Original subtitles

was towards the end of the Qing dynasty.

The government in China was not respected

by the people or by neighboring nations.

The country was a target for annexation.

Both Japan and Russia wanted the

northeast of the country. War was only a

matter of time, and finally it came.

It was known as the Russo-Japanese War, a

futile affair that was destined to see no

solution. However, it continued, and the

dispute between Japan and Russia got

worse and worse.

Before I have to go on my mission to

China, have you any

special instruction?Since the treaty was

ratified, we have an excellent hold on

all our territories in China. And we

have taken a lot of money from them, too.

200 million, I'd heard. And

also something of equal value. Sha

Cha, Chung Kong, Shu Chao,

Hang Chao, and more recently Chung Chao

as well. They're ours,

but then those Russian bastards will

never rest easy while we're in control.

They're desperately trying to undermine

our rule. You can rest assured that I

will not let them take what is rightfully

ours, according to my information.

The Russians have been busy trying to

sign a new treaty with China that will

cut us out of everything. Obviously, we

cannot let this happen. So the most

important part of your mission to China

is to make sure they don't sign the

treaty with the Russians at the same

time. You must keep an eye on them.

One white one. One black one.

Jesus Christ, what a life. What are you

on about?Nothing.

Here, some new shoes. Don't worry them

all.

And how come they're so

heavy?I just knew, that's all.

Imbecile. Work.

All right. Wait.

Huh

Tell me what you do while you're out. I'm

not still four. I know.

What?Four. Four is your

IQ. Be polite.

Take good care. Don't stop on the way.

Don't take sweets from strangers. Never

fight. Isn't that right?Correct.

Go now. I'll make a little treat for you

and have it ready for you when you come

home. You promise?Mm-hmmAll

right. I'll be back soon.

What's up?Oh, he won't let you through

unless you pay him. What?I gotta gethome.

You damn old fool. What the hell are you

doing here?

You take care of him.

Bless your soul.

What's up?Hey, you assholeYou just missed

all the fun.

What a rip-off. No one can pass without

pain. that guy's onto a real winner

what a bummer my aunt gave me

no money

hey I just had a thought what

if I was to beg him you might

just be lucky

please sir I am broke

but I still have to get over there

please I have no money

But I'm devoutly religious.

Please, sir, I've got a pass.

I'm taking some medicine to a sick old

monk. Huh

Hey. He is only a kid.

You shouldn't hit him like that. Oh,

so you'll do something. I suppose you

want to fight me.

And why don't you fight back?

But I cannot. My hand won't allow me to.

What pity.

ohh Wait!

If you go on just like that, I might

forget my hand.

My God! You've killed him! You better

run! Quickly! Get out of here! Go on!

Quickly!

Hurry up! Hey! Hey

Hey What is it?I just killed

someone. Quickly.

I knew this would happen. You idiot.

Why do you think I told you never to get

in a fight?I've had this ready for you

for some time. Now you must go and find

your father in the city. What?You've

always asked about him. Your father.

There's a pendant. Now go quickly.

Oh, Aaron. What about your

promise?Oh, for God's sakes, your father

will have plenty of treats for you now.

Get out of here!

Hey, you bastard Hold it!

Hey, where's the money?It must have

slipped my mind. I just forgot.

Now you remember?Hmm Perfectly.

I also forgot my money. I'll just go home

and get it. Like hell you will, you dirty

bastardYou will not go in anywhere until

you've given us your money. Why

the pick on somebody your own age, huh

He's a thief. I'd pay them tomorrow, but

they couldn't wait. Hey, so then, what

the hell is wrong?It's only money. You

pay then. All right, I will.

Enough?More than enough. Thank you.

My change! Hey, why are you so

stupid?I didn't ask you to pay up. But

I wanted to!

You are far too kind for this world. I

will pay you that. Bet it's all right.

I just bought you a little drink. Bye!

Hey, have a good journey.

Hey, my friend! When did you get here?

Who are you?You don't remember?I'm the

son of one of your neighbors, Mr. Wong.

Old Wong. I don't know him. No Wongs?

Don't know any. No neighbors?

Let me think. Ah

You must be from the shit bomb!

