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1
00:00:03,969 --> 00:00:05,937
Oh, God.
2
00:00:05,984 --> 00:00:08,985
That feels so good.
3
00:00:11,510 --> 00:00:13,093
Where'd you learn to do that?
4
00:00:13,095 --> 00:00:14,211
Chiropractic school?
5
00:00:14,213 --> 00:00:15,379
Long before that.
6
00:00:15,381 --> 00:00:17,515
When I was a kid,
I had to do this for my mom.
7
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:19,433
Had to?
8
00:00:19,435 --> 00:00:21,352
If I wanted dessert.
9
00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:23,487
Oh, poor baby.
10
00:00:23,489 --> 00:00:25,606
Tell you what, when you're
done with my other foot,
11
00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:27,224
I'll give you a
little dessert.
12
00:00:27,226 --> 00:00:28,776
Thank you, Mommy.
13
00:00:30,579 --> 00:00:31,612
Hey.
14
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:32,696
Hey!
15
00:00:32,698 --> 00:00:34,081
Oh, hey.
How was the opera?
16
00:00:34,083 --> 00:00:35,282
Magnificent.
17
00:00:35,284 --> 00:00:36,733
Il Trovatore.
18
00:00:36,735 --> 00:00:38,035
Walden cried.
19
00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:39,537
- Oh.
- Oh.
20
00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:41,539
Come on, a guy
in a leotard and a skirt
21
00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:43,874
realizes he chopped
his own brother's head off.
22
00:00:44,743 --> 00:00:46,427
That's heartbreaking.
23
00:00:46,429 --> 00:00:49,580
I keep trying to take Lyndsey
to the opera, but she won't go.
24
00:00:49,582 --> 00:00:51,182
I'm sorry,
25
00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:53,517
I'm just not a fan of fat people
singing in a foreign language
26
00:00:53,519 --> 00:00:55,102
for two and
a half hours.
27
00:00:55,104 --> 00:00:57,354
Well, opera's not for everyone.
28
00:00:57,356 --> 00:00:59,390
To appreciate it requires
a refined taste
29
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,108
and a certain amount
of education.
30
00:01:01,110 --> 00:01:03,727
Whoa.
31
00:01:03,729 --> 00:01:06,363
You did not
just say that.
32
00:01:06,365 --> 00:01:07,314
Say what?
33
00:01:07,316 --> 00:01:08,532
I am plenty refined,
34
00:01:08,534 --> 00:01:10,701
and I happen to have
an Associate of Arts degree
35
00:01:10,703 --> 00:01:12,769
from Santa Monica
Community College.
36
00:01:12,771 --> 00:01:15,456
I'm sorry, I wasn't
trying to be pejorative.
37
00:01:15,458 --> 00:01:17,107
What's that supposed to mean?
38
00:01:17,109 --> 00:01:19,243
Uh, pejorative is having
a derogatory...
39
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,212
I know what
the word means!
40
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:22,496
Sorry, sorry.
41
00:01:22,498 --> 00:01:23,497
What's community college?
42
00:01:23,499 --> 00:01:25,432
Is that like
a sort of trade school?
43
00:01:26,585 --> 00:01:27,751
Let's leave it alone.
44
00:01:27,753 --> 00:01:30,638
We've already seen
one beheading tonight.
45
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,139
Where did you go to college?
46
00:01:32,141 --> 00:01:33,557
Oxford?
47
00:01:33,559 --> 00:01:34,975
Only for two years.
48
00:01:34,977 --> 00:01:36,143
Aw, did you flunk out?
49
00:01:36,145 --> 00:01:38,295
No, I transferred
to Harvard.
50
00:01:38,297 --> 00:01:40,130
Harvard.
51
00:01:40,132 --> 00:01:42,399
The Santa Monica
Community College of the East.
52
00:01:45,770 --> 00:01:48,856
What do you say we go
get ready for bed?
53
00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:51,075
Yeah, good idea.
54
00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:52,993
♪ Mi chiamano Mimi
55
00:01:52,995 --> 00:01:58,532
♪ Il perchè non so
sola, mi fo. ♪
56
00:01:58,534 --> 00:02:02,536
I also took a semester off
to study opera in Florence.
57
00:02:02,538 --> 00:02:05,205
That's in Italy.
58
00:02:05,207 --> 00:02:07,458
Wow.
59
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:09,543
That is one talented lady.
60
00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:13,764
And by "talented"
I mean annoying,
61
00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:15,999
and by "lady" I mean bitch.
