Original subtitles

(PUT YOURSELF IN MY HANDS PLAYING)

* I can make you happy

* I can turn you on

* Bring me all your troubles

* Soon they'll be gone

* Just put yourself in my hands, baby

* Whatever you want me to do

* I'll do

* Just put yourself in my hands, baby

* I'll know how to handle you

* Life can be so good, baby

* Let me prove it to you

* You don't have to worry about anything

* All you have to do is just let yourself go

* Yesterday is a memory

* Tomorrow is far away

* All we've got is now

* Live for today

* Just put yourself in my hands, baby

* Whatever you want me to do

* I'll do

* Just put yourself in my hands, baby

* I'll know how to handle you

* Put yourself in my hands, baby

* Whatever you want me to do

* I'll do

* Just put yourself in my hands, baby

* I'll know how to handle you *

And the charge?

Sales and possession. Heroin and cocaine.

Okay, take him over.

TAGGART: Okay, everybody, line it up in front of the desk.

Smile. SERGEANT: You look gorgeous, Lieutenant.

Thank you. Must have been some party.

It was.

All right. Who's first?

Name?

April Jones.

Address?

328 West 80th Street.

Charge? Pros.

Next.

Name? May Smith.

Address?

328 West 80th.

Charge? Pros.

Next.

You, miss.

Come on.

Name?

June?

Aurora.

Aurora, how refreshing.

Last name?

Goldberg. 328 West 80th. Pros.

Thank you very much.

All right, hidden beauty, what's your name?

This way, honey, this way.

Come on, come on, come on.

Name?

Nadine Sartain.

Address?

Your address, miss?

1139 Farthinghill Road,

White Plains.

Okay, Little Red Riding Hood, what's your name?

Relax, Chris.

Xaviera Hollander.

Hollander? A handy name for a Dutch girl.

(LAUGHING)

First time in America?

Yes, it is.

Are you here on a visit or a business trip?

Oh, business with pleasure.

I'm here to get married.

Well, congratulations, and I do hope you enjoy your stay.

Thank you very much. I will.

XAVIERA: Long before they could call me "Madam,"

I was just a girl who crossed the ocean for a man.

I'd met my fiance in South Africa

while he was on a business trip

and I was visiting my sister.

And every minute we had spent together was fantastically exciting.

I was certain that he was the beginning of my life.

Hey!

Hey!

Oh, Carl! Oh!

Oh, my God, is it really you?

I can't believe it. I'm sorry.

I was beginning to feel like unclaimed baggage.

I thought all European flights were always late.

I was way out at the end of the island with Arthur and Shirl.

My God.

You are gorgeous.

(GIGGLES)

Hey, if we hurry, we can manage to make the last bus to New York.

Oh, God. My luggage. What?

There. Oh!

Listen, the flight was terrific.

I had three martinis, a bottle of champagne...

Champagne?

That means you came first-class.

Oh!

That's a lot of money.

I know.

Oh, is that your baggage?

Yeah, sure. All my earthly possessions.

Oh, do we need a skycap?

Oh, no, no, no. We can manage together.

I can't wait to meet your parents.

What did they say?

I... I thought I'd break it to them gradually.

Oh, sure.

You know how parents are.

I am the only child. Shirl is getting old.

I understand.

Besides, we have loads of time.

Here you are.

I guess this is the heavy one.

Oh, you smell so good. What is that?

Oil of musk.

Oh, I love it, I love it.

Oh, don't stop.

You like that, you like that.

(TAPPING ON WALL)

Excuse me.

What was that?

My mother.

Shirl and Arthur, they have the apartment next door.

How convenient.

(GIGGLING)

You're crazy.

(LAUGHING) You're really crazy, baby.

(TAPPING ON WALL)

(DRYER WHIRRING)

I got your Tiger's Milk and yeast.

What?

Got your Tiger's Milk and yeast.

It's got a funny taste.

XAVIERA: I soon realized that Carl was not the same person I had known.

The passion he once shared with me

was replaced by his growing passion for himself.

(INHALING)

Here, let me help you on with that.

Okay.

Aren't you hungry? I prepared your breakfast.

No, I never eat that stuff anymore.

I'm on Dr. Wilburt's all meat diet.

What time do you usually get back?

Uh, about 7:00.

I'll be ready.

Give me a call during the day.

If I can.

No, Xaviera. Xaviera.

I'm gonna be late.

I'll be ready.

Carl?

You just wake up?

I beg your pardon?

Carl just leave?

He just went to work.

10:00 already. He gets later every day.

You needn't bother. I can make it.

Carl likes a neat bed, but I only change the sheets once a week,

so try to keep it clean.

How long are you staying?

I am... I am Mr. Gordon's fiancee.

Is that your luggage over there? Yeah.

That's a lot of luggage.

I don't know where you're gonna put it.

I'm sure I'll manage.

You'll have the beige towel.

You'll get a new one when I change the sheets.

Well, I'll try to make sure I'm clean when I use it.

You have an accent. Where are you from?

Holland.

Well, if you make any long-distance

telephone calls, keep a record.

Carl's telephone bill is ridiculous.

Have you been with Mr. Gordon long?

All his life. I'm his mother.

Shirl Gordon.

How do you do? Xaviera Hollander.

How do you do? I have to leave now.

I've got a patient waiting.

We'll have a little chat some other time.

Yeah.

Some other time.

Want some more steak, darling?

No, thank you, Shirl.

Oh, come on, have a little more steak.

I bet you skipped lunch again today.

(LAUGHS)

How did you know that?

I know.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Where is she?

(SNORES)

Yeah, what do you want now?

Carl would like another helping, Rosita.

Xaviera, darling, what's the matter?

No appetite?

Naturally, it's better not to eat too much when you're sedentary.

Otherwise, you'll find the calories just pile up.

Carl was practically raised on goat's milk, weren't you, Carl?

Oh, Mother.

It didn't hurt you.

(LAUGHING)

You will see, Xaviera,

when you finally get a job,

your appetite will come back to you.