Uh, never mind about all those neighbors.

We're all from the same village anyway. I

know that you brought a lot of money with

you. Not much. Enough.

Good. It would be damned easier of you to

spend all of your money. There are so

many crooks, you could get taken in.

But you're as clever as me. You'll know

how to make money from money. Make it?

You know in one month, you can double

your money. Double it?Ah

Just hand it over.

My hand. It says green and buggers youup.

I'm sorry. You jerk off just give it to

me.

You shouldn't grab.

Will you stop holding me?You're breaking

my back. I'm sorry.

You dirty bastard Yes, I think I'm a

complete

idiot! Oh, my God!

What?What are you doing?

Wow. Where's my balls?

You're freaking out my goddamn neck.

My,

myThe rest of your shit off. I'll

never walk

again. Ladies and gentlemen,

we are honored by the presence of the

Russian ambassador.

We'll introduce you to Captain Sick. Ohh

It's an honor to meet you. Your attention

now, please, gentlemen, for General Yao.

General Yao! Please.

China's greatest soldier, General Yao,

and the Russian ambassador, Mr. Salmanov.

A pleasure. You are a very great

statesman. Your reputation has traveled

ahead of you. And today, in your honor,

we are holding a garden party. Welcome to

China. General Yao, may I first

please apologize for taking up your time.

I know you're busy. I am honored for this

audience. It is nothing. The honor is

mine.

These are my three sons. Yao Man,

Yao Wu, Yao Che. And the

gentleman on the end is their teacher,

renowned for his kung fu. A pleasure.

Teacher?Ah

Then your three sons must be very

skillful at martial arts.

Where is he?He's waiting at the gate.

Give it back, you man! Stop

it!

And you better give it back to me! How

dare you?What are you doing?I'm after my

dad. What?Who the hell is he?

Yun Chong. Your son is here.

Ah, really?Surely you can recognize your

own flesh and blood?Huh

Hello?Don't

stare. I am your

father.

I thought you're gonna get on. Genjo, why

don't you take your son and go?HuhHuh

Let's go. Bridley!

Pop!

Pop!

Yes?What is it?Pop, do you

remember Auntie who brought me up?

I don't remember. How is she?

Good!

She used to tell me, Pa, you're

kung fu. is really good,

isn't it?Can you teach me how?

Look at me for a moment, will you?I'm

old. Do I look like a kung-fu man?

Bob, then what do you do for the general?

I've been here a long time. After most of

my life here, I think of the place as

home. You are not half as old.

If you want to get on, you must work very

hard.

That's suspected, General. We'll take a

shine to you.

Tighty is my life. I'm

an expert. And about

surely and suddenly...

Remember the man's most delicate part is

always his balls. Once you

have them, he is yours.

Morning.

Come here. Come on.

What is it, sir?

What is your name?

I'm Anu.

Anu. Now you depend only

on the general. You have to work hard on

his behalf. There'll be no slacking. I

know. My father has told me. Umm

Well, now, I want you to clean up this

whole courtyard. All right.

But first I gotta put the pails down. You

won't! Now you will remember what I just

told you about the General and away you

go. That's a little

unreasonable. Unreasonable?Well, you may

be right. I'll show you how unreasonable.

The pails are heavy.

Ohh

It's all right. Don't do it all. I'll

help you clear up the yard.

Uncle, that's the general's water.

That was first strike. ]

Ano, there's no need for you to worry.

There's no way I would have hurt myself.

No marks, see?No. Go about your

business. Go on.

No, stop. Ah, old

man, this young fool. This damn village

idiot has been trying to beat my fancy.

He hit me first. Don't talk shit

I know you! Don't you try to make trouble

for this good young man. If he's

something to say against him, tell the

General if you throw him out. Nay,

Yan Zhong, don't you dare try to use the

General to threaten me. Let's go.

Come on.

Come on Fight for the likes of him! Let's

go! No!

Damn young fool. One of these days I'll

get him back.

Boy, come out.

Ah, it's only the country bumpkin.

Are you trying to copy me?But I wasn't.

I was passing through, and I saw what you

did, and I think you're the best. You

really are excellent. Come over.

Sir.

