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1
00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:05,871
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:09,340
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,409 --> 00:00:12,744
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:16,014
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:19,384
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:22,554
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,166
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,858
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:31,029
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:38,170
We now return to
America's Next Top Model.
11
00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:40,472
I just don't think
you're being fair, Tyra.
12
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,375
You don't know what it's like
to grow up the way I grew up.
13
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:47,245
You know what?How dare you?You don't know me!
14
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:51,115
You have no idea where
I come from, where I've been,
15
00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:53,184
how long I've been there,
16
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:58,957
what I had to do toget from where I wasto where I am now!
17
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,739
Hey there, Mort.
Hi, Lois.
18
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:10,501
Neil's doing a report
on Christianity at school.
19
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:13,004
Do you have any
crucifixes I can borrow?
20
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,207
Preferably one without
the little fellow on it?
21
00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:18,156
Oh, of course.
There's one in the den.
Help yourself.
22
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:22,313
God, I'm sick of Mort
always borrowing our stuff.
23
00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:24,850
He's a bigger mooch than
the Mexican Super Friends.
24
00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:34,225
Hey, Mexican Superman,
can I talk to you for a sec?
25
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:37,607
When you signed the lease,
you said there was gonna be,
like, five of you living here.
26
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:40,832
Oh, no,
they're not all living here.
They're just visiting.
27
00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:47,271
Hey, Mexican Superman.
I got the keys made.
28
00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:49,385
Hey, Mexican Batman,
get out of here.
29
00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:51,476
What? I got, like, 60 keys.
30
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,396
That ought to keep Mort away.
31
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,121
Peter, what the hell is that?
32
00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:05,435
Lois, I'm tired of Mort
always mooching off us,
so I made a scare-Jew.
33
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,059
Peter, we're not gonna
have this in our front yard.
34
00:02:08,129 --> 00:02:11,163
It's racist,
and for God's sake,
you ruined your best suit.
35
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,943
Now, we're gonna have
to get you a new one...
36
00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:14,533
Shh! Lois, Lois, look.
37
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:16,968
Hey, guys. I just
wanted to return your...
38
00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:20,172
Oh! Oh, my God,
it's Hitler! He's back!
39
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,519
He's back! Hurry,
protect Jon Stewart!
40
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,676
He's our most important Jew!
41
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,881
Why do we have to
get me a suit here?
42
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,428
Well, since you keep
ruining them,
43
00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:34,419
I'm not going to buy you
a brand-new one.
44
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,521
Yes, I'll take this teddy bear,
45
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:41,359
this ruler,
this piece of string
and this cardboard box.
46
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:47,699
Oh, look.
An "On The Raggedy Ann" doll.
47
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:50,088
It's water weight, you bastard!
48
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:52,377
Get off me!
I'm not your whore.
49
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:56,007
I'm sorry.
I'm just so sad.
50
00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:59,577
Well, I guess I can
still play with it
three weeks out of the month.
51
00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:02,486
Hi, there.
See anything you like?
Oh, I'm just browsing.
52
00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:07,319
Say, you look like you
could use an activity book
with half the activities done.
53
00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:09,521
Wow, that would
save me half the time.
54
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:10,922
Connect the dots?
55
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:13,903
Ha! More like
set the book down
and have a beer.
56
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:15,593
You got yourself a deal.
57
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,100
What are those?
58
00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:24,836
Oh, that's a pair of
red flannel feety pajamas.
59
00:03:24,904 --> 00:03:26,137
Good Lord.
60
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,246
See, they've got a flap
that opens up in the back.
61
00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:30,942
Are you telling me
I could be pooping and warm?
62
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,210
Exactly.
63
00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:35,446
No longer would I have to
make a choice between the two.
64
00:03:35,515 --> 00:03:37,794
Sir, here is a check
with my name on it.
65
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:41,138
Write down any number
on this piece of paper,
and I will pay it.
66
00:03:45,159 --> 00:03:46,602
All right.
So, we roll the dice,
67
00:03:46,626 --> 00:03:48,737
and then we both have to
yell Yahtzee really loud.
68
00:03:48,761 --> 00:03:50,073
At the same time?
