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00:00:02,937 --> 00:00:05,971
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:09,341
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,409 --> 00:00:12,944
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,048
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:19,384
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:22,721
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,255
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:26,024
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:31,796
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:38,247
Hey, Quagmire,
how was your date
last night?
11
00:00:38,271 --> 00:00:41,172
Cleveland, it was amazing.
You know what
I discovered last night?
12
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:43,286
Women have a fourth hole.
What?
13
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:46,544
Yeah. I mean, it's only
visible if you're looking
from exactly the right angle,
14
00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:50,782
like the entrance to Hogwarts.
But you got to
believe that it's there.
15
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:54,820
Man, I envy you single guys.
No families,
partying whenever you want.
16
00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:57,956
These are the only people
I get to party with.
17
00:00:58,024 --> 00:00:59,769
That's where
the fourth hole is,
right there.
18
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,637
Right there in
the back of the knee.
19
00:01:01,661 --> 00:01:06,165
I like having a family.
I got all the crazy out
of my system when I was 18.
20
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:10,435
Not me. I was dating Lois
the whole time.
I never got to be wild.
21
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:13,282
Except for that time
I rode the mechanical bull
at that bar.
22
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:20,512
Oh, my God, how embarrassing!
Look how much fun I am!
23
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:23,115
It's like I missed out
on half my life.
24
00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:25,384
What I wouldn't give
to be 18 again,
25
00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:27,119
like those kids on spring break.
26
00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:29,065
Grim news from Daytona, Florida,
27
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,267
where the remains of
three female college students
28
00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:33,392
were found
near a local nightclub.
29
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:36,139
Reports suggest thatall threewere violated sexually
30
00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:37,874
before being brutally murdered.
31
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:41,058
Oh, man, see that?
Everybody's
getting laid but me.
32
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:43,869
Oh, come on!
33
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,872
Hang on, I'll fix it.
34
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:51,376
Oh, my God, is he dead?
I think he might be dead!
35
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:55,380
Oh, did you hear that?
Noah Wyle here thinks
he might be dead.
36
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:59,117
Step aside, junior.
Nope, he's just knocked out.
37
00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:01,086
Damn, I drove
all the way out here.
38
00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:03,254
I had to cancel
another appointment.
39
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:05,591
I never like to be
too far away
from Mike Wallace.
40
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:16,601
Hey, Death,
I got a favor to ask you.
41
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:19,916
Could you let me
go back in time
and be 18 again?
42
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,706
What, are you high?
No.
43
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:23,842
Coming up next on ESPN,
44
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:26,044
Women's Professional...
All right, you win.
45
00:02:26,113 --> 00:02:29,013
Let's go.
But just for one night.
46
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,204
What the hell?
Where are we?
47
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:42,806
Oh, my God, this is...
48
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:46,097
This is Newport Country Club.
I used to be
a towel boy here.
49
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,634
That's right, Peter.
You're 18 years old again.
50
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,768
At least, that's how
everyone will see you.
51
00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:55,540
Hey, Peter, slap me five.
52
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,209
Slap me ten.
53
00:02:57,277 --> 00:02:58,710
Around the side.
54
00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:00,345
And back again.
55
00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:01,679
Up high.
56
00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:03,081
Down low.
57
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:07,051
Now, over by the diving board.
58
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,321
Now, on the other side
of the pool.
59
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:15,438
All right, now, I want
you to meet me at
this address in an hour,
60
00:03:15,462 --> 00:03:17,140
and we'll slap five there.
61
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:19,142
Then afterwards,
we'll hit the bars.
62
00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:20,398
That sounds good to me.
63
00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:22,700
I'm 18, and I'm ready
to do some living.
64
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:25,103
We are gonna
raise more hell
than Hellraiser.
65
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:30,442
Hey, honey, you want
some salt for your steak?
66
00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:32,210
Yeah, sure.
67
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:36,581
Gotcha!
That's more salt
than you wanted.
68
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,383
Hello, boys.
69
00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:47,725
Wow, 18-year-old Lois.
70
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,228
Son of a bitch.
71
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:04,976
♪ I see those ivory lies
in sweet Rosita's eyes
72
00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:15,587
Hi, Peter.