Sir, what can I do?

Get some tea. Yes, sir.

Your tea, sir.

Here. Over here.

Yeah. Give me a round.

Over here. Drive me. Right.

RightJust a moment. Quickly. Yes,

sir. Bet you're

not sweating, sir.

What are you doing?

Ohh

Master, why'd you hit me?But I

didn't. I was teaching you.

Please, no more. I'm

going. You can't go. Well, I'm

teaching.

Get it on!

Your double fist!

Worshiping the devil! First

the left, and then the right, and then

both together!

Goddamn Hey, you've gone too

far! I'm

talking in the jungle! I'll

break my goddamn back. Oh, my

back!

Can you?Yeah?Don't hide it.

Tell me who's beating you. No one.

I just fell down some stairs. You

see, I'm all right. I'm fine.

I'm okay. Ok my ass

Hey, Pop, teach me some of your kung fu.

What's that?Teach me kung fu. I've told

you before, I don't know how to fight.

And then I know you were the best. You

should teach me Kung Fu. To

tell the truth, I do Kung Fu, but

that was a long time ago. I was

terribly wounded when I was young. I

became a hunchback, and so I vowed

never again. I've forgotten

it all.

And General Yao, how good is he?Ah,

good. He has to be as a general. He has

the whole city to look after. His kung

fu is good. And his son's kung fu?

It's also good. He wants his sons

perfect in all the arts, so he found them

the very best teacher in the whole of the

country. Their master Yan has a

very highly inflated opinion of himself.

Be always on your guard. Just keep away.

General, get up.

Good to see you. Are you well?

I'm fine. Thanks to you, I'm

all right.

Good to hear.

Is there anyone else in

your family?There is my aunt, and

she brought me up. And your mother?

She's been dead a long time.

She's dead.

I understand that you wish to see me

quickly, Sir. Master Yan, this

is to be the year of the great Kung Fu

contest.

Well, you go away.

All right. Yes, General.

As the province's general, it's rather

important my sons do well. In the

competition, they must come out on top.

Don't you worry, Sir. I shall ensure that

they do their very best.

Now go away.

Ah, so you want to practice with me?

Stay there, or I could cut your snoutoff.

Is there one missing?

You really are an ignorant bastardYou

can't even get up to five.

Get up. Get up.

That's right. You really need a better

tailor.

You really should learn to dress yourself

better.

You young scum, you think you have a

chance with people who really know what

they are doing.

Now listen well, get out of my sight, and

the faster the better.

I never thought I'd see such a thing. A

tree.

I reckon you must have had a pretty rough

time. Has someone been taking advantage?

Hey, that tree's not in the wrong. If you

want satisfaction, get the one who's

annoyed you. How the hell can I?

So it's you. Tell me, young friend,

who's the one who's upset you and I'll

take care of him. Don't think he can

help. There's no point.

Don't you be so sure of that. Kung Fu and

drinking's what I'm good at. But

how's that?You couldn't teach

me. Are you sure?

Here's something I know.

Another little trick.

Well, I rest my case. What do you say?

You really can't fight well. Well, I told

you I did, didn't I?Young man, I can

teach you everything. I am quite good,

you know. I will teach you all everything

you need to know.

I'm your new teacher. That's your new

home.

Teacher, what's wrong?

My wife is more violent than either of

us. Often she takes it into her head. She

doesn't like me, says I'm an old bore.

She's good at Kung Fu as well. She's

proud of herself. She knows she's good,

and she's always arguing with me. If I

want you as my disciple, she'll

say that you're not right. I don't think

she's all there. Hey, if you hate her,

want to kick her out?Watch your

tongue. If there's a divorce, then who am

I going to argue with?That makes

sense.

Teacher. Teacher. That was

great.

Hey, say it's a present. Say that it's a

gift for her.

My dear, I've come back.

Damn it. I've been waiting hours. Where

the hell have you been?You think you're a

king?Hey, who the hell's that?

I'm going to teach the lad. He's my

disciple. My lady.

How absolutely ridiculous. You're going

to learn Kung Fu of that old guy.

Hey, why do you start laughing in front

of my disciple?I'd do what the hell I

want. And you can keep your mouth shut.