Yeah.
69
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,574
And you have to flap
your wrists, like this.
70
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:53,609
And you'll do it, too?
Of course.
That's how it's done.
71
00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:54,944
Okay.
All right, ready?
72
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,112
Okay, you're gonna do with me?
73
00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:57,235
Oh, yeah.
74
00:03:57,304 --> 00:03:58,936
Yahtzee!
Gay.
75
00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:00,006
You suck!
76
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,684
Hey, everybody.
I'm home from work.
77
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:04,709
My God, Peter, you wore
those pajamas to your office?
78
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:06,355
Hey, at least
I'm mixing it up
a little bit.
79
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:09,047
Green shirt, tan pants,
that's refreshing.
80
00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:12,050
Oh, boy, does it feel good
to undo my butt flap.
81
00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:15,553
Ew! Dad! We don't
want to sit here
and look at your ass.
82
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:18,257
Yes. I'd rather look at Meg
toweling off after a shower
83
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:20,685
when she does that
butt floss thing.
84
00:04:21,294 --> 00:04:23,561
Ew! Ew!
That's so disgusting.
85
00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:25,510
I hope I don't ever
accidentally use that towel.
86
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,434
Lois, I have never been
more comfortable as a person
87
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:32,838
than I am in
these feety pajamas,
all warm and furry.
88
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,718
This is what it
feels like to be a bear.
89
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:36,886
You remember
what I used to say, Lois,
when we first got married?
90
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:39,756
You remember? I used to say,
"What would it feel
like to be a bear?"
91
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,725
Well, this is it.
This is it.
92
00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:43,815
I'm living it, baby.
No, you're not.
93
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:45,917
You've been
wearing those things
for three days.
94
00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:48,565
You can wear them to bed,
but tomorrow we're
getting rid of them.
95
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:52,189
Fine. Screw up
all my fuzziness.
96
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,895
What the hell was that?
97
00:04:58,031 --> 00:04:59,330
Oh, my God.
98
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:03,568
Lois don't get alarmed,
but I think I might be Jesus.
99
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,081
I'm Jesus.
Peter, that's
a static shock.
100
00:05:06,105 --> 00:05:08,386
Your pajamas created
a charge of electricity
101
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,085
when you dragged your feet
across the carpet,
102
00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:12,109
and when you touched Chris,
you passed it on.
103
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,479
Kneel before Christ!
Ah!
104
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,357
Dad!
105
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:29,193
I am not your dad.
I am Electric Man.
106
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,182
Ow! Damn it,
Peter. Stop it!
107
00:05:40,206 --> 00:05:41,851
I gotta tell you,
you're pissing me off
108
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,475
worse than when I watched
the O.J. verdict with
my old roommate.
109
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,556
We, the jury,
find the defendant,
110
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:49,580
Orenthal James Simpson,
not guilty.
111
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,327
Yes!
What the hell?
112
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,251
What?
What?
113
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,863
Maybe we should
get new roommates.
114
00:05:54,887 --> 00:05:56,320
Yeah, maybe we should.
115
00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:01,960
Peter? I know
you're in here.
116
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:05,964
Yes, I am, Lois, but where?
117
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:09,100
Peter, if you shock me,
I swear to God
I'm leaving you.
118
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:12,937
You'll have to
find me first, Lois.
Where could I be?
119
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:16,207
Well, there's a Quonset hut
that I've never seen
in this room before.
120
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:18,688
I got to figure
you're in there.
How do you know, Lois?
121
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,779
I could be in
that New York style
magazine kiosk.
122
00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:24,081
Peter, this all
looks very expensive.
123
00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:28,253
Yes, you might say
it was shockingly expensive.
124
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:30,133
I'm going to try
the Quonset hut.
125
00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:32,468
I was in the bathroom.
126
00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:35,827
The hut and the kiosk,
decoys, Lois, decoys!
127
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:42,900
Glenn, thank you so much
for helping me
tear up my carpet.
128
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,715
Well, you know,
Lois, I got to confess,
when you called me,
129
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,717
I sort of misunderstood
what you were asking for.