73
00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:18,100
I'm really
looking forward to
the movie tonight.
74
00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:20,102
Peter and I
are going to see
Zapped.
75
00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:22,304
I figured Scott Baio
was androgynous enough
76
00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:25,241
that we could both
fantasize about him,
and no one would be gay.
77
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,633
Lois, we got the rest
of our lives for me to not
hear a word you just said,
78
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:31,182
but tonight,
I got plans
with Cleveland.
79
00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:34,038
But we had a date.
80
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,173
I would eat your poo.
81
00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:41,724
Stay tuned for
President Ronald Reagan's
82
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:43,115
weekly radio address.
83
00:04:43,184 --> 00:04:47,019
Ronald Reagan?
The actor?
He's President?
84
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:48,464
Peter, you're the one
from the future.
85
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:49,900
You should know...
Ah, forget it.
86
00:04:49,924 --> 00:04:53,558
Oh, you've got to hear
this new Eddie Murphy
cassette I bought.
87
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:56,427
Hey, did you ever
have a barbecue?
88
00:04:56,831 --> 00:04:58,164
I have!
89
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,137
Wow, you're really
good at this game.
90
00:05:05,206 --> 00:05:08,606
Yeah, I've logged
a lot of game hours on
Menstrual Miss Pacman.
91
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,688
What? What?
Jeez.
92
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,111
Nothing.
Bitch.
93
00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:17,282
So, have you seen Ghostbusters?
94
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:20,117
Save your breath, geekwad.
I'm here with my boyfriend.
95
00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:22,131
You mean that
quintessentially
'80s guy
96
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,699
with his collar
turned up
all the way?
97
00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:25,623
Are you hitting on
my girlfriend?
98
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,437
No, no, I was just
being friendly.
99
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:31,262
I will kick your ass
anytime, anywhere.
100
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,743
Okay, how about
top of the
World Trade Center,
101
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,546
the morning of
September 11th,
2001, 8:00 a.m.?
102
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:38,837
I'll be there.
You think I'll forget,
but I won't.
103
00:05:42,143 --> 00:05:43,186
That was nice.
104
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,243
I'll say.
105
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:46,344
Peter, is that...
Are you...
106
00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:47,546
Molly Ringwald?
107
00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:49,459
Yeah.
How's it going?
108
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,728
Wow, you're the biggest star
in the world right now.
What are you doing here?
109
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:54,031
Oh, I like to hook up
with random bar guys.
110
00:05:54,055 --> 00:05:56,221
Lucky for me, huh?
111
00:05:56,290 --> 00:05:57,957
No, a hobby's good.
112
00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,836
All right, Peter,
your time's up.
113
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,293
Oh, man, already?
114
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,438
Yup, come on.
115
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:07,165
Good to meet you, Molly.
I'll be back later
for your career.
116
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,917
Well, I hope you got
your fill, Peter.
117
00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:15,707
Death, that was
totally worth it.
118
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,120
It was even better than the time
119
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,624
I stumbled into
that fat,
lonely women's club.
120
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:24,215
Excuse me, could I
get directions to
the Providence Civic Center?
121
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,521
Do you like cake?
Yes.
122
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:32,123
Do you like my ass?
Yes.
123
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,526
Do you want to
eat cake off my ass?
124
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,027
What kind of cake?
125
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,530
Angel food cake.
126
00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:42,567
Well, Rusty, looks like
we're gonna eat our way
out of another jam.
127
00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:02,432
Honey, you awake?
Morning, sweetie.
128
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:05,735
Who the hell are you?
What are you
doing in my bed?
129
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,593
Peter, it's me, Molly.
Your wife?
130
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:11,262
Molly Ringwald?
You're my wife?
131
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:14,211
We've been married
for 20 years.
What's wrong with you?
132
00:07:14,235 --> 00:07:18,002
Hi. I'm Judd Nelson.
I crash here
once or twice a week.
133
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:28,647
Brian, Molly Ringwald
is in my bed,
and she says she's my wife!
134
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:32,016
That's not all.
Look at this place.
Everything's different.
135
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:33,485
This is crazy.
136
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:36,088
Brian, did you ever see
that Twilight Zone episode?