Darling.

Oh, no. Don't do this in front of him.

He'll think I'm an old fart. And you're

just mad because I have someone to teach.

You're jealous of me. God damn you.

On you. You said you had something for my

darling.

Malady. With respect.

Ah, what a nice fella.

This is quite fun. My love, why

don't we celebrate?All in good time.

Well, sit down. Right.

Yeah, drumstick first.

Not bad. That

looks quite familiar.

Punyu, eat quickly. When she's back,

we're done for.

1234567

One of them's gone. God damn it. Who

stole my chicken?

Why the hell do you have to break all

that furniture?I'll break your dancehead.

Let me

go. Where would you be

without me?Huh

To hell with the chicken.

You've one thing to learn every month.

First you'll learn about the dragon in

the sea. It is a

stylish creature. So dragon fist

Kung Fu is a very stylish method of

fighting. Mark my words.

Anu. Make it up as he goes along. Anu's

learning from him. He's just an old man.

Don't listen to her. No, you just

follow what I'm doing.

Your style's more like dancing than

anything I've ever seen in my life

before. Hey,

keep your mouth shut.

Hot

wheels, my assLooks like a dog having a

piss

Madam, I'm very sorry. I can't do itwell.

Anu, let me tell you. What that old fool

is teaching you, it's useless. Huh

Useless, but why?You doubt it,

right?Try me. Ah,

so you have learned something from him.

You have the potential, but you lack the

technique.

It's time you learned to fight well

Well now I said he was no good you try

come on

Madam you're the bestI'm no match.

Get up. Stop slacking off. You've

learned so little from that old fool,

aren't you?You want me to teach you

something?Ah, well, boy, you want to

learn?Of course. But

I'm afraid Master won't like it. Daytime?

You can learn his way. With a knife,

learn from me. He won't know a thing.

All right. Go out front.

Reach at the start.

Watch your left.

Now to the right.

To the front.

What super style's that?I knew.

Where the hell did you learn that?I knew.

I knew. Turn around and face me, boy.

You're all washed up. You've no stamina.

It's not my fault. I wonder what it

could be.

So it's that interfering old woman.

You damned interfering old bitchHow dare

you have him out here at all times of the

night when I'm trying to teach him proper

kung fu. What?You asked him. He

prefers it. Anu,

who do you want to learn from?I would...

Anu. He's not your teacher. I am. Ohh

Anu, I am the one who brought you here.

You're quite right. My kung fu is much

better than his. Mine is superior.

Mine's the best. Mine. Mine.

Mine. Mine.

Mine. Cats. Then. On you. On

you. On you. On you. On you. On

you. Stupid woman. See.

Now you can see. Look what you've done.

I didn't find my disciple for you. Shut

up. You won't have a disciple unless I

save him with my medicine. All

right. Whatever you say, this boy is

still mine. I myself will make him well.

Open wide. After you've taken all my

medicine, you'll be all right again.

The old man's coming quickly. Now drink

it all down.

Mustn't let her know.

Cold. So,

go. Don't you worry.

Just get my remedy down your throat.

Four hours later, and you will be as

right as rain.

Lucky you. You're to be the first one.

Huh

I have Newt. The skin from frogs.

Lizard's testicles. The shit from a dog.

Cat's paw. Stirring some poison.

What?Old

woman. Are you trying to kill him with

this goddamn poison?Huh

What the hell are you talking about?I

was given this by my teacher.

Then it can't be that good. Let me see.

You'll try to steal it.

Up there. You bitchYou

give that back. Cut off an elephant's

penis and boil it in some olive oil till

it's done. Make sure not to come into

contact with the poison. What?And you

want to give this to Arnieu?You're the

one who's trying to murder him.

I have my book as well.

My master gave it to me. I'm sure you

have. Let's see. You're off your

skull. This book contains fighting

techniques as well as medicine. I

wouldn't let you see it. You don't even

trust your wife!

Complete works of master time.

Mr. Tang was my teacher. He was my

teacher before he was yours. So he gave

half to me and half to you. And I'm

sure he gave the better half to me.