130
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,385
That's why I rushed over, but...
131
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:52,143
It's fine. It's fine.
Whatever. I'm happy to help.
132
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:53,678
What the hell is this?
133
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,691
Peter, I've had it
with all your shocking.
134
00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:58,950
And since you won't get
rid of those pajamas, I'm
getting rid of the carpets.
135
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:00,897
Hey, Lois,
you want me to leave
a little strip in this thing?
136
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,588
Maybe
a lightning bolt, unicorn,
something like that?
137
00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:05,690
No. I want it
all gone, Glenn.
138
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:08,392
All right,
we're going Brazilian.
139
00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:11,295
Hey, what's this?
Some kind of really old coin.
140
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:12,564
Let me see that.
141
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,477
Wait a minute,
do you know what this is?
142
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:16,901
This is an 18th-century
Rhode Island ship token.
143
00:07:16,969 --> 00:07:18,915
This thing's got to
be worth 50 grand.
144
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,305
50 grand?
Oh, my God!
145
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:24,854
I can finally afford that
operation to swap my vocal
cords with Patrick Stewart.
146
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:27,345
E mess
147
00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:29,124
in the upstairs
bathroom this morning.
148
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:32,388
My post-sex pee stream
forked in half last night
and got everywhere.
149
00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:39,469
Peter, you've been
sleeping with that money
for the past week.
150
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:41,604
Don't you think it's time
we did something with it?
151
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,872
Buy a bolt and shut
that trap of yours?
What?
152
00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:45,641
What?
'Cause I had an idea.
153
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:47,643
Remember when we
first got married...
And I said,
154
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,045
"I wonder what
it would be like
to be a bear"?
155
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:52,070
No, no, no. I'm talking about
that dream we had, Peter.
156
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,717
Remember?
We tried to open
that restaurant,
157
00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:56,652
and we never quite got it going.
158
00:07:56,676 --> 00:07:59,544
Yeah, we got shut down
'cause of my
exploding cupcakes.
159
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:03,614
Mmm.
I hope these taste
as good as they look.
160
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:05,550
Gerald!
161
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:10,622
The secret is
in the frosting,
but I'll never tell.
162
00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:13,825
Well, here's another chance
to open a restaurant.
163
00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:16,527
You're right. Ooh.
And I'll make my
special cupcakes.
164
00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:19,357
No, Peter...
Oh, yeah, right.
That was the problem.
165
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:27,472
All right, everybody,
only three hours till opening.
166
00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:29,840
This is going to be
the coolest place in Quahog.
167
00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:33,144
All the movers and
shakers and bigwigs
are gonna eat here,
168
00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:35,313
but not the small wigs.
169
00:08:35,381 --> 00:08:39,550
Hey, I'm hungry.
I got a credit card.
170
00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:42,754
Oh, God,
I'm so nervous.
I hope it goes well.
171
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:46,724
Oh, yes, I'm sure it will
go as well as Liza Minnelli's
Playboy shoot.
172
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:49,126
Oh, God, please put
your clothes back on.
173
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,629
Mama... Mama...
174
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:55,967
Do you love me now, Mama?
Please love me, Mama!
175
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,718
Good evening.
Welcome to Big Pete's
House of Munch.
176
00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:03,819
May I help you?
177
00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:05,443
Yes, do you accept
the Discover card?
178
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:11,182
Hey, Lois. Diamond Jim Brady
over here just asked if
we accept the Discover card.
179
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:15,353
Oh, they're
in an exclusive club
called "anybody."
180
00:09:15,421 --> 00:09:17,822
Yeah. No, no, no,
I don't think so.
181
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:21,059
You know... You know, I would
rather take two live chickens
182
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:23,161
than your
fly-by-night credit card.
183
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,796
I would rather
take a jar of pennies
184
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,432
thats value was less
than that of your bill.
185
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,513
Look, you don't
have to insult me.
No, no, no.
186
00:09:30,537 --> 00:09:33,616
You are going to
sit there and listen
to the funny things
187
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,040
I would take instead
of your credit card.
188
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:41,846
The guy at table seven
complained there's not enough
juice on his prime rib.
