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♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:09,274
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:12,944
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,015
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:19,284
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:22,654
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:24,234
♪ All the things
that make us
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00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:25,958
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:30,829
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:37,936
We now return
to How I Met Your Father.
11
00:00:38,004 --> 00:00:41,118
Oh, Barney, I'm nevergoing to meet the rightgirl and get married.
12
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:43,186
You know, Ted,don't you thinkit's kind of strange
13
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,050
for a guy in his 20s
to always be talking
14
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:48,080
about getting married,
rather than getting laid?
15
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:52,550
Barney, I'm in love with you.
Suit up!
16
00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:58,456
All right, come on, everyone.
Go get dressed.
It's ballet night.
17
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:02,528
Lois, don't freaking put me
through this again.
18
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:05,096
Peter, a little culture is
good for this family.
19
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,377
Besides,
you liked The Nutcracker,
didn't you?
20
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:11,537
No, Lois, I did not.
The Nutcracker had
zero physical comedy.
21
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,238
And with a name
like The Nutcracker,
22
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:15,187
I thought,
"Oh, this'll be
worth a few yucks."
23
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,476
But, no, Lois,
that title wrote a check
24
00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,911
that those queers on stage
refused to cash.
25
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:21,646
Peter, we're going.
26
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:24,683
Well, we're not
the first people to be
dragged off against our will.
27
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,196
Are we there yet?
No!
28
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,630
Are we there yet?
No!
29
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:29,621
Are we there yet?
Damn it, I swear to God,
30
00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:31,956
I will turn this ship around!
31
00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:33,425
That works.
Okay.
32
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,071
If you want to
teach us a lesson...
Yeah, that's even better.
33
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,975
All right,
if that's what you...
Wait a minute!
34
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,603
You know,
Meg, female ballet dancers
35
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:48,273
are famous for
anorexia and bulimia and...
36
00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:50,319
It seems to work out for them.
37
00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:53,545
So... Hintedy-hint-hint.
38
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,347
Boy, this is gonna be long.
39
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:58,550
So, you kids develop
any good pot connections
40
00:01:58,618 --> 00:01:59,863
at your school yet?
What?
41
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,198
Yeah.
Ah. Lois, we'll be right back.
42
00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:04,956
Meg's gonna take
me outside to poop.
43
00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:23,386
Hello?
Hey, Quagmire.
44
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:24,487
Hey, Peter, what's up?
45
00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:26,411
I'm stuck at the stupid ballet.
46
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,058
Get out of here.You serious?
Yeah.
47
00:02:28,082 --> 00:02:29,826
So am I!
What?
48
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:30,515
Yeah, I got dragged hereby this broad I'mtrying to screw.
49
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:31,816
Where you sitting?
50
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:32,684
Look across
at the other balcony,
51
00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:33,992
I can see you.
52
00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:38,234
Oh, my God! What do we do?
What do we do?
53
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:39,568
What do we do?
We're both here.
54
00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:42,232
Oh, my God,
we should text each other.
Hang up! Hang up!
55
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:04,448
Meals.
56
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,184
I have a history
test today, Mom,
57
00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:10,488
and I couldn't study
last night because you
made us go to the ballet.
58
00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:15,893
Yeah, right in her ass.
59
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,643
Well, Chris, you're
not gonna learn
any history from this.
60
00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:24,669
This textbook is from 1896.
What?
61
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,705
"Chapter Three.
Here Comes Utah."
62
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,340
Let me see that.
63
00:03:29,408 --> 00:03:33,377
"Negroes,
America's Dancingest
Rapefolk." That's awful!
64
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:35,326
We don't use
the word "negro" anymore.
65
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,996
That they can't
afford textbooks
from this century?
66
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:43,254
Well, I am gonna
raise hell about this
at the next PTA meeting.
67
00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:46,057
Well, let me know
if you need help.
I can be very persuasive.
68
00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:48,927
I gave the next speech
after the Braveheart guy.
69
00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:54,532
They can take our lives,
but they can never
take our freedom!
70
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:59,971
And, and, let's not forget
the tax they levied
on properties
71
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,341
that are in
abutment of church lands.
72
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,676
So, yeah! Let's do it!
73
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,962
All right, let's get
this meeting underway.
74
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:15,954
For our first
order of business,
we'll go to Bruce.
75
00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:18,690
Oh, hey, y'all said my name!