62
00:02:17,886 --> 00:02:21,472
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
63
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:24,558
♪ Men, men, manly men, men, men ♪
♪ Ooh
64
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,678
♪ Men, men, men, manly men ♪
♪ Ooh
65
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,897
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... ♪
66
00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:32,116
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
67
00:02:32,118 --> 00:02:35,452
♪ Ooh
♪ Men, men, manly men, men, men ♪
68
00:02:35,454 --> 00:02:39,840
♪ Ah.
♪ Men.
69
00:02:41,037 --> 00:02:45,037
♪ Two and a Half Men 9x16 ♪
Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
Original Air Date on February 13, 2012
70
00:02:45,063 --> 00:02:48,563
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
71
00:02:49,749 --> 00:02:51,817
♪ Men.
72
00:02:51,819 --> 00:02:54,319
"Fat people singing
in a foreign language."
73
00:02:54,321 --> 00:02:55,737
Can you believe her?
74
00:02:55,739 --> 00:02:58,390
No. It's unbelievable.
75
00:02:58,392 --> 00:02:59,908
Maybe she'd be
more appreciative of
76
00:02:59,910 --> 00:03:02,110
fat people singing
in her native language.
77
00:03:02,112 --> 00:03:05,547
No to Pavarotti,
yes to Cee Lo Green.
78
00:03:05,549 --> 00:03:07,749
Mm. Forget you?
79
00:03:07,751 --> 00:03:09,918
Forget her.
80
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:12,621
And then she has the nerve to
insult me simply 'cause I have
81
00:03:12,623 --> 00:03:14,373
a modicum of sophistication
and good taste.
82
00:03:14,375 --> 00:03:16,157
Mm, you do
taste good.
83
00:03:17,511 --> 00:03:18,877
I know what she thinks.
84
00:03:18,879 --> 00:03:20,846
She thinks I'm snobbish
and condescending.
85
00:03:20,848 --> 00:03:21,996
Mm, but you're not.
86
00:03:21,998 --> 00:03:23,348
No, I'm not.
87
00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:24,332
It's a shame, really.
88
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:27,803
So much I could teach
the poor girl.
89
00:03:27,805 --> 00:03:29,354
It's her loss.
90
00:03:29,356 --> 00:03:31,440
God knows what Alan
sees in her.
91
00:03:31,442 --> 00:03:33,275
Yeah, he could
totally do better.
92
00:03:33,277 --> 00:03:35,176
No, he couldn't;
he's a complete loser.
93
00:03:35,178 --> 00:03:37,345
What are you talking about?
94
00:03:37,347 --> 00:03:39,981
Um, you said...
95
00:03:39,983 --> 00:03:41,850
Never mind.
96
00:03:41,852 --> 00:03:43,318
"Refined taste."
97
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:45,237
I'd like to punch
her refined face in.
98
00:03:45,239 --> 00:03:48,523
And you could;
you hit hard.
99
00:03:48,525 --> 00:03:49,708
You know
what her problem is?
100
00:03:49,710 --> 00:03:51,209
She was born with
all the advantages
101
00:03:51,211 --> 00:03:52,911
and now she thinks
she's better than everyone else.
102
00:03:52,913 --> 00:03:54,079
Like her poop doesn't stink.
103
00:03:54,081 --> 00:03:57,082
Your poop
stinks, honey.
104
00:03:57,084 --> 00:04:00,168
Thank you.
105
00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:02,687
Especially after
Indian food.
106
00:04:03,673 --> 00:04:06,975
That is a real working-class
stank right there.
107
00:04:06,977 --> 00:04:10,429
Boy, I am so turned
on right now.
108
00:04:10,431 --> 00:04:12,547
What could Walden
possibly see in that,
109
00:04:12,549 --> 00:04:14,433
in that stuck-up
English muffin?
110
00:04:14,435 --> 00:04:18,052
Maybe it's her
nooks and crannies.
111
00:04:18,054 --> 00:04:19,020
What?
112
00:04:19,022 --> 00:04:20,822
Uh, you know,
English muffin.
113
00:04:20,824 --> 00:04:22,157
Uh, nooks
and crannies.
114
00:04:22,159 --> 00:04:23,224
For the butter.
115
00:04:23,226 --> 00:04:25,560
Or margarine, as
the case may be.
116
00:04:25,562 --> 00:04:29,063
Are you saying
you like her body?
117
00:04:29,065 --> 00:04:30,064
Oh, no, no.
118
00:04:30,066 --> 00:04:31,500
No, it's your
body that I love.
119
00:04:31,502 --> 00:04:32,951
You've got the
stinky poop.