You're only half a style. No wonder that

you never win. Hey,

I knew it's the only one who knows both

of them. He's better than us.

Teacher, I'm so hungry.

Anu. Anu, you're better. You've

recovered. Oh, good.

We've both done it. You have to admit

that he wouldn't be well without us.

Thank God he's well.

Anu has both our styles. The

whole book. He's now the best. That's

right.

Go straight ahead.

Now you are ready.

Where are you going?To my home. Oh,

really?Well, I think you have the

wrong place. This place isn't

your home. It's the right place. It is

the right place. You

young fool. You think that you can come

and go when you like at your own leisure?

What do you think this place is?A hotel?

Well, if you don't know, how can I tell

you?I think you're up to

something. I haven't seen you for quite

some time, and now suddenly you decide to

come back. Hey, I'm not up to

anything. I just want to come home.

Am I in your way?

Maybe you could get past if you crawled

on the ground. Me

crawl. Then why should I do that?

Listen, Sonny. Either you

do or I will have to force you to.

Well, now, my boy, let's see you on the

ground then. Don't mess around with me,

boy. Ohh

Hey, I want to test something.

Get on the ground.

Now get down. In a while.

Don't force me to fight with you, my boy.

Are you

sure you can fight?

You have offended me.

Panko, there's no need to kneel.

What?I'm about to attack.

Uncle, you wanna go to the can?

My boy, this is my main attack

position. Ohh

Uncle, you shouldn't attack the ground

like that. You're gonna hurt yourself.

God damage, you little bastard How dare

you try to treat a man like me like that!

What?You wanna chop me up?

I'm so brilliant, he missed me.

HuhMy little ball! Hey!

Huh

Oh, my great speed saved me again.

Oh my God.

See. I'm so good. I got it back with

my bare hands.

Aldi.

Down! Up!

Down! Up! Down! Up!

Down! You fool me!

Now give up!

Now you can't even jerk off

You want your toothpick?

General Yao, we have heard from the

Russian ambassador, Mr. Solomonov,

that he is to enter a man in this year's

great Kung Fu contest.

As you are doubtless aware, ambassadors

from many lands will be attending.

Units under your command must take every

precautionary measure to ensure security

for the greater good of the Ching.

The Emperor.

Master Yan, if the Emperor had written to

you in that way, you'd be worried.

If there's trouble, you know what will

happen. Please, General,

you must have faith. Your three sons

have improved. Nothing will go wrong at

the contest. General, if I were you,

Sir. I wouldn't worry. I would be

the proudest man alive. Ohh If you are so

sure, that is enough.

He can't fight. Prada. He says we're

useless.

No way.

You say that, you assholeYou

think you're better?

Much better. If you practice

more now, I'd fight you.

I'd take you any day.

Come on. Get him!

Move. You can fight with me.

I can fight better.

Oh, just for a while.

Hey, maybe I'll teach you first.

Ohh You reckon you know how,

teacher?Brother, you show him a

lesson. Now, teacher,

get ready.

Ohh

Well, someone's taking it seriously.

Damn your assYou've gone too far.

Hey, you're not very strong.

Let go.

Fall and you're finished.

Ohh You're saying your prayers.

You've stolen my Kung Fu. If I'd

have stolen it, I'd have been dead.

You've really had it now, you bastard

yeah

You fell in your ass

Damage.

What?You're sweating.

I'll cool you down.

Oh, you missed me that time.

Down they come.

Ohh

ohh

You want me to put it back?

Be still, or I'll break you. Yan

Chung, are you insane?Why did you

teach on you, Kung Fu?

General, I've never taught him.

Well, how come he knows then?I really

don't know, sir. You dare to lie?You

tell me?Who else would have taught him?

You know damn well my sons are entering

the contest. Now one of them's hurt.

God knows what came over you. For God's

sake, why did you teach him?

General, you know that 29 years ago I

swore not to get involved in Kung Fu

anymore. I have not done so.

God alone knows what you're up to.

General, why won't you believe me?

I've served you for so long.

I don't care if you believe me, but Sir,

I remind you. Anu

is your son.

Damn it.

You keep that quiet.

Anu. He's your own flesh and blood.