I've always heard

that the Dutch were such hardworking people,

but then they say the French make great lovers.

Arthur's mother was French.

Hey. You want this or not?

Put it down, Rosita.

I suppose the apartment rentals are quite high in Amsterdam.

Oh, and why do you say that?

It seems to me that unmarried Dutch girls

have a habit of moving in with their boyfriends.

I thought perhaps it was a tradition in your country.

Oh, listen, Mrs. Gordon,

so far this whole Dutch treat has been on me,

and you may recall that Carl proposed to me officially

in front of my parents.

Carl has always been too sentimental for his own good...

Mrs. Gordon, if you can't find it in your papier-mache heart

to accept me as your future daughter-in-law,

you might at least show a little respect for my feelings.

In my mother's house, she couldn't do enough

to make her guests feel at home,

and you can't even lift your fingers

to put the peanuts on the table.

Xaviera, please.

It's all right, darling, it's all right.

But I do think that in the future,

you might bring back teapots from your travels as you used to.

Shirl, please. Teapots!

My God, no wonder your own husband hasn't slept with you

since the day Carl was born.

I never said a word about that, Mother.

And you have the hide to criticize my background.

Let me give you some advice, Dr. Shirl Gordon.

You might be a lot happier if you'd stop trying to compete

with younger women and learned to live

as the dried up, old egg that you are!

Arthur, Arthur?

Oh.

No more, thank you, dear.

All right, quit it. I heard you the first time.

Are you coming with me or not?

Carl.

Carl, don't you dare move from this table.

Okay, Shirl.

Occupation? Housewife.

Look, I'm off the shift in 10 minutes,

so don't give me a hard time, okay?

I told you, I'm a housewife.

What about a husband?

Where's it written a housewife's gotta have a husband?

Housewife.

Write that down. H-O-U...

All right, ladies,

looks like we won't get your records down in time for night court.

But never fear, you'll be our guests for tonight, free of charge,

and we'll take you downtown in the morning.

You can take the food with you if you like.

Okay, Petulia, they're all yours.

All right, on your feet, move it.

Hey, I said move your ass.

You come with me, Aurora.

All right, let's go.

Let's go.

WOMAN: Well, well, well. What we got here, y'all?

(WOMAN CHATTERING)

Welcome to your cell, girls. Welcome.

Hi, I'm Lo-La.

(ALL CLAMORING)

XAVIERA: In leaving Carl, I took the first step towards finding myself again.

I managed to get a job at the Dutch consulate

and I took an apartment on my own.

This is your bell.

Okay.

When the horn outside is triggered, this goes off automatically.

You can even use it when you're out in the garden

by activating the bypass switch.

Here's your standby and your master.

She's all set to go.

That's nice.

Oh, and, uh, I gave you another switch by the door.

Mmm-hmm.

And an extra switch by the bed.

No charge for that.

Well, this way you can turn your system on or off from any location.

Will I feel a lot more confident now.

Good, old Eterna Guard.

Now, if I can have the check, please.

I have a sticky situation in a duplex on, uh, 79th Street.

Sure you don't want to have a drink?

Uh, no. Thank you.

That's too bad, you would've been my first guest.

Well, here you are. Thanks very much.

I feel completely burgle-proof now.

Oh, good, good.

You have my card. Mmm-hmm.

Oh, and it's a 12 months' guarantee for parts and servicing.

I'll remember that.

(STAMMERS) I did show you...

I showed you the standby switch, didn't I?

You showed me almost everything, Mr. Ruffleson.

Maybe I'll have that drink.

Oh, really? What about the duplex?

That can wait.

Okay.

Well, Scotch?

Okay.

Okay. On the rocks?

Okay. Taste it.

Hey, baby. I knew this was going to happen.

I knew, I knew it.

You wanted this ever since the bypass switch, didn't you?

Now look, honey... Can we sit down?

You must get lonesome here. Listen.

Oh, it must get lonely here.

You must gotta want a guy pretty bad. Listen. Listen, baby...

You must miss a guy pretty bad.

Listen, don't do that. Aren't you glad I came along?

Stop, baby. Stop it, will you?

Will you... Will you stop it?

What's wrong with you?

Jesus.

I don't need this.

I told you I had an appointment

and you said, "Come on, come on, stay."

I tell you, I do not need this. Who needs it!

I've got lots of appointments!

I do not need this.

Hey, look, if you got any problems, you call the office.

(ALARM RINGING)

XAVIERA: I was finally encouraged to get into the social swim

by a girl I knew from work,

who became my traveling companion

as we started paddling our way through the New York singles bars,

where the men come at you sideways like fish.

It was a time when I really needed warmth and reassurance,

and an obvious, easy way to get it

was to have men praise me as a lover.

Well, I'd never been what you'd call shy, and I loved sex,

so I figured why fool around? Go to it.

And for the next six months, I did it with any Tom, Dick or Harry

who had a pleasant face and a tolerable manner.

(INAUDIBLE)

(CLATTERING)

It sure was a pleasure, Assissia.

Xaviera.

Hey, what time is it?

Oh, my God, it's 5:00.

5:00? And you gotta go so early?

Yeah, I gotta get home and change.

Early bird and the worm, you know.

Look, I left my card here in case you want to call me.

Thanks.

So long. So long.

Hey, I hope that worm doesn't give you

too much trouble for staying out all night.

Worm?

Your wife.

You're married, aren't you?

Sort of.

Sort of?

Well, it's kind of shaky.

I mean, it could blow up any minute.

Well, I hope you find a place for shelter.

Thanks. Don't mention it.

I'll see you.

MAN 1: You come here often? MAN 2: Um, hey, aren't you with the airlines?

MAN 3: Hey, I haven't met a girl like you in days.

MAN 2: No, my wife lets me do what I want.

MAN 4: Ever been on a safari? MAN 5: You'd love it.

MAN 1: Yeah, I thought I'd spend a week in St. Thomas.