76
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,093
Welcome to our meeting
here at the school.
77
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:23,862
We've got lots of exciting
topics here tonight.
78
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:27,031
We gonna have a puppet show,
we gonna have some jazz.
79
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,433
No, I'm just kidding.
80
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:31,003
We have some business
to take care of, though.
81
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:33,105
I'm sorry I pulled y'alls legs.
82
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:36,908
I'm just a little excited
'cause I met somebody today.
83
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,977
Someone in the bookstore.
84
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:42,313
Someone who likes
the same kind of
literature as I do.
85
00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:44,850
Oh, and
the adventure begins again.
86
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,563
Excuse me, Principal Shepherd,
87
00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:48,197
there's something
I'd like to discuss.
88
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:50,856
The school has gone too far
with these budget cuts.
89
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:53,759
I'm sorry, Mrs. Griffin,
but the "No Child
Left Behind" law
90
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:55,394
cost us our federal funding
91
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,595
because our students'
test scores were too low.
92
00:04:57,664 --> 00:05:00,966
They cut a school's funding
if it's got low test scores?
93
00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:03,915
This is not what
the founding fathers
had in mind.
94
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:07,439
Okay, we're here to
sign this declaration
of our independence.
95
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:08,973
Let's take roll call first.
96
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,553
- Thomas Jefferson?
- Here.
97
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:12,221
- Benjamin Franklin?
- Here.
98
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:14,680
- John Footpenis?
- It's Hancock now.
99
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:15,814
Why?
100
00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:17,615
Mind your business, that's why.
101
00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:20,764
Well, somehow this school
needs to raise its test
scores right away!
102
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,821
I suppose there is
one thing I can do
103
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,589
to raise
the school's test average.
104
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:25,891
Then do it!
105
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:28,827
All right. We'll drop
the dumbest student we have.
106
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,663
Chris Griffin is
hereby expelled.
107
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:35,500
But if I leave now,
I won't hear who's the
dumbest kid in the school.
108
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:43,307
Cool, I don't have to
go to school.
109
00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:45,810
I can just pee
in my bed all day.
110
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:48,246
Chris, being expelled
is a serious thing.
111
00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:50,482
Peter, we've got to
find another school
for him.
112
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:52,050
I say, I could home-school him.
113
00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:54,552
After all, I taught Cleveland
how to make Jiffy Pop.
114
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:56,856
Oh!
115
00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:06,910
So, do you think
your school would
be right for Chris?
116
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:08,333
Oh, absolutely.
117
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:10,802
Quahog School for the Deaf
has great programs,
118
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,470
both academic and athletic.
119
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:15,707
In fact, you're just in time
for our homecoming pep rally.
120
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:17,842
What are we gonna do to Lincoln?
121
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,210
Kill them!
122
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,246
I can't hear you!
123
00:06:21,315 --> 00:06:22,425
Kill them!
124
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:24,149
I can't hear you!
125
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,850
Kill them!
126
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,919
I can't hear you!
127
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,188
Kill them!
128
00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:31,156
I can't hear you!
129
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,623
Kill them!
130
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:33,813
Let's just go.
131
00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:39,464
Welcome to the Quahog
Maritime School, Chris.
132
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:43,835
Our curriculum consists of
being on boats for long
periods of time with men.
133
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:46,237
Just men.
For many days at a time.
134
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:48,351
Up on the deck with lots of men,
135
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,342
or down in
the galley with lots of men.
136
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,344
Is this some kind
of pirate school?
137
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:55,981
Well, a certain
kind of pirate.
Yes, we've been called that.
138
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:59,450
I don't know.
Is there some kind of
pre-school program?
139
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:03,588
You know, I have to admit,
140
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,402
I've always been
a little worried
about Chris,
141
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:09,127
but I guess I just
convinced myself things
would work out for him.
142
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:12,442
But with no education,
what kind of future
can he possibly have?
143
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,010
Well, what are we
supposed to do, Lois?
144
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,978
I mean,
it's not like the high school
will take him back.
145
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:19,937
And every other
school we've tried
just doesn't... Oh, crap!
146
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:17,555
My son got into DeVry.
147
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:21,226
Oh, good,
what'd he have to do,
open the door?
148
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,628
Can't you let me have anything?
149
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:16,480
Wait, wait, wait.
Hang on, hang on.
150
00:10:16,550 --> 00:10:18,516
What are we fighting about?