189
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,594
Oh, did he now?
Here, let me take
care of that for him.
190
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,488
Tell him,
"Bon appetit, douche bag."
191
00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:55,593
Oh, look, it's one of those
early Maude episodes
192
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,741
with the really long
opening credit sequence.
193
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:04,468
♪ Lady Godiva
was a freedom rider
194
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:07,972
♪ She didn't care
if the whole world looked
195
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:11,409
♪ Joan of Arc with
the Lord to guide her
196
00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:14,946
♪ She was a sister
who really cooked
197
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:18,416
♪ Madame Curie was
a strong woman character
198
00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:21,852
♪ Workin' all day in
a science lab, yeah
199
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:24,889
♪ Clara Barton
was a famous nurse
200
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:28,626
♪ who was rappingwith the soldiersand bandages, too
201
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:32,296
♪ Susan B. Anthony
always out doin' stuff
202
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:35,199
♪ Marchin' around
and holdin' up signs
203
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,578
And then, there's Maude.
204
00:10:36,602 --> 00:10:37,679
♪ Pocahontas had
it all goin' on
205
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:39,436
What the hell?
206
00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:43,174
♪ An Indian guide with
lots of Indian pride
207
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:46,610
♪ Indira Gandhi ran
a whole big country
208
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:49,713
♪ That isn't easy
even if you're a guy
209
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:51,227
And then, there's Maude.
210
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,361
♪ Babe Zaharias was
a really good athlete
211
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,485
Oh, come on!
212
00:10:54,553 --> 00:10:57,288
♪ Good at track and field
and professional golf, too
213
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:58,800
And then, there's Maude!
214
00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:02,293
♪ Amelia Earhart flew
a lot of airplanes
215
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:05,796
♪ Except for that one time
when she didn't come back
216
00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:07,865
♪ Cleopatra lived
way out in the desert
217
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:09,544
And then,
there's Maude!
Come on!
218
00:11:09,568 --> 00:11:13,337
♪ But still found a way
to keep herself looking fine
219
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:14,872
♪ And then,
there's Maude ♪
220
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:16,440
Ah! Ah!
221
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,377
There we go!
That was an ordeal.
222
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:21,958
Well, Peter,
this has been
an amazing week.
223
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:25,016
You and I own a restaurant.
Can you believe it?
224
00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:29,187
I know.
I feel like I'm dreaming.
Wait. Maybe I am dreaming.
225
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:32,189
That means I can
do whatever I want
without consequences.
226
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:36,094
What are you doing?
227
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:38,396
I just adopted 30 puppies.
228
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:54,913
You guys, I have some bad news.
229
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,501
I just finished
going over the books,
230
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,716
and this restaurant is
hemorrhaging money.
231
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:00,952
What? Well,
how is that possible?
232
00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:02,053
Isn't it obvious?
233
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,562
We're not getting
enough customers.
234
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,757
This place is
like a ghost town
half the time.
235
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,970
Yeah, maybe somebody
should have asked me.
236
00:12:07,994 --> 00:12:11,329
After all, I'm the only one
in this family with any
business experience.
237
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:14,032
All right, Violet and Pigpen,
you've been seeing each other
238
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:15,611
a few weeks now.
What seems to be
the problem?
239
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:18,614
I keep getting
bladder infections,
and I don't know why.
240
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:21,171
Really?
You don't know why?
241
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,817
I don't know what to do, guys.
242
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:27,946
The House of Munch
is going down the tubes.
243
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:30,915
Maybe you need to do
a little advertising, Peter.
244
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,483
Well, I tried.
245
00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:35,386
I even hired
M. Night Shyamalan
to direct my TV commercial.
246
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:38,355
I have a secret to tell you.
What is it?
247
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:43,861
Come closer.
I see good food at
competitive prices.
248
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:46,731
At Big Pete's House of Munch.
Stop on by.
249
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:48,177
Unfortunately,
they couldn't air it,
250
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,711
'cause it turns out
M. Night Shyamalan
251
00:12:49,735 --> 00:12:51,202
was involved
with September 11th.
252
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:54,872
You know, Peter,
my buddies and I have been
looking for a new hangout.
