And party every day 2814 01:52:47,642 --> 01:52:51,411 ♪ I wanna rock and roll all night 2815 01:52:52,681 --> 01:52:54,514 ♪ And party every day 2816 01:52:54,583 --> 01:52:58,352 ♪ I wanna rock and roll all night 2817 01:52:59,321 --> 01:53:01,154 ♪ And party every day 2818 01:53:01,223 --> 01:53:04,824 ♪ I wanna rock and roll all night 2819 01:53:05,995 --> 01:53:07,761 ♪ And party every day ♪ 184051

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