137
00:07:36,157 --> 00:07:37,801
You know,
where the woman wakes up
in the hospital,
138
00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:39,136
and all the doctors are pigs?
139
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,993
Yeah.
I like that one.
140
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:42,806
But what the hell
is going on here?
141
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,574
You know, I think
I have a theory.
142
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,998
It's possible that
when we went back in time,
143
00:07:47,068 --> 00:07:49,168
we somehow altered the past.
144
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:50,880
Jeez, Brian,
that's more ridiculous
145
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:53,944
than the theory of
why Tom Cruise
runs in all his movies.
146
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:58,711
Wow, that cameraman
has nice, strong arms.
147
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,814
You can't catch me,
gay thoughts.
148
00:08:04,118 --> 00:08:05,161
Hey, where the hell is Lois?
149
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,518
That's weird.
150
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,547
Looks like
she's coming out of
Quagmire's house.
151
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:12,157
Lois, what the hell?
152
00:08:12,226 --> 00:08:14,304
I'm gone for one night,
and you
sleep with Quagmire?
153
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:18,463
Mr. Griffin, what I do
with my husband
is none of your business.
154
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:20,176
Husband?
Morning, Pete.
155
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,545
Hope you and Molly
can still join us
for dinner tonight.
156
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:25,009
Come here, baby.
Let's head upstairs
and play hide-and-go-anal.
157
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,986
We were only in 1984 one night,
158
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,210
and now everything's
all messed up.
159
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:36,013
I think I can explain
it to you, Peter.
160
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,649
This line represents
the normal flow of events.
161
00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:40,897
Here's where you met Lois,
here's where you got married,
162
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:44,221
and here's the present.
And here's
the night at the bar.
163
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:46,035
Now, at some point
during that evening,
164
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,771
you did something
that changed the course
of your history,
165
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:52,296
causing the time line
to skew off
into an alternate tangent,
166
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:55,900
where you're married
to Molly Ringwald,
Quagmire's married to Lois,
167
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:58,281
and for some reason,
we have a chalkboard
in the living room.
168
00:08:58,305 --> 00:08:59,770
Well, what are we gonna do?
169
00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:03,007
We got to figure out
what happened
at this point in time.
170
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,154
And I'll tell you
another thing
that worries me.
171
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:08,057
You ever hear the theory
that if you kill
a butterfly in the past,
172
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:09,992
it can drastically
alter the present?
173
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:12,584
Well, who knows
what else we changed.
174
00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:14,330
Tonight, on The Tonight Show,
175
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,287
movie star, George Clooney.
176
00:09:16,355 --> 00:09:17,621
Oh, he's good.
177
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,301
Comedian, Dave Chappelle.
178
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:20,692
He's funny.
Like him.
179
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,960
And musician, Harry Connick Jr.
180
00:09:23,029 --> 00:09:24,628
Wow, what a show.
181
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:28,432
And now,ladies and gentlemen,here's...
182
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:29,767
Chevy!
183
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:32,956
Oh, God, Brian,
we messed up bad.
We messed up real bad.
184
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,855
Howdy, neighbors.
Come on in.
185
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,056
Hey, Lois,
Peter and Molly
are here!
186
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,092
Chris, say hi to
Mr. and Mrs. Griffin.
187
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,315
Hi, Mr. Griffin.
188
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:45,561
How's it going, man?
189
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,284
Chris, Stewie!
190
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:49,432
Oh, my God!
All right,
don't freak out, Peter.
191
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:52,190
Don't freak out like you did
when your goldfish died.
192
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:55,159
Here you go,
Lieutenant Shiny-Sides.
193
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:58,107
It's okay.
You don't have to
eat it now.
194
00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:01,565
You're just sleeping.
You'll eat it later.
195
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:05,036
You'll eat it later,
Lieutenant Shiny-Sides!
196
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,477
Meg, stop staring
at Mr. Griffin.
197
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:17,081
I'm sorry, Peter.
I'm afraid she's got
her father's libido.
198
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,316
What can I say?
I'm a Vagitarius. Oh!
199
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:23,554
Giggity Giggity Giggity.