120
00:04:34,454 --> 00:04:35,704
Be honest with me.
121
00:04:35,706 --> 00:04:38,840
Have I not been entirely civil
and charming to her?
122
00:04:38,842 --> 00:04:40,909
You have.
123
00:04:42,712 --> 00:04:44,963
Then why does she give me
that attitude?
124
00:04:44,965 --> 00:04:47,098
Who know...?
She's crazy.
125
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:50,252
Well, I wouldn't call her crazy;
she's certainly unpleasant.
126
00:04:50,254 --> 00:04:51,219
That's what I meant.
127
00:04:51,221 --> 00:04:53,054
Unpleasant.
128
00:04:53,056 --> 00:04:55,974
Are you humoring me
just so I'll have sex with you?
129
00:04:55,976 --> 00:04:59,928
No. I took you to the opera
so you would have sex with me.
130
00:05:00,931 --> 00:05:01,897
You're terrible.
131
00:05:01,899 --> 00:05:02,948
I'm trying to be,
132
00:05:02,950 --> 00:05:05,367
but there's a lot
of damn bows here.
133
00:05:05,369 --> 00:05:07,602
♪ Men.
134
00:05:09,822 --> 00:05:10,956
Alan?
135
00:05:10,958 --> 00:05:12,941
Yeah?
136
00:05:12,943 --> 00:05:15,043
I'm sorry
I ruined our night.
137
00:05:15,045 --> 00:05:16,294
That's okay.
138
00:05:16,296 --> 00:05:17,946
No, it's not.
139
00:05:17,948 --> 00:05:19,581
Let me make it up to you.
140
00:05:19,583 --> 00:05:21,049
Really?
141
00:05:21,051 --> 00:05:22,083
I get dessert?
142
00:05:23,253 --> 00:05:24,419
Oh, Walden!
143
00:05:24,421 --> 00:05:25,504
Oh, my God!
144
00:05:25,506 --> 00:05:28,056
Oh, my God!
I don't believe it.
145
00:05:28,058 --> 00:05:29,958
Do you know what she's doing?
146
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:31,793
Well, I think I have
a general idea.
147
00:05:31,795 --> 00:05:34,346
She wants me to hear that.
Oh, my God!
148
00:05:34,348 --> 00:05:35,847
She's rubbing my nose in it.
149
00:05:35,849 --> 00:05:37,825
Sounds more like she's
rubbing his nose in it.
150
00:05:37,850 --> 00:05:39,050
Oh, my God!
151
00:05:39,236 --> 00:05:41,853
Two can play at that game.
152
00:05:41,855 --> 00:05:42,988
Oh! Oh!
153
00:05:42,990 --> 00:05:44,239
Oh! Oh!
154
00:05:44,241 --> 00:05:45,306
Oh, my God!
155
00:05:45,308 --> 00:05:46,274
Oh!
156
00:05:46,276 --> 00:05:47,859
Oh, my God!
What are you doing?
157
00:05:47,861 --> 00:05:48,977
Making love to you.
158
00:05:48,979 --> 00:05:50,495
Oh, my God!
Oh!
159
00:05:50,497 --> 00:05:52,581
Oh!
You want me to help?
160
00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:53,532
No, I got this.
161
00:05:53,534 --> 00:05:57,419
Oh! Oh!
162
00:05:58,204 --> 00:05:59,988
Oh! Oh!
163
00:05:59,990 --> 00:06:01,790
Oh! Oh!
164
00:06:01,792 --> 00:06:02,824
Oh!
165
00:06:02,826 --> 00:06:03,658
Oh!
166
00:06:03,660 --> 00:06:05,427
Oh!
Oh...!
167
00:06:05,429 --> 00:06:08,046
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
168
00:06:08,048 --> 00:06:09,664
Oh, my God!
169
00:06:09,666 --> 00:06:10,832
Oh, Alan!
170
00:06:10,834 --> 00:06:12,000
Oh, Walden!
171
00:06:12,002 --> 00:06:13,167
Oh!
172
00:06:13,169 --> 00:06:14,502
Oh!
173
00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:15,770
Oh!
174
00:06:22,979 --> 00:06:25,931
♪ Men.
175
00:06:25,933 --> 00:06:29,484
Happy Valentine's
Day, darling.
176
00:06:29,486 --> 00:06:32,737
You, too, sweetheart.
177
00:06:32,739 --> 00:06:35,690
Sounded like you and Zoey
were getting an early start
178
00:06:35,692 --> 00:06:37,325
on your celebrating last night.