MAN 3: $600 dresses for only $37.50.

MAN 4: Listen, I'd like to see you again. MAN 1: Just let me...

MAN 3: Then I'll go right home, I promise.

MAN 4: Immigration? You need help with immigration?

MAN 5: She left me last March and won't even let me

see the kids, you know that?

MAN 3: I really think I'm in love.

The 63rd Precinct will never be the same!

Come on. Inside.

(WOMEN CLAMORING)

You're gonna get it, lady! I'm gonna get you!

(ALL CHATTERING)

Dinner is served.

(ALL CHEERING)

(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)

Oh!

Jesus. God.

Oh, Christ!

Better, isn't it?

You seem to be in trouble.

Yeah, sometimes I can't understand a word he says.

Sometimes it's good just to pull out the plug.

Yeah, I guess you're right, actually, monsieur.

St. Jacques. Yves St. Jacques.

Xaviera Hollander.

Xaviera.

I'm feeling better already.

See?

Oh, is there anything I can help you with?

I hope so.

You wouldn't by any chance be acquainted

with this damnable language, would you?

Let's see.

Oh, yeah, sure. This is my language.

Oh, really? You must forgive me,

but Dutch is all Chinese to me.

The man has the audacity to answer me in his native tongue.

Could you be kind enough to tell me what he says?

Oh, yeah, sure. That's part of my job.

How delightful.

Yeah, he says, "Dear Monsieur St. Jacques..."

Skip the details.

It takes him a whole day to say good morning.

Okay.

"Regarding plans for the organization, you will do well to recall

"that we are in the business of manufacturing engines,

"not elevating the spirits of our workers,

a job more properly suited to the clergy."

Splendid.

"And furthermore, your costly study, while admittedly original,

"ignores the central issue of productivity for the goal of profit,

"and is a concept better kept in the land of Oz

"than on the premises of Holtsman Motors."

How marvelous.

"And so we reject your proposal. Sincerely..." That's it.

(STAMMERS) Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

It is?

A whole week in New York with nothing to do,

but follow whatever fancy guides us.

Us?

That's what I said.

You mean me?

You can't spit in the eye of the Fates, you know.

They don't like it.

I'll get my coat.

Oh, no hurry.

I can wait until 6:00.

Can't spit in the eye of the Fates.

(STAMMERS) Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Oh, it's very simple, actually.

You see, I have no home, no permanent possessions.

All I have is provided by whatever corporation hires me

to tell them what they want to hear,

or not to hear as the case may be.

I'm boring you.

No. No, please, no. I like to hear about it.

Now you tell me exactly what you do.

Well, for an indecent sum of money,

I try to convince them that a happy man working less hours

produces more than an unhappy man working many hours.

And they pay you for telling them that?

More or less. Mmm.

Of course, they don't always agree, but they still pay,

content with the knowledge they were right all along.

It all works out in the end.

So you're really paid to make people happy.

I suppose you could say that, yes.

That's the best kind of work, I think.

Also the most difficult.

Now where shall our fancy take us next?

Uh, the museum, the theater, Grant's Tomb, the zoo, the...

How about your place?

My... My place?

Why not?

Splendid, absolutely splendid.

Damn, damn, damn.

What an...

Can I help you?

...addiction.

Yes, you can help me if you know a short man

bested by a miller's daughter in 15 letters across.

A short man? Um, hang on.

Oh, yeah. How about Rumpelstiltskin?

R-U-M-P...

E-L-S-T-I-L-T...

S-K-I-N! Amazing! Yeah.

For this,

you deserve a reward.

Well, what had you in mind?

Not that.

Oh, God.

A trip to a beautiful island aboard a ship.

Terrific.

But first that.

To the sailor's life! The sailors!

Hup! Hup!

Excuse me, sir, but Mr. Knowlton wonders

if you would like to join the company inside.

How nice. Shall we? Oh, sure.

XAVIERA: Yves always made me feel I was on the verge

of beginning something exciting and different.

And sometimes it was quite different from what I expected.

HENRY: If the kids want to keep it, let them buy it.

Junior's got more money than l do, anyway.

You'll never sell it, Henry.

Suzy, I wish I could.

I can't afford to run this boat,

and I can't afford to find a buyer.

Why don't you take it off our hands, Yves?

Well, you know the old story.

(STAMMERS) If you have to ask how much it costs to run it,

you can't afford to own it.

Why should he buy it?

He's got himself an open invitation.

Thank you.

You got magic fingers, Madeleine. Magic.

(EXCLAIMS)

A sensuous woman.

Not many around anymore.

With certain exceptions, sweetheart.

Madeleine, you may have found a rival.

Xaviera can massage a man into margarine.

Well, I've always preferred the expensive spread myself.

Do me next, will you, Madeleine?

I think I'll check your grandchildren.

Well, Suzy, it's only my toes.

Don't flatter yourself, Henry.

If you can find it, you can pull it.

Relax, Henry.

With a boat like this, you don't need anything else.

Thanks a lot, Yves, thanks a lot.

These two know each other?

Well...

We are all becoming fast friends.

What do you do...

Xaviera.

Xaviera.

Beautiful name she's got.

I work at the Dutch consulate

to catalog technical prospectuses for American companies.

I'm sorry I asked.

Fred, stop squirming.

Well, it tickles.

It's useless. It's like rubbing a squid.

How about you, love? Foot massage?

Sure. I'd love one.

I've got this thing for feet.

Like Mary Magdalene.

Let's see.

This little piggy went to market.

(STAMMERS) And this little...

Oh, the hell with it.

I have to wake her. Meet me downstairs.

Hi.

Oh, you're all dressed.

What time is it? Is it late?

No, it's not late, but I have an early plane to catch.

Plane? Where? Where are you going?

Well, there's a certain king

in a very dusty country in the Middle East

whose personal fortune equals roughly

$100,000 for each of his several million subjects.

Well, what's that got to do with you?

He wanted to distribute a small amount of it

to keep from being overthrown.