200
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:26,068
Hey, did you guys
hear on the news
about President Gore
201
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:29,171
hunting down and killing
Osama bin Laden
with his bare hands?
202
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:33,932
I know. Who would've thought
bin Laden was hiding out
in the cast of Mad TV?
203
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,667
Man, the perfect hiding spot.
The one place
no one would look.
204
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,704
Oh, there's the pie.
205
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,176
Lois, this is a huge mistake.
206
00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:46,889
What are you talking
about, Peter?
207
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:48,713
You're supposed to be
married to me.
208
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:51,382
We're the ones who
were meant to be together,
not you and Quagmire.
209
00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:54,986
It's a little late for that,
don't you think, Peter?
210
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:57,088
I mean, there was a time
back when we dated
211
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:59,757
that I thought
you might be the one,
212
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,258
but as I recall,
213
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,928
you were more interested
in partying
with your friends.
214
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:07,632
Then Glenn came along
and stole my heart.
215
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:10,769
When he kissed me that night
at the Country Club Dance,
216
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:13,137
I knew we'd be together forever.
217
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:14,939
Hey, Lois,
I'm ready
for your pie.
218
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,774
And you made
dessert, too! Oh!
219
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:21,479
Oh, Glenn, I love
all your sex jokes
and your dirty puns.
220
00:11:21,547 --> 00:11:24,015
That's why I married you.
221
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:25,816
Let's go upstairs and do it.
222
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:27,118
Okay!
223
00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:34,804
Brian, going back
in time
ruined my life.
224
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:37,573
We've got to get Death
to send us back
to 1984 again,
225
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:39,174
so I can undo what I did.
226
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:42,934
Or we could just
make the best of this.
Al Gore is President.
227
00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:45,603
We could kind of
just take that one
and call it a win.
228
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:49,240
I mean, with Bush,
we didn't have flying cars
that run on vegetable oil.
229
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,877
♪ Meet George Jetson
230
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,683
♪ His boy Elroy
231
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:04,789
♪ Daughter Judy
232
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,395
♪ Jane his wife ♪
233
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:15,333
Hey, hey, hey!
No, no, no, no, no.
234
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:21,372
I took this one out for you.
You take this one,
I keep this!
235
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,186
You are not taking
my whole wallet
so you can go shopping.
236
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:25,654
I was just going to
buy some groceries.
237
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:26,798
Bullshit.
238
00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:31,694
I don't care
what it takes, Brian,
239
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:33,362
I've got to get
Lois back somehow.
240
00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:35,286
Well, the only one
who can
help us is Death,
241
00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:37,354
and he only shows up
when somebody dies.
242
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,623
That's gonna be tough.
243
00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:40,435
With President Gore's
universal health care,
244
00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:42,138
people are living
much longer these days.
245
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:43,861
And with zero-tolerance
gun control
246
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:47,398
and a strong, well-funded
educational system,
there's no street crime.
247
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:49,167
Face it, Peter,
you not marrying Lois
248
00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:51,147
was the best thing
that ever happened
to the world.
249
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:54,538
I don't care.
We've got to find a way
to summon Death and quick.
250
00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:59,377
Well, that might do it.
251
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,178
Death! Oh, thank God,
you're here!
252
00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:04,716
Listen, you've got to
send me back in time again,
so I can marry Lois.
253
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,395
Man, it's been a busy day.
254
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:08,263
Dick Cheney,
the chairman
of Halliburton,
255
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:11,455
shot Supreme Court Justice
Scalia in a hunting accident,
256
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:13,035
and the bullet
went right through him
257
00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:15,526
and killed Karl Rove
and Tucker Carlson.
258
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:17,595
Oh, my God, Peter,
you can't marry Lois.
259
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:20,904
I don't know
who any of those
people are.
260
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:26,604
All right, hang on.
Here we go.
261
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:36,413
This is the exact moment
in 1984 that
I sent you to the first time.
262
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,582
You've just got to manage
not to screw it up again.
263
00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:43,320
Lois! Oh, my God,
it's so good
to see you!
264
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:46,124
Hey, Peter, you all set
to go see Zapped tonight?
265
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,404
I figured Scott Baio
was androgynous
enough that we...