179
00:06:39,161 --> 00:06:41,413
Oh, yeah.
180
00:06:42,765 --> 00:06:44,299
You and Lyndsey were making
181
00:06:44,301 --> 00:06:46,167
quite a bit
of a racket yourselves.
182
00:06:46,169 --> 00:06:48,703
Oh, you heard that?
183
00:06:48,705 --> 00:06:51,205
It was kind of
hard not to.
184
00:06:51,207 --> 00:06:52,540
Well, you know how it is.
185
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:55,844
Uh, you and I
are like the mailmen.
186
00:06:57,097 --> 00:07:00,765
Rain or shine, we got to deliver
the old package.
187
00:07:00,767 --> 00:07:03,151
Handle with care.
188
00:07:04,855 --> 00:07:06,354
Express delivery.
189
00:07:09,942 --> 00:07:13,361
No, wait, let me think
of another one.
190
00:07:13,363 --> 00:07:14,646
This side up.
191
00:07:14,648 --> 00:07:16,281
Oh.
192
00:07:16,283 --> 00:07:18,083
That's good, that's good.
193
00:07:23,923 --> 00:07:26,407
Oh, who am I kidding?
194
00:07:26,409 --> 00:07:28,176
Last night was a complete sham.
195
00:07:28,178 --> 00:07:29,377
What do you mean?
196
00:07:29,379 --> 00:07:31,212
Zoey was trying to prove
197
00:07:31,214 --> 00:07:32,847
some kind of point to Lyndsey.
198
00:07:32,849 --> 00:07:34,683
So, all that noise was, uh...?
199
00:07:34,685 --> 00:07:37,052
I had nothing to do with it.
200
00:07:37,054 --> 00:07:39,187
Sorry.
201
00:07:40,690 --> 00:07:45,860
Well, since we're being honest,
I should probably tell you...
202
00:07:45,862 --> 00:07:50,398
I... had what was probably the
best sex of my life last night.
203
00:07:55,738 --> 00:07:56,788
Good morning.
204
00:07:56,790 --> 00:07:57,772
Huh?
205
00:07:57,774 --> 00:07:59,457
Oh, morning.
206
00:07:59,459 --> 00:08:00,742
Sleep well?
207
00:08:00,744 --> 00:08:01,943
Terrific.
208
00:08:01,945 --> 00:08:04,462
Good. I was afraid
we might have kept you awake.
209
00:08:04,464 --> 00:08:05,747
Really?
210
00:08:05,749 --> 00:08:07,832
I was worried we might have
kept you awake.
211
00:08:07,834 --> 00:08:10,251
No, no, I slept like a baby.
212
00:08:10,253 --> 00:08:11,970
Hope you didn't wet the bed.
213
00:08:16,426 --> 00:08:18,009
They're laughing.
214
00:08:18,011 --> 00:08:19,594
That's good, right?
215
00:08:19,596 --> 00:08:21,579
Not that laugh.
216
00:08:21,581 --> 00:08:24,265
That's the bad laugh.
217
00:08:24,267 --> 00:08:28,286
Shame it has to be raining
on Valentine's Day.
218
00:08:28,288 --> 00:08:32,473
Yeah, well, fortunately, the sun
is shining in Cabo San Lucas.
219
00:08:32,475 --> 00:08:33,942
Thanks for the weather report.
220
00:08:33,944 --> 00:08:36,027
Now here's Alan
with the sports.
221
00:08:37,830 --> 00:08:39,614
I just meant
that's where Walden and I
222
00:08:39,616 --> 00:08:40,749
are flying for dinner tonight.
223
00:08:40,751 --> 00:08:41,950
Really?
224
00:08:41,952 --> 00:08:42,984
Good luck with LAX.
225
00:08:42,986 --> 00:08:44,352
Place is gonna be a madhouse.
226
00:08:44,354 --> 00:08:45,653
That may well be.
227
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:47,672
Luckily, Walden's got
his private jet, so...
228
00:08:47,674 --> 00:08:49,090
Of course he does.
229
00:08:49,092 --> 00:08:52,043
Or they could fly down
on her private broom.
230
00:08:53,813 --> 00:08:55,663
What are you and Alan
doing to celebrate?
231
00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:57,465
Oh, don't worry
about us.
232
00:08:57,467 --> 00:08:58,717
We have big plans.
233
00:08:58,719 --> 00:08:59,884
Ooh.
234
00:08:59,886 --> 00:09:01,519
Another festive foot rub?
235
00:09:06,009 --> 00:09:07,192
Bad laugh?