253
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:59,510
Our usual donut shop
has gotten a little
Puerto Ricany.
254
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:02,346
What if we made your
place our new spot?
255
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:04,148
Joe, that's a great idea.
256
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:06,351
Fantastic.
We'll see you tonight.
257
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:07,718
This is awesome.
258
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,788
Bunch of cops in uniform
hanging out in my restaurant?
259
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:15,126
This is going to be cooler
than that time Ben Stiller
taught me how to be myself.
260
00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:17,829
But how can you
leave me now,
Ben Stiller,
261
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:19,597
when I need you more than ever?
262
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:22,500
I've taught you everything
you need to know, Peter.
263
00:13:22,568 --> 00:13:24,869
Now, it's time for me
to go help another child.
264
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:28,973
I guess I just fooled myself
into thinking you'd
always be with me.
265
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:32,543
I will, Peter.
I will always be with you.
266
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,955
His movies are terrible.
267
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,773
Lois, roll out the red carpet.
268
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,496
Here comes Joe
and his cop buddies.
269
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:54,498
You got tables for 30?
270
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:02,239
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Joe.
I thought you were bringing
your cop friends over.
271
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:04,219
What are all these
parallelograms doing here?
272
00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:07,277
You mean paraplegics.
These are my friends, Peter.
273
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:09,246
Come on, guys.
Let's eat.
274
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:12,917
Oh, God. I hope there's
not one of those angry,
handicapped Vietnam guys
275
00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:15,218
with the bandana on his head.
Oh, there he is.
276
00:14:15,287 --> 00:14:18,288
I've seen some things, man,
and some stuff.
277
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,423
I wouldn't recommend it.
278
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:32,402
Peter, isn't this wonderful?
The place is packed.
279
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:36,006
Uh... Lois,
aren't you a little
freaked out by this?
280
00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:38,342
Why? Everybody's
having a great time.
281
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:40,644
Besides, think of
the money we're making.
282
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,446
I don't care about that.
283
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:45,683
I wanted a cool restaurant,
not the cafeteria at
the veterans' hospital.
284
00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:48,385
This is weirder
than that rap video
by M.C. Escher.
285
00:14:49,855 --> 00:14:51,733
♪ Going up the stairs
and going down the stairs
286
00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:53,835
♪ And going up the stairs
and going down the stairs
287
00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:55,993
♪ And going up
the sideways stairs ♪
288
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:02,033
And in local news,a new restaurantis taking Quahog by storm.
289
00:15:02,101 --> 00:15:03,768
That's right, Diane.
290
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:05,380
If you're handicapped,or know someonewho's handicapped
291
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,244
or just happen to be
a fan of the circus,
292
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:09,574
then come on down
to Big Pete's House of Munch,
293
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:12,009
where the elite
without feet meet to eat.
294
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:15,057
Lois, this is insanity.
I think we should
shut down the restaurant.
295
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,715
But why?
We're doing so well.
296
00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:21,585
Lois, let me explain
something to you, all right?
Cripples are not cool.
297
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:22,998
Hang on. I'm gonna
get the picture.
298
00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:24,022
Oh, Peter, don't...
299
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:27,369
What do you see here, Lois?
300
00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:29,104
Do we have to...
What do you see?
301
00:15:30,296 --> 00:15:31,829
A picture of Mark Harmon.
302
00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:33,597
A picture of Mark Harmon,
303
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,944
the greatest actor
who ever lived.
304
00:15:35,968 --> 00:15:37,679
Do you see a wheelchair
under Mark Harmon?
305
00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:42,406
Peter...
Lois, do you see a wheelchair
306
00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:45,142
under Mark Harmon?
307
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,844
No.
No, you do not,
308
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:48,979
because Mark Harmon is cool.
309
00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:52,482
And I know what you're
thinking. "Peter, this is just
like your Gil Gerard speech."
310
00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:55,264
And you can stop
right in your tracks,
because it is not.
311
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,766
Granted, it is similar
to the Gil Gerard speech,
but it...
312
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,157
Peter, I like our
restaurant the way it is,
313
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,993
and if you don't,
that's your problem.