And yet he is treated like shit in your

home. Your other three sons have been

beating him up. Everyone treats him like

dirt. Because you're a general,

you can't have people knowing that.

I tell you, he's a good boy.

He hasn't even a mother. And now he

hasn't a father.

Shut up. You're in tune.

You remember who is who?

He is not my son. And never was.

Now listen, you get going.

Just get lost.

My dear Ambassador, I have received an

important intelligence from the capital.

The Russian Ambassador Salmanov has

managed to engage the services of an

extremely competent fighter, one who is

unmatched in his own country.

Tolmolov is seeking to gain victory in

the coming Kung Fu contest to improve

Russia's reputation amongst the Qing.

We cannot, of course, allow this to

happen. I am sending you a man of

consummate skill to enrich our own

efforts in this direction. I

trust you will realize the full

importance of his mission.

At your service, Sir.

The fight I brought here by the Russians

is from Asia Minor. He has a bad

reputation. He's just good enough to

frighten the Chinese. Do you think you

can beat him?He won't stand a chance.

I'll make sure that I kill him.

Why is he like that?I can't stand it.

Don't worry about him. I hate men crying.

It's a weakness. Don't worry.

For God's sake, go on, huh

You bastardYou've made me lose face.

You're dead.

Hold it. Look what you've done to

him. I've got nowhere to fight with a

Russian. What can I do?He

started it. Wasn't my fault.

Hugh, I didn't realize you were so

skillful. Damn him.

He started it.

Hey, come with me.

Hey, there's something worth fighting

for. It's a contest. You could fight for

me if you want. Where will it be held?

Oh, at the palace. You'll meet everyone,

even the Emperor, if you win.

Hey, is the general going?Of

course. His sons will be there. I'll

fight with them.

He is not my son. I never was!

Now get going!

Good. I will go.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Emperor is now

with us.

Long live the Emperor!

Tell them to sit. Gentlemen, take your

places now.

The Emperor grants an audience for the

Russian Ambassador.

Your Majesty. Your country is known as a

beautiful place. The skill of your

people is well known aboard. I have

brought along with me a fighter from Asia

Minor for your contest. I look forward to

a friendly match. General. Sir.

Who is representing us?They are already.

Disgraceful. Please, Your Majesty,

my son is well prepared to fight him. He

will not be beaten. Please have

confidence.

That's disgraceful.

Someone must stop

him. Your

Majesty knows this Russian

fighter is only capable of using cheap

tricks in battle. His fighting is

hopeless against one who is properly

trained. I happen to have such a

fighter. I would like to suggest that he

is more than capable of handling the man

who has so rudely insulted us all.

Uncle. Sir.

The Emperor has decided to allow the

Japanese to pit his fighter against

the Russian barbarian. Thank you, Sir.

Come along.

You're ready, asshole

You're finished.

To the great Emperor.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

First the top. Now back in sides.

Bastard

Quickly, quickly.

Hearing.

It's not real.

Come on. You bastard

You wanna come in, Harry Caray?Oh,

but I'm Chinese.

Why should I do that?

I'm Chinese! Here's my big tail!

HuhHuhHere's Chinese!

I have big tails!

I'm Chinese!

See my big tail!

Chinese. Heh. Well,

good. My father was killed by a

Chinese.

Ah

You know that Kung Fu style.

You are serious then?

You're finished.

Kramps, you have yet to try my

snake.

I'll

kill him.

Feel your breath.

Had enough. I'll destroy you.

Finished. Then bake me.

You're all washed up.

You moron.

On you. On you.

Your humble servant, Sir. On you.

You are a true hero of the Ching. Well,

well done. Name your reward.

What do you want?It was my

duty. I thank you, Sir.

I don't want anything. You have pleased

me. Thank you. Thank you.

Tell me, young man. Tell me your

background. Emperor, he is my son.

Your son. Stop joking with me.

My Lord. Ask him, Sir, if you

cannot believe me. Well,

is he your father?

I have no father. I'm an

orphan.

I never knew him.

I knew. You have pleased me. I'll make

you an official.

My lord. I don't like town.

I'm from the country. I would

rather go home. Goodbye,

sir.

I'm you! I'm you!