236
00:09:09,228 --> 00:09:11,112
As a matter of fact,
we're gonna spend the night
237
00:09:11,114 --> 00:09:12,230
at a little bed-and-breakfast
238
00:09:12,232 --> 00:09:14,199
outside Santa Barbara
where we're gonna
239
00:09:14,201 --> 00:09:15,950
drink wine, read poetry
240
00:09:15,952 --> 00:09:17,569
and have hot,
kinky sex.
241
00:09:17,571 --> 00:09:18,703
Right, Alan?
242
00:09:18,705 --> 00:09:20,572
Oh, yeah, sure.
243
00:09:20,574 --> 00:09:21,706
Uh, sure.
244
00:09:21,708 --> 00:09:23,908
The, uh, the holy trinity of
Valentine's Day:
245
00:09:23,910 --> 00:09:27,361
sips, sonnets and sodomy.
246
00:09:29,749 --> 00:09:30,882
That's interesting.
247
00:09:30,884 --> 00:09:33,218
I can see you
as a drunken sodomite,
248
00:09:33,220 --> 00:09:35,703
never imagined
you liking poetry.
249
00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:37,305
Oh, no, no, I really do.
250
00:09:37,307 --> 00:09:38,973
Here's a poem
you might appreciate.
251
00:09:38,975 --> 00:09:39,974
"Roses are red,
252
00:09:39,976 --> 00:09:41,259
"violets are blue,
253
00:09:41,261 --> 00:09:42,393
"I'm a nice person
254
00:09:42,395 --> 00:09:44,813
and you can bite my pale,
unrefined ass."
255
00:09:48,951 --> 00:09:51,385
A lady doesn't bite.
256
00:09:51,387 --> 00:09:52,353
Hmm.
257
00:09:52,355 --> 00:09:53,655
She will however be happy
258
00:09:53,657 --> 00:09:56,390
to make you wear that ass
as a bonnet.
259
00:09:58,912 --> 00:10:01,663
What the hell?
260
00:10:06,169 --> 00:10:07,669
Oh, my Lord.
261
00:10:07,671 --> 00:10:09,671
Where's the road?
262
00:10:09,673 --> 00:10:12,573
Probably inside
that giant sinkhole.
263
00:10:12,575 --> 00:10:14,843
It looks like nobody's
going anywhere today.
264
00:10:14,845 --> 00:10:16,410
Oh, smashing.
265
00:10:16,412 --> 00:10:17,762
Swell.
266
00:10:20,516 --> 00:10:22,684
Sodomy?
267
00:10:22,686 --> 00:10:24,435
Sodom-ish.
268
00:10:24,437 --> 00:10:27,689
♪ Men.
269
00:10:33,858 --> 00:10:35,792
♪ Men.
270
00:10:37,528 --> 00:10:40,213
They say the road might be
closed for another 48 hours.
271
00:10:40,215 --> 00:10:41,998
And that's if
the rain lets up.
272
00:10:43,385 --> 00:10:45,135
Better call my ex-husband,
let him know
273
00:10:45,137 --> 00:10:46,836
I probably won't be
picking up Ava tomorrow.
274
00:10:46,838 --> 00:10:49,556
Better call my son, tell
him I'll be home early.
275
00:10:49,558 --> 00:10:50,557
Early?
276
00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:51,691
I can't tell
him the truth.
277
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,510
If he knows I could
be gone for two days,
278
00:10:53,512 --> 00:10:55,345
I might not have a
house when I get back.
279
00:10:55,347 --> 00:10:58,898
Nice to have a relationship
with your child built on trust.
280
00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:00,550
Excuse me?
281
00:11:00,552 --> 00:11:03,553
I'm just saying,
I never lie to my daughter.
282
00:11:03,555 --> 00:11:05,054
Really?
And how old is she?
283
00:11:05,056 --> 00:11:06,823
She's six.
Aw.
284
00:11:06,825 --> 00:11:08,441
They're so precious
at that age, aren't they?
285
00:11:08,443 --> 00:11:09,859
They are.
286
00:11:09,861 --> 00:11:12,195
Call me in a few years
when she's pierced and pregnant
287
00:11:12,197 --> 00:11:14,397
with a pocket
full of 30-day chips.
288
00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:18,585
There's no need to be crude.
289
00:11:18,587 --> 00:11:20,170
Oh, so now I'm crude?
290
00:11:20,172 --> 00:11:21,504
Not just now.
291
00:11:23,007 --> 00:11:24,757
That's it.
292
00:11:24,759 --> 00:11:26,960
Get ready for an
old-fashioned
293
00:11:26,962 --> 00:11:27,927
trade school beat-down.