151
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,952
You know,
I have completely forgotten.
Me, too.
152
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,720
Something about a coupon?
153
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,456
I cannot for
the life of me remember.
154
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:26,135
Oh, my God, that's ridiculous.
155
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,304
You know what, I just...
I hope I didn't hurt you
156
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:31,040
because I'd feel
terrible about that.
No, no, no. I'm all right.
157
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:32,842
But, listen, you know what,
let me make it up to you.
158
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,310
Why don't you
let my wife and I
take you out to dinner.
159
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,374
Well, that sounds lovely.
160
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:41,005
Ah. That was delicious.
161
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,874
You know, I drive by
this place all the time
162
00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:44,909
and I've never been inside,
isn't that funny?
163
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:47,790
Yeah, you know,
Nicole and I came
here by accident.
164
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:50,048
We had reservations
at another place and they...
165
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,894
Right, right, honey?
Yeah. They couldn't seat us
166
00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:53,629
for, like, an hour,
so we ended up coming here
167
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:54,897
and we just loved it.
Loved it.
168
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:57,222
I can see why.
I mean, that halibut was...
169
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:59,958
That may have
been the best halibut
I've ever had.
170
00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:01,771
Well, I'm glad
we talked you out of
the pork chops, huh?
171
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:04,762
Yes! Thank you!
172
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,776
Oh, oh, let me,
let me, let... I'll get that.
I'll get that.
173
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,177
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I got it.
174
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:09,812
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm taking care of this.
175
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,814
No, no, no,
your money's
no good here.
176
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,871
No, my food was
more expensive.
I feel bad if...
177
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:15,885
We invited you.
I've got this.
178
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:17,053
Look, just let go of the check.
179
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:18,277
You let go of the check.
180
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,822
I'm not taking my
hand off this thing.
181
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,679
Well, neither am I.
182
00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:23,280
Let go of the check.
183
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,027
Ernie, if he wants to...
Stay out of this!
184
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:26,562
Don't you talk to
my wife like that!
185
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:29,320
Oh, yeah?
What are you
gonna do about it?
186
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:32,750
Sorry.
187
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:34,129
And every other
school we've tried
188
00:12:34,153 --> 00:12:36,098
just doesn't seem
to be a good fit
for Chris.
189
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:38,255
Well, there is one other option.
190
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:44,162
Daddy, there's something
I need you to do for me.
191
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:46,408
Chris got expelled
from James Woods High,
192
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,800
and, well, I was wondering
if you could get him
193
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,213
into that fancy
boarding school
you went to.
194
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:53,872
You want me to get Chris
into Morningwood Academy?
195
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,051
It would mean so
much to our family.
196
00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:58,776
All right,
I'll pull some strings
on one condition.
197
00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:01,646
I want Peter
to do something
really humiliating.
198
00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:03,693
Well, what did you have in mind?
199
00:13:03,717 --> 00:13:07,585
He has to shoot and star
in a shot-for-shot
remake of Liar Liar
200
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:09,053
for my amusement.
201
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,800
Do you know why I stopped you?
202
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,601
I didn't fasten my seat belt,
I didn't look in
my rear view mirror,
203
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,170
I didn't signal
when I pulled away
from the curb,
204
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:16,071
I almost hit a Chevy,
I changed lanes
in the intersection
205
00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:19,564
without signaling,
I changed lanes while running
a red light and speeding.
206
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:30,342
Well, Chris, here we are.
207
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,744
Wow, this school is really nice.
208
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,691
Boy, a degree from
here would set you up
with any job you wanted.
209
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,816
Yes, I should
attend this institution.
210
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:40,986
Perhaps one day
I could be more powerful
than King Friday.
211
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:43,934
I am the supreme ruler
of the Neighborhood of
Make-Believe.
212
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:46,524
All will kneel before...
213
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:50,639
What kind of
freaking king lives
next to the train tracks?
214
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,163
What is this, Mexico?
215
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,969
Hi, is this Room 214?
216
00:13:58,037 --> 00:13:59,983
Oh, you must be
our new dorm-mate!
217
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:03,475
I'm Rogers ChapStick,
heir to the
ChapStick fortune.
218
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,377
And this is Virgil MasterCard,
219
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,245
heir to the MasterCard fortune.
220
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:13,885
Oh, yes, yes,
how do you do, sir?