You're not leaving now?

Well, the king has summoned me.

For a hefty cut, I might add.

Hey, I don't want you to go.

There's nowhere in the world I'd rather be than with you,

but I have to work, you know.

I'll miss you.

Oh, God damn it! That is not fair!

I mean, you're the only Prince Charming that I've ever had.

I bet that crummy king has got thousands of princes.

239 to be exact.

Now, really, I have to go.

So, when are you coming back?

Well, as soon as I can.

No.

Xaviera, I wanted to leave this on the desk,

but since you're awake,

I bet. A goodbye note? I open it?

Well, if you like.

What... What's this?

Currency.

USA.

Money?

What's wrong with that? You're giving me money?

For the pleasure you have given me.

Splendid.

Absolutely splendid.

You make me feel like a whore.

Xaviera,

listen to me.

You are intelligent. You are beautiful.

You are witty. You are good company.

A girl like you should let men spoil her.

Now, my chauffeur will show you out

when he comes back from the airport.

You don't have to hurry.

By the way, why don't you give Madeleine a call sometime?

Don't worry, darling.

I know everything will be perfect.

Absolutely.

Yves!

XAVIERA: After the shock and hurt wore off,

I remembered how nicely he had treated me that week,

how generous he had been, giving me all sorts of expensive gifts.

And it occurred to me that it wouldn't be

so bad to have that happen more often.

Oh, shit, you got... Merry Christmas, honey.

Well, well, well... Give me back my things, please.

You been doing...

You watch it, queen bee, or you're gonna get

more than what you're after.

XAVIERA: I never saw Yves again,

but I did see a lot of his friends.

He'd obviously supplied them

with my phone number and other information.

Well, one thing led to another and before I knew it,

I had made the transition from office girl to working girl.

MAN: Miss Hollander? Yes?

They're waiting for you in the penthouse suite.

You did tell her?

Tell her what? You made the call.

You were supposed to follow-up.

Follow-up?

I've got six division heads

and the U.S. Deputy Attorney General in my office,

and I've got to explain how to do a strip?

You've got to follow through on these things, Steve.

You leave too much to chance.

Look, Chet, I'm a corporate officer, not a pimp.

Pimping may sound good to you if this one fails.

The weeds will grow over your tennis court

before he'll talk to you again.

You overreact, Chet. You always have.

Gentlemen, shall we have pleasure before business?

All right, honey.

You know who's in that room?

I'll tell you who's in that room.

J. Arthur Conrad, the chief officer of Conrad International...

Skip it... I said...

...and one of the most powerful men in the United States.

If J. Arthur were to call the White House the same time as the hotline,

the President would put Russia on hold, okay?

ARTHUR: And where the hell have you two been?

My wife's expecting me for dinner.

Sorry, J. Sorry, J.

You. Sir.

You keep away from me.

I got reports you botched it this afternoon.

Yes, sir.

You work the gramophone.

Yes, sir.

What are you grinning for, Chet?

I read your quarterly reports this morning.

Briefcase.

I understand you're new to this game.

Yes, I am.

Good. In your business, I prefer dedicated newcomers.

Let me outline the following procedure.

As soon as the music starts,

you'll begin to remove your clothing.

As you remove each article, I will throw on this table

a bill of the denomination of one, five, ten, or 20,

depending entirely on my fancy,

which you will not bother to calculate.

You follow me?

I do.

On the table, miss.

On the table.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

Thank you very much.

(MUSIC STOPS)

Hey, just wait a minute.

You sit right down where you are.

I mean, what do you think I am?

Some kind of an organ grinder's monkey?

You put on some music a lady can move to.

Well, play something.

Here, you do it.

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

Keeping abreast of the market on Wall Street,

the Dutch guilder surged upward again

to a newer and higher high.

The biggest extension since June.

And the breakup of IBM and the SEC

caused Rockward Computers to jerk to life again.

Texas Instruments pulled out of a sinking spell and spurted 12.2%.

The bullion boom is sweet,

and penetrating a whole new consumer market,

as private gold ownership

rises to an all time high

and topless interest rates jump 2%

in a bottomless market.

And Detroit took a new beating today

when General Motors

plunged at the news of stiffer emission controls

a full five points

to a new low.

As sugar futures floated up and down,

Superior Oil's chances flowed freely

at 1,168.

To stimulate the aviation field,

Rolls Royce is in for a big, thick,

fat government contract

to sell jet engines to the Arabs.

And Lockheed is moving up a stiff,

well-positioned nine points,

and reinserting its dividend

to wipe out a very bad year.

It's an uphill battle of big versus little.

And on Wall Street today,

everyone is buzzing with the unconfirmed rumor

that little Getty Oil

is being absorbed by the giant J. Arthur Conrad Organization

to corner a full 10% of the world market.

Would one of you guys like to scoop up the table?

Leave it.

Call my wife and tell her I'll be late.

Yes, sir.

You can get out. Both of you.

Yes, sir.

Will you say that again?

Sure. Where do you want me to start?

The beginning.

Start at the beginning.

AT&T was wiped out today.

Polaroid dived,

and the whole market sunk right down to the bottom.

XAVIERA: I discovered that New York is a small town in many ways.

The word spread about a healthy, active, Dutch girl,

who loved her work.

And I got so busy, I bought myself

a bicycle to peddle around faster.

I loved the excitement of meeting new people

and seeing different faces every day.

It is true, I had gotten into a business

that wasn't considered very romantic,

but I was able to bring something special to it

simply because I loved it.

(ALARM RINGING)

My talents were so in demand and the pay scale so fantastic

that in just a few months,

my personal savings account had grown by leaps and bounds.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Police! Open up.

As you can see, it's open.

Can I help you or are you going to help yourself?

Watch it, sister. I got complaints about you.

Oh, really, from whom?

Your neighbors.

I hear you got some action here.

A lot of studs coming and going.

Is this an official visit or a social call?

'Cause if it's the former, then I want to see a search warrant.