294
00:11:27,929 --> 00:11:29,546
Oh! No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
295
00:11:29,548 --> 00:11:31,681
Slow down. Slow it down.
No! No!
296
00:11:31,683 --> 00:11:34,467
Little Miss Muffet's going to
get knocked on her tuffet!
297
00:11:34,469 --> 00:11:36,636
Oh, bring it on, Snooki!
298
00:11:36,638 --> 00:11:38,104
Okay. Okay. No.
299
00:11:38,106 --> 00:11:39,772
Baby, baby, no.
300
00:11:39,774 --> 00:11:41,774
We're in a tough
situation here.
301
00:11:41,776 --> 00:11:43,759
But this is a big house,
and we're all adults.
302
00:11:43,761 --> 00:11:45,195
Yeah, some of us
older than others.
303
00:11:45,197 --> 00:11:46,596
Oh!
304
00:11:47,649 --> 00:11:49,199
Walden's right.
Walden's right.
305
00:11:49,201 --> 00:11:50,817
We got to make
the best of this.
306
00:11:50,819 --> 00:11:53,153
You know, we can, uh...
uh, we can play video games,
307
00:11:53,155 --> 00:11:54,871
listen to music,
watch movies.
308
00:12:00,161 --> 00:12:02,212
We're all going to die.
309
00:12:03,214 --> 00:12:05,632
♪ Men.
310
00:12:05,634 --> 00:12:06,749
I'm sorry.
311
00:12:06,751 --> 00:12:08,701
I'm not going to stay
in the same house
312
00:12:08,703 --> 00:12:09,952
as that horrible wom.
313
00:12:09,954 --> 00:12:12,138
Okay, first of all,
the road's closed,
314
00:12:12,140 --> 00:12:13,956
so nobody's going anywhere.
315
00:12:13,958 --> 00:12:17,894
And second of all, uh,
she's not that horrible.
316
00:12:21,632 --> 00:12:23,683
What did you say?
317
00:12:25,319 --> 00:12:27,987
I said, "The road's closed."
318
00:12:27,989 --> 00:12:30,023
After that.
319
00:12:31,192 --> 00:12:33,860
"Nobody's going anywhere."
320
00:12:33,862 --> 00:12:35,662
Are you defending her?
321
00:12:35,664 --> 00:12:36,913
Oh, come on.
322
00:12:36,915 --> 00:12:39,482
It's a funny situation
when you think about it.
323
00:12:39,484 --> 00:12:42,818
Two women who shouldn't be
anywhere near each other
324
00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:45,505
trapped in a house
'cause of a silly rain storm.
325
00:12:49,993 --> 00:12:52,178
That's a bad laugh.
326
00:12:52,996 --> 00:12:55,381
♪ Men.
327
00:12:57,184 --> 00:12:58,885
Oh, great.
328
00:12:58,887 --> 00:13:00,470
I just got my period.
329
00:13:00,472 --> 00:13:03,439
Oh, joy.
330
00:13:03,441 --> 00:13:06,192
My bloody Valentine.
331
00:13:08,028 --> 00:13:09,279
I'm out of tampons.
332
00:13:09,281 --> 00:13:10,697
You have to go get me some.
333
00:13:10,699 --> 00:13:12,048
What?
334
00:13:12,050 --> 00:13:13,349
Have you looked outside?
335
00:13:13,351 --> 00:13:14,901
Yeah. It's raining.
336
00:13:14,903 --> 00:13:16,319
This is not rain.
337
00:13:16,321 --> 00:13:18,871
This is some sort
of biblical punishment.
338
00:13:18,873 --> 00:13:21,741
There's only one flood
you need to be concerned about.
339
00:13:22,743 --> 00:13:24,544
Why don't you just ask Zoey
for one?
340
00:13:24,546 --> 00:13:26,045
Why don't I take
that light off your head
341
00:13:26,047 --> 00:13:27,530
and give you
a quick colonoscopy?
342
00:13:30,968 --> 00:13:33,803
At least now we know
why you're in such a bad mood.
343
00:13:33,805 --> 00:13:35,037
What did you just say?
344
00:13:35,039 --> 00:13:36,472
I said I'm going
to the drugstore
345
00:13:36,474 --> 00:13:38,057
to buy you tampons.
346
00:13:41,228 --> 00:13:43,146
You're so pretty.
347
00:13:46,584 --> 00:13:48,985
Hey.
Hi.
348
00:13:48,987 --> 00:13:50,720
Where you going?