221
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:16,388
And this is
James Bottomtooth IV.
222
00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:20,325
I'm Chris.
223
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:22,961
Let me get those
bags for you. Johann?
224
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:28,133
Um...
225
00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:31,369
Oh, dear.
Johann tells me your luggage
is the luggage of the poor.
226
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,838
Well, I am poor.
227
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:36,441
Oh. Oh, I see.
228
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:49,088
What the...
229
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:50,922
Ow! Ow! Ow!
230
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,958
This school is
not for your kind!
231
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:55,092
Why?
232
00:14:58,632 --> 00:15:01,166
I still don't fully understand!
233
00:15:10,878 --> 00:15:13,745
And that was the third time
I slept with
Katherine Harris.
234
00:15:13,814 --> 00:15:17,081
Well, I love her politics,
but how is she in bed?
235
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:19,117
Well, as anyone in
Florida will tell you,
236
00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:20,785
she knows how to
rig an erection.
237
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,591
One time I picked my nose
238
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:29,327
and I swear
I could feel
the bottom of my eye.
239
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:30,695
Shut up, poor kid.
240
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,363
No, I'm serious, look!
241
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:40,505
New school?
242
00:15:40,574 --> 00:15:42,785
It's awful!
I hate it!
243
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:45,309
Everybody's mean to me
because I'm not rich.
244
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,545
Oh, no, Chris, that's horrible.
245
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:49,146
All right, look,
I'll tell you what.
246
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:51,749
I'll call Daddy
and I'll see if there's
anything he can do.
247
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,829
Good, 'cause I haven't
been this miserable
248
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:57,289
since I had to throw
Rocky Balboa out of
the Shamrock Meat Company.
249
00:15:57,357 --> 00:16:01,226
Look, I'm sorry,
I can't have you in here
punching the meat.
250
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:04,028
I mean, there's
really not too many things
you can't do in here,
251
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,563
but that is one of them.
252
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:08,310
What about Paulie?
He's having sex
with the meat.
253
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:09,511
Hey, Rock, I'm porking it.
254
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:10,735
That's a good one.
255
00:16:14,973 --> 00:16:16,006
Phew!
256
00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:17,686
Well, that's
enough fun for one day.
257
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:21,112
I'm sweating more
than a non-legacy
applying to Yale.
258
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:46,904
Where am I?
259
00:16:48,207 --> 00:16:50,440
Grandpa?
What are you doing here?
260
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:53,744
Chris, welcome to
the Skull and Bones Society.
261
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:57,581
This is where the most
powerful men in the world
are groomed for their futures.
262
00:16:57,649 --> 00:17:01,618
Every president, every CEO,
every douche bag
named Ryan Seacrest.
263
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:05,522
The Skull and Bones Society
has been a part of
my family for decades,
264
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:07,424
and we want you
to become a member.
265
00:17:07,492 --> 00:17:10,694
Really? Wow, cool!
Excellent.
266
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,495
You get your own
stock portfolio,
267
00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:14,631
a percentage of
the 9/11 Victims Fund,
268
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,700
and the best medical care
on the planet.
269
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,736
You'll be kept as
healthy as a horse.
270
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:21,372
So, how's that leg doing?
271
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,184
Great! Great!
Never better!
272
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:25,248
Good. Why don't you try
putting some weight on it?
273
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:27,110
Oh, sure.
274
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:31,448
Yes! Yes! Oh, that's good!
That feels good! Very strong!
275
00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:34,385
Sorry, Thunder,
I got to put you down.
276
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,467
How's your leg?
Huh? How's your leg?
You ready to race? Huh?
277
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:45,762
We now return to
278
00:17:45,831 --> 00:17:48,466
Japanese Girls Think
Small Versions of
Things Are Really Cute.
279
00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:50,166
Oh!
280
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,355
Look at my tiny dog!I'm gonna put itin my tiny purse!
281
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:55,851
Tiny phone!
Tiny everything!
282
00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:00,424
Peter, have you
seen this tuition bill?
283
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,547
Morningwood Academy
is charging us $30,000.
284
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:06,417
Well, looks like
we're all gonna have
to take second jobs.
285
00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:08,263
I guess I'll see if
I can get my old gig back,
286
00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:10,387
selling buttscratchers
at the ballpark.
287
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:13,724
Buttscratcher! Buttscratcher!
Get your buttscratcher here!