266
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,005
That we could both
fantasize about him
267
00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:51,707
and no one would be gay,
yeah, I know the joke.
268
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,376
Hey, you know what?
Listen, Zapped sucks.
269
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,710
Why don't we go see Krull?
270
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:57,046
Peter, you know
I'm dying to
see Zapped.
271
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,769
I would much prefer Krull.
272
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,050
Well, maybe you should
just go by yourself.
273
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,140
Well, maybe I will.
274
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:03,374
Fine.
275
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,143
Crap. Death!
276
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:07,512
What?
One more time.
277
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:10,414
Hey, Peter, you all set
to go see Zapped tonight?
278
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:13,763
I figured Scott Baio
was androgynous
enough that we...
279
00:14:13,787 --> 00:14:16,254
That's hilarious!
You are a delight.
280
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:18,422
And Zapped is one of
my favorite movies.
281
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:20,770
I look forward
to watching it
with you, sweetheart.
282
00:14:20,794 --> 00:14:22,160
Oh, wonderful.
283
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,029
Death!
284
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:27,932
Hey, Peter, you all set
to go see Zapped tonight?
285
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,278
I figured Scott Baio...
Yes.
286
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:31,635
Scott Baio, gay,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
287
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,015
I can't wait to see the movie.
288
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,774
Well, terrific.
I'll see you tonight.
289
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:37,475
Oh, hey, Peter.
290
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:40,611
Say, I was just getting
ready to hit the town.
You want to join me?
291
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,892
I can't, Cleveland,
I got a date with Lois.
292
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,782
It's gonna to be fun.
293
00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:46,317
It is?
294
00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:01,543
Peter, what the hell
are you doing?
295
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:02,811
You're supposed to be with Lois.
296
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:05,069
Aw, crap! Death!
297
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:07,571
No! You know what?
I'm not doing it again.
298
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:10,908
Screw this.
No more mulligans.
You're on your own.
299
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:13,711
Oh, damn it, Brian,
what the hell
am I gonna do now?
300
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:17,781
I haven't screwed up
this bad since I bought
Joe Piscopo that barbell set.
301
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:20,818
All right, Joe,
now don't get
carried away with this.
302
00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:24,446
Don't worry, Peter.
I'll only work out
during my downtime.
303
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:32,463
Oh, look who it is.
Only 14 hours late.
304
00:15:32,531 --> 00:15:34,977
If you don't want to
spend time with me,
Peter, that's fine.
305
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:37,313
But at least don't make me
wait up all night for you.
306
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:40,238
Lois, I'm so sorry.
I promise, I'll make it up
to you tonight.
307
00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:42,250
We can watch
any stupid movie
you want.
308
00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:44,253
Sorry, I've already got plans.
309
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,677
What do you mean, "plans"?
310
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,425
I'm going to
the Country Club Dance
with Glenn.
311
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,793
I wanted to surprise you
with the invitation
last night,
312
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:53,361
but you never showed up.
313
00:15:53,385 --> 00:15:56,587
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to get ready.
314
00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:58,055
Peter, the Country Club Dance
315
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,458
is where Lois said
she fell in love
with Quagmire.
316
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,460
If they kiss
at that dance,
you're finished.
317
00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:04,306
You're right, Brian.
We've got to stop them.
318
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:07,498
And I think I know how.
319
00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:16,919
Peter!
Oh, God, sorry! Sorry!
320
00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:18,863
Sorry. You're right,
let's go to the dance.
321
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,551
So passionate.
322
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:29,620
Suddenly, he just
doesn't seem very
interested in me anymore.
323
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:33,657
Lois, if I may speak freely,
as a friend, you deserve
better than Peter.
324
00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:35,271
You deserve a gentleman.
325
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:37,728
Oh, Glenn, you're so sweet.
326
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:38,974
Oh! Something poked me.
327
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,064
It's okay, it's okay.
328
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,133
It's just my penis.
329
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:52,442
Now I know
what a TV dinner feels like.
330
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,745
What?
It's a line from Die Hard.
331
00:16:54,813 --> 00:16:57,292
Hasn't been made yet.
We could
write it, Brian.
332
00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:59,428
After we're done
with this,
we could write it.