349
00:13:50,722 --> 00:13:53,189
I am going to swim
down to the drugstore
350
00:13:53,191 --> 00:13:56,025
and bob for tampons.
351
00:13:58,112 --> 00:14:00,029
Really?
In-in this weather?
352
00:14:01,015 --> 00:14:02,365
What, are you out of your mind
353
00:14:02,367 --> 00:14:03,533
Walden!
354
00:14:03,535 --> 00:14:05,735
I'll come with you.
355
00:14:07,204 --> 00:14:09,205
♪ Men.
356
00:14:10,791 --> 00:14:14,010
Looks like it's
starting to let up.
357
00:14:17,798 --> 00:14:20,883
Yeah, this is
blowing over.
358
00:14:20,885 --> 00:14:23,586
It's actually
kind of refreshing.
359
00:14:23,588 --> 00:14:26,222
And we certainly
need the water.
360
00:14:26,224 --> 00:14:28,524
It's weird
how people in L.A.
361
00:14:28,526 --> 00:14:32,278
make such a big fuss
over a little rain.
362
00:14:37,284 --> 00:14:39,769
That's the new
Smart car.
363
00:14:39,771 --> 00:14:42,488
Doesn't look
so smart now.
364
00:14:42,490 --> 00:14:44,741
♪ Men.
365
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:50,463
Ah.
366
00:14:51,332 --> 00:14:52,665
Hi.
367
00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,168
Hi.
368
00:14:56,420 --> 00:14:58,921
Do you happen to know
where Walden is?
369
00:14:58,923 --> 00:15:01,140
I happen to not.
370
00:15:01,975 --> 00:15:04,060
All right.
371
00:15:05,462 --> 00:15:06,646
Well, where's Alan?
372
00:15:06,648 --> 00:15:08,364
He went for a walk.
373
00:15:10,351 --> 00:15:11,818
A walk?
374
00:15:11,820 --> 00:15:13,403
Yeah, a walk.
375
00:15:13,405 --> 00:15:16,806
That's how poor people
get from one place to another.
376
00:15:17,641 --> 00:15:19,475
All right.
377
00:15:24,531 --> 00:15:26,165
Mind if I share your wine?
378
00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:27,583
I don't know if you'll like it.
379
00:15:27,585 --> 00:15:29,085
It's domestic.
380
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,921
Alan bought it.
381
00:15:32,823 --> 00:15:35,324
Actually, I quite like
California wine.
382
00:15:35,326 --> 00:15:36,709
It's from Wisconsin.
383
00:15:36,711 --> 00:15:38,177
Ah.
384
00:15:39,546 --> 00:15:41,514
Well, desperate times.
385
00:15:42,666 --> 00:15:45,435
Shame our girlfriends
don't get along, huh?
386
00:15:45,437 --> 00:15:47,970
Yeah, if they don't start
playing nice with each other,
387
00:15:47,972 --> 00:15:50,523
you're going to have to find
a new place to live.
388
00:15:50,525 --> 00:15:52,725
No doubt.
389
00:15:54,144 --> 00:15:57,397
Or I could find
another girlfriend.
390
00:15:58,949 --> 00:16:01,200
♪ Men.
391
00:16:09,743 --> 00:16:12,078
Well, cheers.
392
00:16:13,247 --> 00:16:15,298
Cheers.
393
00:16:21,004 --> 00:16:23,673
For the record, I like
Walden very much.
394
00:16:23,675 --> 00:16:25,391
He seems like a great guy.
395
00:16:25,393 --> 00:16:27,477
Well, thank you.
396
00:16:27,479 --> 00:16:29,345
Alan's...
397
00:16:29,347 --> 00:16:31,764
Thank you.
398
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:35,151
So... what's your plan
399
00:16:35,153 --> 00:16:37,403
for the young,
gorgeous billionaire?
400
00:16:37,405 --> 00:16:40,072
I'm sorry. Plan?
401
00:16:40,074 --> 00:16:41,741
Oh, come on.
402
00:16:41,743 --> 00:16:43,609
Educated girl like you?
403
00:16:43,611 --> 00:16:46,195
You got to have a plan
to nail him down.
404
00:16:46,197 --> 00:16:47,396
I don't.
405
00:16:47,398 --> 00:16:49,398
My feelings for Walden
are genuine.
406
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,567
I have no desire
to manipulate him
407
00:16:51,569 --> 00:16:53,419
into some sort
of commitment.
408
00:16:54,254 --> 00:16:56,589
Huh.
409
00:17:00,010 --> 00:17:02,762
But if I did, what sort of plan
do you think might work?