314
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:05,862
Fine, then,
I'll deal with
this myself.
315
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:12,837
All right, here they come.
316
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:15,106
Hey, Peter,
we're here for dinner.
317
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:17,942
Oh, no, you're not, Joe.
We have a new policy.
318
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:19,211
Can't you read the sign?
319
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,781
Peter, what
the hell is that all about?
320
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,315
It's a message, Joe.
321
00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:27,963
I don't want
you and your kind
eating here anymore.
322
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,821
You're ruining
what was supposed
to be a cool establishment.
323
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:32,757
Peter, you're one of
my closest friends.
324
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:36,193
Are you telling me
that you have a problem
with me being handicapped?
325
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:38,941
As a matter of fact,
Joe, yes.
I think it's immoral.
326
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:41,566
It's a lifestyle choice
you're forcing on America.
327
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,368
We handicapped
are a proud people!
328
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,949
Yeah, when you're
not drinking and gambling
on your reservations,
329
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,806
which we gave you.
330
00:16:48,874 --> 00:16:51,342
Fine. If that's
the way you want it,
331
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:54,712
but we're not
going to go down easy.
332
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:58,482
Okay, that was easy.
But I'll be back
with more handicapped guys.
333
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:07,625
Dad, look!
Here they come!
334
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:14,899
Peter, we'll give you
one last chance to let us in!
335
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:21,138
What are you going to do, Joe?
I'm up here and
you're down there.
336
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:23,975
Very well, Peter.
You leave us no choice.
337
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,610
Men, form up Crippletron!
338
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:19,996
Help! Help!
Somebody, help me!
339
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,367
Ben Stiller, help me.
340
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,936
No, Peter.
I heard what you
said about my movies.
341
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,972
How did you hear?
Hello!
342
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:30,774
Go to hell, you mutant
offspring of comedy people.
343
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,325
Mrs. Griffin,
I'm afraid he'll
never walk again...
344
00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:38,827
Without remembering
how lucky he is
345
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:41,029
that he'll only be
in this wheelchair
for two weeks.
346
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:43,131
That leg should
heal up just fine.
347
00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:46,457
Peter, you do
realize you deserve this
for the way you treated Joe?
348
00:18:46,525 --> 00:18:48,392
I think you owe him an apology.
349
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:49,860
Are you kidding, Lois?
350
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,807
It ain't my fault
that him and all
his gimpy friends
351
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:54,999
don't fit in with
regular society.
But I'm gonna be different.
352
00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:58,835
I'll be a dignified cripple
and I'll show 'em
all how it's done.
353
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:17,821
♪ Don't wish it awayDon't look at itlike it's forever
354
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:26,897
♪ Between you and me
I could honestly say
355
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:29,633
♪ That things can
only get better
356
00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:36,006
♪ And while I'm away
357
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:42,212
♪ Dust out the demons inside
358
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:47,584
♪ And it won't be long
Before you and me run
359
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:53,290
♪ To the place in our hearts
Where we hide
360
00:19:56,762 --> 00:20:01,465
♪ And I guess that's why
They call it the blues
361
00:20:05,804 --> 00:20:10,708
♪ And I guess that's why
They call it the blues ♪
362
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:13,376
Joe, you got a minute?
363
00:20:13,445 --> 00:20:14,511
What is it, Peter?
364
00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:17,414
I just wanted to apologize.
365
00:20:17,483 --> 00:20:20,851
I thought you and your
friends were just
a bunch of gross cripples,
366
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,799
but I've been
in a wheelchair
for 45 minutes now,
367
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,433
and I see how tough it is.
368
00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:28,559
Well, Peter,
it's been a rough week
for both of us,
369
00:20:28,628 --> 00:20:31,695
but it means a lot to me
to hear you say that.
370
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:34,409
So, what do you say?
Can we put all
this behind us?
371
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:36,199
I'd like nothing better.
372
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:39,803
Hey, Bonnie and I
are watching Grey's Anatomy
if you want to come in.
373
00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:42,272
Oh, boy, Joe, I got to
tell you. That, that...
374
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,174
That sounds awful.
31229
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