If it's the latter, then I'm going to ask you to leave.

I'll ask the questions, baby.

You got a lot of booze here for a single girl.

Mmm. And I almost never get a hangover.

Are you going to take all day?

I want to fix my bicycle and I'd like to get it finished.

I don't get an awful lot of time during the week.

Oh, I bet you don't, baby. I bet you don't.

What you got here? Marijuana?

Tulip tree.

A tulip tree.

How many tricks you figure you turn a week?

15? 20?

What do you get? Twenty-five a piece?

50? A hundred?

You know, I got a wife and two kids at home.

One more due in a couple of weeks.

You broads make more in a week than I get in a whole month.

Tell me, how many of these jerks give you any satisfaction?

How many, hot pants? You tell me.

(ALARM RINGING) Police! Help! Help me! Help!

What the hell? What the hell?

Are you crazy? What did you do that for? Get out.

You get out of my house.

All right, all right, all right. I'm going.

But I'll be back.

'Cause you think you got it all,

but you ain't got one thing and that's protection,

and I wanna give you protection

'cause you're gonna need it.

You can mark my words.

XAVIERA: My first brush with the law, if you can call him that,

cost me every cent I had.

He'd convinced me that I did need protection,

all right, but from him.

So, I decided to try the number Yves had given me.

Oh, hi. Madeleine?

MADELEINE: Who is it?

Xaviera Hollander.

Come straight up, love.

XAVIERA: I never expected a brothel to look like a Park Avenue cocktail party.

Well, at last. I knew we'd meet again.

Oh, yeah? Well, then, you knew something I didn't know.

Did you bring your famous bicycle? Not tonight.

Come on, I'll buy you a drink. Okay.

Heard from Yves lately?

No, only through his friends.

A real womanizer, that one.

Madeleine.

Linda Jo is at it again.

Cunt. Got a prima donna up there

thinks her ass is cast in platinum.

Carlos'll fix you a drink. I'll be right back.

Buenas noches, Carlos.

Scotch on the rocks.

WOMAN: Look, if you ask me, reality sucks.

I mean, it really sucks.

Tell your boss for me, if that's what he calls reality, it sucks.

That's what I'd tell him if I were you.

MAN 1: What are you talking about?

Are you stoned or something?

MAN 2: I knew that bastard was there.

So, I took the old penny horn fly that my dad gave me as a kid

and then I just let the breeze carry it out over the water.

No kidding.

Well, I don't know exactly how.

It's like... I've had over 30 jobs in the last two years.

Waitressing, typing. All that.

Like, everything made me nervous, you know.

So, I'd mess up, get fired, or quit.

It's sort of like this is the only thing

I ever did that doesn't make me nervous.

When they took Mother away, I went to Maine

to live with my uncles in an old house.

It was a big old house. Kind of scary.

How old were you then?

Oh, 15. And my uncles,

they took turns.

You know.

You mean, they...

At dinner, sometimes, we had this long table.

They'd pull me down, make me sit on their laps.

I could feel them getting excited.

You mean, they behaved that way at the table?

When we went on picnics, we'd all have to squeeze into one car.

That's why I don't ever like to go on picnics now.

This is upsetting.

It's very upsetting. Poor child.

Well, shall we...

Shall we go upstairs now?

Sure.

And, when we get there,

will you sit on my lap?

Sure.

Finish your drink?

Oh, I'm not really thirsty.

Come on, I'll show you the house.

Okay.

FINCH: Madeleine.

Hi, sorry I'm late.

Mr. Brim, he's here.

Okay. Where the hell you been?

I said 9:00 sharp.

I'm sorry. Sorry? Who needs it.

I don't like to be kept waiting.

How can I make it up to you?

I can. I know I can.

I'll take what I deserve.

Damn right you will.

(GROANS)

On your feet. I said, on your feet!

And march upstairs.

Finch comes in special for a few of the clients.

Yeah, she's special all right.

You intend to move in or keep your own place?

Oh, I think I'll keep my own.

Fine. You can come and go as you like.

I'll give you a key, okay?

Cynthia.

Xaviera, this is Cynthia.

How do you do?

Cynthia keeps the records of who goes with whom and how often.

And, normally, the time is half an hour.

Some of the girls make it sooner,

but the man is entitled to half an hour.

If he goes more than once during that time, another charge.

I keep track and I take the money.

Then she gives it to me.

Nice to meet you, Xaviera.

Nice to meet you, too.

(WOMAN MOANING)

(CACKLING)

Oh, chocolate's my favorite!

Peach Melba.

(CACKLING)

When do we eat?

And this is my study.

Xaviera, do you usually dress that way?

Oh, no, I just thought when in Rome, you know.

Well, you don't dress like a hooker in a whorehouse.

And, anyway, it's not your style.

Let's see. Here, how about this?

Oh, that's beautiful. It is.

Fred bought it for me to get married in.

So far, he's bought me six wedding dresses, all the wrong size,

and no wedding.

It will fit you better anyway. Go on. Try it.

What? Your wedding dress?

Well, I told you, it doesn't fit. Like Fred.

Go on.

Now, the split here is 50-50.

At Georgette's place, she gets sixty-forty,

but I don't see how she keeps the girls.

Frankly, I don't know how long I can hold the line.

The price of food went up seven percent last month.

It's just terrible.

Well, look, when you're dressed, come on downstairs.

You can start tonight.

Oh, the market went down today,

and the Irish brokers will be here in an hour, drunk as lords.

They'd rather drink than screw,

so get them away from the bar as soon as you can.

Incidentally, the rule of the house

is the Madam gets first choice

of the clients, always.

Especially if she's horny.

And Madam is horny tonight.

Get ready, I'll see you downstairs.

Okay.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Yeah, what?

I've got a man in a hurry and everyone's busy. Can you see him?

Yeah, sure. Send him in.

I'm sorry. My wife took the kids to Lincoln Center

and I have to pick them up in a half hour.

Well, then, let's get going.

I certainly appreciate this.