288
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:15,704
Buttscratcher!
Buttscratcher?
289
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:17,728
Buttscratcher!
Buttscratcher.
290
00:18:17,796 --> 00:18:18,796
Buttscratcher.
291
00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:20,864
Buttscratcher!
Buttscratcher!
292
00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:27,115
Chris, come here,
you'll love this.
293
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:30,073
The first Thursday
of every month we go
to a local orphanage,
294
00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:33,310
pick out a kid,
fill out all the paperwork,
and then don't take him home.
295
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:34,445
It's hilarious.
296
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:36,113
That sounds kind of cruel.
297
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:37,814
No, no, you'll love it.
It's great.
298
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:43,821
Come on! Come on in!
Your family's
waiting in here!
299
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,990
There are toys and a puppy!
300
00:18:46,059 --> 00:18:48,692
And food that's not served
from warming trays!
301
00:18:52,097 --> 00:18:54,698
Come on! You got to want it!
302
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,712
Oh, you got to do
better than that!
303
00:18:56,736 --> 00:19:00,571
Okay, I guess you
don't want a new family,
toys and a puppy.
304
00:19:05,344 --> 00:19:07,444
Hi, everybody, I'm home!
305
00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:09,091
Hi, Chris.
Hey, how are you?
306
00:19:09,115 --> 00:19:12,382
Well, tell us
everything, sweetie.
How's school going so far?
307
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:13,784
It's great, Mom!
308
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,553
I got powerful
connections now,
thanks to Grandpa.
309
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,155
Chris, I'd give you a hug,
310
00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:20,936
but I'm exhausted
from working two jobs
to pay your tuition.
311
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,237
I've been
selling buttscratchers.
312
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:23,972
Buttscratcher!
No, Peter.
313
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,836
Buttscratcher!
Peter, no!
314
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:27,585
Buttscratcher!
No!
315
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:29,199
Buttscratcher.
316
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:30,434
Dad, you...
317
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:33,471
You got an extra job
just to put me
through school?
318
00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:36,699
We all did, Chris.
Meg and I have
been working nights.
319
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:39,921
I'll take the one on the right!
320
00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:42,846
Well, once again, Meg,
I'll be back in an hour.
321
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:45,916
And I got a job
following fat people
around with a tuba.
322
00:19:49,621 --> 00:19:53,357
Stop it! Cut it out!
323
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,692
I have a glandular problem!
324
00:19:57,329 --> 00:19:58,628
That'll be $60.
325
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,839
You wanted to see me, Grandpa?
326
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,274
Yes, Chris.
Your pledge period is over.
327
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:15,078
The Skull and Bones elders
are now ready to
admit you to our ranks.
328
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,347
As is customary
with all our new members,
329
00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:19,661
you now have to
spend seven minutes
in the closet
330
00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:21,252
with our most senior member.
331
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:24,554
We don't start the clock
until the door closes.
332
00:20:24,623 --> 00:20:27,257
You know, Grandpa,
I don't think I wanna
go through with it.
333
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,359
We all had to do it, Chris.
Now get in there.
334
00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:32,295
No, I mean,
I think I wanna go
back to my old school.
335
00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:36,967
My family's working so hard
to pay my tuition here,
and I feel bad.
336
00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:40,237
Is there any way
you can get me back
into James Woods High?
337
00:20:40,306 --> 00:20:42,672
Well, I suppose
I could pull some strings,
338
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:44,486
if that's really
what you want, Chris.
339
00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:47,077
It is.
All right, consider it done.
340
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,745
Thanks, Grandpa.
341
00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:52,215
Sorry, Master Herbert.
Sorry?
342
00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:55,419
You better get your ass
in that closet,
Pewterschmidt.
343
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:57,487
Yes, sir.
344
00:20:57,556 --> 00:20:59,356
I am so tired of you.
345
00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:05,395
It's good to have
you back, buddy.
346
00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:08,165
Thanks, Dad.
I didn't really
fit in there anyway.
347
00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:10,467
The rooms were only 15 by 20.
348
00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:16,873
If I didn't learn
to laugh at myself,
I'd be dead right now.
349
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,109
Why don't you take your stuff
up to your room, Chris?
350
00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:20,511
Okay, Mom.
351
00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:27,918
Cut it out! I'm just
trying to live my life!
352
00:21:27,986 --> 00:21:30,187
No one taught me about carbs!
27907
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