410
00:17:02,764 --> 00:17:06,182
Well, first thing I'd do
is throw out my diaphragm.
411
00:17:06,184 --> 00:17:07,683
I'm on the pill.
412
00:17:07,685 --> 00:17:08,801
All right.
413
00:17:08,803 --> 00:17:10,970
Swap out those puppies
for Tic Tacs.
414
00:17:13,774 --> 00:17:15,057
You know, it's
actually good
415
00:17:15,059 --> 00:17:17,059
that Lyndsey sent me
to the drugstore.
416
00:17:17,061 --> 00:17:19,862
'Cause now I can pick up
her Valentine's Day gift.
417
00:17:19,864 --> 00:17:21,531
Nice!
418
00:17:21,533 --> 00:17:25,318
Yeah, nothing says "I love you"
like Q-tips and stool softener.
419
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,153
I-I was thinking
of something more...
420
00:17:30,207 --> 00:17:31,374
Alan!
421
00:17:31,376 --> 00:17:33,108
Tell Jake I love him!
422
00:17:34,161 --> 00:17:37,463
And buy Lyndsey tampons!
423
00:17:38,281 --> 00:17:40,633
♪ Men.
424
00:17:46,936 --> 00:17:48,386
♪ Men.
425
00:17:48,388 --> 00:17:51,606
So, anyway, then we got married
and had my son, Eldridge.
426
00:17:51,608 --> 00:17:53,224
How long after?
427
00:17:53,226 --> 00:17:55,860
Actually, my water broke
during the ceremony.
428
00:17:57,279 --> 00:17:59,063
Really put a crimp
in the reception.
429
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,817
Tell me about your ex.
430
00:18:02,819 --> 00:18:04,602
Nigel.
431
00:18:04,604 --> 00:18:07,822
Oh, God, how can
I describe Nigel?
432
00:18:07,824 --> 00:18:11,492
Highly educated,
extremely cultured,
433
00:18:11,494 --> 00:18:14,278
and as you Americans
might say...
434
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:17,382
"a total freakin' douche bag."
435
00:18:19,002 --> 00:18:20,552
Really?
436
00:18:20,554 --> 00:18:22,670
My ex-husband is,
as you Brits might say...
437
00:18:22,672 --> 00:18:25,056
"a right bloody wanker."
438
00:18:26,977 --> 00:18:29,794
Looks like we both
traded up, huh?
439
00:18:31,564 --> 00:18:33,314
Yes, absolutely.
440
00:18:33,316 --> 00:18:35,733
Cheers to us.
Mmm.
441
00:18:35,735 --> 00:18:39,404
This is turning out to be
a pretty nice Valentine's Day.
442
00:18:39,406 --> 00:18:40,989
It is, isn't it?
443
00:18:40,991 --> 00:18:42,857
Thanks for the tampon,
by the way.
444
00:18:42,859 --> 00:18:44,776
Oh, pleasure.
445
00:18:44,778 --> 00:18:46,477
Appears our cycles
have synched up.
446
00:18:46,479 --> 00:18:47,695
Yeah.
447
00:18:47,697 --> 00:18:50,865
Probably why we haven't
seen the boys for a while.
448
00:18:50,867 --> 00:18:52,834
We have been a bit out of sorts.
449
00:18:52,836 --> 00:18:53,952
Mmm. Edgy.
450
00:18:53,954 --> 00:18:55,453
Moody.
451
00:18:56,255 --> 00:18:58,506
Bitchy.
Bitchy.
452
00:19:00,042 --> 00:19:02,827
Oh, I do hope our
fellows are all right.
453
00:19:02,829 --> 00:19:04,796
I'm sure they're fine.
454
00:19:04,798 --> 00:19:06,431
Yeah.
455
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,133
Let me go!
456
00:19:09,135 --> 00:19:10,685
Save yourself!
No!
457
00:19:10,687 --> 00:19:14,355
If you go, I go!
458
00:19:21,230 --> 00:19:22,480
Hey, Lyndsey.
459
00:19:22,482 --> 00:19:24,682
Yeah, we haven't gotten
to the drugstore yet.
460
00:19:24,684 --> 00:19:27,986
We're in a little bit
of a situation here.
461
00:19:27,988 --> 00:19:29,237
All right.
462
00:19:29,239 --> 00:19:31,239
What kind of ice cream?
463
00:19:32,408 --> 00:19:34,325
Seriously, let me go.
464
00:19:34,327 --> 00:19:38,327
== sync, corrected by elderman ==30625
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