You know, you have gorgeous brown eyes.

Thank you.

(WOMAN LAUGHING)

Well, well, well, what are you doing sweetheart?

Checking his pulse?

Hello, darling.

Where have you been the last six days?

Don't you call? Your finger's broken? Excuse me.

Where are you going, honey? Take him with you.

Go on, Fred. Tonight she's on the house

'cause tomorrow, she's on the street.

Madeleine, please. We were just talking.

With your hands?

Come on now, Madeleine. Don't get mad.

Mad? Who's mad? Remember, we were going to Key West for a vacation.

I was in Chicago. I don't want to know about it.

Go pack your things.

Madeleine, what are you talking about? I've been here nine years.

Nine years and ten seconds, and that's ten seconds too long.

Get out of my sight, okay?

Madeleine, come on. We were just talking.

Out! Go.

Madeleine, what did you do that for? I just told her a joke.

Mmm-hmm. Some joke.

Sir. Oh, sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. I'm late.

Here, is that enough? Good.

MADELEINE: Cynthia.

What are they doing up there? Having a religious retreat?

I mean, where is everybody?

I got a party of six coming any minute.

What should I do?

Get them down here.

Do your sound effects.

Look, Madeleine, I kept trying to call you

and I kept getting the intercept operator.

So, why didn't you take her to Key West, baby?

Honey, it was only business.

I got back here as soon as I could.

How was business? Good?

(CYNTHIA MOANING)

Well, hi. Nice to see you again.

Nice to see you again.

Take a good look, 'cause he may not be here much longer.

That's a very pretty dress.

Don't you recognize it, Fred?

No, should I?

Christ, I think I'll have a drink.

Excuse me.

Thanks for helping.

I thought he'd take forever.

Well, if you haven't fished the Navesink, it's really quite a treat.

Hey, listen. I'll tell you what.

I'll call Dad and we'll set it up for Saturday.

I can pick you up at your place.

Have you got waders? Yeah.

Cynthia.

Cynthia, put on some music, will you?

This funeral parlor is turning into a morgue.

Uh, Madeleine.

Yeah, Benson?

Can I have a word with you a minute, please, ma'am?

Well, sure, Benson. What is it?

(MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

As you know, I called you all the way from Atlanta

to advise you exactly what I wanted. Yeah.

Well, this young lady is refusing to participate.

She what? That's right.

She refuses to participate.

Is this true Linda Jo?

You're giving Mr. Garfield a hard time?

No, ma'am. I'm not giving Mr. Garfield a hard time.

But I'm not doing any scenes with any nigger.

Go upstairs. I'll talk to you later.

A whole house full of girls, and you got to pick Scarlett O'Hara.

Everyone else was busy.

XAVIERA: Atlanta is a long way, isn't it?

Well, I think that Mr. Garfield has come too far to be disappointed.

Don't you, Mr. Garfield?

(ONE TO ONE PLAYING ON STEREO)

(TURNS UP VOLUME)

* Only you and me

* One to one

* You are all I can see

* A special world full of loving

* Leaving others behind

* I won't miss them

* You're the only one

* On my mind

* Let me fill your life

* We can find the things we have been missing

* One to one

* It's the only way

* One to one

* And the sun lights the day

* What's done is done

* Now I love you

* There's no turnin' around

* You could hurt me

* But I'm not stepping down

* It's too late

* Let me hold you close

* We can't wait

* Let's share that sunshine

* One to all is nothing

* But one to one

* Is all

Gentlemen, I think we're gonna have a party.

Shit!

(ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)

XAVIERA: While working at Madeleine's,

I always took on the most challenging assignments

in and out of the house.

Some of our clients found in me the answer to special needs

that they couldn't satisfy with wives or girlfriends.

(WHIMPERING)

(DOG BARKING)

Get back!

Hey!

Stop it, you!

Shut up!

Watch those fast moves. You better sit down.

Sit down!

Buddy here is vicious.

Why, just the other day, he attacked this Doberman

and went right for his jugular.

Well, that's nice.

Yeah. Couple of months ago, he went after this doctor.

The stupid fellow waved his bag at him.

It was all I could do to keep Buddy from just tearing him apart.

Here, Buddy. Here, Buddy. Come on here, nice doggie.

See, see? Dogs are my friends.

See, they're my friends.

Oh, Buddy, Buddy. See?

I had a German shepherd in South Africa once.

He must be sick or something.

Something he ate.

Some preservatives in his chow, maybe.

Well, down to business.

Ready when you are, Harry.

Come on.

Wait till she gets this, I swear to God.

I hope I bust your balls. I'll bust your balls.

You don't know how many times she's called me.

Alimony this. Alimony that.

This time, it's my turn.

Hi, Agnes. It's me, Harry.

Well, I'm fine. How are you?

(LAUGHS)

Hey, you got any secrets? Huh?

Well, I got a secret, and it's a hot one.

Guess what it is? No, you gotta guess.

(DOG WHIMPERS)

Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah.

And guess what I'm doing now?

(LAUGHING)

Attaboy, Buddy. Attaboy!

Yeah, I'll give you three guesses what we're doing.

Bow-wow, Harry. Bow-wow.

You got that, Agnes?

(IMITATES DOG BARKING) Take that, Agnes! Bow-wow!

Okay? Yeah, terrific.

How much I owe you?

XAVIERA: As my experience grew at Madeleine's,

I got more ambitious. I wanted to be independent.

So, during my free hours, I searched for and I finally found

an apartment to open my own house.

Xaviera.

Yeah.

I found it under the bed.

Oh, thank you.

Well, so long.

I wish you weren't going, Xaviera.

I'll only be ten blocks away. You come and visit.

Of all the girls leaving, I wish you'd stay.

That's nice of you to say that.

I'll miss you. I'll miss you so much.

Give you a call.

Okay.

XAVIERA: I took with me some of Madeleine's best girls.

The clients followed, and I was on my way.

Hey, big-shit Madam bitch,

bet you ain't got no black ass

turning tricks in your high-class fucking house.