333
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:03,721
Oh, my God!
You just crushed Andy!
334
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:05,400
Oh, yeah, sorry about that.
335
00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:06,790
Oh, oh, you're sorry?
336
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,659
Who's gonna play guitar?
337
00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:18,536
♪ Earth angel, earth angel
338
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,638
Oh, I love this song.
339
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,875
♪ My darling dear
340
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:27,445
Lois, may I have this dance?
341
00:17:27,513 --> 00:17:29,480
Peter, what are you doing here?
342
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,360
I love you, Lois Pewterschmidt.
343
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,295
And not Quagmire, or any man,
344
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:35,497
she-male, robot
or sentient robot
345
00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:36,931
curious about its own existence,
346
00:17:36,955 --> 00:17:38,234
is gonna keep you from me!
347
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,124
Peter, I am here with Glenn.
348
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,293
You had your chance with me
and you blew it.
349
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:44,228
Now, leave us alone.
350
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,631
Is that what you
really want, Lois?
351
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:48,666
Yes, it is.
352
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,934
Well, I guess that's it.
353
00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:54,605
Who the hell am I kidding?
I don't deserve her.
354
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:03,180
Come on, Peter.
Prove to Lois
that you love her.
355
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,182
It's your last chance.
356
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,328
Hey, Quagmire.
Huh?
357
00:18:15,994 --> 00:18:18,796
Sorry, Lois,
but I have to do this.
358
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:26,703
Oh, Peter, that was
so passionate.
359
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,106
Why, I didn't know
I meant
that much to you.
360
00:18:29,174 --> 00:18:32,809
Are you kidding?
Lois, I couldn't bear
to live without you.
361
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:36,119
I came back thinking
I was missing
something in my life,
362
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:40,050
but what I almost missed
was the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
363
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,687
Lois Pewterschmidt,
will you be my wife?
364
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:47,891
Yes. Yes, I will.
365
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,961
♪ Earth angel, earth angel
366
00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:55,432
♪ Please be mine
367
00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:57,634
♪ My darling dear
368
00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:01,805
♪ I'll love you for all time
369
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:04,875
♪ I'm just a fool
370
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:11,248
♪ A fool in love with you ♪
371
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:21,459
I think they want another one.
372
00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:26,229
Uh, okay.
373
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,645
Here's a song by a gay guy.
374
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:43,247
♪ We're no strangers
to love
375
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:47,485
♪ You know the rules
and so do I
376
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:51,521
♪ A full commitment's
what I'm thinking of
377
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:55,425
♪ You wouldn't get this
from any other guy
378
00:19:55,494 --> 00:20:00,597
♪ I just want to tell you
how I'm feeling
379
00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:03,100
♪ Got to make you understand
380
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:07,271
♪ Never gonna give you up,
never gonna let you down
381
00:20:07,339 --> 00:20:09,039
♪ Never gonna run around...
382
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,841
Whoa, whoa, big guy.
383
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:13,410
You're probably never even
gonna see him again.
384
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,579
♪ Never gonna say good-bye
385
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:19,950
♪ Never gonna tell a lie
and hurt you ♪
386
00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:23,087
Hey, Rick,
it's your cousin, Marvin.
387
00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:25,156
Marvin Astley.
388
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:29,125
You know that mediocre,
generic sound
you've been looking for?
389
00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:30,861
Well, listen to this!
390
00:20:30,929 --> 00:20:32,508
♪ Never gonna give,
never gonna give
391
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:34,865
♪ Give you up
392
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,811
♪ Never gonna give,
never gonna give
393
00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:39,236
♪ Give you up
394
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:42,339
♪ Never gonna give ♪
395
00:20:54,554 --> 00:20:56,520
I didn't like any of that.
396
00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:03,627
Wow, Peter, that's
an amazing story.
397
00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:08,065
And I'm touched that
you went through so much
trouble just to be with me.
398
00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:11,246
Obviously, I made
the right choice
when I married you.
399
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,702
Me, too, Lois.
400
00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:14,649
And, hey, let's just
all be grateful
401
00:21:14,673 --> 00:21:17,441
that things are completely
back to normal again.
402
00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,976
Who ate all the pecan sandies?
31807
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