Bet your midget-dick white johns can't buy

no licorice in you candy store.

Oh, she afraid the black gonna rub off all over

her beautiful white sheets.

Ain't you, honey?

Aurora's black.

Oh, shit, man, that mixed rat ain't black.

She half white.

The scumbag don't know what the fuck she is.

Kick her ass.

Now, cut that out, you hear me?

Cut it!

You girls are aging me before my time.

XAVIERA: Pretty soon, I was running a tight little business

with girls for men of all tastes,

who needed the opportunity to drop

their respectability with their trousers.

XAVIERA: No, Max. No.

No, come on, now. Come off it, will you?

Don't be so silly. Now look...

Will you listen to me, Max?

Now look, it's the whole... It's the whole thing that was no good.

It was... I mean, having the girls there was just absolutely...

It's not you that I object to, Max.

It's those two goon buddies of yours.

Yeah. Well, they got their wooden legs and their rubber... What?

No, no, I was conscious to the bitter end, so my word is just...

All right, Max. Yeah, you got your time as always. You know that.

Yeah. Okay.

Bye-bye.

I think they're fags.

Who?

Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street.

That stuff won't bring the swelling down.

I'm not drinking for my face.

I'm drinking for my head.

Won't help your head, either.

Crummy bastard.

If I was strong as he, I might've killed him.

Did he ask you for those uppers?

No.

Then you shouldn't have given them to him.

I wanted to see him turn red.

You succeeded all right.

WOMAN: Xaviera. Yeah?

Thank you. What time is it?

Almost your bedtime again.

Hello, Cynthia, baby. What?

How are you?

What? What do you mean? What sort of proposition?

You sure? Oh, come on, don't believe it.

No, I can't come at 12:00, I've got a client coming.

No. All right. Tell her I'll be there.

All right? Okay, bye.

That was Cynthia.

Madeleine wants to sell out.

Lucille, Uh, Long Branch is coming at 12:00

and you take care of him, okay?

Sure. Him and his oil rig.

Chris, you take care of the calls,

and there's more hot chocolate on the stove.

$50,000 cash, plus 10% of the net receipts for the next two years.

I don't believe it.

You want it or not?

You took six of my best girls already.

What do you think I am, a blood bank?

When did you find out? It's not possible.

It's nature, that's what it is.

I mean, that's what sex is for, isn't it? Maybe.

Yeah, but I...

$35,000 and no percentage, and you shut up.

Was it Fred?

Yeah, Fred. I can't believe it myself.

Four husbands, a thousand times as many clients,

and a meat-packer from Chicago knocks me up.

Well, I'm sure you'll love Chicago.

I don't care if it's Jersey City,

I'm going to have a baby.

$20,000, no percentage, plus the rent, of course.

You are some bitch.

Five now, and the rest in three months.

You'd do that to an expectant mother?

And that is providing that the clients in your book are living,

so I'm not buying a god damn cemetery,

and that the lease is held in my lawyer's name.

Cash.

Cash.

How do you like my dress?

Oh, beautiful.

Fred bought it for me.

And you know what? It fits.

Madeleine, John Burden is here

and there's nobody to take care of him.

Well, then, you do it.

Me?

Go ahead, pretend you're just watching.

Oh, no, Madeleine, I couldn't.

I said, you do it

'cause I'm going out of business.

Mr. Burden.

No one's available, huh?

I am.

You?

What's so funny?

Well, uh, you're the bookkeeper, aren't you?

Yes.

Well, I was just looking for someone

with a little more experience, that's all.

Give me your hand, Mr. Burden.

What?

You're hand, give it to me.

Now, squeeze.

There. Can you get yours as hard as that?

What do you think, Xaviera?

Do you think and old whore can be a good mother?

You were never a whore, you were a madam.

Remember, the rest in three months. Fred'll pick it up.

Good luck.

You know what?

I told Fred since he knocked me up, he had to marry me.

I just hope the real reason is my money.

Just wouldn't want the father of my child to be a sucker.

Mmm. I'm sure it was the money.

I hope so.

The longer I live, the less I know.

(WOMAN MOANING)

XAVIERA: Within three months,

I had paid off Madeleine and had so many clients

that the demands of my professional life started to get to me.

Though I serviced a few regular customers myself,

the enormous cash flow and the job of keeping

everything in shape required nearly all my time and attention.

I had become the most successful madam in New York,

but managing the business at all hours made it almost impossible

for me to take an active part in the life of my house.

I didn't even have the time or energy

to enjoy my own Christmas party.

WOMAN: Listen, it'll only take a second.

I spent a lot of money on this demo.

You said I needed a gimmick, right?

Right. Gotta have a gimmick.

Well, have I got a gimmick.

Now listen. Here it goes.

(HAPPY HOOKER PLAYING ON TAPE)

Carlos. Carlos!

* I'm the happy hooker Queen of your life

* All you could handle My price is always right

(SINGING) * If you're feeling stronger and you want me longer

* I'll always be ready to ball

* I'm the happy hooker Happy and gay

* For due consideration per hour I play

* You could have a queer streak

* Crazy or a whip freak

* Come over or give me a call

* Your date is cold

* Your mate is old

* So come and taste this box of treats I've got to sell

* Life goes on, boy

* I'll give you joy

* The many pleasures of my house will ring your bell

* I'm the happy hooker Joy of your life

* Leave me delighted Go back to your wife

* Keep your own life steady

* I am always ready

* My house never closes at all

* You're low on cash

* You want to bash?

(LINDA JO CACKLING)

Carlos.

Oh, Xaviera, I need some more whipped cream.

Could you get Carlos for me?

Oh, I love this dress.

Mmm. You're fabulous.

Fabulous.

(HUMMING)

Oh, Carlos, you get Linda Jo whatever she wants, okay?

(WOMAN MOANS)

(CACKLING)

Yes, darling, yes.

Mommy's coming home right away.

No, no.

Now, you go right back to bed and you won't see any more gorillas.

They're all in the zoo.

Yes, darling. Now, let me speak to Daddy.

Jeff, it's just breaking up.

Why, you should've come.

But you know how you hate my sister.

If it gets too late, I'll sleep on the couch and take the morning train.

All right.

All right. Bye.

Love you, too.

I should have gone home hours ago.

You better keep your life straight.

I've got one more, then I'll catch the 1:37.

CHRIS: I only had two joints in my purse.

And only 15 years old.

Then the Turks took us back from the border. Put us on trial.

Couldn't your parents help? I mean, after all...

Um, my father sent a telegram from Beverly Hills.

Told them to keep me. It'd do me good.

I wish I would've known, I might've helped.

The Turks used to come by my cell, once, maybe twice a day.

Give me what they called an examination.

As if we could get dope into that place.

Barbarians.

My brother finally got me out.

He bribed everybody.

No wonder you didn't want to go home after all that.

I sure didn't want to see my parents again. No.

When they examined you, what was the procedure?

Well, at first they...

Not yet.

Wait till we get upstairs.

Okay.

Goodnight, Aurora.

Goodnight, Cynthia.

(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

(RINGING)

Hello. What?

No, sorry, I don't know anybody called Taggart.

What? You were recommended by who?

Oh. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, well, we're kind of busy tonight.

Oh, how many?

Okay, yeah, what do you like to drink?

Oh, Scotch. Yeah, I love the taste of Scotch.

Okay. Bye.

Fellow of the name Taggart. Party of three. Scotch.

You don't need any more.

What do you mean? I always need more.

Hi, I'm Chris.

Hello.

I'm Mr. Taggart. Hi.

This is Mr. Ryan, Mr. Wilkins.

Hello.

Where's the mistress of the house?

Oh, she's upstairs, she'll be down in a minute.

Would you like a drink?

Sure, I'll have Scotch and soda.

None for me. Yeah, me either.

Make it a beer. Two.

Oh, okay. Um, why don't you sit down?

Thanks.

Mr. Taggart's party of three?

Evening. You must be Xaviera.

Yeah, Chris getting you the drinks?

Yes, but drinks aren't what we came for.

Not everything you drink comes out of a bottle.

I see old Joe didn't steer us wrong. No.

Out of town boys, are you?

No, no, no. New Yorkers. Oh, yeah.

We get together once a month for dinner. We went to school together.

Oh, really, where? Fordham.

You all in the same class?

Ryan and me were. Wilkins was a year behind.

Ah, poor baby.

Well, listen, I told you we were big spenders and we wanted Scotch,

but this may be too big for us.

I mean, like, wow! Out of our league.

I mean, like, we're family men, you know.

Well, have your drinks and enjoy the hospitality of the house.

No, no, no. I mean, what's the...

What's the... You know.

I mean, like, how much for, you know?

No, I don't know.

Well, like, how much is it?

How much is what?

For a French.

How much for a French?

What do we get for our money?

Well, why don't you just drink up, gentlemen.

It's been awful nice meeting you.

French. Did you say French? Yeah.

Well, let's see, we got French.

We got Greek.

We can take you around the world.

Police, you're under arrest.

All right, you guys. Come on up.

I guess I said something wrong, huh?

Wilkins, get in here. Borrelli, check the kitchen.

The rest of you men, check the rooms upstairs. All of them.

So, here we are again.

I told you so, baby.

You've done pretty well for yourself, huh?

TAGGART: Get out and watch the front.

Did you hear me?

I'll be seeing you.

Give this girl a seat.

Give this girl a seat y'all.

(ALL SHOUTING)

Find the lady a seat.

(ALL SHOUTING)

You stop it!

They're here, you girls.

The man's going to see you now.

(WOMEN CONTINUE SHOUTING)

You're full of shit, Alex.

Maybe, but I'm a good lawyer.

What, two grand a piece sounds good to you?

You'd prefer six months in jail?

I'm cold.

Come on. I'll give you a ride home.

Home? What home?

I got you a hotel.

No, thanks. I'll walk a while.

I'll be in the office later if you need me.

Okay.

Oh, Xaviera,

I got a Canadian bigwig coming in from Montreal.

I was wondering...

When I find a bed, you send him by.

Come on.

XAVIERA: When things get rough, I just move on.

Get my girls together again.

Let my clients know where to find me.

Like I said, I love this business.

What're you doing? Get out of here!

Excuse me, miss, he's just a boy.

I know, you're all boys.

(BOYS CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)

She likes you! She likes you!

She likes you.

* I can make you happy

* I can turn you on

* Bring me all your troubles

* Soon they'll be gone

* Just put yourself in my hands, baby

* Whatever you want me to do

* I'll do

* Just put yourself in my hands, baby

* I'll know how to handle you

* Life can be so good, baby

* Let me prove it to you

* You don't have to worry about anything

* All you have to do is just let yourself go

* Yesterday is a memory

* Tomorrow is far away

* All we've got is now

* Live for today

* Just put yourself in my hands, baby

* Whatever you want me to do

* I'll do

* Just put yourself in my hands, baby

* I'll know how to handle you

* Feeling blue, baby?

* Has life got you down?

* Why don't you come to me?

* Let me make it all right

* I know exactly what to do

* We don't have to hurry

* We can take it slow

* Let this thing between us

* Take time to grow

* Just put yourself in my hands, baby

* If you're looking for help from a friend

* Try me

* Just put yourself in my hands, baby

* Pleasing you, my specialty

* Put yourself in my hands, baby

* Whatever you want me to do

* I'll do

* Just put yourself in my hands, baby

* I'll know how

* To handle you

* All you have to do is

* Just turn yourself over to me, baby

* You know what I'm gonna do?

* I'm gonna make you feel so good

* Why don't we take a trip together?

* Baby, just put yourself in my hands

* Baby, you won't be sorry, I promise you

* Yeah, baby, you're gonna have a very good time

* Baby, just put yourself in my hands

* Come on